#and you may think i would say guillermo but guillermo also is an asshole

[zevranunderstander]

i know its been a few weeks since the marwa wwdits episode but can i just say. i hate all the people who took that VALID criticism of the episode and turned it a million ways to make it seem like it's ridiculous.

no one said guillermo should have felt angry for marwa and killed nandor. no one said it was out of character how nandor acted. no one said that they were disappointed by nandor's in-universe actions.

people were angry because how the writers treated marwa! marwa, like the djinn this season, got introduced as a reoccuring side-character that was involved in plots to about the same extent as him. i saw people saying they thought the outrage was *ridiculous* because she "wasn't even a side-character". dude. a role like hers IS big compared to how often side-characters usually appear. simon the devious, the baron, etc. appear once a season or so, but marwa and the djinn both were (somewhat like nadja's doll) actual additons to the main household. and all of them don't get a ton of screentime or character development, but they all make far more frequent appearances than the rest of the cast.

but marwas "joke" the entire time had been how absolutely bad nandor treated her. like, making her want whatever he wants her to want, even before the "i want her to like whatever i like" wish, and changing her so much that she barely even was an own person anymore and then turning her into a completely other person as a final blow. like, the joke was that nandor treated her like shit, and that could have worked, if there was any sort of consequence to it.

and i don't mean "oh they don't explicitly say that nandor is a bad person :(", i mean, even tv shows where every person is an asshole all of the time (like, idk, breaking bad) still give you consequences for your character's flaws and actions. nandor was met with guillermo being angry at him, but that would have also happened of nandor had wished for a freddy to just materialize out of thin air. there never is any actual point to nandor treating marwa like shit - she doesn't get to have some revenge on him, no one else even makes some offhand remark about marwa, the plot of the whole season would have had very little difference if she hadnt been there, no one EVER remarks that he treats her like shit. And then i just don't get why she existed in the first place? like, were we actually supposed to laugh at how he treated her? was that supposed to be her purpose?

there also just. wasn't a reason why nandor didn't wish for a freddy to just materialize. there wasn't even a clause to the djinns wish, like "oh i cannot create a living human with a wish" that would give nandor an actual reason to turn marwa into freddy.

and marwa, of course was the first woman of color that had some importance in the show and while turning her into a white man and letting her wander off is ONE thing, i think its even weirder that it seemed like the previous episode was setting up that she actually WOULD get some level of revenge on nandor (she enthusiastically built a man-cave for herself, locked nandor out, and for all we care she could have been offhandedly mentioned every few episodes from then on, like, someone knocks on marwas door every once in a while and she stays a minor reoccuring character, this plot showed her having actual independence and standing up to nandor for once and could have turned into a deeper story from there on, if the writers had wanted) and then they. just. dropped the whole thing and let her ride off on a train like they didn't really know what to do with her and were glad she was put of the way.

if there was some emotional exploration of marwa being twisted into a whole other person. if there just had been ONE person, who actually cared about what happened to marwa. then it maybe would have felt like the plot had had a point. but it wasn't just that nandor dropped marwa like a toy he was tired of playing with, it felt like the plot plot did the exact same with her

[monsterblogging]

How Pacific Rim gives the finger to the Catholic Church

Another interesting thing that many people miss about Pacific Rim is that it has some... things to say about religion, especially the Catholic Church. It can be easy to miss because it's not all spelled out for you, but once you see it, you'll never unsee it.

First, let's take a look at Raleigh's speech from the beginning of the film:

There are things you can't fight, acts of God. You see a hurricane coming, you have to get out of the way. But when you're in a Jaeger, suddenly, you can fight the hurricane. You can win.

This speech here establishes that when you fight kaiju, you aren't just fighting monsters. You're defying God himself.

"You're reading too much into it!" some of you might say. "'Act of God' is just a legal term for massive disasters."

Ah, but I'm not reading too much into it. Because this line was originally found in the draft script, which was way more explicit in linking the Precursors with the divine.

In the draft script, the Precursors aren't just some random alien invaders. They're actually the creators of our universe, and we're just a pesky little accident that happened on the planet they want to live on.

The character of Ivo Czerny, who had drifted with a kaiju brain, was given this dialog:

I looked into the abyss. I’d been infected with the truth -- that this is the end of us. We are the vermin of the gods. There’s no point in putting up a fight…

A different character, Commander Kaz Takada, says:

We call the enemy the Precursors… I may as well tell the world the gods want us dead.

The character of Newt Gotlieb is given this dialog:

I don't care if they are the creators of the universe. I like the universe.

And I'm not a creationist.

So, Raleigh's line wasn't just a careless reference to a legal term. It was introducing the story's thesis.

In the final version of the film, we don't have all of this explicit dialog. And yet, the sentiment is still there. How do we know this? For one thing, the Precursors are modeled on Catholic clergy. Pacific Rim: Man, Machines, & Monsters, quotes Guillermo del Toro as saying:

We gave the Precursors elements of ecclesiastical royalty, dividing them into cardinals and bishops.

Fun fact: If we go to the old Art of Pacific Rim page on The Internet Archive and check the filenames, we can see that this Precursor - the one who stares up at Lady Danger as it goes 'splodey - is a Precursor Bishop.

(Screencaps from quiteunlikely.net)

Further establishing the link between the Precursors and the Catholic Church are the costumes of the BuenaKai nuns:

(Screencap from movie-screencaps.com)

A better picture of the costume can be found on PropstoreAuction. If you want to see the whole thing, go there; because I'm going to crop it because the whole thing's pretty big. Anyway, you can see that their costumes include cornettes and stoles.

(By the way, there are also kaiju monks. This isn't a girls-only club like the Netflix cartoon would have you think.)

Now, forget everything you know about Uprising or The Black, and consider all of this in the context of the anti-authority themes in Guillermo del Toro's other work. This casts the nature of the Precursors and the hivemind in a somewhat different light than many of us are used to. These aren't just scary aliens. This is a civilization built on ideals of rigid hierarchy and total dominion. And they're also essentially theocrats.

What's also really interesting is that when you take all of this together, it means that the kaiju spiritualists aren't actually wrong in regarding the kaiju as divine beings sent by the gods. They're just assholes for aligning themselves with a malefic divine.

[chelsfic]

Five Times Nandor Tried and Failed to Make a New Vampire, and One Time He Succeeded - Guillermo x Nandor fic (one-shot)

WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: Journey into Nandor’s past and discover the real reason he’s been so hesitant to turn Guillermo all these years...

A/N: I hope you enjoy this small offering!! If you like and comment that would make me a very happy little writer creature.

Warnings: Crack, Fluff, Smut, mentions of concubines in Nandor’s human past, Blood drinking...obviously

---

“Truth be told, I’m not feeling my usual plucky, intrepid self.”

  Nandor bares his fangs in a nervous smile. He’s sitting stiffly on the chaise in his crypt, fiddling with his rings as the documentary people question him about tonight’s...big event.

  The vampire lifts his eyes to the ceiling and exhales before continuing, “It’s just--and I don’t like talking about this, but Guillermo says I need to work on expressing my...feelings--it’s just that in the past I might not always have been... entirely successful in making new vampires.”

  There’s a beat of awkward silence during which Nandor casually picks at some lint on his sleeve.

  “I mean, there was my nineteenth wife…”

  ---

  Andrakis

  Nandor languished in the empty halls of his palace for a week after his thirty-seven wives left. But at a certain point there comes a time to stop moping and start acting. Plus he’d eaten all of the servants and he was a little alarmed by the crowd of peasants outside armed with pitchforks and torches. 

  So, his new vampiric form was a little problematic. He was now homeless, wifeless and--worst of all--horseless. Driven from his land, Nandor was forced to take refuge from the lethal light of day in whatever haphazard way he could. He snuck into wine cellars. He broke into catacombs. And, most shamefully, he even buried himself in the earth when no other shelter was available. But at least his new state gave him the means to solve one of his problems. 

  There was no reason that Nandor should have to walk the night alone. He thought he remembered enough of what transpired on the battlefield to be able to turn someone else into a vampire. And as soon as the thought occurred to him he knew there was only one person with whom he wished to share this cursed gift.

  Andrakis . His favorite wife. She was sweet and young, with a magnificent ample backside that Nandor loved to squeeze and slap. She had not yet bore him any children but perhaps that was for the best. No messy loose ends for her to leave behind. He knew she would agree for she, alone among his wives, had wept sorrowfully as they rode away. 

  Nandor used his new vampiric senses to find her. It took months, but eventually he tracked her back to her family home along the Euphrates. He walked through lands scorched and ruined by his own army and he thought about the first time he laid eyes on Andrakis. As he recalled, the town was on fire and his men were pillaging the wealthy houses for gold and jewels. They were also rounding up the attractive, young citizens for...reasons. Nandor took one look at his sweet Andrakis and said, “No! That one is for me and me only!”

  So romantic.

  He could have kept her as his concubine, but Nandor was infatuated with her sweet, soft spoken ways and her delicious round thighs. He gave her jewels and furs and when he finally returned from the campaign he made her one of his wives. All Nandor’s wives loved him, of course, because if they didn’t he would have their heads chopped off. But it was different with Andrakis. She seemed to truly care. She fretted when he went into battle, insisting that she be the one to help him don his armor. She cried real tears and begged him to be safe and return to her. It really moved him. Also, again, she had a fantastic ass.

  The night he, at last, found her, Nandor floated up to her window, scratching at the wooden shutters and calling to her softly. 

  “My sweet Andrakis! It is I, your husband, Nandor the Relentless! I’ve come to assert my claim on you, cherished one! Do you...want to, maybe, come to the window now and let me inside?”

  With his heightened abilities, he could hear her soft gasp and the rustle of fabric as she pushed back her bed coverings and slowly approached the window. Nandor heard her heart racing, the thundering gush of blood flowing through her veins and her trembling breath. He opened his mouth and his eyes rolled back with pleasure as he caught the smell of her blood just on the other side of those thin planks of wood.

  “Time to open up, sweet one!” Nandor singsonged, placing his hand on the shutter as if he could reach through and grab her.

  “Is it really you, my husband?” Her voice was as soft and sweet as he remembered. 

  “It is really, really me, Andrakis!”

  She unlatched the window and Nandor beamed at the sight of her pretty, round face. That may have been a mistake--he kept forgetting about the fangs--the poor woman took a quick step back and brought her hands to her chest in shock.

  “Oh, my Nandi! What has happened to you?” her eyes widened and she took a cautious step toward the window, peeking out over the sill, “You are flying, dear one!”

  “Isn’t it great?!” Nandor laughed, kicking his legs out merrily and doing a little twirl. “I thought you might want to join me. You know...with the flying and the eternal life and the--ehm--blood drinking.”

  She started to shake her head before he even finished and Nandor’s smile faltered. He rushed back to the window sill and placed his hands there, just on the outside edge of the invisible barrier protecting the home’s occupants. 

  “Andrakis...I am so lonely. And...and there is no one to help me with my armor or give me a massage when my head hurts. I think you liked being my wife, didn’t you?”

  The woman’s eyes flood with tears and she comes even closer, leaning onto the window sill and reaching out a shaking hand to press against his bearded cheek.

  “I love you, Nandi! And I am honored to be your wife, always. I will not take another husband, but… Nandor, I am frightened!”

  “My honey,” Nandor crooned, laying his forehead against hers as she leaned out the window, “There is nothing to fear. I will protect you forever if you will stay by side.”

  ---

  “...and then I ate her.”

  Nandor held his hands out and shrugged his shoulders, “What are you going to do? These things happen, right? No! I was very upset about it for the next eighty years or so. She trusted me to take care of her and I fucking ate her!”

  Nandor stares into space for a long moment. He’s had eight centuries to get over the loss of his favorite wife so it’s not grief that shows on his pinched face. It looks more like apprehension and self-doubt. The crew asks a muffled question and he starts as if they’ve woken him from a daydream.

  “No...no I do not think I would ever recover if I were to lose control with my Guillermo,” his hands clench into fists on his knees. “I will not lose control.”

  There’s more silence and one of the crew members suggests cutting the interview when Nandor continues as if he hasn’t heard them, “Guillermo is strong. He’s a cool, vampire killer guy now. He will be alright. He...he has to be alright.”

