#anyway good morning i’m kind of dedicating myself to this pursuit here

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Beauty Chooses II-Chapter 15

           A special thanks to @statell​ for all your help and wisdom

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter 15 The Bear

My thigh muscles were burning walking up the steep hill to fetch Faith. She is helping a neighbor make apple and peach pies today and it was time for her lessons. Everywhere I look the fields are ripe and nearly ready to harvest. The summer has gifted us with huge crops from perfect rain and sun. The Ridge will do quite well this year.

I have had a low-boil of excitement for the past two months due to no period. What I wouldn’t give for a nearby Walgreens that sells early pregnancy tests. I will just have to wait and pray I was given another chance.

Once we socialized for a while and I admired the beautiful pies, Faith thanked the neighbor and we left for the trek home. I watched her lesson and was very impressed with the math she was doing wondering what a young lady in the 18th century would do with such a gift. It was making my head hurt to think about it, so I excused myself to lay down for a bit. Fighting fatigue is my greatest challenge lately and I find it best to give in and close my eyes each afternoon.

When the bed shook under me I knew Jamie had come to check on me. His warm hands slid down my arms and I yawned and turned toward him smiling.

“Are ye well, Sassenach?”

“Yes.”

“Ye dinna nap in the day usually, until recently. I canna wait any longer lass. Are ye with child?”

“Yes, I believe I am.”

He exhaled audibly and pulled me to him. He touched me like I might shatter with the slightest pressure and I smiled at him.

“I won’t break sweetheart. Perhaps I can show you just how strong I am?”

I reached for his breeks only to have him capture my hands and kiss them. “Another time my love. We are bringin in Floyd’s fields today and they’re waitin on me.”

He kissed my forehead and jumped from our bed. I knew he would be gone until after sunset and I sighed deeply before getting up myself. I found Faith helping Misses Crook shuck corn cobs in the kitchen and kissed her cheeks until she giggled. Glavia still did lessons with Faith every day but was quick to join the man who was courting her in the afternoon. Several times per week Daniel would come for her and they would walk and talk.

I watched them at social gatherings and saw true interest in Daniel. He watched her, always, when she was away from him and his face lit up when she returned. Glavia was sold into servitude by her parents at a young age, but her sharp intellect allowed her to self learn mathematics, literature, history, and advanced writing. Her hunger for knowledge always impressed me but she was in need of a different kind of lesson. There was no one to look after her adult education pertaining to love, courtship, marriage, and sex. It fell to me as I oversaw this beautiful girl.

“Glavia, would you come to my room, please? I want to have a talk with you.”

We sat cross-legged on my bed which seemed to relax her. We talked about Daniel and how the courtship was going. I could see she was in love by the rosy blush that spread across her face and the whimsical look in her eyes.

“Has he kissed you yet?”

“No mistress!”

“Well, it is quite normal at this stage of courtship to be kissed. Have you told him not to?”

“No, he has not asked me.”

“Do you want him to kiss you?”

“I do!”

“Next time you two are alone, like when he walks you home, if he stops and looks into your eyes you must stay focused on his eyes, do not look down at your feet. That tells a man not to kiss you.”

I could see Glavia’s mind working because she wanted to be kissed and would follow my instructions to the letter.

“He can put his arm around your waist when he kisses you but that is all. If his hands are wandering all over your body, you must break the kiss and run home. He is not an honorable man if he does such a thing. If he courts only you and has not asked for your hand in marriage after six months you must move on and find another suitor. Hard as that may be.”

Glavia stared at me through my dissertation and I knew my warnings were burned into her brain. I hugged her before walking downstairs. Her deer-in-the-headlight look tugged at my heart and I was glad I had not gone any further with her lesson today.

Later when I kissed Faith goodnight she asked for Jamie. She was learning one Gaelic word per night and she had not gotten her word yet. I assured her I would send him up the minute he came home. She is such a sweet little girl. I could not imagine speaking to her about kissing men and letting them hold her waist. I would surely poison them before they ever got near her. I giggled down the stairs at the thoughts I was having.

Faith practiced and used the Gaelic words she was learning every day and she would giggle, or gasp, at Jamie when he spoke Gaelic, reminding us both she could sometimes understand him. She was learning, and waited on her father’s instruction every night. It was not usual for a father to spend dedicated time with a daughter. His job was to save for her dowry and see her married as well as possible. I was immensely proud of Jamie for wanting his daughter to learn all she could from him. They had a special bond because of it. ********************** To my eternal happiness, a period never came for nine months. The birth of this child was not as easy as Faith, but like the first time, Jamie was in the bed with me, coaching and encouraging, no matter how many times the attending ladies asked him to leave. Brian James Alexander Fraser was born on March 19th 1753. He has dark curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and a healthy set of lungs. When the baby cried in the night, I would change his diaper and plug him into a nipple, I slept while he nursed. A couple of hours later he would fuss again and I would turn over and give him the other side. He was an easy baby with an abundance of people to answer his every grunt and cry.

