#anyway. hopefully my instructor will Not hate me forever and ever for this

[qulizalfos]

anybody else feeling horrendously burnt out on this lovely monday evening

[atamascolily]

The cover art of Junior Jedi Knights: Promises by Nancy Richardson has Anakin about to be eaten by a giant green dragon on what appears to be Tatooine while Sand People lurk in the distance and a terrified Tahiri swings a gaderiffi stick at the dragon while trying not to trip over human skulls. So I'm all-in, despite the incredibly vague title.

Anakin dreams he's back in the Palace of Woolamanders with the golden globe (not the prestigious TV award), arguing with a Sith who turns out to be... himself! Becuse if you're not grappling with the legacy of your fucked-up grandfather, then what is even the point of being named after him?

(I get why Leia names him after her father. I really do. Still, was it necessary to give this poor kid EVEN MORE ANGST than his siblings?)

Tahiri wakes Anakin up. Her six-month trial period at the Academy is up, and she has to go back to Tatooine to tell Sliven, the leader of her tribe, her decision. *hums "Should I Stay or Should I Go"* Of course, we already know what the answer's going to be, but okay fine, field trip to Tatooine, let's go.

As you can imagine, Luke has Opinions about these two:

Luke Skywalker studied the look of defiance. Green eyes flashed, and white blonde hair surrounded a stubborn nine-year-old face. Luke’s blue eyes didn’t falter as he waited for the child to speak. It would not be long. Tahiri was rarely lost for words. Luke thought about the time she and his nephew, Anakin Solo, had snuck away from the Jedi academy. They’d returned to the Great Temple in the middle of the night. Tired and dirty, Tahiri had immediately begun chattering, trying to take all the blame for the adventure, trying to keep Luke’s punishment from extending to Anakin. What Luke hadn’t told either of them was that they were two of the most promising students he’d ever seen. There was no way he would expel either student. They would make great Jedi Knights one day-if they could keep out of trouble long enough to learn to use the Force.

Trouble seemed to find Tahiri and Anakin. Only last week they’d returned bruised and battered from Yavin 8, where they’d gone to help another candidate, a Melodie named Lyric, survive her changing ceremony. While on Yavin 8, the two candidates had fought giant black rodents, vicious snakes, and a red-bristled spider that trapped its prey in thick black webs and consumed it alive. Luke Skywalker believed that experience was the best teacher in the use of the Force, but Anakin and Tahiri always rushed headlong into dangerous situations.

That worried Luke.

I don't know why Luke is surprised, given that he knows Leia and Han's approach to parenting, and also he's ostensibly been teaching the twins. Compared to the trouble Jacen and Jaina get up to, Anakin's barely scratched the surface.

Tahiri says she doesn't want to go back to Tatooine, but Luke mentions his own issues about not going back to say good-bye to his family there, and asks Tahiri if she wants that. Then Luke goes to ask good old Peckhum to take them all to Tatooine - because this time, Luke's going, too.

And Luke had a strange feeling that Tahiri’s family, the Tusken Raiders, were dangerous as well.

No, REALLY? YOU THINK?

Ikrit's going to spend the entire book sleeping in Anakin's bed again, I see. Smart guy.

Tahiri has a pendant macguffin with her parents' thumbprints - a gift from Sliven. Sliven won't talk about Tahiri's parents, and she doesn't know why.

“All I know is that the Tusken Raiders are the only family I’ve ever known. The only family I have. If I choose to remain at the academy, I’ll lose them forever. I’ll truly be an orphan.”

I don't see why it's an all-or-nothing deal, except for drama, but... okay then.

“I feel so mixed-up right now. I’m about to return to the only home I know. It’s a place I hate and love, both at the same time. Just as I hate and love the Tusken Raiders. My life is as confusing to me as the golden globe. Except, unlike with the globe, I don’t have any clue about who I really am. I don’t even know if Tahiri is my real name, or just a name given to me by Sliven.”

TAHIRI *IS* YOUR REAL NAME, YOU ALREADY SAID HE WAS YOUR FATHER. Look, I sympathize with Tahiri's confusion, because it's GOT to be hard to feel like you never fit into either world you belong to, but... ADOPTED FAMILY IS JUST AS REAL (sometimes more so) than blood family and I hope the final moral will be Tahiri learning that.

Oh, and I thought Luke was coming along, but no, it's Tionne! This makes sense because Tionne was the one who found Tahiri on Tatooine in the first place, and also I love Tionne, so I'm happy the author's given her something to do in this book.

The Jedi instructor Tionne glanced back to make sure her two charges were seated. Luke Skywalker had sent her to watch over Anakin and Tahiri on Tatooine-to make sure that nothing harmed them. And that Tahiri returned to the Jedi academy, if she wished.

HAHAHA, I already know from the cover this is not going to work out, but hopefully Tionne will at least give it the old college try...

The Sand People are waiting for them, and there's some initial conflict, which Tahiri quickly smoothes over. Tahiri isn't wearing her face coverings or shoes, and Sliven is okay with that, so I guess this book isn't going to go the whole "unclothed flesh is abomination" route of other Legends books. Also, the narrative always refers to them as "Tusken Raiders" which is NOT what they call themselves - it's what the settlers call them. This is fine if we're seeing things from Anakin's or Tionne's POV, but not when it's Tahiri's! That's NOT how somebody raised by these people would think of them!! ARRGH!!

Anakin wishes they'd landed at Mos Eisley. LOL. Like Tionne would ever take you there. He's distracted by Tahiri re-uniting with her bantha, Bangor - Sliven says they don't name them, but Tahiri does anyway. Tahiri has a rappor with Bangor because he's an orphan, too... And here Sliven (rightfully) gets mad and says she's not an orphan and they need to go.

You will not be surprised to learn that Anakin Solo hates sand.

Oh, apparently, the rest of the Sand People don't trust Tahiri and they're the ones who issued the ultimatum that she has to choose between them or the Jedi. I don't know why Sliven negotiated this homecoming-of-sorts, but plot, I guess.

“Sliven knows that if I choose to remain at the academy the tribe will refuse to take me back. I think that having me return to make my decision was Sliven’s way of giving me one last chance to remain with the tribe, and with him.”

“It sounds like he truly cares for you,” Anakin offered.

“Cares?” Tahiri weighed the word thoughtfully. “In his own way, I know he does. But he’s never cared enough to give me the one thing in my life that I wanted. He has never told me the story of how he found me. And if he truly cared, he would give me my history,” Tahiri ended sadly.

