#because my photoshop suddenly decided to act like a bitch

[sonitavalentine]

We were like loaded guns  —

Sacrificed our lives.

We were like love undone

Craving to entwine.

Fatal torch, final thrill,

Love was bound to kill

October and April.

(The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon  — October and April)

for YumeEquinox2018

[how to read: first left column from top to bottom, then right column from top to bottom]

[jawnjendes]

kiss your fears goodbye | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

this is the real sequel to mystery if there’s anything you want to happen in this series, let me know!

masterlist | series playlist

“I thought opening up was supposed to make you feel better,” I said to Callie. “Instead, I kinda wanna jump ship.”

Another week, another hour in my shrink’s office. The last major thing that happened in my life was telling Shawn about Luca, and I knew it was major because I felt very exposed after doing so. I felt completely naked whenever I was around Shawn, and I haven’t even been properly naked in front of him yet. So I did what I do best and kept a distance.

“Jump ship as in… what?” Callie asked.

“He knows too much,” I explained. “He knows things that I don’t like to talk about. I know that I made the choice to tell him these things, but I just… I have this urge to just get as far away from him as possible. But I also don’t want to do that.”

“Okay. Why don’t you want to?”

“Because he was really kind when I told him about Luca. And, Shawn and I took things to another level… I spent the night at his apartment. And he still liked me after. He makes me… not sad.”

“So you like him, but there’s a part of you that wants to run away. Like, a way to protect yourself from getting hurt. Has he done anything to make you think he’ll hurt you?”

The answer was no, a very fast no. But I still found myself thinking about it. There had to be something. He couldn’t be that good. Why would he be that good to me?

“Somehow I always end up getting hurt.” I shrugged. “I’m two and a half months into this thing. I went into it tiptoeing and watching him carefully. It’s like I’m waiting for something bad to happen. But for once, I want to enjoy this thing. I want to make it work, and I want to not feel paranoid about it.”

~

Have I mentioned that I kissed Shawn on the first date? Me, the girl who was healing and doing so by guarding herself. I just couldn’t resist, he’s too pretty and charming. You try having a conversation with Shawn Mendes and not get overwhelmed with the urge to punch him in the face! With your lips! On his! Softly… It was a moment of weakness in my book.

That weakness is what made Shawn believe that I was into what we had going on. He couldn’t read my generally expressionless and timid face, so I had to show him that I was into him somehow. Two months later, I told him about a minor trauma that skewed my view on romance and I haven’t seen him since. We still texted and Snapped, but I haven’t seen Shawn in person. Yes, it was on my doing. My excuse: a research paper for my stats class. That, and work. At least he was still calling me his girlfriend, right?

Right?

I really was holed up in my dorm, though. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was trying to salvage my failing stats grade. Honestly, I wasn’t worried about my relationship status today because I was worried about repeating a class that contributed to my anxiety and nightmares. I needed to pass this class. It wasn’t even the end of the semester, when everyone typically started to care about their grades. That’s how desperate I was.

Apparently, that wasn’t enough for Shawn to give me my space. He sent a text saying he was coming over after his final afternoon class. When I told him I was balls deep in a formal essay, he replied with, “it’s important.”

“Bitch! So are my grades!” I yelled at my phone.

“I’ll drink to that!” yelled Stella from her room. She didn’t even know the context, but her heart was always in the right place.

My essay progressed minimally by the time Shawn was knocking on the door. I pushed myself off the couch somewhat reluctantly, and answered to find him standing there with his backpack over his shoulder and his guitar case in hand.

“Hi,” I said, not exactly overjoyed to see him.

Shawn leaned in, kissed my cheek, and then let himself in. He looked around the dorm and then stopped in front of the couch. He saw my mess of notes, textbooks, and my laptop. Not only was it an academic mess, it was also several half empty water bottles and a half eaten cup of ramen.

“Oh. You were busy,” he said like he wasn’t expecting this.

My fried brain did not like hearing those words. “What, you thought I was lying?”

It didn’t faze him at all. “No. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t avoiding me.”

Well, someone didn’t come here to fuck around.

I looked at Shawn, now a little more than mildly annoyed, and then I went back to my spot on the couch. “Well, sorry I can’t be attached to your hip twenty-four/seven. I have other things to do besides walk in your shadow.”

