#like. he seems to HAVE this side of knowing that what nandor does is really cruel and immoral

[zevranunderstander]

i know its been a few weeks since the marwa wwdits episode but can i just say. i hate all the people who took that VALID criticism of the episode and turned it a million ways to make it seem like it's ridiculous.

no one said guillermo should have felt angry for marwa and killed nandor. no one said it was out of character how nandor acted. no one said that they were disappointed by nandor's in-universe actions.

people were angry because how the writers treated marwa! marwa, like the djinn this season, got introduced as a reoccuring side-character that was involved in plots to about the same extent as him. i saw people saying they thought the outrage was *ridiculous* because she "wasn't even a side-character". dude. a role like hers IS big compared to how often side-characters usually appear. simon the devious, the baron, etc. appear once a season or so, but marwa and the djinn both were (somewhat like nadja's doll) actual additons to the main household. and all of them don't get a ton of screentime or character development, but they all make far more frequent appearances than the rest of the cast.

but marwas "joke" the entire time had been how absolutely bad nandor treated her. like, making her want whatever he wants her to want, even before the "i want her to like whatever i like" wish, and changing her so much that she barely even was an own person anymore and then turning her into a completely other person as a final blow. like, the joke was that nandor treated her like shit, and that could have worked, if there was any sort of consequence to it.

and i don't mean "oh they don't explicitly say that nandor is a bad person :(", i mean, even tv shows where every person is an asshole all of the time (like, idk, breaking bad) still give you consequences for your character's flaws and actions. nandor was met with guillermo being angry at him, but that would have also happened of nandor had wished for a freddy to just materialize out of thin air. there never is any actual point to nandor treating marwa like shit - she doesn't get to have some revenge on him, no one else even makes some offhand remark about marwa, the plot of the whole season would have had very little difference if she hadnt been there, no one EVER remarks that he treats her like shit. And then i just don't get why she existed in the first place? like, were we actually supposed to laugh at how he treated her? was that supposed to be her purpose?

there also just. wasn't a reason why nandor didn't wish for a freddy to just materialize. there wasn't even a clause to the djinns wish, like "oh i cannot create a living human with a wish" that would give nandor an actual reason to turn marwa into freddy.

and marwa, of course was the first woman of color that had some importance in the show and while turning her into a white man and letting her wander off is ONE thing, i think its even weirder that it seemed like the previous episode was setting up that she actually WOULD get some level of revenge on nandor (she enthusiastically built a man-cave for herself, locked nandor out, and for all we care she could have been offhandedly mentioned every few episodes from then on, like, someone knocks on marwas door every once in a while and she stays a minor reoccuring character, this plot showed her having actual independence and standing up to nandor for once and could have turned into a deeper story from there on, if the writers had wanted) and then they. just. dropped the whole thing and let her ride off on a train like they didn't really know what to do with her and were glad she was put of the way.

if there was some emotional exploration of marwa being twisted into a whole other person. if there just had been ONE person, who actually cared about what happened to marwa. then it maybe would have felt like the plot had had a point. but it wasn't just that nandor dropped marwa like a toy he was tired of playing with, it felt like the plot plot did the exact same with her

[beansprean]

stumbled across your wwdits art—so cute! it also reminded me that sylvia de la cruz is also a vampire hunter by blood. in fact, iirc not only is the entire family, but none of them have...told guillermo?? (aside from at the dinner w nadja, but she hypnotized them to forget that.) and we know sylvia knows nandor's a vampire because she did try to stake him at the end there—though notably not until after guillermo pulled one out! which brings me to the funniest possible conclusion, which is that she took one look at nandor, felt los goosebumps, took a second look, saw his big bleeding heart, and went "we'll have to work on my son's taste in men but i'll let him have this. hi nandor not-a-vampire, wanna see baby photos?"

anyways. i really do wonder why no one's ever told guillermo about the old ancestral vampire hunting. did they just see him full iwtv at halloween age 10 and call an emergency meeting like "the first person to say something before he grows out of it gets staked" and then he never grew out of it.

LOL I mean it was kinda vague with how much la familia consciously KNEW - only abuela specifically said anything before they all went feral and seemed to know what los goosebumps meant - Miguel and his mom were both very confused by their physical reactions. i think abuela does call Nadja "chupasangre" (bloodsucker) but everyone else sticks to "demonio," "monstruo," "maldita" over and over like they're hypnotized, and only jump into action after abuela stands up and says smth like "monstruo debe de morir" (monster must die). There does seem to be a bit of a delay in their reaction as well, as they were dining with Nadja for at least like 20 mins before snapping, and Silvia didn't react to Nandor for probably like....hmmm. If Guillermo was bat-flying from Staten Island to the Bronx (like 15-odd miles as the crow flies), he could've been there with her for like 30-60 mins depending on how fast Guillermo can fly. Technically since I hc him as a mexican freetailed bat he can go up to 99mph but probably not for more than a few seconds, avg speed in a hurry would probably be more like 15-30mph. But let me not turn this into another 'bean talks about bats at length' moment.

Anyway I feel like la familia at large isn't fully conscious of their slayer heritage enough to really talk openly about it, like they either don't really know the specifics or pretend not to. Like it's very mythologized and entwined with their religion so just like 'yeah we stand up against evil, thats just catholicism!' but never 'vampires exist and we hunt them.' They just follow the traditions that have been passed down (wear your cross, eat your garlic; why? idk its just what we do) and follow the orders of their matriarch. Nadja may very well be the first vampire they've encountered! Guillermo also hypnotized Silvia at the end there and told her"no es peligroso" - "he's not dangerous" - which could have some very fun side effects. He very well may have made her forget again or she may just be cool about Nandor specifically now lmao.

[cookinguptales]

nandorisms said: I don't think it was ever going to work in the first place. Freddie was a bandaid. A last-ditch effort at trying to have a normal life outside of Nandor and his clusterfuck of a found family. But he isn't normal and hasn't been for years. Freddie was Guillermo trying to convince himself that he could move on, and Marwa was Nandor's effort to convince Guillermo to stay.

----------

tbh, I agree.

I think that Freddie very much was an "I don't need them, I don't need any of them" solution for Guillermo while he was in London.

Like... Guillermo was at his most loyal in s3. Like distressingly loyal sometimes. And what did that get him? At his absolute highest moment of happiness, he's shoved in a fucking box and mailed across the ocean. No one comes to save him, no one is there to comfort him. He has a moment in that box where he truly fears death, and he is despondent. He realizes that he has dedicated his entire life to people who (he believes) would not do the same for him, and he has in the process alienated his family and all the other humans who might have loved him.

Then he does live but he is utterly alone. He's away from the house and the very meager support system he'd created for himself, Nandor does not come for him, and Nadja seems to have largely abandoned him to his own devices while she did Council stuff.

So he's alone for the first time in his life, both physically and emotionally, and he meets this guy. And this guy talks to him and says nice things to him and doesn't actively abuse him, which puts him miles above most people he knows. So Freddie becomes really, really easy for Guillermo to romanticize. He's another option to the insanity his life has become, and one that is at that moment very attractive.

I think at that point, Freddie really comes to symbolize all the things Guillermo can have if he chooses to be human. This is a human man who thinks that Guillermo is normal and likes the "normal" version of Guillermo. Guillermo can go on daytime dates with this guy. He doesn't have to worry about being killed when he goes out with him. Freddie treats him like a normal human would -- which doesn't quite have the highs that Guillermo has come to expect, but not the lows, either.

Freddie is a guy that Guillermo could bring home to his family, which is another thing that Guillermo is strongly prioritizing in s4 after his experience in London. Which is one reason why it's so fascinating that even after he successfully came out to his family, it doesn't appear that he ever told them about Freddie. Was he just waiting for the right time? Or was there something subconsciously holding him back...

Because the thing is... when Guillermo finally makes it back to Staten Island, he realizes he was wrong. Nandor never meant to abandon him; if anything, Nandor believes that Guillermo abandoned him. Nandor immediately offers him this place of honor at his side, and it's something new. It's not professional and it's not romantic and Guillermo allows himself to throw himself into it because it doesn't upset the very delicate balancing act he currently has in his head.

And then... the others follow suit. Baby Colin comes to love his caretakers, and Guillermo clearly cares about him back. His sniping with Laszlo eventually calms down to a place of mutual respect, as far as childrearing goes. Nadja finally comes to trust him enough to help her manage the club (a bad choice, considering they are very similar in all the worst ways) and they have that really lovely bonding moment over family.

Guillermo, in other words, is being presented with a third option. Not the dismissive vampires from before and not the allure of normalcy, but a vampiric world in which he is ultimately respected, if not completely accepted as one of their own.

But Guillermo is loyal to a fault and he couldn't give up this fantasy of what Freddie could be to him -- someone who loved him, someone who he could be normal with, someone he wouldn't have to sacrifice his family for, someone who would finally, finally put him first. Until it becomes painfully obvious that Freddie would never be that person and Guillermo was only ever romanticizing a relationship just as toxic as all the ones he'd had previously.

And I think that that point Guillermo really had to come to terms with what he wanted and what he was capable of. I do really wish that the show had followed that character arc a little closer (Guillermo realizing that his human parts and his supernatural parts were at odds with each other and he was going to have to make some hard choices) but I think you can see that in his final choice.

