#any explanation is fine with me
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Steve’s parents send him on a gap year after high school in hopes that it’ll get him ready to apply to colleges and become a proper adult. They let him choose any of their three vacation homes so he chooses their condo in Paris.
He’s expected to find a job and himself.
The bakery down the block from the condo is owned by two old men who don’t wanna open anymore because they like sleeping in and sipping on their coffee on their balcony. Steve is happy to take over.
Especially when he sees the guy who works at the wine store across the road.
He’s in by 8 every morning, waving to the people coming in and out of the bookshop next to him and the bike repair shop next to them. His smile is contagious, and Steve often finds himself completely distracted by it even if he’s helping customers.
His long hair is always down when he gets there, but by the time Steve sees him leave in the afternoon, it’s pulled up and he has a sweaty sheen across his skin.
Steve decides to visit on his day off, maybe grab a bottle of wine even though he hates every wine he’s ever had to sip on at family functions.
But the man isn’t there when he stops by, or at least not at the counter. An older man is there, wrapping a bottle in paper for a customer who seems like they visit often.
It’s a small store, no bigger than the bakery, so it’s not like the guy could be hiding somewhere.
“Looking for something?” The older man asks as he walks around the counter towards Steve with a smile.
“Oh. Um.��
“You’re lookin’ for Ed right?” The old man’s smile turned into a smirk. “Ed! Customer!”
The man Steve had been seeing every morning and afternoon was suddenly rushing from the back of the store, clipboard in hand, hair sticking to his neck and forehead.
“Hi! What can I help you with?”
Steve could think of quite a few things he could help him with, but it probably wasn’t appropriate to say in front of someone else in his place of work.
“Sorry. Do you need me to speak French?” The man, Ed, asked in flawless French.
“No,” Steve assured. “I work in the bakery across the street. Just wanted to come by and say hi.”
Ed’s brows furrowed as he turned to the older guy who was already back at the counter trying to look busy.
“Does David need a bottle for something? He usually has Wayne pick his pairings.”
Steve shook his head. “No, not that I know of. I’ve just…um. Well, this is actually weirder now that I’m here. So I think I’ll go. Sorry to waste your time!”
Steve turned to go, but a hand grabbed his arm, tugging him back.
“Are you always this awkward?” Ed asked. Steve looked up from his feet to see him smiling. “It’s kind of cute.”
“Steve.”
“Steve. How about you come taste our sample bottle for the day? Maybe it’ll take the edge off,” Eddie offered, gesturing towards a side table that had an open bottle of wine and small sample glasses. “You like rosé?”
“I don’t really know.”
“Then let’s find out.”
Turns out Steve didn’t mind rosé that much, but maybe that was the company. The flavor was a bit less bitter than he was used to, going down much smoother without leaving a burning sensation on his tongue.
And later, after Eddie had talked to him for nearly an hour about himself and the store and his uncle who took him in and worked for him, Steve leaned in and got a taste of the rosé on Eddie’s tongue.
Steve decided he liked wine more than he thought.
#literally my notes app said just post this dumb bitch#that’s what it said to me#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#this is as developed as it will ever be#no I’m not gonna explain how Eddie got to fuckin Paris with Wayne#close your eyes and use your imagination#any explanation is fine with me#Steve doesn’t go to college because the two old men give him the bakery
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tldr I committed to a bit too hard
The slow-dawning sunlight dappled down through dense, rich foliage, scattering golden lace across mossy trunks and grassy hillocks. The light caught on the forest floor in a thousand glassy dewdrops and bent, fisheyed, in globed inversions of the canopy above.
No breeze stirred the forest so early in the morning, but a thin mist gathered in the valley under the warming air. Sunbeams lanced through the fog, pale in the dawn but soon to brighten and intensify. For now, the air was damp and cool and still, and the scent of the night lingered.
Pip bent a pawful of grass to the side and sniffed the air suspiciously.
It was too quiet, too still. And with no wind, she couldn't mark the position of the strange beasts and their odd, dusty, acrid scent that had no place in these woods. It hung low and directionless over the peaceful morning, distant but permeating, like a faraway fire.
She adjusted her backslung blade, wrapped her cloak closer around her and dropped onto all fours, nose pointed straight ahead and whiskers standing at attention. Her dusty green-gray wrap would shield her from all but the most attentive prying eyes, and - she quirked an ear, just to be sure of the silence - most of the forest was still asleep, unlikely to mark her passage.
She managed to stifle a flinch as a sound that wasn't a sound bypassed her ears and rang straight into her head.
Pip? Where'd you go?
She exhaled softly through her nose, the barest expression of frustration she allowed herself.
Scouting, Alder. Go back to sleep.
She set off before he could reply, scurrying silently along the mossy forest floor, tracing a sinuous route through the canopy's shadow to stay out of the slow-brightening sunbeams.
Scouting?!
The thought squeaked with disbelief. She didn't answer it.
Alder never had fewer than three thoughts at a time, and the more agitated he became, the harder they became to sort through. A jumble rang in her skull, a snatch of Eldest told us- and moves like thunder and have to hide, that last one echoing in six different ways with the significance it held in his mind. She concentrated on tracing her silent route, one shadow to the next, and came to a stop under a broad-leafed stalk as Alder's distress built to a crescendo.
If she kept moving, eventually she'd slip out of his range. Wasn't that a tempting thought.
I said go back to sleep, she sent, and with an afterthought of inexpert kindness, added I'm being careful. It'll be fine.
The chattering ground to a halt, and she felt the effort it took him to focus his thoughts down to a single thread. Come back, Pip. We have to stay hidden until they're all gone.
