#politeness

[dailymanners]

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And not to detract from how this affects disabled people, but this also applies to cyclists and people pushing strollers.

I personally have found electric scooters to be useful as someone who doesn't own a car, but you have to keep in mind that you're not the only person who needs to use the sidewalks and/or cycle paths, and it's not so easy for everyone to just go around if the path is blocked.

And this doesn't just apply to electric scooters, this also applies to how many people park their cars blocking sidewalks and/or cycle paths.

[ilikeit-art]

A very polite cat knocking on a door in a bid to be let in ..

[welcome2theinternet]

Here's a fun idea. Don't comment on what people eat or if they're losing/gaining weight. Doesn't matter if you thought it was a compliment. You don't know why that may be happening. Some people lose weight when they're anxious or depressed (or of course suffering from an eating disorder). You may have meant well but it can be triggering or upsetting

[philosophybits]

True politeness is a polish, not a varnish; and should rather be acquired by observation than admonition.

Mary Wollstonecraft, Original Stories from Real Life

[autolenaphilia]

So I do literally have my pronouns in bio. Now it should not be a requirement or anything. If you don't want to put your pronouns in bio, don't put them there, and I'm totally okay with that.

I didn't put pronouns in bio until my egg cracked because I was uncomfortable with the thought, turns out I was uncomfortable with gendering myself for a reason.

But if someone does put pronouns in bio, if they are easily accessible, I do think you have the responsibility to respect them. It feels like a fairly basic social media courtesy. To do otherwise is textbook misgendering.

Of course I presume here you are not a transphobe who thinks misgendering is okay or even obligatory (as some of them explicitly claim). If you are, fuck off, i'm not that interested in litigating my value as a human being or my status as a woman. My assumption here is that misgendering is bad and I don't particularly need to establish why.

Referring to someone by the wrong pronouns when said person has made their pronoun preference very clear, there is no other word for it but misgendering. In fact, misgendering someone with their pronouns in bio on social media is often less excusable than many accidental misgenderings in meatspace, because we often don't make our pronoun preferences that clear and obvious in meatspace.

it does take a few seconds to check the bio of a social media user, but being polite and courteous sometimes requires effort, which is not a blanket excuse to be rude. If it is too much effort to look it up before writing something about someone, then save all your effort and just don't write anything at all.

And using singular they/them about a specific person is misgendering, if said person has made their non-they/them preference clear, by for example putting their actual pronouns in their bio. You are not being "genderneutral", you are just misgendering and being rude.

This is a well known tactic of transphobic misgendering. Like if a writer wrote an article about Chelsea Manning and consistently they/themed her, the fact that said writer is a transmisogynist who is misgendering her wouldn't be in much dispute. They/them is often just the acceptable form of misgendering.

And also "dude/bro/man" are not genderneutral, I will barely dignify such nonsense with a response.

Being gendered correctly is not a privilege of the famous either. This applies even if the person in question is a random tumblr user and you are another random tumblr user writing about them. You should check their bio before writing about them. You should especially check if that person is likely going to read what you write, if it is a reply or tags to a post they made. It's not nice to get misgendering of you in your notifications. This feels like fairly basic courtesy on social media.

Failure to check is at best rude and impolite, and people have a right to object to being misgendered. And then ask for a correction and an apology. And really, all you have to say in such a situation, is something like "I'm sorry, I didn't check" and then maybe correct the misgendering post by editing it. Unless you are really committed to being able to misgender people without pushback, it's likely not the end of the world, and the person being misgendered will likely accept a sincere apology.

And this applies even if you don't like the person in question, if you are writing something that disagrees with their take. Being gendered correctly is not something that you have to earn, it's not a privilege for good behavior, of having the correct takes, of never making a mistake. And it can't be taken away for perceived and real transgressions. It is still unacceptable to misgender an unpleasant person.

Pronouns in a social media bio are not there for a person's friends, it's there so that random strangers interacting with a person's account will hopefully read them and gender the person correctly. The pronouns are there for you to read and respect.

