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timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done
#rimi talks#it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it#god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics#but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting#tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend!#and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :)#GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD#GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............#its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other#its not a romance but it IS a codependency#bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash.#bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok#not his circus. not his monkeys.#well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it#but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other.#tim#cassie#timcassie
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I'm still not over him nor this character of his like holy fuck man
#listen i know there are plenty of pretty boys and hot men in the world and we have our little moments of awe and go oh oh wow#but then sometimes you lay your eyes on a guy that just hits different and this dude... this fucking dude#this dude messed with the fabric of reality it broke the time space continuum for a moment#i think i legit lost some minutes of my life while my brain rebooted after crashing bc of the massive sudden input#funniest thing is that happened after i watched the whole of aqotwf like i had noticed he was cute but then i took a good look#without the emotional turmoil hogging brain space and lo and behold i was gone#like i simp over all my babygirls but he just asks for some time of reflexion#i feel like a renaissance poet i could write pages attributing the meaning of our whole humanity on his existence or some shit like that#i mean he pretty yeah?#albrecht schuch#stanislaus katczinsky#ascu
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brain dump abt my hcs for older crystal and clem bc ive been thinking abt them alot
cw for mentions of sucide
so to start i personally think Crystal and Clems friendship is kinda toxic. i think both of them genuinely care about each other but also they feed into each others suicidal ideations, also its shown that Clem is a lot more cynical and jaded than Crystal so i think he somewhat unintentionally encourages Crystal's suicidal tendencies.
as they get older I personally see Crystal trying to better her mental state while Clems starts to get worse. it causes a rift between their relationship that ends up them getting into a huge argument which pretty much ends their friendship ( note: this would happen at Clems last year at the summer camp so he'd be 13 and Crystal would be 12 ) Crystal is very much crushed by this which ends up with her suicidal thoughts coming back ( albeit not as intense as during psychonauts 1 ). She ends up seeking help ( either by Milla or maybe an new counselor at the camp? i have some ideas for psychonauts counselor ocs ) and also starts to make friends with the other campers too ( i hc that she and phoebe are rlly close though phoebe probably finished camp at the time crystal and clems argument happens. they definitely start hanging more when crystal gets into the intern program ) She still worries about Clem though and occasionally tries to get in contact with him ( mainly to make sure he's well.. still alive ) though most of the time Clem rarely gets back to her and when he does their convos are pretty short and awkward
Crystal also hangs out with Raz and Lili too
anyways so Crystal becomes a junior psychonaut a couple years after she becomes an intern ( so like 17-18ish? ) and she goes on her first mission with Raz ( something something they have to stop some villains ) little did they know that one of the villains would be Clem Foote
#wow i rambled a lot#anyways please hear me out on villain Clem#bc while i do want Clem to get better mentally i think at first he ends up becoming worse before that happens#i also have a vague idea on what Crystals mental world would be like by the time she becomes an intern and then a junior psychonaut#i think itd be kinda similar to Millas in how most of it is pretty fun and cheerful but with the darker aspects compartmentalized away#before Crystal bettered her mental health her world was a bit of a mess#like it was bright and happy but also pretty fucked up with a lot of suicidal imagery#cosmic chatz#psychonauts#cw sucide
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i would greatly appreciate if the ocd would stop expanding the limits/shrinking the parameters of my wardrobe so that i could stop having meltdowns about my outfits on a daily basis.
#brain things#ocd#it's like. if my brain decides an item is Nice then we can't wear it bc we'll mess it up and ruin it#we have to wait for a mythical Good Day in order to wear the Ideal Outfit.#god forbid i sweat cry need to pee or feel the slightest bit sick or uncomfortable while wearing a Good Item#then it will be Ruined Forever#this has been a thing for me since i was like. six.#i remember going into my closet and touching a dress i'd deemed Fancy and thinking ''wow so pretty sad i'll never get to wear u''#currently this also extends to if an outfit makes me feel Good about Gender or Myself then i can't wear it out#i'm AWARE it's crazy idk how to stop it i'll ask my therapist next time in the meanwhile i spend a solid 20 min every morning#trying on outfits i'm too scared to wear outside bc that's ''wrong'' somehow#(granted it IS mid-80s here and humid as fuck so lately wearing as little as possible has been the primary goal)#one of the times i saw myself in fiction was in bllb when#they think they've found glendower and gansey is So Upset bc the Vibes Are All Wrong and he's wearing a sweater he hates#i feel u gansey. that is me so often. or vice versa.#when i wear a good outfit and then the day fucking sucks...#somehow it feels like an extra kick in the ribs#like noooooo i was supposed to be invulnerable i wore the Good Shirt!!!
