#anyway 5th place out of 22!

[butchlifeguard]

thats so embarrassing! i just wanna KMS! /ref

[sturn-saturn]

hey baby girl

pairing: fem!pregnant!reader x husband!chris

warnings: just cutesy stuff <3

a/n: i thought of doing this while watching shameless 😁

week 20: "hey, baby girl!" chris says as he holds up a camcorder. "so today, mama and i went to the baby doctor and we found out you're a girl!" your husband turns the camera to you and your hand is placed on your baby bump rubbing it up and down while the other is holding up your ultrasound pictures.

"we're so excited to meet you baby girl!" you smile kissing the camera goodbye.

week 21: "hey, baby girl!" you say holding the camera. chris is upstairs in your shared bedroom still sleeping. "as you can see, mama just woke up, i'm very tired but dad i have some errands to run so we can prepare for you to join us in 19 weeks. so the plan for today is to visit your grandparents, dads parents, then we're going out to target to look at some onesies for you and little socks to keep your tiny toes warm, after is the grocery store. i'll be sure to get some yummy stuff so i can keep you and i fed! alright baby girl, catch you later!" you say kissing the camera once again.

week 22: you and chris were on the couch watching coraline since it was your favorite comfort movie.

"hey baby girl!" chris says holding the camera up to face you both has his other hand is rubbing your belly gently.

"so right now dad and i are watching my favorite comfort movie because i wasn't feeling well today."

"her tummy was cramping but don't worry, it wasn't your fault. you're our baby girl, you could do no wrong." your husband says with a big grin.

"i'm hoping when you're older you enjoy this movie as much as i do. your dad and i actually watched this on our 5th date i believe." you smile.

"alright sweetheart, mamas gotta get her rest, see you tomorrow!" your husband says kissing the camera.

week 23: "hey baby girl! alright so we are in the car right now and todays plan is going to the doctor to make sure you're healthy and see how much you've grown. after that we need to find a bassinet for you to get a good nights sleep!" chris smiles at how cute he finds you.

"there are so any people who can't wait to meet you sweetheart. 4 grandparents, a bunch of aunts and uncles, our friends too!" he adds.

"you're so loved already, honey. okay we're here! time to go!" you kiss the camera.

week 24: "hey baby girl so today, uncle nick and uncle matt dropped by and got you some presents. they got you the cutest onesies, some baby bottles, and toys! we know you wont be able to play with toys until you grow a bit and get used to the new world but you are going to love them! also dad has something to say." you hand the camera to chris and get up to get a snack.

you over hear your husband talking to the camera and your eyes soften looking over at him.

"mama and i are gonna do everything we can to protect you. we will support you in anything you want to do. the only things we want from you is to be a good person and spread love. also you have to play lacrosse or hockey like me and your uncles did!" he laughs.

"chris what if she doesn't wanna play either of those?" you ask.

"well what every she decides to play she's gonna be amazing. she's half of you anyway. bye darling!" he yells kissing the camera.

week 25: "hey baby girl! we're currently at grandma and grandpas house for a little cook out with the family." you say showing everyone around.

"are you guys making a little vlog for the baby?" jimmy asks.

"we are!"

"mind if i say a few words?"

"not at all!" you hand the camera to jimmy and you use this time to rest your arms a bit.

"alright sweetheart. as you know, i'm your grandfather, your dads dad. i just wanted to let you know that i can't wait to meet you. you're my first grandkid! as much as i love my boys, i've always wanted a girl in the family and you're finally making that dream happen. i will definitely be taking you on fishing trips so get ready!"

jimmy hands you the camera with a big smile on his face. "you're gonna be a great mother, honey."

tears start to well in your eyes from the love you've received from your husbands family throughout the years. you thank jimmy and you kiss the camera goodbye.

week 40: "hey baby girl!" chris whispers. "today is a big day. mama felt some extra kicks last night and it turns out you're coming today! she's currently resting right now so she can use all her energy and strength to bring you here. keep this between us, but your moms a superhero." he smiles.

"chris?" you mumble. "come here."

chris comes over with the camcorder in his hand with a look of concern on his face. "what's up mama?"

you reach your hand for the camera and he hands it to you.

"hey sweet girl. i'm sure dads told you we're at the hospital right now waiting for you to come. it's currently 10pm and we're all super tired but this is all worth it if it means we get to finally meet you." you smile lazily.

4 hours later...

the doctors all finally left the room. they said that was the easiest delivery they've had to work through. chris is currently standing with your baby girl in his arms facing the window to see the city lights.

"hey clara." chris whispers rocking his daughter back and forth gently. "mamas resting again. the doctors told her she did a great job! i told you your mom was a superhero. in just 3 days you'll get to come home with us. how exciting is that!? grandma and grandpa are coming tomorrow to see you as well as your uncles. i love you baby girl. goodnight." chris kisses his daughters head before setting her back in her bassinet.

he relishes in the feeling of being a new dad before he drifts off into a good nights sleep.

taglist:

@sturniolos4life16 @hoeforchrizz @luckyscharms @emely9274 @chrispotatos @weirdratperson @simpson12 @ilovemenwithlonghairr @angeldvstee @pussypie456 @valentinasturniolo @chrissturnioloenthusiastforlife @cravingchrissturniolo @wonnieeluvvr @flouvela

[harmoonix]

✿❯────「✿」────❮✿

✿Astrology Notes✿

If you dance, I'll dance

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Give peace a chance

Let the fear you have fall away

✿❯────「✿」────❮✿

✿ Mars - Moon aspects can control their fury/ let it out to release themselves, they can control their emotions up to a certain point. Don't make these people angry because they can get angry very easily

✿ Pluto - Ascendant aspects are very powerful and magnetic to all the energies around them and these people can find a lot of people projecting on them

✿ Lilith - Sun aspects, they are very rebellious, like to make justice, and their personality can be very strong towards other people, these natives are very magnetic and people can find them very attractive. They can have a lot of nerve

✿ Mercury aspecting Venus or in Venusian Degrees (2°,7°,14°,19°) either in (Libra or Taurus) can have a very magnificent and pleasent voice

✿ Jupiter in Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn. Virgo) can make money very fast due to their analytical minds

✿ Having Sagittarius ascendant is a big indicator of having a very beautiful body or a very beautiful appearance because Jupiter, your ruler is expanding and blessing your Ascendant. This can apply to Pisces Risings because Jupiter is their traditional ruler.

✿ Moon at 18°\22° degrees can struggle with letting their emotions go, to release themselves, is kinda hard for these people to talk about their emotions, they can get very attached and can have a hard time to get over some things 🫂

✿ Jupiter - Venus aspects are very charming and can have a very good personality, a lot of people can put their eye on them

✿ This might be my opinion only but I saw people with Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn and Aquarius placements being very good at revenging, i think is mostly because they can be very loyal and these natives don't like to be betrayed and they can have a lot of revenging thoughts if you do them dirty, Scorpio have Pluto energy to identify and destroy, Sagittarius having Jupiter to let them win most times and Capricorn and Aquarius who have karma by their side always 🫂

✿ Virgo/Gemini Moons, /Moon in the 3rd house/6th house can overthink very much and can become very unhealthy for them! These people have serious anxious attacks and can get sad very easily

✿ Jupiter in the 8th house can be an indicator for marrying someone rich 💸🫰🏼

✿ Neptune in 1st house people can project a lot of people on them without wanting 😭 they get other people attention very easily and people can very intrigued with these natives. Is honestly a blessing

✿ Lilith in the 2nd/5th/10th houses can have a very good appearance and very big magnetism/appeal, is like people want them very much, even to touch them

✿ Lilith in the 6th house can have people obsessed with them, especially at their work place

✿ Uranus in 6th house can work in very different places most in their lives they can switch their jobs a lot

✿ Venus in the 10th house can also indicate having a public relationship, having a relationship a lot of people will know about. You and your partner could work in the same job.

