#aside from a concerning amount of oc stuff that will likely never see the light of day beyond ocassional snippet posts

[pyrriax]

pyrr pyrriax is significantly less productive when it spends several hours just bouncing between vcs in pursuit of human interaction

[sierraraeck]

Return to Normalcy (Pt.2)

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Returning to normal has never been so hard. Just as Aundreya is starting to make amends and fit back in with the group, something gets in the way. Story twenty-two.

Category: Angsty-fluff

Warnings: Cussing. CM talk. Mentions of death and suicide as a COD. Break-ins.

Word Count: 3.9k

I stormed into my apartment and slammed the door shut. I ripped off my jacket and tossed it aside along with my bag. Then I just screamed. I screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could and then I just stood there.

There came a knock on my door and I assumed it was my neighbor Billy, some poor old lady that had the misfortune of living next to me. And not to call her a grump, but for real, she could be a pain in my ass. Especially after I’d just fought off three people during the night, and then had to deal with her glaring at me in the morning asking me to please (and I quote) ‘pull myself together or throw my childish temper tantrums somewhere else.’

I whipped open the door and yelled, “Billy, I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood right now for your-” I stopped mid sentence, mouth hanging open when I saw who it really was. “Aaron, I’m sorry, I just-”

His eyes went wide and he offered a small smirk, “Who’s Billy?”

“Someone you’re probably glad you aren’t,” I replied. “Come in.”

Once he did, I wanted to just up and shoot myself. Way to lie to your boss about what was going on, and then just invite him inside to the only place that could prove you were lying.

He turned to face me and I sighed, shaking my head. “Can I get you anything? Water maybe?”

He gave me a pointed look, “I’m okay, thank you.”

I tried to make light of the situation, “Well, make yourself at home, if you can find a place to do that.”

My apartment really was a disaster. The couch was the only semi-clean spot considering Spencer and I had slept on it the night before, but other than that, you had to step over and around broken wood and glass to get to where you wanted to go. I’d already learned to ignore it.

“Was that true?” Hotch asked, out of the blue.

“Was what true?”

“What you said back at the office, about the snipers?”

“Yep,” I said, popping the p. “Who did you think shot Penelope?”

“We weren’t sure,” he admitted, “We suspected one of your people, but Deen assured us that was not the case. We were then so busy getting her to the hospital and finding you that we didn’t revisit it. Dave and I talked about it, but neither could really remember everything that led up to that moment.”

“That’s understandable. I’m sure it was a lot. I mean, it was a lot for me to watch,” I confessed.

“So you were also watching us,” he stated more than asked.

“I was,” I confirmed, “I had three different angles showing different people and groups at different times.”

“How come you’ve never told us this?” he asked. His face somehow always seemed neutral, yet inviting.

It was a valid question. They couldn’t exactly do a write up of the case considering they weren’t even supposed to be on it, and on top of that worked with a group of known criminals without going through all that government red-tape bullshit, so I never talked about it. Not like anyone asked. “Wasn’t important at the time. You got me out, I got you out, end of story.”

“Clearly that’s not true,” Aaron stated, glancing around the room. I shrugged. “What is really going on?”

“If I tell you I think I fixed the problem once and for all, would you let it go?” I asked. He tensed his jaw and narrowed his eyes at me, so I relented. “People were breaking in.”

“Were?”

“That’s my hope, anyway. I think I solved the problem,” I said.

He skeptically looked at me. “The problem?”

“Yeah. The problem,” I repeated, trying not to open myself up too much for profiling. I didn’t want him finding out about Archer just so that I could lose any bit of credibility I had left with him.

“Did the problem have a name?” Aaron asked, “Maybe Howard Archer?”

Fuck. “Coincidence. Plus, I was with the girls all night at a concert.”

“And every minute can be accounted for?” he asked.

“Yes,” I confidently answered, “There was a short 20 minute period where I ran home to grab my jacket, but I’m sure you can see me on the security cameras.”

I kept waiting for him to respond, but he just kept looking at me. Scanning my facial features, body language that was changing, and things that weren’t changing. We just stood there in absolute silence, staring at each other. Is he gonna say something? Does he know? I’m sure he knows, but is he gonna turn me in? Should I say something?

Then Hotch saved me from my thoughts by moving to sit on the couch. He tilted his head which was my cue to go and sit next to him.

“You actually seemed to be doing pretty well,” he started. “You were readjusting.”

“‘Were’ being the key word,” I pointed out.

“They’ll come around.”

I scoffed in his face, “If I had a dollar for everytime someone has said that to me, I would be able to buy the BAU.”

“I’m sure, but every time it’s true,” he stated.

“How can it be?” I asked, getting slightly irritated, “If every time something goes wrong they turn on me, then I have to justify it, and then they have to ‘come around’ at what point is that not working anymore? At what point do they stop ‘coming around’ and start walking on eggshells, waiting for me to mess up?”

He expertly dodged my question, “Who says we’re waiting for you to mess us?”

“Your behavior!” I exclaimed. “If you aren’t waiting for me to screw up, then how come whenever anything goes wrong, I’m immediately the target?”

“But shouldn’t you be the target?” he calmly asked.

“Probably!” I was now shouting, “That’s the most irritating part! Is that most of the time, they’re right. I am causing problems and we have to trust each other with our lives which we clearly can’t do so I get their hesitation, but it’s not me all of the time. Like those videos, I had no choice, and while I get it, they don’t have any reason to hear me out, it still hurts knowing they actually believe I’d say those things and mean them.”

“So all of the stuff you said, every word, was a lie?”

“Correct.”

I saw the corners of his lips tilt up just slightly, “Even when you called me an emotionless robot who couldn’t care less about his team?”

“Oh no,” I teased, “that was definitely true. I’ve been looking for your charging port since I met you.”

He offered a small laugh and raised his eyebrows, “You will never find it.” It lightened the mood for a moment, but once it passed, I was back deep into my thoughts. Aaron could tell, though, always so perceptive. “If it makes you feel any better, Reid is apparently doing one hell of a job standing up for you.”

“Huh?” I gave him a confused look. “How do you know that?”

