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hinamie · 1 month

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alongside someone like you

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fushiita #fanart #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk 266 #jjk leaks #i feel like i say this after every piece at this point but iam once again. SO TIRED #collapses dead #cries i did it again i ws up all last night finishing the first 1.....tht one took *counts* 8 hours...#got 3 hrs sleep n picked up where i left off on th second one at 8 in the morning #2nd one absolutely ruined me n made the third one feel like a herculean task . even tho its literally just them on a bed #rooms....KITCHENS......beloathed!!!! public enemy no1 kill on sight!!!!!!#hell is real and they make u render different rooms of houses from scratch no perspective tool no clue what ur doing #n they see how long it takes u to completely lose it #clipped yuujis bangs back tho n i thought tht was cute . silver linings #1ST ONE WAS SO FUN ALSO idk if its bc outdoor environments r forgiving or bc i had more energy n was fresh faced n hopeful or what #but it is by far my favourite. once again pulled out nearly every nature brush in my arsenal #third one meh simple safe soft w/e i was just so exhausted after th kitchen tht working on it was such a slog #oh ya i added a bunch of scars 2 yuuji's arms n lobbed off his ring finger sighs the yuuji injury list (tm) grows every minute #also HINA USE YELLOW CHALLENGE CLEAR golden hour in2 sunset my beloved <333 easy warm light + safe homey Peaceful vibes...bless #cries eternally thinking abt them let us have this let THEM have this pls thank u #ok i need to not look at these anymore take them enjoy my contribution 2 the domestic itfs pile

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m-kyunie · 8 months

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OoT Link that I drew & posted on my IG story last month. Drawn in procreate colored in PTS.

#tloz #tloz oot #oot link #touTuber #(GanonDeaf) showing Sign Names for SSB characters & I think Link's is sooo cute & exactly what I thought it wld be lol #think OoT Link has a lot of anxiety & feelings of disaster about him like always being berated? I feel like every Link has a feeling of bei #misplaced? They all have a similar plotline of being in the wrong place at the RIGHT time bc of their skillset #liked MM way more. I think the anxiety of what Link is tasked with is illustrated more in the MM's atmosphere throughout #Ocarina I felt like you only got the feeling of dread 1) when Ganon makes eye contact thru the window 2) seeing Hyrule as Adult Link #that was it for me but they were rlly daunting

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zellkabellk · 7 months

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Nowadays trying really fucking hard to teach to my brain that it's okay and better to "just do 10 min of this task" even if it means leaving it unfinished (but further along than before!) rather than not doing it "because when I do it I should do it all" Because jfc I can't keep leaving my house in states where I need to do 30+ minutes of dishes instead of just... doing a little everyday and at least it remains a manageable amount in the sink even if it's not always emptied...

#it's hard but i'm doing my best #im using housekeep chores as an example bc it's an easy one but really this is for everything in my life rn #better draw 10 minutes than none at all #better practise for my driving license 10 minutes than none at all #because I VERY rarely actually get the cross of energy AND motivation to do “a whole task”#rn my brain hates not doing a whole task but i'm sure with practise it'll become easier to feel rewarded for doing just a bit #at least future me thanks me every fucking time so yknow #i just have to practise enough so it doesn't feel like i'm forcing myself everytime #bc starting is always the hardest part #and even if i stop AT LEAST I DID 10 MINUTES OF THE THING SO IT'S NOT STAGNATING HOLY SHIT #i wish i was a functioning human :)#or at least a functioning artist that enjoyed drawing for 4 hours straight after work lmao #beary talk #beary ramble #beary life

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johnslittlespoon · 3 months

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how it feels before vs after taking adhd meds

#life be feeling so hopeless then boom. concerta kicks in #anyone else ever wonder how tf they survived before getting medicated bc like holy shit #23 yrs of every single task feeling impossible. now three months on meds and my life is Changed #worth fighting thru the god awful healthcare system for years honestly jfc #johnslittlespoon yaps #also worth the constantly racing heartbeat as much as i despite the feeling LOL

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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blissfulstatic · 21 days

