#as a utility player i'm probably more used to moving around than most but rest assured positions in field are much more fluid than ice

[lastweeksshirttonight]

April is here and so is more looking back at the past ten seasons of Last Week Tonight. Wooo!

I'm going to aim to have Last Lee Tonight posted every week on Thursdays. Work is always a wrench in my plans but I'm pretty sure I can keep up that pace. They'll let me leave at some point right? hahaha help.

Now that the admin notes are out of the way, let's get cracking.

Last Lee Tonight (wherein John waited three episodes to dump music knowledge on us and honestly I'm impressed he waited that long) Season One, Episode Three

(original air date: 5/11/2014) Major topics covered: global warming; campaign finance and 2014 Senate political ads; Russia/Ukraine tensions

"History was made this week. ...Technically, history is made every week, that's kind of how history works."

We are still in that unique transitory period where John's team has figured out that longform segments are probably the way to go... but aren't really sure how to best utilize the rest of their show's time. The first two episodes were marked contrasts to each other structurally and were easier to compare. This third episode is all over the place, rushing through the first small segment on football, before covering a wide array of information and sources on Russian actions in around 8 minutes, which then gets us to our first main segment about ten minutes in. You can tell that the writers are still really trying to work out how to best structure their strange new show.

We start the episode talking about the first openly gay player in the NFL, Michael Sam, something I swear happened both earlier than and later than 2014. I fucking love that ESPN completely ignored the player in question's sexuality and just talked stats and genericisms. SPORTS!

We don't spend long there, as we move straight into discussing the present Ukranian/Russian tensions, first through the lens of Eurovision. I am truly shocked that John hasn't covered Eurovision every damn year, because it's the kind of overly theatrical camp nonsense he adores. We get a very Daily Show-esque bit where John grabs a paper way on the other side of his desk to quote Russia's entry, and it makes me sad that the audience barely registers it as a joke.

Also shit Conchita Wurst won Eurovision nearly ten years ago. I feel so fucking old.

Russia also recently annexed Crimea at the time, and John briefly covers the struggles Putin will have with the annexation. Putin is busy minting a two-pound commemorative coin over his 'victory', so we get a fake commercial for the "Worthless Desolate Landmass Commemorative Coin". This feels very much like a Bugle bit, complete with the satirical underpinning of acknowledging that Russia will actively make Crimeans' lives worse. And obviously Putin shirtless on a horse.

(I know that continually mentioning other things John has done that line up with these LWT bits probably seems a bit harsh or uncharitable, but LWT was clearly still trying to find a voice that wasn't cribbed from the two productions John was most associated with - to say nothing of the gigantic shadow The Colbert Report cast over every talking-head show in its wake. There's a lot of what I'd consider essential LWT that's been completely missing from these early episodes, from the common running gags of being a furry and shitting on his appearance, to a more unhinged level of social disruption and trolling, to even some of his linguistic choices - and that honestly makes sense. John has said multiple times that no one on the show had any idea what they were doing at this point, so why not pull from things that worked before?)

The first major story starts 10 minutes in, and regards campaign finance. The FEC has allowed bitcoin contributions to campaigns and jesus christ kill me now

Sorry. Campaign finance just innately pisses me off, and John gets me by basically saying "what else is left" while listing off all the campaign finance fuckery of the past few years at that time. I wish 2023 Me and 2023 John did not have to see what else was left.

John's joke about cribbing band names from the Kentucky Derby is gold. Tag yourself I'm California Chrome.

We get our first delightfully off impression of the series from John in this section - it's the rich evil Southern gentleman voice, in the form of Mitch McConnell threatening to kill people with a shovel over his love of coal. No amount of context will help me explain that better.

John also confirms that Mitch McConnell is not a homegrown Kentucky girl like his then-competitor, Alison Lundergan Grimes, by noting that "Politifact rates that true". I laughed so hard at that I had to pause. Please bring that gag back.

