#because the nights are preciously reserved for my sadness

[mq-writes-ig]

I am only allowed to be sad at night

In the morning I will paint a smile onto my face and pretend I love the sun

I am only allowed to be sick at night

To hold my heart in my hands and breathe

I have to be recovered in the morning

My playlists of sad songs are only for after twelve

Before that, i am healing

I hold others’ grief and limit mine to when only I can see it

Mom, I’m so lonely

Will you hold my heart for a while?

It is so blue, it makes me cry

Mom, I cannot be your friend anymore

I am not allowed to forgive you

But I can cry for you

Only in the night

In the night, I will mourn

I will scorn your name when the sun rises

-astre

[little-dragon-stories]

Angry Hobi

WC: 3730

Note: established relationship

Fluff/smut

Hoseok was very mad when he arrived home that night, luckily you were there for him.

You and Hoseok had been together for a year now. You were never deceived by your boyfriend. He was always so real with you, so fully committed in your relationship. When he was happy, he was always overjoyed and shared his happiness with you, like the sunshine he his. But when he was sad or stressed out by his work or concerned about his beloved brothers, it was always with you that he spoke out his mind. That happened a lot lately, and you were always listening to him, giving him advice or not, depending on how he was feeling.

That night, when he opened the door of the shared loft he bought for the both of you only 3 months after you started dating in the same building as his dorm, you knew something was really bothering him from where you were standing. His smile was faded and his shoulders seems to be very heavy.

«Hobibaby! You are home already? You were not supposed to stay late at your studio tonight? I thought Jin was having trouble learning the choreo».

«I was supposed to stay late sunshine. But we had an argument. I left the fucking building. At this point, I don't fucking care if he'll be missing the choreography in front of the cameras. I just don't give a shit anymore».

Hearing him swear like surprised you. Hoseok never sweared at all in the last 12 months you have been together.

« Hoseokie... What happened»? You asked him softly, coming closer to take him in your arms. He pecked your lips but went away from you.

«Well.... he said something about the 2 of us! No something about you actually...»

«Me»? You asked, shocked. «What did he say»?

«He is just jealous of us babe. Don't worry about it».

Last night as your boyfriend was working with the choreographer for their comeback, you had spent the night with Jin and Yoongi. You don't remember that anything went wrong. In fact, you had a lot of fun with those dorks, teaching Jin how to cook your homemade soup and bread recipes that he loved so much, Yoongs being the quality judge. You had a really good time with them. At least you thought so....

«Baby, please don't try to spare me. If I don't know what he said about me, I won't be able to face him again. And he is my friend too, I wanna know».

«No. I am not telling you. Don't ask please.... I was so pissed, I almost hit him in the face. I don't want to talk about it anymore».

«Hoseok.... »

«No y/n. I fucking said no».

He yelled at you for the first time. Then he regretted it and took his head in between his hands.

«I am sorry, I am so sorry. You know what, I will just go take a shower and come back ok»?

He didn’t wait for you to answer. He just left. As soon as you heard the water running, you took your phone. You were about to text Jin but somehow, you just put your phone back on the kitchen counter. You will let Hoseok have the chance to explain himself first, you will make him talk, you know he just needs a few minutes before he does so. He was so tired lately, he must have overreacted. After all, Jin is your friend too, right? So he could not have said anything that bad....

You went in the all white and wood bathroom, the only closed room of your loft. You waited for him in the door frame. The smell of his sandalwood and cedar soap invaded the space, making you shiver at the memory of your nose on his neck and your mouth on his stomach. His smell had always drove you crazy. Not only his perfume, but his intimate smell, the smell of his skin. The idea of joining him in the shower and help him relax a little came into your mind but you stop yourself from doing it. You knew Hobi needed this little time alone to recollect himself.

As soon as he came out, you saw his pouty lips and it broke your heart.

«Sunshine, I will tell you. After all, it involves you».

You watched him put a towel around his hips, dry is hair with another one. You watched him put lotion on his face, with those little claps that always make you smile at his "preciousness". Normally at this point, he would have said something about you enjoying the show he was giving you, he would have done a little strip while taking off the towel from his hips, moving sensually. You two would have laughed and kissed. But not tonight, he was not in the mood to play.