“Alright, stop with the attitude.” Shawn set down his case and his backpack. “It’s just that you decided to spend the night at my place, and then you didn’t talk to me for a week. Then, you told me a little bit of your past relationship - again, you decided to do that - and I haven’t seen you since. I just wanna know what’s going on here. I don’t know what you want, or what’s inside of your head. I don’t know why you keep running.”

He really isn’t fucking around. He was way too observant of my bad relationship habits.

“I’m not running,” I said feebly, looking at my laptop screen even though I knew I couldn’t crap out another formal sentence if I tried.

“Look, I know you don’t trust people easily,” Shawn told me. “I know it’s hard for you to bring your walls down. I’ve been trying so damn hard to be the person you can let in. I’ve been doing everything I can to show you that I can be trusted.”

“I know…”

“Do you? Because everytime I think we’re moving forward, you take it back again. I know you’re scared, but it’s okay. You don’t have to be afraid.”

Suddenly, I wasn’t timid and soft spoken anymore. I looked at Shawn once again, my eyes practically daggers. I slowly stood up, my hands balled into fists. “I’m not scared.”

He gave me an incredulous look. “You’re not scared, eh?”

“If I was, I wouldn’t have said yes to being your girlfriend.”

He nodded, and then he rambled. “I wanna buy you flowers, and bring them to you when you’re at work. I wanna spend every night with you. I want to clear a drawer for you at my place. I wanna sing to you, I wanna write songs about you. I wanna introduce you to my friends. I want to meet your parents, I want you to meet my parents, and my sister.”

My stomach felt light and heavy at the same time. I had stepped back from Shawn, and he stepped forward, refusing to create distance between us. Yeah, fear struck in my chest, and for once it was impossible to keep off my face. My eyes went wide at all the mental images he provided for me. I just couldn’t fathom the idea that he wanted all those things.

“I want everything with you,” Shawn said gently, “and I’m not afraid to show it. You just have to let me.”

I folded my arms and averted my eyes. “I never said you couldn’t.”

“I’m worried that any sudden move will you make you leave. You’re a flight risk, honey.” His hands went on my shoulders. “Hey, look at me.”

You said you wanted this to work. You can’t be afraid to try.

I tore my eyes away from the beige dorm walls and planted them on Shawn’s light brown eyes. They were as gentle as his hold on me. I wanted to melt away under his gaze. He was really worried about this, about me.

“I’m not the guy who hurt you,” he said firmly, “whatever his name is. I would never do anything to hurt you. I just wanna make you happy.”

Logically, he’s right. He was not the one who did me wrong. I needed to leap into this. I couldn’t let this seemingly harmless, soft boy get away. I didn’t want him to get away, I just didn’t know how to say it without feeling like the dam in my head will burst.

“Be mine,” he softly coaxed. “Be mine…”

I nodded, letting myself lap up the sweet words. “I am.”

Yeah… that wasn’t enough. Another uneventful week went by, and it was Shawn’s last straw. We went out to see a movie as an attempt to diffuse the tension, and it required minimal communication. However, his breaking point happened when he was walking me across campus back to my dorm. He silently went to hold my hand, and I mindlessly deflected the gesture. That was when he had it.

“So you’re embarrassed to hold my hand now?” he asked defensively.

He had stopped in his tracks, in the middle of the walkway. Of course, this had to go down in front of many nosy onlookers. It made my face go hot, and I felt very attacked.

“No, I’m just-” I tried to say.

“I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.”

“Shawn!” I glanced at the surrounding students before stepping closer to him. “Can we do this somewhere else? Please?”

“We don’t have to.”

And he took off back towards his car. If I wasn’t being stared at by passing students, I would have stayed there, frozen by my dumbfoundedness. Instead, I went the other way, towards my dorm.

I never cried unless it was in front of my therapist. This wasn’t an exception, but I felt the sting in my throat as I speed walked through campus.

I knew Shawn had a reason to be upset. He just didn’t give me the chance to explain myself.

Here’s the thing: plenty of people on this campus and in the city knew Shawn Mendes. Plenty of people were attracted to him in one way or another, and why wouldn’t they be? He was a walking Photoshop edit with that face and those muscles. He was ridiculously talented, and kind to every person he came across. He had so many emotions, and he wasn’t afraid to feel them. He has so much love to give and spread. He could have anyone, literally anyone.

Why would someone like Shawn choose to publicly hold hands with someone like me? I walked around hoping to some higher entity that I won’t be looked at. I always looked like there was a storm cloud above my head. I look and act like someone died. I had walls up so high it put China to shame!

