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fydream · 4 years

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even if it is, just for tonight | p. js

☌ genre: jisung x reader, slice of life(ish), fluff, angst?, high school!au? kinda.. i wouldn't say it's a college!au but it's the summer before you move to college, the mood is a teenage coming of age movie where the main characters sneak out and do things but like not illegal things yk, best friends to lovers because i'm a sucker for that!!, inspired by life is strange episode 3 + we go up era/the we go up mv teaser + the perks of being a wallflower, mentions of ex-boyfriend!jaemin, say hi to skater boy!renjun!!! also say hi to college boy!johnny!! they're more of a touch and go but they'd appreciate a hello :-)

☌ songs/playlist: 🎵(yes these go in order of the story,,, the most important songs though are "aint it fun by" paramore and "fallingforyou" by the 1975 and maybe "is there somebody who can watch you" also by the 1975)

☌ word count: 7.3k!!

☌ warnings: food mention, cursing, uhh breaking and entering? i wouldnt really say that but it's more off you jumping a fence and trespassing lol, also this is semi proof read lmao sorry

☌ author note: this is dedicated to my dear friend cam!! (@huangsilks) happy birthday i love you <333 here's a lil fic bc ur senior year got cut short and as much as i wish i could give it to you, i cant, and im so sorry about that. so take this fic in return <33 mwah // all i want to do is live in a teen coming of age movie is that too much to ask for? and that's on the media romanticizing your teenage years!

☌ disclaimer: this has no relation to htbah!jisung at all. this is a completely different universe. thank you.

─ 10:45pm;

The last day of summer vacation is always fun until you realize that the sun has started to set and the inevitability of tomorrow starts creeping into your thoughts.

So what were you doing on your last day (or night in this case) of summer? You weren't doing anything special, just looking through your room and going through the various photos you had put up on your walls, recalling past memories from your previous years in high school.

Tomorrow night you were leaving your small town and moving across the country to attend college. Needless to say you were excited to move away and get a fresh start but the one thing you weren't ready for was to say goodbye to everyone.

You didn't have a going away party like everyone else, you decided not to because that meant you were actually leaving. Though your bags were packed and your room was put together, it didn't feel like you were going to college. The realization hasn't hit yet, it just felt like another normal night. You were busy looking through one of the memory boxes you had in your room when you felt your phone buzz, indicating you've gotten a text.

[sungie: hey]

[sungie: wanna go on an adventure?]

[you: wtf? the sun set already, if i get caught i'm done for!]

[sungie: c'mon.. live a little]

[sungie: im picking you up in five, get ready :)]

Park Jisung. Your best friend since, well, since elementary. He's the boy who you grew up with, the boy who you happened to survive all of high school and middle school with, he's also the boy who happened to capture your heart doing the simplest things you could imagine.

He was your first crush, but not your first boyfriend.

He also happened to be the boy who was always there for you, no matter what. So if you were going to spend your last night in the town you grew up in, why not spend it with your best friend, Park Jisung himself?

Seeing as that he was already on his way, it left you with no choice. Grabbing the closest hoodie near you, you silently made your way to your front door where you slipped on your shoes before heading outside as quietly as you could.

It takes a few minutes before you see a familiar car pull up on your childhood street. Approaching the vehicle, you hear music playing that's only being muffled due to the windows that are rolled up and the doors being shut closed.

"Hey." He says lowering the volume as you open the door to his passenger seat. "Are you ready?"

"You're fucking insane." You snort as you buckle your seatbelt. "Wake up my whole neighborhood why don't you?"

"I mean.. Only if you want me too.." He teases, placing his hand on his car horn.

"Don't you dare!" You squeal, trying to grab his wrist before he could attempt to wake up your whole neighborhood. To no avail, you failed which resulted in a fit of laughter from him.

"C'mon. Live a little." He says once more before driving away from your. house, turning out of your neighborhood and onto the empty streets.

"Where are we going?" You ask, watching the streetlights pass by.

"It's a surprise."

"That's so ominous."

"I know."

"Could you at least give me a hint?" You whine.

"I'll give you one word."

"I'll take whatever I can get."

"Okay, the word is playground."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You ask, shooting him a glare.

"Hey! you said you'll take what you can get, and I'm giving you one word." He defends.

"You're annoying." You mumble, turning away from him to look back out the window.

"So I've been told." He snorts, focusing his attention back on the road.

Your first stop of the night is the playground of your elementary school.

It was kind of unexpected because the last time you were here was probably when you attended school here, years ago. To be honest, you were expecting to be taken to the park near your house. The playground there was mostly abandoned due to all the kids on your street growing up, you would still see other children playing on the swings or sliding down one of the tube slides but those were on good days. Most of the time it was just empty.

"School?" You ask confused, watching as Jisung unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door to step outside, you doing the same. "Jisung, we're way to big for this playground, you know that. Why are we even here?"

"You'll see." He says, grabbing your hand to drag you over towards the gate that they used to fence off the playground. ”Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You ask, earning a wink in response. "Oh my god.. Jisung no!"

