#beanie babies haha

[crayolapenguin]

My goal is to be full of so many micro plastics that when they move my corpse upon death I feel like a beanie baby

[mushtoons]

Art meme: You like hedgehogs. /jk jk

Seriously tho, your art looks like you have/want a bunch of stuffed animals and probably looked at late 90's/early 00's shoujo manga and went "Oh I want that"

WHY ARE U LIKE DEAD ASS RIGHT THO/posi

MURDER OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE

[akascow]

ok but whyd every animal get smaller after the dinos died off

i feel like being bigger would,, help ur chances of natural selection idk

[whatsupbeanie]

That moment when you miss someone who is already in front of you because they're sleeping. My poor mama was just trying to get a rest haha. Also! if you'd like a cute Baby Beanie seasonal pin, you can get one at whatsupbeanie.com/store

[avalil18]

Game Dey!

Summary: day and a life of game days!

——————-

You love game days! It always gives you a chance to hang out with the WAGs and meet new people and root for your husband. You are currently 5 months pregnant and so excited to meet your baby girl. The house is slowly but surely getting baby proofed. Not a lot of people knew about your pregnancy and you and Joe want to keep it that way for a while.

You were currently picking out a coat to go with your outfit. You are wearing your normal y/n game day outfit which consists of Blue jeans, a black long sleeve, and orange dunks. The temperature in Cincinnati is getting low. It was currently in the 50s. You picked out a black long coat and a number 9 clear purse to go with your outfit. After putting some lipstick and your film camera in your purse you decided to head downstairs where joes family is. His parents stay the weekend whenever there is a game because they live to far to drive back and forth.

“Hey guys!”-you

“Hi! I love your outfit!”-robin

“Thanks robin!”-you

“Are you guys ready to go?”-Jimmy

“Yep!”- you and robin

You guys then head out the door and into jimmy’s car.

“So y/n, have you guys decided on when to tell people you and Joe are expecting?”-Robin

She is sitting in the back with you as Jimmy drives.

“I think we want to wait a bit. I think there’s just a lot going on with football and we are still trying to figure out how we are going to do this.”-you

“Ah, I see!”-Robin

About a couple minutes later you guys arrived at the stadium. All of you hopped out of the car and went to scan the tickets to go on the field. You rarely go out on the field but Joe asked you to come out and say hello. You thought it was a tad bit weird but was not complaining.

There were a couple more people with you out on the field waiting to have the players come by. After a few minutes the bengals made there way out for warm ups. You spotted Joe immediately just as he spotted you. He ran up to you. He was wearing his all white uniform and a beanie. He looked so cute!

“Hey baby!”-you

You gave him a sweet peck

“Hi! How was it getting here?”-joe

“Good! Not a lot of traffic.”-you

“Good!”-joe

He then went over to hug his parents and you got a cute little picture of them hugging. After he said hello to his parents he turned back over to you.

“So, I know I am taking time off to be with you and the baby and people know that I’m taking time off but they don’t know why. I was talking with admin and they said I should give a least a small little answer to the media.”-joe

“So, you are announcing that I’m pregnant?”-you

“Yeah, if that’s ok with you, I don’t have to if you don’t want me to y/n. I know we said we want to wait but you see that everyone is talking about how I’m not going to be here for a bit and it’s getting to be a lot.”-joe

“Yeah..yeah I understand Joe, then maybe I should announce something to! But you can tell them I don’t mind.”- you gave him a smile

“You sure?”-joe

“Yes Joe, I’m sure!”-you

“Ok! Oh, how about you be there when I make the announcement. You will have front row tickets!”-joe

“Haha, sure! I would love that!”-you

“Great! I will tell admin!”-joe

“Ok! But before you leave, I want to tell you that you are amazing Joey! And that I’m really am proud of you!”-you

“Thanks babe! I love you with all my heart!”-joe

“I love you to burrow, with all my heart!”-you

You two kissed and he went along his way.

—————

After the game

(In the media room)

Joe walked in and sat in a chair with microphones and recorders all over the table. He was still wearing his uniform. Reporters filled the room. Cameras were everywhere. You were a tad bit nervous but Joe gave you a smile and it made you feel a little bit better.

“Hey Joe, how’s it going?”- reporter

“It’s going good! You know came out with a win so that’s always good, but we have to get back to work for next Sunday.”-joe

“And I hear you are taking a leave. What is that all about?”- Reporter

“Uh well, I know that has been circulating the news lately but nothing is wrong with me physically, but the real reason is my wife and I are expecting.”-joe

“Wow! Congrats!”- reporters

The whole room started clapping and cheering. Joe had a big smile on his face and looked at me. I gave him a nod and a big smile.

“Thanks! But I do ask to let my wife and I have our privacy during this time. I will be spending my time with her and the baby during my time off.”-joe

“Do you guys know the gender yet?”- reporter

“Yes we do! But I’m not telling.”- joe gave a smirk

The whole room laughed.

“How is your wife doing during all of this?”- reporter

“Well she is actually here right now, but she is doing great! She is going to be an amazing mother and I’m very lucky to have her by my side. She has always been there for me through the highs and lows and I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. She’s my best friend.”-joe smiled

He looked at you and you both started laughing when you felt tear roll down your face.

“Awww! Well congrats to you and her!”- reporter

“Thank you! But uh, let’s get to football!”-joe laughed

The whole room thought that was funny because they know he is a very private person.

They asked him about the game and some amazing plays that the team ran but after a while I could tell Joe was done.

“Yeah, the team is gearing up for next week against the titans and I know they can come out with a win, but I have to get going! Thanks guys!”-joe

He stood up from the chair and walked down to me in the front row. He gave me a hug and a small kiss on the cheek.

“I’m so proud of you Joey! And you’re going to be an amazing dad!”-you

“Thanks babe! Ready to go?”-joe

“Yep!”-you

He still has one of his arms wrapped around your waist as you two exited.

“Let me change real quick and then we can go!”-joe

“Ok! I will find your parents!”-you

You gave him a peck and he walked towards the locker room. After a few minutes of waiting for Joe with his parents a notification from twitter popped up on your phone.

“Joe Burrow and Wife after announcing they are having a baby! ⬇️”

You clicked on it

It was a video of him walking off the podium with a huge smile on his face coming up to hug and kiss you. It was showing you telling him how proud of him you are and both of you walking out laughing and kissing each other.

“Aww!”-you

“Is that you and Joe?”-Robin

“Yeah!”-you

“Aww that’s the sweetest thing! Jimmy come see this!”-Robin

I showed both of them and we were laughing about how Joe was actually anti PDA.

“Hey, what are you guys laughing at?”-joe chuckled

“Oh nothing!”-you laughed

“Mhm.”-joe

“Come on let’s go home!”-you

All of you guys walked out of the stadium and into the car back home. Robin and Jimmy sat up front and you and Joe sat in the back. You rested your head on his shoulder.

“I love you y/n.”-joe

“I love you too joe!”-you

He kissed your head.

When you guys got home you decided to post something.

Y/nBurrow

Liked by yourbff, Bengals and 1,000,000 others

Y/nBurrow our little secret🤫🤍

Comments:

Yourbff ahhh I’m an auntie!❤️

joeyb_9 not so secret anymore🤍

Y/nBurrow nope! Luv ya!

Body_by_hollyyy OMG! The cutest fam everrrr!! Love you!!🩷

User2017 this just broke the internet

Bengals we have a new team member! 🐯🧡

lahjay10_ My step brother is having a child!

joeyb_9 yes I am!

User_1019 cutest thing ever!

—————-

[blainesebastian]

butler's babies

ship: austin butler x female reader rating: PG word count: 2,197 summary: reader drops off their niece at daycare, turns out the owner is quite handsome warnings: none notes: i pass a place called 'butler's babies' on the way to work every morning and this idea just created itself. something short and sweet haha taglist: @stylespresleyhearted, @austinbutlermischief, @killerqueenfan

“Are you sure about this place?” You ask, balancing your phone in one hand against your ear while your other arm holds onto your niece, Layla. You’re helping your sister out with her two-year-old while she goes through a nasty divorce—figures it’s the least you can do. You’ve always loved being an aunt, would do anything for her, so if it means you have to wake up early on a Thursday morning and take Layla to daycare— “I mean, I can stay home from work.”

Your sister, Rachel, sighs and you can picture her shaking her head, “No, Y/N, you’re already doing me the favor of dropping her off, you shouldn’t have to take the whole day. Rick or I will pick her up after…” She doesn’t quite finish. “After.”

You wince lightly, looking at the cross street before turning the corner. You catch Layla’s gaze, smiling as she holds onto her stuffed bunny. She’s dressed in overalls today, bright red puffer jacket to protect her from the cold weather. She’s playing with the ears of her stuffed bunny, smiling,

“Momma!”

A soft smirk tugs the corners of your mouth, “Yeah, talking to your mom.” You lean over and press a kiss to her forehead, which is mostly just hitting the fabric of her beanie. She’s adorably bundled up, her nose a soft pink from the wind whipping around the buildings.

“Alright, well,” You clear your throat, coming up to the daycare, “If you’re sure.”