“Dave is with them right now,” Hotch held up his phone quickly, “You know, Reid has been a big proponent of yours throughout all of this, even when you were on the run after the hospital.”

“Has he?” I incredulously questioned, “He seems okay with me now, but back then? I thought he hated me, you know, shoving me up against a wall and all, asking me why I was helping.” Hotch opened his mouth but I stepped in, mocking, “Oh wait, let me guess. ‘He came around.’”

“You know what, he actually did,” Hotch answered me, more seriously than I had been. “Even when he acted like he was mad, and I’m sure he was, he seemed more hurt than anything. I know the two of you had something going on, but I didn’t realize how serious it was until you were gone.” I leaned forward, inviting him to continue. “I don’t know if you know this, I’m not actually sure Reid fully knows this, but he cares about you, a lot. More than either of you care to admit. I know you feel the same.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Maeve does as well,” I reminded him.

“That’s an excuse.”

“Excuse me?” I wasn’t prepared for how harshly he was calling me out.

“You know it is. I’ve never seen you back down from any challenge, yet, the moment there’s even the possibility of someone else being in Reid’s life, you just, give up?” I stared at him, jaw on the floor. “Why is that?”

I knew why. I’m sure he knew why. I’m not good enough. I’ll corrupt him. I’ll poison him. He already went to prison because of me, I don’t want to be the one to completely hurt and destroy him. But I didn’t want to confess that, so I went for, “I just don’t think he’s as interested in me as you think he is. Plus, Maeve is good for him.”

“So that’s the reason?” Hotch asked, addressing my added reason. “You don’t think you are good for him?”

“And you do?” I fired back, astonished. “Look at me! Look at what I’ve gotten him into! Prison, drugs, watching me murder people in front of him, nearly getting him shot by a sniper, the nightmares he’s having from all of the trauma I’ve put him through, not to mention everything I’m sure I’m continuing to put him through!”

Hotch grabbed me by the shoulders, and until that moment, I hadn’t realized I was shaking. “Aundreya!” I partially snapped out of it, and looked him in the eyes. “You did all of that for him.”

“Sure, but if I was normal-”

“You think Reid’s normal?” Hotch kept his voice raised, “Neither of you have been normal for your entire lives.”

“Exactly! So maybe he needs normal for one, maybe he needs something low stress, low pressure, and low risk like Maeve.”

“No,” he insisted, voice strong, “He needs someone who is willing to fight for him as hard as he's willing to fight for you. I’ve seen the way he fights for you, Aundreya, and while he was working hard to find Maeve, it wasn’t anywhere near the amount of effort he put into finding you. He was broken up when he thought something happened to Maeve, but he didn’t even allow himself the time to think about that when it came to you. He was so laser focused on putting the pieces together, that he wasn’t sleeping. He was barely eating. Maeve had to come to us because it got to the point where she was genuinely concerned for his health, and I made him take a forced vacation and ordered him not to think about you. In that moment, you know who he reminded me of? You.”

My mouth was dry, and my brain was still processing everything he was telling me. All I could manage was a small, “What?”

“When he got incarcerated, you had your own evidence board in your apartment, you spent every free moment thinking about him and trying to figure out who was really behind this. You didn’t sleep, and you didn’t eat. Finally, you just went into the prison to get him out yourself, and then you actually solved his case, putting yourself in the line of fire just so that he wouldn’t be. Sure, you didn’t come to us about what you’d figured out, but you were still trying to protect him, and all of us. You took matters into your own hands, and Reid was damn near close to doing the same thing.”

I struggled to find any words that could possibly respond to learning something like that. “I-I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t. You were busy doing whatever it was you were doing, but you never asked. You never even looked into it. Because you run from your problems,” he stated, his voice back to one of calm neutrality. “Stop torturing yourself. Stop running.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

After Hotch left, I had a lot going through my mind. I just sat on my couch, staring out at nothing, thinking about everything he had told me.

Spencer was working that hard to find me? After everything I’ve put him through, he still cares about me? He’s been standing up for me? Okay, and what the fuck did he mean that Spencer was about to take things into his own hands? How could he have-

My thoughts were cut short by the vibrating of my phone on the small coffee table. I reached for it and saw Spencer’s name at the top. Speak of the devil. “Hello?”

“Hey, Aundreya, how are you doing?” his voice sounded a little horse and definitely groggy.

“About average. Just waiting to see if anyone decides that the night is ripe for apartment raiding. How about you?”

“You shouldn’t joke about that. You could get seriously hurt,” Spencer sounded concerned, and a bit frustrated.

“If I don’t joke about it, I’ll never survive it,” I replied. “But don’t worry about me, I know how to fend them off in my non existent sleep by now, and you never answered my question. How are you?”

“I am worried about you.” I could practically hear his small pout through the phone, “That’s why I was going to invite you over.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to do that,” I assured.

“I kind of feel like I do. I don’t want you constantly having to fight those people alone,” his voice was like velvet, spreading from the phone all the way through my body.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be alone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, once they break in, I won’t be alone anymore,” I smirked.

“You’re terrible,” he feigned annoyance, but I could tell he was cracking a smile.

“But you already knew that,” I shot back.

“I did,” he sighed, “I’m serious, though. Please, come over. If not, I will drive to your apartment and wait with you.”

“No, definitely not,” I quickly responded.

“Great, so I’ll see you in about 15 minutes?” Genius bastard. Way to play off my fear of you being around when shit goes down.

I rolled my eyes, “Sure.”

When I got to his place, I didn’t even have to knock before the door swung open. He was standing in a pair of blue and black checkered pajama pants, but with his white dress shirt still on. It was unbuttoned slightly at the top, sleeves rolled up, and his tie was nowhere to be found. His hair was a bit of a mess and his feet were completely bare. I swallowed.

“Hi, come it,” he ushered me through the door.

“Hi,” I said, with a small smile on my face.

“What?” he asked, following my eyes as I scanned him up and down.

I shook my head, a cheeky smile on my face, “Just wondering what I’m interrupting.”

He gave me a sarcastic look. “Yeah, I was in the middle of changing.”