Jamie built a bassinet outside that was strung between two trees so the baby could rest and coo outside while I hung laundry. He was just fed and sleeping quietly so I ran into the house for more laundry. I threw a few pieces into the washtub and felt the hair on my arms stand up at the low growling coming from the yard. When I raised my eyes I almost fainted.

A large brown bear ambled around, sniffing the trees, looking for food. He got closer and closer to the baby and I thought I would have a heart attack. I ran off the porch and picked up large rocks to throw but he was too far away. He kept coming so I ran into the house and grabbed the rifle loading it on the porch while the bear got closer. I would have to shoot across the baby to hit the bear. Hopefully, I could make him run away, grab Brian, and run to the safety of the house.

The beast was acting aggressively and stood on his hind legs, smacking his lips together. An invitation to fight. I raised the rifle to my shoulder, aiming right for his head. If I missed, or just grazed him, he would charge me, and Brian was between us in the bassinet. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and pulled the trigger. The rifle shot was loud and echoed into the canyon and back again. I hit the bear in his face and he roared, charging at me. I loaded the rifle again with shaking hands, pulled it to my shoulder and shot his face again. He veered off to the side screaming in pain. I ran to Brian, scooping him up before running to the front door.

Misses Crook was white-faced when she ran to me and looked me over. Not minutes later, Jamie came charging through the front followed by Murtagh. I was sobbing and Jamie held us while I told him what happened. When he knew we were alright they headed back out in pursuit of the injured bear.

Brian eventually calmed down and Faith pressed into me for the better part of the afternoon. When Glavia took Brian to the nursery I turned my attention to Faith who was very pale. I hugged her to me and told her not to worry. First bear on the ridge in almost eight years, there wasn’t likely to be another.

Misses Crook called us to eat but I wasn’t hungry. The sun was going down and Jamie wasn’t back yet. The bear must be leading them on a good chase into the forest and when it was so dark to be completely black the bear would turn around and eat them. I shook my head hard to rid the image in my mind and went back to the window.

Some of the men built a large bonfire to guide them back if they were lost, by the light of the flames or by smell. Once Faith was in her bed with Glavia to read to her I went outside to speak with the neighbors. As I approached a cheer went up as Jamie and Murtagh emerged from the trees. They were both bloody and my heart fell as I ran to them.

“Thank ye for the fire, yer good friends to stand out here in the cool night. The bear is still alive, for now anyway, we will gather at first light and try again.”

Someone asked why they were bloody if they had wounds to mend. I was already looking them both over and could see no wounds or punctures from long teeth. I continued to look.

“It isna our blood, Sassenach, I’m not hurt, dinna fash. After sunset, the bear came back and attacked from behind. He grabbed both of us and I shoved my rifle into his mouth and let him chew on the barrel while we got to our feet. He took it, so I’ll be needin to borrow a rifle in the morning.” Jamie pointed at Murtagh, “if the same amount of blood is on me, the bear will bleed out by morning. We can hope.”

Jamie didn’t want to use up all the stored water in the house so he and Murtagh bravely turned toward the stream. I knew it would be intensely uncomfortable in the chilly night air. I grabbed two blankets and followed them.

“Thank ye Sassenach, but yer too far from the house now to walk back alone.”

I used my torch to find them in the water and handed each of them a chunk of soap and inspected their shirts before turning my back. I held the blankets out and felt one pull off my arm, and then the other. Thinking they were both covered by their blanket I turned around to take their clothes and poor Murtagh was hopping in place, trying to free his foot from his trousers. I whipped around again and squeezed my eyes shut as if that would erase the image from my mind.

We all pushed toward home, me, and two half-frozen Highlanders, and it was all I could do to keep my hysterical laughter from erupting. I left them at the fire to warm up and raced to my room where I buried my face in a pillow and let it rip. Bare butt cheeks were only half of it. In the shadow of my torch, I could clearly see Murtagh’s penis bouncing up and down when he hopped. I dared not go back downstairs and wondered if I could ever see Murtagh from behind without laughing. Thank goodness he was unaware.

Misses Crook placed hot bowls of stew in front of the men and kept them full until they both pushed away from the table. Jamie staggered into our room and collapsed on the bed. He smelled delicious and his naked body was filling my mind with things not so funny. I ran my hand over his gorgeous butt and received a loud snore for my efforts. I tried several times to wake him and if he hadn’t been snoring, I might think him dead. I gave up and pulled his lifeless arm over me, that was enough to fall asleep.

I was up in time to see the large gathering of men outside. Many had a rifle, some had a pitchfork. Jamie split them into two groups and taught them a strange whistle to be used when someone found the bear or its blood trail. Many wives ran out to fill their husband's pockets with dried meat and fruit only to have Jamie explain it would bring bears in from every direction and the gifts were pulled out of pockets instantly.

These were brave men who hung on Jamie’s every word. Murtagh went with one group, Jamie with the other, and they disappeared into the trees. I hugged the women and told them not to worry. I suggested we all look for herbs and mushrooms today. The women looked into the trees and shook their heads before scattering to their houses.

Glavia pulled the nursery window open a few inches and I could hear Brian making quite a fuss. Nice hint Glavia, I’m coming.

