#bc she looks literally stunning there and I am nothing if not a lover of women

[murdleandmarot]

Hey guys, Memory is, like, a really good song

[annathesillyfriend]

Anna's July Fic Recs

Welcome to my July fic recommendations masterpost!! I thought I'd have so much time now that I'm staying with my parents and doing nothing. I thought I'd get through all the amazing fic waiting patiently in my tbr... yeah, that didn't work out 🙂 But still, I've managed to read some gems and I am so excited to share them with you!

To all the writers - I love you and I appreciate you so much!

To all the readers - please, share the fics you read and love. The reblog really makes the change! It’s the least we can do to show our gratitude.

HOLLAND & Co.

🌷TOM HOLLAND🌷

ice lolly by @lauras-collection

one-shot, 18+, 🧁🍭😏, laura snaps left and right, but what's new???

lonely heart by @/lauras-collection

one-shot, 18+ but make it emotional, look who's back!! it's laura again bc everything she writes is 24k gold

office hours by @screamholland

series, 18+, professor!tom x ta!female!reader, liz thank you for always providing us with absolute bangers

unlatched by @spidey-sophie

one-shot, 18+, ceo!tom x personal assistant!reader, enemies to fuckers 😈, i read it like an hour ago and i'm still shaking you guys

break my heart by @rosyparkers

social media au series, i love me a good social media au fic and this one is just 👏👏

plan, interrupted by @uglypastels

one-shot, 18+, i am in awe, the perfect angst to fun to smut ratio, such an original concept with an impeccable execution 👏👏

sink or swim by @reawritesthings

one-shot, 18+, surfer!tom, fwb, best friends to lovers, phenomenal 👏

floating hearts by @veryholland

one-shot, i'd rather have him skin me alive than take me out to the ice rink but this is adorable :')

strings attached by @loverholland

one-shot, 18+, rich kid! fuckboy! fwb! tom holland x rich kid! fem! reader

limelight side a + side b by @specialk-18

series, r&b singer!tom x publicist!OC, side a is so good, haven't read side b yet but i'm sure it's just as good!

lover boy by @farfromharry

one-shot, lifeguard!tom, the cutest!!

jealousy, jealousy by @waitimcomingtoo

one-shot, famous!reader, so fun, i loved it so much 💙

summer night by @blindingdutchy

one-shot, 18+, literally my dreams written down

🌷HARRY HOLLAND🌷

afterglow by @spider-barnes

one-shot, 18+, taking the relationship to the new level

perfectly perfect by @/spider-barnes

oen-shot, reader's helpind harry with his insecurities

the next 10 minutes by @greenorangevioletgrass

one-shot, 18+, stage manager!harry x actress!reader, fwb, ava is the queen of my heart, thank you and goodnight

🌷HARRISON OSTERFIELD🌷

reasons wretched and divine by @greenorangevioletgrass

part of the rich kid!haz au, 18+, the are not enough words in the universe the describe my love for that man, that fic and the woman, the icon, the legend ava ✨

if you feel the same by @duskholland

one-shot, the love of my life harrison + the love of my life h = 💙💙💙

love at the second sight by @mcumendes

series, actress!reader, costars + enemies to lovers, this is bloody amazing, sabrina ily babe you're a star ✨✨✨

MARVEL

🌷BUCKY BARNES🌷

half a man by @whitestarbucky

one-shot, 18, did it rip my heart out? sure. does it change the fact that i'd let riley run me over with a roadroller twice a day everyday for the rest of my life? no

hide out by @xbuchananbarnes

one-shot, are we even surprised to see dani here? she lives rent free in my heart, my mind and my rec lists

electirc by @buckys-darling

one-shot, 18+, left me brain dead cause it's so damn good

top shelf by @jobean12-blog

series, bookshop/bartender/baker au, so lovely!!

the lost converse by @firefly-in-darkness

one-shot, so lovely! daisy's fics are always 💙💙💙

bulova by @/babycap

one-shot, friends to lovers, so beautiful!

the good things by @houseravenclaws

one-shot, i love it!!!

tap by @/houseravenclaws

one-shot, STUNNING!

the things you've done by @divine-mistake

one-shot, no smut but 18+, so bloody good!!!

this was a premonition, i think by @divine-mistake

one-shot, no smut but 18+, tfatws!bucky, once again amazing work!!

unconventional love by @jurassicbarnes

one-shot, 18+, bodyguard!bucky x modern royal!reader, m's works are always great, i am convinced she wouldn't be able to write a bad thing if she tried

what a night by @/jurassicbarnes

series, so good!!

missing piece by @likeahorribledream

one-shot, new relationship with b, stunning work!

this fic by @becca-e-barnes

one-shot, 18+, i,,,,🤯🤯🤯 it killed me and i came back from the dead just to write this

i was made for lovin' you @buckycuddlebuddy

one-shot, 18+, rockstar!bucky x bassist!reader, husband!bucky 🤤🤤

crawl home to her by @nexusnyx

one-shot, this made me feel all 🥰🥰🥰

ducky boxers by @thewritingdoll

one-shot, single dad!bucky with twins, so lovely!

sacred new beginnings by @golden-bucky

one-shot, meeting bucky at the animal shelter, cat dad!bucky is everything

roommate bucky by @metalbuckaroo

collection of fics, roommate!bucky, love every single one of them!

closer to you by @bloomingbucky

one-shot, 18+, buck + facetime - clothes = 👌

brassy by @tuiccim

series, 18+, bucky x reader + loki x reade (fwb), great work!

🌷SARAHBUCKY🌷

this fic by @ocean-bucky

one-shot, this thing is the most adorable story in the world and vidra is a queen

🌷SAM WILSON🌷

if you forget, i will be your memory by @babycap

one-shot, do you know the feeling when you toss and turn in bed for what seems like hours but then you turn your pillow over so it's cold again, find a perfect postion and finally fall asleep? yeah, reading this will give you the exact same feeling

this fic by @ritesofreverie

one-shot, 18+, inspired by sam's training montage™, AMAZING

finally by @moonlight-prose

one-shot, reunion with sam, attention! you will cry your eyes out

the first time you lost him + part II by @lavenderwilson

two-shot, part of the first time series, lot of heartbreak but it's really woth it! please read the other works from this series!!

