#backtothestar02 fanfiction

[backtothestart02bts]

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[backtothestart02]

Fallen Star - 7/?

A/N: Not all that exciting, I assure you, but certainly longer than any of the previous chapters. I hope you find something in it worthwhile.

*many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing.

Chapter 7 -

No matter how hard Iris tried, she could not seem to focus on Linda’s genius plan to piss Barry off in order to bring them back together. She knew in theory it was solid, and she did have to admit the story was one she would have greedily chased if it actually existed, though maybe she wouldn’t act on it to the extent Linda was suggesting she would – hypothetically speaking, but she couldn’t stop thinking about that New Year’s Eve party at STAR Labs that she had yet to make a decision about.

Barry had bought her a gorgeous shiny floor-length dress for their six-month anniversary near the end of November. She knew he’d been eyeing the dresses that showed a little more skin than this one did and just didn’t want to be labeled a perv by the girlfriend of his dreams and tried to tell him so. He refused to admit to it though, and so she told him she appreciated the gift. Which she did. The dress was absolutely stunning and looked amazing on her when she tried it on.

You would’ve thought she was wearing lingerie from Barry’s inability to speak and the color draining from his face, the bulge forming in his pants. It did show a bit of cleavage and there was a slit for her leg, but she didn’t think it warranted that much of a reaction.

Still, when he lunged for her, and she giggled, “Don’t rip the dress!”, he sped-stripped it off of her and responded, “Save it for New Year’s.” She’d nodded, giddy. “That’s perfect.”

It’d been a magical, intoxicating night after that, and when she found the dress in her closet today she could not help but think of that night and the bright future that lay ahead of them then. One that, as far as she could tell, had been wiped from existence now.

She turned her phone over and over in her hand, trying to decide. Linda had offered to take her with her to New York City where her cousin had managed to snag an invite to a classy party on a rooftop in full view of the huge glittering ball that would sound off the new year. It was an enticing offer, she had to admit. She’d never seen the ball anywhere other than on TV. She’d never even been to New York. She always wanted to go, see the lights all lit up at night, be amidst the crowds on a busy Friday night or a busy Friday day. She wanted to go to a Broadway show and spend hours shopping at vendors in the city streets. She wanted to browse through Tiffany’s most beautiful – and expensive – diamond collection and be stopped in the middle of Times Square because her face was zoomed in on the big screen.

She wanted to kiss who she was with in that moment, have it shown to everyone who was walking by. She wanted that magic of knowing anyone who cared to pay attention could see how desperately in love she was with that person.

And she wanted that person to be Barry.

Tears welled in her eyes as she abandoned the phone on the table and went to curl in a ball on the couch.

She wanted everything with Barry.

She’d wanted Christmas with Barry – mistletoe and eggnog and a fully decorated tree and opening presents and caroling and waking up on Christmas morning wrapped up in each other and eating Christmas cookies, one of her few specialties she excelled at.

She hadn’t gotten that this year. They hadn’t gotten it this year.

Instead they fought and broke up, and her favorite holiday in the world was forever tainted because apparently her Bear had been restraining himself for fear of losing her and had decided that if it was worth the risk if she had some sense knocked into her.

The rumblings of anger buzzed inside her, but it wasn’t nearly as intense as it had been a week ago or any day since. Because right now she missed him so much it hurt. Right now she was willing to throw away her entire career if it meant holding him in her arms again and hearing I love you float passed his lips, hearing I missed you and let’s never break up again tumble off his tongue. She missed the pressure of his lips against hers, of his body against hers, of his fingers in her hair, his whisper in her ear…

She missed everything.

Why couldn’t things be okay? Just for one night, one magical, endless night, why couldn’t their love be enough?

She shivered where she sat and pulled a folded blanket up over her, huddling into its warmth.

But he’s not even going to be there, Iris.

It could be the truth. He might not decide to show, if Cisco prodded Barry to show up the way Caitlin had done to her.  They might be in the same space, and not by accident either. Whenever Cisco and Caitlin teamed up on something, it was usually with good intentions. Which meant they wanted to get the two of them back together and had likely decided since they were making no moves in that direction, it was up to the saavy science nerds of Team Flash to step in for them.

If only it was so simple.

Her phone buzzed across the room, nearing the edge of the table where she’d left it.

It was either Linda, asking her if she was sure she wanted to spend her New Year’s Eve alone, even though she was likely already in New York getting ready for the party. I’ll send in the ‘copter, she’d probably say, only half-joking – or it was Caitlin, reminding her that the party started in less than two hours and she had yet to give her a response.

