#anyway sorry for this mess of tags for anyone who reads this jfc i just really needed to dump some thoughts

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

On Fic Recs

So in the past couple of weeks, I’ve been getting a lot of fic recs out of nowhere - people who I’ve never talked to just messaging me going “you should read this fic”, a lot of anonymous asks, and more than usual from my friends, and I need to address it

Please, don’t spam me with them.  I have my own read list that I’ve been trying to get through since christmas and I still haven’t, and getting more suggested to me is very very anxiety inducing.  

And if you are going to rec any fics to me, here are my (relatively simple) requests

Please, don’t make this your very first message to me.  If we’ve never spoken before, getting a message out of nowhere to go and read a fic will make me freak out, and will very possibly make me cry.  It just makes me feel like you’re trying to get something from me and like I’m a terrible person for choosing not to but !! I don’t always want to read them - I’ve gotten a lot of recs for fandoms I don’t know, and some with extremely triggering content for me and it’s just a mess

Please don’t rec them on anon, it has the same effect as point 1

Please, don’t send me like five recs in a row; I barely have time to read anything on my own list let alone to add new fics to that

and some fandom specific things

Riverdale: Don’t rec any Riverdale fics to me.  Just don’t.  I may write for it but honestly Riverdale is a fucking shitshow and a shit show, there are so many aspects of it that I absolutely hate, and on the rare occasion that I do want to read anything Riverdale, I have a million and one different tags to filter out just to avoid that.  Some of my friends have Riverdale fics and ocs and I can make the choice of whether or not I want to read it but generally I know them, and I know their opinions and their characterization and I can decide for myself if it’s something that I would enjoy

13 Reasons Why: just fucking don’t.  This show triggers the fuck out of me and literally every fic that’s been suggested to me has a Hannah’s sister oc and jfc y’all I have enough issues with siblings dying in media, I don’t need a fic summary to trigger a panic attack.  I vaguely have my own 13rw sister oc but I can only even think about her once in a blue moon, as determined by my own mental state, and I’m only willing to be exposed to this fandom when I’m in very specific mental states and that’s that

It: okay so I’ve been getting a lot of It recs lately which is probably bc I’ve been posting primarily about my own It ocs and that’s fair but just... I’m not going to read any Eddie x Female OC fics, don’t recommend them to me.  I’ve been a part of this fandom for over ten years (yes I was way too young to have read it, yes I did it anyways, fuck you librarian who told me I was too young for real books) and my opinions have not changed once since then.  I am absolutely only open to gay Eddie - I’m a huge fan of poly losers but even then I only fuck with it when Eddie is still gay and Bev is a sort of exception - and while I obviously can’t force anyone to agree with me (my main blog has some reblogged posts about this, I’m not open for debate), seeing Eddie portrayed as bi or straight makes me extremely uncomfortable due to the specifically gay coding in the book (which yes, the movie left a lot of that out, but that doesn’t change it for me).  It leaves an icky feeling with me so I choose to actively avoid it as a concept and in the past like, five days, I’ve had half a dozen separate messages and anonymous asks reccing Eddie x Female Character (oc, crossover fandom, canon) fics and just, no thank you

Marvel: if the fic bashes any avenger, I’m not reading it.  I’m not here for Tony bashing, I’m not here for Steve bashing, I’m definitely not here for “clint is useless” (like bitch he’s my fave fight me) and ik that bashing fics became even more popular after civil war but I’m not here for it

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head, and I’m really sorry if this comes across as harsh or unreasonable but I’ve had so many anxiety attacks and guilt spirals in the past couple of weeks for not wanting (or sometimes just not having time) to read fics that people are trying to tell me to read and I really have to say something.  Obviously to my close friends, if you come across a fic that you think I’d like (knowing my fandoms and opinions and etc lmao) then you can DM me, and I’m still trying to get through my oc community friends’ fics, but please keep this in mind because I can’t keep dealing with this level of anxiety over something as simple as fanfics

[riddlerosehearts]

about that last reblog if anyone is curious (do NOT open the read more if you don’t want spoilers for the upcoming tangled the series episode “be very afraid”):

i read everything in that reddit link and the summaries for beginnings through day of the animals were completely accurate (and the person i rbed the post from confirmed that the summary for beginnings was correct and that they saw the post before the ep so it couldn’t have been edited after), so i have no reason to believe that the one for be very afraid isn’t.