The Kentucky piece is overall worth watching, as it hits how campaign finance has influenced political advertising in ways directly detrimental to statewide and nationwide issues of import. The only part of this on YouTube is the capper, where John makes the most over-the-top and morally repugnant ads he can possibly think of. Trigger warning for gory violence including disembowelment, implied animal cruelty, and old man and middle-aged nudity. (Required note from this blog: it is not John Oliver nude. Fucking weirdoes, the lot of you [/j]) Link is here bc the video is, quite reasonably, age-restricted.

We now move to our very first "How Is This Still A Thing?", with the subject "Dressing Up as Other Races". Honestly no notes here, this segment came out the gate strong and basically in the same format it retains in the current day. (Seriously stop using other cultures as a costume.)

Finally, with five minutes left, we get to the segment Wikipedia thinks is the main one, on climate change. (The pacing of LWT Season One is a rollercoaster.) Global warming in 2014 threatens everything, yet 1 in 4 Americans think it doesn't exist. I would like to travel through time to scream at them and John thinks even talking about that kind of stat is fucking pointless. Bill Nye is brought on to have a statistically representative debate on the topic, which involves a random fuckload of people being on stage at once. I love the chaos but this is a very slim bit.

This was the weirdest episode to watch so far, I think. They took the lessons of the last episode and did attempt to apply them, but we aren't quite at the sweet spot of LWT pacing and structure yet. We'll get there eventually, I'm sure.

Random notes:

Lee obviously focuses on important things corner: After the absolute banger that was "red check pattern" last week, we return to neutral blue shirt and bubble-patterned navy tie. The unique tie elevates this to a 8/10 look, but one thing I cannot wait to get to is his "bold outfit choice" era of shit like silver suit and blue check shirt.

John describing bitcoin as something only "heroin dealers and assassins" use makes me yearn for the innocent time of 2014, when people were not trying to sell me every goddamn coin and ape doodle and metaverse on earth.

The YouTube team for this episode truly had no idea what to clip for this one. Their main segment doesn't have an authorized clip, and I don't know why they decided to take a 5 minute segment and make two clips out of it, an abbreviated version and a full version.

Speaking of weird shit on the LWT YouTube, have this 45 second bit of HBO selling the fuck out of their new show and John being obviously uncomfortable with it. However, in this clip he is, and I say this with a minimal amount of bias, hot as fuck. ("I'm no one's idea of a photogenic human being" SHUT UP MATE MY GOD)

I found this ad on their YouTube as well, which was very fun. Back when we expected some actual timely news discussion on LWT!

[rowingviolahere]

@pimmsweek​ “anything” seems like as good an excuse for a field au as any so! two shots of kent and jack training (pre and post jack’s haircut because continuity what continuity).

[image description] two black and white pen drawings with limited grey shading. The first is two boys in field hockey uniforms a short corner battery viewed from further up the field: Jack (left, #1) is midway through a shot on goal that had been trapped by Kent (right, #90), who is now standing to the side out of his way. The second is the same two, viewed from goal-side: Jack is behind Kent and has his stick out in an attempt to block the ball; Parse has brought the ball nearer to himself and is mid-swing for a tomahawk shot. [/end description]

other notes for this au:

please note in the second image jack is defintiely wearing a fluro pink bib because he’s the Assigned Defender for the drill. he does not enjoy being defence, but he’s the only one who can keep up with kent and also not flinch away when he raises his stick for a toma

bad bob coached multiple olympic teams to gold medals but has since retired. there’s much less uh, huge press following of field hockey compared with ice but he’s still known within the community. technically for them to be like, pros they’d probably have to be on their national teams (and because of the whole canadian vs us thing, on different sides) but for now they’re together let’s let them be happy

jack played hockey for a club team rather than his school team, and started playing men’s when he was about 13. and then they just kept moving him up the divs until he was like, 16 and playing in the top men’s league of his city

they met at state reps i guess? junior nationals? i never got high enough level to experience rep hockey and also i don’t know how it works in america so let’s just handwave it and pretend it’s roughly analagous to what i know of aussie rep hockey ok? ok. kent was CF for his team, so he was taking point and staring jack down as he took free hits. jack learned very quickly that he had to hit very quickly otherwise this guy standing Right On The Five I Have My Hand Up And The Ump Said It’s Fine Just No Closer will get the ball off you before you could tap it and then take a shot

