#anyways .. this is the main reason I wanted to talk about josh earlier lol to get my mind off of it but now im back at this stupid house and

[chevelleneech]

It being said Buck and T*mmy are still dating and getting to know each other, and Eddie feeling left out is all well and good. It’s at the least a decent start to developing something (not that I want that anymore, but still).

However, couple those words with L*u FJ having not been seen on set at all… I don’t know how much of it I’m believing will stretch behind the first three episodes. I’m not trying to give Tim credit for being sneaky or anything, and I’m still not looking to watch the premiere. I’m going to hold off, but how far under the radar can they truly fly with his filming, and why would they want to, given Buck is openly bisexual and there was a positive reaction to the relationship even with Buddies being unhappy?

There’s no reason for me to believe L*u is so beloved by Tim and ABC that they’re sneaking him on and off set. I’m not saying he can’t have “snuck” on once or twice, but again… for what reason? No one in the cast is talking about him, the behind the scenes hadn’t really posted him, and no one has spotted him on set. So how well can the relationship be going if the actor playing Buck’s boyfriend has not been seen, heard, nor mentioned anywhere near the show this season?

The only way this supposed developing relationship keeps going, is if it’s over the phone or we get it in slices where T*mmy is never actually present. As in, Buck tells Eddie he’s meeting up with T*mmy, yet we never see them together. Or we see Oliver sharing the screen with a stand-in, and we only get arial shots of them.

I guess they could always be indoors. In a car or something, but idk. Something is very fishy. Tim and co either managed to slip that man on and off set for weeks, or they’re talking around a quick breakup. Because “getting to know each other” and “not much time has passed” equals Buck and T*mmy don’t know each other enough to have developed a deep connection. Which allows writers to write both an attempt for Buck to make it work and a breakup within the first 3-5 episodes without making the general audience feel like it ended abruptly or was pointless.

Buddie may not happen even if Eddie comes out this season, but if they do want to get rid of T*mmy, I will admit I can see them doing it this way. It would avoid starting the season with Buck being single yet again (which truly would not be an issue if they didn’t try shoving him with a woman every damn season in earlier seasons), but also give BT stans a little food. Make Buck try and want it to work, but ultimately have it fail. That also tells general audiences who are neutral about him “suddenly” being “gay” that he is serious about wanting to date men, but couldn’t make it work with the first one he dated.

Whether or not Buddie will be a result? I don’t know, but I can’t say I’m on team hopeful, lol. I think this is the last shot, and unless they cast partners for Buck and Eddie that knock it out of the fucking park in terms of chemistry, I do not see s8 being the place to start anew yet again. So Buddie really and truly makes the most sense if Buck and T*mmy breakup and Eddie comes out. Main characters getting together is tv normalcy.

There isn’t a single show or film in history where the mains don’t end up together, that’s why they’re mains. And if they wanted an outside relationship, T*mmy unfortunately is the only other choice outside of Josh, because he’s already here. So they either gotta make T*mmy worth the choice to not have Buddie, or they make Buck single and have Josh and Eddie randomly get together. Which would lows be just as unnecessary as BT, but at least Josh is likable.

Anyway, that’s my 5¢. They’re either setting BT up to be roadkill, or they did somehow manage to sneak that man on set for weeks, thus cementing the implication he will become an important character. Because again, there is no reason a recurring love interest is important enough to hide on set, just because he’s unliked by some fans. They didn’t do that with Edy, and people wanted her head on a fucking spike.

[myfriendtheghost]

my roommate knowingly exposed herself to covid today (after I asked her multiple times not to ✨) which means I’m gonna lock myself in the bedroom for the next week

what I’m saying is y’all better drop some banging josh x reader fics this week because I’m gonna be really stressed and bored lol

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

[bluehhj]

listen to me — chapter 38

LISTEN TO ME — 0038

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 1.7K

Jinah felt as if she were walking beside a heavy storm cloud that would start shooting lightning everywhere at any moment. It was a surprise to see that Jade was willing — as far as possible — to go to class that Monday, given that she could barely sleep the night before and everything around her made her want to cry repeatedly, but, Jinah was starting to believe the idea had not been so good. Perhaps it would have been better if the american had stayed at home, the motives were explicit on her face.

— "Jade" — after looking at her out of the corner of her eye more than four times and holding on to herself not to keep a safe distance, Jinah finally spoke, using as much caution as she could muster. — "Is everything alright?"

Obviously it was not all right, but Choi never thought that crossing the campus next to one of her best friends would become so tense. Jade was no longer crying, though the makeup covering her face — including all the freckles, which, unfortunately, she made a point of hiding — made it clear that her intention was to hide her dark circles and her haggard expression. Her jaw was clenched, and Jinah, in all the years she had known Kang, could tell with conviction that she had never seen her carry such a sharp look. Truth be told, Jieun looked ready to do a massacre. It was a little scary.

Jinah had her question completely ignored. The same had happened to Chan, a little while earlier, still in the kitchen of their shared apartment. With Felix too, when they met at the college entrance and he came to know how she was doing. All of this generated some pressure, as if she were a time bomb. It got worse as Jade walked straight past her office building and headed toward the life sciences building.

— "Where are you going?" — asked Jinah, again in vain. She would have an appraisal exercise in seven minutes, but she felt that, if she let the american do what she was going to do on her own, it would definitely go wrong. — "At least wait for me!"

