#anyway take this irrelevant stupidity in the middle of finale celebration and carry it with you or whatever

[theminecraftbee]

“I’m mom’s favorite,” Scar says cheerfully. “You know normally she’s less obvious about it but today—”

“You know that wasn’t mom, right?” Bdubs says, crossing his arms, closing his eyes, and tapping his feet. “Mom would never kill Etho like that.”

“She really would,” Scar says.

“No, Etho’s too good at PVP. That wasn’t Cleo. An imposter!”

Scar pauses.

“Ohhhhh. I mean I knew it wasn’t Cleo,” Scar says.

“What?” Bdubs says.

“I still want to call her mommy though,” Scar says.

“SCAR,” Bdubs says loudly as Scar giggles. He decides words will no longer work at that point, and tackles him.

[sportyartho]

Best Thanksgiving

k, so i had one of the best thanksgiving story I’ve ever told anybody (also, ignore the shitty grammar and punctuation. I’m too lazy to fix it). So, fall of 2017, I live about 3.5 hours away from my parent’s house (cuz uni). I went home for the weekend of thanksgiving, not because we celebrate but because I miss good food and stuff like that (also for my mental health cuz I have issues, but irrelevant to the story). I get home and have a chill time, minding my own business. I realize, halfway through Sunday, that I fuckin hate my job and I wanna quit. I worked at Subway, I didn’t hate it cuz of the people. I hated it cuz I get really shit anxiety and it was shit. So I quit my job and gave my 2 weeks notice. But, I still had shifts scheduled, including one on the day of Thanksgiving (which was Monday, fuckin eh). Sunday night, I drive back to the city with my momma. She was gonna sleep over.

I wake up Monday morning feeling shitty and ready to die (I also miss my momma, she had to leave cuz of her job). I prepare to go to work but instead of driving I drove my bike instead. You see, my roommate needed my truck so I let her use it (this is important later). I get to my job and realized that I was the only one working, fuckin hell dafuq. It was a shit day, as you might expect. People were rude, but not really cuz Canada and also I’m just being dramatic (last time, I swear everything after this point is unbiased truth).

Anywho, Subway does Skip D Dish. I fucked up one person’s order, as you do, and I go and try to fix it. She wants that shit delivered to her house. That’s fine, it’s my fault anyways that I fucked up. I call her to tell her that Subway closes at 7 (holiday, remember) but it will take me about an hour to actually leave the building. She says that it’s fine.

Bitch, it was not.

I close the store. I’m tired, I haven’t been able to rest, my feet hurts, my hair is greasy, I hated myself. I get outside and realized I didn’t have my truck.

Fuck

I text my roommate, “Are you home yet?”

I didn’t get an answer within 3 minutes so I made one of the shittiest decisions in my life. I took the bike. I searched the woman’s address on my phone, which only has about 30% battery life left. It will take me 20 minutes to bike to her house.

Extra Fuck

Whatever, suck it up. I start biking like a fuckin maniac. It feels like I’m being chased by Pennywise, but polite version cuz Canada. I get to shitty part of town (Regina, Saskatchewan is all shitty but this part is extra shitty). Halfway through, as I am crossing University Dr., my phone dies. As my phone dies, it starts to fall out of my leather jacket pocket. I go to reach with my right hand, but my left hand braked subconsciously. Now, remember that I was biking like a fuckin maniac this whole entire time. The left brake is for the front wheel. Now guess what happens next.

Yes, I flipped like a fuckin idiot. In the middle of crossing the highway. While carrying a bag of sub.

It hurt like a bitch. The sub was squished. My phone was dead. I wanted to die. People were honking, I just laid there and hoped someone would have mercy and run my fine ass over. They didn’t.

I got up finally and dragged myself to the side walk with my bike. How dafuq am I gonna deliver a squished  and soggy sub, when my phone is dead? I look around and saw a gas station. I bought a charger, begged the cashier to let me charge, charged my phone up to 20% (shitty iphones,I tell ya), and went on my not so merry way. At this point, I get a notif from my roommate that she was home but turning back would be a waste of time so it’s whatever by this point.

I get to her house, she wasn’t even there. I was way too exhausted to care so I just left the sub on her doorstep. I already quit, why dafuq did I go all the way with this shit?

Now, you’d think that my problems were over, but boy it was not.

I started biking home. My phone dies again. WTF apple get your shit together. I don’t remember how to get home, I’m bad at directions and I only lived in the city for 1 month at that point.  I didn’t want to go back to the gas station so I started to just guess. It took awhile but I found a street that I recognize. I go down that way and about 20 mins in (it was the long way so it took me about an hour to get home), I try to get up into a sidewalk. My bike chain fell out.

Extra fuck with a side of fuck.

It was dark around that area so I couldn’t see very well. I don’t have a light cuz my stupid phone is hella dead. I try to feel the chain up and it took me a few minutes to put it back. My hands were greased up, like my hair, but I wiped it on my uniform cuz idgaf anymore.

Fast forward to around 9:40, I get home. I walk up the stairs, ready for a hot shower. The water was cold cuz the boiler was shit. I was getting ready for bed when I remember that I had a Psychology midterm the next morning and I haven’t studied cuz I’m a moron.

I stayed up till 4 cramming.

Anywho, my therapist found it funny. She didn’t laugh but I could tell she wanted to. Also, I got a 72 on my test so not bad considering I didn’t even study properly.