Guillermo, to put a long story short, chooses a fourth option. He's given up on Freddie handing him his happiness and he's given up on Nandor handing him his happiness. He's finally chosen to throw himself bodily into the world of vampirism, giving up on his human potential and demanding full vampiric acceptance, and he's going to make that life himself.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We'll see if it works.

And god, Marwa is a whole different post. I have a lot of thoughts about the way that Nandor thinks of his wives (and Guillermo, to a lesser extent) as extensions of himself, his to control, possess, and manipulate -- but how the thing that he's really most attracted to is rebellion and the ability to think for oneself. And how that also tied in with how he saw Freddie as an extension of Guillermo and therefore something that he needed to possess as well.

lmao they're both so bad at this.

[parttimesarah]

💜My immediate reactions to WWDITS 5x6💚

* Flying frogs? With Guillermo’s immaculate hairstyle? **UPDATE: AND THEY CAN TALK?!

* Laszlo encouraging Guillermo to try flying is so sweet. It’s beginning to seem like Laszlo wants him to turn!

* “Making Pearl Jam” 😂 That’s a new one.

* I believe in you and love you too Guillermo! And you did it! … kinda.

* Oooo Colin’s eye makes him too interesting. Not what I thought! Tricky tricky teasers making me think this was a big plot point to do with him being a relatively young energy vampire. I guess Colin and Nadja just aren’t going to have any kind of multi-episode arc this season. It seems like all their stories will eventually converge on the Guillermo-being-turned plot.

* Yes, Nadja lifting Guillermo up! It’s so awesome to see her being a strong vampire lady!

* Why does Laszlo even have that energy draining/transference machine? **UPDATE: Ah, so he can have more sex. That tracks.

* Also, OMG, Guillermo’s foot is literally hanging off! How does that happen by falling flat on your stomach?

* Nandor encouraging Colin is adorable. He’s a good friend and just wants everyone to be ok.

* LOL the first big celeb cameo and it’s a hit and run (and then return and bore) by John Slattery

* Not the platform 9 3/4 wall into the familiar clinic. 😂

* “Ecsqueeze me?” has slowly made its way into my daily lexicon and it’s all Mark Proksch’s fault!

* Is John Slattery an energy vampire?!?!

* Guillermo’s “Oh hey, Nandor!” when he’s all drugged up and Nadja walks in is just so funny. They are SO not shying away from Nandermo this season!!!

* Of course you love Nandor the most, Guillermo! I legit thought they weren’t going to let us hear him say that (like I didn’t think we’d hear Nandor say he was going to space to impress Guillermo), but they did!

* YES! OH MY GOD, NADJA, YAS! USE THAT SECRET WOMEN’S VOICE! Find him, Nadja! FIND HIM!

* The Guide saying “Who rescued who” and yet she doesn’t have her own familiar. 😂

* Nandor giving Colin tips on how to be boring in the convenience store is… kind of in keeping with Nandor’s vibe and it’s adorable.

* Are you kidding me? Nandor is almost killed by giving up his energy for Colin Robinson right after Guillermo quotes Aliens while saving Nadja from a murderous vampire-familiar doctor? This episode is insane!

* The real question is how much does Nadja’s loyalty to Laszlo extend to her desire to help Guillermo? Also, hearing Laszlo say he wants to reverse the process of Guillermo’s turning was new. I had assumed he wanted to figure out what was happening, but actually full-on reversing it is interesting.

* Nice to meet you, Arthur Simon Santino, ex-boyfriend of Davy Crockett!

* Ok, who else was just waiting for Nandor to grab Guillermo’s face with his hand? That would have been… terrifying and amazing.

* I really got a taste of how upset Nandor will be when he learns about Guillermo’s turning and I already know it will destroy me.

* Ugh, Guillermo was so close to having the whole house on his side (except Nandor). But Colin saying he didn’t care was a good sign he’s back to his regular strength and probably won’t care what Nandor does to Guillermo one way or the other.

[toadminako]

I watched the leaked WWDITS S4 episodes 9 and 10 and I’m now going to word-vomit out my thoughts, but I’ll do it under the cut ‘cause I got manners. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED

Well… That was a bummer.

OK, let’s list the things I did like about the final 2 episodes first:

Al Roberts is a sweetheart as Freddie and gets to do some very funny comedy with what happens in the back half of episode 9.

We get lots more Guide and Nadja (Guidja?) scenes. They’re so delightful together, I love Kristen Schaal and we get to see Nadja being a messy bitch a falling all over the place again.

Laszlo’s empty-nest desperation at child-Colin growing up is funny, sweet, sad and well-acted. Matt Berry really getting to show his acting chops again for this finale.

But here’s the thing…

I get that, narrative-wise, Nandor would have to do something terrible to drive Guillermo away properly; they set that up immediately in episode one that Guillermo was already set to leave and was just holding on to help with the wedding and raising Colin. But the awful thing that Nandor does is just… Too awful, in my opinion?

It’s a thoughtless thing to do to Guillermo, yes (and thoughtless in a way that seems more in-character for season 1-2 Nandor, not season 4 Nandor) but it’s a HORRIBLE thing to do to Marwa, like it has genuinely upset me. She had her personality slowly chipped away at, only to finally be subsumed into a different person entirely. An almost textbook example of “death of personality”.

I get that she was always going to be a side-character and more an accessory to Nandor’s arc this season, but we saw little glimpses of her finding things she loved for herself (watching Mamma Mia with the girls) and little glimmers of her fighting back against Nandor (locking him out of the man-cave) and now she doesn’t even get the chance to escape and live her own life? What the FUCK man?

Yes I know the cast are all goofy serial killers, but what happens to Marwa – being Djinned out of existence after we’ve got to know her, even if only a little bit – just leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I hope this plot thread returns in some way and we get to see the real Marwa come back in some form.

I just wanted some kind of actualisation for Nandor, some recognition of what he actually wants and what he actually needs to change about himself. I’m not saying I wanted a Nandermo kiss, but I at least wanted Nandor to have a genuine moment of realisation. Not even realising what he feels for Guillermo is love necessarily, but at least realising that he values Guillermo as more than just a familiar-friend-bodyguard-best-man. He makes some very stupid attempts at making amends at the end of ep 9, but by ep 10 he’s just regressed to being an aloof asshole which is what finally drives Guillermo away. If they were going to follow through on his character development in season 3 and 4, he should at least have offered to make Guillermo a vampire, or held out some other genuine olive branch to him (like he tried to do at the end of S3).

They really appeared to be setting up an “Oh” moment for Nandor (how much sweeter they are together for much of the season, the dick wish, Marwa-as-Nandor kissing Guillermo), then just totally dropped the ball and made Nandor do something that seems uncharacteristically selfish, even for him.

And I GET it, we need the impetus for Guillermo to leave and find someone else to make him a vampire. And I DO like that they’re finally acknowledging that Guillermo knows plenty of vampires willing to turn him. And I LOVE that we’re probably going to be seeing more of Derek in the future but…

Yeah. I’m disappointed.

“Guillermo might finally be turned” is a great cliffhanger, but honestly? After how they totally wasted the “Guillermo and Nadja go to London” cliffhanger in season 3, I’m not sure I trust them fully to follow through on it.

TLDR: I am dissatisfied by this finale, and depressed by that.  

[cerayanay]

Listening to that philosophy podcast about twilight and vampires has forever changed how I see pregnancy and expectations of ourself.

So like. You know how it’s so common to tell someone “you would hate having kids” or “you would love kids.” That’s kinda always untrue either way. Because pregnancy and parenthood is a transformative experience. You cannot say for sure if you would like or dislike pregnancy and parenthood because the act of becoming a parent changes you. You do not know who the ‘you’ in the other side would be and what they would want. You have an idea, but it’s seems like a universal pregnancy/parenthood experience is “This is not what I thought it would be.”

I think the concept of transformative experiences are so under utilized in vampire fiction. I really have only seen Twilight and What We Do In The Shadows go in depth about it. Because in both media, the vampire tells the human over and over again “You will not like being a vampire, I cannot do this too you” while the human says “Yes I will.” But vampirism is the ultimate transformative experience. Edward and Bella, and conversely Guerillmo and Nandor are all wrong. We cannot say that Guerillmo and Bella would dislike being vampires because the act of becoming a vampire changes them.

I think that What We Do In The Shadows most recent season does a great job at exploring this in the inverse of Twilight. In Twilight, Bella was correct that she does like being a vampire. On the other hand, Guerillmo was wrong and he does not like it. Buuuuut everyone’s opinions before hand did not really have a leg to stand on because they would not be the same people in the other side.

I think exploring the concept of ‘transformative experiences’ is worth while for everyone. So many of our choices in life are dictated by “i would/wont like this experience”, when the truth is you really won’t know what the person on the other side of that experience wants. That person is not you, and that’s not a bad thing

[starship21zedna9]

I do want to say one thing about nandermo that I’m sure people will disagree with. I didn’t really ship them until this season because it always seemed so one sided on Guillermo’s part. This season, I at least believe Nandor cares for him.

Having said that, I never thought Nandor’s proposal at the end of last season was sincere. I think he did it to stop Guillermo from kicking his ass. The whole ‘oh now I know you can take care of yourself’ thing was bs. Nothing before that ever suggested that Nandor was concerned about that. I think he was going to take Guillermo with him (and I do think he was hurt that Guillermo didn’t show) but I don’t think he had any intention of turning him. He was telling him what he wanted to hear. He would have kept making excuses or ditching him somewhere along the way to get out of it.