She bit her bottom lip, thought about that dress, about Barry being there, about Barry not being there, about truly spending another holiday moping and/or feeling depressed, about the rest of the team that probably only wanted to help, about the champagne and the smiles and the new year that could change everything.

She snapped to her feet, zipped across the room, her slippers sliding on the wood floor, and answered the call.

“Hey, Caitlin.”

“Iris! Hey, I was just calling becau-”

“I’m coming.”

A pause, probably due to shock and uncertainty.

“You’re…you’re coming?”

“I’m coming, yes.”

“You’re sure.”

“Absolutely positively!” she assured. Too much, Iris, she grimaced a beat later.

“Well, that’s…great!” A smile in her voice. It made Iris smile too. “You can just head on up to the roof when you get here. If no one’s up there we’re just grabbing extra food and drink.”

“Great! That sounds great, Caitlin. I can’t wait.”

A pause – more smiling from both of them.

“I’ll see you later then, Iris.”

“Should I bring anything?” she asked hurriedly, the thought of contributing unexpectedly dawning on her suddenly.

“Nope. Just yourself,” she soothed.

“Just myself.”

“See you at seven.”

“See you.”

Click.

She set the phone back down on the table and stared out the window, letting the realization of what she’d just done sink in.

A party to forget or a party that might change everything. Her breath caught in her throat, imagining the look that might be in Barry’s eyes when he saw her in that dress – if he sees you, Iris.

She had a feeling he would.

…

Barry stared at himself in the tall mirror and sighed loudly.

“That does not sound like a man who is excited to go to the…” Cisco slid along the floor into view behind him. “Best New Year’s Even party of his life!” he sang.

Barry’s expression did not change.

“Is it too much?”

Cisco glared.

“Dude. You’re wearing a navy suit with a sparkly tie.

“Yeah.”

“It’s better than the first thing you put on.”

Barry paused, recalling, and then nodded resigned.

“Yeah, the bedazzled black tux was a little over-the-top.”

“Ya think?” Cisco deadpanned.

“This might be too, though…”

“You’re not going to the party in a t-shirt and jeans, my friend. This is a party, not…a movie marathon.”

Barry frowned and turned to look at him.

“But Iris isn’t going to be there.”

Cisco raised his eyebrows. “Is that the only time you would try to look nice?”

He shrugged. “Well, it’s nothing with work either or a formal function.”

“Everyone is dressing up,” he complained. “Just because you’re feeling mopey doesn’t mean you have to look that way.”

Barry paused, thinking. “Right,” he finally said. “No, you’re right. Sorry, Cisco.”

Cisco sighed. “It’s all good, my man. We’re gonna have a good time tonight, I promise.”

“Even though I can’t get drunk?” he drawled.

“You don’t need to get a drunk to have a good time,” he almost yelled.

Barry was working his last nerve. He’d been absolutely elated when his best friend hadn’t needed much convincing to agree to come to the New Year’s Eve party he and Caitlin had concocted two days prior. Apparently though, keeping him invested in the idea took a lot more effort than what Caitlin had to deal with – which had just been a last minute rsvp.

“You’re sure Iris isn’t going to be there?” Barry asked, smoothing down his tie again.

“We didn’t invite her,” Cisco said matter-of-factly.

Barry met his eyes. “You don’t think that’s kind of…mean?”

Cisco blinked.

“I mean, she’s part of the team too. Won’t she be offended you didn’t even offer?”

“She doesn’t want to be around you any more than you want to be around her.”

His heart sank.

“Trust me when I say she would’ve said no even if we had asked.”

“Oh,” he said quietly, saddened – and giving Cisco an unbelievable amount of joy.

She’s coming! She’s coming! She’s coming!

But he kept his mouth shut on that little truth. The happy reunion would unfold itself soon enough.

“Think she’s missed me?” he asked, too deep in his sadness to even try to come across nonchalant.

Cisco stilled and gripped his shoulder until Barry looked up at him.

“Do you want me to invite her?”

Barry’s eyes widened. “No.” He shook his head. “No, definitely not. Of course not. No.”

Cisco looked at him strangely. “Does that mean…yes?”

Irritated, he walked passed him. “No, Cisco, it means no.” He sighed, gripping his hands on the counter. “There would be no point.”

Cisco swallowed hard, for the first time genuinely worried that his plan might fall through.

“Why…is that?” he asked.

