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#because i am not in her life anymore so like when i am it would go back to how it was
sixosix · 11 hours
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m m m m maybe blanket plus yuuta plus hurt/comfort maybe. maybe 🤞
in which rika likes you because yuuta definitely, definitely does.
warnings wc 800, mention of injuries and descriptions of blood !! careful when u read <3 also i took hurt comfort literally BWHAHSAH hope i did your expectations justice nyx ily
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“Yuuta. Yuuuuta.”
Rika’s voice echoed in the quiet hall. Yuuta winced, wishing Rika would keep it down; it was 2 AM, and no one would appreciate being woken up around this hour. But he knew that if he said so, Rika would be sad, and he didn’t want to hurt Rika and cause a worse scene.
“I’m fine, Rika-chan, really,” Yuuta murmured.
Rika growled unhappily. Yuuta, too, knew that he was lying. Although his wounds weren't life-threatening, he still needed to get them treated before they got infected. But Yuuta had just come back to this room—he was so, so tired. Sleeping in wouldn’t hurt anyone but him, right?
“Yuuta!” Rika snapped. It reverberated and shook the walls.
“Shh, Rika-chan,” Yuuta whispered hastily. “Please, our friends are sleeping.”
“Yuuta?” 
Both Yuuta and Rika fell silent, alarmed. That voice certainly wasn’t Rika’s, and it most definitely came from the door.
“Yuuta?” you asked again, followed by a knock. “Are you okay in there?”
“I—I’m—I’m fine!” Yuuta yelped.
“Didn’t you just come back from a mission? Why are you here instead at Ieiri-sensei’s?” Your voice was muffled by the barrier that separated you both, but it was still enough of your voice to have Yuuta’s ears reddening.
“I was! I’m resting now!” Yuuta lied straight through his teeth, embarrassed beyond belief. In truth, he didn’t want to disturb her.
“Yuuta’s a liar!” Rika chose not to stay silent at the worst time. “Liar!”
The door swung open. Yuuta didn’t have enough time to hide a steadily growing red shirt or his pretty much the same face. The air thickened as you drew closer, and Yuuta struggled to tell if it was because of Rika or his reaction to you.
“Okkotsu Yuuta,” you said, deceptively calm. Yuuta felt the hair on the back of his arms rise in alarm. “Yuuta, don’t tell me that the stain on your shirt isn’t from ketchup.”
It was his blood, so Yuuta obediently stayed silent.
You sighed and spun around to leave the room. Yuuta’s chest ached as he watched you leave. His lip trembled, and he looked over to Rika, who seemed to be giving him that same stare of disappointment.
Yuuta shrunk in on himself. “I think I made Y/N mad…”
“Stupid Yuuta,” Rika trilled. “Yuuta is an idiot!”
“I know, I know,” Yuuta cried. “I get it now.”
As he was preparing to wallow, Footsteps emerged once again. You burst into the room with a first aid kit and a stern glare that made the protests die on Yuuta’s tongue. Strangely, Rika was silent.
“Let me see,” you demanded.
Yuuta’s face flamed with embarrassment, but he obliged and tugged on his shirt. Most of the injuries were cuts on his torso that would surely hurt once he showered, but again, it wasn’t anything worth all of this. He braced himself for the stinging pain once the cotton grazed his open wound, but instead, he found himself too flustered by your proximity to even notice you were already working on his wounds.
The room was dead silent, save for Yuuta’s labored breathing. Rika had disappeared; Yuuta chalked it up to him not being in danger anymore. 
“Yuuta, if this happens again, come to my room, okay?” you said softly. 
“I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. I’m asking you to.”
Yuuta deflated. “I can’t just disturb you.”
“I want you to disturb me.”
What a dangerous thing to say. Yuuta’s gaze went sharper. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” Your touch was too gentle. You faced Yuuta’s gaze head-on, fearless. “And you would do the same for me. Aren’t you the one being unfair?”
Yuuta sighed. He could never win when it came to you, anyway.
“Thought so,” you mused, carefully pulling his shirt down again. “You should learn how to ask, Yuuta.”