I am 100% on Sliven's side here, although I sympathize with Tahiri's yearning to know more about her past.

There's a woman named Vexa, who hates Tahiri. She also hates Sliven because he brought an outsider into the tribe. If Tahiri lives, Sliven gets to lead, and if not, he's going to die. Tahiri is pissed because Sliven never mentioned this before.

(Tionne is doing all the translating here for some reason, even though Tahiri is speaking in Basic to Vexa, and it's not clear to me if the narrative has established that why she WOULD speak Basic?? But okay...yay, Tionne!)

Basically, Tahiri's trial is a version of a walkabout in the Dune Sea and Jundland Waste crossed with hide and seek to rejoin the tribe. If she doesn't do this, she has to go back to the Academy and Sliven dies. Now Tionne is pissed because neither she nor Luke knew this was on the table, and they don't want Tahiri getting hurt.

Sliven's bait for getting Tahiri to participate is the truth about her parents.... which seems really convoluted and complicated, but okay. Of course Tahiri accepts, so Anakin decides to go to. Tionne tells them no but Sliven says they'll fight her, so... there's that. Okay then.

(Sigh. Tionne, you're a Jedi! Use your words to persuade them! Sing them to sleep or something! Don't just stand there and... abdicate responsibility here!)

(Yes, I know this is JF and that's why Adults Are Useless, because this is an escapist fantasy for the youth, but... really? REALLY??)

Sliven was injured in battle with smugglers and taken in by Cassa and Tryst Veila, two moisture farmers, and their three-year-old Tahiri. He becomes part of the family - they teach him Basic, he teaches Tryst how to fight with a gaderiffi. In a plot decision that makes me wince, Tryst is instantly better than Sliven, despite the fact that Sliven has trained his entire fucking life with this weapon and I just... Can't Even... but Tryst was Force-sensitive and I'm just... THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS, OKAY???

Anyway, Sliven and Tryst are sparring, and the rest of the tribe (do they have a name?? apparently not) see them, think Sliven's being attacked, and kill Tryst and Cassa. Vexa wants to let Tahiri die, too, and Sliven refuses, so they make this stupid bargain. Apparently, the Sand Peoples' kids reach adulthood at nine, so that's why they're doing this now. Oh, and Sliven made the thumbprint necklace macguffin after Tryst and Cassa died, which is... really creepy. Sliven is consumed with guilt, and Tahiri lectures him about caring and I just... can't... even...

But she wants Sliven's thumbprint on the macguffin next to her parents, so at least she gets THAT right.

Anyway, they drop Anakin and Tahiri in the desert and ride off, and Tahiri nearly gets eaten by a tentacle monster (a Sarlacc? unclear) and Anakin has to save her, and I just... why. Tahiri grew up here, she should know how to handle this planet, not be rescued by Anakin, who's never been here in his life. Fuck that.

Next encounter on the wandering monster table is... Jawas! Anakin fixes their broken sandcrawler with his magic tech powers, but only after mind-tricking them into letting him aboard, and I just... I feel like this is ethically compromising and maybe somebody who's worried about becoming like his evil granddad maybe should be a bit more careful about manipulating the free will of sentient beings??

Anyway, they jump-start the crawler and the grateful Jawas give them food and water and a ride and two gaderiffi sticks. Womp rats scream in the distance. They find bodies. They're being stalked by a krayt dragon but Tahiri only thought to mention that now.

Krayt dragons were large carnivorous reptiles that lived in the mountains surrounding Tatooine’s Jundland Wastes. Some thought that the dragons no longer existed, that they’d become extinct when settlers came to Tatooine, exposing them to various infections as well as hunting them for food and trophies.

This is an interesting world-building detail I'd never heard before!

Anakin tries to mind-trick the krayt dragon, but it doesn't work, so Tahiri rescues him. They make it out, and keep going. They're almost out of water, and Tahiri finds a hubba gourd for Anakin's wounds. Tahiri decides to use the Force to call Bangor, and it doesn't work until she and Anakin call together. They get back just as Vexa's trying to declare Tahiri dead. Tahiri makes a dramatic entrance.

Sliven wins! He says this means Tahiri is now a part of the tribe for real. Tahiri disagrees:

“I now understand that I was never a Tusken Raider. The skills we both used to survive weren’t the skills of a Raider. We used the Force. And now I know that I’m meant to attend the academy. To grow strong, and to use that strength to break the curse of the golden globe, and one day become a Jedi Knight.”

WHAT. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T USE ANY OF THE SKILLS SLIVEN TAUGHT YOU TO SURVIVE. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

(It's fine if that's Tahiri's decision - indeed, given the set-up of the book I would expect no less- but the reasoning here. I just... arrrrghhh.)

“What about Sliven? Won’t you miss him?” Anakin asked.

“That’s the hardest part,” Tahiri said sadly. “I love Sliven, but I know that I belong at the Jedi academy, not with the Sand People.”

“Then let us leave here,” Tionne said.

FINALLY TIONNE TAKES SOME AGENCY BESIDES STANDING AROUND AND LOOKING WORRIED.

But Tahiri gets Sliven's thumbprint on her pendant and take care of her bantha (forever!) and they leave. Anakin has a fever from his wounds. Luke is not pleased.

Luke Skywalker waited for the Lightning Rod’s cargo bay to open. Slowly the massive jaws of the bay yawned wide, revealing Luke’s nephew and Tahiri. Luke was pleased to see that the girl had returned. She belonged at the Jedi academy. He moved forward to greet the Jedi candidates.

“Welcome home-” Master Luke began. But his words caught in his throat as he stared at his students. Anakin struggled to stand and walk down the cargo bay’s ramp. Old Peckhum held one of his arms tightly, steadying him as hewalked. Anakin took several tottering steps, then fell forward. Luke anticipated his nephew’s collapse, and caught the boy in his arms.

Gently he lowered Anakin to the ground. Anakin’s academy jumpsuit was shredded on one side, revealing five gashes. There were dark circles under his eyes, and bruises were visible on his neck and hands. Tahiri knelt by her friend. The girl did not look much better, Luke thought in dismay. Spots of dried blood lined her jumpsuit in a pattern that looked like jaw marks. She, too, looked tired and hungry.

Luke’s eyes met Tionne’s for a brief moment. From her look of torment, he knew she’d tried her best to protect the children.

“Hi, Uncle Luke,” Anakin said with a small voice.

“What happened?” Luke asked in a voice full of worry.