I was deep into the front yard when I heard him and walked quickly toward the house. Before I reached the front door, I felt my milk let down and my breasts tingle sharply. I started running up the stairs and grabbed Brian to my breast as it flowed into the fabric of my shift. I sat back in the rocking chair panting from my constricting corset and smiled at Faith.

“Good morning, darling. Did you have pleasant dreams?”

Faith put her hand on my leg and looked at her feet. It was clear she was still traumatized from the bear incident and my heart broke.

“Faith, do not worry. Your father has lots of men with him today and they will all stay safe together.”

Faith spoke quickly and I could see she was unsettled. Her words were half Gaelic and half English, and I felt a giggling pride that she had been so devoted to her father’s language. Glavia confessed that Faith requested Gaelic when she spoke to tenants and they were only too happy to correct her pronunciation and teach her the words she lacked to answer them. She looked at me sharply for laughing but I felt my eyes well up with tears and she knew how proud I was of her.

“I have never been so proud of you little girl. Now, I have a new lesson to teach you. Courage.”

“No mama, I am too fearful. I will never be unafraid, as you are, and I canna make myself. I’ve tried.”

“Fearful.” I rolled the word off my tongue thinking of the best way to explain fear. “I am quite familiar with fear actually, it is something I live with every day. It’s either making me shake or hovering in my head ready to fill me with dread at the slightest provocation. I dare say Glavia feels fear often, do you not my dear?”

Glavia nodded her head vigorously.

“Courage simply means feeling the fear and doing the act anyway. Yes, that about sums it up.” I smiled at my explanation until I saw the confusion in Faith’s expression.

“Darling, do you remember when I hit the man with my parasol? I was hugely afraid at that moment, but I hit him anyway because it was the only thing I could do. Courage is like the cavalry riding in to save you, or someone you love, when danger is near.”

“Cavalry.” She tasted the word with a strange expression.

“Sorry, a bit too soon for that word. Courage is that bit in you that rises up in the face of danger and does whatever is necessary to save yourself or someone you care about. It has bigger muscles than your fear and will save you. Yes, that’s better.”

Brian burped loudly in my ear as his head rolled in his sleep. I put him in Glavia’s outstretched hands and turned to my sweet daughter.

“The time will come when you will feel tremendous fear and the way to safety will be clear in your mind. You will do what needs to be done because you know it’s the right thing to do. Each time you do it, will be easier.”

Faith wrapped her arms around my waist and seemed a bit more composed when she left with Glavia to get a snack before lessons. I stayed in the soothing rocking chair and thought about all the times courage pulled me through something scary. Waking up in Jamie’s wood the first time, sailing to France not knowing where I might wake up the next day, walking through the stones, and running to save my family when the redcoats were twenty feet from us. I shook my head to make it stop because my heart was banging in my ears. I dearly hoped Faith would not experience a fraction of that.

I wondered how long it takes to find an injured bear and decided to read on the front porch to be available in case other wives came for news of the hunt. I squinted against the sun making my eyes water and kept them closed until the sting went away. Sometime later, I moved my eyeballs side to side under my lids, aware of the passage of time. My face was in the shadow of the porch when I opened them so I must have fallen asleep some time ago. I felt my smile as I stretched and then froze seeing a large animal not five feet from me.

The bear was walking straight toward me and I couldn’t move. It was huge and dripping blood behind him. I wondered if Jamie was close by and prayed fervently that he was. He was closer now. When I saw his front feet on the steps to the porch the alarm bells were ringing in my ears, I was hyperventilating, but I still couldn’t move. I would have to run past the beast to reach the front door and I couldn’t make myself do it. As I debated my plan the front door swung open and Misses Crook jumped out, followed by Faith and Glavia. They had pots and wooded spoons to beat on them making such a noise it scared the bear and he ran back down the stairs. I jumped to my feet ushering the woman back into the house and slamming the door.

I dropped to my knees and held Faith closely while I panted for air.

“That, my darling, is the very definition of courage. Thank you, all of you, for saving me!”

We crowded close to the window to see the bear, but he was gone. We continued to look until it jumped in front of the window on its hind legs growling at the sight of us. We all screamed and clung to each other. The bear was growling with his horrible mouth wide open and I prayed he would not bang into the glass and get us. I looked around for the rifle before I remembered it was lost and pulled the women away from the window. I told them to run for the nearest neighbor while I distracted the bear. They refused and I implored Glavia to run Faith to safety and scowled at Misses Crook.

The bear was getting frustrated. He could see us but could not get us, so he started pounding on the glass. I screamed at Misses Crook to hide upstairs with the baby. He pounded louder and I have never been so scared. I watched the bear shoot sideways with human hands clutching the fur on his neck and a shiny dirk plunge deep into the neck squirting blood sideways. I could see Jamie on his back, as the bear thrashed the dirk was brought down into his neck again and again. I watched in horror at the huge quantity of blood that pooled on the patio boards and covered Jamie.

Like it was slow motion, he plunged the dirk into the neck and moved it side to side violently. I could tell the bear was losing his strength as it tried to stand up and roar one last time. The bear fell forward with Jamie rolling to the side and getting to his feet. Brave Jackson ran to Jamie with a rifle pointed at the beast’s head. They stood still while the blood pumped out of the animal. There was no more life in the bear so ropes were tied to its legs and he was dragged off the porch and away.