“I’m trying,” he muttered.
You tugged on the blanket folded neatly by his side and draped it over his shoulders. The heat of your touch remained in the blanket's warmth. When you stepped back to grin proudly at your work on a flustered and helplessly endeared Yuuta, you then frowned.
“Hey, where’d Rika go? I thought she wanted to share the blanket.”
“I think she wanted you to share it with me,” Yuuta said before he could think about it.
“Oh.” You blinked. “Is that so? Well, I guess that’s not a bad idea.”
Liar, he could hear Rika’s voice. Well, he never denied it.
Yuuta laid down carefully and lifted an arm from under the blanket. You crawled inside and settled beside him, launching into a ramble about how you were worried sick when Yuuta didn’t return early. He still struggled to ask for what he wanted, so he would settle for this.
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coco-loco-nut · 2 days
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Revelations - Part 3
Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x Reader
Summary: a fic focused on the readers career because YOU ARE A QUEEN
a/n: i wrote this before the Newey/RBR break up. i also can’t stop ending my fics with a social media post 😭
requests open masterlist
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When Daniel retired from F1, you were ready to pull the plug on your career, but he wouldn’t let you. He saw the passion you still had and didn’t want to extinguish it just because he wasn’t going to have a seat in the race anymore. Instead, he decided to live his best life as a stay-at-home dad while also coaching Florence who was naturally drawn to her dad’s karts.
Your family eventually moved to England, it being the easier move with your job promotion and Florence’s karting. You took the Chief Engineering Officer position after Daniel retired, working closely with the man who taught you so much. Adrian and you were a dynamic duo, the cars you build together are rocket ships. Daniel is an ambassador for Red Bull when he isn’t with Florence at karting competitions. You’ve been teaching Sidney about the mechanics behind karts and the cars, letting him come to work with you to shadow once in a while.
You walk into Christian’s office to remind him about the family dinner tonight, Max already promised to be in attendance with P and Kelly.
“Y/n, mind taking a seat?” Christian asks, you think nothing of it, figuring he just wants an update on the car.
“What’s up? There isn’t much of a progress update yet,” you say, sipping your coffee.
“I’d like to sign Florence into our driver development program. Not just because she is a Ricciardo, but because she has the technical knowledge and the talent. I know someone with Rodin who has a seat open for her in Formula 4,” Christian says and you nod, having gotten a similar offer from Mercedes and Ferrari. You feel pride in your daughter, her hard work and drive being recognized by top programs. It’s extra special because Christian is using his connections to help get her a seat with Daniel’s old F3 team.
“The PR will be tricky to manage, but would you like to tell her at dinner tonight?” you smile, F1 fans already joke about Red Bull being Ricciardo central. Sidney is preparing for his semester finals for Mechanical Engineering and you can’t believe it’s been ten years since they made their first paddock appearance. You negotiate some terms with Christian, the most important being that if she wants to leave the program and go to another, she can.
“We will announce it once she’s signed with the team, I’ll give my person a call,” Christian lets you know before you go to your office. You admire the family photo you took when Florence won the CIK-FIA world championship last month. She’s been dominating British karting all year, Daniel has been working so hard to help her get where she wants to be.
Your day flies by, and before you know it you are all seated in your living room.
“How’s the driver program selection going?” Max asks Christian, genuinely curious.
“I actually made my selection today, Florence, how do you feel about the family legacy?” Christian beams as her face lights up.
“Really? Oh my god, thank you Uncle Christian!” she darts over to him to hug him. “Uncle Maxie, you better watch out,” she grins at Max, who is a Red Bull institution.
“I’ll be very lucky if I am still racing when you get to F1, but I will be happy to coach you,” Max chuckles, knowing he’s pushing the limit of his career.
“No way, that job is reserved for me,” Daniel tells Max who just frowns at his friend for taking away his plan.
A few years later, your whole family is essentially traveling race to race. Sidney is interning with Red Bull, Florence is racing with Rodin in F2, and Daniel is living his best life as a commentator.
“Y/n, let’s grab coffee,” you’ve noticed that Christian tends to say that when he has something important to say.
