#another thing: whoever made the rumor that shes not a human and shes a humanoid cookie girl im gonna blow up your house

[nexo-nex]

i am a firm believer that ginger would be so popular in the fandom if 1. she had just a tad more screentime and 2. if her main outfit wasnt so hideous

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

((Thank you so much for the review on Kamon. I learned a lot from your critique. This character is from the same Universe, and I did feel that I wrote his story  bad, like I made him too “edgy”. I did research, but I’m not sure if there is a word for a humanoid race that is dying out, so I apologize for that. He’s an older character of mine and he is the Foil to Viggo.  I created this image on the Sims 4. Currently Viggo has black hair, and  Aeron does as well.

Some warnings: Birthing camps, forced extermination of a race.

     World/ Universe: In the world that my cousin and I made, these guys are villains. The universe is set in 2035, demons and aliens are on earth and everything is the same except earth is more green. Anyone else mentioned is from the same world too. 

 To help with understanding:

Shershen’: An alien race of giant hornet human hybrids. They’re dangerous.

Makarasan: Another alien race from Iyzurria. They are like spiders and the natural enemies of Shershen’.

N'Kairen: A race that was enslaved and abused by the Makarasans.

Dvorrah is a Shershen’ general who lives on Earth. He’s a good guy.

Also the name “Aeron” means “Hidden Beast” in the A'maranian language, and he sees it as a symbolic name. ))

Name: Aeron

Real Name: Solceya Dovess

Gender: He uses He/ Him pronouns.

Sexual Orientation: Somewhere between Asexual. He does not know at the moment.

Age: He is technically 40 years old, but he does not age anymore because of the extreme stress that was put under his body when he was younger. 

 Species: N'Kairen

 Birthplace: Dlolva, Iyzurria

 Occupation: He does rarely serve as Viggo’s stand in. He is “trying” to turn his life around.

 Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Affiliations: He is affiliated with Viggo, the Raznatovic siblings, and he is currently listed as one of the 25 intergalactic criminals that are running free.

 Family: Subject 35- She was his mother. Because he was born in one of the experimentation sites, he never knew her real name. He can barely remember her face, but he can remember her scent which is his only memory of her.

 Keaseva- Keaseva was his twin sibling. When the two of them came to earth, they were inseparable for a long while. He made sure that his twin was safe and they hunted together. Sadly an accident caused him to get injured so bad that Aaeron felt that there was no way for him to go on. Out of mercy he killed his sibling.

 Best Friends: He does not have any best friends as of now because he is rather difficult to get along with. 

He sees Viggo as his friend because he has never tried to hurt him or use his powers for illicit means.

Hilkuta: Hilkuta is actually the child of Emperor Heriotza. They are the complete opposite of their sister and parents. Aeron tolerates them and he is slowly learning how to get along with a Makarasan.

 Relationship Status: Single

Significant Other: NA

 Other Relationships: He has this strange obsession with Viggo Hwajae. It’s been described as someone who is obsessed with a perfect piece of art. In his own way, he sees Viggo as a source of power.

 Height: Variable, but he’s seen as being 6'7

 Weight: Variable, but normally he is 235lbs

 Build: Variable, but he is Athletic like a swimmer.

 Skin Tone: Variable, but he is commonly seen with a fair complexion.

 Hair: Variable, but it is currently bleach blonde.

 Eyes: His eyes are rather creepy because they have been described as being dead. He never blinks and he usually has this unending stare. His Irises are highlighter pink while his sclera are a faint red. 

 Identifying Marks: Because he is an N'Kairen, his sclera have a faint pink glow. He also has a slight reddish tint to his teeth. He also sometimes has horse hooves for feet.

 Appearance: Aeron is a rather strange person. Nobody knows what his real appearance looks like and he keeps it a secret. As of now he looks identical to Viggo. He is 6'6, 240lbs. His eyes are usually highlighter pink, but he’s usually seen with red irises and light pink sclera. He is usually seen with a metal collar on his neck though, but there’s no explanation for this.

     Like Viggo, He is of Korean heritage and like a normal A'maranian he has a tail with a hair tuft on it, sharp canines and the ability to fly. The only difference is that his nails are a bit longer than normal and they are sharper. He is sometimes seen with horse legs, a long tail, and sometimes he takes the form of a dragon because he feels that they are powerful.       It has been rumored that his True form looks like a corrupted version of some sort of creature, but this is pure speculation.

