#beefy andrew appreciation post

[czenzo]

czenzo fic masterlist

All for the Game | The Foxhole Court

♠︎ Overcome ( G / 3,495 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Andrew Minyard/Neil Josten, Sir & King, Animal Sickness, Domestic Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending

♠︎ red plaid, yellow stitching ( E / 1,306 ) – ao3

Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Pining, Plaid Pants, Shower Masturbation, Fantasising

♠︎ soft and sweet, firm and steady ( E / 1,658 ) – ao3

Andrew Minyard/Neil Josten, Post-Canon, Weight/Muscle Gain, Thigh/Arm/Stomach Fixation, Soft Beefy Andrew Appreciation

—

Ao No Exorcist | Blue Exorcist

♠︎ The Joys of Working Retail ( G / 5,039 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Okumura Yukio/Shima Renzo, Alternate Universe: Convenience Store, Modern AU

—

Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

♠︎ Go Big or Go Home ( G / 4,348 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Aizawa Shota | Eraserhead & Shinsou Hitoshi, Sickfic, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort

♠︎ Misguided Ghosts ( M / 4,292 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Aizawa Shota | Eraserhead & Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Alternate Universe – Lockwood & Co, Ghosts, Angst

—

Carry On | Simon Snow

♠︎ On the Hunt ( M / 8,402 / ongoing ) – ao3 / tumblr

Simon Snow/Baz Pitch, Werewolf Simon, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

—

Haikyuu!!

♠︎ nobody loves you like I do ( G / 5,862 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss

—

Heartstopper

♠︎ falling for you all over again ( G / 3,445 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Temporary Amnesia, Comfort, Group Chat Shenanigans

♠︎ Nick and Charlie (& Nellie) ( T / 3,381 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, 5+1 Things, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Nellie getting excited and interrupting

♠︎ Seven Years ( M / 16,259 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Post-Canon, Post-Break Up, Adult Nick & Charlie, Exes to Friends to Lovers

♠︎ Thick Thighs Save Lives ( E / 2,974 ) – ao3

Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Post-Canon, Thigh and Ass Fixation/Worship, Mutual Masturbation

—

Harry Potter | Marauders

♠︎ now I hold the guilt on my hands ( E / 1,662 ) – ao3

Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/James Potter, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex (sort of), University AU

♠︎ you fit well together ( T / 8,693 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, 5+1 Things, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship

—

Inazuma Eleven

♠︎ food (and a kiss) is the best medicine ( G / 3,585 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Genda Koujirou/Sakuma Jirou, Sick Fic, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss

—

Lockwood & Co.

♠︎ Consequences ( T / 2,335 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, Fluff & Humour, poor attempts to cover up a hickey

♠︎ In Record Time ( T / 5,117 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Quill Kipps/Anthony Lockwood, Soulmate AU (shared injuries), Light Angst, Sharing A Bed

♠︎ Just An Act ( T / 6,360 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, Case Fic, Jealousy, First Kiss

♠︎ Misdial ( G / 20,348 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, Modern/University AU, called the wrong number AU, First Kiss

♠︎ Revenge ( T / 1,514 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, sequel to Consequences

♠︎ Skullyle Internet Friends Series – ao3 / tumblr

Pretty Boy ( T / 2,086 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Missed Call ( T / 3,440 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/The Skull, minor/brief Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, Internet Friends, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Mutual Pining

♠︎ step into the moonlight (and throw your weight into me) ( G / 1,439 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle & Anthony Lockwood, Angst and Comfort, Book Spoilers

♠︎ The Final Applicant ( G / 2,832 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lockwood POV, Lucy’s interview, Rewritten Canon

♠︎ Young, Alive, Together ( T / 4,363 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood, Valentine’s Day, Angst, Poltergeists, First Kiss

—

The Quarry

♠︎ Summer Loving ( M / 13,097 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Abigail Blyg/Nick Furcillo, Crushes, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Pre-Canon, Rewritten Canon, Post-Canon

♠︎ The Quarry: Prologue ( M / 6,433 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Rewritten Canon: the game’s prologue, in the form of a written story

—

Yuri!!! On Ice

♠︎ meet me in the morning when you wake up ( T / 1,391 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Angst, Death, Old Age, Memory Loss

♠︎ sea, sand, and sun lotion ( G / 849 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Beach Day, Fluff

♠︎ warmth ( G / 782 ) – ao3 / tumblr

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Fluff, Blizzards & Snowstorms

[amiandthechaos]

Thriving

Neil remembered reading about a study somewhere that claimed that the more you looked at a person, the more attractive they became.