they ended up just marking each other out of the game half the time it was very funny and also there was A Bit Of Argy-Bargy but they were also willing to fuck around with the balls while everyone else was going to the clubhouse to get a drink then they added each other on facebook and spent the rest of the carnival when they weren’t with their teams just mucking about on the field in between games lol

then either jack moves or kent moves or maybe they end up on the same uni team or whatever, they end up on the same team and they are the Best but also the Worst (you know, playing jinking tennis while waiting for their turn on a drill, juggling the ball just Constantly, etc)

their short battery is parse traps, jack hits. if there’s a rebound, kent usually gets it, but jack is known for dragflicks that just. they go right where goalies hate

both of them take one-on-ones, duh, but kent is actually better at penalty strokes than jack. not that jack’s bad, he just overthinks them and they sometimes go wide, whereas kent’s hit the goal every time just sometimes the goalie gets there first

kent parson can tomahawk like a motherfucker. most people are like, oh shit i got it in the right direction AND it raised? nice! he’s like, “i’m going to put it top right corner then middle left post” and hits two balls and they go exactly where he said they would. jack can aim his but not to nearly the same extent. kent’s hits are comparatively not great so it evens out

assists don’t count in field as points. jack and kent have poached each other’s goals multiple times throughout the season. they are keeping count.

kent is an excellent centre half, he distributes the ball Very Nicely, Jack is a centre forward, but sometimes things happen and they get chucked into a wing/inner pair, wherin they just one-two it down the line. Jack as RW running the baseline dumping it up to parse who gets a one-touch then toma is a real dangerous combo

kent parson has mastered the art of spinning his stick in the air so that it lands on rounds more often than flat. no one can work out how he does it. it frustrates the opposition immensely.

johnson the goalie i think might be That One Guy Who Is Always At The Hockey Centre, You Know The One, who has at some point coached literally every goalie in the city and surrounding region and never wears shoes even when there is ice on the field

[lexpressobean]

I've been thinking about these 3 alot...

... and how much they seem to really respect Shino. I know it's a filler, but, like... Why does it seem like Shino has a knack for finding children who have wondered off away from school? Like, he's just taking a walk, making his way around the village or surrounding forest, and then there they are. Kids playing hooky or some shit. And Shino just takes it upon himself to approach them and steer them back to where they should be, while getting them attached to him somehow in the process??

But honestly. If this was just one of many times this had happened, I'd say Shino does this not out of his knack for teaching or having a way with kids. Rather, he developed a way with kids and easily applies that to his teaching because he has a strong desire to simply protect children. And it's not even from some paternal instinct as much as survival, because I think it stems from the developing trauma of losing Torune to Danzo. And I don't think it's all subconscious either.

Like I know the novel and anime frames his desicion to teach as a sort of a new goal in life as the war has ended for a couple years already and a noticable Peace has been achieved by the Blank Period and well... He's an Aburame.

Like, the Aburame are literal living, breathing, walking bioweapons. With no fight to utilize that, what else is there? Well, much like the Nara have the Nara forest and Pharmacology specifically, The Aburame most likely have a historical stake in the area of Konoha, perhaps it was simply in their Ancestral Home. Idk, but they're here to stay, they ain't budging. They're Clan Culture is very Martial and I'd argue Spartan in nature, but otherwise, they do other things too. I think they'd do well as major players in the conservation and research of native species of animals and plants, but definitely insects too. I bet they play a huge part in the general area's ecosystem, especially due to the fact that the Kamizuru clan attacked with a whole clan's worth of non-native Hymenoptera that could very well have become and still are an irritatingly and consistent problem as invasive species tend to be. And as a far as goods go, why not put some of them to use and handle an apiary? Honey is a great good to sell. All of this is great as a clan that no longer needs to fight. But, what about individual members in general, and so Shino?