  ---

  “Nadja?” Nandor stands at the threshold to her and Laszlo’s crypt, anxiously plucking his fingers in the air. “May I speak with you about something in private? In the fancy room?”

  Nadja is braiding her dolly’s hair. There’s something really creepy about that thing that Nandor can’t quite put his finger on. Like it’s always watching him. Yeesh . Nadja rolls her eyes and snaps, “Can’t we talk in here? I’m going to tell Laszlo whatever pig-brained scheme you’re wanting to talk about anyway…”

  Nandor glances at Laszlo, hunched over and diddling the keys of his organ with a shit-eating grin, “That’s true, old chap. There are no secrets between me and my sweet mamtam…”

  Laszlo winks smarmily and Nandor rolls his eyes, “Please, Nadja! It is just a formality!”

  She shrieks in aggravation, accidentally yanking the doll’s hair and then cooing apologetically at the thing. Nandor grimaces uncomfortably.

  “Fine, you stupid ostrich. But this better be quick!”

  Once he’s properly secured the curtain and made sure to check for eavesdroppers, Nandor lays it out for Nadja. He speaks haltingly and without meeting her eyes. 

  “So...you see, now that Guillermo and I are...are...more than master and familiar, I am wanting to make him a vampire. But you may have noticed that my past attempts in this area have been a little shaky…”

  “Shaky! I think you mean totally fucked up the rotten asshole! Don’t forget you told me all about Babsy the Brainscrambled!”

  ---

  Babaius

  Babaius was a little guy he met a couple hundred years after the whole thing with Andrakis. He was a Wallachian painter’s apprentice and he had agreed to do a gratis portrait of Nandor for the practice. The portrait was flat and middling, but what did you want? It was the 16th century and the cool Renaissance shit hadn’t exactly reached the backwoods of Eastern Europe quite yet. More important was the fact that this cute painter guy had managed to ingratiate himself with the apex predator he had unwittingly invited into his home.

  Originally, Nandor’s plan was to kill him once the portrait was complete. But the longer he sat there, staring back at the man as he worked with that cute little half-smirk on his face, the longer Nandor had to appreciate his form. Babaius was not as curvy and sensuous as Andrakis. He was taller and leaner. But his lips were pleasantly plump and his fingers long and elegant. Again, Nandor felt the weight of eternal loneliness and he began to wonder.

  This time he made sure to feed beforehand. When he arrived at the human’s rooms he found him looking more excited than Nandor had ever seen him.

  “It’s complete!” he gushed, grabbing Nandor’s hand and pulling him over to the easel. “Come see!”

  Nandor stared at the clumsy, dour-faced rendering of himself and smiled politely. Is this really what I look like? Why is my head so small?

  He felt the weight of Babaius’s hopeful eyes on him and schooled his voice into false praise, “Wow! It’s...so...wow! You sure used a lot of...orange on my face, didn’t you? Bold choice…”

  “I’m so pleased that you like it, Nandor,” the human’s voice was slightly breathless and he looked up through his lashes coquettishly. Ah ha!

  “Yes, well, now that that’s done…” Nandor swept Babaius’s long hair off his shoulder and plucked at the collar of his thin shirt. “Perhaps we could discuss other things…”

  “ Oh, yes! ” Babaius trilled, launching himself into Nandor’s arms and frantically dropping kisses on his neck, chin and jaw. “I thought ...but I wasn’t certain… but yes, Nandor! Yes!”

  Nandor wrapped his arms around the man’s back and laughed a little at just how easy this was going to be. No mistakes this time. He was completely and totally in control.

  ---

  “Alright, Najda! I get it! I know you have to give them more than just one drop of blood now, okay?”

  Nadja nods somberly, “That poor man. Could not even remember his own name after you turned him. What happened to him again?”

  “I ripped off his head,” Nandor snaps, sinking into the couch cushions in a sulk. “It was the humane thing to do.”

  Nadja squints her eyes trying to remember something, “But wasn’t there someone else after…?”

  Nandor’s lips thin into a narrow line and he crosses his arms over his chest with a huff of annoyance, “I suppose you mean Aggy the Shrieker?”

  ---

  Agnes

  Agnes was something called a Quaker, which meant that she did not go about wearing a crucifix. She was also highly susceptible to hypnosis. Nandor didn’t think this had anything to do with her Quaking, it was just a nice bonus. She’d served him well for a number of years, procuring a very fine assortment of virgins for him night after night. The good lady was entirely ignorant to the fact that it was she who drew these young innocents to their doom. Nandor erased her memories each time before sending her away. She would hem and cluck along with the other Friends when news of a disappearance reached her ears.

  After a few decades, Nandor noticed that her face was starting to turn wrinkly and her movements were not as swift as they once were. The prospect of finding another familiar with a brain as soft and accepting as Agnes’s was a wearying thought. Enough so that he considered, once again, trying his hand at creating a new vampire. 

  This time it was a sure thing. Agnes appeared at his doorstep that night, like always. At her side was a fresh-faced boy whose blood positively shouted his innocence. Delicious . Nandor would feed first. Then he would just do a quick refresher of Agnes’s hypnosis so that the poor lady did not have a fright once she saw Nandor’s blood stained face. And then a quick nip and plenty of blood. Voila! A new wrinkly-faced vampire baby is born.

  The plan was faultless.

  ---

  “And no hypnosis! Alright. Seems nit-picky, but fine!” Nandor grumbles. He seems suddenly to remember that Nadja is helping him and his voice softens, “ Please, Nadja . No more walking on memory street. Just tell me what to do so that I do not hurt Guillermo. I cannot stand the thought of him becoming a shrieker .”

  “Nandor, you beautiful giant baby,” Nadja’s face gentles into genuine sympathy. “I’m going to tell you just what to do. Even you won’t be able to mess this up.”

  And she does. She tells him how to listen to his human’s heart and count the seconds in between beats, waiting until just the right moment to finish drinking. She advises him to prepare his blood ahead of time, decanting it into a vial or mug. He should not count on Guillermo being conscious enough to suckle from his wrist as he’d originally intended. Pour the blood down his throat if he has to. Once he drinks the blood the transition will begin, but Nandor’s work is not done. He must procure for his new vampire the most succulent of virgin feasts. He must care for him during the sickness. He must watch over him and make sure that the baby vampire does not do anything silly like run out into the sunlight or drink a gallon of holy water. 

  “You must be resolved and sure in your actions!” Nadja finally says, casting a skeptical glance at the immortal warrior. “You think you can handle all that?”

  Nandor sits there looking shell shocked for a moment before twitching his mouth into a forced smile and holding up two thumbs.

  “OK-A!”

  ---

  On his way back to his crypt Nandor glances into the camera and leans in conspiratorially.

  “She does not even know about Roger the Rocker or Benjy…” he whispers, his lips folding into an embarrassed frown.

  ---

  Roger

  During the 1970s Nandor went through a brief but intense love affair with punk rock. Disco would soon supplant the vampire’s fixation on studded leather and the Sex Pistols, but for a few fleeting years he was, truly, insufferable.

  “ Fucking goats’ balls ! Nandor! We are trying to have a blood feast in here! Will you turn off that unholy screeching!?” Nadja shouted, blood dripping down her chin as she drew back from the pathetically mewling woman sandwiched between herself and her husband. 

  Laszlo reared back with a lecherous grin on his bloody lips, “Did I hear you mention something about unholy screeching, my sweet dimplebottom?”

  “ Oh, Laszlo! ” Nadja giggled, leaning over the dying victim to latch onto her lover’s mouth. 

  Nandor slammed the door to his crypt and rolled his eyes, “Don’t mind them, Roger. They’re just a couple of sell-out perverts who don’t understand ay-narchy and non-conformationism.”

  Roger was a young human man with spiked green hair and a studded leather vest. He was the coolest familiar Nandor had ever had. He was also an alcoholic and a heavy drug user and half the time he didn’t even do what Nandor asked of him. But once he explained about “the man” and toppling “the system”...well, Nandor still didn’t get it but he was impressed! He felt that Roger would bring a certain rebellious youth to their cohort that might give them a cutting edge in these modern times. 

  The problem was that Nandor had never tried drug blood before. It didn’t hit him until Roger was half-drained but then the world spun off its axis. Nandor ripped his face away from Roger’s savaged neck, stumbling backward and falling down hard on his ass. The vampire exploded into a fit of giggles as the familiar twitched limply on the floor beside him.

  “Roger! I am ball tripping!” Nandor laughed, turning his head to look at his friend, “Whoopsie! Almost forgot! Time for a little drinky, Roger…”

  Nandor tore into his own wrist, ripping a jagged wound open with his fangs and smearing the gore over Roger’s lips and chin.

  “Chug! Chug! Chug!” Nandor cackled, falling back down and letting his wrist fall limp against the human’s mouth. He started singing softly under his breath, “Ayyyynarchy and the U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”

  In the end Nandor was so high he went to his slumber completely forgetting about the moaning, half-turned man on the floor of his crypt. He woke the next night to find Roger wandering around the front lawn, sun-burned and hideously deformed. He also had no memory of who Nandor was or anything at all about his human life.

  Nandor wouldn’t see him again until decades later when he caught the skeevy creep trying to take a bite out of Guillermo at the Sassy Cat Club. Nandor was so spooked to see the evidence of his past failure standing next to his most cherished human companion that he...perhaps handled the incident in a less-than-totally-gallant manner.

  ---

  Benjy

  Benjy...to be honest, Nandor isn’t entirely sure what came of the old clunker. He turned him and dumped him. Maybe not his finest moment but...Nandor had other things on his mind at the time…

  ---

  Guillermo

  The moment that Guillermo flew to their rescue at the Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires, Nandor felt something shift inside his chest. It was an actual physical sensation like a key turning in a lock. How many years had he spent building moats, walls and fortresses between himself and his handsome, caring, devoted, achingly good familiar in order to protect his sweet innocence from the poison that was Nandor the Relentless? And all along he’d been underestimating him! Nandor watched Guillermo twirl, kick, punch and stake his way through a theater full of angry vampires. In the end he stood alone on a mountain of conquered enemies, covered in blood and heaving with the adrenaline of battle. 

  Nandor had never been more aroused.

  He was silent and brooding on the drive home. He sat in the passenger seat and kept flicking his eyes in Guillermo’s direction, hoping to catch his gaze. But his ex-familiar kept his eyes fixed on the road, his face a storm cloud of some scary-looking emotion that Nandor couldn’t name. The vampire felt unease crawl up his spine. Was he planning to leave again as soon as he dropped them off at the house?

  Nandor cringed in embarrassment as he watched the look of disappointment cross Guillermo’s features at the sight of the wrecked foyer. Dead bodies littered the floor, candle wax and blood stained every surface. He was overcome with shame and humiliation that they had made such a mess of the home Guillermo had toiled to maintain for eleven years. 

  Guillermo stood awkwardly in the front doorway, not quite inside and not quite outside, hovering on the threshold of their home. It was their home , wasn’t it? Nandor’s eyes flicked to the sad, dirty mattress in the cupboard beneath the stairs and he silently cursed himself. It’s possible he may not have made this quite a happy home for Guillermo.

  “I’ll just...go now…” Guillermo’s voice was soft and uncertain again, as if he hadn’t just committed a bad ass massacre.

  “No!” the word strangled from Nandor’s throat and he lurched forward, raising his hand to stop the human. For a split second he was completely unguarded and the raw desperation in his voice and on his face froze Guillermo in his tracks. Then Nandor’s eyes shifted to his fellow vampires, feeling the weight of their stares and he continued in a closer approximation to his usual haughty authority, “I would speak with you a moment. In private.”

  Once the door to his crypt clicked shut Nandor rounded on Guillermo, taking him by the shoulders and pressing him into the heavy wooden door. He loomed over the human for a moment, fangs bared, breathing raggedly as he scented him. Guillermo’s intoxicating, virginal aroma was mixed with the tang of his enemies’ blood. The irresistible fragrance threatened to overcome the vampire and he let out a pitiful mewling cry as he pressed even closer. Nandor’s forehead thunked against the door and his body was flush with Guillermo’s. Now he would know . The hard, bulging evidence of Nandor’s arousal was pressed into the human’s soft thigh-- unmistakable . Nandor keened a sob and his body went boneless as he fell to his knees in supplication before the human.

