#anywayyyy someone tell me what you think about this because i am feeling very frustrated with the wip as a whole rn

[thosetwofirefighters]

Seven Sentence Sunday

eeeee my first seven sentence sunday tag!!! thank you to the lovely @ajunerose for tagging me! here's a lil bit from the first chapter of my fake dating au, which will be posted as soon as I'm done with the whole fic (yell at me to write it quicker please and thank you!) I think I'm maybe? a third into it? at 25k? except a lot of that will inevitably be chopped by my lovely beta so anyway, here you go:

“So, Buck,” Ravi starts, clearly not getting the hint when Eddie glares at him yet again. “You said you and Stanford dated? How’d that go?” The clatter of forks stalls, and Buck has to stop himself from inhaling around the bite he just took—he’s already choked and needed an emergency tracheotomy once, it’s not happening again. He and Nathan make eye contact, and Buck smiles at the laughter he finds there—it’s not a harsh laughter at his expense but more so something sweet, almost fond. He feels himself relaxing slightly at the familiar gaze, but at the same time, it confuses him. They haven’t seen each other in years, but Nate is reacting to his presence like they’re as close as they used to be.

tagging @lilbuddie and realizing I need to follow more writers!!! so anyone else who wants to do it, i'm tagging y'all too! like usual <3

[ikeservant]

(TW) Can I get reactions for Kenshin, Ieyasu, and Hideyoshi (or anyone else you want) with an MC who is always really bright and happy around others but, depressed&self h**ms when they are alone? Thankssss xoxo

-Request from @arthotsglasses

Thank you for this ask ^.^! Little message: This is relatable to me and many others, and depression is a bully that causes mental and physical hurting. To those that have depression and self-h*rming tendencies, know you’re not alone and you have so much value as a person <3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Here’s a helpful link with some helpful alternatives that have helped me and others if anybody would want to try these as an alternative, and there’s a lot of lists and ideas from other websites as well that are helpful too :

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Anywayyyy back to the headcanons!

TW: mentions of depression, s*lf h*rm, su*cidal thoughts

(TW) Can I get reactions for Kenshin, Ieyasu, and Hideyoshi (or anyone else you want) with an MC who is always really bright and happy around others but, depressed&self harms when they are alone? Thankssss xoxo

Thank you for this ask ^.^! Little message: This is relatable to me and many others, and depression is a bully that causes mental and physical hurting. To those that have depression and self-h*rming tendencies, know you’re not alone and you have so much value as a person <3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Here’s a helpful link with some helpful alternatives that have helped me and others if anybody would want to try these as an alternative, and there’s a lot of lists and ideas from other websites as well that are helpful too :

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Anywayyyy back to the headcanons!

TW: mentions of depression, s*lf h*rm, su*cidal thoughts

Kenshin: He always noticed that something was troubling MC, even if they did not try to make it obvious. MC was always cheerful around him and the others, being a ray of sunshine to his dark coolness. He noticed MC would keep their sleeves from rolling up, almost like they were terrified of showing their arms. He realized this when it was summer time. MC was sweating and overheating, but when Kenshin asked if they’d like to change in lighter clothing or just even roll up their sleeves, MC quickly shut those ideas down. “Hehe I’m fine. You’re such a worrywart!” MC said with a giggle and smile, but Kenshin wasn’t buying it. When MC almost fainted from the sudden heatwave, Kenshin propped them up, loosening and rolling up their sleeves to cool them down. It was then that Kenshin noticed the many cuts on MC’s arms, some faded while others more fresh. His mind immediately went into panic, adrenaline overload. “Who did this? Who hurt you?” he frantically asked, panicked and enraged that MC could get hurt like this. “I-I did. I’m so sorry. I keep on thinking of everything I do wrong and I don’t want to bother anybody else with my problems. I get so tired of constantly switching between being happy for everybody else but so depressed and self-hating when alone. It’s so hard. I feel like a disappointment” MC’s normally smiley face was welling with tears, sobbing as they explained. Kenshin quickly scooped up MC, eyes wide with fear and sadness. He already lost one person to suicide, he didn’t want someone so dear to him now to harm themselves. “I am so sorry. I failed to protect you. Your wounds are my wounds. Don’t you ever do this again. I can’t bear to see the love of my life hurt and hate themselves.” After tears were spilled by both MC and a few from Kenshin while hugging eachother, they discussed how to help MC. As much as Kenshin would want to lock MC away somewhere where there’s no way MC or anybody else could harm them, he knew that would make things worse and restrict MC’s freedom and desire to connect to their close friends. He would definitely be more observant of MC, being slightly overbearing. If he noticed that MC was starting to feel drained and not feeling up for being cheerful, he’d make an excuse to the others so MC could get some space. Would encourage MC to be honest with their feelings, telling MC to tell him whenever they’re feeling a depressive/harmful episode coming and that it is never a bother and considers it an honor that MC can trust him. Whenever he’s unable to be around MC to comfort/provide company, he makes sure his bunnies are around MC bc he figures they’d calm MC down and distract MC from the urges to self harm. Both Kenshin and MC learn from eachother that they each have mental scars and emotional problems and that is valid, they can lean on and support one another to be the healthiest and feel the best they can be.