“What’s wrong?” you cut straight to the chase.
“Max is retiring after this season and I am going to retire as well,” Christian says and a silence falls between you.
“It’s a well deserved retirement for both of you,” you say after a couple seconds.
“I am recommending you for team principal. I also want you to be involved in choosing who is the next driver for the team,” Christian says and you pause.
“I would be honored, that would be huge shoes to fill,” you say after a second.
“You deserve it, you’ve worked your way up from the bottom,” Christian reassures you. In the next month, you signed your contract and got Oliver Bearman to replace Max’s seat.
“You should’ve let me take the seat, Mom,” Florence smiles, you shake your head.
“Not yet, you are a wonderful driver, but I can’t sign you my first year as team principal,” you tell her. Your promotion has been well received among staff and fans. You take the promotion seriously, learning what you don’t know while Christian is still there.
Five years later you walk into testing excitedly. It is a special day for your family.
“Daniel Ricciardo here reporting from the Paddock for testing, let’s see who we can grab,” your husband says, looking towards the entrance where you are walking in. “Y/n Ricciardo, have a second for an interview,” he smiles as you ate into the frame.
“I do, rare for a team principal,” you smile adoringly at your husband, still the young driver getting his shot in your eyes.
“How do you feel going into testing?”
“Great, my engineers and I have worked hard on the car, we are excited to see how it performs against the field,”
“And you have a new driver this year? How is that going?”
“Well so far, as a team we’ve been watching her for years. She’s worked hard with our junior team and we are always excited to bring young talent in. It’s always a tough decision when choosing someone for a seat, but we are confident in our choice,” you say, keeping things professional. The fans watching live are loving the interview, commenting about how your family is acting as if you aren’t a family.
“One last question, your new driver, Florence Ricciardo, is bringing in her own race engineer, Sidney Ricciardo, an engineer who worked for Red Bull Racing in the past. Are there any worries about an unproven race engineer?” Daniel says, the two of you somehow keeping a straight face.
“Obviously we want our drivers to be comfortable with their race engineer. Sidney has been with the team for a while before going to McLaren, so we are excited to welcome him back. Our team has worked with him to familiarize himself with the job, and he will be beside me on pit wall today for that reason,” you explain, a small smile holding back the laughter.
“Thank you for your time, Y/n. Good luck today,” Daniel tells you before you walk off. The video goes viral among F1 fans for the sheer humor of it. Fans also love that Florence and Sidney are following their parent footsteps and career paths.
“That interview was so funny,” Sidney sits beside you in hospitality.
“Thank you, Sid. I may be old but I can still be funny,” you smile at your son. “Are you nervous? I remember how nervous I was on pit wall the first time as your dad’s engineer,” you ask him.
“I am your son, I’ve got it in the bag, plus it’s only Flo,” Sidney says as Florence barges into the room, sitting beside you. Daniel follows behind her, quietly sitting beside her.
“Thanks for basically disowning me on live television, Mom. Oh, hi Dad,” Florence hugs her dad as you all try not to laugh.
“Come on, Flo, it was funny watching Mom and Dad act like we all weren’t related,” Sidney laughs. The social media team takes a picture and posts it on twitter.
twitter
@redbullracing: guys, a bunch of people with the last name Ricciardo are sitting in our hospitality, I guess all but one works for us. Apparently they know each our team principal? Are they related or is this just a weird coincidence?
@y/nricciardo not related to me, just a weird coincidence.
↪️@florencericciardo MOM! STOP DISOWNING ME
↪️@sidneyricciardo no, no, please continue disowning her
↪️@danielricciardo Do you know who these two are, Y/n? I don’t recognize them
↪️@y/nricciardo I’m sorry, do I know a Daniel?
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Would you still love me if I was a worm?
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Percy Jackson x gn!reader
Summary: Percy is dating Annabeth (love percabeth). But reader is swept away by Percy and can't help their feelings. Eventually, they talk and start dating. Everyone is suddenly distant to reader bc they ruined the best ship. Reader is insecure but Percy would gladly spend all his life reassuring them.