That must be what was happening with Andrew.

Neil had never been exactly subtle with his staring before, but it was starting to turn into a problem when all he wanted to do was look at Andrew. And play exy, of course.

Most days he got to do both at the same time and it was the best part of his day.

Then again, that study had probably been about looking at people for a relatively short period of time, and while they didn't change, your perception of them did. Andrew had been slowly changing and Neil hadn't stopped looking at him for the past two years straight.

The lack of drugs in his system combined with living through the first relatively stress-free period of his life meant Andrew's appetite had increased quite a bit.

It was impressive to watch, really. He started putting away almost twice as much food as before, and then as a consequence started lifting more too, putting energy behind his gym sessions that Neil had never seen before. Andrew didn't like to admit it, but Neil knew he was tracking his progress and felt accomplished whenever he hit a new goal weight. Neil was proud of him every time.

On the other hand, Andrew would never weigh himself unless Abby required it for checkups, but Neil knew he couldn’t care less about that number.

Which, of course, drove Kevin absolutely up the wall. He had been in Andrew’s case about his eating from the very beginning.

“That’s not healthy.”

“You’ll ruin your performance.”

“Do not get another serving.”

“You’re making yourself slower.”

Andrew hadn’t bothered to respond to him the first few times and merely limited himself to showing Kevin up in court, where, if anything, Andrew was moving even faster than before and the power behind his swings was downright frightening.

Still, Kevin wasn't anything if not persistent and he kept berating Andrew for every choice he made. Neil was surprised Andrew had played indifferent so long, but he himself was getting sick of Kevin's rude comments.

"And another thing," Kevin continued as they tried to play the movie Nicky had chosen. "You could have gotten the fruit options."

"I did," Andrew replied enthusiastically as he took the ice creams from the freezer. "Strawberry and mango."

"Yeah but you got those for Neil, you're not eating anything other than full-fat cookies and cream and chocolate."

Andrew didn't dignify that with a response. Neil was already on edge from trying to get the DVD player to work after Nicky and Aaron knocked it over earlier. He gritted his teeth and stared at Andrew and Kevin in the kitchen.

"You think you burn all those empty calories off in the gym and in the court, but if you did, you wouldn't be growing a belly."

Andrew froze, and the whole dorm with him. Even Aaron and Nicky stopped fighting over the good bean bag chair and looked up.

So far, Kevin had only commented on the food itself, both the quality and quantity, as well as the hypothetical consequences it would bring to the court. He had never mentioned Andrew's body, an invisible boundary that Neil thought Kevin wouldn't be stupid enough to cross.

Andrew was deadly still, his back to Kevin, and Neil's blood was boiling, so he decided to do something about it.

"Hey-"

He barely got a word in when Andrew shoved Kevin back against the counter, tip of a blade less than a breath away from Kevin's chin.

"Shit," Nicky breathed out.

Neil didn't like seeing Andrew being this violent in any circumstances, but part of him couldn't help but be glad Kevin wasn't getting away with every stupid thing to come out of his mouth.

Andrew calmly looked into Kevin's eyes. Kevin was a lot less afraid of Andrew as he had once been and a lot more courageous in general, but still, he knew the kind of thing Andrew was capable of.

"Anything else to add?" Andrew asked him and let the blade graze Kevin's skin.

Kevin swallowed. "No."

Andrew waited another beat and then stepped away from Kevin, grabbing the ice creams and headed for the living room.

No one else spoke the rest of the night, and when Neil finally got the movie on, he sat down with a big scoop of cookies and cream ice cream just to spite Kevin. Kevin glared at him, but then so did Andrew because he was eating some of his ice cream.

Kevin did stop bringing up Andrew's habits and body, especially after ExyWorld magazine named Andrew the most sought-after goalie in Class I Exy. Still, he eyed Andrew's platefuls of foods with distaste and made loud comments about his own nutritional achievements, whatever they might be. Neil wasn't paying attention.

Neil was paying attention to the way Andrew's biceps bulged when he reached up to towel off his hair after a shower. The dorm was empty, Kevin having gone out with Thea for the night and everyone else too busy with studies to bother them.

They had already done stuff… twice, actually. And then Andrew had sent Neil out of the room, so Neil showered first and then waited for Andrew to do the same.

