#anyways in about an hour im gonna be a clown. wish me luck

[fruitycircus]

great news! after 4 years of asking for the same thing ive become even more delusional

[yievie]

whew! what’s up everyone! my name is crissy and yes, i am the clown who sent my account ask on anonymous last night. luv that for me! I GOT A COOL FAMILY ICON IM CRYING!!! now this is yi eun hye, better known as evelyn yi or evie, paging dr. sexy md don’t call her that though, she’ll kill you omg the second eldest princess of the four neglected korean princess sisters aka the mom friend sister or the buzzkill responsible sister. 

~`click anywhere here for a link to my app ~

under the cut i’m gonna throw some important personality and background stuff along with maybe? half-formed plot ideas? if not i’ll make a follow up post later, but pls like this plot if you wish to plot, i’ll try to come bother u. my ims are open hmu anytime (also bc im anxious af to b first message bc im BABY) and I ALSO have a discord located at quarantine queen#2918 where i’m usually v v v active. (lmk if u cant add me shoot me a message on here and ill fix it) ok imma shut up here is cranky daughter! ITS LONG SRRY

( pS: also if my blog is too hard to read just stick /mobile on the end of the url xx )

background 

the empress and emperor of korea had 5 kids, 4 daughters, 1 pampered son and evie was the second oldest daughter after dianna but like, she’s bossy and high strung and acts like the oldest anywayS so it doesn’t matter!

woo! however, korean tradition is rooted deeply in patriarchy and other backwards thinking,  >:(((( so evie’s parents basically pretended like their son was the only kid they had and sent evie and her 3 sisters off to swedish boarding school to ROT as they each turned 10 and forgot abt them while they groomed their son for the throne! thx mom n dad! luv u too! sdjlaksjd

during her time at boarding school evie was expected to not learn much of anything, not do anything spectacular, she wasn’t expected very good grades or to be smart or successful or anything bc that was Men’s Work and so evie did . . . THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

evie EXCELLED in school, straight a’s, top of her class, honors, ap valedictorian, which meant all nighters, nose bleeds at 2am from studying too hard, looking dead walking through the hallways, eating ramen 25/8, falling asleep w her face in her textbooks, getting bullied a lot for being a nerd and Not looking like her sisters and like...the creature from the black lagoon.

her parents, understandably, were not very happy with this but it wasn’t until she wanted to go to medical school that her parents were like FURIOUS. to them, women, esp the princesses, were only supposed to get married, have kids, THAT WAS IT. so evie wanting to be a doctor enraged them. STAY MAD!

they tried to have her engaged SO. MANY. TIMES. but she has a really repellent personality, she’s very kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. and is rude and states her very liberal very socialist opinions often, dresses sloppy and hurts mens feelings a lot just for fun so they all went rUNNING from those match appointments! her parents literally are losing their minds they don’t know what to do w her theyre like god why did we give birth to the aNTICHRIST!?!?!?

not wanting anything to do with her parents, evie got into college and medical student on scholarship based on her own merit and skill. evie went to the seoul national university for 4 years then did a 2 year residency at the country’s top hospital, becoming one of the best on call heart surgeons there.

the korean media likes to clown on her A LOT! bc shes scary and angry and cares very little abt her appreance is A DOCTOR and not a princess really for the opposite reason they clown on dianna but evie does not really care she doesn’t care abt impressing people, just saving lives and proving people wrong. finger guns

but yes! thats what u missed on glee. evie was a heart surgeon in korea before being shipped off to thailand! shes v salty by the way ... even more than usual.

fun facts?

evie wears massive grandma glasses to see bc shes BLIND when shes in line with her sister people do not think she’s related and are like “OMG OMG THE PRINCESSES!!! BUY WHATEVER U WANT ON THE HOUSE I--oh? maam? uh? can we help u, ahjumma?” HELP

very dry, mean, will call you out on ur shit and hurt ur feelings probably. doesn’t really know how to Chill or have fun, stays out of drama and parties for the most part literally that old man that tells u to get off their lawn