I could hear Brian screaming and raced upstairs to find Misses Crook pacing with a hysterical baby. I took him and dropped into the rocking chair, telling her the bear was quite dead. I rocked my sweet son and hummed to him while I offered a nipple. It took several minutes for him to stop crying and finally latch onto me. I smiled down at him and tried to keep my face calm. “I can be your hero baby I can kiss away the pain I will stand by you forever You can take my breath away”

“I’ve ne’er heard that song mistress.”

My head snapped up, forgetting Misses Crook was still in the room. “It’s Enrique Iglesias, one of my favorites.” She blinked at me like she had never been to my century.

“Could you find Glavia and Faith and bring them home?”

“Aye.”

I watched Brian sleep in my arms. I knew there was chaos happening outside, but for now, it was just me and Brain and all was right in the world. When I had indulged myself enough, I put the baby in his cradle and went downstairs to wait for the women. I thought about Glavia and how sparkling happy she had been lately. My happiness for her ground to a halt and I counted on my fingers how many months it had been since Daniel first came to call on her. I was quite upset I had not watched more closely because by my count it had been well over a year. What could Daniel be waiting for I wondered?

“Glavia, may I speak to you please, before the lesson? How is it going with your suitor, Daniel?”

Her smile illuminated her face for a moment but was quickly replaced with concern. She looked at me strangely, almost like fear.

“It has been over a year Glavia. Has he talked about marriage, has he asked you?”

“No mistress, not yet.”

“He calls on you several times a week, what do you two talk about?”

When she looked at the floor, she tried to answer which was little more than stammering. I was flooded with fear for her suddenly and my question just flew out of my mouth.

“Glavia, has he asked for more than a kiss?”

She shook her head no and started to cry. Now I was really confused. I pulled her to the sofa and calmed myself before asking what her tears were for. It took a bit of time before she answered me.

“He has not asked to kiss me yet. I have done what you said, I look at him when we are together and he gets quiet but he has not asked.”

“Oh dear. Does he act fond of you?”

“Yes, he writes beautiful poetry for me, about love and devotion. He reads it to me out loud and says he wrote the poem for me.”

Her eyes became misty and full of love, but I had not a clue how to guide her. Well, I know what I would have done in this situation.

“Glavia, your courtship has gone on too long. I’m afraid people will talk about you in an unkind way that may interfere with other men courting you, if it comes to that. So, it’s time to say goodbye to Daniel.” When she protested, loudly, I decided it couldn’t hurt to tell her what I would do. “There is one more thing you can try. If he truly loves you, this will work. You kiss him.”

“What?! I couldn’t do such a thing!”

“You can, and you will, because you don’t want to say goodbye. It’s not so bad. Next time you two are alone where no one can see you, just hold his face and kiss him.”

“Hold his face?”

“Softly, like this, and look directly into his eyes, and then..”

“What’s this then?”

I heard Jamie’s voice from the front door and snapped my head up to see him wrapped in a blanket again after washing in the river.

“Do you mind if I use you to demonstrate how to kiss?”

He perked up, “I dinna mind mo chridhe.” He walked to me smiling and looking at my lips. I could tell he meant to lead so I put my hand up to stop him.

“I want you to act like you are not expecting a kiss.”

When he started asking questions, I tenderly held his face and softly kissed him. I felt his arms reach for me after that and suggested he dress before there is any more kissing. He looked cheated but went up the stairs to our room. I turned to Glavia and smiled.

“See? It’s easy, well maybe not the first time because you will be nervous. Maybe you would like to try with Murtagh?”

She shook her head yes and I called the unsuspecting man over to us. “Murtagh, before you disappear to dress can we borrow you for a minute?”

He approached with his usual scowl and Glavia bravely stood up, held his face, and kissed him. And then he fainted dead away.

“Oh dear God, Murtagh… Murtagh, wake up.”

I slapped his cheek a bit and his eyes opened as he scooted back away from us. Glavia was apologizing and walking toward him so he got to his feet and ran to his room. Maybe I should have warned him.

“That was magnificent! Seriously, you did it just right and I’m sure Daniel will not react that way. How do feel about the kiss, can you do it with Daniel?”

“I feel fine about kissing and yes I can do it, this evening when we take our walk.”

With that, she turned to the stairs to start Faith’s lesson. I felt rather wicked for not warning Murtagh and all the talk of kissing was making me uncomfortable. I decided to help Jamie get dressed for his afternoon of chores and maybe a quick explanation of causing Murtagh to faint, the poor man.

I had to help Jamie off the floor he was laughing so hard at Murtagh’s reaction to being kissed. I admit I was almost losing it myself and didn’t know who was helping who up. I was quite sure Murtagh would not speak to me for quite some time, but it was worth it. Glavia seemed to have confidence enough to kiss her boyfriend and I was on pins and needles all evening, waiting for her to come home. It was unusually late when I finally heard the front door open. Jamie and the rest of the household were fast asleep already.