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as much as i know i should get a job im not jazzed abt going back to cashiering so if this interview tomorrow sucks or if i can't sit at all in an eight hour shift or if they're not cool with me being trans (not that ill b saying it outright but i kinda had to apply under my legal name and im not closeting) then im hitting tha fucking bricks

#my last place WAS nice bc it was a small store and i basically had the place to myself #so i could sit n look at my phone when there weren't customers #eventually they said i couldn't do any of that anymore here's some bullshit extra tasks to do #these countertops do not need to be wiped every day. the actual important shit takes like five minutes #i can't stand still as long as other people can! i need to walk or i need to sit!#if i actually stood in one spot for eight hours my legs would give out on day two i dont feel like destroying my body kthx #so i quit that place when they started getting annoying about it. and if these guys are the same they can keep looking for sm1 else to hire #buenos dias short people

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reverie-starlight · 8 months

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going from literally not being able to handle school and hating myself for setting myself up for failure these past two years to submitting stuff on time and actually putting in the effort this semester feels so surreal, I genuinely forgot I could do it.

#rev rambles #this is sappy #but it's been rough for me cause school was my everything for so long until my mom died. I prided myself on my academic achievements.#so to go from feeling shitty about everything and genuinely not caring while also loathing myself on every front bc I was frozen #and didn't recognize myself anymore #to actually remembering that I do in fact enjoy learning and school and getting involved #and feeling pride in the work I do and actually feeling like I can take a break without crippling anxiety from ignoring my tasks #is absolutely insane to me. I genuinely thought I'd be this way forever and now I'm very very slowly starting to feel like myself again #and i'm not magically “better” this semester either #I'm definitely still feeling the effects of burnout especially after going from what feels like 0-100 in such a short amount of time #but I remembered that I DO care and that just makes me so emotional bc??? I didn't think that was an option for me anymore???#ANYWAYYYYY #I left this 20% assignment to the last minute (ofc) so ig I gotta finish that now :/

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hairydykecunt · 1 month

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i hate being mentally ill bc it is very easy to make something negative so quick. someone was flirting with me via petting my head and at first i was like aw that’s a cute way to flirt ig but then the more i thought about it i was like urghhgh no body wants to pet my head like a little cat without being somewhat attracted to me!!! aw ppl treat me like that bc they know i like it not bc they want to!!! and i think i am being stupid and overreacting but it’s this odd thing of like. maybe i don’t wanna be treated like a cute cat if the other persons doing it to fuck me or whatever. i don’t want head pets bc you think i’ll like it and it’s flirting, i want head pets bc my hair is so fluffy and u like how it calms me down/relaxes me. but again i think i’m just being stupid and overthinking, i can’t fully know if the reason they chose petting my head as a flirting method is bc they do that or bc they assumed that’s what’d work

#kitty talks #also honestly when they said that i was like yeah like it sounds interesting but i cant do shit like this anymore bc i get so weird #i unfortunately just cant fuck or do shit with ppl anymore. Like i just have insane thoughts all the time and overthink like crazy #like. i said we can makeout bc im fine with that but thinking harder on it now i rhink i Def have limits. like we can’t makeout for longer +#than 5 minutes at a time maybe every 20-30 minutes. i encourage making out when we’re out and can sneak in a session. and etc #i think i cant do makeouts like that bc 1) i get a bit? bored? or like hyperaware? like at some point it just feels like mushing mouths #and it gets repetitive and tiring. and 2) if we makeout long enough i just wanna fuckkkkkk but i cant fuck #i just am . kind of such a task lol

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seafoam-taide · 1 month

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Weird having an actual favorite band and knowing it. I don't really have many favorites it is hard to understand my feelings and even harder to pinpoint a 'better and more' feeling about one specific thing. But I know all of their songs, I listen to them all in a big playlist and never get bored, I am always happy to hear any song by them, I have every song's lyrics memorized, like ... they are my unequivocal favorite. There is nothing like it. Yes, I can get really into other songs, there are probably singular songs I can say I like more than any one song by this band. But I guess having a favorite is like what people say about getting married. I'm not explaining myself on that one actually I do have a point there that's an actual metaphor but I've decided explaining it is a bad use of my time. It's one of those artists that are popular enough and artsy enough that they can crop up as fic titles occasionally and no matter the lyric or song it comes from I can always tell immediately. I don't remember what the point of this post was I'm deep in my panic phase and it's 4 am and I was just sitting there singing I Have Made Mistakes to myself bc I can just do that, the whole song, and because it is very funny to go I have made mistakes I have made mistakes and I will continue to make them while in the middle of freaking the fuck out about existing or something. Bc you know yeah im one spoon away from setting the ends of my hair in fire because if I'm kindling for a little while at least I'll feel of use ????????? Yeah this post for sure had a point and it's devolved.