Ieyasu: MC was always helping Ieyasu see the bright side of things, making his grumpy pouts turn into a slight smile. MC’s goofy laughs and smiles lit up the room, something he greatly admired about them. However, sometimes MC would have a sad look in their eye, something they’d instantly wipe off and deny if somebody asked. When he got closer to MC, he tried to express concern in his roundabout way, but MC was always able to dodge the question, finding a distraction for him and going away to their room. Unfortunately, when MC was making a hot soup with Ieyasu, they spilled the contents on their lap, burning their legs. Ieyasu immediately went into doctor mode, ordering MC to roll back their kimono cloth so he could put inspect the degree of the burns and assess what he should do to treat it. MC fought him, but finally agreed when Ieyasu looked so earnest and worried at them. When he saw MC’s upper legs, he saw the burns from the soup but he also saw scars and cuts. “How the hell did these happen and how come you never came to me to treat these?” He’s seen self inflicted cuts and internally knew what was going on, but he dreaded the thought of MC doing this. When MC knew they couldn’t lie or smile out of this, they opened up, expressing how frustrated they get at themselves and how they feel like they deserve the harm they give themselves. How MC never wants others to worry about them and did not want Ieyasu, who already had negativity in his life, be burdened by MC’s problems. Ieyasu grabbed onto MC’s shoulders, looking into MC’s eyes with the most hurt gaze they’ve ever seen. “You have never been a burden. And you do not deserve the pain you give yourself. I have seen several crooked, horrible people and you are definitely not one of them. And you don’t have to be cheerful all the time if you don’t want to. I love you for who you are as a human being, not an idealized image. I know I’m not the best at being open with my feelings, but believe me when I say that you are allowed to make mistakes and have faults and be vulnerable. Just please do not hurt yourself over it.” Ieyasu made MC spend the night, treating their leg burns and cuts and also finding calming herbs that can help calm MC’s nerves. He would be more gentle with his words around MC and being more mindful, he’s not the best with words but makes sure that MC knows he’s there for them and wants to do anything he can to help them. Would probably roast anybody into a corner if they so much as say one harmful thing to them. Would go into the library and pull out any books about depression and what can help lessen the symptoms, trying to find any way to physically help. He learns to be more honest with his feelings by reassuring MC that they are capable and lovable. Suggests MC keeps a log tracking their moods and to write their feelings to help. Read somewhere that animals can help, leading him to put MC in charge of taking care of Wasabi because he’s “too busy and Wasabi keeps getting in trouble.”