Before you could realize what was about to happen, the hand that Jisung was using to hold yours was now being used to help pull himself over the chain linked fence that lead to your school's playground. After successfully throwing himself over the top of the fence and landing on the other side with a light thud, he smiles at you. "Your turn."

"What the hell?! No way!" You protest. "I can't even climb a fence! You know this!"

"Actually. That's false." He confidently states, knowing he’ll win this argument. "You climbed a fence Junior year when you were hanging out with Johnny Suh and his friends."

"What? Who told you that?!" You exclaim.

"Just a little someone who's name begins with a little 'Ren' and ends with 'Jun.'" He says playfully, sending you a little wink.

"That brat!" You whisper yell. "That’s the last time I tell Renjun something.." You add, mumbling.

"So, your turn." He repeats, gesturing towards the gate in front of you.

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this." You mumble before continuing to hoist yourself over the metal fence. Your landing wasn’t as smooth as Jisung’s, seeing as you almost lost balance trying to get down from the top resulting in Jisung having to catch you so you didn’t break an ankle or something.

"See? That wasn't so bad." He snorts, letting you go.

"I hate you." You scoff. "Why are we even here again?"

"I'm glad you asked." He says smiling, grabbing your hand once more. This time, instead of leading you to a fence you had to jump be brings you to a small play structure. It takes you approximately a minute for you to realize where you were and where he was taking you.

"Right here." He says pointing to a red tube slide. "Our first stop of the night. This is where we first met, remember? You practically shoved me down this slide because you wanted to go down it and I was in your way."

You chuckle as the first memory of you and your best friend plays. "Of course? How could I not remember? I got called into the office afterwards because some kid told one of the teachers that I was bullying you. To this day, I still don't know who told on me."

“It was Wendy, if you wanted to know.” He adds. “She told me after she told on you.” He shrugs.

“Of course it was..” You mumble, hopping up to sit against one of the bottom steps that led up to the slide.

"Is this what we came here for?" You ask, looking up at the boy who was currently climbing up the side of the playground structure.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He yells loud enough for anyone in a five mile radius hear. Maybe it’s because of how quiet it is at this time of night, or maybe it’s because he just got louder whenever he was with you. But those were besides the point, if there were any cops around right now you two would definitely have gotten caught thanks to Jisung.

He makes his way to a safer spot, where he can jump down from the top of the playground. Despite the fact he moved you still scold him for his reckless actions. "Don't do that!! You’re going to get hurt! What happens when you jump off of something and finally break your ankle, hm?"

Jisung shrugs in response. "Well you see, it hasn’t happened yet. You can even check, I’m fine. It’s okay."

"You stress me out, you know." You scoff, turning away from him to walk towards the monkey bars that were once too tall for you, but now are nothing compared to your height.

"I know." He shouts from across the playground. Because of how quiet it was with just you two being there in the dead of night you could hear his footsteps along the playground structure. You could hear it creak every now and then, making you wonder if it was Jisung causing then noises of if it was just because of how old the structure is. You think about how long it's been here, how many children have played in the exact spots you were standing in and how many more will until they decide to finally remodel or get rid of it.

"It's been ages since I've been here." You whisper, running your hand along the cool, metal railing as you climb the short steps that lead up to the top, where Jisung was waiting for you.

"I know right? Do you remember this spot?" He asks, taking a seat on the platform, which barely has enough room for both of you. "We used to sit here and gossip about who we thought were cute in the fifth grade." He snorts.

"Yeah.. And when people tried to come up here you'd yell at them for the password." You laugh. "That was really fun. A simpler time." You add, going back replaying through some of your memories which were long forgotten.

For the next couple minutes you and Jisung just sit there, reminiscing to when you were both small children, where your only worry was your guy's spot on the playground being stolen.

“This is nice..” You think to yourself. “It feels the same, just like the good old days.”

"Uhm." Jisung coughs, getting your attention. "We better get going. There are more stops to go and well, we don't have all night do we?"

"Oh. Yeah." You sigh, not wanting to get up from your spot. "Where are we going now?" You ask.

"You'll see." He says, flashing you a grin.

You smile, rolling your eyes at the boy in front of you, who was now attempting (and failing) to slide down the slide in front of you.

"It’s not slippery anymore." He frowns.

"Well, yeah." You giggle, making your way down the same way you came up. "It's been years Sungie. What'd you expect?"

"I dunno. The same amount of slipperiness?"

"You're silly." You tease, lightly pinching his cheek. "Let's go." You’re about to walk away when Jisung grabs your wrist, stopping you from waltzing away to his car.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You were kinda hesitant to jump a fence you’ll sure you'll be ready to do whatever else I have planned for tonight?" He teases.

"Depends." You hum. "Are we going to get into any kind of trouble?"

"That's up to us."

"Then of course I'm down." You say, dragging him back the way you entered.

─ 12:23am;

The next stop is in the city near your small town. To be more specific it's the rooftop of one of the many parking garages your city has. Jisung's car is the only car parked right now due to the time being nearly twelve thirty in the morning, and you just can't help but wonder why you spent the last half an hour driving to an empty parking garage.

"Okay Park Jisung, why are we here?" You ask, leaning against the railing to look outwards for any sign of reason.

