#anyway i know nobody really cares about this shit

[smolbonbon]

Despair

A bittersweet short Solar/Moon fanfiction; Please read the Trigger warnings!

TW: Panic attacks, hallucinations, mention of Self-harm (scratching), shocking, swearing, Spinard

Imprisoned and left behind by his own family while the bloodthirsty murderer is on the run. But yes he was the villain in this story. Stuck in grief and helplessness with nobody to comfort him aside from his hallucination of his beloved best friend. Pathetic isn't it?

I will reblog the link to AO3 :)

Here's the sketch version: sketch version

Trapped in a cage as if he was the monster. Moon chuckled as he leaned against the cold wall. Imprisoned by his own family while the bloodthirsty murderer is on the run. But yes they prefer to lock him up instead of letting him kill that animal. Moon grinds his teeth, but no he is the villain in this story. "That's the thanks I get. After everything I have done for them, that's how they pay me back but it's fine, totally fine."

He could deal with the anger of his family later, he only needed to focus on bringing Solar back and then everything would be okay again. After that he can leave for good, they wouldn't want to see him anyway.

However, he needed to find a way out of here first. Moon scanned his cell there had to be something that would help him get out of here. The Lunar animatronic was glad he had night vision because with little light that shone into his room would make it even harder for him. Everything he could see in this small cell was the dripping water from the ceiling and dirt on the floor. Nothing else was in this room and yet it felt as if he was suffocating. Moon's breath hitched as he felt the tight feeling in his chest. "Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.  You're fine, you will get out of here." Moon reassured himself as he rubbed his arms and moved forth and back. It's just a matter of time before he gets out of here. The crescent animatronic tried to override the computer multiple times but every time he was about to, he got shocked or the computer turned itself off. "Stupid sentient Ai." He mumbled under his breath while digging his nails in his arms.

"Moon, do I need to remind you that you're a sentient Ai as well?" Spinard suddenly replied which startled the Lunar animatronic. "Oh fuck off, you piece of shit."

"Does it make you feel better to insult me?" Moon narrowed his eyes and got up. "Maybe it does but you know what also makes me feel better?" Moon asked irritated. "I'm not letting you free, Moon." Spinard stated and Moon laughed in response. "Oh, I think you will. Computer override c-" Moon shrieks as the cage sparked blue and white lights while shocking him. The Lunar animatronic fell to his knees while panting. "Sun will be not happy about this." Spinard verbalized before going offline. "You fucking piece of shit as if I care!" Moon rose to his feet and swung his fist against the wall. "I will find a way to get out of here and you're going to fucking pay for this!" He pointed his finger towards the computer while fighting not to cry.

Moon wheezed as he sat back on the ground. He gripped onto his sweater and gasped for air. The Lunar animatronic hiccuped while tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Moon.." A familiar voice spoke behind him and Moon didn't dare to look. Usually he would commented something snarky to his hallucinations however the panic prevents him to talk. He panted for air, it felt like he didn't get enough of it. "Breath." The shadowy figure spoke. Moon tried to calm down he really did but for some reason, his chest still felt like someone squeezed his lungs. The Lunar animatronic panicked more as the dizziness took over, then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Breath, five seconds in through your nose." Solar vocalized while stimulated inhaling and Moon emulated him. "Hold it." And so did Moon. "And now exhale another five seconds." The dusk animatronic told Moon and they did this a few times until he finally calmed down in some extent. He eyed the floor not even daring to look at Solar's shoes. Why was he so pathetic? He dried his tears and hissed when he accidentally touched his scratch wounds.

"Oh Moon.. What are you doing to yourself?" Solar mumbled heartbroken as he saw the scratches on his cheek. His thumb moved over Moon's open wounds.  The Lunar animatronic hissed as if someone was actually touching the wound.  Moon hiccuped as tears swelled up in his eyes he was aware that this wasn't real but he just wanted for once in months to embrace the warmth of someone who loved him. Moon felt the Phantom movement over his face as he looked directly into Solar's eyes. The tired eyes of his lover, the scratches on his tangerine-coloured rays and his little fangs. He wasn't wearing his goggles though, maybe because.. He moved his hand to his hat and felt the goggles sitting on his head. Solar's lips curled in a slight smile as the Lunar animatronic felt his hands drawing circles on his cheeks.

Oh how much Moon missed him, he wanted to touch Solar's pretty face but he feared if he did so then Solar would disappear again. Moon's lips trembled as he closed his eyes. "I miss you, Solar."

"I know I do too, Star boy." He teased light heartedly. Moon rolled his eyes and smiled slightly but the wistful stirred in his chest. "You're not real." He mumbled and Solar didn't reply to that. "You know what you need to do." The Phantom whispered gently while leaning his forehead to his and wrapping his arms around him. Moon breathed hitched as he tried to hold back tears. "I can't." Solar shook his head and lifted Moon's chin. "I know you can. You know exactly what to do." He stated as he looked deeply in Moon's eyes. "I still love you." Solar affirmed and Moon broke down sobbing loudly.

___________________________________

Author note:

So sorry for the pain </3 I try to make more sweet fanfics or art of them in the future.

[biff-adventurer]

FFXIV COMMUNITY WIDE FYI

-no one expects you to be perfect at rping a non-western character

-however, when rping a non-western character, you shouldn't be doing cursory research by itself

-it is not a high standard for people expect you to take ownership for writing racist tropes by accident. accept your mistakes and move on.

-it is not offensive if someone calls out an action as racist. that person respects you enough to tell you the truth. honor their respect.

-it is not ok to tell people not to feel offended by the mistakes you might make on this journey

-people will inevitably cringe when you get things wrong. it is a part of life. it happens when you learn languages not native to you.

-grow a thick skin. be humble when people offer their corrections.

