#basement harem

[rainydayandmondays]

It's Cold

Summary: Ransom wakes up to a chilly, fall morning with nothing to really combat the cold he feels. It doesn’t help that Jake has you hogged across the bed to himself.

Pairing: Jake Jensen X Reader, Ransom Drysdale X Reader

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: 18+ only. Explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, fingering (women receiving), creampie.

Author's note: It's been a while since I've written anything for a fandom. We'll see how this goes 🤷🏾‍♀️

Chapter 1 in All is Well series written with @buckybarnesisdaddy and @theinheriteddutchess.

Early November

Waking to soft puffs of air on the back of your neck, you’re aware of the bear hug hold that Jake has on you. He’s worn his favorite Stars Wars t-shirt and boxer briefs to bed. But they do little against the fall morning. The temperatures had just started changing and even though outside was no autumn landscape, the cooler air of last night had caught you by surprise. Jake pulled you tight to the curve of his body, greedily soaking up any body heat that radiates off you. He was a covers hog as much as he was a cuddler. And while most times he preferred being the big spoon, there were nights that he curled into you. Your arms did little to reach across his broad chest and left you circling his trim waist. He liked those nights, your hands always seemed to wander down in your sleep. In the morning, he would wake to your hand tucked just under his waistband. His dick somehow knew it was you and reached out for the tips of your fingers. Like it knew it belonged there.

As Jake continues to snore into the crook of your neck, you blink away the sleep to see your other companion. Ransom Drysdale was a new addition. Where Jake was nothing but ready to please, his golden retriever energy taking over most of his personality, Ransom was like one of those temperamental Bengal cats. It’s leopard coat just flashy enough to catch anyone’s attention. But those paws always ready to swat away at anyone who had the gall to get too close. He did things on his terms, living to be contrary to everything and everyone. He had fought you, ready to prove that he didn’t need anyone, especially not you. The others had tried to get to know him and all had quickly been caught on the wrong side of his harsh tongue and haughty expression. It was Jake, his complete opposite, that had brought him around. More specifically, the way that Jake was with you. Jake didn’t care how he looked tagging along behind you. He didn’t care how small he looked letting you be the big spoon. And the way you called him Jakey. Were you trying to infantilize him?  Even now, Jake had so wholly wrapped himself around you, you would think that he thought you would vanish from his bare hands.

Ransom had woken up before either of you. The cold nipped at his body. He always preferred sleeping in the nude. However, you made him promise to at least wear underwear when all three of you were together. Most nights he would come to bed with your required attire, only to slip them off and kick them to the bottom of the bed. He wouldn’t admit it, but he loved the squeak of surprise you would give if you rolled into him during the night. He wasn’t ashamed of what he had to offer, never had any complaints. But there was something extra special about you finding him and his little friend in the night. The fact that he disobeyed made it all the better.

But now he lay there, the cool of the room getting to him and you across the bed snuggled into Jake. He frowned as he watched the two of you peacefully laying together. He wasn’t jealous in the slightest. Never could be. It was cold, just cold. Jake’s snoring wasn’t helping either. He stared at you, daring you to wake up. You couldn’t be that comfortable. Reaching up, he drew a line down the side of your face. His fingers tingled from the warmth of your cheek. You had to feel that. You twitched slightly, letting a little moan slip out. That got his attention and he twitched himself, all be it a little lower. He reached out again, this time going down and then up your cheek. That did it.

You caught Ransom quickly lowering his hand beneath the blankets. The outline of his profile in your direct eyeline. You watched as he pretended to sleep.

“Ran?” You whisper his name, careful not to wake the IT expert behind you. You reach out to lay a hand on his bare chest. Ransom always liked to complain about the cold. Except for sleeping, he was always wrapped in some kind of sweater. Wooly, cable knight, it didn’t matter. Feeling his skin, you feel the coolness of his chest. That cool touch you felt is starting to make more and more sense.

“Ransom?” Hearing his full name causes the corner of him mouth to twitch. Smug bastard was going to be difficult this morning.

Rolling towards Jake, you ignore the small huff leave Ransom.

“Jakey?” Reaching out to put a hand against Jake’s cheek, you feel him pull you closer, his legs locking with yours.

The small moan he lets out as you start to follow the lines of his sideburns, let’s you know that at least one of them would listen to you this morning.

“Jakey, wake up.” Your second call to him has his eyes fluttering open. You see as he tries to focus in on your face without his glasses. Once he zeroes in on your soft smile, he sighs softly, leaning in to give you a small peck.

“Morning precious,” you smile at the nickname. After making the mistake of letting him know how you never really got The Lord of Rings, he set out to show you the entire trilogy over the span of a holiday weekend. By the second movie, he had taken to quietly mouthing Gollum’s lines. When calling him out on it, he turned to you and whispered “My precious.” The nickname had stuck ever since.

“Can you go see if Bucky’s made breakfast?” You watch as his forehead creases. The three of you are usually the last to the breakfast table each morning. The sun was barely breaking its way through the curtains. It couldn’t be time to go down just yet.

Staring down at you, he goes to question your request until he sees Ransom shift behind you. The way he subtly inches towards you, feigning sleep while his mouth inches into a slight smirk. Jake looks back to you, seeing your eyes silently pleading that he understand.

Jake understood. He always did. Your arrangement maybe different from societal norms, but when had he ever worried about that. When you found him bent down picking up small baggies of orange slices outside of his niece’s soccer game, you hadn’t judge him. Just smiled down at him and helped get the remaining bags into his backpack. Even after months of dating when he let you know about his real job, not the fake corporate IT one that he told everyone, you had just smiled. He moved into the house shortly after and readily took on the role of your person. There were others in the house, but he was yours.

When Ransom entered the picture, he saw how hard he fought everyone. It was going to take time for him to trust and be trusted. Jake pitied him. He just needed someone to not judge him. You, who hadn’t judged all his dorky attributes, laughed at his awkward jokes, and didn’t run after learning about his elite task force, you could help Ransom. Lying in bed a few months into Ransom being here, he suggested that he move to your room. And as before, you just smiled up at him.

“Okay,” Jake nodded leaving you with a longer morning kiss this time.

 Watching Jake grab his hoodie off the back of his desk chair and hustle out the room, you turn back to Ransom. This time you find him facing you, eyes staring down at you, the smirk full blown.

“It’s cold,” at his remark, you give him your own smirk and scoot over to snuggle into his chest. Ransom would never ask specifically to be held. He didn’t need that. Two people embracing without it leading to fucking. What was the point of that? He just needed you to get close enough and his little friend should be able to take over.

Moving closer to him, you quickly gasp as you figure out just why he’s so cold. Little bastard broke the rules again. Looking up at him, you see his tongue quickly jut out to lick his bottom lip, “What’s wrong, princess?”

You shake your head at him, bowing it to fit beneath his chin. You’re not sure where the nickname came from. Knowing Ransom, it was to either get under Jake’s skin with a term of endearment too close to his for you. Or he probably thought he was being smart by playing off the fact that when it came to this room, you were in charge.

Feeling you breathe against his collarbone, Ransom runs his hand down your thigh, grabbing just under your knee. Hiking it over his hip, he leans into you. Fuck this cuddling.

“Ran,” you chastised him as he griped your hip and began palming your ass cheek.

“It’s. Cold,” he punctuated each word, moving your hips closer and causing your breath to hitch. The heat from you radiating through your underwear, giving him just a taste of what your warmth felt like. If only he could maneuver the both of you just right, he knew he could slip in. He was confident you would be ready for him.

“What do you need, Ran?” His eyes snapped down towards you. So concentrated in pressing you against him, he hadn’t noticed you staring at him. He hated this question. What could he possibly need? You always did this. Tried to reduce him to some needy little thing. You had Jake the puppy to be that for you. He was Ransom Drysdale for fuck’s sake. If anything, you should be needing him. You did need him, he could tell you that you needed him in your pebbled nipples he could feel through your nightshirt and your thigh tightening around him.

“I need you to stop being a bitch so we can fuck,” he growled down at you.

Your answer was instant, as you quickly untangled yourself from his grasp and started to roll towards the other end of the bed. You don’t get to roll away. Not from him. His hand shot to your wrist pulling you back. You looked at him incredulously, body tight, as the corners of your mouth pinched in. He could tell he fucked up. But what’s it to him. If anything, he could go find one of the others and have them bounce on his cock for him. He didn’t need you. He didn’t need anyone.

He stared back at you, willing you to break first from this Mexican standoff. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. That should do the trick. You hated his smirk, knowing he only did it because he’s an asshole. You would throw him out of the room, send him downstairs to think about what he said. Any second now, you would yell at him to get out.

Looking at Ransom, purposely wearing that smirk, you see his eyes flicker down in almost regret. It’s a split second, if anything, and he quickly recovers his smug mask. You sigh, knowing that he was a spoiled brat. But only because he had learned that was only way to get attention. Ransom needed attention, constant attention. For him, your attention meant you cared, and if you cared, maybe you could like him. If you liked him, maybe you could comfort him. If you comforted him, maybe he could feel loved.

The tension leaves your body and you relax back down next to him. With your wrist still in his hand, he doesn’t notice your other hand reach under the covers. Sure that he has won, his smirk falls into a true smile until he feels you grab onto him. It’s not your first time handling him, you know how to tight to squeeze and where to rub. You slide up and down, giving him a few languid strokes before using the type of your fingernail to gently scratch along the head. His body’s response is immediate. A low groan leaving his throat, as he dribbles onto your fingers.

“Is this what you need, Ran?” Exhaling harshly through his nose, he bites down on his tongue to stop from answering. Gazing up at him, you stroke him a bit more, running her fingernail along the vein on the underside of him. You notice the tick in his jaw as he bares down, refusing to admit to needing this. Your shirt having ridden up, you trap him between his pelvis and your tummy. Rubbing him along your soft belly, he slides easily as he continues to drip onto you.