“Because nothing has changed,” he said sorrowfully. “Neither of us is willing to budge. If I was I’d have groveled at her feet by now, and if she was… Well, she wouldn’t have groveled, but somehow, she would have let me know. It’s been a week, Cisco.” He sighed again and turned to face his friend. “A week.”

“I know.”

“It’s been so hard not seeing her, not being with her, not sharing things with her, not having her as my best friend. It’s like when I broke up with her, I lost all of her. I lost Iris the best friend and Iris the girlfriend.”

Cisco hesitantly walked towards him, bracing himself for the question he was about to broach.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but…hasn’t it been you avoiding her?”

Barry looked at him. “Has she been trying to contact me without my knowing?”

“Well…” he squeaked.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He ran his hand over his face. “We’re both avoiding each other.”

“Maybe you should both stop. At the very least try to be civil.”

He frowned. “I’m being civil.”

“Because being in the same room with her would make you lash out?”

“I’ve been in the same room with her.”

“When?” he demanded. He didn’t know about this.

“A few days ago, at CCPD. We had a run-in. It didn’t last long. I tripped over myself on the stairs. She snapped at me.”

“Because you fell down the stairs?”

“Because I asked her why she was there.”

“Did you snap first?”

“I don’t think so…I was just returning some files Joe left in my lab.”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t analyze it too much, Cisco. All I’m saying is, I’m not the only one trying to avoid a confrontation. And you know what? That’s okay. Maybe right now it’s best if we don’t see each other. Then gradually…in another week or so maybe, we can slowly start interacting again. By Valentine’s Day it’ll be like we were never a couple at all.”

“You don’t sound bothered by that possibility,” Cisco pointed out, slightly troubled. “Isn’t this the girl you’ve been in love with since you were like ten?”

“Nine.”

“Nine. Even worse.”

Barry glared at him.

“All I’m saying is maybe she’s worth not giving up on.”

He sighed. “I tried Cisco. I waited it out. I gently made suggestions. I got a little more forceful. The only effect it had on her was her pushing harder than ever to do what she wanted – or to brush it under the rug. I could forget it at night when it was just us together, hanging out…going on dates…just being us. But…then I’d run across a story she was working on or hear about a dangerous criminal she couldn’t wait to track down – unprotected with zero plan of getting out if her life was in danger. And I can’t be everywhere at once. I can’t concentrate on anything when I know my girlfriend is out there not being safe, being reckless, and that she might die at any moment just because she refuses to have any common sense.”

His temper was rising, his frustration on the issue clearly still present. Cisco wondered for the first time if his genius plan was all that genius. There was a pretty good possibility the party could be shut down before it barely began when instead of kissing at midnight, Barry and Iris started fighting the moment they spotted each other on the rooftop.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that tonight,” he said, to get his mind off it as much as Barry’s. “Just try to relax, have some fun, drink some champagne pretend you’re affected by it.”

He laughed, a real one, and Cisco relaxed some too.

It was short-lived.

“A night with no Iris sounds like a good night to me.”

Crap.

…

 The wind whipped around her when she stepped out of her car, her hair fluttering around her shoulders as she looked up at the looming STAR Labs and the satellite at the top where she could see decorative white lights lining the perimeter of the roof. There really is a rooftop party, she mused.

Whether or not Barry would be at it was something else entirely, but she’d decided she would risk it. She had this beautiful dress that she’d promised to save for New Year’s. Whether or not she and Barry were together shouldn’t determine what she was allowed to wear or even what she was allowed to do. It was a week from their break-up tonight. If Linda’s plan didn’t work, she would need an escape, something to take the edge off that wasn’t just vodka shots in Linda’s kitchen. And she’d been promised Barry wouldn’t be here. She only trusted that about 50/50, and a big part of her wanted him to be there so she could show him what he was missing – and what he could easily get back if he would just…

Her phone buzzed in the sparkly clutch she’d brought with her. She checked the screen to find a text staring back at her from Cisco.

You coming?

She nodded and took a breath.

Just got here.

She was about to go inside when her phone started to buzz again, this time with a phone call. She frowned by answered it on her way to the building.

“Hey, Caitlin, I just told Cisco-”

“Hey, Iris, I know I told you to just meet us all up on the roof, but HR he…and Cisco...”

“Say no more,” she interjected soothingly. “I’ll meet you guys in the cortex.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Iris smiled and shook her head as she tucked her phone back into her clutch. She had wondered why they hadn’t wanted to all meet up in the cortex or even have the party in the speed lab and head up to the roof when it got closer to midnight. She figured the view was the reason behind it, and she knew she’d agree with that. Plus, maybe they wanted to switch things up given what happened the last time they decorated the cortex and speed lab and… well, obviously the events in their personal lives kept anyone from really enjoying it.