Well Shino is the Heir of this clan. This Noble Clan. This "ready to throw hands at any moment" clan. It's future is in his hands, so to speak. So I doubt Shino would completely sever his connection to Shinobi life all together. And so, teaching at the Academy would be a great way to keep that connection. Teachers have to know their stuff, after all.

But what if in order to ensure teaching was his calling, Shino did his absolute best to make Jounin ASAP so he could take on a Genin Team. And. And by chance, it ended up being these three?? And they are absolutely STOKED!!! And they also pass Shino's genin test, which... would probably be a feat in it's own right. But they already know Shino, and Shino has bestowed upon them some wisdom they actually took to heart! Yeah, well, in reality they might be just a tad too old to be Shino's first official genin squad, but they were still his squad one point in a sense, right?

Kon Nohara, Tano Ikemoto, and Aoki Kobayashi

I even gave them names help Imagine these three are already chuunin at least and decide they want to pay Shino a visit and even volunteer to help Shino during class time on a collective day off because they admire him so much (T~T)

But even then if not these three kiddos, maybe these three li'l shits lol

Even in times of Peace, Shino's special set of skills seem too useful to waste, and being a Jounin teacher would definitely have been a way he could still go on missions, but also definitely commit to becoming a Sensei at the academy once he was 100% sure and got older. Kurenai became a Jounin/Genin Squad Leader in her late twenties, but in comparison I see Shino doing that more mid-20s. (He needs some time to travel and find his big bug friend and generally live a little?)

Kurenai was a Genjutsu Specialist who manned a Tracker/Sensing based team. This sounds like it was a highly beneficial combination, even if she ended up being somewhat sadistic lol. Asuma was bound to Team 10 by Tradition as InoShikaCho and Sarutobi have that Pact together. Kakashi's team was literally Cherry Picked for him specifically by the 3rd Hokage. And Gai, a Taijutsu Specialist, had a team that Specialized in Taijutsu and Physical Offense.

Of all four teams, Kurenai and Gai were very suited to their teams, Gai in a complimentary way and Kurenai in a Challenging way. In that same vein, I think Shino would imitate Gai. Shino as a Shinobi himself has a general set of skills, but the way he goes about them are very niche. But, he was always very stealthy, and could sneak up on nearly anyone. Gags aside, he could go unnoticed as long as he wanted too, and by the time he was noticed or was ready to attack, he has you quite literally surrounded. Honestly I can see why Search and Destroy would be an Aburame's forte, but when there's no need, a person with a personal skill of high quality stealth could probably man a team with an emphasis on Reconnaissance and/or Surveillance, even Bodyguarding. I feel like Shino would probably put an emphasis on Stealth and Tracking too, utilizing his insects as sort of assistants that keep tabs on his students (Stealth Test) as well as to encourage just enough fear during too much down time in his students to inspire quality training opportunities, so maybe Kurenai rubbed off on Shino more than they all realized haha

(Plus I'm sure his students would be be smart and thoughtful enough to eventually understand what Shino and his bugs are: a complete unit. They realize just how strong and dedicated Sensei really is to be the way he is, and they all learn more in depth about Kikaichu and it's like WOW SENSEI YOU REALLY ARE RISKING BEING EATEN ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY, AREN'T YOU? But he's still here, because THAT'S how strong he's become over the years and the confidence to manipulate the Kikaichu while having to think of current chakra level, the most efficient use at any given time, how many he actually needs, how long usage will last, ect. They are high maintenance, man!)

Shino would no doubt produce highly skilled Bodyguards and Masters of Stealth. Maybe the type that would end up being in high demand for the eventual Celebrities that start to pop up as times change, but still very much needed when it comes to Criminal Activity, like in Sora-Ku?

But as time passes and he decided to teach at the Academy, he'd feel very at ease to do so. He'd be happy to be put in charge of all these children, because he would be able to help teach them things they need to know to defend themselves and others in a world where adults like Danzo had and will continue to exist. Maybe while he's at it, he'd use his stance as a Noble Clan Heir and accomplished Shinobi to push for changes in government with Sai's help and with Naruto and Shikamaru's cooperation? Like, the truth does come out, everyone on the Council were actually horrible and had too much power. So HERE are some ideas and REASONS why these ideas should be implemented because Shino's not going to let his brother's life and death be in vain!? HELL no, we WILL make some changes around here. Shino sees his students and just wants a future where no kid ever has to live in fear of being completely taken advantage of by the very system that was supposed to keep them safe and they pledged allegiance to.

