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fallingsunflower · 3 years

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So, I guess here comes the Camille ☕️ (if you wanna call it that)

Sorry in advance this gonna be a fucking long one.

If you have any questions just ask.

I honestly don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned that my brain still remembers so much details about this shitshow. But I guess their plan did work in the end.

So you asked about Camille. I honestly don’t even know where to start with that one. I don’t know for how long you’ve been a fan of Harry and how intensively you stan him, but this one send my bullshit detector right off in the same way that Holivia does.

Can’t really explain it but I just smell if something isn’t right. It’s not only that way with Harry but in general. I just KNOW if something doesn’t add up.

The reason hamille wasn’t overdone and ppl believe it was bc it was marketed to be real. It wasn’t for promo in the sense Holivia is or to be shoved in ppls faces. The point was to have a relationship to fall back on when his album came out to be the “long term relationship” described in the songs. To have a certain narrative if you want to call it that.

They only were papped 2 (+the time at the Classic East concert.) They went to really popular places where you only go to when you want to get papped.

Other than that they only posted „sneaky fanpics“ which was on purpose to make them look „private“ but they were anything but that.

I actually had saved so much stuff as proof till recently when I deleted it all bc it honestly has been 3 years and I didn’t think I needed it anymore to help me explain lol. And please don’t make the mistake of looking up Hamille timelines, bc they’re all created by shipper afterwards so 95% of the shit is wrong, in the wrong order or they added the wrong pics to certain events. (If you want to look for pics, specific dates and stuff look them up individually and NOT through shipper pages or similar shit.)

Alright, back to explaining why it was so obvious. Disclaimer: I‘m just gonna point out the most obvious things but there is way more.

Harry started following Camille back in June 2016. They have several mutual friends (Waseem, Alexa Chung, Matt Hitt etc) so I assume they‘ve met before. She didn’t follow back though till shortly before the „relationship“ started. So after Harry followed her in 2016 she started to tag him in posts of her and her friends ass and did that video moaning his name while grabbing her boobs (classy 🤢). Shortly afterwards Harry unfollowed for a while and started follow her again before the mess began.

Fast forward to 2017. After doing „Dunkirk“ and about to bring his debut album out they started the first attempt at what I call a failed narrative with Tess. Not gonna go over that again bc one anon pointed out right how fake it was. They got rid of her rather quickly after she posted several times from his house which wasn’t the „private way“ they intended it to go.

So they were looking for someone to replace her. Cue Camille entering the scene.

Perfect person for the narrative as she’s half french (goes well with Dunkirk promo), is a VS model, have mutual friends and she has several ex bf who have written songs/albums about her. She’s the picture perfect muse for his second album.

Please let’s first talk about chemistry and body language bc I can’t even say how awkward they always were around each other. First the two pap pics from the sushi place and in front of the gym/ yoga place: both times both had closed off body language either crossed arms, Harry walking 3 steps ahead, faces didn’t look pleased at all and rather irritated or as of they just had a fight/ were in the middle of a fight (especially the pic from in front of the yoga place). No touching or anything involved in any pap pics. If you didn’t knew they were supposedly „dating“ you wouldn’t see it.

Let’s get to their behavior at the „sightings“: they weren’t seen much together outside of touring. But when they were seen we got pics in like 95% of the cases and people meeting them always said they didn’t seem like a couple (apart from shippers who made up shit about them all the time).

Even in every „sneaky pic“ there was as much chemistry as in Holivia -> none!

We got a few pics or even videos were you could see them backstage or besides the stage (e.g. 2017 Toronto show: while Muna is on stage Harry and Camille stand awkwardly 3 feet apart from each other, both closed off body language, not interacting with each other. You’d think as they were still in their honeymoon phase at that time and in private, seemingly not knowing that anyone could see them that they acted more coupley or at least would not stand there like 🧍🏻 🧍🏻. (Have you seen him interact with Xander while watching 1D’s opening act? Total opposite to Hamilel and they were „just friends“. Also in other pics Harry would rather cling to her bag / coat etc that he was holding so he didn’t had to touch her or anything. I think the only time we saw them „touch“ was that Classic east concert („relationship debut“) when he awkwardly held her shoulders and she was swaying weirdly. She even tried to touch him or get him to sway with her but he shot that down immediately 🤣. I could go on for longer but you get what I mean...

