#anyway i’m sleepy and i got a 12-hour shift tomorrow wish me luck

[michi-chelle-draws]

yoichi “i’m about to end this man’s whole career” isagi

[mingtiddies]

36. things you said but didn’t mean

member: jihoon

genre: angst, slight fluff? can it be considered fluff? idk

word count: 2764

warnings: it’s kinda sad, like it hurts kind of sad

There was no doubt about it; Jihoon was a workaholic. He never really knew how to stop, except that when he did, he truly knew how to rest. His girlfriend admired how much of himself he put into every song he wrote and composed. It gave those a piece of authenticity that was peculiar to Jihoon’s talent.

After quite some time, she came to realize it wasn’t all that good. Jihoon didn’t usually neglect his health for work, but every once in a while, always nearing a comeback, he would forget to get dinner, and would spend so much time on a song that he would lose track of time and work late into the night until it became day.

Consequently, his girlfriend made it her mission to remind him to eat or go home when a significant amount of time had passed while he worked. One thing she had noticed when her boyfriend lacked sleep was that he would hum his songs more frequently, and most of the times they weren’t songs he was currently working on.

Today was one of those days. As were the three previous days. With their upcoming comeback right around the corner, Jihoon needed to have songs ready for the company to approve of a title track. He had been at it for over twelve hours already; the sun had set and most members had gone home. While the rest hung outside of the studio as to not disturb their genius producer in his creative process.

But it was getting awfully late… Given the ungodly hour at which she knew the boys had to wake up for an early schedule the next day– or rather, today–, she got up from her comfortable seat on the small sofa and strolled up to her boyfriend. “Hoon?” She paused, waiting for an answer and when he hummed, she continued, “You need to go home.”

He kept humming a random song, eyebrows furrowed and nodded at her, without completely paying attention to her. “You can pick up where you left off after your schedule tomorrow,” she added.

He hummed in response again, and went back to jamming to one of his songs. And she let it go for the time being… She walked back to the sofa and sat, watching him furiously type away and arrange melodies on his computer.

After what felt like a blink of an eye, she suddenly realized that she had been dozing off. Checking the time on her phone, it read 12:18am and she sighed at the thought of her boyfriend not moving a single finger from his spot on his chair since they had last talked over half an hour ago. And there he was, still sitting in his chair.

“Jihoon?” she called out, sleepiness still filling her voice. When she got no response from him, she stood up from her seat again and walked up to Jihoon. “Hey, I really think you should go home, it’s late,” she softly said. “You can always come back after your schedules.” Still no answer from him. “You have to rest, Hoon.” She called his name a second time, and a third time.

He slammed his fist on the table, startling her. “Just stop! You’re not my fucking mom! If you wanna go, just go!” he yelled. She froze. She had never heard him raise his voice at anyone like this. There was a clear difference between this, and the annoyed attitude he sometimes had towards people. She stood there for a few seconds, maybe even minutes, she honestly couldn’t tell.

Tears pricked at her eyes, as she felt something inside her break. Maybe she nagged him too much about going home... Suddenly she felt insecure about all those times she had told him to go home and rest, all those times she had imposed herself and brought him meals or forced him out of the studio to go to lunch or dinner. Because now it seemed like she had done just that; impose herself.

The muffled sound of her ringtone sounded in the room. She took a few steps back and turned away from her boyfriend, pulling her cellphone out of her pocket and swiping the answer call button. “Is everything okay?” Seungcheol’s worried voice asked. “Hm? Yeah...” she absentmindedly answered.

But it didn’t convince him very much. He heard the way her voice quavered. “Are you?” She wasn’t... And she wanted out of this place, as fast as possible. “I’ll uh... I’ll be home in a few,” she abruptly announced. On the other side of the line, Seungcheol frowned at what she told him. What was she saying?

Not bothering to take back the jacket and the bag she left sitting on the sofa, she bolted out of the studio, zooming past the few members that had stayed behind. Seungcheol called her name, in vain, and immediately ran after her. He caught her arm, hoping that she would turn around and look at him but she tried her best to not let him see the tears that threatened to stream down her face.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, not really knowing what else to say. “It’s alright, I just need to get home.” She sounded so unconvincing and the sadness in her voice made Seungcheol see red. If there was anything he hated more than seeing his members and his family upset, it was seeing her upset. She was considered family by all of the boys, from the moment she and Jihoon had started seeing each other. And as the leader, Seungcheol took it upon himself to take care of her like he would his fellow members.