“The Tusken Raiders had a little more in mind for me than just deciding whether or not to remain with the tribe,” Tahiri replied.

“We’ll talk later,” Luke said quietly to Tionne. “Right now, you are both going to the medical droid.” With that, he swept his nephew up in his arms and strode toward the turbolift, with Tahiri trailing.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN.

WHAT THE HELL IS LUKE GOING TO SAY TO TIONNE?

Anakin wakes up attended by a medical droid and also Luke. Leia wants Anakin home, but Han and Luke intervened. Remind me why Leia sent her kids here again? Doesn't she KNOW Luke's teaching style by now?

“Now get well, or Leia will never forgive me,” Luke instructed. Luke Skywalker sat beside his nephew as he slept. He wondered if the strange feeling of untold danger he’d sensed before sending the children to Tatooine had been a premonition of the promise Tahiri had chosen to keep. Luke closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. At least the children were safe.

No, Luke, that was called BEING A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, and YOU MISSED IT YET AGAIN.

Anakin falls asleep and goes back to his dream from the beginning, and uses the Force "to control his inner self", whatever that means. Tahiri wakes him up. Ikrit makes a dramatic entrance.

The Jedi Master, his white fur and the stones of the Great Temple strangely blending, scurried from the corner and leapt onto the window ledge. “After all,” he rasped, “this is only one battle of good versus evil. There will be others, if you are not up to the fight.”

Thnks, Captain Obvious! Anakin and Tahiri decide to go ahead and Ikrit... runs away, because they have to do this On Their Own. Sigh. This time, they walk to the Palace of the Woolamanders and I don't know why they couldn't just do that in Book One. Sigh. The evil voices try to use Tahiri's history against her, and she cites ALL her parents in rebuffing them. YES, GOOD. Then they try to use Darth Vader against Anakin and he laughs and the evil subsides. YES, GOOD.

Anakin and Tahiri enter the globe and free the childrens' spriits. The globe shatters and I half-expected the temple to crumble to pieces as they leave but it doesn't. Apparently, Ikrit went to get Luke, who is waiting for them outside.

“You know everything?” Anakin asked his uncle, gesturing toward Ikrit.

Luke Skywalker nodded. He wrapped his arms around Anakin’s and Tahiri’s shoulders.

“I am very proud,” Luke said, his eyes meeting theirs.

Slowly the group walked back toward the Jedi academy. For the first time in a long time, Anakin and Tahiri were not heading toward danger, but simply toward the future-adventure, the Force, and their ultimate goal: to become Jedi Knights.

The end.

OKAY THEN.

So, I didn't think the globe arc was going to resolve so quickly, but okay, fine, whatever. I thought that was going to be an entire book on its own. Tionne is basically useless here, which annoys me and I don't even know why she came at all. Luke is incredibly irresponsible, and Ikrit doesn't do anything. WHY. WHY. SUCH A WASTE. Sliven deserves better, and this book makes me angry at Tahiri for treating him the way she does for most of it. The crappy worldbuilding makes me cranky. I didn't feel like Books 1 and 2 could benefit much from re-writes, but this one is crying out for fix-it fics because HONESTLY.

[mintyoongiskookie]

A Waltz with the Constellations

Member: Park Jimin (Ft. Jungkook as a friend)

Genre: Fluff, angst, Ballroom Dance Teacher!Jimin

Word Count: 4,470

A/N: why tf am I not doing the ones I said I would and this is long overdue you have every right to hate me I thought of this one day and holy shit I thought it would be so damn beautiful and he would be so graceful and I can’t T~T. I also feel like this one isn’t any good soooo... Hopefully everyone likes it!

      “(Y/N), get your lazy ass up! We have the dance class today!”

      “Okay, one, it isn’t until five in the evening, and two, we can all dance decently. And, you act like I’ll actually dance with anyone? Sure, I know it’s your wedding and all, but I hate dancing.” Shoving the covers back over your head, you deeply exhaled and closed your eyes. “What time is it anyways? We don’t have to do anything until then.”

      Your friend Cora sighed, knowing her attempts to get your curled up figure out of bed would be for nothing. “Hey, I’ll get you food. Just, for fuck’s sake, get ready!”

      You shot straight out of bed at this, throwing the blankets over her head. “Well shit you should’ve just said that first.” Stumbling over to your drawers, you rummaged through everything in attempts to find something that you could easily dance in. Alas, your best friend will soon be lost to a man, but a good one at that. He was so sweet, and they went together like peanut butter and jelly. He was a beautiful man, for a beautiful woman. All of your friends are in relationships - except you. You had never like the feeling of putting all of your trust and love into a bond that could so easily be broken. You were the antisocial pessimist of your group, and you really didn’t care. You didn’t know how you made all of your friends, because you never went out in attempts to talk to anyone in the first place. It’s more like they all found you, liked you, and adopted you. They more or less barged their way into your life, but in the end, you gave up on thinking they were annoying and ended up keeping them close. But, romantic relationships were never something you were good at. Actually, you can’t say that. You’ve never been in one, mostly because you also have never found interest in anyone. You’ve never had sex, never had a boyfriend, hell, you haven’t even kissed anyone! You absolutely despised all of these ideas, so rather, you just sleep with your cats all day. Many times you have been in a situation were you would get set up with someone, but upon seeing it was as a date, you walked out of their life and refused to go back. For some strange reason, all of the boys liked you back in grade school. Which ended up with their hearts broken and a red imprint of your hand on their cheek. You were an asshole - of course you knew it. Everyone thinks that they effect you when they say that, but facts don’t hurt you. Everyone used to say you were lying when you never had a crush, and you were so tired of people’s shit towards you for saying that, that you just blocked yourself out of everyone’s lives. You weren’t a bullshitter, you always told the truth. The strange, sad truth that is you.

      “You know (Y/N), one of these days you’re gonna have to get into a relationship. You can’t take care of yourself forever, things’ll change and you’ll realized how fucked you are when you’re fifty and a virgin.”

      “Cora, I’m not a horny teenager. Never have been, never will be. If no one tries to talk to me, then I will live the life I’ve always wanted. Lonely and quiet.” Cora groans, running a hand through her thick, curly hair.

      “I’m worried for you kid. Where are your good emotions at? I’ve seen them a couple of times, and shit, I’ve heard stories about you and Jungkook. You actually smile with him. Speaking of which, he’s gonna be your partner for dancing.” Jeon Jungkook was your childhood friend, both of you complaining about how much you hated everyone being the thing that brought you together. You two were practically twins, with the occasional thought of you being in a relationship with him. You would both cringe at that.