Jade entered the corridors like a hurricane. Little did she know which way she was going, her eyes just darting over the little plates above the doors, and when she finally read 'Biomedicine — Ninth Period', she didn't think twice before entering the room. Luckily, there weren't many people waiting for the professor yet, but the one she wanted to find was standing right in front of her. Kang left no warning before gathering all the strength she had in her body, clenching her fist and punching Josh's face, who fell to the ground with shock.

— "Jade!" — scolded Jinah, pulling her friend by the arm. — "It could cause you to be expelled from college, you idiot!"

— "I warned you that you weren't supposed to come into my life with Changbin, didn't I?" — Jieun practically spat in Josh's face. A trickle of blood ran down the boy's nose, who couldn't take his eyes off of the floor. — "I thought I could trust you!"

— "Calm down" — Hyunjin got up from his desk and joined Jinah in trying to continue the mission of controlling the american girl's nerves. — "Jinah's right, this is no time or place to work it out."

— "I could take the case to the dean right now and get you in a lot of trouble," — muttered Josh, blankly, still not looking up or even making to get up.

— "Well, do it!" — answered Jade. — "So I'm free to break the rest of this cynical face of yours!"

The way Josh was acting was totally and completely contradictory. He barely had the courage to look Kang in the eye, such was his shame and regret, yet he still acted like an idiot because it seemed a thousand times easier than stepping on his own pride, apologizing, and accepting that this fight was no longer his, that Changbin had won that time. Josh loved Jade, but Jade loved Changbin. And now she hated Josh. It hurt.

— "You talk like it's just my fault..." — and it really was, but maybe he deserved the punch and a little more. Damn the dean and all the bureaucracy. — "Since you even closed your eyes..."

Like fire finding gasoline, Jade went up on Josh again, needing Jinah and Hyunjin to stop her from reaching Lee. Angry and frustrated, she tired of debating uselessly and shoved her two friends, then left the room with the same speed she had entered. Jinah sighed and exchanged a discouraged look with Hyunjin, who, nonetheless, reached out and helped Josh to his feet, but made no point of saying anything to the latter.

And it was still only Monday.

                                                           ♡˖°

Minhwan lit another cigarette.

The perfectly glazed car was smelling of smoke, but he didn't give a shit. Standing under the shade of a tree, a few yards from the college's main gates, he had more important things to think and worry about.

The distance he was in did not allow him to see exactly, but, after so many days of doing the same routine, he had become accustomed to the condition of seeing her only from afar. And it was almost unbelievable to think that time could only make Jinah more and more beautiful.

Minhwan felt hate, but also felt love. Sounds crazy, but you can't blame him, after all, that's what he is. A crazy, insane, unbalanced, delirious, wild and every other synonym found in the dictionary. However, like everything else in this life, he had reason to be so, since living on crumbs while spending most of the day following someone from afar as a hallucinated was not a choice any sane person would choose to make.

It used to be like a light at the end of the tunnel. Darkness was everywhere, but there was a speck that he pinned his hopes on and clung tightly when everything else pressed down on him. Minhwan was only sixteen when he met Jinah — his little flame in the middle of a freezing night —, and, from then on, the weight on his shoulders became much more bearable. He hadn't had a chance to find out what many people's hearts had to offer, but, of the few that had ever done him any good in his life, Choi was certainly, the most valuable. There is not always someone who is willing to sew a heart full of cuts.

Minhwan had been raised by his maternal grandmother since his mother died at his father's dirty hands and was sent to prison. He had no siblongs, thank God, so he wouldn’t have to witness another innocent child suffer all that he had suffered as a child. The marks were everywhere, both on his body and his soul. At the time, Minhwan didn't have many friends to talk to, but he was pretty sure the parents of the other street kids didn't do what his did when they were alone at home. And even as an adult, he still couldn't find enough words to describe exactly how he felt, just carried the unwanted whimpers in his nightmares and a screaming horror in his heart. When his grandmother also died, it was as if the old bricks supported by only a crumbling pillar collapsed and threw their heavy debris on his back — the world came to the ground. And then, Jinah appeared.

Minhwan didn't believe there was a more amazing person on Earth. Even with all his faults, Choi had accepted him and made herself available to cure him of all his suffering. Her smiles functioned more like infinite anti-inflammatories that sent the pain far away and spread tranquility through every cell of his body. Minhwan loved her so much he felt his chest sting, and strongly believed she would be by his side forever. But then came insecurity and fear.

After so many early losses, he had taken some trauma from too strong relationships. Jinah had a lot of friends and much more uncomplicated and interesting people to talk to; so, anyone who approached and took one of her kind smiles was already viewed as an opponent by Minhwan. The boy never wanted to lose her, only that possibility made the scars in his heart ache as if they might reopen. And Jinah always knew so much cooler guys! Guys who knew how to be romantics, who were prettier, who had more money, who could offer her so much more than an obsessive love! Although Choi had never cared about these things or disrespected him at some point in their relationship, it was impossible for Minhwan not to let jealousy gradually overwhelm his conscience, causing him to make threats, be aggressive and extremely controlling, act impulsively and hurt one of the only people who really cared about him, all for fear of losing.