He let go of her arm and stormed off in the direction of the studio, gesturing to his friends that he would handle it on his own. He stood there for a few seconds, watching Jihoon work on his computer like nothing had happened. “What just happened?” he asked. “Nothing. She just left,” the boy mumbled, not looking up from his screen. The oldest scoffed. Right.

“Coincidentally after you yelled at her,” he noted, hoping to get a reaction out of his younger friend. Up until now, Jihoon had felt nothing but annoyance nipping at his brain, because of all the distractions that everyone was so set on creating. But upon hearing how Seungcheol enunciated the word yelled, something in him clicked. He had yelled at his girlfriend.

He had yelled at the one person who always made sure that he ate and got enough sleep. The one person who tried to help him balance everything so that he could always finish his work in time, while maintaining a healthy lifestyle. As healthy as he could anyways.

The leader noticed the change of attitude in his friend’s posture, and his eyes shifted to the space on the sofa that was occupied by things that belonged to none of the boys. “God, she left all her stuff here,” he muttered, reaching out to pick everything up. “Fix this, Jihoon,” he ordered. “You find her tomorrow after the shoot and you fix this.”

He walked out without waiting for his answer, and ran past his friends to catch up with Jihoon’s girlfriend, wishing that he wasn’t too late. Thinking about it, he felt stupid for letting her go in the first place. He had been so set on making it known to Jihoon that he had messed up, that he forgot to at least tell one of the boys to walk her home.

As luck would have it, he found her sitting in the stairs leading to the first floor, her face buried in the safety of her folded arms. His heart shattered into more pieces seeing her like this. He cautiously approached her, step by step, and realized that she wasn’t crying. There was nothing in the way that she held herself that indicated that she was crying.

She wanted to. She wanted her tears to spill and to let them stream down her cheeks until her heart settled down. But she held it in. But at the same time, she didn’t want to cry. So she opted for silently wishing she had gone about it in a different way. She was so sure that she had done things right.

She knew how much he hated to be babied and she tried to make it as natural as possible. She thought- hoped, that he wouldn’t feel like she was babying him.

So she sat in the stairs, unable to get home for two reasons. She rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. She left her belongings in Jihoon’s studio, including the keys to her place. And there was no way she was going to go back up there. And home? Home was where Jihoon lived. She shared an apartment with him in the same apartment building where all the boys lived. If she wanted to avoid him, her best bet was to not go home.

“Hey…” She slowly lifted her head to look up at the owner of the familiar voice. “Hey Cheol…” He handed her jacket and her bag, with a small reassuring smile on his lips, “I think you forgot something.” She almost snorted but accepted her personal effects from Seungcheol. She really was stupid.

“Kinda hard to go home without your keys,” he added. The idiocy of it all finally got to her, and she let a soft chuckle past her lips. “I’m probably the one who actually needs rest.” He paused for a second, giving his idea more thought and concluded that it would probably do her some good.

“You wanna grab something to eat? You spent all evening in there,” he said, referring to the studio. She nodded without hesitation. As unhealthy as it was, she tended to eat her emotions and troubles away, even if it was just a small snack. “What about the others?” He reassured her saying that he would text them to go home and to make sure they took the stubborn and hardworking boy with them.

They exited the staircase and headed to one of the nearest convenience stores. He made her wait for him at a table outside of the store and walked inside to buy a few snacks for the both of them. He contemplated getting a few cans of beer, but opted for a sweeter alternative; strawberry milk. Once everything was paid for he carried everything to the small table Jihoon’s girlfriend was sitting at.

She chuckled at the strawberry milk. “You realize that you never get me drinks?” she asked, grabbing the small bottle of milk in her hand. She stuck a tiny straw into it and watched with amusement as Seungcheol was at a loss for words. “It’s okay. I didn’t want alcohol anyways. This is perfect,” she smiled.