 Personality: Aeron has a strange personality because it’s almost like his personality is fake itself. A lot of people think that along with his true appearance, nobody knows how he really acts. In general, he’s kind of mean, and a bit of a jerk to lots of people, but he’s also he’s seen as being extremely introverted, angry, and scared at the same time. One thing that makes Him upset is that there are a lot of other alien races that don’t trust N'Kairens because of their shapeshifting ability and violent ways. He knows this, so he has been perfecting his shifting skills. He takes in the characteristics of whoever he has turned into, and it is difficult to understand who Aeron really is.

     Although he won’t admit it, he is very loyal to those that he trusts, and his trust does not come easily. If he makes a friend, he cherishes them because he feels that they will not hurt him. He did have a friend who went against his back once, and in response he killed their whole family. 

 Motivations: Anger and Fear. He feels that scaring people will keep him safe.

 Current Goal: He is trying to keep himself from being executed, and he is also trying to turn over a new leaf.

 Life Goal: To be as perfect as Viggo Hwajae and he wants to destroy the Makarasan leader.

 Motto: “You can never trust me”.

 Best Quality: Determination. He sets his mind to things and he will carry them out no matter what happens. 

 Worst Quality: He is reckless. He sometimes gets so riled up that he gets hurt. If he has his mind set on something, he will risk life and limb to complete it. 

 Likes: Eating, Hurting people, reading, being alone, and listening to people talk

 Dislikes: Makarasans, and anything that has to deal with them, Except for Hiylkutxa. They are the only Makarasan that he can stand.

 Fears: Going back to the Makarasan planet. He would rather kill himself than go there.

 Hobbies: Reading books that he finds, Stalking people, climbing trees, and learning more about a subject that he has found.

 Talents: He is an extremely fast reader and for some strange reason, he can turn some of his body parts 360 degrees. 

 Skills: Over the years from hiding out, he has learned how to carefully map his surroundings. He is also fluent in 30 different languages because as a N'Kairen he is able to learn languages faster than normal. 

 IQ: 246

 Abilities: He is an N'Kairen, so he was born with the ability to shape-shift/change his appearance. These powers are extremely strong, and he seemingly has no limit to this. He can shift to a smaller size and a larger size too. His smallest form was 3 feet tall, while his largest form was 10 feet tall. He can go past 10 feet and under 3 feet, but his stamina gets drained easily during this. His senses are enhanced, but smell is his strongest one. He can tell people are related by how they smell. He is also a quick thinker and he uses this to his advantage when he needs to.

 Weapons: His weapons include his teeth, claws, tail, and anything that he can naturally create. He is proficient in sword use and he can actually use firearms pretty well.

Weaknesses: If he knows that he is losing or in a situation where he can’t escape, he gets reckless. Also, if he knows that he can’t win, he’ll give up and surrender. He once fought a guy for 5 days straight and he gave up when he knew that the guy was going easy on him. Also, Shifting into another form is painful. He does it so quick that he forgets that it happens, but shifting causes him to break bones and to grow different ones. In a fight his adrenaline causes him to ignore the pain, but usually it takes him 10 seconds to recover if he’s not focused.

Fighting Style: His fighting style is a mix of skills that he has learned over the years. It’s close and impersonal, but it’s unpredictable.

 Secret: He feels that if Viggo died then he wouldn’t have a reason for living.

 Influential Memory: Escaping the planet that he was on. Viggo’s mother risked her life to get some N'Kairens off of the planet that they were on.

 Role Model: Viggo’s mother, Blue. She risked her life to help his people and he is indebted to that. 

 Crush: Unknown. He’s hostile to everyone.

 Source of Embarrassment: His past. He admits that he did some horrible things to survive and they involved killing a lot of people. 

 Source of Pride: The fact that he can hide out and live on 20 different planets without being discovered. He just chooses to let himself be seen on earth.

 History:

      Aeron has had a rather difficult and hard life. He was born in a planet known as Iyzurria, where the dominant race known as Makarasans would experiment with his race’s shapeshifting abilities. At the time there was an extremely low rate of births and they were at war with the Shershen’ warriors, who were ruthless and ravenous. They were infamous in the galaxy and seen as menaces. Many Makarasans would capture the N'Kairens, force them to change into one of them and that’s how they preserved their race. They would also eat them. Aeron, who was called Solceya at the time, and his twin brother, Keaseva were born into one of the Makarasan birthing camps. At a young age they were taken from their mother and raised separately. 