Glavia pressed her back against the door and sighed deeply. She looked weird but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

“How was your evening Glavia?”

She rolled her head to look at me and smiled like she was high. Uh oh. “Well, did you do it?”

She drifted to me like her feet were not touching the ground. When she got closer, I could see the area around her mouth was red and looked painful. Then it hit me, they kissed so much he scratched her delicate skin with his beard. I looked again and decided that was a lot of kissing. Glavia floated upstairs without a word and I prayed a proposal would be coming soon. I made a vow, then and there, to be more careful with the advice I gave.

I waited patiently for the next two weeks, hoping Daniel would speak to Jamie about asking for Glavia’s hand but it never happened. After each date, Glavia would float in with a red mouth and say goodnight. Clearly, I had to meddle in her affairs one more time. When Jamie and I were in bed I broached the subject.

“Jamie, darling, I think you need to speak with Daniel about his intentions for Glavia. It’s been over a year they have been seeing each other and I am worried about her reputation. Will you speak to him, to Daniel, please?”

“Do I order him to marry the lass, or ask why he hasna already?”

“Well, tell him a year of courtship is long enough so he must marry her or never see her again.”

I could feel Jamie thinking about that and he undoubtedly thought it harsh, but I was the one to protect her reputation, so I would keep asking him. A month later, Daniel asked Jamie after church if he might speak with him later in the afternoon. Jamie agreed and I almost fainted with relief. This better be what I think it is or I will throttle that boy myself.

There was great excitement on the Ridge today as we prepared for the harvest festival which usually lasted all night and into the next day. The men had been hunting all week and there was already a pig, three turkeys, and a deer roasting outside. Misses Crook and I made numerous trips to the big tables outside bringing plates of bannocks, fruit salad, and bread. The tables were filling up quickly as we went back to the house for more food. Glavia would not be lending a hand this afternoon. She was sitting on her bed waiting for Daniel’s visit to be over so she could pump Jamie for information.

I thought the door to Jamie’s study was closed for an awfully long time, feeling my relief when Daniel dashed for the front door. I was already dressed for the party and poked my head in to look at my husband. He sat quietly, contemplating his universe and whatever was happening in it. I raised my eyebrows when he looked up and he beckoned me in to sit with him.

“Daniel has asked for Glavia’s hand and I gave my permission, now I feel afraid for the lass because her husband wilna make her happy.” He stood up and walked toward me lifting me and holding me close by my waist. “Tell me Sassenach, are all women like ye? Because Daniel wilna do what I do to ye.”

His eyes were burning with the question because Daniel presented himself as chaste and held that virtue in the highest regard. He knew how to create offspring but saw sex at other times sinful.

“If Glavia is like ye she will have a lonely life.” He pushed the hair behind my ear and looked me in the eye while he ran his fingers down my chest and over my nipple. “I fear he is pious and will not stimulate her interest in the world.”

“Jamie. She is in love and there is no telling her otherwise. Do not take on the burden of her happiness. It is up to Glavia to seek her marital bliss and I have faith in her.”

We were temporarily sidetracked by kissing and celebrating our mutual love, physical and spiritual. The house was filling with the smell of roasting meat and we could hear music and clapping outside. I pulled Jamie to the door and he seemed to shake off his concern and smile in anticipation of the party ahead. Later I saw Daniel steer Glavia away from the party and they disappeared. I sighed deeply hoping I was right about their union because it would soon be too late to undo this.

I bundled Brian up in his blankets and got back to the party in time to see Jamie dancing with his daughter as the crowd clapped. She was in full hero-worship as she watched his feet and copied him to the beat of the music. My eyes stung watching them. She seemed so grown up and was so loved by her father.

Later, I steered Faith toward home and helped her into bed suddenly aware of her need for a Gaelic word from Jamie. She answered me in a string of Gaelic and then translated, “he gave me two words last night.” I kissed her cheeks a dozen times and pulled the quilt up to her chin before turning down the lamp.

“You are my angel, goodnight.”

I put a sleeping Brian into his cradle and went downstairs to help Misses Crook with the catastrophic mess in the kitchen. I could see she was dead on her feet and ordered her to bed. I was still wide awake, waiting for Glavia to come home and tell me her good news.

She came through the door a changed woman, brimming with love, and seeing images of her wedding in her mind. I hugged her to me, so happy she had won her love and determined to meddle when the time was right so she would understand seduction and physical love.

Once Glavia was upstairs with the children I rejoined the party and a drunk Scot assaulted me pulling me to dance with him. I laughed until I lost step with the music, panting from my corset. Jamie whisked me away from the smoke of the fire and by the time I could breathe my back was against a tree and said Scot was chasing my mouth. He pressed into me asking forgiveness and kissed me deeply. I tried to see behind him to verify we were out of sight when my skirts came up to my waist and he pulled me up. My legs went around him and I lowered my head to kiss him as his cock slowly filled me. Christ, what a feeling it was when he first pushed into me. I leaned back against the tree and watched his arousal take off and his pace quicken. He held my head down on his lips and when I pushed away to breathe, he pulled my jacket open and exposed my breasts. That did it. I was in the race to finish with him and almost lost consciousness from my damn corset. My orgasm gripped him hard enough to make him grunt and he followed me into the erotic wind. I felt his kisses on my neck when I opened my eyes. He set me down on my feet and he hugged me closely before we giggled about our adventure.

