#because obv hes a dickhead but its not for no reason
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im going to talk about yosano too. i hate how little the fandom talks about yosano's character. it makes me truly upset. like first of all lets address the fact that judging by how many of the agency members cringe abt the idea of needing her ability used on them shes almost definitely the only reason they havent all literally been killed. to say nothing of how many times we see it on screen esp in s4 like if yosano had not been there shit would have been worse. and yet barely anyone talks about her even w the slight uptick since her backstory being animated. and her backstory is easily one of the most emotionally devastating ones in the whole story and the depiction of her being like "the door might have been open but i wouldn't have known or been able to leave" because she was so heavily traumatized after is to me as someone w ptsd myself such a harrowingly real feeling that comes w ptsd and being in dissociative states because of it. she was so young and was so traumatized she couldnt even move on her own and until she was rescued by fukuzawa and ranpo she had to endure so much unimaginable pain ESPECIALLY for a child so young at the time. and yet even so today she still pushes through no matter what and is so incredibly strong mentally and physically esp considering we know her past still haunts her enough to where she still feels undeserving of the agency's care and like she has to atone for things she was forced to do (m*ri watch your fuckinf back because every second youre not running i only get closer). and despite feeling that way she still does everything she can to protect the agency and save people now that she can use her ability however she wants without being told when or how she has to use it because all she ever wanted was to save people. the agency owes their very survival to yosano in the most literal sense and i just think everything she's gone through and everything she contributes gets overlooked so so often and i hate it i truly do
#in general the girls and women in bsd get overlooked a concerning amount which is another can of worms#but this is one example of that#anyway please talk about yosano more#she is so important and a character doesn't have to constantly be in the spotlight to be crucial#because it isn't an exaggeration to say she's the only reason the agency has survived on a literal level#and even if that wasn't the case she's so interesting and has such a harrowing backstory#people tend to forget bsd is set post-war#and that becomes very important context with many story elements#whether it's yosano's backstory or ranpo finding fukuzawa while searching for a job at 14 yrs old#because the government set up minors to work after many were orphaned to prevent 'bad behavior'#and yes even fukuchi#because obv hes a dickhead but its not for no reason#especially considering what we've learned in recent chapters that doesn't make him excusable but does make him at least understandable#which is not in Defense of him but he's not just doing shit for what he perceives as no reason#but that and the post-war topic in bsd is another post for another time#but you do have to remember that#and it is obviously very prominent and important in yosano's backstory#and very crucial to understanding the level of trauma she endured#bsd s4 spoilers#bsd spoilers#just in case#bsd#akiko yosano
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theres a lot of elements of Monogatari that you could see as an invitation to imagine oneself in Koyomi's position
he generally has a weak sense of self and plays the straight man a lot so its not hard to project yourself into that and imagine how you might have a relationship with shinobu, or hitagi
this is of course complicated quite a bit by later events, specifically nadeko i want to say is the strongest example of this, she starts with a fairly archetypal position of shy character that calls you 'onii-chan' and then develops into someone who perhaps didn't really care for you in the first place, in fact it's damaging to her for you to be around
the 'nadeko fantasy' is limited to shallow stuff like the twister scene
the 'tsukihi fantasy' on the other hand, doesn't really exist? I wouldn't say it's not gestured at through fanservice scenes (I could obv also talk about Karen here) but it's shallow in the same way Nadeko Twister is shallow. there's no illusion of being the most important person in her life. i think. the presence of the other sister kinda complicates this
but regardless the main thing that gets in the way is koyomi himself, because he is not and cannot be dedicated to his sisters in the same manner as he is to hitagi or shinobu, and this proves a serious problem to the self-inserter because,,,, it's part of the reason his sisters like him? he's kind of a dickhead to them but he really does love them. but not in that way. but maybe a little. only sometimes. don't think about it too hard!
for someone who does want to think about it too hard the existence of Koyomi Araragi becomes an obstacle
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ok everyone’s been talking about Sullivan’s sadist in control energy/ I have THOUGHTS about both that and Sid x Sullivan as always
(under the cut for obv reasons)
ok so I’ve been thinking about this deeply for far too long but leave me alone it’s been a long week
so Sullivan has massive sadist energy but I’m saying it’s not authentic HEAR ME OUT HERE
literally everything everyone has said this week about Sullivan liking to be in control etc etc is 100% ACCURATE AND CORRECT
he really does crave control and loves getting under people’s skin and picking fights and having people do shit for him BUT... that’s not his end goal... at least not always... my hc is that what Sullivan wants is to have all the power, all the control, but then for someone to take it away from him
LISTEN!!!! there’s a vibe with Sullivan that I can never put my finger on and I’m like ? What is it with you. He’s like...... repressed and uptight but also seems like he’d be a bit.... chaotic and wild.
but... when you look at Sullivan provoking people, his response is kinda,, odd. He tends to flirt-fight with people, provoking them in a teasing and irritating af way. like when he’s flirting with fighting sid, it’s almost like he’s trying to force Sid to snap and kiss him fight him. “Well yeah, of course??”Is what ur thinking rn... “isn’t that the point of provoking someone??? Getting them to fight??”
IT IS MY DEAR FRIENDS, HOWEVER...
when u look at Sid trying to fight someone, he’s kinda different. Take the incident with Father Roland... the whole time in that scenario Sid is completely in control. Even when father Roland snaps and actually raises a fist as if he’s going to hit Sid, Sid barely flinches. He’s chill, he’s calm, he’s got the situation under control. He knows that even if someone were to fight him, that boy is BACKING HIMSELF. Sid seems to like provoking people to almost reinforce(?) his own dominance. Like a reminder to himself that he’s still got it ya know? He likes proving that he’s right lol
Sullivan, on the other hand, seems to get a little thrill from being threatened, but in a different way. He’s built up such this scary dickhead persona, of someone who is in control, dominant, a great leader. But we all know that man is insecure as fuck and he clings to that status he’s built up around himself
because he’s so “scary” to most people, very few people are actually brave enough to challenge him. And when they do (cough cough Sid) that’s like,,, hot. because how often do people’s sexual desires come from the forbidden/taboo?? Quite a lot...
the idea of Sullivan losing his status/power/control is SCARY for him... but it’s also kinda sexy. Everything Sullivan has been taught to be, everything he’s built up around himself, that is something that’s NOT supposed to be broken down by some local petty thief. Sullivan’s supposed to be above that. but somehow he isn’t. the temptation for a huge subversion of the life he’s created is TOO MUCH.
Sullivan wants to be dominant all the time, but sometimes just wants someone to be even bigger than him, even more in control, even more sadistic.this man is just begging to be put in his plACE and he’s waiting for someone who can be even more of a shit than he’s made himself
and Sid doesn’t need to be dominant all the time because he’s more secure in who he is, but sometimes he would like people to notice just exactly what he’s capable of.PERFECT OPPORTUNITY HERE
so u can imagine when they get together there are FIREWORKS, and I’m sure u can fill in those blanks.
DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE???? IDEK IF ITS PHRASED PROPERLY BUT I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE?????
#Sid x Sullivan#father brown#yes I’m aware this is far too much of a think piece for somethinf so minor but I had tHOUGHTS#I also agree with literally every hc and interpretation of sully boi#I love Dom sully sub sully give it all to me I don’t cARE BABY
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pmd au ramblings under the cut becos i am annoying
i was toying with the idea of ryo espeon instead of ryo glaceon for a total of five minutes the other day bc i know theres that whole thing about him being like 'haha maybe i have psychic powers!' and also people think his 'event prediction' was like, actual psychic ability which im pretty sure isnt ttrue but thats not what im here to talk about but then i remembered two things the first of which being
ryo is tech shiny and shiny espeon.... shiny espeon looks like this
so thats a hard no. my original thought was like 'aw pink ryo is cute' and then i remembered he wouldnt be pink anyways. so glaceon is fine i quite like that one (plus its a funny haha callback to how he was incased in ice bcos ice type :-] )
the SECOND thing i remembered is that the pmd2 hero literally. already kind of has "psychic" abilities. the dimensional scream is kind of a psychic power...? i mean its like, visions. ryo is the bearer of the curse ig
very much enjoying the idea of making random town npcs/guild members characters from the 72 anime. just because i think its fucking hilarious if 72 devilman existed here for some reason. i think him and lala should be the equivalent to loudred and sunflora. chaco is obvs chimecho and himura can be... someone... he can exist somewhere in there. might as well throw in dorango too why tf not
not sure about wigglytuff and chatot?
the guild + town npcs is kind of a case of like... just keeping the ideas there but mostly changing pkmn species to fit the character ig... like i like the idea of miko as like, diglett's role too (like a sentry type pkmn) but i dont want her to be a diglett lmfao
darkrai, being the big bad of eos (i THINK? tf...) can... maybe fit into some kind of role of, like, devilman god? i dont know. i might try to twist the story around too so that the situation with ryo and darkrai is like.... more interconnected so like satan + god. so maybe darkrai created ryo? i dont know if he can do that though. but this is my au. so. ok its 11 am i havent slept and that doesnt make sense but whatever
i talked about psycho jenny on my old account but i really like the idea of musharna psycho jenny taking the role of grovyle. i think it makes sense bc jenny always seems to be like, satan's #1 Demon Pal so it would make sense for her to take the role as ryo's pokemon partner before he met akira. sadly psycho jenny must die. but not really bc special episode 5 happens
i have NO idea who can take the celebi/dusknoir roles. celebi kind of has to stay the same considering its celebi and her existence as a celebi is sort of important. dusknoir might be changeable
sachiko azurill (: pleasant i think
OH HOW COULD I FORGET!!! Team skull is obvs dosu roku (koffing), masa (skuntank), and i actually decided on manjiro for zubat just because i can honestly make the design work out. theyre kind of based more on their characters from the ova than the manga...? but yaknow. team skull kinda has their own little redemption (sort of, even if they were dickheads the whole game) so it works out
ok i think this is all i got for now.... uhmmnhm UHM IVE GIVEN THIS WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT OK
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Ronnie & Joe
Ronnie: [a phone number]
Ronnie: found you your own special plug
Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is
Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔
Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike
Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up
Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma
Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz
Joe: taking your role that seriously?
Joe: alright
Ronnie: getting out of it
Ronnie: she can babysit you
Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so
Joe: nice of you on all fronts
Ronnie: yeah
Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something
Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like
Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed
Joe: no shit I did
Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it
Joe: unlikely
Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so
Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound
Joe: give a shit about him
Ronnie: if youve got something to say
Joe: I just said it
Joe: I don’t care about him
Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics
Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck
Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont
Joe: you’re jealous
Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to
Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all
Ronnie: of what
Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have
Ronnie: you wish
Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other
Joe: I know
Joe: x2
Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna
Joe: so today I’m green
Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid
Joe: nice to know how to play it
Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music
Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?
Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues
Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about
Joe: how long have you been doing heroin
Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do
Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty
Joe: it’s literally been days
Ronnie: cause you are
Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds
Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid
Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met
Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get
Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit
Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake
Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to
Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it
Joe: I’ll really stop
Joe: there 🤐
Ronnie: fuck you
Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright
Joe: let me make it up to you
Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too
Joe: alright, I deserve that
Ronnie: drop dead
Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for
Joe: I know
Joe: so what do you want, seriously
Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever
Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen
Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison
Joe: Probably am
Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am
Joe: there’s the truth
Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us
Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were
Ronnie: go ed
Joe: the second to last one was the worst
Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason
Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it
Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔
Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental
Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm
Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you
Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up
Joe: she might go for it
Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏
Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit
Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah
Ronnie: dinners at what like 7
Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?
Joe: oh no
Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently
Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af
Ronnie: fucking hell
Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you
Joe: saves times, energy less so
Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see
Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it
Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet
Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like
Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment
Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch
Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it
Joe: yeah he has a missus
Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever
Ronnie: make it happen then
Joe: where’s my bow and arrow
Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem
Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment
Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is
Joe: you’re well sweet
Joe: you want her to be living her best life
Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim
Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that
Joe: go on then
Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you
Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better
Joe: but your loss
Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it
Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here
Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask
Joe: for what
Ronnie: anything
Joe: why not
Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit
Joe: I’d like to
Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction
Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not
Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah
Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds
Joe: it is different though
Joe: tell me it isn’t
Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago
Joe: it’s not your fault
Joe: for good or bad
Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking
Ronnie: i didnt say that
Ronnie: i said thats why its different
Joe: yeah
Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you
Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to
Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter
Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks
Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense
Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers
Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat
Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out
Joe: that’s fine by me
Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?
Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are
Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then
Joe: they won’t try, they don’t
Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation
Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton
Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest
Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her
Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind
Joe: precisely
Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly
Joe: save yourself that disappointment
Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention
Joe: good
Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like
Joe: then let’s do it
Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit
Ronnie: it aint
Ronnie: you aint
Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like
Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough
Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based
Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first
Ronnie: fuck no
Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself
Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you
Ronnie: &
Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?
Ronnie: yeah
Joe: [pics]
Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]
Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]
Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]
Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]
Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]
Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]
Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]
Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]
Joe: do you fucking get it yet
Ronnie: why do you care
Joe: why do you think
Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont
Joe: braindead sounds ideal
Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you
Joe: she would if I let her, like
Joe: 🍈🍈
Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ
Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more
Ronnie: ok go
Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]
Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]
Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]
Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]
Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]
Joe: Any luck?
Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i
Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me
Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay
Joe: the last one looked deep
Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead
Joe: I don’t
Joe: where are you
Ronnie: dorothys
Joe: he in?
Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker
Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me
Joe: Yeah
Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first
Ronnie: i dont need your help
Joe: I know
Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder
Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops
Joe: I’m coming over
Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in
Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows
Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address
Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔
Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit
Joe: thanks for the tip, baby
Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round
Joe: You do want me to read your mind
Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help
Ronnie: hot
Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep
Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ
Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie
Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out
Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that
Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet
Joe: slow down
Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it
Joe: Something like that
Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck
Joe: and tie your shoes
Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo
Joe: what can’t you do then
Ronnie: err what a nonce would say
Ronnie: read music we also fucking established
Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to
Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how
Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said
Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what
Joe: Of course I do
Joe: You got me my own dealer first
Ronnie: you asked me to 1st
Joe: How did I?
Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch
Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like
Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do
Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care
Ronnie: what line
Ronnie: i dont want you to care
Joe: Tough shit
Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer
Ronnie: you fucking did
Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all
Joe: what you do for yourself is your business
Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you
Joe: 👌
Ronnie: dont call her then
Joe: you on commission?
Ronnie: 🖕
Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me
Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st
Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic
Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah
Joe: to make me hurry*
Joe: I’m on the tube
Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere
Ronnie: no fixed address i told you
Joe: ❗️
Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room
Joe: makes sense now
Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out
Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend
Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you
Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest
Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌
Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it
Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well
Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap
Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you
Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind
Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours
Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you
Joe: yeah, yeah
Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it
Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one
Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright
Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby
Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else
Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too
Joe: not calling dibs
Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs
Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up
Ronnie: try me
Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying
Joe: does your head in SO much
Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her
Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe
Joe: unlucky
Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want
Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on
Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself
Joe: nah
Ronnie: 💘
Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one
Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework
Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse
Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice
Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no
Joe: obviously not
Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna
Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis
Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would
Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing
Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now
Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember
Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me
Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today
Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like
Joe: gotta make time for you, babes
Joe: it’s called self-care
Ronnie: ask me what with
Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are
Joe: go on
Joe: school us
Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds
Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex
Joe: 💡 fairplay
Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right
Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad
Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days
Joe: help a brother out
Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant
Joe: 💔 oh well
Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do
Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy
Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem
Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out
Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old
Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there
Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby
Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map
Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map
Joe: piss off
Ronnie: give us a clue
Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me
Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here
Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem
Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna
Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead
Joe: all I know about hers is addiction
Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea
Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together
Joe: loads, Catholic, remember
Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination
Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like
Joe: guess so
Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept
Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah
Joe: it’s a fucked place to live
Joe: really third world in that respect
Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up
Joe: that your all men are pigs stance
Joe: alright courtney calm down
Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that
Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes
Joe: they didn’t really grow up together
Joe: he left when he was 15
Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days
Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here
Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?
Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch
Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now
Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep
Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch
Joe: you wanted me to
Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit
Joe: right, that’s what I meant
Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here
Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm
Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care
Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?
Ronnie: horse girl wishes
Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one
Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch
Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant
Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere
Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure
Joe: bet she knows first aid
Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube
Joe: threaten me with a good time
Ronnie: i just did
Joe: without meaning it, yeah
Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it
Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]
Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]
Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]
Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]
Joe: [forreal lmao]
Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]
Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]
Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]
Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]
Ronnie: ['what, you didn't
touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]
Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]
Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]
Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’
Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']
Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]
Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]
Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]
Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]
Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]
Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]
Joe: [god bless the grunge
aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]
Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]
Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]
Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]
Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]
Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]
Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]
Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]
Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]
Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]
Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]
Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]
Ronnie: [hard same]
Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute
Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever
Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself
Ronnie: or your cello
Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen
Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly
Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it
Joe: I can’t not go
Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically
Joe: no excuses
Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm
Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option
Joe: there was already enough damage to hide
Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got
Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do
Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay
Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit
Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it
Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of
Joe: alright
Joe: see you around then
Ronnie: 🖕
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For the ask: Downton and Kipo.
two! girl you crazy!
ok Kipo:
favorite male character: I gotta say Hugo! Mainly for the voice actor, but you really felt for him by the end of episode 8 in season 2.
favorite female character: I am gonna say Wolf, she is awesome! and so badass!
least favorite character: hmmm, There are times where I found Scarlamayge a bit annoying and over the top but I like Dr. Emila the most, she is just so evil for no reason.
prettiest character: The setting. The places these characters go are stunning at times and the animation is gorge!
funniest character: I lol’d at Scarlemagne a lot this season. (yeah I have to agree with Moss, i find myself laughing the most and Scarlemagne and his delivery)
favorite season: Hard to say
favorite episode: No competition: Sympathy for the Mandrill, Season 2 Episode 8. (I concur, def ep 8)
favorite romantic ship: Benson and Troy, I guess. I’m rooting for them.
favorite family ship: Kipo and Scarlemagne/Hugo.
favorite friend ship: The main gang. Kipo, Wolf, Benson, Dave, and Mandu
worst ship: Can’t think of any. There aren’t many ships.
now onto DA (i am only doing the first 3 seasons for obv reasons.)
favorite male character: A one Mr. Matthew Reginald Crawley, I mean look at him! he is gorgeous!
favorite female character: Hmm, this one is tough because each character has likable elements and unlikeable elements, I Am gonna go for Lady Sybil (May she rest)
least favorite character: Where to start int his show? Does the creator Julian Fellows count? hehe Edith, is my real answer. She has the worst luck but at the same time she brings it on herself.
prettiest character: I am tempetd to say MAtthew again (because he is!) But instead I am gonna say Lady Rose. (its the ringlets, they are stunning)
funniest character: Mrs. Patamore, I love her! Def one of my fave downstairs characters.
favorite season: 3, finale ep aside, It had alot of my fave moments.
favorite episode: No question, Ep 1, Season 3 the MM wedding ep.
favorite romantic ship: MM of course! they are endgame
favorite family ship: MAtthew and his mother Isobel is just so sweet.
favorite friend ship: Tom and Matthew (sensing a pattern here folks! hehe)
worst ship: Mary and whatever dickhead her 2nd husband is. Also Edith and Stralin.
Thanks for the asks Moss!!
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Series 1 Review
Forty-three episodes later, Series 1 (Season 1?) is done and dusted. Before launching into Series 2 tomorrow with Planet of Giants, I thought it might be fun to do a little review of the story so far...
General Thoughts
Overall, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. I’d seen most of these serials as a kid, though never in the right order, and watching them from beginning to end has given me a newfound appreciation for just how much excellent character development there is in the early years of the show. I have also become a diehard Barbara fan. Obv.
From a feminist perspective, there’s been a lot to like, though there have been a few major issues for me. As far as the series regulars go, Barbara gets to do a fair amount of physically, emotionally, and verbally badass things whilst remaining a well-rounded character: she’s clever, compassionate, occasionally morbid, brave, pragmatic, imaginative, resourceful, and deeply flawed in an entirely non-gendered way *cough*AZTECS*cough*. However, she also nearly gets raped in The Snows of Terror, has men draw lots over who gets to murder her in Marco Polo (only to be victim blamed by the eponymous dickhead of the serial), and is often a victim of the well-meaning but mostly stifling paternalism of Ian Chesterton (though she does at least get to complain about it).
Susan is more problematic, as she very rarely gets a chance to shine, and suffers greatly at the hands of writers who just don’t know what to do with her. All too often, she’s reduced to a plot device, which I suppose is how she started out, after all: she was a means of getting the humans onto the Tardis and introducing us to the Doctor. And while she had genuine and gorgeous character development in Marco Polo and The Sensorites (the latter in the face of serious patriarchal bullshit from the Doctor), she ended the first series as a means of getting/keeping other characters in and out of jail whenever it was narratively convenient for her to have a mystery headache. JUSTICE FOR SUSAN! There are also way too many episodes that fail the Bechdel test for a series that has two women in the recurring cast.
Favourite Serials
I am the kind of person who panics when there are more than five options on a menu, so obviously I cannot restrict myself to a single favourite serial. With this in mind, and with the proviso that none of these are entirely unproblematic, here are my top three (in no particular order):
The Daleks
I love this serial for so many reasons: Barbara getting her shit together after the whole caveman debacle/having been given a serious fright by a Dalek for the first time in Whovian history, donning a pair of hexagon trousers, and going on to display her infinite capacity for badassery (see exhibits A, B, and C); Space Corbyn; the Daleks being established as Space Nazis; the birth of Team Tardis; hexagons; Barbara and Ian fighting (which I always enjoy); the Doctor giving Barbara hope in the first of many classic chats; and of course Barbara deciding that yes she will kiss that alien, thank you very much.
The Edge of Destruction
This is so ambitious and weird and wonderful, and of course contains that epic Barbara Wright verbal smackdown. The Tardis is alive and speaks in melty clocks and photographs (setting in motion a Tardis character arc without which The Doctor’s Wife would not have been possible), Susan is possessed and scissor-happy, Ian is in a ludicrously short dressing-gown, the Doctor learns to cherish his humans, the Doctor gets crazy excited talking about the birth of solar system, the humanities save the day, and everyone learns about each other and therefore about themselves. Just don’t ask me whether it makes any actual sense.
The Aztecs
Problematic as all hell, but so very, very interesting. Barbara’s hubris, Susan’s continued arranged marriage issues post-Ping-Cho, the Doctor and Barbara bonding over history and time travel and ethics, Space Bro antics, badassery, ruined lives (Autloc! Cameca!), and life-long lessons learned. A meaty historical with repercussions for the whole of Doctor Who.
An honourable mention must also go to Marco Polo, which drove me absolutely crazy at times (because it’s missing, because yellowface, because Marco being the actual worst and causing me to go on my first sustained rant about rape culture in Classic Who), because in it we got a glimpse of Susan’s potential as a character. Which got shat on from a great height in The Reign of Terror.
Bring That Side Character Aboard the Tardis
Ping-Cho
PRECIOUS CINNAMON GOLDFISH YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH SUSAN AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SPACE (GIRL)FRIENDS FOREVER.
Ganatus
His brother is dead, many of his friends are dead, and his planet is mostly fucked. Get that Thal aboard the Tardis so Barbara can show him just how much she doesn’t always do what Ian says; a whirlwind space romance would do them both a power of good.
Character Development
The Doctor has had quite the journey, from the selfish goblin we met in a junkyard in 1963 who was quite happy to brain a caveman with a rock (and leave Barbara to die of radiation poisoning on Skaro) to the selfish goblin we met on a road in eighteenth-century France who was quite happy to brain a man with a shovel (on his quest to save his friends from the guillotine). The quality of his selfishness has been transformed because he now cares for two humans who have grown to care about him. He’s learned some manners, he’s learned about two other people, and he’s learning about himself.
Susan. Poor, poor Susan. She had such potential to be an interesting character, but alas she was served shoddily by writers who didn’t know what to do with her. She got to talk about home and what it means to be a wanderer in Marco Polo and The Sensorites, and she even got to stretch her telepathic legs in the latter, but alas her character development has suffered throughout the series. The one consistent thread for Susan is her increasing attachment to her human Space Parents, and her ongoing issues with saying goodbye. I have so many questions about Susan, but unfortunately none of the writers could be arsed to answer them.