We can't hide if we don't know where they are.
Pip caught the beginning of his protest and shook herself violently, breaking off the connection. It was rude, she knew; closing her mind completely was one of her rarer talents, but unlike her other oddities, this one she wasn't particularly respected for. Her skills as a scout were admired precisely because she had such sharp senses, physical and mental both - some days she could even hear the slow, tangled thoughts of the Long Shadows - but when she didn't want to be disturbed, she could wall herself off from the others as thoroughly as if she'd been on the other side of the forest.
And right now, picking her way between treetrunks and sniffing her way towards the bizarre menagerie that had invaded her forest, the last thing she wanted was to be disturbed.
Her right forepaw sank in unexpectedly soft soil, and she recoiled with a stifled gasp. Her eyes darted across the swath of ground, analyzing its shape - and then she widened her scope, scanning the yards beyond that first strange softness. In a low-lying, hollowed track between two thick-rooted trees, the carpet of grass and flowers were flattened and crushed into a felted mat, mud bubbling through it in irregular patches like sickness in a wound. A wide track had been beaten into the soil by dozens - at least dozens, she amended - of flat-pawed creatures. Their dusty, acrid stink lay heavily over it.
She drew back from the unnaturally soft soil. Even with her diminutive size and weight, there was the risk of getting mired in unexpectedly watery ground, and while rescue was never far away in these woods, she certainly didn't want to weather Alder's overconcern or Eldest Luma's quietly smug passivity. Instead she skirted towards a point where the track narrowed, lashed her tail for a momentary burst in balance, then sprang over the mud and latched onto a tree root on the other side, freshly ripped free from the soil and scored with dozens of thin scars from the claws of the marching creatures. She scurried up and settled at the tree's base, where the gnarled roots tangled into a more-than-sturdy foothold overhanging the morass.
With the newfound advantage of height, she surveyed the terrain. The tracks overlapped one another in a mad scramble, pouring up from the lowland forest and curving up and away.
They moved with surprising organization for such motley creatures. She counted at least four very different sizes of print in the track, some barely longer than her own body (nose to the base of her tail) while some were large enough to crush her underfoot without even noticing.
The tracks were only a few hours old. The swarm must have passed in the early pre-dawn. She strained her memory to try and recall if she'd felt any tremors from down in the sleep-halls of the hollow, but if she were honest with herself, they were too far down and too well-insulated by the soft soil walls to have marked their passage.
She turned her attention to where the trail vanished from sight, curving over and up the slope. The land in that direction was treacherous and, to the mind of her people, best avoided. Gravel slips and rain rivulets ran down between the massive plates of rock that jutted out of the soil, and even though trees and flowers overgrew them, their roots could not be trusted to hold the ground together enough for safe passage of one of her size. Fresh rainfall unearthed and dislodged glassy chips of stone, and the soil turned to mud and slipped between the boulders, exposing treacherous chasms that could swallow an unwary traveler. The shattered earth built up and up until it abruptly skewed and slanted down in a gentle curve, like the ground had been struck with a terrible force and the shattering had rippled out from the center. And in the heart of that broken land, glimpsed fearfully from treetops or the shadow of the stones, lay the stronghold of the Long Shadows.
Once, long redmoons ago, Pip had traveled three days and nights to scale the shattered peaks herself, to see the stronghold with her own eyes (mostly due to a burst of rebellious curiosity after a scolding from Eldest Luma). The works of the Long Shadows could always be distinguished from natural formations or nests - they had a love of smooth things, and the stone they shaped stretched cleanly skyward and bore no footholds beyond the straight, geometric fissures that ran up and through them. So Pip already knew that the stronghold was encircled by a massive shadowcrafted cliff, pale and smooth as ice and taller than trees, and it surrounded the entire stronghold just behind the shattered peaks. Beyond the wall, great columns and cliffs jutted skyward, more smooth handicraft of the Long Shadows. At times they were even spotted outside the walls, tending great swaths of land in the same precise straight lines they shaped their stone. Those tracts bore vast quantities of food in unnatural abundance, some that grew nowhere else in the valley, but the Long Shadows guarded them closely and harshly punished intrusion, and the Eldest three generations before Luma had forbade anyone from entering (or even approaching) their strange geometric works, no matter how lean the winters became.
She debated following the trail. It would inexorably lead her towards the stronghold, but if the creatures were focused solely on the Long Shadows, that was valuable information to bring back to the hollow. No doubt Eldest Luma would be pleased to have yet another reason to avoid the Long Shadows and their works.
A sudden awareness prickled in the small of Pip's back, shivering up into her ears and all the way down to the tip of her tail. Her gray fur bristled and she froze, eyes darting wildly, seeking the source. The feeling had no obvious impetus, but she trusted her tail with her life, and something was happening. Something sourceless, something…
At the base of the root she was balanced on, a sprout punctured the trodden soil and curled upwards, splitting into pairs of pale green leaves. She watched as it climbed to twice her height in less than three beats of her racing heart.
Instinct took over. She scampered up the tree like a shot, finding footholds in the bark with a practiced ease that belied her jolting terror. She plunged into the safety of the leafshadow and clung to a branch, breathing fast and shallow and trying very hard to stay quiet.
Below her, a green carpet spread across the mire as grass and flowers bloomed impossibly fast.
The Weeping Shadow was approaching.
Pip strained her ears and caught the hint of a whisper of movement through the grass, distant and soft but certainly coming closer. It was pointless to cast her eyes towards the darkness - The Weeping Shadow was, in the stories, always swathed in gray, near invisible in the shadow of the canopy, and it passed in many tales without a trace, save for its flowering footsteps as its passage drove the forest to frenzy.
