#anyways. my brain continues to be a vexing and unknowable thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vigilantejustice · 11 months ago

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just got done thinking last night about how lucky it is that the thread of suspected ocd that has run through my entire life has mostly been real mild and liveable as a rule (things like. can’t take the password off my mac because then someone’ll break into my house to steal it or don’t touch the work phone because it’ll ring if you do or if you think about doing a nice thing but don’t do it a bad thing will happen etc etc) only to see three ambulances this morning and get mildly concerned about having been the perpetrator of a hit and run without realising

#the clown shoes are jingling #the clown nose is honking #still only mild because once i parked i checked the front of my car #and have been able to rationalise it but its still like. what kind of a thought process is that?#i think because i’m very divorced from physical feelings that i find it hard to quantify how something is impacting me #i’m very much a cognitive behaviourial symptom–haver #and have also very much intellectualised every feeling ever so it just doesn’t register where it should #love to talk in the tags like anything makes sense lmao #i think i just have a weird time recognising things for what they are when they’re not at an extreme #because on paper i guess these thought processes maybe might read as distressing but because they don’t feel like anything #physically i wouldn’t think to describe them as distressing #they’re not fun #but they’re also just kind of situational #it’s not like when it flares up and i’m preoccupied by a week of baselessly believing my cat’s going to die or not driving my car for #a month because i was convinced it was going to break down in traffic #anyways. my brain continues to be a vexing and unknowable thing #personal #ocd cw

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