✿ Capricorn Risings have very a beautiful face structure, they looks very pretty in everything but mostly dark colors (brown-black-green-)

✿ Neptune - Venus aspects can be very stylish and classy 💅🏼💅🏼, they are high fashionable. I tell you the truth!!! They are like "Oh my gloss, people are staring at me because I'm so pretty"

(especially Venus - Neptune conjunction. Oh my gloss, i wish i had this Conjunction in my chart)

✿ Libra Placements are very romantic, especially Libra Moon and Libra Venus they are hopeless romantics who hope for that true love and try search that type of love all their life

✿ Having big Taurus influence in your chart can make you a very lovely and possessive person, you love your friends and family very much and you would do everything to protect them

✿ Pluto in the 4th house are VERY protective people, they would do everything for their family and loved ones, these people love very hard and sooooo intense their love isss.... EVERYTHING

✿Chiron in the 1st house positive side.. so y'all after this placement is healed the native looks ETHEREAL. Believe me I have this placement in my sidereal chart and if you start to love yourself you will see a lot of changes TRUST THE PROCESS ❤️🤗

✿I see people not talking enough how powerful Lilith in the 6th house can be, masters of mind, attracting a lot of people from your work, being seen very magnetic by others. Your colleagues can see you very attractive and can simp or crush for you (This can apply only sometimes because of course it depends what kind of colleagues you have at work)

[scoatneyhall]

WILD. Was anyone else aware that the Ted Lasso team has gone in and made post-production edits on season 3 episodes, sometime in the last year?

I've been rewatching the finale in advance of the one year anniversary of it airing, and straight off, I noticed that the points total on the graphic looked different to how I remembered it - a much closer race. It stuck out because I remembered being annoyed that they didn't celebrate the moment Richmond got confirmed for the Champions League, as the gap was big enough for it to have happened a while ago, offscreen. I still have a screencap from when the episode aired:

However, the current copy on Apple has an updated graphic, making the post-production graphic in line with the numbers on the actual physical whiteboard prop and the script mentioning the win streak. See here:

The corrected copy makes Richmond's points match the whiteboard, but it also puts the teams in 3rd to 5th place much closer to them points-total wise, meaning that now, in the current version of the episode, Richmond only qualified for the UCL in "Mom City," making it make more sense that the start of 3.12 is the first time it gets discussed. Would have been nice to mention that stake in the City match commentary during 3.11, but I genuinely am shocked that they went back in and edited the already-published episodes to clean up the post-production errors. For the record, here's the whiteboard as of 3.08: W10, D9, L6.

Just in case anyone cares, the order of those results was - 1 draw against Chelsea, 6 wins with Zava, 1 loss against West Ham, the rest of the draws and losses occurring between 3.05 and the loss against Arsenal in 3.07, and then the 4 wins mentioned at the start of 3.08. By the start of 3.12, it's mentioned they are on a 16 game win streak, so that's 22 wins overall, 9 draws, 6 losses, going into the final weekend, hence the updated graphic.

I like that they went in and fixed it - no idea when in the past 12 months that occured - but I also kind of can't believe they bothered? Then again, I can't believe the mistake was made in the first place, as they were so specific with details in the prior seasons, so maybe they couldn't live with it being wrong.

I know there were rumours about a ton of issues in terms of getting these episodes posted in time - right down to the wire, still fixing the edit on the airdate - and it's clear that these details were not checked and confirmed by the poor people in post who were not working off the show bible that lives in the writers heads. I don't blame them at all, I blame the people who got the edit to them late, but it did annoy me during the season a LOT. The maths wasn't mathing, and as we know this is a show that has been careful with dates and timelines and stuff like that.

Anyway! The point is, a) this post about my UCL qualification fantasies is now moot, and b) I went back and checked another post production error that had REALLY pissed me off, which was the dates of texts in Ted's phone in 3.04. Phone dates have always given us the timeline quite strictly before - it's how @belmottetower and I started the timeline in our primer, with Ted arriving in London on January 6, 2020 and then following the football seasons from there to place the season 3 finale in May 2022 - but in 3.04, all the cute texts we see to all the characters in his phone were badly misdated, placing the timeline further in the future. This caused arguments or misunderstandings, at the time about the actual timeline of the show, but it seems this was another detail the producers really wanted to fix and tighten up, as they've gone back and had it edited.

It's weird, because the texts Ted was actually going back to - the messages from Doctor Jacob - were dated correctly as late 2019, and there's even a little easter egg in the form of a US rideshare notification picking him up to go to the airport in America, on 5 January 2020. (Even the area code, 316, is apparently correct to Kansas.) That's all correct even in the original version of the episode, but somehow we then skip a year and place his most recent texts, as of 3.04, in late October 2022, when they should only be in late September or early October 2021. (I found this post on Reddit that screenshotted his phone at the time.) Examples:

I had to go back and check this, and sure enough, it's been edited to reflect the established timeline - they didn't just redate the year on each message, they also changed a bunch of the chats to be more recent - so rather than dates, his most recent chats with Henry, the Coaches, etc are from "Yesterday," then the first dated texts are in very late September 2021. This matches up pretty perfectly with where they are in a typical Premier League season - they REALLY cleaned it up. Further back, they do just switch the years on the dates, so he still got a picture from Sassy last Valentines Day, and his last one-on-one contact with Jamie is still set before the events of Wembley in 2.08 (FA Cup semi finals are in April, so a few weeks after the March 2021 date on Jamie's chat.)

My brain is itching because I swear there was a screen of Nate and Ted's text chat at some point too? With Ted reaching out about his new job, on a date that deeply did not work with the timeline? But maybe I imagined it. There's no record of Nate's number in his phone at all now, and the texts date back to before Nate left, so I guess in this version of events, Ted deleted Nate's number and message history.

Anyway, I'm aware that basically no one is going to care about this, but I suspect that the three people who will actually care will REALLY FUCKING CARE. Has anyone else noticed it? Does anyone know when it may have happened? Does anyone know what else might have been changed or fixed? I love details and I love the fact that there is no longer conflicting data about what football seasons the show is covering - it's mid 19/20 to the end of 21/22, end of story - but what a fucking mess the production of season 3 must have been, to end up at this point!

[mxlktxa]

birthday girl

moder!au pairing; ellie williams x fem!reader cw; language, (brief) 18+ content , alcohol use, modern!au, (brief) underage drinking (reader is turning 20, while ellie is 22) an; i only did this cuz my bday was yesterday (may 5th) ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ

I placed my keys and bag right at the front door, leaning against the front door to mentally prepare myself for whatever Ellie had planned for my birthday today.

"Ellie!" I called out, knowing she had to be somewhere in our shared apartment, "I'm home, Ellie!"

"Don't any of turn the lights on. Just come to the bedroom," her voice came from down the hall, exactly from our bedroom.

My legs carried me through the dim hall, passing by the closed bathroom, a bit annoyed as it looked as though she left the light on in there. Jesus, our utility bills are gonna be so fucking crazy, I can feel it.

"El?" I called out to her again, not seeing her anywhere in the room. Not because it was dark, there were a few candles lit in the bedroom, a bunch of different flower petals all over the floor and plenty more on the bed. On either side of the bed, there were an almost absurd amount of 'Happy Birthday!' balloons, which of course made me giggle at them.

"Hey, baby," Ellie kissed on the nape of my neck, a glass of wine entering my peripheral view on both sides of me, "happy birthday, gorgeous. Got you a drink."

"Ellie, I'm a minor," I joked, biting my lip and turning to face up at her. She rolled her eyes before handed me the drink anyways.

"Ugh, shut up and take the damn drink. No one's here to bust us."

"You're going to jail," I whispered, keeping eye contact with the woman in front of me as I took a sip from the cup handed to me. Ellie chuckled and did the same, her hand reaching for my waist and looking me up and down a few times.

"Why's the bathroom light on?"

"It's not."

"Then why's there light coming from beneath the-"

"One thing at time princess," Ellie chuckled, "Take these clothes off, I'll show you why the 'light' is on," Ellie took both our glasses, placing them on the nightstand on her side of the bed before coming back to me and slowly starting to strip.

"Oh, you were serious," I raised a brow, following her lead.

"Of course I was serious. Keep your bra and panties on though."

"Oh, but you can walk around without a bra on?"

"I have no fucking tits. What do I need to wear a bra for?"