But it never came so close to the stronghold. The Weeping Shadow's domain was the deep and tangled woods, much further into the valley than even the hollow. It haunted the river and the wild places, and its realm was thick with plants of impossible vitality and sweetness - but not even the bravest scout dared its domain, even when hunger was rampant. The fruits of the Weeping Shadow's realm were steeped in an absolute sorrow whose depth defied comprehension, and the slow pulse of its thoughts churned in dark and wrenching misery that could be heard across half the valley. It was too much for the mind to take for long, and scouts that had strayed into its influence took moons to recover from the borrowed grief.
That had been the prickling on Pip's neck. The slow approach of the Weeping Shadow was already casting a pallor on her mind - and it was getting closer.
Pip's thoughts scrambled for her next move. If she stayed hidden, the Weeping Shadow would pass nearer to her than anyone had ever dared. She flattened her ears against her head and focused on the walls around her mind. Could she close herself to it strongly enough to hold out?
A wild fear beat against her ribs. She wanted to stay clinging to this branch forever, but she also wanted to bolt, to sprint the length of the branch and fling herself into open space, trusting the soft soil to cushion her fall - or rather, if she were honest with herself in that moment, heedless of what the fall might do to her. The desperate urge to flee was strong in her people, and here, faced with a terror closer than ever before, it was nigh overwhelming.
But Pip had a third instinct that overruled all others when she allowed it, and it had been slowly growing in her mind ever since she'd slipped from the hollow before the dawn. It was a hunger, of a sort, and one that warred always with fear. The hunger was curiosity, a thrumming urge for exploration and understanding that spurred her on through peril and dark for the promise of clarity on the other side.
The beasts in her forest were descending on the stronghold, and their passage had stirred the Weeping Shadow from its domain. Something was happening - something vast, something perhaps unknowable. But it would certainly stay unknowable if she didn't even try to know it.
And perhaps the Weeping Shadow knew.
Pip had more control than most over the openness of her mind. It alarmed her peers, sometimes, that she could pass among them in silence, unreceptive to their soundless speech. It unnerved them more, for those who knew - from a time when she was more open with her secrets and her strangeness - that she could at times hear the deep thoughts of the Long Shadows, and stranger still, sometimes even catch a shred of their meaning. The idea that the minds of the Long Shadows could in any way compare to the bright, clear thoughts of her people was on the surface laughable, and just under that surface, frightening. Still, she knew it was true. Their minds were dark, slow places, but they contained meaning and knowledge, most beyond the reckoning of her kind.
The mind of the Weeping Shadow was an abyss of grief and sorrow, but if she could attune her senses to it - if she could withstand its pressure - she could, perhaps, glean its purpose in the shattered peaks, and what it knew of the creatures that she pursued.
The underbrush cracked. Pip flattened herself against the branch and peered intently at the sound as the rolling wave of green spread under the tree, blanketing in every direction.
A shape moved in the shadow of the trees, ponderous and slow.
Pip felt her eyes grow hot and stinging, the space behind them heavy with unshed tears. A borrowed bottomless grief encroached on the walls of her mind, lapping at it like a swelling river threatening its banks.
The Weeping Shadow broke from the treeline and stepped forward.
It towered, even from Pip's high vantage point. It was gray and still and almost shapeless in the dim of the canopy, but twin lights glimmered near its summit, pale green like the sprouts boiling at its feet.
Pip's head pounded. The pressure of its presence was terrible. It was vast, yes, but the power of the sorrow within it seemed vaster still - like all the forest around it was desperate to weep, and the Shadow was the only part of it that could, yet it refused to.
The Shadow tilted its head down, and the lights of its eyes vanished in the gloom. But it was not weeping, Pip knew. It was… looking.
Looking at the tracks under its carpet of grass.
Pip gritted her teeth, gripped the branch, and opened her mind.
It was gentler than she had anticipated. The pressure and power was indescribable, but once she stopped trying to push it back, she found it moved her rather like water would - with force, but without pain. It was almost easy to let the thoughts of this vast creature buffet her where they would.
The words in the Weeping Shadow's mind were unknown to her, but she felt a snatch of them repeating over and over again. The words mattered less than the feeling that drove them, and as she focused, she realized that the Weeping Shadow was, in some way, at war with itself; the thoughts were not all in agreement. The repetition smelled of deep, old terror, but its loop was broken over and over again by a different, newer thought - one that Pip herself was intimately familiar with, strong enough that she needed no translation to parse it:
But I can help.
Dimly, in her faraway body, she felt tears pouring from her, hot and desperate from a grief she couldn't fathom. Her claws gripped the bark of the branch. The Weeping Shadow's thoughts, at the moment, were focused on its inner war, but it did nothing to shield Pip from the substrate of its misery. Still, she was onto something. If she could just push through, she might learn what the Weeping Shadow understood of the intruders to their forest.
Pip dug deeper. The Weeping Shadow knew what these creatures were - knew what they intended - believed it could help in some way - but what did it know of them?
Running below the looping dread and the punctuating bursts of hope, Pip glimpsed a glimmering ribbon of understanding wending its way just below the Weeping Shadow's conscious thought. It snaked under the fear, coiled around the thought of help. This had to be the knowledge that had motivated the Weeping Shadow's unheard-of migration. This was the mystery of the creatures answered.