LOVES HER SISTERS!!!! LOVES THEM!!! moms them and nags the FUCK out of them tho abt everything. wear a sweater its cold, drink water, dONT DO THAT GET DOWN FROM THERE, i told u to eat before u drank all that soju pabo!!!! skhaslkfh BUT SHE LOVES THEM VERY MUCH HER WOOOORLD the only people shes kind of nice to

as stated, has tried to been matched up before but has basically scared away all her matches by being A Lot and not polite or dainty and burping probably

her mom calls her all the time to talk abt how shes having a heart attack bc her second daughter is an unmarried, childless, spinster with a cat who is embarrassing her by being a doctor and being loud and obnoxious and outspoken against the royal heirarchy and right wing politics. evie just puts her on mute and lets her keeping yelling at no one for the next hour

loves beer, loves fried chicken, very unladylike, wears oversized sweaters and her hair messy and watches love island australia and the bachelor just to make fun of the people being in love and stupid i think secretly she kind of wants it but...thinks shes unlovable and will die before she says that shh

bisexual legend! cue mr and mrs yi screaming somewhere

not that it matters bc she cares little abt romance and sex and always put work and school before everything so everything touchy like that she either ends abruptly or stays the hell away from

never parties or goes out but when she does get really drunk gets very cute and touchy and happy there is one video on the internet of her like on a table ashdkh yikes 

is soft deep down just like *shrek voice* donkey, orges are like onions they have layers and u gotta get past a lot of them for her to get past her level 4 tragic backstory and into the soft, vulnerable part of her personality its nice i promise she is SQUISHY

weird plots???

best friend? im sure she has one somewhere. or friends at all? people who arent scared of her who shes nice to....mostly

enemies woo! hate her its very easy to hate her so do it

u want to do a daredevil thing like when matt shows up bleeding and dying or after a fight or something and she patches u up

just anyone need a doctor bc paging dr sexy md~

past loves? boyfriend? girlfriend? weird flings? weird tension unresolved stuff WOOO

ANYONE who broke her heart for the angst and drama

hit on her itll b funny

anyone who she was previously matched w who she scared off

someone shes currently trying to be matched or betrothed to GOOD LUCK

someone she has a crush on YIKES or vice versa

any of the college kids need a tutor? 

roommates? 

ANYTHING PLS HMU <333

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[malvchis]

hello it’s the queen of ugly Characters violet <3  i also play rory ( the kendall jenner fc if nobody knows sjdkjdsk ) but i’ve been wanting to play this muse somewhere since i’ve had him planned for like 9 months now he’s literally my child and i’m too attached to not bring him to wealthy :’) also it was 2:45 am when i wrote the gist of this so u know... it’s just not gonna make any sense i love not taking care of myself ANYWAY !

a CALUM HOOD lookalike just rolled into new york city in their PORSCHE 911 SPORT CLASSIC. MALACHI PARATA just had a birthday bash for his TWENTY-SECOND  birthday. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be DOGMATIC, but on the other hand he is STOIC. ( cismale & he/him )  

「 *.:｡*𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂. 」  

so basically malachi’s parents are well-known by his father owning one of the top 10 law firms in the us and his mom is a child actress turned real housewife star ( think brandi glanville or kyle richards if u watch rhobh thanks )

growing up with a younger sister, he was expected to be the golden child of the family and for a little while he was just that

he got good grades and did whatever his dad told him to do like growing up malachi looked up to his dad so much that was his IDOL

so taking over the law firm and all was fine because he wanted to be just like him u know

then one day at a friend’s house he played guitar hero and his life changed.... Forever :-)

i wish i was kidding but it literally did

he bought the game and would play it for HOURS straight but it wasn’t a real guitar so he went out a bought one and the rest is history <3

malachi was taught to always say the right thing and never truly learned how to express himself so he did it through writing and eventually the guitar and writing kinda tied in together

and of course his dad didn’t approve heh ! which was understandable at first because his grades started slipping in middle school and he kinda got lost in music

also he kinda stopped taking himself so serious and lowkey became the class clown 

charm is all apart of the rockstar lifestyle it makes sense fight me

so he was getting in trouble more frequently and his dad was getting sick of paying off whoever he needed to make it all go away u know

and i feel like malachi was given internships to go to every summer when he turned 15/16 and he never went to those :-)

it got to the point where his dad would like physically throw his guitar to smash it and he’d threaten to cut malachi off if he didn’t take his future seriously