🌷STEVE ROGERS🌷

everything and beyond by @rodrikstark

series, mutual pining, this is my favourite steve series i've read in a while, it was perfect from beginning to end!

painted bodies by @bvckysmoon

one-shot, painter!steve, beautiful writing!!

love me as though there were no tomorrow by @ritesofreverie

one-shot, 18+, artist!steve x genderneutral!reader, so poetic, i am in love!

white paper + part II by @marvelescape

two-shot, modern au, paralegal!reader, singledad!steve, cute kid, coffee shop - yes, just yes

positions and pleasures by @/tuiccim

series, 18+, steve and his girl get their hands on 'the 10 position that will get her off every time' list 🤤

🌷JOAQUIN TORRES🌷

obvious by @mischiefmanaged71

one-shot, fluff™, this star is always feeding me with golden torres content and i am so grateful!!

teach me how to love by @mischiefmanaged71

one-shot, easily one of my top 3 torres stories!! got me addicted to the song as well

🌷PETER PARKER🌷

where we rot by @starknik22

series, villain!reader, amazing!

angel by @sourholland

one-shot, avenger/widow!reader, loved it!

amorentia by @tinyyoungblood

one-shot, hogwarts!au, the love i have for this fic is so storng i feel like my heart could burst any second

secret by @earlgreydream

one-shot, stark!reader, dating in secret, love this!

better half by @ptersmj

one-shot, peter is soft, i am soft, everything is soft 😌

inexperienced by @/starktonyx

one-shot, teaching pete how to kiss 👀

someone by @/peterplanet

one-shot, ‍💓💓

🌷YELENA BELOVA🌷

practice makes perfect by @/belowva

one-shot, 💕💕💕

OTHERS

🌷ANDY BARBER🌷

this fic by @/worksby-d

blurb, tiny little thing but made me so happy!

🌷DRAMIONE🌷

the gala by @/icepower55

one-shot, came back to my roots, the first fanfics i've ever read were dramione :') amazing work, this gem reminded me why i love them together so much

[revengeisourlullaby]

If I Never Knew You Pt.4

Pt.1   Pt.2   Pt.3   Pt.4   Pt.5   Pt.6

Warnings:18+, angst, secret relationhsip, kinda royal au, arranged marriage plot

a/n: Part 4 everybody! I will be posting part 5 this evening bc this one is kinda fillerish so I don’t wanna leave y’all hanging for too long. If you wanna be tagged let me know! I’m sorry it gets a little bit more angsty before its resolves, but I promise it will resolve. 

Word count: 1.7K

Loki x female!reader

Sun shone through the arches in Loki’s bedroom, the fresh Asgardian air whirling through the room. You rolled on your side to get a look at your lover to see if sleep had evaded him yet. His eyes were still closed, lids flickering back and forth causing a smile to form on your face because you were wondering what he could be dreaming about. 

You returned to your back staring at the ceiling imagining that this atmosphere of serenity would soon be all yours to have until the end of days. Closing your eyes you tried to relish in it for a little while longer, but your thoughts would soon be rapping at your fantasy. Eating away at you with shame, guilt, and unfortunately a heavy dose of fear.

You grabbed the top silk sheet and pulled it over your exposed body. Sliding to the edge of the bed, you hang your head in disappointment. Knowing that in a few hours you would have to fight not only for your freedom but for your love. It was a nightmare come to life but you had to remember that nothing worthwhile in life came easy and if that meant losing in one aspect or another you felt that you could muster the courage to go through with it. You turned your head to gaze at Loki still sleeping and with a snap of a finger, your worries seemed to pale.

He was your strength, your rock, your whole world. He taught you more than you could ever have hoped to learn and most importantly he taught you how to be annoyingly persistent to get the things that you wanted in life. Not to say that you gave up easily but he showed you how to weasel your way into ensuring you got what your heart desired. Life is full of losing but he showed you how to make the best of it.

“Perhaps we should get someone to make you a personal statue of me so you can stare at it as long as you want.”

Loki’s voice pulled you from your thoughts and you felt heat rise up in your face.

“My apologies, I was just lost in thought. Didn’t mean to be staring at you as you woke up.”

Loki chuckled, finding your fluster endearing in the situation. Sitting up in the bed he patted the space on the bed where you were laying through the night. You scooted back into the bed making your way to Loki where he wrapped his hands in yours and stared at you. 

A gentle seriousness cast upon his face.

“Understand that by mulling over the situation you dread to confront, you will make it harder in the process to assemble the resolution you seek. You mustn't fear what you fear, but rather take it head-on like a bull. And with the stubbornness you harbor, I know you have it in you.”

You snorted a little extra air out of your nose at his ending comment. Knowing he was always at the receiving end of your stubborn nature. At first somewhat annoying but became something he loved about you in a little time.

“I would run to the edge of time for you Loki. Even though it’s just my childhood home I’m going to have to run in and declare my objections, love, and fears to the people that brought me into this world. It feels like I’m running into a rabid lion’s den, but I would be lying if I didn’t say the preemptive catharsis I’m feeling is liberating.”

You squeezed his hand and looked up at him, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes soft. It looked as if he was about to cry.

“Not for nothing but I always figured I would be alone, especially in a romantic fashion. Then you came quite literally out of nowhere and I never grasped the thought that finding you in that garden a year ago would make that fear wither away. For that, I am eternally grateful to you.”

Your eyes and face softened from its initial confused form to that of warmth and admiration. You even failed to realize the tears beginning to prickle at your water line. Not of sadness but rather pure happiness. At this moment you knew that Loki was the soulmate you were meant to meet in this lifetime. The words he spoke struck a chord within you because you too felt the same way. 

That loneliness was just a card in your deck you were left to bear, but Loki let the hopeless romanticism within you survive the trials of life.

“Eternally yours, Loki. I am eternally yours. Through all either of our falls, we are each other’s stone. Let’s rewrite this acrid end and finally enjoy our story.” Loki’s hands wrapped around your face, looking into your eyes searching for any falsity in your being and he found none. 

You brought your hand up to his face and moved a strand of hair out of his face, allowing for him to be on full display to you. You opened your mouth to say words but they fell off, afraid that they would feel foreign on your tongue. You tried again and Loki’s mouth parted at the same time.

“I love you.” The words echoing from being said at the same time. The meaning ringing throughout each of your ears becoming fully aware that the truth was being shared between the two of you. Loki placed a tender kiss upon your lips and you relished in the sincerity of it. Pulling away you decided there was no better time than the present.

“I suppose I should be heading back home to face the one last hurdle for us.”

“Right. Let me fix your dress for you.”

Standing up from the bed you waltzed around the rail of the bed and found the shredded pieces of fabric that once was your dress.

“You sure you can magic this back together?”

You cocked your eyebrow unsure of the possibility of the repair of your dress. Opening his mouth, nothing but a squeak escaped from his throat realizing the predicament you two were in.

“I may have another idea. Just wait here for a moment.” Loki got himself dressed and left his quarters to head somewhere you knew not of. Before he left he turned his head behind the door to look at you.

“Help yourself to anything in the bathroom and get ready otherwise besides your clothing.”

You nodded your head and waved him off to wherever he was going. Walking to the bathroom you stared at your reflection in the large grandiose mirror that adorned one of the walls. You were glowing. Your eyes actually held something other than resentment and fear. You looked like yourself. 