"Well first of all, if you're looking for the reason why you're on the wrong side." He chuckles, leading you towards the opposite side of the rooftop. "And if you look to your left you'll see a small venue." He says in one of those touristy guide voices, earning a giggle from you.

"Hey! Isn't that where we-"

"Saw our first concert?" He cuts you off, finishing your sentence.

"Yeah.. I remember that night. We skipped school that day to make sure we made barricade." You snort.

"It was definitely worth missing a pop quiz and two weeks of being grounded." Jisung comments.

"You act like you didn't sneak out every night during those two weeks." You joke, lightly punching his arm.

He gives you a small pout and a fake "ow." in response. "Well, yeah?" He replies. "How else was I going to see my best friend?"

"Anyone ever told you you're annoying?" You ask rolling your eyes, leaving the edge of the rooftop to walk towards the center.

"Mmm." He hums, looking up to indicate that he was thinking. "I don't think so."

"Well, you are." You say before asking "So why the rooftop?"

"I'm glad you asked." He starts, pulling out a tiny speaker from his jacket pocket. "Remember how you said you were kinda sad that we haven't gone to a concert in a while?"

"Mhm."

"Well congratulations y/n l/n because here I have a tiny speaker that'll make it feel like we're having our own mini concert on the top of this garage building tonight!" He exclaims in a fake announcer voice.

Giggling, you smile at him before going along with the joke. "Oh wow? My own private concert? Right here? Right now? With the only relevant person in my life? How could I even think about passing that up!?"

Jisung snorts before handing you the wireless speaker, allowing you to connect your phone to it. The first song you play is "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore for the sole being of it being that song.

"Paramore?" Jisung asks, a bit confused on why you chose this song out of all things to play.

You smile at him before placing the speaker on the ground. Taking both his hands you say, "Jisung. It's fucking Paramore! Do you not remember this song? This is the one we used to blast on my speakers in my bedroom whenever we had a good day. I miss that. Now c'mon! Dance with me!" You giggle, dragging him away from the speaker and to an emptier spot in the parking lot. And so he does. It's not any choreography or anything, it's just you two jumping around on a rooftop to one of your feel good songs. A carefree moment to be exact, where it feels like nothing really matters anymore.

Jisung smiles, backing away from you to watch as you jammed your heart out. If anything, he would give everything just for you to have this moment forever. He knows how stressful life can be, not to mention how hard you worked just to barely make it into your dream school. He also knows how hard it is to feel alone, so he really isn't surprised that your chose thing song because it was your song. Jisung knows a lot more than you could ever know, so if it means he only has one night left to give you everything, then so be it.

Before you know it you watch as he runs towards you, engulfing you in a hug. Shocked, you try your best to look up towards the boy who had you in his arms. If you weren't this close to him you probably wouldn't have noticed the slight glossy look over his eyes, deciding not to touch on it for now and just accept the hug as the song fades into background noise.

"You're leaving tomorrow." Jisung whispers, before pulling apart from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders. "You're leaving, tomorrow." He states once more this time, more softly while looking at you in the eyes. "You're gonna go off to some college and find a new, maybe get a new boyfriend, and even get a life of your own."

"You know I'll never replace you." You respond back, voice barely above a whisper. You were looking at the cement on the ground or the buildings that were only light being lit up by the various lights around or the night sky, which you definitely haven't seen in a while. You were looking anywhere, everywhere that wasn't your best friend, because you knew for a fact if you looked at him in this moment you would cry.

"But hey," You say speaking up, finally getting the courage to look him in the eye. "That all starts tomorrow. I'm still here right? We still have what? Like twelve hours? So let's make the most of it while we still can, okay?"

Jisung looks down at you before giving you a sad smile. "Actually it's seventeen hours." He sniffs, letting out a light laugh.

"Okay? So? I've got seventeen hours to spare, do you have seventeen hours to spare?" You ask, teasingly.

"You can have all my time in the world, y/n." Jisung replies, pulling you back into the hug.

"Glad to know." You giggle. "Because I'm willing to give you all of mine."

Soon enough the song ends and you hear the beginning of Fallingforyou by The 1975 start to play.

"Hey," Jisung whispers. "I- Uhm. You know this song reminds me of you?" He says.

"It's does?" You ask, voice muffled due to the fact you were speaking into his chest. "Why?"

"Oh god." He starts. "You can't make fun of me for this though." He says pulling away from the hug.

"I won't. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Okay well.." He starts, walking away from you. "Here goes nothing.." There's hesitation in his voice and you can't tell if it's because what he was going to say would hurt you or if he just never planned on telling you. It's silent for a few seconds before he breathes in and let's out a sigh.

"I used to like you, y'know."

Though this is just the start of his sentence you wonder why it already began to hurt. Perhaps it could be because he started his thought off with 'I used to like you.' Used to, meaning not anymore.

"Back in the beginning of Sophomore year, when I saw that you started dating Na Jaemin I realized how much I liked you. And when I saw how much you were with him and how much fun you were having with him I couldn't help but wish that were me.. I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I figured out my feelings before you got with him. And even after you two broke up, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just confessed to you, out of the blue."

"Is that so?" You ask, walking towards the boy who was now seated on the hood of his car.