(before anyone tries to be clever on the reading incomprehension website, , I'm using a generic singular they/them in most of these sentences. If you are talking about a specific person, who uses she/her or he/him or any pronouns that aren't they/them, it's msigendering to use they/them for them)

[isaacsapphire]

Something that strikes me as I'm planning on hosting some visiting relatives (BTW if I have any New Zealand followers can you please reblog or comment with details about what type of tea is considered standard or a little better than average in New Zealand?) is how much comfort and joy I've given vegetarian and vegan travelers in the past by just serving them some good tasty normal calorie levels vegetarian/vegan food, as unfortunately that can be hard to come by as a traveler in the US and so several of the people I've hosted were obviously running a calorie deficit because they were struggling to find enough food suitable to their diet.

And, I am not vegetarian! I'm low-key ideologically Not vegetarian! But I also believe that 1. It's immoral to intentionally trick someone else into violating their own morals even if you don't share them and 2. Hospitality means serving people good food that they like and can eat.

I've gotten a lot of shocked responses from people in the past when I would say something like, "This recipe can be made vegetarian/vegan if you swap the meat broth with vegetable broth/swap the cheese for vegan cheese or omit it" and then they'd assume that I must be vegetarian/vegan myself, and not understand why I would care about tracking which recipes could be vegetarian or consider it a valuable thing. Other people have dietary restrictions and sometimes I want to make them something nice to eat! It's shitty hosting to invite someone to Thanksgiving and then have like two things out of twenty they can eat, you know?

[moreespressoformydepresso]

I’ve seen portrayals of Anthony Tremaine as snobbish and mean, but I think it would be funnier if Anthony’s always extremely polite. In fact, sometimes, he’s so polite that it circles right back around to being rude.

Also, he definitely uses formal language to veil insults that take a bit to settle in and truly hurt.

[grumpling]

i wish we had more variety of things to say when people sneeze instead of just 'bless you' and 'gesundheit'. like 'you just gave away our position' and 'hope the xenomorph doesn't get you'

[dearesmeray]

How to be polite in speech

In the name of God, The most gracious, the most merciful.

Peace and blessings upon everyone!

I hope life's treating you well. I’m Esmeray and I welcome you to this post on my blog Dear Esmeray.

In the intricaties of human interaction, effective communication reigns. The cornerstone of civility lies in mastering the art of polite speech. Through courteous words and thoughtful delivery, you can cultivate positive relationships, foster understanding, and navigate even complex situations with grace.

Upon meeting someone:

It is a pleasure to meet you

How do you do

Pleased to make your acquaintance

To ask someone to repeat:

Pardon?

Sorry, I didn't hear what you said.

Do you mind repeating that?

Can you repeat that for me, please?

To ask someone to do something:

Would you...?

Would you please?

Could you please...?

Would you mind ...?

Would you kindly...?

Would you be so kind as to...?

To ask for help:

Can you give me a hand, please?

Could you possibly (tell/show) ...?

Could you tell me ….?

How to say 'no':

I'm sorry, I can't ---

Sounds really nice but I'm not available

I'm not available, maybe next time

I'm honored that you asked, but I will not be able to ---

I really appreciate you asking me but I really can not commit to that

Thanks for thinking of me but I really can't.

How to disagree:

That’s partly true but, ---

I don’t think so

I beg to differ

I’m afraid I don’t agree

Not necceccirilay

I’m not so sure about that

On the contrary, ---

I see your point, but ---

That’s not how I see it

How to say 'you're welcome':

Anytime

Don't mention it

My pleasure

How to accept apologies:

That's all right

No problem

It's okay

Never mind

Don't worry about it

I understand

Forget about it

No harm done

No worries

Please don't let that happen again

Apology accepted

By implementing these strategies, you can refine your communication skills and leave a lasting positive impression. Continue to hone your polite speech expertise!

With Love, Esmeray ♡

[dailymanners]

When boarding buses, or any sort of public transportation where you have to walk past a driver to board, always smile at and greet the driver as you're boarding.

It doesn't waste anyone's time, yours or the drivers, to smile and greet the driver, as chances are you probably have to pay or scan your pass which is going to take a second or two, about the amount of time it takes to smile and greet the driver.

