#apologies can't make up for your transgressions my dude

[sacred-prophecies]

[ Previous ]

Charon stares at the other typhlosion, taking in Mamoru’s words and body language.

“You, what?” He stumbles, surprised by the immediate resignation.

“Where’s Dialga to turn back time on this conversation...” Charon thinks. “What an idiot I am. The first time I meet someone like me and I can’t even say what I mean.”

“I’m sorry,” Charon speaks up, bowing his head. “Truly.”

“I-,” he cuts himself off, carefully trying to course correct. “I’ll leave you before I manage to screw up this conversation even more than I already have.”

[ @the-worldabove​ ]

[autolenaphilia]

So I do literally have my pronouns in bio. Now it should not be a requirement or anything. If you don't want to put your pronouns in bio, don't put them there, and I'm totally okay with that.

I didn't put pronouns in bio until my egg cracked because I was uncomfortable with the thought, turns out I was uncomfortable with gendering myself for a reason.

But if someone does put pronouns in bio, if they are easily accessible, I do think you have the responsibility to respect them. It feels like a fairly basic social media courtesy. To do otherwise is textbook misgendering.

Of course I presume here you are not a transphobe who thinks misgendering is okay or even obligatory (as some of them explicitly claim). If you are, fuck off, i'm not that interested in litigating my value as a human being or my status as a woman. My assumption here is that misgendering is bad and I don't particularly need to establish why.

Referring to someone by the wrong pronouns when said person has made their pronoun preference very clear, there is no other word for it but misgendering. In fact, misgendering someone with their pronouns in bio on social media is often less excusable than many accidental misgenderings in meatspace, because we often don't make our pronoun preferences that clear and obvious in meatspace.

it does take a few seconds to check the bio of a social media user, but being polite and courteous sometimes requires effort, which is not a blanket excuse to be rude. If it is too much effort to look it up before writing something about someone, then save all your effort and just don't write anything at all.

And using singular they/them about a specific person is misgendering, if said person has made their non-they/them preference clear, by for example putting their actual pronouns in their bio. You are not being "genderneutral", you are just misgendering and being rude.

This is a well known tactic of transphobic misgendering. Like if a writer wrote an article about Chelsea Manning and consistently they/themed her, the fact that said writer is a transmisogynist who is misgendering her wouldn't be in much dispute. They/them is often just the acceptable form of misgendering.

And also "dude/bro/man" are not genderneutral, I will barely dignify such nonsense with a response.

Being gendered correctly is not a privilege of the famous either. This applies even if the person in question is a random tumblr user and you are another random tumblr user writing about them. You should check their bio before writing about them. You should especially check if that person is likely going to read what you write, if it is a reply or tags to a post they made. It's not nice to get misgendering of you in your notifications. This feels like fairly basic courtesy on social media.

Failure to check is at best rude and impolite, and people have a right to object to being misgendered. And then ask for a correction and an apology. And really, all you have to say in such a situation, is something like "I'm sorry, I didn't check" and then maybe correct the misgendering post by editing it. Unless you are really committed to being able to misgender people without pushback, it's likely not the end of the world, and the person being misgendered will likely accept a sincere apology.

And this applies even if you don't like the person in question, if you are writing something that disagrees with their take. Being gendered correctly is not something that you have to earn, it's not a privilege for good behavior, of having the correct takes, of never making a mistake. And it can't be taken away for perceived and real transgressions. It is still unacceptable to misgender an unpleasant person.

Pronouns in a social media bio are not there for a person's friends, it's there so that random strangers interacting with a person's account will hopefully read them and gender the person correctly. The pronouns are there for you to read and respect.

(before anyone tries to be clever on the reading incomprehension website, , I'm using a generic singular they/them in most of these sentences. If you are talking about a specific person, who uses she/her or he/him or any pronouns that aren't they/them, it's msigendering to use they/them for them)

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Only Friends Episode 11 - Move On, Move In

In which we see Top finally stood his ground, Boeing flies from one couple to another (pun intended), we get domestic Sand/Ray while Nick/Boston comes to an understanding

Top & Mew

Top has made tremendous effort to change his ways to prove he is worthy for Mew. So, I'm glad he finally confronted Mew regarding the whole Boeing situation with Top astutely picking up the core point is that Mew can't seem to forgive Top's past transgression. And without being able to pass that point, both of them will just keep going in circle. Top was absolutely right when he said they might as well just forget about giving their relationship a second chance as Mew will keep becoming paranoid about every single interaction Top may have with other people.