I pouted at Ellie, tossing my shirt at her and unbuttoning my jeans, "whatever. Whore."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, you whore," I giggled, putting my hands on her chest as she closed the distance between us, smirking and letting her hand latch onto my hips.

"I dare you to say it again."

"No. I'm good on that," I smiled up at her, doing my best to keep my eyes on her.

"Pussy," Ellie nodded, "take your pants off, let's go," the freckled woman, left to the bathroom without me which sent me into a bit of a panic and I nearly died taking my pants off.

After a little bit, I found Ellie bent over the bathtub, dumping a handful of bath salts into the bubbly water. I also noticed the candles on the sink, the toilet and the two front corner of the tub. On the mirror, the words 'one year left until you can buy alcohol... legally' was written in pink dry erase marker.

A giggle left me as Ellie turned to me and gently tugged at my undergarments, asking to peel them off me. I gave her the green light, watching as she kneeled down, a little too excited to undress me.

"You're so pretty, baby. So pretty."

"I know. You told me about eight million times today, Ellie."

"That's not enough."

"It is for me."

"Yeah, to you. Not me," Ellie tossed them to the side, standing up so she could undo my bra now, "I didn't know if you wanted a bubble bath or just bath salts so I did both for you. Get in, the water is boiling, just how you like it."

"Oh, how thoughtful," I scoffed, watching Ellie now completely undress herself and then help me in the tub with her. I took her hand, sitting in front of her and her behind me, of course.

Right off the bat, Ellie started massaging my back, leaving a trail of kisses every now and again. Her hands would sometimes find their way to my thighs or breasts but she would hesitantly pull away, replacing her lewd actions with kisses and more massages.

"Just do it, babe. I deserve it. Work was stressful and it's my birthday."

"Thank fuck," she huffed, instantly going to grope my tits and kiss the side of my neck, "I've been waiting way too long for you to get home."

"I can tell," I grinned at her comment, shutting my eyes while she had her little fun, "No ice cream cake?"

"It's in the freezer."

"Mmm, we're not lighting it tonight are we?"

"Definitely not, sweetheart," Ellie huffed, biting down my shoulder and moving her hands down to my thighs, kneading them like dough, "fuck, I missed you all day, you don't understand. My favorite birthday girl."

I wanted to respond, truly but Ellie was dipping her toe into an exhilarating trance and I followed right beside her. Her little grunts and groans were not helping either of us leave this rapture. Her long fingers had slipped inside of me, sending a shiver down my back and a soft gasp leaving me. I could feel her lips curl into a grin on my shoulder. Ellie was definitely going to start acting like a dickhead, she was already too far in. That was until we were startled by a knock on the door.

"The fuck?" we spoke in sync, Ellie hugging me close to her rather than attempting to move, "did you invite anyone over?" I muttered, removing her hands and getting out of the tub.

"No. Dina, Joel, and Jesse said they'd come over but I told them not to."

"You know they don't listen to anyone, damn it," I rolled my eyes, handing Ellie a towel as she stepped out after me and went to the room, I assumed to get us robes.

"I'm sorry. I was truing to give you a good birthday present. But these jackasses-."

"Minus Joel!" I cut Ellie off, punching her shoulder and pulling her away from the closet so I could look through it.

"Fucking, excuse you!" Ellie laughed, damn near putting me in a head lock as she walked me to the bed, "Don't be a little shit! Your birthday doesn't exclude me beating your ass!"

I squealed a bit before getting out of her grasp and crawling on the bed. Ellie climbed on top of me, starting to playfully land some punches on me.

"Stop it! I'm cold, it's cold! Get me a robe, Ellie, please, I'm sorry!" I yelped, blocking her and kicking my feet in the air.

"Say you're sorry! Admit you were wrong!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I was in the wrong, now get me some clothes, I'm freezing!"

We lied on the bed laughing for a bit before Ellie got up, finding me some lacey underclothing, shorts and one of her tops and jackets. I quickly got dressed so I could watch her get dressed.

"Go blow out the candles, drain the tub. I'm gonna open the door."

"Are you forgetting something?" I backed my ass into Ellie's hip, glancing back at her as she raised a brow at me actions. Her hand raised slightly then came down harshly, leaving a crazy sting on a single cheek.

"Nope! No, complaints! Go do what you were told," Ellie spoke as I opened my mouth to cry about how hard she had spanked me, "I'll kiss it after they leave. But the longer you take to blow out those candles-."

"The longer it's gonna take for things to go my way, yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Atta girl," Ellie chuckled, kissing my forehead before going to blow out the candles lit in our room then leaving to open the front door.

Fuck Jesse and Dina. Love Joel, of course. He gets a pass.

[lolli-popples]

Someone has probably already done this, but I'm gonna do it anyway. We're going to go over the average scores of players in the Life Series. BUT ALSO, we're going to go over the average score of players if you don't count their lowest placement in the series, and the average score when you don't count their highest placement to see how much that changes the order.

Quick note: I'm converting the scores in percentages so that way we can compare Last Life's scores to the other series accurately. The lower the percentage, the higher the placement. 100% is last place. (So that's Jimmy's score every time lmao) Also the percentages are rounded, as very few divided evenly. If they have decimals after, it's because there was another score close enough to theirs that it mattered.

Average Scores:

Pearl; 20% (averages 3rd place)

Martyn; 22% (3rd)

Scott; 28% (4th)

Grian; 41% (6th)

Impulse; 44% (6th)

Etho; 46% (6th)

Ren; 49.3% (7th)

Scar; 50% (7th)

Bdubs; 52% (7th)

BigB; 54% (8th)

Cleo; 57% (8th)

Joel; 63% (9th)

Tango; 72% (10th)

Lizzie; 76% (11th)

Skizz; 89% (12th)

Mumbo; 94% (13th)

Jimmy; 100% (14th)

It's pretty interesting to see the gap between 3rd and 4th place. Pearl, Martyn, and Scott all have really good scores.

Anyway, if you just wanted to see the average placements we're done now, but if you want to see how much this list is affected by players having 1 really good or really bad game, then keep reading under the cut.

Hello people who are still here, how are you?

So, let's see what happens when we don't count everyone's lowest score. To explain, Joel has placed 11th, 5th(but technically counted as 4th because last life is weird), 8th, and 12th. So here we would take the average WITHOUT the 12th place score, as it's the lowest. This helps us see whose placement is skewed the most by one particularly bad game.

Scott; 14% (2nd)

Martyn; 15% (2nd)

Pearl; 16% (2nd)

Grian; 30% (4th)

Impulse and Ren; 31% (4th) (Yes, they are perfectly tied)

Etho; 40% (6th)

Bdubs; 42% (6th)

Scar; 43.6% (6th)

Cleo; 44% (6th)

BigB; 46% (6th)

Joel; 55% (8th)

Tango; 64% (9th)

Lizzie; 76% (11th)

Skizz; 87% (12th)

Mumbo; 94% (13th)

Jimmy; 100% (14th)

Some cool facts about the data set! The average amount changed is 8%, 35% of scores were above this, and 65% were below this.

The person whose score changed the least was Jimmy, as Mumbo and Lizzie's scores don't change because they only played in 1 series. The person whose score changed the second least was Skizz at 2%

The person whose score changed the most is Ren at 18%, followed by Scott (14%), Impulse(13%), and Grian(11%).

Okay now time for excluding the highest score. Using the Joel example again, this time we would not include his 5th place placement. This helps us see whose score is skewed the most by one particularly good game.

Pearl; 26.5% (4th)

Martyn; 27.3% (4th)

Scott; 35% (5th)

Etho; 50% (7th)

Grian; 52% (7th)

Impulse; 54% (8th)

Scar; 60% (8th)

Bdubs; 62% (9th)

BigB; 62.6% (9th)

Cleo; 66% (9th)

Ren; 68% (10th)

Joel; 74% (10th)

Lizzie; 76% (11th)

Tango; 76.3% (11th)

Skizz; 91% (13th)

Mumbo; 94% (13th)

Jimmy; 100% (14th)

Interesting things about this data set! It has the biggest drop off between 3rd and 4th. In the original it's a 13% difference, in the positive leaning ranking it's 14%, and in this ranking it's 15%.