But it was no use, because he lost anyway. Now, he couldn't even get close to Jinah thanks to the subpoena he received when Choi informed the police that she was uncomfortable with his presence. Not that he cared about laws or court orders, but, on second thought, it was even better, since Minhwan didn't want to do anything ahead of time and wasn't sure what would be his reaction to being face to face with the boy who lately only knew how to draw passionate glances from his girl.

Han Jisung. Minhwan hated him. He was pretty sure Han didn't deserve all the love Jinah gave him, just as he didn't love Choi enough — in Minhwan’s tormented head, no one would love Jinah more than himself. It was simply unbearable to see them kissing or walking hand in hand on the street, it looked like a misplaced piece in a complicated puzzle. Minhwan wanted Jisung to disappear once and for all... He wanted to disappear too. Or rather, wanted to find peace... But he couldn't do it without Jinah.

Although now she looked genuinely happy, as when Minhwan promised.

Yeah... Maybe Jinah should disappear too.

Everything's gonna be okay.

a/n: things are going downhill lol

I decided to talk a little bit about how Minhwan feels not to be like in those stories that the couple is having a wonderful time and out of nowhere a crazy idiot appears to end it and that's it. I didn't put it in all the words, but I imagine you guys understood that he was abused by his father when he was little and this generates an absurd trauma to any child, especially if not treated with a specialist doctor, so this is one of the reasons why he's kind of crazy like that.

Josh is not just another sucker either, he just has a hard time dealing with his feelings and that makes him stupid most of the time, but I ask you guys to calm down. You guys don't even have to like him yet, I just want to say that, like Chaerin from the beginning of the au, his attitudes don't show everything he really is.

and speaking of Chaerin, let's add Seungmin and say that they are missing in 'Listen To Me', don't you guys think? I at least think that and already advance that the two little angels will soon be between us

can I ask you guys to tell me your expectations? if you guys are liking it or what you expect. I haven't asked this for a long time and I always like to know, so don't be afraid to tell me :)

I'm leaving now, Ily and see you guys in the next chapter <3

[5sosbitchfest]

Why Crusty is the Legit Worst: A Masterpost

So I mentioned a while ago in an ask that I could make an entire masterpost dedicated to why Crusty is the legit worst... and here it is. This is going to be a very long post, so bear with me.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

1. The racist/fatphobic/xenophobic tweets

Much before 5sos was involved, Crusty was one of those wannabe LA influencer/model people who tweeted shit like this:

Now, apparently she’s claimed that these tweets were faked and never apologized for them, but then again, when does she ever sincerely apologize? Oh wait, never. So, were these tweets faked or not? Well...

There are responses to the tweets on the left. Here are the responses to the top left one:

Jac Vanek was one of Crusty’s old friends. They’ve been photographed and tagged in the same photos together. So, sure, people could have found out they were friends and faked the tweet/response to the tweet. However, 1. how and why would anybody go that far, and 2. if you look closely, the screenshot with the other deleted tweets and the screenshot with the response look like they were on different phones (the emoji, font, spacing between the letters/lines). Two different phones, eh? It’s almost like the tweet was real and could be seen on multiple platforms! Wow!

In addition, the tweet was sent out on February 8, 2013. Here’s another response to the supposed fake tweet:

Same date, eh? And only less than an hour later! Who would go through so much trouble to fake the tweet, the responses, and even get it down to the dates that the responses were sent out?

Back to the first screenshot of all of her tweets:

The bottom left one had some responses too! Here they are:

Same date, a couple minutes later. Seriously, who would take the time to fake the responses down to the dates and times? It’s almost like... the tweet was real! *gasps*

Now, this response could possibly be one to the bottom right tweet:

The only reason why I’m unsure of this one is because the time the response was sent out was three hours prior to the actual tweet, not to mention the month of the tweet isn’t really distinguishable in the screenshot. Even so, the response looks pretty nasty, and I’m sure it was to an equally nasty tweet from Crusty.

Now, I can’t find proof of the top right tweet being fake or real, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, considering she has no problem saying “sleazy foreigners.” Of course, obviously, these tweets were deleted, which brings me to my next point.

2. She deletes tweets whenever she gets backlash, doesn’t apologize, and plays the victim card.

So back in September, she had a pretty epic Twitter meltdown (which is still up, she didn’t delete it), where she basically guilt tripped her entire audience, whether they “hated” on her or not.

Uhhh... sure. I agree that you never know what someone is going through, but 1. these “trolls” you see are usually fans with valid opinions and reasons as to why they don’t like you, 2. the constant use of ‘do you want to do this’ or ‘do you want to be that’ is playing the victim card so hard and blaming literally anyone who reads the tweet, making them feel guilty, otherwise known as guilt tripping. Y’know, something that emotional manipulators/abusers do? Yeah, that, and 3. she just HAS to make the whole thing about her. Notice how she says “your words affect me” and puts "and any other person you’re bullying” in parentheses. Notice how she says “you don’t know if I’m depressed, going through trauma, etc.” Notice how she says “do you actually want to inflict pain, hurt, tears, & hate onto me & others?” She tried so hard to be inclusive... and failed. The whole thing is about her, and she just kinda threw in some other terms to make it seem like some kind of positive message for everyone, when in reality, it’s just her being a whiny brat.

Not to mention she just threw Messy into the mix and shaded Arz. Which, lol. Arz was literally her PR client. It’s actually very likely that she was the one who put Arz and Luke together. Hm.