However, it's obvious Mew is miserable without Top and as his lovely moms gently pointed out - if they really want to work it out, Mew must find away to somehow forgive (but not necessarily forget what Top has done).

Mew's face-off with Boeing is also much needed - the latter has been sneakily sewing discord in TopMew's journey of reconciliation, purely out of spite against Top. The man is bitter and being obvious about it - I mean his parting shot of not wishing Mew luck cause he knows they won't make it??? - yup, someone is salty he got dumped!!!

But by far my fav scene with this couple is the sweet scene in Mew's childhood bedroom - their heart to heart talk was much needed with both side confessing they still love each other very much. We ended with them hopefully on the same page, starting afresh with no 3rd party causing havoc!

Nick & Boston

Who will have thought Boston will have a change of heart? (cause I didn't!). But these 2 are made for each other - they are both slightly deranged and loony. However, Nick understands Boston in so many levels that his so-called friends (or even father) doesn't. And in Nick, Boston has find a kindred sprit - someone who has never judged him but also tells him straight if he doesn't agree with what he does.

Also, their plot against Atom - completely unhinged but definitely on-brand for them? (only Nick will make up a plan to hey, let's seduce the boy, and while I get hot & heavy here, instructs Ton to video /photograph the deed so that we can "pretend blackmail" him while also simultaneously give a heartfelt lecture on Atom about one-sided love), which in turn gives Boston a much needed reality check on how he feels about Nick.

But wow, the whole scene with Boston taking Nick's pictures, it is so soft and romantic (for them) - "Your photos took up the whole roll of film" as opposed to an earlier episode when he used an almost similar line "I’ll just use up to finish the roll of film"

Plus, when Boston asked if Nick wants to be a boyfriend - you can tell it affected Nick in a profound level. But I don't blame Nick for being wary, he got burn so badly by Boston before. Anyway, it seems we are finally getting some domestic bliss for the finale episode (although hey, is that Boeing I spy possibly causing havoc after almost succeeding with Top/Mew and now causing some cracks in Sand/Ray blossoming relationship?)

Sand & Ray

Speaking of Boeing, that dude is truly like his namesake, flying from one couple to another...

Just as we have achieved some domestic bliss with this couple - from the heartfelt, teary confession plus apologies from Ray to Sand followed by what I can only described as Ray/Sand being giddy in love - both of them beaming with joy, Ray taking every chance possible to call Sand his boyfriend while spoiling the latter to Sand indulging Ray's whims and them making plans to travel around the world to attend music festivals...

And so, to have Boeing raining on their parade....look, I'm not 100% sure how Boeing/Sand relationship was in the past, but on the surface Sand looks uncomfortable with having Boeing around himself (and Ray for that matter). But one of Sand's weakness is his difficulties in setting boundary - he failed with Ray (although it did work out for them at the end). Sand's mother summed up Sand's nature best - super caring, a caretaker by nature. So, an ex that previously meant a lot to him come barging back in, he probably doesn't have the heart to cut Boeing ruthlessly.

Furthermore, I mentioned this with a previous post, I get the feeling Sand doesn't want Boeing anywhere near Ray probably because he feels insecure at some level (also Ray can be a loose cannon with his hot temper). Boeing left him for Top and Ray is cut from the same cloth like Top (both rich, handsome and now with Ray sober - charming). Also on the flip side, we have Boeing who is not that dissimilar to Mew (both smart, loves plants etc) - with Mew being Ray's first love/crush...well, I think Sand is afraid he will lose Ray.

But never fear, it seems we have Ray already clocking what Boeing is up to. As viewers, we can see how possessive Ray is on Sand - I don't think there is the slightest chance he will let Boeing interfere with their newly found bliss. Unfortunately, Ray's possessiveness is a double edge sword - him inviting Boeing to the private pool party is definitely a test of sort for both Sand (and I think he is failing) as well as Boeing. From the finale preview, it seems Ray has given the ultimate to Sand "I don't like it inviting people into your life like this. You go and finish it off otherwise I'll take care of it myself."