#tide of consciousness #Sorry that's a lot of text wow #Can we talk about the existential panic. I've been dying to talk about the existential panic #<- doesn't talk about it #Does anyone else get this. The feeling that is like the world is ending and its drowning and burning and it burns and nothing will ever beo #My best guess is I just have anxiety but it is very hard to believe that bc it feels so all consuming and terrifying and so so so much so m #The worst part is I'm not actually even feeling it I'm just sitting here using words that I know describe it bc it's like it just #Is happening. Behind a wall. And I'm here feeling the heat on the doorknob #Translating between the space where the feeling exists and the space where I reside #At some point I just go oh. I've been experiencing the world-ending terror for hours now #Like reading a letter!!!!!!!!! I just get a letter from my brain that goes 'emotions report. It all burned down years ago'#It's like and I know if I was in it I'd be crying and shaking and despairing so deeply and throwing myself around the room #And I feel like this EVERY OTHER DAY. Which is obviously why I apparently partitioned myself away from the feeling #Because you literally just you can't function with that #But surprise it's still there actually and I'm still having 2 breakdowns minimum a week #But now it looks like I'm normal and functioning to everyone else #So I seem like a horrible lazy fucking asshole who doesn't do anything but sit around accomplishing maybe 3? 4? Total minor tasks per day #Because I can't HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE !!!#HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FIX THIS #This is for sure something I shouldn't post but you know that's a rational thought for rational people

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 10 months

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my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

#.mei chats #soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain #i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent #i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them #and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself #but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back #trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do #Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms #or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!!#<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect #in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly.#they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid.#god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now #i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all #so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do #god this got long. sawry #.not f/o related

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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months

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hmm i think i am not coping. very well

#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore #i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care #and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that #july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing #i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before #but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it #nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i #truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have #ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting #i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e #even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining #i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds #despite knowing a community of some kind would help #but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not #i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either #i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place #ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you #cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that #it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore #not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted #idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming #dlt ltr

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july-19th-club · 10 months

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oooohohoh baby im back in business i got into a new area to explore and i got a bunch of new green things to click on and find items in and i talked to an incredibly shady mob boss and he gave me. a giant novelty check? to pay my rent with? so i'm totally in his pocket and that's not looking good BUT i've still got kim with me and kim thinks it's important that i don't sleep on the streets, so i'm proving to him that i can be a professional by doing the field autopsy with him at 9pm in the dark . also i finally leveled up my volition so i might not like . suffer dizzy spells of low morale every time i remember what dire straits im in. AND I LEARNED MY NAME jesus yeah that was a big one. the mob boss used it so now i know more or less that i have a name. but that was while having a panic attack about my lost gun. so ya win some ya lose some

#so many more tasks now tho #every time i accomplish three i wind up with six more #my favorite tasks are the secret ones bc i FEEL like ive checked something off the list #but by far the very best part of the game is clicking on green things. it's like an advent calendar it's great i love it #i love you green things #i dont love the ominous worldbuilding hints that seem to be suggesting that even if i do solve the mystery #everything will go very bad anyway. but hey . ive got kim. and ive got my snakeskin boots #disco elysium #so so so sad the first time i hear my name in my current fragile state is when a mob boss is mocking me . so sad

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megid0nt · 2 months

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obnoxious that I can't just use a computer to do the things I've always used computers to do, now I have to use two different computers including one with specialized hardware for interfacing with an entirely different network of interdevice communication. I don't wanna turn on goddamn mfa, and it's insufferable when I have to goddamn pull out another hundreds of dollars of tech just to be allowed to use your site's search (because you forbid it unauthenticated)