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I wish I could find a doctor that wants to find out what’s actually wrong with me instead of recommending prescriptions to address the symptoms. I’m so tired of being recommended ibuprofen for debilitating pain. Tired of relaying my medical history to a new doctor and getting the same furrowed brow and shrugging shoulders I get every time. Tired of having so-called medical professionals ask why I need a cane if I’m able to walk down their clinic hallway without it. When will someone fucking help me?
#Leif barks#this is gonna get vent-y and shit in the tags just general mental and physical health issue TW#I’ve really given up on going to doctors atp#I used to have at least one sometimes two dr appts every week and I haven’t seen anyone in 6 months#saw a specialist in January for an MRI follow up and he basically went “wow your spine is fucked up! want some pregablin?“#I am 25yo with degenerative disc disease in 4 discs and facet joint arthritis and you as a specialist are not concerned?#because I sure fucking am!#why is my spinal column breaking down inside my body#I also developed an eating disorder in all of this mess bc when my symptoms first started at like 21yo#the only thing I heard from dr’s was “lose weight” so guess what I did#150lbs in a year and a half#and now when I go to a dr I get congratulated for losing it and then get told to take ibuprofen again#also wow getting told you did a good job at starving yourself is a crazy mind fuck#like you can look at my chart and see the weight loss in real time and that’s apparently wasn’t concerning either#I’ve stopped losing weight but now I’m terrified of gaining and I’m in this maintenance limbo that is literal torture on my brain and body#I’m just over here suffering#I tentatively started therapy again bc the depression-anxiety-cptsd-autism-eating disorder combo is killing me#and I’m not kidding I got three sessions in and she told me I’m too much for her to handle#so I guess I will be letting it kill me bc I don’t know what the fuck to do
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all the eurovision girlies (gn) after spain only got 5 points
#The meme that keeps on giving#Esc 2023#esc#eurovision 2023#eurovision#portugal and spain: brothers in getting fucked over by the votes#the moment we got the death spot in the order ik it was over but this SHOCKED me my mouth dropped#esc spain#spain#blanca paloma#eaea#wow anna said something#yes im still making esc posts im watching crack videos bc it was such a mess#anna's shitposts
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revenge of the island where everything’s the same except scott chooses to vote out zoey instead of mike to gain the upper hand or smth
the catch is that previously-dormant-since-leaving-juvie mal ends up fronting after, similar to how zoey invoked commando zoey, bc he’s the Protector of the system--or maybe he and mike end up co-hosting??? and it turns into a push-pull thing between them and scott bc mike and scott are already dealing with their issues; meanwhile mal’s as morally gray as the next person and although he’s royally ticked off at scott for messing with mike and threatening the system, he also can’t help but be impressed at how utterly slippery scott is--and ofc tries to exploit that slipperiness and use it against scott. while scott’s sorta confused bc ‘okay this guy isn’t svetlana or chester or manitoba or vito, so who is he??’ but also he’s like ‘wow a worthy opponent?? hell yeah!’ and there’s def some underlying tension reaching its peak that gets cut off when scott gets eliminated following canon events (so mike gets eliminated like zoey was btw) bc duh they’re both trying to beat each other for (mostly) different reasons and with questionable morales within a show where everyone’s pitted against each other, ofc there’s gonna be a tension plus mal kinda doesn’t like scott for what he did lmao (v understandable and valid)
and then they meet again in all-stars and that tension rekindles...among other things :)
somewhere along the way (maybe in a snippet of a scene before scott’s elimination or during all-stars or in the span of time between their eliminations and roti’s finale) scott does the equivalent of apologizing for threatening the system, mainly bc mal would have thrown him without ado straight into fang’s jaws if he didn’t own up to it, but also after being in mal’s (and mike’s) presence for as long as he was, scott genuinely starts to feel bad--not for kicking out all those ppl prior, including zoey, but of how he went abt hurting mike and the rest of the system--mal was just that push he needed to own up to his misdeed. anyway after that, mal doesn’t want to forgive or see scott in a more ‘positive’ light after that happens, but this time mike, the more forgiving one out of them all, is the one being the push to get the alters to try to forgive scott, and after that, as they say, it’s history :D