     Aeron was a bit more confrontational than his brother, and he was a good fighter. They felt that he would fit nicely with the emperors family, so they sold him to the Makarasan Emperor’s daughter, Gaiatorix. She was infamous because she felt that it was her right to abuse N'Kairens. She liked that Aeron was reckless and she used this to her advantage. He was kept as her personal “attack dog” and his job was to attack anyone who fought back or refused to listen to her.      His main job was keeping people of his race in line, which was a terrible job because he did not want to hurt his own people. At first he refused, but she had her ways of making him listen.  On the Makarasan planet there were members of their race that were born without brains. They were known for being extremely savage and uncontrollable. She would put Aeron in a pit with five or more of them and she would make him fight until he was near death. She would also punish him by making him turn into races that were difficult for him to turn into. He was still a child and she would force him to turn into races or creatures that were bigger than he was. He gave in and he did what she said. Most of the time she wanted him to look like a Makarasan because it intimidated others.      Working as Gaiatorix’s slave was torture. She didn’t care for him at all, and there were times where she would hurt him for no reason. During a day where she was feeling really special, she ordered him to beat Keaseva up. He refused, so she started to do it. He hated to see his brother suffering, so he gave in and he continued to beat him. Keaseva lost an eye to this, but he was still alive.      Aeron was around 17 or 18 years old when Gaiatorix informed him representatives from a new Planet were arriving, and that they wanted to talk. She told him that he was to come with her because she needed someone to keep her safe.       They met with the representatives who happened to be from a planet called Acrinco, and they were interesting. They looked humanoid, but something was different about them. Two of them were soldiers and brothers named Javia and Rovya, and they came with their superior, Commander Blue Veya. She was a pretty blonde woman and she had a distinctive scent about her, but she meant business. Aeron could tell that she was uncomfortable and that something was different about her. Gaiatorix and her grandfather, Emperor Aorpug hated her. Aeron had a feeling that something would happen and because he knew how Makarasans worked, he had to act fast. Gaiatorix was going to attack her, but Aeron stopped her. He attacked Gaiatorix, severing one her legs. She was so enraged that she killed the brothers and took Blue as her prisoner. She punished Aeron severely and she forced him to kill his own mother. She then chose to starve him for a long while. He didn’t see Blue for a while and he worried that she was killed or worse.       It wasn’t until a week later that she was thrown into the cell that Aeron was in. He saw that she was beaten up, but she was fine. He was so hungry that he considered eating her, but he couldn’t place why he trusted her. She wasn’t afraid of him and she started to talk to him for a while. She explained that they came to learn more about Makarasans and they wanted to help them with their fight against the Shershen’, but she was learning that they might have made a mistake. She also explained to him that she was pregnant with a baby boy, and that for some reason the other Makarasans were creeped out by this fact.       Gaiatorix was still upset, so she ordered Aeron to attack Blue. He refused over and over again, but Blue told him that it would be alright. He did as she said, but he made sure to not hurt her too bad because he was curious as to what was growing inside of her. Afterwards, he could tell that her health was failing, but she was strong. He talked to her and explained that he was sold to Gaiatorix years ago. He also told her that he had a brother. Blue told him that she had a plan, but she had to wait.      Months passed, then there was a commotion that put all of the Makarasans into a panic. Apparently, Emperor Gorpua was murdered and Usurped by his son Heriotza, who was Gaiatorix’s father. She went on a rampage, attacked her brother and was exiled. Emperor Heriotza came out of exile himself, but unlike his father, he was scarily logical and cunning. He liked technology and he wanted to figure out a way to stop the Shershen’ without killing them. His first order of business was establishing relations with Acrinco. He ordered the release of the A'maranian prisoners, but Blue asked to speak to the new Emperor himself. He agreed, and she approached him with a proposition.       Blue’s offer was that she would sell him her ship in return for Aeron and his brother. Heriotza was intrigued because he liked her ship, but he was more fascinated with her unborn child and who she was. His offer was that she would stay and give him her child in return for Aeron and his brother. Blue agreed and Aeron and Keaseva were sold to her. There was no reason as to why Heriotza wanted her, but Aeron didn’t want to find out. Blue was given quarters within the Emperor’s home and Aeron worked as her servant. Keaseva was there too, but he was afraid of his own brother. This hurt Aeron, so he chose to leave him alone.       Blue was strange because for some reason, Heriotza really enjoyed her company. All they would do is talk. She told him stories and he listened to her constantly. Aeron started to notice that the Emperor was changing. Blue would suggest something and he would do it. Just by talking she got him to stop the abuse on the N'Kairen people. The other Makarasans followed suit and they ceased their activities.       Within the year, Blue felt that she was ready to give birth, but she had no intention of giving her child to those monsters. She convinced Heriotza to let her contact more of her people. He agreed and soon more A'maranians came. They slowly started to take N'Kairens off of the planet until Aeron and Keaseva were left. She convinced him to give her ship back and soon Aeron and Keaseva were going back to the A'maranian planet.       