Fluff 💙💙🪼🌊🔱⚜️
On the radio~
🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼
(1st person)
There goes Percabeth, I thought bitterly. I have always had a crush on percy, but Annabeth got to him first. I didn't have anything against Annabeth, I just thought it was unfair. Unfair because I lost. "Y/n!" I had most the whole world tuned out as I read my book, sitting at a random bench near the lake, the sun hiting bare shoulders since I was just wearing a bikini, trying to tan. "Y/n!" oh. They're talking to me. Great. I looked up to see Percy's toned figure and sea-green eyes staring back at me with a bright smile. "Oh. Hey, Perce," I put on a fake smile as I speak. "Sorry, I tuned you out!" "No worries! Happens to the best of us, " he said, smiling. "What's up?" I could've sworn he had checked me out, but I wasn't so sure. "Oh yknow, trying to get a tan, reading, the usual." I said. "Oh, alright. Have fun!" he said, about to leave. "Wait! Perce!" I said, Calling out to him before could leave. Percy didn't say anything, he just waited for me to speak. "I... I know that you are dating Anna, an you guys are best best couple I've ever seen, but- but I like you..." I looked up Percy to see him staring at me in shock. "W-well...Im not dating Annabeth anymore..." he said. "Wait wha-" I was shocked at the least. "We decided to stick as friends because she is going through a sexuality crisis," he seemed calm but almost nervous and jittery at the same time. "I like you too, Y/n. Maybe we can date?..." he looked at me hopefully. "Of course!" she said, wanting to scream in joy.
(3rd person)
Fast forward to a couple months later. They decide to go public with their relationship and now a majority of her friends we're way more distant. Her stuff is often vandalized with words like 'slut!' and 'homewrecker'. People often spread rumours about her when she wasn't listening— when they thought she wasnt listening. He never voiced this to Percy, for multiple reasons. One, what if they're right? Is she a slut and a homewrecker? Would Percy stop loving her if he saw a different perspective? Two, what if he didn't care or didn't believe her? What would she do then? She also has always feel insecure about her body and just herself in general. Would Percy not like her if she wasn't confident? She needs to stop being an ugly coward. The two of them were actually on a date right now, and they were sitting on the beach. "Baby, what's wrong?" Percy asked, clearly concerned for his beautiful girlfriend. "Oh. Nothing..." she said, putting on a heavily fake smile. "Y/n L/n, my love, my girl, darling. Please don't lie to me." he said. He might have the nickname 'seaweed brain', but he wasn't an idiot. "I'm sorry for ruining it." she started sniffling. "For what?" Percy was genuinely confused, his beloved, beautiful, girlfriend couldn't possibly do any wrong. "Ruining your relationship." she was sobbing into his chest, the sea-salty scent blanketing her in a comforting warmth. "Baby.... No..... You didn't do anything." he lifted her chin with his index finger. "We broke up before you confessed, remember?" "oh...." she said, feeling stupider than usual. "Am I a slut?..." she asked. Percy's eyes widened and he tackled her into a hug, spooning her while laying in the sand. "Who told you that?" he asked, his voice suddenly becoming protective and menacing. "E-everyone..." she said quietly. "Everyone spreads rumours about me and calls me name. In front of me and behind my back. They say that I ruined you and Annabeths relationship." she sighed into his arm. "I'm ugly and not confident. Why do you like me?" Percy audibly gasped at this, his precious is none of those things. "You aren't any of these things. You may act and look different than others, but no one looks the exact same. You are gorgeous, if not in your eyes, in mine. I chose to date you for a reason." he hugged her tighter in a slightly possessive way. "Mine." he said, his voice muffled since his face was burried in her neck.
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dykedivorce · 7 months
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if any other bitch in konoha had been gay apart from sasuke none of this would have happened to my son naruto.