     Heaving a sigh, you shooed her out and before she could question you, you slammed the door and went to work on your makeup. You were not what society would call beautiful, but you didn’t give one shit about it. You wore all black all the time, tattoos covering your ghastly white skin, and piercings leaving a bright gleam of light on your face covered in bold makeup. You looked very intimidating, and looks couldn’t deceive with you. You had never met but one person who wouldn’t move out of your way - that one person, of course, being Jungkook. You had an icy cold stare, and a chronic case of resting bitch face. Many respected you for your dominate and silent ways of control, just like how many hated it. You had power and you knew it. Growing up and having a hard childhood left you cold and unforgiving, where any sign of appreciation towards someone would be considered a miracle. You didn’t have a good relationship with any member of your family since you were considered the alien of it. You had figured out by age ten that you were a mistake, and no confirmation was needed. The rest of your family was typical for where you grew up in the dull state of Iowa - a mother working for a university, a handy father helping out as a mechanic, a creative older sister, and a surprisingly smart older brother. You, however, had always wanted change. You had started out by dying your hair black, which immediately got comments on how ugly you looked by your parents. They had set up a rule where you couldn't get any piercings until you could drive, so the second they were asleep the day you got your permit was when you went out and got all of your dream piercings. You got seven on each ear, a septum ring, a tongue stud, and a lip ring. Now, sadly, you didn't get these all at once, but you spread out your collection over time. Your parents were furious, and almost disowned you. But surprisingly they didn't. Then, your eighteenth birthday rolled around and you snuck off to get some ink with Jungkook. He was always there with you throughout all of your body modifications, and he was your number one supporter. You both had a couple of matching piercings and tats, picking some of the dumbest ideas to inscribe onto your skin. The second you came home with a trace of ink on your skin, your parents had kicked you out, and you stayed with Jungkook's family. They were the family you never had, always wishing you your best and helping you through anything. You were deeply saddened when you both had to depart for college in New York. Everyone but your family was disappointed when you two announced your departure. Wishes were given, and off you two went. Your grandparent’s will was given to you, and your eldest sister had managed to steal some of your parents’ money for you. You both bought a tiny apartment near the campus of the university, sharing everything with each other. Now, you’re here - nice home, nice job, nice pets, nice friends. And, a nice relationship. 

      With yourself that is.

      Jogging down the steps, you poured your three Great Danes and two cats some food before running out to Cora’s car. After clicking your seatbelt on, you turned to look at Cora, who was staring right back at you with a mischievous smile. “Oh no. What now...?”

      Her laugh swam around the inside of her car, hands flying to turn the key. After getting to the first stoplight, she rummaged through her purse to grab a hold of her phone. Without saying a word, she shoved the screen into your face, your hands flying up to look at it. “Holy shit, who’s that?”

      “That, is our dance instructor. And I think you should get with him.” She said, speeding through the streets. A scoff came from you, shaking your head and setting the phone back on her lap.

      “He looks to nice. And innocent. Not my type, I don’t wanna scar him.” Looking back out the window, you glanced up at a grand and extravagant building. The outside was pristine gold and white - the marbling on the pillars having black veins crawling to the top. If this was the outside, you couldn’t even begin to fathom what the interior would look like. Sighing, you got out and slung your duffel bag over your shoulder and shuffled in through the enormous double doors behind Cora. If you thought the outside was nice, the inside was breath taking. You had never been in such a place so fancy, you were staring in awe at everything around. Everything was plated in gold, quartz, marble, the works. All topped off with the most beautiful man you had ever seen sitting on a white velvet sofa and talking to the other girls. His hair was a silky grey, brushed perfectly to the side. His shirt was tucked into his black jeans, the silky material matching his hair. With being too caught up in gawking at the man, you didn’t notice the sparkling bright smile directed towards you from him. With a nudge from Cora, you cleared your throat and made your way over to the others.

      “Well, since it seems everyone is here, I’m Park Jimin. Your dance teacher.” A bright smile spread over his features, and as all of the other girls were swooning, you mumbled a few things to Jungkook.

      “Oh god, we gotta work with a Ken doll? Put me in a blender and call me Jungsmoothie.” Hearing the words come from your best friend’s mouth, your eyes teared up from the attempts to not laugh. Gripping at the strap of your bag, your eyes went straight to the floor as a silent laugh escaped your lips. The second you were all dismissed to change, you walked off laughing with Jungkook to find the respective changing rooms.

      “Isn’t he hot?”

      “That shouldn’t be a question, that’s a fact. Like, holy shit, did you see his ass?” All this talk about Mr. Ken doll was annoying the shit out of you, and you had to hear it throughout the entire class.

      “Can you guys please stop talking about him for five seconds so I can leave? And, Cora, you don’t have any room to say that! You’re getting fucking married!” With a frustrated sigh, you snatched up your bag and walked out of the room to find Jungkook. There were a few calls from the girls, saying that ‘you know he’s hot!’ and that, ‘you’re just saying that because you like him!’. Rolling your eyes, you pulled Jungkook away from his group by his ear and headed towards the door. “We are leaving.”

      A hiss came from the man’s mouth as he swatted your hands away,  adjusting the strap on his shoulder. “What? Are they all talking about-”

      A call of both of your names from behind you cut him short, both of you turning your heads to find who it came from. Jimin was leaning against the back of the plush creme couch, waving you both over. With a sigh, you heaved yourself around and walked back over to him.

      “Yes?” Jungkook said, an irritable tone in his voice.

      A light chuckle came from the man’s mouth, his warm eyes looking at you both. “I know you two aren’t particularly enthralled with the idea of this class, and I can see why. You are both very talented, and this is just like stepping in a box for you. If it’s any of my concern, we might just have to make separate classes since you’re so ahead of the others. Is that okay?” He looked over to you expectantly, while you pinch Jungkook as he groans.

      “I think that would be okay, yeah. But are we working with each other? Because he keeps stepping on my toes.” A laugh fell from the man’s lips, and he waved it off.

      “I think it would be more reasonable to work with someone who has a greater skill level, but if you’d like to work together you ca-”

      “NO.” Your voices rang in unison, ending in Jungkook laughing.

      Jimin chuckled, and smiled that brilliant smile again. “Well, how does this weekend sound? You can both come on Saturday, and we’ll work out the times. You won’t have to come to these classes anymore, either,”

      As the three of you worked out how you’d like to practice, you caught yourself staring at Jimin’s eyes more than you would find appropriate, and staring at his plump lips too.