I don’t know the real reason Nandor doesn’t want to turn him. Did he mean when he said he considers it a curse and doesn’t want Guillermo to live like that? Idk. Is it because he thinks he’ll leave him? Or does he just not ever want Guillermo to be his equal? Don’t know. But I never believed that he suddenly changed his mind after Guillermo beat him in a fight.

[marvelousmatt]

Hello, I Need to Report a Robbery. Cause Daddy Laszlo Has Stolen My Heart

And he can have all the blood circulating in there, too!

By Rachel LeishmanJul 28th, 2022, 8:07 pm

When What We Do In The Shadows began, the idea of Daddy Laszlo was the last thing on anyone’s mind. Zaddy, more like it. But as we rolled into season 4 of the FX series, we quickly saw Matt Berry’s Laszlo going from “ladies’ man of the night” to a father, desperately trying to make his son cool (while still being madly in love with Nadja, of course).

At the end of season 3, Laszlo was about to go with Nadja to be a part of the Vampiric Council, and Guillermo and Nandor were going on their own journey together. However, Laszlo realized, right before the trip, that Colin Robinson’s death resulted in a new being crawling out of the remains of his body. This new…being (Laszlo refuses to call him “Colin Robinson”) forced Laszlo to change his plans. The finale of season 3 features Laszlo tricking Guillermo into going with Nadja, and Nandor thinking that Guillermo abandoned him. Thus, Laszlo’s left to care for this boy all on his own. And what we get at the start of season 4, is Daddy Laszlo, and it’s honestly some of the best character development for Laszlo yet.

Learning to embrace his “son”

One of the more interesting aspects of Laszlo’s relationship with “the being that crawled out of the hole in Colin Robinson” is the fact that Laszlo has had to come to terms with the fact that his “son” doesn’t like the same things he does. In episodes 3 and 4, Laszlo slowly has to learn how to deal with this. In episode 3, the boy shows an interest in LEGOs, and then, Laszlo’s worst nightmare: Musical Theatre. “A gutter pantomime, performed by half-wits with painted faces, enjoyed by lower wits,” Laszlo says in the episode. And yet, when it continues to be something that the boy likes, it seems as if Laszlo is less aggressive about his hatred for it. It helps that the boy also wowed the audience of Nadja’s nightclub with a tap performance and became the Vampire Night Club’s premiere entertainer.

Laszlo’s fear is that one day the boy will have a Sondheim lyric for every occasion, and then, at the end of the episode, he says to Laszlo, “You were raised to be charming, not sincere” which is based on a line from Into the Woods. But it also is a sweet scene—because Laszlo says to the boy that he knows he will be boring, but that he is a better man than him.

A new side of Laszlo

We were used to seeing charming and quick-witted Matt Berry play Laszlo as this sexed-up man who loved talking about sex and particularly loved talking about sex with Natasia Demetriou’s Nadja. In the first few seasons, a lot of the focus in character development went to Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and whatever he was going through. Sure, it was always fun when Laszlo was around, but he didn’t really start to change (for the better) until he realized that Colin Robinson was dying.

He began to care more and we could see how upset he was that Colin was dying—despite how mean he’d been to him throughout the first three seasons of the show. So, seeing him take on the role of “father” to this child isn’t just fun because it’s my favorite kind of trope—Irresponsible Man Adopts Small Child—but it’s also a great look into how Laszlo is growing as a character.

Old Laszlo wouldn’t have been open about anything really, especially not with Colin Robinson. And so, in episode 3, when he’s talking to the boy about what his father was like, we got a unique look into him as a human (prior to his vampire transformation). Then, in episode 4, we got to see him trying to understand what the boy wants (even if he refuses to read fairytales to him) and he still finds a way to connect to him, despite being bad at fully being a father to him.

Watching as Laszlo tries to be there for the boy and tries to make sure everyone respects that he’s not just Colin Robinson 2.0 is surprisingly sweet, and I hope the series continues to explore this relationship between the two of them. Mainly, because I do love Daddy Laszlo.

[straightupsickfics]

Sicktember day one: Do you know how to take care of a sick person? 

what we do in the shadows | Nandor + Guillermo <3 | ~800w

****

Guillermo pushes his bedroom door nearly all the way shut and curls up on his bed with a sigh. His head feels like it weighs a million pounds, his throat is killing him, and he’d spent nearly his entire walk home trying to keep his nose in check. 

He’s getting sick, again. Like clockwork, every fall he comes down with a cold just in time for Halloween. Which is strange, considering the fact that most of the people he spends his time with are vampires who can’t get sick in the first place. 

Guillermo turns on his side, looking for the box of tissues he picked up earlier as his nose gives a tell-tale twitch, but he’s distracted by the sound of his door opening and Nandor making his way into the room. 

“hh’Hmmpshh! Iiishh! Oh, SNF! What are you doi’g in here?” Guillermo asks, scrambling up into a sitting position. The last thing he needs is Nandor poking around in his room, asking him questions, or telling him what to do. 

Or… seeing him look like this, all run down and watery-eyed. Not that he would be paying him any attention, of course… but still. 

Guillermo snatches a handful of tissues and rubs his nose into them as surreptitiously as possible. 

“Nadja said you are not well,” Nandor says, looking him up and down. “But it seems you are not wearing your glasses, so maybe she just did not recognize you in this state?”

Guillermo rolls his eyes. “I took them off,” he says, sniffling. “They kept sliding off because I kept s-sneezing… uH! Hdt’TSHH!”

“Like that?”

“Yeah, like that,” Guillermo says. 

“Well, do not worry, Guillermo,” Nandor says. “I am here now.” He plops himself down on Guillermo’s bed without a second thought, the mattress suddenly feeling entirely too small for the both of them. 

“Um, don’t take this the wrong way,” Guillermo says carefully, “but do you… actually know how to take care of a sick person?” 

Guillermo is pretty Nandor’s never so much as met a sick person. 

Nandor blinks at him, confused. “Yes, Guillermo,” he says. “I am not an idiot. Besides, it is not like you have the plague. Nadja says you have the common cold.”

“Yeah, exactly, so you don’t have to do very much,” Guillermo tells him. “I have tissues and DayQuil. I’mb sure you have things to do.”

He’s not sure why he’s putting up a fight; he’d usually kill for Nandor to want to spend time alone with him like this, watching a movie or something, but right now he just wants to be able to cough and sneeze and yeah, okay, feel a little sorry for himself without Nandor’s questions and prying eyes. 

“Well, Nadja says you might not like to be alone while you are so… sniffling.”

Guillermo narrows his eyes even as his scrubs self consciously at his nose. He is sniffling a lot, he knows, and he’s exhausted come to think about it, but still. “That doesn’t snf! sound like Nadja.”

Nandor looks at him then away. “Well, you never like to be alone, everyone knows that.” 

“You… do? Also that's...I don’t mind being alone. I’m alone all the time.” 

Nandor just frowns at him, his thick eyebrows coming together. “Bedtime does not count.” 

Guillermo rolls his eyes again. “Did you come in here just to argue with me? Because that isn’t helping,” he points out. He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand, and is surprised to feel Nandor pull his hand away. 

“That is probably not helping you,” Nandor says. 

And really, since when does Nandor know or care what helps him? Guillermo wonders if maybe he’d overdone it on the cold medicine earlier. Maybe all of this is some kind of DayQuil-induced dream. 

Nandor slides closer to him on the bed, holds out the box of tissues. “I do not need to be a doctor to keep you company. Blow your nose, Guillermo, and we can watch that movie you like, the one with the pretty man and the wedding lady.” 

“The Wedding Planner?” Guillermo asks, incredulous. He’d mentioned that once and it was ages ago. 

“If you wish,” Nandor says simply, though he looks away as if he’s embarrassed to have remembered. 

If Guillermo is dreaming, he might as well enjoy it: Nadnor in his room, on his bed, pressed in close and offering him tissues, telling him to put a movie on. There are worse dreams to have, after all. Guillermo settles himself in against Nandor's solid frame and clicks around on his laptop until the movie starts. 

Maybe Nandor isn’t the worst person to have by his side while he’s sick. 

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Dark Shenanigans - Nandor x (f)reader

Summary: It’s Nadja’s something hundredth birthday, with that said, you’re on a mission to make it great.

Warning: fluff, general vampire nonsense

Masterlist

“Yeah being a half vampire half human does have its perks. I mean for one I can do all that cool vampire shit and I can go out in the sunlight...so that helps for when they’re all being really annoying.” You admit with a casual shrug to one of the documentary cameras before turning to an isle of party supplies. “So anyways we’re at this store.”

The camera shifts to the multiple arras of supplies and materials at the local supermarket in Staten Island that you and your vampire lover’s human familiar, Guillermo, currently are. Specifically on the hunt for birthday decorations for Nadja and ghost Nadja who’s possessed a strange looking doll for the time being.

Since the other four actual full vampires can’t shop for themselves at this time of day or really in general, you and Guillermo have been given such an honorable task in making Nadja’s birthday the best one yet. Considering she’s the most well balanced in the head out of the four of them and is the only other lady of the manor.