“I am—she loves that place. The guy that runs it is really sweet, hires some of the best daycare providers I’ve met, and you know I like to do my research.”

You smile, something fond as you adjust Layla along your hip, “I know you do—I just got here, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Oh,” She interrupts before you can hang up, “Also, the guy who runs it? Very good looking.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes, “Goodbye.”

She snickers, the tell-tale sign of the call ending by the following beeps.

--

You hover outside the daycare for a moment to slide your phone into your back pocket, your eyes skittering over the bright decorative paintings of Sesame Street characters holding welcoming signs and information—the arch above the doorway reads ‘BUTLER’S BABIES’. From what Rachel told you, the daycare actually specializes in newborns but will take any age up until five.

Glancing inside, you can see one large room that has a ton of toys, bean-bag chairs, one television playing cartoons and a few kids already milling around with some of the daycare hires. Letting out a breath, you push the door open and step inside, about to speak to someone in the gated area where the kids are but then someone comes out of the back, right to the counter.

“Hey,” He smiles and you kind of blink—not who you were expecting in the slightest to be at a place like this. Not that…not that men can’t be caretakers, of course, and you know a man owns this daycare but—

You shake your head, clearing dizzy thoughts. You just didn’t expect him to be…tall and incredibly handsome.

“Sorry, I hope you weren’t waiting long, didn’t hear the door open,” Then he smiles, recognizing the girl in your arms, “Hi Layla.” He gives her a soft wave and while Layla is usually shy around newer people, she brightens instantly at him—

“Bun!” She shows him her bunny.

“I know, I see you brought bun-bun today,” He grins, leaning against the counter, looking up at you, “Tea parties,” He says as if it’s matter of fact, “Bun-bun is always the guest of honor.”

A soft laugh escapes your chest and you set Layla down to take off her coat, “Oh of course, I’ve been to many of those,” You smile, removing her hat and fixing the wildness of her hair. You stand up and she holds onto your pants to remain upright.

“I can take that,” He says, holding his hand out to take Layla’s coat.

“Thanks, uh—”

“Austin,” He smiles, “You must be the sister, right? Rachel’s mentioned you before.”

I’m gonna kill her, “Yeah, that’s me—the sister. Y/N.”

Austin nods his head, his eyes brushing over you before he takes out a form for you to fill out. It seems to have simple information about you, best number for contact, things like that. Rachel’s already made you an approved person to pick Layla up if need be. You let out a slow breath and pick up a pen, trying not to watch Austin come out from behind the counter to greet Layla.

There’s really something about a handsome man with kids, especially when its clear he cares about them. He kneels down and talks to Layla about her bunny before offering his hand to her so he can walk her to the daycare room where the rest of the kids are. You fill out your information, giving Layla a wave when she turns to look at you.

Austin drops her off with a few other workers, who pull her into other conversations with kids that are already there. You linger at the counter, making sure she’s alright but…Layla is all smiles, showing other kids her bunny. A soft smile tugs the corners of your mouth, pushing the form back towards Austin when he gets back behind the counter.

“Will you be picking her up?”

“I don’t think so—I’m just drop off today.”

Austin smiles, glancing down at the form before filing it away, “Oh, well that’s a shame—I was hopin’ to talk to someone else who’s been part of these famous tea parties.”

It takes you a moment to realize that he’s flirting with you, a fluttering behind your ribcage like warm butterflies. It’s been a while for you, out of the dating game, not the best at picking up cues let alone carrying out other steps for yourself. But there’s something soft in the blue of Austin’s eyes, the easiness of his smile, the fact that he’s running a daycare.

“They are quite incredible, aren’t they?” You smile, “Though bun-bun uses far too much sugar, if you ask me.”

There’s a soft smirk, the recognition of an opening between you two and Austin steps right into it, “Oh it’s the biscuits for me—little bit of strawberry jelly.” At the crinkle of your nose, he laughs—it’s definitely a nice sound, “No?”

“I mean, you gotta go grape. Always.”

“I’ll remember that.” He smiles and your stomach does this flip-flop. There are actually a few seconds in which you wish you could linger but,

“I have to go uh, I don’t want to be late for work.” Austin nods, leaning back a bit as you turn but…before you get to the door, “Feel free to let me know how the tea party goes.” You motion towards the cabinet where he put your form, “That’s my cell number I wrote down.”

You can’t help but smile as you leave the daycare.

--

It only takes him to the afternoon to text you,

Austin: tea party was a disaster—out of sugar, jelly everywhere Austin: also you were right, grape is superior

A soft laugh leaves your lips as you leave work, making your way to the subway,

Y/N: I just really know biscuits

And then you take a leap that you’re not used to but…there’s nothing wrong with trying to take the first step, right? Especially after being out of the game for so long—

Y/N: would you like to get some sometime?

--

You meet Austin at the daycare and he’s held up by a set of parents who haven’t come to pick up a baby named Cooper, who he’s currently rocking in his arms, trying to get him to settle. You lean against the counter, a soft, amused smile on your lips.

“Sorry, he’s usually picked up by now,” Austin admits, shushing the baby gently as he adjusts him, “Should be just another twenty minutes or so.”

You shake your head, glancing into the daycare to see it’s empty for the day, some of the other workers cleaning up the space in preparation for the next morning. “No worries, I know the perfect place we can go—it’s open late.”

He hums, running his hand up and down the baby’s back, who’s calming slowly but surely. “And this place has biscuits?”

You grin, “I mean, there’s other things too but…they’re big and fluffy, buttery…perfect for jelly.” Your eyes fall to Cooper as he settles, begins to fall asleep against Austin’s chest—big oof. “So uh—what made you want a daycare?”

“This was actually my grandmother’s place but,” He looks down at Cooper, shifting from foot to foot, “She got sick and couldn’t maintain the business so, instead of selling I kinda just stepped in.”

Well that’s sweet, you didn’t expect that. “And changed the name?”

He smirks, “Yeah, it was ‘Berda’s Babies’ before…didn’t quite fit after I took it over.”

“Oh I dunno, you could look like a Berda to me.”

Austin chuckles lightly, raising his eyebrows before the door to the daycare opens. A set of parents come in, quickly apologizing for being late. Austin’s insistent that he doesn’t mind, gently waving them off before telling them he’ll see them tomorrow.

He grabs his coat, “Biscuits?”

You smile and nod, heading out with him.

--

Jacob’s Pickles actually specializes in, well, pickles, but they also make these incredible breakfast sandwiches with giant biscuits. It’s the best place to pick up said biscuits, biting into the fluffy pastry that crumbles perfectly. You secure a seat by a window, Austin taking another packet of grape jelly to tug open and spread across his biscuit.

“So, just curiously,” You say after a moment, “How is Layla doing?” Austin’s eyebrows draw together at the question and you give a little clarification, “My sister’s going through a divorce.”

You don’t expand but Austin nods, picking up his iced coffee to take a sip, “I figured somethin’ was going on with the unusual pick-ups and drop-offs, but Layla’s been great. She’s social, talks a lot, always smiling,” He shrugs, “Sometimes the kids we get cry often, which makes sense—new space, new faces, new schedule. Layla is never one of those kids.”

A soft smile tugs the corners of your mouth because that definitely sounds like your niece, she’s always been a happy child, you’d hate to think this messiness with her parents might somehow change her. Admittedly, you’re worried about it, you’re sure sooner or later it might disrupt Layla’s life—even if your sister is trying to end things amicably with her husband.

“What kind of work do you do?” Austin asks, steering the conversation, which you’re grateful for—you weren’t sure what else to say.

“I’m an editor for a children’s book company.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Really? You like that?”

You smile, “Uh yeah—I mean, I’ve been in it long enough that I’ve…kinda thought about writing my own.” You can tell by the look on his face that he wants you to continue, even nudges you with his foot underneath the table. You laugh slightly, “I’ve done this mock-up with an artist about a spider that doesn’t like to scare people.” You can’t help but laugh again, mostly out of embarrassment than amusement, “Like…all her friends like to.”

“That’s really cute,” The compliment makes your cheeks flush, “So why haven’t I seen it on bookshelves that I can buy for the daycare?”

Because I’m too afraid to put it out there, receive criticism, “Just…never got everything together,” You take a sip of your coffee, “You got any big dreams other than ‘Butler’s Babies’?”

“Acting,” He smile a little, “My mom used to take me to classes and auditions when I was little.”

“Well, it’s never too late.” You encourage, “Right?”

“Right,” He pauses a moment before picking up a half of his biscuit, “To it ‘never bein’ too late’.”

You realize he wants to cheers using biscuits and grin easily, picking up your half to gently tap against his.

--

The next time you drop Layla off, your niece is very insistent on you staying for a tea party. If it wasn’t for having a day off (and Austin’s blue eyes), you might have found the strength to decline. You’re seated on the floor in front of a pink tea playset, Austin across from you. You’re surrounded by other tea invites—bun-bun (of course), a Barbie, Ken who’s missing a shirt, a stuffed bear and two monster trucks (you try not to question those, but name them George and Marvin respectively).

“Can’t believe this is our second date,” Austin teases as Layla haphazardly pours them tea (you’re grateful the tea pot isn’t filled with water). “Things are movin’ pretty fast.”