Jamie was walking back to the house with me when several men were calling him to join in the games. I smiled and pushed him toward the party, wanting him to enjoy this night of fun that came only once a year. I banked the fire and turned the lamps down before heading upstairs reaching behind me to grab one of my laces and failing. I peeked into the nursery and Brian and Faith were sound asleep. Glavia whispered to me and I almost shot out of my skin. I pulled her to my room and closed the door. She helped me out of my corset and into a robe so we could talk.

She described the way Daniel proposed to her and thought it the most romantic speech ever said. I found it devoid of emotion and pious, suddenly sharing Jamie’s concern for her happiness. We would have to see how long dear Daniel can resist a beautiful, young, wife who is schooled in seduction. I would make sure Glavia knew what to do, even if it meant Murtagh fainting again, or worse. On second thought, maybe we should leave Murtagh out of this. What I intended to teach her wasn’t as innocent as a kiss.

[scribble-dee-vee]

Two words prompt: Spell, Control

Ooooh, this is a cool prompt! Thanks! I ended up going off on a drabble that’s only tangentially related to said cool prompt. I was thinking about magic in general and some of my darling OCs in particular, so… oops? Hope you like my lil story anyway! It’s pretty short and very lighthearted. A precocious royal kiddo and her friends banter about the different kinds of magic that exist in their world.

FYI, this scene takes place in Heart of Lead’s (my main WIP’s) universe! The characters featured are important in the Heart of Lead prequel, which takes place roughly four hundred years before Heart of Lead itself on the timeline. When the prequel starts off, these characters are eighteen. In this scene they’re twelve. So this is like a prequel prequel drabble, lol. Minor worldbuild-y spoilers but like…. I can’t keep everything secret all the time……. it’s killin me lmao

1182 words; under the cut for your convenience!

         I liked tothink I was practical, for a princess. I wasn’t one for wasting time ordream-power on useless things, like small talk or balancing books. I dedicatedmyself to important pursuits: kind gestures, and painting, and occasionally puttingmy brainpower to things. These were things that required long investigations, whichMother labeled “frivolous mischief.” Things that I knew would help the kingdom onceI was old enough to rule it, and the Triumvirate once I was old enough torepresent in it. Things like human magic- which, as it so happened, was exactlythe subject I was experimenting with one fine morning in the April of mytwelfth year.

           I sat inthe Elysium Garden. Where else? The castle walls were high and well-watched, andI didn’t want any guards to catch me wandering around and herd me back in toMother. There was a nice secluded grove here in the garden, and a fine breeze,and a fountain. I perched on the rim. I trailed one hand in the sweet, coolwater, ignoring the fact that I was getting my lacy sleeve sodden. In my otherhand was a book, which I scrutinized. My friend Blithe sat ninety degreesaround the perimeter of the fountain, scribbling on a sheath of notes that wereallegedly mine for my history tutor to peruse later.

           “Sasha,catch!”

           I glancedup just in time to see a ball sail past my face and splash through the fall ofthe fountain. It sent up enough water to splatter my cheek and the backs of mypalms, but not much else.

           “Frederick!” Blithe snapped. She hurriedto pull the notes away from the spray. She sent an inkwell skittering acrossthe stone and into the grass.

           “Whoops.”Frederick shrugged. “Thought you’d be looking my way. Didn’t you two say you’dplay today? Especially since we slipped Sasha’s nanny and all.”

           “I’m notfinished with the notes.” Blithe tucked a black coil of hair behind her ear,procuring a new well from her bag. “And you ought to let Sasha do what shelikes.”

           “We’ll havemuch more fun with what I’m doing than with your silly ball,” I said. The wavesof the fountain had pushed the ball back out to me, a spot of red bobbing likean apple in the blue water, and I picked it up to toss it back to Frederick. “Haveit back if you want. But it’s not as good as my plan.”

           Frederickcaught the ball. “And what’s that, exactly?”

           I tilted myhead, letting soft brown hair drift across my face mysteriously in the wind. “I’mfiguring out how to use human magic.”

           Frederick’syellow eyes widened. Blithe looked at me, frowned, and then looked back to hernotes- but her quill had stopped tracing over the page.

           “I don’tthink you can,” Frederick said.

           “Don’t takesuch an attitude,” I said. “If anyone can do it, Freddie, I can.”

           “But that’snot how it works, is it?” He started over to me, swinging his arms at his sideslike he always did when he tried to seem nonchalant. “We’ve got our brand ofmagic, humans have got theirs.”

           “And I’mgoing to master both ‘brands,’” I insisted.

           “Even ifyou could, what’s so great about human magic anyway? What’s so much better thanwhat us Shifters can do?”

           “Oh, I can’t believe this needs explaining!” Isaid. I began flipping through the book, searching out the most interestingpassages. “Hurry over here, Freddie. I’ll show you.”