Jolting at the sensation of your skin against him, he tightens his grasp on your wrist still trapped between your torsos. Peeking up at him, you catch his blown pupils gazing down at you. You let a quick smile go just to push his buttons that bit more. He answers by grabbing onto your leg, hiking it back over his hip. His hand inches over your ass before disappearing under the edge of your underwear.

The slick his fingers encounter quickly coats them and he runs his index and middle over your lips. He could feel them getting puffy, imagining how they looked cushioning his two fingers. He slid them back and forth, just nudging at your little hood that was just starting to pull back. One more pass and he shoves them into you. You audibly gasp into his neck and he just watches you, dazed at you crumbling under him. Your own hand continues to press him against your tummy, encouraging him to rut onto you.

“Stop,” your response is strong given your labored breathing. He stops the glide of his fingers but gives one final tap to that spongey spot that always leaves you humming. You glare at him as you untangle your wrist from his hold to push him onto his back.

Swinging your leg over his hips, you straddle him as his hands on your thighs steady you. Pushing you your underwear to the side, you hold him in place as you lower onto him. His fingers dig into your hips as you drop. There’s that warmth he needed.

Fully seated, you lean forward placing your forehead against his. He was sure you were going in for a kiss. If you needed a kiss, he figured he could give you that. He mouth parts, waiting for your move, only for you to whisper against his lips, “Fuck your princess.”

Well, fuck him if that didn’t make something in his head switch on. He brought up his legs, using the purchase the bed gave his feet and started pumping into you. You bounced atop him, your arms wrapping around his neck. The needy little moans spilling out of you and onto his lips, as your fingers tangled into his hair. He could feel you clenching around him and he knew he had you. Reaching a hand over, he rubbed at that little pearl, tapping at it on every downstroke. You finally broke with a choked yelp and he felt your vice grip surround him.

“Take it. Take it,” he babbles as your walls flutter around him, urging his balls to pull up, and let go. He heard your little squeak as he held you to him, shooting what had to be a week’s worth of cum. He feels you kiss him as he pumps into you. He knew you needed that. As he came down, you milked him a couple of times, squeezing gently as you laid on his chest.

Rolling off of him, you turn to him, his eyes closed and his breathing quieting.

“Still cold?” He chuckles at your question, licking his lips and turning towards you.

“It wouldn’t be such a problem, if your other one didn’t insist on hogging the covers.” Sighing, you read his comment for what it is. Ransom would never ask to be held. Ransom doesn’t need you.

“It’s not that you’re cold. You’re actually hot. You’re a furnace. You don’t retain heat, you radiate it.” He smirks at your analysis, readying a smart comeback, you cut him off, “Go take a shower.”

He snickers before sitting up and searching for his underwear that’s bunched at the bottom of the bed. Purposely bending in front of you to bring his boxer briefs up, he makes sure you get a show of it. He knew you needed that.

Opening the bedroom door, you hear him remark, “You can go in now, puppy.”

“Ran,” you scolded him, to which he holds his hands up and walks out.

Grabbing the duvet from the edge of the bed, you see Jake come in with a mug of what hopefully is Bucky’s freshly brewed coffee.

“Okay to come back in?” You nod at his question as he nudges the door close with his foot, before approaching you with a Yoda mug.

“Bucky is still working on breakfast. It’s French toast day. He was still dipping the toast in egg when I went down, so the coffee wasn’t ready yet. But he walked me through the whole process.” You smiled at Jake as he rambles. More than likely he’s already had his morning cup waiting to return to bed. Accepting the mug, you take a few snips before putting it down on the nightstand.

“Come back to bed,” Lifting the duvet, you reach for Jake. He doesn’t need to be told twice. Hurrying to his side of the bed, he whips his hoodie off and throws it towards his desk. Climbing in behind you, he’s quick to pull you against him. Griping your waist, he slips his hand into the front of your underwear. Hooking his hand around you, he feels your swollen lips and the stickiness of Ransom slowly leaking out of you.

“He left her here like this. She’s all puffy, but still needs something to fill her. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her,” you whimper as he gathers the little spend that has leaked out and pushes it back into you with his fingers.

Relaxing behind you, he leaves smalls kisses onto the nape of your neck. His fingers still inside you, sporadically tapping at your sweet spot.

“I love you, Jakey,” you whisper, as you begin to nod off to sleep.

Jake smiles behind you, tugging you closer, “My precious.”

@theinheriteddutchess, @buckybarnesisdaddy, @sarahdonald87

[theinheriteddutchess]

If Jefferson knocks someone up, he'll go obsessed won't he? What if he cracks in the house after learning he's going to be a daddy again?

@rainydayandmondays @buckybarnesisdaddy

[hey-little-flea]

[ystrike1]

Ashe: the coveted maid - By Yoo Rang Baam (9/10)

This is a lovely yandere fairy tale. The art is fairly generic in some panels. It is short. If the art consistently matched the cover page it would be an instant classic. Two lost, unwanted young lovers take over a corrupt mansion. They're damaged, and devoted. There's mutual love and happiness galore, after the true heir dies a gruesome death.

Ashe is a pretty dummy. She's been sold to a certain family. The heir, Lance, is a giant perv. He uses his maids as his personal harem. Ashe is just another body.

Lance is handsome. Perfect. Most of his maids are noble women who are actively trying to marry him. His blue blood protects him from any and all consequences. Ashe fears him. She humiliates herself for him, but it's never enough.

Ashe is skittish and uneducated because her mother disliked her. Her sister was even prettier than her. Her sister married a wealthy man. She secured a huge dowry for her mother. Her mother put a huge amount of pressure on her. Told Ashe she somehow had to bring home more bacon than her super lucky Goddess of a sister.

She, of course, collapsed under the pressure. Her mother eventually sold her to Lance to make a buck.

Ashe eventually meets Tristan, the bastard son. He's sort of like her. Everybody treats him like a ghost. He must live in a secret basement. He is the son of a maid. Nobody really knows why he's still alive. Lance could have killed him, but Lance is evil.

He likes to taunt his brother, and leave him in squalor.

Eventually, Ashe and Tristan become lovers.

Lance hates his competition. He's the type of heir that knows he isn't that impressive deep down. All he has is his family name and money. He scarred Tristan to make him a monster. A tainted thing. He knows he's not that smart, so he calls Tristan a fake. He abuses his brother to make himself more powerful.

Tristan changes when he watches Lance abuse Ashe. He decides to let it all go. He cannot win. He wants to be happy. He tells Ashe he will run away with her, after he scrouges up some money.

He's free of the stupid chains Lance wrapped around him.

Her honest love saves him from life as an abused doll.

Lance falls down a cliff.

Now, I don't think this is a coincidence. The author specifically mentions that Lance abuses noble ladies. No doubt an angry father paid off his coachman and well...now he's even more horribly mangled than Tristan.

The house turns on Lance.

They lock Lance in the secret room, bloody and angry.

Ashe has no idea what's happening, but the house needs a leader. Tristan has been given the chance to take over.

He plans to marry Ashe (she was sold, but her mother is a noble)

Ashe runs to the secret room. Tristan used to see her almost every day. When he doesn’t visit for a week she panics.

When she checks his bed she finds Lance.

He stabs her eye out.

He has gone mad.

Why?

Well, everybody abandoned him as soon as he became disabled. He has no friends to speak of and his only good feature was his looks. One sign of weakness was it. He was deemed unfit and left to rot.

He stabs Ashe because she truly cares about Tristan, even though he has nothing to his name but kindness.

Tristan fetches his foolish love.

She tries to run.

She tells him she is ruined.

He laughs and says he will destroy anyone who dares to mention her disfigured face. She belongs by his side, proud and happy.

When they have their blowout wedding he wears lace over his scar from Lance. She wears lace too, to cover the missing eye Lance took from her.

They live happily despite his cruelty.

He definitely died off screen on Tristan's order, after he stabbed Ashe.

A tradition becomes the norm in the mansion. Every staff member and every guest must wear lace on their face. No one will ever see or comment on Ashe's face, or Tristan's. They are above reproach, and the lace masks represent them moving on. Forgetting about those who abused them.

Also, of course, it is a warning.

Any comments about the disfigured Lord or Lady will not be tolerated.

Beware.

It's not easy to anger the Lord of the house, but if you do you will lose.

[wordstome]

Last night I did what I always do when I can’t fall asleep: think about fictional men. Here’s a list of wonderful stories written by incredibly talented people who have helped me think about fictional men by providing the most delicious playgrounds.

In the interest of keeping my recommendations brief, I'm going to talk about what I liked about the fic instead of summarizing what it's about. To know what it's actually about you're just gonna have to click through and read the fic <3

(and just in case anybody's gotten lost, this is all COD, mostly modern MW)

✦ complete ║ ➠ ongoing

König

✦Just Friends by @kneelingshadowsalome Salome is so good at capturing a very unique interplay between König’s social awkwardness and his deep, dark, nasty inclinations. He’s so feral and enjoyable to read, and the sheer force of his desire for Engel is downright intoxicating. I find it difficult to describe how much of an impact Just Friends has had on me and my portrayal of König, to be honest. There's a reason why three of Salome's fics are on this rec list.

✦Fatum Nos Iungebit by kneelingshadowsalome Five words. König with his cock out. That's it. Okay, but in all seriousness, I love his character applied to this setting. All the raw visceral violence a König could ever want, a pretty little lady in his bed—he's so boyish and happy in this au it brings me such joy. The way their relationship between him and Fee develops is so natural and so sweet. Please for the love of God read this.

➠Cat/Mouse/Den by @papaver-decervicatus The chase. The pursuit. The adrenaline when Mouse dances out of König's reach once more. I'm a little biased because I adore Julius and Jenny (I could call her Lucretia but the double J names make me giggle) as ocs already, but CMD is so, so well written. The tension, the flirting, the scene where he catches her falling out of the tree?! As I said in a reblog, I shrieked. You know when you're reading something that's so good you want to bite down on it and shake like a dog with a toy? (No? Just me?) That's how I feel about CMD.