You smirk, playfully taking a sip from your empty cup, “Need more sugar,” You tell Layla, and then to Austin— “Oh well, if you’re impressed now just wait until after the third date.”

“What happens then?”

“Guess you’ll have to see.” You smile, reaching for an imaginary biscuit.

[sundaysplayzone]

Going Shopping, Want Something?

So later today, I plan on going shopping for some items to fill my kidcore boxes! Yesterday I traded in a ton of my vintage Pokémon cards and other items to get a bunch of store credit! It was hard letting that stuff go, but I'm really passionate about finding fun and vintage items for people. I've truly embraced the "nostalgia fairy" role haha.

Basically, I'm here making this post to see if anyone was interested in buying one of my kidcore boxes? Because if you grab one in the next few hours, I can go shopping for you! This toy shop I'm going to has a TON of stuff, and not just toys either. I'm talking pogs, videogames, cards, comics, VHSs. They have it all! I could almost guarantee I can find something to fit any theme.

Keep reading below if you'd like one!

These are still mystery boxes, but if you were thinking of getting one, you're more than welcome to give me some themes or characters you enjoy! Anything from animals to specifics like All Dogs Go to Heaven. Also, here are a few themes I really want to make boxes of. Some of them I'd be willing to toss in some extras if bought! - Crafty/Artist/Art (especially this one!) - He Man - Beanie Babies - Batman - Webkinz - Digimon - Dragons - Scooby Doo - Nickelodeon - Lion King

Boxes are $25 for a small, $40 for a large, and $65 for an extra large (no etsy listing yet). Plus shipping. Usually US shipping is $8!

So if you'd like a box, let me know! You can either order one through me directly (through DMs or email), or go to Etsy. Since Etsy takes out a huge fee, I encourage people to order through me directly. I give people a few extras when ordering directly as well!

Etsy: Large Box - Small Box - Pokémon Box

[sugarstitchplush]

Litter of baby mew~ Almost done with this pre-order round and I've gotta say making these babies has finally converted me into a beanie plush lover haha, so many other pokes I want to make in a similar pattern. Do we want another preorder for these guys?

[beanbagbuddies4life]

Lefty and Righty 2004

Born June 25, 2003

Lefty:

When it's time for you to choose There is a way that you can't lose You'll never come in second place When Beanie Babies win the race !

Righty:

When it's time to cast your vote Just jot this down or make a note No matter who will win this race The fun is in the Beanie chase !

Via

[friendly-neighbourhood-spiderm4n]

Was wondering if you’d be able to write an Eddie Munson one shot/imagine with Hoppers (Gn) kid. :)

A/N - Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. (I am currently binge watching Gravity Falls.)

“Hey, officer! We need to report a crime!” Jason, and two of his friends ran up to you. You knew they were some of the kids from the basketball team, considering when you tried to have a conversation with Lucas, it’s all he would talk about.

“Yeah? What is it?” You didn’t like him, he seemed like a popular douchebag.

“It’s Eddie! He’s dating someone thats as hot as you!” He was grinning, his two friends behind him laughing.

“Haha, you’re so fucking funny. Get out of here before I punch your fucking teeth out.”

“Officer! Relax, we’re just having fun. Did you forget what that is?” He still didn’t know how to fuck off, did he?

“I have more fun writing papers then your girlfriend could ever have riding your dick, cunt. Now screw off.” You walked away, leaving the stunned possum there to be mocked by his friends.

“What they want?” Dustin came up to you, and now walked alongside you.

“What do you think? They almost always mess with me. It started right after-“

“You arrested Jason cause you caught him underage drinking, I know. By the way, Eddie is looking for you, he wants to show you something.” Dusting grabbed you by the forearm and walked you somewhere.

“I’m guessing you know but you’re not going to tell me cause he told you keep it secret?”

“Yep.”

“Wonderful. How’s your mom doin’?”

“She’s fine, she’s nearly always fine unless she can’t find me.”

“Hey! Remember, I have to keep a close eye on everyone and their cats. Especially considering my dad was chief of police. I have a major role to step up too, and it’s not easy when everyone considers you a joke cause you’re barely out of high school.”

“I see where you’re coming from, but I feel like I may be the wrong person to complain to. Nancy would understand better than anyone.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just frustrated is all. How’s hellfire doin’?”

“It’s going great. Mine and Mike’s costume shirts are almost done. Thanks for telling us about the club, we might’ve found out too late otherwise.”

“Nah, Eddie would’ve let you join, he likes you both. That and I would have convinced him to if he had told you no.”

“Yeah, cause we’re your favourite teenagers and you love us.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Henderson.” You watched in amusement as he turned to you, mouth agape and brows furrowed, looking insulted.

You chuckled, it was easy to annoy the kid. He was loveable, but slightly gullible.

"Well, are you at least telling me where we're going? You've dragged me nearly across the school."

"Parking lot."

"How many bullies you got so far?"

"I don't know, at least 12 though."

"R.I.P."

"Whatever, we're here. Eddie!" Dustin stopped you at Eddies old van. The side door opened and Eddie stepped out.

"Hello Love." He pulled your hand up, and kissed your knuckles. "I hope my friend treated with respect."

"I've known him way longer then you have Munson. Second, he treats me with respect cause he knows ill beat his ass."

"They'vedone it before."

"I hit you once."

"I still threw up."

"Hey, treat my guy/gal with respect!!"

"Sorry."

"Yeah, anyway, look here." Eddie pulled you towards the van, the door he existed still open.

When you peered inside, it was a mini cuddle space. Blankets, pillows, and two containers with music and candy. Fairy lights were hung around the posters that were on the vans walls.

"Holy shit! This is epic! Did you do this today?"

“Yeah, I skipped my last two periods to work on it beanie.”

“What have I said about skipping school? You can get in trouble for that shit. And don’t act like you don’t fucking know.”

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I really wanted it to be special for you." He cupped your face with both his hands, smiling down at you softly.

"It is, but don't skip class for me, Dork. I thought 86' was your year?"

"It is baby, I promise. Just thought I should surprise you is all, you deserve to be spoiled.”

“That sounds sweet and cheesy. Let’s go!”

You climbed into the back of his van and sat down on the blankets. Eddie grinned and closed the door, walking around and jumping into the drivers seat.

“Where are we off to?”

“A cliff of sorts, I wanna stare gaze and snuggle up with you in the blankets.”

He chuckled. “Can do babe, but it won’t be dark for a few more hours. Wanna do anything in between then?”

“Ice cream?”

<3.

[thelampisaflashlight]

My beautiful son, Wyrmatthew Sunrise.

It took 7hrs. to make this little guy, which is the second longest it's ever taken me to make a plush where I worked consistently through that period of time.

I dunno what possessed me to complete him in one day, but I think he just had such a personality already doing for him when I was doing the concept art that I just... had to do it.

Initially, I just named him Wrym, and that's what I called him in my head the whole time, and then I went, "Haha, Wrymatthew."

His last name is Sunrise, because I recycled the beads from inside of a beanie baby with the same name.

Actually, most of Wyrmatthew's body was made using items I found around my home over the years, and recycled cloth from old clothes.

He's about the same size as Dewdles.

[fayes-fics]

The Belgian Chocolate Affair

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Modern AU, friends to lovers over text

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, sexting, d/s relationship, discussion of spanking and other explicit sexual acts, reference to brats/brat taming.

Authors Note: Unbetaed. Couldn’t resist an Anthony text fic as a companion piece to the Benedict one, as requested by @colettebronte here.

Y/N: Hi, big boss man Y/N: Can I get some investment advice?

AB: No…?

Y/N: Is that any way to treat an old friend?

AB: Fine. What sort of investment advice?

Y/N: So talk to me about Beany Babies….

AB: …It’s 1st April, isn't it?

Y/N: Did your assistant have to tell you that?

AB: I don't have to put up with this from friends. I have 7 siblings for this

Y/N: They are doing the Lord's work

2 weeks later

Y/N: How many NFTs is too many NFTs?

AB: New phone, who dis?

Y/N: HAHA Mr Bridgerton HA FUCKING HA

4 weeks later

Y/N: Boss Man, ketchup or bbq sauce with McDs fries. Discuss

AB: I am a CEO. I am important

Y/N: Listen, I called you Boss Man, what else do you want from me?

AB: For this very important number not to be used for your personal amusement?

Y/N: You don't think fries are important? That's fucked up

AB: Since you spent 6 months living in America, I don't even know you. Who talks like that?

Y/N: Fine. Lord Anthony of the Bridgertons, pray tell me, how should one consume one’s fried potato product? With the sauce of the fine tomato or the sauce of the cue that is barbed? Y/N: Better…?

AB: Sigh. Ketchup. Anything else is disgusting

Y/N: You wouldn't be welcome in Belgium

AB: I’m decidedly neutral about that

Y/N: But… the chocolate. The chocolatesssss 

AB: I’ll buy you a box if you stop texting about this

Y/N: 🤐 

2 days later

Y/N: Awww thank you for the chocolates Y/N: I thought you were kidding 

AB: You stopped, it was owed

Y/N: They are delicious by the way

AB: You started them already?!

Y/N: Yeah…?

