#atleast i’m seeing a good amount of amanda

[jackienautism]

where are the girls

where are the girls

what

what?!!?!?

where are the survivors

hiii amanda

where are t(going through the dbd tag)

[peircetheblackveilphans]

It's been a rough year.

It's been an incredibly rough year for me. Really it's been almost two years but it's not yet so Ima say a year. In November, my dad passed away. Now that may seem like a normal thing, but I was 14, and he drowned. I remember my brother in law coming in the house and sitting us down, telling me and my younger sister we needed to be strong. My mom needed us, just as we needed her. We were confused when my mom walked in crying, and my brother then explained my dad had gone down in the river, and no matter how hard my sister and mom tried, they couldn't find him, so they had to get out or else they would have gone under as well. I remember crying and begging them to say it was a joke. That he would be coming into the door and smiling, making a weird voice and saying that he got us. My brother only gave us sad looks. I was dealing with a lot then. I had been self harming, which they found out about and tried to help. After my dad died I didn't have him to cry too, so I started again. I was praying that by some miracle the pain might bring him back. Or atleast take away the emptiness that came when he left. One night while I was babysitting I had put the two little girls I was babysitting to sleep, when I broke down. Screaming and crying. I went to a stabilization center that night. I stayed for around 3-4 days when I went home. I got a boyfriend and for a short amount of time I was semi happy. Then I tried to kill myself. Everything hit me and I could no longer tell myself I was okay, because I wasn't. I survived trying to overdose and they sent me to the hospital yet again. My boyfriend had cheated on me, with my soon to be best friend that I didn't know back then, and we broke up after I had gotten out. Me and my moms relationship got rocky, so I told my counselor Amanda, about everything, and slowly I felt a little bit better. I got another Boyfriend. One I could say I loved with everything in me. But he wasn't good for me, he told me he was going to kill himself all the time, and just put a lot on me. At that time I didn't see it, and I had to go to a different hospital yet again. This hospital really tried helping me, they found a good medication and soon I was numb. Not happy but I didn't feel the extreme sadness. After I got out, I broke up with that boyfriend, deciding my health was more important than boys. He didn't kill himself and is currently in another relationship. About three months ago, I started watching dan and Phil. Starting with an accidental click on the photo booth challenge. I fell in love instantly and began to binge watch everything while Also buying the books. My mom noticed the change and questioned me on it. And until then I hadn't noticed I no longer had to tell myself I was okay. I knew it. Now I go to counseling, my mom and I have never been better, we bought a house, and I might have a step dad one day, one that I like. I could say that I would have never been happy without dan or Phil, but that would be a lie, it would have just taken a lot longer more than likely. Those two men changed my life and gave me a reason to smile when all I could do was pray for life to give me a break. I could never thank them enough. I'm too scared to tag them, because I do have anxiety, but even if they never see this, I felt the need to thank them for everything, because they changed me and they don't even know me. I'm officially about two months clean? Maybe three? I've gotten back to a healthy weight and I'm almost never not smiling. So thank you.🖤

[somarilyn-blog1]

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 24TH 2017

At 9am Friday morning I was experiencing pain I have never felt before in my almost 30 years here on Earth. I thought I was having a miscarriage, as I have had this problem before in my past. By 10:30am Ryan had enough of seeing me in this pain and also the amount of tears I was crying. He told me we are going to the hospital. We arrived at RVH (Royal Victorian Hospital) at approximately 11 11:30am where I informed the nurses I was possibly having a miscarriage. Then was asked "are you pregnant", Ummm obviously I think that could be a possibility. Dumbest questions ever might I add. I sat in that waiting room at this hospital for 6 hours before the nurse in the waiting room finally attempted to take my blood to check if I was pregnant. After her failed attempts I had an actual specialist who knew his job take my blood on his first attempt. I must add that after being this hospitals prime pin cushion I now look like your poster child for a junkie catalogue. But back to what happened. After 6 hours I was brought in to have an ultrasound to see what was going on with me. The ultrasound tech then told me we were going to have to do a transvaginal ultrasound with this wand like "dildo"...no joke...and after being "raped" by this wand and not being told what she was seeing or what was going on in there (because the Tech can't tell me anything until after the doctor received the results and he/she would inform me on what findings the came across), I was then sent with my AMAZING FIANCE Ryan to another waiting room in the Results Pending room where we sat for another 2 hours and a urine sample later was pulled aside by a doctor that obviously knew nothing about what he was about to tell me, tells me that I am indeed pregnant and that the baby was travelling down my fallopian tube. I was beyond happy. This time Ryan was at home grabbing me a few items I needed... I called him to tell him the good news. "Babe after 2 years of trying, we are having a BABY". Not even 15 minutes later a gynecologist came into this little room I was sitting in and let me tell you she knew her job....tells me that yes I am pregnant and that the baby is stuck inside my fallopian tube where baby has been growing these last 4-6 weeks and has caused a mass the size of a baseball in my tube and I would have to go into an emergency surgery to remove the baby and my right fallopian tube and that they think it's best to clamp my good working left fallopian tube. My chances went from being pregnant to 50% chance of ever having children down to a 0% we asked the gynecologist if it was nessessary to have my left tube clamped. We were told no I didn't have to have that one clamped they just think it might be a good idea due to the fact that this all could happen to my left tube in the future. A 1 to 100 chance of it happening. So Ryan and I were left to discuss our options. We opted for the surgery to remove baby and only my right fallopian tube and to keep my left fallopian tube so I atleast have that 50% chance for us being able to have another child in the future. It was a few hours later where I got prepped to have my emergency surgery. I awoke an hour and 15 minutes later and had a seccessful operation. I now have 3 stitch sites. 1 on each side of my tummy and stitches in my belly button. They had a camera and a Lazer where they Lazered off my tube. I'm now on 2 weeks bed rest with very minimal walking and movement and am not allowed to lift anything over 10 pounds. As I lay here in bed I'm beyond blessed to be here. I'm thankful that I got a second chance at life. I'm thankful that even if I can't have anymore children that I got to experience motherhood from my first born. My son is 9 almost 10. Also I still have that 50% chance and during this Ryan looks at me as says Babe we can always adopt. And we just found out that in Canada IVF is covered by OHIP and from the procedure I had that we might be able to have that option. So even after all the negatives and positives we got this day we both remain positive for our future. I know we are here for a reason and that God only gives us what we can handle...but I had an angel on my shoulder that day. Cuz the mass erupted 10 minutes before my surgery happened. And that if I didn't go into the hospital that Friday February 24th 2017 that I would not be here today writing this blog and would not be here to appreciate everything that we have gone through up until this moment of me writing my blog. So to whoever it is watching me from upstairs I thank you so much for allowing me to still be here. I think I know who you are...there are a few angels up there watching over me. Grandpa Les and Ryan Kennedy I know it was you guys. But I also know it must have been my fiance angels watching over the both of us. So I finish this blog with open eyes and a clearer view on life. I look at life in a different way. They say when you come close to death that you have this different look on life and for me and also for Ryan it is very true. A year ago it was My Fiance that was in the hospital fighting for his life and a year later here it is...me fighting for mine. NEVER TAKE YOUR LIFE FOR GRANTED BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR TIME IS UP. Love Amanda Jennings and Ryan Jennings.