(my one grip is that I wished Boeing was introduced slightly sooner cause trying to wrap everything up in the last episode...it's going to feel rush and sloppy?)

On the side note, I am not fan with how the whole Atom storyline went - he lied about being sexually assaulted, and when he finally confessed to his sister, all Cheum did was hugged him and say she understood Atom realising his newfound sexuality is hard? At the very least, I wanted Cheum to emphasise how dangerous it is to lie about these issues and her apologising to Ton?

As usual, so many thoughts and emotions - so many good moments but if I have to pick my fav scene - it will be SandRay being absolutely father material (esp Sand!) with the children in the hospital.

Can't believe next week it will be the finale!!!! (what am I going to do every Saturday after that?)

[tobiasdrake]

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, Episode 16

Final episode. It's now or never, Yuki. If you don't pull that trigger this time then you'll never have another--

Well, actually, I think I heard the manga goes farther than the anime does? So. Maybe not. But I want my catharsis after all the time and feels I've invested in her emotional journey!

My dude, it is 2015. You need to sit down with Itsuki for a coffee and ask him about climate change.

Oh this ship is fucked. I don't know how you come back from jerking your hand away from her touch like she's infected with plague.

Pretty sure you're at "Fake my death and move to the next town over" territory at this point.

Like. I get where he's coming from. Factory Settings confessed her love to him and then immediately dropped dead. Anyone would be freaked out over that.

I'm just saying, poor Yuki. She does not know the context of this moment. Minus that, I would be super offended.

Look at her trying not to cry while she apologizes for holding hands with the boy she likes, like it was a grievous personal transgression. The boy who, I should note, grabbed her hand in the first place rather than the other way around.

Yuki. Sweetheart. I'm so sorry this is your life right now.

I can't even be like, "Tell him, Yuki," because boy is grieving so that would not help. Things just suck for everyone in this moment.

Oh my god.

We are actually doing a ninth episode of Eternal Eight.

I mean. In a sense, we've been doing a ninth episode of Eternal Eight since the previous episode. Still.

The audacity. I'm not even mad. I've been complaining about recycling material for the last two episodes but part of me admires the brazenness in going full stop, "Fuck all-a y'all, IT'S ETERNAL EIGHT AGAIN ASSHOLES." XD

Like. There is a logic to ending the series by revisiting the arc that caused Yuki to malfunction and eat Haruhi in the first place. I just. the context of it being this arc specifically.

They had seven years to make new Haruhi material. Seven years to think about the reception to the existing material, and make decisions for what they'd want to do in the new spinoff show. And somebody actually had the nerve to go, "You know what the fans really want? More Eternal Eight."

That is such a Fuck You move that I'm kinda here for it.

Mikuru and Tsuruya aren't here because the timey-wimey shenanigans put Ryoko here instead. That means we're probably not going goldfish scooping.

I do believe I said earlier that I hope everyone died in any cycle where we deprived Mikuru of the one thing she wanted. Sorry, gang, but you're all going under the nearest bus.

Look on the bright side. It might bring Factory Settings back.

Took you 594 years to figure your shit out last time. Try and break your record, Kyon!

Itsuki's branching out into subtle metaphor. Kyon never retains anything Itsuki tells him directly so maybe giving him a puzzle to solve will make him internalize the knowledge better.

Or it will fly over his head. One of the two.

Will Yuki remember to buy a mask? And will they go goldfish scooping so they don't all have to die in a wildfire moments after the credits roll? These are the important questions of Festival Trip 9.

OH MY HARUHI she got distracted by a live performance of Will It Blend. FELT THOUGH. Holy shit, I miss those shameless commercials barely masquerading as an entertainment web show.

You know what? I can accept this. As long as she's having the time of her life, I can forgive a lack of goldfish scooping.

Get fucked, Tsuruya. It is Blender Time.

This is officially one of the best scenes in the franchise. Up there with the time she punched Kyon in the face. Mikuru is getting to enjoy life with no strings attached and got to violently assault one of her abusers. Just like punching Kyon, I could watch her backhand Tsuruya on loop for hours.