After he put his pajamas on, which were basically a white t-shirt and some boxers,  he came closer to you and gave you a warm hug. He then took you by the hand and brought you close to the bed. He sat on it and invited you to sit next to him.

«Hoseokie, I am concerned. Please love, tell me. You are making it difficult for me».

« Alright… so... after I was roasting Jin for missing his moves for the, and I am not exaggerating, the fiftieth time tonight, he was mad at me. I was being very patient I promise you. But he was mad at me and he said "it's easy for you to keep it cool and stay calm, at least, you had sex yesterday so you could release some tension. I don't have a personal sex goddess for me like you do Jung Hoseok! I am tense ok».

«That's it? That is all he said»? You asked.

«No. Let me speak miss impatient».

«Go ahead».

«I asked him what the hell he was talking about».

«Baby, I am sure he already knows we have sex from time to time».

«That's not the point girl. He was very specific about yesterday. What have you told him yesterday»?

«Ooooh! I see where this is going now. Yesterday, first thing he told me when I came in the dorm was "y/n, you look like someone who just had sex. You have red cheeks, swollen lips and your eyes sparkles. He was laughing at me».

«That's exactly what he told me. I were so pissed, I just left. Jesus christ, what did you answer him»?

«Nothing. I just smiled»

«Why did you not denied it»?

«Eeeeeh, cause we did had sex just like, 5 minutes before I went to the dorms».

«What the fuck! You could have denied it, he doesn’t need to know».

You could see Hoseok's cheeks were getting red by now. He was now angry at you too.

«I did not confirm it either. He knows already we have a sexual life, or at least, he could figure this out. Plus, that's when Yoongi came in so I prefered to leave it like that. Why do you care so much anyway»?

«Because he could picture you having sex. And he is not allowed to think about you naked or doing the nasty. You are for me, and only me. Nobody else can think of you like that. Not even my hyung. You should have seen his face when he called you sex goddess, he was almost coming in his pants».

Hoseok were never prudish when he was with you only, but you never heard him being disrespectful or degrading either.

«He has no idea what we are doing together Hoseok. I could be very bad at it, he wouldn't have a clue».

«That's not the point».

«Hobi, you are the only one who gets to touch. So why do you worry so much»?

«Y/n. Are you for real? You know us, Koreans, are very reserved people, we never talk about stuff like that. It's a lack of respect. He shouldn't»…

But you did not let him finish his phrase.

«Oh really now? You will bring my nationality into this? For real? For the first time, you are deceiving me Jung Hoseok».

Maybe he didn't remember at that very moment, but you never forgot all the comments you heard from some people, even from some family members he cherished so much, about the fact you were not korean or, as they said with their lips pinched, at least asian. Those comments had always hurt you so much. But you were able to get over it because you knew Hobi loves you exactly for who you are. And this involves your pale skin, the waves on your hair, your big eyes, your hips and your accent when you speak korean. Hobi pointing out the differences between your nationality hurt your feelings. So you stood up and left the bed trying not to cry in front of him. You didn't really know where to go, since it was an open appartement, there was nowhere to hide. As it was your first fight, you never needed to get away from him.

«I think I will sleep on the couch. Have fun pouting for no reason. When you see clear into this, you will see you are overreacting».

You turned away from him. It was at this very moment he saw you for the first time that night. He noticed you, with your very, very short off the shoulder wool sweater and nothing else but his favorites panties on. The grey-green sweater he bought you in America cause it was "almost" the same color as your eyes on rainy days, or after a long night in the bedroom. How could he not noticed the fact you were not wearing a bra tonight?

« Baby, come to bed. Now».

Something in his voice made you look at him.

«Are you really horny right now Jung Hoseok»?

«Not my fault honey, look at your ass. You know what effect those clothes have on me. Tonight is no exception».

«No Hoseok. I won't suck your dick after what you just told me».

«Who said anything about sucking my dick? Plus, don't talk like that, I don't like those words in your mouth».

«I know exactly what you like in my mouth but you won't have it tonight».