Something you hadn’t seen in years. Smiling you finished getting yourself ready and when you were getting ready to turn on your heel you heard the door open. Stopping in your tracks you hid in the corner, but soon hearing Loki’s voice you released a sigh of relief. Stepping out of the bathroom Loki had a midnight blue dress draped over his arm.

“I figured my mother would’ve had something she could spare and she did and I feel that it will suit you just right.”

Tentatively you reached out to grab the dress from his hands

“And you’re sure she’s okay with this?”

“Yes darling, she’s the only one besides Thor that is aware of what’s going on. I can’t wait for her to meet you. Now, go ahead and try it on.”

Rolling the dress up in your hands you pulled it over your head and wiggled your arms into the sleeves. 

Letting the dress fall down to the floor after fitting it over your torso you were in awe. The color complementing your skin, the sleeves falling off your shoulders and the gold accents on the neckline was much more beautiful than what you were imagining.

“You look stunning. Well, you always do but especially today.”

“Thank you, Loki.”

You smiled and wrapped your arms around Loki’s neck.

“Wish me luck?” “Luck is for losers, I’ll wish you strength and perseverance.” “Good enough.”

Standing on your toes lightly you brought yourself to his lips and shared what you were to find out to be the last tranquil and harmonious kiss. You pulled away and smiled at him. Bending over you grabbed your satchel and shoes that you threw into the room earlier yesterday. Walking to the door, Loki sped up behind you to open it.

“What are you doing?”

“What kind of man would I be if I let my lady not only walk alone but to open her own doors?”

“Chivalry isn’t dead!”

You smiled at him knowing your sarcasm was endearing. Walking you out to the front of the palace where you came in yesterday you turned to look at him and little worry apparent in your features. You reached for his hand squeezing it in your own in search of some type of reassurance. Loki reached for your other hand and turned you to face him fully.

“Whatever happens Y/N, I’ll always be with you. Forever.”

Placing your hand upon his cheek, you thumbed his soft skin and placed a strand of hair behind his ear. Sighing you found your fire once again and you looked at him. Silently letting him know that you were ready.

“I’ll see you, hopefully, this evening Loki...and hopefully with good news.” 

Removing your hands from each other you walked down the steps and your feet crunched the earth beneath your shoes. Getting one last look, you waved at Loki and you began the walk back to your home. Preparing for the worst but foolishly wishing for the best.

[parkjmini]

Outlier | the end

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 3988 genre: angst warnings: explicit language

[an]: nothing is medically accurate lmao im so sorry i researched like 70 percent and then i implied everything else so dont trust me idk what im talking abt. but a BIG thank you to everyone who sent me so so so much support and feedback for this entire series bc i wouldn’t have had the motivation to finish. getting those messages after posting a chapter made me giddy for my own story and i know what happens. I truly love interacting with my readers and going into plot/character analysis, i just love hearing everyone’s thoughts and thinking processes bc we all interpret things differently, again, thank you everyone who enjoyed reading this story (: 

prologue . 01 . 02 . 03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07 . 08 . the end 

After confirmation of the surgery, it became prepping sessions. Your doctor slowly took you off the chemo and gave you medication to ease any discomfort. You were given less visiting hours because you needed to rest. 

But your troubles stirred when you were alone. The moment replayed in your mind when Jennie told you that they were broken up. There was nothing you could say, nothing for you to fix. Jennie and Jimin were respectfully dating you, aware of your decision for still wanting to be with the both of them. It didn’t feel the same though, it didn’t feel secure or safe.

There was no way you could date them separately. Jimin lacked what Jennie brought to the relationship and vise versa. It wasn’t complete without the both of them. Your nurses didn’t let you worry about that, brushing away Jimin and Jennie during your resting hours. 

Jungkook visited you once after you added him back onto your list. He also brought you a vase of your favorite flowers. There was part of you where you didn’t want to make things awkward, but the other part didn’t allow for that. Instead, you blurted out that you knew about his crush on you. Then, he left quickly after you rejected his offer to be with him.

Hoseok respected your time and didn’t visit when he wasn’t allowed to. You were aware of how he had other important events in his life, but you really wished he tried to see you more. You’d hate to admit it, but Hoseok seemed to be the only person you could turn to for any non-biased advice. Since he stopped coming around often, you had to turn to your nurses.

The two weeks were absolutely the dullest moment in your life. You thought that living in your small town with your mom was bad, this was worse. You were stuck in a huge hospital with no friends majority of your stay. Your nurses were only with you for max ten minutes before they needed to go. You had the television, sleep, and your own nervousness.

Surgery was a big decision, so big that you even called your mom about it. You didn’t have the best relationship with your mom, so calling her was a surprise to even her. She totally didn’t bother to follow up on your life, so she never called first. But, you couldn’t go into surgery with the possibility of death and not tell her about it.

She offered to fly over and you insisted that she didn’t. So when she arrived to see you, you didn’t hesitate to give her a piece of your mind.

“What are you doing here? I told you that you didn’t need to come. Where did you find which hospital I was staying at?” You groaned into your pillow.

Your mom set her things down and crossed her legs while she took a seat across from you. “I asked the school. I’m your mother, for fucks sakes.” 

“Yeah, well you didn’t think that when I was growing up, so now that I’m dying, you decide you should start caring.” You rolled your eyes at her gasp.

“How dare you say that to me? I raised you when your dad walked out on us.”

“If you think being drunk and picking me up from my after school programs means raising me, then yeah. You did great mom.” Your sarcasm came out in train wrecks when it came to your mom; she drew the worse out of you.

“(Y/N), you have cancer and you decide to let me know when you’ve already decided for surgery is not exactly the most responsible daughter thing you pride yourself to be.” She shot back.

Your nurse came in to cue that she only had 15 minutes left before she needed to leave. “It honestly didn’t cross my mind that I needed to tell you since you’ve never cared enough to call me these past years except to invite me to your stupid wedding. Might I also add that you didn’t tell me about until the day before, so that makes two of us.”

“I didn’t raise you for you to treat me like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, what are you saying? But how about we talk about something else, since that’s all we ever talk about. News flash, mom, I have fucking pancreatic cancer and I’m going into surgery tomorrow. I’ve been going to chemo these past three months and I have almost to no hair. My body is bruised from being poked by needles. I am dying! Thanks for even having the audacity to come see me before my maybe death tomorrow. Don’t let the door hit you in the face.” You shouted as loud as your lungs let you go.

Your door opened and you both stopped your argument to see Jennie and Jimin standing under the frame. They looked stunned and confused to see the lady who you resembled. “Did we come at a bad time?” Jimin asked.

“No, since this is your visiting time.” You crossed your arms, glaring at your mom.

“Who are you two?” She asked, rudely.

“Mom, that’s my boyfriend, Jimin and that’s my girlfriend, Jennie. Welcome to the modern society of polyamorous relationships where I love two people at once.” Jennie and Jimin have never heard such sarcasm run out of your mouth. You were always just subtle, but this side of you was new.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Jennie stepped forward and your mom got up.