The next weird thing is, that she was down in literally the pit or sitting with „regular fans“ 97% of the time. Without Harry’s bodyguard around. Sometimes Jeff was with her but mostly she stood there alone. Everyone knew that she wasn’t really popular and liked around fans, so why would you put your gf in the pit with all the crazys or why would you as a gf want to be in the crowd at most shows when you could watch from the side of the stage or backstage? Also the fact that we always knew when she was at a show because she was always „spotted“ even the few times she was indeed staying at the side of the stage, she didn’t stay hidden. Sometimes we even joked about how she wanted to be part of the band or something by how close she stood there in the open. But whenever Anne for example was on tour or close friends of his or whatever they always had someone walking with them for protection and Anne never was like „in the pit“ like Camille. She never followed any of Harry‘s close private friends or family. Only people who she could gain something from. Like Lambert, Jeff, Teasedale, the Crawford’s etc. And she was never at any of the London or Manchester shows where basically all of his friends and family were. Even though she would have had definitely time bc she posted herself and friends doing nothing or trolling in LA all the time in that time. When she was at that show in Paris in 2018, she brought her friend who lives in Paris and her cousin I think. We got backstage pics of them all and Harry and Camille staying as far away from each other in that pic as possible. She was seen leaving as well after that show with her friends out through the main entrance. This was also the show Anne was at and an awkward hugging video of them both came out. Tbh it’s not clear where Camille and co were sitting bc they moved around the arena the whole night. At one point you can see Anne and Camille standing next to each other and all of a sudden Camille was „hugging“ Anne but Anne was so surprised that she was just standing there like 🧍🏼‍♀️ and waited till it was over (that „hug“ looked more like as if Camille tried to tackle Anne 😂). Also serious question and not to make it sound weird, but it deadass looked in that video as if Camille just waited for a sign to go for that hug and that it was being recorded. Because the way the camera was pointing at them all of a sudden and they were just lucky enough to catch that on camera? Yeah sure...

Not to forget, she didn’t seem to have a lanyard like for example Anne had, so everyone would knew that she could move around the arena and crew as she wanted which is fucking weird not to have as a girlfriend especially if you’re apparently on tour for many dates. This also mean she couldn’t join them when she wanted but had to contact Jeff or Harry before so they could give her a lanyards for that specific date or a sticker with AAA. Sometimes she wore a lanyard but that was literally the VIP lanyard that you got when you bought a VIP ticket like any other fan. Didn’t mean she could move freely around the venue. Even weirder is that she put that AAA sticker on the back of her phone after she left tour 2018 and placed it obviously in lots of her insta stories and posts on insta (one where you can see that sticker is still up). Fan behavior not that of a real girlfriend!

Camilles mum followed Hamille shipper accounts at one point and liked a post of them. After that shippers were unbearable. Which mum follows a shipper account on insta? 😬

What I also find weird is that she was barely working and when she did she posted only like 2 about it. I mean it’s part of her job to post stuff like that?! But she went radio silent more often then not to let fans guess if she was with him or if she would turn up somewhere.

Her friends who are all are well in their 30s or older made often „jokes“ about Harry or implied stuff about him or 1D and posted this on their stories and she was laughing with them most of the time... what a girlfriend huh...

Another thing is, she was never at his house in London. Because she was never at any of the UK dates besides that one gig he did for X -factor. They were not much in London at the same time. And when she was alone in London or with her friend, they literally stayed at an AirBnB or a hotel. So I ask you, why would she as his gf of a few months not stay at his place while she’s in the UK? Or that one time when she was in the UK making it look like she was waiting for him coming back from tour in Asia and he stayed extra long there (a week or two) even after tour in Asia finished and she was in London. But he went rather out partying in London. I don’t blame him.