Acrinco was beautiful, but they couldn’t stay long. Blue got word that the Shershen’ were coming to Acrinco within the month and they were after N'Kairen. Aeron and Keaseva stayed with her for a bit on their planet. They took the forms of her soldiers who had died so that they could stay safe. They met her husband, who was a kind human man, and she eventually gave birth.  He asked her about what she did and she told him that her powers were about persuasion. She could influence people with her words and speech-craft. She never used this power for cruel means, but she knew that she had to do something. He thanked her and they were safe for a bit. It was a hard decision to make, but she decided to send Aeron and his brother with some N'Kairens who were being sent to Earth. He agreed and they got into a ship that was bound for Earth.       The Shershen’ arrived earlier than expected, and their forces were massive. As the ship was going to Earth, it was attacked and it crashed towards the blue planet. It crashed landed in a desert of some sort.         He and his brother were the only two to survive and although it was difficult they managed to make a small home in the desert caves. Keaseva was starting to trust his brother again, and Aeron took it upon himself to protect them. Earth had a multitude of creatures that he liked to take the form of. He would watch others walk by and he would occasionally take the form of some of the humans. He changed himself into a human teenager and he would follow people around, learning more about them. He stole a few magazines from the store and he would bring them back to Keaseva, where they took turns turning into the animals that were in the book. Aeron was happy with this life and he was glad that he had his brother back. He apologized for what he had done and they forgave eachother.       Things were going great until an accident happened. He and Keaseva took on the forms of Mountain Lions and they were prowling the hillsides for food until there was a noise that he had never heard before. Something hit his brother and he fell down the hillside. Aeron rushed to get him, but it was bad. Someone shot him in the chest and he was dying. He had no way to help him and  Keaseva couldn’t change forms. Aeron tried to help by bandaging his wound, but it was no use. He was suffering. He told his brother that he was sorry and he killed him out of mercy.      Aeron was enraged and alone. He had no one to talk to and he felt that it was his fault for allowing his brother to get hurt. That night he tracked down the hunters and he killed everyone that he was in the home. Any hunter that came near that side of the desert caves was immediately killed by some sort of creature that was living there and he became a legend.       It had been five years since his brothers death and he couldn’t forgive himself, so he chose to change himself into one of the hunters that he had killed about a month ago. He made himself younger and changed his eye color so that he would look a bit different, but he left the desert. As he was traveling, he heard of a place that was known as the A'maranian embassy. He went there and he learned that A'maranians could travel home for a while. He wondered what was going on in the planet, so he found someone who was an A'maranian, killed them and took their place.       Acrinco was like he remembered, but something was different. As he was there, he learned that the Shershen’ and the A'maranians were allies. He was appalled by this because he felt that the Shershen’ were the cause for everyone’s problems. He thought “Why could they be forgiven so easily for all of the trouble that they had caused?”. He did not realize that the person that he killed was the son of a diplomat, and that day his family was going to meet with the King and Queen. He pretended to be their son and he got dressed to meet with the royal family. He thought the party was alright and he left halfway through, but as he was there he saw someone that made his heart stop. The man that he saw looked just like Blue who had saved him years ago, but he was different. He had her hair and her features, and he was dressed in the Captains uniform, but it wasn’t her. He changed himself into one of the other party guests and he went to observe this man. This man had the same mannerisms and characteristics as Blue, and when he spoke to him, they spoke the same way. He introduced himself as Viggo, and Aeron realized from his scent that this was her son, but he became panicked because deep down, he felt that he treated her unfairly. He left the party that night and he wanted to fix things.       He had it in his mind that he would  kill Heriotza, but he knew that he couldn’t face him at the moment, he needed to be stronger. He decided to travel to different planets where he learned from different races. Violence was what he knew and he was frequently called “Monster” because of how he would attack people that he met. The strange thing was that he really enjoyed how Viggo looked so he committed these crimes while looking like him. He took on a couple of A'maranian hunters who were after him, but he was too tricky and dangerous for them to capture him. He went to 20 different planets before he decided to go back to Earth. He was there for a while, and  he did kill two Shershen’ warriors by himself before Viggo caught him and brought him in for a trial.       On Acrinco, Viggo learned that Aeron was actually a N'Kairen who was wanted on various planets. They wanted to execute him, but because he was part of race that was nearing extinction, they wanted to help him. Aeron felt that if it was his time to die then he would accept his fate, but Viggo had other plans. He asked for Aeron to be conscripted into his squadron of soldiers. Aeron objected and he threw a fit, but after realizing that Viggo reminded him of his mother, he reluctantly agreed.       They have slowly been learning to trust each other, but Aeron refuses to show his real form and he insists on taking on Viggo’s appearance. Viggo suspects that because of what he’s been through, he is going through an identity crisis and due to trauma, he can’t take on his actual form. He told him that he was allowed to take his form, but only if he turned himself around. He has been trying. But occasionally he gets into trouble for eating people that threaten him and for trying to start fights with Dvorrah.