“Well, I can see that you have a whole double life I know nothing about. I guess you don’t need me anymore. Good luck on your surgery and whatever you call a relationship.” She grabbed her things and walked past Jennie and Jimin.

“She was pleasant.” Jimin said sarcastically and you rolled over on your side.

“This is why I never brought you home with me for the holidays.”  Jennie hurried to cuddle up to your side. 

“At least we avoided an awkward argument over Christmas dinner.” She chuckled and kissed your ear.

Jimin sat on your opposite side. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” 

Sitting up in Jennie’s arms, you buried your face in your hands. “No. I’m so scared.” 

“You’re going to be fine. Jennie, Hoseok and I are going to be right outside of your door. We’re going to be with you when you’re recovering. We’re with you every step of the way, we already packed our go-bags.” Jimin tried to comfort you, but you sobbed into your hands. You couldn’t help but cry so much nowadays. Staying strong was hard when you were so vulnerable. 

“And if something happens? Will you be there with me?” It was a rhetorical question that caused them to both fall silent.

“Nothing will happen. They’re highly trained professionals and I made sure you had the best surgeon in this hospital.” Jennie bragged proudly and Jimin laughed.

“Yeah, seeing her demand it was very terrifying. But, she did it. You’re in good hands, baby.” Jimin smiled and kissed the top of your head.

“Can you two just lay with me for the last couple of minutes before my nurse comes and kicks you out?” You sniffed and moved over for Jimin to join the sandwich fest.

“(Y/N), I love you so much.” Jennie and Jimin said in unison, and the unsettling feeling set back into your system.

A group of nurses and surgeons rolled you into a double door room. It was dim, except for the big spotlight that shined above you. Squinting, you saw the surgical masks that blinked back at you.

“Ready?” Your doctor was smiling behind her mask.

“No.” Your voice trembled from your nerves; your palms slick with sweat. “I want to be okay.”

“And you will be, (Y/N). We’re going to start with the anesthetics and we’ll get everything going. Relax, I’m right here.” She held onto your shaking hand and you stared back up at the bright light.

You felt the drugs enter your system, slowly stripping away your consciousness. You’ve already cried out all night your worries and said a few important goodbyes before the day arrived. The jittery feeling caused your body to shake uncontrollably and you were so terrified. This could mean recovery or death.

And while you hoped for survival, you knew the chances were split between the two options. Death was unavoidable, but to die so early shook your bones. Your dreams have just been memories of past events in your life, reminding you of the life you lived. The life you might soon leave. It was harder to ignore death than it was to wish for recovery.

Once your eyelids fell over your eyes, you’ve never felt more alone in your entire life.

“Would you stop pacing? You’ve been walking back and forth for the past two hours.” Jennie complained.

Jimin stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes at her, “I’m nervous.” 

“What happened to ‘it’s going to be fine’ and ‘you don’t need to worry’?” Jennie laughed and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help that my body reacts the way it does when I’m the slightest worried. How are you so calm about this? They’re literally cutting her open in that room.” Jimin gestured to the closed doors.

“By not thinking about it like that. I’m thinking about the lovely time I get to spend with my girlfriend when she’s done.” Jennie muttered.

Jimin walked up to her and pointed to his chest, “you mean my girlfriend?”

Hoseok pushed the two apart. “She’s both of your’s. Are you two done making a scene in a hospital?” 

Jimin went over to sit next to Hoseok’s other side, making him stuck in the middle of a not-so-friendly feud. Even though they showed up together for visits, they were incredibly hostile to one another when they were alone. 

They slept in separate beds, Jimin taking over your room and Jennie in her’s. They ate dinner with their own friends and didn’t bother to tell each other about their whereabouts. They mostly spoke to each other in scoffs or groans.

Suddenly, the hallway doors were slammed open and nurses were rushing in a big machine --- a defibrillator.

The three of them stood up, seeing how rushed and hurried the nurses looked. The surgery door opened and a surgeon walked out with sweat dripping down the side of his head. The sound of a flat line heartbeat caught the attention of Jennie.

“Her heart isn’t beating, is it?” She was afraid to hear the answer to her question, her chest rising and falling violently.

Your doctor held the door open for the other nurses and defibrillator. “Her pulse went out, but we’re doing our best. But prepare for the worse.” 

Jennie collapsed onto the floor, bawling. “Holy fuck, we’re going to lose her!” She shouted with heavy tears running down her face. It was like her words pulled Jennie’s heart down to the pit of her stomach. Her whole mind and body were shutting down at the news.

“You have to stay calm, Jen.. we’re in a hospital.” Jimin tried to get her up, but she kept slipping his grasp.

“I don’t care! That’s our girl in there and her heart isn’t beating!” She exclaimed and Hoseok helped with holding her up.

Jimin’s head was in shambles, utterly speechless at what was happening. Hoseok was numb to the news, unaware to how to react. They wanted to stay optimistic, that the defibrillator will work. It had to work. 

“Why don’t you two go outside and get some air? I’ll stay here for any further news. Please... it’s not a suggestion. Go.” Hoseok needed to clear them out before they both stressed him out more than he already was.

Jimin walked Jennie outside. The light breeze clearing their heavy, crazy minds. Jennie was choked up by her tears, constantly wiping at her wet cheeks. Jimin stared at the ground, listening to her sorrows. His heart too heavy to express.

“Aft-er -- everything.. --Jimin --- I’m.. really, truly sorry...--” Jennie had trouble speaking with the endless waterfalls from her eyes.

“--Jen..” Jimin barely got out.

“No.. listen to me first. I’ve felt really guilty about all the rumors. We should’ve never gotten together in the first place, especially with someone like me. I’m known as the campus hoe, right? I can’t hold onto a stable relationship even if I wanted to and now my --- girlfriend --- is-- she’s -- dying.” Jennie cried harder, holding her face in her hands as she slid against the wall and onto the ground.

“I didn’t do anything with Jisoo ever. I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you, but I would never hurt you or (Y/N) like that, especially coming from a place where that has happened to me multiple times. Maybe you’ve always secretly doubted our relationship, considering how we got together through an accidental one night stand.” 

“Through our three months together, I fell head over heels for you, Jimin. I’ll admit it. I liked (Y/N) first, but you had a piece of me I didn’t think I could give to anyone after Taehyung. You’re so open, so understanding, so kind. I’ve never fully gotten the chance to explain myself because you keep shutting me down and every time, I believed that my explanation doesn’t matter. I’ve been devalued my entire life by my partners and sadly, I made myself feel that way with you when you ignored my pleads. But I think now is the best opportunity to tell you because we honestly don’t have anyone else who understands us the way we do. We’re both suffering because our girlfriend is in there not breathing. Our girlfriend, Jimin. I love you and through everything, you’re the one of the only people in this world who knows my struggles.” Jennie held him by the shoulders, so he could look her in the eyes as she gripped onto the only hope left in her life.