When she was at his show in Milan (2017) she met a „fan“ and they took a selfie in the restroom (classy 🥴🤐) during the concert. Idk but this is one thing which is really questionable bc people were speculating she was at this show but we hadn’t gotten pics yet. So that she then took a pic with a „fan“ coincidentally seems really fishy to me. Also that said „regular fan“ had allegedly floor tickets as you could see in the videos and pics she posted in the beginning of the concert. But after the pic with Camille she all of sudden appeared on the balcony as well, close to where Camille and more VIP guests were. So how did she end up there if she didn’t have connections or was told to take a pic with her so then being on the balcony was her „reward“? To add this woman was close to Camilles age so this scenario makes just less and less sense the longer you think about it.

In May she was still on tour with her then bf in Tokio. In July just two weeks before they were seen together for the first time that awkward Grimmy interview happened. Where he specifically asked about her. And Harry said he „ didn’t know her“. Fucking weird to bring up such a private topic on radio and then be seen not even 2 weeks later. (Not gonna argue on that one, it’s the same like the wedding weekend pap walk just more subtle).

Then there were so many pics of him backstage at that concert, pics with fans, official pics, „sneaky fan sightings“ in the audience... He looked rather uncomfortable holding her shoulders while she was dancing. We know Harry goes often to concerts but when did we ever get so many pics from one? Mostly it’s a blurry pic of him or one backstage pic with the artist, not like the ones we got and certainly not that many. Plus we got an relationship article the day after.

Funny is also how he was on vacation in Muskoka with the Gerbers and Anne at the end of July 2017 shortly before the first spotting of Hamille and Camille no where to be seen.

Now I‘m gonna point out inconsistencies and such might be in chronological order, might be not.

I think the next time we saw them was a „sneaky fan pic“ (just the two of them) without a source from Beverly Hills hotel at lunch. Her friend Lauren posted a instastory being at that hotel right then and there and deleted the story like 5 minutes afterwards. She wasn’t in the pic of the „fan“ so my bet is she was the one taking the pic.

Coming to the stunt props. The „ring“ he was suddenly wearing on his pinky was from Camille. She only wore it once for a photoshoot in 2013 and then all of a sudden she wore it in every story she posted for the next 2 weeks right BEFORE he was wearing it and literally made such a show out of showing that ring that it was so cringey to watch at.

Not to forget his Pink Floyd shirt that was featured in his Rolling Stones mag interview that she not only wore but posted a few instastorys with showing it up close so every Harry fan could identify it from the distinctive holes in it.

Funny was the times she wore „his necklace“ and again posted several stories wearing it and even went to an event with it that Kendall wore before. After people pointed the connection to Kendall out, she never wore it again 😂😂 Harry being papped leaving a gym while wearing Camilles ex shirt was peak comedy.

Camille making a post saying „goodbye“ to her friend Lauren before Christmas in a really distinctive fur coat. Then New Years dinner pics with Jeff, Camille and co came out. Harry looking bored as always around her. Then the weirdest thing: he took fan pics while holding Camilles distinctive fur coat in his hands in every fucking pic. And it wasn’t that cold to wear a fur coat! Why couldn’t she hold it herself while he took the pics or Jeff or put it on the chair beside him? That wasn’t really slick of them.

Then Camille having a girls trip to Corsica and literally posting so fucking often being girls only in cars an what not. Harry was in London out with Mitch and was also seen on other occasions so I assume he went to Corsica for maybe 2 days max to get pics in. (Her cousin/ goddaughter of her mum posted a pic with Harry in Corsica in 2018 from that time). Mind you they could have just „dating“ for maybe 5 week’s max at that time bc they were never at the same place at the same time before maybe late June, and that’s when Robin died and he was home so I doubt that’s when they met. I assume 1.st proper meeting was in early July or after the Grimmy interview.

Harry filmed the Manchester special for his album in Manchester literally right before he went to HC with Camille. Yet Grimmy, one of his best friends at least at that time, never followed her or hung out together.

