#misgendering

[takemetodragonstone]

the therapist misgendering situation has escalated from she/her pronouns to her calling me a “girlie”. on a completely unrelated note i think every nonbinary person should get a free pass to kill someone of their choosing with no consequences if they deserve it

[drmajalis]

Brb going to wotc to get this card printed and included in every pre-con

Let's just say I had a bad experience at mtg today.

[imstillalexcomic]

I get “sir”-ed a lot, but it’d be kind of weird if I didn’t right now. 

My hair is still pretty short and has been affected by male pattern baldness a little.  Despite my laser hair removal treatments on my face and neck, I have ton of white hairs which laser doesn’t remove, so I’m often sporting a snowy goatee.

I look like a dude.

A dude with a bit of a chest, but a dude nonetheless. 

I’m not going to pretend that getting called “sir” doesn’t bug me now that I’m almost a year into hormone replacement therapy.  It does, and every time it happens it serves as a reminder that I don’t pass.

…but I am feeling better and more confident every day, so after letting my feelings have their needed attention, I go back to my silly self.

I deserve to be able to keep my head up.

We all do.

[midwestemokilledmygrandma]

they/them is not an all-inclusive pronoun that you can use to refer to anyone just because it is gender neutral.

the very basic sentiment of "don't misgender people" seems to go over even the heads of trans people and cis people alike when it comes to they/them pronouns.

not everyone wants to be called they/them. if someone strictly uses she/her or he/him or she/he or neopronouns etc. anything that is not they/them.... using they/them would still be misgendering. in the same way calling someone who doesn't use any other pronoun that pronoun would be misgendering.

You don't get a free pass to call people whatever pronouns you want to call them rather than the pronouns they use just because they them is a gender neutral pronoun.

also not all nonbinary people use strictly they/them pronouns or they/them pronouns at all.

i feel like this is very simple yet is misunderstood by a lot of people

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I had a disembodied voice narrate and constantly misgender me as I tried to cook dinner.

[dumbcuntboy]

i'm doing a little notes game!!

100 notes and i'll put my deadname in my bio

200 notes and i'll buy a cute outfit of your choice!

300 notes i'll post an audio of me touching myself

500 notes i'll go out dressed fully fem and correct people if they call me he/him

my dms and asks are always open for more ideas 💕 i'll keep adding to this post

[bisexualgenderfemme]

we have misgendering (someone not gendering you correctly at all,) degendering (someone gendering you as neutral when you aren't or refusing to gender you at all,) & malgendering (someone gendering you correctly only to use it against you)

but we need a word for when someone has multiple genders (/ isn't monogender) & ppl technically "gender them correctly" but only /partly/ & only in the way they find most acceptable

mingendering maybe?

[genderqueerdykes]

related to a previous ask I saw here, when I used they/them pronouns no one used them. when I switched to she/he pronouns, suddenly everyone, even other trans people, were constantly they/them-ing me! :/

that's so unfair, i'm sorry people are treating you like that... it's like people want to go out of their way to use they/them only when it benefits themselves. like they/them pronouns are "too hard" until something "harder" is introduced and now suddenly, they/them is perfectly do-able. double standard. not cool

[mxjackparker]

Let's talk a little about why the phrase "prostituted women" sucks.

Here's an example of a radfem referring to sex workers as "prostituted women", demonstrating how this language is used to ignore sex workers' autonomy. The author uses this term for me, a trans guy who sells sex with no-one controlling me, to imply that selling sex is an action which happens to me instead of something I do. (The misgendering is unsurprising - TERF and SWERF rhetoric go hand in hand.)

The quote above is from an article I wrote, Pre-Prostitution Jitters, where I speak openly about experiencing PTSD and fearing meeting with clients. I talk about how past sexual abuse often prompts this response for sex workers who have it. This is treated as soft language because... I don't describe selling sex as "earning [my] livelihood by getting raped". Me choosing to sell sex, and being stressed or nervous beforehand, is treated as evidence that the sex I seek out and consent to is rape.

The term "prostituted women" exists to treat sex workers as if we are all women and are merely acted upon and make no choices for ourselves about our sex work. The phrase implies that a third party is controlling us, because otherwise who are we being "prostituted" by? Ourselves?

Do not be fooled by people who claim to be worried about sex workers, who won't even refer to us by the terms we prefer.

[radical-emo]

Misgendering someone is always wrong, even if its a bad person.

Misgendering a bad trans person implies that trans identity is conditional.

Misgendering Chris Chan and Ava Chris Tyson (who are both bad people) is transphobia.

Misgendering a theoretical trans hitler would be transphobic.

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

[incognitopolls]

Anon's left-leaning roommate once changed anon's pronouns on a sign to they/them even though anon is cis and uses she/her pronouns. She's curious if other people have encountered things like this.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

Okay. Maybe tonight is my turn to be a bully. Prepare yourselves. Here goes my bully take!

Struggling to gender people correctly because

a) you've known them for a long time pre-transition

b) they don't pass

is a skill issue in either case. Even if you love them and want to be an ally, even if you wouldn't misgender them on purpose – in that case it's not a failing of your morals, it's a failing of your literal skills and habit-forming patterns.

Hone those skills. Break whatever it is in your brain that ties them to their post-birth name/pronouns so strongly. Unlearn the rigid image of what "men" and "women" can and cannot look like. Carve the existence of people who don't fall into either (or fall to both) into your worldview.

Your trans loved ones will appreciate it so much.

[transmasc-advice-blog]

ways to correct people who misgender you

for me correcting people is really hard bc i have really bad social anxiety so i made a list of ways to correct people that might be easier. (sent this to our-transmasculine-experience but i thought i’d post this here too)

my teacher misgendered me so i wrote my pronouns next to my name on a worksheet. not only did he start gendering me correctly, he also felt bad so he went easy on me for a bit (didn’t grade as harshly and called on me before other people) NOT THAT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD IS GOOD

you can have a friend gender you correctly in front of the misgenderer MANY times (it takes a lot of times lol) works better if they know you and friend are close

text them

have a friend tell them

pronoun pin (didn’t work that well for me, but it did get a few people to start gendering me correctly so give it a go if you want :)

not necessarily towards the person but mention your gender like “ugh being non binary is so hard sometimes” or like “i got that tboy swag” bc that may get them thinking and they may ask you your pronouns

you can put your pronouns in your email signature

say something along the lines of “and then brenda said ‘oh yeah [your name] is so cool [your correct pronoun] said my jacket made me look pretty’” so like say your pronouns… for yourself, yk? so for me it would be “and then brenda said ‘oh yeah Vince is so cool he said my jacket made me look pretty’” idk if that makes sense

[random-victim]

Real men are upset when called a woman; you just get wet.