AB: They were delivered less than 2 minutes ago

Y/N: And? Don’t judge me Y/N: Wait, how’d you know that?

AB: Cos I ordered them? I got the notification

Y/N: Aww, I just figured you had minions to do that for you Y/N: I’m flattered

AB: How rich do you think I am?

Y/N: Scrooge McDuck level?

AB: I do NOT have a castle filled with cash

Y/N: Shame.  Y/N: Always had a fantasy of frolicking naked on a big pile of money

AB: You have?!

Y/N: Oh yes

5 hours later

AB: Tell me more

Y/N: ??

AB: Frolicking naked 

Y/N: Oh hello Y/N: What are we drinking?

AB: How did you know?

Y/N: You’re a big old flirt when you’re tipsy

AB: I deny it AB: 😉

Y/N: I’m not complaining  Y/N: What do you want to know? Y/N: About the frolicking 

AB: Done it before?

Y/N: Oh yes.  Y/N: At Aubrey Hall even

AB: Excuse me?!? AB: When 

Y/N: I was naked in your lake, Lord B

AB: You have skinny dipped in my lake?!?

Y/N: More than once Y/N: You are welcome to join me next time 😉

AB: I thought I was the flirt when tipsy?

Y/N: Who said I was sober?

AB: I can’t believe I didn’t know about this… 

Y/N: What you don’t know about Bridgerton shenanigans could fill a library

AB: Well that makes me nervous

Y/N: I know who did the mystery damage to your billiards table. And how.

AB: WHAT?! AB: WHO?! AB: …Y/N

Y/N: 🤐

AB: If I send you more chocolate will you tell me?

Y/N: 🤷‍♀️

1 day later 

Y/N: Aww thanks for the chocolates 

AB: Gonna tell me that name?

Y/N: Bribery? Really Anthony, I’m disappointed

AB: Are you really?

Y/N: Meh Y/N: I can’t hear it over the deliciousness of this chocolate Y/N: I’ll throw you a bone Y/N: It wasn’t Daphne 

AB: Yes thanks, even I could’ve guessed that  AB: Colin?

Y/N: No

AB: Really? That was suspect #1 AB: Eloise?

Y/N: Nope

AB: Was it one of my bloody siblings

Y/N: That might require another box of chocolate to divulge 

AB: Wow you’re a better negotiator than Hy AB: Want to come work for me?

Y/N: Will I get a fancy office with a view?

AB: I mean, maybe?

Y/N: I’ll think about it Y/N: Better send the chocolates as an insurance policy

AB: Are you just bribing me of all the chocolate in Belgian now?

Y/N: I’m not the one who shit on their fries

AB: You are so quarrelsome  AB: It’s hmm… troubling 

Y/N: ??

AB: Never you mind

25 days later

AB: Pick a fight with me

Y/N: Excuse me?

AB: You heard me

Y/N: Why do you want to spar with me? Y/N: Wait. Are you tipsy again?

AB: Maybe

Y/N: Ok fine. You want a fight? Y/N: Rugby is boring 

AB: WHAT?!?  AB: That’s going for the jugular 

Y/N: You wanted a fight

AB: I wanted a sparring match AB: Not a declaration of war

Y/N: Oooops

AB: You should be punished for such sacrilege 

Y/N: Oh HELLO Y/N: Yes, please

AB: Wait… really?!

Y/N: What would you do? Y/N: Gonna punish me? 😉

AB: …. I mean maybe?

Y/N: Tell me about it, my lord

AB: You little vixen

Y/N: 😉

AB: What do you want me to do?

Y/N: Call me a naughty girl 🤫

AB: 😯  AB: What else?

Y/N: Spank me a lil bit 🖐

AB: 🥵 AB: Where do you want to be spanked, naughty girl?

Y/N: On my bare bottom, please Y/N: My lord 

AB: You want to lay over my lap?

Y/N: Yes, please

AB: Skirt pulled up around your waist?  AB: Underwear around your knees?

Y/N: Oh god yes

AB: How much spanking do you want, hmm? AB: How many strokes?

Y/N: You tell me. How bad have I been, my lord?

AB: Oh you’ve been a very very bad girl

Y/N: Oh no. Then I’ll just have to stay here until you think I’m a good girl again 🫦 

AB: 10 I think at least

Y/N: Oh will you make me count them for you, my lord?

AB: Yes you’ll have to count  AB: And if you mess up, guess what happens? AB: You have to start again from 1

Y/N: Oh no I missed 3 by accident 🫦  Y/N: You make it so good I forget how to count my lord

AB: Then start again at one my bad girl

Y/N: Yes my lord

AB: Call me now

1 day later

AB: Good morning my dirty girl  AB: Last night was fun 😉

Y/N: Morning my lord Y/N: How can I be of service today 😉 Y/N: You want me on my knees? Hmmm?

AB: God yes  AB: But let’s do this later AB: I’m about to go into a meeting

Y/N: Oh then don’t let me distract you 😉 Y/N: With thoughts of me on my knees Y/N: Dragging my mouth over your trousers Y/N: Maybe my hands are tied behind my back? Y/N: You know what? Yes, they definitely are Y/N: With your necktie Y/N: Oh yes, you feel so good against my face  Y/N: Please unzip for me  Y/N: Please my lord Y/N: I want to taste you Y/N: Mmmm that’s it, yes Y/N: Oh fuck, you are so big Y/N: How are you going to fit in my mouth?

AB: FUCKING CHRIST Y/N AB: I just glanced during this meeting  AB: You made me drop my fucking phone!! AB: FUCKING HELL AB: Do NOT do this again

Y/N: Or what? Y/N: You gonna punish me?

AB: You are a little fucking brat

Y/N: Whatever 

AB: Don’t whatever me, my girl

Y/N: WHATEVER

AB: You little fucking….

Y/N: Spank me

AB: I’m turning my phone off 

Y/N: Fine 😝

30 minutes later

AB: That was… wow AB: You are dangerous  AB: I like that 🥵 AB: Y/N?

1 hour later

AB: Hello?

1 hour later

AB: Y/N AB: ANSWER ME, you little brat

Y/N: Hello, my lord

AB: Oh, that’s how it works, huh?

Y/N: What…? 😇 

AB: Don’t pull that innocent face with me AB: Unless you want me to throw you on this desk rn

Y/N: 😇 

AB: Right that’s it AB: Take off your fucking skirt right now

Y/N: Yes, my lord  Y/N: What else?

AB: Take off your underwear 

Y/N: But… I’m not wearing any?!

AB: You filthy girl  AB: Show me

Y/N: (sends photo attachment)

AB: JESUS CHRIST  AB: I MEANT ROLE PLAY IT

Y/N: You don’t like my pussy, my lord? Y/N: That makes me sad

AB: OF COURSE I DO AB: FUCKING HELL AB: MY GOD Y/N AB: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!?

Y/N: Maybe… 😇

AB: You are meeting me for lunch 

Y/N: I am? 

AB: Yes. Don’t expect food

Y/N: Okay

AB: You can expect eating though 

Y/N: Oh fuck, yes please

AB: 1 pm outside my office

Y/N: Yes, my lord

6 hours later

Y/N: Your chauffeur-driven car is something else

AB: You liked it?

Y/N: I liked what you did to me in it 😉

AB: I liked it too, my dirty girl

Y/N: Can I sit on your face every lunchtime?

AB: We’ll see AB: What are you up to tonight?

Y/N: Not much  Y/N: You?

AB: I’m on my way over

Y/N: Oh, are you now?

AB: Yes  AB: I didn’t get time to punish you earlier 🤨

Y/N: Oh yes, please my lord Y/N: I’ll be waiting  Y/N: Naked

AB: Good

1 day later

Y/N: I’m so tireddddddd

AB: Whose fault is that?

Y/N: ….Yours??!

AB: Nope 

Y/N: Your cock was inside me most of the night Y/N: How is that not your fault?

AB: You asked for it AB: Begged for it in fact

Y/N: That’s true

AB: Then you brought this upon yourself

Y/N: You’re a mean, mean dom to your good little girl

AB: You fucking love it

Y/N: Yes, yes I do

AB: Little brat AB: 😘

Y/N: Only for you my lord Y/N: 😘

12 days later

Y/N: I spoke to Eloise Y/N: What happened?

AB: I don't want to talk about it

Y/N: Anthony… Y/N: I'm still your friend despite this new, thing, we have

AB: I know I just… I don't want to think about it, let alone talk about it

Y/N: Okay. I'm here if you need me

AB: Can I call you?

Y/N: Always

2 hours later

AB: Thank you y/n…. just thank you

Y/N: Anytime

AB: Goodnight, my dear 😘

Y/N: Goodnight 😘

15 days later

AB: God this business trip is boring

Y/N: You need a lil pick me up?

AB: Yes please

Y/N: (sends photo attachment)

AB: Wait, what is this?

Y/N: Tilt your head sideways Y/N: I miss you so much I had to buy myself a lil something

AB: Is that what I think it is, where I think it is?!

Y/N: Yes Y/N: Wanna FaceTime?

AB: HELL YES

10 days later

Y/N: SOS need cock my lord

AB: You are shameless my girl

Y/N: Are you answering this booty text or not?