#pussy from the turbotron edgelord 3000 and his whole life went up in flame. NOT worth it#no but fr it's insane how he bamboozled every fan into thinking he was so interesting and cool and badass when .#at the point im at in shippuden hes by far the least interesting of the main characters. one track mind (vengeance) and no depth beyond that#like the other characters rn : sakura coming in to her own ; finding her path and her strength + sharing a connection so deep with naruto#over their common loss that they both just Know although they absolutely cant talk about it#yamato: the only survivor of orochimaru's monstrous experiments on children; kakashi's stand in thats so different from kakashi#it makes you wonder what it would have been like with him as their teacher from the start;#a mystery thats clearly trying his best but whose mission truly is A Lot#SAI: A BRAINWASHED SPY A PAWN FOR A SECRET ORGANISATION WHO CLINGS TO HIS HUMANITY NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HES BEEN PUNISHED FOR IT#WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH NARUTO FOR MAKING HIM REALIZE HOW DEEP THINGS COULD BE FELT AND HOW DEEP RELATIONSHIPS COULD RUN#WHO HAS BEEN DRAWING A BOOK FOR HIS DEAD BROTHER FOR YEARS EVEN IF HE'S FORGOTTEN WHAT HIS BROTHER LOOKS LIKE#WHO DECIDED TO SPARE SASUKE BECAUSE HE'S LOVED. WHO JUST WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE A HUMAN LIFE.#MOST AUTISTIC CODED CHARACTER OF ALL TIMES HAS NEVER SUCCESSFULLY MASKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.#sasuke: sasuke#anyway. im not touching on naruto because i could be here for days#BUT while sasuke on his own so far is very whatever. the narusasu dynamic is truly one for the ages#bc i just saw the ep where sasuke manages to see kyuubi inside naruto and wooshes him away and it's very like.#oh so hes literally seeing naruto's demons and banishing them even as hes telling naruto they dont matter to each other anymore.#oh ok cool cool cool cool this feels normal and not something to obsess over#jesus christ why am i typing all this. who here cares#naruto thoughts
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roseofcards90 · 1 year
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What the fuck does “chronically online misogyny take” even mean 😭😭 why did this person call my message that when I just pointed out that female characters get treated more like shit than their male counterparts do in media
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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neverendingford · 3 months
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.
#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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cigarette-room · 3 months
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(pretty long thread rip)
I should be studying for tomorrow but instead I am restless and overthinking and thinking to myself about how there is so much wrong in approaching love from the perspective of trying to be liked and trying to be loved and trying to be good and trying to stick people to yourself with duct tape made of gifts and nice jokes and sweet words because well, it's not only tiring but they will leave in the end anyway, and loving and being loved is supposed to be rest and peace and a sound mind and the more you try the less you achieve any of that! Except I'm my mother's and father's child so I still do it anyway and hang around and try again and cling until it's dead because otherwise it all really hurts but it hurts anyway so
Just dgaf. And if you do then pretend you don't until you convince yourself and restrain your hands so they can't reach out to anyone once they turn their back on you and just. Let people live with their own decisions. I want so hard to be loved that I am making myself disposable like a used rag and for what? It's all gonna be good one day with or without anyone else
#i am perhaps just rambling to myself here#but i am tired of that tendency that was baked into me to try to get anyone to stick around#i remember when my first ex broke up with me i spent literal months clinging to her and trying to negotiate some kind of universe#where we would still talk and be as close as we were before#and she didn't wanna hear#until she did but we eventually distanced and when i moved on she was so upset and i wondered why because? you left me?#and i fought so hard to keep you there but you made your decision and now you're upset at me for moving on?#and the second time around i wasn't any better at it either#and only recently am i realizing that the reason she was so upset at me moving on was because i made myself so reliable#with those stupid promises that I'd be in her life always no matter what happened#and why would I do that? i always cling to people because they matter to me#and they always realize i matter to them once i move on already and am not willingly a part of their life anymore#and like sure i do attract people who tend to be assholes to me but it's on me as well#i am disproportionate in showing my care to people who don't return even 1/5 of it back#and when they get bored i am the one they call weird for that#so i really decided not even to listen to what I need anymore but only to what needs to be done and it's#just letting things go with the flow. i don't have to drag the dead weight of anything i try to keep on my shoulders#do i want to? sure. do i want to be as loved as i never am? i do of course i do#but i am trying too hard. and it's never gonna get me anywhere. because people only ever want me back in their life when i have moved on and#others value themselves more. others don't love anyone blindly so#i don't have to. even though i want. i don't have to#if you gift me a paper I'll gift you a paper. if you want to kiss me I'd want to kiss you too#and if you say you love me I'd love you back and if you forget my birthday I'll forget yours too and#if i hug you but am not hugged back i won't hug you again#i think that's the best way things can go when people are concerned#maybe this is a bit too transactional in a sense but i mean#it wouldnt be fair if it was unequal#if someone does everything for you and you don't return it then you are an asshole to them but#if you give and you aren't given you are a weirdo simply put#it's best if it's equal
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deny3verything · 4 months
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i love best friends. i’d love to have one someday