The next thing is her being in Holmes Chapel. She hinted at it on insta, like she did EVERY time she would be around Harry. Also appearing in every pic of him in the background when she was around. Even posted a story of random people with Harry’s voice in the background. That’s also a point why it was so obviously fake.

She posted in a train and captioned it with something like „England ❤️“ and then a cow (similar to Olivia with the hedgehog and caption) and then appeared in every pic we got of him that weekend.

She turned up to several of his shows, yet NEVER to his hometown shows (neither London or Manchester) where all his family and friends were at. She also only followed people beneficial to her career like Lambert, Jeff and co but never anyone of his real friends or family even though Gemma followed her after Christmas 2017 (which was taken as the „proof“ that they spend Christmas in HC🤦🏻‍♀️ and we got this photoshopped pic of Hamille which turned out was an old pic of originally Harry and Gemma. Glenne also never followed her and Camille was also never seen with Glenne it was only ever Jeff around and people noticed that (probably why we got now the joyride etc including Glenne).

Ok so what do we have next? The charity gig where his mum celebrated her 50th bday with everyone wearing a yellow flower crown. Everyone besides Camille. She wasn’t invited and just was brought to them while Harry was already singing a song, Gemma looking annoyed in the video her friend posted. Before Harry’s set was over someone came and took Camille with them again while Anne, Gemma and co stayed in the crowd. So why was she even going to them and didn’t stay backstage if she clearly wasn’t invited to celebrate with Anne and co and left before Harry even finished his set. We got also pics of a bday dinner with Anne, Harry, Gemma and all the friends from the concert but without Camille. This was also the gig where he was groped on stage.

After that charity gig in late October Harry went to tour in Europe. He stopped wearing the ring and seemed happier than before somehow. I went to the Cologne show and let me tell you, it was fucking nuts! His energy and the way he was smirking all the time not to forget Kiwi twice.

You’d think Camille would have been quiet now on sm that Harry wasn’t around, but it was exactly the opposite! It was like as if she had to remind everyone that that „relationship“ was still „on“ after he ditched that ring bc she was literally unbearable on insta. We got her and friends singing SOTT on karaoke (while she was wearing the Kendall necklace like mentioned previously), then she did a whole photoshoot (sorry but that’s just what it was) with her friends Djuna + Nik whit a very distinctive blue totebag Harry was carrying around just a week or two before while meeting fans in LA and she did the same thing like she did with the ring and posed with that bag in every angle. As if all that wasn’t enough in the space of 3 days she then celebrated Halloween with her friends and 2 or 3 of them wore costumes that reminded of 1D and Harry. All this happened between his cologne show and Halloween. Trolling at its best.

Then Camille decided to turn up to tour in Europe but she didn’t choose days when he actually had time off (even though she evidently didn’t do anything in LA besides trolling the last few days) so she decided to pop up when Harry had shows back to back and needed to travel to them as they were all over Europe. He had two more Berlin 7.11. and an event in London on the 6th) before she turned up on 8.11. in Amsterdam where she met Ella his cousin who followed Camille then (but Camille never followed back), 9.11. Italy x-factor, 10.11. Milan , 11.11. London X-Factor). He clearly didn’t have any time then which gets even more ridiculous if you know that she was back in LA by Monday the 13th the latest bc a photographer „exposed“ her being on set early that day. So why did she even bother turning up to tour that time when she could have done earlier and be at his homeshows?

Another thing is, when Harry went to NYC at the end of January 2018 to perform with Fleetwood Mac he didn’t take her instead he took Jeff and Xander was there as well. But no Camille. Right before was one of the rare times they got papped. Harry as always looking irritated around her. And them looking as if the soccer mom collected her son from practice😂

On his b-day her friend Lauren posted Camille chilling at their home reading and hanging out with her. Harry was officially MIA but a good friend of mine actually saw him while walking her dog the next day in Hampstead rather covered up with another guy (assuming his trainer or PA) trying not to be seen. She is not a huge fan of Harry and only knows him bc I‘ m a fan but she texted me right away saying something was weird about how he was trying to not be seen.