“Then by all means,” I gestured in the direction of his bedroom. He nodded, scurrying away from me while I scanned the room. It looked just like it had on that tv screen months ago, probably not a single book out of place. The curtains were open but it was dark outside, only the moonlight shining through. I quickly went over to shut them.

When I turned around, Spencer was now fully changed with an old MIT t-shirt on, watching me curiously. He looked confused and like he was about to ask me something, when I saw the lightbulb go off. “Oh, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think-” he started.

“Don’t be,” I cut him off, “You can’t remember everything.”

“I should,” he sounded irritated with himself, “I can’t imagine walking in here and having that be the exact same angle as the one you saw when-”

“Spencer,” I sternly got his attention, “It’s okay. The problem is solved. It’s not that big a deal.”

He sighed and looked down. “It is, though.”

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, and it felt like the most natural thing I’d done all day. He raised his eyes to meet mine, and it was like I could see all the images flashing over his pretty eyes. “Don’t think about it. Please, when you look at me, don’t think about the things you saw, the things your mind can’t forget.”

“I’m trying,” he whispered, “I really am.”

“That’s all I ask,” I replied, forcing a smile.

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it-”

“I don’t,” I rejected, way too quickly. I could see the small amount of pain in his eyes, “But if I do, I’ll know I can come to you.”

That eased the tension a little, and he turned to walk to the kitchen. “Can I get you anything?”

“I’m okay, thank you,” I said. He returned with two bottles of water anyways and sat down in one of the small kitchen chairs, pushing one toward the opposite end. I sat across from him and took the bottle.

“You know that I was hooked on dilaudid for a while, but I never told you how I got started,” he murmured, fidgeting with the bottle cap.

“Spencer-”

“No, it’s okay. Within my first couple years at the BAU, there was a man named Tobias Hankle. He had multiple personalities, three to be exact, which is very rare. I got split up from JJ when we were searching for him, and he kidnapped me. He tied me to a chair and tortured me for what felt like months. Whenever Tobias’s personality was in control, he would give me dilaudid to help me deal with the pain. After the team came to rescue me, I stayed behind to grab the extra bottles.” At this point, he was tearing up, and his voice was quivering. I couldn’t imagine him having to go through that as a brand new agent barely into his 20s, and there was a pit in my stomach imagining him in almost the same situation I had just been in. “I became my own worst enemy. The drugs were making me angry to the point where I couldn’t even do my job properly, but I felt like I could no longer function without them. Once I ODed for the first time, I decided that it was time for me to get help. I’ve been sober for over six years now.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go through that. I’m impressed with your willpower,” I said, moving my hand to cover his.

“Impressed?”

“Yeah. When most people get hooked on drugs, to the point of ODing, they can’t stop. I’m amazing with your strength to stop and to stay clean all this time. I mean, you have a very stressful job,” I pointed out.

“That’s true, and thank you. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone, and you can always come to me because I’m the last person who could ever judge you. I’m sure you’re tougher than I was and won’t make the same mistakes, but if you do, please talk to me. I’ll always help you,” he said, looking at me with big, watery eyes.

Without answering him, I stood up and gently pulled on the hand I was already holding toward me. He stood up and I wrapped my arms around him. We comfortably melted into the other’s embrace, entering our own safe bubble filled with warmth and compassion. When I pulled away, I assured, “I’ll always be here to help you, too.”

I tried so hard to keep my emotions at bay, but the way he looked at me pushed me over the edge. Right as the first tear slipped down my cheek, he brought his hand to my face and used his thumb to brush it away. With our arms still around each other, emotions flowing between us, he kissed me. Gently pressing his lips to mine, noses softly rubbing against each other’s, in our own infinite moment. He was so warm and so cozy that I didn’t want him to pull away when he did. I would have rather suffocated.

He scanned my eyes, and started, “I, um, I-I’m so-”

I brought my finger to his lips to stop him. “Shh. We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

He was silent for a moment before he nodded, “Okay. Do you want to maybe stay and watch something on the tv with me or…”

“I would, but I think I should get back home,” I said. Hotch’s voice came ringing back into my head. You run from your problems. Stop torturing yourself. Stop running.

But tonight was not that night. “O-oh. Are you sure it’s safe? I wouldn’t want you going home where you still have people breaking in.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I gave him a tight lipped smile. “Besides, I think I solved that problem.” I reluctantly moved myself out of Spencer’s arms and headed toward the door.

“Hey, Aundreya?” he asked, stopping me before I could leave.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to answer, but I wanted to ask. Why was I the only one without a video?”

I knew that question would come up at one point or another, either from him or another teammate. “Because you’re my weakness.”

His face scrunched up in confusion. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Which it didn’t, thinking from his perspective. If he was my weakness, wouldn’t DeLeon start there? I explained, “He was saving the best for last. He knew I wouldn’t be able to say those things when it came to you, and if I did, he was going to leave the live feed on to make sure that I ruined our relationship. If I couldn’t say those things, he was going to shoot you and make me watch. I luckily thought of a way out of that situation before it happened.”

“So all that about ‘I’m not capable of loving’..?”

“Probably true,” I confessed with a sad, bitter laugh. “But I don’t want it to be. I’m hoping it’s not.”

“It’s not,” Spencer said, with all the confidence in the world. “You’ve been to hell and back for most everyone you’ve ever worked with and cared about. That says something, and I believe that shows you are capable of love.”

“When I’m around you, I start to believe that’s true.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I returned home, feeling more relaxed than I’d ever had, even confident in my ability to get a good night's sleep without intruders. But when I opened my apartment door, on the scratched up wall opposite me, there were big red letters spelling out three words:

This isn’t over.

I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Mateo. Before he could even greet me, I rushed, “I was wrong, it wasn’t Archer. It’s been DeLeon this whole time.”

“And you killed Archer!” he screeched, “Do you know what you’ve done?”

“I was solving a problem,” I bit back, frustrated.

“The wrong one apparently. DeLeon is going to come for you now that you’ve broken your deal.” The panic in his voice sounded like it almost matched mine.

“I know. But this time, I’ll be ready.”