AB: It’s 2pm on a Sunday. I’m having lunch with my family

Y/N: That's not an answer

AB: Stop being a brat

Y/N: I’ll stop if you tell me what you’d do to me, if you were here Y/N: Don’t spare any detail, I’m having an orgasm one way or another

AB: Ok fine AB: I’d lay you out on that big kitchen island of yours  AB: Push your legs wide open, give you just enough tongue to make you dripping and ready for me AB: Then I’m going to use my fingers and make you squirt my girl, just like you did last weekend AB: You are going to scream and cry and make such a beautiful mess AB: Then while you’re still fluttering I’m going to climb up and push into you and fuck you so hard you are screaming my name for the rest of the night AB: I own your pussy. No one has ever fucked you like me, my precious filthy girl

AB: I can’t believe I typed that surrounded by my family. AB: What have you turned me into? AB: Y/n?  AB: Hello??

Y/N: I was picturing it all my lord Y/N: Sadly I can’t text back and fingerfuck myself at the same time Y/N: I’m not Briareus Y/N: (Also thank you, that was a delicious orgasm)

AB: How is it that you know obscure Greek mythology and are also the filthy girl you are? AB: (Good. You can thank me properly later my girl, on your knees)

Y/N: They’re not mutually exclusive Y/N: (With pleasure, my lord)

AB: No, but they are a rare bundle AB: You truly are something special

Y/N: Aww thanks Y/N: Send me Belgian chocolates? 

AB: Ahh, there she is, the girl I know

Y/N: 😜

25 days later

AB: Are you doing what I think you’re doing?

Y/N: Depends. What do you think I'm doing?

AB: Flirting with my brother to get my attention

Y/N: Is it working? Y/N: I hear he’s really good on a billiards table

AB: Don't you fucking DARE AB: He’s married for god's sake AB: AND you know who you belong to

Y/N: Oh I do, do I? Y/N: Hmm maybe I need a little reminding…?

AB: Outside. NOW

Y/N: Yes my lord

3 hours later

AB: WAIT... It was BENEDICT who ruined my billiards table?!?

Y/N: Wow, took you long enough to pick up on that one…

AB: What the fuck did he do? I needed to get it rebaized

Y/N: Oh Anthony, what do you think he and minxy little wife did on it? Y/N: Don't play coy

AB: THAT’S DISGUSTING

Y/N: You just fucked me on your mother’s dining table last night AND her favourite antique sofa, you have ZERO legs to stand on

AB: That’s different

Y/N: How?

AB: It was me

Y/N: I love your hypocrisy

AB: Yeah well… I love you

Y/N: …. I love you too

AB: Well, errr, that wasn't exactly the way I planned to admit to it AB: Sorry, you deserve better 

Y/N: Meh, I'm okay with it

AB: Really??

Y/N: Of course, this started on text Y/N: It makes total sense to me

AB: You’re the best

Y/N: I know Y/N: So are you Y/N: That’s why we are great together

AB: 😘

Y/N: 😘

55 days later

AB: Why do I have a bill here for £700 of Belgian chocolates??

Y/N: What else do you think we should serve at our engagement party?

AB: Oh... Oh that’s rather sweet actually

Y/N: The chocolate or the sentiment?

AB: Both

Y/N: I thought so Y/N: Are you coming over soon?

AB: Why?

Y/N: Well the chocolate company sent me a few samples… Y/N: And they appear to be balanced on my naked body with no one to eat them 🤔 

AB: I can be there in 15 minutes AB: Don't move a bloody muscle

Y/N: Yes my lord 😘

AB: 😘😘

Tagging: @makaylan  @foreverlonginguniverse  @iboopedyournose  @colettebronte  @aintnuthinbutahounddog  @margofiore  @writergirl-2001  @heeyyyou  @enichole445 @chaoticcalzoneranchsports

[oleksiak-pettersson]

I love ur fics! Gonna need some more PETEY ones please!

Okay, I thought of this one recently and it’s inspired by my baby’s inability to wear a toque (beanie if you’re nasty) properly!

P.S. - Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and Happy Holidays to all my lovely babes 😘🧡

"You can't leave like that," you announce from your spot on the couch as Elias moves to grab his keys. He pauses, confusion covering his entire face like a mask. There's such certainty in your voice that he quickly spins to check himself in the body-length mirror you have hung up by the front door.

His eyes narrow on your form, cozy under a blanket or two with your his favourite Canucks sweater covering your frame. He wishes he didn't have to leave for the rink so early. There's evidence of the pregame nap you shared still present on your features.

"You said last week this is my sexiest suit," His eyebrows furrow as he tries to make sense of your logic in his mind. He's got you there, that is in fact what you said a week ago upon picking him up from the airport after the Canucks' East Coast road trip. It may have also led to some of the hottest car sex of your life, but that's a story for another time.

"It is and if it weren't for the fact that you have to head to the game right now," You smile sultrily as you unwrap the blanket from your body. Elias groans quietly at the sight of your bare legs, only tiny athletic shorts covering your lower half. "I'd drag you to the bedroom and show you just how sexy."

Elias' blue eyes flutter shut as he uses all his willpower to not let his blood rush south.

"However, I'm actually talking about this," You reach up to adjust his toque. You pull it down over his ears and press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

Any sexual thoughts Elias had immediately vanished as he playfully rolled his eyes. His hands automatically find their place on your hips, they fit perfectly because you were made for him and he for you.

"It's almost Christmas, which means you're supposed to be nice to the ones you love," Elias teases, his eyes scrunching up as he smiles looking down on you.

"I am being nice," You say matter-of-factly, wrapping your arms around him. You squeeze his butt in your hands, causing him to lean further into you. "I'm saving you from being roasted on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and Reddit. If anything, I'm the nicest girlfriend in the world."

Elias just pulls you closer and he chuckles softly. You lean your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. "I love you," He whispers, before pulling you away from his chest slightly and pressing kisses all over your face.

"Kick some ass out there, babe," You smirk as he pulls away to head to the door. With his back facing you, you have ample access to his perky ass. You quickly give it a playful smack. "Love you, golden boy."

Elias is thankful he was handed a towel before being pulled into the hallway for postgame interviews. He quickly wipes some sweat from his face, focusing on the swarm of interviewers in front of him.

"Big game tonight Elias, how does it feel to be the leader of your team in points? You've been making plays and setting up your teammates for success?"

The question kind of irks him, it's praise with a backhanded slap towards his teammates disguised in there. Elias resists the urge to roll his eyes.

"Bruce has given me great linemates, that definitely helps. Demmer and Marty have been great in net, and when you have such great goaltending, you want to produce the results we're getting." Elias thinks he'd be a great actor, he can pull some bullshit, stereotypical answer out of his ass on a second's notice.

"Petey, the Twitter-verse has been losing it over the pictures of you walking into the rink tonight," a second interviewer starts, "It appears you've changed the way you wear your toques?"

Elias laughs, "Haha yeah, my girlfriend refused to let me leave our house tonight without fixing my toque."

The reporter smiles. "Might have to be your new pre-game ritual, especially after a game like that!"

nuxfan23: Y/N is one of us, thanks for teaching petey to wear a toque properly!

thecanucksbiggestfan: petey needs to always wear his hat like that if he's going to come out and have an 8 point night

itsy/n: shootout to canucks twitter for appointing me queen simply for fixing elias' hat lmao 😂 🤣

[beelicious-and-fictitious]

Fire Hazard

❤ A Valentine's Day Special! ❤

Summary || [Kurt Kunkle X Female Reader SMUT] You’re having second thoughts about what you want from your boyfriend. 

No Murder AU | 5.3k words | NO BETA/ SELF-EDITED, Swearing, Valentine’s Day Theme, Prompt: “Day Two + Kurt Kunkle + Candles,” Established Relationship, Mild Angst, Dog (Kurt’s Pet Pitbull), Brief Baby Talk, Public Displays of Affection, Groping, Mentions of Vaping and Substance Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, Banter, 69ing, Double Penetration (dildo), Rough Sex, Subspace, Choking, Squirting, No Contraceptives, Dangerous Emergency Conditions, Caught Naked. 

More Valentines! | Just Keery Fics | Main Masterlist

You had been dating Kurt since the previous summer. Dating was starting to feel like an inappropriate word for it as you both acted a little more like teens fooling around rather than young adults courting. The unconventionality of it didn’t bother you originally! What you have with Kurt feels extremely passionate compared to previous relationships. It feels equal and mutual. His parents sucked, so why would you want to be introduced to them? You’re both strapped for cash, so why go out for a fancy dinner? It wasn’t a relationship based purely on sex nor was it lacking, so what is there to improve upon? But eventually, you started looking around you and seeing some metaphorical tiles missing from your roof. 

All of this turmoil is on your mind as you stand outside your favorite taco stand where Kurt told you to meet him. Your old school rival just posted a picture of her and her new boyfriend captioned: all I wanted for Valentine’s Day was flowers and a card, but this guy went all out cooking my favorite meal and playing a love song. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN HE LEARNED TO PLAY VIOLIN HAHA

The tweet only makes your ire worse as you stand in the February cold shaking in your skirt and ankle boots. You called your most sensible friend to see if they could talk you down. 