The average percentage changed is 8%. 45% of scores were below this, and 55% of scores were above this. The person whose score changed the least was Jimmy, followed by Skizz(2%).

The person whose score changed the most was Ren at 19%, followed by Joel (11%), Grian (10.6%) and Scar (10.5%).

Overall, Jimmy's score changed the least, as it didn't change at all. Skizz's score changed the second least, with a range of only 3.5%.

Ren's score changed the most, with a range of 37%. Ren is followed by Impulse (22.6%).

So yeah. Now you know a ton of random statistics, and I can rest knowing that all the math I did is out in the world. If any of my math is off, feel free to point it out. I did a lot of it with unrounded numbers and than rounded them in this post, so it might seem off because of that, but I also did some of it with the numbers already rounded, so it might need to be corrected, either way, letting me know is good.

I might update the regular averages after a new season, but I am not updating the other ranked lists, that would be hell. Bye!

[themadsquirrel09]

Kenny dies! with an extra layer of heartbreak

"Kenny dies", the 12th episode of season 5, aired on December 5th, 2001. It has been 22 years since Matt and Trey dropped that bomb of feels; so, to celebrate, I thought, we should break our heart today!

Let's roll with the theory that Eric Cartman is the only one who remembers that Kenny dies multiple times (besides Kenny's parents).

(GIF from the episode S05E05 ∣ Cartmaland)

When you think about it in the context of the episode"Kenny dies", it is a game changer.

The moment of truth

So, Eric finds out Kenny is dying, goes to the hospital, and confesses to Kenny he sees him as his best friend. Kenny reciprocates, although we never know if sincerely, or out of pity, I'm inclined to bet it was an honest reply from Kenny.

(Gifset by South-Park-Gifs)

Eric tells Kenny he is gonna find the cure for him, and he seems exited.

But he hasn't leave the room when his expression has already dropped.

Soon he breaks down.

I think that, at least in this brief moment, Cartman was honest.

And what if here it is true that he remembers Kenny's deaths? Then maybe what hurts him the most is seeing his fun-loving partner in crime wasting in that hospital room.

The promise

After that, it also seems that Eric is serious about his promise of finding a cure. When he realizes he can clone the Shakey's, that idea is in his head probably from that moment, BUT, this is Eric Cartman we are talking about, he can be very ambitious, and so my theory is that he wanted both to cure Kenny, and clone the pizza place.

Then we have the lovable, and unforgettable moment when Eric gives his speech. If you are a fan, you know he is great at that, and you also know how good he is at manipulating, so it is all planned? Maybe it is!

He cries, and is almost unable to stop himself... but he can cry at will. So is it all fake? What if we take it to a middle point? Let's consider that some of that emotion is real. He cries more when he says "I love Kenny McCormick, and I hope you love him too".

I would go as far to say that even if he was acting, he probably borrowed the emotion of that moment in the hospital to cry at will, and influencing other people's judgment.

It could also be that he genuinely broke down in the middle of the speech, and resorted to singing that kind of song, which would kick a sing along. Entertaining is one of Eric's abilities, and singing can also soothe the nerves.

A goodbye we don't get to see

So, what if Cartman was serious about helping Kenny, and he ran out of time? What if the doctor looked at him in the eye and said "it is too late to cure him"? Maybe just after he had visited Kenny, and told him he was about to get the cure for him.

Or did Eric get so involved in the whole deal he didn't even got to say that last goodbye?

We are still rolling with the idea that Cartman remembers Kenny's multiple death, still he goes to the different funerals, so why didn't he goes to this one? Maybe it was a "fuck it" moment, he just wanted the Shakey's, and Kenny was dead anyway.

But there's another alternative, that Eric was so devastated by his own failure he had to focus on something that wasn't Kenny.

What if he felt so guilty he just wanted to be punished? So he goes, and shows the guys how much of a piece of shit he is; it feels great because Kyle beats the shit outta him, so, in a sick way, he gets that he thinks he deserves.

Did I broke you heart?

I sure broke mine :'l

With love: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Stan

[pubbamoon]

Hello, I'm sorry for disturbing you or anything but I'm new to this destiny of matrix stuff and I'd like to know some stuff.

My question is: Are my astrological natal chart and my destiny of matrix chart supposed to have things in common or are they different things? Because my karmic line is 9-12-3 and from what I've learned that's supposed to mean "Lonely woman", and basically I won't feel happy in relationships or won't find love, which scares the shit out of me!! In my natal chart i have Jupiter in Sagittarius in 7th house with the ruler being in the 7th house and a very well aspected Venus in Libra in 5th house with no squares or conjunctions or opposites. Only trines and sextiles. My Jupiter too, no squares, but i do have it opposite my ascendant. I do have Pluto in Sagittarius in 7th house but i don't have bad aspects there either! Could you help me understand please? And sorry for the long question but all this buzz makes me anxious...😓

Hello! I'm not disturbed or anything similar. Your question seems to be justified, actually.

In my opinion, I think that astrological birth chart and the destiny matrix chart can have things in common. I'm gonna use my example. So, I have number 7 (The Chariot) under the heart icon. The Chariot card is associated with the Cancer sign and in my sidereal birth chart, I do have 7th house in Cancer. I also have number 22 (The Fool) in my love line. The Fool card is associated with the planet Uranus and in my tropical birth chart, I have 7th house ruler conjunct Uranus. So, I really think that astrology and the matrix of destiny can be aligned at some point.

Anyway, let's get into your case. Having the 9-12-3 code as a karmic tail means that you were rejected and isolated from your partner in your past life, which explains why you don't want to be in relationship. But when you learn to love yourself first, you might start having healthier relationships, something like that. This karmic tail tells me that you might need to heal yourself from your past relationships.

Having a Jupiter in the 7th house in its own sign Sagittarius, ruling your 7th house means that you're natal Jupiter is domiciled and strong. Having a 7th house ruler in its own sign and aspecting Venus in Libra really means having luck in relationships. Jupiter is about morals, ethics, luck, expansion, higher education, spirituality etc. and influencing your 7th house might indicate having a moral, wise, educated and even wealth partner or even husband, since 7th house represents marriage and long-term relationships. Venus is also in its own sign in Libra and in your natal chart. Since Venus represents your actual partner, it means that you might have a chance to have a very harmonious relationships in this lifetime. Venus is placed and is ruling your 5th house and the 5th house is associated with romance, creativity, dating and short-term relationships, which means that you may have a luck in these spheres. Your partner might be creative too.

To conclude, I can't really say if your astrological natal chart and your destiny matrix chart are aligned with each other, because you didn't share your love line from your Destiny Matrix chart to me or you somehow forgot about that. You can send me that privately, so I can answer that question to you. Thanks for trusting me and I hope you find this understandable and accurate. Have a great Friday tomorrow!

Best regards, Paky McGee

[onepiece-oc-archives]

Time, Calendars & Dates in the World of One Piece

Have you ever wondered when One Piece takes place? Wanted to take a look at a timeline but knew you'd be bombarded with spoilers? Then this is the place for you! I'll be talking about both the anime/manga and the live action, because they differ by a few months.

First things first: The months stay the same! One year consists of twelve months with the same number of days as in our Gregorian Calendar. It's never explicitly confirmed if they're also called January, February etc. but characters' birthdays are listed as (for examle) May 5th by Oda himself. Maybe it's out of convenience, maybe they're actually called the same, who knows. But you can list your characters' birthdays the same as you would if they were born on Earth. Also, the world of One Piece has multiple moons, but the main moon (which is also usually the only one pictured) most likely has either the same or very smilar moon phases to our moon here on Earth.

But now for the a little more complicated part: Which year are we in? Well, we can't tell for sure, but we can make assumptions.

Regarding what calendar the One Piece verse goes by, there are two calendar systems. One is the Age of Heaven and one is the Age of the Sea Circle. The Age of Heaven only has very vague info on it available and we don't have any way of converting canon events into its calendar, so it's no use for our purposes here. However, the Age of the Sea Circle has one confirmed year that we can use to roughly calculate everything else. It comes from an explorer's logbook dated 1120. We know that the events described in this logbook happened roughly 400 years before the Straw Hats travel the seas, so we can declare that the main story of One Piece takes place in the 16th century.