There was the time she pissed off a bunch of Kpop fans when she tweeted this and automatically tried to patch it up:

She probably saw how pissed people got and tried to fix it and make it seem like it was just a joke. Even still, people saw it as being quite fishy, and rightfully so. After all, it probably wasn’t a joke. And then shortly after, like a few weeks or something, she posted a link to a BLACKPINK song or something saying how good the song was. Ooookay.

Then we have the magazine fiasco:

Basically people were angry because a magazine cover came out that featured mostly Luke and the other boys were kinda off to the side. Colliscool is some weirdly famous 5sos fan who is another wannabe LA influencer chick, and of course Crusty is kissing her ass because it makes her look nice. Anyway, if complaining about a magazine cover is “standing up for what you believe in,” what about actually important issues, like racism or homophobia or poverty? It’s a fucking magazine cover. And while it’s hard to hear, Luke is the lead singer, so it only stands to reason why he would be the main feature, tbh. But once Crusty compared fans to Trump, she received backlash, deleted these tweets, and never spoke of it again.

Let’s not forget how a few days later, the whitewashed photo of Calum came out, and people were angrier about that and thought it more important than the magazine cover (which I agree with), and Crusty didn’t say anything on the matter. People were pissed that she complained about the magazine cover and not the whitewashed photo of Calum, but those fans gotta understand that unless it involves Michael, she doesn’t give a shit. I mean, with the past xenophobic/racist tweets... her not saying anything makes sense.

Then there’s the more recent ordeal with Cardi B:

She really thought her backlash was about Mac Miller not winning. And when a fan tried to explain why Cardi B is problematic, she went ahead and played the victim card again. For comparison, here’s how Debby Ryan, Josh Dun’s fiancee, responded:

Not only did she acknowledge her lack of knowledge, she handled the situation by engaging with the people who were educating her, asking them for more information, and thanking them for educating her. Meanwhile, you have Crusty, who’s all like “WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I’M ONLY HUMAN” and... yes, Crusty, we’re all fucking human, but not all of us are assholes. She likes to tweet, delete, and yeet, as I like to put it.

And I’m going to put this out there for people who might try to argue with me: yes, I spent a good hour scrolling through her twitter to try to find any ounce of proof that she’s a decent person. I did find some rt’s and threads of her talking about mental health and racism (she was talking about the movie the blackkklansman and how it’s revolutionary or something along the lines of that), and she took part in that whole campaign last year to get young people to vote. Here’s the thing: yeah, those are good causes. But it’s really easy to seem like a good person online. It’s so easy to say things and not mean them. Also, just because someone may have liberal viewpoints or morals doesn’t necessarily make them a good person, especially if they don’t outwardly show it, which brings me to my next point.

3. She’s an asshole to fans.

That’s kind of a well-known fact, at least, to the people who can see past her bullshit. She will literally enter group chats with fans, get the twitter names of people who talk bad about her, and block them on her and Michael’s accounts. But of course, because she’s interacting with the fans, she’s seen as a saint because she’s just so sweet!!! And whenever people don’t see that, well, they get blocked. She checks her indirects, obviously, so if you so much as mention her name in a negative way, she and “Michael” will block you. Which is so fucked.

Remember when she was rude to some fans in Bali a few years back? If not, here’s the video. When people saw the video, of course she played the victim card again:

Oh yes, because coming up with a bunch of excuses, mentioning the fact that you’re “crying in lax,” and using a thousand emojis really expresses how guilty you feel. Kiss my entire ass.

But that wasn’t the end of that! When Crusty went to Bali earlier this year, she met up with the very fan she was rude to after she sent the fan this DM:

And of course, the girl fell for her bullshit because she got to meet Michael. She just had to make herself look like such a sweetheart before the big engagement! And sadly, it worked, the fan was happy, and Crusty was seen as a saint once again:

She’s even a bitch from southy’s account:

Like... what that person said wasn’t even that bad. Them breaking up is a perfectly plausible situation (if they were actually dating, lol), and yet Crusty literally cussed them out for bringing that up. Oof yikes.

4. The nature of her “relationship” with Michael.

Their first public interaction on Twtiter was back in 2014, when Michael was 18.

This was right before Michael turned 19, so Crusty was 29-30ish (?) at this time (who the fuck knows, I’ll get to that later). It’s not exactly known if she was 5sos’ PR manager, but she was ATL’s, and since 5sos and ATL had worked together, it wouldn’t be surprising if she actually was/is 5sos’ PR manager.

So before Michael, Crusty had been dating a guy named Spencer. Crikey’s timeline starts in January of 2016, where Michael posted this photo of them:

They were “dating” at that time, but neither of them went public until January 2017. However, Crusty continued to consistently interact with her ex Spencer on ig, all the way from January 2016 to May/June 2016, and it started to slow down after that, though she still liked some of his posts here and there. There was even an instance where Spencer sent her flowers in April, which... why would your ex send you flowers???

My belief is that Crusty was still with Spencer at the time she started “dating” Michael, technically cheating on him, and I have an idea in my mind that he probably got sick of it and finally decided to drop her. Which, good for him. After all, she left to be with someone eleven years younger than her just to gain money and fame. Yikes. And apparently there were rumors of her sleeping with Jack from ATL (when she was still with Spencer) when she was their PR manager... she liked to fuck her way to the top and didn’t give a shit about cheating on her boyfriend, I guess.