“Ooh no, what’s wrong?,” they joked as they picked up. You spit words at a rapid fire rate trying to explain how your relationship suddenly didn’t feel serious anymore with concerns that Kurt might be an incompatible partner for you. When you finally ran out of breath, your friend took a wise, deep breath and answered, “I think you might be catastrophizing, babe. Relationship 101 says you gotta communicate to him what you need in order to feel happy. Have you talked to him yet?” 

“...no,” you replied sheepishly. “I don’t know how to say what I mean without making it sound like I’m breaking up with him, though.” 

“Look babe, you don’t actually know if he’ll react poorly. Just remember to communicate and compromise with him. Don’t let your anxiety drive you crazy.”

You sigh in relief and throw your head back. “See this shit is exactly why you need to be a counselor!” 

The beep, beep, beep of the phone hanging up leads you to laugh (its a common rib among your friends, as is hanging up after hearing shitty puns) and you fire off a real text thanking them for their advice. The cold is almost all but forgotten when you hear a car honking and pulling up at the empty spot on the curb. It’s Kurt in his silver prius giving you a happy little wave wearing the hoodie you left in his car and a Kurtsworld96 beanie. 

As you walk up to his window trying to prepare yourself for the Talk, Kurt rolls down the window and yells, “hi babe! Happy Valentine’s Day! Come here, I’ve got something for you!” 

You make it to the passenger side door and have to turn your head in confusion. “... are there candles in your car?” 

Kurt opens your door from the inside and waves you in frantically. As you climb in, the hair on your arms stands up even more when you realize how many candles there actually are. Thankfully they aren’t lit but they are placed like he intends to. You feel Kurt press a kiss to your ear. 

“Hey, to all my new Kurties out there, this is not a joke! This is my real actual girlfriend!” 

Your heart sinks. Fuck, he’s streaming right now? How could you forget that he streams basically everything? You cannot have this serious conversation with the internet watching. Plus you’re still mad about the ‘fans’ who made a comprehensive foot cam compilation video from streams and your instagram and your mom's facebook album (yes, they included your childhood pics, the sick fucks). You’re still blocking DMs asking you for feet pics at least five times a day. 

You don’t hear a single word coming out of Kurt’s mouth as you round on him so fast he freezes like a deer in headlights. “Turn the stream off. Now, Kurt.” 

Kurt sputtered. “I-I, you said–” 

“I know!” You had half heartedly agreed to let him stream part of your date the week before. “I know what I said but… just turn it off now, please.” 

Kurt looks like a kicked puppy as he nods and mumbles some sort of promise to update his viewers later, then ends the stream. He looks up at you through his lashes and squirms uncomfortably in the driver’s seat. 

“Can you drive to the Wok, please? The one I like…” 

“Are we going to talk about–” 

“Yes! But I don’t want to talk about it in the car,” you interject and slump into your seat. 

The whole ride is pure, disquieting silence. You know Kurt’s racking his brain trying to figure out how to apologize even though he hasn’t done anything wrong and you mentally kick yourself. This was exactly the thing you didn’t want to happen, you knew you would fuck up and snap at him all because of your own anxiety. You just need to force yourself to be quiet and try to calm down. 

Your steaming silence fuels Kurt to tiptoe around you– something he has never done before with anyone. He parks and ushers you inside, bouncing on the balls of his feet and so nervous that the host who tries to seat you raises an eyebrow. You ask for a private table and a pot of tea. The table you are given has a nice red privacy curtain and optional seating. Sighing, you throw yourself onto the bean bag and scurry to pull your skirt back down. 

Kurt sits himself delicately on the edge of a neighboring bench and hesitantly asks, “...can I sit with you?” 

Of course you hold your arms out to him like a moody toddler demanding to be coddled and Kurt complies with visible relief. He pulls you up so he can settle next to you, cuddling but aware of the public setting beyond the curtain. 

"Okay so… what's going on?," he asks quietly. 

You sigh and melt further into his side, still unsure about how to voice your concern. You are saved by the return of the server who took your food order. And now nothing stood in your way, you just have to say it. 

"I…" you swallow your fear and try to meet his eyes. "I… feel… like you don't take our relationship seriously." 

Kurt balked as if you had slapped him. "What do you mean?!" 

"What I mean is that…" you want to back peddle your statement so much but you need to move forward. Go! Forward! "I mean that I love you, but… I hate that we only have sex in your car." 

"Oh well–" 

"I'm not finished, Kurt! Shush!" Your boyfriend closes his mouth and tries to stay quiet until your direction. "I hate that you only fuck me in your car and I hate that we only play videogames at our own homes for your streams and I hate when we go to influencer parties just so you can get tagged in one picture and stay for hours even though we both want to go home." 

You can't look him in the eye as your problem becomes clearer in your own head. "I don't hate you, Kurt. I don't want to see other people or whatever. I just… want to do everything about the day-to-day differently!" 

Kurt blinked. You had summarized your entire relationship in three short activities. The only part of your relationship that wasn't uploaded to the internet was your sex life and that is only because you asked him not to. You weren't asking him for money or clout or to meet his family. You just wanted more of him. 

"I can do that," Kurt said half to himself. He bumped his head into yours and held your gaze as he said, "we can do that, we can do more. Whatever you want, babe, I promise!" 

Relief washes over you and your food order arrives in time for you both to dig in. A part of you is still skeptical that lasting changes will be made, but time will tell if he'll make good on his promise to be more exciting with the relationship and not fall back and demand you go back to the 'easy' stuff. 

You catch him typing up a tweet and he lets you read it before he sends it. It’s just an apology to his viewers and official announcement of the canceled Valentine’s Day stream with the reason of wanting to spend unpressured quality time with his girlfriend. You split the bill on a full belly and broke away to use the bathroom, texting a thank you to your advice friend and letting them know your talk worked out. 

Kurt was waiting for you by the woman’s bathroom door and kissed you as soon as you exit. He throws an arm around your shoulder as you walk out and head back to his car which is still buried in dozens of candles. He hurries forward and in a flourish, opens the passenger door for you. It’s cheesy, sure, but cute and it does make you feel a little special. 

“Gah, I need to get rid of these,” he says as he has to pick a few up from the driver’s side floor and throw them in the back. “Do you mind coming to my house real quick? I’ll dump them and then we can do whatever you want to do today, okay?” 

… 

Kurt's house is just fifteen minutes away and you chat about nothing the whole way but still end up making plans for a stream next week and an un-streamed nature trip. It isn't until he pulls up into his driveway that you feel those butterflies return to your stomach. 

You really don't wanna meet his parents, at least not today. You know it will put your boyfriend in a bad mood anyways, but Kurt insists they shouldn't be home. He also ushers you to go inside and let him clean up by himself. 

Kurt gives you the house key and you let yourself in, creeping quietly around the bungalow and checking every room for signs of life. Aside from a sleepy pitbull in the laundry room, no one's home. You catch your breath and help yourself to a drink from the fridge, picking from things you hope are Kurt's. 

Meanwhile, Boyfriend runs back and forth carrying bundles of candles in his arms, some of which fall to the ground and nearly break. The dog joins in and almost trips him causing you to laugh and get a glare in return. 

You don't remember falling asleep on his couch but you are awoken by a hot tongue. "...I hope that's the dog." 

"It is," Kurt says as he leans over the back of the couch like he's been watching you sleep. "Ready to start a real date, sleeping beauty?" 

…

The mall is a little eccentric tourist attraction and your date starts with a brand new romantic movie playing at the theater. The least packed room still has rows and rows of couples and loud kids and couples with loud kids. You and Kurt get some decent-ish seats and buckle down with all the snacks you snuck in. You are practically sitting in the same seat, your legs thrown over his and his arm around your shoulders and his other hand very unsubtly groping your upper thigh in between popping popcorn and candy into his mouth. 

The movie starts and the lights come down, but the noisy crowd never truly goes quiet and the littlest kids scream in disgust every time a kiss happens. You slap Kurt with a twizzler and he retaliates by taking a bite out of it. 

Your mouth brushes against his ear as you whisper. "Are you going to tell me why it took you an hour to get those candles out of your car?" 

With a sly smile, Kurt just shrugs and squeezes your breast which earns him a scolding from an annoyed movie goer who caught him. After the movie ends (so stupid, 10/10), you race each other to the bowling alley and get kicked out for vaping indoors (Kurt’s fault entirely), then enter a few expensive clothes shops to try things on which almost ends with you getting dicked down in a changing room. It’s dark out when you hit up a Baskin Robbins for ice cream before heading back to his house. 

Your face aches from smiling so much. In the car, Kurt pulls a bullet vibrator out of the center console and hands it to you. When you don’t move, he pushes your hand closer to you. 

“What? It’s clean,” he says. 

“I know it’s not clean, Kurt.” You turn it on and slip it in his pocket just as a red light turns green and watch with glee as he squirms the rest of the way back to his house. 

…

Somehow– possibly due to distraction from such a blessedly fun day and anticipating sex that wasn’t in a car for once– you missed the fact that the house had lights on. Kurt was grabbing something he forgot in his trunk and you waltzed up ahead and entered the house’s side door. Instantly you are greeted by Kurt’s pitbull, waggling its tailless butt and bouncing from foot to foot. 