"Yeah." He whispers, looking down so he didn't have to face you.

"Well, then I have a confession to make." You state, hoping onto the empty space next to him to take a seat. "I used to like you to."

"You did?"

"I did." You hesitantly state.

"Oh.." He whispers. "How long ago?"

"A while ago." You say softly. "I never wanted to risk anything because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if we ended up breaking up on a bad note. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend."

"Oh." He sighs.

"What do you think would've happened if we dated?" You ask.

"I dunno actually. I mean, I don't think much would really change.. We're already pretty close, and we basically act like a couple anyways. Just look at us right now." Jisung responds.

You didn't realize it but currently you were snuggled up against his side, with his arm wrapped around you. If Jisung didn't point it you probably wouldn't have noticed. "We do everything together, and we always bring each other gifts. We even went to prom together, remember?"

"Well yeah.. as friends."

"That's besides the point. I'm talking about how people see us y/n. Go ask anyone, Donghyuck thought we were dating."

"He doesn't count. Donghyuck thinks everyone is dating." You snort.

"Okay, then ask Renjun. The reason why he told me you jumped that fence was because he thought that Johnny was gonna steal you from me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. His exact words were 'You're girlfriend just jumped a fence to hang out with J. Suh and them. I'd be careful if I were you, Johnny's known to steal each other's girls.' You should've seen how confused I was and how awkward it was to explain to him that we weren't a couple." Jisung laughs. "He was so confused."

"He thought we were dating?"

"Yeah."

"Jisung." You state, looking up at him. "This is my last night here. And before you tell me to shut up and enjoy the moment I want to tell you one thing, okay? It's really really important to me and I feel like if I don't tell you this right now, I may never will."

"Geez, you're dramatic." He jokes. "What's so important anyways?"

"I still like you."

"Oh.." He whispers. "Oh? Wai-Wait. You still like me?"

You nod.

"Like.. like-like?"

"Yes, like like-like." You chuckle.

"O-Oh.."

There's a moment of silence before anyone says anything else. The only things making noise are the sound of distant cars that you hear drive by, along with the wind as it decides to pick up a slight breeze. Your phone is still playing music but you can barely hear it over your light breathing, which to you, sounds like the loudest thing on world. Your head is occupied with thoughts on why you decided to confess right now and Jisung is left trying to process what you just told him. It only lasts for a few seconds, a minute at most, but it feels like an eternity.

"Hey y/n?" He says softly. You snap your head up, looking towards him. Half of you is ready to hear whatever he has to say while the other half of you is worried that you just ruined everything with four little words. "Yeah?" You ask as your voice cracks a little.

"I still like you too."

"You do?"

"I do."

"So the question becomes, what are we?" You whisper, looking back down at the ground. "I leave tomorrow."

"That doesn't mean anything.." Jisung mumbles.

"What are you talking about? Yes it does. It means everything."

"No, it doesn't." He states, jumping off of his car hood to stand in front of you. "Think about it, you leave tomorrow right?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, like you said. You're still with me right now and we've still got-" He stops, taking a second to glance at his phone to check the time. "About sixteen and a half hours to spare.. So, why not make the most of it?"

"What are you implying?"

He sighs, taking a step closer to you to grab both your hands and pull you off his car hood himself. "Will you, y/n l/n, be my girlfriend? Even if it is, just for tonight?"

You squeeze his hands, unsure of what to say. Of course you want to say yes, this is one of the moments you've been waiting for! Something you never expected to happen! So why were you feeling so unsure?

Maybe it's because you knew this wouldn't last forever, or maybe it's because it was your best friend. Either way, each option had it's pros and cons. You just couldn't figure out which ones outweighed the other.

If you say yes, then you would've got to experience your long term crush being your boyfriend. But it also meant it would end in less than 24 hours, and what if you didn't want that? Sure long distance is an option, but would you be able to do it?

If you say no.. Then what would happen? Would tonight just end up awkward? You didn't want to pine after some boy for so long, and you sure didn't want Jisung to feel embarrassed, especially since both of you just confessed to each other.

So what do you say? You don't have all the time in the world to pick an answer.

"If I were to say yes.." You say, speaking up. "Do you promise nothing will change between us afterwards? Will we still be friends after that?"

"We can be friends." He says. "Or we can be more than friends. We can be whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."

You sigh, letting go of his hands, only taking a second to look at him.

"What?" He asks, moving to get closer to you.

"Nothing." You sigh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About.. us.. You know.. What are we going to do once the sun comes up?"

"Cry and then kiss some more?" He jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sungie.. I'm being serious. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, y/n. If I'm going to be honest I don't want to think about it either.. I didn't think that far ahead!"

"I know you didn't but we have to talk about it. It's bound to happen."

"What is?"

"Us.. breaking up.."

"You didn't even accept my offer and you're already thinking about us breaking up?" He asks. In his head it sounded okay, but by the look on your face he can tell it came off differently.

"What?" You ask.

"We could always do long distance y'know.."

"Sungie. Look at me." You sigh, looking at him in the eyes. "I'm moving across country and you're staying here, without me. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think anything was going to happen! I just wanted to spend one night with you as my girlfriend!" He yells, and you take a step back at the sudden volume change.