➠Anything by @darklordofthesimp Anything, in only 7 chapters (they are hefty, don’t get me wrong), has turned König and Birdy’s dynamic from “THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS IRREVERSIBLY SCARRED MY BODY AND MY BRAIN, AND I CANNOT TRUST HIM” to “these two are going to get married someday”. (author if you’re reading this, I say that not as an expectation or prediction, but as a vibe reading.) This one is for the hurt/comfort girlies. Also, shoutout to all the other stories set in the Anything-verse. Sunshine and Ghost are just soooo *grips my hand in a fist so hard it shakes*

➠If you need to be mean by @gremlingottoosilly This mostly serves as a blanket recommendation for all of Gremlin’s fics. I found If you need to be mean, and then visiting Gremlin’s author page was like opening a treasure chest. Want to be König’s pampered, (unwilling) little housewife? That’s If you need to be mean. Want a harem fic with almost all of the COD MW men? Gremlin has two, both with their own little spin to keep it fun. Do you want König to keep you in his basement or hunt you down as a serial killer? Gremlin's got it. Monsterfucker? Gremlin has that too. Special shoutout goes to 1295 kilometers. I think about fucking König on a train a lot now.

➠Break my mind by @kaiasdevotion (kaiasown on ao3) There’s no way around this. This fic has the most unhinged, kinky, downright dangerous smut I’ve read in the cod fandom so far (positive). Just Friends König is the metric by which I judge all other Königs’ nastiness, and Break my mind König is tipping so hard on the “unhinged horny violent freak (affectionate)” end of the scale he’s about to fall off. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've developed a taste for writing/reading from König's perspective, and he's so chillingly deranged in the most controlled way possible during the chapters from his pov. Incredible writing. Chefs kiss.

✦Experimental by @uhohdad (surgeoninspace on ao3) Alright, enough of just König being nasty. He is still nasty in this one, but he’s not the only one who gets to have a little fun and be a total creep. Our little scientist here is a grade A pervert, and I was delighted the whole way through. The most important thing I need in a fic is suspension of disbelief, and Experimental takes an unrealistic, maybe a little bit silly situation and makes it so believable. Everybody reacts the way you would expect them to, even if the scenario they're in is A Lot.

➠Little Mouse and Rotes Madchen by @sprout-fics I'm combining the recommendation for these two because while they are both very much distinct, unique fics, I love them the same way. Sprout is such an engaging writer, and the internal dialogue of her characters is so well done. It reveals their personality, motivations, and internal conflicts without being overly expository. Do you guys remember that post I put on the König bible about instant obsession? It's this inexorable attraction borne from obsession that sticks me to Little Mouse like a glue trap. (Is that too morbid?)

✦Hot in Sarajevo by @50cal-fullauto Rags' König characterization post is on my Königcore bible, for very good reason. They get it. König is a feral dog forced to live as a man and loves like a total maniac, emotionally and sexually. I marked Hot in Sarajevo as complete but I don't know how many parts there are going to be, and frankly, I do want more. However, if you're going to only read one part (which. why would you do that??? read both.) I recommend the second part. I want to write love like that. Goddamn.

Ghost

Yeah, this list is a little bare bones right now. I'm gonna get back to it, I promise.

✦Anhedonia by kneelingshadowsalome The way. Salome takes the "I would take a bullet for him but he's so cold to me" premise and then flips it entirely on its head for the second part is so important to me. The way Simon craves the reader is like human catnip. I reread this fic all the time.

Keegan

✦For the Weak and Weary by @halcyone-of-the-sea Read this if you want to believe in true love. That's all. Go on now.

Multiple

✦Easy by @danibee33 When people say "I wish this were a book!" about fanfiction, they usually mean it in a "this is good enough to be published by the traditional publishing industry" way. When I say I want Easy (and Diablesa) to be a book, I mean it in a "I want to get this story bound in a beautiful ass cover and keep it on a shelf so I can take it down and reread it whenever I want" way. I don't want the traditional publishing industry to get their claws in this, because it's perfect as it is. This fic is so wild and fun, and the character moments are so special and well done. Do yourself a favor and savor this one.

➠@ghouljams's entire blog [masterlist] "What do you mean someone's entire blog" YOU HEARD ME. Those aus are some good shit. Good characterization, delicious premises, love the group effort of it all. To absolutely nobody's surprise, my favorite couple is König and Bee from the cowboy au (ditzy but well-meaning and competent in her own way woman x big strong man who is obsessed with her and maybe also creeping on her, my beloved), but I also have a fondness for Ghost and Die from demon darlings au. Trust me on this one. Dig into those masterlists babey.

[hannie-dul-set]

HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS [6].

SYNOPSIS. wherein your friend offers a room for you to crash in while your dorm is being renovated, but fails to mention that your new housemates don’t know how to talk to women (oh, and they also have an ongoing bet about you, too).

PAIRINGS. choi soobin, choi beomgyu, lee heeseung, park jongseong, sim jaeyun, park sunghoon x female! reader. GENRE. housemates! au, rom-com, sitcom, reverse harem time baby. WARNINGS. almost drowning, a nauseating amount of stupidity, swearing, sex jokes, bribery, the boys are shirtless for most of the chapter. WORD COUNT. 5.2k.

TAGLIST. @cerealdreamwriter @tyongff-ff @dinonuguaegi @certifiedmoa @blueberrgyuu0 @primantha @blu3bell4 @nunugget @hoshi-is-ult-bbg @captivq @tocupid @seosalad @ddazed-lhs @gyuszie @mifuyuyo @error-cant-function @twocupsofsuga @flowerbe0m @dangerousconnoisseurbanana @laviesm @keikeu @elavin @chaemmie @rikisly @satsuri3su @gyugyubin @junhuicosmo @skzenhalove @luvkpopp @yansbolobao @emer-syn @eggomi @drunkinjake @soobiverse @deobitifull @haechanspudu @yawnzzn27 @7myoi @toothfa-1-ry @imsiriuslyreal @maimoirs @whippedforbeomgyu

NOTE. this is my favorite chapter so far i think i peaked here. the ppt scene was inspired by anthpo, my professors' tendency to use the socratic method to instill trauma in their students, and hoshi from seventeen's tiger agenda. also, most of this was written before i found out odi has passed 😔 fly high little guy.

MASTERLIST | NEXT >

CHAPTER 6 — the obligatory pool episode.

THERE’S A HEATWAVE IN TOWN. When you wake up, it feels like you got transported into Satan’s rectum. It’s sweaty and disgusting under your covers, and kicking them off does nothing to appease the hellish humidity inside your room. But when you roll over to grab the remote for the air conditioning, blindly press on the button, nothing happens.

You try again.

It’s not working.

You jolt up from your bed, hair a mess, and armpits too sweaty for comfort. A power outage. Of course, there’d be no power on the hottest day of the year.

“Fucking shit, I’m so hot,” you announce as you make your arrival downstairs. It’s only Sunghoon and Jay in the living room. They turn away from their game of jenga upon your arrival.

“Yeah, you’re super hot,” says Jay. “I mean, damn global warming sure sucks, huh?”

The wooden tower collapses. You stifle out a grunt of agreement. “Apparently some feeders in the neighborhood broke down,” Sunghoon informs you. “They’re still fixing it. The generator also wasn’t working when Heeseung hyung went down the basement to turn it on. I think we need to get that fixed too.”

Well, shit. That’s not good news. You give Sunghoon a pat on the head for speaking thirty-six words to you today before walking over to the kitchen. Last time you checked, there was a stash of popsicles in there. You’re pretty sure they haven’t been completely water-fied by the blackout yet.

For some reason, upon nearing the kitchen island, the fridge door is hanging open. You understand why when you step on something— er, someone— on the way towards your frozen delight. “Ow!” Beomgyu hisses from the floor. There’s remnants of cold wind filtering out from the refrigerator. Beomgyu has claimed it as his territory, and he’s glaring up at you from his spot. “Watch where you’re going.”

“‘Scuse me.”

You walk over him, hiking one leg across his torso before infringing upon his fridge monopoly to grab a half-melted melon bar. This isn’t exactly how Beomgyu imagined how it’d be like to be in between your legs. “I’m not sure if you’re dense or if you just don’t give a fuck,” he says, propping himself up by the elbows as you dig through a plastic bag.

“I really just don’t don’t give a fuck.” You snap a bite out of the pale green popsicle. “Want one?”

“Give.”

“Go get one yourself.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sure you’d love to.” You close the fridge door shut and make sure to kick his side with your foot when you cross over him again. He lets out a cry of pain. You turn back, satisfied with your cold exploits, but there is no wall separating the living room and the kitchen, so Sunghoon and Jay were witnesses to that entire conversation. “Do you also want a bite?” you ask. Their ears burn a couple degrees brighter before declining.

Was that an intentional insinuation? Yes. Do you enjoy destroying their composure on purpose? Also yes. It’s a new hobby you picked up since staying here, and it’s definitely one you’ll miss once your dorms get fixed and you’d have to move out. Jay and Jake are both particularly difficult to get through, but sometimes you can manage to fluster the former, just like now. Jake has been impossible so far. You’ll get him one day. He can’t be left unscathed.

This may seem terrible, and sometimes you do get a teensy bit conscientious when one of them starts crying or becomes temporarily incapacitated— until you remember they have this whole secret bet going on that definitely involves you, so you should be allowed to fuck around this much, right?

“Hey! Why don’t we have a pool party?”

The genius idea comes from Jake. You immediately run up back to your room upon hearing the suggestion to change into a bathing suit, pausing right before your door because you don’t want anyone waving the PD&J at your face for indecent attire again. So you throw on a beach kimono for the safety of your wallet. They emptied the jar out yesterday to buy some meat for a barbecue party that’s supposed to be scheduled this weekend, but looks like you’re gonna be having that sweet, sweet pork belly tonight right by the chlorine scent of the pool. 

You hurry downstairs, so fucking ready to be submerged in cool, refreshing water. But when you get to the courtyard— all the boys already loitering in and around the pool— you realize something. 

Something a little dangerous.

“You’re finally here!”

Oh no. They’re hot.