I worry about Ian, actually, because he seems to have become desensitised to violence in a way that surely can’t be healthy for him. He also seems increasingly unable to function when he’s not being called upon to be Action Man (or indeed welded to the side of Barbara Wright). The weirdest example of this is when he thought all his friends were dead and he was stranded in eighteenth-century France, so he decided to become a spy for the counterrevolution just for something to do. At the beginning of the series, I disliked Ian enormously for his patronising paternalism; I don’t dislike him any more, but as I say, I worry about what’s going to happen to him when he finally makes it home and he has to function on an everyday level again without the psychological crutches of ‘I must kill the bad guys’ and ‘I must find/protect Barbara’. I also worry about his change of attitude from ‘I’m not going to do this because it’s wrong’ to ‘I’m going to do whatever it takes to get everyone out of this mess alive and I’m going to decide that whatever this involves is morally right’. And I think the turning point for that might well have been on Skaro where he managed to convince himself that asking the Thals to sacrifice themselves for the greater good was morally the right thing to do if he could find a way of thinking about it as helping the Thals to help themselves. I do love his Space Bro relationship with the Doctor, though. And his ongoing leftie streak.
Oh Babs. She’s really developed over the series, and what is excellent about seeing it in order is that it becomes clear that the Barbara we met in An Unearthly Child was Barbara on a (really) bad day. And yes, she went into hysterics over a dead pig. But very soon this self-professed unwilling adventurer was getting stuck in: no sooner had she recovered from a nasty bout of radiation sickness in a Dalek cell on Skaro than she was busy making mud pies to take out those malevolent pepper pots, embracing the local fashions, flirting with the locals, and taking on Daleks with rocks and a can-do attitude. She adapts to the situation time after time, and learns about time-travel and history the hard way, bonding with the Doctor and caring for her fellow travellers; if The Edge of Destruction is the Doctor’s turning point, The Aztecs is hers. But we also see that being surrounded by death is beginning to take its toll, as well as a nihilistic sense of the absurd that comes of having truly absorbed the lesson that you can’t rewrite history. Fortunately for Babs, the Doctor is actually there for her at these times, as we’ve seen from their ongoing time-travel chats. I think the biggest surprise of the series for me has been the relationship between the Doctor and Barbara, actually; they’re teaching one another to be better time travellers.
A note on shipping
I have deliberately shied away from overtly shipping Barbara and Ian in the recaps (though I’ve been less successful elsewhere), not because I don’t believe with every fibre of my being that they absolutely ended up getting hitched when they got back to Earth, but because frankly it’s more interesting when they fight than when they’re being cute. Also I’m saving a post on the many aspects of their relationship for after The Chase, as I feel like that will help me deal with my Feelings after they leave the show.
BRING ON SERIES 2!
#Doctor Who#Classic Who#Series 1#Series 1 Review#One#First Doctor#William Hartnell#Barbara Wright#Barbara#Babs#Jacqueline Hill#Susan Foreman#Susan#Poor Susan#Carole Ann Ford#Ian#Ian Chesterton#Chesterton#William Russell#BBC#The Other Scarman
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Gen 4 Ideas
Junie B Jones: Alright so golden boy lucked out in all the ways the others didn't, is he a dick with it or a good egg? Embert: In my head, he's always been not a dick about it but obviously in relating to his sibs/fam, there's only so much he could do when Indie's resentment is already real so maybe her kids wouldn't fuck with him by the side of the story they've been told? Junie B Jones: ooh that's a good idea Embert: Astrid would've been mad as a kid but now they could be pretty close, obvs there's still the age gap and obvious reasons why not besties but I think they'd get on Junie B Jones: Yeah I vibe that she'd love him and like wanna look after him even though it'd lowkey be him looking after her more Embert: Exactly Embert: his mum, in my head is about early- mid 30s to Drew's 47 when he's born, as you say not much older than Indie but not like a bimbo 20 something and she's always been really mothering, like everything Ro ain't tbh so Callum is probably spoilt by her but not in a financial way like some but with love Junie B Jones: Indie would not fuck with her obvs but Astrid would so that adds to their closeness Embert: Exactly, like its too late for Indie literally she's having her own kids at the same time so she doesn't need a mum now and I reckon the woman would respect that, she's a good egg, like she knows Drew has been shit and ain't gonna make apologies for it, ahem, Ro, ahem Junie B Jones: I like the sound of her tbh soz we killing your son Embert: Maybe she should have kids from a previous? Because if he's her only son like I'm so sorry lol Junie B Jones: Yasss I love that because more interactions we can do Junie B Jones: [potentially one of Indie's sons get with I assume they are straight? Callum's half sisters even if it's not like a lasting ship should defs happen] Embert: Perhaps this mum goes for like bad eggs so this sister was old enough to remember like however many partners before Drew so then when she gets with him and he's clearly him she's like nah and makes his life difficult 'cos don't wanna do it again Embert: [If she's 5/6 when Callum that makes her 7/8 years older than Dash] Junie B Jones: [early 20s sudden death situ] Junie B Jones: he should have a boyfriend/girlfriend whatever when he dies who's also lowkey part of the fam cos then it's awks like do I stay or go Embert: ooh that's a good idea Embert: he's probably straight but maybe we could do bi so he's a less annoying example of a gay than most we've done whoops Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so a girlfriend who is really close to his fam Junie B Jones: and really pretty damn Embert: he probably has a job I think, I can't see him being super academic Embert: maybe something like an estate agent or in a bank, a job where you show up and wear a suit Junie B Jones: his girlfriend could work there too cos that couple Junie B Jones: so when he dies she's not gonna wanna go back there either Embert: what fun Embert: but real Embert: they're just pretty and living their best life but in a chill way Junie B Jones: we all know the vibe Embert: Cosmo, same age as Callum, Indie's 1st Embert: so in my head the dad always plays football with them both and without intending to be pushy, does push him into that field, clearly Dash weren't as good/arsed whatever so it kinda all ends up on him because say he does get into an academy/on a junior team Embert: so then that becomes his life, training and matches and all that intenseness that comes with Embert: not to mention lad lifestyle, getting with WAG type girls, always going out partying, you know the vibe Junie B Jones: whereas Dash be like nah this ain't fun anymore I'm out Junie B Jones: cos I don't think he sticks with anything Embert: what if, their dad gets injured Embert: or tbh, is too lowkey old 'cos they put them out to pasture real quick Embert: I think by the time they're 19/17 when we start it, he'd already be too old to be a professional himself, so he could be a coach, hence he'd be even more pushy 'cos he could be on a professional team by now, they're ridiculously young like Junie B Jones: yeah it's usually like 30s at the latest isn't it unless you're like famous af which we ain't going that hard Embert: exactly, so without intending to its like, take on your dad's legacy Embert: 'cos in my mind he isn't naturally inclined to be like a ladladlad and is just doing it to be the full-package Junie B Jones: poor boy, again we all know the vibe Embert: 21st bday breakdown Embert: I think the zoe kravitz girl should still exist in some way, obviously not the way before Embert: because she's so anti-wag and clearly what he's actually into Junie B Jones: we could stay that Dash fucked her and that's how they cross paths if we want Junie B Jones: but he's clearly not interested and they are into each other Embert: it has potential to be different from other ships we've done 'cos he'd be tryna keep her on the dl which is shady but not just being an out and out dick Embert: like, I like you but no one can know don't ask why Junie B Jones: I agree, it'd be really interesting Embert: 'cos from her POV, casual headfuck Embert: used to boys being like Dash and just being like bye but not like showing you they like you then blanking you Junie B Jones: exactly dr phil I'm invested already tbh Junie B Jones: I also imagine Dash hanging at the commune so there's potential for lots of different dynamics there and he could be there when the fire too if we want/need but obvs not hurt or anything Junie B Jones: I'm also lowkey debating having Jules from Euphoria as one of his many love interests cos like her face and we've never done trans but it'd be a good way without it being someone's whole identity Embert: OH Embert: this is a tangent based on that thought which I also feel btw Embert: but Astrid's face is like bffs with the Kat face from Euphoria irl, so I'm thinking what if that's her gf and she's the one with an eating disorder, bulimia vibes, and then 'cos Astrid is her she's like okay you must be right Imma support you in this and accidentally enables her/joins in too Junie B Jones: YAAS I WAS GONNA SAY I WANNA USE HER FACE TOO BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE/HOW Junie B Jones: this makes so much sense Embert: exactly, with Ro as a mum she wouldn't even question it, like oh yeah I guess you are fat you probably should, even though she'd think she's so pretty and perfect Junie B Jones: Boo you are so smart Embert: also, when we killing Ro, by this point she's like 54 Embert: okay, so Ro is 34/35 when Astrid is born so if we kill her off when she's 9 that would make Ro 43, so 2044, so when we're doing Astrid's story at 19, its about 10 years ago Junie B Jones: I like that cos it's not raw for these characters Junie B Jones: we're actually gonna let you recover though ladies, fuck you ghost Ro Embert: Seriously, like I don't want it to be full-blown its more of a deep insecurity thing but one she can get past Junie B Jones: 100% feel that Junie B Jones: [so yeah like I said just gonna write this down so we don't forget the Jules girl lives at the commune and probably has done for quite a few years by the time the fire happens so then she's got nowhere to go and goes to stay with Dash cos step up for someone dickhead and they are either otp or brotp to be decided] Junie B Jones: because I think he wouldn't be as supportive as he should be to Cosmo's whole breakdown in the sort of ableist vein of oh well you overreacted Embert: it fits, 'cos in my head its a very Nick and Matty vibe where they don't acknowledge each other Embert: like the whole 'how is that your brother' moment from his footie friends and being like yeah I know Junie B Jones: same tbh cos Dash's friends would be like damn your bro is uptight Embert: exactly so they aren't close anyway Junie B Jones: and never are [evil laugh] Embert: soz Indie Junie B Jones: not your fault babe they are just too different it happens Embert: although part of the breakdown is obvious resentment that he's just allowed to be a fuckup and he feels like he has to do all this shit and be perfect so Embert: that kinda does need to be acknowledged if we're going recovery Junie B Jones: family therapy time Embert: 'cos like if Dash just continues to be him and shit it'll come to brawl even if he has to stop being this footballer moment and do what he wants, its still about how its all come down on him, you know Junie B Jones: they totally should have a fight cos what a moment Embert: yeah, like it either fixes or breaks totally, I don't think they can just be meh Junie B Jones: agreed Junie B Jones: maybe we could do like a Joe mood of him distancing himself from the whole fam but then ultimately a more healthy resolution for everyone Embert: We could work that Junie B Jones: and obvs him ultimately getting with his gf and figuring out what he wants to do with his life and all that jazz Embert: exactly dr phil Junie B Jones: and Dash can work out what he cares about whatever the hell that turns out to be Embert: Jac is born 48, (year after Callum and Cosmo and same year as Ollie's girl, Mila) Jude is 49, as is Lily's 1st boy Adi and dash, Jameson is 51, same year as Lily's girl Priya, a year after Ollie's boy Ash, Iggy's 1st Arlo, Diego's kid Tayo and Bobby's teen pregnancy girl Cammie Embert: My characters, Callum, Cosmo, Mila, Jac, Adi, Jameson Embert: My boos, Dash, Jude, Priya, Ash, Arlo, Tayo & Cammie Embert: Potentials, Jac, Jameson and Cammie, would've been raised together, essentially Embert: Jimmy is a photographer for advertising, Bobby a graphic designer for same and Janis as a massage therapist moment Embert: Cammie has 2 younger brothers born 60 and 62 so they exist but we aren't playing Junie B Jones: lots of dogs please Embert: all the dogs lmao Embert: so my initial vibe for Jac is that she's like JJ in the sense she's quite grumpy and anti-social 'cos it suits her face but also with a more shy but not shy if you know what I mean vibe, 'cos they're both quite self-assured and I don't see that for her, I potentially see Jude having that element though? Junie B Jones: I agree, like I don't wanna shamelessly Miley but I defs see her as being that self assured kid Embert: the most out of anyway Embert: Jameson should be their nerdy side because the Cammie face has a very Cara silly side when you peep her socials so that could be those two Junie B Jones: Cute cos he looks like such a bad boy but he's actually a babe Embert: I know we said this for Adonis so either need to change it to him or not go as hard but what if he gets a gf that's like really jealous and doesn't let him hang with Cammie 'cos she's a girl even though they're like siblings and have been besties long before you came Embert: and like she could try and change his personality like be really unimpressed and like 'you're embarrassing me' if he tries to be a cute nerd Junie B Jones: I love that because always such a thing like boys and girls can't be friends like bitch we're related calm down we're not incesting again Junie B Jones: like she thought he was such a badass or whatever soz hun Embert: yeah like the mood of, you're fit so i'll just make you what I want you to be Embert: and she could be a real cunt to Cammie in sly bitchy ways 'cos clearly the mood and that's a throwback to how Mia and co treated Janis without us like putting this fam through too much trauma, you know? Embert: esp if Cammie is less like Janis and Cass in a way she's not like, fuck you, I'll just deck you Junie B Jones: I fuck with this heavily Embert: and obviously, it can be resolved in the end, he can get rid and they can be friends again, so I feel its a good level of angst and drama for them both, 'cos it is serious but not like, well there's nothing to be done, vibes Junie B Jones: and we can potentially ramp up the angst when things are at their worst cos maybe Cammie's mum gets a new job and she's like come live with me in wherever (not far but like far enough she would've been like no cos close to them all and not wanting to change schools) but she's like maybe I shall but then of course won't cos it's like the peppa pig when her mum don't get the job and gets mugged off Junie B Jones: but they all think she's going and it's like noooo Embert: are Bobby and this mum still together, like is she the boys mum too? Embert: but yes, I fuck with that Junie B Jones: In my head they would've been together for ages so it depends how far back we go into their childhood/teens but maybe she isn't the mum to the boys Embert: Okay just so we know Junie B Jones: but they always on good terms we don't need that drama again Embert: yeah I feel you, and she's chill with the boys mum, 'cos she's only 10 when the first one is born so she's been around since then? Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: We can potentially give her more younger sibs on the mums side if we want but they'd also only be ref-ed Embert: defs plausible Junie B Jones: Like let's say they broke up when Cammie's like 7 so it's all chill on both sides Embert: I vibe Junie B Jones: she could totally spend half the week at her mum's house and half at her dad's but same school cos nearby so again no drama Embert: that makes sense like its all in the area 'til she wanna pull a suzy sheep Junie B Jones: hahaha yeah Embert: so that's a start for those two Junie B Jones: I really like that Junie B Jones: it's just what we wanna do with the girls Embert: I was thinking Embert: and I'm just speaking it out now Embert: we've done people being shunned out of their friendship group/being the bullied Embert: but what if we do someone being the sort of ringleader of the shunning Embert: I'm vibing like you know that story we listened to/all teen girl murder stories, like Jac has a friend that she's really too close with (Grace and Mia vibes) and we show them like ditching a third Embert: maybe something happens, not murder but like you know, an action serious enough that she's like I need to sort my shit/we can redeem in the end Embert: but she's the Mia, not the Grace, you feel me, like its her pushing it Junie B Jones: Oh snap I never even thought of that but we haven't actually that's such a good point even if Janis would be so triggered by the ghost of Mia lol Junie B Jones: Like yeah there could totally be some kind of accident like how baby Ali and Ro but she's not a child Junie B Jones: I also like it cos Jude is the louder one so you'd think it'd be her but it's the quiet ones you've gotta watch Junie B Jones: and it's a nice contrast to how Cammie and Jameson are literally being bullied so Junie B Jones: maybe we should have jude as like more of a background character then? cos don't want too much drama in one fam unless it's as big as Cali's Embert: Yeah she can be more chill, like a Tommy vibe, like we use her but only when we need lowkey Junie B Jones: Yeah like obvs I'll still try and flesh her out into a character and who knows what could happen like we could think of a cool ship or whatever but Junie B Jones: it makes sense as of now Embert: agreed Embert: like obvs this twosome vibe has a lesbian one 'cos always do but I maintain she shouldn't ever like get with her it should just be friends that are too obsessed with each other, regardless of what's behind it Embert: like maybe the other girl is closeted or whatever but it ain't happening lol Junie B Jones: I agree she gives me straight vibes Embert: plus it would be easy to make her gay 'cos everyone does ala Lily Junie B Jones: not doing it on principle Junie B Jones: they all seem straight to me in this group Embert: I think so Embert: 'cos like you said, you don't wanna make Miley Junie B Jones: it would be so easy to make her a musician but I must not Junie B Jones: I might make her a tattoo artist though professionally cos Ali and Iggy both dabbled but it was never a thing Embert: That's a good idea, she fits that well Embert: okay so my random idea, which we could attach to anyone really but let's see who we vibe Embert: we did a teacher crush, what if we did a crush on a friend's parent Embert: so Arlo having a crush on a commune mum and thinking he can go there 'cos why not and then the shitstorm that can ensue from that Junie B Jones: such a good idea Junie B Jones: like maybe his friend is a girl so peeps be like aw he likes you he's trying to get your mum on side Embert: yas again, always a thing like maybe he's just lowkey using you soz babe Junie B Jones: and maybe the friend actually fancies him secretly even though they 'just friends' so it's awks af Embert: yeah and if Barley's boyf is with this fam and they leave Embert: she could be the one (or one of the ones) like I said that wants to be normal and already hates living here so its like well you took the one thing Embert: 'cos we said dating within the commune for the kids wouldn't be encouraged obvs 'cos one big family, so the fact she was was already like no no missy Embert: then we said about her not acknowledging the other mum/the two kids that are from that woman as family and just generally fucking with your hippie paradise 'cos its coming to and end lads Junie B Jones: 10000% and she could still be sneaky seeing him long distance behind their backs/ get back with him after the fire when they have to leave themselves/both if long distance is too hard Embert: I vibe with this 'voice of reason' character for you Embert: like no wonder he fucked up you can't give us 'no rules' but then have all these unspoken ones that contradict how you wanna live like, loads of this hippie bullshit is so hypocritical read 'em tbh Junie B Jones: it makes sense cos Arlo as the oldest buys in totally and then the two kids she don't fuck with come after her in quick succession so it's logical Embert: exactly, and then Shea is her biological sister and the baby so she don't know nothing about nothing Junie B Jones: Okay so Echo is like a Naomi vibe v passionate and studious and does not fuck with commune life etc Junie B Jones: wants to be some kind of researcher/ lecturer kind of vibe in like philosophy but a nihilist not hippie bullshit Junie B Jones: Arlo and Dash should be friends I say even though I play them both but just acknowledged Embert: I thought the same Embert: Dash would probs encourage him with this crush lbr like thanks Junie B Jones: I was just gonna say that cos he's always getting with older girls and generally being a hoe Embert: Exactly Embert: right, so circling back a lil, we can do Cass' Embert: what do you reckon her relationship status is and her career Junie B Jones: her career should be like we said she's set up a charity organisation to look for missing people Junie B Jones: she should still be with her man cos everyone's breaking up looking at you bobert Junie B Jones: maybe their marriage is lowkey a bit dead though and its a stay together til the kids move out mood cos we've never Embert: I vibe, 'cos casually triggering Jimmy but not in an OTT way just like well that's sad Junie B Jones: yeah like neither of them would cheat or be violent or any of that Ian shit but they obvs not in love anymore Embert: its a good way to do it 'cos idc what you say the kids always know and obvs we're unlikely to ever do that in a ship 'cos if they make it to adulthood they're OTP and teens don't stick together just 'cos like lol Junie B Jones: exactly my thought and like she would wanna hold it together and think that she was doing it well cos of Ian like Embert: exactly like it is sad but when that's your standard you would think you were slaying it Embert: like the positive she can see with JJ she might just think that's one-off and she can't have that 'cos obvs around the time she has the boys, Bobby's first has fallen apart Junie B Jones: and because JJ are such a good couple you wouldn't wanna be like my relationship has failed bye Embert: samesies babe lol Junie B Jones: ooh and maybe they aren't married so if one of them leaves the other gets fuck all Embert: which assumedly, is her because as much as you do get salary for charity work, if its a smaller one, she wouldn't be bringing in the bulk so the mortgage could be in his name Embert: so she'd be in the position of moving out into a one bed flat, two if she was lucky so the boys could at least come see her, it happens that way a lot Junie B Jones: precisely what I was thinking Junie B Jones: it's sad but real Embert: idea though, although this is suddenly just becoming about Cass not her kids lmao, what if her lil boyfriend from back in the day was Tylers face and then they can reconnect later but its actually a positive and not drow Junie B Jones: He was and they should cos I'm screaming Embert: again, he can bring kids into the mix for faces and stories should we wanna Embert: but it'd be a nice way to take a situ that is sad and shit for her, and for her boys to see, and then have a happy but realistic ending like yeah you do need to leave your man but you can be happy and it'll be alright Junie B Jones: I love it Embert: Alex having anger issues like Cass did and also due to the home situ as mentioned, Max, as the older brother trying to hold it down in a very Jimothy way and not causing more trouble as he sees it Embert: Alex ending up in young offenders but actually turning it around/ending up okay too Junie B Jones: and there's potential for characters he could interact with when he's in there, before and after Junie B Jones: like remember on DG when Electra was in that gang and then the bitch came back around like Embert: yes I do FAT mood Embert: also Max should get help too 'cos it ain't just the one that causes trouble that needs it and its nice full circle for that fam to have that Embert: but my idea, could be related to Alex but I think is big enough we could give this to another character entirely Embert: you remember on this is england when combo turned it around and he saved lol and he was working with the young people and making a difference but then milky set his fam on him for what he did to him when he was a racist and was like you have to pay and he was like okay Embert: what if something like that happened like, Alex DID hurt someone, or like I said, another character did, and did do something bad Embert: but then turned it around but sometimes you do for yourself but you still have to pay and the person you wronged could call that at any moment and you just being good now isn't good enough for them Junie B Jones: OKAY YES because what if another character is doing that shit with Alex but don't get caught and so they carry on and escalate and yeah they do hurt someone and yeah it's like that Embert: what about Israel 'cos he's the same age Embert: and it can be another sins of the father moment, 'cos Pablo is a dick especially to women like he's 34 when he has his one child 'cos he's still being a fuckboy very Drew Embert: so he is not a good role model in anyway Junie B Jones: and like we said that'd make sense like if he started out stealing and shit because Pablo's debts and being bankrupt but he wants nice things like it all ties in he has his own motivations Embert: right, fully Embert: maybe he ends up doing something to a girl, like something Pablo would never but shows how your kids see you isn't how you see yourself if you often show a bad side of you to the world Embert: 'cos then the girls family/friends/boyfriend anything could come for him and its like, fair Junie B Jones: OMG THO that's so legit Embert: 'cos we said an assault moment 'cos that's something that's indefensible Embert: like stealing and drugs and what have you, its scummy but you see why, like we all get why Tess has to deal etc Junie B Jones: we have to Embert: so if we want a family death, that could be one, again, leaves you conflicted Embert: 'cos no one obvs wants him to die but then he did do a bad thing so you can't blame her family fully Junie B Jones: yeah instead of killing of fam in the fire we could kill him instead that's so much more interesting Embert: *** in said commune fire, Dash gets burnt, severely, face/neck area, and