“Iris! Thank God!” Caitlin came speeding towards her as fast as she could in her high heels with her arms full of food and decorations.

Iris quickly stepped out of the elevator before the brunette almost tumbled in with her.

“Hey, let me take something.” She laughed and shook her head as she grabbed a bowl of overflowing popcorn and a box of unopened shot glasses. “I thought you guys prepared for this.”

“I know, I know,” she laughed nervously. “Cisco and I had two days to get our asses in gear, but there was Flash business today – a robbery,” she said hastily, avoiding eye contact as she did. “And, well, HR was determined to decorate but then he accidentally interrupted the lab instead of the roof, and-”

“Hey, hey, breathe,” Iris commanded gently, staring straight at her and willing Caitlin to feel the comfort since her arms were too full to console her by physical touch.

“Right. Breathe.”

“It’s what? Five after seven? That’s almost five hours till midnight. I’m sure we can get everything set up in a half hour or less.”

“You’re right.”

“Where’s Cisco? Maybe we can get everything in order and head up to the roof in like ten minutes? Shouldn’t take too long to decorate, though we may want to think twice about setting out too much food and other things. It was windy in the parking lot. Must be much worse higher up.”

Caitlin’s face fell. “You’re right.”

“Hey, no, don’t worry,” she reassured again. “If it’s really bad we can go in the speed lab and just head on up to the roof for the countdown. If we get all the decorations secured, it shouldn’t be a problem. Who wants to be chilly all night anyways, right? It’s nearly January after all and I didn’t exactly come bundled in a winter jacket.”

Caitlin looked down at Iris’ attired for the first time and her eyes widened, her mouth fell open.

“Oh my God, Iris, you look gorgeous.”

Slightly flustered, Iris smoothed down the sparkling dress.

“Thanks, Caitlin, Barry got-”

She stopped and swallowed hard, the words caught in her throat. Luckily, this time Caitlin came to her rescue.

“You know what, why don’t you take these streamers and lights instead?” She offered her other arm to Iris where the items were starting to teeter over. “If decorations are the priority then we should get them up first. I’ll take the snacks back to Cisco and tell him the new plan.”

She frowned. “You’re sure? I can help with more…”

“No need,” she insisted. “It won’t take long for us to get everything sorted. If we’re not up in ten minutes, you can come back and help up get our act together.” She laughed lightly.

“All right…” she said reluctantly. “Maybe five minutes, though?” She started heading back to the elevator.

“Sure. That works fine too.”

She was more puzzled than ever by Caitlin’s sudden avoiding eye contact and the odd tone to her voice, but she dismissed it to her clearly being frazzled by the team’s lack of preparedness. The brunette’s dashing back down the hall where Cisco and HR were likely still trying to organize everything added to that theory.

Still…something was off.

Whatever was off though was completely forgotten when she stepped out onto the roof. She gasped, starstruck at the sight of all the buildings and the lights beneath on the city streets. The stars sparkled across a dark sky and the moon was big and brilliant. She almost dropped the decorations held tightly in her hands.

She was so mesmerized she almost didn’t hear the roof door open and close again.

“Has it been five minutes already?” she asked, smiling when she turned around to greet the newcomer.

The smile immediately dissolved, the rest of her body equally paralyzed. She swallowed hard and reminded herself to breathe.

“Iris.”

God, she hated when she was right.

His voice was raw, rough, stunned, and achingly familiar. Unlike herself, he apparently hadn’t considered the possibility that they might have been set up. She tried not to look too deflated. The part of her that had been aching for this scenario was overwhelmed with the part that wanted to be free of that worry, which was unfortunate given how badly she’d wanted it earlier.

Still, she summoned her courage and walked into the fire with all the grace, class, and half-hearted enthusiasm she could muster.

“Hello, Barry.”

 *Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

[backtothestart02bts]

PSA

With the exception of He Kisses Me When drabbles, I won’t be posting any other westallen fics until after Christmas so I can get my Secret Santa fic written on time.

Feel free to keep sending in HKMW prompts (just in case I run out 😉).

[backtothestart02bts]

“Then who is?”

She closed her parted lips and forced a sympathetic smile. Because what could she say? The first thought that had come to her mind had been too terrifying and mindboggling to admit out loud.

Me.