"You expected me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not! I didn't even plan any of this! I prepared for the worst, but then you brought up the whole liking thing and it just.. I don't know?! Gave me hope?"

"I don't know.. what'll happen when the sun comes up, y/n. I don't know what'll happen at all. I just want you to be happy.. and if that means we have to finish this night as just friends, then I'll be okay with that. We can pretend like nothing happened and we can just go on-"

"What if I don't wanna pretend like nothing happened?" You ask, cutting him off.

"What if.. I wanna say yes, but I'm just too scared to?"

"Why would you be scared?" He asks.

"Because.. if I do.. and this happens to be the best night of my life.. I don't want it to end."

"The answer I want to give you is, 'it doesn't have to end.' but that would just be a broken promise on my part." He sighs, giving you a sad smile. "But the answer I will give you is, we can make the most of it, but that's only up to you. So I'm asking you again, y/n l/n. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." You sigh, nodding your head reluctantly.

He pulls you into a hug and even though it's just a hug, it's one of the best hugs you've ever experienced. It's more on the comforting side, which would explain why you felt warm and at home. But it different from the hugs you've shared before.

"So where are we off to now?" You ask, ready to officially start tonights adventure. It comes out more muffled due to the fact that you're still holding each other.

"You're so eager." Jisung pouts. "Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

"I suppose so.. It's nice."

─ 3:06am;

The third stop of the night is diner just a couple minutes away from your high school. It's open 24hours meaning you'd see students come here after dances and school events, two of them being you two. One of the convenient things about this place was that it also had a small arcade connected to it. Maybe it was just a marketing strategy, but it worked so this is where you spent the majority of your free time.

"Hungry?" He asks, pulling up in the parking spot in front of the entrance door.

"Why are we here?" You ask, glancing over at the radio to check the time. "It's three am.."

"So?" He asks. "Let me take you on a date. We can even share a milkshake if you'd like." He teases.

"How romantic." You snort.

"Y/n!! I'm being serious!" He whines. "Do you know how badly I've wanted to take you on a date here?"

"Well.. Technically we have gone on one, multiple to be exact." You claim.

"Oh yeah? Name them."

"Our study sessions for SAT's?"

"I meant a proper date! You call suffering together while we complain about the future a proper date?!" He exclaims.

"Okay then how about all the times we came here after a dance or sport event hmm?" You ask.

"Those don't count! We went as friends!"

"I like to count them as dates.." You admit. "After all, they're the best ones I've been on."

"Oh really?" He asks. "Better than the ones that Na Jaemin has taken you on?"

"Uh, yeah? Of course?"

"Take that Jaemin!" He exclaims, causing you to giggle.

"What's your deal with him anyways?" You ask, curious on what he has to say.

"Well.. he's the person I'm competing with, right? For best boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes. "It's not a competition. Besides, if it was, then you'd automatically win." You tease. "So are we going on a date or what?"

Jisung giggles. "Yeah. Let's go."

The diner is empty. There isn't anyone but a lone police officer, drinking a cup of what you assumed to be coffee; two girls who happen to look like they're on a date, and another boy, who seemed to be around you and Jisung's age, working on paper of some sort.

Taking your seat in a familiar spot you look past Jisung (who was seated in front of you) and out the window behind him. You still have a few more hours until the sun comes up, but seeing the moon slowly make it's way down hurts just a bit.

"Hey." Jisung says, drawing your attention back at him. "You zoned out a bit there, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" He teases.

"Pffft! You wish!" You say a little bit too loudly, earning a glare from the cop seated a few booths away from you.

"So about that milkshake.." You trail off. "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry."

You scrunch your nose at his answer. "Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugs. "It's pink, I thought it'd be romantic."

"You're cute."

"I know."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I'll take it as one."

"I- Nevermind."

"Whaaat?"

"You're lucky you're cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

You scoff at him. "Of course I do."

"Ah, okay. Cause I think I'm cute too." He snickers.

"Hey!" You gasp, earning a light laugh from him.

"It's okay I think you're cute too." He says scrunching his nose.

You stick your tongue out at him, looking away to fake being upset.

"Ah boo hoo. Don't be like that."

You're just about to argue back when the waitress who took your order earlier places down the milkshake that Jisung ordered in the middle of you two. She also drops two straws on the table along with it. Both of you thank her and after she leaves you decide to ask Jisung a question.

"Hey Sungie?" You ask, ripping off the paper wrapping to your straw. "Why this place?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

With a smile, you shake your head no at his response and he lets out a sigh.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah!" You nod. "Why?:

"This is where I realized that I was in love with you."

It takes a second for you to process what he had just said. It doesn't hit you right away but the more that you think about it, the more you realize what he meant.

"O-Oh.. Here?" You ask, as if you were unsure of where you were.

He nods in response and watches as you try to put together the pieces of how he figured out he loved you.

"Why?" You ask. "It's not like we've done anything special here. The most we've done is come here after prom.. and the rest of the dances I guess, but prom is the only one that I can really think about."