“Hi baby! Hi!,” you coo and crouch just inside the doorway, both trying to block it and trying to get further inside which is easier said than done with a dog this strong. “Are you happy to see me? Oh, so happy! Are you doing a happy little dance with your happy little feet?! Happy, happy feet! Oh the happiest little feet!” 

The dog howls in song and you imitate it playfully, only to realize there’s a middle aged man in sweatpants watching you from the kitchen. Embarrassed, you stop howling and push the dog gently across the tiles and manage to shut the door properly, hoping it doesn’t obstruct Kurt. The unknown man has lots of grays in his patchy facial hair and looks at you with confusion and disbelief, like you’re a hooligan interrupting a rich man’s dinner. 

Fuck, this is totally Kurt’s dad! “...hi. I’m… Kurt’s girlfriend… he let me come over…” 

“Oh,” Kurt’s dad– what the fuck is his name?- let his guard down and you wonder if he might have been calling the cops. “Well, uh, hi. It’s nice to finally meet you…” 

You give him your name and Mr. Kunkle nods. “Where is Kurt, by the way? I kind of need to talk to him?” 

As if hearing his name, Kurt appeared behind his father. You give him a look and he just says he was upstairs. 

“Hey,” Mr. Kunkle is clearly slurring his words, “you know the club by the McDonalds with the playhouse? I need you to take me there, I have a gig tonight.” 

You have never seen Kurt angry before. It scares you. Mr. Kunkle’s substance abuse problems are legitimately the only things you know about him and it hadn’t occurred to you until now the drunken sway he seemed to have just standing still, he looked like he was standing on the deck of a pirate ship. And he’s going to fuck up everything… 

“Oh, you can just take the car!,” you shout abruptly. 

“What,” the men ask simultaneously. 

Thinking fast, you cross the kitchen and nearly push Mr. Kunkle out of your way, snatching Kurt’s keys from his pocket and shoving them into Mr. Kunkle’s hands before beginning to push him towards the front door. 

“Yeah, absolutely! We wouldn’t want you to be late or anything! And you know, Kurts been sick ever since we left the mall, he should really be on the toilet or maybe in the shower in case he pukes!” 

“What the fuck–” you stifle Kurt’s protests with a hand in his face and continue to shove Mr. Kunkle out the door. 

“HAVE FUN, SIR!” –and then you slam the door, finally alone. 

“Are you crazy? He can’t be driving my car, what you thinking,” Kurt gets in your face as you start to push him towards the stairs. 

“I was thinking we can have sex without company!” Kurt stops resisting you and lets you bully him to move faster, taking the second door on the left into his bedroom with a mysterious warm glow. “I was thinking I didn’t want your dad walking in on us naked and sucking each others… K-Kurt, did you do this?” 

Inside the room was quite small and contained a closet, a mattress and bedding on the floor, and a computer desk and dozens and dozens of lit candles. Arranged in a line on the edge of the desk and in clusters around the bed where they were arranged in groups of four and “stabilized” by makeshift candle holders (read: dinner plates). Smells like something woodsy (Sandalwood? Palo santo? Cedar?), hinting sweet (Mango or Apricot?) and something flowery (rose probably) hung in the air like a thick warm blanket, almost chokingly and it makes you want to open his window. 

“Kurt when did you…” you turn to him for an answer and find him reaching around you to unzip your jacket and slip it off your shoulders. 

“I did it while you were talking to my dad.” Kurt’s hands slide over your belly and he pulls you back against his body, swaying gently. “Do you like it? I tried to pick your favorites.” 

“And that’s really sweet, baby, but… this is a fire hazard.” 

Kurt scoffed. “Come on, babe, it’s not that serious! They’re not even touching the carpet!” 

“I know but they’re also not far from the carpet and fuck there’s a lot of them– hold on a second, let go real quick–” you dance around the candles and throw open his window as wide as you can get it without setting yourself on fire. “Holy shit, fresh air.” 

“Jesus, just–” Kurt catches you by your hip and picks you up to lay you on the bed, “- can you turn your brain off for a second and let me love on you? Please?” 

Sprawled beneath him, you think about it. “...no cameras, right?” 

Kurt groans louder and gets off the bed. He blows out a couple candles that nearly burn his arm as he reaches for the computer mouse to show you that nothing is being recorded. Instead, as the monitor comes awake so does the speaker, both playing the sights and sounds of some twenty-something chick getting railed by two guys. Kurt swears, slapping the keyboard in a hurry to turn it off but you’re already laughing at him. 

“Okay! Point proven,” you giggle and kick your shoes off, careful to set them between the candles. “Geez, maybe we should invite one of your friends over and try that.” 

“Fuck no.” Kurt slips his shirt over his head and tosses it carelessly, narrowly missing the candles and both of you wince. When he unbuckles his belt, he’s looking around for space to put his clothes and settles for under the desk. “‘M not fucking sharing you with anybody.” 

“Aww,” you say as you unhook your bra and shuck your tights off without tearing them. “What about a dildo?” 

Kurt nods as he unzips his jeans, your eyes immediately drawn to the bulge in his boxers. “I can do that, yeah. I think I got one, lemme look. Keep getting naked!” 

Your boyfriend digs through his closet and you lie back and wait with one hand on your breast and the other between your legs, sighing contently as you finally give yourself that much needed attention that you’ve been aching for since lunch. Kurt crawls back into bed and sets the belt and toy aside before leaning on his hands and kissing you passionately. You can still taste the rocky road on his tongue from the ice cream shop, and wrap both your arms around his neck to keep him close. 

Kurt does shake your kiss off to ask, “did I hear you say something about sucking each other off?” 

It isn’t long before you’ve switched positions– with you on top but facing the other way, Kurt’s soft locks brushing your sensitive inner thighs while you hunker down, elbows on his hips and mouth watering. Kurt's thighs shake as you wrap your hand around him, the cold of your palm and fingers touching and stretching back the burning hot velvety skin of his shaft. 

With his lips against your clit, he moans. His wide hands slide up over your ass and squeeze your cheeks, drawing your center closer so his tongue can skim and tease other parts of you, slipping between your folds and tasting your slick. 

"More Kurt, please." 

Kurt obliges by wetting a few fingers with his mouth and pushing them into your channel down to the knuckle. 

You gasp, spit dripping out of your mouth and onto his cock, which you use to quickly coat him in and lick his tip, taking the salty pre-cum and mixing it with more spit and using your hand to spread it back down to his root and over his sack. 

Impatient, Kurt bucks his hips and gags you, the tip of his cock knocking lightly against the roof of your mouth. He sighs into your throbbing clit and inserts a finger into your ass alongside the ones fucking your pussy. 

"Kurt,” you cough, “don’t want you to come yet…” 

He smacks your ass with the hand he was fucking your pussy with. “Get up then, babe. Can you get on all fours for me?” 

“Sure,” you reply, then lay back down on your belly and second guess yourself. 

Kurt focuses on lubing the dildo and figuring out how he wants to wear it. It’s cute the way his brow furrows and his lip curls, not a single real thought passing through in his brain. You pull on his wrist and take it from him by the pink shaft, and he kisses you in thanks with a strong hand on the back of your neck. 

“Hey!” You throw Kurt down on the bed, his hair flopping over the corner of his mattress. His surprise changes to want as you straddle him so his happy trail tickles your sex. His voice drops deeper as he hums, “heyyy…” 

“Stop fucking around and put this on,” your giggling turns into a laugh when you gently slap him with the dildo and he sputters indignantly. “Oh my god, your face!” 

You laugh yourself into tears while Kurt wipes the lube that was streaked across his cheeks. He grumbles as he wraps the belt of the harness around his hips and ends up just as confused as before because usually you’re the one wearing this and it’s made to be strapped between your legs too but if he wants to use his cock too he has to wear it upside down but won’t it slip around when you’re fucking and and– 

Kurt doesn’t notice you’re moving until he feels warmth envelop his hard, red cock. He looks down with wide eyes, taking you all in– arms propped behind you, legs firmly planted forward and your hips rising and falling like a perverted crab walk where you work his girth deeper into your hole. 

Kurt pouts, “I wanted to fuck your pussy…” 

You answer by taking him all the way to the hilt and lean forward with a mischievous head tilt and reply, “well this way, you don’t have to wear the condom you didn’t grab!” 

Fair enough, he does like raw dogging. Finally, the dildo is secured over his pubs and he helps you lift up to put the tip in your pussy and sink down slowly. His hands are nearly bruising with the strength of his grip and the muscles in his arms strain because he needs you to go slow, doesn’t want to stop or pause because you hurt yourself taking too much too fast. He gulps as he feels the tip massage the top of his shaft through the thin membrane wall until you’re sat down again, properly filled. 

When the two of you first became intimate, Kurt quickly came to learn that you are a tough bitch to overwhelm. The first time he pulled your hair, the first time he gagged you on his cock, the first time he groped your naked breast and bit your shoulder as he came (all occurrences performed inside of his car), you barely flinched. Unfazed by his roughness and admitting which ones you loved and which ones you would merely allow. He felt like he could never really surprise you in a good way, that he might never truly wow you during sex. 