  “Guillermo, please!” Nandor sobbed.

  Guillermo stood as if paralyzed, staring back at his former master with shocked, wide eyes. Nandor felt broken, like one of those colorful donkeys split open and pouring out his guts. He did not exactly know what it was he wanted. Everything about this moment was highly uncomfortable. For one thing, the floor was very hard and hurty on his knees. For another thing, his erection was straining painfully in his pants. Also, he was realizing for the first time in his long, long life that there existed a person whom Nandor loved more than himself. And he was desperately, mortally afraid that Guillermo would leave him again.

  “What is it, master?” Guillermo flinched at the slip up but he pressed on, his eyes burning with earnest intensity. “What do you want?”

  Nandor had known the answer to this question for eleven years. He knew it the first time he laid eyes on the sweet, plump mortal working the panini press at Panera Bread. He knew it the first time Guillermo graced him with his smile after Nandor showed him his fangs. He knew it when Guillermo came to live with them, hauling his rolly luggage case up the front steps and shaking with nerves and excitement. He knew it when he spent hours crafting his familiar’s sweet face from glitter. He knew it when Guillermo cried, silently begging Nandor to give him a reason to stay. He’d known it in a thousand different ways for a thousand different reasons and he’d keep knowing it for a thousand years, long after the flicker of Guillermo’s short human life extinguished.

  “You,” Nandor’s voice was a broken whisper. “I want you, Guillermo.”

  The air expelled from Guillermo’s lungs in a shaky gasp as he fell to his knees as well. He took the vampire’s face in his warm little hands and Nandor had to remind himself that those were hands capable of plunging a wooden stake through his heart. The very thought sent another wave of lust through him. 

  Guillermo’s lips trembled and his eyes flooded with tears as he spoke, “If you’re just saying that to manipulate me…”

  Nandor grabbed Guillermo’s wrists, circling them with his long fingers, keeping him from removing his hands from Nandor’s face. 

  “No, Guillermo. I--I have not been a good master to you…” Nandor gulped, fighting years of careful control in order to get the words out. “I’ve lied to you many, many times. Made you think that you were just a servant to me. I thought that I was protecting us both. But...really I was hurting you. When you left me I...I…”

  Nandor’s voice trailed off and Guillermo allowed it, not wanting to push his fragile vampire too far. 

  “If we’re going to do this, I need to know. I need to know what exactly you want from me, Nandor. Because I know what I want. I’ve known for eleven... fucking years,” Guillermo’s voice hardens toward the end and Nandor feels himself go weak. His little Guillermo...so forceful and strong!

  Suddenly the human was leaning in and brushing his lips over Nandor’s. It was the barest, gentlest hint of a kiss but it felt like a live wire touching his skin. Nandor’s eyes drifted closed and he saw stars as Guillermo pushed his tongue between his lips and plundered his mouth. Oh, why had he forced them to wait so long for this?

  Guillermo pulled back, the combination of his blushing cheeks and the splatter of blood along his jaw was a powerful image. Nandor whined, following Guillermo’s movement and pecking kisses to the man’s mouth.

  “Nandor, wait! Stop!” There was mirth in Guillermo’s eyes but a fragile uncertainty as well. “I need you to tell me this is what you want. That I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and find you pretending this never happened. Things have to change if we’re...if we’re going to do this.”

  Nandor nodded frantically, pawing at his human’s face as unmanly tears spilled from his eyes and rolled into the whiskers of his beard. 

  “Yes! Please! I want this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re brave and strong and cool and beautiful and I lo--” Nandor’s mouth snapped shut and his dark eyes widened in fear at the words that almost slipped out. But when he took in his human’s guarded yet hopeful expression he growled and forced them out. “I love you, Guillermo.”

  Guillermo choked on a sob and his face crumbled rather alarmingly. 

  “I love you so fucking much you stupid asshole,” he replied.

  Nandor scowled, “Hey! There’s no need for all that!”

  But before he could work himself up to being truly affronted, Guillermo launched himself at him, knocking Nandor over backwards and attacking his face with his mouth. 

  “Things are going to change,” Guillermo repeated between open-mouthed kisses along Nandor’s bearded jaw.

  “Yes!”

  “I’m not gonna dig graves for you anymore or polish your boots!”

  “...Alright.”

  “And,” Guillermo ripped open the fly of Nandor’s trousers, eliciting a delighted howl from the vampire, “you’re going to make me a vampire.”

  ---

  “So tonight is the night!” Nandor injects false levity into his voice as he strides down the hallway carrying a stack of towels on one arm. The camera shakes as the crew follows behind him. 

  “I’ve made all of the arrangements! We have a juicy virgin in the cell…”

  The camera peaks into a dimly lit closet where a young man is bound and gagged. Across his forehead giant block letters spell out: “DO NOT EAT! GUILLERMO’S VIRGIN FEAST!”

  “I’ve decanted plenty of my blood…”

  Nandor holds up a mason jar filled with thick, dark crimson liquid as he mounts the stairs.

  “I’ve got the towels and Guillermo has a first aid box ready…”

  He finally arrives at the door to the big, blue bedroom and turns around to face the camera with an apologetic smile.

  “ Vampires only! ” He slams the door in their faces.

  Once the door closes behind him Nandor lets out a long breath and his head falls back to hit the wood with a loud thunk. He lets the facade drop for just a second and the cloying anxiety and terror of what he is about to do rises to the surface. Then Guillermo looks up at him from where he’s sitting up on his big new bed and Nandor forces a cheery smile. 

  “Who’s ready for their unholy transformation?!” he warbles, shaking the jar of blood in his hand. 

  Guillermo grins, coming over to stand before him in all his warm, soft, human grandeur. Nandor drops his head and plucks at the sleeve of his ex-familiar’s thick, stripy sweater. He hopes that Guillermo will not think himself too cool to wear such garments once he is a vampire. He’s grown to love Guillermo’s simple human clothes.

  “Nandor…” Guillermo takes the jar and the towels from him, setting them down on his bureau next to the collection of wooden stakes and crucifixes. “You don’t have to pretend. I’m scared too.”

  The vampire lets out a breath and tugs his human into his chest, wrapping him in a fierce, suffocating hug. He lets his cheek rest on top of Guillermo’s dear head. Guillermo clings to the front of Nandor’s long tunic, pressing his face into the rich, embroidered fabric and wetting it with his tears. 

  “It’ll be okay,” Guillermo comforts Nandor, his voice trembling with emotion. In the short weeks since the incident at the theater and since their relationship took such a sharp turn in the right direction, Guillermo has been shocked and pleasantly surprised to find how dramatically the dynamic between them has changed. Guillermo isn’t just Nandor’s equal now. He’s his touchstone, his protector, and his deeply cherished lover. 

  “You don’t know that, Guillermo,” Nandor sniffles. “What if I brainscramble you like I did to Ba...Baba...Bambie?”

  “Babaius?” Guillermo prompts, pulling back from the embrace enough to lock eyes with the weepy vampire. Nandor has told him his whole sorry history of failures and abominations. It was Guillermo’s idea for Nandor to seek out Nadja’s guidance. And though he’s nervous and frightened about his transition...there is no one else in the world from whom Guillermo would accept this gift. “You won’t scramble my brains, Nandor. I trust you.”

  The soft cry that Nandor makes at those words cuts to Guillermo’s soul. 

  Nandor sniffs and attempts to pull himself back together. He speaks confidently, as if his words are an incantation that will somehow conjure success, “Well, of course you trust me, Guillermo. I’m a very strong, cool vampire. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to make another vampire when a freaky pervert like Nadja is doing it all over the place.”

  Guillermo snorts and pulls Nandor in for another quick squeeze before drawing away toward the bed, “Should we…?”

  “Yes...oh! Wait!” Nandor grabs the towels off the bureau, hissing when he accidentally grazes a crucifix with his hand. He hurries forward and starts laying them down on top of Guillermo’s thick comforter. “I don’t want your nice, new bed to get ruined.”

  Guillermo smiles warmly as he watches his ex-master’s efforts. 

  “Well...it’s not like I’ll be sleeping on it anymore after tonight…” he murmurs, causing Nandor to think about the shiny new coffin sitting next to his downstairs. 

  Nandor shrugs, “No...but we might--you know--do other things on the bed still…”

  He smooths his hands over the towels and retrieves the jaw of blood, placing it within easy reach on the nightstand before climbing onto the bed and stretching out in an unintentional come-hither pose. Nandor’s soft, long locks fall over his shoulders and his big, dark eyes look up at Guillermo with longing and terror. He pats the spot beside him on the bed.

  Guillermo clambors up after him, stretching out at his side and letting his head fall into the mountain of pillows that Nandor had insisted on purchasing for him after their...reconciliation. He smiles shyly and looks up at the vampire, his cheeks turning bright red.

  “Is it alright if we...do some of those ‘ other things ’ first?” he asks, dancing his fingers over Nandor’s tunic. “You know...my last time as a h-human?”

  The stutter in Guillermo’s voice interrupts Nandor’s contented perusal of his human’s delicious body and he meets the man’s eyes. Guillermo’s cheeks are irresistibly red and his lips are parted slightly with lust. But his eyebrows are all crinkled and there are still some tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. Nandor can’t really relate to Guillermo’s fear. When he was turned he was in the middle of dying on the field of battle. He didn’t have a clue what was happening when the strange vampire descended upon him. What would it feel like to go into it knowingly? To place his life in the hands of the one that he loved knowing there was a chance that things might go terribly wrong?

  Guillermo is incredibly brave.

  “Yes, my Guillermo,” Nandor cries, leaning in and pressing their mouths together in a desperate kiss. “Anything you want.”

  They take their time with the kiss, lips and tongues sliding and probing as they clumsily undress each other. By the time they’re both naked the floor of Guillermo’s bedroom is littered with discarded items of clothing and the towels on the bed are askew. Guillermo throws his leg over Nandor’s thick waist and straddles the man, their aching erections rubbing together as he leans down to trail kisses across Nandor’s hairy chest. 

  Nandor throws his head back in the pillows, his hair tangling as he writhes underneath Guillermo. He will miss the feeling of his human’s impossible warmth. The way his kisses seem to sear a blazing path over Nandor’s cold skin. The way his silky smooth rod pulses with molten heat. The feeling of plunging inside Guillermo’s fiery, grasping tightness. Nandor curses himself, yet again, for not allowing them both to have this sooner. 

  Guillermo’s hips rise and fall as he strokes himself against Nandor. The air between them grows humid with their breath and the room fills with the sounds of whimpers and moans. Guillermo places a hand on Nandor’s chest for balance and he leans over to his nightstand to grab the small bottle of lube sitting there. 

  He holds it aloft and says, as if reading Nandor’s mind, “Do you want to feel me one last time before…?”

  Nandor’s lips split into a grin and he grabs the tube from his human’s hand, nodding fervently as he drips the liquid onto his fingers. He’s careful and gentle with his Guillermo, mindful of how new this still is for him. He reaches between his delicious thighs and slides his wet fingers around until he finds what he’s looking for, pressing gently and then more firmly as Guillermo opens up for him. 

  Guillermo’s breath escapes him and he presses down on Nandor’s fingers with a wanton cry, riding him needily. Once he’s ready, Nandor pours out more liquid, slicking his cock and grasping Guillermo’s hips to move him into position. 

  “Are you ready, Guillermo?” he asks and the words take on an added meaning with the knowledge of what’s to come hovering in the air between them. 

  Guillermo senses Nandor’s seriousness in the moment and he meets his eyes, smiling softly before replying, “Yes, Nandor. I’m ready. Really .”

  The sex is a revelation and a comfort. Falling into Guillermo is like coming home. It’s like finally finding the place he was always meant to be. Even 700 years ago when Nandor was a ruler in his prime, he never felt this level of peace and belonging. He watches his beautiful, strong, brave human fall apart on top of him. They take turns setting the pace. Guillermo bounces frantically in Nandor’s lap until the vampire grabs his hips and holds him still so he can thrust upward, slowly and tenderly. He penetrates deep until Guillermo is near tears and the human’s poor erection is leaking copiously onto Nandor’s soft belly.