Jimin invited her into his arms, holding her tight. He had forgotten why he was upset before. He just wanted to be with his girls. He wished, hoped, prayed that things were back to how they were before the misfortune. 

“I’m sorry for making you feel invalid. I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did.” He admitted and Jennie sobbed harder into his chest.

“It’s okay... -- we’ll --- be...”

“--- Okay?” Jimin finished off and she nodded. 

You couldn’t breathe or move. Your lungs collapsed into your chest and you struggled to supply oxygen to your body. You screamed, but no noise came out and your arms were glued to your side. It was like you were trapped in a motionless body.

Everything was turning fuzzy and a white light blurred your vision. This was it. You were dying. You weren’t sure what realization hit you. Maybe it was the lost of breath and your heart rate slowly declining. Maybe it was the blinding light that caught your attention ahead.

Your memories started flashing before you. Jennie and Jimin flooding your mind. Your eyes scanned for anyone else, but them. However, you were left with scenes of your once perfect relationship.

Your first date night. It was the day you officially joined your partners. Jennie hurried you down to meet Jimin. He was cleaned up nicely, standing all cool against his sleek car. He peered up to see Jennie with the biggest smile on her small face, hand holding yours. 

She told Jimin the news and he was overjoyed, ready to hold you in his arms. He rushed you into the car and it didn’t feel much different than it was when all three of you hung out. The only difference was that you’ve never been more intimate with your best friends. 

Your first kiss. You anxiously sat next to Jimin on the couch during a lazy movie fest you were having with them. He had his arm wrapped around you, twirling the ends of your fingers with his. Your heart beating so fast, being not use to the touching from either of them.

He picked up your chin, knowing that you were distracted. It was an instant spark once your eyes connected and soon, your lips did as well.

Your first ‘I love you’. This moment was one of your favorites. It was Jennie’s birthday and you three were excited for the day ahead. However, a huge storm was rolling in and you were almost home. Jimin insisted in stopping to buy more snacks before rushing back. 

Once you all stepped out from the convenience store, it was showering, pouring heavy amounts of rain. Jennie, you and Jimin were drenched within seconds of going outside. Your plastic bags filled up an inch with collected water. Jimin’s leather seats in his car pooled with rain. All three of you laughed with glee as you marveled the escape from the wet mess.

And you suddenly stopped to admire the way Jimin’s eyes disappeared cutely and how Jennie’s nose scrunched up, her adorable snort catching your attention. In the midst of their happiness, you blurted out, “I love you two.”

The news of your mother’s wedding. An invitation was addressed to you. It had pretty cursive handwriting and a beautiful design. It was a wedding for your mom and her boyfriend, inviting you to join them for an evening of unity. You weren’t aware of them even being engaged, let alone a marriage. 

Jennie and Jimin never mentioned your mom, knowing you didn’t like pressing on too much about her. Their initial reaction was for you to go, until you explained that you didn’t even know she was getting married. You had crumpled up the invitation and threw it away in the trash.

Jennie consoled you, reassuring you that it was perfectly fine that you don’t attend. While you sulked in the living room, they approached you with the idea of still giving your mom a gift to congratulate her. It showed that you were the bigger person and that you acknowledge her efforts. They made you a better you.

Throughout every flashback, and every memory, your heart was searching for something beyond them, an image that wasn’t them. You laid there, dying, and all you saw was your girlfriend and your boyfriend. There had to be more than that and your heart was looking, waiting, for any other memories to surface. 

But nothing. It was only them and you couldn’t help, but feel a little disappointed. For the last few years of your life, you’ve revolved your entire world around these two people. You’re alone, not because you’re not social, but because you chose to focus all of your efforts into your relationship. And as you slowly lost sense of your consciousness, you became regretful about how you lived.

You heard distant voices, “1, 2, 3!” and you slowly opened your eyes. There was a rush of air that filled your lungs. Your vision adjusted to the bright spotlight and the many surgical masks above you. 

“She’s awake! We got her pulse!” They cheered and one of the nurses pulled down his mask.

“You’re going to be okay, Ms. (Y/N). The surgery was a success.” He smiled and you nodded, reaching for his hand to hold to make sure it was your reality. 

“We’re going to move you to your recovery room now, but you did really well.” The young nurse cheered with so much excitement, there were tears in his eyes. He was a complete stranger that just saved your life, yet he was even crying for you.

“T-Than-k yo-u.” You barely made out and he patted your shoulder. You shut your eyes again and felt the bed move and the voice of Hoseok calling after you as natural light hit your eyelids.

Several hours after the surgery and going over the post-surgery care, you carefully sat up in bed. Hoseok had to leave, but the two stayed. Jennie held onto you tighly, and Jimin blinked at you with stars in his eyes. But the thought you had while you were close to death never left your mind. 

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” You began, and Jimin and Jennie shared glances. “There was a lot to think about when I went under, my heart stopped for a few minutes and I was so close to my death. All I saw were our memories. I saw you two, but... something inside of me longed for something else, something more.” 

“If it’s not the three of us, then I don’t want to be in an individual relationship with either of you. That would mean making me choose and I don’t love one more than the other. It’s either both of you or neither. I will always love you two with all that my heart has to offer, but my life is so valuable and I need someone who is going to recognize that. I realized that the best for us is that there simply is no us. I love you both so much, I really do, but right now is not the right time. I’ll never forget us. ”

“Jennie, you were the first girl I love. Jimin, you were the first boy I love. But throughout it all, I won’t try to remember us. Maybe we’ll realize each other’s worth once we’re ready for it and we’ll be new people when we meet again.”

Jennie didn’t let go of your hand, instead, she nodded to every single word that you poured from your heart. “If that’s what you think is the best option for us, then I’ll accept your decision.” She agreed and no longer shed any more tears. She knew it was for the better, even if it did break her heart.

With a turn of events, Jimin was actually the one crying this time. Jimin’s tears spilled down his plump, supple cheeks. It was difficult for him to talk.. it was difficult for him to express how he felt in general. “I felt so regretful because I thought I was going to lose you forever when I was ready to trade my life for your’s. I’m just happy you’re alive and breathing. I respect your decision and I think that you’ll always know what’s best for us three.” 

Your heart was healing, bit by bit. The shock of almost death woke you up and you no longer wanted to be trapped in something that didn’t seem to work out well anymore. It was time for an end. It was time for change and you were more than thankful to have Jennie and Jimin, who loved you so much, they were willing to let you go and live life with no more regrets. 

Jennie smiled before gently kissing your hand, “I’m unsure how long me and Jimin would’ve lasted without you, but we were two people who fell out of love for each other, but back in love through you. I want you to know that even though you felt like you didn’t belong in our relationship, you were actually the connection between us. You were the reason there was an us.”