changes his life 'cos people change around you, you can't rely on your looks and you aren't gonna just sit around and get stoned when you nearly die, Jules can and will still fuck with him Embert: Zelda having Crohns or UC and having a stoma and meeting someone brotp or otp at a support group/hospital moment, dealing with people being shady/saying you aren't disabled etc all those fun times and then the person dying and losing that understanding you only get from someone who also has the thing you have Embert: ALSO I've had another idea whilst we're just spitballing Junie B Jones: Me too because we mentioned Tayo and like yeah I've said about K-stew being a carer to her mum but we could do some of that too in a different way like maybe unlike her he really doesn't wanna be/is scared of having to cope alone with his mum's fits and shit like Embert: I'm so about that Embert: 'cos so many kids have to and its really hard and thankless, so he 100% needs a confidant whether its within the fam or a friend or OTP moment Junie B Jones: like maybe he doesn't ever wanna be alone with her now in case and it's like putting a strain on their whole relationship obvs Embert: 'cos Diego has his own things like he gotta work etc he's not like a replacement carer Junie B Jones: yeah like he'd do a lot of course but he also works a lot Embert: so Adi because his mum also has a disability like it isn't the same but he'd get it enough to not be totally clueless and annoying Junie B Jones: yeah and they can have fun together it'd be cute Embert: Wid it Embert: so my idea, completely unrelated but I was thinking we need to give someone an addiction issue but someone who gets over it and is within the fam 'cos like Joe and Ronnie do but you know they're still like, fucked and not here lowkey so Embert: I was like hmm who can I and then I was like, it NEEDS to be a ruster child Embert: because its canon that Fraze drinks too much and doesn't address it and Buster is v similar Embert: so yeah genetic and also if it was drink, they'd not take it serious just like oh slow down a bit but you're fine but then it affects the kid in the ways it didn't affect them like not functioning and not going to work etc so they have to take it serious Embert: also think it should be one of the girls 'cos double standard of being like a lad Embert: is going to be Sekhmet, okay Junie B Jones: because the twins and their younger sister could all be lowkey party girls because rich so they'd all have to deal with the change in their social lives and behaviour Junie B Jones: since she'd need to not drink ever again let's assume Junie B Jones: we know the whole fam is about that party and entertaining life Embert: exactly so like, they're all gonna be put out like really, just don't go as hard and ruin it for yourself and us Embert: hence it can get to a problematic stage like they just think she's being a typical teen/20-something 'cos it is socially acceptable to binge and be a mess like ok Embert: my vibe is she's in uni but also has an internship that she royally fucks up 'cos she can't get in on time and then maybe there's like a work dinner like on can't cope won't cope and she is wrecked and embarrasses herself and the boss is like goodbye 'cos no one fails in this fam its not an option and if you do its all on you so Junie B Jones: and maybe one of her sister's is a DJ cos literally a lifestyle and they'll have to be like excuse me while I go straight edge to support my sister Embert: I can see that for her twin Embert: my idea for her is fashion but actually designing and buying and the business side of it, not like, imma just model 'cos I'm pretty, no shade Junie B Jones: Yeah the aesthetic feels real for both of those tbh Junie B Jones: Their sister is a holiday rep so loads of travel loads of club promo etc Embert: Jay is a PT, mommy issues for commitment etc, travels a lot, ultimately will get over commitment phobia; is 6 when Chloe admits Buster is her dad (as Ruster was outed around the time she was born, Chloe denied it and went with James, James goes uni and finds someone else so that being over etc can prompt her to change her mind) and allows access, at 11, moves in with Ruster for good (Chloe has new man and babies what have you so allows it without argument which also fucks her up duh) Saint is 8, King is 6, Venus is 5, Adonis is 4, the twins are 2 and Nefertari is 1 Embert: so when all the Venus drama is unfolding, surprise you have a child too Buster lol, Saint is 3, King is 1, Venus is baby Embert: so Saint Embert: firstborn son, their first child too which is relevant 'cos both Jay and Venus would get doubly spoiled either side of him for not being Embert: so then he'd probably get spoiled too 'cos just a mess of a time really Embert: like he can't not be a bit of a prick really 'cos he can do no wrong and no offense to the other two boys but he's the most masc and conventionally 'perfect' so that's obvs going to your head too Embert: okay so mood, Leilani is 15 when her mum (works with Grace, close) dies in 2053 and Grace, 30, takes her in so she doesn't have to do a care moment or be homeless and struggling alone Embert: is friends with Stevie from joining this fam, can also know Janis' kids before this even but is 6/7/8 years older than them so knows them more in a protective capacity than a friend vibe Embert: comes in Saint who is 3 years older, thinks he's god's gift, tries to sleep with her just 'cos lbr and when he gets a no his world is shooketh 'cos no one tells him no for all the reasons Embert: can end up friends when he's humbled etc Junie B Jones: oh but maybe King is little and really fierce like 🥊 Junie B Jones: don't be underestimating him so hard dickheads Junie B Jones: he should be the angry one lol Embert: you would be if people treated you like that so I buy it Junie B Jones: all of y'all stop being extra and let him live Embert: and no one takes your anger seriously if you can't do anything about it so again, real Junie B Jones: so rude Embert: Next up is Venus good lord Junie B Jones: we know what the story is, her dad only cares when she's little and cute and lives in Paris anyway pretending he's still in his 20s forever instead of a grown ass man Junie B Jones: would obvs be proud when she's gay though even though can't relate to anything about the female form cos that kind of gay Junie B Jones: like Saint she thinks she's gods gift but unlike him how are we backing that up hun cos unlike him you aren't talented at anything you're just pretentious Junie B Jones: like okay you're beautiful but JESUS you know it and can't take any criticism again like Saint but you're never getting humbled Junie B Jones: instead you're getting a gf who looks like you and probably a fine arts degree pop off sis Junie B Jones: only wanna be part of the fam when it suits you which is when you're getting spoilt Embert: but I think we don't have to redeem her 'cos like, its not a fixable situ so you just get to be a shit person 'cos you got fucked over and that is everyone's bad Embert: like they can't take it back, even though you could also blame your father 'cos he's more at fault than anyone else 'cos he should've never but you do you girl Junie B Jones: yeah and not everyone gets redeemed even when they can be so it's real Embert: that said, I think she should have a teen gf that looks like her as we said but then she realizes she can't hack any situ where she potentially might not be the 'prettiest' so she then only dates butches Embert: or androgenous artsy types but no femmes Junie B Jones: I feel that for her Embert: like she literally should be in love with this girl as much as she's capable but dump her 'cos clearly your insecurities are so deep-rooted Embert: then just be with people you lowkey don't even fancy Embert: 'cos then we could play that out, the girl just like what the fuck Junie B Jones: oh honey Embert: we all know hoes that sabotage themselves always and then blame the world Embert: which starts by picking to be on her dad's 'side' even though everyone can see he's most at fault, even you Junie B Jones: bitch #past me I am triggered by this Embert: like a lot of her stuff I feel like we just know at this point so it might not be all here 'cos its well developed within gen 3 Embert: we know that her and Jay just would not get on, mainly 'cos they aren't alike but do you wanna come at it from her POV and then I will Venus' Junie B Jones: I think the way she sees it is like she is so team ruster like she'd refer to Rio as her mum and shit cos Chloe is not the one and so she would not fuck with how Venus treats the fam and doesn't wanna be part of it but is still happy to benefit from it Junie B Jones: And how quick she is to call peeps racist or fatphobic or whatever else would not ever help the situ of course like bitch I'm trying to talk to you Junie B Jones: But also there's some similarities whether they acknowledge them or not in them both not being able to hack relationships that makes it interesting as another reason to avoid talking to/ acknowledging each other seriously Junie B Jones: like she'd so pretend Chloe doesn't exist if someone mentioned her mum she'd be all oh you mean Rio lol lol lol Embert: 100000% all of that Embert: also another reason you cannot fuck with each other, casually never shutting up about your dad Embert: okay, so from her POV I vibe it that as a kid she literally just wanted all the attention and 'til the twins which is when she's 3 so (literally so petty you can't remember) its like I should've been the only girl and you came and took my attention lmao Junie B Jones: Oh god she'd be such an annoying child though Embert: then as they get older and she doesn't want to be part of the fam she'd think its unfair (as if Jay can help it lol) that Jay is obviously not Rio's 'cos she's white whereas she fits Embert: its the anti-Edie of it all Embert: like I fit and I wish I didn't Embert: basically she doesn't wanna be here but she's not a runaway type or willing to not live lavish so she ain't leaving Embert: she needs her dad to take her in but he's said no so like, you'll have to make it happen yourself but how Junie B Jones: sad but true Embert: and you can only feel so bad 'cos she whines like she's dying in all situations but like Embert: it ain't that bad and there's plenty you could do about your situation so Junie B Jones: Grace of this gen I've said it before baby Embert: oh honey Embert: makes you barren to humble is not an option 'cos you wouldn't want kids Embert: the tea of it all like you wanna live like your dad but he had a kid and shouldn't be so pick a better role model tah Junie B Jones: literally this fam is so big you're surrounded by potential worthwhile role models girl Embert: honestly she'll never be satisfied she's that hoe in a very Ro way like my god do something about it but she won't Embert: casually making it your life's work to make everything harder than it needs to just be miserable because something happened to you when you were a baby (again, so Ro) that you couldn't control Junie B Jones: all y'all frustrate me like I wasn't that bitch #tea Embert: loads of peeps are never happy though or are but then lose it so or fuck it up, we gave Ro a kid as a chance and I think Venus should actually love this girl/ she should be good for her in a way that makes her feel #seen hence she has to end it too Junie B Jones: agreed and she never gets her back because sometimes you don't and you can't Embert: mhmm mhmm mhmm Embert: I don't think we need to go as in-depth on any of the other sibs, like Saint would probably tolerate her the best, as mentioned she'd patronize King 'cos just that bitch without it being intentional 'cos self-absorbed, Adonis would do his best to ignore her and she wouldn't fuck with any of the girls 'cos she can't with girls so Junie B Jones: agreed on the legitness of all that Junie B Jones: Oh maybe Xander could be a hypochondriac because his sister is actually ill all the time like remember on skins when Liv thought she was dying Junie B Jones: obvious idea but I'm drawing a blank otherwise like Junie B Jones: also have we ever done online dating? Junie B Jones: because my thought is maybe he's lowkey catfishing someone pretending to be like a badass when obvs not Junie B Jones: like maybe he catfishes loads of peeps as if it's a hobby Junie B Jones: but then someone could find him out Embert: that's a really good idea 'cos we haven't Junie B Jones: like potential for otp/brotp to come from that even in a slow burn way Junie B Jones: if they end up liking who he actually is or whatever Junie B Jones: despite everything that's happened Junie B Jones: oh snap what if he's using pics of one of the other boy characters and whoever he's catfishing finds that person's socials or whatever and are talking to them thinking they are a thing and the person be like um Embert: omg yes Junie B Jones: Jameson was my immediate thought cos badass look and you play him but could be Ollie's boy cos also or whoever else Junie B Jones: cos they don't need to be a you character necessarily could just refer like Embert: that ties in well though 'cos his jealous girlfriend Embert: make it a huge thing so then Xander kinda has to shame himself like that was me 'cos feels bad that he's now getting accused of cheating even though it'd be a blessing to be out of that relationship Junie B Jones: ooh true that'd be good Embert: and the other person/the catfished could have like found his socials and seen he was in a relationship/know 'cos his highkey gf and be like calling him out so less embarrassing on their end 'cos bad enough they're being catfished as is Junie B Jones: that's a really good idea Junie B Jones: even with the age gap between Xander and him I still think we can make it work cos adds to the catfish of it all Junie B Jones: even if we can't then get him with the catfished person we can always do that he's himself online in the future and blah Embert: yah Embert: wid it Embert: so Stevie Embert: Billie is 17 when she has you with another male model in NYC, you live your life with Nancy too so factor that in Embert: moving back to Dublin when you're 10 and like, maybe the dad and her have phonecalls but like, he doesn't make an appropriate amount of effort like Junie B Jones: visit her you dick Embert: and we've said that Billie as a mum is like not the best 'cos Edie only died like 3 years ago when this and she left 'cos not coping so its not like NYC fixed her or anything Embert: she'd take care of her but she'd be distant 'cos giving a shit too much fucked her up so Junie B Jones: sad but true soz Stevie babe Embert: we also said before she'd like take her to work and shenanigans that someone like Venus would think is so cool but she does not 'cos it would actually be so boring if that was your life and you had to Junie B Jones: and on any shoot there's so much sitting around even if you're the person doing it never mind for her Embert: exactly, like in my head they make a ThingTM of them being like a model couple with a model ass child but as soon as she's old enough to have say she's like well I don't wanna do it thanks Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so my vibe when they go back to Dublin is Billie has to face up to what she's not for the last what, 13 years Embert: so she'd lowkey be a bit of a wreck no offense so I feel like someone else needs to take care of her but I'm like Embert: do we make Nancy come back for a bit like the #lifepartner she is or do we say someone else does lol Junie B Jones: we could because it'd be less traumatic for Stevie or we could make someone in the fam and make it more awks for her Embert: I don't know which way I prefer it lol, also from a Nancy POV Embert: like should you come back or are you good you know Embert: hmm Junie B Jones: yeah I'm not sure what I fuck with more, who would be able to if not her cos that might help us decide Embert: so it would be 48, let us see Embert: Ruster have all their kids, including Jay Embert: hokay so Embert: maybe we bring Nancy back but she's like ehh about it like obviously she can work from wherever anyway but she's dedicating to some time she can't really travel whilst Billie sorts herself so she could be talking to Junie about it 'cos can vent without sounding like a bitch and he's like I'll come help and then she can help him get back in touch with the family properly 'cos low-key avoiding everyone else still and Venus is the same age as Stevie so if this is happening when she's like 10, Junior could actually talk to her and explain what happened from his perspective and answer questions best he can Embert: and like she can pretend it never happened when she's older but it did, like not saying it has to be good enough for you but he did try Junie B Jones: that makes my heart happy cos he's so young still don't be in exile forever boy Embert: and like Nancy can spend the time with all the Ruster kids too and reconnect more herself Embert: like they can both go back 'cos Billie won't be like totally incapable forever but they can both put in the time and feel better about it Junie B Jones: Okay so then she's like 12 ish and back with her mum and shit is better but obvs her dad is still not showing up ever Embert: and you have an accent and a 'famous' (ish) mum and you've been in shoots with her and you're pretty and so to me a vibe of like, this is too much attention and I'm not about it seems real Embert: not even necessarily shy just like, everyone likes me for the wrong reasons vibe and I don't fuck with it Junie B Jones: that's very real Junie B Jones: so if we did do the opposite of Jay and Venus and like I gotta find someone to like me for the right reasons and give it my all I think that would make sense Embert: I see it Embert: and she isn't like woe is me about it 'cos that would be unbearable but she's also not faking it like I'M LOVING LIFE and bad shit has happened so Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: and like nobody could blame her for being 'too much' with said person if her mum and dad are both distant Embert: exactly and she'd probably need to have a fair few failed relationships 'cos people aren't about that for loads of reasons like you're too full on too quick, or people would be about that for the wrong, i.e. they sense it and use it against you so then you have to leave which she'd be bad at doing so, in that case, she should have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is equally fucked but in different ways and its just a disaster 'cos she won't be the one to end it Junie B Jones: I feel that, there's loads of potential for doomed relationships there Embert: like, it doesn't even have to be like they're abusive levels of bad, its just it doesn't work and they treat her like crap in a like, do something about it way and then she don't and they're like...why, lowkey what's wrong with you Embert: like it could end up being right but not through the relationship but just by being like, you gotta work on that Junie B Jones: 100% Embert: much like how Grace was with boys like lowkey just love me and I'll deal with whatever tbh Junie B Jones: maybe there's someone on the sidelines watching this like I wish you'd sort your shit cos ILY but we can't be a thingTM Embert: I'd vibe Junie B Jones: idk who or why but like who doesn't love pining from afar while someone fucks their life up Embert: so helpful whoever you are godbless Junie B Jones: honestly Junie B Jones: and they should get together like this man thinking he's gonna fix her and it's like guess what twat you can't Embert: and it takes someone actually wanting you and wanting to to be like hmm, I gotta fix myself 'cos this ain't it Junie B Jones: mhmmmm Embert: I think we can start Junie B Jones: we did it boo *Echo abortion storyline
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Janis & Jimmy
Janis: hey Janis: I hope you're alright, like Janis: I am and Janis: yeah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry about that Janis: just Janis: family shit Jimmy: Alright Janis: it's not Jimmy: if any dickhead gets that, it's me Janis: yeah Janis: but Janis: I said I'd try Jimmy: we've both said shit Janis: I meant it though Jimmy: that'll be why you're here now then Janis: trying don't mean I'll always get it right Janis: and will you let me in when I am or Jimmy: you know where the spare 🔑 is Jimmy: and I meant when I said I weren't kicking you out Janis: would it help if I explain or don't it matter Jimmy: would it? Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe Janis: so you know it weren't nothing to do with you or Jimmy: would it help you? Janis: I care about you Jimmy: I care about you Jimmy: stalemate that Janis: It's hard Janis: but this is probably easier than in person Janis: for you too, it's Jimmy: I'll put the kettle on then Janis: you'll wanna Janis: just careful you don't scald yourself with any spittakes Jimmy: I'm not at work and Ian's not gonna comp me Jimmy: 💔🎻😭💸 Janis: no flat whites for him Janis: really like this story and all so jokes on you, sir Jimmy: all black everything for him Jimmy: that's the dress code when you're mourning not being 24 still or at whatever point his #heyday began and ended Janis: definitely several jokes to be made there but I'm not really black enough and you look good so Jimmy: there's been enough #bants Jimmy: it's obvs a mancave for lads lads lads the second you leave Janis: gutted, truly Jimmy: #relatable Janis: ugh Janis: right Janis: what have you heard about my sister, Rio Jimmy: she's fit Janis: is that it? Jimmy: yeah why? Jimmy: like I've heard she's a porn star but I didn't feel the need to do a search Janis: just so I know where to start Janis: so that's her, right Janis: but on top of that she Janis: it'll sound like a joke but it ain't so go with it Janis: married our cousin when she was like 18 Jimmy: hang on, your cousin or your mum's friend's kid who you call your auntie but ain't owt to do with you actually Janis: actual cousin Janis: as in they have the same fucking grandparents Jimmy: how did that come about? Janis: good question Janis: this family is fucked Janis: it's not like they didn't know each other growing up or anything, like they didn't know each other from any fucker Janis: it's Jimmy: I get that, the fucked families bit Janis: yeah Janis: well, that was 5 years ago and they did it basically in secret 'cos yeah, they would've been stopped Janis: hopefully Janis: but now they're deciding they need to renew it and force us all to come Janis: and grace just dropped that in a DM like that was something I knew or would be chill with Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: all round Janis: you're telling me Janis: she didn't know I didn't know apparently but still Janis: it's just so Jimmy: you're not gonna go and play happy families Jimmy: why would you Janis: exactly Janis: but they all will Janis: they always do Janis: they've got kids and that's a whole other tale too Jimmy: together? Janis: one, she has one that ain't his too Janis: surprisingly normal looking Jimmy: is it? Janis: [sends Grace's insta] Janis: boys theirs Jimmy: he don't look like a 🐙 or owt Jimmy: your sister must be fit Jimmy: rumour mill got one 🏆 Janis: they're both obsessed with themselves Janis: still think we could've diluted the DNA tbh Jimmy: 😂 Janis: alright, you can laugh Jimmy: sorry Janis: would if it weren't my family Janis: try to anyway Jimmy: she cheated on him and they're still doing another 💍👰? Janis: that's the other story Janis: she was meant to surrogate for my brother Junior Janis: who you'll have heard fuck all about 'cos he keeps to himself and everyone forgets he exists Janis: but then she didn't wanna give it up and it was stupid anyway 'cos he was fresh into uni and dating a lecturer like that situation needs a child Janis: and her life's such a roaring success she should be giving a hand Jimmy: what? Janis: I'll give you a sec Janis: it's literally the most blatant and stupid way she's wrecked a life, like Jimmy: 💔 Mia ain't told me 'cause I thought we had something 💕 Jimmy: but it's alright, I'll live Janis: who knows what Grace told her Janis: that one might actually be family only 'cos as I said, no one gives a fuck about him Janis: he stays well away now, sensible Jimmy: fucking hell, mate Janis: just the local freakshow Janis: it's neverending, the amount of shit there is like that Jimmy: I'll keep it 🤐 about Ian from now on like Jimmy: you can have 🥇 Janis: nah Janis: not a competition Jimmy: is a bit Jimmy: just 🤏 though Janis: well I don't want him feeling left out Janis: still a 🏆 for being an outright twat Jimmy: he ain't 💀💀💀 yet Jimmy: still time to #flex Janis: him and shaz can make it down the aisle 'fore them Jimmy: she ain't been back 🎻🎻 Jimmy: can't keep a mum me Janis: letdown Janis: really wanna be a bridesmaid but can't on principle Jimmy: no 😭😭😭 in my kitchen Jimmy: we're all 💔 Janis: stay strong, boy Jimmy: alright fine I'll bring my proposal forward so we can get 💍 before them Jimmy: stop begging Janis: it'd be worth pissing off the pope to piss them off harder Jimmy: 💕 taking that as a yeah Janis: go on then Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: brb stealing my dad's 💳 to buy a 💎 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: gold or silver? Janis: it's called white gold, so silver but make it expensive #weirdflex Jimmy: #goalsforever Janis: put that in the vows Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: I'm writing them rn Janis: Thanks Janis: for making me feel better Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: if I can't do that then you'd have nowt to come back for Jimmy: have to hang up my boyfriend 😎 Jimmy: put on my 💔 ones Janis: I wasn't leaving you Jimmy: for now Janis: I won't Jimmy: don't promise owt to me, you've been warned, girl Janis: it's a threat Jimmy: hot Jimmy: alright then Janis: I mean it Jimmy: you don't scare me Jimmy: 😘 me or 💀💀💀 me ain't that the phrase Janis: you can't die right now Jimmy: might do Jimmy: you're really beautiful Janis: you don't know Janis: I'm a state Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that's fake news Janis: shh Jimmy: Alright Grace, put your sister back on Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: it's a good thing you can't see her too tbf Janis: not practical having to hide from you for life when you marry in Jimmy: wait, you're with her? Jimmy: I'll hide the body but bit of warning, babe Janis: ha Janis: yeah Janis: IOU on the rescue she wanted to cash Jimmy: if Mia's there an' all & you don't say hey from me I'll be fuming Janis: she's definitely not Jimmy: have you checked the boot? 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: folds up like paper, her Janis: wouldn't pit it past her Janis: I'll dry my eyes and get on it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell Grace she ain't having a tea unless she's 💰💰 Janis: She's taking my spare bed at nans Janis: musical faves atm Jimmy: I won't go throw shit at her window tonight then Jimmy: tah for the head's up Jimmy: soon my dear 💕👵 Janis: subtle Janis: find somewhere else to kip, it's alright, like Jimmy: no Janis: 💕 Jimmy: I mean it, don't Janis: okay Janis: if you'll have me Jimmy: I want you Janis: I love you Jimmy: do you? Janis: I said it like Jimmy: yeah but Janis: you can pretend I didn't Jimmy: we don't do that it's like the only rule Janis: if you need a free pass then take it Jimmy: I'm not saying I do Jimmy: just Jimmy: It's nowt I ain't heard before and Jimmy: for what? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: she said it and she still went Jimmy: my mum Janis: it's okay, it doesn't have to mean anything Janis: I already didn't promise you, yeah Jimmy: it's not Janis: no Janis: it's not Janis: but Janis: I don't know Jimmy: why couldn't she just Jimmy: why did he have to be so Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: it's bullshit Janis: and it's unfair Jimmy: you know that I Jimmy: so important you Jimmy: Alright? Janis: I know Janis: it's all good Janis: isn't it Jimmy: Yeah Janis: I'm sorry everythings shit Jimmy: not everything is Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I like you too Janis: you're about all I do like Janis: no pressure Jimmy: is that what you wanted it to mean? Jimmy: when you said Janis: I meant Janis: that I give a shit about you and I think you're funny and nice and fit and I wanna be around you Janis: and I don't wanna fuck you over Jimmy: then I love you too Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: allright Janis: I'll come in then Jimmy: were you waiting for me to say it before you got off the doorstep or what? Janis: not exactly Jimmy: [is at the door like oh hey] Janis: [the most dramatic hug flinging yourself at him like it's been 84 years 'cos lowkey] Jimmy: [we're never letting go bitch thank god its april and not the dead of winter] Janis: [you need all the moments so deal] Jimmy: [has he ever held onto anyone this tightly, no he has not] Janis: [the casual state she is godbless] Jimmy: [when you still look more beautiful than anyone ever probably] Janis: [rude] Jimmy: [this is why Grace hates you girl but pop off] Janis: [when you say it out loud but really quiet] Jimmy: [just really snuggling into her like we're not all dying okay bye] Janis: [just saying how she's gonna stay and how scary it was and not making a whole load of sense 'cos didn't even get to that bit honey] Jimmy: [all the comforting touches ever because now isn't the moment to be like um what but we'll get to it] Janis: [too much to try and be reasonable and logical rn 'is everyone asleep?'] Jimmy: [nodding because you can't trust yourself to speak rn because if you start what are you even gonna say like] Janis: [just like yes good 'cos we don't need to be starting any more scenes do we 'this was not how I planned any of this going'] Jimmy: [especially not with Ian cos at least cali wouldn't give you a slap 'bit shit at plans, us'] Janis: [nods and does a little lol like 'understatement'] Jimmy: [just sitting on the step so you can 🚬 cos so needed but pulling her into your lap cos you don't wanna let go still] Janis: [could be worse, could be meth] Jimmy: [true facts] Janis: [now everyone calm] Jimmy: [take all the moments you can to be soft] Janis: [just got no business being this close and smoking but at least you both are so it's fine] Jimmy: [I'd die literally] Janis: [my poor boo can't speak 'cos she can't breathe] Jimmy: [don't like set anything on fire either tbh] Janis: [lmao not a mood] Jimmy: [that'd be next level drama] Janis: [winnie drama] Jimmy: [that silly old bear] Janis: ['is my tea going cold?'] Jimmy: [lols because he's obvs not made it yet because #distracted we've all been there boy just put the kettle on and get no further like] Jimmy: [but puts his hand out like help me up so they can go inside] Janis: [does but pulls him towards her first and is just looking like !!?! all the emotions] Jimmy: [says 'what' in the softest way literally ever] Janis: [just gonna kiss him but so soft 'cos you're unsure but also don't know where to begin with anything] Jimmy: [all the soft kisses and comfort ever because he's never seen her like this before so he's like must not say or do the wrong thing] Janis: [have a brew lads] Jimmy: [fixes everything so actually go and make it boy give her chance to work out how she's gonna do this like] Janis: [makes me lol but also sad like there's so much you gotta explain before you can get to the now] Jimmy: [literally like no wonder Grace don't wanna see a therapist how exhausting] Janis: when did your mum go Jimmy: does it matter? Jimmy: she's not gonna show up here tonight Jimmy: you're alright Janis: obviously Janis: just thinking Jimmy: what? Jimmy: we've got enough milk to see us through if that's what she went for Janis: doesn't matter Jimmy: go on Janis: if it was about the same time Janis: as my sister Janis: Bobby is 6, yeah Jimmy: She didn't leave him in the hospital or owt like that Jimmy: let him get to nursery age, like Janis: that's something Jimmy: might've been better Jimmy: wouldn't remember her then Janis: does he Janis: remember, like Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: Grace said he asked if she had a mum Janis: at the fair Jimmy: he's always doing that Jimmy: tries to go home with kids if he likes the look of theirs an' all Janis: fair Jimmy: 💔 I can't get away with it, me Janis: you probably could Janis: some of them have very unsatisfying marriages, babe Jimmy: just trying to get a tea I don't have to cook myself, babe Jimmy: but tah Janis: don't get nothing in this life for free Janis: soz Jimmy: alright, rich girl Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you're taking forever Janis: am I getting a biscuit too, like Jimmy: ruin the surprise Janis: I can pretend Jimmy: you're not that good of an actress Janis: rude Jimmy: only if that's your back up career Jimmy: and you'd have to get well fed up of the modelling first Jimmy: unlikely love the 📷 you Janis: now I'm an attention seeker Janis: charming Janis: and the 📷 loves me, tah Jimmy: nah just a 🥇 muse Jimmy: so supportive of my talents you Janis: you are good Janis: no lie Jimmy: [brings in the tea and a mug cake he has made for her to be comforting cos cute nerd] Janis: [what a sweet boy] Jimmy: [when that's about the extent of your cooking ability bless him] Janis: ['you're so-' does 🙏 hands to show 😇] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [she sits she sips] Jimmy: [likewise just drinking that tea] Janis: [just shrugging 'cos gotta be blase like this is so casual and matter of fact okay 'my sister did run away, like, but then she had a car crash so, dead now'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ???!! cos what can you even say 'shit, sorry' so awks] Janis: ['was four years ago so it's whatever'] Jimmy: ['did she leave 'cause of all that bollocks with your sister and cousin?'] Janis: ['partially but Janis: 'partially but-' sighs 'she was fucked up because she weren't my dads, third kid in and white, not an easy time'] Jimmy: [just looking at her cos even if you have heard that rumour you'd have thought it was too ridiculous to be true] Janis: [nods like yeah, I know] Jimmy: ['I get why you don't wanna be here, it were like that for us before we moved an' all' a shrug too because obvs also so casual for you] Janis: ['people must've had a field day' sympathetic look 'probably why I said yeah, to the plan, why I give a shit what people say still' shakes her head 'stupid but'] Jimmy: [when you're just having a moment remembering what it was like and you have to shake yourself out of it cos not about you rn 'people are twats, no dickhead but Ian's loving that kind of attention' gives her a look like you're not stupid] Janis: [giving him a nudge like sorry but not wanting to say it 'cos what use is it] Jimmy: [giving her one back as a shameless excuse to then just lean into her shoulder with his for an age like it's not a hug it's so casual bye] Janis: [leaning into it too, which is good 'cos voice is strained now 'cos emotions 'but she thought it was fucked up too, what they're doing, what they all do, she got it, you know'] Jimmy: [nodding cos he agrees that it is fucked up and is also having many emotions but eye contact anyway because wants her to know he gets it and is not going anywhere even though he doesn't know what to do or say about any of this really] Janis: [maintaining even though you'd be trying really hard not to cry for a hot sec there before being so meh it's chill again 'cos easier lbr 'know this is a lot but otherwise you'll just think I'm even weirder, yeah'] Jimmy: [touching her hair for literally no reason like is it even in the way, probably not 'everyone's got something that makes them weird, but you're alright an' all, got loads more shit going for you that counts towards that'] Janis: ['I don't wanna mess this up' and then going in on a kiss 'cos that'll fix this] Jimmy: [letting it happen even though you probably shouldn't because you just wanna make her feel better and also don't want her to think you think she's weird/you don't want her anymore when you obvs love her] Janis: [will stop at a kiss 'cos it'd be clear he weren't into it like per and we don't need that to be a thing for either of you] Jimmy: ['I ain't gonna let you mess this up if you don't let me either' holds his hand out like shake on it with me cos nerd] Janis: [is like 😏 really? but does] Jimmy: [then draws a heart on her with his fingertip like he did at Cali's but on her palm this time after the handshake] Janis: ['you really are the biggest nerd though' but 😍] Jimmy: ['piss off' but a little genuine smile] Janis: ['still like you anyway'] Jimmy: [😏 a look like yeah? and a IRL 👍 because committed to being a nerd now] Janis: ['don't push it, mate'] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her but really soft] Janis: [playfight forever] Jimmy: [just 😍 the whole time like] Janis: ['you really are so'] Jimmy: ['I like you so much'] Janis: [nods 'cos words are risky] Jimmy: ['I- I love you so much'] Janis: ['I love you too, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [gotta just hide your face in a snuggle because dying]
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Jimmy & Janis
Jimmy: [later but still the same night clearly] Jimmy: Turn your location on, I need my jacket back Janis: fuck off, no you don't Jimmy: I wouldn't be chatting to you if I didn't Janis: it can wait Jimmy: it's freezing Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: so cold you need two jackets now Jimmy: unless you're offering to hug it out Janis: as much as I want you to suffer Janis: has your sister not put a key through for you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: are you gonna tell me where you are or what? Janis: I'd rather come to you Jimmy: go on then Janis: Where are you then Jimmy: [sends his location but lbr he's just walking] Janis: alright Janis: be there in a few Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you should go to the 24 hour tescos Janis: kill some time Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: what do you need? Janis: nothing, you idiot Janis: it's a tip Janis: 24 hour gyms are better but you'll need a membership usually Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll funnel my hard earned tips into that next time my dad decides to be a massive knobhead Janis: some of them ain't that pricey, one near the CG actually Jimmy: alright rich girl, I'm gonna stop you there Janis: it's like a fiver a month Janis: one pack of cigarettes less, not even Jimmy: you're not my real girlfriend, no need to have a chat about how I spend and save Janis: I'm giving you solutions Jimmy: give me my jacket Jimmy: nowt else Janis: free speech, init Janis: you dickhead Jimmy: you told me to stop talking to you a bit ago Janis: so Jimmy: so now you've got loads to say? Janis: I've always had plenty to say Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah Janis: sums your contribution up Jimmy: leave it out Janis: make me Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: death's already having a go standing here Janis: you wish Janis: actually so dramatic Jimmy: 💀😍💀 Janis: cute Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do you want a place to stay Jimmy: do you have any decent ideas? Janis: go to mine, I ain't gonna be there Janis: no one will be up Jimmy: Mia might Jimmy: evil never sleeps Janis: I don't think she's actually a rapist, like Janis: you'll be safe Jimmy: you're alright Janis: alright Janis: you got a shed Janis: sleep in that Jimmy: 😂 Janis: what Jimmy: just trying to picture your posh garden summer house, rich girl Jimmy: hang on Janis: yeah Janis: you've got no clue Jimmy: weren't searching for any Janis: then stop chatting shit Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you won't Janis: I've got enough people assuming things wrong Janis: I don't need you Janis: and I ain't assumed shit about you Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Janis: you're such a fucking Janis: just shut up, I'm nearly there Jimmy: nah, go on Jimmy: say how you really feel Janis: why Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: plenty on the tip of your tongue so you reckon Janis: so you can sit there and chat shit back Janis: yeah, no thanks Jimmy: it ain't shit just 'cause it ain't what you want me to say back Janis: nah, it's shit by your own admittance Janis: literally just said it Jimmy: now you're listening Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I've been listening Janis: what do you want Jimmy: when? Janis: when haven't I Janis: what are you talking about, go on Jimmy: don't end it like that, I'm not getting cheated on again Janis: I ain't doing anything tonight Jimmy: not what I asked or said Janis: fine Janis: I'll just look like the dick then yeah Jimmy: put it on me Jimmy: I'm too #highkey or whatever Janis: how is that better Janis: genuinely Jimmy: how is it better for me or how is it better for you? what's your question? Janis: for you Jimmy: how is it better than going through that shit again? Really? Janis: whether I cheat on you or dump you for being too nice, you're getting the same reaction regardless Janis: you wanna be the one who cheats but then I lose Janis: we've fucked it, best is we do it amicably and then we both lose, there's no way for us to both win and why should I let you Jimmy: I don't care about winning Janis: I can't promise you any outcome where they leave you alone Janis: that's the whole reason we were doing this Jimmy: I haven't lost my memory, like Janis: well I don't know what you want from me Jimmy: I got that Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: just Janis: yeah Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: as you said, we've fucked it, we've gotta carry on Janis: we'll have to stop it eventually Jimmy: weren't planning on marrying you, Jodie Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: don't be stupid Janis: you'll have to deal eventually, is what I'm saying Janis: we will, whatever Jimmy: we'll do a fake break up when we've planned it out, not when what you say goes 'cause you're fuming Janis: excuse you no Janis: it was you who fucking said it Jimmy: I said I don't want this Jimmy: I don't Janis: well you'll have to deal won't you Janis: decide what you want less Jimmy: you're so Janis: yeah, you hate mee Janis: whatever Jimmy: your ultimate kink that Janis: if it was I'd want you around Jimmy: who's walking to who? Janis: oh my god Janis: I don't need you freezing to death Janis: or getting lost, again Jimmy: stop pissing about then Jimmy: come here Janis: you've got some fucking nerve Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: and you aren't funny Jimmy: not tonight Janis: don't write cheques you can't cash Janis: unnecessary Jimmy: I carry cash, it's you who don't Janis: see where trying to pay me gets you Janis: [showing up and throwing that jacket at him] Jimmy: [put your jacket on boy and shut your mouth] Janis: ['anything else?' not looking at him] Jimmy: [when you're just looking at her and almost doing a cry cos that's the life you're living] Janis: ['are you sure-' not finishing that 'cos so many possibilities] Jimmy: [just gotta shake your head cos you're not sure about anything are you, big part of the problem here] Janis: [nods like yeah, 'look, we don't need to be mates but I ain't got any interest in hating you, alright? pointless so just, you know'] Jimmy: [take two of trying to give her a bottle, be less of a dick this time boy] Janis: [takes it 'cos as close to a peace offering as we're getting rn and does cheers motion as she takes a swig] Jimmy: [sitting on this random curb so casually I always had to do that if I was out playing] Janis: [sitting down too a little ways away] Jimmy: [having a moment with himself like don't cry, Katie Fitch style] Janis: [when you gently go for the jacket pocket and get out 🚬 and light it for him] Jimmy: [when you shouldn't look at her cos that's so nice - too nice lbr- but you do look at her cos she's right there and you can't not] Janis: [when you look back and lean in but then you gotta lean back like no 'cos you think that's not what he wants and you're trying to be a friend not friend and ugh] Jimmy: [trying not to look 💔 like this isn't your own fault, gdi Jimothy] Janis: ['it's okay' when you just want to be comforting even though it really isn't and you're like why did I say that] Jimmy: [when you laugh cos no its not but it's also not funny and that ain't helpful so well done, oh these two] Janis: [kicks him like you know what I mean, shh, this is weird we both know it 'okay, well, I'm sorry your dad's a dick, yeah?'] Jimmy: [nudges her like oi but it's too soft to really be that and we all know it 'he ain't sorry, why should you be?'] Janis: ['cos I'm dead nice, obviously' 😏 but shrugging like] Jimmy: [lols more genuinely] Janis: ['charming' but not actually mad] Jimmy: [putting an arm around her cos she's literally in a t-shirt now like don't die babe] Janis: [the nip situation would be outta control lmao fold your arms girl] Jimmy: [at least pretend that's not a thing boy, least you can do] Janis: ['It ain't a summer house, it's a barn but it is somewhere you can crash, it's converted, there's sofas and shit' 'cos not giving up] Jimmy: [gives her his oh we're still on this kinda look but also not mad cos when does anyone give this much of a fuck about him] Janis: ['Please'] Jimmy: ['Bus takes an age if it's even running early as I need to be on shift. It ain't gonna work' but she said please so obvs you're thinking about it and looking at her like] Janis: [pouting but actually so on the low 'cos you know that's fair and he probably doesn't want one of cali or the older sibs driving him so] Jimmy: ['help me get into mine if you've gotta do owt' cos lbr it wouldn't be hard there's probably a bathroom window open and a drainpipe/roof situation and such a #mood cos she's such an athlete so] Janis: 'I dunno, guardog is pretty fierce' ] Jimmy: [a real lol 'if you ain't up for the challenge, you ain't' gets up like well bye then but is 😏 and pulls her up on her feet too a literal second later anyway] Janis: [a faux-offended face like how dare you 'cos 'Course I am!' but then grins like let's go] Jimmy: [shrugs the jacket off and gives it to her like your turn babe cos they share everything it's facts 'here, you're gonna make me fall to my death if you don't cover up' because just can't ignore the nip situation like a gentleman can you lad] Janis: ['Knew the jacket was a blatant coverup but wouldn't have necessarily guessed you wanted me to break and enter for you' shakes head like honestly tut-tut but still not mad, even when she hits him like oi it ain't my fault I had to go dramatically stand in the rain 'I reckon I'll go in, find the keys then let you in the door, all offense meant to your... prowess' 😉] Jimmy: [gives her a look like well gotta keep you guessing and it's so flirty SOS but then pulls the hood up over her head playfully, messing her hair up, like oi don't be rude and so much 😏 goodbye] Janis: ['stop flirting with me' but we all know that means don't ever stop] Jimmy: ['or what?' literally eye fucking rn calm down] Janis: ['you know what'] Jimmy: [be more up in her everything at this moment jfc I can't with you sir don't do this to me] Janis: ['just, if it's gonna be-' when you can't do words] Jimmy: ['I just-' cos same but boy you gotta communicate I s2g I hate you] Janis: ['we don't have to do this tonight, now, yeah? none of it, like, there's time'] Jimmy: [when you can breathe because she really let you off the hook there so you gently drag her off towards your house like come on] Janis: [get it lads] Jimmy: [break in of the century, but we know it's gonna play out how she said cos lbr he's not pulling his weight here] Jimmy: [like he'd try and go up the drainpipe and slip and she'd be like um no boy down you get] Janis: [god bless boy, when you just in the doorway afterwards like all 👍?] Jimmy: [gotta love a sleepy Twix before she goes cray though cos heard 'em way to cockblock this bonding moment pup] Janis: [don't give 'em away traitor pup shh Jimmy: [giving her treats like behave thank you] Janis: [all whispering obvs 'cos not drunk af this time 'you should get another key cut he don't know about'] Jimmy: [when you can't hide how good of an idea you think that is cos tell your face and you were already impressed by her break in antics and we're dangerously close to 😍] Janis: [when you ain't even smug just smiling like a nerd 'cos you already know his dad ain't shit] Jimmy: [just in the kitchen from when you had to bribe Twix opening the fridge with a flourish like see anything you like cos will literally give her anything so she won't leave yet] Janis: [say by some miracle there's a slice of pizza left so she grabs that] Jimmy: [He's just making tea cos northern] Janis: [sneaking peeks honey] Jimmy: [he ain't asked her if she wants one he's just doing it, bit rude when you don't know if she likes tea never mind how] Janis: ['milk, 2 sugars' 😏] Jimmy: [does a OTT dramatic gasp like a nerd cos we gonna say they take their tea the same for the feels '#twinning, Gracie will be delighted'] Janis: [does a little lol, 'yeah, 'specially 'cos she don't drink a tea unless it promises to fix her skin and her love life for her, and tastes like shit, like'] Jimmy: [just grinning 'No dairy, like ever, OMG, I know' crossing his heart with an eye roll before carrying the tea to the lounge] Janis: [getting comfy on the sofa like bitch you were leaving lmao your resolve 'you should just give her full fat, she'd never notice, honestly'] Jimmy: [laughs evilly but quietly cos don't wake peeps up and mimes writing it down but then you know he's also getting comfy closer to her than he needs to be as per] Janis: ['puts hands up like soz 'you're off the clock, I remember'] Jimmy: [mimes looking at his watch and sighs dramatically like only for a bit but ain't that devvo cos got his bae back] Janis: ['should've put this in a to-go, like'] Jimmy: [nudges her like where do you are like I ain't even got #aesthetic mugs for insta 'pay up and you can have it prepped or served any way you want'] Janis: ['hot' 😂] Jimmy: [sips tea like he's doing a temp check and 👍] Janis: [just looks at him like nerd alert] Jimmy: [gets up, gets a pack of biscuits and throws them at her but gently cos again shh please boy] Janis: ['#whenbaespoilsyou'] Jimmy: [blows a kiss at her cos nerd] Janis: [catch it 'cos sporty] Jimmy: ['such an athlete, babe'] Janis: [stretching back like 'you know it'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her body cos that top is cropped af before you even move thank you bye] Janis: [always hitting with a 'what?' but being 😏 'cos you know] Jimmy: [always giving it back like you don't know exactly what you're doing okay then] Janis: [just come casual tension but you're about it] Jimmy: [nearly spilling that tea actually cos all your attention is on the bae, the fucking eye contact forever damn] Janis: [sipping with purpose beech] Jimmy: [when your phone goes off to break the unbearable tension for a sec but it's just the fans as usual so you can look together and get even closer to her like look] Janis: ['can't break their hearts just yet, like, they ain't ready'] Jimmy: ['none of the lads must've caught your party mood from a decent enough angle or that'd be up doing it for us'] Janis: [🙄 and pushes him like shut up] Jimmy: ['its alright I've had more breakups and make ups than I've had girlfriends, must be something about me 😏'] Janis: [lols 'you reckon'] Jimmy: [throws a pillow at her like don't lol at my misfortune but is clearly also amused 'try and fake some sympathy, girl, damn'] Janis: [clutches her heart dramatically] Jimmy: [shakes his head like she's such a dickhead but smiling cos she's also a cute nerd] Janis: ['this-' gestures to the tea '-ain't strong enough to swap war stories, boy'] Jimmy: ['subtle move, pisshead' gestures toward the kitchen 'go on and raid Ian's supply but his broken heart'll be on your head, like'] Janis: [gets up and shrugs 'least I didn't break his windows'] Jimmy: [shrugs back like fair point] Janis: [picks a bottle that's fairly full but not completely 'cos least obvious and she's not actually that arsed but takes a swig walking back in] Jimmy: [control your heart eyes and swooning boy we all know its a #mood] Janis: [offers the bottle to him but doesn't sit, 'it'll help you sleep, early start and everything'] Jimmy: [takes it and takes a bigger swig than her because everything's a challenge and passes it back] Janis: [raises her brows at him but obviously can never back down from a challenge] Jimmy: ['coming in?' meaning work tomorrow obvs] Janis: [when you act like you're thinking about it for much longer than you actually are 'probably, be a bit of a bad review if I'm not dying to see you the morning after, like'] Jimmy: ['could be incapable of walking, your nan got a zimmer you can borrow for a bit?'] Janis: [when you have to snort 'cos you have to hold in a louder laugh more] Jimmy: ['take that as a nah, fit is she? Gotta get it from somewhere, eh?'] Janis: ['She's only 62, so yeah, could probably take you on' 😏] Jimmy: ['bring her in for a cuppa, I'll earn a decent tip, no bother' 😉] Janis: ['ugh, you and your type'] Jimmy: ['paying customers, yeah, really turn me on when they hand me them couple of extra euros they do'] Janis: ['you're in the wrong job then' and shakes her head 'cos thinking 'bout Rio, shade] Jimmy: ['in it for the art form though, obvs' thinking about that hipster latte foam] Janis: [''course, Pete's artistry is limited to bass only, like' Jimmy: ['I can't live if I can't express myself creatively, the need lends itself to being more than a one trick pony, so burdened me' gets Pete's page up and is having a scroll and showing her things cos he weren't at the party obvs] Janis: [😏 'You are SO in love with him'] Jimmy: ['pick your own jaw off the floor and it might hit harder, mate'] Janis: ['please, I play it SO cool'] Jimmy: ['where and when?'] Janis: ['I'm pretty sure he don't know I exist so check and mate, mate'] Jimmy: ['Don't take your hand off that piece yet, Jill, 'cause here's me calling bollocks. He's mentioned you to me'] Janis: ['OMG, what did he say?!' in a scary good Grace impression, but quieter please; 'also you better not have told him my name's Jill, even worse than my actual'] Jimmy: [in a accurate Pete impression 'that girl's so... dude, your girl's really...' back to Jim voice 'wouldn't you LOVE to know, Juliet' shows her his phone where that's her name cos fave of the nicknames duh] Janis: [when you're loling at the impression but lowkey 😍 at the nickname 'cos it's shamelessly cute] Jimmy: ['I wanna be the face of that band but I ain't got the voice. You?'] Janis: [shakes head and pulls face like god no 'my mother's already tried to make us a racially ambiguous version of the Nolans, but she obviously ain't pushy enough, where's Joe Jackson when you need him, eh?'] Jimmy: [lols like that's us fucked then 'starving artist and muse it is then, baby' snaps a pic of her to make the point] Janis: [when you try and get the phone outta his hands 'cos never enough playfighting] Jimmy: [when of course