Andrew had no problem being shirtless around Neil now, which Neil both appreciated immensely and also found destructive for his already limited attention span.

"Stop looking at me like that," Andrew told him.

"Like what?" Neil asked, still looking.

He merely raised an eyebrow as if it should be obvious.

They didn't so much cuddle as they laid next to each other, sometimes touching, sometimes not, and each doing their own thing. Andrew would read or play with his phone, and Neil would watch a game on Kevin's laptop or take a nap. Recently, though, Andrew had been using the video game console Neil bought for him. He'd seen Andrew eyeing it at the store once and knew he would never buy it for himself. Neil didn't understand video games, but he did understand Andrew and he wanted him to have something for himself that he didn't have to share, and this colorful hand-held device was perfect.

Andrew kept it hidden from both Aaron and Nicky and only used it when they weren't around, and even though Neil didn't understand the games, he liked to watch Andrew play. He particularly liked it when Andrew worked on his digital island.

Andrew grabbed the console and got on the bed next to Neil. He smelled clean and fresh and Neil wanted nothing more than to press his face against Andrew's neck and breathe him in, even though that's exactly what he had been doing half an hour ago.

"Can I lie on your chest?"

Andrew looked away from the screen to stare at Neil. They had never done that before. Andrew sometimes let Neil touch his bare chest, but having his head there casually was new and Neil wasn't sure how Andrew would feel about it. He seemed to be considering it.

"Yes."

He made space for Neil, opening one arm for him to tuck himself there. Andrew's skin was cool against Neil's cheek, but he would warm up soon enough with this closeness. When Neil was settled, Andrew draped his arm around him to hold the console with both hands. Neil was trapped in the best way possible between Andrew's chest and his bicep.

Andrew was soft and sturdy all at once and Neil couldn't help but sigh in comfort. Feeling the muscle underneath made Neik think about all the work Andrew put into his bench presses at the gym. His pecs were easily twice as big as Neil's.

Neil watched as Andrew watered the flowers on his island and listened to his heartbeat. It had been rather fast a moment ago but it was now calming down. Neil almost smiled.

"Hand on your stomach. Yes or no?"

Again, Andrew considered the question but it took him less time now. "Yes."

Neil placed his hand on Andrew's stomach and did smile then. His fingers twitched, but he kept his hand still, the only movement coming from Andrew's breathing.

"You can move your hand. If you want," Andrew said. Neil nodded.

He didn't know what it was about Andrew's body recently; in general Neil had never really gotten what the hype was all about when it came to body parts or features. After all, Andrew and Aaron were practically identical-- or had been, Andrew's recent changes had been making the twins easier and easier to tell apart-- and yet Neil was most definitely not into Aaron.

But his current adoration for Andrew's soft and strong physique was undeniable and he didn't care to scrutinize every single reason why, he just wanted to bury his head in Andrew's chest and have his hands around every curve, muscle, and dimple that Andrew allowed, showing him how much Neil appreciated all that he was.

So Neil slowly moved his hand over Andrew’s skin, seeing some goosebumps erupted along the way near his thick waist. Andrew didn’t react otherwise and just kept playing, but Neil thought he was enjoying the contact. They didn’t practice a lot of non-sexual touching but if Andrew was okay with it, Neil would like to do it more.

They stayed like that for a while, Neil running his hands over Andrew’s torso and feeling like he could do this forever. Andrew needed to know how beautiful he was.

“You know I like your body, right?”

Andrew tensed. “Shut up.”

Neil stilled his hands, careful for a moment. “Shut up as in ‘Don’t ever bring this up again’ or shut up as in ‘I hate you’?

Andrew had already asked him in the past not to say certain things to him, so if this was the case again Neil will never mention it in the future.

Andrew’s heart beat faster. “I hate you.”

Neil smiled. “It’s true. I’d never said it so I wasn’t sure you knew.”

“I’ve never said that to you either,” Andrew pointed out.

“Yes, but you didn’t have to. I know.”

Andrew twisted his head down to look at him. “Oh?”

Neil shrugged. “You said you wanted to blow me.”

Andrew looked back at the game. “That doesn’t prove anything.”

“Well, I just wanted to make it clear. I really like your body.”

Andrew was quiet for two heartbeats. “I hate you. Shut up.”

Neil began moving his hand again and snuggled his cheek into Andrew’s chest a bit more to emphasize his point. Slowly, Andrew’s heart returned to a normal, calm beat and Neil thought that if this remained the same, then everything else could change around them and maybe he’d be okay after all. They would be.

