#anyway. incoming long ramble i wrote up in notepad

[thedisguisedaltruism]

🩷🩵

honestly, this idea (writing a very much contained word vomit) came out unprompted. five minutes ago i was trying to decorate my bare gyuboo toploader with rhinestones i’ve bought last month, and suddenly, there were voices in my head talking about your incoming 8th anniversary.

now that’s random, but i cannot blame this post, though. all of this stuff came from my restless and overthinking head in real-time.

8 years. who would’ve thought time passed in the blink of our eyes? it’s fascinating how i lived a different life compared to you. in 2015, i was unsure, but hell, i know i was ready to risk it all. i could say the same to you. the 13 of you were ready to risk it all but you were hopeful. collectively, you share the same mindset and it’s mind-boggling how you managed to do that for eight years.

this might be weird, but believe me, it’s funny how both of us started the crucial part of our careers in the same year but in different accords. i was an engineering freshman and you guys were rookies in the idol industry.

i’m only equipped with mediocre academic knowledge and forced willingness but you guys were established with much talent and artistry. imagine? creating a head-turning record and performance at a young age while i was barely thriving in my lone heaviest credit in first-semester freshman.

but that’s okay. i guess? perhaps this is what it feels like to be caged your entire life.

anyway, that was too much rambling over contrast in life.

these days, i’m aware of the fact of how much my interest in writing has been awfully declining. it sucks since i’ve been telling this to myself like a vow about how writing kept me sane throughout these years. journals, e-diaries, self-indulgent fics, and random ramblings.

but you know what? it’s fine if one day, i’ll wake up and the thought of writing as my free yet exquisite escape ends up as null. purely nothing to think about “oh wow, my wip,” or the sudden opening of your google docs or notepad or word and typing the stuff that comes into your mind–unprompted.

as long as i still get to open my phone and browse and see or read anything related to you.

for three years, you have no idea how much you hold me back from insanity, seventeen. does this sound corny? yes. shall i keep this phrase in the post? absolutely yes.

every special event, i used to write a lengthy and heart-warming post to my addressees. i was [perhaps] full of love until life slowly dawned upon me how i’ve given my all and still got caged in the end.

and it’s funny how your existence made it manageable for me to live this way–the way i just wrote several paragraphs without writer’s block tonight.

sebongs, in your eighth anniversary, maybe i wasn’t there to witness the quiet journey of your career, but with the way how you guys grew wiser and better, and shone brighter amidst the passing of time, may you remain restless as our beacons in life. happy 8 years, my summer suns.

i will always be by your side.

[enderspawn]

… well first off i would like to state that i am feeling validated in this chilis tonight