you end up on top of her on the sofa like well now this is a moment RIP] Janis: [when you just go for it 'cos you can't not but then you pull back like fuck] Jimmy: [when you then have to go for it cos you didn't wanna stop and that's all you're thinking about] Janis: [back at it again on this sofa] Jimmy: [so into it, god only knows how we're stopping them rn] Janis: [Twix run bitch run] Jimmy: [barking cos are they playing or are they fighting OH PUP DO NOT WAKE THIS FAM] Janis: [well that's that ruined thanks babe, getting up so fast like 'I'll go'] Jimmy: [when you want her to stay but Bobby appears like oh hey did anyone order an even bigger cockblock so you have to be in big brother mode cos he's always lowkey scared/upset by life in general] Janis: [when you stay long enough to not freak him like who was that but then you peace so he can deal in private] Jimmy: [I hope she's got the jacket again so she don't freeze to death] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is he back to bed and her in the doghouse, like Jimmy: 🐶🔪🔪 say goodbye to your little mate 💔 Janis: harsh Janis: poor bobby Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix like a ransom photo but the newspaper be in her mouth cos nerds] Janis: 😱 Janis: I'll give you whatever you want Jimmy: anything I want? Janis: That's what I said Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby and Twix both asleep on him like okay she's safe] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [saying that he misses her and flirting on the socials so that I can] Janis: Smart thinking Janis: keep up appearances, make it look like it ain't a hostage situation Jimmy: not thick, northern Janis: like I said, impressed Jimmy: don't you wanna save your flirting for the feeds? Janis: This isn't flirting Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah Janis: I can do much much better than fake me Janis: obviously Jimmy: more #goals than this?! gotta call bollocks Jimmy: 🏆🏆🏆🏆 Janis: sure, as far as everyone knows, we're the it couple of the moment Jimmy: 💘 Janis: as long as all dogs and children are safe Janis: let you get a few hours, like Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: you said anything I want Janis: Well have you decided Jimmy: I'm thinking Jimmy: stick around Janis: alright Janis: I'm still walking anyway Jimmy: where to? Janis: my nan and granddads Janis: cba to go home Jimmy: you could always walk back Jimmy: know your way in Janis: look like you've got your hands full Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: can't be giving it out like you don't wanna climb through my bedroom window, girl Jimmy: balcony or nah Janis: better change names with me, boy Janis: rose by any other name and all that Jimmy: suits you better, can't help that Janis: hmm Janis: gotta think of a name for you Janis: you don't own nicknames, like Jimmy: what are you on about? it's the name your parents gave you weren't it? Janis: 😏 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: charming you are 💕 Janis: not our story Janis: cinderella would be hard to pull off, even now you've left the north Jimmy: if it could happen anywhere, it'd be the CG Jimmy: picking the ugliest out of your sister's squad though, not easy Jimmy: Mia's 🥇 duh but then who? Jimmy: might be the tall one, might be her 💀 clone Janis: 🤔 Janis: my votes for BFG Janis: 💀💀 twin too hard, the disparity is great for comedic effect Jimmy: where's your #tallgirlsolidarity babe? OMG Janis: fine, go be friends with a leprechaun Jimmy: such a friend kink you Jimmy: trying to get me invited to a sleepover or what? Janis: not at my house, thanks Janis: if you have an orgy with them we're no longer besties Jimmy: I told you before, if I wanted that it would've already happened Janis: Gross Janis: they have to have some boundaries Janis: obvs all go to the bathroom together to have a vom sesh but you know Jimmy: it's like a cult Jimmy: if they don't all fuck and they're only doing the death pact bit 💔 Janis: there's no way the 💀 ones can exert the energy and the rest wouldn't wanna get their kit off 'cos they'd get fat-shamed so Janis: unlucky Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: their nails an' all that's a 🌈🚫 Jimmy: be like 🔪🔪 Janis: 🤢 Janis: too far Jimmy: soz my dear Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, be my mate again Jimmy: pretty please with 🍒s on Janis: you mean it Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: you doing that behind your back like you're lying Janis: I'm suspicious Jimmy: come find out Jimmy: can't give up all my secrets to you Janis: I shouldn't Janis: might wake your dad up next time Jimmy: nowt wakes him Jimmy: garage walls are thicker than his head Janis: should do you a favour and not accept that challenge, shouldn't I Jimmy: I get it, was just a fluke and you can't break in again, yeah? Janis: please Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: and you made it so easy Jimmy: sounds fake, babe Janis: 😡 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, you just want me to come back so you can be so impressed again Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: meant to be giving me what I want Janis: only the once Janis: not good for life, use it wisely Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sooooooo Janis: am I coming or what Jimmy: do you wanna come or do you just want me to use that to make you so it's gone? Janis: 😑 Janis: hadn't thought it through that much, tbh Janis: it's your wish, I ain't interfering Jimmy: if I want you to come and keep that in my back pocket for later is that 1 favour or 2? Janis: Hmm Janis: alright Janis: I'll come and I still owe you Jimmy: should I unlock the door or let you show off? Janis: Probably just let me in Janis: I don't need it and I've got visions of the kid seeing me and 😱💀👻 now so Jimmy: and I don't need to be spending my tips getting him therapy Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: so considerate you Janis: you know Janis: and you're welcome Jimmy: might not be the shittiest mate to have Janis: 👂 Janis: sorry, can you repeat that Jimmy: I could Jimmy: but will I Janis: awh come on 😏 Jimmy: alright, shut up Jimmy: I don't hate the idea, do I Janis: you're not a total idiot so Janis: 'course you don;t Jimmy: Stop complimenting me Jimmy: I'm gonna reckon your phone got snatched off you in a bit Jimmy: 🔪💀👻 Janis: Was just a means to compliment myself more, don't worry Jimmy: alright, fuck that, this is deffo you Janis: mhmm Janis: [does extra ass socials like people need to know she's going back] Janis: who else but your fake gf Jimmy: 💕😍💘 Jimmy: [replies that are as extra but we know there's realness underneath] Jimmy: [OMG the fire sexts can be born this day! cos remember when] Janis: [yasss] Janis: did you really just Jimmy: what? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: you reckon you're the only one with impressive skills? Janis: obviously not Janis: do you want everyone on your dick more though 'cos Jimmy: they ain't gonna leave me alone Jimmy: that dream's 💀💀💀 Janis: 💔 Janis: not to victim blame you but Janis: only got yourself to blame Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: and you Jimmy: can't help it if you're the best fake girlfriend I've ever had, can I? Janis: Yeah I'm so inspiring Janis: a muse, you could say Jimmy: a 🥇 muse baby Jimmy: get it right Jimmy: and send that tweet Janis: [does] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: Come out and 🚬? Jimmy: [does but let's say he hasn't put his hoodie back on yet cos was being snuggled a bit ago so we can fully appreciate the white tee moment] Janis: [you appreciate that girl, sat on his front step like hey] Jimmy: [Getting on there as well cos always gotta sit so close 5ever] Janis: [for warmth this time sure, when it's not been that long so you don't know if you're meant to pretend the makeout didn't happen but you can't anyway so] Jimmy: [and so you can share a smoke cos god forbid you just don't have your own you coupley bastards] Janis: [sharing is caring boo] Jimmy: [it means he smokes less so i'm about it as I am about their comfortable silences] Janis: [honestly, not even hello] Jimmy: [living for it, picture him on his phone cos peeps are losing it over their posts, but with her so not being an antisocial dick] Janis: [just loling and taking the piss how they do 'so, how often are you sexting to be that good?'] Jimmy: [shrugs cos we both know he ain't done it for ages but ain't gonna say that 'like a 6 that were'] Janis: [nods, 'don't wanna give 'em everything right away, like'] Jimmy: ['they can't handle what we've already shown 'em, if I was going for it with a full 10 I'd kill your nan and we both know she's healthier than your horse'] Janis: [pushes him 'stop slagging my nan and imaginary horse, so rude'] Jimmy: ['I'm complimenting your nan and ain't about to stop, well in, me. You're only here 'cause she was asleep, like'] Janis: [PAHs, 'you ain't met her, boy; trust, you won't be getting no tips'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like challenge accepted 😏 but we're all amused af] Janis: [truly 'cos we all know what happened that time Tess showed lmao] Jimmy: [when you lowkey snuggling the bae tho cos its cold but also you want to] Janis: [rubbing his arms like he did] Jimmy: [just giving her heart eyes casually] Janis: ['wanna go in?' 'cos you're so concerned u caring hoe] Jimmy: [when you're #conflicted because you're alone out here and there's nobody cockblocking you but it's not comfortable so of course you ask her if she wants to cos always a question answered with a question] Janis: [just looking at his lips in response shameless] Jimmy: [when you're kissing her before you've even closed the door behind you cos also shameless] Janis: [get it kids] Jimmy: [use that front door to your advantage when you finally shut it but shh] Janis: [seriously shh even though you obvs don't wanna] Jimmy: [when you think you hear something so you stop for long enough to move, get back in that living room kids] Janis: [ah trusty sofa hello] Jimmy: [the mems on this sofa already, speaking of get on his lap girl cos that's a thing always and has to start somewhere] Janis: [a moment] Jimmy: [at least if you wanna be kissing constantly it'll keep you quiet cos we know he ain't usually living that life, we see you, mr no chill] Janis: ['You're a good kisser' 'cos you ain't told him that before now obvs] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling genuinely cos nobody's told you that before and you weren't expecting it and so cute so even though you should say it back cos true you're just like 🙊] Janis: [kiss that smile] Jimmy: [get your hands in her hair boy cos you love being soft] Janis: [when you're just enjoying how all this feels] Jimmy: [you can tell she's into it so just touching and soft kisses everywhere cos there's so much bare skin to play with thanks to this outfit you can just take your time] Janis: [when you're trying so hard to keep quiet 'cos it's obvs not been like this before in any sense] Jimmy: [gotta give the nips some attention cos they've been the centre of attention all night lbr so soz girl for making quietness even harder for you but not that soz] Janis: [when all the squirming she's doing gonna feel real good for you boy] Jimmy: [everybody winning rn] Janis: ['fuck!' 'cos yeah] Jimmy: [and now everything's a little less soft because all the encouragement you need to go harder at what you're doing] Janis: [when you're just moving your hands down from around his neck 'til they're making their way under his waistband] Jimmy: [his turn to say fuck quietly but with feeling] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [kiss that smug face boy so you shhh] Janis: [putting your finger to his lips like shh but you loling 'cos he's so cute] Jimmy: [deciding to make this touching mutual so the struggle to be quiet is too, little do you know yet lad she's a pro at keeping things hush unlike you] Janis: [can't quiet your face though even if you are trying to hide it like] Jimmy: [his turn to be like 😏] Janis: [going harder like shut up] Jimmy: [going harder cos she is and everything's a competition forever] Janis: [tryna move away 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [use your strength soft boy I believe in you] Janis: ['boy'] Jimmy: ['what?' cos I simply must] Janis: [making eye contact and giving the LOOK to end all as you move back but closer] Jimmy: [keeping that eye contact going as you try not to be killed by the look and her everything atm] Janis: ['I've wanted to do this properly for so long' point out the obvious and not really that long but I'll allow it highkey ass] Jimmy: ['how long?' cos validate this high key needy boy] Janis: ['Since we started fake doing this, I told you, you're a good kisser'] Jimmy: ['I can top that, girl, I picked you 'cause I wanted to find out if you were' cos where's the lie] Janis: [pouts like she's fuming she's lost 'could probably call that false pretenses, you know' 😏] Jimmy: [the pouty lip bite 5eva bye cos gotta shut her up obvs haha] Janis: [#intoit Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [when your phones are still blatantly going off and you're ignoring that shit] Jimmy: [priorities kids sod looking at your phone when you can be looking at the bae] Janis: [real better than the faaaaake] Jimmy: [you know it] Janis: [is she staying or going after like] Jimmy: [I vote she should stay then she can come to work with him when he opens up cos what a #mood the CG alone together for a bit] Janis: [wid it, no running hoe] Jimmy: [he ain't letting her leg it]
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Janis & Jimmy
Janis: where are you? Janis: put my coat away and everything Jimmy: weren't allowed in Jimmy: face don't fit Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: serious Janis: thought you said you could get in clubs Janis: hang on then, I'll queue up again 😑 Jimmy: it ain't my fault the door bloke's a dickhead Jimmy: fancies his chances better without me in the way Jimmy: might as well go for it now Jimmy: catch you in a bit 👍 Janis: sure, he's got it in for you, boy 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: he wants to put it in you Jimmy: understandable when he's going off how well you scrub up Jimmy: keep it off the snap & it is whatever, girl Janis: gross Janis: he's easily 42 Jimmy: don't knock it til you've tried it Jimmy: we ain't in the north so that ain't death's door Jimmy: & you ain't got me there to buy your drinks now, play it smart, rich girl Jimmy: that's how you stay rich, yeah Janis: well I actually got in so I can check out the talent beyond the door 👍 Janis: but tah for the tips Janis: what are you gonna do then Jimmy: big town full of Leprechauns Jimmy: maybe I'll find the pot of gold, gay clubs are the rainbow I assume Jimmy: start there Jimmy: find my own 👴💕 Janis: 🍀 Janis: funny now but when I end up dead in the river you'll be suspect no.1 Jimmy: like anyone's gonna believe I could take you out Jimmy: too 💪 you Jimmy: worry more about everyone chatting that you turned me 🌈 honestly Janis: ha Janis: like you said, keep it off the snap Janis: anyone sees you in there they'll have to out themselves first so Jimmy: 👌 Janis: laters bae Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [finds him, the kiss, walking away] Jimmy: [follows her out leaving this girl like ??!! as she also follows for the awks] Jimmy: [says 'keeping it short & sweet all across town tonight then?' because now is not the time for bants so obvs he's banting] Janis: [is just looking at the girl like bitch what are you doing and ain't gonna talk to him whilst she's there] Jimmy: [lights a 🚬 for an excuse to be still standing there when he's being blanked, sharing with the random girl just to make it worse, introduces Janis to her by one of her fake names cos actual dickhead] Janis: [completely blanks the girl like it would be obvious you were not welcome; 'how do you know no one saw you?'] Jimmy: [the girl be like UM I'm going back in, are you coming boy & he shrugs like in a bit cos still smoking obvs to prolong this & let's her go before he answers cos not trying to explain fake dating to this random] Jimmy: ['you've been in, it's well dead 'cause of being well shit'] Janis: ['so you don't then, in other words. great.'] Jimmy: ['nobody saw me. Calm down.'] Janis: ['fuck off. if you can't do this properly then why suggest it?'] Jimmy: ['I am doing it properly, I told you, it's alright'] Janis: ['for you maybe but that ain't the only part of the deal so sort it out. fucking amatuer'] Jimmy: ['piss off am I. It is sorted. She ain't from around here & nobody who matters saw us.' Janis: [shakes head 'yeah, you are. fuck sake, how old are you, 12?'] Jimmy: [is clearly fuming but trying to act not bothered. 'You'll be the one who fucks this if you don't trust what I'm telling you, girl'] Janis: ['nah, get why they didn't let you in now; what is this, under 18s night? check how old she was, did you?'] Jimmy: [just gives her a fuck you kind of look but that's a mistake cos she's really hot so has to look away] Jimmy: you got in, what did you follow me to this shithole for? Janis: [is laughing at him but it's obvs fake, then shrugs like, why not?] Jimmy: nah go on, you're such a #pro Jimmy: reasons for everything you do, all part of the plan all the time with you Jimmy: so what Janis: well no shit Janis: I didn't want to come out but it's on socials now so we need at least one decent picture together so they know it's #real Jimmy: come on then Jimmy: [poses in a really fake piss taking way] Janis: are you this shit or what Janis: I said, do it properly or I ain't bothering Jimmy: [does that sexy blowing smoke thing at her so it's basically a kiss like that gif I have of Nico doing it in MMFD & snaps a pic of it] Janis: [nods like that'll work 'cos what's she gonna say] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [then actually kisses her & again taking pics being all like don't say I don't do shit properly but like we both know he just wants to & its a moment] Janis: [pushes him back 'cos can't deal] Janis: that'll do Janis: keep it softcore, no one needs that much convincing Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: you're seriously going back in there Jimmy: [does the why not shrug she gave him earlier like its so obvious that you want her to tell you not to, boy please] Janis: [scoffs and shrugs back] Janis: have fun Jimmy: try not to fall or get pushed in the river, Joanne Jimmy: it'd be a crying shame that Janis: no one's pushing me away Janis: trust Jimmy: not in that outfit Jimmy: or out of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: you've done your snap bragging now, shut up Janis: can't make me Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Jimmy: get that too Janis: good Janis: don't get it twisted Jimmy: 👑 of the #flex Jimmy: nowt twisted here Janis: flexing makes it sound like it ain't true Jimmy: [sends her the pics so she can post them cos ultimate shade for rn that he won't] Jimmy: none of this is Jimmy: what did you say, don't get it twisted, Janet Jimmy: have fun with your #s Jimmy: [goes back inside] Janis: piss off Janis: I can get into places that ain't this dump, remember? Jimmy: you ain't let me forget Jimmy: enjoy being a hot girl then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤞 you can find one yourself Jimmy: tah Janis: so welcome Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: [leaves again because it actually is shit in there & obvs not feeling it] Janis: don't take it personal Jimmy: weren't & won't Janis: how unlike you Jimmy: you reckon you know what I'm like Janis: I reckon you love thinking you're special Jimmy: if I loved that we wouldn't be doing this Jimmy: I'd just let 'em all fawn over me like its their job while I do mine Janis: better in theory and bullshit than in practice Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: say the same for this fake girlfriend bollocks Janis: 💔 for you Janis: naturally Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I'll live Janis: shame Jimmy: 💔 for you then Janis: yeah, should be Janis: inconsiderate Jimmy: reckon you've got that covered, my dear Jimmy: but I'll do my best Janis: excuse me? Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: & I bet you understood, smart girl Janis: are you drunk? Jimmy: you calling me a lightweight Jimmy: I weren't in there that long Janis: long enough Janis: 👍 Jimmy: for you maybe Janis: soz you didn't get stinky fingers? Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: yeah you looked proper sorry about it Janis: was I meant to be? Jimmy: don't bother saying it now then Janis: 🙄 Janis: did you a favour anyway Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: please Janis: even you could do better Janis: not doing this so you can throw all my good work away already Jimmy: than a girl who's not from around here, ain't gonna say shit & I don't need to see again Jimmy: not really Jimmy: but go on Janis: whatever, if that's your type Janis: then you may as well make your choice of the basics now and be done with it Jimmy: I don't have a type Jimmy: she did the job for tonight Jimmy: or would've until you turned up Jimmy: if you've got someone better in mind, I'm heading home, send 'em over Janis: lovely you Jimmy: I know Jimmy: tah though Janis: no, thank you for proving my point Jimmy: so welcome Janis: gone, was she Jimmy: or 💀 from the 🔪🔪🔪s you were throwing Jimmy: could've easily bled out while you were having your strop Janis: just playing the part Janis: like you were meant to Janis: or you want your fake gf to be that cool girl Janis: 🙄 figures Jimmy: I only clock in when there's actually an audience, babe Jimmy: like you're meant to Jimmy: & as I told you, there weren't Janis: sure Janis: you did a whole sweep of the club to doublecheck Janis: idiot Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it ain't big or packed Jimmy: & anyway if you were playing a role you'd have kicked off in front of the everyone you're so sure was about Jimmy: not outside to me Janis: not my style Janis: but you did your part by following me out like a puppy so we're fine Jimmy: 'cause I ain't no amateur Jimmy: weren't gonna let you fuck it up by fucking off without a word Jimmy: thought you paddy's loved a bar fight Jimmy: actually 💔💔 Janis: and I know boys love bitch fights, don't mean you're gonna get one from me Jimmy: gutted me Jimmy: of all the fake girlfriends I could've had Jimmy: lumbered with a dud like Julie over here Janis: find another one then Janis: save me the hassle Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: deal's done Jimmy: posts are posted Janis: people break up Janis: ain't even that deep Jimmy: 1 day in? Jimmy: that's the rep you want Jimmy: alright then Janis: why ain't it your rep Jimmy: I'm the lad I'm always gonna come off better Jimmy: either I dumped you this fast 'cause you wouldn't fuck me or 'cause you did Jimmy: It don't matter to me Jimmy: & It don't look bad for me whichever way Janis: that's bullshit Janis: when's the soonest I can get out of this then Jimmy: yeah but it's the way it'll look Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: not had to stage a fake break up before Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: fuck off with that Janis: all you've done this whole time is whine you didn't get laid Janis: like I stopped you Jimmy: I ain't said shit about it even though you did stop me Jimmy: you're the one with so much chat on the subject Janis: bullshit, you're moaning on and on like I'm gonna feel sorry for you Janis: you could've gone back in, she clearly didn't care you've got a fake girlfriend Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: & you clearly scared her off Jimmy: she didn't know about you, I don't lead with that chat up line Janis: yeah she's that fucking stupid Janis: just 'cos you're oblivious don't reckon everyone else is Jimmy: oblivious to what Jimmy: you weren't there & I didn't give her anything real Jimmy: she can't stalk my socials to check my fake relationship status without my name Janis: when I showed up Janis: to me, playing my part Janis: if you reckon she didn't clock that then you're literally braindead Jimmy: like I said, you scared her off Jimmy: & stopped me Jimmy: why am I repeating myself, are you the drunk one now Janis: bullshit Janis: don't use me as an excuse for whyever you pussied out Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I went back in, I don't need excuses it's literally what happened Jimmy: you fucked it up for me Jimmy: I'm good but nobody's that good Janis: 👌 Janis: whatever makes you feel better about your fuck up Jimmy: whatever makes you feel better about putting on a show for nobody but me & her Janis: you wish Jimmy: if this is your coming out, sure you could track her down & crack on, you did me easy enough Janis: hilarious Janis: even if I was gay, I'd have standards Jimmy: I've got standards but I've also got a nightmare of a fake girlfriend so Jimmy: well paranoid about getting rumbled she is Janis: 1. clearly not Janis: 2. well yeah, 'cos I ain't doing this for my fucking health Janis: like you said, you're gonna fuck up my rep when you've promised the opposite Jimmy: 1. I've already told you, needs must Jimmy: 2. fuck knows why you're doing it when you're so up yourself & convinced you can get anyone else you want Jimmy: like I said & yeah, promised, a deal's a deal Jimmy: I ain't gonna do nowt of the sort Jimmy: just calm down Janis: yeah, this is 100% about getting boys to wanna ride me Janis: boys are easy, no one needs to try to impress yous Janis: and don't tell me to calm down, seriously Janis: 'less you wanna see the opposite Jimmy: I don't give a shit what it's about for you Jimmy: you agreed to do this that's all that matters to me Jimmy: but I knew that's how you 🍀 welcomed the tourists Jimmy: better late than never Janis: stop chatting like you know then, twat Jimmy: only a rule for you that? Jimmy: you've been chatting like you know me this whole night Jimmy: leave it out or show up to my door for the brawl you want & tick off another nightmare girlfriend cliche before tomorrow Janis: you reckon you can propose it and come off all mysterious Janis: nah 😂 Janis: don't worry, sure everyone else is still wondering, new boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're probably good now for a few days anyway yeah Janis: so enjoy Jimmy: will do Jimmy: have a good one Jimmy: 💕 Janis: say you too but you're going home? Jimmy: like I said, I'll live Jimmy: got work tomorrow anyway Janis: best to face them not-hungover I guess Jimmy: we can say that's the reason Janis: oh my GOD Janis: give it up Jimmy: already have Jimmy: that's why I'm on my way home Janis: I mean, sadsack, I ain't apologizing Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: so much effort, you Jimmy: you too, babe Jimmy: must be #fated Janis: eurgh Janis: shut up 😂 Jimmy: alright Jimmy: night then Janis: now he listens Jimmy: not on the 🕒 girl, soz Jimmy: soon enough Janis: you hear me asking for a latte Jimmy: I mean your fake boyfriend one Jimmy: & you'd never ask for a latte, piss off Jimmy: I don't have to know you to know that Janis: MY 🕒? Janis: YOUR fake girlfriend one, own it at least Janis: alright, you can 'know' that much Janis: 'cos I'd have to throw it in your face before I drank it so Jimmy: iced it is then Jimmy: burn scars ain't the sexy sort Janis: rude but true Janis: not giving them the satisfaction of a wet t-shirt moment 🤢 Jimmy: shame Janis: like romcoms too do you Janis: seriously, give in to your pride and date