Hideyoshi: MC always made sure to brighten up the place and work hard to make sure everybody was happy. MC would always lend an ear and encourage Hideyoshi when he was doubting himself or fed up with certain people/things. Hideyoshi always offered to help them, but MC would refuse, saying that he’s already got a lot on his plate and that they’re totally fine. He noticed something was off with MC one day, almost as if MC was pushing a happy front all day to hide something wrong. He decided to drop by with some tea during the night when he heard heavy breathing and sniffling, making him enter quickly to see if something was wrong. What he saw was MC with a knife in their hand, just about to graze into their skin. Hideyoshi dropped his tray, running to MC with wide eyes and roughly grabbing the knife, chucking it across the room. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” he’d harshly ask, scared and confused as to what he saw, unfortunately this just caused MC to cover their face in their hands and start crying with a panic attack, making him soften his gaze and pull MC towards him to rub their back and calm them down to the point they were able to talk. “I’m sorry for doing this. I just keep trying to make everybody happy but I just feel so sad and empty and I don’t know if I want to hurt myself just to feel something or because I am angry at myself or what but I feel like I can’t stop. I didn’t want to bother you with this I’m sorry.” “You have no reason to apologize. I should be the one sorry for not noticing you were in pain. You are so positive and loving towards everybody, but you don’t feel that way about yourself, that seems very unfair. The only thing that bothers me is that I can’t find a way that can magically make you see yourself the way I see you.” “Sounds like something I should be saying to you.” MC sniffled with a small giggle. After a little bit, they talked out how to help communicate their feelings and recover from self harming. He’d be very cautious and a bit overbearing at first, hovering over MC and internally panicking when they were around sharp objects, but after some talks about it he learns to give MC some space when needed while also being supportive. Would look up all he could about depression and helpful things to do, leading him to get herbal teas that have calming properties and also getting ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he can get his hands on in town that looked like it could help MC. Things that could make good stress balls or trinkets to rip/pull/roll around/squish: get ‘em. Journal paper, brush, and ink to either write down their feelings or brush on their own skin: get ‘em. Would suggest MC to write down the good things that happened during the day as well as things they like/make them happy so they don’t just focus on the negatives in life. Would reassure MC that their feelings are valid and that they are still a wonderful human being that he wants to be with and support their healing and growth.

[neojeno]

why do you hate armies? we're like really chill idk

Lmao my inbox starts working again and this is the first ask I get.

Anyway… hi hon, you obviously haven’t been following me for very long— maybe you aren’t following at all! Whatever, the point is, I don’t hate armies. I hate prejudiced, annoying little shits who have to make everything about themselves. Oh quick note, why do you assume I hate armies? I haven’t made any recent posts regarding BTS or their fandom.

Anon, I was once an Army. I created this blog for the sole purpose of stanning BTS. Trust me, I think BTS are great. I absolutely love their music. I have several of their physical albums and went to one of their concerts (which was, by the way, one of the best times of my life). However, I have since left the Army fandom and, by the state of my blog, become an NCTzen living in NCT’s world (NCity). Why did I leave the Army fandom? Well, actually, there was an in-between part where I was stanning NCT and BTS at the same time. I’ve been into BTS for the past three years now and NCT? Only the past four months. I might be a good representation of that one pretty funny post that was floating around for awhile about how BTS wrote “Don’t Leave Me” because half of their fanbase was leaving them for NCT. NCT just came back at the right time and I was given the lovely opportunity to stan another incredibly talented group! Oh author’s note: don’t hate on the multi-fandom stanners, it takes a lot of fricken work to keep up with a lot of different groups and they’re just spreading the love bc there are so many talented idols out there! Anyway, I got into NCT naturally and I have just grown to really really love them. At some point, I just sorta stopped posting about BTS and you know what? That’s fine, it’s my blog and I can post whatever the fuck I want. Now, the truth is that I still really really love BTS. Their music is amazing and I still really love them— just as much as I always have.