It was an epiphany ---- you were not the outlier in the relationship. You were the core center. Jennie and Jimin were more than thankful to have you in their lives, who loved them so much, that you were willing to look past their differences and to fight through every trial. 

“You were the reason there was an us.” That single line replayed in your thoughts, in a constant loop. And you smiled at Jimin and Jennie, the monitor beeping being the only noise in the room.

“I love you both, don’t you ever forget that.” 

[nataliecrown]

4x02 Recap - Heavy Lies the Crown (The 100)

This was a quality episode. It’s not gonna jump on to my all time faves list, possibly because pretty much everything was spoiled beforehand (can’t wait to be past the screener eps, honestly), but it was some high calibre shit.

Warning: I am in a foul and irritable mood. If this recap is saltier than usual, I apologise. Unless you like salt, in which case - I did it especially for you!

Onwards...

- NOTE: They fixed Zach’s name in the credits. My question is, how the hell was that mistake ever allowed to happen. My god.

Anyway...

Radioactive, Radioactive

- The butterflies are back! I am HERE for throwing back to the S1 radioactive imagery. Could it be that we will see random dude from S2 again at some point? A GIRL CAN DREAM.

- So this whole opening sequence was seriously rad. We got to see ALIE again. Who knew that would excite me so much (Erica’s performance is just so damn good), we got to hear Tree Adam’s awesome soundtrack again, and we got a pretty brilliant introduction to Ilian. I gave exactly zero shits about RILEY later on in the episode, but I am instantly a fan of this dude.

- I also think it’s worth pointing out that his trauma must be EXTREME. He murdered his family. Yes, he wasn’t in control. But he can remember every damn moment. I doubt he will remain an antagonist forever, but I can’t say I blame him for being seriously fucked up and needing to expel that fucked up ness through violence and rage.

LET’S TALK KABBY

- THIS WHOLE SCENE WAS WONDERFUL.

- It’s legit pretty rad that an older couple get to have proper on screen sexy times on a ‘teen’ show. Kudos! It’s hawt.

- Paige Turco’s legs. Damn.

- ‘You are a terrible influence’ has me asking SO MANY QUESTIONS. I WANT TO SEE MISCHIEVOUS KANE PLEASE. THE KANE THAT OPERATES WHEN HIS CHILDREN AREN’T AROUND TO SEE HIM ACTING ANYTHING LESS THAN WISE.

- ALSO when Abby said Roan was expecting her...was I the only one whose mind swept off into an AU where Abby is like...the king’s wife, but she’s getting it on with one of his most trusted Ambassadors and it’s a tale of star crossed lovers and... @kane-and-griffin SURELY YOU WENT THERE?

- Kane’s smile while she has her back to him is just lovely.

- AND THEN the whole interaction with the necklace is just wonderful. Abby will never stop loving Jake, she will never stop missing him. But she is allowed to move on. Knowing that won’t stop her feeling guilty though, at least for a little while. Her hesitation is true to real life, and Kane’s gentle understanding is absolutely exquisite. He is not at all fazed by the spectre of her dead husband, to the point that he does not hesitate to help her put the necklace back on. And Abby does not express her gratitude with words, but with a kiss - her own gentle reminder to him that despite that guilt that is impossibly to not feel, she knows that she wants him. That she wants this.

The T Kru

- So we check in with the new peeps. We have the leader who is alllll about taking out King Roan. I think it’s important to note Ilian pointing out that he only wants revenge against Skaikru, and not the king. 

- HEY LURKING LURKER WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

- Just kidding, it is clearly Octavia and I am about to be controversial...are you ready?

- Yes, Octavia looks like a badass, and angel of death, a vixen ready to get a mixen. HOWEVER...isn’t the point of an assassin meant to be that they are inconspicuous? If she wants to fade into the background and eavesdrop on conversations...if she wants her identity to remain secret for more than two minutes...shouldn’t she dress like everybody else? The cape is stunning but also....VERY UNIQUE COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE WE HAVE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW.

- ANYWAY nobody notices her REALLY UNIQUE CAPE and Octavia learns vital information. The T Kru are going to challenge Roan to combat. Which, normally might be sweet, but Roan was shot - remember?

- God, I hate that crown. FREE ZACH’S BROW 2K17.

- ‘Now that the lift has been repaired’ AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA *wheezes* Okay, show.

- I just want to point out that Octavia is still wearing Niylah’s clothes. JUST POINTING IT OUT LEAVE ME ALONE.

- Octavia has continuous smug face going on this season and I love it. Echo, perhaps, is not such a fan.

- ‘You’ll lose. Lexa kicked your ass...’ ROAN’S FACE AHAHAHA. And Kane’s reaction is priceless too. I am living for a season of Octavia just straight talking 24/7.

- Roan, Octavia and Kane are a squad I can get behind. Kane is going to try for diplomacy...we’ll see how that goes...

ADVENTURE SQUAD ASSEMBLE

- Clarke’s look is fucking great, I love it so much. It is hints of S1 whilst also being fresh. I am a staunch defender of most of season 3. I think the overarching...arcs... were necessary and well placed. But lawwwwd it is nice to see Clarke back at home, and looking like Clarke again.

- This scene really nicely sets up the differing stances of Bravelarke. Nobody is right, nobody is wrong. The back and forth is really nicely done. It’s all very head, heart, and hands I must say.

- ‘A choice your dad died for’ RAVEN REYES, SLYTHERIN.

- Clarke’s expression and voice get super fierce here. It makes me so sad for her considering the end of the episode. So Raven is Jake, Clarke is Jaha, and Bellamy is Abby? I’m for it.

- The real MVP of this scene is Monty, and I love how he isn’t actively part of the conversation that the ‘leaders’ are having, but his mind is constantly working. While the others are going around in circles, Monty thinks up a solution.

- ‘We’re standing in our viable solution.’ The way they all look around at the Ark which was both salvation and prison for them, all hopeful and wide eyed...IDK my dudes, it gives me the heart feelings.

Checking in with the other delinquents...

- Something about Bellamy going to Miller and Bryan gives me feelings, mostly bc of the knowledge that Bellamy and Miller are BFFs. RIGHT.

- Bryan is recovering remarkably well. I somehow doubt you should ever base gunshot wound recovery times off of this show folks.

- Bryan gets more character in this episode than he has at any other point. Jonathan does a really fantastic job of portraying his trepidation, his anger, and his general level of irritation at Miller.

- I LOVE THE PIKE CONVERSATION. IT IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. It’s also super important that what Octavia did is referred to as murder here. Last episode we had Clarke assure Bellamy that Pike had it coming. I think that was said, for the most part, to make Bellamy feel better. But this show is nothing if not fair when it comes to showcasing all sides of things. Pike was, in most respects, a hero and saviour to Bryan. And he was elected Chancellor, fairly. It’s not a simple situation.