( tw: drug mention ) and so malachi had  to resort to selling his mom’s antidepressants at parties to pay for his equipment because his dad was cutting him off

and he’d try to reach out to his mom but she’s honestly off in her own world and she loves pretending everything’s fine sdjksk it’s a lil dark but it’s FINE

so i think for the sake of keeping the family intact he played along for a little and was basically his dad’s puppet for his junior/senior year of hs

but he dropped out last minute and moved to new york to start his music career all by himself fun :-)

he’s lived in new york for about 5 years now so keep that in mind ok omg i think that’s all

「 *.:｡*𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂. 」  

ok i’m keeping this short but he’s a softie lowkey

he’ll never admit it but he’s a cancer sun and capricorn rising so all my fellow astrology ppl out there hello <3

he’s def pretentious in a way?? not arrogant but it takes a lot for him to think he’s wrong so if ur in an argument with him good luck

this is him in a nutshell

i can’t tell if he’s just stubborn or rebellious so i guess we’ll find out

definitely that kid in school that would jump and touch the top of the door frame in every classroom he walked into

very protective of the people he cares about like he’ll fully punch someone out for the sake of defending someone

he’s kind of intense?? if he loves someone he loves them with his WHOLE heart

it’s also weird because he doesn’t really know how to show it except through music he’s a cliche but u know it’s there

relationship-wise it takes him months of fully getting over someone but it also takes him .5 seconds to fall in love with someone new he’s gross

deep down he’s the boy next door a little like if he’s an asshole he doesn’t mean to be

he’s not /as/ reckless as he used to be but if anyone does dumb shit he’s definitely there encouraging it

but he’s also the type to just stay home for 3 days straight playing video games or writing music so u know

don’t get me wrong though if he’s in the mood to party he’ll go all out and do c*ke off of everyone

he’s a very all or nothing person like there’s no such thing as moderation with him he’s never heard of that word before

basically he’s dumb and never listens to anyone ever :-)

ALSO i made a demo playlist kinda thing of what i think his voice would sound like/what his songs sound like it’s a mess i have to decide soon since calum doesn’t sing that much so if u wanna listen here <3

ok i think that’s it i think all i have left to do is list some wc’s?? they’re not gonna be as in depth but that’s what ims are for u can message me on rory too just plot with me that’s an Order

any brotp plot like “the boys are back” hsm 3 kinda thing thanks

brotps apply to any gender though he needs friends akjskdk

family friends

cousins maybe idk?? anything familial is fine with me

childhood friends <3 <3

one-sided crush that’s probably on his side

first love / exes

literally any exes plot i have so many ideas for this

good / bad influence

enemies or some kind of rivalry/competition thing

frenemies :-)

fwb but also enemies with benefits

crushes that never went anywhere

omg a summer fling hello please

just tell me what u want and i’ll come up with something hehe <3

[hueman-blog]

Answering Personal Questions

I made a user I follow, @razzledazzlefoshazzle , answer all of these on his blog. I’m feeling guilty so I’m gonna do it too. I know none of you asked but HERE GOES MY PERSONAL INFO!!!