Series Taglist

@justanothetfangirl @kris-stuff @blameitonthenight21 @wooya1224 @unded-bride @swiftingday @dezzxmx

[starrystarrybabe]

Oh, How the Mighty Fall [In Love] CHAPTER FOUR (OC x Ben Hardy)

CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE

Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.

DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write. 

Hello, everyone! Welcome to the fourth installment of Oh, How the Mighty Fall! It’s been amazing writing this, and it’s the first slow burn I’ve ever written, so it is quite the exercise in patience to not give away all the good stuff right away. @borhap-socials has been kind enough to make fake instagram posts for the first two chapters of this piece, and if you would like to see them, I’m going to keep asking her to make them for the chapters. if you would like to make some of your own, my inbox is always open to content relating to this fic! send asks about it if you’d like, and i will answer them. i love when y’all let me know how much you like this fic, and it warms my heart to see the warm reception it is getting. i have so much more planned for this fic, so buckle up, because this will be one long ride.

-- casey

TRIGGERS: none. enjoy!

“Cut!” the director yells, and the scene breaks. “Great job, guys. That was the last take we needed for today, so go to hair and makeup to get out of your costumes. Have a great weekend.”

The boys say goodbye to the director before leaving set and going to the hair and makeup trailer. They sit down and let the crew take care of them, helping them out of their wigs and makeup.

Gwil looks down as he sees a text come in, and upon reading it, his face falls. Rami looks over at him, concerned at the reaction.

“What is it, Gwil?” Rami asks, turning to face his friend. “You look upset. Did something bad happen?”

Joe turns to his friends and Ben takes out his headphones, leaning over to see what’s going on.

Gwil clears his throat, shaking his head. “It’s my girlfriend-- well, ex-girlfriend now, I guess. She just broke up with me over text.”

Rami places a hand on Gwil’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Gwil, that’s absolutely horrible.”

Ben nods. “Yeah. The fact that it’s over text is even worse. I’m so sorry, mate.”

Joe looks over at Gwil and frowns. “How long were you two together, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Gwil looks to Joe as his wig is removed and sighs. “Almost a year. I didn’t expect the relationship to last filming, and I’m not mad about her breaking things off because my schedule is too hectic for me to give a proper amount of attention to her, but…” he pauses, shaking his head in confusion. “Isn’t it sort of juvenile to end the relationship through a text message?”

Joe scoffs, nodding. “Of course it is! You don’t just end a long-ish term relationship like that! You should at least call them to let them know.”

Rami and Ben nod, and the cast falls into silence, contemplating what to do to make this situation even a little bit better.

Gwil speaks up after about ten minutes. “I’m going to call her later and wish her good luck on her new job, and a good life. She deserves it.”

Rami smiles at Gwil and playfully punches his arm. “You’ll find someone else, Gwil. You’re a catch!”

Gwil smiles and laughs weakly, looking over at Rami. “You’re too nice, Rami. You don’t have to do this to try and make me feel better, but I appreciate the intentions behind your actions.”

Rami shakes his head, scoffing. “Are you kidding me? I’m not doing this just to make you feel better. It’s true!”

Joe grins, and joins in. “You’re handsome, talented, smart, and caring. That’s a package deal if you ask me.”

Gwil is turning red, laughing. “You’re both being too kind. Really, it’s thoughtful of you to try and make me feel better this way, but I can’t possibly be as good as you say I am.”

Ben shakes his head, smiling. “I disagree, mate. A girl just broke up with you over text and you still decided to call her and wish her good luck. Only a genuinely good person will do that even though they got hurt.”

Gwil smiles and laughs quietly to himself, shaking his head. “You’re all too good to me.”

Rami grins and stands up from his chair, embracing Gwil. “We love you and you deserve it, that’s why.”

Gwil smiles, patting Rami’s arm affectionately. “I appreciate it, Rami.”

Joe comes around, joining the hug with a grin. “We appreciate you, Gwil.”

Ben grins and joins the group hug. “You’re the best, mate.”

--

That night, Lily Anne is running around the house, making sure that the bedrooms are clean for her guests, the rooms downstairs are clean and tidy, and the Indian food she’s making is enough for all the people coming over. She’s taking out a serving dish when she hears Ezichi come through the back door.

“Is that Jer’s famous curry I smell?” she asks, coming into the kitchen.

“Yes! Don’t touch it or I’ll kill you!” Lily Anne calls out from the next room over, getting the serving dish.

“I won’t, I swear! Calm down, Lily.”

Lily Anne walks into the room and sees Ezichi with her hands in the air in surrender, and she places the dish on the kitchen island.

Ezichi walks over to her friend and wipes some sauce off her face with her thumb and spit, and the girl wrinkles her nose and swats the taller woman’s hand away.

“You know that I hate when you do that, Ezichi! You’re not my mum,” Lily Anne complains, walking over and turning off the stove.

“You’re getting stressed, Lily. I’m trying to help,” Ezichi says, sighing tiredly. “What can I do?”

Lily Anne transfers the curry to the dish and puts the pot down, huffing tiredly. “Did you bring the salad?”

Ezichi nods, pointing to a Tupperware she has on the same kitchen island as the one the curry is on. “It’s right next to the curry.”

Lily Anne nods and begins to leave the room before Ezichi holds her arm, stopping her. The smaller woman looks up at her friend, clearly stressed out.

“Let me get the bowl for the salad. Do you want me to use the wooden one or the ceramic one?” she asks, calming her friend down.

Lily Anne sighs and looks down, closing her eyes. “Ceramic is bigger. I think it’s on--”

“The top shelf to the left. I know. I’ll get it,” Ezichi responds, moving to get the task done.

Lily Anne sits at the kitchen island, laying her head on the cool marble and closing her eyes. Ezichi comes into the room and begins transferring the salad, looking down at her friend.

“When did you last sleep?”

“...yesterday.”

Ezichi takes in a sharp breath of annoyance. “When did you last smoke?”

Lily Anne doesn’t bother to lift her head, huffing and slumping further onto the island. “...today.”