[frisslimbim]

Beefy Andrew my beloved<3 but may I request Beefy Renee?

Okay listen up; just because this club is called “Beefy ANDREW Club” doesn’t mean we don’t support beefy foxes supremacy. They are literally all athletes so they gotta be buff in one way or another. So here’s beefy Renee.

[fictionbitch-6]

I have read about Andrew's amazing biceps and shoulders 'cause my son is so beefy, BUT have you ever considered Andrew Minyard's THIGHS? As far as I know, Andrew does cares about style and stuff like that, so, I don't believe he walks and shows his ass looking like a Dorito, with this I mean, like super broad shoulders and skinny legs. And well, think about Neil running soft fingers and gentle caresses along them... so please, consider those thighs.

Thank you for attention.

[literary-shitstorm]

(cross-posted on AO3)

N.J: Hello guys, my name is Neil Josten!

A.M: …Andrew Minyard.

N.J: And we’re Professional Exy Players and today we are going to be reading Thirst Tweets!

*cue intro*

N.J: Ah, okay, here we go….oh uh…Jesus (pulls out a tweet ) (starts laughing)

@Jostenslefttoenail: I saw Neil spit blood once during a game and all I could think about was how I wanted to use it to baptize my children.

N.J: (still laughing) I can confirm that I’ve been told I’m downright angelic by almost everyone in my life- take it or leave it.

A.M: (stares directly at the camera)

N.J: I don’t know if anyone else here can speak Minyard- I’m getting exposed. Is that what Nicky says? Anyway, ‘Drew? Do you want to read the next one?

A.M: No. (pulls out a tweet)

@AndrewMiniyard: Andrew Minyard could use his beefy ass arms to massacre the ones I love most and I would still let him use my body as a pavement

A.M: I don’t need you to let me; if I wanted to use your body as a pavement, guess where you would be.

N.J: Oh my god, we’ve had conversations about this. He doesn’t mean it, I promise.

A.M: Neil Josten is a pathological liar.

N.J: Anyway, (laughs) onto the next one I suppose (pulls out a tweet)

@teninthestreetsoneinthesheets: I don’t know if the Minyard-Jostens’ are planning on adopting anytime soon-but I will in fact call either of them daddy at any given period.

N.J: We already have two children and quite frankly I would be horrified if either of them called us daddy. You see (starts to tap on his phone), I got this thing in the post and the photos-

A.M: No one wants to see our monstrosities of cats, Josten.

N.J: I beg to differ, I made King has more Instagram followers than Aaron.

A.M: It’s what they both deserve. (pulls out a tweet)

@deBOYDofemotions: Watching Neil Josten constantly roast reporters has given me nothing but happiness and a degradation kink

N.J: I’m happy I’ve assisted you in your self-discovery, I guess?

A.M: I’m not.

N.J: Oh, don’t act like it doesn’t-

A.M: (stares directly at N.J)

N.J: (stares directly at A.M)

*cut*

N.J: -okay sure, let’s move on, even I am not immune to the wrath of a Minyard.

A.M: (scoffs)

N.J: (pulls out a tweet)

@JostensJorts: (to honor my username) Can we appreciate the fact that Neil has the dress sense of a 3-year-old with a ‘Karen’ for a mother yet we would all open our legs for him without question?

N.J: First of all-

A.M: You’re right.

N.J: It’s really not that bad.

A.M: You’re a disgrace and an embarrassment to humankind. I hate you.

N.J: Gosh, Andrew, not in front of the camera. Also, leg raises are an excellent exercise for building-

A.M: Disgrace. (pulls out a tweet)

@MoistMinyards: I want Andrew Minyard to devour me the way he devoured the ice cream in that video.

N.J: I had never really been a fan of the internet until the day that video went viral (laughs and wheezes), it really made my month. It’s an incredible sight to behold.

A.M: For everybody who wouldn’t leave me the *REDACTED* alone about it, it was Haagen-Dazs.

N.J: Everybody send Haagen-Dazs to my PO Box so I don’t have to keep going to the shop at 3 am.

A.M: Why would you say that? Idiot.

*cut*

N.J: Anyway, we have been Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard and this has been Thirst Tweets.

A.M: Thanks, we hate it.

*end*

//I've never written anything in this style before but I had this idea and I have no clue if anyone has done it before but it was haunting me I'm sorry for what I've created.