But here’s where I might be able to get at what you’re asking: I haven’t left BTS, I’ve left the Army fandom. Why? For a couple of reasons: When I stan groups, I like to give them all my attention so I know what’s going on and so I can support them as much as I can— so that’s why NCT is my main concern/focus right now. I just really love them, what can I say? So that’s why I’m just posting a lot about them. Sure, I’m a part of like one BTS network, but I don’t feel like I even deserve to be called an Army anymore if all I’m posting about is another group. Idk, it just doesn’t feel right. Anyway, the second reason is that, after having become an NCTzen (wow I’m really talking as though I’m morphing into different beings or something), I’ve started to see a lot more into the Army fandom. Remember when I was talking about how there was an in-between stage when I was sorta stanning BTS and NCT at the same time (just look back through my archive,, sometime in March was that part of my life)? I started to view Armies (remember I’m talking about the fandom not BTS) as an outsider. I didn’t feel like I was one of them anymore (now that was one of the signs that told me I was already leaving, gone). I started to see the more toxic side of the Army fandom because I was no longer consumed in it. When I was still hardcore stanning Taehyung (and seriously he is the loml but Jeno’s sorta taking that spot now oof) and really into BTS, I was quite blind to the toxic environment that is sometimes the Army fandom. When I started stanning NCT, I started subconsciously comparing (it’s just a natural thing human beings do,, you might not want to, but you subconsciously pick up on what’s different about the different things you’re involved in) the NCT fanbase to BTS’s fanbase. that’s how i started to see the things i didn’t like about the Army fandom. Of course, all that I’m about to say doesn’t apply to all Armies and all that I’m about to say doesn’t have to be the image/reputation of the Army fandom (I am one person and if my words have that much of an effect on you then I suggest you reflect on the state of your emotional security), but from my experience, I’ve seen a few things the Army fandom, in particular, perpetrate that I’m uncomfortable with: One is that the BTS members are hypersexualized. BTS smut is all over the place. (I may be a horny teen but idk I sorta just wanna focus on college) People talk about Jungkook like he’s a meal in the most ordinary situations. Second, Armies tend to equate BTS to Kpop and, as someone who’s grown up listening to Kpop her entire life, I just can’t deal with people who think BTS are the only relevant group around here. Third, and along with my second point, I often see Armies making comments about BTS when BTS literally isn’t involved. Like, stop making everything about your favs??? I og stan B.A.P and when “That’s My Jam” came out, Armies in the comment sections were like, “omg Youngjae’s orange hair looks like Jimin’s” — umm like omg you don’t have to fucking make everything about yourself Youngjae looks like Youngjae!!! When Jonghyun passed, @/mimibtsghost made a post telling her followers to be grateful that, unlike Jonghyun, BTS is under such a caring agency and if you don’t see something wrong with that fucking comparison in that sort of fucking situation then fuck off my blog. Anywayyyy,,,, last and probably most influential in my leaving of the Army fandom was the fact that I no longer felt close to the fandome. My old blog (which was dedicated to BTS) had 1k followers but I didn’t have a single mutual whom i talked to often. I didn’t even realize how lonely that life was until I joined the NCT fandom. Oh author’s note: I’m using my experience as an NCTzen to reflect on what I realized I didn’t have/didn’t like about the Army fandom— not to put NCT on a pedestal. Anyway I follow quite a few big bts blogs and stuff and what I’ve realized is that a lot of people just follow the big blogs and pretty much (for lack of a better word) worship them. Now this isn’t shade on the big blogs, this is shade on the fact that, at least in my 3 years of experience as an Army, the fandom doesn’t feel tight or close. And guess what? That’s my opinion and my experience. Who knows? Maybe I legit just don’t know how to make friends. But in addition to that, I just see a shit ton of drama even within the Army fandom and it’s just exhausting. Oh that’s another thing, when I was an Army, it was fucking exhausting to see fights break out within the fandom or to see fellow Armies starting fights with other fandoms and then think to myself: well at least I’m one of the good Armies. I mean idk about you but now that I’m living the good life and having a better time, having to reassure yourself with that sort of thought is depressing and quite reflective of the Army fandom itself. Armies themselves know they can be awful sometimes.  

Anyway, I don’t necessarily hate Armies. I love that people are supporting BTS because I really do think BTS deserves all the recognition they’re getting for their hard work. What I hate is the shamelessness and disrespect that some people exhibit and don’t excuse because they think they’re insured by BTS’s top-of-kpop status (this isn’t sarcasm,, if you’re asking me to be objective I actually believe BTS is riding the peak of kpop like icing on a cake rn and I’m proud of them). Because the Army fandom is just so freakin huge— maybe like 40% of the world are Armies now (again, great! I’m glad BTS is getting a lot of love), it just happens to be that most of that sort of behavior is concentrated in the Army fandom.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, good for you. Honestly, im sorta glad you asked this. This was a way for me to sort out my own feelings about this, too. if you’re frustrated with this answer, you can send hate but you’ll still just be frustrated by yourself. As RM once said, “I like hate comments more than no comments.” You know the rest. Sorry your words don’t hold much power if I’m unaffected. I just don’t give a fuck. ~h