-it's on you to learn how your character thinks and breathes through the lens of their culture, and how that cultural influence affects them as a person. take care not to literalize this, though.

-ffxiv does not present great examples of cultural knowledge. don't consider it gospel, but inspiration.

-read between the lines of cultural references in regions. be gentle with your assumptions. tread carefully on subjects you write.

-try to learn the irl history, what the irl people think of their own history, and how people talk about their own culture now. watch television, read books, look at philosophies in depth.

-i promise, the real world IS always relevant to the game world. you can't actually escape reality. sorry to be the one to tell you.

-if you don't know what a word means, try to find a different way to write about the thing. 100% of the time, you will find you have avoided doing The Racisms. speaking as an ex doer of The Racisms.

-don't be afraid to ask questions. you look dumber when you assume shit. you might look like a genius if you happen on the right questions.

-have pride in the fact that you are trying. every day, you're getting a little bit better. i'm proud of you for trying your best.

-if you aren't up for the challenge of straying from your comfort zone to learn new things, consider more familiar areas of interest.

-reblog to potentially save other fans of color from future discomfort

[side-b-bumblebi]

Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍

[starlooove]

And I’m standing ten toes down behind Eloise

[kabutone]

ppl that still wear a mask regularly you are more punk than anyone else

extra points if you’re in a really shitty area where there’s a bunch of anti maskers/anti vaxxers/overall shitty people around. you are extra more punk than anyone else

and ppl engaging in any kind of community care u are more punk than anyone else it’s about love and care babey!!!!!!

[festivalofthe12]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm when it comes to Kyou I sometimes worry if I'm being too hard on him through like a certain kind of projection, right

but. I can't be... the only one to think there's at least..a little bit of a...victim complex in him, right...?

WHICH: to clarify straight up, he was treated awfully and never deserved any of that, and is all-around 100% a victim who's right to think of himself as such. All of that is correct!!!!!!

but. The whole STORY. is that the cat is the one animal who gets exiled. The one 'bad' one. The one who's ostracised.

And with that comes a certain... I mean, it's a bit easier to think of yourself as the victim, when that's the way everyone frames it, right? That you're the one who's been hard done by? That everyone else has it out for you? That to make things right, everything should be inverted, so everyone apologises and bows down to him for once???

Especially with Yuki. And, again to be fair, Yuki is not at ALL immune to minimising the shit that Kyou's been dealt with because it's often the inverse of what happened to Yuki and that envy is toxic and because Yuki was raised to think that way and also just because Kyou is annoying to him personally hahah.

But. Yuki knows about Kyou's True Form. Kyou... doesn't actually know what happened between Yuki and Akito. And psychologically, there's a hell of lot to benefit him if he reaaaaaally doesn't think about it.

So. Am I being biased to think that, all things considered, Kyou is more dismissive of Yuki's struggles? And that even up through the end of the manga, he still sorta... doesn't really entirely get it?? (At least from what I remember... which is little........)

But here's where I feel like I'm projecting because. My experiences are WAY more like Yuki: pushing things down, trying to do the right thing, feeling like you're just supposed to be grateful for what you have because you've been so privileged. And people who match the sorta description I have of Kyou above have kinda. screwed me up mentally in a lot of ways hahahahahahhhh.

so. I know it's such a cliche thing to have people learn about what Yuki's been through and be so Shocked and Comforting and ooo weepy uke Yuki or what ever (ever notice how nobody ever gets mad at the smug asshole seme stereotype?? HMM.) and I know I might just be biased against Kyou, because of all that IRL stuff and also because early in fandom people kind of did IIRC act like Kyou was right about everything and Yuki not that far off from how Kyou saw him. but.

IDK there's always a part of me that just. keeps thinking up scenarios where Kyou like. still doesn't entirely gets it. and gets called out a bit, or proven wrong.

and maybe that's really dumb or childish of me hahahah;;;;;

[faggatini]

i cannot do another year of this shit. im so serious. i can’t do it

[louderfade]

exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.

[the-kipsabian]

im gonna complain sorry i need to get this out of my brain since ive been thinking about it recently. leaving it in the tags so you can ignore it or whatever

[hellfireeddiemunson]

i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it

[girlyliondragon]

Villainizing Lizbert is gonna easily put you on my blocklist jsyk :U

[not-gorgugs-dad]

.

[applebees4prez]

excited to watch hsmtmts but also. SO DONE with the love triangles and from the one clip i’ve watched i already know we’re getting another one

[cosmicheromp3]

broo they should've just made it a six of crows show why did they take away the joy of recommending the adaptation of one of my favourite books cause i have to clarify that half of the plot ISN'T about them and is just sort of. boring. i'm so sorry alina and mal i like you but you're going up against the crows that's a TOUGH competition and you started out losing

[vulpinesaint]

i appreciate how fierce you are in your slander against blood libel the game. costing peace of mind to lead this battle, defending jewish and trans people along the way. you're doing amazing <3

anon i love you for real. this is very sweet, thank you 🖤 happy to delete stupid transphobic shit from my inbox for at least the sake of making sure my blog is a safe space for my trans and jewish mutuals if they didn't know that already. i'm carrying such an indescribable amount of anger over this so if you see me devolve into incoherent violence in the next few days just try and be niceys to me for a little bit haha <3

[caliboron]

i haven’t talked to a human person who I don’t live with and see every day in years, I’ve lost all social skills I learned in school counseling, I’m scavenging and perishing and being crushed by the weight of circumstances and persistent dread of wasting and losing my youth, I’m elderly and deceased and out of touch with society at age 24 but at the same time I’m just chilling lol can’t complain lol it’s all cool until I have my daily mental breakdown then I act irrational and insane for a bit then it’s all cool again, and I do it every day lol