This, perhaps, was Pip's only mistake. As she caught the thread of that understanding, it abruptly yanked against the current and plunged her down, down, down into the icy depth of the Weeping Shadow's truest misery. Its knowledge of these creatures came from the same bone-deep wellspring as the torrent of tears, and Pip screamed aloud as it battered her mind full-force. Alien thoughts crashed against her, unbearably loud; the grinding of bone, the shifting of stone, the pounding of waves greater than any river, the splintering of mighty trees. A twisting, a breaking - a power like a maddened, wild animal, thrashing and uncontrollable, kept in check only by its own terrible exhaustion and grief. She was so, so small, and somehow in the depths of this vastness she was even further diminished, crushed to a single point of light-
And something was watching her.
With a last mighty burst of willpower she released the thought-thread, flung herself away, and tumbled off the branch. It was something of a mercy that she was too stunned to feel the impact, and the carpet of seedlings cushioned her fall.
The first thing she became aware of was her breathing, high and fast and shallow in time with her racing heartbeat, real panic and borrowed sorrow draining away with shocking rapidity. Second, she felt the pain; her head pounding with spent exhaustion, her paws cramped in every joint, her back and shoulders bruised from where the impact of the fall had driven her scabbarded blade against her spine.
The third thing she became aware of was the shadow stretching towards her, claws stretched as long as her whole body, the deep purple of the skies after dusk.
The Weeping Shadow loomed over her, vaster than mountains. Two points of green pierced out from the dark.
She ran.
#aurora#prose writing#look. I have no explanation#well no I do have an explanation#and I'm curious if this makes literally any sense to anyone but me#but I had fun and that's what counts#pip's fine I have plenty more ideas for her
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I’m the anon who sent you that ask about Sonic and Shadow’s relationship in the Chronic Sonic au. If your post saying you ignore long asks was directed at me, can you please just… post the latest version without answering? I would prefer to save it to my likes and maybe have other fans read my thoughts.
thank you
Well no, it wasn’t just directed at you, there are a couple long asks in my inbox (some of which are positive and very beloved and i cherish, Dopambles I’m looking at you <3). But you’ve sent your ask twice now and this one too so I’ll answer this one. I don’t really want to make this a big long thing, but I also don’t really wanna leave ya hanging when this seems so important to you so lets do this (everyone else can ignore this if ya want I’m going long-winded through everything.)
So, reasons i don’t like to respond to or even post long asks sometimes lets do this [cracks knuckles]
1. I don’t like posting things onto my blog that I haven’t checked over first. I struggle a lot in reading and comprehending long asks. I don’t know why, it’s weird, okay. Let’s leave it at that. I’m not gonna blindly post walls of texts to my blog without checking them over first, because I want to make sure I’m filtering asks so nothing harmful gets posted to my blog. You’d be surprised at how whack a lot of anons can get. Not to say your ask was whack, but I also am struggling to read it so it’s hard to say for sure! It’s not due to the nature of your ask, it is simply because my brain be like dat.
2. Sometimes, I just don’t like having to scroll through walls of texts that aren’t my own to get to my latest posts. I get a lot of asks as it is. I do love answering them, but when they get long, the amount of time it takes to scroll through em makes it hard to refer back to my previous posts and is just is not intuitive or fun when interacting with my own blog, which leads me to my next point
3. This is my space. My blog is by me for me. I choose to post and share to interact and have fun with other people but at the end of the day this blog is my space. I did not create it for anyone other than me. I welcome the people who find joy in my stories here, but this remains my space. If i was being paid for this it’d be different, I’d absolutely curate and change things to make it a better and easier experience for those that i charged to be here, but like… I’m not being paid for this? And to ask me to do what you want in my space so that you can have the experience you want is… i dunno it sounds a little entitled. (I’m not saying that you ARE entitled, only that it sounds like it to me personally.) Contacting me even after I expressed my difficulty in answering asks to try and convince me to post it for your sake is a little rude. I’m not a professional creator, I’m not a person with fans, I’m just a random dude trying to have a good time with other people on a dumpster-fire website. I’m not a creator trying to make sure everyone else is having a good time. This is what i do in my free time to relax and—
4. —being a moderator for other peoples hc’s and conversations is not personally relaxing to me. My blog is not a public confessions blog and I am not a public message board. I am honoured when people share their personal stories and how what I doodle has helped them feel seen and that things will be okay, but I’m not a place for other people to come say what they want to each other, I’m a person, not a message board. How other people use Tumblr is up to them, however, I am not going to change how I use tumblr so that you can have a better experience when it will make the experience worse for me.
5. If i answer asks, I don’t draw. And I like drawing. If I’m posting asks (even without answering them) and stressing about being the middle man in conversations that I will have to regulate to make sure conversations stay kind, that takes a lot of time and energy and I got so incredibly burnt out when i tried to do that. So i stopped. And I will not be starting up again simply so you can have a good time, because I will have a bad one. And this is my space to not have a bad time. If something stresses me out, I will not do it here, it is as simple as that. I have my whole irl to be stressed about.
These are some of the reasons I don’t like to post long asks. I have notified you that I struggle to read, I don’t understand why you continue pushing. I have amazing anon’s who send wonderful long asks who have been kind and considerate with me about my struggles reading and processing. They continue to send their wonderful asks and have assured me it’s okay if I never post them. I am confused as to why you cannot seem to respect my decision as well.