“We’re playing chicken fight, come jo—”

A rather scantily clad Sunghoon pushes an equally scantily clad Jake off Soobin’s unclothed shoulders and into the splash of the water. They are all bare-skinned, glistening wet, and although it’s not a bad sight to behold at all, it’s a discovery that you wish had remained undiscovered until you finally leave this damned house.

Listen. It’s not like you’ve never seen any of them shirtless or almost naked before. Jay was literally in his highlighter underwear when you first met him. But you were never put in a situation where you’re able to look at them closely because all those times have been meshed with something stupid.

It’s very easy to overlook their general attractiveness when they all act like third-graders, bitchless losers, scandalized Victorian men, or all of the above at the same time, in the same sequence. It’s really easy to forget that.

But Heeseung has his soaked tank top sticking to his skin and Beomgyu is pushing his wet hair back with a wide grin. Your housemates might actually be a tad bit more attractive than your prolonged, initial impression of them. This can cause a little internal trouble.

“Why aren’t you getting in the water?”

Soobin is the one that’s asking, having already left the water fight in the middle and is now looking up at you, chest deep near the pool’s edge. You look down. You’re not sure if he’s looking directly at you because you’re a little focused on his toned arms resting above the ledge, but if he is, then good on him for keeping up with his eye-contact practice hours.

“Hey,” you call out, crouching down and hugging your knees. “Do you work out?”

Silence. Pink scatters across Soobin’s cheeks. He coughs out an unintelligible response and disappears back under the water, quietly swimming away. Yes. This is how it should be.

Feeling a lot more at ease after confirming you still have the upper hand, you finally dip your legs into the pool and stretch out your back with a satisfied groan. Fuck, this is perfect. You’re honestly unsure how you’re supposed to transition back into life at the dorms when this house has a perfectly refreshing pool at your disposal. You don’t remember what life was like before this. You’d live here for the rest of your life if you could. But you have enough pride in your system to prevent you from extending your verbal contract with Jake. Two months. It’s a few days past the halfway point now. All you could do is enjoy this life of comfort as much as you can.

Until it gets ripped away from you in the form of Jake yanking your ankle and dragging you under the water with a horrifying splash. 

Before you know it, you’re gasping for air and grabbing the nearest thing your arms could reach out for so you don’t fucking drown— but when you finally manage to rise back to the surface, a loud inhale of air into your lungs, the person you managed to hold onto just happens to be Heeseung.

Heeseung, who’s looking down at you with wide, alarmed eyes while you’re wrapped around his waist. Heeseung, who shoves you back into the water out of panic and shock and whatever the fuck his problem is.

Jake rushes to pull you back up. Heeseung is dead to you.

“I’m sorry.”

He failed to kill you so he’s now down on his knees, timid palms on his lap, and head lowered in guilt.

“I am very sorry,” Heeseung repeats. “I am deeply reflecting on my actions.”

You’re sitting on the half log shaped chairs on the courtyard, still wet, arms and legs both crossed in petulance as Sunghoon quietly dries your hair with a towel from behind (no, you didn’t scare him into doing this). 

“Stand up.” He flinches at the tone of your voice. “Go get yourself dried up so we can finally start the barbecue.”

He’s awfully obedient. You watch as his slumped figure trudges back into the house. “Was that too much?” The back of your head hits Sunghoon’s bare stomach when you try to look at him. He’s holding your head in his hands with the damp towel in between.

“You’re always a little much,” he mumbles.

“Is that a bad or good thing?”

Sunghoon ponders for a moment, staring at your upside down face. “More is always better than less?”

You smile, snatching the towel from his hands and jumping off from your seat. “Good answer.” Two gentle pats of praise on his cheek set his skin on fire. Speaking of fire, you can already smell the scent of smoke and deliciously cooking meat wafting in the air, so you run over to Jay who’s on grilling duty, hoping to get an early bite.

“Can you pass me a plate?” he asks, flipping the cut up pieces of meat on the barbecue grill. “Thanks.”

“Gimme one.” You open your mouth, chasing after the slice of pork belly on his tongs until he brings it closer to your mouth for you to bite. “Holy shit,” you muffle out, hot air escaping from your lips.

“Good?” he asks.

“Very good.” You swallow the piece. “One more?”

He lets you snack on a bunch of well-done beef before they could reach the plate and at some point he mentions, as you’re tearing open a few packs of ramyeon to cook, that you look a lot like the curled up pieces of shrimp he’s currently grilling. You narrow your eyes at him, hand dangerously hovering above boiling water with a square of raw noodles. “Are you trying to say I look charred and have a terrible posture?”

“No.” Jay raises a piece of shrimp in the air, showing it off to you. “Doesn’t it look cute?”

Now that you’re looking at it a little closer, it does look kind of cute. Huh. “Would you eat me if I was a grilled shrimp?”

Jay thinks about it. He keeps thinking until you start smelling something burning. “I’d keep you safe in my pantry,” he finally answers. 

“So you’ll just let me spoil over and die?”

His expression drops. “Fuck.” The shrimp is unsalvageable. “I guess I’d have to eat you.”

The rest of dinner goes on as you expect. Jay and Beomgyu take turns over the grill until Jake thought he’d be naturally gifted over the fire and ended up making charcoal with the last pack of galbi (“It’s fine!” he said. “I’ll take care of it!”) and today’s heatwave suddenly becomes a whole lot hotter with the rising flame on the fucking grill right when Soobin brings out the marshmallows for dessert. It gets quickly defused by a fire-hydrant bearing Heeseung. Now your charcoal galbi has toxic frosting on them. This is the sign to move on to the next part of the program.

The set of log-themed chairs on the courtyard has a bonfire set-up at the center. Of course this unreasonably nice house has that. It’s already getting dark, ink seeping into the orange tintent sky. Jake decides to redeem himself after watching Heeseung fail to set up the chunks of wood for the nth time. “You don’t know how to start a fire? Dude, that’s so lame.” 

“You burnt all our remaining meat with those fire starting skills of yours,” Heeseung huffs, stepping aside for the self-proclaimed camping expert.

“You still ate them.” You’re pretty sure that isn’t healthy.

“Because you would’ve felt sad if I didn’t.”

“You’re both equally lame,” Beomgyu chides, plopping down beside you with a bag of chips that you unceremoniously dig your hand into. “You two haven’t even had your solo chapters yet.”

A flame erupts on the bonfire. Both of them turn to look at Beomgyu. “What?”

“What are we arguing about?” Jay joins in, looking a little too excited for the squabble.

“About the fact that I’m cooler than both Heeseung and Jake.”

Heeseung’s expression falls flat. “You dropped out to become a streamer.”

“Leave of absence! I took a leave of absence and I’m coming back next year!”

Sunghoon and Soobin are both just ignoring the mess, roasting their skewered marshmallows on the bonfire and you aspire to be that level of unbothered. “Let’s consult a professional’s opinion,” Jay suggests, and all their eyes immediately fall on you. “Who do you think is the coolest?” Apparently that professional is you.

“This is like asking which dwarf is the tallest midget,” you wrinkle your nose. “But alright. Why don’t we settle this like real men?”

“Arm wrestling?” Sunghoon jumps in.

“Cooking contest?” Heeseung pitches.

“Do you want us to beat the shit out of each other right now?” Jake’s eyes fly wide open, alarmed. “I don’t think that’s a healthy way of settling arguments.”

“The fuck? No,” you spit out. “Thirty minutes. Prepare a powerpoint presentation explaining why you’re the coolest loser. Convince me. Ten slides max. Good luck.”

Something about almost naked men scattered around your home premises, aggressively typing on their keyboards with so much concentration and determination is so funny. You’re enjoying the raw bag of marshmallows by yourself beside the fire, watching as Heeseung starts panicking when you yell out “Five minutes left!” and starts typing even more aggressively. It’s pretty entertaining. Why haven’t you done this before?

At some point Jake brings out a projector and a projector screen to the courtyard. Seems like the power is back on, and your classroom of death has been set in place.

“Okay. Who wants to go first?”

You’ve produced a clipboard while they were working very hard on the PPTs earlier, legs crossed, fire crackling in front of you, and you click the butt of your pen in intermittent seconds as you scroll your eyes from left to right across the six boys standing in front of you. Heeseung looks confident. Jay and Beomgyu, too. There’s sweat dripping down Sunghoon’s forehead and Jake is furiously flipping through his notepad like he’s cramming for a final exam. But the poor, unfortunate soul that just had to look away from your gaze is none other than—

“Choi Soobin.” He flinches, nearly letting go of the laptop he has clutched against his chest. “Give it a go. The rest of you sit down.”

He looks rattled. “I’m not— I’m not really good at presentations,” Soobin chokes out, and the rest disappear from his side.

You let your chin rest on your knuckles, leaning forward. “Are you forfeiting? Is this a forfeit I’m hearing?” He doesn’t respond. You sigh. “Choi Soobin, are you settling with a D? A tiny, miniscule, measly D?” Beomgyu lets out a snort. You shoot him a sharp stare. “The other Choi, please shut the fuck up unless you want me docking points from you. Choi number one, please start your presentation.

Beomgyu straightens in his seat and Soobin hesitantly clears his throat, turning towards the blank, white projector screen as he holds the clicker with a visibly shaky hand. “Good— good evening,” he starts. “My name is Choi Soobin, and today I was tasked to explain why I am the coolest housemate out of the six. The answer is I am not. I’m not very cool. But—”

When he clicks to the next slide, your clipboard clatters on the ground.

“But I do have a hedgehog, and that’s kinda cool?”

“Holy shit,” you exhale a breathy squeak, the picture of the rodent’s cute little snout occupying half of the large screen. Soobin cycles through a bunch of photos of his hedgehog and the various screams of delight you’re eliciting after each photo makes him smile a little bit more. “Look at that little guy! Oh my god. What’s his name? Where is he? Can I meet him? Please let me meet him, Soobin I am begging you, I will get on my knees for you.”

“His name is Odi and he’s currently living at my parents’ house,” he explains. “I’ll invite you sometime.”