You were still mad so you continued your way to the couch but before you could reach it, you felt his hands on your hips. Those hands that had touched you so many times before had something different tonight. A different grip, different pressure. He turned you so could face him. In the blink of an eye his lips were on yours. You could feel all his anger in the kiss, all his stress and tension. You knew those feelings were not about you, it's not that little argument with him that will change anything you have built together. You knew he was trying to get rid of his tensions through the kiss. You knew exactly what he wanted and you were willing to give it all to him.

As soon as you respond to his kiss, you felt a sigh of relief leaving his mouth. You open your lips to give him the space he needed to push his tongue inside. He was breathing heavily, kissing you feverishly. You knew you were up to some rough sex, something very rare. And you were right. You felt his hand moving under your t-shirt, already pinching your nipple between his thumb and index in a not so gentle touch. With his other hand, he grabbed your hair and pulled your head a little on the side to allowed him more space on your neck. He was kissing the soft skin just under your jawbone, leaving little bites all his way down to your shoulder blade. You always trusted him and you continue to trust him tonight but there were something more violent in him, like a primal instinct guiding him. But still, you knew that at the second you would ask him to, he would freeze and stop everything. So, confident he will never hurt you, you let him play it a little rougher with you. Next thing you know, he is bringing your sweater down, now kissing your breast, curling his tongue on your now hard nipple. You moaned, louder than expected.

« I see you are liking it babe».

«And it surprises you? Don't you know I love your kisses already»?

He did not answered, too busy taking off his boxers. You took care of his t-shirt and as his hands were still up, you licked his neck and kissed it gently. You were about to kiss him lower but he stopped you.

«Tonight it's only about you baby. You deserve it after the way I treated you».

«No, there is no need for it my love»...

But he interrupts you, placing a soft finger on your lips.

«Please, let me treat my girl».

Then he kissed you, lifting you up, your legs automatically surrounding his hips. Not breaking the kiss, he transported you and drops you off on the bed. It only took him a second to get rid of your sweater, exposing your breasts right away. He did not even looked at your almost naked body like he would do usually, too eager to do that little thing he had in mind since he surprised an extrait of Namjoon’s porn video last week.

At the very second your panties were off, his long fingers were on your womanhood, already penetrating you. He was looking at your reactions, a smirk on his beautiful lips.

«I knew it, you are already dripping wet for me. Tell me what you want me to do».

«You know what I love Hoseok».

«Oh! You bet I know. But I want you to tell me what you want, right now. I need it babe. I need you to tell me. Please».

«Well then, keep using your fingers. I love your fingers».

He was now using 2 fingers, pumping in and out of your cunt.

«Like that»?

Your heavy breathing was hinting to him he was doing well but he wanted more from you tonight.

«Y/n answer me or I might stop everything and you will have to finish yourself, in front of me. And be specific».

The mention of you, masturbating in front of him made you open your eyes widely. No way, you will never do that... it's too embarrassing.

«ok ok. Keep that movement. And maybe rub my clit a little».

You felted his fingers, fully covered by your juices, leaving your pussy, tracing their way up to your clit. He was putting more pressure than usual on it. It felt so good, your head fell back on the pillow behind you, your toes curled and that's when he used his second hand to penetrate you as he was still caressing your clit... As he felt your walls tremble and as he as saw you grabbing the drapes under you, he went slowly, almost not touching you anymore and asked:

«You want me to continue»?

« I want you to surprise me baby, that's what I want. Surprise me please».

« As you wish. On your four. Now».

As soon as you felt his hands off of you, you felt the urge for him to touch you again. But you just obeyed his command.

«Love of my life, do you trust me»?

« Of course I do».

«Good. Now, you will love what I am about to do, or I hope so. I will let you have time to adjust and if you really don't like it, I will stop. I want you to feel good babe, only good. Now, lay your head down on the pillow. That's it love, give me your ass».

He rubbed it firmly. You felted  a little weird, with your ass up in the air but you fully trusted him so you stayed in position.

You always knew Hoseok were a butt type. He loves everything about you, your boobs, your hips, your legs, your tummy. But what was the most arousing for him was your butt. Actually, butts in general. So, him demanding that did not really surprise you. You thought he was just about to try a doggy style variation. You were completely wrong.

You heard him open the drawer of the nightstand behind the bed. Surprisingly, you saw him grab the lube bottle and felt the cold liquid invading in between your buttocks but you did not pay more attention to it.