He considered his mission accomplished the minute he managed to make her crack a smile. The night went on like this until they finished everything Seungcheol had bought. Maybe it was the scenery change; not being inside an enclosed space. Or maybe it was Seungcheol’s ability to make things feel like they would be okay. But she felt better, save for the slight pang of sorrow she had.

Before she could even move, Seungcheol stood up, cleared the table of all the waste and disposed of it. He beamed at her and told her it was time to go. They walked home in silence, both grateful for the time away from troubles and responsibilities. “Thanks, Cheol,” she said, when they approached their apartment building.

“Don’t mention it. Are you gonna be okay?” he asked. She sighed, “Yeah, I guess. I know he’ll apologize eventually...” He entered the security pin code, the keys’ sound echoing into the silent night. As soon as the doors opened, he ushered her in and walked in after her. “Some of the guys are right down your hall if you need anything.” She nodded in awareness as they neared the elevator.

He was the first to reach his floor; he turned to her and waved. She smiled and waved back. She was so grateful for Seungcheol’s big brother’s antics, despite being the youngest of his family. “Call me if you need anything,” he said. She acquiesced and watched him wave one last time as his frame disappeared behind the elevators’ doors.

As she only lived on the floor above his, it only took under two minutes to reach her floor and walk to her door. She pulled out her keys and inserted the right one in the keyhole. The apartment was deadly quiet, and only the living room’s light seemed to be on. Her first instinct was to check the door that led to Jihoon’s home studio; it was closed but there was no sign that anybody was inside.

Getting him out of the company’s studio was never really an accomplishment until she was sure that he wouldn’t go straight to his studio at home.

She took off her shoes and dropped her belongings on the couch, on her way down the corridor that led to the room she shared with her boyfriend. The lights were off. Was he even home? She pushed the door opened and observed that he was lying on his prefered side of the side, still in his day’s clothes. She sighed. At least he was sleeping now.

She stepped closer to the bed, carefully checking his face for any sign of him being awake. She took in the way that his chest rose and sunk in slow movements, indicating that his breathing had slowed as well. He definitely was sleeping. Face squished on his pillow, lying on top of the comforter, jacket still on him.

She helped him out of his jacket first, trying her best not to wake him. He had a distinctive sleep pattern and he could wake up at any given second, the same way he could sleep through the entire process. Watching him sleep and looking at the way his features were relaxed, she couldn’t imagine him yelling at her again. She pondered how to get him under the comforter, but her train of thoughts was disrupted by a sleepy hum, undeniably coming from her boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, voice filled with sleepiness. When she didn’t respond, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers as he moved to sit on the bed. “I’m really sorry. I never want to say hurtful things like that again. I-” he sighed, “I have no excuses. But I really am sorry.”

She kept her gaze on their hands, not daring to look up at him. For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Not right now anyway. “You can do all this tomorrow,” she whispered, “You still have to rest.” He light-heartedly chuckled. “I know... I just- I couldn’t let it sit between us. I know that what I said hurt you,” he admitted, lowering his eyes in shame. He looked up at her again, “I had to let you know that I appreciate everything you do. And that... I love you.”

She rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. It was so unusual for her to hear Jihoon speak this way. But then again they had never fought to that extent. So maybe it was normal after all. He softly tugged on her hand, scouting her reaction when she finally looked him in the eyes. “It did hurt,” she said. Discomfort and remorse tickled his heart. “And I love you too.” The ghost of a smile spread on his lips upon hearing the words.

“But... If it ever gets too much, if what I do becomes too much, please let me know,” she pleaded. He nodded in a swift motion, “I promise.” She pouted and playfully hit his shoulder. “And if you feel like work is making you on edge, take a break. Two minutes, five minutes, a whole nap, I don’t care. But don’t let yourself be stressed out enough to be yelling at people...” she added.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized again. “I’ll work on it.” She accepted the boy’s words as a promise that he would truly try his best to not let work get the best of him. “Let’s just go to sleep now, okay?” He silently agreed and they both changed into more appropriate clothes to sleep in. He didn’t apologize again, but that night he held her close and held her hand up until morning.