When we don't look at or acknowledge the driver at all, this can make the driver feel dehumanized to not be acknowledged by other human beings all day. Being a bus driver is a difficult job, they have to do customer service AND deal with traffic all day. Bus drivers also face a lot of burn out because they are often treated poorly. The least you can do is humanize them by smiling at them and greeting them.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness.

- Otto von Bismarck

[spidersays]

On Politeness vs Helpfulness

Two stories for you.

January 2018, my little town in rural Wisconsin was experiencing a cold snap. It was not record levels, but it was still very much cold enough to kill if you were unprepared. I was working ten to twelve hour shifts in a factory four towns away for 11 dollars an hour. When I woke at five AM for my shift, I discovered that my car wouldn’t start. The battery was flat dead - a common occurrence when temperatures dropped so suddenly. I couldn’t afford to miss a shift - on top of likely being fired for even a single sick day, I genuinely wouldn’t be able to afford rent.

I called my brother who lived two towns away, mostly to seek advice. He started swearing at me, hung up the phone, and was on his way. An hour of yelling and swearing and insults later, my car was running, and I was on my way to work. It was unpleasant - my brother and I didn’t have the best relationship - but he still *risked his life* in order to make sure I could make rent.

October 2022. I was in Oakland, California for Second Sky, a music festival. A few weeks earlier I had injured my knee at work. I was mostly healed, but I had brought my crutch to the show out of an abundance of caution. I had just gotten into the festival with @swarmingbats and I was given a task - get some drinks while she got into the merch line.

Second Sky was an experience, with landmarks made by the prop masters that created the Hogwarts theme park. There were giant trees, ancient temples, little secrets to discover and explore while getting blasted by EDM - it was a magical place to be. However - it did not make it obvious where you could go to get food or drinks. So I did what any reasonable person would do - I scoped out a couple who didn’t look too busy who also had drinks in their hands and asked for directions.

The couple managed to be very polite while *also* managing to impart zero information to me. I remember the woman looking at me like I was stupid for not immediately knowing where to get drinks. Fair enough - they owe me nothing, and they were *polite* while treating me like an idiot.

I managed to find the beer tent - they were literally right behind the couple. I got my wife the collectible cups they were selling, mission accomplished.

While I was giving my wife her drink, my crutch placed precariously under my arm, the *very same couple* walks *between* me and @swarmingbats and somehow managed to *kick* my crutch to the ground. It was obviously an accident. One of the couple turned around, horrified at what she’d done.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were a *cripple*”

Platitudes were exchanged, an easing of tension - but it was on my wife to actually pick my crutch from the ground.

I am a big fan of politeness, but if it gives someone the excuse to avoid being *helpful* in any way, I know which of these two interactions I’d choose, every day.

[autisticflapper]

Fuck passive aggressive people who mask it as politeness by saying "sorry?" I can see right through it. I always get this kind of interaction whenever people are annoyed with me for not communicating the way they expect. But I can never say anything, because this is either at work or with acquaintances and strangers.

[blueeyesfilledwithpassion]

Discipline 🩶

The discipline of strength instills resistance without complaint, and also teaches courtesy. It demands that we not ruin the pleasure or serenity of others through the expression of our own sadness or pain.

Inazo Nitobe

[bluebabiesunshine9008]

🦢🌸🌷Angelic things to do🌸🦢🌷

[gwydionmisha]

An interesting thing from the dental appointment:

Not only have they been consistently checking pronouns and if they are pronouncing my chosen name correctly for most of a decade at poverty clinic and dentist, but tonight the hygienist asked if I celebrated any Winter holidays at the start of the appointment and then wished me a happy New year at the end. I don't think I've had the forced Merry Christmas in three years or so. (I generally respond with Happy Hannukah on the grounds that this way we are both wishing the other a happy religious thing the other is not celebrating) I love how polite people are around here and how polite Gen Z is just generally, for better manners than we had at their age. Asking pronouns, using correct names, now using correct holidays.