  Nandor finally releases his hold on Guillermo’s hips and wraps his hand around his erection, pumping up and down quickly as he bounces the man on his own cock. 

  “I’m close, Guillermo,” he whispers, stroking the human rapidly to edge him along. “Come with me. Please!”

  They fall over the precipice together, panting and clinging as their bodies quake with the intensity of their love making. Guillermo collapses on Nandor’s chest and the vampire wraps his arms around him automatically, soothingly running his palms down his lover’s sweaty back as he twitches and catches his breath. 

  “You’re getting very good at that, Guillermo,” Nandor murmurs with a hint of teasing in his voice.

  Guillermo snorts, “Yeah, I think you’ve almost got the hang of it, too, Nandor.”

  Nandor laughs and smacks his behind playfully, “Do not be thinking that just because you’re going to be a vampire you can start being so cheeky with me! I’m still seven hundred and twenty-eight years older than you, mortal.”

  Guillermo grins and hums in response, pillowing his head into Nandor’s broad chest with a contented sigh. 

  After a little while, Nandor shifts Guillermo off of him and lays him down on the bed with a gentle reverence. He picks up one of the towels and uses it to carefully clean him, dabbing between his legs and swiping over his soft stomach. Nandor takes his time, his face turning dark and serious as he contemplates what comes next. 

  When he’s finally finished he says, almost shyly, “There’s just one more thing I want to do first…”

  Nandor stretches out at Guillermo’s side and rests his head over the human’s chest, directly over his beating heart. His hair fans out over Guillermo’s flushed skin and the human brings his fingers up to toy with it as Nandor listens. 

  Thump...thump...thump…

  How many nights has Nandor awoken in his coffin, still gripped by the horror of a half-remembered nightmare and listened for that comforting sound to lull him back to sleep? How often has he heard that steady rhythm interrupted when Nandor did something that particularly stirred his familiar’s illicit attraction? How many thousands of beats has he taken for granted over the years? Soon that steady tattoo will cease forever. Nandor feels panic grip him but he reminds himself that things will be different this time. Guillermo will come back to him as he always does. 

  He does not feel ready but the hours are ticking away and he’d like to finish this well before dawn. Nandor shuffles up the bed, leaning on an elbow and letting his hair cascade down around Guillermo’s face. He brushes his thumb over his lips, caresses his jaw line and the ridge of his brow. He’s memorizing the way his beloved looks right now, flushed with life. 

  “Guillermo, I want you to know that even if I do scramble your brains--which I won’t!--but even if I do, I will take care of you forever,” Nandor says, his eyes wide and earnest. “I’ll never abandon you or rip off your head. That’s a promise.”

  Guillermo should scoff or snort or roll his eyes but instead he sobs and beams up at Nandor as he answers, “I know, baby. I’ll never leave you or rip off your head either. I promise.”

  Nandor nods and his dark eyes shift to focus on the crook of Guillermo’s neck. His skin is still slicked with the cooling sweat of their coupling and Nandor can see his pulse jumping in his throat. He opens his mouth in a hungry leer and his fangs elongate slightly.

  “This will hurt, Guillermo,” his voice is dark and menacing, but also mournful. “I am sorry.”

  He snakes a hand behind Guillermo’s neck and cradles his head to the side as he lowers his mouth to his vulnerable throat. He hovers there for a moment and marvels at the way his lover’s body surrenders so sweetly to him. Guillermo is soft and loose in his arms, the perfect victim. Nandor banishes that word from his mind. Guillermo, sweet, sensitive, competent, strong, scary, loving, powerful Guillermo. He is not a victim. He plunges his fangs into his human’s soft neck and takes from him the sweetest gift Guillermo has ever given. 

  Nandor’s terror and anxiety melt away as the blood pours over his tongue and down his throat. He has always known that Guillermo would taste delicious but this is ridiculous. He tastes like the joy of riding John over an open plain, he tastes like the excitement of watching the Dream Team do battle on the basketball court, and, most of all, he tastes like Guillermo. Like fuzzy knit hats and secret smiles and quiet evenings playing chess. Like longing and hunger and wistful pain. Like strength and desire and the thrill of conquest. Nandor drinks deeply, memorizing the flavor as his lover goes more and more limp in his arms. 

  He listens, once more, to the beating of that heart, just as Nadja said to do. He waits like Guillermo used to do, listening to the pops while he was making his corn kernel snack in the multiwave machine. Once the rhythm begins to slow Nandor pulls back, licking his lips and scrambling for the jar of blood on the nightstand. 

  He gathers Guillermo into his arms and the human moans low in his throat. Nandor feels unadulterated joy at the sound. He is still here . But when he looks down at his human’s pale, ashen face, a sob tears free from his throat. His lustrous, brilliant Guillermo diminished to such a drab reflection… Nandor mentally slaps himself and unscrews the jar, bringing it to Guillermo’s pale lips. 

  “Time for your snack now, Guillermo,” Nandor’s voice shakes. He strokes his fingers through the human’s curly hair as he lifts his head and begins to tip the contents of the jar into his open mouth. 

  Nothing happens for a small eternity. Nandor watches the blood pool in his lover’s mouth and spill out the sides of his lips with a feeling of increasing helplessness. 

  “Guillermo? Can you still hear me? It’s time to start drinking so you can become a cool vampire just like me and your friend, Armand…”

  Guillermo’s eyes are closed and his body is unnaturally still.

  “Please drink, Guillermo! I’m going to be very cross with you if you do not!”

  His skin looks waxy and he feels heavier in Nandor’s arms. The vampire tugs him further into his lap and clutches him to his chest, tears falling onto the eerily calm face.

  “Guillermo, you said you wouldn’t leave me again, please! ”

  Guillermo swallows. Nandor watches with a giant, goofy grin on his face as the man’s throat bobs and the blood disappears from his mouth. He brings the jar back up to his lips and continues to hand feed him, taking comfort in the way Guillermo’s lips purse as he drinks down the vampire’s life-giving blood. 

  “That’s it, my cherished one,” Nandor says, slipping into endearments he used several lifetimes ago. “Drink, sweet honey. And don’t ever fucking scare me like that again !”

  Guillermo snorts as he drains the dredges from the jar, blood bubbles forming on his lips as they curve into a smile. Nandor watches, his eyes wide and wondering, as Guillermo’s eyes flutter open and he feels a sense of intense relief when he recognizes that smile as the same one he fell in love with eleven years ago. Only...you know...with the fangs and the blood stains…

---

  “So, I’d say it was a marked success!” Nandor shouts into the camera a few nights later. “Of course, there was a lot of vomiting and achy-pains in the beginning...but once that passed and he drank some human blood everything was OK-A! Isn’t that right, Guillermo?”

  The camera zooms out to include Guillermo in the shot. He’s sitting next to Nandor on the chaise, their hands clasped together between them. His skin tone is very much the same although without the lively blush that used to grace his cheeks. He’s noticeably in tact, no pointed ears or deformities and seemingly in full possession of his brains. 

  He smiles and the camera zooms in on his newly minted fangs.

  “ A-OK , Nandor,” he corrects in an affectionate tone. He leans over and kisses the immortal warrior on the cheek.

  Nandor, still unused to public displays of affection, smiles nervously and answers with a roll of his eyes, “As I said, Guillermo!”

[thenightling]

My opinion on some of the Netflix Sandman rumors

We fans don’t have much in the way of substantial news about The Sandman Netflix series.  All we have are rumors and gossip.   I have compiled some of the rumors here along with my opinions on those rumors.  Consider this a disclaimer.  I am only a fan.  I do not have any inside info.   All the rumors here are ones that can easily be found on various sites online.   Now to begin...

Rumor: Morpheus will be captured in 1916 but will not escape until present day.  

This rumor has been confirmed true by Neil Gaiman on his Tumblr account and other Social media websites.  In my opinion this was wise because it enables Morpheus’ capture to continue to overlap with the real-world sleeping sickness outbreak of Encephalitis Lethargica.  

Rumor:  Michael Sheen is playing Lucifer.

This rumor was debunked months ago by Neil Gaiman but I surmised that the one who started the rumor had found out he was playing Lucifer for The Sandman audio drama and had gotten confused.  I was right.   I DO however suspect Michael Sheen and possibly David Tennant will have roles in The Sandman Netflix series, just not the same role Michael Sheen had in the audio drama.

My Opinion: I’m all for Michael Sheen having a role in The Sandman Netflix series.  Him and David Tennant.  

Rumor: Doug Jones is going to be in The Sandman as a supporting character.

This rumor comes from two clues.  The first being that Neil Gaiman has spoken about his like of Doug Jones and Guillermo Del Toro almost did a Sandman adaptation with Doug as Morpheus.  Doug Jones even brought this up recently, which suggests that the subject might be on mind.   

My opinion:  Doug is an excellent character actor and I want this to be true.  He should be in Sandman.  I love Doug. And there are plenty of characters he could play.  Lucien, Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Doctor Destiny, various nightmares.   

Rumor:  Liam Hemsworth or Dacre Montgomery will play The Corinthian.

Opinion: I like Liam Hemsworth.  He deserves a shot but Dacre is also good.

Rumor:  Tom Sturridge is playing Morpheus.

Opinion:  I am 90% sure this rumor is true. There are a number of sources claiming the same thing.  Also just google how the man looks.  I think he’ll do a fine job.  I thought Oliver Farnworth would have been excellent too but I’m sure Tom Sturridge would be fine. 

Rumor:  The Netflix Sandman series will see Dream take many forms including a female form.

Opinion:  This isn’t really new.  We saw Dream’s feminine side in Overture.  If it bothers you to see Morpheus might have a feminine side, you probably shouldn’t be watching something like Sandman anyway.

Rumor:  Death will be played by a black woman.

The source of this rumor comes from Neil Gaiman saying something about loving the actress chosen for Death but feeling some people will complain.

Opinion:   ...So?   She’s an Endless.  She can look any way she wants.  I would have liked to have seen Jamie Chung in the role though.  She voiced her for the Death short that accompanied the Wonder Woman: Bloodlines Blu Ray.

Rumor:  Morpheus’ extended capture will effect his reunion with Hob.

My opinion:  Uhhhh Duh.

Honestly though this makes me VERY curious as to how their reunion will play out. I hope it is just as sweet as the comic. 

Rumor:  The Corinthian will appear fairly early in the series and even advise Roderick Burgess how best to contain Morpheus.

Opinion: Well, according to the leaked Corinthian audition this is true.  I don’t mind it at all.  It makes sense. It fits.

Rumor:  Alexander Burgess’ story is now more sympathetic and he as well as his father will age slower because of Morpheus’ capture.

Opinion:  This seems likely based on certain leaks.  And I kind of hope this means Morpheus will be able to punish Roderick and not Alex.

Rumor:  Alex will now have an older brother who died during World War 1, a brother that Roderick preferred, and he takes out his grief on Alex in abusive ways. it also gives Roderick a new motivation for wanting to capture Death.

Opinion: This is likely true based on certain leaks from last February.  I have mixed feelings about this because sometimes parents are just assholes.  They don’t need a tragic loss to set off their abusive behavior.  It also made Roderick worse (in the comics) that he treated his only (known) son the way he did. It’s been recently established in the comics that John Dee was actually Alex’s half-brother.  I guess it all depends on how this is done. 

I also don’t think Roderick needs to be grief stricken in order to want to control Death.   This is a cliché, a cliché we saw in Disney’s Gargoyles and even in Hercules and Xena.  Someone loses someone they love and tries to capture Death in order to bring them back.  Roderick doesn’t need this trope.  He was an occultist who wanted to be a big shot in the world of early twentieth century magick users. In my opinion that should be enough but I’ll keep an open mind. 

Rumor:   They were supposed to start filming in May but it was delayed to late October because of Covid.  

This one is true.

Opinion:  Hurry up!

Rumor:   Roderick Burgess has no real magick in the show.