«Close your eyes and let me play. Relax, babe, I won't hurt you. I promise».

He bent over you, used two fingers to open you wider and started to lick your clit right away. His tongue was moving in slow motion, encircling it. You were in ecstasy, moaning his name loudly. He always loved when you were loud in bed. He was using his tongue on your clit, one or two or even three fingers slowly going in and out of you. The other hand, on your lower back, caressing it gently. That's when you felted it. His finger. In an area were they were never before. At first he was just caressing it in circles, gently. As he put more pressure, he pressed it a little inside. You were surprised at the beginning but he did not penetrate it. He was just gently rubbing the skin to prepare you for a little more invading touch.

«Hoseok....» You said, out of breath.

«You love my touch»?

« oh! my god! Yes I love it. I want more. Give me more».

You were panting at the new sensations, moaning and making sounds you never made before, leaving him overjoyed. He flipped you on your back, put your legs on his shoulders and went back at it. His tongue doing their magic, one finger gently making his way inside that new part of your body that made you feel different. He let you have time to adjust a little, but he took too much time in your opinion and you were being impatient.

«You wanted me to be specific. I am giving you specifics. I want that finger in. Now. And stop the licking. I want you to suck on my clit. Now».

He laughed at your new self, the demanding side of you. You never used such dirty words and it took him by surprise, proud of that effect he still has on you. Only a few seconds after he did what you so clearly asked for, he could see you were shivering, on the verge of reaching your orgasm. And you felted it in all your body, that powerful, wonderful and so satisfying orgasm. He helped you ride it by gently continuing his movements».

When you started caressing his hair, he looked up at your beautiful face, that satisfied face you always have everytime you two share intimacy. That lustful look he gave you, reminds you, that poor boy did not come at all but you saw him grab his member and stroke it two or three times and that was it. He came all over the sheet, laughing.

He came closer to you, laying half of his body on you, putting his weight on the other arm.

«I am so sorry baby, I was selfish».

«Don't be, I am the one who said it was all about you. Plus, I was so excited as you could see, I wasn't gonna last long anyway. How did you like it»?

«It was wonderful, as always. You always take good care of me. And for a surprise, it was definitely a surprise».

«That's because you deserve nothing less than the Hobi royal treatment».

He kissed you gently and you could taste your juices on his lips. He then rubbed his nose on your cheek and started to talk gently.

«Y/n, about that conversation earlier»...

«Just forget it, I know you did not mean to hurt me. I know you are not ashamed of my nationality at all».

«Of course I am not. I am so proud of you. We will have the cutest babies of the entire universe, if they look like their mom that is. Also, I am sorry I overreacted about Jin's comments. I know you will never betray me, and I like to think he would not try to sleep with my girlfriend either. Maybe he was just really upset because he is not getting some, and he knows I am having the best sex ever with you».

You lifted up your head and look at him in the eyes.

«How would he know this is "the best sex ever"».

«Well, I may or may not have bragged a little in front of the boys a couple of times».

«Hoseok, noooooo. Why? Were you the one saying you don't want them to picture me naked»?

«Well, I am full of contradictions, you should know it by now».

You both laughed at it.

«Plus, they always make fun of me, saying I am easily scared at everything. I wanted to show them I am a man. I wanted them to know you are mine. I wanted them to know you are a very satisfied woman, so they don't try to hit on you».

«They already know you are a man baby, plus they don’t want me this way.  But that's allright. Show them your manly side. You know, they would never try anything on me, they know we are together and they love and respect you way too much».

«You might be right».

«When am I not? Tell me».

He was caressing your tummy softly, his breathing getting slower and deeper. You gently pat his hair, knowing he loves it and it helped him to fall asleep.

«Baby, close your eyes. We will shower tomorrow morning».

«And have a round two in the shower»?

«We'll see about that. Maybe, it will be my time to please you... there were a few things you said that gave me bad thoughts tonight».

Waiting for him to answer, you lower your head to see a big smile on his face, slowly falling asleep. You kissed the mole on his lips, and tell him you love him before falling asleep as well.