Now we just need a scene of her pushing Haruhi in front of a bus and she'll have a hat trick of retaliations.

Also, I still demand they animate the scene of her hurling Kyon down a flight of stairs. I need it.

Okay so we're still going goldfish scooping, we're just doing it without Mikuru.

Not sure if that makes me vindictive again or not. Because on the one hand, this was Mikuru's activity. We were only doing it because she wanted it.

But she's having a really good time watching Will It Blend. If anyone went over to fetch her for scooping, they'd go in the blender.

Dooooo ittttttttttt

And also buy her a mask while you're at it. Failing to acquire a mask for Yuki may or may not also be a death-by-wildfire offense.

Legit thought she was going to be like, "If Yuki and Kyon are officially a thing now then that means you're up for grabs, right? 'Cause I call dibs."

But no. She is going to sort out her feelings with physical violence against inanimate objects.

This is way more believable than her OOC talk with Kyon earlier.

Also, by helping Ryoko sort her feelings with physical violence, Haruhi is nonetheless kinda calling dibs.

(In seriousness, I stand by what I said before regarding how, it may not seem like it, but the fracturing of their emotional codependency doesn't have to mean the end of Ryoko's relationship with Yuki. In time, it may even be stronger than ever for it.

Haruhi's definitely fucked, though. But. Y'know. Fuck her. She is my character and I say this with love but... get fucked, Haruhi. She will be better off in the long run for having learned to process disappointment, as opposed to the spoiled and entitled goddess who drugged Mikuru. This is the kind of thing she desperately needs in the original series.)

Now, all Kyon has to do is be open and honest with his feelings. Specifically, the feelings that I have decided on his behalf that he has, because he's never actually expressed romantic interest towards this version of Yuki but I NEED HIM TO IF THE SHIP IS GOING TO BE FULFILLED.

Which is how Melancholy handles him too. So it's fair.

Aww, Factory Settings came back for this. ^_^ Squee!

So. Confusing. For Escapist Yuki who's passively receiving a love confession meant for a different version of her, though. I feel like she just became a replacement goldfish for herself. So many complicated feelings about this.

Oh. Never mind. I guess Yuki lost the Yuki -> Kyon -> Factory Settings love triangle. Sorry, gurl. But at least you still have Spacetime.

Just. Not right now because you will go in that blender.

(Also Ryoko!)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

He is flirting with you.

In seriousness, it makes sense that they don't clinch the romance here. Like I said earlier, Kyon is grieving. This episode is his opportunity to finally sort out his feelings towards Factory Settings, which he needs to do before he'll be emotionally available for anyone.

This is about Kyon getting closure. I'm sure there's probably much more manga to come before Yuki finally gets what she wants, if she ever does - I keep thinking back to the way her wishes are never, "I want to be with Kyon" but rather "I want to stay friends with everyone."

Still. I want nice things for her, dammit!

Being adopted as Haruhi's mom is agony. Ryoko will be thrilled to know she remains employed at the Nagato residence.

She got something better than a goldfish this time around. She is armed and dangerous. Nobody will ever mess with Mikuru again.

She'll blend your phone. Your personal belongings. The clothes off your back. You. She is a deadly blending warrior now and don't you forget it.

Look at Tsuruya's face. Feel how the power dynamic has shifted.

I'm mad that we end on status quo.

But also happy for Yuki because she got what she wished for all the same.

Complicated feelings.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Post-credits joke is top fucking tier HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This makes no sense but it doesn't have to because this is the end of the road for the show, so it's not going to be followed up on. It's just. An amazing punchline to cap off the revisit of Eternal Eight.

[so-sures-blog]

What Went Wrong

Gwen and Duncan get together, and leave Courtney to deal with the aftermath. She wonders were it went wrong, what was wrong with her ex-friend and boyfriend.  … she wonders if she was in the wrong.

“No matter how much you love something, an inability to accept their differences and faults can lead to bitterness and cruelty, and prideful attempts to change them can lead to their own destruction.” 

It was easy to blame someone else for your own shortcomings. Your own refusal to grow past whatever was holding you back. Your loss.

□ ● □ ● □ ● □ ● □ ● □ ● □ ● □

Season 2

"Ew. Duncan, stop it."  