“Hey Y/N, how’s this look?” Wonders Guillermo as he holds up a bunch of Mardi Gras beads of yellows, purples, and greens. “Comments, questions, concerns?” He adds with a small smile.

Eyeing up the beads, your head shifts over to the other various colors, “Hrmm, G I’m feeling the vibe you’re going for this year and I like it, but let’s go with Nadja colors.”

Guillermo’s dark eyes light up at your positive suggestion, “Right! So the red and black ones then?”

“Yup. She’ll love that shit.” You state with a satisfied nod of approval, “Let’s get some black and gold confetti from over there and oh, those masquerade masks look cool as fuck.”

You pick up and test out various masks in the background as Guillermo adds some bits of dialogue for the documentary crew, “Um yeah she’s really cool isn’t she.” He says with a smile while glancing at you then back to the camera, “Which is kind of odd since Y/N’s been with Nandor since 1793 so you’d think she’d be a little more like them but no, she’s super chill and really nice.” Suddenly his face goes a bit serious as he leans in to whisper, “But she did kill a whole street gang once when they threw a slur at me so I wouldn’t mess with her. For your safety.”

The camera pans back over to an oblivious you who’s put on a masquerade mask and is swinging a plastic light saber around with a whole lot more accuracy and grace then would a normal person. The camera then pans back to Gullimero, “Um, I’m just gonna....make sure she doesn’t smack anyone.”

——

Arms full of groceries of food for you and Gullimero, as well as random party decorations for Nadja’s birthday tomorrow night, you use the bottom of your boot to skillfully open the door as the documentary crew and Guillermo follows suit. Guillermo now on the verge of falling over with the large heart shaped pillow in his arms that’s covering most of his body.

You don’t feel tired in the slightest due to your half vampiric abilities so this is nothing to you, “Alright.” You state, turning on your heel to face the crew and Guillermo, “They’re asleep so we gotta be extra sneaky now, I don’t want Nadja catching us with all this cool spooky birthday shit. Everyone to the attic!” You whisper yell before leading the charge to the attic.

They all follow as quietly and as quickly as they can and then soon enough in no time are you and Guillermo back outside in the sunny garden trying to figure out if you should blow up the giant sea monster pool floaty.

“I mean it would look cool as hell and no doubt out-do whatever the fuck boring thing Lazlo probably has planned.” You quip with a shrug while the two of you stare thoughtfully at the small gloomy dark pond. “He’s got no chance with us. I’ve won best decorator and card maker for two hundred years in a row.”

Guillermo side eyes you in honest amazement, “Wow that’s a lot of years. And cards.”

“I know. I was an artist in the 12th century but my no good terrible good for nothing piece of garbage trash sexist human husband, who I was forced to marry when I was only sixteen, took all the credit for my artwork in that era.” You confirm with a growl, “But it stings less because once I finally grew into my powers and strength at eighteen I simply made his untimely demise look like an accident.” You add with a smirk.

“Oh, wow.” Mutters the intrigued familiar.

“Precisely. The old fool was thrown off his horse because I told Philip, the horse, to throw him off. And he did. Which killed the idiot so I got the house and all of his money.”

“That’s......neat.” Mutters Guillermo as he shoots the camera crew from behind you and him a nervous look. “Uh the suns going down so I should probably help Nandor out of his coffin.”

Raising your head to the sky you immediately see how the sun has begun to paint the clouds in beautiful colors of oranges, reds, light pinks, and darkening purples. “Oh, how bout that. Yeah alright let’s get inside.” You nod to Guillermo before turning to walk towards the manor’s giant mahogany doors.

——

Turning the handle and walking a couple feet into the large main room that holds itself as a sort of crossroads for all the other various connecting hallways and staircases. You don’t make it even three more steps towards the left ascending staircase before you hear the highly recognizable voice of your one and only.

“Y/N! My lovely wife and favorite person still ever so lovely!” Announces Nandor loudly with a grand smile showing off his pearly white fangs, “How I have missed you and your morning kisses. Where have you been off to?” He wonders softly as you smile a big dumb love-struck grin right back up at him, you’d absolutely die to hear that accent one last time.

“I can’t tell you right now it’s a secret!” You whisper yell back, causing his thick dark brows to scrunch up in confusion.

“But I am your lovely strong puff dragon Y/N.” Whines Nandor adorably as you roll your eyes at the cameras before looking back up at him.

“Fine. Come here then.”

In an instant he’s at your side, excitedly awaiting what secretive news you will tell him, “Okay, so we know it’s Nadja’s birthday tomorrow right?”

“Yes. I remember because she hasn’t shut up about it.”

“Right. So me and Gullimero got some fun surprise birthday party decorations and they’re in the attic and we can’t tell Nadja.”

Nandor gives you a knowing look of affirmation as he leans in closer to you, his demeanor suddenly shifting into a more saddened one, “You went shopping without me?” He says quietly.

Leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek your hands instantly find his, “Just for a little while, but I still need to find more stuff so....you wanna come?”

Nandor’s big dark eyes light up with joy as you hand him a kind smile, “Yes! Let us go in search of unknown treasures for our lady friend Nadja so she will not be mad at us for terrible dull gifts of friendship.”

Laughing you give his hands a playful squeeze, “Come on I’ll race you to Party City!” You say before leading him past the camera crew and Guillermo who simply watches the two of you leave, glad to have an hour of peace.

“There’s a whole city for partying? Y/N why have we never been to this place?”

——

“Y/N there are no people partying here.” Whines your vampire lover in puzzlement as he follows you from the entrance to a side isle. “You said this was a city for partying.”

“That’s just the name of the store Nans.” You retort with a small chuckle as he looks from right to left at all the color coded party plates and napkins galore.

“Well the title is very misleading.”

“Agreed.”

Turning to the right you guide him towards the decretory pirate themed isle in search of something that will peak his interest. Also you wanted so badly to make it to this spot but Gullimero was a man on a mission so your intention was thwarted for when you had Nandor with you.

Speed walking down the pirate themed isle you quickly halt all movement as Nandor’s large body stops within less than an inch from your back. Smiling brightly you snatch the desired object in front of you and as swift as a cat turn to face him.

“Have you come for a dual my old enemy?” You speak slyly, eyes narrowed as you hold the foam sword right in front of his face. “I sense a nervousness about you. Tell me, are you ready to face your inevitable bloody end?”

Staring at the pointy foam, his dark puppy eyes shift over to you as an adorable fangy grin breaks out across his pale face, “Seems you have come prepared, oh radiant and alluring seductress. Well, so have I!” Shouts Nandor before grabbing two foam swords from off the rack and swinging them in both hands like a mad man.

Taking a cautious step back you hold your pathetic five dollar sword in both hands like a true warrior ready for battle, “Only one shall leave this place alive.” You affirm with a smirk, “And it’s not going to be you.”

“Arrrrrggg.” Bellows your lover as he charges you like the true conqueror that he once was. But all to soon do you swiftly duck under his arms and swat him over his stomach with a confident thwack sound.

He makes a puny little “oww” as you turn around to face him once again, “Y/N you hit me kind of hard.” He complains, looking rather defeated and genuinely hurt that you could have intentionally injured him on purpose.

Bringing the plastic weapon down to your side once again, your face suddenly softens as you walk over to him, “Come here you big baby.” You quip sincerely as he leans down so you can give his cheek a quick kiss.

Rising back to his full height, Nandor almost blushes as the corners of his eyes crinkle into a happy smile, “Actually it didn’t hurt at all I just wanted you to kiss me.” Reveals the vampire with a proud grin as you simply roll your eyes.

“Should have known.” You add before turning and snatching up four more plastic foam pirate swords for the others. “Alright let’s get outta here, follow me my love, to the checkout line we shall purchase our weapons of war and partying on the high seas.” You announce with gusto as Nandor stands proudly at your side, ready to follow you anywhere.

“Yes. To check out.”

——

Kicking open the unlocked door, Nandor bursts into the vampire residence with bags full of goodies for Nadja’s birthday party. You right behind him but less dramatically, “We’re back!” You shout to no one in particular as Colin Robinson suddenly appears from out of nowhere, looking ready to leave with his funny little hat and usual beige jacket.

“Oh hey guys,” He starts with a friendly nod, “I’m just heading out on the town tonight. I guess there’s a fair or something in the park and I wanted to test my skill at the ball toss. I’ve been reading up on the body mechanics and how the game is set up which seems pretty basic all in all. Also I really want to win a stuffed bear this time, it might add a little pizazz to my room. Welp see ya’round.” Adds Colin before walking past the two of you without another word and out into the night he goes with some of the camera crew following close behind.

Nandor turns to you with a look of annoyance, “Jeesh I thought he would never leave. Let’s go to your room I want to kiss you some more now.”

“Why my room?”

“Because since you are half vampire you get to sleep in a bed and because I am a full vampire I sleep in a coffin.” Inquires Nandor while looking at you with those big beautiful dark eyes of his, “And my coffin is too small for cuddles so your room will suffice.”

“Yeah that’s a fair point.” You shrug before following him to your room.

After many cuddles leading to other more rated R type activities that lasted until just about sunrise, you finally got some well needed rest while the sun shone high in the sky until she began her dramatic descend back into oblivion. Opening your eyes you slowly rise from out of your comfy bed, already missing the presence of your obsidian eyed lover.