Opinion: Sadly this is likely true based on a character description leak from the casting call.  I shall miss seeing Sykes’ head explode...  Honestly I kind of hope this is wrong.  I’m tired of magick being diminished in comic book TV and film.   

Rumor:  The first season of Sandman will combine Preludes and Nocturnes with The Doll’s House.

Opinion:  This is likely true.  I’m fine with it.  It might flow better for TV this way.

Rumor:   The “A game of you” storyline will have trans people writing.

Opinion:  This makes sense  And this is pretty much already confirmed true.

Rumor:  The Netflix show will have the same cast as the audio drama.

Opinion: Though I would not mind this, I know it is not true. This is likely the result of an IMDB listing for the audio drama mistakenly calling it a show and some fans mistaking that IMDB page as being the one for the Netflix series.

Rumor: The Netflix Sandman series is canceled and the audio drama is all we’re getting.

This rumor is absolutely false!    It’s a stupid rumor made by those who had no idea the audio drama was happening before the pandemic even hit.   The audio drama is not compensation because there will not be a Netflix show.  Both will exist.

Opinion:  Shame on those leaping to this conclusion and spreading it as fact. 

Rumor: A character named “Ann” is being cast and she’ll be a major recurring character. 

Opinion:  I’ve seen this sort of thing before.  It’s how you hide what character they are trying to cast.  Clearly this is a major female character for the show and probably was a name used as a place holder for Death of The Endless or even Rose Walker.  I’m not too concerned about this.  Some fans are upset and already raging that they’re making up a new character just for the show, ala Chloe Decker in Lucifer.  I don’t think there’s anything to worry about here.

Rumor:   Tom Ellis will not be playing Lucifer.

Opinion:  Tom Ellis has wanted to move on from Lucifer for a while.  He wants season six of Lucifer to be its last.   Let him move on. Neil Gaiman also wants his Lucifer to be different from the Lucifer TV show version.  The Lucifer TV series deviated heavily from the comics and it might confuse people with the big differences in lore.  It is probably for the best that Tom Ellis not play Lucifer.

Rumor:  The Sandman is why Lucifer is being canceled.

Opinion: No.  Lucifer has been canceled three times now. In fact the first time it was canceled The Sandman TV series had not been picked up by Netflix yet.  Lucifer has had six seasons.  For a paranormal police procedural that’s a good, long, run.  Not everything can be Supernatural.   Forever Knight (and most shows of that type) only had three seasons.  Lucifer out lived the norm for its type of show and survived two cancelations.   Let it go.   Do not blame Sandman.  The Sandman is what gave us Lucifer, not took it away.  The Sandman is where the story of Lucifer quitting, opening Lux, and taking up piano came from. 

Rumor:  The Sandman is the most expensive show DC has ever made.

According to Variety this is true.

Opinion:  It probably has to be expensive.  Look at all the stuff they need to show us, the sets and special effects needed.

Rumor:  Lucien might be played by a woman.

Apparently this rumor started because some of the Morpheus auditioners let slip that they auditioned with a woman as Lucien.   

Opinion: I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I love the character of Lucien.  A a woman version might take a little getting used to. I don’t hate the idea, I just prefer how he appears in canon.   Further note, I kind of hope he has a full head of hair like he does in the recent comics.  There is a very high chance she was just reading his lines since at the time the role being cast was Morpheus, not Lucien.

Rumor:  The Sandman could air as early as Summer of 2021.

Opinion:  *Insert bitter laugh here.* I wish...

Rumor:   Alexander Burgess is gay.

Opinion: And in other news water is wet!

Rumor: Desire will be played by someone who identifies as Genderfluid or nonbinary.

Opinion: This is very likely true.

[aion-rsa]

What We Do in the Shadows Season 3: Harvey Guillén Wants Buffy to Train Guillermo

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains spoilers for What We Do in the Shadows season 3 episode 3.

Things have changed for the Staten Island vampires on What We Do in the Shadows season 3 as they step into positions of power. This may not make much of a difference for Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), whose new job as secretary of the Vampiric Council, is much like his fake job, at a cubicle in an office. But Laszlo (Matt Berry) may spend a little more in the potting shed. His love Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), is running the council, along with Nandor (Kayvan Novak), who’s familiar, Guillermo (Harvey Guillén), has been promoted to the position of bodyguard. It was easier than killing him.

Based on the 2014 feature film by Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi, What We Do in the Shadows follows four vampires, who have been roommates for longer than anyone cares to remember, as they cope with life in the modern world. Which is not held up on the shoulders of four horses.

Nandor the Relentless was a fierce and terrible Ottoman warrior, known for pillaging villages and turning the Euphrates red with blood. Guillermo worked at Panera Bread. The bond that ties vampire to familiar is a strange one. The pay isn’t great, the hours are daunting, and they don’t get employee-of-the-month plaques. The only real incentive is the promise of everlasting life as a ravenous bloodsucking fiend, and there is something of a hiring freeze at the moment.

British Iranian actor and voice artist Kayvan Novak co-created and starred in the British prank show, Fonejacker, and also can be seen alongside Matt Damon and George Clooney in Syriana, as well as the films Cuban Fury and the Walt Disney live action remake of Cruella. He plays three different characters in Men in Black: International. Harvey Guillén acted in the movies The Internship and in Netflix’s Truth or Dare, and his TV works include The Magicians, and Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. He earned a GLAAD Media Award his role in the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Me What to Do” episode of Raising Hope, and made LGBTQ+ Latinx history by becoming the first queer Latinx actor to be nominated for Best Supporting Actor at the Critics’ Choice Award for his role as Guillermo de la Cruz. Starting Sept. 2, Guillén will also host After the Shadows, a new talk show following and discussing What We Do in the Shadows.

Novak and Guillén hovered over Den of Geek to speak about Nandor and Guillermo’s new job descriptions, as well as old habits, cloaks of many voices, and Van Helsing DNA.

Den of Geek: I wanted to congratulate you on your characters’ new duties. Is it more fun running vampires or running from them?

Kayvan Novak: Has Nandor run from a vampire? I guess I have. I think they’re equally as exhilarating and frightening.

Harvey Guillén: I would say fighting the vampires is exciting with all the combat when that opportunity comes up. Yeah.

Guillermo took out the entire local vampire command, but couldn’t stake a vampire council docent. Is Guillermo getting soft?

Guillén: I don’t think he’s getting soft. I think the only reason that he even put himself in that scenario is because he knew that his old housemates, because remember he moved out of the house, his old housemates were in danger. I think at the end of the day we forget that he had mostly only humans in the house. And you know, what separates us from everything else in the world is that humans are driven by emotion and have a conscience and have a heart. So he couldn’t live with himself, if he knew that they were set up by the Vampiric Council to be eliminated at this theater. That’s the only reason he goes and saves his chosen family. Even though they’re total assholes to him, he is still loyal at the end of the day. He’s still loyal to these four vampires, especially Nandor. I think that he’s not getting soft. He’s just starting to see what’s important to him and what’s worth fighting for.

Did the “Cloak of Duplication” episode come up because you were already doing the impressions?

Novak: I guess the writers had an idea. They had a sense that I was a bit of a mimic and I liked doing impersonations. And I think they decided to kind of craft an episode around that. I was slightly apprehensive of the number of impressions that they thought I could do considering I had to do all of my castmates who, although I could do impressions of some of them, I’d never done it to their faces. So it was a new challenge. Not only to learn very quickly how to impersonate them with their help, because they helped me along the way, and they told me how to deliver some of the lines. But then having to do that in front of them, it took some concentration.

Whose voice was the easiest?

Novak: I guess the easiest, or the one that I had done was Colin Robinson. Because he’s got a very specific [voice]. It’s kind of the closest to mine in a way. And the rhythms of it, very specific. Nadja’s voice and Kristen [Schaal]’s voice, I couldn’t actually do. I can only kind of do their physicality. So, the voices you hear are not my voice. They’re the voices of the actual actors. Guillermo’s voice, Guillermo’s delivery, that took a minute to kind of get into that groove. And then Matt Berry, Laszlo’s character, I’d never really tried an impression of him. And it was really more the physicality that I got into to deliver those lines in that rhythm, that really was the key in. Because you’re always trying to find the key in.

Harvey, what was it like hearing Guillermo come out of Novak’s throat?

Guillén: It was great. Because I’ve seen Kayvan do impersonations of everyone, he’s a master. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do me in a full scene. Like he would make a good joke or mimic me and say, “Yeah, yeah, now my friend,” and he does like a caricature of my voice, which is always fun, but yeah, “you’re my best buddy,” that’s like an ongoing joke on set that he always does. But to really kind of do it and kind of really capture Guillermo’s inflections and the volume where he placed him. I was like, oh my gosh, this is great. I was in awe. Like I was like, this is great. I had to do a double take, like that’s not me. That’s wait. That’s not me. Okay.

Blade, Buffy, the Frog brothers, and now Guillermo. Guillermo is the descendant of the greatest Slayer of all slayers. Is this nepotism?

Guillén: I don’t know if it’s nepotism because I don’t think he’s gotten anything handed to him. And he’s worked really hard for everything he has, and even now being the descendant of Van Helsing, it’s still not easy. Now, it comes with another wagon full of problems and choices to be made and predicaments that he now has with his housemates. But I would love to see some of those legendary slayers and chosen ones make an appearance and guide him, maybe help him out. Maybe Buffy pops in and says, I’ll show you how it’s done. That’d be great. Or Blade comes back, Wesley Snipes comes back. We’ve already had him. Who knows? But yeah, I would love to see someone show him the ropes or take them under their wing or, he’s learning by trial and error. And I think so far he’s doing okay. So maybe he’s a self-made Slayer in his own way.

When Nandor and Nadja were introducing themselves to the rogue vampires, you are each soloing, but hitting the beats at the same time. Can you just walk me through the rehearsal of the timing?

Novak: I think to really nail a scene like that, we’re both kind of focused on the direction of, I think Yana Gorskaya directed that scene. And that was just a case of us kind of working together, but also allowing her to kind of pull us through the scene to make sure that we hit those marks perfectly. It took some practice, took a few takes, took rehearsal, but you always know you’re going to get it. And you know that if you’ve got to get something that’s a bit of a challenge to get to, you want to be in the right company. And, and thankfully, we are because we’re in each other’s company.

Harvey, when you interject objections and you break and you look at the camera, they’re like hi-hat taps, are these scripted or are you doing it strictly on an intuitive basis?

Guillén: No, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it scripted for Guillermo that he looks at the camera. I think we do, as we do a rehearsal and we have our DP and our director follow us through rehearsal and whatever feels organic in the moment, there has to be an organic beat. Right? So, if it’s, most of the time it is Guillermo, because he’s the only human in the room, aside from the camera crew. And so, when he looks at the camera crew, it’s like, oh God, you’re going to film this, aren’t you? And the camera catches that moment. And it zooms into it. It’s like, you’re not, oh no, it’s incriminating. And so, as you connect with another human. Did you hear what he said? Or did you, I can’t believe they’re talking like this because who are you going to connect with the vampires who live in their own world of lust and pleasure and feeding. They don’t care, they’re immortal, but the humans in the room are like, we can go to jail at any moment for a lot of these things. I can get in trouble myself.

So, most of the time, when Guillermo looks at the camera, it’s either out of fear or it’s either like I’m smarter than them and you see that, right? So it’s like you saw that, right? But he can never say it. So he can’t verbally say what he’s feeling. So, their face does it all for you to the camera.

Did Guillermo and Nandor meet at Panera Bread?

Guillén: We talked about this. I think the idea that, if he was working at Panera Bread, it must have been shortly after high school or something. And somewhere along the lines, he must’ve met Nandor, he must’ve come in when Panera was closing and maybe tried to feast on him? Maybe, I don’t know. The backstory I gave myself was, he convinced Nandor not to feast on him and kill him, but to service him in return to become a vampire. That’s the backstory I gave myself. But Kayvan, what do you think?

Novak: I think whatever happened there’s CCTV footage of it-

Guillén: Somewhere. Yeah.

Novak: And I think that would be the best way of revisiting that because, if they didn’t have a documentary crew following them, then they’re relying on kind of just, incidental cameras, capturing stuff. I think it would be cool.