      What the fuck are you doing (Y/N)? Keep it together, don’t loose it now.

      “You like him.” The accusation coming from Jungkook earned him a punch to the gut as you stole his keys from him and walked to the driver’s side of his car.

      “Say anything like that again and I’ll slit your throat with high heels.” Turning the ignition over, you sighed and leaned back in the seat. “Ugh, how are we the best of the class? Do you think he’s just saying that? Fuck, I hate dancing...” You drove off to your place, deciding that you and Jungkook would hang out for the night.

      You found yourselves both on your couch, watching whatever was on the TV with a box of pizza on the coffee table. Sprawling out over top of his lap, you curled up and pulled a blanket over the two of you. “I’m sleeping here. Goodnight.” And, without any other words exchanged between the two of you, you fell asleep engulfed with dreams of the mysterious ballroom teacher.

      A knock on your door disrupted you from your much needed sleep, as many nights were spent looking up how to dance. Jungkook’s voice rang from behind the door, a ball of panic hitting you straight in the face.

      It was already Saturday.

      Throwing off the covers, you did your makeup as fast as humanly possible for you. Running out the door and pulling you with him, you were both already an hour late for the time you had set up.

      “WHY DIDN’T YOU COME EARLIER YOU DICKHEAD?!”

      “IT’S NOT MY FAULT I FORGOT TOO!” With a groan, you ran straight pass his car, knowing that the traffic would slow you down even more. Ignoring his calls, you ran away from your friend and down the sidewalks to the ballroom. Thoughts were running through your head, pounding on the walls of your mind. Finally, you bursted your way through those giant double doors and leaned against the wall in attempts to catch your breath. You already looked like a mess - sweat from the heat of the summer day dripping down your face, your hair a wind styled mess. But, all is well as long as your makeup was good.

      Silently making your way to the changing rooms, you threw on your dance attire and sneaked back out. You could have a simple excuse; you were wandering around the building and lost your way. A laugh from behind you caught your attention, your head whipping around to see Jimin.

      “You’re late.”

      A sigh fell from your lips as you made your way over to him. “Yeah, well at least I came.” There goes the excuse idea. “Where is my partner anyways? Since I’m not working with Jungkook.”

      A smirk grew on his face as he went to play some music over the speakers. “You’re looking at him darling. Now, come, we’ll go over what we learned on Wednesday.” His exterior seemed to change around you, his bubbly self turning into a confident and mysterious one. He held his arms out for you, the smirk still present on his face. 

      With a sigh, your fingers intertwined with his as you rested your right hand on his shoulder. His hand made it’s way to your waist, your body being pulled against his. You both made your ways around the entirety of the ballroom floor, your stiff and protective movements soon flowing with the music like satin. Your frown had disappeared, your features softening with the beautiful sound swallowing the room.

      “Keep your chin high. You don’t want your eyes trained on your feet instead of your partner.” Your eyes slowly made their way up his frame, taking in each detail and storing it in the file cabinets of your brain. Your eyes met his, and suddenly you could see the layers of sadness that had been buried beneath his many facades. His eyes had that single spark of warmth, like a blanket trying to cover how cold he really was. There was loneliness, sadness, you knew those eyes. You knew them like the back of your hand.

      You looked at them every day in the mirror.

      Your furrowed brows softened, a look of recognition flooding through your orbs. Your movements became unfocused, as you stumbled over your own feet and prepared for the feeling of cool marble hitting your bones. But, it never came, as you were instead encased in the warmth of a grasp on your waist. Your eyes opened, only to be met with Jimin hovering over you, holding you in the position of a dip for the end of the song.

      A quiet chuckle left his lips, your ears now identifying how forced all of his cheerful movements really were. “Careful darling. Can’t have any broken bones before the dance, now can we?”

      Instead of fighting, you subtly nodded, hands holding onto his as he swings you back upright. Your eyes lingered on each others’ for a bit too long, before he tears his gaze away to change the song. Coming back to you, he pulled you against him once again, the movements all flowing together perfectly.

      You both danced the day away, only realizing it once you broke gazes and looked to one of the giant windows. The stars were littering the night sky, the sight rare for a polluted city night such as this one. Jimin looked back at you, the smallest of smiles finding its way on his lips. His hand found yours, and he tugged you towards the grand staircase. “Come with me. I have something to show you.” Silently, you followed the man out onto the rooftop. The sky was enthralling up here, the dull sound of car engines fading away as you cast your sight up to the stars. Everything was crisp and clear, the lights in the sky outshining the lamps along the streets and the bright neon billboards on the towering skyscrapers. His quiet voice brought you out of your trance, your head snapping back down to look at him. “So you know.”

      “Know what?” You had a faint idea of what he was pointing at, but just to make sure, you wanted to confirm it.

      He took in a shaking, almost silent breath, a sound so quiet many wouldn’t have noticed. But you were used to these signs. Signs from people that lied when you asked them, ‘Are you okay?’. “That it’s all fake. I saw how you looked at me. You know I’m not the person I play out to be.”

      Looking down over the city, all words were hushed as any sound seemed to drift away with the breeze. Finally, you spoke up. “I’m used to seeing eyes like yours. I see them staring back at me in the mirror.” You had made your way to the edge of the building, casting your gaze over the city below. “What’s your story behind it all?”

      You could see his stature stiffen next to you, his head hanging low. “Someone... Special in my life died because of me. It’s all a long story.”

      “We have all the time in the world.” You knew you were prodding the safety line, wandering into treacherous waters, saying something like that.

      He sighed, his head tilting back to look up at the lights stringing together. After a painfully suspenseful silence, he started his story. “Her name was Jordan. I loved her, god, I loved her so fucking much. We were young, and stupid, and restless. She had moved to my school in sixth grade, but she blended in with the whole crowd. It was like no one ever knew she had come here. No one ever noticed her. But one day, I went to her table at lunch, and sat across from her. It was like it was just the two of us, and the entire lunchroom was dead silent. We felt like we were in our own little place, like it was just us two. I brought out the good in her, the different. Time passed and she grew close with me. One night, she came to me, and she made me chop off all her hair with a pocket knife so she looked different. Then, she dyed it all a bright blue. We stopped wearing the school uniforms, and yeah. We started dating. I don’t think she loved me as much as I loved her, shit, I don’t even think that was possible. But one day, we were driving down the interstate together. We were having this stupid fucking argument, and we were yelling at each other and everything. I took my eyes off the road to look at her for a second, but a car in front of us lost control and hit us off the road. We rammed into a tree and I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t know she died on impact until a week later...” His voice was broken and torn, the end of his past breaking apart into a hoarse whisper. You knew none of that was his fault, but you also knew that you wouldn’t be able to convince him.