Now, I know the age gap is a heavily-debated topic, but here’s my stance on it: if the younger party is a full grown adult (I’m talking late twenties/early-mid thirties) when they start dating a person several years older than them, then sure, whatever. They’re basically full-fledged adults who are capable of taking care of themselves and have matured enough to a point where they can make rational decisions for themselves. Michael was twenty years old when he started “dating” Crusty in 2016. People make the argument of “he’s a mature adult he can do whatever he wants!!!” Um... in legal terms, yes, Michael is an “adult,” but twenty is nowhere near the age of maturity. I’m 19, and I know several people around that age, younger and older, who can’t make rational decisions to save their lives. Early adulthood is still a time for growing and figuring things out, and just because Michael is a famous musician doesn’t mean he isn’t still figuring things out. Also... do people know how Michael acted when he was 20? Watch him in interviews, I dare you to call him mature. I’m sure he’s mature in some aspects, but overall, he’s still a young adult who is still in a stage of developing maturity-wise.

So what does this have to do with Crusty? Well, with Michael being 20 when they started “dating,” that would make her 31. A 31-year-old woman dumping/cheating on her boyfriend (who was actually within her age range) to chase after a barely-legal dork from a decently famous pop punk group. Doesn’t that sound sketchy? In my eyes, she took advantage of everything in that situation: the fact she was a PR manager, the fact that Michael was young and naive, the notion that she would get more money and notoriety, and that Modest was probably in need of a beard, well... I’m sure she didn’t hesitate. For her, it’s a win-win-win situation. Just look at her! It doesn’t even look like she has to work that hard anymore, like she’s gone full LA influencer who gets sponsors up the wazoo and gets paid to be a beard. Her fucking dog is a walking advertisement (just look at southy’s ig page, it’s pretty much all sponsors). And no, I’m not saying she doesn’t work, but it seems like social media has taken up most of her life. And she barely even uses it for good/actually important issues. So there’s that.

Fun tidbit: she’s been working in the whole PR/entertainment realm since 2002. Michael was 7. Let that sink in.

Anyway, yeah, my point is that her “relationship” with Michael is pretty creepy. If the roles were reversed, that the younger was female and older was male, people would see it as creepy rather than “they’re both mature adults who can make their own decisions!!” 1. No, that’s a huge double standard, and 2. any time an older person goes after someone who is several years younger, regardless of sex, will always be sketchy in my (and a lot of other people’s) eyes.

5. She is a massive hypocrite in pretty much every way.

Oh, the positivity and sunshine her stans claim she spreads is more like a nasty downpour of hypocrisy and bullshit. Let’s start with this whole ‘spreading positivity’ thing she’s all about.

Crusty stans always say she’s all about spreading positivity and loving yourself and fuck the haters and blah blah blah. I already showed an example above of how she guilt tripped the fuck out of her audience, whether they support her or not. It wasn’t her trying to prove a point, it was straight up guilt tripping, especially because of how much she inserted herself into such situations. She could’ve worded it much differently that shed light rather than guilt.

And this whole being positive/loving yourself thing... well, that brings me to the age thing.

No one seems to know how old Crusty is. 34 is the mostly-agreed upon age, so let’s roll with that. It’s no secret she gets treatments, I mean, just look at this post:

She literally admits to it. And unfortunately I can’t find screenshots of her raving about the intravenous vitamin treatments among other things, but I do remember seeing them (if anyone has them, let us know!)

And it’s been shown she loves to use photoshop (not just on herself either). I mean, how could you go from this:

to this:

She doesn’t even look like the same person! If anything, it looks like she’s gotten younger instead of older... oh wait.

And she always does that pouty-lip thing, and I have a friend who says she thinks she sees lip fillers, which wouldn’t be that surprising. I mean, just look at this old picture of her:

Yeah, keep telling yourself that those lips are all natural.

Seriously... in pretty much every photo of her on her ig, she’s jutting her bottom lip out like it’s some duck face selfie from like, 2011. Please.

And her ass, well.

Here’s what we see:

And here’s some reality:

Bruh even Luke has a bigger ass than she does.

She posted a video on her twitter of her in the first picture saying something like “to all the people who think it’s photoshopped,” but y’know, it’s like... videos can be edited. Camera angles and poses can make an ass look bigger. Okay sis.

Fun fact: she deleted that picture of her by the pool, probably because people were making fun of how she literally had her bathing suit stuck in her ass. I mean, that’s what she gets for trying to make it look like she has one when she doesn’t.

Aaaaand here’s the heavy hitter:

When my friend saw this photo, she said that if she didn’t know Crusty was Michael’s girlfriend, she would’ve thought she was his mom. Y I K E S.

You can see the age literally everywhere. Her entire face, neck, and even the skin on her elbow in the second pic (it’s one of the first things I noticed tbh). And this was literally back in Bali 2019. You know, not even four months ago? Like damn, the sun really did her dirty lol. These pics are why me and many others question her actual age. She seriously looks like she could be in her forties in these photos, which, if she is, then her “relationship” with Michael gets even more fucked up.

Oh and she doesn’t just photoshop herself. You have this monstrosity:

Like what the fuck? Who are they trying to fool here????

And then this:

That’s a really... interesting ear.

So yeah, what part of Crusty’s face/body/everything is real? Not much! So, if she’s all about positivity, loving yourself, embracing your flaws and "fuck the haters" and whatnot, why can’t she practice what she preaches? You’re getting older, get the fuck over it and start acting like it, maybe start accepting it and stop getting treatments that will probably eventually backfire (like in the Bali pic).