200: My crush’s name is: Averi 
199: I was born in: Place? Lancaster, PA, USA. Year? 1999 
198: I am really: Bored and unmotivated 
197: My cellphone company is: Apple 
196: My eye color is: Brown 
195: My shoe size is: 8-9 Women’s US 
194: My ring size is: Idk, something little 
193: My height is: 5'4" I’m little 
192: I am allergic to: Stupid people 
191: My 1st car was: Never had one 
190: My 1st job was: Cashier at California Tortilla (a fast food Mexican franchise around D.C.) 
189: Last book you read: Cradle and All 188: My bed is: My safest place, my true home, and also too empty 
187: My pet: Doesn’t do much 
186: My best friend: Is my girlfriend 
185: My favorite shampoo is: Shamu 
184: Xbox or ps3: Deck of cards 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute decoration, inefficient coin collector 
182: In my pockets: I’m in pajamas 
181: On my calendar: Work, as that’s the only thing in my life scheduled. Also a haircut within a few days 
180: Marriage is: Great for legal benefits, stupid for expensive ceremonies 
179: Spongebob can: Please end soon it turned idiotic long ago 
178: My mom: Is abusive (sorry to bring the mood down) 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Who buys songs anymore?? 
176: Last YouTube video watched: History of the World 
175: How many cousins do you have? On my dad’s side, 8. On my mom’s side, no idea 
174: Do you have any siblings? An older brother 
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? Probably not 
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 
170: What did you do yesterday? Absolutely nothing just like every day

[ I Believe In ] 
169: Love at first sight: Nope 
168: Luck: Yes 
167: Fate: Nope 
166: Yourself: Not really 
165: Aliens: Yeah there’s gotta be some life out there 
164: Heaven: No 
163: Hell: No 
162: God: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hell yes. Be boiled for your sins 
161: Horoscopes: Nope and frankly if you do I find you uneducated 
160: Soul mates: No 
159: Ghosts: Nah 
158: Gay Marriage: Believing??? In love,??? And commitment??????? Between two people???????? Obviously! 
157: War: Never 
156: Orbs: I believe in Orbeez 
155: Magic: No it’s just science we can’t explain, or illusions we can’t see the entirety of

[ This or That ] 
154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 
153: Drunk or High: Music 
152: Phone or Online: Online on my phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: Hot 
148: Summer or winter: Summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 
145: Night or Day: Night 
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 
140: Mac or PC: Mac!! 
139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip Flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and sweet are opposites now?? I guess sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Fruit Punch 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 
133: Coach or Chanel: Money to spend on actual useful things 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who??? 
131: Small town or Big city: Big City 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both suck, but I’d choose Stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure. My feet are too ticklish 
127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast USA 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I don’t like being the center of attention 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What is a sport? How do??

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 
122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing 
121: George Bush: “Mr. President, what are your thoughts on Katrina?” “We’re gonna find her. And we’re gonna bring her to justice.“ 
120: Gay Marriage: Its a marriage between two people in love. Celebrate, but don’t go broke in one day 
119: The presidential election: Media and rich people control it basically, and I’d rather it be an actual democratic popular vote. Trump is a clown and should have never won 
118: Abortion: Its a woman’s right to choose. Personally I think the world is overpopulated anyway and more people should adopt rather than try to conceive 
117: MySpace: Never had one 
116: Reality TV: Scripted, not reality 
115: Parents: Good or bad, they influence your whole life because they were there at the start. Mine went bad and ruined me 
114: Back stabbers: Oh I love them- what?? They suck. No one should be betrayed like that 
113: Ebay: Never used it but it got the ball rolling for Amazon 
112: Facebook: I only use it to message/call my friends, and to see unlimited amounts of dogs 
111: Work: It’s a necessary evil 
110: My Neighbors: Quiet, the only one I met was a total bitch though 
109: Gas Prices: I don’t drive 
108: Designer Clothes: C'mon people there are way better uses for your money 
107: College: Shouldn’t be expected of teenagers 
106: Sports: Boring, overhyped, the players overpaid 
105: My family: Worthless, judgmental pricks 
104: The future: Uncertain

