#bachlore hood

[iamshivamjaiswal]

[irrfahrer]

75. What is your favourite fairytale?

"Ah, fairytale- does as fairytale counts a story that is over 4000 kriffing years old? I mean most kriffing fairytales are just overly romanticized fables to bring the moral home to keep your little pups from doing stupid stuff, but honestly its pups, pups always do kriffing stupid stuff, so why kriffing bother Bachmann, but anyway. Some fiarytales are just overly romanticed old stories with a lot of generic pictures added to make everyone able to feel recognized in it, so why shouldn’t count a kriffing 4000 year old story count as a kriffing fairytale." Ziv looked as if she had bitten on a sour fruit with her ears pinend back, her eyes narrowed to thin slits and her fur bristled. She looked tierd, the skin surrounding her eyes under her fur was dark, almost blackish.

“So anyway, its not my favorite story, but it kind of is the story of my kriffing life or more accurate the story that haunts my Kriff-up of a Life like a kriffing Ark dog until I am crying and screaming and still have to go kriffing on raw. I know, sounds sexy, but it really kriffing isn’t. Just imagine you are a swet little flower living in a greenhosue perfectly adjusted to all your needs and you even have a kriffing sweet friend around who understand you although you have no kriffing vocal cords to talk, in fact you two just share your thoughts and emotions with eachother, best friends, true kriffing relationship goals. Then just som kriffing furred Sociopath who really stretches the not-very-social-radius of sociopathy, breaks in, slaughters every kriffing gardner inluding pinning one of them with a spear four times my kriffing height to a tree- which you all feel because you are a telepath and also fungal network is a kriffing thing for plants- and kidnaps you and your friend to haul off the kriffing planet on a kriffing freezer of a planet that really does not feel nice as a kriffing flower.” Automatically she lay a small paw on her chest where under her tunic the  pendant lay secure against her chest, keeping it safe and protected.Against the fur of her chest she felt the sapling shift in the pendant, leaning against her chest lik a child leaning against a parent with tiered closed eyes.

“And as soon as you are on that planet you are kriffing nuked with negative emotions, pains and kriffing evil thoughts because that planet happens to be a school for some very kriffed up people, but don’t worry, you are one hour later thrown and dissolved in a kriffing cocktail of chemicals and feel yourself every second of it kriffing burning up until your body is gone. But while your body is gone your mind is still there and not only that but your mind is turned into kriffing spores that latch on every living thing around them, take root and grow in those systems until all you hear are the kriffing agonized screams of all those minds tortured, suddenly caged inside a overtaken body and with only the only aim to spread more and eat,eat,eat. And you are panicky and in pain and try to find your friend who for sure is yet not infected and you find her but then you are overtaken by the screams because thats all thats filling you up and you can not even run away becaus you are the stuff that is running everyone mad. So yeh, you yourself are nolonger there, yet you can also not escape and all you do is scream, scream, scream and grow,grow,grow and eat,eat,eat. Then you are left alone on that kriffing freezing planet and even your friend is gone until half the planet is blown up, yet since you are spores you are also left there between all those bad thoughts and dead, rotten body and every sane is gone and had left you behind on the Force-forsaken-freezing-icecube that is a plant.”, Ziv lifted her small paws, shaking them as if she was celebrating yet her voice could not be any less enthusiastic: “Hoo-kriffing-raaaay.”

She pinned her  fluffy ears back, whiskers bristled like from elctricity. Suddenly she felt very, very tiered as she started to massage the dark circles under her eyes utterly exhausted: “And here you have the all-so-kriffing-beautiful stuff I am dreaming about regulary because that little flower hanging around my neck” not on a theard, a theard was easily to rip. It was a chain, a chain around her neck: “- happens to have a gentic memory and sorts through it in my sleep when my kriffing mindshield is down. Yeh, my life is kriffing kriffed up, just blast my head away al-kriffing-ready. Whats the moral of the Fairytale? Do not Kriff with Sith-alchemy, its bad for sweet little telepathic flowers.”

[softforcal]

Bachelorette AU blurb (Luke)

okay so i don’t know anything about the show, i’ve never seen it, but my best friend summarized it as “testosterone, tears and tits.” also i haven’t been on in a while cuz i’ve been busy but this was a burst of inspiration so here we go

professional photographer Luke, Firefighter Ashton, Chef Cal, Music Producer Michael.

from day one, you walk out there and your eyes go to Luke and you’re just like woah. its obvious to practically everyone the first time you even talk to him that you’re smitten with the tall blonde. everyone is trying super hard to woo you and Luke is no different because this tall Bean has no clue that you’re into him. all the other contestants practically give up at the start cuz its that obvious but Luke is an idiot baby and we love him. Luke tries to do super cute things for you all the time like cook you dinner but he almost sets the kitchen on fire and firefighter!Ashton has to jump in and put the fire out and he just like:

Ashton is so shook. like as soon as the fire is out and Luke’s been sprayed aptly with fire extinguisher, Ashton just throws the metal extinguisher down and goes and sits at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. 

Chef Calum teaches Luke how to make an egg but thats it. so Luke straight up brings you a single egg with no toast, no bacon, no orange juice. just... egg. 

but fuck he’s so cute. he asks to take pictures of you a few weeks in and is all giggly and cute. literally every other guy is just like... can we all go home. like. this isn’t even a competition wtf. Music Producer Michael straight up begins to flirt with a camera lady like thats how bad this is. Calum and Ashton seem to be going on more date like things with each other than with you. 

its just a whole mess really. but Luke is still trying so hard, this precious bean. the guys having to sit him down and be like “man, stop trying to hard. you’re going to win.” and he is shook™ 

baby boy straight up saying he loves you directly after that. yeah. this show would not be a fun one to watch but the entire world watching would be so soft for you and your photographer try hard baby. 

special thanks to: @flannelpunkcalum - @converse-luke - @calteahood - @c-sainthood for bringing this up on the gc cuz DAMN