Guillén: I think that’s cool. Yeah.

Nandor is 758 years old, and going through an eternal life crisis. Is he becoming too Americanized or does Nadja have a point about there not being anything more to existence than just slaughter?

Novak: It’s a funny one because he’s been around so long, you’re supposed to eventually just blend into your environment and be taken over by and become an American or become a Staten Islander. And for some reason they live in such an insular world that they resisted this. But now for some reason, whether it be an emotional light that’s gone off in his head, he’s decided that no, he wants to humanize himself more and, yeah, be more like the people that he kills, almost. The world that he feeds off. He wants to be part of that. And I think, Nadja, she’s the cynic she’s like, stop dreaming. Stop. You know, there’s always that person that’s like, yeah, you could do that. But there’s lots of people that want to do that too, you know? And you’re like, oh, you’re right. I better not waste my time chasing pipe dreams. There’s always that person in the room and that person, for Nandor, is Nadja.

What’s it like to act against Nadja’s doll?

Guillén: Such a diva. Yeah. Difficult. Late to set. She always has to be carried. I don’t know if it’s in her rider, but the doll has to be carried by two, like men-

Novak: Dressed in green.

Guillén: Dressed in green. Yeah.

Novak: I actually did have to do a couple of scenes where there’s a montage sequence with me and the doll and we actually got onto some really funny stuff. I was teaching her sword fighting, a bit of a spoiler, but it’s very quick. I don’t know if it made it in but I was teaching her sword fighting and then I was like, well, we might as well have a sword fight. And then she disarms me and then she chases after me and I run. But I don’t know if that made it in the cut. I just decided that would have been a funny thing to do. To be disarmed by this doll. I think Nandor has a soft spot for the doll. Obviously, it’s a cool bit of special effects that’s for sure. It’s awesome.

What will you be getting Colin Robinson for his hundredth birthday?

Novak: A new contract. You know, his management team has been slacking.

I was talking with Mark Proksch about the physical comedy and Harvey, yours is particularly perilous. What’s the choreography prep like and making those fight scenes hit their funny marks?

Guillén: Well, I think physical comedy is just as good as you know, anything we do, so I mean, a lot of us do physical comedy in the show, but you never see Guillermo really in motion to do physical comedy most of the time it’s because he’s always so put together. So even with the combat and fighting, the note that Jermaine gave me for the finale was, Harvey doesn’t know he’s been at this. All right. So he doesn’t know what’s happening. So it was more of an idea that his face is like “what’s happening?,” But his hands were coordinated and bad-ass, and that’s the way I’ve been playing him. And now that he’s coming into his own, now he’s more relaxed into his own power of Van Helsing. But it’s also funny. It’s just funny to see someone who’s like a baby duck, like learning to walk for the first time. It’s like he’s trying. And you know, so that physical comedy comes in hand.

Kayvan, can you tell me what it was like working against Aida Turturro and learning to love after, after 37 wives?

Novak: Aida was a riot, from day one. She was a fan of the show, which is always wonderful and incredibly flattering. She was so into the show, she was so into the world and into us as performers. And I think that just, she had so much fun when she was there and we had some intimate scenes. The first time you see us, she’s on her back and I’m on top of her. And that’s quite an introduction. But she just went with it, you know? And it was just a lot of fun, a lot of fun with her and yeah, we just spoke to her today actually, and she was singing the show’s praises again. And she’s genuinely so excited. She’s not keeping her cool or trying not to be a fangirl about it. She was just super enthusiastic to be there. And you feed off that. You love that.

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What We Do in the Shadows airs Thursdays at 10:00 p.m. on FX.

The post What We Do in the Shadows Season 3: Harvey Guillén Wants Buffy to Train Guillermo appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3niKJN3

[baldwin-montclair]

Baldwin’s Nightingale (Part 8)

Characters: Baldwin Montclair/OC

Timeframe: After the S1 Finale, TV Show canon MOSTLY (some S2 and Shadow of Night).

Summary: Baldwin deals with the fallout of his decision to protect Alisha himself.

Tag requests: @christi14 @poemfreak306 @pookie-cleary

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7

———

“Alisha,” Baldwin handed the photos back to Marcus and turned to give her a look of concern, “you need more sleep, it’s still early.”

“I can’t sleep anymore, I need to do stuff. What’s that about?” She nodded to the items Marcus was now hiding in his bag.

“Family matters, very dull and very much not your problem.”

“But-“

“You’re hungry,” Baldwin cut her off walking over to stand in front of her, “you didn’t eat a lot yesterday.”

“I’m not hungry.” She assured him.

“That wasn’t a question.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Alisha!”

She sighed, knowing that she was pushing against a brick wall. If she was ever to find anything out, she had to abandon this route.

“I guess I could eat,” she relented, “and clearly you both have something to talk about so I’ll leave you to it.” She took a step as though she was headed to the kitchen but he caught her hand.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“To make breakfast. Is it stupid to ask you both if you want anything?”

“I’m more of a liquid breakfast guy.” Marcus joked.

“We’re fine and you are doing no such thing. Go take a long, relaxing shower and I’ll have something you’ll like ready for when you’re done.”

“Go take a shower? Do I smell so bad?” She asked them with a hint of offence.

“If only,” Baldwin mumbled to himself, “now please, do as I ask?”

“I need clothes!”

“Walk-in, first wardrobe on the left, I had some delivered yesterday.”

“You bought me new clothes?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t choose them, Christina did!”

“I’m such an asshole, I didn’t even ask, how is she?”

“Still a vampire, so mostly recovered. She’ll be by later, wants to check up on you.”

“Good, I’d like to see her, and maybe also see what’s on Michael’s drive?”

“Long day.” Marcus commented.

“One thing at a time,” Baldwin answered pointedly, “go.”

“Yes, my Lord.” She hit back with sarcasm with an awful curtsy.

“Don’t say that, he might like it!” Marcus scrunched up his noise in disgust.

“Might?” Baldwin didn’t look at Marcus but instead gave Alisha a mischievous wink followed by a nod of the head in the direction of his huge walk-in closet.

“She seems better than yesterday at least.” Marcus commented when she was out of earshot.

“It’s been a long, hellish, few days for her. She’s strong, she’ll survive this!”

“Then, what? You just wave her off after her testimony at the congregation? Wish her well and go your separate ways?”

“I can feel you straining for a point Marcus and it’s painful to endure. Out with it!”

“Last night was a mistake! When she does finally go face Gerbert and Domenico, they will smell you all over her. I don’t care how long or relaxing a shower she takes, your claim is very much on her!”

“And I believe I told you not to discuss matters you don’t understand. I have put no claim on her, I have neither fed on her, nor have I possessed her in any other way!”

“You didn’t even hesitate, when Guillermo had her by the throat. I saw it, you didn’t weigh up what killing him could cost.”

“Just because it appears I act without thought, does not mean it’s not happening.”

“I know your mind works fast Baldwin, I’m telling you, there was nothing going on but animal fury. I’ve seen you in battle, and fighting with Matthew but I have never seen that expression before. You weren’t calculating, your brain was not engaged, it was primeval!”

“Please drop the poetic flourish. Like I said, he harmed someone under my roof and protection, yes, I was angry!”

A beep from a cell phone nearby alerted his attention and he picked it up to see the caller ID.

“Fuck,” he swore, “of all the things I don’t need right now!”

“Who is it?” Marcus asked but Baldwin had already hit the button to pick up the call

“Agatha.” Baldwin answered.

“Where is she?” The daemon responded, just as curtly.

“Miss Black is under the protection of the Knights of Lazarus, she will be delivered to the Congregation when it is safe to do so, given the attempt already made on her life.”

“Michael was killed by one of your kind and you expect me to surrender Alisha to your hands. Also, you owe me, unless you’ve forgotten. If it wasn’t for the daemons you’d be a pile of ash!”

Marcus frowned at this overheard statement.

“Do not play games with me Agatha! We both know the only reason you helped me was for your son and his family, all of whom are right now taking refuge in my family estate.“

“Are you threatening them.”

“I am no more a threat to them as I am to Alisha.”

There was a sharp inhale at the other end of the line.

“So it is true? I was told of your indiscretion with the girl by her orchestra master but I didn’t believe it until now. I did think you were above that sort of thing however, keeping a Nightingale is a move Gerbert or Knox would make.”

“Do not call her that!” Baldwin answered sharply and Marcus could swear he heard her heartbeat skip in fright over the bad line.

“What should I call it when a vampire or witch take whatever they want with no regard to the consequences.”

“If memory serves, you actively assisted Matthew and the witch, why are consequences suddenly such a concern to you?”

“Like you said, that affected my family and, from what I saw, your brother genuinely cares for Diana Bishop. I have no issues with her, she can take care of herself and she is not one of my own. Alisha is, and she has no defence against whatever game you are playing.”

“You’ll have to take me at my word that she is safest with me.”

“Is she a prisoner?”

“No.”

“A thrall?”

“I’m not Gerbert.” Baldwin answered through gritted teeth.

“No-one has seen her in the past two days Baldwin.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Knox has contacted me,” she continued, “with completely fake concern for her. If you don’t provide proof that she is alive and well there is every chance they will take that as pretext to move against you.”

“They?”

“I don’t trust Domenico and Gerbert may well be Satan himself, you at least have a code of honour. The daemons will not move against you in this matter if you promise me, right now that she is both alive and well.”

“She’s alive. Gerbert’s lackey Guillermo almost drained her but she’s mostly recovered from that. She’s lost someone dear to her so, again, it’ll take time.”

“When you arrive in Venice, I want to see her first, before the Congregation!”

“Understood.” Baldwin hung up.

“What was that about the daemons helping you?”

“Gerbert making a power play is what I call a Tuesday, Marcus, it is nothing to be concerned about. He was trying to use my refusal to hand over Matthew and Diana as grounds to replace me.”

“What now, they want to see her?”

Baldwin pulled up the Calendar on his phone.

“They will! There is something I have to do first.”

———

Alisha stepped out of the shower and dried off before dressing and exiting the bathroom to an empty apartment.

She followed the alluring scent of breakfast to the kitchen and found a post-it note beside a silver plate cover.

Eat.

Christina will be over soon. I’ll explain everything later. B x

She wondered what someone who didn’t even eat would need a domed plate cover for.

Entertaining guests, obviously.

Not long after she’d eaten, the sound of the door opening alerted her to the fact she was no longer alone.

“Alisha!” Christina called out.

“Christina.” Alisha followed her voice to the main room and noticed three other women behind her. She moved to hug the vampire but noted her freeze for a second.

“What?” Alisha asked.

Christina just shook her head and pulled Alisha into a hug.

“What’s happening?” Alisha asked, noting the the rack of stunning dresses being wheeled in behind the strangers.

“Baldwin is taking you to a silent auction. He was invited some time ago, had no intention of attending.”

“Why is he?”

“I think he wanted to get you out of the house.”

“Are we ready?” Asked a woman with the measuring tape around her neck and a pin cushion bracelet around her wrist.

———

Brian Cassidy closed the door of his office and the sound of musical practicing a few rooms over.

That’s when he felt it, the cold creeping into his bones from the focal point between his shoulder blades. The uninvited guest was behind him.

He glanced at the door handle, calculating his chances.

“Your dismembered hand would reach the corner of the room before it made it to the handle!” The voice answered his unasked question.

“Step away from the door and turn around, slowly!” The voice commanded, his tone as cold as his stare.

Brian did as he was ordered, his expression one of fear upon seeing the surprise visitor.

“De Clermont,” his voice shook, “here to kill me like you did poor Michael?”

Baldwin gave a theatrical sigh.

“Now, why would I do that?”

“The girl, just like the witch your brother abducted, you De Clermont’s-“

His sentence was stopped by the acute lack of air caused by his being lifted inches from the ground by the throat.

“I don’t hear the phrase ‘you de Clermont’s’ come out of your mouth a second time. Do you understand?”

The daemon nodded and Baldwin sat him back down on his feet, choking for air.

“Who did you have spy on Alisha Black and why?”

“There was no spying,” he explained, “Michael was friend, I was doing him a favour!”

“By threatening her?”