[ Last time I ] 
103: Hugged someone: Sunday (3 days ago), when my friend picked me up from work 
102: Last time you ate: Italian ice about 1.5 hours ago (8:15pm) 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A month ago 
100: Cried in front of someone: A month ago maybe?? 
99: Went to a movie theater: Many many months ago 
98: Took a vacation: A year ago 
97: Swam in a pool: Two years ago? 
96: Changed a diaper: Never 
95: Got my nails done: My 16th birthday I think (almost two years ago) 
94: Went to a wedding: Eight years ago? 
93: Broke a bone: Never 
92: Got a peircing: I was 14 and got my ears pierced (almost 4 years ago) 
91: Broke the law: Never 
90: Texted: A minute ago

[ MISC ] 
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Brad. He’s so inappropriate but his jokes I cannot stop laughing at 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Not paying bills other than Internet 
87: The last movie I saw: Coraline 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving to California 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying for rent in California 
84: People call me: To friends: Lys. To family: Alyssa. To my girlfriend: Lyssy. To everyone else: annoying 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Get up out of bed every day 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope I do not drive 
81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My friend Jessica 
79: First time you had a crush: Preschool, this boy in my class Marshall 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Myself 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday, idk? 
76: Right now I am talking to: My phone in the way of typing 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Survive hopefully. I also wanna be a flight attendant 
74: I have/will get a job: Have a job as assistant manager of an arcade 
73: Tomorrow: I’m going food shopping and seeing my annoying cousin Barbara (she has two boyfriends and they both treat her like shit. It’s not poly it’s just cheating) 
72: Today: I actually made a meal that was nice 
71: Next Summer: I’ll be living in California 
70: Next Weekend: I have to face my parents for the first time since February. I hate it 
69: I have these pets: A ball of moss named Mo 
68: The worst sound in the world: My girlfriend crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My father 
66: People that make you happy: My girlfriend Averi 
65: Last time I cried: A few weeks ago?? 
64: My friends are: Averi, Raven, Jessica 
63: My computer is: My phone 
62: My School: Is nonexistent 
61: My Car: Is also nonexistent 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hate on others for no reason 
59: The movie I cried at was: Toy Story 3 
58: Your hair color is: Black 
57: TV shows you watch: None 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr usually 
55: Your dream vacation: California 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Once I got constipated a few months ago for 48 hours. I screamed 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 
52: My room is: Either super messy or super clean. Right now messy 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Jacksepticeye 
50: Where would you like to be: In my girlfriend’s arms on a beach 
49: Do you want children: Right now I don’t think I ever would but if I ever did I’d adopt 
48: Ever been in love: Yes I am now 
47: Who’s your best friend: My girl 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Sleeping 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: AVERI 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Stalin did 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 
41: Have you pre-named your children: I did with my ex. Never again 
40: Last person I got mad at: My grandmother 
39: I would like to move to: California 
38: I wish I was a professional: Sleeper [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish Fish or Nerds 
36: Vehicle: Volkswagen Beetle 
35: President: Biden 
34: State visited: California 
33: Cellphone provider: Cricket 
32: Athlete: Me, running from my responsibilities 
31: Actor: Eddie Redmayne 
30: Actress: Anna Kendrick 
29: Singer: Laura Jane Grace 
28: Band: Against Me! 
27: Clothing store: Thrift shops 
26: Grocery store: Safeway 
25: TV show: Adventure Time 
24: Movie: Wall-E 
23: Website: Pornhu- I mean Tumblr 
22: Animal: Red Panda 
21: Theme park: Disney World 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: Extreme Chess Mega X 
18: Sport to play: How Late Can I Get Up Before Concerning My Family 
17: Magazine: :enizagaM 
16: Book: The Underneath 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Any beach 
13: Concert attended: Fall Out Boy x Paramore 
12: Thing to cook: Pasta with alfredo sauce 
11: Food: Bacon egg & cheese on a bagel 
10: Restaurant: TGI Fridays 
9: Radio station: Night Vale Community Radio 
8: Yankee candle scent: Ass 
7: Perfume: Averi’s 
6: Flower: Averi 
5: Color: Orange - the color of Averi’s voice 
4: Talk show host: John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham 
2: Dog breed: Corgi 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Hell yeah I wouldn’t lie to you