- ‘To save you, Nate.’ I’m not hardcore Briller or anything, but the delivery here was spot on. Annnnnd I actually think super important in establishing Bryan’s character some more. We all know Bryan will be heading out the door sooner or later, but I still appreciate how the shows likes to give any and all characters depth.

- The hug and no kiss thing is...weird. There can be no denying.

- JASPER’S WHOLE SHOWER SCENE. I FORGET HOW GOOD DEVON IS AT COMEDY.

- MONTY’S APPALLED FACE.

- HONESTLY THOUGH. When Jasper says ‘Monty’ all serious and turns off the shower, I CACKLE. And then ‘look at me’ I’M TRYING NOT TO. BLESS YOU LOVELY CHILDREN.

- As things stand, I am loving where the show has taken Jasper post 4x01. And I’m intrigued to see where it goes.

- MAYBE MONTY DID GRAB THE WEED. IDK HOW OR WHEN. BUT MAYBE.

- Obviously the best part of this scene is THE JONTY HIGH FIVE. HUZZAH.

- ‘Hey, you wanna hug?’ *giggles*

ADVENTURE SQUAD ASSEMBLE

- MONTY AND RAVEN’S INTERACTION IS SO WONDERFUL. THEY’RE ALL LIKE TEAM BRAIN, AND THEN MONTY POINTS OUT RAVEN’S BOOM FETISH, AND THEN THE I GOT THIS AND THE SHOULDER PAT AND THE JOKE.

- I LOVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH.

- Okay, so Bellarke. There is this super brief shot after Clarke hands over the whatever whing, where Bellamy looks away from her and she just STARES AT HIM YOU GUYS. HER FACE IS SO WARM AND FOND AND GLOWY. I’VE NOT SEEN ANYONE ELSE MENTION THIS MILLISECOND FRAME BUT IT’S EVERYTHING.

- I’m personally not of the opinion that Bob intentionally winked, I think it’s just a face thing. BUT THERE CAN BE NO DENYING THE CUTE. WHO KNEW THAT IF BELLARKE ACTUALLY GOT TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER THEY’D GO RIGHT BACK TO THE DORKY JOKES AND THE ADORING EYE SMILES.

- WHAT IS THAT SHOT OF MONTY AND HARPER WATCHING THEM.

- Bellamy is so...energised this season? I’m fully loving it. I’m sure his self loathing is absolute, but he’s channelling it in such a positive way since he got to unload at Pike in 3x16. Clarke doesn’t have that same energy though, and you can almost see more of her own seep away as she watches him leave. 

- Also, another cute Raven and Monty nod. I POINT OUT ALL THE DETAILS OKAY. MAKE YOU READ ALL THE WORDS.

- That was a quick trip.

- The Marper hand hold is cute.

- Things go to shit pretty fast! Bellamy is all about making sure everybody else chills out in this episode. Even when he gets smacked upside the head, he is DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE.

- BELLAMY SPEAKING TRIG YO.

- It’s not my place to talk about in depth, but the casting of extras and small bits parts on this show feels remarkably diverse compared to literally everything else I watch.

- We get a clear indication that the Ice Nation are not particularly fond of their King.

- Personally...I don’t reallyyyyy get why they back down? But whatever. I guess the leader does at least slightly fear the king?

PRINCESS MECHANIC RISE

- Okay, so Raven having to do her first mini boss speech and feeling all awkward and overwhelmed is the start of what will end up being another amazing arc. I FEEL IT IN MY BONES.

- SINCLAIRRRRR. But we do at least see now why he kind of needed to die. Kabby must, obviously, be protected at all costs. However, this show very much is about the 100 (+ Raven and Bellamy). Raven has to rise to the occasion in his absence.

- This conversation between Raven and Clarke is EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. It reminds me so much of S1 and ‘I’d pick you first.’ GAH. Just seeing them working together, and supporting each other means so much. Neither of them really know what they’re doing, but they’re doing it anyway. MORE. GIVE ME MORE.

- Fucking Jaha.

- Okay, FINE. Jaha having actual relevance to main characters is infinitely more interesting than Jaha out on his own doing his own wild things.

- I LOVE RAVEN BRINGING UP THE WRIST THING, AND CLARKE FINDING THE STRENGTH WITHIN TO POINT OUT THAT JAHA WAS ALSO CHIPPED. But Raven is having NONE of that. Remember that Jaha, at ALIEs behest, zoned in on Raven. She was the key. He went after her, after her injury, preyed on her pain. No wonder she is seething. Jaha’s zen owning of all his crimes is...vaguely interesting, I guess. 

- Sort the scrap you dumb dumb.

OH MY GOD, RILEY? RILEYYYY? IS THAT YOU?

- Even if preview articles and teasers hadn’t already given away what Bellamy’s choice would be, as soon as we saw that little girl we all know he was saving the slaves, right?

- The appearance of the slaves strikes me as entirely random and contrived though. Why would the Ice Nation have massacred so many of Farm Station if they had a legitimate use for them? Whatever.

- So, Riley! Definitely in to the idea of him and Bryan having a history together, and the two of them rowing off into some off screen happiness together later in the season. I’m sure, given time, Riley may grow on me. This show does a remarkable job of making me care about everyone. But at this point I feel nothing. I’m all in with Ilian, and intrigued by Kenza...Riley, not so much.

- Everything about Echo and Roan’s sparring is attractive. EVERYTHING.

- I’m sorry, but Abby is totally checking Roan out in all of her reaction shots. That, or she’s fantasising about Kane.

- ‘If you can’t help me, why the hell are you still here.’ That clearly influences Abby’s decision to leave later.

- So, I didn’t talk about Roan and Echo much earlier because I LOVE THIS SCENE HERE. I’m so intrigued by where the show is going with these two. It’s a huge deal that Roan trusts her with the radiation information. I suppose it might not be trust per se, perhaps more like necessity - but still! And I also think it means a lot that Echo seems truly dedicated to helping him. As was said in 4x01, she’s very loyal. It’s proving true so far.

- Echo at Arkadia. Now, that will be interesting.

Octavia, back at it again with the sass and the smirks.

- Kane makes a valiant attempt at diplomacy! He points out that while Arkadia might have helped spread the CoL, they also destroyed it and saved humanity. 

- When that doesn’t work, Octavia employs an intimidating lead with some shit talking. Solid tactics, O.

- NIYTAVIA FOR LIFE...but in the meantime, we’re calling it Butterfly Assassin?

- ‘Well that went well.’ Kane’s look up at her is just like, DON’T.

- CLARKE MY LOVE. I AM SO SAD FOR YOU. HEAVY LIES THE CROWN INDEED. IT’S TOO MANY PEOPLE. SO MANY ARE GONNA DIE. DAMN THIS SHOW.

- I kind of adore that Clarke’s reaction to hearing music is DA FUQ IS THIS? NO TO MUSIC. NO TO JOY.