He giggles. "It doesn't have to be a big event for it to mean something y'know. I realized I was in love with you the summer going into sophomore year. You remember how we came here that night? After I so happened to convince you to sneak out and come to the movies with me?"

"Duh!" You exclaim. "How can I ever forget that?! I had to climb out my fucking window for you, do you know how scary that was? And we had to walk all the way there because neither of us could drive yet!"

"Hey in my defense I said that Johnny could've driven us. You just didn't wanna get caught!"

You roll your eyes at him. "No. That is not why, and hey! Don't try to make this conversation about me! You're the one who's supposed to be explaining stuff right now!"

"Damn." He scoffs. "Ya caught me. Well, anyways, before I was rudely interrupted-"

"You're the one who asked me a question!" You defend.

Ignoring you, he continues. "You remember how we were sitting in this spot, complaining about sophomore year before it even started?"

You nod.

"Well you were going off on some kind of rant- I don't even remember what it was about- but you just kept talking and you didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening because I was too busy admiring how you looked. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, and both of us were very much sleep deprived but for some reason, it just hit me. I don't remember what it was about you, but it was that moment when I realized 'oh my god. this is what it's like to be in love.' y'know? Like you're finally realizing what it's like to be in love with someone, rather than just loving someone. Do you get what I mean?"

You shake your head no.

"Oh c'mon!" He whines. "I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about! It's like finally realizing what all the love songs are about, it's just like.. some kind of feeling! And it was just different how I felt from you, being my best friend, and you, being the person I had a crush on. I don't know how to explain it.. but it was just.. amazing."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Is that so? Well.. then maybe I do know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"You just did it."

"Wha- huh?! What did I do?"

"You're cute." You giggle.

"You weren't listening, huh?" He says, smiling.

"Nope! Not at all."

"So you do know what I'm talking about then?"

"Of course I do."

"You're so cute." He giggles.

"I know." You respond.

"I'm glad we agree."

─ 5:22am;

The last stop of the night is some place familiar. You didn't expect this location as much as you did others, so when Jisung decided to park here you didn't know what else to say.

"We're at.. your place?"

"Yeah." He nods, walking towards the gate that lead to his backyard.

"We're not going inside?" You ask, confused on where you were going.

"Pffft. Inside? Why would we go in there? Now c'mon, let's go."

Following Jisung into his backyard is nice. You see a lot of roses and plants that hug the side of his house. As you continue to walk you get various memories from when you two would hang out back here, before you got bored and decided that there was more to the world than Jisung's backyard.

"Okay. Do you want to go first? Or do you want me to?" He asks once you reach a ladder that lead to the roof of his house.

"You chose a ladder?" You whine. "Why didn't we just climb out one of your windows or something?"

"Because y/n!" He teases. "Where's the fun in that? Besides we've already done that before, why not do something different tonight?"

"You mean climb a ladder to sit on your roof instead of climbing out your bedroom window like we normally do?"

"See you do get me! That's exactly what I'm saying." He exclaims. "Now c'mon, up we go!" He smiles.

It's nicer than you expected. You don't know how or when he did it but he already had not one, but two blankets prepared. You assumed he put it here before he left to pick you up or he just asked one of your friends to leave them here. Judging by the fact that they didn't feel freezing cold, and that the ladder was already propped up to the side of his house when you got here, you assumed he asked Renjun or Jeno to leave them here.

"So.." You start.

"Please don't ask why I chose my own house." He jokes.

"Okay well first of all, I wasn't." You defend. "I was gonna ask what are we doing on your roof at five in the morning, but now that you mention it.. Why did you choose your house? We could've gone to so many other places."

He gives you a confused look, allowing you to ask, "What?"

"Please tell me the second question was a joke." He sighs.

You give him a smile and he pats the empty spot next to him, signaling for you to take a seat.

"Okay y/n, since you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you, yeah?" He asks, clearly annoyed at the fact that he chose his own house for gods sake.

You giggle. "You don't have to answer it you know. I know why."

"Okay, then I'll ask you. Why?"

"Because," You tease in a sing-songy voice. "Where else would we have gone? Technically, we started tonight at my place so why not end it with yours? We've spent a significant amount of time together, right?" You ask and he gives you a nod in return.

"Exactly. So it would just make sense that we have two halves of one whole, right? You pick out the places, and I bring back the memories. Right?" You explain.

"Congratulations. You've figured it out."

"Of course?" You giggle.

"Do you wanna know why we're up here though?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"It's because we can see the sunrise better from here. Yeah we used to just sit on the roof and talk in the middle of the day, or we'd watch the sun set, but we've never really watched it rise together before, y'know?"

"Really?" You ask. "Are you sure about that? We've pulled all nighters together before!"

"Yeah but one of us is either half asleep or just not paying attention."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that." You hum.

"Do you promise we'll get a pretty sunrise?" You ask.

"Christ y/n. I don't control the weather! Who do I look like, mother nature?"

"Hey, mother nature is badass!" You scold. "She could literally end everything right here, right now."

"I suppose so." He hums, wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer to him. You rest your head against him and for a while you two just sit there in silence, no words just being said. Just the sounds of your breathing plus some birds chirping due to the current time. It's nice and comfortable. It feels like home.