Moving on from her looks, her entire attitude is just extremely hypocritical. I saw how she tries to preach online about mental health and how important it is to take care of yourself, and then she does shit like this:

So you’re just going to make fun of someone who’s struggled with severe drug addiction and eating disorder like that? She’s said on her twitter that her father was an addict, yet she’s going to make fun of someone who struggled with the same issue?

She’s considered a role model because she speaks out about this kind of stuff, including feminism, but let’s examine this a bit. This is her pinned tweet, and has been for a while:

Good message, yeah? Oh, but then she interacts with disgusting trash like Musty Collins:

Musty Collins, who puts on this whole sad boi~ act and then name drops 5sos to prey on underage girls. If Crusty’s so keen on empowering women, WHY DOES SHE INTERACT WITH A LITERAL PEDOPHILE WHO PREYS ON YOUNG GIRLS. Literally two of the most emotionally manipulative people in the world of 5sos. I guess that’s how they get along so well. They should just get together, but they wouldn’t because they’re too old for each other.

And of course it circles back to her fatphobic tweets. So much for empowering women.

Considering that spreading positivity is what she’s known for (besides being with Michael, yikes), it surprises me that she say something like this that goes against her entire spiel:

Uhh... sis, you are a fake ass public figure trying to get people to like you by saying random regurgitated greeting card BS online. Her ig stories are always screenshots of positive~ messages that are usually found on pinterest or some shit (not shading pinterest, don’t worry lol). That’s some greeting card BS regurgitation right there. Basically what this comment is saying is that she’ll only be nice to people who she thinks worthy of being nice to. A “realist” my ass. I’ve already gone over how “real” she is.

And then you have these ridiculous tweets:

“People are people no matter who they love or how old they are” “When did I say I was all about positive vibes?” Alright then.

I love how these tweets just SHOW how much of a hypocrite she is. Her entire “relationship” with Michael is shown through photos. Literally any time there’s a camera, she will take advantage of it and come up with an excuse to show off her relationship. Where’s the “human connection” you’re going on about? Oh wait, it’s not there, because their relationship isn’t real. Oops.

The second tweet.... just oof. She’s just tweeting about herself lmao.

I love how her excuse for her fucking up is just “I’M A HUMAN BEING WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!” Girl, in case you haven’t noticed, we are ALL human beings, just not all of us are assholes when we fuck up. And then she goes on about how “we are all just human beings and we should all love each other!!” Yeah, it all comes back full circle, one of hypocrisy.

And this isn’t really a reason why Crusty is the worst, just some tweets I saw that kinda made me laugh:

“Luke who?” Oh I don’t know, the guy that your fiance’s actually in love with? HA. She wishes she could be Luke. It’s hilarious how jealous she is of him, how, whenever Lemon content comes out or the spotlight falls on Luke somehow, Crusty has to post about her and Michael’s relationship/engagement to get the attention back on her. Let’s be real, she’ll never be as gorgeous as Luke is, and Michael will never love her like he loves Luke.

So, in conclusion, Crusty is just a fake lying hypocrite. No amount of “this was in the past!! she’s changed!!” excuses will ever change my mind. After all, a lot of things in this masterpost were fairly recent. She might not tweet those horrible things anymore, but her old self shines through sometimes in the form of “I’M HUMAN I MAKE MISTAKES!!!” If she’s really changed, why doesn’t she show it?It’s because she really hasn’t, she’s just gotten better at controlling her social media presence. And that, my friends, is why Crusty is the legit Worst™.

[canaryatlaw]