From then on, it's guesswork. A lot of people, myself included, assume that Gold Roger died in the year 1500 so that the beginning of the Great Age of Pirates could be at the start of a new century. It would fit Oda as an author and it would fit Roger as a character, because he would be dramatic like that. He knew what he was doing when he got executed that day, and it's very obvious in the Live Action that he did. It'll become even more obvious later in the story, you'll see! Anyways: Because Gold Roger's execution happened 22 years before Luffy set out to sea at the beginning of the East Blue Saga, Luffy's journey would then start in the year 1522.

But we can get even more exact. At least in the Live Action. In the anime/manga, everything's a little blurry. All we know for sure is that Luffy sets out to sea either on or after his birthday on May 5th. From then on, it's all guesswork based on how many days we see pass in the story and how many may have passed.

In the Live Action, things are a lot easier, because we're explicitly told that it's Kaya's birthday on the day the Straw Hats arrive in Syrup Village. Kaya's birthday is confirmed to be August 24th, so the Straw Hats arrive at Syrup Village on August 24th 1522 in the Live Action.

So, now that we've declared where we are chronologically, here are some important birthdays according to the calculation I just explained:

The Straw Hats

Monkey D. Luffy: May 5th 1505 (17 years old, youngest Straw Hat)

Roronoa Zoro: November 11th 1502 (19 years old, oldest Straw Hat)

Nami: July 3rd 1504 (18 years old)

Usopp: April 1st 1505 (17 years old)

Sanji: March 2nd 1503 (19 years old)

Bonus Tumblr beloveds:

Shanks: March 9th 1485 (37 years old)

Mihawk: March 9th 1481 (41 years old - yes he shares his birthday with Sanks, I was just as surprised; what a wild day for the One Piece world)

Buggy: August 8th 1485 (37 years old)

I hope this little guide is helpful to you! Don't be shy to ask for any dates you'd like to know, I'll calculate them for you or make an estimate if they can't be pinned down.

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

You know what would have been interesting, if South Park had continued aging the boys up over time.

Not in sync with real world time or anything, they don’t have enough episodes a season for that to be satisfying.

But the boys used to age in the early seasons even if it was really slowly.

They started out as (mostly) 8 year olds in the 3rd grade, by the end of season 4 however they’d all (except Kenny, he’s a year behind the others) become 10 year olds in the 4th grade.

I’m not even saying that they need to age a year every 4 seasons. It’s just that we’re on season 26 now, and the boys have been in the 4th grade for the past 22 seasons with no signs of them ever reaching 5th grade or turning 11.

I think it would have been interesting if they got a year older every 10 seasons if they really intend to just have the show go on basically for ever. Then at least the status quo would get shaken up more permanently every once in a while.

If they did that then the boys would be 6th graders right now, and would be in their last year before becoming teenagers. Not to mention other child characters would also progress with the siblings like Ike, Karen, Keven, and Shelley also getting older.

Keven and Shelley would be 15-16 year olds, and able to do things like get licensees which could change up family dynamics. Heck maybe Shelley could finally get that head gear off and have less intense braces and start to grow as a person.

Ike and Karen would be nearing the ages the boys were when the show first started. Ike would be 5 and in the 2nd grade (he got accepted into kindergarten at age 3 remember), while Karen would be 8 and in the 3rd grade. So she’d be exactly the boys’ age when the show started.

I understand why they didn’t choose to continue to age the boys up. South Park Elementary is such a massive part of the show. It’s one of the first places to ever appear on the show period, after the bus stop.

The boys being elementary schoolers doing and experiencing everything in South Park is also such a large part of the show (hilariously enough, similar to how the boys’ being kids doing all of this crazy stuff is basically the bed rock for Phineas and Ferb).

But if they were so worried about keeping the boys’ in elementary school, why’d they age the boys out of 3rd grade in the first place? They basically undid all of the real changes that came from them moving up a grade anyways. Their new 4th grade teacher was eventually replaced by their old 3rd grade teacher, the composition of their class was basically identical.

Though they could age the boys another year and keep them in South Park Elementary, as it’s K through 5th grade. So it’s not like they couldn’t age the boys up at least another year and keep them in Elementary School.

I just think seeing the boys actually grow up some would be interesting. Seeing them leave South Park Elementary and start middle school would definitely shake things up. Especially considering the boys made such a big fuss about moving from 3rd grade to 4th grade.

I honestly could see Kenny and Kyle specifically, majorly freaking out about being so far away from their younger siblings for the first time.

Kenny’s such a mama bear when it comes to Karen, that I could easily see him trying to get held back a year to try and stay at South Park Elementary. To remain close enough to Karen to fight anyone who tries to pick on her.

While Kyle has never had to deal with Ike not being either at home with their mom or in the same school as him that I could definitely see him have some kind of freak out about it. Along with their parents often leaving Kyle to look after Ike and take care of him to some degree.

[inkribbon796]

Egotober 2023 Day 7: The Little Things

Summary: Ethan wants to be a hero, he wants it more than anything else in the world. And Silver is terrified when he won’t take no for an answer.

Prompt: Leaf/Leaves

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Ever since Ethan was little he could remember the heroes. They had a team in his own home city. When he was five his mom moved him and his brother into Egoton.

He saw Silver flying around and even doing aerial tricks. And as a young gymnast, Ethan thought it was the coolest thing in the world.

It was all he wanted, and now literally the only thing standing in his way was Silver himself. Someone who seemed to believe that Ethan should do anything but be a hero. And literally everyone in the Coalition seemed to be making Syndrome jokes, and that was only making Ethan want it even more.

Dark even seemed to be under the impression that not only was Ethan working with Silver, but was his kid or at least a younger brother. And anyone who saw Ethan, at least in costume, was to chase him out of the area. Or if Dark was in the area to bring the “child hero” to him.

On one particular slow Saturday, Ethan was wandering around town, trying to find things to do. He was crunching any leaves he could see on the ground, some gave what he was looking for, others were disappointed. He was minding his own business, trying to keep an eye out for Dark’s enforcers, when Silver flew in.

“Fuck off,” Ethan said, trying to sound bigger and tougher than he felt.

“Let’s talk,” Silver said. He was holding out a baggie. “Your mom mentioned you were allergic to peanuts, before you ask. It’s safe.”

That disarmed Ethan a bit, so he took the bag as Silver touched down on the ground.

“Talk about what?” Ethan asked, looking at the sandwich inside. It looked like a normal burger.

Silver canted his head to the side. “Somewhere a bit more private, we’re too close to Barnum Park.”

“Park’s a great place to talk,” Ethan said, pointing his thumb in that direction.

“Yeah, just not that park. C’mon, I’ll explain once we get to 5th Street Plaza.” Silver began leading the way, actually walking.

“Can’t you fly?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah, but you can’t, and I could use the exercise,” Silver said and started walking.

Debating for a second, Ethan watched him go before following Silver down five blocks until they got to the plaza. The changing leaves following the whole walk.

Silver asked how school was going and when they got to the plaza Ethan had eaten half of his sandwich and it had yet to cause an allergic reaction.

Besides a free sandwich was a free sandwich.

Instead of sitting down on some random bench, Silver directed Ethan up three flights of stairs to a roof. On the top of the roof was a couple air conditioning units and two benches that were side by side and overlooking the plaza.

“Sometimes we come up here to talk and get a break during patrols.” Silver brushed off some leaves and sat down on one of the benches.

“Okay,” Ethan said and took a seat, sitting around some of the leaves as he eat the rest of his sandwich. “Nice view.”

“It is,” Silver agreed. “Barnum Park is owned by Dark, he’s got spies all over the place in there.”

“Oh,” Ethan said.

Silver nodded. “Yeah, anyways, Bing, Jackie, and I have been talking and you’re in if you want to be.”

“Yeah,” Silver said, a slight sigh in his voice. “Bing and Henrik got apprentices behind my back and it’s not fair that they got in and you don’t. Even if all three of you should get kicked.”