He gets too nervous about your closed windows for fear that the sun might burn him which would be impossible because you black out the glass. But alas, he’s very cautious about these types of things and won’t risk it for anything, though he feels bad about leaving you in the morning, you understand.

Suddenly it dawns on you that today or perhaps tonight, is Nadja’s birthday and you completely forgot to set up any decorations. Shit, how stupid. Throwing the blankets off of you, your feet move quick as you speedily change yesterday’s outfit for something a bit nicer and more clean.

Racing out of your room and into the dimly lit manor hallway, you make a bee line for the attic but before you’re able to reach the steps, Guillermo runs into you, just about knocking you into a wall of various stolen ancient weapons. Sharp ones at that.

That was close.

“Y/N are you okay!” Worries the familiar as you quickly gather your bearings.

“Guillermo! The decorations! Nadja’s birthday!” You whisper yell as the human man simply smiles. “Why are you smiling, this situation does not call for smiles.”

“Don’t worry. While you were sleeping I set up all the decorations.” He replies with a shrug, “No problem.”

“What? But that must have taken you all day, you could have asked me for help. I would have come.” Your brows furrow as he shakes his head, though you still feel bad for not helping with anything.

“Well I did try, but um,” Gullimero awkwardly clears his throat, giving the camera a quick glance, “Nandor was with you and last time I asked for you while you and him where having alone time he threatened to carve out my eyeballs and force feed them to me.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance you take a deep breath, “Sounds like him. Very creative when he wants to be, alright, well....where’s everyone?”

“Oh, they’re not up yet. I was actually on my way to get you. I made blood popsicles and the pool floaty is all done and in the pond.” He says with a sense of pride for his decorating skills. “I think she’ll like what we’ve come up with this year.”

-

Standing in the living room with your three fellow immortals you search a dresser for her card, “Oh shit where’s my card? I could have sworn I had it yesterday on my dresser but I don’t remember seeing it there in the morning. Maybe it’s in this one?”

“Witches!” Hisses Nadja as you huff in frustration, where the hell did you put that damn card?

“Oh, Y/N my love,” Intervenes Nandor with a gentle tug of your sleeve, “I took it with me when I left your room before sunrise because I wanted to put my name on it too so she would know it’s from us.”

“What?” Replies Lazlo dramatically, “Now hold on just a damn minute, this card competition is individually scored so I won’t be having any of this nonsense. I worked really hard on mine this year.”

“Oh lick a donkey’s arse, look here,” You retort with, quickly holding up the card for Nadja, “there are two separate drawings on ours so either way if one of us wins she gets both our pictures. So you better hope your drawing doesn’t resemble a night clubs bathroom wall.”

“Yeah.” Mutters Nandor, who’s hiding behind you while resting both hands on either one of your shoulders as you glare at Lazlo.

“Fine.” Agrees Lazlo begrudgingly, “And mine will be amazing, this bitch of paper took me a whole six months to plan and produce. Can’t get quality this good anywhere else I guarantee it.” Adds Lazlo with a firm nod of self approval as you glance at the nearby camera.

“Right, okay everyone sit it’s time for presents. I want to know what you all got me.” Beams Nadja excitedly as she smiles a fangy grin in delight, plopping herself down in one of the arm chairs. Lazlo quickly finding the other one while you and Nandor seat yourself on the large couch. Colin and Guillermo finding somewhere to sit close by respectfully.

“Well, all I can say is hold onto your socks my dear cause this is going to blow you away.” Smirks Lazlo as he pulls a small box from out of his jacket pocket.

“If it’s a self made business card that says invitation to sexy town I will puke.” You deadpan while Nandor laughs from beside you, causing Lazlo to lose his smirk as Nadja hides her amusement the best she can manage.

“He he, sexy town, nice one Y/N.” Mutters Nandor with a proud grin as you raise a brow at Lazlo who’s giving you a hard glare.

“Oh, my dear pumpkin pie love, don’t listen to Y/N I will love anything you gift me.” Encourages Nadja with a bright welcoming smile, no doubt immediately boosting Lazlo’s once irked mood.

Rolling your eyes you shift a bit to find yourself leaning into Nandor’s body as Nadja opens up the rest of the vampire residents various gifts. A joyous fangy smile gracing her pale features every single time, revealing this birthday party was a thrilling success.

After much more fun that just about lasts throughout the whole night, and some rare but hilarious attempts at dancing between the five of you vampiric individuals. You’re feeling rather sleepy and you can tell Nandor is ready for a trip to dreamland as well.

Swaying to the lowly playing record instrumental, you hold Nandor tight while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of him so close, him doing just the same as he keeps you firmly pressed against his chest. His long dark hair tickles your face as he presses his head to your cheek, doing his absolute best to keep the flow without tripping up.

Sensing his growing fatigue, you gently squeeze his hand, “My love the sun will be up soon, let’s get you to bed, yes?”

A small lazy smile tugs at the corners of his lips while he looks down to meet your gaze, “But my dark angel I’m not tired. I want to dance with you a little longer.” He whines adorably before failing to conceal a big yawn.

Giggling, you lean back to slowly lead him towards the door, “That yawn says otherwise.”

“That wasn’t a yawn Y/N, I was just smiling really big.” He protests, though he still follows your lead to the door.

“I’ve never seen anyone smile like that.” You add with a raised brow.

“Well maybe that’s just how I smile.”

Letting out a breathy snort, you pull away from him to at last take his one hand, “Come. I can’t have a single ray of that dreaded sun to get a taste of your precious skin. Not on my watch.”

Glancing at the closed front door, Nandor squeezes your hand, “Well um, now since you’ve mentioned the sun...I think I’d like to go to my crypt now.” He says, the flash of worry crossing over his face for only a brief moment.

“You sure? I mean a sunrise is pretty beautiful if I’m being honest and I know you never get to see them...”

“Not funny Y/N. And not fair, you know I can’t because I am full vampire.”

“And you’re missing out.”

“And I’d like to stay alive Y/N.”

“Aren’t you dead?”

“Yes and I am your only husband so I need to stay not burnt to a crisp.”

Chuckling, you follow him down the hallway, “Oh really? Don’t want me finding myself with another vampiric lover? Some new beast to sweep me off my feet and take me away into the night.” You tease.

Side eyeing you, he frowns, “No. Don’t I sweep you off your feet?”

Stepping into his crypt you stop him with your hand against his bicep, “Always.” You whisper sincerely with a quick wink, causing him to break out into a big fangy grin.

“Good. And if anyone would try and whoo you I would make sure there would be no more whooing again!” Exclaims Nandor, making the candles rise in flame for only a short second at his rise in emotion for how much he loves you.

“I don’t doubt they would fall by your blade. Not for a second.”

[vampireshmampire]

The Things We Can't Take Back 1/4

Summary: Guillermo finally, finally gets turned into a vampire, but it doesn't really go the way he expected. Now that he's a vampire everyone is treating him differently, but not in a good way. Everyone seems tense and angry, and Nandor will barely look at him. He's not sure what he did wrong, or if he's the one who did something wrong.

What does everyone else know that he doesn't?

--

Nandor glances at the camera briefly, and then away. His lips are pressed tightly together, his entire body tensed up, ready to lash out or take a blow or run or all three at once. He pulls on a pair of gloves, his movements jerky and abrupt.

"Guillermo, come here!" he calls.

Nandor tugs at the edges of the gloves, flexing his fingers. He pulls himself up, drawing his shoulders back and sticking out his chin, expression imperious and stern to the point of being cold.

A moment passes, with no sign of his familiar.

"Guillermo!" he bellows.

Guillermo arrives a few seconds later, slightly flushed and out of breath, still wearing the bright yellow rubber gloves he wears when he is cleaning.

"Sorry," he says, "I was on the other side of the house."

His eyes flick over the room, and he grows wary. Nandor's hands tighten into fists at his sides.

"Is...everything okay?" Guillermo asks.

"It is fine," Nandor says. His voice is the same as his expression, stern and cold. "Come over here please." Nandor gestures to spot directly in front of him. The camera shifts to the other side of the coffin.

"What's going on?" Guillermo asks, warily, as he joins his master.

"I have decided to make you a vampire."

Guillermo's whole face lights up in joyful disbelief, uncertainty forgotten entirely. Nandor's expression doesn't change, but he--somehow--manages to tense up further.

"Really?"

"Yes. Now."

"Now--Like, right now, right now--?"

Nandor puts one hand on Guillermo's left shoulder. The other goes on the top of Guillermo's head and tilts it to the side. Guillermo's eyes go wide; he fumbles with the rubber gloves.

"Wait, let me--"

"Hold still," Nandor orders, and bites him.

Whatever Guillermo was going to say cuts off short with a little hiccup. His hands, still in the yellow gloves, rise up, automatically grabbing onto Nandor for balance. Nandor lets out a noise of irritation and shoves them away. Nandor's eyes are squeezed tightly shut, but Guillermo's eyes are wide--awed or stunned, it is difficult to say. He blinks hard a few times, tries to swallow, and winces. Nandor lets out another irritated noise.

"Sorry," Guillermo manages.

Nandor releases Guillermo with hands and fangs at the same time, so suddenly the man wobbles slightly.

"I--" Guillermo begins, but stops when Nandor shoves an ornately decorated chalice at him.