And on cue allegedly someone (real estate Agent from London) said he was on her flight to London over a week later (even though I knew he was already there for a while).

So the last time they were actually seen together was the day they were papped (I think that was even the day of the Grammys).

Then the thing about her quitting smoking bc she was „ dating“ Harry 🤣🤣. The way she even lied about that. She posted a video and made a few instastorys throughout that year to say how long she didn’t smoke at that time „bla, bla, bla“ and Harries ate that shit up. She was caught so many times lying in regards to that. Her friends and co were the ones to always expose her accidentally. She appeared in so many stories in her friends stories were she smoked a cigarette and not „just“ a juul like she always liked to pretend (not that a juul would be any better lol). Harry probably didn’t like it when he had to be around her for longer periods of time and she would smoke around him or smell of smoke so she had to pretend she cared for his sake and quit publicly. To say is also that she publicly started smoking again after she came back from tour end of March/beginning of April 2018.

Now speaking of the big tour in 2018. Camille seemed to had joined tour again at some point. She was at the Paris show like mentioned earlier but then only joined tour 2 dates or something later in. Someone „exposed“ her of staying with friends in each city she went on tour with at that time instead of staying with him. I think he also got fed up with her bc Harry & band + some of the crew went to museums in each city. But of course Camille had to post something every time they were at a museum and so it didn’t take long till fans caught on and turned up en masse in these museums so he couldn’t go there anymore. I would have been pissed too if I were him. And girls who’s dad is the director of one of the museums did meet Harry at the museum and he invited them to the show and backstage. These girls said Harry and Camille didn’t look or behave like a couple at the museum, he was mostly around the band and she on her own. And backstage the same thing. She was kinda just there and nothing more. Not long after that she left tour and only turned up at the Ireland show and then later the NYC and LA one.

Speaking of the Ireland show, that must have been the most awkward thing ever. I saw a few videos from people who did constantly film the side of the stage and she is staying alone there with the sound guys while Mabel was performing and Harry was standing backstage with Jeff and the band, watching Mabel and preparing for their prank they did on Mabel.

Twice Harry is walking past Camille and didn’t even acknowledge her. She was once again just standing there. You could almost feel bad for her, but only almost. Then he went to prank Mabel on stage with the rest of the band and was so affectionate with Mabel something you never saw him be with Camille.

After that show the trolling did turn down a bit for a while but like 2 days before the concert she posted a Mick Jagger pic and everyone knew she would turn up in NYC. And she proved us right bc she posted about being on a plane the minute she stepped foot in said plane 🤦🏻‍♀️. At the show itself she was in the crowd/pit with with Xander, Waseem, Matt Hitt & Jeff but Jeff had to fetch her again a lanyard at first for that day bc she still hadn’t one although allegedly „dating“ him for nearly a year at that time. You’d think she had one for the whole tour but nope. And after the concert Harry was once again out with friends while she stayed with another friend in NYC. Between the NYC and LA show she was seen being cosy with Alexander Skarsgard and then her now bf Theo Niarchos. To the LA show she turned up with Djuna, Nik and another friend. All of them sat up pretty high in the nosebleeds while Kendall and co where in the family and friends lounge right above pit. And Camille and co left a little earlier before the show finished and left through the front entrance. Suspicious is also that the „break up“ was announced like exactly on the year mark of the start their „relationship“. Sorry that I wrote so much. And I probably still missed a lot but I hope it’s gotten clear what I mean.

I'm still reading this through but wanted to post for those asking about it!!

Thank you!

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moonlight-and-dreams-blog · 7 years

Text

A WEEK WITHOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

January 14, 2018

Last night, I was completely not being myself, I was sad; I don’t even know what to do. I felt so tired of everything but I can’t do anything. I just want to sleep for a long time. I overthink A LOT. I suddenly thought what if I try to stay away from social media for one day. What would happen? At first, syempre feeling ko parang no, I’m not gonna do it. But then today, as I woke up, I thought why not try it for a week. I wanted to challenge myself kasi I realized na halos 80% of my day, I spend it looking through my phone, scrolling thru facebook, twitter, check updates from my friends, tweets ridiculous stuff to get everyone’s attention, like I needed a validation from everyone else. Getting those likes or hearts makes me happy, helped me quite boost my confidence pero at the end of the day I always ask myself masaya ba talaga ako? I also tweeted last night na “sobrang mapanlinlang ng social media kasi akala ng mga tao ang saya saya ng buhay mo but in real life hindi ka naman talaga masaya” KASI HINDI NAMAN TALAGA. And I’m tired of faking happiness, I don’t know. Some people would probably think na nagpapapansin lang ako and I don’t fucking care so quits lang.