The final reason regarding my hesitance in posting your ask in particular is simply that your hc was not accurate to how I was aiming to portray the characters in the current timeline. You are more than welcome to hc and speculate, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I cannot simply post it without answering it like you suggest because I would need to clarify that it’s not true. When I used to do that, people would start to misinterpret my au’s and it stressed me out. It takes hours for me to write up responses to things sometimes because I want to make sure I’m being kind and thoughtful and accurate. I am honoured that you shared something personal but what you wrote is simply not where the characters are at right now. It could be them in the future, but it is still early in the au so that kind of resentment hasn’t set in yet. Shadow is hurting because he’s taking the brunt of Sonic’s negativity but he is resigned to it because for him nothing else matters as long as Sonic stays alive, even if he has to be the person Sonic hates in all this and that is heavy. He’s angry at him when he does not take care of himself, but he is not resentful. Sonic struggles with being a burden on all of his friends, not just Shadow. The way you described the relationship was closer to how Tails and Sonic interact than Shadow and Sonic and even then, there’s more going on that I just don’t have the time or energy to really walk through. And besides, I want to save that energy to draw out things later.
As i shared with another commenter who asked something similar, I can absolutely DM you your ask back if you want to save it. However I don’t understand why you need me to post it to save it your likes if you simply want to save it. You have your own blog you can post it to. Why does it need to be on my blog? Why do I have to do extra work so you can have an easier time to do what you want? I am very grateful for your interaction and love of my comic, and I understand it’s frustrating when people make things harder for you to have a good time, but that’s exactly what you’re doing to me by asking me to change how I use tumblr to suit your wants instead of what is easiest for me. I am not a public service you pay for. I am a person, a full time student with family issues, struggling siblings that I’m trying to help, a person who is struggling myself. I have a limited amount of energy in a day, I get tired quickly. If i want to continue to find joy in drawing I have to set boundaries. You may not always know why someone does something, I guarantee there is more here that I will not share because it is personal. Sometimes you just have to be okay with not knowing, you have to be okay not understanding, and you have to be okay without an explanation that makes sense to you. All you need to do is understand that often times there is a reason people behave the way they do. It’s not a reflection on you or their opinion of you, it is simply many other factors at play that lead to such an outcome.
I sincerely hope this did not offend you, I am not angry with you, nor do I wish for any of this to be taken as scolding or upset you. If it has come across that way, I apologize. I am sorry I am not in a state to give you what you want, and I’m thankful for your patience with me in reading through this and I hope it is enough to at least paint a little bit of a picture as to why I will not be posting your ask. It’s unfortunate that I ended up spending hours addressing this anyway both to you and to another commenter—the very thing I wanted to avoid—but I value you as a person and did not want to leave you feeling negatively if I could change that. I hope this does not affect your enjoyment or experience with how you were having fun with my au, and if it does I am deeply regretful. However, I do have to set boundaries and make sure I’m doing okay or there would be no AU at all. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you have a day as kind as you are.
#knox rambles#asks#anon#same kinda thing goes for that anon asking me to post all my small works to ao3 actually#what i say: there’s a couple reasons why but I’ll give you one#what i don’t say: A LOT OF OTHER STUFF#the energy it takes to transfer and hunt them down just to make it easier for you is so much harder for me#i guess if enough people expressed intrest i could consider posting all my mini fics but you’d have to be fine with like no art no writing#no asks from me for months while i do all that work#personally i don’t have time or energy to transfer anything#and its just not worth it for me considering how little people read them#the knuxoug e one i might consider posting because its a little longer#but all my smaller drabbles are Tumblr specials only#that could change in the future nothings set in stone#but just because you don’t understand why i don’t do something doesn’t mean i owe you an explanation or my reasoning is any less valid#respectfully my goal here isn’t to look after other people and hold their hands so they’re having a good time my goal is to draw and write#and then sometimes share that joy i get by sharing the story#if i stress about and put effort into customizing what i do to make things smoother for everyone else that effort doesn’t go into my writin#I’m not a social media specialist I’m a writer and and an artist#so far only one person has ever asked me to post long asks after I’ve said i don’t vibe with long asks#and so far only two people have ever asked me to post my small drabbles to ao3 (to my memory i could be wrong on that)#i could go into a lot more long winded reasoning as to why i don’t want to post small fics like i did here with long asks#but I’ve already spent enough time as it is on this and i wanted to draw metal today#anyway to reiterate: I’m not mad honestly this is all kinda funnny i hope both anons have a good day and I’ll be moving on and moving#forward with my art and drawing so i can keep enjoying it and having fun#i know drama’s fun to read through so all of y’all’s goofy beloved sneaky people reading to the end ily <3#giving you a kiss on the head :3#i maaaay delete this later since it’s so silly how long I spent on it#anyway yup hope y’all have a lovely day!
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& by the way i literally CONSTANTLY think about how loop uses the partys titles to create distance to remind themself that those arent 'their versions' of them. that theyre not loops party anymore. and yet and yet and yet
#talk tag#i think about 'and because of you bonnie was-' DAILYYYYYY#god. god. they care s mcuhghfjkbjkdklj#i think that may be the only time until twohats that they ever use any of the partys names. except! for reminding sif if u get that dialogu#which. im also normal about. clearly obviously absolutely#they create that distance as much as they can and yet. for siffrin.#godddddd i need to be sedated#isat spoilers#okay oh my god i went back to check to make sure i was right and turns out i forgor a couple of times both of which make me even more ill#one is technically under the umbrella of twohats bc its at the very end when loop says theyll need to accept everyones thanks. and they say#-everyones names. and the other is at the very very beginning in the initial battle tutorial they say everyones names + stats#(which btw PROVES MY POINT abt so much of loops help going under the radar bc in any other game itd just be a regular tutorial with no-#-in universe correlation or effect)#but they start with 'heres some basic stats about you and your party members to remember' and i. the. like realistically the explanation-#-for loop using their names instead of titles. is bc adrienne thought using their titles would make it too obvious someone else was talking#since u havent met loop yet at that point and dont know its not a regular tutorial thats only directed at the player and not the character#But Also: heres some things you should remember about your party members [lists their names]#im normal. im fine and normal. prommy#... okay it turns out they also say isabeaus name when giving the paper mache hands tutorial. no idea what to make of that one aklfjdlksjf#and after the change god event when u bring it up they say 'mirabelles statue'#And Thats It. fascinating. what is the logic there#isatposting
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r we sharing our tier lists...... here's mine
#if tumblr kils the quality ill see if i can repost bear with me#before someone sends an ask about the 'fuck you egg' tier it's a joke bc he's named after the food which is my nemesis#im fine w people's sonas or urls or whatever named egg cause the association with the person overrules it#but egg warrior cats makes me think directly about cooked eggs and then i get nauseous#also this was made for showing the twitter crowd i dont feel like liking characters like sparkpelt warrants any explanation on here
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It is unfair having to reparent parents and explain to them the basics of respectful communication. Like. The flow of knowledge was supposed to go the other way. Why.