This, like, isn't funny but give me a break I tried.

[gdiblake]

Fetish Boots and Bullwhip: Midnight with Madame Wanda

Picture this, a decaying manor house, grimly clinging to its former grandeur, standing isolated deep in the English countryside, and inside it a dominatrix called Wanda blew smoke rings and admired her skinny behind in the full length mirror nailed to the wall of her modest dressing room. Touching six feet in heels, late twenties, Wanda was a pale beauty with exquisite features, tall and willowy, hardly any tits, with her long black hair tied up into a bun, smokey eyes and crimson lips. She looked good, and felt hungry to inflict pain. Her pussy was already tingling at the thought of splitting flesh with her bullwhip, making the little bitch down in the dungeon squeal for mercy.

The boxy windowless room, lit gloomily by a low watt bulb, was sparsely furnished and carpet less, containing a solid oak chest of drawers, crammed with bondage clothing, make up and sex toys, with an armless office swivel chair pushed against it. Mozart’s ‘Requiem’ played tinnily on a pair of little speakers connected to her smartphone, helping Wanda focus on the rituals of degradation she was to perform. She stubbed out her cigarette and checked her outfit, pleased with her minimalist choice of wet look leather thigh high boots with kinky heels, black studded body harness with straps covering her nipples with matching waist band and leather garter.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs broke her self-absorption. A hard rap on the door.

“Mistress Wanda, it is midnight,” came the gruff voice of the Servant.

Wanda picked up her bullwhip and cracked it in front of the mirror, feeling her power, heels clicking on the concrete floor as she turned and headed for the door.

The cellar was dank and cavernous, used formerly to house a wine collection it had been transformed into an ersatz torture chamber, with a pillory, a wooden framework to secure head and hands mounted on a steel post drilled into the concrete floor, the centrepiece of the makeshift dungeon. Next to it a robust oak table covered with assorted BDSM paraphernalia including bondage mitts and cuffs, nipple clamps, speculums, floggers, butt plugs, spanking paddles and a strap on dildo. Some of the items were still covered with the shit, piss and blood of their previous victims. The cellar was atmospherically lit by half a dozen candelabras, whose long candles had been assiduously set alight by the Servant.

A squat, bulky and powerful man with a shaven head, dressed in a white shirt with a Windsor cut and black tie, blood flecked white gloves, grey waistcoat and black trousers, the Servant had worked up a sweat preparing the Slave for Mistress Wanda and he had rolled his sleeves up his beefy arms.

“You have prepared the chamber well,” said Wanda, her accent cut glass aristocratic, honed at stage school years a decade earlier.

“Thank you ma’am,” said the Servant bowing.

She pointed the bullwhip at his bare arms, regarding him disdainfully, “I appreciate the prepping can be arduous, but really we must preserve our standards…”

“The paddle Miss?” asked the Servant hopefully.

Wanda rolled her eyes back theatrically, “Of course…”

The Servant shuffled over to the table and picked up a studded wooden paddle which he obsequiously presented to his Mistress.

“Well hold this,” Wanda said irritably, holding the bullwhip out. ‘And assume the position.”

The Servant took the whip and meekly bent over. Mistress Wanda gave his buttocks one mighty thwack, eliciting a moan that ended with a prolonged ‘Ooh…’

“That was a rather camp ebullition,” said Wanda, arching an eyebrow as they exchanged whip and paddle.

“Go and tidy yourself up. Return promptly in 30 minutes with a cup of Earl Grey.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you ma’am.” Mistress Wanda dismissed him with a waft of her free hand. She watched him ascend the stairs and exit out the cellar door. Now for the Captive, groaning on the far side of the chamber. She picked up a candelabrum and went over to meet the flesh.

The Captive was secured to a wooden St Andrew’s cross attached to the far wall, standing on the balls of his feet and facing frontwards in an x shaped position as leather wrist and ankle restraints dug into his meat, moaning softly and rendered mute by a ball gag the Servant had tightened into place. He was an unremarkable and hairy middle aged man running to fat with thinning blonde hair parted at the side. Mistress Wanda stood before him, bullwhip in one hand, candelabra in the other, her repulsion evident as she appraised him.

“Eeww.”

Antipathy wrinkling her perfect visage, Wanda coldly stated, “I am the hammer, you are the anvil.” She flicked his uncircumcised half hard cock with the bullwhip.

“You really are a ghastly little specimen.”