I cannot help but think of the quiet but absolute fear little Shino was harboring for the years to come after Torune was taken by that strange man and Father Shibi didn't even attempt to stop him. His own father didn't dare beat the shit out of this strange man who came looking for him, and the only solution for Shino to stay was for Torune to make himself look more desirable as an asset and be taken instead. I bet there was a lot of misplaced resentment there for a while, and talks that just didn't happen. Maybe a classmate doesn't show up to class one day and Shino is IMMEDIATELY stressed out and just... takes it upon himself to look for them after class. And he's relieved when he see they're simply at home with a fever. Shit like that just fucks with Shino, because theres people taking kids and no one is doing anything about it?? And then as Shino grew older he realized exactly what happened and how slimy the machine of Konoha really is and it was never completely Shibi's fault that Torune had to leave. He grows mentally at a faster rate than most of his classmates, and knows more than a kid really needs to know.

Shino doesn't want that for any other child. Shino is the kind of person who hears kids screaming outside of his house and he can't tell if they're playing or being murdered and it's stressful to the point he'll check through his window and he sees them for himself. He get stressed out seeing a kid in public unattended and WANTS to approach them to help if need be but also maybe he's overthinking it and the parents are there somewhere and he'd just end up looking suspicious. Like, that's what I kind of figure for Shino. He's so hyperaware of the power dynamic between kids and adults and seeing a kid so ready to fall victim to that makes Shino feel ill the more he thinks of what could happen. And he wonders if watching the kid in the market until they finally reunite with their parent so he could move on with the rest of his day causes him even a fraction of the the utterly disgusting flurry of nerves and fear that Shibi must have felt all those years ago. It goes along with his desire to spare every single little insect's life he can. It goes a long with the fact he only gets violent unless absolutely necessary. Like he wants to be strong but he doesn't want to go mad with power either, less he becomes the very thing that hurt him and his family in the first place.

Originally Shino wanted to become strong to be able to defend himself because at a very young age adults failed him and Torune. But then that changes to defend not only himself, but others as he grows on a team, and realizes trust is important. And then he figured if there must be adults out there that would hurt a child, it's only logical that he should become one that would only nurture and teach one to be strong as well.

Anyway, yeah. Had some feelings. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[thedarkducktective]

Due to popular demand, I'm going to break down the styles of Inazuma Eleven characters and review them. What? Nobody asked for that? Well, too bad. I already have it here.

We start with Hokkaido's Blizzard Wizard, Fubuki Shirou (or Shirō if you like macrons). The OG version, by the way. I need another rewatch for all the Ares/Orion folk and I don't think I can sit through those shows again.

Disclaimer. I might discuss the games in these reviews but most likely not. Since the games are not very good representations, I feel. Also, feel free to correct me on anything.

So, when Shirou was introduced, he was shown to immediately have a powerful kick. Strong enough to clear off snow in a snow field. He also apparently did a lot of training out there, honing his lungs and temperature tolerance. From his introduction, we can conclude two things—he has a strong kick and probably good stamina. He would go on to train harder than the rest and even barraged Desarm.

When we first saw him play for Hakuren, he had taken up a defensive post. It baffled Raimon, since they were looking for a striker in the mould of Gouenji. Very quickly, he showcases incredible physical strength. Dragon Crash, which generally seems like a full-force power-oriented Kick, was stopped easily.

Whenever he charges as Atsuya, that strength was also highlighted. He was able to fend off multiple opponents and take tackles. His balance was definitely something, he did not fall over very easily.

His speed is also of note, and he surpassed Kazemaru during his first appearance. Kazemaru was the fastest of the gang in terms of raw speed but he was outclassed. Fubuki would trail behind the windy one-eye later on but still stays as one of the fastest players.