fucking Janis: samantha, whatever her name is Jimmy: I watched some before I suggested this 'cause I take this shit seriously, alright, shut up Janis: 😂 Janis: that bodes well Janis: did you not make the end of any, boy Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: I was skimming Jimmy: you ain't paying me nowt for this Janis: well I've been forced through enough to know that it never works because the people are idiots Janis: so try not to be one, eh Janis: just this once Jimmy: same to you, girl Jimmy: I get it, I'm really 💪😎 & the accent's 🔥 but don't get carried away, yeah Janis: 🙄 Janis: we're safe Janis: don't worry Jimmy: not if you keep dressing like that Jimmy: sort it out, Jasmine Jimmy: uglier the better 👌 Janis: dickhead Janis: what you want an ugly fake gf for Jimmy: be more #goals Jimmy: #Iloveheranyway Jimmy: #itaintjustskindeepladies Janis: 😒 Janis: well thanks for the insult but too bad 'cos I ain't ever Jimmy: It was literally the opposite of an insult, dickhead Jimmy: I'm saying I'm still a lad alright Jimmy: & when you look like that it's just Janis: it obviously ain't if until now you reckoned I was #ugenough to get the job done so 🖕 Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: that ain't what I reckoned or what I said Janis: mhmm Janis: ⛏ Jimmy: you're such a knob Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend can't take a compliment Janis: what kind of fake boyfriend can't give one Janis: that's the real question, babe Jimmy: I literally just told you how hot you looked, babe Jimmy: try & stay with me here Janis: go on then Janis: what's the punchline Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the joke is that I'm back home this early Jimmy: my dad's still up Jimmy: & he ain't the type to wait Janis: that's tragic Janis: poor baby Janis: could be worse, he could still be out Janis: then you'd be a real loser Jimmy: I see that & raise you he's got his girlfriend here Jimmy: might genuinely throw up in the kitchen sink Janis: oh dear Janis: least he might think you're at least drunk, sadsack Jimmy: might get drunk now to deal Jimmy: one sec Janis: honestly Janis: shoulda stayed at the nappy night Janis: weren't that bad Jimmy: if I'd known I was coming home to Michael Bublé & two sets of red wine teeth Jimmy: if you still want that fight come & 💀💀 me Janis: You'll get no mercy from me Janis: even if that's the worst thing I've ever heard Jimmy: come on Jimmy: if that's not truce worthy nowt is Jimmy: end my life & be a hot widow what could be more #goals Janis: 😂 Janis: there's no way I like you that much after a day, even faking it Janis: and no chance we've cashed in any sort of life insurance so Jimmy: actually if I 💀 myself you'll get A's in your exams Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: just leaving you a 💕 note Janis: that's definitely a myth Janis: whole school of scabs turning up at cambo like eyy someone topped themselves so now I'm a professor of theology Janis: I think not Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: & you could've said before I blew my brains out all over my dad & the love of his week but Janis: 🤷 Janis: maybe if you hadn't left it 'til the 💕💀 note to be nice to me Jimmy: when that girl finds out she's gonna think it's because she's a shit kisser Jimmy: that's awkward Jimmy: might have to go haunt her for a bit Jimmy: make sure she knows Jimmy: play some Bublé tunes Janis: again Janis: saving it for the afterlife to be considerate Janis: dickhead Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell 'em none of his songs at my funeral & I won't haunt you too hard Janis: come on, sure he's murdered my way Janis: just your speed Janis: basic white boy Jimmy: It ain't my fault my parents are both too northern to branch out Janis: save it for when your Swayze'ing that bitch Janis: sure she thinks you're dead exotic Jimmy: 👍 idea Jimmy: tah babe Janis: whatever Janis: we've established you've only got 👎 ones so Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: this fake dating one is working out top Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: I saw how everyone reacted to the posts I gave you Janis: you can take a picture Jimmy: & pose for one Jimmy: this basic white boy is working for you Janis: my ancestors will be thrilled Janis: #reparationsbitch Jimmy: mine too, I bet Janis: I mean, anything beats dying down a mine, I suppose Janis: probs racists though, even if the blackface weren't intentional Jimmy: I'd take it over my present right now Jimmy: pretty sure my dad's a racist still, even if he also likes Seal Janis: lovely Janis: remind me to not come over for tea Jimmy: invite's in the post, my love Janis: 👍 Janis: give us all the chance to 'lose' it Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: but I'm giving you the chance to lose it when you come over too so Jimmy: love a fight you Jimmy: & my dad's got a very smackable face Jimmy: & personality Janis: begin to sound more and more like you've got a fetish Jimmy: shit's kicking off right now & I haven't asked you to tag team Jimmy: got me all wrong Janis: bummer Janis: he pick a minger too? Janis: should've left her at the club like you did Jimmy: he'd have to leave her in the office & that don't work for long Jimmy: perils of 😍 over the water cooler Janis: eurgh Janis: is your whole fam just one big cliche or Jimmy: piss off Janis: just saying Janis: that's two no-nos ticked off Jimmy: well don't say it Jimmy: I'm living it, that's enough Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Jimmy: don't fuck anyone I wouldn't Jimmy: saves us comparing notes Janis: the basic white girls and you are safe Janis: I'll never find out how disappointing you are 💕 Jimmy: You've misunderstood this entire thing, you're my fake girlfriend 'cause I don't wanna fuck basic white girls Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: I thought so too but you must be the confused one Janis: strobe lights were not going that hard Jimmy: she weren't top of my list Jimmy: I told you, needs must Janis: keep protesting, it's so convincing Janis: least it's just me who caught you out 😂 could've been worse Jimmy: alright shut up Jimmy: you've never had a shit night, have you Janis: obviously not Janis: have you seen me Jimmy: you ain't getting no more compliments I'm still holding onto the last one since you wouldn't take it Janis: 1. it was not a compliment Janis: 2. not like I need it Jimmy: 1. yeah it was Jimmy: 2. nah you just want it Janis: 1. no Janis: 2. and no Jimmy: Obviously you're fit that's why I asked you so leave it out Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: p sure you told me to leave it 'cos you were losing but Jimmy: need more chatting up than a real girlfriend you Janis: that's just a tragic insight into your dating history I didn't need, really Jimmy: you wish, baby Janis: ew cease and desist Janis: we definitely no'd that one Jimmy: 😂 Janis: so annoying Jimmy: I told you, #fated Janis: you call it #fated, I call it #doomed Jimmy: it's all still bollocks Jimmy: no # needed Jimmy: 💕 Janis: so poetic Jimmy: wait til you read the 💀 note Janis: I look forward to it Janis: how long 'fore I can move on with the actual hot barista though Jimmy: a day for a day Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: I get it, you couldn't score him first time round so get him with the sympathy Jimmy: well played Janis: you gave me no time Janis: not like it's my usual haunt Jimmy: it's still your home town Jimmy: get a better excuse Janis: I don't make it my business to know everyone else's Jimmy: if he's that hot no need for him to be just a rebound off my demise Jimmy: sort yourself out, girl Janis: sort yourself out for doubting his hotness Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I'm doubting your ability to close that deal Janis: fuck you Janis: never had an off day, remember Jimmy: only got your word for that Jimmy: & what's that worth with how much shit you chat Janis: whatever Janis: you already said you think I'm hot Janis: can't change your mind now Jimmy: you are Jimmy: don't mean that basic white lad wants you Janis: why wouldn't he Jimmy: I'll let you know when I've chatted to him on shift tomorrow Jimmy: maybe he likes his missus' more humble for a start Janis: no you won't Janis: and humble is just code for no self-esteem which you only want to cover up your own failings Jimmy: yeah I will Jimmy: & yeah maybe he's into that Jimmy: loads of lads are Janis: um he's #special and #different Janis: so don't ruin it for me with your chatter Jimmy: you're blinded by your 😍 Jimmy: & you ruined tonight for me so why shouldn't I Jimmy: makes us even Janis: no it don't Janis: she weren't no barista boy, get real Jimmy: don't matter to me Jimmy: nowt in the rules about keeping things fair Jimmy: we didn't even come up with any so Janis: even=fair so you don't get to get even by that logic, fool Janis: and pretty self-explanatory, just real relationship rules but make them fake Jimmy: even as I call it, fair as I call it Janis: fuck that Janis: you don't get to call everything Jimmy: watch me Janis: nah, you need me Janis: remember Janis: that's why it's a deal Jimmy: maybe I don't need you as much as I reckoned Jimmy: the basic white girl tonight weren't that bad Janis: like I said, call it off then Janis: in what world do I need to do what you tell me Jimmy: in the same world where you think I would do anything you tell me Jimmy: so the one we're in Janis: I ain't told you to do shit Jimmy: you are now Jimmy: call it off yourself, don't try & make me do it for you Janis: I'm saying don't act like you've got something over me Janis: at least something that I don't also have over you Janis: it ain't that deep, God Jimmy: deep enough for you to keep saying it ain't Jimmy: so convincing, babe Janis: 😑 Janis: you're the most annoying person I've had the misfortune of meeting Jimmy: nah 🥇 you Janis: well I love myself Janis: so obviously not Jimmy: let's ask about Jimmy: I reckon you'll win easy Janis: only if we were asking only the girls Janis: and you're new, you're basically anything they want you to be 'til your personality ruins it Jimmy: you're so popular with the lads, alright I heard you the first 100 times you said it Jimmy: get one of them to fake date you Janis: nah, this is the first sincere offer of fake dating I've ever Janis: so you can still feel special Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I can go to bed feeling like this is better than anything I could dream Jimmy: tah so much Janis: welcome Janis: do what I can Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: so far it's piss me off but let's see what tomorrow brings Janis: ain't on the ⏲ Janis: you didn't do all the convincing yourself though Jimmy: you ain't the one who needs to be convinced of owt Jimmy: thank fuck Jimmy: easy targets Janis: ain't saying I am Janis: saying give me the credit I'm owed and you'll get yours Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ? Jimmy: you were ready to slag me off earlier & loving it when you could give me credit for getting off with someone who ain't gonna ruin this Janis: it ain't the who it's the where, twat Janis: it ain't your hometown, you ain't got a clue who was or wasn't there, lbr Janis: give a fuck if you took her home but you can't be doing it in public 'til this is done Janis: simple as Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: trust me Janis: why? Janis: I don't know you, you don't know me Jimmy: we're in this together or we're fucking not Jimmy: if I weren't as bothered as you I wouldn't be wasting my time Janis: fine Janis: don't be stupid about it then Jimmy: I weren't & I won't Janis: then there's no problem here Jimmy: 👍 Janis: night then Jimmy: 💕 Janis: remember to ❤ the pics Jimmy: already did Jimmy: try & keep up with me, girl Janis: 👌 Janis: keen as always, boy Jimmy: serious Jimmy: remember that next time Janis: yeah, I was the one taking it not serious Janis: 👍 Jimmy: just do better tomorrow Janis: are you actually taking the piss Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: one for the road, like Janis: mm Janis: as I said Janis: most annoying Jimmy: as I said, SUCH a good match Janis: just convince them and we're both free Jimmy: already did that too Jimmy: so say the word Jimmy: any time or place Janis: and you already said if we leave it at a fuck, I look bad so Janis: sorry, not yet Jimmy: I'm just saying Jimmy: whenever Janis: alright, I know Janis: not like it's a legally binding contract Jimmy: so I shouldn't have opened a vein to sign something in my blood Jimmy: now she tells me Jimmy: always too late you Janis: 😏 Janis: earlier it was brains, now it's veins Janis: should I call the samaritans Janis: starting to sound like a cry for help, idk 🤔 Jimmy: you heard me say what's happening in my house tonight Jimmy: it is & you should Janis: 😂 Jimmy: glad you find MB on a loop such a laugh Janis: as long as it's drowning out worse Janis: be thankful Jimmy: do you actually want me to 💀💀💀 Janis: awh babe, no Janis: I don't care whether you live or die either way Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the type of service you get for free, kid Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [ze next morning] Janis: I've got to come in later Jimmy: really need to throw that latte on me? Janis: ha, obviously Janis: tell me when my sister and that get there, yeah Janis: remember what they look like Jimmy: it was only a handful of kisses, you gotta get over your jealousy about last night, Jill Jimmy: & yeah Jimmy: my best customers that's the type of service you get here at the CG Janis: strangely enough, not about you or my fake jealousy Janis: just lay off the charm offensive for five when I get there, that's all I need you to do Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: see you then Jimmy: in a bit Janis: it'll be easy, no drama Jimmy: no fake break up then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: sorry to disappoint Jimmy: yeah I'm well 💔💔💔 Janis: make it up to you Janis: you'll get tons more #lad points Jimmy: clearly my top priority tah Jimmy: what's going on? Janis: I know you're just as 😍 for him Janis: nah, nothing, my sister's just being more of a bitch than usual Jimmy: you can't know I've been so careful with my 💘 & 😍 around him so there Jimmy: & what you wanna shut her up Janis: oh babes 🙊 Janis: yep Janis: need to, actually, but that's the gist Jimmy: don't she believe we're madly in love? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: appaz, you have no control over your 😍 at all 'cos she #knows you're into her so Janis: 👌 tah Jimmy: 1. she can piss off 'cause I've never Jimmy: 2. I know exactly what to do Janis: yeah, she's full of shit Janis: well so do I but open to ideas Jimmy: you get to do what you want, she's your sister & they weren't my 😍 Janis: 👍 stick to the plan then Janis: she's an idiot, you have to be blatant or she won't get it Jimmy: you gonna tell me the plan or nah Jimmy: & I get paid not to be blatant, gutted as I am about it Janis: you won't get in trouble Janis: not gonna go that hard Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: like you're as dumb as her? Janis: just gotta come be really #goals in their faces Janis: 5 minutes, tops Janis: easy Jimmy: double it if you wanna be #convincing Jimmy: never given a girl so little time in my life Janis: #swoon 😏 Janis: like I said, not gonna go that hard 'cos it has to be in front of them Janis: that's the whole point Janis: just look like you're having fun, yeah? Jimmy: you have to go hard in front of them, that's the whole point Jimmy: not as dumb as her tah Janis: 10 minutes is a bit much for making out Janis: could get it done in that time Jimmy: who have you been making out with? Jimmy: actually gutted for you Jimmy: can't even add the piss taking emojis right now Janis: shut up Janis: I'm not gonna suck face with you for 10 minutes Jimmy: if you can't hack it, call it off now Janis: 😑 Janis: just tell me when they're there Jimmy: said I would Janis: saving the enthusiasm, I get it Jimmy: that & drying my eyes over your real dating history Janis: what are you chatting now Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just making ☕ Jimmy: you're the one giving away your shit kissing secrets Janis: piss off Janis: there's nothing wrong with my kissing Janis: it's just the boring bit, everyone knows that Janis: may as well skip it Jimmy: if you're doing it wrong, yeah Janis: you aren't an expert Janis: people like different shit, alright Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: you ain't meant to be coming in swinging Janis: stop being a dick then Janis: it's off-putting Jimmy: if you're that easy to put off this fake relationship is properly doomed Janis: I told you Jimmy: get it together or don't come Janis: I'm fine Janis: you're the one chatting shit Janis: you've got one job Jimmy: two Jimmy: get it right, rich girl Janis: yeah, so drop the relationship therapist bit Janis: no one's buying Jimmy: I get it, you're rich 'cause you're tight with every penny Janis: You're just full of shit, and I get that for free Janis: 🍀 me Jimmy: you wish I were Jimmy: but we ain't making 'em come true until the girls get here so Janis: why would I want that Jimmy: my therapist bit's been dropped Jimmy: at your request Janis: we'll talk about this comedian bit later Janis: I've got things to do Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: me too Janis: things that require more than one braincell but Janis: happy for you Jimmy: soz I'm not performing brain surgery right now Jimmy: well patronizing you Janis: whatever Janis: unlikely to catch my sister or obs so suits my purpose Janis: on* Jimmy: happy for you Janis: suits yours too Janis: or were you looking for someone to be really into you slobbering all over them Janis: shoulda been clearer Jimmy: there's nowt about kissing you for exactly 5 minutes mid shift at my job which suits me Jimmy: but go on Janis: I said 5, tops Janis: get it done in less if you're gonna be so moody Janis: yes or no, can I come in or what Jimmy: do what you want it's your masterplan Janis: well not if you're actually gonna get in trouble Jimmy: like you give a shit about my job security Jimmy: plenty of places to make a latte in this town Janis: I ain't that much of a bitch Jimmy: who knows maybe you'll do me a favor & force me into a job that requires two braincells next Janis: shut up Janis: it was a joke Janis: and you started it Jimmy: really funny you Janis: backatcha Jimmy: 💕 Janis: forget about it Jimmy: alright Janis: nothing lost, yeah Jimmy: nowt gained either but Jimmy: whatever Janis: well despite what you reckon, my secondary goal wasn't to get you sacked so Janis: sorta outweighs the need to get back at them Jimmy: you couldn't get me sacked if you tried Jimmy: you've got one foot out the door before you're even in Janis: you want me hanging about all day Jimmy: not what I said or meant Jimmy: I've had more of a connection with a customer whose order got fucked up than what you're planning to give me Jimmy: who the fuck is that meant to convince Jimmy: but I'm the one not doing this properly Janis: maybe we should fake hang out some more after this Janis: alright Janis: but all you've gotta convince 'em rn is that you wanna fuck me Janis: that's all they care about Jimmy: then I'll let you know when they show up Jimmy: like I said Janis: yeah? Janis: alright Janis: thanks Jimmy: nowt to thank me for Jimmy: blue balls is easy to fake when my dad's getting fucked more often than me Janis: 🎻 then Jimmy: 💔 but I got all those MB jams from last night in my head to mend it Janis: come through for you after-all Jimmy: he'll come to me forever now with those words of wisdom Jimmy: I'll never be free Jimmy: mind numbing job combined with mind numbing family life Jimmy: so few braincells Janis: what was it you said at the start of this convo Janis: need to let it go Jimmy: I can say what I like Jimmy: who are you Jimmy: let go of your fake being bothered Janis: fine Janis: have fun chatting shit to your customers then Jimmy: I survive on tips so I very much will Janis: don't know if sob story is the way you wanna go but Janis: you do you Jimmy: if you're sobbing, you do you Jimmy: probably get out of the mansion a bit more though Jimmy: it's fairly common out here Janis: boohoo? Janis: lemme dry my tears on a 50 Janis: what do you expect me to say Jimmy: don't say nowt Jimmy: shut up Janis: erm, say what I like Janis: who are you Jimmy: the one you're chatting shit to Jimmy: fuck knows why Janis: fucking hell Janis: what is wrong with you this morning Jimmy: the same thing that's wrong with me every morning Jimmy: but since you don't know me Jimmy: 1. it's news to you and 2. we don't need to go into it Janis: 👍 Janis: later Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [skip to lunch time when they'd show up & so would loads of other people lol] Jimmy: head's up, Juliet, your time to shine Janis: right Janis: okay, be there in 10 Jimmy: take as long as you need Jimmy: they ain't even ordered yet Jimmy: it'll look weird if you come through the door too soon after them Jimmy: like we planned it Janis: ha Janis: true enough Janis: they can kill a fair while, I imagine Janis: clean up properly then Jimmy: they can when they're too busy talking about us to pick up a menu Janis: ugh Janis: fun Jimmy: I'd forgotten Mia was still capable of speech Jimmy: I thought all the throwing up had destroyed her throat entirely Jimmy: she usually just communicates via 💀 stares Jimmy: I see why you two get on so well Janis: if you keep making me tell you I'm special and universally loved, you can't get mad at me for it, like Janis: and it's you that she's made the impression on Janis: that's Janis: nice Jimmy: getting mad at you for not taking a real compliment from your fake boyfriend ain't the same as not patting you on the back for being a dickhead Jimmy: yeah obviously hurry up or I'll run away with her Jimmy: won't be able to help myself & you've been warned Janis: highly doubt she can run Janis: bit cold to give her heart failure but I'm not crying here so Jimmy: I'll carry her then, more #goals anyway Janis: how Janis: she weighs sod all Jimmy: still get the rom com visual Jimmy: all that matters Janis: nah Janis: try and shift the big one Janis: that'd be something Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: easy 💪🏆 Janis: can't just promise her free pastries Janis: that's cheating Jimmy: you can't just start imposing rules now Jimmy: too little too late Jimmy: & shamelessly cheating Janis: 🙄 she'd go with anyone for a cream cake Janis: even the least hot one Jimmy: like I said, easy Janis: ugh okay Janis: guess it counts as a win Janis: not happy about it though Jimmy: I'm not happy about doing my back in for her but Janis: needs must? Jimmy: you know Jimmy: how cute that we're finishing each other's sentences though 😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: if you could find a subtle way to let 'em know how goals we're being Jimmy: I've been 😍 at my phone since they came in, don't worry Jimmy: not an amateur Janis: good thing I stopped chatting or it'd be more like 😒 Janis: kinda cute but not really painting me in the best light Jimmy: like you said, only got one job Jimmy: I'll paint you in the best light you've ever Janis: 👍 Janis: you want me to leave it in the tip jar or bit too obvious Jimmy: where'd your sense of humor spring from? Jimmy: MIA a bit ago Janis: that was you Janis: cheek! Jimmy: can't be a comedian which you called me & a moody cunt which you may as well have Jimmy: make your mind up, Jenna Janis: if you can't do what I want and don't do what I don't, without any helpful direction, what kind of boyfriend are you Janis: tbh Jimmy: the fake kind Jimmy: & I'll fake owt you need me to Jimmy: starting as soon as Janis: 😍 Janis: you know the drill, yeah? Janis: swear I'll piss off long before they've even asked for extra sprinkles, probably Jimmy: not my first girlfriend or barista job Jimmy: but that is an offer I can't refuse Janis: spare us both the debrief then 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: actually do hurry up though they're doing my head in Janis: you know they ain't gonna leave with me, yeah Janis: stunned into silence is a big ask, can try but Jimmy: I don't have to try Jimmy: it'll happen Jimmy: & I'll take it Janis: let the 💋 do the talking Jimmy: it will do Jimmy: louder than the bollocks they're chatting Jimmy: I told you, I know what I'm doing Janis: they do that, a lot Janis: should know better than me now Janis: I can try and avoid them out of school Jimmy: best customers remember, I do know Jimmy: & we're doing this 'cause I can't avoid them here Janis: exactly Janis: not forgot Janis: nor am I as dumb as them, tah Jimmy: skip the 'on the previous episode of the CG' bit then Jimmy: nowt you can tell me about any of 'em Jimmy: & even less I'd wanna know Janis: I ain't telling you anything Janis: it's all bullshit anyway Janis: whatever they're saying, that's a guarantee Jimmy: way ahead of you on that, sweetheart Janis: hope that's not the patronizing tone you settled on for your punters Janis: 😬 Jimmy: so you are worried about my job security Jimmy: well romantic 💕 Janis: I told you I weren't that bitch Janis: am leaving though Janis: be there in a few Jimmy: good Janis: what happened to take the time you need, boy Janis: only took a shower Janis: be grateful Jimmy: I said they're doing my head in Jimmy: & you already called me moody so Jimmy: tah for the romantic gesture of showering though Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so you gotta take every opportunity to be as sulky as? Janis: come on, I'll call you lots of better things if that's how it works Jimmy: do you want me to react to you kissing me like 😒 Jimmy: if the answer is yeah, take your time Janis: I thought you had this Janis: was your last gf a glutton for punishment or something 'cos no Jimmy: she weren't fake Jimmy: didn't have to pretend to be into it Jimmy: puts you at 👎 before you've kicked things off Janis: you said it weren't hard Janis: so which is it Jimmy: when did I ever say kissing you wasn't the bane of my life Jimmy: must've been drunk Jimmy: if I did Janis: grow up Janis: kiss's a kiss Janis: unless there's some unsexy scalding issue or similar Jimmy: not part of the deal, baby Jimmy: & no it ain't Jimmy: there's a whole scale of good & shit if you want me to rate you in a bit Janis: oh yeah! Janis: what girl doesn't want that Jimmy: if a kiss is a kiss what do you care Jimmy: don't matter, does it Janis: we don't trust each other, remember Janis: you'll just say I'm shit to be that dickhead Janis: and I know I ain't so who needs to hear more of your nonsense Jimmy: you don't trust me, I never said nowt about you Jimmy: I ain't that dickhead & I don't lie Jimmy: you're just shitting yourself about what the truth is Jimmy: that ain't my fault or problem Janis: sure Janis: your opinion ain't fact Jimmy: never said it were Jimmy: or that I give a fuck if you want it or don't Jimmy: I'm not 💔 that you don't like me Janis: you just called it the truth Janis: and you 100% said you don't trust me last night too so shut up, casual gaslighting here Janis: I wouldn't be Janis: don't like anyone, nothing to get upset about, ain't that deep, ain't that personal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: how many times are you gonna try & tell me it ain't that deep like you don't have shit to lose if this fucks up Jimmy: you shut up, girl Jimmy: focus Janis: oh no, they'll bitch about me in cafes harder Janis: whatever will I do Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: end it then Jimmy: stop wasting my time Janis: as far as foreplay goes Janis: this is topnotch Janis: truly Jimmy: if I cared about you being turned on, we'd have bigger problems Jimmy: be in or get out Janis: don't worry, makes you the same as the rest of the lads Janis: I'm literally walking Jimmy: that ain't what I mean Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: it matters to you or it don't so which is it Janis: come on Janis: ain't doing this for my health Janis: or a laugh, thankfully Jimmy: stop taking the piss then Jimmy: save your 🙄 for them on your way in & out Janis: alright, whatever Janis: I ain't asked you why you're really that arsed so you don't need to ask me Janis: it don't matter Jimmy: I ain't asking Jimmy: I'm telling you I ain't gonna keep threatening to pull the plug every time you have a strop Jimmy: & I'm the one who's acting 12, yeah alright Jimmy: sort your shit or leave me & it out Janis: oh my God Janis: who's told you to Janis: if emojis count as strops then you're fucked Jimmy: piss off Janis: literally just got here Jimmy: you're so fucking Janis: save it Janis: [comes in] Jimmy: [intense eye contact cos we know] Janis: [we know what happens not giving much chance for chat here] Jimmy: [just like we know he shamelessly ain't that good at faking anything] Janis: [when you have to bounce 'cos what was that] Jimmy: [the levels of hot it would be, I literally can't. It's a miracle they ever speak again]