[ase-trollplays]

-- liberatedRaptor [LR] began pestering tapeFace [TF] --

-- liberatedRaptor [LR] began pestering tapeFace [TF] --

LR: why tape tho

TF: Because my voice hurts people. :c

TF: Taping my mouth stops me from hurting people by accident :D

LR: oh thats actually kinda sad

TF: It's not that bad once you get used to it. :) I never liked the sound of my voice anyways.

TF: So! Why don't we introduce ourselves! :D

TF: My name's Cacoph

LR: im Wynter

TF: :O Nice!

TF: It's good to meet you, Wynter :D

TF: So, how's your night going? :)

LR: ah all things considered id say its pretty good

LR: ive been walking since i got up tho which was hours ago

LR: im a little tired :v

TF: Yeah, I bet. D: I hope you're close to where ever it is you're walking to.

LR: still a few nights off but HEY i wont make progress if i dont work hard so

LR: i just keep looking forward to seeing my friends again

TF: Good luck! I'm sure they're all looking forward to seeing you again, too!

TF: I hope whatever separated you from them wasn't anything too awful or serious. :c

LR: eh

LR: so question

LR: if you cant speak because of your voice being dangerous

LR: do you sign? :O

TF: Yes I do! Though most of the time I end up using a white board.

TF: Not many people bother to learn sign language. :/

TF: I'm assuming you have, though :O

LR: i know sign!! :O ugh yeah i hate it, no one knows it so im always like "wtf"

TF: Oh, I know! DX I wish learning to sign was included in basic schoolfeeding like learning Alternian.

TF: Out of curiosity, what made you decide to learn sign language?

LR: uhhh its a long story that basically ends in "im mute"

TF: Wow, I've never come across a fellow mutie :o

TF: This calls for (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*SPECIAL EMOTES*~✧』

TF: Granted, I would have started using those eventually anyways. (◕ω◕✿)

TF: I lost track of the website I copy them from for a bit. (●︿●;;)

LR: thats cute wtf

LR: im lazy and never use things like that even though theyre adorable

TF: Thank you! (◠ω◠✿) I'm always worried they make me seem obnoxious or something, but they're just so much more fun and expressive! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

LR: im a firm believer that if someone finds you obnoxious then theyre just missing out

LR: be yaself

TF: Exactly! (ﾉ◠ヮ◠)ﾉ Who has time for that kind of negativity? Not this mime!

LR: YOURE A MIME

LR: oh my god

TF: Is that a good "oh my god" or a bad "oh my god"? (●﹏●✿)

LR: a good one lol

TF: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Great! I was worried for a second.

TF: Not many people enjoy mimes. (″･ิ_･ิ) I guess I remind them too much of the clowns.

LR: i mean i guess i could understand that

LR: but mimes are usually harmless so like

TF: It really sucks. ┐(‘～`；)┌ But what can you do other than keep on keeping on, right? (´･ω･`)

LR: yeah! thats a good way to look at it

LR: like

LR: fuck them

LR: lol

LR: you seem pretty cool either way

TF: ∩(◕//ω//◕)∩ Thanks!

TF: You seem pretty cool, too (✿◠ヮ◠)

LR: cool? im ice cold B)

LR: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- tapeFace [TF] plays a sick ass guitar riff B3 --

TF: Also, can I just say I love your text color? (⊙△⊙✿) I'm a sucker for super bright pastels!

LR: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA thanks ^^ its really beautiful huh? it sounds like im trying to toot my own horn or something but just

LR: i could fuckin stare at it all night

LR: so like do you for reals stand outside all night and just mime at people

LR: what u do

TF: I actually work as a janitor at a library. (◕︿◕✿) It's not very fun, but miming on street corners doesn't keep me fed and sheltered.