Wanda carefully placed the candelabra down to the side of the Captive so he was clearly lit and dropped the bullwhip on his feet. She took a candle and held the flame near the tip of his cock, just close enough so he feels intense heat but it doesn’t burn his cock. The Captive tried to cross his legs but succeeded only in pointing his knees at each other. Madame Wanda’s derisive laughter echoed around the chamber.

“I’m the best in breed, you know, and here I am with a frightful little commoner for company,” breathed Wanda into his ear.

“I’m beautiful aren’t I, almost flawless. Wouldn’t you love to kiss these full red lips,” said Wanda, licking his cheek and tasting a mix of cologne and moisturiser. The Captive shakes his head obediently, fear and excitement coalescing to create a curiously glazed expression.

“Kisses, bitch,” said Wanda, dripping candle wax onto his chest. She grabbed his cock.

“Aw, little man is hard,” said Wanda, gently masturbating his cock. The Captive looked dreamy eyed, at least until Wanda stretched his cock and trickled wax droplets on it. Eyes popping out of his head, the Captive gave an animalistic grunt. Wanda blew the candle out.

“Now where should I put this?” said Wanda, smearing wax on the Captive’s face. She jammed the candle halfway up his ass which made the Captive piss a bit; Madame Wanda took a burst on her smooth milky thighs. Recoiling, Madame Wanda spat in his face and uttered, “Scum.”

The saliva dripped from his eyebrows

“You’d love to lick that up wouldn’t you, sewer cunt.”

Madame Wanda picked up the bullwhip and retreated a few steps.

“You’re such a piece of shit; I cannot, even though I should, refer to you as my slave.”

She cracked the whip expertly; it had a relatively short thong measuring four feet, and the shock of the sonic boom made the Captive stiffen. The thong just missed his balls.

“The bullwhip originated as a pastoral tool,” said Wanda. “To keep cattle in line. In some ways this is a family heirloom,” said Wanda, almost wistful. She raised the whip and watched the Captive flinch in anticipation. Wanda was amused by this, suppressing her giggles as she shakily raised the whip. Then out of nowhere, crack, she flailed the whip and the thong split open his chest. Wanda stood frozen as she surveyed the deep weal leaking blood, the Captive annihilated but alert enough to sense Madame was surprised by the damage. She dropped the whip and approached him. They stood there staring into each other’s eyes and finally Madame Wanda felt connected, she stroked his face tenderly and whispered, “Slave.”

Madame licked up some blood from his chest and kissed his forehead, the blood mixing with the spit from before and running down his face. Wanda went down on her knees and breathed on his balls. Licking his cock, Wanda gathers his balls in one hand, the Captive writhing and shoving his cock in her face. Wanda bit his ball sac, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to engender a strangulated whimper. Wanda pulls the candle out of his arse and stands upright, scrutinising the mucus speckled with shit.

“I’d like to shove this down your throat but you’d whine like a bitch if I ungagged you. I’m not into a dialogue with a lump of faecal matter.” Wanda smeared the ass mucus on his face. This seemed to amuse the Captive despite his deprivations, his cheeks jiggling around the ball gag. Madame Wanda’s eyes burned red, incandescent with fury she stormed over the table and returned to the Captive with a pair of nipple clamps, two bull clips attached together with a chain. She attached the bull clips to his nipples and yanked hard. The Captive’s eyes rolled back, finding the pain exquisite. Wanda gave another couple of tugs and he twisted and turned like rag doll idly tossed around by a kid.

“So you think you are hardcore, eh, pig twat.”

There was a knock on the cellar door.

“Ah, refreshments. Enter.”

The Servant clumped down the stairs holding a silver tray, on which was a pot of Earl Grey tea, two china cups and a jug of milk. Dutifully he poured his mistress a cup. She accepted it and sipped it cautiously; noticing the Servant had rolled his sleeves down and secured the cuffs with a lovely pair of gold cufflinks she had presented him with, almost a year to the day, for his loyal and proficient service. Mistress possessed the common touch.

“Excellent Milton, delicious and piping hot. Maybe our guest would like a drink.”

The Servant smiled broadly, “A splash of milk ma’am?”

“I am nothing but merciful.”

The Servant poured a cup and added a splash of milk. Wanda drained her cup and picked up the other.

“This will help revive you, a good old English cuppa.’

Wanda dipped his cock and balls into the brew and it was as if she had delivered an electric shock, the Captive stiffened, every sinew taut, head stretching upwards and his bowels emptying. Wanda observed the excrement hitting the floor with horrified fascination. The Servant looked on blankly; he’d seen it all before.