Oh yeah. I fucking cried. Fuck.

~

This better be the last time I do a walk of shame to Shawn’s apartment. As soon as I knocked on the door, I pulled my phone out and started to write out a text. I didn’t look up when Shawn answered.

I did not come here to fuck around.

“Can I come in?” I asked, chin up and looking him in the eyes. My text was sent.

Shawn had changed into his sweats and a white t-shirt in the two hours we were apart. Certainly wasn’t going anywhere, by the looks of it. He seemed a little reluctant, but he stepped aside.

I looked confident as I walked inside his living space. However, my limbs were shaky. Time to get to it.

“First of all,” I began, “I understand why you got upset today. But I did not appreciate you calling me out in the middle of campus. If you have a problem, just wait until we’re together in private, okay? No one needs to know our business.”

“Okay,” he said shortly. “Is that all you came here for?”

I took a deep breath, trying to relieve tension from my shoulders. “I’m sorry I didn’t hold your hand. I’m not very into PDA.”

“Okay.”

“But,” I continued, “with you… I can get into it.”

Shawn’s eyes lit up a little bit. “I mean… I won’t make out with you in public or anything… unless you want to.”

I chuckled. “We’ll start with hand holding. I’m not used to being with someone who actually likes me. That sounds bad, but it’s true.” I paused. “I know you haven’t done anything to hurt me. But my brain likes to work against me. A lot. It’s hard for me to trust you, but I wanna try because… because…”

“Because we can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart.” Shawn smiled, stepping towards me.

I did the same thing. “That’s from Grey’s Anatomy.”

“Yeah.”

He held his hands out, but I stopped in my tracks. I really wanted to touch him, hold his hands and whatnot…

“One more thing,” I said as I held up my phone. “I texted my mom, and I told her about you - us. I was gonna wait til we hit four months, but you need to see that I am serious about this. So I texted her, and she’s gonna call me in like, five minutes. And, and you’re gonna hear me talk about you a lot, and-”

Shawn suddenly closed the gap between us. He cupped my face and pulled me in for a deep kiss. My arms found themselves on his waist, pulling him in just a bit closer. I went up on my toes when he pulled back, not ready to stop anytime soon. He smiled as his lips met mine again. It felt right.

Within a few minutes, my phone started buzzing. I pulled away from Shawn and looked at the glowing screen. Then, I looked up at him, cheeks flushed.

“You’re about to hear me gush about you,” I said.

His smile was absolutely radiant. “I can’t fucking wait.”

[imaginemarvelbae]

Detention- Peter Parker imagine Warnings: language A/N: I really suck at the warning-things. Gif not mine but if you owe it I love it. Word count: 1633

I was sleeping on my desk when a book fell down right next to my face. My Spanish teacher was looking me from above and had a disappointed look on her face. She was furious and send me to the detention class. I’d been busy working as a blogger. I had my own blog and tried to write everything as true as possible. I’d been following the Spiderman events. He had saved my favorite place to eat sandwiches. I had been a big fan of his since the moment he saved my life. I was being chased by two bad guys who wanted my money and he flew from the sky and took me in his arms. He had taken me to the rooftop of my building and I’d thanked him but I’d wanted to kiss him. It had been so much tension on that rooftop. I realized then I was on the detention classroom making a drawing of him. Next to me it was a boy, curly brunette hair, puppy eyes and a cute smile. He was staring at my draw.

“Have you ever seen him?” He asked me. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yes, I have. He saved my life and I’m eternally grateful” He could see the admiration in my eyes.

“Really? I thought he was made by computer like photoshop or something. I didn’t know he was real” he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes.

“Oh… believe me. He’s definitely real. I owe him a lot, like my life and the best sandwiches in New York are safe because of him” he had a confused look on his face. “Oh it’s just that I really like sandwiches”

“Sandwich lover. Interesting” we laughed “why are you here? Miss sandwiches lover”

“I fell asleep on Spanish and Mrs Gutierrez got pissed off. I couldn’t sleep because I’ve been writing-” I was about to tell a complete stranger that I had a major crush on Spiderman and I had my own blog about him.

“Writing what?” He was curious, maybe he just wanted someone to talk to.

“Don’t laugh ok? I have my own blog about our Spidey friend. I even have a video of him holding a car with his bare hands ” he didn’t laugh. He just smiled at me like I wasn’t a weirdo.