TF: But on my nights off, you can find me in the park being a miming dork to my heart's content (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

LR: being a janitor sounds terrible RIP

TF: It is, but sometimes I get to have a little fun. ԅ(≖ω≖ԅ)

TF: The library I work at has a real problem with people doing the frick frack behind the bookshelves or under tables.

LR: Oh what the hell,

TF: My boss pays me extra to expose anyone I find.

TF: As mean as it is, I get a laugh out of ruining the mood for some people. (n゜ω゜n)

TF: Their expression are priceless when they realize they've been caught

TF: Though some of them get very angry and try to kill me. (⊙︿⊙✿)

LR: not surprised in the least

LR: but like...... why a library

LR: why would they fuck in a library

LR: BOOKS GET ME SO HOT

TF: Libraries have to be one of the unsexiest places, yet at least twice a month

TF: THERE THEY GO, HUMPING IN THE GEOGRAPHY SECTION

LR: JUST SLAM A BOOK CLOSED ON MY DICK JUST FUCKING DO IT

TF: The only thing worse than breaking up couples is people who bring in food and hide their food trash because then we get ANTS. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

TF: I CAN'T TYPE LOUD ENOUGH ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE ANTS.

TF: Just looking at one makes my skin crawl! {{p´Д｀q}}

LR: ugh ants are such a gross hassle

LR: especially trying to figure out where they come from??

LR: how the fuck did they get in

TF: I don't know but they need to STOP ( ≧Д≦)

TF: They're the absolute worst and I hate having to get rid of them! They're so little and they get everywhere, and they have the nerve to bite!

TF: And it's hard to be sure you got all of them because they're so small and they completely disappear on carpet (┳Д┳)

LR: plus the leave that gross chemical trail for other ants to follow

LR: eugh

TF: ((brb))

TF: UUUUuuuugh, literally everything about them is awful (╬ Ò﹏Ó)

LR: id say i hate spiders more tbh

TF: I honestly don't mind them too much (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) the small ones are adorable

TF: Jumping spiders give me a fright, though (●︿●✿) I don't mess with those.

LR: all spiders terrify me

LR: its dumb

LR: even the harmless ones

LR: they just got too many legs.................

TF: Eugh, I can understand that. (●﹏●✿) Centipedes creep me out for the same reason.

LR: fffffffffffffffUCK those things

LR: fuck all things with more than four legs

TF: Some things with more than four legs are so cute though! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Like ladybugs and butterflies and praying mantises

LR: one of those things is not like the other

TF: One of those things just doesn't belong? /(●△●✿)\

TF: I think praying mantises have an underappreciated cuteness to them. (´◡ω◡`) And it's so funny watching them chop at things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

LR: i watched a video of one give birth to a terrible parasite that drove it to seek out water and drown itself

TF: (⊙︿⊙) ...

TF: (´＿｀。) They can't always be cute

LR: its a darn shame too

TF: That poor thing. （；￣д￣） Who would even film that? It sounds awful

LR: apparently its common

LR: hairworms?

TF: Yikes. (◕﹏◕)

TF: That kind of make me think of those flies that infect bees.

TF: I hope those never adapt to infect grubs or something. (⊙﹏⊙)

LR: THAT

LR: IS TERRIFYING

TF: I KNOW RIGHT??

TF: I MEAN WE'RE BASICALLY SUPER EVOLVED BUGS

LR: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TF: (⊙∩⊙✿) I immediately regret this line of thought. I made a terrible mistake

LR: i regret your line of thought too

LR: i am

LR: scarred for life

TF: THEN HOW ABOUT A NICE UNSCARRING SUBJECT? (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ

TF: Do you have any quadrants you're looking forward to seeing?

LR: YAS

LR: i miss my mate and my moirail

LR: and some fucker who is sorta my kismesis but like

LR: its complicated?

LR: noncommittal "eh?" sound

TF: (◕△◕)Oh wow, you have so much going on.