alright, so today was fine. I woke up at 4:44 am and couldn’t fall back asleep for a while, which was unfortunate. I eventually passed out at some point but then woke up not too long after and couldn’t fall back asleep again, so I don’t know what that was about. But I already mentally decided to push the court observation to Monday, but then I couldn’t sleep anyway, so that was kind of a dumb decision. oh well, guess I’ll just study today. I made some pancakes (I ran out of frozen and fresh blueberries so they were just normal ones) and started getting to work on my legal profession studying, mostly using the quizzes on quimbee as practice questions, interspersed with getting distracted and talking to other people of course, but that’s what I did for the majority of the day. I got through all their final exam ones, so I’ll probably go back and retake them because I know now that I’ve done it already I’ll remember what the right answer was (because my brain is good like that) and hopefully that knowledge will transcend the particular circumstances of that question and just become generalized knowledge, or that’s the hope anyway. Around 5 I started getting ready to head to small group, the buses are of course inefficiently timed so I had to decide if I wanted to be late or early, and being that I’ve been late several times (and I generally hate being late) I chose early, and ended up getting to the restaurant a solid 20 minutes early, but that was okay because there was another girl from our group there already and we just talked and it was fine. It was our last meeting for this session of small group, so we were going to one of the iconic Chicago deep dish pizza restaurants, but I’d had quite my share of deep dish this week being that it was brought (from this restaurant) to our review session on Monday, then I went into the other big place that’s their main competitor on Wednesday with my friend, and ate the leftovers last night, lol, so I opted for a pasta option instead. they gave it a new name involving the name of the restaurant trying to be clever, but I mean, it was very obviously baked ziti lol. like there’s really not any way around that. call it whatever you want, it’s baked ziti. I ate the top layer with all the cheese on it and the pasta connected to the cheese of course, then nitpicked a little, they used peppers in their tomato sauce which I don’t like the taste of, so I was trying to avoid that. but yeah, it was a nice meeting and send off for everyone, a pleasant evening. I got someone with a car to drive me to the nearest train stop so I didn't have to walk in the freezing and imminently snowing weather (I mean, I walked to the place from that stop, so I could’ve done it, I just preferred not too lol). Caught a train, then switched to the other trains which took me almost all the way home, then ended up having to wait for ten minutes in the snow for a bus to show up to take me the rest of the way home (It’s a bit too far to be reasonably walkable). that’s the problem with including buses in your transit plans when you’re coordinating with other forms of public transit, you can never count on them to definitely be there when you need them to be. ah well. the bus came and I got home, changed into more comfortable clothing and started watching this week’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which was of course fantastic, as that show always is. I thought it was interesting they’re basically having Daryl and White Josh play out the same plot Alex and Maggie did on Supergirl earlier this year (same sex couple breaking up because one of them wants kids and the other staunchly doesn’t) and just how that plays out in their relationship and the consequences of it. The Paula stuff was funny of course, and then there’s Rebecca, who I feel like is the embodiment of all my emotions at times, lol. admittedly, we have a lot in common (from new york, both lawyers, and the actresses real name is actually Rachel). From there I moved on to Blindspot, which I have to say made a smart move by adding Rich Dotcom to the team, because he is hands down the best character their series has created (no offense to Jane or anyone else, of course). I wasn’t 100% following what the plot with the FBI/CIA (I forget which one they’re operating under right now) head lady being dirty, but I guess we’ll see where that goes. The main plot with the movie filming was good and had some great action scenes. After that I was waiting for my roommate to get out of the shower so I could use it, so I watched some Seth Myers, where he was actually interviewing Jamie Oliver (also a late night talk show host) which was quite interesting. Then when my roommate finished I got in the shower and got ready for bed and here we are. It’s almost 2 am and I was up fairly early, so I’m very tired now and will be taking my leave. Goodnight my friends. Peace be with you. 

[some-far-far-away-land]

Chesca's Current Status

I wish that every weekend could be as inspiring and motivating as the ones I have when I go to Toronto.

this weekend started off pretty serious and sad. Friday afternoon I had to talk to my parents about everything that happened with me after Reading Week. That meant explaining to them a bit of what happened between Thavi and i and the people who I thought would have helped me get through the break up, but ended up making the whole situation worse. I had to tell them how low my self esteem and motivation to do anything was. How I thought that I deserved to be feeling these things and the anxiety that I developed because of thavi and his actions. It wasn’t a pretty conversation and of course it had to happen at McDonalds.

After they left I met up with Jack and Jose for this party their friends were throwing. It was pretty fun and I got pretty drunk. During the party this guy I I’ve frequently been seeing messaged me if I wanted to go to Phil’s that night. Of course I said yes, even though I wasn’t expecting to go out. They got to Waterloo around midnight (they're from Toronto) and we got into the club around 12:40ish, so enough time to have fun. At this point I was already pretty tipsy and borderline drunk. We got drinks right when we got in and started dancing. I wanted to dance with him, him being Jacob. He brought one of his friends down and we coincidentally met his friends cousin at Phil’s. At one point they were all talking and I was dancing behind Jacob and drunk chesca wasn’t having the lack of attention, so I went and had fun myself and danced on the poles. I had so much fun by myself! I danced with some girls and kept an eye on Jacob but didn’t care so much, since he was with his friend and found girls to dance with. Couldn’t be salty or be like possessive since we are just like fwb anyway. Later on in the night I had to use the washroom, I was pretty wasted, the night is pretty blurry at this point. Someone stopped me on the way to the washroom and said “hey chesca” I couldn’t recognize who it was at first and then I realized it was thavi. I was like oh hi… thavi?! And then kept walking lol by the time it got to like 2AM I was pretty gone and my phone was gonna die. I started looking for my coat check ticket and I couldn’t find it. Also at this point I couldn’t find Jacob or his friend and I was like totally wasted. So I called a cab to take me home, Jacob joined me after and he was pretty drunk. We had our fun that night and he left with his friend in the morning.

I was supposed to go with them but I was pretty hung over and feeling drunk still when he woke up at 9am. So I actually got a ride to Toronto from Jack and his friend. Felt pretty queasy on the drive there. I hadn’t eaten all day and by the time I did eat it was like 5pm. I was supposed to meet with Sylvia earlier in the afternoon but she made plans with other friends prior too, so I met up with King and we went to dim sum, like we did when we went on our first date. We were supposed to go to the harbour front but the place we planned was busy since a jays game had just ended. It was nice to see him and catch up. After I met with sylvia and we commuted back to her house, which took almost 2 hrs from downtown. We had really good talks, she told me what happened with her and josh and her break up and the crazy drama behind it. We ended up talking till like 3AM that day. It felt like the old times and I missed having sylvia around to talk with and have quality conversations with.