[lethe-distillery-blog]

Never Alone

"Don't tell me you doubted that I would be here." I couldn't lie to her, not that I made a habit of doing so in my daily routine, but to her of all creatures. She deserved my respect and my integrity. I wanted to believe her, I wanted to believe that I was worthwhile, but I knew better.

"Sh," Nott's voice was soft near my ear, a gentle sound, the whisper of a breeze on a still night. "He still doubts that I will come for him when he needs me," the lady of night only relaxed her hold slightly from where she had been cradling me against her as her daughter approached. Sad when it was the closest thing I knew to the way a mother's love was supposed to feel like.

I saw the tears in Luna's eyes and it ripped me apart. It positively killed me that I hurt her when all I tried doing was loving her, how I tried being my best for my lady and all I was was useless shit. I felt the soft brush of fingers against my cheek as she lightly took my chin and turned me to meet her gaze. Her quicksilver eyes were kind, not harsh and condemning. That was almost worse, with anger I would have known what to do, how to deal with it. With this, caring, I was clueless. "Where are you?" How could I answer that without ripping apart her precious heart? How could I be so selfish to not only need her when I was falling apart, but also tell her what hurt me, and watch as it, in turn, hurt her? I couldn't.

"I'm alright," not really a lie, but still it tasted bitter as it slid past my lips.

She kissed me for that, a soft tender thing that broke me more than if she had grown angry and lashed out. She wrapped me in her arms, mother, and daughter holding me as if I really was worth something. As if, to someone at least, I held some sort of value. I heard Nott's voice over my ragged breathing, the machine in my breast doing its best to activate, to lock down all emotions and leave me empty and worthless, not that that changed much from my current state but at least it wouldn't hurt so much to still be worthless. "Someone was cruel to him today," Nott's voice was sad, her dark hand rubbing my arm to provide a comfort that was alien to me. How did she know what had happened? Honestly the most that she had gotten out of me was that I wasn't alright and so she had held me until my Luna had come.

I felt Luna flinch, I had told her some stories of my past. The constant living reminder that I was nothing but a disappointment to those that knew me because I didn't have a respectable career, that I was too far gone inside my imagination, that I was too much a beast, a thoughtless animal for them to bother with. "Baby," her voice broke on the word as she lifted my chin to look down at me. "Why didn't you tell me?" Then she choked on something caught between a laugh and a sob. "Because no one ever taught you it was alright to open up, that you have feelings, and your feelings matter." I hated the first part and doubted the latter.

Luna and Nott rocked me slowly, not expecting me to speak, it was something that I loved them for, that when the words came. Regardless of whether it was a couple minutes or a few weeks, they would be there for me, able and willing to listen as I finally managed to piece words together for how it felt inside. I was shit at putting words to my own thoughts and feelings, I could express it through other mediums. My writings, my little stories, or sometimes music, but trying to express my own feelings had always been hard on me. I simply hadn't been allowed to except in small and preciously few moments and even those were landmarked by mines and warnings that I better not say the wrong thing. Here, with them, I was free to fuck up my words, I was allowed to be selfish and self-centered instead of being made to think that others had problems so how dare I bring mine up, here, I was allowed to fall apart and that was alright.

"I love you," it was the closest thing to a thank you I could muster; not that I particularly knew the ins and outs of that, but it was all I could manage. It was all that seemed fitting in this moment, in this pain and what they offered to me without reservation or hesitation. But what Nott spoke was true, I did doubt them. I did doubt every day that night would fall and bring my mother figure to me, and often I knew during the winter months my beautiful lady love stayed asleep in her nest of clouds. I didn't blame them, I wouldn't want to be around me either if I had any choice in the matter. "I love you, and I'm sorry that it's coming from someone like me."

Luna kissed me again, the butterfly soft touch of lips against mine and Nott held me tighter, pulling my back against her warmth, her openness and understanding. She cradled me there with a touch I had never known before her daughter had come into my life. "I love you too, and I am glad," Luna's voice was soft, her cheek pressed to mine and I savored the contact, "it's from someone like you."

She was magic. Well, that much was obvious. But she was truly, the definition of magic, making me feel like I mattered when I knew I didn't. She was dangerous to me, she could destroy me. "Please," I hated the edge of panic in my voice, "don't leave me alone."

"I am always with you."