#usually i feel this way about romantic ships but the doctor and donna platonic soulmates have been kicking my ass recently#conceptually i don’t believe in soulmates but i do believe there’s at least one person for any other person who could#colloquially be known as soulmates for each other#i would love a soulmate. i would do anything to have a soulmate. but i think i would also be satisfied with a regular ole best friend#i just want. someone who loves and needs me as much as i love and need them#instead of feeling like i’m the earth orbiting and worshiping an indifferent sun#the sun has plenty of planets and space debris orbiting it. the sun wouldn’t know a difference whether the earth was there or not#i don’t have to explain to you what the sun means to the earth#i used to have a sun but i stopped talking to her because i couldn’t be in that unchanging situation forever#it’s been nearly three years since we’ve spoken and i think about her nearly every damn day#it hurts more than anything that we’re not friends anymore. but i think it was worse when my entire life was dictated by her#whether she even knew it or not#i have no idea if it’s better without her. it probably would be if i could get over her but i can’t. i’m not very good at trying#it would just be so nice to be in a binary star system. to have them orbit me in the same damn way#someone who’d be just as destroyed as i am over the loss of their sun#just someone who prefers me over everyone else. for once in my fucking life i want to be wanted#please
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wickershells · 6 months
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#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some#watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold#and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month#but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode#whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to#her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with#the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops#loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar#and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really#for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year#i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an#equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything#she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt#share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think#she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful#with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly#excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new#friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen#or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually#undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do#even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost#added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what#to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol#what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish#anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive#sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts#and i am drowning in them#vent
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abyssalpriest · 10 months
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Working with Leviathan be like
Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired
#ramblings //#Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the#door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you#And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like#duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me#And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me#leviathan //#ramblings //#Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like#talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories#that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical#bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my#eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and#she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult#:( you know. Just :(#Diary //#The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone#And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it#and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It#Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my#hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo#No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see#it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do#with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my#life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me#takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway#The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it#Thanks Lev#I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao
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stilin-ski · 9 months
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pay no mind to the man behind the curtain.
#today I spent time with Liz.#and it was fun. it was great until her boyfriend got home.#because then I wasn’t there anymore and I was completely ignored.#and I want to call you to tell you about it and how it hurt my feelings#and how it’s part of the reason that I can never be as close to her as I am or. was? to you.#I say was because I haven’t felt that close to you in so long. I can’t remember the last time I did.#I say ‘was’ because I can’t call you right now. I can’t talk to you about anything right now.#I can’t talk to you about how much I miss you when you’re sitting right next to me because even when you’re here you don’t see me.#you don’t see me anymore. you haven’t for a while. and I don’t know why.#you keep saying you want to go back to how close we were and I don’t know how to tell you that the close you keep referring to#is when we were in love.#when you knew you loved me and you wanted me for as long as it was healthy for both of us.#back when you talked about our future as a passing comment#like it was so obvious to you. that we’d be together and have a life.#I don’t know how to tell you that you’ll never be able to be with someone else and be close to me like that.#I do know actually. I’ve told you more than once and I’ve given you all the reasons why.#and you’ve lived it. you lived this already and then you said you understood what we are. what this love truly is.#and that if you had to choose what your forever was right now- it would be me.#and now. again. we’re back to I don’t knows and I’m not sures and distance and timing and crying alone in different beds#I don’t know how we keep ending up here. and I don’t know how to tell you that I don’t believe you anymore when you say that you love me.#there’s so much I cannot tell you because you don’t see me and you don’t hear me and I don’t think that you care very much right now and#I’m just so tired.#I’m so tired.#I think I’m going to lose my job. and I want to talk to you about that too but I can’t.#I just can’t.#and I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you but I just. can’t.#I can’t talk to you right now.#I need to lay down.#delete this#Liv speaks
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chaos-has-theories · 1 year
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The thing about Gabriel Agreste is all the atrocities.