Overall, Fubuki has good strength and speed, as well as a thumping kick and a workhorse's stamina. He is short and does not have a good record of winning aerial duels, though. He also happens to not be fond of crossing but that might be because crosses in Inazuma Eleven only work when you have Gouenji.

Fubuki supposedly plays as a forward and a defender. But what exactly is his playstyle?

As a defender, Fubuki has shown good positioning. I do not remember him being hard on the tackle but I assume with his strength, he should. With his dribbling, he can bring the ball out of the defense line and charge up the field. Because of this, I believe he would work as a Full Back, with license to drive up the field. Maybe even get him to Invert, since he is not too fond of crosses. Whatever the case, his dribbling and tackling makes him a good option for the sides. Do not put him in the centre, long balls would fly over him and Fubuki dribbling out of Centreback might be a positional problem.

As a forward, Fubuki could use his strength and speed to bring the ball past the defence. If the offside rule was used more often in Inazuma Eleven, he would be the perfect choice to counter it. A one-two with Gouenji could see him get past the line easily. And his strength would also allow him to keep the ball to pass for a teammate. Fubuki is physically exceptional, even if he doesn't look like it.

I think that he could play as an Inside Forward, starting from the wings and breaking in from the side. That is the best use of his sudden bursts of speed and dribbling ability. It would give him license to protect the side if need be, by just telling him to play with less aggression.

Personally, I find him to be a good example of an all-around player. He can even do midfield, in various positions. Defensive, Central, Side. His only lacking trait is that he is not a particularly skillful passer or crosser (That I know of) and that counts against him. I don't think of him as a very technical player even if he does have some fancy dribble moves. A fantastic Utility player but I'd personally put him on the left side of a front three or as an attacking Wing Back.

[lovelyirony]

ravenclaw!tony x quidditch player!rhodey (i'm not sure which house)

Tony was never very interested in Quidditch. He was an excellent flyer, that much can be said. But he was more focused on his inventions and making sure that Professor Pierce didn’t find out that he was using the time that he spent lecturing about “the illustrious history of wizards (who were predominantly pureblood)” to do more useful things, like take a nap or invent a quill that could write longer than fifteen minutes. And, you didn’t have to dictate it. 

So Quidditch was rarely his thing, although occasionally he let Sharon drag him down or he went to go see Bruce play. 

This time, it was Ravenclaw against Gryffindor. Bruce had told Tony it would be quite an interesting match because it was a real competition this time, and it’s not like Tony had any homework due. He’d done it all at least a week in advanced. 

So Tony went down to the stands and stood with the rest of the crowd, a hum of excitement buzzing in the air. 

The teams came swirling out of the gates, cheers erupting. But while Tony is cheering and looking for Bruce, someone else catches his eye. 

It’s a very attractive man in red and gold, laughing as Sharon fist-bumps him. He doesn’t know who that is, but he wants to. Suddenly, he’s glad that he’s in the first row. 

The game becomes more interesting. Tony secretly cheers as the guy zooms and scores and people around him groan. 

“Fucking James,” a guy next to him murmurs. 

“Is that the Gryffindor?” Tony asks. 

“Yeah, James Rhodes. A nice guy, absolute beast on the field.” 

“I don’t think I’ve seen him before,” Tony says. 

“That’s because you’re a gigantic nerd who only stays inside during most matches,” Maria hollers. “He goes by Jim and he’s in our Muggle Studies class!” 

“Good to know,” Tony says, looking forward. Pepper rolls her eyes as she finds Tony in the crowd. 

“So, you finally noticed Jim.” 

“Sorry that I was utilizing my time for education instead of ogling someone,” Tony retorts. “My bad.” 

They both turn back to the game. Pepper is surprisingly invested in the game of Quidditch. Her father and mother had met through the sport, both professionally involved. She had surprised both by not entering in to play for Ravenclaw, which they had expected. 

But she cheers loudly as Bruce knocks a bludger directly out of space right into...

James Rhodes. He obviously isn’t expecting it, but it slams into his stomach and he gets knocked off his broom, falling. There are gasps, and Tony can’t bear it. 