You feel yourself about to start falling asleep when Jisung starts talking.

"I'm really gonna miss you.. y'know." He sighs, turning his head to look at you. If he didn't know you any better he'd think you actually fell asleep, it's only the sound of you humming the word "yeah?" that informs him you're still awake.

"What's the thing you're gonna miss most about me?" You ask.

"You expect me to chose one?" He asks, only earning another hum in response.

"Okay.. Well.. For starters, I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I'm gonna miss not being able to text my best friend 'hey let's hangout today' and then just sitting in my room playing Mario Kart with you for the next three hours. I'm gonna miss your little roasts that you'd pull on me whenever I do anything stupid. I'm gonna miss our boba runs we used to have each week. I'm gonna miss causing chaos on the rest of our friends because how else are they going to prepare for trouble if there isn't two of us? There's so many things that I'm gonna miss about you that I could just go on and on about but we don't have enough time for that." He sighs.

"Really.. I'm just gonna miss you."

A second passes before Jisung decides to speak up again. "Are you gonna miss me too?"

"That's a silly question." You sigh. "Of course I am dummy. You expect me to not miss you? What am I gonna do without my partner in crime? My best friend and technically my boyfriend? You expect me to move across country and not miss you at all? Are you insane?!"

"Only a little." He jokes, earning a light punch from you.

"If I could take you with me I would."

"So why don't you?"

"Where are you gonna live? My fucking closet? I can't let you do that, you'll get too cramped in there." You joke.

"I guess.." He pouts.

"So.. What's gonna happen.. between us?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're watching the sun rise, aren't we?"

"I guess.. I just didn't expect it to fly by that fast.." You mumble.

Another moment of comfortable silence passes before either of you say anything. This one lasts for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, with the only sounds being your shallow breathing catching your attention. It's comforting, just being like this. Laying on Jisung's side while having his arm wrapped around you and a blanket hugging you both. The wind picks up a breeze every now and then making you shiver a bit due to the lack of warmth but that only makes you snuggle closer to Jisung in hopes of stealing his body heat.

"Thank you.. for tonight." You whisper. "It's all I could've asked for."

"I'm really glad you liked it. I'm just happy I got to spent time with you before you left." He chuckles.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Yeah?"

"So much."

The sunrise is pretty. It's one of the best ones you've seen in your entire life. It consisted of pinks, and yellows, and a little bit of purple. Though there were wispy clouds in it, it was like the earth was telling you it's okay to move on and go. Some may say it would be a perfect way to end a beautiful night, or in your case, the perfect way to say goodbye.

#fydream #neowritingsnet #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream x reader #nct dream fanfic #nct dream soft hours #nct dream timestamps #nct dream scenarios #nct dream blurbs #jisung imagines #jisung fluff #jisung x reader #jisung fanfic #jisung soft hours #jisung timestamps #jisung scenarios #jisung blurbs

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jess-oh · 7 years

Text

Reflection

I’m pretty tired but I just showered so I’m feeling better now. I do really want to write this before going to sleep tonight.

I’ve been getting a lot better at sleeping earlier and getting everything done much sooner! Working on the first floor is always fun. But, since I don’t stay up as late anymore, I don’t get as much done and I feel like I’m procrastinating. Like if I just stayed up tonight, I could knock my graphic design hw out of the park but then I would be really tired at church tomorrow. And I do want to pay attention and better develop my relationship with God. I actually didn’t get depressed today though, which is gr9. Overal, today was a pretty good day. I hope I’m not just rushing into things tho.

I woke up around 7am but decided to push myself to go back to sleep bc I could and by 9am, I was up and ready to start the day. So I waited about 40min for Sam to rejoin the living before Skyping him. We discussed games and settled on what to do. I was trying really hard not to micromanage and make him do what I want to do and just be okay with his decision. I trust his decision. Also, yknow, if it fails, I can blame it on him since it was his call. But I know I shouldn’t. If the second game fails, I should be the one to take responsibility and figure it out. Not him. Sigh. Anyway, I was a little frustrated this morning bc Rhyarna didn’t wake up in time and Emily and Eliza were taking their sweet time to get ready. But I also didn’t plan it super well so I didn’t say anything. I was partly to blame. I should’ve checked the transportation times before today and told them that we’d be leaving ten minutes earlier instead of 11;30, when the bus would be arriving. So it was really my fault, not theirs. And we were about 8min late but that was okay. The apartment in Hyde Park was super nice and I was surprised to like it so much. I was prepared to just say we were just looking around but they’re actually willing to secure the apartment for us until June 1st which is amazing. After going over utilities, renter’s insurance, and all that jazz, the living expenses aren’t actually too bad! I think I could handle paying for my own utilities along with groceries for a while. And my parents are okay with paying for my rent each month. It really just comes down to Rhyarna. And I know that it’s a process but I really hope she decides soon bc I really want to live there. It would be so much fun living off campus in my own apartment. I’m actually adulting! It’s exciting! And I hope I’m not being too eager! I should probably look for work elsewhere as well bc I won’t be able to work the whole time over the summer since it’s an on campus thing. I would want to but I don’t think any shifts will be available. I sure wish I could tho. I definitely need to start saving money now. It would take me about 13 weeks to reach a thousand dollars if I took out 20% of my paycheck everytime. Which is actually almost the whole semester... And even though we get a lot of money back during the second month, that’s basically all my money for the first two months right there. Well, no. Because my parents would be covering that. And yeah, with that money it would be the admin fee, move in fee, renters insurance, etc. But still, I think I could live off of $1000 for a couple months. Maybe not until October though since we usually have to wait a month before the money starts to roll in...hm.... Usually, groceries are going to cost me ~$60 every couple weeks. I could probably get away with $30 if I really tried to budget. And in that case, I could save more money sooner. I need to be able to last 4 months off of however much money. And if it was just groceries, that’d probably be okay. But I have to think about furniture too which would be a big chunk of it right away. Hm, maybe moving in so early isn’t such a good deal after all. Unless I keep working and find a different job, at least for over the summer while I’m in Chicago? That would definitely help me a lot. Well, I should definitely start saving at least 20% of each paycheck now. and we’ll see if i can find a job over the summer. i would work now but i dont want to overwhelm myself w/ 20hrs at work rn on top of school. i should ease into that if i want to work even more so that i still have time for hw and my church activities. But I think I’ll be okay. Hopefully. I also want to still buy birthday gifts for my friends this year so that may be an issue later on. Even rn, I’m thinking of going back to my sub of the day lifestyle bc i want to get Jeanne&David a gift now but by the time I get paid, it’ll be too late. So I have to use the money I have rn. Imma be broke, real fast. I should’ve taken better care of it. I am taking care of myself a lot more this year but I’m slowly realizing how expensive it is. It makes me almost regret it.