“That’s cheating! This isn’t part of the guidelines!” Jake interrupts, pointing an accusatory finger at the photo of Soobin holding Odi in his hands. Your coos are unceasing.

Heeseung nods along. “Professor, I believe this is completely unrelated to our topic at hand.”

Soobin looks visibly offended. You straighten your expression and click your tongue. “Ahem,” you start. “As much as I believe that Odi is the darn cutest little shit to ever exist and I will die for him given the chance, Heeseung is right. Mr. Choi, I’m afraid I’d have to give you a C.”

He presses the clicker. The slide is back to the video of Odi running down a slide.

“Okay. B minus.”

Now it’s the one where he’s laying stomach-up on the floor.

“Fuck. God dammit. B plus and that’s it. Soobin, sit down. Heeseung, you’re up next.”

Soobin seems satisfied with the grade, dimples popping out with a smile as he takes Heeseung’s seat in the audience when the latter readies himself for his turn. He stifles out a cough-laugh, one corner of his mouth crookedly twitching upward, confidently sauntering up to the front with his iPad, and it’s mildly unsettling because he’s usually Nervous Boy #2. But it’s almost cheating how pretty his teeth are when he’s smiling. 

And apparently he’s aware of that fact. Because after projecting his title slide (LEE HEESEUNG 101: the anatomy of a Cool Guy™), the next thing that appears is actually a photo of his very charming smile, coupled with Chip Skylark’s “My Shiny Teeth and Me” as the background music for his scientifically-grounded explanation. The next slide is a zoom in of his eyes next to a photo of Bambi. He has a venn diagram. This is actually pretty compelling.

Heeseung is a good speaker. He’s really good. The rest of his presentation goes smoothly, finishing it up with a list of references in APA format. Jake and Jay give him a round of applause.  “If you have any questions, I’ll be more than happy to answer them,” he smiles.

“That was a fantastic presentation, Mr. Lee. I particularly liked the part when you demonstrated your ability to make very impressive, but also very alarming sounds with your fingers.” You flip through your very blank clipboard, nodding and throwing out hums at the times you deem appropriate. “I’d give you an A plus, but...I have one question for you.”

He nods. “Yes?”

“Heeseung, can you hug me?”

It evidently catches him off-guard, just as you predicted— persona of confidence crashing down like a waterfall as he stutters out, “Wh—what?”

You clear your throat. “Only cool people are able to hug me. I need to confirm that you’re cool.”

“I can hug you!” Jake declares right next to you.

You blindly reach out your arm to give him a head pat. “See. Jake says he can hug me so he must be pretty cool. Heeseung, you can do the same, can’t you?

There it is. He’s back to being nervous and you feel like your job here is done. “O–of course,” he stifles out, following it with a strained laugh of weak incredulity. “Why wouldn’t I be able to hug you?”

“Then prove it.” You stretch out your arms, ready to squeeze and be squeezed. “Give me a big ‘ol squeeze, pretty boy.”

You stay like that for ten seconds as Heeseung remains glued to his spot in front, eyes shaking and nipping at the dead skin on his lips. You let your arms fall back to your sides. “Okay. C minus. Next.” His expression quickly transforms into offense.

“I feel like this grading system is a scam.”

“No hug, no opinion. Sit your ass down,” you click your tongue, smacking him with the clipboard when he weakly trudges back and squeezes next to Beomgyu on the crowded seat to your left with the box of snacks occupying most of the fake log, even though there’s clearly enough space next to you because Jay already started walking to the front even without your instruction.

Jay does not give an introduction, only a rough clear of his throat and he opens his presentation with just a slide occupied with his face. Slide two is another picture of his face, only slightly zoomed out. The next one has the hashtag JWU. Then there’s a full body mirror selfie.

The rest of the presentation proceeds in the same manner— a wordless slideshow of what is possibly his Instagram feed and before you know it, it’s already over. “Okay,” you exhale, pressing your palms together in front of your lips. “I understand that you are indeed a very handsome individual, Mr. Park, but what does that have to do with the assigned topic?”

“The question is why I am the coolest one here,” he says. “I’m cool because I’m Jay Park.”

It falls quiet.

You finally break the silence.

“Shit, that’s a pretty compelling argument.”

“This is bullshit!” Sunghoon argues. “He didn’t even say anything! There was no discussion! He should be disqualified.”

Jay remains unfazed. He defends with irrefutable wisdom, “Sometimes pictures speak louder than words.”

“Damn.” You let your clipboard fall to your lap. “I’m giving you an A.”

“Fuck yeah.”

Your decision elicits outrage from some of your students. “How is he getting a higher grade than me?!” one of them raises.

“He’s getting a higher grade because he doesn’t think I have cooties, Heeseung.” 

Heeseung throws his arms in the air in defeated frustration as Jay takes his snug seat right next to you again, a victorious smile gracing his face. You run your eyes through your scratch paper once more, pen tapping at the edge of the board. “Beomgyu, do you want to go next?” you ask, which is a mistake on your part because he starts acting just as obnoxious as Heeseung, which— if anything— just triggers your desire to make him crumble to his knees.

He even pulls out a lecture stick, testing it out by snapping it at full length on his palm. Is the fucker trying to go after your role as professor? Where the fuck did his glasses suddenly come from?

“Alright,” Beomgyu begins, the first slide displaying the words Why Choi Beomgyu is the coolest Housemate. “First thing’s first, does anyone in the audience know what my name is?”

“Oh, me!” Jake raises his hand. “Choi Beomgyu!”

“Correct!” The next slide appears when he hits the screen with the stick, revealing his name in a large, bold font with large spaces in between each syllable. “Choi. Beom. Gyu. Choi Beomgyu. Now, I’d like to direct your attention to this specific syllable right here—” he draws a circle around ‘Beom,’ “—what does Beom mean?”

“Offense,” Sunghoon answers. Beomgyu’s face scrunches up.

“What? Fuck, no. Another meaning— oh! Yes, Soobin hyung?”

“Tiger?”

His eyes brighten. “Exactly!” 

The next slide is a photo of a tiger on a field of green grass, grooming its fur as Beomgyu passionately rattles on with fun facts about the animal. You have no idea where this is going. “Tigers are some of the most amazing creatures on the planet, they are the largest members of the cat family and are renowned for their power and strength. As the largest member of the cat family, Tigers are strong, powerful and one of nature's most feared predators—”

“Did you get that from a website?” Jay interrupts.

Beomgyu dismisses him. “Yes, I did, but that’s not the point. The point is—”

Next slide. A hit from his lecture stick. It’s more text. Beom = Tiger. Beom = Choi Beomgyu’s cute nickname. Tiger = Beomgyu. 

“We have discussed that tigers are the coolest animals in the world. My name has tiger in it. Therefore I am the coolest person here. End of presentation. Thank you.”

He drops the stick to the ground and is about to walk away with Jake’s applause, but your penetrating stare stops him right before he reaches the crackling bonfire. You scribble on the clipboard before letting it settle face-down on your lap. You look up at him. “Beomgyu, are you a furry?”

Beomgyu freezes. He lets your question settle in his system before voicing out a very loud, very crunchy, “What the fuck?”

“Is this your way of telling us that you’re a furry?” 

“No! What are you talking about?” he hisses. “I’m just saying that since tigers are cool, that means I’m also cool and—”

“So, you’re identifying with a tiger?” you cut him off.

He presses his lips together, cautious. “Yes…”

“Because you have the word tiger in your name?”

“Yes.”

“And because they’re cool?”

“Yes. We’ve established that alr—”

“Okay, so you’re a furry?”

“Ye— no!” he yells out. “I’m not a fucking furry!”

“Understood. You’re a furry in denial.” You write something down on the clipboard. Beomgyu’s shoulders slacken in defeat. “I’m giving you a B plus. Take a seat, Tigerboy.” Though he grumbles in distaste, he listens to you anyway, trudging deflatedly back to his seat next to the equally grumbly Heeseung.

There are two people left to be victimized. Jake looks excited, so you don’t want to indulge his positive emotions. “Sunghoon,” you call out with a pleasant smile. He squeezes his eyes shut and mutters something under his breath before forcing himself up the log without you having to tell him. “Good boy. Go set up your thing.”

Unlike the rest, Sunghoon doesn’t have a laptop or phone or flash drive with him when he awkwardly takes the presenter spot in front. He’s standing on the balls of his feet, arms tucked behind his back and lips tightly pressed together nervously. “Mr Park,” you pull down your clipboard. “You’re free to project your slides.”

“Well,” he coughs out. “The thing is.”

“Yes?”

He exhales loudly. “I don’t have any slides.” You raise a brow. “I don’t know how to use powerpoint.”

You look at him. “I see.”

“I don’t know how to use this projector, either.”

You pause.

“Okay. I understand.” He breathes out a sigh of relief. “Alright, next present—”

“Wait!” Sunghoon stops you. “I can still give my presentation, I don’t need any dumb slides! I’m just as cool, if not cooler than the rest of them, so you can’t just skip over me.”

“Mr. Park,” you start. “Unfortunately, one of the criteria for this presentation is the quality and organization of your slides. I do not see any slides being presented, Mr. Park. You may present next time once you’re fully prepared.”

“What about Jay?” he tries to reason. “He just showed you a preview of his camera roll!”

The man in question has his mouth hanging open, pausing in the middle of stuffing a nicely toasted marshmallow into his mouth. You let out a sigh. “He had philosophy, Mr. Park. Philosophy,” you explain. “Do you have philosophy? Are you confident that you can convince me with your words alone? Without the help of cute animals and pictures of your pretty face?”

At the mention of his face, his knitted brows of frustration quickly melt into faint pink hues dusting his cheeks. You sniffle a little, rubbing a finger under your nose as you flip through the next page of the clipboard that’s resting on your lap. “Meet me in my office after class,” you tell him. Sunghoon grunts and stomps back to his seat in defeat.

“This sucks balls.”