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Janis & Grace
Janis: [When the first snap] Janis: what the fuck Grace: my reaction to you being in my inbox rn tbh babes Janis: what the hell are you doing Grace: none of your business ever Janis: it's everyone's business now don't you know Grace: & that's the only reason that you care Grace: whatever I told him not to post it Janis: are you for real Janis: yeah, he tends not to listen, did you not get that memo either Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: we ALL got it, hun Janis: evidently not Grace: oh you wish Grace: he told me everything so Janis: I bet Janis: for your own sake get over how much you hate me and love yourself a bit Janis: this is pathetic, even for you Grace: get over yourself Grace: nothing I do is about you Janis: this isn't about you Janis: and you know it Janis: come on Grace, fucking hell Grace: like I said, you wish Grace: you think I'm pathetic but what's thinking everyone's obsessed with you? Janis: get a grip Janis: he's vile and this all started because I really did not wish Janis: realistic Janis: is what it is right now Grace: OMG Grace: you first Grace: suddenly you care, I think not Grace: leave me alone, I really was living for it Janis: Yeah I care that you don't make an absolute joke out of yourself Grace: welcome to my world for like years, bitch Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: whatever, I'm not engaging in this with you Janis: I would never do this, none of us would Grace: sure Grace: that's so believable Janis: you're cracked Janis: whatever we might reckon about this family you were raised to have more self-respect than this, it's bullshit Grace: ugh shut up Grace: you're so full of it Janis: full of what Grace: I'm the family disappointment all of a sudden, okay Grace: get real Janis: did I say that Janis: don't feel sorry for yourself when you're the only one who can do something about it Grace: I don't Grace: you're the one trying to make me go there Grace: it's honestly so cringe Janis: Go where Grace: oh please Grace: you're trying to make me feel bad Grace: duh Grace: it's your thing Janis: feel bad because you're letting yourself be used and for literally the most ridiculous reason Janis: yeah, I do Janis: the fact you don't is worrying Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: you should feel bad that you're thinking so much about him when you literally have a boyfriend Grace: but sure keeping telling yourself it's about you though, babes Grace: bet the barista loves that Janis: thinking so much about him? Janis: fuck you he literally publically shamed me, not to mention the fact he lied Janis: it is about me, no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise Grace: he shouldn't have posted the pic, he feels bad about it Grace: & he got beat up so it's not like he hasn't suffered Grace: it's gone now Grace: obvs it's shaming when lads out you Grace: but not my fault or my problem Janis: no he doesn't, Grace Janis: and shames me for what? I haven't done anything wrong Janis: it's fucked he'd do it even if I had done what he claimed but I literally haven't so that's 10x worse than it already was Grace: whatever you say, babes Grace: literally didn't ask Grace: keep your protests for your man Janis: fuck this Janis: go ahead, they're already laughing so why not Grace: thanks so much Grace: didn't need your permission though, never have Janis: yeah, you're really showing me Janis: that's what it is then, yeah Janis: think I actually like him 💔 Grace: It couldn't be less about you Grace: & I know you don't like him Grace: I'm not that stupid Janis: as I said, not about you so Janis: give him all the attention 'cos I ain't rising to it Grace: I meant what I'm doing isn't about you, bitch Grace: not thinking about you at all rn Grace: sorry about it Janis: devestating Janis: I don't care, Grace Janis: sort yourself out, that's all I'm interested in Grace: obvs Grace: keep away from me, that's all I'm interested in Grace: there's no need for us to be having this convo Grace: or any Janis: there's every need Grace: no Grace: there isn't Janis: yes, there is Janis: this is fucked and you're a mess Grace: according to you that's me true to form Grace: so like I said, stop wasting your time & mine Janis: no Grace: ugh Grace: just go away Janis: again Janis: no Grace: what are you even trying to do? Grace: other than cluttering up my inbox just like before Janis: knock some sense into you Janis: everyone is laughing at you, Grace Janis: do you want me to send you the screenshots, and this is after one stupid picture Grace: yeah obvs I want that Grace: don't be stupid Janis: you need to know Janis: imagine how bad it's going to be at School Janis: it isn't worth it Grace: like I don't Grace: like it isn't really bad at school anyway Janis: so you need to make it worse Janis: hand them more ammunition Grace: I already told you, I told him not to post the pic, okay Grace: god Janis: why did you even talk to him Janis: never mind go meet him Grace: to get him to take the picture of you down, duh Grace: but then he talked to me so Janis: and told you what you want to hear Janis: you aren't an idiot, you know it's not true Grace: am I not? since when Grace: that's all I am to you Grace: you're the one telling me what you think I wanna hear rn Janis: this isn't about what's been said between us Janis: you know it isn't Janis: it's not real Grace: this is the first time you've spoken to me since then Grace: you don't get to go back on it like that Grace: that's not real Janis: you haven't spoken to me either Janis: it can all stand if you want, I told you, I don't care Janis: I told you, this isn't about you and me Grace: why do you think I haven't spoken to you, babes Grace: you don't care Grace: acting like you do so you can get what you want isn't gonna work Grace: awks I know Janis: what I want Janis: I have nothing to gain from this Janis: it's you that'll lose everyone's respect, never mind your own Grace: then literally stop talking to me about it OMG Grace: I can't lose what I never had, can I, hun? So whatever Janis: no Janis: come on, that shit matters to you Grace: you have no idea what matters to me Janis: and this is it, is it Janis: not your family or friends, your youtube, nothing like that Janis: this random dickhead who wants to fuck me Janis: that's the hill to live and die on Janis: very convincing Grace: he only wants to cos you won't Grace: if I turned down lads for that there'd be nobody left Janis: you could turn down lads for not having a shred of decency Grace: then who's left? Grace: your boyfriend Janis: plenty of lads Janis: they don't have to be perfect or the love of your life or anything reaching Janis: but you don't have to settle for being part of some stupid fucked up attention grab Grace: stop Janis: you need to hear this Grace: I don't need anything from you Grace: & I don't want to talk to you Janis: I don't care and it isn't from me Janis: it's facts, the truth Janis: you don't get to ignore it, you can't Grace: OMG Grace: I can't keep telling you that I can literally do whatever I want Grace: get over it Janis: why do you want to do this then Grace: why would I ever tell you Janis: you don't need to, I know why Janis: ask yourself, think about it Grace: sure Janis: just sort it out Janis: alright Grace: just leave me alone Grace: go back to that Janis: whatever you want Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: bye Janis: later Janis: [after the tattoo] Janis: get your friendship goals touched up whilst you were there too? Grace: obvs Grace: try to be home as little as possible ever duh Janis: sure Janis: if you're gonna make everyone as uncomfortable as you made Igs then probably for the best rn isn't it Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: you're the only allowed to be OTT with your PDA in the kitchen, I know Janis: yeah, 'cos Iggy is such a prude Janis: more the fact your 'boyfriend' is a horrible person with no respect for you Janis: so yeah, that was nice, put him in that position 'cos you know Mum would never sign off on that Grace: there's no respect for me anywhere Grace: soooo tragic Grace: ugh, get a hobby babes Grace: he offered when Harry got all highkey about my touch up Grace: there was no drama Janis: you first Janis: namely one that doesn't include permanently scarring your body for people who don't care about you Janis: there is drama, you ain't here Grace: & now you care Grace: cos its my drama Grace: you couldn't care less about the amount you caused when you left Grace: honestly such a hypocrite Janis: I still don't Janis: it's you that does Janis: or has always claimed to Janis: so you'll be wanting to fix this Grace: mum knows how to get a hold of me if she wants to go off Grace: be even more hypocritical than you but anyways Janis: none of them want to go off on you Janis: much as that would vindicate you, clearly Janis: they're just really sad for you Grace: sure Grace: excuse me if I don't rush home for that Janis: you love a pity party Janis: and it's all for you, no sharing Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: well I'm busy so Janis: no you ain't Grace: rude Grace: & untrue Janis: you never are these days Janis: aimless Janis: again, sad Grace: go ahead & cry about it if you want, babes Janis: she already has, like Grace: stop trying to guilt me Grace: you're the literal worst Janis: it's nothing but the truth Grace: oh sure Grace: there's nothing to cry about Grace: unlike when you disappeared Janis: yeah, probably have that talk with ma Janis: she disagrees Janis: Ri's here, sure she'll bullet point their stance for you Grace: like I said, they know how to get hold of me Janis: do they Janis: 'cos it ain't connecting, is it Grace: ugh Grace: stop talking Janis: ugh Janis: start listening Janis: and thinking Grace: listening to what? Grace: everyone thinking I'm so stupid & so tragic Grace: why would I? Janis: reason, for one Grace: no thanks Janis: not an option Grace: you don't get to tell me my options so Janis: yeah, I do Janis: unless you're clinically braindead, it isn't an option Janis: again, just facts Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what is it Janis: not got enough attention yet Grace: I've had enough of yours Grace: but you never take the hint do you Janis: nah Janis: you ain't though Janis: you do know he's still messaging me, yeah Grace: how would I know that? Grace: I'm not going through his phone Grace: stalk much Janis: you should be Janis: highly doubt I'm the only one Janis: might want to check your friends whilst you're at it Janis: [screenshots 'cos duh] Grace: thanks yeah Janis: 👍 just doing my bit Grace: v appreciated obvs Janis: know it's not a shock but Janis: you going to dump him when you find out he's physically cheating too or is that all chill too Grace: but you had your 🤞 like Grace: so sorry I'm not 💔 Janis: yeah Janis: wouldn't hate snapping you out of this shit Grace: well I would so Janis: fairytale, is it? Janis: your family pitying you and worried to death, your friends all laughing behind your back whilst contemplating letting him get them on theirs Janis: the Gracie dream, yeah Janis: show me how right I had you pegged when I said all that shit I shouldn't have Janis: that's winning Grace: for you & the barista sure thing 💘💘💘 Grace: I don't get one Grace: & defs not with him Grace: so the fam can be as extra as they want & the girls can be as slaggy as they want Janis: this is self-imposed Janis: the martyr look doesn't suit Grace: IKR Grace: I'm exactly where I wanna be, babes Janis: no, you're not Janis: and no one is buying it Janis: not him Janis: not you Grace: it was his idea to get the tat not mine so Grace: he's obvs hating every moment Janis: nah, he's loving it Janis: the more needy he can make you look, the more points he gets Grace: good luck to the boy Janis: are you joking Janis: obviously Janis: you're aware how pathetic you look because you're doing it on purpose Janis: every post Janis: reading like satire but your audience don't know what that means Grace: sure Grace: this is literally so boring Grace: just make your point so someone else can have their turn Janis: ooh to have an inbox full of #concern Janis: keep it up Janis: might earn the intervention they never bothered having for edie Janis: that'll be nice for everyone Grace: 🤞🤞 Grace: I'll stop short of running away or trying meth though, obvs Janis: nothing #obvs about it Janis: more like her with every new boy and new ink Janis: it's uncanny, really Grace: oh please Janis: I mean it Grace: yeah, you always do Janis: what, you think you're better than her now? Grace: why can't I? you think you're better than me Grace: you didn't fuck him, well done Grace: I did & it was pretty good actually so Janis: fuck who you like Janis: don't marry them and let them treat you like shit for the world to see Grace: I wasn't planning on it but thanks for the tips Janis: you already are Janis: say to little too late but you were warned Grace: get a grip Grace: I am not Grace: we hang out & hook up it's not that deep Janis: you get matching tattoos and wax on about how goals he is like you've got something to prove Janis: not that deep Janis: you're exactly like her Janis: maybe that's what it is Janis: nice to fit in with the 'I don't fit in' crowd, yeah Janis: interesting Grace: OMG I told you that was his idea Grace: & it's how people talk Grace: I'm not like her Grace: shut up Janis: and you therefore HAD to do it Janis: you know, reckon Da's probably a bit TOO nice Janis: can still make a case for why it's okay to have all these daddy issues Janis: the real #goals Grace: seriously STOP it Janis: you Grace: it's not about dad or you or Edie Grace: god Grace: why does it have to be about everyone else Janis: that's what I'm telling you Janis: it's all about you Grace: then stop talking about them Grace: you said that you never get to have anything, that you just wanted one thing Grace: him Grace: why can't I? Grace: why can't I just do something cos I want to Janis: 'cos it's a fucked thing to want Janis: Eds really wanted to do meth and whatever she wanted all the time and guess what Janis: they all let her and she ended up fucked up and then dead Janis: family doesn't let family do that Grace: like you said, they did Janis: like I've said, they were bad parents Janis: I reckon they still are but you can disagree Grace: & you're a bad sister Grace: so am I Janis: Undoubtedly Grace: literally then what does it matter Grace: we're not a family Janis: we are Janis: like it or not Grace: no, we're not Grace: it's too late to act like it now Grace: & you're not a part of it even if we all did Janis: you ain't dead yet Janis: and I am, sorry Grace: I fucking thought you were Grace: do you know that Janis: how would I Janis: you've not spoken to me Grace: cos I can't Janis: you haven't tried Grace: bitch I've tried for years Grace: you don't want to be my sister Grace: you don't even want to be in the same room as me Janis: as I said, we unavoidably are Grace: that literally makes it worse not better Janis: do you want me to apologize for being born? Grace: I want you to stop being such a bitch all the time but it's obvs not ever happening Janis: so you do Janis: alright Janis: I'm really sorry for being born, Grace Grace: apology not accepted, babes Grace: you weren't born like this Janis: neither were you Janis: but I'm not asking you to be sorry Janis: just do better Grace: ugh here we go Grace: every convo is about how much I need to change or do better Grace: you think mum and dad are shit, doesn't mean you have to do their job, hun Janis: clearly, it does Janis: and this one, and most of them actually, is about how you need to not let people treat you like shit Grace: sure Grace: except when it's you Grace: that just needs to happen Janis: can't pick your family Janis: you treat me just as bad Janis: but as I said, don't care if we never talk again Grace: I literally do not Grace: but whatever, if you don't care, go away Grace: I'm not doing this with you, I told you before Janis: sort it out and I will Grace: there's nothing to sort out Janis: not true Grace: true as far as what you want me to do Janis: no Grace: I'm too busy for this Janis: still no Grace: just shut up OMG Janis: no Grace: Janis, seriously Grace: talking to you is like Gus & Diego on their worst days Grace: stop Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: You're the one who doesn't seem to grasp the point here Janis: no Janis: non Janis: nein Janis: nyet Janis: etc Grace: grow up Janis: see above Grace: fine I'll mute you again Grace: have fun Grace: go off Janis: aw Janis: grow up Grace: I'm not the one being childish af Grace: you wish Janis: better than what you are being Janis: so yeah Grace: I'm so sure Grace: whatever Grace: like I said, have fun being ignored Janis: from what you reckon, I won't Janis: but you already knew that Grace: from what everyone reckons, you don't care Grace: you included Grace: honestly over it Grace: that's why I haven't tried Grace: you're literally exhausting Grace: get more back from a convo with any of the cats Janis: Nah, you aren't trying because you don't wanna hear this Janis: at least be honest Grace: I don't wanna hear every mean thought that you have about me Grace: I'm not trying cos you're such a bitch Janis: I've not said anything mean about you this entire time Grace: comparing me to her is a horrible thing to do Janis: only because you think she was a bad person or something Grace: yeah I do Janis: how's that working out for you Janis: we're all so horrible and mean and wrong Janis: does it help Janis: don't think so Grace: obvs not Grace: but she still was & you still are Janis: and what does that make you then Grace: I'm the worse, duh Grace: you've already listed all my flaws off enough times babe Grace: can't not listen to that Janis: so, you are like her Janis: what's the problem Grace: according to you yeah Janis: according to yourself Janis: sit here and tell me you think any differently Janis: if you did you wouldn't let him treat you like this, or them, and then we wouldn't need to have this conversation Grace: Not liking myself doesn't make me her, she doesn't own it Janis: like her Janis: and yes it does Grace: no it doesn't Grace: it's different Janis: how? Grace: it's not about dad for me, for one thing Grace: & my boyfriend is nothing like any of hers Grace: he's not even my boyfriend anyway Janis: what difference does that make Janis: it's all excuses Janis: she didn't like herself and looked in all the wrong places for validation Janis: you do exactly the same Grace: whatever Grace: you've got your heart set on us being so alike, enjoy it babes Janis: no Janis: like I said Janis: it's really sad Grace: not for you, you don't have any feelings about anything ever Grace: just your barista boyfriend Grace: so leave me alone Janis: yeah? Janis: if that makes you feel better, have it on me Grace: it literally makes me feel worse Grace: every time I try & talk to you for you just to say you don't care Grace: but that's how it is, babes so Janis: like I said, you aren't dense Janis: so don't act like you reckon I'd be bothering if I didn't care Grace: you don't care about me Grace: it's not about me, yeah? Grace: I'm so cringe that's as far as you're bothered Grace: Mum's so sad & Rio's actually shown her face for the first time since when Janis: Jesus Janis: firstly, no one BUT you is describing anything as cringe, ever Janis: and secondly, yeah Janis: give a shit about them if you don't me Grace: I do Grace: It was me there when you left & mum and dad were freaking out Grace: taking all the blame for being a bitch so they don't have to hear that you couldn't care less how they feel ever Grace: & you don't wanna be here Janis: so Janis: come sort this then Grace: how Grace: I can't wash the tattoo off Janis: tell them you'll stop seeing him and then do it Janis: for a start Janis: it ain't that deep so what do you care Janis: you care about them, don't you? Janis: prove it Grace: you know what he's like Grace: I can't just stop Grace: he could do worse to me than he's ever done to you Janis: he won't Grace: I don't have another boy waiting to beat him up for me Janis: I'll do it Grace: UM be serious Janis: I am Grace: I would actually have to die Grace: like I need you to fight my battles for me Janis: okay then do it yourself Janis: you don't need a lad to Janis: he's a pussy Grace: you don't Grace: I do Grace: I can't fight anyone Janis: he's not that much of a cunt, he's not gonna fight back Grace: OMG stop I'm not fighting him Grace: this is stupid Janis: I will then Janis: you can't stop me anyways so Grace: can you not Grace: literally just don't Janis: then don't let it come to that Janis: you're not staying because you know what he's like, that's insanity Grace: like its not insanity to dump someone the day you get a matching tattoo with them Grace: okay sure Janis: that's gonna be insanity no matter when you do it Janis: it looks stupid if you get divorced after 25 years Grace: ugh Grace: I'll just stay until he cheats on me then Janis: no that's worse Janis: can't you put one of your friends to use Janis: honeytrap him Janis: they get to pretend to be a decent friend, you have an excuse and you don't look like a fool because you were in on it Grace: okay that's actually not a bad idea Janis: thank you Janis: you have my screenshots so you don't even look paranoid Janis: he isn't subtle or slick so Grace: did he say anything about me? Janis: it doesn't matter what he said, or says Janis: it's all just a game to him, isn't it Grace: you've said everything else you think I need to hear Grace: just tell me, okay Janis: he was just Janis: you know, what you'd expect he'd think I wanted to hear Janis: he's an idiot Grace: duh he obvs slagged me off but what did he say Grace: I need to know Janis: okay Janis: mainly how he was just doing it to make me jealous back and Janis: for an excuse to be around me still Janis: talk about pathetic lengths to go to Janis: but that's the fun for boys like that ain't it, the chase Janis: like you said, if and once I did it we'd both be out so Janis: don't worry about it, like Grace: ew Grace: dad made him dinner and everything that's so rude Grace: did he say I was a crap shag cos that's really not true Grace: & I will have to fight him when I'm done dying Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm sorry but Janis: priorities Grace: did he though Grace: it's more important Grace: I already know he wants to hook up with you, that's not news Grace: !!! Janis: 'course he did Janis: anything to get my pants off Janis: it was almost funny how hard he was trying Grace: I'm not laughing but you do you, babe Janis: well no Janis: who knows what he meant or didn't Janis: it's all bollocks Grace: that he's gonna tell everyone & they are gonna believe Grace: he's a player & I'm a slut it doesn't matter what I do Janis: he won't Janis: 'cause you're gonna catch him out so he's just a cheater then Janis: can't defend that and tear you down Grace: but who am I even gonna ask to do this Grace: literally kill me before I ask Mia Grace: I'm actually gonna be sick thinking about it Janis: definitely not Mia Janis: take the assignment too serious and bae him herself Janis: you need him gone not on the guest list Janis: who's the least shit Grace: she can have him & his shit tattoo ideas Grace: but yeah I'll figure it out Janis: get Sophie to do it Janis: she would and wouldn't be a sly bitch about it either Grace: do you think she would, like seriously? Janis: 'course Grace: ugh okay Grace: do you want me to add you to the convo? it was your idea Janis: that's alright, you've got this Janis: just make him look like the shit he is Grace: duh Grace: thanks Grace: for like Grace: thinking of something Janis: been known to happen sometimes Janis: don't mention it Grace: I really did start talking to him to try & get him to take the picture down Grace: that wasn't a lie Janis: it's alright Janis: you aren't the only one who believed him Janis: I did mess around with him for quite a while Janis: but not as far as he said and not since Jim so Grace: well duh he does have some uses obvs Grace: if he was this cocky with nothing going on nobody would go there Grace: I knew you'd never cheat on barista boy it's ridiculous how much you're into him Grace: just like I knew you were a virgin, excuse you Janis: not good enough to warrant how much of a prick he is Janis: okay, we're done talking about that now Grace: boys are Grace: that's just 99% Grace: if I'd waited for the 1% like you, I'd still be Janis: stop tarring all lads with that brush when you only ever go for that one type Janis: you act like that's such a tragedy, we're 15, over half our year still is Janis: it ain't the norm to be in double digits like Mia Grace: cos I know where I am with that type thank you Grace: & if I have to tell you how good sex is, you're doing it wrong, babes Janis: 🙄 Janis: you could go fuck yourself, literally Janis: like I said, he ain't that good Grace: that's so pre-teen Grace: but if the choice is him or going back to that then sure Janis: yeah no one over the age of 12 wanks Grace: I'm just saying, it's more fun with someone else Grace: you're lying if you disagree Janis: depends on the person Grace: maybe I'm just bored of myself Grace: idk Janis: yeah Janis: well good luck Grace: thanks Grace: I better go home before I do anything 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: joy of joys Janis: least you have something to tell them Grace: did she really cry or did you just wanna hurt me Janis: she did Janis: but it's just about all of us really Janis: like you said, we're not a family anymore Grace: can you remember if we ever were? Grace: I don't think I can Grace: genuinely Grace: not trying to be a bitch Janis: yeah Janis: 'course Grace: ugh obvs he wants to come home with me Grace: please tell him you aren't there 🙄 Janis: are you serious Janis: god Grace: duh Grace: I've been at his this whole time Janis: how have you managed that Grace: not as stupid as you think