now, here are some tags i left on a post about be very afraid yesterday:

and here’s part of the episode summary on that reddit page:

so. turns out i was right, what varian is looking at IS going to kill me and i can’t wait to see it! but of course eugene’s worst fear IS JUST A GODDAMN BAD HAIR DAY. varian’s worst fear is the very understandable and realistic fear of his dad never having been saved and everyone hating him for his past actions. and eugene’s. is. a. fucking. bad hair day. and i’m sorry but i’m starting to get genuinely upset and angry about this sort of thing, you can say “eugene already had his character arc in the movie!” all you want but that doesn’t mean he has to be reduced down to 45% comic relief, 45% trophy boyfriend (and a very good one! but still!), and 10% serious character for the show. it SHOULD NOT mean that.

eugene fitzherbert was an orphaned child who could have never escaped his miserable life. eugene fitzherbert could have lived his days out never truly feeling happy and fulfilled and just remaining as a criminal forever if rapunzel hadn’t shown him another way. eugene fitzherbert was nearly executed for his crimes. eugene fitzherbert had to watch the love of his life being tortured by gothel and begging “just let me heal him and i’ll never try to run away again”. eugene fitzherbert goddamn died and i guarantee that in what could’ve been his last moments he didn’t think rapunzel could magically bring him back considering he just chopped her hair off. his worst fear should NOT be a bad fucking hair day when varian’s actually gets to be something absolutely heartbreaking and i could excuse it if this wasn’t what happened nearly every single time eugene got used for anything, but are you kidding me. why does one of the original characters from the movie not seem to actually matter in this series. why are almost all of his scenes comic relief, i mean even his backstory episode was mostly comedic (and yes it was funny and i enjoyed it but i have no hope that we’re getting a serious backstory ep at this point and that really sucks imo) and also messed up his character anyway so WHAT IS THE POINT, I--

okay i’ll stop now but i’m just. i love this show so much but i’m so tired of the way eugene is treated and i cannot believe i came up with the dumbest possible idea for what eugene’s worst fear could be and it turns out that’s what it actually is. it seems like so much media lately has one or two characters that, even though these characters actually have a ton of potential, they tend to only treat as comic relief and never treat seriously except for maybe very occasionally because they either don’t know or don’t care how to balance that and i’m just so sad that eugene, along with his best friend lance, became that for this show. and look, i get that they wanna balance out the serious shit with comic relief, but you know how else they could’ve done that besides making eugene a fucking joke (and lance, but i’m slightly less mad about that if only because eugene is from the original movie and we know that much much worse things than bad hair have happened to him)? show us ruddiger and pascal’s worst fears and they’re, idk, whatever the fuck silly things racoons and chameleons could be scared of. just not eugene being scared of not having perfect hair as if he wasn’t a master criminal who was almost hanged and literally died jfc

[one-day-i-will-write]

Feysand Modern AU, Part 3

JFC I have no idea what happened here but I am out of practice. Also v long chapter but I haven’t submitted stuff in so long that you guys deserve it.

So sorry if this is bad my writing seems to have taken a hit.

Part 1 | Part 2

Over a week passed and Feyre was happy to have someone to talk to, besides Morrigan, who seemed to know exactly how to react. Though Rhysand did have a new game he liked to play called “Scenarios that lead to me punching Tamlin in the face.” He’d gotten rather ridiculous with the new ones, lately, but they made Feyre smile and laugh all the same. She wasn’t quite sure how to process Rhysand’s reaction to her smile. It was like he lived for them.

Which was absolutely ridiculous. Men like Rhys went after super models, not clunky artists who cried on their shoulder.

She’d recently taken to drawing him. Especially while he was working. He’d become a freelance writer, his family’s wealth allowed him to pursue whatever career he wanted, and sometimes spent hours staring at a laptop or pad of paper. He had a habit to tapping his bottom lip with a pen, even while writing on his laptop. Feyre loved to draw Rhys like that. 

Now he was on one of their dining room chairs, his head thrown over the back of the seat with a book resting on his face. His dinner plate, half cleared, sitting on the table. Apparently, he’d been hired to do a book review. Evidently, it was not a good book.

They were quiet. Feyre could hear the Rhysand’s steady breaths against the pages and the calming sound of charcoal on drawing paper. Finally, she could stop herself from commenting.

“That’s not the proper way to read a book, Rhysand, darling.” She smirked, hijacking her nickname for her always made her do so.

“I suppose I’m hoping to simply absorb the story.” He took to book off his face, throwing it onto the table before running his hands through his hair. “At least that would save me the torture of actually reading it.”