“An idle threat, I assure you. Regardless of her choice, it was important to Michael that she be kept safe!”

“Is that why you told Guillermo?”

“Who?”

Baldwin stared at him for a moment before realising his confusion was real.

“The vampire who killed Michael and almost killed Alisha!”

“Is she alright, where is she?”

“She’s safe, answer the question!”

“Of course I didn’t talk to a vampire. I told Agatha Wilson though.”

“I’m aware.”

“I had to,” Brian answered with mock concern, “fraternising between species is prohibited under the covenant.”

“I get it-“

“Much in the same way that daemons gathering together is also against the coven-“

“You’ve made your point!” Baldwin cut him off.

“And you’ve made that girl a target.”

“Believe me, her life was endangered by whatever it was your friend was involved in.“

“It was always in danger, you brought her to their attention.”

Baldwin’s eyes narrowed in understanding.

“Why would a daemon be a target, what did Michael know?”

“You’ll have to kill me because I would die before I put her in further danger by telling you anything!”

Baldwin cocked his head to the side and approached slowly, like a predator sizing up it’s prey. Despite his fear, Brian stood resolute.

“No matter,” Baldwin shrugged, remembering the drive Michael left Alisha, “you clearly have concern for her. Worth keeping you alive at least.”

Baldwin walked towards the door.

“De Clermont.” Brian called after him.

Baldwin stopped but didn’t turn around.

“As much as I loathe you and your family for your part in the daemons struggles, I care about her more. We’re not capable of standing against your kind or the witches. Agatha means well but you can’t let her take the girl-”

“No-one is taking her from me,” Baldwin cut him off and turned to fix the daemon with a cold stare, “stay in New York where I can find you. If I have to hunt you down I cannot promise to be as merciful! again.”

Alisha glanced down at her plunging neckline, barely concealed by the lace that covered up the bodice part of the dress, with trepidation.

“Am I being auctioned off?” She half-joked.

“Stop it, you look amazing!” Christina scolded, fluffing out the skirts, made up of what had to be thousands of soft black feathers that made up the bottom part of the gown.

“Black tie event, black dress.” Geraldine, the seamstress, explained as she buttoned the last fastening at the nape of Alisha’s neck.

“It’s crazy soft.” Alisha ran her fingers through the feathers.

“Almost done.” Helen, the hair stylist pinned the last braid into the updo she’d fashioned for the event, leaving just two wayward curls to frame Alisha’s face, the rest swept up into a complicated latticework that would be impossible to replicate on her own.

With Christina in front of her, she knew Baldwin had returned with the cold sensation of his gaze upon her.

“Well,” She asked without turning around, “will I do?”

“You’re perfect.” He answered and she noted the satisfied glances between Helen and Geraldine.

They said their goodbyes and well wishes for the evening and left.

“Will there be any other vampires there tonight?” Christina asked Baldwin.

“More than likely.” He admitted.

“Then tell her, she doesn’t know the rules.” She chided him before turning back to Alisha.

“I won’t see you for a few days. I’m heading to London but I’m sure we’ll catch up again soon.” The vampire told Alisha, giving her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before giving Baldwin a farewell nod.

With Christina gone, they were alone again.

“Look at you!” Alisha grinned, admiring the bow tie and tuxedo combination.

“Trust me, no-one will be looking at me tonight!”

“Where’s Marcus?”

“He had to leave, urgent business at home.”

“Any other nieces or nephews around?”

“Well, there’s Gallowglass. He will be attending this event.”

“So I get to meet more members of the De Clermont Clan?” She smiled.

“In time.”

“Even your infamous brother?”

“Not if I can help it!” He answered decisively, his tone failing to disguise the suppressed shudder.

She frowned.

“You don’t get on?”

“That’s...putting it mildly! Matthew has issues and I have no intention of putting a warmblood in his path!”

She nodded, deciding not to push.

To say she’d figured out how to ‘manage’ him would be wrong but she knew when to retreat from a line of questioning. If she pushed too hard she’d get nothing and he’d be more reticent to provide further detail in the future.

“Sorry,” she gave him a contrite smile, “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Happily forgiven,” he approached and took her hand in his, “we have to discuss the rules.”

“That sounds ominous.” She retorted, recognising the topic shift.

“I know but it’s actually very simple. Do not offer your hand in greeting to anyone tonight. If they are human, they will offer theirs first.”

“And if they’re a vampire?”

“They won’t touch you.”

“Guillermo did.”

“That was then.” He answered quickly, his thumb lightly stroking her wrist just above her pulse.

“Given what you did to him I can understand someone else been wary about trying the same.”

“There’s more to it than that.” He admitted

“I’m listening.” She prompted gently.

“It’s not easy to explain, its...” he trailed off, trying to buy himself time to think, “vampires are driven by instinct, as civilised as we may appear, and territorial. When Guillermo bit you, he left his scent on you-“

“Do I still smell like him,” she interrupted in a slight panic, “what did he even smell like, is it bad?”

Alisha rubbed at her neck, over a now mostly healed mark.

“That’s weird, it feels...different!”

“I healed the wound with my own blood, just a few drops. It repaired the damage and erased what he did. You don’t have his scent on you, just-“

“Yours?”

He nodded slowly as though reluctant to admit it.

“Last night, I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“I asked you to, and I’m glad you did.”

“You were upset, you weren’t thinking clearly and I should have been. I fucked up, I let you down.”

“So, you think that being an uncaring asshole would have made the situation better?”

“Being genuinely uncaring where you’re concerned would not be possible but, yes, I should have made a performance of it.”

“Do you know why I was so upset last night?” She asked, taking him aback.

“The pen drive, Michael’s name for you. I’m not the most sensitive male you’ve ever met but I’m not completely hopeless!”

“Why last night? Why not the night it happened, before Guillermo showed up?”

“Shock.”

She shook her head.

“No, it’s the same reason I actually managed to sleep last night. It was the first time I’ve felt safe since this whole thing started,” she admitted quietly, “if that’s what being ‘yours’ means, I can live with that.”

“Alisha-“

“We should go.” She stopped him with a hand on his arm, not needing a response.

———

PART 9

[legionofpotatoes]

Okay then, since both of y’all are just delving in I’ll try to keep things (relatively) spoiler-free and stick to story sense and semiotics! Few caveats:

Have not had prior experience with Kojima’s body of work and if that’s a prerequisite in how I “should feel” about it then yike on a bike (just getting this out of the way based on what I’ve had talked at me)

My read excludes the entire context of moment-to-moment gameplay; I basically watched chronological story cutscenes stitched together with NPC interaction vignettes sprinkled in-between. 9 or so hours in total. 

I did this because the gameplay does not interest me at all - and not in protest of chill social games (I adore both No Man’s Sky and thatgamecompany stuff, for example, and try to champion anything without Gun in it), but because the setting and length did not align with my expectations for something to invest so much time into. Still, I was super intrigued by the story, and, to a lesser extent, the plot.

also I have a hard time writing in condensed English, so this may run quite long. I’ll put the rest under a break. Second language, sorry!

I’m trying to think of a good way to start this. Like I said, the story, or what the thing was ABOUT, was infinitely more interesting to me than whatever wacko packaging Kojima thought up for the narrative. Which was a complicated, thought-out piece of fiction shattered into many disparate pieces and fed to us in a mystery-box-filmmaker kind of way, making us reverse-engineer what essentially was a rather simple interpersonal uhh. family tragedy, I guess. 

But to its credit the lore is visibly built solely to support whatever thematic messaging Kojima would want to weave in there - something I can respect. Meaning it gets as wacky and as nonsensical as it needs to be in order to reflect the high-concept allegories at play, aaand then it does so to a fault. I adore works of fiction that don’t give a shit about “tone” - I hate that word more than anything in modern media - but effective symbolism in storytelling, IN MY OPINION, requires a deft hand, nuance, strong authorial position, and a good grasp of social context. 

I want to like, go through these four points individually and nitpick my problems with the game in their lens, because I think they cover pretty much everything I feel like saying:

1. A deft hand - to me means to selectively dramatize correct themes and plot points as you go so that shit makes sense in the end. I felt this was incredibly lacking here. It was like a symphony going for hours without a crescendo. The absolute wrong bits of soulless exposition would be reiterated THRICE within a single cutscene while necessary context of, hell, character motives or even plot geography would be left vague. Intentionally vague, some would argue, but their later function would never arrive. Other times, what would visibly be conceived as wink-and-you’ll-miss-it foreshadowing could overstay its welcome to the point of inadvertently spoiling a later plot point. My girlfriend sniped the (arguably) most important reveal of the game, which is left for the tail end of the final epilogue (!), in the first hours of watching. The symbolics and allusions were just too plentiful where they should have been more subdued. I am DYING to provide examples here but I’m keeping it spoiler-free. Again, if this is a Kojima-ism, too bad; but it’s not a catastrophic failure of storytelling by any means. There are very few masters of this thing working today. But what can be easier to navigate, I think, is...

2. Nuance - this kinda goes hand-in-hand with the upper point but is a bit more important to me and applies to what SPECIFICALLY you decide to heighten in order to slap us across the face with your deeper meanings. Certain characters - not all of them - feel like caricatures. The silly names and overt metaphors (wearing a mask means hiding something! connected cities all have ‘knot’ in their name!) are honestly, genuinely FINE as long as their function isn’t betrayed, but the lean into metaphor worship can sometimes wade into SERIOUSLY shitty territory as contemporary implications are ignored altogether, and that ties into my fourth point, which I’ll address before looping back to the third; needless to say, approaching sensitive subjects with broad strokes is not exactly the way to go. But broad strokes is almost exclusively what this game does, forgetting to incorporate...

3. Social context - and I feel like avoiding examples here will be difficult lest I end up sounding like a dogmatic asshole; but there is a right thing and a wrong thing to do when co-opting IRL concepts to fit fictional messaging/storytelling. I feel that a character “curing” themselves of a phobia by experiencing emotional growth that vaguely corresponds to what the disorder could have symbolized is a wrong thing. And I don’t even want to get into all the wacky revisionism the lore ended up twisting into, which was mostly honestly entertaining (the ammonite will be a good hint to those who’ve played it), until it decided to, again, lean a bit too hard into painting today’s reality as a crisis of human connection and imply some questionable things about why, uh, asexual people exist, for example. Yes it makes some sense within the context of the lore and what’s happening in the plot, but it’s completely lacking in social know-how of the here and now. In other words: a Bad Look. To me, this type of wayward ignorance is a much more serious issue that can historically snowball any piece of writing into a witless disaster. I don’t know if it quite does it here, but it’s not really my place to say. Still, you can have wacky worldbuilding that has no sense of dramatic tension, nuance, or awareness towards the audience, and yet containing one last vital glue holding it all together, and that would be...

4. Strong authorial position - or intent I guess, to speak in literary terms - and I still have trouble pinpointing how and where this exists in this game. A bullshit stance you say, and I hear ya; cause this here is a video game very pronounced in its pro-human-connection messaging, painting the opposite outcome as an apocalyptic end to our species. And as I understand the gameplay is all about connections too - leaning into that theme so hard it even renders itself unapproachable to most capital-g Gamers. I honestly respect the balls of that. But really, as an author who headlined the creation of this thing, what was it really about? What were you trying to say?

And beyond “human connection is real important to beat apathy” I got nothing, and I think that’s because of points 1 and 2 failing in succession, and then point 3 souring the taste. It just had to be apparent the moment the curtain fell, is what I find. You just have to “get” it immediately, get what it was trying to say, but that will happen only if it’s been articulated incredibly well up to that point. Maybe the entire punch of that message REALLY depends on you spending dozens of hours ruminating on the crushing cost of loneliness as you haul cargo across countries on foot and connect people to your weird not-internet? If so, I’ve missed a vital piece of context, and with this being a videogame and all, it’s honestly a fair assumption. But otherwise.. it felt like a hell of a lot of twisting and turning and plot affectations that only led to more plot affectations and sometimes character growth (which had its own bag of issues from point 3) and not a hell of a lot to say about human connection beyond the fact that it is. good and useful. It felt like a repeated statement instead of being an argument. Does that make sense? I understand the story optics here are zoomed waay out and set on targeting the human condition as a whole, but like.. if you’re committing to a message, you have to stand by it.