no but, the urge to write this as a oneshot-type fic set during revenge of the island that acts as a “prologue” for the next multichaptered fic set during all-stars-
it’d give an excuse to portray scott as the villain he deserves to be in all-stars while also warring with his emotions bc I can bet that homeboy has never had a crush, fell in love, or dated anyone before. (plus hopefully I can write mike’s system (namely mal) in a better way than fresh did, and I can touch upon his past--like how he ended up in juvie--and his relations with other characters, like duncan and zoey and cam.)
swear I’ll elaborate more on this when I don’t have a project due within a day and when I’m not in a motivation slump lmfao
#total drama#td mike#td scott#td mal#total drama revenge of the island#total drama all stars#wow i finally have a potential roti fic idea?? even if its just a oneshot??#i just think it's funny to join manitoba (who licks dirt) with scott (who eats dirt)#and all of a sudden i involve the rest of the system too lmfao#plus i've seen a couple of mike & scott + mal & scott content which has been interesting to say the least#so voila--here we are!#i hope i didn't mess up any of the did terms or the way i described them#if so im truly so so sorry that wasn't my intention and pls lmk which ones i did so i can correct them#the main reason im so hesitant on writing roti and all-stars fics is bc of possibly portraying mike's system not so greatly#i mean i know ppl with did and they've advised me on how to write characters with did#but i guess its just a constant worry that i'll fuck it up somehow lmao#anyway#and no there's no bully & victim relationship here ew#whatever scott and mike (plus his alters) have only start to grow and be acknowledged on mike's end after the apology#mal takes the longest to warm up to scott but ironically he's also the one to be protective after the apology#like fang's around? no sweat i'll punch his lights out like vito did dw#there's so much i wanna say but i'm not gonna rn bc i unfortunately have work to do#kit speaks#noahtally-famous#kit stuff#as for scott he's emotionally constipated he doesn't know how and what he's feeling lmao
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I was gonna comment on how little sense this episode actually makes but now I'm more focused on how I was somehow able to screencap disney plus on my laptop?????
#rachel watches#big hero 6#wow been a while since i dusted off that tag huh#'cause like the whole plot of this episode is that#hiro's made to feel insecure bc he doesn't have any superpowers like the rest of the team#but he MADE THE SUPER SUITS#he could have given himself ANYTHING#and he just gave himself like. magnetic hands and feet#i get that when they made the movie they prob weren't expecting to get a series afterward#and i do think it's in line with obake's character to try n mess with hiro's head (bc that's exactly what he does in this ep in particular)#but my point is that hiro's complaining about what was seemingly a conscious choice that he made and i think that's ridiculous#but also HOW THE FUCK WAS I ABLE TO SCREENCAP DISNEY PLUS?????#i almost feel like i shouldn't post this bc someone at disney will see it and be like 'aw shit gotta stop that from happening again'
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Hey uh
anyone here on Art Fight this year or-
Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.
You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...
I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...
#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW????#I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T#I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL#and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just-#-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out#-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL'#like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!!#but like. idk.#and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another-#-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy...#but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself#but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL#but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting...#especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me#one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces...#i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments.#it all felt so damn pointless#but I'm nothing if not a survivor#as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised'#I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up-#and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires#BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.
