#basically... red remembers the bad shit and the easiest emotions for them to access are anger and hatred

[newvegascowboy]

apologies if you’ve already talked about this, but I’m curious about Red’s memories. How much did they remember post-goodsprings? Did they know they had been in the Legion? (if not then when did they realize?) You mentioned in a tag recently that they got their memories back at some point. How did that happen? Was it all of them or just some?

Sorry if that’s a lot of questions i’m just endlessly curious about them sjfjskd. one of my fav fallout OCs of all time

😭😭😭 ahh thank you!! I'm glad you like my funky little courier so much 💖 this will be kind of a wordy reply, so forgive me

Red remembers nothing after waking up in Goodsprings. Pretty much a blank slate. They start to pick things up, like feelings and impressions, but nothing substantial. The things they remember are relegated to certain very strong memories, such as being branded, a very important death and blood on their hands, and something burning. Its enough for Red to infer that they probably didnt live the happiest or gentlest lifestyle.

They know they were related to the Legion in some way thanks to the brand on the back of their neck, but Red thinks that they were a slave, not a Legionary. After Cecelia finds them in the old mormon fort, she clears up a lot of the story in terms of Red's role in the Legion, how they escaped, and what happened after. Red has trouble coming to terms with the fact that they used to be a Legionary, but isnt bothered so much by the outlaw bit of their past, except maybe finding it inconvenient that they're working with the NCR while the NCR has a warrant out for them.

Red is really adverse to learning pretty much anything about their past. They feel constantly at war with themselves, like an interloper in their own body. It's not their body, not their face, it belongs to Jack Castillo - someone Red doesn't even remember. Regardless of how unhappy they are and how little time they've really been them, Red doesn't want to lose themselves to a stranger.

OWB is when Red gets their memories back completely. When their organs were removed, the Think Tank did some repairs on the damaged tissue (as well as replacing Red's left eye with a mechanical prosthetic). Red spends a majority of the time incredibly disoriented and almost dissociative, unable to separate Red from Jack, or vice versa. In the end, Red accepts that things have changed. The acceptance and fusion of their memories is incredibly cathartic. Red still feels uncertain about pretty much everything, but they're no longer afraid of their past, and it enables them to become a much more stable person.