           Frederickshrugged his shoulders, moving his weight forward to seamlessly transition the bouncygait of a human boy to the swift step of a tiger cub. His front paws touchedthe grass and he bounded toward me, perking up his fuzzy ears.

           “Show off,”Blithe muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

           Fredericksat back on his hind legs and waved his tail lazily for a few more seconds.Then the fur retreated and he was a boy again, lounging in the grass againstthe fountain by my side.

           “All right,Princess,” he said. “Tell me what’s so much better than Shifting.”

           I thumbedthrough a couple more pages, choosing not to acknowledge the demonstration.

           “Yes,” Isaid, refreshing myself on the page I’d been looking for. “Yes, here! I’llstart with us, shall I? Shifters can transform into animals, that’s all. Onlyone animal per Shifter. Certainly, some Dovians are seers, and the occasionalSparrowal doctor can heal with magic, but our powers don’t go much beyond that.I appreciate our magic, of course. I do enjoy my avian form. But compared tous, humans can do anything!”

           I glancedback at the book, moving my fingers over its pages with loving care. “Humans manifestpowers, you know, with time and practice. Amazing powers. There are humans whocan ease fears and weave storms, humans who can win over whole crowds with onesmile and weld metal with their hands. There is so much variation! So much flexibility!”

           “So much danger,” Blithe put in. She’d leanedforward, fully abandoning any concentration on the history notes. “You knowthat, don’t you? In Trinity City there are whole orders of mages who do horridthings to people and corrode their bodies with unstable magic until they’reshambling wrecks. It’s too much to take.”

           I shook myhead in protest. “People like that make up a tiny fraction of human mages.There are plenty of criminal Shifters too, you know.” I clasped the book to mychest, falling back to lie on the fountain’s rim. “And I don’t care what yousay. Trinity City is the best place in the wholeworld. I’m going to go there and meetdozens of human mages one day. I’ll invite you to our prestigious dinnerparties, Blithe, even if you can’t like human magic, because you’re my verybest friend.”

           “Hey!”Frederick said, sitting bolt upright to give me a good view of his wide, hurteyes.

           “You’realso my very best friend, Freddie,” I assured him. “You’ll get to sit rightnext to me at the parties, and I’ll let you have the best wine.”

           He wrinkledhis nose. “I don’t like wine.”

           “That’sbecause you’re twelve,” I said. “I don’t like it either. But we’ll all adore thestuff when we’re older, especially at fancy dinner parties. All adults do.”

           “Sasha!”

           We alllooked in the direction of the call. Someone was approaching through the trees,someone who sounded cross and busy and decidedly nanny-like.

           “Drat,” Isaid.

           “Well,”Frederick said, cheerful, “I guess I’ll help you with human magic tomorrow. You’veconvinced me. I want in on the dinner parties.”

           “Wonderful,”I said, making hasty efforts to hide the book somewhere on my person so that mynanny wouldn’t confiscate it as soon as she found us. “We’ll make thepreparations tonight after dinner.”

           “But Sasha?”he added a moment later, almost as an afterthought.

           “Yes,Freddie?” I said.

           He crackeda toothy grin. “I still think catch is more fun.”

[apriltwentythree]

good morning Hacker, i have a question for you.

will everything about me have to some day end up being ‘just collateral damage along the way of your life pursuits’…?

late last year, Boston Medical Center the hospital place that I work at, and all its satellite wings, were brought together to be on the same umbrella administration. from our team — Business Systems IT-- a couple of people were let-go. our team basically deals with the business side of Hospital Administration. in very simplified terms, we work on a HealthCare software that manages BMC’s ‘Hospital Contracts’ with various participants in the healthcare avenue, primarily in the state of Massachussets. we software-manage contracts with other Hospitals, Providers, Patients, Insurance Models, Government programs like Medicare/Medicaid etc. and configure how different health services are paid and billed for patients in all different kinds of Healthcare plans. internally, our team has two sub-teams: NetworX group and Benefits group. I am in the NetworX group. but, because one of the real-expert-guys in the Benefits area was among those that were let-go, some of us in the NetworX group are now made to work on Benefits queue, and so far it has worked out well for the team!

i say this here as I actually don’t know what exact information from my world is “hack-broadcasted around”. I keep trying to trace back everything I did over the past week, and figure out what it is, that has been read out of context by the Hacker just so he feels that everyone may need to have a field day on Facebook. because i had just written a blog post on May 10th about neuro stuff, creative stuff, things i love, people i love, my mother, ‘son’, peace etc. whilst finding myself in a nice, warm headspace. and the last thing i would have wished to do then was to turn around and go about engaging in silly remarks, supposedly oh-so-sexual, the following day! because, that blog writing meant something to me, my writings always mean something to me. it was just by chance i figured that may be some of my work emails or laptop usage or phone usage or whatever the heck it is, is taken out of context and being hack-broadcasted, to supersede everything that i write on my blog?!