"Why so uptight, hot stuff? What happened to that crazy chick who helped me raid the camp kitchen?" 

"Ugh, I'm over this stupid show. I lost the competition, my pathetic lawyer lost my lawsuit, and now I just want to go home, study for my LSAT's, and work my class president campaign." 

"Wow, hello downer. Come on, relax, it's almost over. I thought you'd be happy " 

"I AM HAPPY!" 

*static*

"You know you mean the world to me, but I-I can't let you hold me back. Sorry!" 

"Wait! You're leaving me here?! But I-I just wrestled an alligator for us!" 

"I know! But opportunities like this don't just fall out of trees!" 

   *static*

"Courtney wrote me a thirty-two page letter outlining all my faults and how to correct them if we're ever going to have a serious relationship. All of which she expects me to memorize. I think I would have preferred a night of alien probing." 

   *static*

"Don't worry, I forgive you… just like I forgave the other three hundred and sixteen minor transgressions I outlined in my letter. But, I expect you to memorize that letter so it doesn't happen again." 

   *static*

"After all, what’s more important — winning some stupid challenge … or making me happy?" 

   *static*

"Hey, I like Courtney, I really do, but I also like a million big ones. Best case scenario, I win the money and the girl. But if it comes down to it, I need the money more than I need some high-matinence chick with a superiority complex. Ha!  

… don't tell her I said that, okay?" 

   *static*

"What?! Duncan voted for me?!" 

   *static*

"Court's popularity is in the toilet. I can't have her dragging me down. But the real reason… a thirty-two page letter?! And people call me psycho!" 

   *static*

Season 3

"Well, if you just listened to me — !"  

"Oh, I'll start listening the minute you say something worthwhile." 

"You're insane, you know that?" 

"And you … are a monster!" 

   *static*

"You know what? NO! No, no, no, no, no, no! Three hours of these two squawking on this stupid pyramid in this stupid heat — and you want me to sing?! FORGET IT!" 

"Dude, you have a contract —" 

"Eat it, McLean! If you need me, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home — cause I'm out! Done! I QUIT!"  

   *static*

" — And how could you think it was okay to just … leave like that! Because it was not! Ugh! Abandon me again, and it will not be pretty. Now, get over here you big lug! I'm not really mad, I just missed you."  

"Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you." 

   *static*

"WHAT?! How could you?! I thought we were friend-ish!? I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!” 

   *static*

"Well, at least I broke up with Duncan on my terms. It was totally empowering. At least I still have my … pride …"  

   *static*

"Okay, let's hear it." 

"Hear?" 

"Your apology." 

"For?" 

"For what?! For Gwen!" 

"For who?" 

"FOR! GWEN! 

Ugh!" 

   *static*

"I need immunity — especially around Alejandro — but sticking it to Courtney feels so right! And that can't be wrong."  

   *static*

"I declare my husband to be an insensitive jerk, who thinks his piercings make him cool when really, they divert attention away from his lack of personality."  

"And I declare wifey here to be a stuck-up windbag. I also declare, she could use some mouthwash!"  

   *static*

"I want a divorce!" 

"Oh really? Cause I want to stay married to your sunshine-y self forever!" 

   *static*

“Smiling? Whistling? This is the happiest I’ve ever seen you!” 

“What can I say? It’s like all of my problems were shoved out of a plane.” 

   *static*

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand as I thumbed through the channels of the TV. 

Every stupid news host was talking about Total Drama, commenting on the seasons, talking about the new ship: Gwuncan. 

As if they had nothing better to talk about but the utter disgrace of myself on international television.  

Every channel was about me, about Gwen, about Duncan . Every interaction, every confessional, aired and analyzed by fans and reporters to look back and wonder where it all started for the new couple. Where it had ended for the old couple.  

What had happened? What had happened?  

What made Duncan cheat on me? What was wrong with him to not see that I only wanted the best for him? 

Was it the list? 

I only made the list for Duncan for him to fix out his flaws! No person would ever hire a guy with a green mohawk for a respectable career. And with his callus and brutish attitude no one would ever want him. 

Couldn’t he see that I … 

What did Gwen have that I didn’t?

“Why don’t we just … let things happen. No pressure, no planning, no pookums. ’Kay?”  