Ezichi shakes her head and groans, putting down the salad. “You were doing so well, Lily! You went for two weeks without smoking! I thought you were almost committed to quitting!”

Lily Anne lifts her head, resting her chin on the table. She looks like a hurt puppy.

“I tried. It was too hard,” she explains, looking miserably at her friend, who furiously tosses a salad.

“The nicotine patches didn’t work?” Ezichi asks.

Lily Anne shakes her head. “Nope. Not at all. I went through a whole box and it did nothing.”

Ezichi sighs, putting the salad aside after tossing it. “You go take a nap. You need it. I’ll finish preparations, alright?”

Lily Anne is going to protest, but Ezichi gives her a hard look that says ‘That was an order, not a suggestion,’ and she groans, shuffling out of the kitchen.

“Wake me up at least an hour before the cast gets here,” Lily Anne calls out.

“Sure thing! Just get some sleep now, alright?” Ezichi responds.

She hears Lily Anne muttering affirmatively as she plods up the staircase, and begins to put the food out in the dining room before starting to boil water for pasta.

--

Bronwyn and Madigan get to the house shortly afterward and help Ezichi cook the fish, listening to music as they work. Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones has just come on, and the bassist lights up with a horrible idea.

“Should I try the voice crack in this song?” Bronwyn asks, grinning like an idiot.

Madigan glares at her wife, shaking her head. “How many times have I told you that you can’t replicate the voice crack, B?”

Bronwyn grins at her wife toothily. “I can’t believe you just challenged me to attempt that voice crack.” She leans in closer to the shorter woman, smirking. “If I hurt my voice, you’ll have to listen to more of my morning voice, and you’d hate that,” she says, winking.

Madigan loves her wife’s morning voice. It’s low, and gravely, and just… so indescribably hot that she can’t help but blush. The tall Welsh woman knows exactly what she’s doing to her.

Madigan presses her lips into a thin line, closing her eyes. “I can think of no worse punishment.”

Bronwyn kisses her wife’s cheek, smirking. “Challenge accepted, love.”

Ezichi lets out a noise of disgust at the scene, and Bronwyn feigns shock.

“I never knew you hated the gays, Zichi!” she exclaims, putting a hand on her chest.

Madigan snorts and hugs her wife’s midsection, cuddling into her dramatically. “I’m so offended. This is homophobia at its finest. Protect me from the hate, my wife.”

Bronwyn embraces her wife and hoists her up so that her thighs are wrapped around her waist. “We shall fight the hatred of the cursed straight one with our love, my darling. Kiss me and join the revolution.”

The pair kisses, laughing through it.

Ezichi rolls her eyes. “You’re both insufferable lesbians.”

--

When the cast arrives, Lily Anne greets everyone with a hug, and gasps when she sees Ben walk inside with a dog carrier. She grins and walks over, hands on her cheeks.

“Is this the famous Frankie I’ve heard so much about?” she asks, smiling.

He nods, grinning. “I figured it was about time you met her. She’s very excited to be in a new environment.”

She smiles and helps him open the carrier, grinning when the dog begins licking her furiously. She lifts up the adorable girl and holds her against her chest, laughing.

“Hello, Frankie! Hello, sweet girl! You’re so cute, my darling!” Lily Anne coos, smiling. “Your daddy should’ve brought you here sooner, lovie.” She turns to look accusingly at Ben, and Frankie does the same.

Ben opens his mouth, becoming defensive. “Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t know if she’d get along with Reykja and I didn’t want her to ruin anything in your house!”

Lily Anne looks at Frankie and scratches behind her floppy ears. “Does that sound weak to you too, baby girl?” The dog barks and licks her, and she nods. “I’m glad we agree.”

Ben laughs, and Reykja runs into the room just as Frankie is put down. The dogs begin to sniff each other before running off to play with a squeaky toy Lily Anne throws.

“I’ve never seen her look so mad at me,” Ben says, smiling.

Lily Anne smiles, shrugging. “I was kidding, but she seemed to take me very seriously.”

The pair walk into the living room, where the band and the cast is catching up. Joe and Lucy are laughing with Bronwyn and Madigan over something, but Gwil and Ezichi sit together in a corner, looking much more somber.

Gwil looks pretty sad for some reason, and this causes Lily to frown. She looks up at Ben.

“Gwil looks sad. Did something happen to him?” she asks.

Ben looks down and frowns, nodding. “His girlfriend broke up with him today.”

Lily Anne pouts, putting a hand on her chest. “Oh, no! How’s he doing?”

Ben sighs, looking at Gwil. “He’s sad, but he saw it coming. It wasn’t a surprise, and he gets why it happened. He just didn’t expect it to happen over text.”

Lily gasps, and her eyes widen. “Over text? They were together for almost a year! That’s bollocks!”

Ben nods furiously, agreeing with her. “That’s what I said! But he still called her and wished her good luck on her new job and a nice life despite it all.”

She shakes her head. “He was too good for her. He deserves the best, and we all know it.”

Ben looks over at Ezichi, who squeezes Gwil’s hand. Lily Anne notices this and raises her brow with a grin, looking up at Ben.

“I give it at least a week after the tour ends before they get together,” Lily says.

Ben grins back at her. “Who’ll make the first move?”

Lily purses her lips in thought. “Hmm… I’m not sure. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

--

Ezichi says hi to Ben, Joe, Rami, and Lucy, but frowns when she sees Gwil looking down. She walks over and puts a hand on his arm, looking up at him. He looks down at her and smiles.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you, Zichi,” he apologizes, giving her a hug.

She reciprocates and frowns when she pulls away. “It’s alright. You look pretty down. Is there something wrong, Gwil?”

Gwil nods, looking away from her. “My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Ezichi hates that her first thought is, ‘Now’s my chance!’. She feels so bad for him, but also, will totally seize the opportunity to date him once the time is right.

“I’m so sorry, Gwil! That’s horrible. Can I help you out somehow?” she asks, putting a hand on her chest.

He smiles sadly at her. “Your company is enough, Ezichi. I’ll be fine.”

She nods, smiling up at him. “Want to sit in the corner and just talk?”

