#at least I'm working on my instinct to interpret everything as malicious. I'm not out here believing it's intentional I'm out here trying to

[karmaphone]

I'm sorry but if you genuinely go through life believing that every smile is a sarcastic oh sweetie charade meant to make fun of you and that everyone is fundamentally unhappy and miserable 100% of the time I think you need help and not in a jokey way. That's a terrible way to experience life and I wish better for the both of us

[glacierclear]

im sorry i need to dump all my thoughts about ada x leon somewhere for personal fulfillment reasons,

big disclaimer: resident evil canon/lore is inconsistent and my feelings/thoughts on all this is NOT me stating it as fact. It's 99% speculation and me interpreting context. I'm just having fun!

it's really wild that i started my resident evil experience hating Ada. I did not understand her character and the way she's portrayed is very inconsistent and confusing (probably on purpose) and, like many others, I assumed the choices she made and the pain she inflicted on others was malicious and intentional.

But something clicked recently,,,I understand now that she didn't choose this life. She doesn't WANT to be a spy. She doesn't WANT to be a mercenary. Everything she was and everything she had was taken and stripped from her. She doesn't even have a real name anymore. I think seeing the small insight of her backstory in the biohazard manga really put all the pieces together and brain blasted me with understanding. Her entire character (to me, at least!) revolves around survival and self-preservation. She is a SELFISH character, not because of ego or power, but because of a LACK of power. She no longer has autonomy over her life in a way that matters and so the only thing left for her is to stay alive.

And I just think that ties so beautifully with Leon's struggles. Both of them being forced into this life where they have to live and die at the hands of the people who control them. And, listen...listen...it's overdramatic as fuck and a VERY idealistic/romanticized interpretation of their relationship, but honestly it makes me hella emotional thinking about Leon potentially being one of the few things in life Ada wants to live for other than herself. Him being the only person in the entire series who has ever shown her genuine, selfless kindness and care,,, and the fact that her circumstance and the trappings of her life forced her to betray him and she has to live with that guilt and has to come to terms with the fact that she will never genuinely connect with people because who even is she anymore? She has no sense of self.

And her entire campaign in RE6 resonates me in such a weirdly poignant and impactful way. RE6 has some WONKED UP writing and it's so silly and stupid; but I think if it was tweaked a little bit it would be a genuinely moving story about a woman losing her agency and bodily autonomy to a violent man who wants to own her and her fighting with his fabricated, demented vision of her. It's a manifestation of his greed and possession...and then she kills her clone and immediately after she sees Leon again and his first immediate instinct is to protect her and sacrifice himself again for her and throw himself into MORE bullets for her even after the betrayal of RE2 ........ and then after that she finally snaps and FINALLY chooses to fight for HER morals and HER justice by killing Simmons' bioweapon.

Like, listen, I hate the trope of "woman traumatized being saved by a man" in most cases, but something about the way I see Leon and Ada just makes SENSE man.

The fact that she specifically goes out of her way COUNTLESS times to protect him and save him and none of it is enough to get him to forgive her. None of it will ever be enough but she keeps trying anyways. Like, damn, his entire mission is Spain is only possible because Ada saved his ass like...four times??? And you can make reasonable arguments that she doesn't care about him he's only important for her mission, and to be honest I think that interpretation is also valid, but for me personally I just think she cares about him so much but it's in his best interest to continue believing she doesn't care.

And I just want them to be happy. But it will probably never work out between them, just due to everything...they can't escape their lives. They're both kept alive by two opposing morality systems. Leon's guilt and unyielding need to fight for truth and innocence and to protect everyone he's lost and everyone who depends on him. And Ada to hold onto herself and what whittling remains of self-identity and independence she still has when it was all taken from her, even to the point of someone making a damn clone out of her.

Man I just love them so much I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!

[paganpillar]

hello idk if you'll see this but I was wondering if you knew how to communicate with athena ? I feel like she's trying to connect with me because I had a dream with spiders and Ive been seeing a lot of owls around my house. I could be reaching but I'm not sure how to even begin to find out if it's her

Hello, thanks for the ask!

