#bad circumstances and mental illness have stolen so much time from me theres been no silver lining and thats just. final

[thrandilf]

not me still hedging on what i want my major to be ofc everyone does this but hfblhwefwbaefweqfhbwfew

the grand plan is an ma in library science and my ba can be whatever i want. the current plan is to go for english w creative writing focus

i guess i just.

i have so little faith in myself

its the degree i want to go for and it's a safe thing to shoot for bc even if i dont make it in i love the english lit path anyway, and i know this degree isnt Required to write professionally but i just

i have had to hide what i write for 13 years from family. i leave no physical evidence. im 27 and because my family is queerphobic and my mom is off and on Weird abt fantasy genre stuff ive defaulted to showing Nothing. and so all my creative life has been suffocated and growing like weeds between the sidewalk gaps and its what i love doing the most, but making truly original stuff is difficult, and im anxious for when i can finally commit to writing and creating without having to leave where i live, when i can write physically and have notes and ideas all over, when i can just be free and be me and have my own schedule and itll be a relief

but i dont know if the version of me that gets to live alone is actually gonna be suddenly more creative than i am now. idk if im actually good enough to pursue this. i have no read on myself and while i think i can say i write fic decently well ive been running on fumes and hiding for so long that im afraid that freedom wont actually let me be more creative. i just dont know if ill be able to bloom into more. i dont have the faith in myself and i dont know what ill be and if i should pursue it or if its dumb of me to try

i have og stuff i want to explore when i finally dont have to hide and stuff plotted out and ive taken the introductory creative writing classes and done well i just

aaaauughhh