"Drink."

Guillermo finally manages to yank the gloves off, tossing them aside. He takes the cup reverently in both hands, staring at is as if it's the holy grail--and in a way, it is. He looks up at Nandor, eyes over-bright.

"Thank--"

"Drink. If you wait too long, it doesn't count and we have to do it all over again."

Guillermo lifts the goblet to his lips. Nandor watches him, heedless of the blood smeared around his own mouth, his expression unreadable, though there is a hungry light in his eyes. Guillermo empties the chalice without pause, taking long gulps and tilting his head back as he catches the last dregs of the grizzly contents.

He lowers the cup, and then lowers his head, and opens his eyes. They flash silver in the light for a moment before returning to their normal brown. He is breathing hard, and the cup trembles in his hands. A smile spreads over his face, so wide and so bright. Nandor looks away.

"I can, I can feel it," he says. "Master, I--"

"I am not your master anymore," Nandor says, tersely. "You will call me by my name."

"Nandor," Guillermo says, as if tasting the word in his mouth. He doesn't seem to notice that the vampire flinches at the sound. "Thank y--"

"Stay near a bed, or a chair," Nandor interrupts once more, not looking at Guillermo as he takes the chalice from his unresisting hands. "So that you do not fall over when you start to die. It is very unpleasant."

Without another word, he sweeps out of the room.

The room seems suddenly very large and empty with just Guillermo in it. He raises a hand and absentmindedly wipes the blood from the corners of his lips. His gaze catches the camera, and he gives the crew a confused shrug.

--

"I'm happy. Of course I feel happy, my lifelong dream has literally come true." Guillermo smiles, but it is a little weak at the edges, his joy slightly stifled. "It just wasn't really what I expected. I think it's just that it was so sudden, and then it was over so fast, so I haven't really had time to process." He nods, as if reassuring someone. "Yeah.That's probably it."

He picks at his sweater. Adjusts his glasses. Scratches at the dried blood on his neck.

"Plus I'm dying, and it's way more unpleasant than I was expecting."

--

Nandor has relocated to the library, the door firmly shut. The chalice sits ignored on a low table. Nandor's shoulders are hunched, his expression somewhat guilty.

"I do not want to talk right now," he mutters at the camera, dabbing at his face with a handkerchief. The fabric is red, and the blood has dried a little, and he is having a hard time telling whether or not he's gotten it all off.

"Nandor, have you seen Nadja?" Laszlo calls, opening the door. "She was--"

Nandor looks up, startled, and then hurriedly turns away. Laszlo's eyes dart from Nandor to the cup and back.

In a strained, soft voice, Laszlo says "Would've thought you'd have learned your lesson by now."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nandor says, not turning around.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about," Laszlo says, in that same voice. "You said--"

"I know what I said!"

"--and I quote!" Laszlo thunders, voice suddenly very loud, "'I will never. Make. This mistake. Again'!"

"I know what I said!" Nandor snarls. "It is none of your fucking business!"

Laszlo strides across the room and jabs Nandor in the chest.

"It damn well is my business, you tit. You think I enjoy watching you make an idiot of yourself every hundred years?"

"You think I care what you enjoy?"

"You can't keep doing this to yourself!"

"What the hell are you two shouting about?" Nadja demands, appearing in the doorway.

Laszlo snatches up the chalice, Nandor half a second too slow to stop him, and brandishes it like evidence at a murder trial.

Nadja shuts the door very carefully behind her.

"Last time wasn't bad enough?" she asks. Though her words are harsh, her tone is almost gentle.

"It's already done," Nandor snaps. "I am not going to stand here and get yelled at more about this. It is my decision to make, and I made it!"

"I'll just go put the word out you're looking for a new familiar then, shall I?" Laszlo says, acidly. "Single vampire seeks good human, preferably one not so endearing--"

"Laszlo!" Nadja snaps, then raises her hands and drops them despairingly. "Alright, let's hear it. Tell us how this time will be any different."

Nandor bares his fangs at them.

"I do not need to explain anything to you," he says, bitterly. Nadja lets out a loud sigh of exasperation.

"Which means you don't know, because you didn't think it through, again--"

Somewhere in the house, Guillermo throws up, and the sound makes it to the room.

"Shit," Nandor mutters. He rushes out of the room, pointedly not looking at either of his housemates. Nadja opens her mouth, but gives up. She and Laszlo give each other despairing looks. For a moment, they do nothing.

Finally, Laszlo says "...where were you?"

"I was up in the attic. Where were you?"

"In the basement."

"Next time we should specify what 'let's fuck at the end of the house' means."

"Agreed."

--

Nandor raps his knuckles frantically against the bathroom door.

"Guillermo?"

"I'm okay," is the weary response. "Just a sec."

The toilet flushes. The sink runs. The vaguely musical sound of gargling, then spitting.

At last the door opens.

Guillermo does not look good. He is ashen and trembling, with deep bags already ringing his bleary eyes.

"I'm okay," he says again. It is even less believable than last time.

"What happened?" Nandor asks, sharply.

"Oh, I uh. Had a bit of a moment," Guillermo says, with a sheepish grin, and taps the side of his head. "I figured I was dizzy because of the blood loss, so I should eat something. I didn't realize the whole 'can't eat or drink' thing kicks in that fast."

Nandor frowns.

"You should be more careful," he says, admonishingly.

"Yeah, lesson learned," Guillermo agrees. "Hey, do you want to play chess, or something? I'm getting kind of psyched out, just sitting around waiting to die."

Nandor looks very much like he wants to refuse, but eventually says "Fine."

Guillermo's smile gets a little tight at that, but his voice is cheerful as he says "Great. I'll get the board set up."

--

"Maybe...maybe we should play checkers instead," Guillermo says, weakly. He has his head braced in both hands, head drooping ever closer to the table. "How long does the dying part last?"

"Your heart sounds very weak," Nandor says, stiffly. "I do not think you will last the night."

"Oh, good. Cause I'm really ready for this part to be over."

Nandor stands abruptly. Guillermo blinks up at his former master. It takes a few seconds for his eyelids to close, and a few more for them to open.

"Come," Nandor says, taking Guillermo's arm and pulling him to his feet. "You should lie down."

"Okay," Guillermo says, and allows himself to be led to his little room. He collapses onto his bed with a heavy groan, throwing an arm over his eyes. "It's so bright in here."

Nandor hurriedly turns the light off. The sudden change makes Guillermo look up. He smiles.

"Thanks."

Nandor opens his mouth to say something, and then doesn't. He starts to reach out and changes his mind halfway, turning the motion into an awkward wave.

"Bye," he says, and backs away.

"Can you stay?" Guillermo's voice is weak and quiet but it freezes Nandor in his tracks all the same. "I don't...I don't really want to die alone." Guillermo says it with a grin, but it's a shaky, pallid thing that doesn't hide his nervousness.

Nandor sits stiffly on the edge of the bed, resting his hands on either side of himself, fingers digging into the mattress. Awkward silence sinks over them.

"Ma--Nandor. Thank you," Guillermo says, suddenly. Nandor grimaces, but with his back to Guillermo his discomfort is unseen. "Really. I...Everything you've done for me--"

"Just rest, Guillermo."

Guillermo tentatively slides his hand across the bed to where Nandor's is resting on the mattress. As soon as their fingers brush, Nandor hurriedly puts his hands on his knees, out of reach. Hurt lingers on Guillermo's face, but quickly his expression goes slack as his breathing becomes more and more ragged.

"See you on the other side, I guess," Guillermo says, once more trying for humor. Something in Nandor seems to break, and at last he turns to look at Guillermo. He puts his hand on his familiar's shoulder and squeezes gently. His expression is reassuring, almost tender.

"You are going to make a very good vampire, Guillermo."

Guillermo's lips twitch into an almost-smile. His eyes slide shut, and he lets out a sudden heavy sigh.

He does not breathe in again.

Nandor watches him for a while, hand still on his shoulder. Then he turns away, curls in on himself, buries his hands in his hair. The camera lingers on the sight, and then goes dark.