#No we dont use the r slur#No we dont say “the <minority group>s”#Yes we need to reexamine the stereotypes we were taught as children#Yes i know its scary and feels like your world is falling apart and i understand and have been there but i promise you its not#And you'll be fine. Reexamining our biases is In now. Its what we do.#We were talking and you jumped on something during a point i was making and started talking about that instead.#Thats called Derailing and it isn't Polite#No we dont say that written sign language is a “mutation” of written spoken language because thats disrespectful#Yes it is possible to use a case study to illustrate a societal issue and no they are not “two entirely separate points that cannot be#combined“#Holy SHIT DUDE#AAAAAAAAAAAAA#IT IS TWO FIFTY AM AND WE BOTH HAVE WORK TOMORROW WHY DID YOU KEEP TALKING#“I was going to let you decide when to call it” AAAAAAAA#Now i know i guess#Holy shit dude i need to get paid for this#Yes you are a boomer and part of a generational group that largely has some views about my generation#No people of my generation dont feel the strive for perfectionism at work#And it is RUDE to just respond to what someone is explaining with “well i dont care about that”#ESPECIALLY when that person just politely listened to you infodump about the most confusing and boring shit ever for like THIRTY MINUTES AAA#(If any other human being is reading this. I will listen to anybody infodump about anything with joy and attention EXCEPT for my dad#Who has been info dumping to me about his godforsaken quantum physics since I was five years old and holding me HOSTAGE to infodump#About this shit DESPITE my NUMEROUS EXPLANATIONS that he is not explaining it in a way i can understand . But he does not care. I promise#If you are reading this i would gladly listen to you (anybo y tbh) infodump about anything EXCEPT my father.#Its just childhood trauma its nothing against infodumping i promise)#udydyduciosowurggdususuhsndmcmsuslsl#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I love being normal.
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the first chapter of lover boy is really intense on an emotional level because So Many Things happen in quick succession it's like beau barely gets a chance to breathe and process it. meanwhile RR opening chapter is just felix and dorothy arguing in a laundromat.
#i used to have a problem with the lover boy first chapter bc i was like#i know what needs to happen thematically and i know the main plot beat that needs to happen to push it forward#but i didnt have any actual like. action to move to story to that place#in a way that had a causal chain#and now im like um!!!! is too much happening#anyway my other writing problem i realised via this chapter is i worry sooo much about the idea of coincidences#like the idea of just 'letting' something happen...in lb mainly two characters being in the same place at the same time#im like there has to be an intricate explanation for all of this which like yeah thats good to think about#but i also think coincidences are an important part of plot bc first of all coincidences happen#but its also not just the coincidence its the decisions the character s made that got them to that time and place#why they made those decisions and what they do afterwards etc....#anyway! i dont know where i was going with that#RR chapter one.....ngl....its SOOO bad lol#like structurally. the prose is fine#but its been 3 years and 5 different opening scenes for that novel and NONE of them hit#but that's a problem for future me#the thing is most of my ideas now come with an opening but RR never came with an opening just the concept#because the rest of the novel slayyyyys#actually i think out of all 3 my favourite atm is the third book LOL#update literally 10 minutes after writing these tags i have an idea for a new RR opening team that i want to sink my teeth into#6th time's a charm!
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scientists are calling the situation "like if cortana sucked and was a gay knight"
#im thinking of my final fantasy ladies again. yknow. we have cortana and chief ladyinmyheadwhocallsmestudmuffin#theres venom and eddie too for a fleshy/physicalgoop m/m version#is there any f/f 'theres some fucking Guy in my head i need to listen to and they also advise me on how to kill better'.#or is this the exclusive service i need to provide. i can . i just want to know so i can stop callinf her gay cortana.#(Saw the aforementionned gay ghost-in-my-head knight in some old screenshots where she was in skintight-ish scifi gear)#(And i feel cool and fine remembering it. no wonder kirke went insane after losing her though)#(💎🫀<-rock in my chest telling me the 1000 year dragon war never ended <-me listening to the rocks bc my wife is in there)#anyways good morning! incomprehensible oc post time. startin new job today. i am doing this for my girls (purchase New Images of them Onlin#armour clanking#i need an oc tag#last night i refrained from a thousand word post about [Original Character Setting+Plot and Ending] but i can only hold back so much#at least i think the framework of ffxiv needs less explanation and bbbbrbrhrb nerves. save me knight women
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been rewatching richard rider videos and. different very from the new richard reacts stuff. before hes finding loopholes to excuse his gay stuff so he can still be straight, these are more him saying gay stuff and not trying to justify it. mans just gay.
even in the quote of the day videos, he’s less trying to prove that he’s straight and more trying to convince his homies to let him hit.
conclusion: richard went on some offscreen self discovery journey and is now fully comfortable with his identity as a gay man, so his content reflects that change in identity.