“Somebody worked hard on that, you know.” Feyre huffed as she tried to get the edge of the book right from memory now.

“Not as hard as you’re working on that drawing, I’d wager.” Feyre heard Rhys stand and begin to walk over to her. She hugged the pad as close to her chest as she could, without risking smears. “What are you drawing, anyway? A beautiful subject I hope.”

“I suppose.” Feyre bit her lip, debating on showing him. Finally, she lowered the pad enough so he could see.

“A beautiful subject indeed.” Rhys reached out a hand, his fingers so close to brushing the page. “You’re very talented, Feyre.”

“No, I mean look at the lines. I couldn’t get them right.” She was blushing, she could feel the heat creeping from her cheeks.

“Always so hard on yourself.” Feyre looked up to see Rhys shaking his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised, you don’t seem to know how amazing you truly are.”

“You must say that to all the girls.” Feyre tried to joke, to try and make the situation a little lighter.

Rhysand huffed a laugh. Feyre watched as he moved around to settle next to her on the couch. His body turned towards her and his head resting on his hand.

“Do you really not agree?” His violet eyes were so focused on her, Feyre couldn’t turn away. “You are smart and beautiful. Kind and passionate. Gentle and fierce. And so, so talented.” He nodded towards her drawing, which she had put on the coffee table at some point, with the last point.

“You are amazing, Feyre. And anyone should be so lucky as to call you friend, even luckier to have your love.” Rhys’s voice softened until he trailed off, and it was like he was suddenly unsure of himself. Feyre didn’t realize she was crying until he reached to brush away a tear.

It only took another moment before she made her decision. Leaning forward, so slowly, she gently kissed him. It was chaste and sweet. When she pulled away, he was staring at her in shock.

“I’m sorry, I thought-“ But he stopped her with a kiss. Feyre relaxed into the kidd, happy that she hadn’t misread him. She smiled as his hand came up to cup her cheek, Rhys’s thumb gently stroking her cheekbone.

Then his hand came around to twist his fingers in her hair. She decided to dare once again, and bit his lip. Rhysand’s answering groan sent shivers down her spine. Suddenly she was on her back, hands gripping his hair and pulling him closer. Always closer. Feyre felt light headed, from lack of air or the way the man above her made her feel she couldn’t say. The kiss turned passionate, a battle of dominance Feyre wasn’t sure she wanted to win, and Rhys’s hands started to wander.

His fingers brushed the top of her pant and she gasped. Rhys pulled away from her, only a few inches, just to smirk. She glared at him, bucking her hips ever so slightly. He chuckled, leaning down to kiss her neck as his fingers wandered below-

A knock at the door had them jumping apart.

Rhys looked down, his pupils blown wide and lips pink from their kiss. “We could ignore it.”

“Agreed.”

He leaned down to kiss her again, but the knocking became a pounding at the door. Rhys all but growled at the intrusion. Feyre laughed and smacked his arm.

“Let me up, I’ll get them to leave.” She kissed his cheek. A promise.

Rhys grumbled but complied. Laying down on his back he started mumbling in a language she didn’t recognize. Feyre smiled as she stood and he returned it. It had been too long since she was this happy.

Feyre padded to the door, each step she fought the urge to ignore whoever was there in favor of pouncing on Rhysand.

Still, she opened the door with a smile and prepared to greet whoever was there. Instead, it was as if a bucket of icy water had been thrown on her.

Tamlin stood on the other side. His face showed relief at seeing her, then turned stormy at the tousled hair and kiss swollen lips.

“Finally, I thought maybe Lucien had gotten the wrong address.” He shook his head, as if having her tracked was an everyday thing. Then he stepped forward. Feyre stepped back. Tamlin frowned, his face the picture of confusion.

“You had Lucien track me down?” The redhead was a detective, she should honestly be surprised Tamlin hadn’t roped him into this sooner.

“It took me awhile to convince him too.” Tamlin crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “He seemed to think you had left on purpose. I knew that Morrigan-“

“Freed me?” Feyre felt her fury rising, her skin heating not in want but pure, glorious anger. “After you locked me in the house?”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Tamlin took another step, tried to place an arm on her shoulder. She batted him away. “You weren’t well, I was trying to protect you. I told you that Morrigan was toxic, she messed with your mind. Turned you against me.”

Feyre sputtered. She had so many things to say, words were flashing in her mind. As were the memories, the warning signs she’d missed that Morrigan hadn’t. How free she had felt when her friend had kicked down the door, cursing Tamlin in the same language Rhys had been speaking moments ago. But she didn’t have to say anything.