“You have quite a few options to pick and choose from here,” you hum. “Jake, you’re the last one up. Please tell me you have a presentation prepared.”

“I do, and it’s gonna blow your mind,” he grins.

“Looking forward to it.” You watch blankly as Jake runs up to the front to connect his laptop to the projector, an excited bounce in his every movement and you start wondering how you can shatter this one’s hopes and dreams.

He asks if he can start. You give him a nod. At the click of a button, something boomerangs into the blank screen with 2007 Windows graphics and animation. The atrocious mismatch of fonts say Jake Sim is the coolest one here and here’s why.

“Reason number one—” Jake starts his presentation, turning over to the next slide and your vision is attacked with more outdated graphics, more jarring transitions and animations. “—I’m super funny. Allow me to demonstrate.” He begins by clearing his throat. “What did the Italian chef get sent to jail for?”

“What?” you go along.

“Too much assault.”

An assault is also a very proper descriptor for his PPT aesthetic. An assault to your eyes. It’s like watching a car crash that you can’t look away from even if you try. Reason number two is that he has a great smile (he does). Reason number three is because he has a dog (he also does). Reason number four doesn’t exist because he miscounted and skipped over to Reason number five.

“And lastly, Reason number ten—”

He takes something out of his pockets. It’s a couple dozen bills being thrown into the air.

“I have a lot of money.”

The rest of the boys are quiet. Jake grows quiet too, chest rising and falling after that very enthusiastic presentation and his wide grin slowly melts into that muddled with nervousness and unease because you aren’t saying anything yet— just looking at him with stern eyes and a sharp gaze. “W-well?” he rasps. “How did I do…?”

“How much?” you ask. He cocks his head in confusion. “How much money do you have?”

“Oh.” Jake blinks, now understanding. “I don’t know but it’s a lot.”

Your eyes sparkle, posture straightening. “Will you give me some of that money?” The unease has left Jake and has now transferred to the other five boys around you. Oh boy. Oh no, their eyes all seem to be saying.

“Sure, why not.”

You clap your hands together. “Jake wins. Class dismissed. Good night.”

It doesn’t take long for chaos to break out.

Heeseung and Jay are demanding for a recount (there is nothing to count except the sweet, sweet cash you’ll be receiving) and Beomgyu accuses you of being a slave to capitalism (that should’ve been evident from how you tried to scam money out of them with nudity and a jar on your first week here). Soobin starts clearing up the projector set-up and Sunghoon is on his knees begging for another chance to do his presentation as you watch the digits on your phone screen bump up in real-time when Jake wires you a decent chunk from his bank account.

Another successful day at the residence. This heatwave is better than you thought.

HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The best thing about long long in-depth youtube videos isn't whether their topic is interesting. Sometimes it is, but often it's something I've never thought about and never will again. The great thing about them is just watching someone get really really into something. I watched someone on youtube track down the location of Michaelsoft Binbows last night and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I have never once cared about the Vampire Diaries but boy will I watch Jenny Nicholson pull apart the entire series season by season. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEME PARKS MR PURJERER. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEME PARKS. TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE THEME PARK I LOVE YOU FOR THAT.

Last night I found a guy with a channel called Mother's Basement who seems to look at isekai and harem anime. I'm indifferent to anime and actively dislike both of those other things. Did I watch him complain about a really terrible old harem anime I'd never heard of for 40 minutes? Yes. yes I did.

[bravrdm]

Azriel is always listening to other ppls conversations so I feel like he would always have a lot to talk about be he never gets to talk ya know?

Like he just rants to you about the ending of his favorite book

And how the author fucked it up

And when u tell him to just stop reading it he just gives u a blank look lol.

He would always gossip and whisper shit about random people that walk by when ur at party’s

I feel like he might like people watching???

Like just the two of u fly up to the roof and he just points out random people and he’ll tell you their darkest secrets.

“You see that man over there? In the blue waist coat?” “Yeah he had a harem of 12 women and got caught with all of them in his basement.”

“The worst part?” “his wife knew the whole time and she didn’t do anything until she found out he wanted to add men to the harem”

“She can accept being cheated on with other women but being cheated on with a man is where she draws the line.” “It’s ridiculous”

Sometimes he would just get so excited he would cut you off when you two are talking about a book you read together

And when he’s away he wouldn’t be able to stop sending letters.

He would just send pages and pages of all of the things that would happen and what he thought of it.

Idk what y’all say that’s baby boy fr 😔🤞🏾

[sgiandubh]

Tait rhymes with Hate and Only rhymes with Lonely

I had a glorious, lazy Saturday (late brunch and witty geopolitical conversations on the terrace of the Byzantine Museum, lavender shrubs on top), yet somehow still fell on my basic evening procrastination thoughts.

Taiters, or the Cooperative of Domestic Bliss. They don't even like McSideburns and simply transfer to the Convenient Prop their North Korean homage reflex towards C. They simply hate S, with a thick, blind, ferocious hostility, and it dawned on me it's not just about thwarted love, but also complete failure to lie to oneself. That translates into perfunctory, almost whimpered, praise: 'we love the love' (it sticks out a mile, mhm), 'he has to be exceptional to have been chosen by C' (above all, never mention the inconsistencies, sugar plums), ' he was always by her side' (that seldom happened and only when absolutely required).

Onlies, or the Sisterhood of the Golden Dirk. They don't give a rat's ass about McSideburns, his life, his endeavors and his destiny. They are simply relieved he is there, somewhere, floating like an astronaut in the sidereal void, because that means that C is conveniently accounted for in their binary world representation. The main advantage of their position on the reality cursor is that they don't have to worry about that clear, present danger for their Fitness Harem vicarious fantasy. The main weakness is that they can never be sure: theories are like that, seldom watertight. All the digital stalking (let's not lie to ourselves: monitoring someone 24/7 and building timeline extravaganzas is exactly that) and policing (the French have a wonderful word for that: flicage) will never bring the grail of ultimate evidence. Face it, if you have a modicum of morality. And yes, I feel sorry for your empty, lonely, jejune life and the safety valve you built yourself against all this. I said 'sorry', not compassionate.

I am coldly analyzing all this and I am telling myself that Taiters are intellectually lazy and Onlies are control freaks. Their makeshift, opportunistic coalition against us is merely motivated by the existence of this bothersome Third Option, ironically their #bestofFans.

In the meanwhile, McSideburns carries on. A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a... oh, well... inside a beanie, I suppose. And how can one hate a beanie? Nah. It's the symptom, not the cause.

Onwards to the Netherlands for a Just So story. Nope, it's not what you think: there are many more interesting things in that wonderful country than three laptops data mining round the clock in a basement.

[edited and changed gif, heh. Realized that it was not really what I had in mind. This one is way better.]

[mama-scarebear]

How's it feel to have a literal harem of sub-5'4" cuties clamoring for your attention? 🤭 At least we're all small enough, you could probably still house us all in the basement.

Honestly small as you all are i think i might still need a bigger place with the rate at which more of you show up. My basement can only fit so many cuties. As for how it feels? It feels amazing, genuinely makes me feel powerful and sexy and aroused on a level i so rarely get to. Every single little one who's come asking for my attention today has made me feel all the more amazing. So i suppose thank you little ones and a communal gold star to share ⭐

[theinheriteddutchess]

@rainydayandmondays @buckybarnesisdaddy

You got me thinking of rooms and who does what chore...😫

[suffarustuffaru]

If you don't mind me asking but when did you first get into re:zero

yeah i dont mind at all :o ig yallre gonna hear my full origin story now haah. its my—my… ok id say tragic backstory but i dont think this is really that tragic LMAO. my humorous backstory? silly backstory?

anyway i got into rezero in summer of 2020!! this was months before s2 started airing and by around this time there was just s1, s1 directors cut may or may not have been out?? i forgor :<, but then s2’s first teaser came out right about now.

it was quarantine…. i was bored one day and wanted smth new to watch… and by then id only really briefly seen rezero—like you know that s1 promo poster with subaru standing there while surrounded by some of the main girls in s1 (beatrice felt emilia rem ram)?? yeah id seen that. in the back of my mind i kinda assumed the show was just another one of those abt a dude surrounded by his harem of girls or smth?? :< but then i learned the Real Premise is the time travel. via death!!!! and ive always loveddd angst and whump so i was like “NO FUCKING WAY I HIT THE JACKPOT” and eagerly looked into rezero some more to see if it was worth watching. and then i saw all the shit reviews on rz that never seemed to agree on if it was good or not…… and then gigguk’s video…… and then i saw mother’s basement on youtube make a defense of rezero s1 and i was like!!! ok fuck it im watching this show. i want the angst i want the complex time travel shit. i think id spoiled myself on a couple of subarus deaths by this point trying to decide if i should commit to rezero and then i started binge watching s1!! esp when i was like ok this is a good time to get into it s2 was announced right??

anyway i got hooked on rezero fr 👍👍 the first s1 emisuba lap pillow had me quaking in my boots ;-;;; and i was already invested from ep1 bc i liked the characters a lot already!!! i am simply BUILT DIFFERENT i loved subaru from day one!!! by the royal selection episodes ofc i was dying of secondhand embarrassment but tbh i grew even more invested in rezero after that!! i was and still am super impressed that the narrative had the balls to have subaru fuck up sooo so so bad there. like seeing that emisuba argument and the julisuba duel for the first time was crazyyy. the conflict was really good and the latter s1 development…. woagh.