TF: What's your sorta-but-not-really kismesis like?

LR: hes a dick but also i guess hes attractive? i think? im not actually sure

LR: i dont really feel that way about people so its hard to tell

LR: i guess he looks good

LR: BUT YEAH were just

LR: dicks to each other all the time

TF: Sounds like fun (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

TF: What about your matesprit and your moirail?

LR: oh my god so my matesprit is literally the coolest person in the fucking universe (no offense to you Cacoph cuz youre up there) and shes cute and she bakes a lot and shes good at it and she has her OWN BAKERY (which i work at) and she memes on me all the time and we just have so much in common

LR: she makes my heart do the backflip things

TF: (ㄒoㄒ) Oh my god, that's so sweet! You sound like the cutest couple

LR: yeah except i never told her i was going anywhere and its been two weeks i think so shes probably angry as fuck

LR: shes gonna rip my face off when i come back

TF: WELP

TF: It was nice knowing you

TF: Your memory will live on forever in this chatlog

LR: here lies Wynter: their mate fucking murdered them with a glare

TF: Killed before their time, they will be missed. (◡︿◡,✿)

TF: Did you at least tell your moirail?

LR: yeah

TF: Good, so you won't be double dead once they see you again. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

TF: I really hope you can smooth things over with your matesprit once you see her again. (◕︿◕) It's really gonna suck if you lose her.

LR: YEAH IM PRETTY SURE ID JUST

LR: DIE

LR: ON THE SPOT

TF: PLEASE DON'T DIE ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ WE ONLY JUST MET

LR: RIP,,,,

LR: two weeks is the longest ive gone without video games

LR: im dying

TF: What kind of video games do you play? (◕△◕✿)

LR: anything i can get my soulless little hands on

TF: That's a lot of games probably (✿◕△◕)~★

TF: I mostly just play casual things like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, and Lusus Crossing

LR: i do all of those things

LR: an also COD and Halo and Overwatch

TF: I tried playing COD, but the online players were so rude and negative. (≖︿≖✿) I doubt a single one of them was older than six.

TF: I haven't tried the other games you mentioned, though

LR: you should try :O Overwatch is super fun

TF: Really (◕△◕✿) What's it like? I see memes and fanart all the time on bubblr, but does it really live up to the hype?

LR: its grossly addictive

LR: and you get matched with people of similar skill so when you first start out you probably wont run into the gross types that play COD because theyre just starting out as well

TF: That sounds great (◕ω◕✿) It'll be nice not to have wrigglers screaming at me to git gud just because I haven't poured my entire existence into the game

TF: Does it run better on hisktop, or should I get it for the game system? (◕△◕✿)

LR: i play it on console but i believe theres a bigger playbase on husktop

LR: i would suggest only getting it on husktop if you have an external mouse

TF: Alright then, husktop it is. (◕‿◕✿)

TF: Eugh, that emote didn't come out well (◕﹏◕✿)

LR: o vo

TF: ⊙v⊙

LR: oh god

TF: ಠ_ಠ I'm suddenly very bad at emotes.

TF: why this

LR: cant always be good at it

LR: what about you, you got any quads youre gogo for?

TF: No, sadly not. (◡︿◡✿) I've had crushes, but they never amounted to anything

TF: On a whim, I signed up for a matchmaking thing just for curiosity's sake, and I got matched with a highblood. ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

LR: oh shit highbloods dawg

TF: I'm actually pretty nervous. Looking over his profile, he seems really grumpy and serious. (●﹏●✿)

LR: oh shit x2

LR: good luck

TF: Thanks, I'm gonna need it. ヽ(°ロ°)ﾉ

TF: I had a lot of fun chatting with you! (◕ω◕✿) Unfortunately, I need to get going.

LR: oh sure

LR: lemme know how ya date goes!

TF: Will do, friendo! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Good luck making it back to your friends and quadmates!

-- tapeFace [TF] ceased pestering liberatedRaptor [LR] --