He uses a cushioning charm, which could be potentially dangerous seeing as how it was advanced for what he was doing in magic, and he technically wasn’t supposed to know about it. 

James doesn’t know who the hell did the charm, but he grabs his broom and speeds back up. He doesn’t have time, not when the Ravenclaw Seeker is racing towards something that looks suspiciously shiny. 

The Ravenclaw team ends up winning, and James is left to brood as their captain rants about strategy for about the twenty-first-straight-minute. But after the brooding, their captain asks him how he knew about the cushioning charm. 

He blinks. 

“I didn’t.” 

So begins the great question: who did it? 

Pepper knows. So does Bruce. They tease Tony relentlessly about his new crush. 

“Leave it to Tony to put advanced magic as the first move,” Pepper says, reaching delicately across the table to grab a croissant. 

“Shut up,” Tony hisses. “I just...didn’t want him to get hurt. You remember that one kid who’s arm went boneless.” 

“Yeah, that was because of Lockhart, that idiot,” Bruce says, scowling. “I still can’t believe our Defense teacher wanted us to read one of his books. It’s shitty and plagiarized at the same time.” 

Tony laughs. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Luckily, we both bullshitted the essay to prove a point and she didn’t kick our ass.” 

“May’s a scary lady,” Pepper says, shuddering. “I heard she took on a den of vampires all by herself. They called her ‘The Cavalry’.” 

“Well luckily for us, she likes all three of us,” Tony says. “And I need to get to Advanced Arithmancy. I hope I don’t put my wand to my head out of boredom. I’ll see you guys in Muggle Studies!” 

The day goes well, until thirty minutes before Muggle Studies he remembers that they have it with Gryffindor, and this means he will see James Rhodes. 

The Gryffindors are a bunch who tend to not hold too many grudges, although quite a bit of pride was hurt. But they don’t hold it against most of the house and the lesson starts amicably. Their professor then decides they need partnerwork. 

“I’ll be pairing you up with a student from the other house,” Coulson says. “Alright, Pepper Potts with Carol Danvers....” Bruce gets paired with Eddie Brock, who’s been busy writing notes on his arm for a new story, and Tony’s left. 

“Anthony with James.” 

“Tony.” 

“Jim.” 

Coulson rolls his eyes. 

“You two are perfect then. Get to your lesson on researching different innovations, and your presentation will be in fifteen minutes. Two minutes each, be sure to be compelling.” 

Tony is nervous, but he flips through their textbook. Jim is a nice guy to look at. 

"So, you’re Tony?” he asks. 

“You’re...Rhodes?” 

“Call me Jim.” 

“Ah, no. Used to have a neighbor named Jim who tried to kill me when I started making his garden gnomes fly around.” 

“That’s problematic. How old were you?” 

“...seven.” 

“Then what are you gonna call me? Hmm?” 

“Well, I’m not sure, there are lots of possibilities. There’s Jimmy, which is--” 

“No.” 

“Alright, moving on then. Rhodes?” 

“What am I, a butler? Next.” 

“Jim-Jam.” 

“Oh god, that sounds....gross.” 

“Rhodey?” 

“I can....live with that.” 

By the time the conversation is starting to get friendlier, presentations are starting and Tony and newly-named Rhodey realize that they haven’t, in fact, researched any sort of Muggle device, so they will have to bullshit one. 

“Hope you know tech,” Tony mutters, as he stands up. “We researched the computers, which started out technically in the 19th century...” 

“...and now we’re dealing with virtual reality and the revolution of technology in relation to rising prices,” Rhodey finishes. 

“I’m glad you both did thorough research...unlike some of your classmates.” 

(Tony can see the birds that Pepper and Bruce are flipping him, and he nearly laughs out loud as he makes his way to his seat.) 

But Rhodey smiles back at him, and Tony waves. 

When Rhodey comes back to the common room with a tune humming, the whole of the house knows that Rhodey’s feeling something. 

“Who’s the lucky guy?” Carol hollers. 

“What?” Rhodey asks, closing his textbook. 