He pauses, considering, and nods. The pair sits down at the table in the corner of the room, and Ezichi squeezes his hand. He squeezes hers back, and the warmth that radiates from his eyes toward her make her heart melt.

“You know that I’m here for you, right?” she asks.

Gwil nods, smiling. “Of course. You’re a great person. You’ll always be there for your friends.”

Friends. That hurts just a little bit, but Ezichi is patient. She’ll wait until Gwil is ready to be more than just her friend.

She shrugs. “If you’re not there for your friends, you end up feeling guilty when they suffer alone.”

A pang of residual guilt hits her, and she looks down, sighing. She blinks away tears, squeezing her eyes shut.

Gwil looks at her and frowns. “I’m guessing you know from experience.”

She presses her lips together and nods. “Can we move to another room to discuss this?”

He nods, and together they go to the next room down the hall, where a collection of artwork is displayed. They sit on the couch in front of the fireplace and Ezichi wipes her eyes.

Gwil holds her hand, and she looks down. “I-I just… even though it’s been years, I’ve always felt bad that I wasn’t there for Lily Anne when she overdosed the first. She still tells me not to feel bad, but seeing her in a hospital bed--” she gets choked up. “--with an IV in her arm, and looking like…” She can’t finish her sentence, and Gwil wraps an arm around her as she cries.

“Some things you just can’t forget,” he says gently, rubbing her back.

She nods, sniffling. “From that day on, I swore that I would never abandon her or anyone else ever again.” She lets out a small laugh. “I know that this is a breakup and not an overdose, but still, it just…”

Gwil smiles at her. “I get it. When Lily told us what she’d gone through, I couldn’t help but think about how bad it must’ve been to watch her suffer and struggle like that. Especially since you all care so much about her. You saw me struggling, and needed to help. I understand why, and I admire you for your dedication to people you care about.”

Ezichi blushes and looks down. “That has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. That came off the top of your head?”

Gwil laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, it did.”

Ezichi looks up at the man sitting next to her in a comfortable silence. He looks back at her fondly, and she could swear that she feels them getting closer and closer…

They’re cut off by Bronwyn knocking on the doorway and asking if they’d like to take shots before eating dinner.

The pair stands up and nods, and after Bronwyn leaves, Ezichi smiles at Gwil.

“Let me know if you need anything at all.”

--

That night, Lily Anne laughs her ass off. She had bought Guitar Hero, and of course, the boys chose to do Bohemian Rhapsody. Since they were already drunk by the time they played, it was a mess.

Rami is stumbling over the lyrics, and at one point the drumming is so intense that one of the drum pads fall off the stand, causing Ben to stare down at his hands in horror. This causes Joe to stumble over the bass part and curl up on the floor, and Gwil is the last one to tap out, falling onto the couch as Rami hugs him.

Lucy wipes away tears and helps Joe off the floor, giggling. Room 301 is tired from laughing so hard. When they perform it isn’t much better, and Madi causes two drum pads to fall off. Bronwyn smiles and puts down her bass to hug her wife, and Ezichi begins doing the number from the ground. Lily Anne is the only sober one and looks affectionately at her drunken bandmates, helping them up afterward.

--

Bronwyn and Madigan fall asleep in the next room over shortly afterward and Lily Anne covers them with blankets, tucking them in. Soon after that, Rami, Lucy, and Joe decide to go to bed, and the remaining friends watch shitty soap operas on the T.V. until Gwil and Ezichi go off to bed.

Lily Anne sighs and leans back on the couch, looking dejected. Ben notices and sits up, frowning.

“What’s going on, Lil?” he asks.

She waves dismissively, shaking her head. “It’s nothing.”

Ben narrows his eyes and presses his lips together, unconvinced. He has seen her tired before, and she ended up falling asleep in his trailer. But before she passed out, she wasn’t this distraught looking. No, this has to be something more.

With a huff, she meets his eyes and groans. “Fine, it’s not nothing. I’ll tell you.” She rubs her tired eyes, shaking her head. “I had tried to quit smoking two weeks ago, but today I broke. I’m just really frustrated because I was doing so well, but I fucked up and gave in to the temptation.”

Ben nods, pursing his lips. He knows the feeling she’s talking about. “How many times have you tried to quit?”

She groans. “More than I can count. I always fail, no matter what I try.”

He looks over at her, sighing. “It’s really hard. I’ve tried to quit at least 10 times, but it never works. I think it’s because I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable.”

She considers his statement, biting her lip. “I’ve never considered that as a reason why I couldn’t quit, but now that you say it… maybe that’s why. Everything is easier with multiple people involved. That’s why bands exist.”

He stays quiet for a moment, considering a possible solution to their problem. He comes up with an idea and nods, taking out his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket.

“Let’s test that out, then,” he says, standing up.

Lily Anne looks up at him from the couch. “Huh?”

He shrugs. “Take out your pack of cigarettes. If we try to quit together, then maybe it will stick. We’ll hold each other accountable.”

She nods, slowly pulling out her pack of Marlboros and standing up. “If I break it, I’ll feel bad that I betrayed your trust.”

“Which is why you won’t break it,” he says, bringing over a garbage can from the corner.

He places it in between them and tosses his pack of cigarettes into the can before looking to Lily Anne to do the same. She does, and in that moment, her Papa’s urn goes flying across the room.

“I’ll knock over your Papa’s ashes when we find the man for you.”

She goes wide-eyed and watches as the glass vial of the last ashes lands in an armchair. The porcelain shards cover the floor, and she looks up at Ben, in shock.

Oh god.

He’s absolutely perfect.

She loves this man.

“...Lily? Lily!” Ben shakes her shoulders, kneeling down to be at eye level with her crouched form.

She blinks, looking at him. “Huh? I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was just…”

‘...realizing how hard I’ve fallen for you.’

He nods. “In shock.”

‘Sure. Let’s go with that.’

She nods, shaking. “Yeah. I didn’t expect that to happen.”

He nods and squeezes her shoulders. “I’m going to get some sage, alright? If you feel stable enough, you should pick up the vial of the ashes and put it on the shelf, okay?”