Anyways, around 12PM I started deleting Facebook, Messenger and later on Twitter. I logged out my main account on Instagram but I have another account which is where I post daily pics for my 365 days thing challenge AND I CAN’T MISS POSTING so yun lang yung social media app ko right now. I don’t consider youtube as a social media since you aren’t actually interacting with people unless you’re a youtuber or whatever, also di naman ako masyado nanunuod sa youtube. So basically I can’t do anything with my phone, Spotify and Photography apps lang meron ako. I SERIOUSLY DON’T WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. No one’s texting me rin so okay, naglaba ako saka inayos ko drawer ko, I’m also re-reading yung book ni Alex Gonzaga na “Dear Alex, Break na kami. Paano?! Love, Catherine” I don’t know kung itutuloy ko pa hahaha omg.

Fast forward to evening, nag-paload na ako kasi di ko na kayang walang kausap. You know, isolating yourself from social media makes you feel more alone. No notifications, no messages, no anything. Napaisip tuloy ako kagabi what if di ako nag-post sa ig story ko na I’m doing this, would people really care? Would people start worrying about me? Would they actually notice that I was gone? Okay enough. Maaga ako natulog kasi wala narin talaga ako magawa.

DAY 1 – January 15, 2018

Goodmorning! Is it? Nasanay akong ino-on yung wifi ko first thing in the morning and waiting for notifs but then I remembered I deleted my apps and went straight to office bcs OJT. And sa office, di naman ako masyado nahirapan kasi I was thinking of doing something else. Kasi syempre since I promised myself not to access any of my social media accounts, may mga ideas na pumapasok sa utak, like what should I do on this certain day or whatever. Right now, since hindi pa maayos yung wall ko sa kwarto naming I decided to plan a design for it and I’m actually enjoying this thing. Kanina rin tinry, I joined this challenge thing na pag-gawa ng User Interface for a Weather App na inemail sakin nung katrabaho ko dito sa OJT and so far, masaya naman. To be honest ang dami na naka-draft sa utak ko na gusto kong i-tweet but then okay next week nalang. HAHAHA. It’s only the second day pero hey I’m quite enjoying this. Being away from social world makes you feel alone for real like what I’ve said earlier, pero through this I realized na mas nagkakaron ako ng time for myself. Time for me to think about what I should do next, hindi lang basta mag-scroll sa fb and twitter and watch kung ano nangyayari sa buhay ng ibang tao. Spotify will be my company for the whole week, and kung walang music? Feeling ko mabibingi ako sa silence.

Many things happened to me today. VERY UNLUCKY OF ME. It is something sort of traumatizing and I will not say it here. Kahit di masyado naging maganda yung araw ko I made it quite productive by designing my wall. I printed a lot of aesthetic stuff I got from the internet, some of them were my postcards (BTS, Dean, Suspicious Partner) Hindi ko pa tapos tbh kasi I’m planning to include Kimi No Na Wa dun sa wall since it’s really something. I also included the album covers I made dun sa mga playlist na ginawa ko sa Spotify. I’ll be putting the links or pictures below. It is actually really nice na naisip kong gawin to (wall design) since wala naman akong ibang pwedeng gawin hahaha. Pero ayun nga, it’s nice to have something to stare at. Every time na nag-wall design ako tinititigan ko lang after and I feel happiness by staring at it. I don’t know, ang sarap lang talaga kasi titigan nung mga happy faces sa polaroids alam niyo yun. Yung memories it would suddenly all flashback to you.