Why is connection good? it’s a dumb question without a DOUBT but since the game has set out to answer it then it.. should? Did I miss the answer? I may have, I honestly can’t exclude the possibility. My lens was warped and my framework of consuming storytelling is a bit rigid in its requirements (the four points I mentioned), so maybe I’m just too grouchy and old to understand. 

I just think Pacific Rim did it better and took about 7 hours less to do it! And yet, it, too, involved Guillermo Del Toro. Curious.

If you made it this far and are interested in my thoughts on the technical execution of it all as well, uhm, it’s pretty much spotless? Decima is utilized beautifully, the Hideo vanity squad of celebrities all do their very best with the often clunky dialogue, the music is great, the aesthetic and visual design is immediately arresting, and it certainly does an all-around great job at standing out from the rest of the flock. I fell in love with the BB a little bit. It is also a game that is incredibly horny for Mads Mikkelsen, which almost fully supplants the expected real estate for run-of-the-mill male gaze bullshit. It is. A change.

That’s all I got folks

[wizarddykefag]

I just finished the Trollhunters book and I have some thoughts...

I understand that they took a single novel and turned it into an extensive, multiple season show. But there are some crazy changes to the storyline and characters in general that make the show almost nothing like book other than the two having the same name.

The whole book takes place in a single WEEK. Are you really expecting me to believe Jim, a kid they’ve repeatedly called scrawny and can’t even do gym (ironic), helped defeat GUNMAR, who’s supposed to be this crazy unstoppable creature, with a single week’s training? And yeah yeah it’s “in his blood” but NO NO it doesn’t work like that.

Aaarrrgghh!!! Being a FEMALE troll?? Why would they take that out in the show when the cast and the majority of the trolls are already predominantly male?

The trolls in the show are predominantly make of stone but in the book they’re flesh and blood. Basically anything we’d deem a “monster” is called a troll? Why not just call them something else Guillermo??

Blinky had a massive amount of tentacles and a lot of trolls in general had more than two arms. This is honestly a super cool concept compared to the show which makes the Galadrical’s basically the only ones with multiple pairs of arms. Honestly thank god we didn’t have to see tentacle Blinky bc the amount of fan porn would have been ten times the amount there is now.

There’s no mention of Blinky having a brother but the trollhunters have such a sense of family love and loyalty. (Like they sing a troll Christmas song to Aaarrrgghh!!! to get HER out of a trance) It’s beautiful and I wish they wrote more about the troll parents and their adopted boy, Jack.

JACK, the character they completely kerplonked in the show. Honestly the man is kind of an asshole... You can say it’s because he lived with trolls for forty years, but then explain why Blinky and Aaarrrgh!!! are nice. Like the guy is in a thirteen year olds boy but he has the mind of someone who’s been alive for sixty and you can TELL he’s fed up with life.

Jim and Jack kind of mush into one character in the show and honestly I think it makes the team dynamic a lot better. Cutting out family angst and drama with his dad to leave room for...

...a complete gender swap of parents? I guess I get that it’s easier for the general populace to take pity on and maybe even relate to a single mother but it’s also hard being a single father?? If you wanted to empower women then you should have left Aaarrrgghh!!! a female bc she has more badass in her pinky then Gunnar’s entire army is all I’m saying.

Steve... okay they did a really good job making me hate Steve I’m the book. Steve in the show was more of a nuisance than someone I actually rooted against. But every time he showed up in the books I wanted him fucking dead guys you don’t understand

But it was cool/lame that they threw in that he was a changeling at the VERY end. First, how would Tobes know to check him and ONLY him (honestly he was such a vile person that yeah okay I get it) but SECOND why throw it in as a last little thing?? boo👎 I wanted to see him funcking tormented and beaten idk

It was kind of lame that the book didn’t go into much detail about the changelings since it was such a big thing with Claire’s brother in the book and Strickler being one and a main character in the show. I guess it makes sense bc he’s not even a thing in the book but still lame.

They called Tobes TUBS and that made me sad

Tobes was snubbed a lot in general and it was really shitty. Like yeah he’s supposed to be the comic relief but THATS JUST IT his character made the book depressing bc you have these two unpopular kids with no other friends and one of them gets this big adventure thrown on them and kind of casts the other aside? Was his life as a fat bullied orphan not tragic enough guys??

Claire in both is a total over the top badass but somehow in the books she’s even MORE so. Other than the whole “boohoo my parents make me wear make up and dresses” thing. No parent forces their child to wear make up (while simultaneously making them take fencing lessons?!) Mr. writers and was that really the only “tragic” backstory you could come up with?

But there is redemption for her when as soon as she’s freed from Gunmar’s meat heap or whatever she IMMEDIATELY jumps up and starts helping the other kids break free before the others start. Like it’s almost implied that they weren’t going to break the other kids out just Claire. YIKES.

Also she’s a badass with a sword and climbed up Gunmar’s sixlimbed body and it was awesome.

ALSO also she fucking ROASTED Steve in front of everyone and it was AWESOME 10:10

The gumgums are not as spooky/badass as the show and I’m not sure if the show drones are better or if Gunmar babies literally falling out of his body mid battle and growing to full size in minutes is more sick.

Jim wasn’t specifically chosen to be “the” troll hunter bc there wasn’t just one it was a multiple bloodlines from ancient hoarded of human trollhunters. So the whole big giant plot of Jim being the “first human hunter” is a big FARCE

Overall the book and show are both good on their own. If I had a way to form opinions on both without ever seeing the other I’d say they’re both spectacular. But having seen the show first I can’t help but compare every aspect of the book to it and unintentionally get upset when things don’t go the same way in both. Personally I think the show is better but that may only be because there’s simply more content. If the book were a series maybe my opinions would have been different. NOT THAT MY OPINION MATTERS. Overall part 2 I love the Trollhunters franchise and I want to see more of these characters!!

[chelsfic]

Midnight Snack - Nandor x Guillermo ficlet

WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: (Response to the September Nandermo writing challenge: Capes!) Nandor runs into a 19-year-old Guillermo late one snowy December evening and thinks he’d make a tasty midnight snack. The problem is that Nandor doesn’t like it when his food is crying. Also the kid isn’t wearing a jacket and it’s FREEZING! Fucking guy…

Warnings: Fluff with angst, brief mention of homophobia

—

The virgin standing at the bus stop looks delicious. Short and round with a sheen of oil on his forehead and acne dotting his cheeks. His spectacles reflect the glare of the streetlamp as he shivers against the frigid December air. The vampire notes, with disdain, that he wears only a thin button-down shirt to protect himself from the elements. Delicious and stupid, he thinks.

Nandor dances on the wind, nearly invisible as a mist floating amidst the snow. When he’s hovering directly behind the man, he transforms back into his vampiric form. Now only inches away from the little human, he can feel the man’s body heat bleeding away into the chilly air. His fangs elongate and he hisses in pleasure at the prospect of tasting that sweet, thick heat flowing into his mouth. 

The man startles, whipping around with wide, frightened eyes. Nandor notices for the first time that his cheeks are wet with tears and his pretty brown eyes are bloodshot. The man’s gaze flicks over his face, lingering on his leering mouth and razor sharp canines.

“Oh…” he says with a loud sniffle. His face crumples and more tears leak out. “This figures. You’re here to kill me?”

“That was the idea…” Nandor’s lips turn down into a nervous frown. “What is the matter with you?”

He doesn’t make a habit of chatting with his food, but he really hates feeding off crying victims. The sadness lingers in him all evening.

The man’s pouty lips quiver and he looks up at Nandor with such open sorrow and surrender–it’s like he’s asking to get eaten. Yeesh!

“It’s…stupid,” he murmurs, hanging his head.

“Yes, probably,” Nandor agrees. He draws himself up, squaring his shoulders and truly looming over the little man. “Do you think you could stop crying while I…you know…”

He holds up his clawed hands and bares his fangs in a cartoonish impression of a vampire attack. The human snorts out a laugh and Nandor begins to worry that there may be something not quite right with this one. 

“I’ve just had a really bad night…”

Nandor’s shoulders slump and his face falls in disappointment. “Oh, well…we don’t have to get into it if–”

The little guy’s face scrunches up as a loud sob wrenches from his throat. A particularly strong gust of wind cuts through him and Nandor notes with dismay that his teeth are chattering. At this rate he will be frozen before Nandor gets a taste!

“You are very inadequately dressed, human,” Nandor remarks. He holds out the heavy velvet folds of his cape and wraps them around the smaller man, effectively hugging him to his chest. “This is just to warm up your blood, you understand.”

The human is staring at him, his brown eyes sparkling. Snowflakes light on his warm cheeks, melting into specks of glitter. “O-of course,” he agrees, but he’s smiling like a fool. 

Nandor sighs, “So, what happened then? To ruin your night?”

He regrets the question almost at once when the man’s face falls again. He responds in a small, trembling voice, “I really thought Andy liked me, you know? He invited me to this party tonight and I got all dressed up–” Nandor grimaces at the human’s pitiful raiment. “–but…it was a fucking joke to him. Him and his asshole homophobe friends. I w-went in for a kiss and they…”

The man covers his face, hiding the tears that overtake him as his voice trails off. Nandor doesn’t know what a homophone is, but he understands being tricked. How many times has he responded to an invitation only to find out he’s been lured into a semen-stealing trap by witches?

“They hurt you?” Nandor prompts, his voice is husky and low. He finds himself pulling the little human closer and feeling unaccountably protective over his midnight snack.

The human nods, burying his face into Nandor’s chest and letting his tears soak the material of his tunic. “I ran away. Forgot my jacket. Missed the stupid bus. And now… on top of all that, I’m about to get eaten by a vampire when I’ve spent my whole dumb life dreaming of meeting one of you!”

Nandor smirks in amusement. What a strange little human he’s caught. He shakes his head and asks him why, why on earth, would he wish to meet a vampire?

“Because!” the man takes a half-step back and gazes up at Nandor with open awe on his cute little face. “Because you’re powerful and wonderful and mysterious! Because I’ve wanted to be one of you since I was thirteen years old and I read my first Anne Rice book! Because you live forever on your own terms and you don’t have to be scared when you walk alone at night or worry about getting beat up just because you like boys or or…a thousand other things!”

The human is getting worked up, his breath coming quickly and his face flushing with emotion. Nandor’s lips part involuntarily as he scents the rich, virginal blood rushing through this man’s veins. How easy it would be to strike, wrenching the man’s head to one side and tearing into his tender throat. Nandor pictures it and his arms tighten threateningly around the man’s soft, fragile form. The human goes still and lets out a little squeak.

“You could…you could turn me. Drink my blood and make me into a vampire,” the man says breathlessly. “Please.”

Nandor rears back and frowns incredulously. “I don’t even know your name!”

“It’s Guillermo,” he breathes, pressing his soft body against Nandor and wantonly baring his neck just as the bus pulls up with a squeaking hiss of its air brakes. The door folds open and bathes the pair in sickly fluorescent light

Nandor holds his cape in place with one hand as he brings the other around to wave in front of Guillermo’s hopeful face. “You will tell me the location of the party.”

Guillermo gives him the address, speaking in a dull monotone. Nandor drops his hand and the cloud lifts from Guillermo’s mind. He gives the human a wide smile, fangs on full display before stepping back and reluctantly removing the protection of his heavy cape.

“Go home, little Guillermo,” Nandor instructs in a tone of self-important beneficence. “Enjoy your human life for a while longer.”

Guillermo looks utterly stricken as he watches the vampire back away. “Please! Will I ever see you again?”

“Hey kid!” the bus driver barks, momentarily drawing Guillermo’s attention. “You getting on or what?”

Guillermo holds up a hand and turns back to the vampire but he’s gone, leaving nothing–not even footprints in the snow–to prove that he’d ever been there at all.

—

Nandor soars through the snowy night sky, the wind running icy fingers through his hair. He smiles as he watches the little bus, with Guillermo inside, make its way through the dark, dangerous night. It turns down a side street and Nandor presses onward making his way to the address the human gave him and looking forward to a midnight snack.