She nods, and as he leaves, she sits on the couch, her hands over her mouth. She can feel the picture of Jim and Freddie looking at her, and shakes her head.

“Oh my god,” she mutters, putting her head in her hands.

Ben comes in and sits next to her, putting one hand on her shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

She looks over at him, and her eyes light up in a way he’s never seen before. She’s completely open, vulnerable, and looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

“I’ll be okay,” she says, smiling. “I’m just a little shaken up by that.”

He nods, smiling back at her. “Good. I’ll handle the shards, but I’d really rather you take the ashes.” He laughs nervously. “I’m not sure I want to touch those.”

She nods, squeezing his hand. “I understand. Thank you for cleaning up. I’ll join you, I just need a minute.”

He nods and stands up to get the broom.

She looks at him as he leaves with the same exact look as before, sighing.

--

Lily Anne scribbles in her moleskin notebook, making up lyrics for a new song. The movement of the tour bus becomes disruptive to her sleep at times, so instead of trying to doze off, she makes the most of the time and writes songs about a certain blonde she’s been missing for months.

The band has been traveling for two months now, and there’s a month left on their tour. Lily wants nothing more than to go home and be with her BoRhap family, but she has money to make and fans to please.

Lily Anne contacts Ben every night, checking in to see that they’re both sticking to their commitment to not smoke. So far, they’re going strong. The band has a whiteboard up that they fill in every night with the number of days Lily Anne has been smoke-free. Ezichi smiles, watching the numbers grow with a warm heart.

Lily Anne is quietly strumming chords on her acoustic guitar and humming the melody to her song, and she writes down the chords, brainstorming the sound of the song in her head. It is all coming together, and her song is basically just her professing her love for Ben. It’s not good how badly she’s pining, but she can’t say that Ezichi is doing much better with her feelings for Gwil.

The two of them have discussed that they’ve both fallen head over heels in love with these two men and expressed their emotions to Bron and Madi, who watch their friends yearn over the two men. They know that eventually, it will all come to fruition, but for now, they must wait.

Ezichi opens up Lily’s bedroom door, and walks inside in her pajamas, closing the door quietly behind her. She walks over to the bed, sitting next to her friend.

“What’s going on, Zichi?” Lily Anne asks, putting down the notebook and the guitar.

Ezichi looks tiredly ahead of her, leaning back on the bed and reclining against the mountain of pillows Lily has around her. “I hate love.”

“Too busy thinking about Gwil to sleep?” she asks, looking down at her friend.

Ezichi nods, closing her eyes. “I’ve never fallen so fast or so hard for anyone ever, Lily. You know that.”

Lily nods, leaning back next to Ezichi. “I know. But it’s one more month, and then you can see him again.”

Ezichi groans. “I just… I hate pining, but I can’t help it. I’ve listened to Leather and Lace so many times on repeat.”

Lily turns to look at Ezichi, frowning. “Leather and Lace? That’s even worse than what I’ve been listening to.”

Ezichi looks at her friend. “What have you been listening to?”

Lily places a hand on Ezichi’s, squeezing it. “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around.”

Ezichi cringes, and Lily Anne nods.

“Lily.” Her voice is tainted with disbelief.

“Mhm.” Lily Anne nods, pressing her lips together.

Ezichi curses in Nigerian and looks back up at the ceiling. The pair sit in silence, taking in everything that’s just happened.

“I wrote a song,” Lily says, breaking the silence.

Ezichi holds out her hand for the notebook, and when Lily doesn’t immediately hand it to her, she looks over to see her friend beet red.

“What is it, Lily?” Ezichi asks.

She exhales deeply and turns to face her friend, cringing. “It’s really bad.”

Ezichi rolls her eyes. “You write good stuff, don’t say that.”

She shakes her head, laughing nervously. “No, no, no! It’s just really… I’ve never written something so piney in my life.”

Ezichi sighs. “Let me read it. I won’t judge.”

Lily Anne slowly reaches for the moleskin and clutches it, but hesitates and drops her arm. “I don’t think I should.”

Ezichi sits up, looking down at her friend. “Lily Anne Mercury, I have listened to you talk about how you can barely watch old footage of Queen because of how prominent the mooseknuckles are while you were on anesthesia. I still didn’t judge you.”

Lily Anne waves her hands around, fumbling with words. “I-- You-- That’s no fair, they’re very prominent and you know it!”

Ezichi shushes her, since Bronwyn and Madigan are asleep, and holds out her hand. Sighing in defeat, Lily Anne hands over the moleskin. Ezichi begins to read, and nods along, liking what she’s seeing.

They say everything seems to come in threes

You’re the third angel that’s come to me

My life’s been a long and lonely ride

It’s gotten so much better with you by my side

I’m not good at saying how I feel

But I know we could have something good, something real

You’re the best man I’ve been blessed to know

Accompanied me on my late night smokes

Oh, you’re further away than I would like

Run through my mind on the long, late nights

And from the back of this tour bus I write

Knowing I’ll keep yearning till you hold me tight

I know this is something that would be high stakes

I’m terrified that I could make a mistake

But then I think about the lovely smile

And know I want your love for a good long while

Feel free to say no, I’d understand

I’m too much for many a man

Wouldn’t be the first time my heart would break

But I’ve got a feeling I’ve got baggage you could take

I just want to know what you think

Until then I won’t sleep a wink

Oh, you’re further away than I would like

Run through my mind on the long, late nights

And from the back of this tour bus I write

Knowing I’ll keep yearning till you hold me tight

Ezichi looks over at Lily Anne, who’s looking at the ceiling with a pained look. The girl slowly turns to face her friend, biting her lip.

“Pass me the guitar,” Ezichi says, smiling.

Lily Anne does as she says, and listens to the chords Ezichi plucks out, nodding when she likes what she hears. Pretty soon the basic chord structure is done, and Lily Anne begins humming along to the music. She turns on her recording app on her phone and holds it in between them. Ezichi plays slowly as Lily Anne crafts the melody, becoming something folksy and raw, but still soft and gentle. Pretty soon she’s humming a harmony, and the pair smile when they finish the song twice over, and Lily stops the recording.