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I should have gone to bed... like hours ago....
#uhhghh..#I also told my in sys partner we could sleep early#but we got some stressful news that bc of schedule changes we have four tests in a row#they understand but eugh this means will mess up sleep schedule and we have tests#theyre concerned abt me too bc Ive like.been putting more effort toward studying and the weather is fucking up the body#I love them....#wow I really am stressed out though I handled my first final this year pretty well#so I believe in myself#but so much stuff I need to remember my mind feels like it would explode ....
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ithink. Falmeri culture had a lot of perfume stuff going on. Why? Because I think that would be neat
#Also I doubt it's much of a thing in most of skyrim so it would really add to the strangeness of touching the sky#How messed up would it be to go thru darkfall whole time very faintly smelling something entirely New like!! What the fuck!#Open a chest in the chantry and there's a scent or even container of perfume that hasn't been smelled/used in 4000 years just.#yeahg. yeah I think it would be neat. Obviously perfume isn't that strong but it Lingers and nothing else there has the same scent so it-#- would stand out quite a bit. Especially with vampirism bc they're like predators they can smell well.#seranas like wow do you smell that?? I've never smelled this before it's weird and ldb has no idea. It smells like rocks in here serana#headcanons#falmer#I TAKE THAY LAST PART BACK THIS SHIT STINKS I JUTST FUCKINH SPILLRD IT OMFG
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teehee guess who now has a STAFF
#spent an hour and a half duct taping a 6ft wooden pole I bought for ten bucks#well not just duct taping I was marking points and also adding padding to the edges#but now I can SPIN#I have too much power oh I'm so excited#was messing around with it and like wow im out of shape but ehehehe#i can still do all my fancy tricks! ive just lost my endurance#debating taking it with me to class tomorrow bc I have a big time gap where I have nothing#I could spin then but like. do i want to carry around a 6ft pole?#also do I really want to spin in public#difference between fucking around at 5am and in broad daylight with people watching you#hnnng#well I'll see how I'm feeling in the morning#lilac post#hehehehe staff go spinny
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ANYWAY i just remembered the time my dentist played A FULL HOUR of the vamps & like honestly that was more torturous than the actual dental work
#yeh I've said this b4 but I just remembered bc they came up somewhere#it was bc last time I went he put on HIMYM & it was the unfunniest shit i'd ever watched in my life so I was like 'just put on some music'#& he played THE VAMPS. FOR THE ENTIRE TIME#and it was an hour bc they were doing a filling but kept fucking it up#so I would hear stuff like 'wow there's so much blood' whilst they were messing around my mouth & assaulting my ears#hex.txt
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God @ sera after the war (God made sera a war general in a war she didn't want where she watched many of her fellow angels die under her command and she became half blind)
#like wow nice you upped her to throne class which gives her more abilities but. the trauma.#<- criticizing god as if i'm not them in this story#she ends up choosing the name sera#i might end up fucking with angel classes later at least their names#a lot of the angel/demon stuff is based in christianity but i mess around with it a lot#angel classes are something i've always alluded to but never really researched so i need to do some digging there#ofc the biggest angel analysis video on youtube is by w*nd*goon which i will not be watching bc. you know.#so i'll have to do it the old fashion way by actually reading things#sassy speaks#my ocs#haven't settled on pronouns for God either need to figure something out#me when i drop random lore abt characters i've never written about here bc im always thinking abt them
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trying to reconnect with family is hard
#im trying to let go of some resentment and be closer with at least my immediate family#focusing on my brother bc we dont talk and i dont like that. and im realizing were both messed up from our family#we arent on bad terms just. neutral i guess but how do you even start the conversation of wow our parents/grandparents fucked us up huh
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another xiv post though, i finished my lvl 50 class quest and have two more msqs in ARR!
#i rly was tired of having ugly mismatched armor lmao im happy to have a full set now#im not messing w glamors while having to replace gear constantly#ffxiv liveblog#im gonna take an msq break after arr to level gatherers and fuck around with mount farming :3#partner is far behind me bc wow seasons of discovery came out
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