I think the most important thing to remember when deciding which deity is reaching out to you is to follow your intuition. But, I will compile a small list of things that I think will help you to realize that perhaps she is reaching out to you.

Follow your intuition. I tend to believe that we subconsciously will know who is reaching out to us. I do not think you are "reaching" in regards to this. You have, at least, an inkling that it might be Athena. That is absolutely the first thing you should focus on. Your gut and your mind are telling you something. Your path will be determined by how much you trust yourself.

Look for the signs. While this advice catches a lot of criticism, hear me out. Not everything will be a sign of course. Sometimes spiders and owls will appear for no other reason than the mere fact that they are animals which we will inevitably cross paths with. But, as a reminder you must trust your instinct, and your instinct alone. If it feels like a sign to you, then run with it. Do not ask someone else to try and interpret a personal experience you have, because in the end there will always be conflicting opinions. Like I said, trust your gut always. Put it first, always.

Feel the pull. This will most likely go hand-in-hand with #1 but it is important nonetheless. Do you find yourself gravitating towards Athena? Do you catch yourself wanting to research more about her and understanding her background and favorite offerings? This could be her calling to you. There is no mistaking the sudden interest we feel towards a specific deity.

Synchronicity. In my opinion, this is, by far, the most important thing to watch for. Are you coincidentally coming across images, information, stories, associations, or symbols of Athena? This factor definitely solidifies, what I feel is, her reaching out to you. This might not always occur which is okay and does not imply that she is not reaching out to you. But since I have contemplated my answer since receiving your ask, I have been receiving my own synchronicities with Athena, who is someone I do not necessarily work with or actively worship. Of course, I preface this with saying I am no messenger of the gods and I do not claim to speak for the gods, but I have found this experience to be quite interesting. You can take what you will from this. Now, the day that you asked this question was the first day of the Greek observance known as Panathenaia ta Mikra (at least on my calendar) in which Athena is reverently worshiped around this time. I found this interesting. Then, a large pagan/witch community I moderate was suddenly flooded with questions about Athena. Now, this is not inherently new since Greek deities have a fairly large following and Athena being a popular choice is not out of the ordinary, but nonetheless it brought me back to your ask. Anyways, before I get any more talkative, I'll move on. Just remember to take what you will from that, since I am only a stranger on the internet with no connection to you or Athena.

Now, as far as how to contact her, there are a couple of ways.

Divination. Probably the most common and easiest way to communicate with any deity. While I have my own opinions about trickster spirits and malicious entities, I suggest warding and protecting yourself before contacting a spirit or deity, just for the simple fact that it might happen although chances of anything negative coming through are slim to none in my personal opinion and experience. Use tarot or oracle cards to ask what qualities the deity in question represents. See how it aligns with Athena. It is okay to pull other cards for clarification. It also would not hurt to have someone you trust that has some experience with divination to give you a reading. This might eliminate any residual bias that you might be imposing on your readings. If you do not have access to this, try a pendulum. I honestly use a necklace because I lost my pendulum but it works the same. Use what you have at your disposal or make your own! I think these are the most beginner-friendly approaches.

Vet your deity. Not very often do I need to do this because I trust in my own intuition, but if you are unsure, it would not hurt to vet the deity in question. Ask questions about her background, stories, and lore. See if they give correct answers to your questions. I do not really know how I personally feel about this method just because how would only a deity know about their well-known and talked about myths while others do not? I think the spiritual plane is a lot more complex than that, but it has worked fine for others reportedly. I simply add this to the list because I do not want to be TOO biased in my answers.

Meditate. While meditating is not for everyone, I definitely suggest trying it out if nothing else. See what kind of images, colors, symbols, items, animals, etc., pop into your head. If you are not much of a self-induced visualizer, then try a guided meditation! I am certain there is something on YouTube that will benefit you in some way.

Well, I think I have written more than enough and I hope that you take some of my advice into account when figuring out your journey. I wish you the best of luck.

Well wishes,

Pagan Pillar.