[cavehags]

Do you have any thoughts on the way things are going with Guillermo and nandor’s relationship? I ask bc you seem like a big fan of Guillermo (correct opinion) but perhaps more Nandor apathetic

i am not sure i totally understand the question! i do love guillermo because he's a fascinating and compelling character in his own right, with his feelings for nandor just one small piece of the puzzle. never content to let guillermo be a simple audience surrogate, the writers and harvey guillen work together to make him incredibly specific, dynamic, and weird. because of the show's formula, guillermo has to be a dynamic character. he's the only character who can ever change! and he is someone you can't help but root for. his coy sense of humor, his tension around sex, his exasperation where his delusional ambition and cold reality meet--he's so fucking real and so fucking funny. a repressed catholic boy turned goth gay people-pleaser. i love that he knows the vampires well enough to manipulate them but not well enough to understand the one truth about them that affects his own future: that they will never give him what he wants. and i love how the show has built on this character over time. it's such juicy irony that he was cursed with the exact last skills he wanted to have. season two was so good because the show let him be hot at the same time that it let him hate every stake he reflexively, successfully threw into another vampire's heart. reluctant action hero who wants to be at home doing nandor's laundry. and now we're getting the even more satisfying payoff in the reveal that against all odds, the skills he was so afraid of turned out to be the very skills he needed to create change in his standing with the vampires. guillermo wants to be like a vampire--to get power in one quick moment and never have to confront any change in his life again. but as a mortal, he's facing changes all the time and he is forced to work through them to become a stronger person on the other side. it's so great to watch.

as to nandor and guillermo's relationship, i think a good way to look at wwdits is to remember that it's kind of like it's always sunny in philadelphia, in that vampires never change. guillermo can change, and he is always changing. giving his feelings for nandor a name is kind of cool. there's another version of this show where that wouldn't have happened, either because the show was married to the concept of constantly disappointing guillermo by keeping nandor oblivious of his inner life or because of a sentiment that the language of vampire and familiar say more than the real-world emotions that guillermo's feelings can best be likened to. i feel like giving nandor the opportunity to see something in guillermo that might have frustrated the audience to watch bubbling under the surface for too much longer ultimately does a service to both characters. it gives nandor's actions more stakes and it allows guillermo an opportunity to face reality about his life, something he's been quite reluctant to do so far.

but if you're asking if i think the show is going to make their relationship a more realistically romantic one, i really don't think so! i expect that guillermo will continue to learn new ways to communicate with nandor to get what he wants, and nandor will dabble in listening to him, but their relationship is fundamentally too unequal and one-sided for them to be, like, boyfriends. that's the fun thing about vampire stories though. there is a real sexual tension that the show isn't shy about addressing (even from the first minutes of the pilot, we see that outsiders are constantly mistaking the pair of them for weird kinksters), and their codependence on each other combined with the sexual language and physical intimacy they share make for something that i think is more interesting to watch than a straightforward dating relationship. i like that the show seems to agree with that, while still acknowledging that for guillermo, their dynamic isn't just close to a romance; it is a romance, and one that can never really make him happy. it's the "have your cake and eat it too" of gay-coded and toxic supernatural love. might not be for everyone but it's definitely hitting for me.

[biancathecrossbow]

I do wanna see Guillermos power trip addressed and i think it will have to be to proceed in their relationship.

In s1 the trade off for being treated like shit was that he was at least always the smartest person in the room. In s2 he became a bit more aware of his own strength, and how badly he was treated, and immediately uses it to leave and possibly guilt Nandor into treating him better. A shift in fairness.

In s3 all power dynamics have shifted and Guillermo has definitely girlbossed too close to the sun, now thinking he is the smartest AND strongest person in the room. And yes, he uses it to stick around and take a fair bit of back and forth bullying. But he gives it right back to them when he can, creating what he thinks is even playing ground. But very quickly he realizes that he is not as smart or as competent as he thinks he is, because the vampires DO respect him more now and, as a result, start treating him how they treat each other.

Bc we definitely see a different side of the vampires this season too; where they are still silly headonists but maybe not as stupid as they first appear (especially about the vampire way of life) and a bit more violent than we assumed (especially Nadja). So the ground has evened. Guillermo is in most situations about on the same level as everyone else, mentally and physically. And most importantly they have stopped underestimating him.

But we also see that the vampires are a bit more emotionally vulnerable this season. Laszlo often puts himself in danger to protect his human friend Sean. Nadja is insecure about her power and the sexism she deals with and feels like she needs to overcompensate by being cold. Colin is curious about where he comes from, obviously also lonely for love, and we probably get the most authentic version of his personality this season. Like everyone has got a lot of development this season.

And most in contrast to Guillermo acting like a dick this season, is Nandor acting super vulnerable. He cries a ton. He is openly depressed and lonely. Hes a full on soft boy, whick you definitely see a bit in past seasons but is amplified now. Guillermo has to also then realize that he doesnt know whats best for Nandor all the time, and, that Nandor may not really need him 24/7 to survive like Guillermo has assumed. So now he is afraid he could really lose him (and then he does).

(But thats ALSO probably how Nandor feels now that Guillermo has risen up in status, that he could lose Guillermo because he doesnt need him as much. Pushed further by the fact Guillermo starts acting like a bit of a douche and making it seem like the only thing he needs from Nandor is for him to turn him.)

Anyway they both have treated each other like shit and i think that needs to be acknowledged that they have hurt each others feelings a lot before they can proceed with a relationship.

[cookinguptales]

Related to that last rant:

Nandor and Guillermo both have extreme control issues, though they manifest in different ways, and they're both going to keep fucking up their lives until they can find a way to cede that control to each other in healthy ways!

Nandor used to be in control of his own country, but he doesn't want to be in charge anymore! He's become the peacemaker of the group, strangely enough, and he plays at being in control of the house but he's always much happier when he cedes that control to someone else -- especially Guillermo. Every person in that house already knows that Nandor no longer has the heart for tyranny (Laszlo was especially blunt about it) but the problem is that Nandor doesn't know who he is if he's not some kind of dictatorial warlord.

(He's Guillermo's guy wife, clearly, but he's still figuring out that he really, really likes taking care of Guillermo right back.)

Nandor's really struggling with giving up control (in the household, in the council, in the vampiric community) if just because he doesn't know what the alternative is, and that uncertainty frightens him. And that's the real control issue. He's afraid of change because then he can't control what goes on in his life! He's afraid of his relationship changing with Guillermo because he can't control the direction it will go! Guillermo makes him uneasy, if interested, because Guillermo is the one thing he can't control at all!

It excites him but it also terrifies him and that guy needs to learn to let go and enjoy the ride!

And then on the other side you have Guillermo, who has more of a nurturing kind of control issue? He's taken care of these vampires for over a decade and he knows how quickly everything goes to shit without him. It's given him a little bit of a savior complex, but he also desperately needs to be needed.

It's sort of egotistical because he always believes that he knows better than everyone else what the household needs, and he believes no one can do these things better than he can. He's surrounded by idiots, so he isn't entirely wrong, but he isn't entirely right, either. He isn't always correct when it comes to what's best for everyone around him (and his tendency to try to manipulate the vampires is very irritating to them) but the bigger issue is burnout. Guillermo thinks no one can do these things like he can (see: his issues with Topher) so he won't let anyone help him. He just takes on more and more and more responsibility until he runs himself into the ground.

For the most part, the vampires let him do this. But in The Wedding, you could really see the logical conclusion to this problem and even they were starting to worry. We'd seen Guillermo do that kind of thing before -- like when he wouldn't allow himself to sleep when the assassins were coming because he assumed that if he ever took his eye off the vampires, they'd die. But we hadn't quite seen him destroy himself to that extent before, and even Nandor had to acknowledge that he was driving him too hard.

The problem is that... like... Guillermo will literally just keep taking on responsibilities until he collapses. He'll say "well, no one else can do this right" so he won't accept any help or admit defeat. He has this almost pathological need to be needed, but that's a manifestation of a control issue, isn't it? He feels like if he drops the reins for even a second, everyone he loves will get hurt.

It's not healthy, Guillermo! You need to learn to take breaks and ask for help! They love you now! They'll probably do it! Even Nadja was sticking up for you in The Wedding!

Besides, you can see his rising resentment towards them, which is fair because they treat him like shit but also unfair because they didn't actually ask him to do most of what he does. Many of Guillermo's responsibilities (especially his daytime ones) seem to be self-imposed, and his protective instincts definitely are. He runs the household so efficiently that they don't even seem to realize how much he does for them, which shows that he's a great familiar but has also allowed them to take him for granted. That's hurtful to him, but he also hasn't demanded respect until very, very recently.

I want Nandor to allow himself to let go of his need to be a figurehead and I want Guillermo to allow himself to let go of his need to have the real power in the household. Neither one of them actually has to run things here, and they're making themselves miserable. I think if Nandor allows himself to serve Guillermo a little bit for once and if Guillermo allows himself to accept that help, they'll both be a lot happier.

They both need a vacation. :') A real one, not the year-long disaster we had between s3 and s4. Come on, guys, let yourself lean on someone for once and admit that you don't have all the answers.

[chelsfic]

Leftovers - Part 12/12 - Nandor the Relentless x Female Reader Fanfic

For Previous Parts: WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: The reader shares her last night alive with her new family.

A/N: I realized as I was writing this that this whole fic could really be read as an elongated metaphor for my falling in love with this show and this fandom. I hope you guys like this ending and aren’t disappointed. 

Warnings: Angst, Emotions, Crack humor, Turning into a vampire

---

It’s an hour after sunset and you can hear your housemates stirring. You’re still lying in bed. The ceiling overhead is cracked and peeling in places. You suppose this probably won’t be your bedroom for much longer. Nandor will want you to move into his crypt. Will you have your own coffin? Or will he want to keep sharing? How does one even purchase a coffin for...personal use?

You know you’re stalling. Nandor is being uncharacteristically patient, but he won’t wait all night. You’re not afraid. Okay, you’re afraid. But, you’d be stupid not to be. You saw Guillermo during his transition. He looked like hell for about three whole days. But you know Nandor will take care of you. Well, strike that. You know Nandor will try to take care of you and if he fails, Nadja and Guillermo will be there. 

The night you met...the night you almost became a meal...was your birthday. So much has happened since then. You’ve been kept prisoner, fed upon, attacked, hurt. You’ve also fallen in love with every vampire in this crazy house, even Colin Robinson, bless his heart. Nandor and his bizarre mix of vicious lust and achingly sweet softness has somehow pulled you into this world, into a place you’ve always belonged without even knowing it. So, yeah, you’re afraid. But the idea of not spending every night for the rest of eternity surrounded by these beautiful, damaged, stupid idiots is even more frightening.