#cameron geller cinematic universe#cgcu#cameron geller#richard rider#richard rider cgcu#no1 words#you get it right#it’s mostly an explanation on the change in his behavior and stuff#some don’t seem to like him much because it’s so different.#i was fine with it. i just didn’t get why his stuff is so different now and#the explanation of *this* is satisfactory to me#it also offers cool new stuff to think about like what the hypothetical journey would be like#would any of the existing characters help him out (eg chase/jack)#did he do a brokeback mountain?#WHAT HAPPENED#mrowwwwww#this is a much easier way to get ideas down without writing essays#i love essays but sometimes…..nah i don’t feel it
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i need a website that tells me the perfect laptop to buy to meet my every need. no other options. just "here, this is the one you want :)"
#i dont know whats goodddddd#yes the numbers higher on this one but does it make a difference? do i need generation 8? is that important?#ill pick something and then the laptop will simply go 'lol you thought the fact that i had a terasquare of harddisk was good? you idiot.#you need to put all your stocks in the coredriver. everyone knows that!!!!'#nyxtalks#its fine its cool#i would need to do more research nonetheless but. looking at laptops really is. heres a list of specs. no explanation about their purpose#i dont know im actually replacing my laptop yet i was just looking. and i am immediately overwhelmed#i dont even really know whats holding my current one back. processing power i guess? idk! its all just words to me#give me feed dogs & foot pressure & belts & winders any day
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OK SPOILERS I GUESS FOR BLACK OPS COLD WAR UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I JUST DID THE HAVANA MISSION AND "BREAK ON THROUGH" AND I'M LITERALLY SO PRESSED RN??
I AM SO UPSET THEY MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN HELEN AND LAZAR WHAT EVEN WAS THAT WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE THOSE TWO THEY'RE LITERALLY MY FAVORITES OF THE NEWER CHARACTERS WHY
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE THEY HAD CRAZY GOOD CHEMISTRY AND I WAS LITERALLY SITTING THERE THE WHOLE TIME DURING THAT MISSION THINKING "Dang y'all make a good couple y'all got it goin' on" BUT NO OF COURSE NOT THIS IS CALL OF DUTY WHERE NO ONE IS HAPPY AND GOOD ENDINGS DON'T EXIST AND LOVE IS A LIE
I struggled for like fifteen minutes just sitting there on the pause menu trying to pick UGHHH but I ended up going with Helen in the end simply because I think she can bring slightly more value to the team (NOT TO SAY LAZAR IS USELESS HE'S EXTREMELY HANDY AND VERY COOL AND I LOVE HIM) just because of her connection with MI6 and her ability to gather intel and all that good stuff and I'm just ever so slightly more attached to her as a character and I also got the impression Lazar really liked her a lot so I would've felt worse saving him and knowing he missed her like a crap ton so in the end I think I made the better decision
HOWEVER COMMA THEN WE HAVE "BREAK ON THROUGH" AND I'M LITERALLY SO MAD BC WDYM ADLER WAS LYING AND I LITERALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY AND I HAD A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE AND I WAS THE GUY ARASH KADIVAR SHOT IN THE BEGINNING IN THE MISSION WITH WOODS AND MASON AND ADLER LIKE WHAT?? WDYM THOSE MEMORIES IN VIETNAM WEREN'T REAL?? WDYM I'VE ACTUALLY KNOWN ADLER FOR LIKE TWO DAYS AND NOT TWENTY YEARS?? Wdym HUDSON was actually RIGHT to be worried about me going into the Lubyanka building?????? HUDSON?? RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING?? NUH-UH
And wdym PARK KNEW THE WHOLE TIME LIKE GIRL I THOUGHT WE WERE BESTIES WHAT IS THIS!! YOU HAD ME RISK MY NECK FOR YOU INSTEAD OF MR. LOVER BOY AND NOW I FIND OUT YOU WERE FRICKIN LYING TO ME THE WHOLE TIME TOO LIKE?? I'm aware it was for the greater good and that technically it was good for Bell too bc now she's a good guy and isn't a bad guy (I play with female Bell to be clear because that's awesome and I love that that's an option) BUT Y'ALL STILL LIED TO ME?? I'm gonna keep an eye on those two for REAL now like watch as Adler frickin tries to offer me up as some sacrificial lamb at some point I just KNOW he will UGH
Idk I'm still holding out hope Lazar is alive somehow because technically I didn't actually see him die he was just lying there and I felt so AWFUL UGHHH
Anyway I'm going to carry on pretending he's fine and he got out and everything is hunky dory and great and he and Helen went on that date and they're together and everything is fine and wonderful
#call of duty#black ops cold war#cod black ops cold war#anyway if any of y'all have played it don't y'all dare give me spoilers i wanna see this for myself#i already got it spoiled that woods was miraculously perfectly fine and unscathed after black ops >:(#i do think it's hilarious though that they didn't even treat that like a big thing or anything. he's just immediately there and fine#like brother how did both you AND kravchenko survive that?? i would like an explanation but this is cod and i likely will not get one#also kinda wild bc kravchenko being alive means reznov didn't get his wish uhhh#if he's alive which he technically could be bc it says they never found his body (which is odd considering he supposedly never escaped)#then maybe he'll come back!! (<- is delusional)#black ops has had the most wildly out of pocket plot twists that actually ended up being crazy cool#between mason being a sleeper agent programmed by reznov and reznov not being real in black ops (at least after the gulag part)#and now bell's deal in cold war this is literally insane i'm going insane#i'm extremely excited for the end of the game it'd better be good#also if you're wondering during break on through i did follow all of adler's instructions up until the third go round in which i ignored hi#and bell went absolutely insane and zombies in a cave were involved and clocks on the wall and infinite hallways and junk#he was very upset with me but i thought it was funny so
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I would try explaining sksw's fucked up timeline to my dad but I think after about five minutes he would start zoning out
#its not his fault i just start talking a mile a minute and he is not good at this kind of thing#anyway if any of you fine fellows have about an hour of spare time you should dm me on discord or join my server or whatever#i can be totally 100% sane and not at all deranged in my explanations#mb's two am rambling
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What I said about The Incident or the Conversation: I'm fine. It's nothing.