Lily Anne looks up at her friend. “Does it sound good?”

Ezichi nods, closing her eyes. “It’s perfect.”

At their next concert, they perform the song, which has yet to be named, and the video goes viral with the speculation of who Lily might be singing about.

--

Ben bites his lip after watching the video for the fifth time in a row, and scratches Frankie’s head as he processes what he’s just heard.

Does Lily Anne like him?

No, no. That sounds wrong. It’s not just some childish, temporary emotions they’re dealing with here. It’s so much deeper than that. He revises the question.

Does Lily Anne love him?

He shakes his head in confusion and puts down his phone, and Frankie nudges his hand with her wet nose. He looks down, and meets her big eyes, scratching behind both of her ears.

“What do you think, Frankie? Was that song for me?” he asks, and the dog blinks up at him, licking his wrist.

“That line about late night smokes seemed pointed, but I can’t be sure,” he continues, voicing his confusion. “Also, the third angel one is interesting, because she only had two near death experiences as far as I know, but she could have not told me everything. That’s possible, right?”

The dog looks up at him skeptically, as if to say, “Not likely, idiot.”

He shakes his head, frowning. “That’s unlikely, though. When she opened up, she probably would’ve told me everything.”

Frankie jumps off the couch, walking over to the kitchen.

“Nice conversation, Frankie,” he mutters, leaning back on the pillows.

He thinks for a moment, and picks up his phone, calling Joe and putting him on speaker. After a few rings, his friend answers.

“Hey, Ben,” Joe says, sounding exhausted.

“Hey, mate. How are you?” he continues, trying to find a normal way to breach the topic at hand.

“Good, good. Just feeling like I’m in college again, sleeping on Gwil’s couch,” he says, laughing. “You sound worried about something. Is anything wrong, Ben?”

Ben takes a moment before taking a deep breath. “I have a question,” he says.

“Alright. What is it?” Joe asks.

“So I watched the video of Room 301 that just went viral--”

“Did you like it?” Joe asks, becoming excited. “I thought it was really good.”

“Yeah of course! I loved it! They’re so talented. I can’t wait for them to come back so we can hang out and catch up with them,” Ben says, smiling.

“Me too. I miss them,” Joe says, sighing. “But I have a feeling this isn’t just you asking my opinion on the band. You know I love them.”

Ben stalls for a moment. “It’s sort of about the band? Specifically, Lily Anne.”

Joe is silent before beginning to speak, trying not to sound too excited. “What about her?”

Ben leans back before closing his eyes, trying to keep his composure. “Do you think the song is about me?”

Joe scoffs, and audibly groans. “Is this the first time you’ve thought that maybe Lily Anne has a crush on you?”

Ben tries to form words, but nothing is coming out.

Joe clears his throat and regains his composure. “Okay. Let me ask you this: do you like Lily Anne?”

Ben lets out a sigh, laying down on the couch. “I’ve been thinking about it and yeah… I think I do? I really don’t know how I feel.”

Joe lets out an affirmative noise, taking in the information. “Alright. Okay. On a scale from one to ten, how certain are you that you like Lily Anne?”

Ben covers his eyes with his hand. “I can’t… Joe. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me mate, I don’t know how to respond to that after what I just said!”

Joe splutters in anger and frustration before taking a deep breath. “Let’s try something different.” He thinks for a moment. “Tell me about Lily Anne.”

Ben is confused and sits up on the couch. “Huh?”

Joe groans before sighing. “Just tell me about Lily Anne. What you like about her, what’s so special about her, moments where you’ve been in awe of her.”

Ben perks up, beginning to walk around the apartment. “I mean… she’s got to be the strongest person I’ve ever met. She walks around and carries herself so confidently, and from the outside, you’d never suspect how much loss she’s experienced, but bloody hell, she’s gone through hell and back. She’s overdosed two times! She lost Freddie before she even got the chance to really know him, and even though a bunch of people helped keep his memory alive for her, it doesn’t replace having him there, you know? Jim died right in front of her as well, and that’s got to leave some deep emotional scars. The amount of criticism from the press she faces is insane because of her legacy, and she’s never quite fit in anywhere because of her parents and her mixed race.”

He’s getting animated, and Frankie opens one eye, watching him from her dog bed.

“All that, and she still presents such a strong, positive stage persona. When we went to that concert at the bar, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. If I didn’t know her, I wouldn’t have known how much she’s gone through, and how hurt she’s been. Really, it was amazing to see her just let the music take control and do what feels completely natural. It was so good. Musically, she’s a natural talent. Her voice is stunning, she’s incredible at the drums and guitar, and the songs she writes are so raw and real and incredible. I’m one hundred percent certain that she could write the next Bohemian Rhapsody, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend. I really mean it.”

Joe is still listening from the other end of the line and Ben can almost hear his smile. “I have a feeling there’s more coming.”

Ben grins, nodding. “She’s also so incredibly humble. She never wants to draw the attention to herself, but let’s be honest with ourselves, she deserves it. She doesn’t have an ego, and she’s not content relying on her father’s money, even though she could. She has an incredible work ethic, and pours her heart and soul into producing quality music for her fans. She’s so generous, and cares so much about other people. On the weekends she visits children’s hospitals and animal shelters, for god sake! If she just cared about the money she wouldn’t donate nearly as much of it or interact with people if it wasn’t mandatory. She deserves the world, Joe.”

Joe is biting back a smile as he asks, “If she asked you to give it to her, would you?”

Ben scoffs. “That’s a bloody stupid question. Of course I would!”

Wait, what? Did that actually just come out of his mouth?

He sits down in a chair, almost shaking.

Joe sounds content when he says, “I bet that she feels the same exact way about you, Ben.”

Ben takes a deep breath and blinks, still slightly in shock. “That sounds too good to be true.”

Joe lets out a little laugh. “Listen to the song. I’m pretty sure she’s thinking the same thing.”

When Ben ends the call after saying goodnight to Joe, he looks over at Frankie, who chews a toy Lily Anne gave her for her birthday.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Frankie lets out a huff of air and closes her eyes, relaxing in her bed.

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