and then you know i finish s1 and i immediately get to researching how to read, i read arc 4’s wn and bawl my eyes out from the sheer amount of rollercoaster both the emotions and Long Ass Novel gave me (yes i was bawling my eyes out at parent and child) (yes i was bawling my eyes out at choose me) (yes i was bawling my eyes out for all the suffering loops) (yes i was bawling) (i have no clue how i read all those pages fr like that arc is massive), i speedrun arc 5, i accidentally spoil certain bits for myself (arc 6 stuff), i read most of arc 6 in spurts, tune in every week for s2 (and bawled my eyes out seeing the s2 part 1 op for the first time) etc etc!! one thing lead to another and now i am here…….. three yrs in this fandom… nearly (?) a yr being active on rezero tumblr… HAH

also i made a reddit account back inn…. 2020 or 2021 bc i wanted to be a tinyyy bit active in rezero reddit (this was half a mistake btw. i think i have more balls of steel now but my younger self was sooooo naive. shaking them by the shoulders. this is an anime fandom!!!!!! and this is reddit!!! whatre u expecting???? i am less shy now on the internet thats for sure!!). anyway im still a tiny bit active on rz reddit now after not touching it for like a year. now i use my reddit account for spreading otto propaganda and slander /lh …../hj

but anyway ive never been active in fandoms until rezero and thats bc id usually lurk and a lot of my past hyperfixation medias were :< big fandoms :<<< but then. ok im a fanfic enjoyer and i didnt write much fanfic or publish fic at all before this fandom but then in 2020 after watching s1 i checked rezero’s ao3 page and *sniffles* *sobs* thERE WAS ONLY LIKE 2 PAGES ON THERE MAN….. A WHOLE DESERT…. yes and then one thing lead to another and now there is more fic and also ig id be considered an english fic writer elder maybe…… i started posting in like fall/winter 2020? and maaaan im one of the only ppl from that era whos still posting i think!!! ive seen the entire english fanfic scene pop up!! ive participated in a bunch of community events… sooo wild to think about. i feel old guys!!!

but now i have gotten more and more active in the rz fandom yes :3 its been fun!! rezero is very important media to me and ive met lots of cool people in my time here :) when october 2024 rolls around itll be s3 time (AAAAA HYPE HYPE HYPE) and like four yrs of me being in this fandom?? its wild but my lifes genuinely changed a lot bc of me getting into rezero!! met lots of cool people… made pals… gotten my writing and art out there and improved on it via. large amounts of rezero fanart HAH.. became more unhinged.. etc etc :D even got to meet one of my buddies i met via rezero irl 👍👍 more irl crossover events will happen i swear.

also gigguk in my eyes redeemed himself for his old rezero skit vid by making a glowing review for rezero s2 with his pals. i can forgive him i suppose :<<<

in conclusion: idk if i count as a fandom elder but i sure have a lot of my own fandom lore pfft :<<<

[son-of-a-mother-father-figure]

My Hazbin Hotel OC: Madam Baishe "The Madam"

(Art by @shineymikachu)

No stranger to exploitation, in life, The Madam was a concubine in the harem of one of the Qing Emperors. She found herself in Hell following her execution after she murdered a rival concubine by hiding a poisonous snake in her bed sheets; this other concubine having previously caused The Madam to miscarry.

In the present, The Madam runs one of the most prestigious brothels in Hell, and seeks to overthrow Valentino and take his seat as an Overlord.

Unlike Valentino, The Madam understands that it's better to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. While she is calculating and power-hungry, she is never needlessly cruel, preferring to cultivate loyalty in her workers, rather than fear.

"Concubines and courtesans are not so different. Both are valued on what we can give someone else. What pleasures our bodies can give. Our health and safety. Our happiness, our very *lives, are in the hands of those who would use and exploit us. So, I sought to give the sex-workers of Hell a new keeper. One who was different from all their others. Yes, they are under contract, but the terms are fair. For 40% of their earnings, I provide food, lodging, clothing, drugs if they want them, and help getting clean if they do not. But most of all, I offer them safety and security. They have the right to refuse clients or acts that make them uncomfortable. And the promise that if one of their clients dared to harm them.. they'll never find what's left of him."

Her patience should not be mistaken for weakness. The Madam is quick to eliminate those who would threaten her or her workers. It is rumored that she found her former Emperor in Hell and now keeps him locked in a small box in the basement of her brothel. Further rumors state that there is a second box with Valentino's name on it.

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 3

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 2 🟣 Part 4

A reverse harem vampire AU ft. Mikey, Marshall, August and Sherlock

Series summary: Somehow, you've managed to live with your boyfriend and his roommates for months before finding out they're vampires, but the real shock first comes when they find out you have a special quality. A quality the guys would love to make use of...

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+, MINORS DNI, Mentions of blood, biting, p-in-v sex, fingering and oral (f receiving), ultra light bondage, some manhandling, kinky vampire stuff I guess. It's pretty straightforward?

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: In honor of the immortal exchange:

"Is today a good day for vampire smut?" "Every day is a good day for vampire smut." (Never allow two Nina's to have a conversation. Ever.)

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69

Your conversation didn't let you go for a few weeks, and one night with Mike, your curiosity got the better of you.

You were just finished with your shower, and back into your room, wearing nothing but a bathrobe, when you found Mikey already in your bed. Of course he looked at you, he always did. When you turned the lights off, he flicked the switch on the light on your bedside table.

“Mikey...” From the beginning of your relationship, you’d always told him to turn the lights off in the bedroom, and he’d never made a point of it. Right now, he looked slightly uneasy, as if there was something on his mind.  

“Now probably isn't a good time to tell you we can see in the dark, right?”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” He was. Dead serious. “Mike! You should have told me!”

“Listen, again, I always thought you knew what I was and what I could do, and I only just realized that you always wanting to turn the lights off was because you didn't want me to see you. Which I think is bullshit, by the way, because you are fucking gorgeous.” 

“Mikey, I... Oh my god.” This was so embarrassing. Apart from a lack of knowledge on the occult, your parents had left you with some screwed up ideas about your own sexuality that you had largely sorted out in your best friends’ basements, but the remnants of the damage done to your body image were still very much alive in your brain.

“Just... Let me look at my favorite titties?” It was almost a plea. No, scratch that, this guy was absolutely one hundred percent begging to get a good look at your boobs.

“Dammit, Mike,” you said when he sat up and tugged you closer by pulling your robe.

“Boobies? Please?” He was on his knees on your bed now, and he was definitely begging, puppy eyes included. You thought about it for a moment. Somehow, the knowledge that he'd already seen you naked made it easier to make a decision.

“Are you gonna be good?” He nodded enthusiastically, and you didn't believe it for a second. Still, you undid the belt of your bathrobe and let the whole thing slide off your shoulders. Mike was clearly already pitching a tent, but he was more preoccupied with your boobs at the moment. His first instinct; dive in face first. You were surprised he checked the motorboating at the door, it seemed like a very Mike thing to do – alright, you knew for a fact that it was a very Mike thing to do, because he’d done it countless times before. Trails of hot, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses were pressed all around your boobs by a very eager Mikey who seemed hell-bent on exploring - and licking - every inch of your chest, until he finally made it to your nipples.

“I can turn the light off, if you want?” He said before you could even open your mouth to ask. And then you thought about it. It was obviously no use to hide from him, so what were you really trying to hide from? The ‘shame’ of having sex in the first place? You weren’t ashamed of that! You were crazy about this guy, and plus also; it felt good. You shook your head, and the thought of getting a clear visual yourself this time around actually excited you.

“You're making a mess, Mikey.” It seemed like you had taken that whole shower for nothing. The way he grinned back up at you showed you that he was proud that you let go of your hesitations.

“Am I now?” He very intentionally misinterpreted your words and brought a hand between your legs, sliding a finger through your folds. You were soaked, of course. A face like Mikey's between your tits left no one cold, especially if he worshipped them the way he could. “Do you like this baby?”

“Hmm, yes,” you hummed, gasping when Mikey's tongue landed on your nipple. “What gave it away?”

“Hm,” he wondered, “dunno. Could be the moans. Or the heavy breathing. Or - and this may be a bit of a stretch - this sinfully drenched fucking cunt.” Sinful… Just before your parents and their dumb ideas about sex and intimacy could worm their way to the forefront of your mind, Mike’s fingers brushed past your clit, and you forgot about anything that wasn’t you or him. Two of his fingers slipped in so easily you wondered if you should be embarrassed by it, but you abandoned the thought when he started moving them.

"Fuck, right there!" It was usually the only hint you had to give him. Mike knew what he was doing, and always did exactly what you wanted him to do, right before you opened your mouth to tell him what it was. It wasn't long before your legs threatened to give out, and he threw you onto the bed. His fingers found their way back with ease, and even a third one was met with little resistance. In a split second - using what was clearly inhuman speed, actually - Mike's face was between your legs and his tongue planted firmly on your clit. His mouth was warm, his tongue soft, and the sounds coming from Mike and the fingers that pumped in and out of your pussy were absolutely obscene. The result was just about the best goddamn orgasm of your entire life. Wave after wave of intense pleasure crashed over you until you were a trembling, sobbing, sweaty mess in Mikey's hands.

He came back up and kissed you. His tongue tasted of your juices and the taste incinerated whatever parts of you that weren't burning with desire yet.

“You,” Mike said in between kisses, “are amazing.”

“Amazing is the last thing I was expecting to hear,” you laughed.

“Well,” Mike grinned, “I wanted to call you my perfect little cockslut, but I wasn't sure how you'd react to that.” And then something inside you just clicked. Mikey was every bit as crazy about you as you were about him, and there was no need to hide from him – physically, mentally… You didn’t even allow yourself any time to wonder if you should be ashamed about all the things being called a cockslut did to you. Mikey could call you pretty much anything he wanted and you’d happily go along with it.

“Positively,” you said sincerely, “very, very positively. I'd probably have asked you to fuck me like one. But alas.”

“Hey!” He pouted, and you giggled when he did. Mike had a very strong talent for looking so sad you immediately wanted to give him the world.

“Oh, you want to fuck me like a whore? Go on, then.” You didn’t know what came over you when you said it, but it was kind of nice. His reaction was fantastic; eyes wide, he swallowed hard and squirmed in front of you… Mike’s soft hum turned into a loud moan when you traced a line from the dip between his collarbones, over his chest, and down the center of his abs until you reached the fabric of his underwear. You admired your squirming, lip-biting, excited, impatient idiot for a moment before you moved your hand.