      “I would say I’m sorry, but I know how useless sorries are.” You sighed, looking back up at the sky. “But just know that none of it was your fault.” You felt an unknown twist in your heart, the idea of him with someone had effected you in some way. It shouldn’t have though, right? You had lost a lot of people in your life, you should be used to things like this. Yes, you had lost people, but no one was ever close to you. Hell, you had sometimes wished they were dead from the start. And comforting people was never a trait of yours.

      You checked the time, seeing it was already close to midnight. “You should go.” Glancing over at him, you nodded at his words before turning to go.

      Stopping yourself, you looked over your shoulder. “Take care of yourself, Jimin.” That was the last thing you said to each other that night.

      You found yourself never missing a single class with Jimin, your heart slightly looking forward to being with someone like you. The wedding had crept up on you, so there you were, sitting at a table in a much too flashy dress, in gaudy heels you would never wear, with your hair in a bun so tight, you through you just got a free facelift. Like you said, you stayed seated the whole time, just listening and watching with a glass of wine in your hands. You had to admit, You never were one who enjoyed weddings or the after parties. But, you had to say, Hoseok was absolutely perfect for Cora. You mind drifted back to Jimin’s story, back to his past. You couldn’t get any of the things he said off of your mind since that night, and nothing could take it’s place. A hand was place on your shoulder, pulling you from your thoughts as you looked back to see him.

      “Jimin? W-what are you doing here?”

      His broken smile was taped onto his face, the corners of his mouth moving up robotically. “Cora invited me.” His voice was so soft, almost being drown out in the loud music and voices of others. “You’re the main reason I’m here. I knew you wouldn’t have danced, so it’s my job to make you.” You smiled the smallest smile, but he knew that it was real. That it held so much more than what met his eyes.

      “I would like that.” A slow song swam in the air, the sound suffocating, the chords too big and beautiful to be trapped in a singular room. Jimin’s eyes lit up, some of the sadness fading away. Some. Memories never do leave you.

      You found yourself wrapped in his arms, your bodies hidden away on the corner of the dance floor. People couldn’t help but stare, their eyes being drawn to the mysterious couple dancing away. Neither of you noticed, your eyes solely being locked onto each other’s. The hall was silent, save for the music. Others had stopped dancing, leaving just you two out in the open. your head was resting on his shoulder, eyes closed now and breath slowing. You could feel all of the eyes staring at you, burning holes into your figure. Once the song stopped, claps were caging the two of you in the room, a wink from Cora was making a smile spread onto your face. You were pulled out from the room, the atmosphere changing immediately. You walked beside Jimin, eyes trained on the floor in front of you both. Carpet changed to concrete, and you found yourselves dancing on the rooftop. The sky was littered with the stars, looking identical to the night you shared your secrets. There was no music, but none was needed. You were both standing there, dancing in each other’s arms. Your mind was throwing a tantrum, screaming that this was wrong, that you’d only get hurt once again. You saw no love in his eyes, and you knew he wasn’t over Jordan. He had no feelings for you, only for a dead girl. A dead girl of which he loved so dearly, and he lost so quickly. There was sadness in his eyes, and there always would be. Who were you to think that you could ever make anyone feel better? That you had any say in his past?

      And so you danced.

      You danced away your feelings for him, you danced away your sadness, you danced away that little sliver of hope you had, that maybe, just maybe, someone would love you.

      Only the stars knew.

[kotoriqueen]

Heith Week 2k17 Day 2; July 16th - gain/loss Also on my AO3 Will be queuing all my days since I’ll be working too much to post all my fics but all the chapters will be posted on my AO3 as well because I might end up forgetting!!

Shiro was basically all of Keith’s impulse control. When they met, Shiro was the one that kept him in line. That fact was proven when Shiro went missing for the Kerberos mission and the Garrison said it was pilot failure and that Shiro was dead. Keith acted out of line, wouldn’t respect the instructors, and went as far as picking a fight with Iverson. The students had muttered to themselves how ‘Kogane has guts’, but that’s the most Keith ever heard as he was stomped away back to his room. Him getting kicked out of the Garrison was the best thing that happened to him, as disappointed and Shiro would be – and was when Keith gathered up the courage to explain himself after a long time in space – but Keith had no regrets. If he had a chance to go back to the Garrison after this war was over, he’d turn it down.

When he got Shiro back, that was fine – he thought he could rest easy after that. But, no. He spoke too soon. Suddenly he’s on the hunt for a majestic alien ship with three other people that were from the Garrison, that he couldn’t remember the names of, but they introduced themselves later. And yet, Keith still couldn’t remember. But with Shiro standing by him, he chose to befriend the three rather than ignore them. Keith said so himself: With Shiro, his life would be a lot different.

So when fighting Zarkon was over, and Shiro had upped and disappeared from the black lion, Keith couldn’t stop shaking. He was angry, and upset, and wanted to cry – he wanted to punch something. Wreck something. Anything to try to make himself better. His impulsive behavior was unacceptable to say the least, especially when it went on for nearly two quintants according to Allura and Coran. Hunk, being the best boyfriend he possibly could, tried to calm Keith in any way possible. He tried to help being his impulse control, even though he was no Shiro, but he even went as far as training with Keith, practically being used a punching bag for him on the training deck. (Just, thankfully he was using his fists and not his bayard or Marmora blade.)

Yet, Keith still acted on impulse. He normally did with Shiro there anyway, but damage was worse without him alone. More often than not, Keith ended up with more injuries with the others, over the half the time ending up in a healing pod after each fight. The team was trying to tell him the next time he acts on impulse, he could end up dying. Keith always ends up shrugging and going: “Then I just have to get strong enough so the fights won’t kill me. I’ll be on the training deck if you guys need me.”

No one goes after him when he goes to the training deck. They’ve tried the first five or six times he’s been in the healing pod after a fight, but eventually stopped trying to get Keith to rest. Hunk never stopped checking up on him though, making sure he took breaks to stay hydrated and eating a little bit to keep his strength up. Keith always thanked him and would mutter and apology for Hunk to see him this way. It hurts Hunk to know he can’t do anything more for his boyfriend, but the least he could do is make sure he keeps his energy up. (Kisses and taking care of his injuries, too, when he could drag Keith away from the training deck.)