Grace: & it's not like planned to dump him today so Janis: yeah but are you a psycho how have you sat there with him after hearing all that Grace: I obvs made him go out and get... I can't even remember what now Grace: when you wouldn't take I'm busy for an answer Janis: good Grace: except now he's back Grace: call me & pretend to be mum Grace: you love shouting at me Janis: alright 👍 Grace: thank god boys never notice literally anything Janis: he's quite thick Janis: too many rugby balls to the head Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: is he actually any good? Grace: you'd know Janis: yeah Janis: ain't gonna play for the country or nothing but could probably cruise through a shit uni with it Janis: that's the plan, obvs Grace: Bitch you could've lied! Grace: 💔 Janis: 🙄 Janis: it doesn't make him a good boyfriend Grace: yeah but I'm not going to uni, am I? Janis: you could Janis: do you want to Grace: oh please Grace: I'd never get in Janis: 'course you could Janis: not saying you try for Oxford or nothing Grace: just not that smart, babes Grace: get over it Grace: I don't get to be like Edie that way Janis: okay, will do Janis: pick up your phone Grace: [does] Grace: 👌 v convincing Grace: I'm out Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: you're welcome Grace: IOU Janis: if you wanna, just be happy to see the back of him Grace: whatever Grace: your choice, hun Janis: no doubt if I think of something worth it I'll remember this Grace: sure Janis: talked to Soph yet? Grace: she'll do it Grace: she just got back to me Janis: no doubt be really into that if he realizes we're related Janis: ugh Grace: ew Grace: but yeah Grace: & she's a virgin too so Janis: doublepoints Grace: catch me wishing I was gay again Grace: ugh Janis: true enough, girls aren't as interested in virgins Janis: give you that Grace: boys are OBSESSED Grace: it's so stupid Janis: hoping inexperience covers insecurity in skill Grace: there's literally nothing hot about the freak outs I had when the first few times, sorry about it, boys Grace: but you do you Janis: were you really that scared Grace: duh Grace: I still get them now Grace: I'm just better at hiding it thank god Janis: why Janis: I mean Janis: what freaks you out so so much Grace: I told you, boys are the WORST Grace: they want you to look, sound & feel like a porn star all the time Grace: it's a lot Janis: I've seen the lads you've slept with Janis: they ain't putting in or needing that much effort in return Grace: they don't have to Grace: who's judging them Grace: they get patted on the back just for hooking up Janis: you Janis: there's only you and them actually there during Janis: presumably Janis: why should they not try and impress you too Grace: cos if they disappoint me, they'll try again with someone else Grace: & so will I Janis: exactly, nothing lost Grace: I wish Grace: how they rate me can lose me plenty Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what about how you rate them, like you said Janis: no one is going there if you get that rep Grace: it's not the same Grace: cos I can be clingy or desperate or a slut or anything else negative they want to cancel out what I might say Janis: idk why you're sleeping with dickheads like that Grace: like I said, I know where I am with them Grace: what they want from me & what they don't Janis: doesn't sound very good Grace: it is what it is Janis: but if its shit and it freaks you out ??? Grace: you told me not to tar them all the same so Grace: it depends on the boy Grace: & me freaking out depends on me Grace: it's like shopping or filming or school or whatever Janis: alright then Janis: guess so Grace: if I'm not #feelingmyself 🙄 then I'm not Grace: can't shade the boys for it Janis: yeah but not gonna sit here and saint 'em unduly either Grace: 😂😂 literally don't Grace: exes for a reason, babes Janis: mhmm Janis: how do you Janis: he's not even a proper ex and it makes my skin crawl that I ever Janis: ugh Grace: like you said, I don't get to martyr myself Janis: but it's Grace: ?? Janis: I wish I'd never done it Grace: obvs Grace: I wish I'd never done him either Grace: at least you didn't Janis: you didn't waste much time though Janis: it must've been years Grace: we hooked up a lot though Grace: & I'm not getting any of my time back Janis: didn't need to know Grace: 🤷 Janis: gross Grace: DUH Grace: I literally wanna throw myself in traffic Janis: probably don't Janis: you want Ma to stop crying, remember Grace: IKR Grace: so unfair Grace: but sure I'll 😭😭😭 instead Grace: it's chill Janis: not over him Janis: you didn't like him did you Grace: ew no Grace: I'm not crying over him Grace: just me Janis: I guess you know where you stand with that too Grace: mhmm Grace: the white girl tattoo is a new thing to devastate me though Janis: at least it ain't your first Janis: or his name or something Janis: then you really would have to die Grace: OMG DON'T 😱😱😱 Grace: he'd have never let me though Grace: not that into me Janis: shoulda faked that Janis: he'd have shat himself Grace: now you tell me Grace: 💔💔 too little too late bitch Janis: nah, you could defs amp it up whilst soph is working on him Grace: true Janis: 😂 instead of 😭 Grace: already did the 😭 but sure Grace: let's pretend I didn't Grace: he didn't see it so it didn't happen Janis: I didn't either so Janis: no harm no foul Grace: 👌👌 Grace: are you gonna beat me up cos you don't get to hit him or? Janis: I can still hit him, unrelated to this Janis: he still fucked me over Janis: tried to Grace: yeah Grace: but it has been a while now babes Grace: not saying get over it but like Grace: maybe don't just randomly hit him?? Janis: we'll see Grace: how do you Grace: like I could never hit him Janis: it ain't that hard, I promise Janis: make a fist, and swing, try not to break your hand 'cos that'd be embarrassing Grace: or a nail OMG he's not worth that thanks Grace: & okay but hit him hard though, if you're going to Janis: 😏 Janis: 'course, not planning on tickling him Grace: or letting your boyfriend do it better, duh Grace: I know Janis: look, I can't help being so hard, alright Grace: 😂😂 Janis: do you reckon he'll get the hint this time Grace: maybe when you fight him Janis: yeah Janis: 'cos don't need to hide on the coach every time we have to play their school really Janis: or have all the girls from this school 🔪🔪🔪 Grace: get a restraining order, what else is Buster even good for tbh Janis: 😂😂 Janis: bring it up with Ri when you talk to her, yeah? Grace: oh god Grace: do you think she'll still be there Grace: actually worse than mum Janis: she ain't leaving, she's on one about this tattoo Janis: which is hypocritical but I probably wouldn't start with pointing that out Grace: I won't mention his name on her, like Grace: we get it you're 💍 Janis: you know she won't hear it Janis: they're special, can do what they like Janis: namely each other Grace: gross Grace: I won't point out that I also didn't do it the night we met, mum & dad Grace: you were at school together sure that does not count Janis: 🙄 Janis: and you wanna say I weren't born like this Janis: mess 'fore any of us got here Janis: no hope, babe Grace: I'll use that for my excuse when Ri starts then, yeah? Grace: just come & kill me thanks Janis: she's lucky her kids don't have webbed feet so Janis: bigger problems Janis: get some perspective, sis Janis: definitely traumatizing how often we all heard and saw 'em so kinda her fault, why not eh Grace: is that a thing? 😱😱😱 little like 🦆 babies Grace: awkward Janis: mhmm Janis: all sorts can go wrong Janis: its why the royal family look so weird, they're inbred as fuck Grace: I hate this family so much Grace: ugh Grace: & why do we have to live so far away Grace: just trying to get home OMG Janis: same, I been preaching since day 1 Janis: free house, tah gus snr Grace: 🙏🙏 okay you can be right about it if you hush Grace: v annoying Grace: having good ideas & not being wrong Grace: ew Janis: I know Janis: good at everything and you hate me for it, I remember it's all good Grace: yeah Grace: I'm sorry for the girl code violation though Grace: sooooooo rude Janis: least I didn't actually like him Janis: have to flagellate yourself or something Grace: that'd be okay, Mia takes boys I like all the time Grace: what he did to you was like Grace: & it makes what I did worse so Janis: she just needs to drink their blood, probably nothing personal Janis: and you know, you hate me, got no reason to stick to girl code when you don't for your besties even Grace: but I don't wanna be a bad sister Grace: or like her Grace: even if I do hate you Grace: cos I do stick to girl code, it's Mia who doesn't cos she believes she's a law onto herself Janis: be a good one then, if you must Janis: the others will probably appreciate, I'll try to keep complaints to a minimum Grace: what's that for you though, like don't fuck your boyfriend or straighten your hair? idk Janis: neither of those are ever happening so Janis: yeah Janis: how straightforward is that Janis: you're welcome Grace: thanks so much Grace: good talk, babes Grace: you're okay, you & him Janis: 👍 Janis: leave us the review, some people still don't believe it Grace: I mean, are you? Grace: that wouldn't be my review & you know it, bitch Janis: bit rude Janis: 'course, why wouldn't we be Grace: cos an obsessive fuckboy is literally still in your inbox daily? Grace: just maybe Janis: not like I sit there and chat w him Janis: just tell him to fuck off, more or less Grace: 👌👌 Grace: it'd just be the worst if he'd ruined it, that's all I'm saying Janis: no chance Janis: like you said, been a while Janis: and Jim always believed me so Grace: how is he so cute & so not also a twat Grace: literally never happens Janis: I dunno Janis: he's a bit of a twat Janis: works 'cos I'm such a bitch Grace: oh & I'm a worst bitch so I attract worst twats OMG Grace: I've solved it Grace: maybe I'm not thick Janis: maybe Janis: pretty solid theory Grace: won't get me into uni but still yay Janis: I mean it's just Newton's third law but in relationships, init, don't think you're getting that past plagiarism as your own Grace: but is there any way I can hit up one of my exes tonight & get it past Harry? Grace: you're full of good ideas Janis: say you want a threesome and then make him watch from the wardrobe Janis: idk Grace: sadly none of my exes are girls so I don't think he'd be into it Janis: leave that bit out Grace: also lowkey don't want him to watch me or look at me ever again but Janis: shouldn't be hard actually though Janis: just pie him off and have someone else 'round Janis: you have so much homework, you got your period etc he's not gonna insist Grace: the period thing always works Grace: but it's more can any of my exes keep me off snapchat cos he didn't & that worked out SO great Janis: unless he's that dirty of a bastard and that's an awkward way to find out Janis: oh to be a teenage boy who needs to prove he's getting laid Janis: can't you hookup with a random instead Janis: what the apps are for Grace: I'm trying to feel better not worse Grace: that's just asking for me to freakout Janis: hmm Janis: glory hole it is then Grace: you're so gross Grace: & weird Janis: it's been said Janis: by you, a lot Janis: could keep the pillow over your face but fucked yourself with the tats haven't you Grace: STOP Janis: I'm brainstorming Grace: can you not in your head? Grace: & I'm the dumb one okay Janis: just getting your input, babe Janis: surely one of your exes can keep a secret Grace: I'm 🤔🤔 Grace: but when they're all lowkey or highkey versions of the same boy well Janis: oh lord Janis: just have a wank okay Janis: so much easier Grace: yeah really wanna be alone with myself Grace: love that Janis: sure you and your mates don't circle jerk Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: like no Mia YOU look most like you're dying Grace: shut up Janis: 😩🍆👌😩 Grace: I hate you Janis: yeah Janis: I know Grace: how did I get here? Grace: & I don't mean this bus stop which is a hell of its own making Grace: ugh Janis: shit happens Grace: I'm so calling one of my intervention team to come get me Grace: public transport brings out my acne Janis: may as well Janis: use the attention to your advantage Grace: is dad there? Grace: he'll do it Janis: yeah Janis: can ask him if you want Grace: sure Grace: but why are you there? Grace: you never are Janis: oh yeah, he's actually left me and taken the kids Janis: got to move back in disgraced Grace: v hilarious babes Janis: glad my tragedy got you like that Janis: just happen to be about Grace: is your boyfriend Grace: cos if he witnesses my lecture Grace: how embarrassing Janis: he's seen the post babe Janis: damage done Janis: but won't let him watch, don't worry Grace: but he hasn't heard Ri moming me & being soooo disappointed Janis: we're in my room, you know,not thick enough or a total virgin, to let him 'round her Janis: rule #1 Grace: ugh truly Grace: mum's bad enough Grace: I fucking hate yoga okay Janis: may as well be cracking out the kama sutra on the lawn Janis: it's not sneaky, ma Janis: we get it, you've got 10 kids, you get laid Grace: & you still look good somehow 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: all the fucking obvs Grace: when I have a kid there's no way I'm springing back Grace: I don't go to the gym for like a day & it's like I was never there Janis: let yourself go, way God intended Grace: maybe I will now Grace: then he'll dump me I don't have to get Soph involved Janis: we'd have to put a feeding tube down your throat for them kinda results Janis: effort Grace: oh please Janis: what, how else you getting fat overnight Grace: like I don't know how to binge Grace: get real Janis: you aren't gonna eat 15lbs worth of chocolate in a night Janis: you'd go into a coma before you got fat, sadly Grace: it doesn't have to be overnight, the period excuse is good for days Grace: I've used it more often than I really get mine Janis: you also wanna get laid in that time Janis: you gonna make your ex stop off at maccies on the way 'round Grace: we already worked out my exes are a no-go Grace: unless I wanna be the cheater Janis: 👎 Janis: just stick with the burgers, like Janis: dependable Grace: obvs Janis: get us some nuggets Grace: you're making me hungry rn don't Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: eat up Janis: got loads to put on Grace: ughhhhhhh Grace: as if Mia isn't gonna be enough of a bitch about this Grace: no thanks Janis: when is she not Janis: be a bitch about you wearing a different shade of lipstick so Grace: mhmm Grace: but obvs she like LOVES me & him as a couple Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: duh Janis: she couldn't have masterminded it better herself Janis: though she tried Grace: so over it Janis: mhmm Grace: I need to break up with her too Grace: but him first Janis: just don't keep going back to him like you do her Grace: don't keep making me hate you Janis: what? Grace: you left Grace: that's why I went back Janis: okay so it's my fault Grace: no, cos it's my fault you ran away Grace: she just knows when I feel bad idk Janis: it's her lifeblood Grace: yeah Janis: have her and the other skinny one got a death pact though actually Grace: the goal isn't death Grace: she'd actually love to live forever duh Janis: I bet they egg each other on though Grace: obvs Grace: she does that with all of us Janis: it's fucked Janis: some of the rest are bitches too but none are as bad as her Grace: that's why she's 👑 babes 🙄🙄 Janis: 🙄 Grace: I just don't eat in front of her & avoid the shade, that part's easy Janis: ever? Grace: of course ever Janis: what about sleepovers Grace: like when she's asleep maybe Janis: actual midnight snacking Janis: that's mental Grace: lowkey motivating Grace: never been so thin 🙏 Janis: fucked, is what it is Grace: not like it's the most fucked thing about being in her squad Grace: like you said, she's the WORST Grace: 🤷🤷🤷 Janis: yep Grace: & if I'm worried about what a 💔 boy could do to me Grace: it's literally nothing compared to what she could or would Janis: you know her secrets too though Grace: I'm not that bitch Grace: I don't wanna be Janis: nah but just saying Grace: that's the thing though, she knows I'm not Grace: like he does Grace: ugh Janis: sometimes you have to Grace: I can't Grace: I'm not strong like you are Janis: sometimes it's the right thing to do Janis: don't have to smack her down Janis: though it would be class Grace: you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: where does it end Janis: what's your limit Janis: she can't cheat on you but she's done much worse already Grace: maybe I don't have one idk Grace: too done with myself Grace: it's not like I don't deserve friends like that so Janis: no one deserves friends like that Janis: they aren't even friends it's a stupid thing to call them Grace: I'm not calling them frenemies or whatever Grace: I'm not 12 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: it's just shorthand anyway, like I call him bae but he isn't Grace: they're my boyfriend but none of them are, same difference Janis: call 'em what they are Janis: cunts Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: right, Dad is en-route, had to finish whatever the fuck he was making as per Grace: sure Grace: at least I can have some Janis: probably made Ri's fave 'cos he's blatant Grace: well duh Grace: does he even know what our faves are? 🤔🤔 hmmm? see you dad Janis: tbf you ain't eating and when you do it's gotta be #whitegirlsafe so Janis: pains him greatly, I'm sure 😏 Grace: UM excuse you no Grace: that's just how I drink Grace: & I can't help that okay Janis: 😂 Grace: maybe I'll just strut in & start making cocktails Grace: that's a mood Janis: yeah 'cos Ri ain't gonna take over and show-off her skills on that one too Grace: distraction duh Janis: worth a shot Janis: good news anyway though Grace: has she left cos that'd be the BEST news 🙏🙏🙏 Janis: nope Janis: last I heard he was on the phone though so who knows Janis: if anyone can convince her to piss off Grace: booty call or babysitting emergency, either way, come through please Janis: 🤞 Janis: not sticking around to find out, tah Grace: he'll probably just come over & dad at me too like Grace: thanks so much boy bye Janis: 😂 Janis: like they ain't only 7 years older Janis: just 'cos you popped out kids, don't make you grown Janis: @maandpa Grace: & just cos he put a 💍 on it doesn't make you ULTIMATE GOALS Grace: ugh Janis: 🙄 Janis: shame there's no hot cousins left Janis: do it just to fuck 'em off Janis: you ain't special, lads, soz Grace: ewww Grace: I'm so sick of her & mum acting like they don't have the worst taste in men just cos they found one who stayed around OMG Grace: actually stop judging me Janis: and did dad really stick around or did you trap him 🤔🤔 Grace: truly Grace: we can all get pregnant okay Janis: I better not be able to tah Janis: not having that thing shoved up there for nowt Grace: but like technically Grace: if we weren't on all the conception on earth Janis: maybe none of us since Billie are actually his Janis: she just got way better at cheating #keepitblack Grace: maybe you're not but I literally look like avó soooooooo 🤷🤷 Grace: love what she's done for the bi stereotype though Janis: can that happen Janis: like cat litters Janis: Iggy is his clone so that's another one for him Janis: get in, boy Grace: Diego's on my team too tbh so Janis: done alright then Janis: I just look like if nan got a tan and a perm so deffo none of him to be seen Grace: 😂😂 Grace: that's why you're her fave, babes Janis: right? Janis: both such self-obsessed bitches Grace: & you just wanna hit everyone obvs Grace: loves that Janis: alright, just 'cos I said you're like Edie Janis: drag me Grace: duh Grace: never over it Janis: worked though Grace: I seriously hate you Grace: 👌👌 Grace: you also said you want me to die & I'm still here, bitch Grace: sorry about it Janis: can't win 'em all Janis: even if you're me shh don't tell Grace: literally gonna broadcast it, bye Janis: don't think peeps will believe you but never know Janis: very ready to believe I was a massive slag Grace: honey, nobody ever believes me Grace: it's fine Janis: guilty by association Grace: at least you aren't actually a massive slag Janis: 🙌🙏 Janis: still getting into heaven Grace: duh Jesus loves you, babes Grace: his foot fetish might be devastated that you aren't a slag though Janis: 💔 our lord and saviour is all in a days work for me Grace: just tell him to wait for me Grace: I've got your back, girl Janis: 👌 appreciate it Grace: 💜💜💜 Janis: you'll be glad to know we're off out so less audience 👍 Grace: 🙌🙏 Grace: are you coming back though? Janis: most likely Janis: his dad still hates me so Grace: family dinner didn't change his mind? how rude Grace: I told you to play the race card babes Janis: nah that never happened Grace: awks Grace: did he get dumped? Janis: probably Janis: I wouldn't go out with him if I were a lady of a certain age Grace: so I shouldn't hit him up tonight Grace: tragic but sure Janis: 🤢 Janis: not unless you want your daddy issues to get real Grace: OMG I don't have any Grace: stop saying it Janis: calm down 😂 Janis: you who wanna pipe Jimmy's dad all of a sudden Janis: not his winning personality, I promise you Grace: I've literally never seen him Grace: not that slaggy thank you Janis: 😏 ain't missing much Grace: & with a son like that Grace: awks Janis: Hmm Janis: I know Grace: 💔💔💔 Janis: that's the gist Janis: sure you ain't met him? Grace: men are just grown boys, babe Grace: of course I have Janis: okay you and your infinite boy wisdom 😏 Grace: ugh I wish Grace: me & my infinite boy regrets Janis: 💔 Janis: could be worse Janis: could be pregnant Grace: oh please Grace: not that stupid Janis: please don't Janis: always surrounded by fucking kids as is Grace: I'd kms before I had his baby thanks Janis: 👍 Grace: whatever Grace: I'm done thinking or talking about him Janis: sounds good to me Janis: later then yeah Grace: 👌👌 sure Grace: have fun Grace: I obvs will be living for this intervention so Grace: & I'll tell my exes you say 👋 too Janis: 'course Janis: fill in the appropriate name 'cos all the same Grace: I won't say it too highkey so they don't hit up your inbox as well Grace: v popular these days Janis: 😂 Janis: gutted Janis: such catches, each and every one Grace: mhmm Grace: why I don't need the competition from you duh Grace: already so many girls coming through Janis: yeah, and gotta hang on to Janis: kyle you dumped 3 months ago Janis: obvs Grace: exactly Grace: where are you going? pass my number out to the hottest & worst behaved, yeah? Janis: nowhere you'd be seen dead, I'm sure Janis: but you changing type now? so proud 💕 Grace: my type are everywhere, babes Grace: no need to change Grace: but ILY 💜💜 Janis: I meant they'd never been hot but Janis: backatcha ✌ out 😘 Grace: UM rude Grace: they at least had that going for them Grace: excuse you for stealing the best looking boy in our school for yourself Janis: 😂 Grace: not funny Grace: actually v offensive Janis: take it up with him Janis: not actually kidnapped him, believe it or not Grace: I've had enough rejection for one day thanks so much Janis: I mean Janis: actual rejection was ages ago really babe Grace: IS THAT MEANT TO BE COMFORTING Grace: & my exes are rn so Janis: comforting or rejecting Grace: rejecting obvs Grace: when have they ever been comforting? please Janis: damn they all actually got girlfriends rn Janis: inconsiderate Grace: not even Grace: I'm just that undesirable Janis: probably let yourself calm down first Janis: you'll be coming off batshit rn Grace: mhmm really calming going home to whatever this is Grace: dad is literally being so Grace: just drive OMG Janis: I hate it when he talks Grace: there's no english Grace: I really am getting a talk Janis: 🙄 Janis: just pretend you don't understand Janis: that really winds him up Grace: does the entire fam think this boy is the love of my life or just dad? Grace: ughhhh Janis: I mean we know his concept is a little outta whack Janis: but you did just get matching tattoos so Grace: that'll last like 6 months at most Grace: I didn't put it over my heart, did I? Janis: probably assuming the boy was meant to last at least as long then Grace: 😂😂 Grace: maybe he's forgotten which daughter I am Grace: he lasted longer than 6 days sure but Janis: only you know why but Janis: 👏 Grace: you said you know Grace: was that like a shameless lie Janis: I got my theories, duh Grace: take Em to Di, always some conspiracy with that boy Grace: *them Janis: or you could just 🗣 Grace: what does that even mean?? Janis: tell me Grace: you've got somewhere to be & so have I so Janis: 🤷 Janis: okay Grace: I'm literally talking to you now cos its this or dad Grace: no offense Janis: none taken Grace: 👌👌 Janis: we all would Grace: talk to anyone but dad Grace: yeah sure Janis: anyone is a stretch but you know Grace: not v much Grace: literally idk what to even say to him Grace: any of them Janis: what they wanna hear Grace: you make it sound so simple Janis: it is Janis: you're not with him no more Janis: you never were Janis: you were just hyperbolic on social media 'cos ?? Grace: yeah okay Grace: I can do that Janis: exactly Janis: just get off the defensive, let 'em lecture you, it'll be over quicker Grace: & if I cry Ri can't be that mad at me Grace: it's fine Janis: you'd know if that works Janis: always assumed so or why bother Grace: it works on like everyone Grace: teachers even Janis: yeah, know that Janis: skiver Grace: says you Grace: you literally never go to lessons anymore Janis: well I'm allowed, they were talking about me Janis: bit of a cheek, get your own scandals Grace: well I have now Grace: you're welcome Janis: you've piggybacked off my latest but um Janis: go off Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: 😏 Grace: can I like ask you something without you being so weird about it or? Janis: charming proposal as always Janis: but go on Grace: you said you're going nowhere I'd be seen dead which means none of them would obvs Grace: so like where can I go if I don't want them to find me Janis: and stayinghome is out of the question, yeah Grace: obvs Janis: Hmm Janis: idk Janis: any pub Janis: lbr Grace: except one 🙄🙄 I don't need nan & granddad coming at me with their opinions Janis: well no Janis: it's a big enough town, you can probably still do something you'd wanna and not see them Grace: yeah Janis: can't really do it with a place in mind, if that's what you're asking Janis: you just have to go Grace: okay Janis: but you gotta work out if away is worse 'cos tbh you'd probably have a shit time in some dive so it ain't a cure-all Grace: duh Grace: but its not as if anywhere that isn't is gonna let me in Janis: 🤷 sorry Janis: you've said many times, I don't have no hobbies Janis: probably not the erson to ask Janis: p Grace: 🤷🤷🤷 Janis: can't you just stay home Janis: do your nails, take a bath, all that shit you usually do Grace: sure Grace: but I don't want to Janis: what do you wanna do then Grace: not be alone Grace: not be me for a hot sec Grace: idk Janis: get white girl wasted then Grace: 😂😂 Grace: thanks babes Janis: well that'll do the trick Grace: lowkey already the plan but glad it's endorsed Grace: love that Janis: could be worse, could be meth Grace: if I can't handle spirits I'm not going to do well on hard drugs Grace: sorry I can't go that hard with my comparison for you Janis: 💔 Grace: v tragic Janis: truly Grace: I have to go get lectured now so you do you Janis: 👌 Janis: enjoy Grace: 👌👌
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