“When did that happen?” Ethan asked, excitement bubbling up inside of him.

“One of them happened a couple of days ago, and the Septics have been sitting on theirs for a couple weeks. They're both seventeen."

“This is awesome!” Ethan shouted.

Silver held up a finger. “Wait a minute, we’ve gotta set some ground rules, first.”

“Sure, whatever.” Ethan could help but grin.

“No, not whatever, you break the rules, you’re either off the team or suspended.”

Ethan sat back down, unable to stop his legs from bouncing.

“First, you don’t tell a soul. Your parents will know, but that’s it. I don’t care if you think you can trust your best friend with your life, they can’t know. Your grandparents, siblings, cousins, they can’t know. For any reason. You keep pretending like the only thing you want to do is be a superhero and I keep saying no. But don’t overdo it.”

“Okay.”

Silver stood up and pointed to his spot on the bench. “Sit here, it’s got a better view. Jackie always takes it first.”

Ethan quickly took the spot and Silver moved to the spot on the bench where Ethan had been.

“First thing’s first,” Silver said. “You picked a hero name yet?”

“Blank or Crank,” Ethan smiled at him.

“You picked one yet?” Silver asked.

“Blank,” Ethan said, “cause invisible.”

“How does it work?” Silver asked. “You use it often?”

“Sometimes,” Ethan said, which sounded like a lie and Mark wished that Ethan could see his face. “Anyways, I just concentrate and I turn completely invisible. It used to just be me, and my clothes wouldn’t go, but now I can do it with anything I’m wearing or holding.”

Silver leaned forward. “Really, anything you’re holding?”

“Well, the more things I hold the more I have to concentrate,” Ethan said. “Heavy stuff takes a while. And if someone taps me I tend to come out of it real easy.”

“Neat power, how long have you had it?” Silver asked.

“Maybe a year,” Ethan said. “I don’t know when it first started, and it took a while to figure out how to control it.”

“You’ll learn more, after we talk to your folks, you’ll be working directly under me, and we’ll make sure you know how to use those powers better. Just make sure you’re not stealing anything or peeking in the girl’s restroom okay?”

“Hey, I only have stolen one candy bar, I’ll have you know,” Ethan said.

“At least you’re honest,” Silver said, laughing a little. “We’ll get you a better outfit too. Can’t have you running around in sweatpants. And you’ll get to meet the other two apprentices: Logic and Stripes.”

“Awesome,” Ethan looked out over the plaza with a huge smile.

He was finally getting everything he wanted and he was so excited he could hardly stand it.

[agardenandlibrary]

The Shadow Rising: chapters 20-22

We begin with Thom + Juilin (thief catcher from book 2, got brainwashed by the Black Ajah and betrayed the girlsquad, later showed up to help rescue them with Mat) showing up to come along. Juilin, who is totally here of his own free will and was definitely NOT woken up by al’Lan Mandragoran & the Dragon Reborn threatening him with dire consequences if anything happened to the women. Yeeeep. Normal day here. 

Elayne looks at Thom, who was banging her mom back in the day, and tugs on his mustache because it just felt right. Hilarious behavior, babe, never change. Nynaeve makes the men promise to follow her orders before she agrees to them joining.

Later on the ship, Thom + Elayne talk about stories and how stories and legends can't necessarily be trusted as completely factual. Stories change in the retelling. The whole time she’s like “wow, this guy is sooo familiar”. Given that it sounds like she was a toddler when he left, this is impressive.

Elayne discovers that the Windfinder of the Sea Folk is a channeler. Gasp, shock, etc. The Tower is very set in its beliefs that all channelers should go to them, like Aiel and the Sea Folk (and others, I'm sure!) don't learn from their own elders. Elayne swears she won't tell, if she can avoid it. She asks for Jorin to teach her.

And hey, we finally get to know Rand's plan! Well, part of it, anyway. He's sending the Tairen High Lords to Cairhein w/ grain. And he's taking the Aiel to Rhuidean. Conveniently, that's where Egwene and Mat are going too! Rand sure is taking Moiraine Damodred to the Three Fold Land, an infamously insular place. except for that time 20 years ago when, what Was it again? OH YEAH - Laman Damodred, Moiraine's uncle, cut down an offshoot of their extremely sacred tree. There was a very funny meme about that somewhere.

Rand puts Callandor back and feels way better. It's got a trap in case anyone tries to take it. Moiraine's doing a lot of "I need to isolate Rand from all other influences in his life so that he only has me to rely on so I can make sure he doesn't fall to the Shadow." The original gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

Rand et. Aiel leave Tear and he reveals stage 2 of his Rube Goldbergesque plan: Portal Stones.

Nothing has ever gone wrong w/ Portal Stones, no siree. We are ignoring the 3-month timeskip and living through different lives thing.

Egwene and Aviendha are like "Rand, why were you so mean to Elayne =(" and he's like "??? because I didn't try to stop her from doing what she wanted to do and would've done no matter what I said??"

We're getting more Aiel information! Lots of the clans have blood feuds but they all swore when out of the Waste they'd pretend to be one clan and people, so no wetlanders would see them feuding. also the 1/5th rule, which I knew about because Myth told me. Honestly, extremely reasonable of them. Do they make a big spreadsheet of items then decide based on what stuff is the easiest to carry? I hope so. Maidens of the Spear double as accountants.

Anyway, through the Stones we go~.

[blastthechaos]

Makoto!

1:My first impression of him.

Nice hoodie.

2:When I think I truly started to like him?

I think just seeing him in action made me start liking him lol. He's just cool.

3:A song that reminds me of them.

Honestly, there's many lol, I guess I just list these two.

4:How many people do I ship him with?

Junko, Celeste, Sayaka, Kyoko, Byakuya, Mukuro...I could go on honestly.

Then if we count Crossovers there's Storyshift Chara, Hina Kagiyama and a few more...

5:My favorite ship with him.

Man, I wonder what could it be? Could it be-It's Naejunko, at this point it's fucking obvious.

6:My least favorite ship with him.

None really, If I see a ship I don't like that he has I shrug and move on.

7:A quote of him that you remember.

"I refuse to get bored! I refuse to throw it all away! I REFUSE TO DESPAIR!"

8:Your favorite outfit of him.

The one from THH, it's a no brainer really, it has drip up the wazoo.

9:Your least favorite outfit for him.

Anything that isn't his THH outfit, it's just too cool for me to prefer anything else...though I guess if I had to pick one, it be the one shown at the end of DR3 as Headmaster.

10:Describe him in one sentence.

Unluckily lucky guy filled with Hope and Determination for eternity.

11:What's the first thing you think about when thinking about the character.

People don't realize how cool he is.

12:Sexuality HC!

Pansexual.

13:Your favorite friendship he has.

The one with the males from Class 78, also the one he has with Hajime and Shuichi in the UTDP/DRS universe.

14:Best storyline he has.

The one from THH all the way up to DR3.

Also the one he has in DRS where he saves everyone from Monokuma even if he got his ass kicked.

15:Worst storyline he has.

None that I think are bad.

16:A childhood headcanon.

I had a long complicated story in my head about how he obtained his hoodie that's too long to explain here.

17:What do you think his first word was?

"No that's wrong!" When his parents were feeling down on themselves.

18:How do you think he was a child?

A nice kid, maybe a little more reserved and a loner, though that's because I think he was more of a loner Pre-Hope's Peak

19:The most random ship people have with him.

It's not my place to say it

20:A weird headcanon.

I like to think he likes the delinquent/dark aesthetic which is why he dressed the way he does.

He also doesn't like being compared to an angel cause he likes the aesthetic and look of a demon more, a friendly demon obviously.

21:When do you think he was at his happiest?

In Hope's Peak with Class 78, his friends and his girlfriend Junko before everything went to hell.

22:When do you think he was at his lowest?

After the end of the first class trial after he found out that Sayaka backstabbed him and that she's now dead, plus the fact Leon died too.

23:Future Headcanon.

He holds out for Junko and never seeks another til his final days.

I think he's the last of Class 78...and the last person related to Hope's Peak during the time he entered the school to die, his luck was so potent that it kept him alive til his 150s.