“I think that’s awesome. Let me tell you a secret” we got closer “I’m a big fan too”

I looked at him and opened my mouth to tell him something but the bell rang and we had to go home. I was happy I wasn’t the only person who thought Spiderman. Next day in the cafeteria I looked for my detention pal but couldn’t find him. I was looking around when I bumped into Flash Thompson and threw my lunch all over his blue jacket. Detention again. I walked in and the teacher was sleeping on his desk and dribbling on his book. I decided I could take a short nap. I woke up by the snoring of Mr Dribble and saw the detention guy on the door waving at me. I quietly got out of the classroom and walked with him to the sports field. He was really kind and nice.

“Hi miss sandwich lover” he said to me with his big white smile.

“Hi stranger. You know what? I never got your name” I looked at him innocent.

“Peter… Peter Parker” he said shaking my hand. “Nice to meet you Peter. I’m Y/N Y/L/N by the way” we sat down in the grandstand.

“Beautiful name. I’ll never forget it” heat flew right to my cheeks and couldn’t help but blush “Why did you do today? You were in detention again”

“It wasn’t a big deal but it was your fault” he opened his eyes confused.

“What? What did I do?” He giggled a little bit. “I was looking for you in the cafeteria and accidentally threw my food over Flash’s jacket. And that’s how I got to detention” he was in complete silence when he broke in laughing.

“Don’t laugh Peter! Where were you today?”

“I was…. I’d been doing… I got late to class because… the Stark Internship and the principal talked to me because I’ve been missing classes and stuff like that” he seemed nervous.

“Are you okay Peter? You seem a little off” he nodded.

“I’m fine. Hey are you going to the homecoming dance?” I could see hope in his eyes.

“Oh no. I’m not going. I don’t have a date so maybe I’ll spend my evening watching movies and eating popcorn” a small laugh scaped from his lips.

“As tempting that sounds… Would you like to be my date?” It was a short awkward silence. I had no idea what to say.

“Sure. I’d love to. See you on Friday, Peter” I kissed him on the cheek and walked away. I turned my head around and saw him touching his cheek. I thought it was cute.

Friday afternoon and I was super nervous, had never been that nervous. I did my makeup following a YouTube tutorial. My dress was a beautiful long blue dress. My back was showing and made me look gorgeous. I straightened my hair and in the moment when I was putting my perfume the bell rang. I overheard Peter talking to my mum. I walked downstairs and my eyes met his. His mouth was opened and his jaw was on the ground. I smiled at him. He gave me a bunch of roses that smelled like heaven. His cologne smelled like heaven. We walked our way to school because my house was nearby. Peter stopped before we got into the school.

“Hey I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and I’m happy to be here with you” he got closer to me and placed his lips over mine and kissed me. I didn’t expect him to do that. I kissed him back of course. He tasted like mint but sweet. “I’m sorry but I wanted to do it a long time ago”

“Peter don’t you ever apologize for doing that” I smiled and kissed him again. I turned my head around and saw Peter’s friend, Ned I think. “Go. I’ll see you inside”

I kissed him on the cheek. Inside I met Michelle and Liz. Cool girls, friends of Peter. I turned my head around and saw Peter looking down and walking away. He stood me up. I was heartbroken and sad, ran to the girl’s bathroom and cried. Liz and Michelle talked to me and convinced me to stay in the dance and spend the best night of my life. I fixed my makeup, hid every single feeling and spent the best night along with my friends. He didn’t give a shit about me. Monday and I fell asleep on Spanish but no one cared because the teacher was also asleep. Busy weekend I guess. I was sitting in the cafeteria with Liz and MJ (Michelle insisted in calling her like that). Peter showed up and my girls looked at him with their resting bitch faces. I ignored him.

“Hi Y/N. Can we talk?” I acted like I didn’t hear him. He sat next to me. “Don’t act like you don’t hear me”

“Then don’t act like nothing happened!” I screamed at him and everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at us.

“Y/N. You’re going to star a scene. Please let’s talk outside” he stood up and so did I.

“A scene huh?” He looked at me confused and I threw my soda on his face “That’s a scene Parker”

I left feeling all those eyes over me. He stood me up. I was upset. I had to go to detention but I didn’t. I skipped it and walked home. Suddenly I felt someone next to me. It was a man running. He stood in front of me with a gun. I wasn’t in the mood to get robbed.