DAY 2 – January 16. 2018

It’s Tuesday and it is supposed to be my rest day sa OJT pero I decided pumasok kasi gusto ko narin naman matapos to. I’m tired of waking up tapos pagpasok sa office wala rin masyadong gagawin, kasi wala rin namang maipagawa sakin. Feeling ko tuloy parang ang wala kong kwenta hahahaah dejk. Everything’s going well naman so far, medyo nasasanay na yung self ko na hindi masyadong hawak yung phone ko unless mag-pplay lang ako ng music.Ay nga pala, forgot to tell you all na natutuwa akong gumawa ng playlist sa Spotify ang saya lang kasi talagang gumawa lalo na yung part na gagawa ako ng album cover for that playlist, I think this would become my hobby.

I just got home and I was alone earlier, di pumasok yung ibang mga kasama ko sa OJT huhu but it’s okay, saying din oras. Pero nagsayang lang din naman ako ng oras sa office kasi wala akong magawa. Since I can’t use social media kung ano ano na pumapasok sa isip ko na gawin. I wanted to read David Levithan’s novel book na “Every Day” kasi ang tagal ko na gusting basahin yun nung high school pero I didn’t when I had the chance. So ayun, pahirapan makahanap ng pdf online, luckily I found one hehe pati yung “Another Day”. And since gagawing film yung Every Day I hopeeee mabasa ko na siya before ko mapanuod haha. Bukod sa paghanap ng pdf ng mga books, I also read articles about sa mga black mirror episodes yung mga analysis nung mga episodes kasi I wanted to understand it more and read reviews. Pati yung meaning ng mga kanta ni Taylor Swift sa reputation album sinearch ko. Jusko I obviously got nothing else to do sa office lmao. Fast forward to uwian (yey) it’s raining outside and I felt the sadness, alone, sad, raining wow really nice di ba. When I got home, kumain muna ako syempre and naisip kong manuod ng horror movie, I watched “Happy Death Day” and it’s actually good. Di naman sya yung type ng horror na sobrang matatakot ka so sa mga di mahilig sa horror, pwede niyo naman panuorin, matutuwa kayo kasi may halong comedy and sort of romance naman yung movie. Although, quite disappointed with the ending, sa reason nung killer bat niya pinapatay ng paulit-ulit yung bida. Basta ayun, panuorin niyo nalang. After that, nakatulog na agad ako.

DAY 3 – January 17, 2018

It’s raining AGAIN. Actually, ambon lang naman and medyo hassle lang sa pag commute kasi basa. Hnggg. Ang aga ko na naman sa office, and feeling ko it’s one of the effects taking a break from social media kasi hindi nakakain yung oras ko ng pag-aayos sa pagpasok sa work. Walang distractions. And mapipilitan kang kumilos talaga kasi wala ka naman ibang gagawin lol. Today was like any other day sa office, nothing to do as of now huhu (give me something to do please)

As I got home, I spent my night watching Black Mirror. Lol. Pinanuod ko yung Shut Up and Dance, San Junipero and Hang the DJ, nasimulan ko rin naman yung Men Against Fire pero di ko natapos inantok na ako. Out of all episodes, yung Hang the DJ yung pinakagusto ko, naiyak nga ako eh wala namang kaiyak iyak talaga ng bongga pero na-attach ako masyado dun sa episode na alam mo yun nilabanan nila yung system kasi they both believe na sila yung perfect match ayun la lang, pero sa ending yun pala yung totoong sila, yung Amy and Frank is just virtual lol pero anyways, at least sila yung nag-end up together in real life (hopefully). Honestly, I also spent my time reading articles and reviews about Black Mirror kanina sa office. I got seriously nothing else to do, nag-check ako ng email ko na ginagamit ko sa fb and found some people messaging me pero all I can was “*Name* has sent you a message” and kailangan kong buksan messenger to read the message kaso I have to stick with my experiment.