24:What do you think is a secret he never told anyone?

That he wet the bed til 5th grade, what else?

25:When do you think he acted his most OOC?

Not really have an specific moment...I guess that he didn't broke out of the Despair brainwashing by his own?

26:When do you think he was "himself" the most?

Facing Junko in the last class trial and constantly standing up to her til he defeated her.

27:If he could meet a character from another series. Who would be the most fun of him to meet?

Aside from my crossover ships...

I guess meeting STC Sonic because how both of them are so similar yet so different at the same time.

28:The most unnecessary things he ever did?

...I guess him trying to save the Remnants? He didn't have to do it and nobody would have blamed him if he didn't, but he choose to save them anyways...and that's why he is so great.

29:How do you think he would be as a parent?

I think he be a nice and doting parent who let's his kids have their own space.

30:The funniest scene he had?

I think whenever he sasses up his classmates is funny, especially cause I always imagine him doing Ina deadpan manner.

[watchtheblog]

all hands on d*ck

as always, hello to my 9 true real life friends, some of my 22 (instagram) “close friends”, my 40 internet besties, the handful of you i was able to lure over here with a LiNk iN BiO, the growing number of [redacted] who are unnervingly conspicuous with their surveillance, maybe some other weirdos and haters!, at least 2 of my exes, my therapist if i ask her to read this to understand me better, my daughter in 14-18 years, and anyone else who is here and can read this!!

as a preface to a list of extravagant treasures i wish to receive this holiday season, i am going to tell you a little story. if you don’t care and just want to buy me a gift or just want to use this to curate yours, scroll to the bottom. there are words and jokes down there too if you’re here for all of it!!! (if you need inspiration from years past, i’ve been making this list for 10 years.)

the only times i feel safe are when i am at home, or when i am 5000 miles away from it. anything in between causes absolute chaos within my emotional microbiome.

in america, i am a sentient eggshell and all external stimuli are hammers. outside of america, i am an invincible-cartoon-fireball capable of any and all things through the EU.

once a week i volunteer, and once a month i drive 40-90 miles in one of the four directions to buy a lotto ticket at a random authorized lotto retailer (surprisingly not sponsored), and that’s it.

when i’m home, i do the same thing every day -  i wake up, i go to cult (this is what i call meditation because i’ve been doing it consistently for a year and i have no idea why), i write down everything i’m grateful for*, and i read (a literal book) for 20 minutes before performing my morning ablutions and walking downstairs to drink poison (espresso) and sit in my office tip tapping my ipad for 6-8 hours. then i watch some of the worst television you can ever imagine until it’s time to go to sleep, at which point i do a cult bonus track - it’s called “three good things”, and it’s exactly as the name implies - eat two peppermint patties v slowly, and go to sleep with my television blasting and every light on.

~ (*ok sorry for being sincere for a moment but i need to genuinely recommend the gratitude journal practice because it changed my life. thank you for only engaging with this if it aligns positively with you and excluding it from your personal dossier of me if it doesn’t. anyway, i also love cult because it allows me 30 minutes of controlled focus on every thought i have ever had in my entire life without even a single moment of peace. my inner monologue is a thought-orgy and i am merely a captive and reluctant eavesdropper.) ~

when i’m on vacation, i am a different character from white lotus every day.

this year for my birthday, i chartered a yacht off the amalfi coast (cameron) and sat on it alone for 3 days (ethan). on the 4th day, danielle arrived and we confused the crew by being on vacation together in italy but not fucking. (daphne/harper)

on the 5th day, danielle found out i don’t like music (you’ll need this information later), and on the 6th day, God created man, and one of them asked us if we’d like a massage.

being of sound mind, my first thought was to question this person (employed as a deckhand) on his ability to massage.

he assured us both that he and his fellow deckhand could “of course” massage!

having seen every episode of every franchise of below deck i was wary but i trust men intrinsically (tanya) and i love nothing more than to be consensually touched (dominic) so i said great, we’ll take two! and we settled on “in ten minutes” for the time.

he returned moments later to lead us in a troubling talk on massage logistics - namely, where the massages would take place and on what apparatus.

you, like we, may be thinking: what about a massage table on the sun deck? and that’s a great thought. however, there were no massage tables, so our two deckhand-cum-massage therapists decided they’d conduct the massages they assured us they were equipped to conduct on twin beds in one of the downstairs bedrooms.

10 minutes later we arrived to a room large enough to accommodate two adults lying down, or a small child standing up but being v still:

danielle and i pretended this was not weird (mia/lucia), and as soon as our four adult bodies were within the same energy field we all signed a spiritual contract to never speak about this again! unfortunately danielle and i signed in watercolor and have spoken about it ad nauseam every day since.

one of the guys asked what music he should put on, but before he finished the question, danielle had interrupted him in an octave i’ve never heard her voice go to utter the words “MERCEDES DOESN’T LIKE MUSIC.” … effectively solidifying our fate to have the weirdest experience of our lives in deafening silence!

without leaving the room, they told us to lie down - which we did - and they each returned to our respective sides to *SIT ON THE BED* and massage us with this australian jerk off oil while our faces were mushed sideways into a twin bed for a staggering and completely arbitrary 101 minutes.

the only time ive ever had a massage this unmethodical is every time my boyfriend wants to have sex, and the only reason this one ended was because someone came in to chastise them for being *below deck* for so long… at which point they both got up and left without saying a word!!

anyway ~ that’s how i met your mother ~ (sorry i’ve taken this out and put it back in 8 times. it stays!)

danielle and i are two asexual freaks so this (our villain origin story) never registered to us as a potentially sexual thing, but it has to a lot of people we’ve told! … and to those people i say: interesting. please consider my trauma when selecting a gift from the below list to send to me 😈 thank you!

THE LIST (disclaimer: all i want for my birthday is for everyone i love to be healthy, happy, rich and divinely protected (so far so good tbh!!!!), and for you to donate to the boys and girls club if you have the means. this is merely a list of things i think would be funny or nice or silly to receive:)

the intangible: to pass a law abolishing all waters i don’t like - there are too many to name, but at the very least let’s start with dasani, aquafina, and nestle purelife, for someone to defund Revolve and redirect the money to fund research to corroborate my theory that people who wear clothes that say “spiritual gangster” lack a functioning frontal lobe and should not have rights, for everyone who doesn’t like me to continue doing that because that must be very taxing, for prison reform that allows “love after lockup” to expand it’s filming schedule, for mary kate and olivier to reconcile (please click that link if you’re new here), for jeff bezos to give me a little something in his will, to be paid for all the vacations i’m going to go on in the future and that they never involve a massage on a twin bed.

the ones you can buy: * these gorgeous little poison cups to elevate morning beverages content. also gorgeous!! these are interesting! * i’m looking to redo my whole personality in the vein of someone’s really religious auntie. it starts in the dining room, here. for more in the collection, may i direct you here. *a stunning throw: in pink!!! or this cheaper (v reasonably priced, tbh!) one, the blush pink not that crazy pink in the larger size! * this thing for my desk. i would accept this but don’t really like the branding. * a 5 night stay at this hotel (a suite or above)

* a black birkin with gold hardware in 25 or 35. no links, iykyk * this coat in grey or camel. xs! * buy danielle’s book. (this story is not in it, but better ones are) * this tray to eat chips and peppatties in bed. this will likely be sold out but here. * i don’t want these but definitely want to make you aware gucci are selling incense for one hundred dollars, and perhaps we should collectively look into deplatforming them.

* a pair of solid gold 3 inch hoops. i have no links :( * i’d like to speak to the medium who has a show on bravo, please. this is him. i do not want to be “read” on the tv show. i do not want tickets to see his live show. i want to speak to a dead person through this man. one on one. (you can come if you organize it.) * these slippers. size 8. * this bracelet and bonus if you have a platinum amex, you get $50 back or something for shopping at saks! love to pay it forward!! * this jug of perfume for a room! * this jug for water at varying temperatures. matte black.