“Give me your bag!” He yelled at me. His eyes were filled with rage.

“No way. I’m not in the mood. Move along man” I said and turned around. He kicked me from behind and I fell. He grabbed my bag. “Shit” I started running behind him and followed him to an alley. “Give me my bag back bitch”

“Or what? A little girl like you would never hurt me” he made me feel powerless.

“You heard the lady. Give her the bag” I turned around and saw the Spiderman. I felt so much better when he appeared. With one habd he shot a web and grabbed my bag. With the other one glued the bad guy against the wall. He grabbed me by my waist and climbed to a rooftop. “Are you okay?” His voice sounded familiar.

“Define okay. I’m safe but this hasn’t been my day” he handed me over my bag. “Thanks by the way”

“I’m sorry if you had a bad day"he was honest. He was a superhero.

“It’s my fault. I thought I found a good boy but he ended up being a fuckboy. If you know what I mean. He stood me up. He was supposed to be my date for the homecoming dance” he looked down.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like that” I looked at him super extra confused.

“What? You didn’t do anything” he took his mask off. It was Peter Parker. My jaw almost touched the ground. “Peter?! What the hell?!”

“Y/N I’m so damn sorry. I had to leave the dance because Spiderman needed to stop a bad guy-” I interrupted him.

“Say no more” I kissed him and felt like home in his arms “You are forgiven spider boy”

[aikainkauna]

The times are ripe... end I kouldd bee... I kouldd bee gweatew zan eny Baawwing hez evew bin... ow ewew vill be.

*Looks at Ao3 hit counter, sweats nervously*

Devilry 1 is 150 hits away from breaking the 30 000 hits mark.

How.

In.

The.

Fuck.

The kinks, I know. The kinks. But I want to say Conrad Veidt. A kink driven into manifestation by genuine passion and horn is great, but when it's danced, poesied and multiple-orgasmed into manifestation by the power that was the erotic *itself,* no less than an avatar of the power the ancients called Venus, Kama, Eros, Inanna and by other names in the form of a gangly German bloke, it's a different matter entirely.

So, do you reckon I should celebrate somehow? Like, do a thing on here? (Yeah, I still ask these things even after all these years! I know that whenever I ask people to throw me prompts or ideas or questions, I am inundated by a tsunami of tumbleweed and wind, but I'm not going to let *that* stop me. If I was the kind of person who couldn't sing without a chorus, the fic wouldn't exist in the first place. I've turned talking to myself about Connie into an art. So the same persistence leads me to ask once again, just in case there's someone out there who is curious.)

No, really. I want to do something for you guys. Gimme requests! Questions! Anything! Preferably rambly/creative, because I miss these fucking fucks. Surely there are still...

-Unanswered Devilry questions someone needs to ask? "What would little Laura choose to dress as if she knew Torsten was coming over for a masquerade party at the Barring house in Forssa? And what would Torsten come as?"=*essay on masks associated with Scandinavian fertility rituals as Torsten suddenly decides to show up as a goat*

-Some outrageous doodle prompts along the lines of "dare you to draw them doing--" or "what position were they in where they did *that* thing?" Or "what's the layout of their NY flat?" Or "how did that swing thing in DWTD work?"

-"Is it possible to Photoshop this thing?" (I will try, but all depends on the availability of source photos. If you have a photo you want me to 'shop any of the Devilry cast into, I could try, provided it's suitable for the purpose.)

-Drabble/ficlet ideas if you dare (again, I daren't promise anything, but it wouldn't be the first time a suggestion/wail of agony on part of a reader turned into a proper fic)

-Just something cracky/ridiculous

-Personally tailored exorcism to expel Torsten Barring's ghost from your underwear drawer so that your undies can, once again, know what it is like to be pure and clean and unsoiled and no longer trembling in terror at what he's going to do with them next

-Basically, I am so fucking cheap that I'll consider anything. Really. Questions, doodles, Potatochops, ficlets, the hard, shining brightness of you. Anything goes (that's the Barring motto). All subject to health/time/acts of Goddess, obvs., (I may not be able to post a thing on a given date because my health situation is so dramatically different from day to day that it's totally unpredictable), but again, I'm one persistent bitch. I wish I could do a giveaway with physical goods, but hopefully this is the next best thing!

So, yep. Any little Devilry-related questions or ideas, text or visual, you want to see explored?