“Is there a problem, Feyre, darling?” Rhys stepped into the doorway, ever so subtly angling his body to block her even a little from the blond. “Oh, hello Tamlin.”

“Rhysand.” Tamlin spat the name, his face taking on that storm like fury that had haunted Feyre’s nightmares. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, I live here.”

“Feyre lives here.”

“With me.” Rhysand put his hands in his pockets, leaning against the doorway. ”That’s kind of the point of roommates isn’t it?”

“Feyre, you need to come home.” Tamlin again reached for her, and Feyre again backed away.

“Do not touch me.”

“When a woman says no, it means no, Tamlin.” Rhysand pretended to check his nails for imperfections, as if any part of him looked imperfect at any time. “But I doubt you would have learned that.”

Tamlin lunged for him then. So fast Feyre nearly missed it. Nearly. Rhysand prepared to defend himself, but Feyre beat him to it. She punched Tamlin, sending him sprawling on to the stoop.

She blatantly ignore the pain in her hand, though she was nearly certain she had broken something.

Tamlin stared up at her, face in shock. Rhysand, on the other hand, started to laugh.

“Cauldron, that was beautiful.”

Tamlin got up, prepared to come forward again, but Rhysand held up a hand.

“I do suggest you leave, old friend. I’d hate to call dear Lucien to have you removed, it’s be a bit embarrassing. For you, anyway.”

“This isn’t over.” Tamlin looked at her, his eyes burning. “I will save you from this Feyre.”

“That’s your problem, Tamlin. You think I need to be protected.” Feyre put her hand on the door. “What I need is to be free.”

She shut the door and felt a weight lift off of her. But then a realization dawned and she swung around to see Rhysand.

“You know Tamlin?” For whatever reason, she felt betrayed that he had kept that from her.

“We were friends, once.” Rhysand crossed his arms, suddenly uncomfortable. “Well, I met him through Lucien. He was my sister’s boyfriend at the time. I met them both at a family gathering of Tamlin’s. My sister didn’t feel comfortable around them, the family I mean, so she asked me to come under the guise of having me meet them.”

“And?”

Rhys rubbed his hands over his face and moved back into the living room. He fell onto the couch, his head thrown back against the cushion. Feyre wasn’t sure he’d continue, but he patted the seat next to him. She joined him.

“And Morrigan tagged along as well, we couldn’t really stop her. Lucien’s brother took an…interest in her. Morrigan did not return those feelings. A few weeks later, he didn’t appreciate that the feelings weren’t reciprocated. Both of our families are well off, the kind of people who marry for business mergers and the such. So, he went above her head, talked to her father. They set up a marriage.”

“How could they do that?” Feyre was horrified, knew it showed in her voice.

“Keir isn’t exactly known for his empathy. Especially towards his only daughter.” Rhys’s eyes flashed, so much anger and pain hidden beneath.

“What happened?” She shifted her position until she was facing him. She took his hand in hers, running her thumb over his knuckles. Rhys squeezed her hand in response.

“I helped her get out of it. Lucien helped too, actually. Ended up disowned because of it. But his family has some unsavory ties. They set up an accident. Such spiteful people, that family. My mother happened to be with her when it happened. I think that’s why Lucien got into law enforcement, to stop things like that. But he was broken, couldn’t stand to be near me either.”

“Why?”

“My sister and I share a lot of the same traits. People often asked if we were twins. Anyway, without me and Morrigan all Lucien had left was Tamlin. Eventually, Lucien started to change. Tamlin changed him. Lorded his help over Lucien’s head until he could manipulate him. I doubt he even wanted to help track you down, but Tamlin has a lot of power over him.”

“I’m sorry.” Feyre moved, settling into his lap. She wrapped her arms around him, and Rhys buried his face in her shoulder. He released a shaky breath, his hold tightening on her. Feyre stroked his hair and kissed his temple. “I am so, so sorry.”

“It happened a lifetime ago, or it feels like it did.” Rhys lifted his head and she saw tears running down his face. She leaned forward, slowly kissing them away. Feyre didn’t think Rhys breathed again until she was done.

“Let’s go to bed.” She stroked his cheek, smiling when he leaned into it.

“It’s early.” Rhys shook his head. “Don’t you want to finish your drawing?”

“The real thing is much better.” She smiled, and her heart soared when he returned it. “Besides, I’m tired.”

“To bed then.”

They spent the enter night curled up together.