“Who’s got you dazed and in loooveee?” She sing-songs, tie askew. 

“Nobody,” Rhodey says. “And quit it.” 

“You only hum when you have a crush,” Sharon reminds him. “Remember when you liked Sam?” 

“Please make me forget the humiliation of finding out that he was already dating somebody,” Rhodey says. “And don’t announce this to everyone.” 

But it’s too late, because all of Gryffindor knows and then Carol, Thor, and Sharon make him tell them at midnight. 

“A guy from Muggle Studies,” Rhodey admits. “Name is Tony.” 

Sharon laughs, eyes wide. 

“You mean Tony Stark? My cousin? Oh my god, this is gonna be hilarious.” 

“If you make fun of me I’m going to snipe you,” Rhodey says, flopping onto his back with his pillow. “Now let me sleep.” 

Similarly, Pepper and Bruce have also made fun of Tony. 

“You like him. You gave him a nickname and everything. It took me four months to get one,” Bruce says. “And you gave him one in, like, two seconds. That has to mean true love.” 

“Well sorry I’m not calling someone something as dignified as James or as awful as Jim,” Tony says. “Besides, he’s just cute. I don’t really know anything about him other than he has a nice face and seems nice.” 

“That’s all you need,” Pepper reminds him. “Now come on and try not to look for him when breakfast is.” 

Tony looks for Rhodey. Because of course he does. But Rhodey is looking over his way, and he turns red and waves. Rhodey smiles back, and goes over to talk with him. 

“Oh god,” Tony mutters, trying desperately to swallow the roll he shoved in his mouth quite quickly. He doesn’t manage to and has to spit it into a napkin and face Rhodey, who is laughing a bit. 

“The rolls that bad?” 

“Just a bit on the stale side,” Tony lies. Bruce and Pepper are looking studiously at the bagels that are on their plates, and trying desperately not to belie the laughs they want to belt out. 

“Well just wanted to say hi, wonder what you’re up to. You coming to the next match?” 

“It’s you guys against...Slytherin, right?” 

“Yeah,” Rhodey says. “I’m gonna see if we can kick ass. Natasha’s back with a vengeance.” 

“She tends to like the sharp cuts and daring dives,” Tony says. “Stay steady and don’t chase after her, because she will beat you.” 

“You gonna be there?” 

“Not sure yet,” Tony says, smiling. “Why?” 

“Just thought you’d like to see it,” Rhodey says, shrugging. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“You got it.” 

When Tony turns back to Bruce and Pepper, they look very unimpressed. 

“You need to go to that match,” Bruce says. “And this is coming who only comes for Thor and literally nothing else if I’m not playing.” 

“It’s true,” Pepper says. “Go, and be in the Gryffindor section. I’ll loan you my golden-red scarf.” 

“Why?” 

“Guys like seeing the person they like in their colors,” Pepper says, smiling. “You should invite him to come with you to Hogsmeade. He’d probably indulge your sweet tooth a bit.” 

“That is true,” Bruce says. “Or you guys could watch the new band that is playing at the bar.” 

Tony turns red. 

“I should go, shouldn’t I?” 

“Don’t be an idiot,” Bruce says. “I’ll come with you.” 

Tony starts looking for different Gryffindor scarves to wear, because Pepper’s is too bold. He wants something understated. 

As it turns out, Gryffindor doesn’t do understated. They’re all bold and they all keep asking why he wants it, and he breaks down and says that he’s going for Rhodey, and he wants to fit in. 

Sharon elbows him and gets a sweater. 

“I love this,” Tony gushes. “Thanks for letting me borrow your stuff, Sharon.” 

Carol looks on as he rushes down the hallway. 

“He doesn’t know that’s Rhodey’s, right?” she asks. 

“No, no he does not,” Sharon adds, grinning. “I think our guy might just run into a hoop. Do you think they count in-love players as points?” 

“If we bribe Sam enough,” Carol snickers. “Hope you didn’t just doom us for tomorrow.” 

(She almost did, but Rhodey’s a good player. 

But he does go in for a kiss on his broom, and it makes a lovely picture for the school picture.)