don’t take me wrong, I am not playing at being Kulasthree-oh-so-prude. i can very well indulge in sex humor on-demand. say, i remember this one day in March. after attempting to end Truman Show for the umpteenth time, I had phone-browsed  SH’s profile page  to find a fun read on ‘ErectileDysfunction(ED) and new solution’, which was meant for me as a funny supportive gesture amidst all the hard hackathon. at the time, the Hacker had hack-broadcasted this incident to shame me(not SH). after which, he had retweeted a picture of some scenic locale captioned “here’s a slice of Kumbalangi for you” or something of that sort, I can’t remember exactly. no one had shamed the Hacker then either.

there is something that I have never really told anyone. because of my biracial-parentage inheritance, because of both black and white parentage, my vagina is magical. one half appears milk-white in color, and the other half appears kohl-black in color. what is the percentage of dual-racial-marriages in our country? about 15 percent…i’m not really sure? out of all people born out of dual-racial-marriages….how many are men, how many are women? what is the sex-ratio in our nation….51:49 percent??? so do the math. out of all the vaginas in our country, currently how many vaginas on this socmedia-sphere right now, are exotic-rare like mine… one half being milk-white and the other half being kohl-black? it won’t be a very large number, definitely. so I’m not bragging when i say that my vagina is quite rare in its being.

let’s say, there is a black penis and a white penis here….say hypothetically, of the genre ‘ED-resolved’ and of the genre ‘Kumbalangi’. now, my vagina can sense this information on its own—in an AI-like-smart manner— and, it then acts like a shape-shifter to conjure up two independent pathways, one each for each penis, and like a standalone dual-vagina, it may handle both the genres together. i will leave it to the reader’s imagination on how that may work. but here’s the real, cool part: let’s say the triangle encounter is to result in pregnancy, my vagina has the technical know-how to merge the sperm from both sources, and this ‘merger-sperm’ is what is utilized toward the process of baby-making. and that child born would LITERALLY be ‘പല തന്തക്ക് പിറന്നവൻ/ൾ/ർ’. next, in case there’s only one penis in the vicinity, either black or white. my vagina senses this information too on its own— again in an AI-like-smart manner—and the two pathways magically transform back into a single pathway, and operate like a regular vagina. bcoz otherwise it will be weird, and that poor single penis—black or white— will really be confused. to wrap, my vagina is a magic vagina. #whenYourWorldisColorlessYetSoColorfulOMG

this above humble attempt at sex humor is dedicated to any-inflated-sense-of-self-importance that people-with-penis may generally be prone to have!

look, all I’m really trying to say is, it was upsetting to learn that what i wrote here before about disability and SPS and other things that hold value to me was only to be watered off the next day, through random hack-broadcasting. 

do i have a choice in saying that i wish the hacking be ended…? that i wish to stay in silence and go off the grid for a while…?

yesterday i happened to read a random comment that the Hacker made on his page: വഴിയേ പോയ എന്റെ നെഞ്ചത്തോട്ട് തന്നെ കേറ്റിക്കോ... 

i was left wondering, if may be that is how the Hacker feels about stuff in general, may be this is how I feel about stuff in general: വഴിയേ കൂടി പോലും പോകാതെ, വീട്ടിനകത്തെ അടുക്കളയ്ക്കുള്ളിൽ സ്വസ്ഥമായിരിക്കുന്ന എന്നെ, ഇടയ്ക്കിടക്ക് വഴിയിലേക്ക് വലിച്ചിഴച്ചിട്ടിട്ടു, എന്റെ നെഞ്ചത്തോട്ട് തന്നെ കേറ്റിക്കോ... 

:) hello Hacker. will everything about me have to some day end up being ‘just collateral damage along the way of your life pursuits’…? 

anyways, editing this previous piece to read:  “i wish to dedicate my first medical writing of sorts to your grandma whoozz nurse just like me” …..there’s an uncle from my mother’s side of the family who used to work as a Physician and he had ended up marrying a ‘christian woman’ who used to work as a Nurse alongside him at their hospital. my mum used to sort of dislike her, and so hanging out with her to annoy my mum was something that i had always looked forward to. i have interesting memories. then, through the past few years, making reference to nursing was one of socmedia-misogyny’s favorite ways of ‘showing me my place’, and at times I would find this generic senseless-ness a little unsettling. so when i discovered that your grandma was into nursing, it was a lovely #MakeNursingGreatAgain moment inside my head, and everything seemed back at being cool, like how it always was for me. :)

the concept of hospital-Informatics, which is pretty big in the healthCare sector these days is some times credited to inventor Flo Nightingale, all-time favorite nurse of the world. after discovering the-grandma-trivia, that day i had ended up reading about clinical informatics in the context of personalized medicine and patient driven information economy. i had also stumbled upon the Obama-started Precision Medicine Initiative whose core concept is to harness measurements of multiple modalities — not just clinical and generic evaluations, but environmental exposures, daily activities, and many others-- to get a comprehensive view of the patient’s state and its trajectory over time. and also, about the creation of a patient-driven Information Commons whose focus is the alignment of all available biomedical data per individual.

….in general, the-grandma-trivia discovery day was filled with some good ideas to think about, healthcare-wise, thank you!

p.s. this song is among the Hacker’s all-time favorite playlist. hey world, do you want to listen in….? :)