A knock comes at your door and Nadja’s voice trills, “Hello, human? May I come in?”

You roll onto your side and sit up, dangling your bare legs over the edge of the bed. You’re wearing one of your few dresses because...well, because you’re going to die tonight and shouldn’t you dress up a little?

Nadja slips inside looking resplendent and deadly as always. She gives you a sympathetic smile and comes to sit next to you.

“Feeling a little nervous about our unholy transition, are we?” she ducks her head and gives you that mama-vampire-knows-best look of hers.

You lean your shoulder into hers, taking comfort in her presence.

“Maybe a little…” you admit. “I’m not having second thoughts or anything it’s just…”

“A little spooky wooky, yes?” Nadja supplies. She wraps her arm around your back and pulls you closer. “Don’t concern your head off, darling. I don’t know if you realize this but I am considered a bit of an expert. I’ve turned many, many humans in my time. Including my dear Laszlo. I’ll make sure Nandor does not slip up and accidentally make you into a zombie monstrosity like my poor Topher.”

You rear back and stare at Nadja with horror stricken eyes, “That’s a possibility!??”

Nadja chuckles and tweaks your nose, “I am giving you sarcasm! To lighten the mood! It’s working, yes?”

You let out a long-suffering sigh that hiccups into nervous laughter.

“I love you, Nadja,” you say with sudden, overwhelming emotion. You dive forward and wrap your arms around her in a fierce hug.

Nadja is stricken for a moment and she pats your back gingerly, “That’s...very nice. You think you want to come downstairs now? Because Nandor is being a real donkey dick down there waiting for you, but his balls are too shriveled to come up here and get you himself.”

You laugh and pull back from the hug, wiping tears from your eyes, “Yeah, let’s go. I’m ready.”

---

“SURPRISE!” 

“HAPPY DEATHDAY!”

“SMASHLEY’S IN DA HOUSE!”

“What’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Nandor looks supremely put out when everyone yells something different as you walk through the door to the fancy room. Does no one listen to him? They had an agreed upon plan! He scowls at at the other vampires, especially fucking Colin Robinson, before sweeping over toward you and taking you from Nadja’s arm.

“Welcome to your Death Day Party! Do you like it?” Nandor looks down at you with those wide, sparkling eyes that make you forget he’s a centuries old blood-sucking fiend who once conquered nations and slaughtered thousands. 

You take in your surroundings with a look of wonder. There’s a giant glitter banner hanging above the fireplace that reads “Congratulations on your Dark Awakening.” You recognize it as Nandor’s handiwork at once. Also, Guillermo has obviously been to Party City because everyone is wearing pointed birthday hats with little Dracula emojis all over them and the whole room is absolutely covered in crepe paper. 

“It’s...so cute!” you squeal, grabbing him around the middle in an enthusiastic hug. This is...just want you needed. A little goofy, human levity before stepping off the edge of the unknown. Your eyes continue wandering over the room until they fall upon a long table set up against the wall. “Oh...my g--gahhhh--is that mac and cheese?”

The table is covered in dish after dish of all your favorite comfort foods. Macaroni and cheese, pizza, lasagna. Apple pie, blueberry pie, cherry pie! There’s a whole giant bowl of Reese’s peanut butter cups. You pull away from Nandor and dash across the room, launching yourself into Guillermo’s arms.

“You’re the sweetest monster I’ve ever known!” you cry, doing your best to squeeze the unlife out of him.

Guillermo laughs, “Listen, you’re going to be puking for days either way. You might as well have one last chance to enjoy human food.”

You roll your eyes, “Thanks for the reminder, Memo.”

“Alrighty!” Nandor is suddenly picking you up from behind and plucking you out of Guillermo’s arms. “That’s enough of that. Why don’t you have some of this--” he turns his head away from you and gags “--yummy food and then we’ll listen to some human musical arrangements that Nadja and Laszlo have prepared.”

Nandor hovers at your side, watching with a wrinkled nose as you pile food onto your plate. You’ve barely made a dent in the impressive spread and you’re feeling guilty about the waste when Colin Robinson ambles up.

“So, nervous about Nandor draining all your blood and killing you tonight?” he asks breezily.

You ignore the question and instead ask one of your own, “Hey, you think you can bring some of the leftovers into your office tomorrow? I’d hate to waste all this…”

Colin’s face lights with a maniacal grin, “Barbara’s on a diet...Yeah...this will be perfect!”

You settle onto one of the couches, sandwiched between Guillermo and Nandor. Both vampires look vaguely nauseated as you tuck into your food, but they’re holding it together.

Laszlo stands up with Nadja and starts strumming a guitar as he addresses everyone, “When I first met our human I assumed she’d soon be fertilizing my vulva garden--”

Nadja slaps his arm and Nandor hisses indignantly.

“But! But!” Laszlo continues, bowing with a flourish in your direction. “I came to realize that this particular human was something special. I decided to accept her into the fold. Mostly because she kept Nandor off my back and also my wife threatened to maim my testicles if I ate her…

“So, here we are, human. The last night of your life and we’ve got just one thing to say…”

The couple launches into a screeching, cloying rendition of “(I’ve had) The Time of my Life” from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack (blatantly stolen from Laszlo’s catalogue of compositions). Your face is frozen in horrified laughter and you flick your gaze to Guillermo’s to see that he’s covering his mouth to stifle his own laughs. On your other side, Nandor is clapping along and bobbing his head with the music. Yup, this is your tribe.

The party goes on for another couple hours. Laszlo and Nadja perform several more “hits” before finishing up with “The Girl in the Village with the Very Small Foot.” Nadja’s singing voice is still ringing in your ears when Nandor bends down to whisper, “It’s time, my human.”

The levity of the party has done a lot to calm your nerves, but you can’t help the sudden grip of anxiety around your throat at his words. You look up, falling, once again, into the fathomless depths of his lovely, dark eyes and you think, That’s what this is. You’re going to live in that deep, dark beauty from now on. There’s nothing scary about that. 

You both stand up to leave and say your goodbyes. Laszlo and Colin wish you luck. Guillermo hugs you and presses several quick kisses to your cheeks as Nandor murmurs warningly, “Watch it!”

When he releases you, you’re suddenly engulfed in the arms of a crying Nadja.

“I do love you, you magnificent, ruthless baby!” she sobs. “Nandor, if you fuck this up I’m going to make a hat out of your asshole.”

You laugh into her shoulder and Nandor complains, “Yeesh! Alright, calm down, Nadja!”

By the time you’ve pried yourself from Nadja’s grip you’ve joined her in crying and your face is soaked. Who knew vampires could be so sentimental?

Nandor grimaces in distaste as he brings his hands up to wipe away the tears.

“Ready!?”

---

Nandor’s crypt looks just as it always does. No crepe paper or glitter in sight. Just the warm glow of candles, the rich red and gold accents of the decor, and the solid familiar bulk of the coffin where you’ve spent so many nights wrapped in his protective embrace. He leads you over to the chaise lounge and you both sit, fidgeting nervously and darting shy glances at one another.

Nandor plucks at the fabric of your dress, “This is nice.”

You smile faintly, “Thanks, I--I thought maybe I should dress up for the occasion. Is that stupid? I guess it’ll just get stained…”

“No,” Nandor cuts in, looking earnest and serious. “No, I’ll be careful.”

You nod and fall silent again. The knowledge of what you’re about to do seems to hang like a thick curtain between you. The easy intimacy that you’ve shared is strained with the gravity of what is to come. Nandor finally huffs out an exasperated sigh and pulls you into his lap. At first you think he’s just going to bite the bullet, so to speak, and dig into your neck at once. But instead he grabs your face and pulls you into a searing, all-consuming kiss. 

He tangles his fingers in your hair, pushing his tongue into your mouth with a low groan. You stroke your hands down the long column of his throat, running them across his broad shoulders and down his back. How this man--this perfectly imperfect, wonderfully fragile, fierce warrior man--has come to choose you, you can’t begin to understand. For countless other human souls, catching the eye of Nandor the Relentless has meant grim misfortune. For you, finding yourself the prey of a murderous vampire is the best thing that’s ever happened in your life. 

Except maybe being MVP at last year’s championship bout.

Nandor’s lips fall away and he looks up at you, panting heavily with his hair mussed and tangled. His gaze flicks down to your exposed throat and you see him swallow in anticipation. He reaches for something on an end table and shows you the stainless steel travel mug containing his blood. You take it from him noting the strip of masking tape on the lid with Nandor’s elegant scrawl--his name and the date.

You snort, setting the container down on the cushions beside you and looking back up at Nandor.

“Prepare yourself, my mortal,” he growls, fangs elongating and eyes flashing with a predatory gleam. 

You turn your head, baring your neck for your vampire boyfriend, and answering lightly, “I have a name, you know.”

---

THE END

A/N: Hey, thank you so so so much to everyone who read and supported this fic from the beginning! Your comments and encouragement mean the world to me!

Tags:

@festering-queen, @kandomeresbitch, @strangestdiary, @glitterportrait, @scuzmunkie, @redwoodshadows, @sarasxe, @rileyomalley 

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does.