But right now? Right now you are entirely dependent on him to hold you upright. He doesn’t remember how but he’s got your arm in one hand and pulling tight to keep you from flopping over. Your breaths are shaking, whining, eyes unfocused and rolling, sweat glistening in the candlelight. He manages to pull you forward enough to catch you with a steadying hand against your collarbone, hand spanning wide thumb at the hollow of your throat and fingers curling on your shoulder. 

“You okay, baby?,” he asks. You nod weakly, and he hesitantly suggests, “you feel full?” 

Your answer is a pitiful whine. He has never seen you like this, so lust drunk, he doesn’t have the words to describe what is happening to you. Either way, it’s making him throb inside you. When you can support yourself (both hands planted on his hairy, sweaty chest), he caresses your body from belly to thighs. 

“You wanna lie down? Babe?” He pets your forehead hoping you’ll open your eyes and you do, still floating but also tethered, like a balloon on a string. “You okay?” 

“M okay,” your words are slurred. “No, I wanna be up, ‘kay…” 

You start your little dance slowly. Your hips move in circles, adjusting to the dual sensation of penetration. Kurt watches you in awe. He helps you transition to lazy thrusts, biting into his bottom lip to keep himself from finishing too quickly. He loves seeing you like this. It’s not the first time you’ve ridden him but fuck, you were right that fucking on a bed is better than the cramped confines of a prius. He could actually lean back and see all of you, no fear of getting charlie horses while he’s trying to blow your back out. Just your bouncing naked tits and messy hair and no concern of being arrested for public indecency. 

“Harder, Kurt,” you beg breathlessly. 

“Fuck… okay baby…” 

Kurt can barely hold onto you, his hands too slippery for a proper grip so he moves up to your waist and begins to thrust into you. The harder he drives himself and the dildo into you, the louder the sounds that punch out of your chest. But you’re not close enough to orgasm while he’s teetering on the edge, and while he's not put off by overstimulation, he prefers to experience it as a consequence of your sadism which he's not gonna get with your current mindless state. 

"Hey," Kurt pats your cheek and shakes you in order to gain your attention. "Hey!" 

He sits up unexpectedly and traps you against his chest. Between the sickly sweet heat from the candles, their overworked bodies, and the cold breeze, feeling Kurt's hot body against your stark cold nipple made you hiss and try to squirm away. 

"What?, you snap, finally coming back to yourself. 

"There you are! Pay attention, I'm trying to make you come," he scolds you. 

Before you can say anything back, his hand slips between you and roughly begins circling your neglected clit, making you gasp. Your ass constricts around his raw cock and he falls back onto the bed as a new flood of adrenaline flows through him. 

"Come on, baby…" 

One slight angle adjustment later and your body shudders involuntarily. Kurt isn't sure if it's your g-spot, but he's ready to find out. His hand comes around your throat roughly as he drills into you faster and harder, reveling in the feeling of your throat constricting under his hand. 

Your last noise is a wet gurgle as your eyes roll back before you come, showering his lower half in liquid and fluttering tightly on him. Kurt empties his sack quickly while you're still being rocked by aftershocks before he lowers you across his chest and pulls out. 

“Holy shit that was good,” Kurt pants and chuckles at your lazy grunt. 

“Is something burning?,” your voice is muffled by the sheets. 

“Yeah, fucking candles– OH FUCK!” 

Well shit, the carpet is on fire. Maybe catching so quickly as it fell on one of the many mystery stains in the room. Frantically, you climb off of Kurt and start using your fingers to pinch other candles out, looking over your shoulder to see the fire is growing rather slowly. 

“WHAT DO WE DO?” 

“HOSE, GET A HOSE.” 

Kurt leaps over the other lit candles and disappears out the door. You stand up and swipe a discarded flannel shirt to wear before following him– and running directly into his dad again. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Mr. Kunkle tries not to look at your nearly nude figure and barely manages to step out of the way before Kurt comes barrelling back to you, handing off the unattached garden hose. 

“Attach this end to the bathroom sink and turn it on. Now, Kurt!” 

You wait by the still open door and watch the free fire consume a plate full of candles and catch on edge of the mattress. The heat is getting more intense as precious seconds tick by waiting for a signal from Kurt. So of course an older woman appears also in the house who you have to presume is Kurt's mom and she had clearly seen the fire from outside judging by her hysterics. 

"I got it!," Kurt finally shouts above the roar of the fire and you squeeze the trigger, dousing his entire bedroom in gallons of water until the last orange flame is extinguished. 

Kurt stands behind you looking dumbfounded. "Holy shit…" 

Your boyfriend's mom is red in the face. "You are in so much trouble, Kurtis. And put some fucking clothes on, young man!" 

Suddenly feeling self conscious, you rewrap the flannel around your naked body and tip toe into the room to see how bad the damage is. The carpet is completely fucked: black and filling the room with some awful chemical smell that was probably going to delete some brain cells the longer you inhale it, and where the edges are browned, there is also candle wax from those fallen and consumed. 

You had tried to keep the nozzle down and while the fire hadn't crept towards his computer desk, you may have fucked up the tower anyways with the spray. The mattress could technically still be slept on and suffered the least amount of damage. 

But considering the fact that the bedroom is littered with evidence of sheer stupidity, you know neither of you are going to be able to make up any real excuses for this. 

You gave Mr. Kunkle an awkward thumbs up and toss him a pair of boxers you found in Kurt's closet, then push the door closed as you are determined not to spend any more time barely clothed in front of his parents. And while you are sure that you will not be invited back into the house anytime soon (if ever), you smile to yourself knowing you ultimately got what you wanted for Valentine's Day.

More Valentines! | Main Masterlist

Am I proud of this one? Yeah! Is it good? ...uh I plead the fifth, its dirty and thats all that matters to me. Please leave a like, comment, and reblog to show this fic some love if you wanna see more of this!

[elhnrt]

thank you everymadara for reminding me of what got me into my otp let alone founders in general. it's so so fun! tbrm straight up warped over there to try and slice and dice mdr and he was like haha you think you are sooo cool and fast (you are. fast, at least) get impaled idiot. and tbrm was like yeah i'm impaled but you are fucking stupid. who gets the beanie babies in the end because you suck. your world sucks

DIVORCE MODE

AHHH!!!!!!

[pynkhues]

Do you have post-Emmy predictions or thoughts for Snook's career?

Oooo, I'm actually not too sure? She's such an incredible actress, and I'd really love her to hit the A-list, but her choices even since Succession started and her star rose have been kind of odd ones? Like Pieces of a Woman was such a bit part for her, albeit one in an interesting art house movie, Run Rabbit Run saw her as the lead in a pretty terrible psychological thriller, and The Beanie Bubble? Just - - yeah.

Really odd choices.

I do suspect her career has likely been impacted a bit by the fact that she moved back to Australia, married another actor who has a steady, ongoing gig (Dave Lawson's a part of the core ensemble in Utopia which is a very good and very funny sitcom here!) and has had a baby, to say nothing of the pandemic, and I think she's perhaps still feeling out herself what she'd like her career to look like.

That said, I thought it was really smart that both Sarah and Jeremy have gone back to theatre for their first major roles post-Succession, and Sarah's move I think is particularly smart strategically given it's a Sydney Theatre Company production being performed on London's West End, which kind of relaunches her in theatre in two different spaces.

Sydney Theatre Company is a huge deal in Australia and a world class company - Cate Blanchett and her husband, Andrew Upton were co-artistic directors there for a number of years, and it's a home for many of Australia's best actors like Rose Byrne, Toni Collette, Hugo Weaving, Heather Mitchell (my beloved!!). Sarah already had a relationship with STC prior to Succession - having played Joan of Arc in the STC production of Saint Joan in 2018 - so for one of her first major roles after the series to be back at the Company does really feel like both a homecoming and an opportunity to ascend within the theatrical elite in Australia. The production though that she's in being in the UK's West End I feel offers that two-fold as well.

Getting back into STC though I think opens her doors again to local connections, particularly with the Cate Blanchett set and given Blanchett's been moving steadily into producing in Australia, I could see Sarah being cast in one of her productions? Hopefully a film, given The New Boy and Shayda were infinitely better than Stateless, haha.

In my experience with actors in Australia, the ones with young children tend to lean towards theatre residencies and TV because it's (generally speaking) better / more flexible hours and steadier work, and in many ways, Australian TV is having a bit of a renaissance right now with shows like The Newsreader, Deadloch and Boy Swallows Universe, so I could absolutely see her headlining a mini-series? Perhaps a literary adaptation?

I'd love to see her in something from Jane Campion, Jennifer Kent or Goran Stolevski, and I think all three are a possibility - Goran probably least at this stage just because he's such a new voice.

I think she'll probably pop back up in some US films and TV, and I think she'll probably land a few really meaty ones, but I do kind of think she might be more likely to work between Australia and the UK in the future? I couldn't quite tell you why, and I could be wrong, but yeah. I guess my prediction is that she'll have an incredible career, but I don't necessarily think it'll be US-centric post-Succession, or tremendously high profile.