Anyway, Hyde Park was really nice and all the while, I texted Andrew when I could and it was really nice. He was just venting about Emily and how he’s moving on and I’m really happy for him. It was nice to see him so excited. Or I guess emotional is a better word? He claims to be a really chill guy and he is but I’m also so happy whenever he allows himself to have emotions. To feel anger and frustration and joy and sadness and everything in between. It’s okay to be an emotional person. That’s what makes you human. And I was really glad to be talking with him. And I know I was pretty pessimistic towards Emily in the past but I’m really trying to be more optimistic now and give her the benefit of the doubt instead of always immediately assuming the worst and encouraging Andrew to do the same. By the way, I don’t think I could ever tell him that I liked him in a crush sort of way. It would change everything. And not necessarily bc we’re friends and that’d be weird but bc I discovered that he’s a really emotional person and I don’t want to mess with him like that. That’s just shitty and he doesn’t deserve that. Especially right now. Also, I kind of liked how the other day I was in the middle of typing a message to him but never sent it. It was a good reminder so I purposefully did it again last night. It was something along the lines of, “I’m happy for you and I don’t want to take that away from you so I don’t want to say anything to you.” But when I was so excited to reply to him today, I ended up just deleting that immediately and almost regretted that I didn’t actually write it down. But I am pretty sure that it was along the lines of that so I’m glad that I got to document it somewhere to look back on.

But after that, we traveled up to Bucktown and were a bit intimidated by the apartment. It was really nice but a little too nice. I don’t think we were ready for it. It even had an upstairs. It straight up felt like a house. It actually had a laundry room and everything. And while the price was doable, I think we were all a bit scared. And plus, the tenants are looking for someone to move in by March 1st anyway which is a bit too early for us so it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But it was still nice to check out and understand the different neighborhoods a bit better.

After that, Rhyarna and Emily hung out while Eliza and I went back to the dorm. Oh, we also ate at McDonalds and played on a playground after the second apartment. That was actually so much fun just being able to let go and feeling like a kid again. Being unapologetically dumb, haha.

But yeah, Eliza and I went home and she knocked out while I chatted on the phone a bit with my sister and then doing more research into the apartment. Then, we went back out to Hyde Park along with Rhyarna’s roommate and just explored the area. I did feel like I was going out of my way to be witty and funny that night but it was still a fun experience nonetheless. And plus, her roomie actually had a wine opener so I finally opened the bottle and drank with my friends. And then I decided to give the rest to my roommates so that they could take it away from me. Which I think was the right thing to do. But I also wasn’t living the most Christlike today which I do regret. I kept trying to fit in and be cool by cussing and saying I casually drink and using the Lord’s name in vain and I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I was definitely aware of what I was doing and saying and how it was wrong but I continued anyway.

I do want to continue to be more open and accepting of who God is and really embrace that but I’m not there yet. I did pray long and hard about whether or not I should become a member at Lakeview and God gave me multiple signs that I should stay and commit. But at this point in my life, I am still hardcore struggling to rely on Him instead of myself and that makes me feel like I’m not quite ready to make that step yet. But maybe that’s moreso serving next year with Lakeview. And I haven’t really had time to pray about it either which is unfortunate but that’s really my own fault. Aside from not having a great outlet so I can just pray, I also think a part of me is afraid of the answer that God is going to show me. And I honestly don’t know which possibility I’m more scared of. But that’s where I’m at right now. I think I’ll take the forms to church tomorrow and be ready to give them to P. William but who knows if I’ll actually move forward with it. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

#reflection

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