DAY 4 – January 18, 2018

Nothing quite special about this day, this is like reliving my day over and over again. Lol. Oh wait, I drank 3 cups of coffee today and I felt like my heart’s going to burst anytime. I realized na wala na talagang epekto kape sakin, after ko kumain when I got home nanuod lang ako saglit ng Black Mirror (again) and I fell asleep agad, ramdam ko yung pagod kahit wala naman ako masyadong ginawa today. Also, I waited for almost an hour sa terminal jusko. Yun lang haha boring no? Gusto ko na bumalik sa social media not because I miss it (Well, sort of) pero kasi yung ka-group ko sa thesis need makausap haha pero nakiusap nalang ako sa kaklase ko to chat him haha.

DAY 5 – January 19, 2018

Today, akala ko malalate na ako ng bongga kasi it’s Friday and ang hirap sumakay because punuan sa bus haisxt. I can’t even help my officemate sa ginagawa niya although sabi eh tulong kami so ayun I really got nothing else to do, kahit gusto kong simulant yung docu nung UI ng Preventive Maintenance (project dito sa office) di parin masimulan kasi di pa approved yung design huhu. Pansin niyo bang paikli ng paikli yung mga kwento ko per day? Kasi paulit-ulit lang naman hahaha. Di naman din ako naging ganun ka productive lol kahit yung plano kong magbasa ng libro di ko rin naman nagawa.

Okay I finally decided to bring back my social media by 12PM because of important matters and wala akong ibang contact sa ka-group ko except sa messenger lang talaga. Di ko na-accomplish yung 1 week but 5 days was long enough to prove some things sa akin. It was fun though.

FINAL THOUGHTS

TRY. IT. Especially if you are addicted to social media. You need to take a break from it, girl. For the past days wala akong idea about what’s happening with everyone’s lives pero as days passed, hindi naman sa walang pake pero di ko na masyadong iniisip kung ano yung nangyayari sa buhay ng ibang tao. One thing I realized is that, I really spend my time scrolling thru my feed and comparing myself to others na parang why am I not like them, why am I not as creative as them, nakaka-baba ng self-esteem indeed. As I said earlier, I read few articles about people who tried this “Social Media detox” some of them just found an alternative way of distracting themselves with their phones, some of them even said na nagbago yung perspective nila sa social media and it made them happy to learn some things. And for me, I’d go with second one, it was hard but it was fun trying to fill this void within you, once you’re away from social media you began to observe people around you (in real life) and ma-aamaze ka nalang and ma-sasad at some point kasi halos lahat ng tao eh nakatutok sa phones nila, most people don’t socialize or communicate with others narin. Sobrang laki na talaga ng impact ng social media sa buhay ng mga tao, actually based palang sa pinopost natin dapat di ka lang nagpopost basta basta eh, most of us post to gain likes, attention, recognition, the satisfying feeling na you’re beautiful and whatever. I know most of you understand that feeling, and we actually love that feeling. But the thing is, di na totoo yung ibang pinopost natin sa social media. Akala ng mga tao, ang saya saya ng buhay natin but in real life hindi naman. Why? Because nag-base sila sa posts natin sa social media. And if we tried to express ourselves, our frustrations, anxieties, about our depression a lot of people would still say “Ano na namang ka-dramahan yan?” and invalidates your feelings kasi nasa utak na nila na you’re a happy person, you are not that kind of person na malungkot, which is sad, which makes most of us trying to be real have anxieties and all. That’s shitty isn’t it? Imbes na icomfort natin yung tao, ginagago pa natin. Sana maging sensitive tayo about it. Omg wait di ko alam if what I’m saying is still related to what I want to really say. Haha. Anyway, nabasa ko lang din kasi sa isang article na one of the factors kaya tayo nagkaka-anxiety is because of social media and I actually agreed to that. The past days, I wasn’t really that sad, I believe na-lessen yung pag-ooverthink ko, kasi wala akong ibang iniisip kung hindi pano ko ma-eentertain yung sarili ko, how will I be productive, and start to think about what would happen to me in the future, yung mga ganung bagay. You start to think about yourself, about how you would impress yourself and not other people. I guess that’s it. It was a really fun thing to do.

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