There came a day where they thought they had a lead on Shiro, so Keith told them to prepare themselves to land on that planet. They don’t know what that planet had, nor do they know for sure if Shiro was there. Before they landed, they had gotten attacked by Galra warships, which meant the planet was overcome with Galra. Pidge and Lance stayed with the castle to help with defenses while Keith and Hunk went to the planet to fight off Galra down below. It seemed like the fight went on forever with the sentries never ending. It didn’t even seem they were making a dent in the thousands of sentries that were on the planet.

Hunk and Keith get separated after that, and yet still kept in touch through their helmets. Keith advises they retreat to their lions instead, believing they’d do more damage from the sky instead of the ground. Hunk agrees and meets up with him at the moment Keith’s surrounded by sentries.

Then it happens all so fast.

A group of sentries raise their guns and aim to shoot at Keith.

They fire.

But the shots land on Hunk instead as the yellow paladin pushing Keith to the ground and basically makes himself a human shield. The one thing he hears is Keith screaming his name, and he feels Keith pushing at him along with the shots he’s getting.

“Hunk! Hunk! Hunk, no!” Keith’s screaming, his voice cracking and reaching a high pitch. He pushes Hunk off of him, laying him on the ground. “The fuck were you thinking!”

“Trying not to get you killed..” Hunk admits, body soaring with pain. “Leave me here.. get to Black..”

“No! Hell no! I’m not leaving!”

“Keith--”

“Fuck, this is all my fault!” Hunk watches with blurry vision as Keith gets up, bayard in one hand and Marmora blade in another. He starts charging at the group at sentries, cutting through them like they were butter. “If only I wasn’t so goddamn impulsive--” Sentry bodies are falling as a massive speed. “If only I thought more before I acted--” Hunk feels like he’s close to losing consciousness. “I wouldn’t have lost Shiro! And now I’m going to lose Hunk too..!”

Keith’s voice cracks as his two weapons slice through the last of the sentries that surrounded them previously. Keith drops both his bayard and his Marmora blade and stumbles to Hunk’s side. Dropping to the ground, shoulders shaking and eyes stinging. His cheeks are warm and hot tears are running down his cheeks. He’s regretting a lot, and he’s voicing that, too. Hiccups are coming out between his words and Hunk’s trying to get him to calm down. Keith’s telling him to save his voice.

“Please--- please please please just stay awake,” Keith begs, fingers digging into Hunk’s arms. “Stay with me.”

“I’unno.. staying awake is getting hard..” Hunk mutters, trying to breathe, but even that’s hard. His breaths are like gasps, as if he just ran a marathon around the world. “Breathing is.. getting hard too..”

“No. No no. You have to stay with me-- breathe-- Allura! We need to get out of here pronto! Hunk need a healing pod!”

“We’ll be landing in a few ticks, hopefully! Lance and Pidge just made an opening!”

“Great. That’s great,” Keith tries to breathe, his heart beating crazy fast and his stomach doing flips. “You hear that Hunk? She’ll be here soon. And you’ll be okay.”

Silence.

“Hunk?” Again, no answer. “Hunk. Hunk no. Hunk please. Open your eyes. Wake up. I can’t lose you, too.”

That’s how the others find the red and yellow paladins; Keith holding onto Hunk tightly, with blood coming out of open wounds and pooling to the ground. Hunk’s complexion is lighter, and Keith’s crying so hard he can barely take in a breath. Lance manages to pry Keith away from Hunk’s body so Allura and Coran can get him into a healing pod. Thankfully they got to him in time to save him, but he’d be in the healing pod for at least a couple quintants. Any later, he may not have survived. Keith thanks Coran for it, but plants himself right in front of Hunk’s healing pod, arms folded over his chest and hands squeezing his arms, hugging himself as his shoulders shake for a second time that day and tears fall once more.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you, too, Hunk..” Keith mutters. “I’m so sorry.. please don’t hate me after you’re out of the pod. Please.”

[sunflowerstationary]

This post is… kind of long

Tip: when typing on tumblr app, since it inconvenient to save as you go, occasionally select and copy everything so it’s saved on the clipboard

I can’t say much about the driving test because its been forever, but my instructor wasn’t like, unfriendly. I asked him about his job and he talked about how in his experience doing the test, all of the accidents have happened because of people who already had their licenses. And really, theres no shame in failing your first test. The instructor i had failed several people from the School of Driving or something. Its not a consistent test, I don’t think.

I’m really glad you get to live with Scappy again, I’m sure he’s super pleased to see you all the time again. i hate being away from my babies so much. They have each other, but no one pays enough attention to them I just don’t enjoy being home most of the time. Honestly, the biggest problem is that theres no where comfortable to sit. Like, the kitchen table doesn’t have chair backs, the couches are uncomfortable and impossible to cuddle on, and the floor is, well, the floor. Plus you never know who’s going to be home and when.

I would totally love to learn some russian. I wish I had the time to really commit myself to learning another language. I’m currently just trying to teach myself to use home row using keybr. I have yet to get all the way through because q keeps fucking me up. Also my nails make it kind of hard to like, really keep my fingers on the home row because if i do that I can’t really hit the bottom row of keys.

I occasionally text Collin, but they aren’t very good for answering. I don’t think there ever was any sort of resolution between us and think we agreed to keep it that way. I don’t think about them very much but I do miss them. I wish i could keep track of them better and support them somehow, they really meant a lot to me.

As a kind of side note, I occasionally talk to Rayzel. I like her, though its awkward sometimes because she doesn’t really carry on a conversation well. She rarely messages me first and that makes it really hard for me but she’s uber supportive all the time and its nice. She’s kind of been a nice neutral party when i don’t know who to talk to about a something.

Things are kind of better for me, though it feels fake and definitely would still rather be dead most of the time. Like I’m not sad as often but I also tend to default to sleep or alcohol before it gets really bad. So thats probably not the most healthy coping mechanisms but. idk things are good right now but i’m also pretty sure its because my school workload is very light and I’m barely working. I haven’t done any work for athena in twoish weeks and I’m only working 11ish hours for bk so I’m all hell will break loose for me when school gets tough and I get more hours.

The babies are good, Sandstorms face is getting bad again, and Lucky probably needs another bath. Sandstorms taken up peeing in the dining room again. Mom put the litter box in there for a while and obviously it helped, but mom couldn’t deal with the smell so she slowly moved it closed to the door for downstairs. and by slowly I mean not very slowly at all. It don’t think it really helped because I caught sandstorm peeing in there one morning when I was getting her shot ready.