* this art, this art, this art, this art, or this art. i’m going to buy this for myself but i love this artist, so i’m sharing. * this alluring bookend that is on sale (x2)! * i don’t need this but i like the way it looks and so i’m passing it on. it’s a weight but who exercises at home… so it’s a hat for your floor. * trying this again: for someone to create a “the floor is lava” set for my birthday where i can do “the floor is lava” SEPARATELY with each of my 9 friends - none of whom know each other, which is intentional and by design. * these shoes. size 8 * these earrings. i tried to buy these on black friday but then i forgot. i may just buy them myself. who knows!

* a real two hour massage * caviar * i like her bc i think we have the same body * these french almond praline sugar things from provence that i bought at duty free and i’ll never find again. and i went on this website and tried to email them to ask them to send them to me (it appears they cannot do that) and i really don’t want to get into it but i spent hours trying to secure them bc they’re that good so i guess this is not an item it’s just a pass on should you ever be in provence or at an airport in france. * a $24,000 tribute to the mascot for Word.

some passing it forward gifts (things i don’t need (because i own them most likely) but they are nice!!) * these cute, non threatening pajamas * my favorite luxe, somewhat threatening pajamas * the only sheets i allow on my bed and body are pratesi but danielle bought me monogrammed pillowcases (super, binx) from here and !!!! * i think i always recommend diptyque candles but we are also a cade (you have to ask for this, they don’t keep them out 😗) household now and newly a boysmells household. * skincare is kind of a lame gift bc everyone’s skin is so different but i have the most reactive skin in the world so i’d like to pass along three of the only things that don’t ruin my life: this (i’ve been using for 3 weeks) is soooo nice, as is this which i’ve been using on and off for a month but the price point was set by the us national debt clock or something. (their instagram clickbait lip balm thing is a waste of money and yes i wasted my money!) also i love this and have used since it launched :)

ok ty for reading come again bye!

[delulu-4-lewlew]

I posted 19,889 times in 2022

849 posts created (4%)

19,040 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@teamroscoes

@wejustvibing

@seblicha

@grazieseb

@princemick

I tagged 1,742 of my posts in 2022

#f1 - 1,000 posts

#lewis hamilton - 152 posts

#sebastian vettel - 76 posts

#formula 1 - 69 posts

#george russell - 47 posts

#answered asks - 47 posts

#anti verstappen - 39 posts

#op’s tags: - 36 posts

#w series - 34 posts

#* - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i know that there was a crossover anyways but it’s still fun to see especially since i work in construction and the boys are obsessed with

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

We have to keep remembering: We are only 2 races in.

We have no idea how the rest of this 22 race calendar will turn out. Don’t write off drivers, don’t write off constructors, don’t think this is it for your faves.

People will improve and others will fuck up. Just like testing means nothing, so do these first races.

96 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#4

Some of y'all have terrible takes sometimes.

A lot of people hate Lance and feel like he's taking up a place at Aston Martin, therefore not allowing younger drivers a chance to come up, aka Felipe Drugovich.

If my dream was to be a F1 driver and my father had the money to, not only fund me but buy a racing team to ensure my participation, you will have to pry that seat out of my cold, dead hands.

Lance is still young enough to win a champion if Aston Martin ever got their car together. Alonso could leave the sport for all I care, he's had his time. He even retired. Whoever let him back in should be fired.

122 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#3

I’m fucking pissed.

Sky sports had the audacity to take the W Series coverage from Channel 4 and can’t even show a podium ceremony because of a red flag that cut into the qualifying preshow.

Fuck you Sky Sports. If you’re not going to provide proper coverage, don’t fucking bother.

136 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

I’m a bit late, but these are my favourite quotes/moments from Grill The Grid. Not in chronological order

“Ocon is way up here” - Lewis Hamilton

“Really? He claims that?!” - Lance Stroll

“Charles is gonna hate me!” Pierre Gasly

Various renditions of “Tsunoda is down here” - Everyone.

“Then Charles” “No” - Fernando Alonso

“No, he’s not. He’s not. Ask the engineers, I know it.” - Sebastian Vettel

*Charles figuring out how his lie makes no sense because Daniel should be taller than him*

“If they tell you another thing, it’s wrong.” - Esteban Ocon

“Lando?! Lando. Has he had grown spurt since I last saw him because that’s not true.” - Alex Albon

“Mick and Lando are the same height? All behind me? Poor Lando” - Charles Leclerc

“Norris is not towards the bottom then? I think that’s a lie.” - Nicholas Latifi

“Sebastian is 175. He told us 176. Oh. He cheated.” - Mick Schumacher

*Sebastian refusing to believe that Lando is the same height as him.* Same bestie.

*Pierre thinking Lewis was the 5th tallest on the grid*

*Alonso getting scared because they haven’t said his name yet.*

“Go on Yuki.” - Lewis Hamilton, while looking at the floor.

“And Lewis is 190.” - Sebastian Vettel

“So I’m actually like, the 4th tallest driver here. So that’s pretty awesome.” - Lewis Hamilton

A video proving men lie about their height and work place bullying is a thing

142 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

There have been multiple overtakes and we are just being shown mv unable to take them race lead

162 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[smileymoth]

Self harm tw

Im not gona do anything rn bc im going home tomorrow and the ones i made last week havent even healed properly but i swear to god one day im going to slice up my wrists just to experience what it looks and feels like because its always been a fucked up fantasy of mine because ive been mentally ill since i was 10 and even without the internet i wouldve lost it some other way. Sometimes i think about going too deep and having to get stitcjes. But if it happened it would be on accident. I woildnt do it on purpose bc im a coward.

I remember in 5th grade we were on a school trip and i lost my mind bc of prohably overstimulation lbr and i started to badly grate away at my wrist witj a plastic knife and that was so cringe i remember feeling cringe immediately since i calmed down and its so embarrassing that i have these thoughts in the first place since youre not supposed to. The next morning i woke up and my dad noticed ky scratched arm and he made a joke about it. It didnt feel too good. Ive never cut too much. I remember in 6tj grade i would cut a small piece of skin off my wrist with scissors and i stkll have a scar from it and it would burn dry to air exposure and id be kinda disturbed bc there was a hole in my skin (go figure) but its so small now. All my sh scars have mostly faded. Ive never done too much because im scared to do too much and go too deep but by god i want to. But i dont want the scars. I dont want my mom to see. I dont want people to see. I just want the feeling it gives. Even if you dont do too much rhe pressure release or adrenaline calmdown after feels so nice and uoi feel so good for like 5 minhtes before you regret what you did. Like its not even a big problem to me lbr i just do a couple to get away iwth saying my cat attacked me and thats why theyre always crooked or i "scratched myself against a screw at school lol" idk if my mom ever really believed me in the first place. Its always awkward when she asks bc i pretend i didnt notjce i have them. And while i dont do it a lot and often ive never cut myself more tjan in the past 2 years. Did my dads death trigger this. I dont know. And i feel like its getting worse slowly. And im just letting it happen because i stopped caring i guess. I dont know. I guess thats why i starved myself in high school bc it was "invisible" and not noticable l. I dont know. I feel so patjetic that i even think about it so often that i do. Like im 22 i should be getting a job and a partner not thinking of which spot on my wrist is most optimal to draw blood with a fucking dirty ass boxcutter that i sprayed a-sept on so if my mom notices it would be least suspicious.

God i cant keep up i cant keep up with life at all im not built for this life it feels like. Im so overwhelmed all the time and i feel disgusting and patjetic and annoying. I dont really care about the things i should i just pretend i care mostly. Thats an autism trait right. Lack of empathy. I feel empathy but sometimes it feels tjat im empathetic just because its right to ne, not tjat i actuallt care. Youd be surprised how little things i acrually care about. Im a little internet attentionwhore who cant kill herself nc her mom and besties would be sad. Im not fucking special for any of this im just pathetic and burnt out and dead on the inside. Im never going to get better am i. Im never going to be what i want to be. Whats the fucking point right. Whats the point of complaining if im not even going to do anything. i wont cut myself open like i want to because its useless and dangerous and doesnt fix anything anyway and i cant kill myself either so ill just complain om tumblr instead and describe in detail how ive cut myself before bc thats entertaining. I feel like im writing a deviantart vent journal