#on the one hand I get that having stronger security for authentication is nice.#on the other hand though. if you don't trust the individual with whom you have to authenticate for the service they have a monopoly over #then you have to fuckin sacrifice your operational security in the name of making some other individual feel better about their lax securit #which like. fine whatever dont do business with people you dont wanna do business with. except for like. fucking github #like you want the gpl'ed source code for the quake engine #youre gonna have to endure microsoft and github and a million petty tyrants who demand every bit of data just for fundamental functionality #ugh I don't know I have any coherent complaints I'm just whinging bc I had to use two computers for a task one computer can do

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fadeintoyou1993 · 2 months

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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?

#txt #audhd tag #just venting a little #its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This #like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning #but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no #one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like #Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved #cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating #okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick #want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post

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tomatoluvr69 · 3 months

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#Spotify #music for when you’re driving to ace hardware to buy mousetraps so you can kick out that mouse like Nick Cave says #and when you get there you give him your best friend’s phone number bc you unfortunately have it memorized and he goes to ace hardware all #the time for work #and the guy on the register squints at you and confirms the very male name on the screen #and you resist the urge to squeak out an excuse and just confirm #and then you stop by aldi on the way back and buy two tubs of Greek yogurt and two bottles of synergy kombucha #bc even though you brew your own and actually have way more than you could possibly handle rn bc it’s so hot in your house #you are a sucker for limited edition flavors and it will cause you to spend $8 on kombucha #so you buy pomelo lemonade and cherry coconut lemongrass #which is the summer flavor named unity or something #and you usually get one every year #but you still feel ridiculous walking out of aldi with two tubs of yogurt and two bottles of kombucha and nothing else even though no one #you know sees you even though west ********* is crawling with acquaintances #and then you get back in your car and you’re proud of the rare burst of executive function which allowed you to finally put the new battery #in your car keys even though you stole the battery from target like two months ago you just couldn’t figure out how to open the damn thing #and the convenience is novel and you think wow maybe I should injure my ribcage more often if it’s forcing me to take care of all these #tiny tasks like buying mousetraps and replacing your key battery and cooking figs in honey et cetera #and you drive down the hill and see low clouds snagging in the blue ridge mountains and feel alright for a moment #and go to the scratch and dent where you buy butter and a couple 33¢ seltzers and a diet ginger ale as a lil treat #and when you get back home you drop it on the gravel road and the ginger ale begins to leak out so you put your mouth to it even though the #thought of what nonsense is on the outside of the can from the manufacturing and shipping process lingers #and by the time you get to the kitchen and pour it over ice in a mason jar it’s fairly flat from the burst of bubbles when you poured it #awkwardly with one hand #and you drink what remains on the porch where it’s a post-rain subdued sky sort of dusk #and you think about how much it’s gonna hurt to leave and how you have no other option because of how entwined you’ve become with someone #who is the entire city and the entire vast forest and possibly the entire ecological region #and then you’re still hungry so you eat some meal prepped overnight oats that were for tomorrow morning. the end #journal

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toytulini · 3 months

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wish my fucking brain worked

#toy txt post #feel like im pretending to function by using everything i have to accomplish Some of my Basic Everyday Chores or whatever #but anything that requires the slightest bit more and its just. i got fucking nothing #i need therapy. guess what. sorting through therapists on that little website takes So Much. figureing out what id need to discuss and #address. is So Much. emailing a therapist or 2 to try to see about seeing them? thats fucking insurmountable. i cant do this.#i cant fucking do this. i cant apply for jobs i dont think i can make it thru an interview rn even if it was something well within my #capacity to actually do which is also feels like Not Much i feel like im fucking Rotting #everything takes So Fucking Much and the only way i can do anything is to not think about anything bc that will get me #crying and spiralling and using precious fucking energy that couldve maybe gone to executive functioning for basic tasks #used up to cry about something which doesnt help feels bad hurts uses an annoying amount of tissues makes it impossible to talk and fucking #exhausts me and for fucking what. for what. i dont feel better. i dont feel like ive let go of or released anything or addressed anything #i think im gonna have to do online therapy cos im gonna be cryin so fucking much and i dont wanna cry into a mask every session

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