Me and Kevin are good. Since I isolated the hell out of myself so he would be comfortable, there really isn’t any other tensions. I do really regret isolating myself so hard. I still wonder sometimes if I’m making the right decision here- am I going to look back in twenty years and wish I had put my foot down while I was still young and we had only been together a few years? I’m so clearly poly, and I’m going to keep falling in love with my friends for the rest of my life. Thats just how I am. I really don’t know what to do about it. I can’t imagine life without Kevin. I can���t even remember to put a bra on or brush my teeth, he more or less holds my life together since I just cannot.

The party thing was good. I got so drunk. I regret that. But it was fun and I really like Chris so. One of kelvins other friends, Tyler, who I like as well, showed up super high and now I am uncomfortable. Like, i knew he smoked but idk. I think I still need to get over that. I probably just need to get high once or twice and like. Not die or whatever. idk. But I totally forgot Chris’s comment and I’m TOTALLY going to ask the next time were alone. I’ll have to ask Kevin about the comment again to refresh my memory.

I haven’t tried the wine yet, it’s at my house and I plan on opening it whenever I need it there since its more socially acceptable than shots.

Athena hasn’t been great tbh. It did wonders for my self-esteem while I was there. More from feeling like I was important than actual work. But now that I’m gone, no one talks to me at all and it kind of. feels like its invalidating everything that happened while I was there. Idk. I got fairly close with a girl named Aubrie but she has barely talked to me at all since I left. No one is willing to hold conversations with me, and I wasn’t really around long enough and I didn’t talk enough to be able to ask people about their lives. Plus, they’re all very much in different parts of life than me, so it wouldn’t be good conversation anyway. Being a good listener is less useful when its not in persna and they have to type up everything. Its more effort for less reward. So no, i’m not getting much work and no I don’t really keep up with anyone. I should though. Physical letters would be a good idea. I wish I was a bit more creative, I could like, send pictures and trinkets and such. Idk. I should def do it.

I have so much I’ve wanted to talk to you about, but I can’t even remember most of it. I’m not sure If I told you, but the only queer on the team recommended the artist Kate Bush to me. They said that she was a very important part of her life and they have a tattoo relating to one of her songs so I was like ‘I’ll totally give her a try’. I’ve only really listened to her album Hounds of Love, but her other famous songs are Withering Heights and Babooshka. She’s very whimsical, and I have no idea if you’ll like her but, you know. I listened to a documentary on her while I was working and it was super interesting so I’m convinced.

NOTE: we should probably tag these so we can find them. You’re better at coming up with tags, so its your job :P

Schools been okay, Team Projects been kind of yucky because its all the people I’m trying to avoid, but the teacher is A++, very dad. So hopefully it should be okay. The problem is we had to ‘expose’ ourselves to help us work in teams better and I both did not want to share at all and also very much wanted to overshare. But Jordan, a girl who I took bookbinding with and I’m friends with, is in the class so that helps. Diversity in the Deaf Community is cool, the teacher is super great. He’s deaf, which makes it hard for me to talk to him but he’s so AWARE. Our first real lecture talked about how everything is a social construct. I never hear teachers talking about that. the final project is going to be a big deal though and I’m worried its going to overwhelm me, because I’ve got big final projects in every class.

ASL 3 is fine, I feel behind but it hasn’t gotten bad yet. Its got a paper that requires I interview a deaf person which. should be interesting. I really am shit at reading sign sometimes. Topics in Media Arts, Sciences will probably be really helpful in the long run but will probably be hell. The teacher is Russian, I believe, and her english isn’t always very good. The way she talks is incredibly frustrating for me- she’s just like my mom, she stops halfway through sentences. And she’s not always clear and we have to do like, real experiments. Were going to have eye tracking and finger thingys and its gonna be a lot.

And then Abnormal psych, the only class I’m actually excited to go to, which is from 5:30 to 6:50 which is. so yucky. But the teacher is super great and also super aware. she talks about how we need to break down the stigma around mental illness. Her specialty is working with Bipolar kids. She’s very energetic but i think she’s probably in her forties?  I actually have no idea but i’m accounting for my shitty sense of peoples age. Her face is actually very skull-like if you look at it close enough. Her eyes are kind of sunken and her nose is kind of big. I keep like, unconsciously diagnosing her. I think she probably has body image issues. She’s incredible, incredibly skinny. She wearing really tight tops but always has really really baggy pants. Idk, its not really my place though.

Mom hasn’t bitched as much about Ed lately, but I’m not sure if it’s because it’s getting better or because she’s getting used to it. I’m getting used to it for sure. I talked to him about making the cat tree. He said it would take a couple hours at most, and would be considerably cheaper than 300 dollars. He can get carpet for free, and wood and brackets aren’t that expensive. I guess before I okay it with him, look online, the the prices were much much cheaper (though I don’t know about shipping) but if me and Ed do it, you can make it look however you want. I think that would be kind of cool. I’ll try to remember to bug you about this if you don’t text me about it.

Victoria broke up with TJ, and he was anorexic for a time and dropped a bunch of weight. He says now he’s back to about his old weight now, with the binging and the muscle gain. He also recently started dating a tiny red head names Cameron. I don’t know much about her other than she’s a singer and not much of a dancer (Which is approximately the opposite of Victoria).

Dad has more or less stayed out of my life.

Me and Kevin got into Bondage, and it’s very much an experience I want to share with you. But I don’t know how comfortable you’d be so I figured I’d ask before I got into it. I also found out i’m into wax play and we’ve both struggled with the whole thing where were both subs and its hard.

Speaking of hard, I just wanted to make it clear in case it wasn’t, I’m not particularly comfortable being in Steve’s presence. I’m not sure what to do about it- I feel guilty for not liking him, especially because I wasn’t sure if it was because of who he is or because I’m jealous but now i’m especially wary of him after the thing on my birthday. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to really like him after all of the things he’s said about me that were negative. I admit, he is kind part of the reason I don’t really come over anymore (though our conflicting work schedules really really don’t help). So. Idk. I don’t particularly want to talk to him about it but I’m willing to if you want me to.

I think I had more to say, but theres already so much so! I love you very very much and I don’t even have words to explain how relieved I am that things are looking up for you. You deserve the whole word, just for being you. It’s probably more my fault for the lack of communication, especially as the one with more spoons in general.

Thank you for everything

EDIT: Send me the link to the Boot! Also, you should be proud, I’ve been listening to P!ATD for the past two weeks straight. so.