The thing about Harry Clown is that he supports the atrocities. The thing about Emilie Agreste is that she commits the atrocities. The thing about Nathalie Sanceour is that she kinda does both.
(They all think they have a hard line for all of it. They all think the line is Adrien. They are all wrong.)
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florenceisfalling · 10 months
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don't worry guys if you're ever in a bad place emotionally and seeking guidance some woman with an entirely different outlook on life than you will thrust shitty advice upon you whether you like it or not and then make you feel completely fucking awful about her wealth of wisdom that she is so genuinely convinced she has despite not having any idea . this will make the bad place so much more bad also
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fuitygummy · 1 year
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I think I’m failing therapy
#personal fuity shit#I can’t answer my therapist’s questions#I feel like I’m only repeating myself every session#I can’t do the things she asks me to. and I don’t even know why. I just can’t#I don’t exercise. I don’t leave my room. I barely drink water. I have an eating disorder#I honestly don’t know what she could do for me. and I noticed she doesn’t either#maybe I truly am a lost cause#I’m stuck in place. can’t get better and sometimes seems to be getting worse#when I told her I don’t even want to live anymore she kinda got. pissed at me?#she made it sound like ‘being alive only because I don’t want to make my mom sad’ is the most insane and wildest thing she’s ever heard#and that I was crazy to even think about it#as if that wasn’t my only thought for like idk 8 years or so#ALSO she keeps putting my bisexual identity in question every opportunity she gets. like wtf#just because I’ve never hooked up with a girl doesn’t make me any less bi#‘are you truly bi or just curious?’ idk and idc ma’am you’re the one bringing this up and making it look like a problem#I’ve got lots of complaints but. it’s not easy to quit#I’d have to tell my mom an excuse as to why I want another therapist#and looking for a new therapist is just nightmare#I’m just tired. really wish I could think about killing myself more in depth without feeling guilty#thinking about how my mom’s life would be shattered and all the pain I’d cause her gives me goosebumps. it breaks my heart
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tardis--dreams · 1 year
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We've officially reached the 'too demotivated and drained to bother to go to class' part of the semester. Awesome
#if it wasn't for the strike I'd just go home on tuesday morning#because i don't want to miss too many korean sessions because we can't be absent more often than 4 times#but i don't plan on going to my monday and tuesday classes#and thursday is a holiday so that class is canceled and i am willing to miss wednesday's korean class if it means getting to#see my dog a day earlier#but alas i cannot#because no trains and shit#also my friend asked me if i wanted to join for drinks sometime this week(end) and i desperately need new friends#(i.e. i don't want to turn down invitations from people i don't hang out with often because i basically am getting#actively excluded from my other friends' activities (literally. if you don't want me around it's literally fine. just don't fucking act#like you do. i hate it here lmao)#no but that friend was like 'I'll always invite you' and damn i LOVE to hear it because the others apparently hate having me around#(again. fair enough. I'm not particularly outgoing or fun so i get it. i just don't want to make any effort there anymore so i kinda need#to make an effort with other people? because i really like her and all but i also don't feel like going out#and would much rather go home see my dogs- but if i turn down too many invitations she'll stop inviting me#which is only logical- idk i don't really want to have to have friends anymore#i just know life is better when i spend time with people sometimes and have someone to get through university hell with#anyway. i don't wanna go to class anymore and i really don't wanna do this degree anymore and i actually do not#want to go to korea but i have to because it's my only chance but it makes me want to kill myself but also not doing it would make me want#to kill myself so i don't really have anything going for me there#void screams
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