We ended up getting up at 11:30am and eating lunch at her house. After we got ready we headed to PMALL! It was like a 30 min walk from her house. We got bbt, ate some good “street food” and we bought new phone cases! I got this nice sparkly one! I haven’t gotten a new case in awhile and I enjoy how new it makes my phone feel! I ended up leaving her at 5 because this guy who I had befriended from the Alex and Will concert wanted to meet up. It was supposed to be a group of us but everyone bailed but him. He said he was downtown and wanted to grab dinner. Our plans was to meet up after 7. That time comes around and I don’t hear from him so I decided to just walk around Chinatown and grab cheap buns at one of those Asian bakeries and read my book. I still don’t know what happened to him. I got back to my friends place around 9:30 and just stayed there, making my Spotify playlists and listening to music. Went to bed pretty late too.

I didn’t wake up till like 1PM. I’m pretty sure I experienced my first sleep paralysis situation that night because I had a very vivid dream where I couldn’t move anything but I was conscious. It was a really weird and scary experience. When I finally had control off my body I just forced myself to go back to sleep. I had the weirdest sensation while I was like frozen. It felt like a really strong presence was like hugging me like I’m on my side and they’re hugging me from the back, but it was like a squeezing feeling. I dont know it was weird.

Anyways woke up, and got ready to go get food with Celene. We ate in Chinatown and walked to the eaton centre and spent time at sephora and walking downtown. Commenting on cute guys that passed us and having quality girl time. I’ve never really spent summers in Toronto and after this weekend, I look forward to the adventures I’ll be having there in the next few months. I found a carpool for 9PM so I was just kind of chilling until then. Out of the blue this guy I had matched on tindr like 2.5 years ago (the same time I matched with Billy) 

 ---side story--- 

So this guy, his name is Patrick (lol so many Filipino's names patrick) I remember him specifically because the summer of 2015, when I went on a whole bunch of tindr dates, I matched up with him and Billy at the same time. I was leaving toronto and it was supposed to be my last tindr adventure and then when school started I was just gonna focus on school, work, and all the extracurriculars I was a part of. I ended up going with billy because our talks on the phone the week leading up to our first meet up were really good. Obviously we started dating and then patrick just ended up being another guy that I became friends with on social media. 

Anyways he messaged me, we hadn’t talked in awhile. We were supposed to meet up that weekend I went for the Alex and Will concert but man went too hard at the gym and had to cancel. I like how he asked me to dinner too. He was just like “have dinner with me!” Not even asking just stating it. I liked his confidence. I wasn’t expecting for this to pan out to be honest since the last two times we were supposed to hangout he flopped, for good reasons though, but I just felt like I wasn’t supposed to meet this guy for some reason. We met up around where my carpool was supposed to pick me up and we went to this really nice izakaya place. I honestly felt like a bum, like I was wearing a shirt dress and a hat because I was heading home and my hair was starting to get greasy.

So since my break up with thavi, I haven’t really felt romantically attracted to any guys. I’ve honestly just been using them to fulfill needs and have fun. I think I am also subconsciously not letting myself get emotionally attached because my heart is still healing and I don't think I can take another disappointment. That and no one really peaked my interest in like a relationship way, since my standards went up pretty high after all the drama that happened with thavi. The night before too I was thinking about deleting tindr and just letting God bring me a man when He thought I was ready. After meeting this guy though and hanging out with him I found myself getting nervous, a bit self conscious, and like I felt little flutters in my stomach. He actually had me feeling something, and in turn it got me acting different from myself. I felt like I really wanted to give him a good first impression, and not like just be half there. I even put my phone away and didn’t rely on it. I honestly haven’t genuinely laughed that much in awhile, my cheeks actually hurt. I didn’t feel like I had to force myself to like this guy, he made it easy. He was such a gentleman and our conversation didn’t lack, I didn’t have to push for it to continue and he had so much energy and things to talk about. It was refreshing. He ended up staying with me until my carpool. I was actually genuinely sad that the date had ended and it felt like the time went by super fast. Two hours felt like 30 mins.

Even though we didn’t meeting up till now, we’ve followed each other on social media and seeing his updates and posts about his life and personally hearing the successes he achieved in the span of 2.5 years really motivated me to get my life around and focus on those life goals and bucket list things I set aside in the 2.5 years I’ve been dating and absorbed in the guys I was in relationships with. unlike all the dates I’ve gone on the past 2 months this one I feel like it may go somewhere, but I’m trying not expecting anything. Just gonna see how it goes the next few weeks, while focusing on the things I told my parents I would be doing. He just kind of restored my faith in guys, that there are still good ones out there. He has hit a lot of my main criteria points so far too! 1. He’s older (25) 2. He can carry a conversation 3. His energy is pretty equal to mine 4. He is very career driven 5. He was funny and interesting to hang with 6. He’s Filipino so that’s a plus 7. He dresses well and looked like he tried to look nice for our meet up. 8. He also encouraged me to continue to strive for my goals and even offered advice!

After I just had this feeling that I know there was a reason why the other times didn’t work out with meeting up with him. Gods timing is perfect and he’ll bring people and take people out of our lives at the right time. I think this was the right time to have met him to be honest.

So yea after our meet up or date whatever you call it, I carpooled home, and got back around 10:30pm. I dont know why I wanted to document this weekend. I guess it was one of first weekends where I didn’t feel like escaping, I just wanted to go to have fun. My main reason was to be with sylvia as she helped me out a lot with my break up so I wanted to show her the same support. She’s doing a lot better then I was 2 weeks into the break up that’s for sure. Anyways imma end it here, I have work at 8am and it’s 3:30am 😅