Me days later listening to the same song on repeat:

#what in the hell is happening#i've written several pages in my journal about it#might be making a chart soon#with dates and utterances#so there's this coworker who was supposed to go with me#to see yefim bronfman last year#only he bowed out with no explanation#which is perfectly fine#i often fantasize about cancelling plans#and some musical journeys are best ventured alone#and nothing has ostensibly changed in our interactions#(right???????)#only instead of occasionally flailing for a few moments#in random bursts of information#here and there when our shifts briefly cross over#our captain and others sort of clocked our mutual chaos#and now it is sending me#we've been observed#and they're shipping it lmfao#or not#i just want a conversation with someone who can keep up with my bullshit honestly#but it is still breaking my brain#>.>#i feel like the mere seed of an idea#got planted somewhere in there#and now it is growing aggressively#and for the record: no just no#not happening for various reasons#.#(i'm pretty sure he's straight at any rate which would be a relief honestly and i swore off getting involved years ago im done. mostly.)
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hebrew is fun except when it's not
#i don't like the gendering of objects but it's not that difficult so I'm fine with learning it#names of numbers are also pretty easy to me#but so much about it sound wrong#זה נחמד פשוט להחליף למקלדת העברית כשאני צריכה tho#but it leaves me with writing halves of posts in gibberish#איןד צקשמד מםאיןמע#zv kt tunr auo scr#one time i was 13 talking to my 15 yo online friends about pronouns in hebrew and they were like#'lol a 13 year old is giving me a lesson in hebrew rn'#and yes i might have gone a bit overboard with my explanations but cmon man#also it's concerning to me how easily biblical references come to me#i think i might just have been raised in a religious Jewish household.#sounds kinda unlikely tho hm#if i talk any more about anything relating to judaism I'll blow up so good night
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here’s a hot take: a game doesn’t need to be fair to be good
#my posts#gameblogging#at this point im starting to question what 'fair' even means#considering how often it's thrown around with no other context or explanation#but to me a 'fair' game is one that sort of caters to the player#as in the game is /about/ the player and there aren't many or any situations t#that the player doesn't have the tools to handle#i'd say the majority of games are like that#thinking about it like this i wouldn't consider even games with a lot of rng to be unfair#but then you have of course games like rain world#in which the world itself doesn't care about the player#and other creatures will do their thing whether you're there or not#which means there will be unforeseen situations and inevitable deaths#and yet to me that's part of what makes it fun#and im sure there's a lot of people out there who feel the same#but i'd guess most people prefer 'fairness' and playing games that are /about/ them#which is completely fine but also explains why this game is a lot less popular than it should be#:'(
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No you can't. Reread the post.
You CANNOT diagnose famous people with anything, there's actual reasons diagnosis involves hours spent with a professional going over thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and relationships. Beyond that NPD and sociopathy have actual meanings. They don't just mean "asshole". NPD is a specific cluster of symptoms, struggles, and behaviours that tend to co-occur and cause impairment in functioning. Most of which these people don't exhibit and of those they do exhibit are pretty easily explained by being infamous or by being fascists. It does not take a mental disorder to be a fascist. Most fascists are completely typical mentally. People with mental disorders are generally victimised by fascists. Sociopathy is also a term for a distinct collection of antisocial behaviours, most of which we can be pretty sure they don't exhibit. It is not a harsher synonym for unempathetic.
I'm not trying to be mean or yell at you. I had to learn this stuff too once! I used to frequent r/raisedbynarcissts when I was young and unpacking stuff. Then people on tumblr taught me stuff about saneism and cluster b hatred and how stigmatised PD's are and I learned. We all have to learn things for the first time, I hope I've explained well enough that you can learn things today
Elon Musk isn't a sociopath Trump isn't a narcissist Jeff Bezos isn't a psycho they are terrible racist bigoted assholes but I'm begging y'all to fucking give a shit about people with personality disorders. PLEASE.
#sorry im not tryna be mean i just dont know how to explain clear#explain clearly without this kind of tone? idk how to make an explanation more positive yk? im just tryna keep it simple#yeah idk your background with psychology but i did it for undergrad#so yeah thats also given me some strong opinions on diagnosing famous ppl sorry if that came through#but like you actually need to get a good view on how ppl behave in interpersonal relationships#and not just with strangers and those they have power over#to have any idea about actual diagnoses#like fictional characters and historical figures are fine everyone should go off on those thats just fun#anyway if you have any psyc questions or want some further reading or anything pls dm me!#id be happy to help :)#i know you dont mean anything bad by it this is a commonly held belief it just comes from society being ableist yk?#just one of a gazillion things we all gotta unpack at some point#anyway ily sorry bye
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