Hello Again!

What I like best about this world and your characters in it is that you have tied it all together and you really know each character, even the secondaries. You have a great grasp on this characters motivations, where he’s coming from and why he does what he does. Having said that, you know so much that when creating these profiles you’re leaving out parts that I need to know in order to proceed.

I have to say that my biggest issue with this profile is the organization. I continuously went back and forth between sections because things were mentioned before they were explained. For example, you mention his powers before explaining what they are. You mention his alien race but tell us nothing about what that means for several sections. You say his personality is weird because he takes on other people’s personalities, but then give us bits and pieces of what he’s like, and why, in the background. Just tell us, in his natural form, sitting with his brother, what would he be like? Sitting around with Viggo, if his guard was completely down, who is that person? If he’s being a jerk is it because he’s unaware of how his comments affect others, or is he trying to keep people at arm’s length?

I also have some general plot questions. How are the N’Kairen identified if they can continuously shape shift? If Aeron was born on a different planet how is he A’maranian, N’Kairen, and Korean all at once? Is A’maranian his specie, and the other two his races? How did these races come to get mixed together? Is this rare? How does his human part affect his other abilities? If the answer is that his human DNA has no affect on any of his abilities, I suggest you take it out. Right now it reads as a complete afterthought that goes unmentioned, so just don’t mention it. I’d also like you to consider how knowing Viggo’s mother before meeting the man sets expectations. Instead of being so reverent of Viggo, try having Aeron realize what’s disappointing about him. Where doesn’t he live up to the legend? What is so glaringly different from his mother that it’s irksome? Let Aeron compare them and see where either comes up wanting.

An IQ of 246 simply has to be taken out. You can make your character intelligent, conniving, and worthy of praise, but never set exact numbers. When you set a number that unrealistically high your character has to realize everything before any other character can possibly think of it, which means you have to write him as a character who knows what will happen 30 pages away and reacts accordingly. He’ll kill your story by fixing problems before they arise. You’ll have readers wondering how it could possibly take him 5 days to figure out his opponent was toying with him, how he hasn’t figured out who’s pulling strings behind the facade. All of that.

I think you already know that I’m going to tell you to cut down on your back stories. A lot. I want back story bullet points, not the entire story. Tell me that Aeron ties himself to Viggo because he was once imprisoned with his mother, who helped set Aeron free, not every detail of the escape and how it came to be. One of the reasons I suggest this when writing profiles is because there is no better way to slow down the pace of a book than to insert lengthy background exposition into the middle of an otherwise fast-paced book. Practice in profiles so that you’ll know how to dole it out in chunks through a novel so that we get to know the character bit by bit, leave us wanting to know more instead of overwhelming us.

I hope to see more of the characters from this world, so hopefully this review gives you some information help with Aeron specifically and will help streamline your profiles so I can do a better job of really diving into your world.

Happy Writing,

Shields