- I really enjoy the scene with Clarke and Jasper. You can still feel his anger at Clarke, but...I don’t know...there’s something different about it. I almost feel like Jasper has put aside his anger, and is just...shooting from the hip, rather than from grief? Clarke’s face breaks my heart when he points out how similar it all sounds to them being sent to the ground though.

THE BIG DECISION

- Okay, so first of all...I love that we got to hear everybody’s perspective. This was democracy at work and it wasn’t a decision Bellamy made alone. So we can put that narrative to bed now.

- Minty lives

- I’m actually not going to go in depth on the choice that Bellamy ultimately makes, because I can see both sides and I don’t think either is right or wrong. We don’t have to justify anything here. Yes, perhaps somewhere down the line the squad will realise that the generator really was their only option and the reality of his choice will crash down on Bellamy. But imagine that he had decided to leave the slaves, and then in two weeks time they found a gigantic underground bunker that could fit 10,000 people. He’d feel pretty shit about letting the slaves suffer then, right? The characters don’t know what the future holds, and they don’t have the benefit of knowing they are part of a narrative which ensures that some of them will at least survive. 

- So, whatever basically. I’d have been cool with this going either way.

- Stoke that they saved Riley though, obviously.

- Important quote to note... ‘we have Raven.’ I, like Bellamy, believe that Raven Reyes can do anything - including make water out of nothing.

- Also worth noting how...incredibly risky their plan was? Like. Yikes.

- Harper kicking due in the face is my kink.

- MONTY IS SUPER GREAT IN THIS EPISODE. Everything about his reaction to meeting his dads murderer is just exquisitely well done. Leaving his death to the slaves is both powerful and also really quite dark.

Heavy Lies the Crown

- The Clarke/Jaha scene is so good and so hurtful to me. 

- Fucking Jaha.

- Clarke referencing her father and being locked up is really important, but...so is the parallel to Jaha’s choices. Ugh. Everything he says is actually so on point, and you can see realisation that Clarke is seeing herself in Jaha is disgusting to her but also unavoidable.

- Back to Kabby. We saw Kane have absolute faith in Abby last episode, so it’s nice to hear her being so sure that he will figure something out (YES, IT’S ALL VERY BELLARKE I KNOW).

- Kane quickly figures out that Abby is going back to Arcadia (judging from the promo, she’s going to be needed). I’m excited for this because more Abby and Clarke, but also maybe some Clarke and Raven please? We get some more gloriously supportive stuff from Kane...

- And then Kane notices that Abby isn’t wearing her necklace! Upon first viewing, I didn’t pick up on the fact that this scene feels a bit cut up. I can see it on second watch, and I can understand that’s frustrating. That being said, I don’t think the scene loses its meaning? To me, the removal of her necklace is Abby’s way of saying she’s ready to move on and it’s her way of saying it to Kane without putting it into words.

- Prayer circle that Abby gives the rings to Clarke.

- LOOK AT HOW MUCH THAT CAPE STANDS OUT OKAY.

- So, I’m skipping straight to the murder. I FUCKING LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT. I just...I’m so relieved that Octavia’s mudering is FOR her people, and not against. It makes so much sense.

- I can’t help giggling a little at Octavia being so ballsy about dueling these folk. THEY MIGHT ALL BE TONS BETTER THAN YOU, BABE. THEY’VE HAD YEARS TO PRACTICE. But whatever.

- Soooo the stabbing into the earhole to hide the wound and thus make it seem like he died of natural causes is BADASS.

- HEADCANON: Octavia did not learn this tactic on the ground. She learned it as a child when Bellamy was reading her some classic murderous fiction.

- ‘LONG LIVE THE KING.’ Nice.

- Kane is CONCERNED about his daughter’s MURDEROUS WAYS.

- Ilian has also figured it out.

- And Echo too seems suspicious. STICKING A PIN IN THAT FOR THE FUTURE.

Clarke, we have adopted more children

- So Briller are breaking up, and I can’t be mad at the show for it because Jonathan got a new gig and can’t commit (sound familiar, oooh I went there). I do hope that this time around they let him just disappear into the sunset. Learn from your mistakes show.

- Make sure he takes Riley with him.

- Again, kudos to Jonathan for this ep. He really brings it.

- RILEY RILEY RILEY YES WE KNOW THAT IS HIS NAME. STOP.

- Okay, so the scene where Riley and Clarke are revealed as old friends (I have zero romance fears here btw) is HILLARIOUS TO ME. It’s so blatantly shoe horned in. AS IF they would be reunited, hug, and then just...blah. Like...it’s so noodley? 

- Anyway, Raven realises there is no generator and Bellamy fesses up to his maternal instincts.

- I actually love Clarke’s ‘you just did’. The delivery doesn’t imply blame to me, which is backed up by how immediately Clarke accepts his choice. It’s more a simple statement of fact, coming from a place of understanding.

- Raven, on the other hand, is pissed. ‘You’re not the only one who has to live with it. As usual.’ This is a direct throwback to Bellamy chucking the radio, right? That’s pertinent to their history. Look, Raven is a spitfire. She’s scared and under pressure, and she hasn’t had to make the leadership calls yet. She clearly will at some point this season, and we’ll see her gain a healthy dose of respect for Clarke and Bellamy when she does. For now, I think her anger is perfect.

- I know ‘no more than a 100′ is really on the nose but I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH. WHO’S GONNA MAKE IT YOU GUYS. AHHHH. MY SHOW.

- BRAVENLARKE FOR LIFE.

- CLARKE QUOTES JAHA AT BELLAMY AND SHE JUST LOOKS SO BROKEN ABOUT IT. My dear girl, you’ll be okay...somehow.

- Clarke is just the accepted leader of Skaikru now and I love it.

- TOGETHER. Looks at Bellamy. OF COURSE SHE DOES. Can we also talk about Raven’s heart eyes towards Clarke? I mean...they fade to ash pretty fast, but just for that moment it’s the purest of loves!

- So, Clarke lies, and just like Bellamy and the generator...I won’t call right or wrong. There is no answer, just a choice. 

- ‘Your father would be so proud’ OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. Raven lashing out at Clarke here is much more personal than what she says to Bellamy. It’s more vicious. But I’m still not going to rail on her, for the same reasons as mentioned above. It’s time for her to get to work. I am so excited to see her in this role.

- And so Bellamy repeats ‘we save who we can save today’ and the important thing here is how Clarke nods. She’s not mad. She respects and understands his choice. Most of all she trusts him. Even if she CAN’T understand a choice he makes, she’ll always trust that it came from the right place. They’re a team.

- And to reinforce that, the episode ends with a glorious Bellarke shot as they contemplate what is to come.

- How many episodes will end with a Bellarke shot this season? I say 12/13.

- I AM SO VERY HYPED FOR NEXT WEEK.

My laptop is acting up and I’m as grumpy as a Clarke that hears music playing, so I’m not even re reading this. Apologies for typos. And congratulations if you made it to the end!