“Shit... Shit!” You laughed as that second curse sounded a little louder because you wrapped your fingers around his thick cock. He rummaged around in the drawer of your nightstand. “Fuck! You're out of condoms. Fuck! Wait.” Before you had even registered what he said, or that he had left, he was back, holding a familiar looking box. He was in too much of a hurry to smoothly take one of the little foil packets out, let alone open that with any kind of agility.

“Give me that, you're gonna rip the whole thing!” You pulled the condom out of his hands and tore the wrapper off, flinging it somewhere. “Come here.” 

Even his step towards you was hasty and caused the so-manieth almost-accident. “Mike I'm gonna need you to show me you can move at human speed. I'm all for you fucking me into the mattress but I'm not a fan of internal bleeding and a crushed pelvis, capiche?”

“God, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.” Again, you didn't believe him at all.

“Jesus, Mikey, lie down.” He did as you asked immediately, grabbing you and effectively yeeting you on top of him. “Mike! You're going to give me motion sickness if you keep this up. Stop. Stop. Stay still or you're not getting any.” Judging from the look on his face, that was the worst threat you could have possibly made. Ever.

When he finally stopped moving, you rolled the condom on. Mike looked at you very excitedly.

“Please come here, please get on top.” The eyes, the voice, the eyebrow, and that damn lower lip that stuck out just that little bit that made you very aware of it – and also made you want to suck on it a little, maybe. You had no clue what possessed you that gave you the confidence to actually do what he asked – his face alone had never been enough. Then again, you had never been able to see it clearly, because you’d always fucked with the lights off, but still. You slowly inched forward on your knees until your pussy hovered over his cock. Mike ran two fingers along your slit again and laughed.

“God, I wish I could feel how wet you are,” he mused, which made you wonder...

“Can vampires even have children?”

“Absolutely we can,” Mike said quickly. “Us guys, at least. Condom stays on, I'm afraid.”

“Loving the sense of responsibility, Mike,” you said as you tried to contain your laughter.  

“Yeah, yeah, I'm super-duper responsible! Now, please sit on my cock.” How could you possibly deny a man who was so desperately begging you to screw him? Of course, you could play with him a little longer... Slowly, extremely, excruciatingly slowly, you lowered yourself onto Mikey's dick, stopping every time he moved. You were fed up with his impatience when he tried to use his hands to pull you down onto him, and a firm smack on each of his wrists put a stop to that behavior fast. He didn’t need to know that it probably hurt your hands more than it did his wrists.

“No!” He cried out when you lifted yourself off him again.

“Tying you up is of no use, is it? You'll rip my headboard to shreds before you behave.” There it was, the goofy grin on his face that had made you fall in love with him in the first place. You suspected he kept it under lock and key for special occasions, now, and apparently, this was one of those.

“Eh, I'm not opposed to trying?” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he was a lot more than ‘not opposed’ to it. You grabbed the belt of your bathrobe off the floor.

“Hands.”

“Yes ma'am,” Mikey said. His grin couldn't possibly get any wider. You tied his hands together, fixing them to the headboard, and told him once again to stay still. The smile on his face told you he was absolutely just humoring you; he could tear the restraints up without too much effort, but he was really going to try to not do that.

“God, you're cute.” You positioned him at your entrance again and slowly lowered yourself until he was all the way inside of you.

“Fuck,” you huffed as you leaned forward instinctively.

“You okay, Sweetcheeks?”

“Yeah, you're just a little too big for me to sit up straight,” you gasped. “Wipe that cocky fucking grin off your face before I help you.”

“Sorry baby,” he said, “I just love hearing you talk about how big my cock is. Does something to a man.”

You shut him up by smashing your mouth on his, drowning out the sounds he let out as you moved your hips up and down. His tongue pushed past your lips and slid into your mouth, exploring eagerly while he moaned loudly with every move of your hips. He was almost aggressive in how he sucked on your lips - and even your tongue, which was an interesting sensation, but mostly made you laugh. His hips fell into the same rhythm as yours with ease. It wasn't long before you began missing the feeling of his hands roaming your body.

“Untie me.” How? He always – always – knew. Dammit. You did listen, but that was out of mercy for your bedframe rather than a willingness to do as he told you. Ok, there was definitely some willingness to do as he told you. Fuck, fine, you loved doing what he told you, but this had still been a fun experiment. His hands on your hips felt about a hundred times more natural, though, and you almost cried from joy when he started using them to effectively slam you down onto his dick as he snapped his hips up to meet your body. Soon, you fell on top of him, hardly able to control yourself as Mike railed you into the next century in a position that should typically see you in control of things. But fuck that, this was heaven.

Mike laughed before he fucked you harder, the so-manieth thing you desperately longed for but never, ever asked for out loud. Your moans became cries, became sobs, complete with tears - of joy - in your eyes, and you chanted his name religiously while he kept going. He wasn't careful today, you were sure you were going to be sore tomorrow, but it wasn't important. A that mattered right now was the way his cock slammed into your soaked, tight cunt, and the moans he let out because of it.

“Baby you feel so good,” he murmured softly into your neck, “you're so tight, so perfect.”

And then he asked that question, and you said yes, and before you knew it he sank his teeth into your shoulder. It hurt when his teeth pierced your skin, but other than that, it wasn't bad. His movements slowed down, and he carefully turned you both around. He ground his hips against yours, and you cried out, overwhelmed by the sensations of his cock deep inside you and the gentle sucking on your neck. It didn't hurt – at all. In fact, you felt quite the opposite: it was extremely comforting, and a wave of warmth washed over you.

“Mikey,” you gasped as you grabbed the back of his head, twisting his curls around your fingers, gently scraping your nails over his scalp. Soft moans were lost against your skin as he continued his movements for a while longer until he finally came.

“I think I made a mess, babe,” he said apologetically.

“Condom first, Mike,” you reminded him, and he immediately left the room to take care of that. He came back with a washcloth and band aids. Now that you actually watched his movements, you were convinced you needed glasses. Over the past months, you had blamed the fact that you seemed to miss half the moves Mike made on being tired, or distracted, or generally imperceptive. You genuinely couldn’t believe you had been able to convince yourself that nothing was going on…

“Let me...” He cleaned your neck, examining the damage he'd done. “Messy bite, sorry. It eh… It should be mostly healed in the morning.”

There was a funny look in his eyes you hadn't seen before. It was excessively worried, almost scared. He put the band aids on you carefully, asking you a million times if you were feeling okay - and you answered him a million times that you were feeling perfectly fine.

“Hug.” The way he said it didn’t remind you of a question, but rather of a demand. And he was demanding something he found absolutely necessary. “Hug, please?” You let him snuggle up against you, with his head resting on your chest, and you wrapped your arms around him. It was your compromise for making him the small spoon, which didn’t work very well because he was quite a bit taller than you.

“I love you,” he said. That was a first, but it was so incredibly welcome after all that had happened. A part of you was relieved that you weren’t the first to say it, the other part just fell more and more in love with him with every passing second, as you stroked his hair and watched him almost doze off on your chest. That was when it first hit you how exhausted you were yourself, and how strangely calm. Usually the throes of passion – for lack of a less archaic description – had you kind of worked up for a while, and unable to sleep, and you’d usually spend some time goofing around with Mike until you eventually got tired. This time, both of you seemed completely and utterly beat.

“I love you too, Mikey,” you replied, “let's go to sleep, okay?”

“Goodnight, baby,” he murmured into your cleavage. It made you laugh. That was Mikey summarized: sleep and boobies.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

✧ ── 𝐌𝐔𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒

Tagged By: @aquatic-hybrid (thank you!! ♥ Tagging: @agonizedembrace, @bells-of-black-sunday, @kalijhomentethi, @mxlevolence, @manufactoredxbyxdesign, @dethdvncer, @steel-and-fire, @seekslight, @nameaprice, @matrotas-muse-hub, @asktheevilstarchild, @pitgritted, @hemoplagued, @johnnysslaughter, @zaunrising, @saviourofzaun

Comfort food: My mother used to make this wonderfully rich stew with braised short ribs in bone broth! This stew also was packed with veegtables and spices - it was one of my favorite things growing up. We'd usually have it with a toasted baguette too for dipping! It instantly reminds me of chilly winter days or when I had to stay home from having a cold. ( っ´ω｀c)

Comfort drink(s): Kombucha or Warm Ginger Tea! I usually drink kombucha anyway since its one of my favorite beverages, but it always puts me in a great mood when I get to have some when I'm in a new place or out and about. I tend to brew my own tea with fresh ginger and let it steep - this helps me a lot with allergies, but it also reminds me of my grandmother ｡^‿^｡

Comfort movie(s): The whole extended edition of the LOTR Trilogy! Scream (1996) was also my first horror movie, so it has a lot of nostalgia of being in my best friend's basement way past our curfew.

Comfort show(s): I was not permitted to watch television growing up but I have been able to catch up! My best friend introduced D. Gray Man to me during my freshman year of university, and it has remained one of the shows I turn to when I need a pick me up (despite its themes!)

Comfort clothing: Mmmm, anything loose tbh - but I really enjoy wearing harem pants. Frankly I'm cold 99% of the time so bundled in blankets with fuzzy socks and a t-shirt is good enough for me!

Comfort song(s): ╭( ๐ _๐)╮ Oh man, there's too many. Just about anything from Sleep Token, Ghost, or Sleeping at Last.

Comfort book(s): coughs in LOTR Probably not comforting for a lot of people but when I was growing up I would often read Sherlock Holmes and William Shakespeare in the library of my school. I have a very warm connection with these stories despite their content.

Comfort game(s): I was not really allowed to play video games growing up either! Shockingly the two video games that really make me happy are League of Legends and Lethal Company -- which - yeah I know they don't fit the definition of comfort but I play with my friends constantly and that brings a smile to my face no matter what is going on in game. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

[campwillowpeak]

Carl making billions after all the yanbois basement renovations. To the point that he will start to move out on Harper's Basement and build his own. At the end, all the MC's decided to move in with Carl bc he has the most coolest basement.

Ending: Carl is now the Harem Lord of all the Yans MCs :D

Wife 8-20 have been acquired