“See? That there is why I like you.”  

I slapped myself, reeling back at the memories. Duncan never looked at me like that, even in our best moments. Gwen’s hands laid on his chest like I once did, telling him things that I would never do and he agreed — 

I slapped my other cheek harder, until it stung. I wouldn’t break down, I wouldn’t. Hate and anger was better than hurt and grief, and I had already shown enough of those things on Total Drama. 

I had to be perfect, I had to be better, I had to be the best , because if I couldn’t, what would I amount to?

Just a spoiled uptight princess whose boyfriend cheated on her? A washed-up reality tv star who didn’t even win any contest? 

I didn’t even win anything and yet I lost everything. The competition, the money, my pride, my dignity, my image, my friend, my boyfriend … 

I flipped the channel again, and the tv played Duncan and Gwen sharing a kiss after my ex had thrown a shoe at me. 

Gwen.  

How can Gwen sit there and kiss my boyfriend without ever feeling an ounce of guilt? Didn’t she have any shame? Any dignity? Any self-respect to see what she was doing was wrong? 

I thought she was my friend. I thought I was her friend, but at the most opportune moment she went behind my back and kissed him in the confessional. 

I thought … 

I thought I meant more to her than that. 

I thought I meant more to both of them than that, I thought darkly as I flipped another channel to see the forsaken kiss playing on the screen. I glowered at the tv as Duncan grabbed her burnt hand and pulled her into a kiss. 

Duncan was a bad boy and I was the good girl — the princess, as he was so fond of calling me. I knew it wouldn’t last, but in some small, illogical corner of my brain I thought it would. I thought our feelings for each other would be strong enough, I thought that I could make us last. 

“Love does funny things to us,” I sighed happily and walked away, oblivious to the turmoil Gwen was feeling.  

“Yeah … love is hysterical,” I heard her mutter before slapping herself.  

I loved him. I really did. Everything I did on Total Drama Action was for his best interest.  

I wrote that letter so that he could correct his flaws and become better, for me and himself. I wrote all those corrections to make him better. 

How could I not see that everything I did would lead up to this? 

Every glare, every argument, every dirty look, every confessional, led up to this. 

He wasn’t even sorry, in the end. 

I thought … 

Back then, when I demanded his apology through the freezing cold, I thought we could get over this. I thought through enough begging and apologies to take him back, Duncan and I could get over this. Brush it off like any other argument and get back to the way things were. 

But he didn’t even care. He didn’t even want me back. He was happy that I was tossed off the plane like a piece of garbage! 

I really thought he loved me back. 

I shook my head, rubbing my eyes from the bright screen and standing up. I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, not even recognizing the young woman staring back. 

My hair was a mess, not perfectly combed like usual. I was in my pajamas, and my face was flushed and blotchy instead of smooth tan. The worst was my eyes, puffy and smeared with mascara and red with unshed tears. 

The young woman in the mirror looked like a messy collage of restrained hurt and anger and sadness. She didn’t look like Courtney, prim and perfect and driven to be nothing but the best. 

What had happened? Was the question I asked before. Looking straight into the mirror, Duncan and Gwen were the farthest from my mind as the answer stared right back. 

It was me.

I jerked back, and began slapping myself, again and again to rid myself of that twisted thought.  It was me.     Slap! It wasn’t me! How could it be me?! I was a C.I.T.! I did nothing wrong, nothing was wrong until Duncan cheated on me! Nothing was wrong until Gwen kissed my boyfriend!

      Nothing.

   Slap.

   Was.

   Slap.

   Wrong.  

   Slap.

I stopped, palms tingling and face hot as wet tears smeared across my stinging cheeks. My blood was boiling, burning, just as it had when Gwen stayed on the plane the night in Greece. 

Something twisted, dark and bitter and ugly, as I gripped the porcelain sink and stared at my reflection. Every fiber of my being trembled with the urge to ruin, and the seeds of sour hate had already grown and constricted around my heart the moment I found out Duncan and Gwen kissed.   

I would show them. I would redeem myself. I would be there to win, and nothing, no one would stop me. 

No feelings, no trust, no friendships. …

Courtney wonders where she went wrong. 

Probably when she signed her life over to that stupid show in the first place.