“Well,” said Wanda, “This is all getting rather distasteful. If only Marge was here, she would….elaborate. Scat is certainly not my bag. Never mind dear, what’s past is prologue. We begin again.”

Wanda kissed the Captive absently on the cheek and turned to the Servant, “Milton, you need to muck out the stable later.”

The Servant assented with a bow.

“Wipe the creature down and stick him in the pillory,” Madame Wanda was at the table, rummaging in a cosmetics bag. She dug out a lipstick and compact mirror.

“If he gets uppity yank his tit chain,” offered Madame.

The Servant undid the Captive’s restraints and he flopped to the floor like a puppet whose strings have been snipped.

“Crawl to the pillory, dog. On all fours like the bitch you are.”

She stuck the toe of a boot up his arse crack to guide him on the way. The Servant picked him up easily and secured his head and wrists in the pillory.

“Face down, ass up. What a sorry fucking spectacle you present. “

Mistress Wanda inspected him contemptuously with narrowed eyes.

“Milton, be a darling and give his arse a wipe, there’s some wet wipes on the table, just get the shit off and dab a bit of blood on,” said Wanda.

The Servant began his task.

“Leave them on the tray I know someone online who’ll buy them. You’ll be off to the post office with the old jiffy bags again.”

For a second Milton’s loyally sombre demeanour seemed to waver, offering a glimmer of a puzzled reaction shot, but he quickly knuckled down and cleaned the Captive to Madame’s satisfaction.

“Milton, go and wait outside the door. We are at the beginning of the end.”

The Servant nodded and ascended the stairs, crunching the door shut behind him.

“I do wish he wouldn’t bloody slam it,” said Madame Wanda irritably.

“Just I and you again, how the mighty fall, here I am, reduced to working with a recycled turd like your good self.”

Wanda lazily drew the word ‘bitch’ on his forehead in pink lipstick and loosed freezing laughter that resonated within the chamber.

“Look at you. Not quite the big man now are we.”

She showed the Captive his reflection in the mirror. He seemed oddly pleased by it, which irked Wanda and provoked a casual cruelty. Wanda held his nose between thumb and forefinger and watched his face go blue and felt her pussy moisten at the terror in his eyes that seemed eager to slide down his checks like so much melting wax. She released his nose and the Captive snorted air greedily. Wanda delivered a crisply executed slap across his face, startling the Captive and making him piss again, the blow hard enough to mark his left cheek. She turned her attention to his other end, lipsticking ‘SL’ on one arse cheek and ‘UT’ on the other.

“If only your mother could see you now,” mused Wanda. “I’m sure she’d be overwhelmed with pride.’ She picked up a spanking paddle and delivered a ferocious blow to his buttocks, then followed it with four more in swift succession. Wanda stepped back to admire the results of the thrashing, “Your arse is red raw, dear boy.”

Wanda sensed the Captive was near the cosmic connection extreme ritualistic pain and controlled humiliation compelled, spent physically his mind was lost to the stars, time to gently guide him home, to engineer a conclusion. She lubed his anus and slid a butt pug in, playfully wiggling. No real rough stuff now. His cock was rock hard, mind annihilated. Wanda put on her vampire gloves; black leather with metal tacks set into the fingertips, and dragged them slowly down his backs.

“Giving you goosebumps, baby,” breathed Wanda into his ear. She stood behind the Captive and reached around, wanking his prick with her right hand and massaging his balls with her left. Wanda knew silence was what he needed now, to fully process the pleasure after all the pain, to reconnect with the self through orgasm. Wanda felt his balls tighten and gripped his cock hard, masturbating it faster. The Captive was mewling softly and thrusting his cock and then it was all over, three hot spurts as he convulsed. Wanda clocked the decent wad of semen on the concrete floor and thought of another potential online sale.

“Milton,” screamed Madame Wanda.

Madame Wanda stepped out of the shower feeling cleansed and half human again. After towelling her hair dry, she slipped into a thigh length cream robe and flopped on the bed. Wanda was always drained after a session but the ridiculous midnight start time the Client had stipulated meant she could barely keep her eyes open as the clock edged towards two in the morning. He must have a gothic streak or it possessed something psychologically symbolic for him concluded Wanda. The Client had paid extra and handsomely for the late commencement of activities and in full up front, a stipulation of Wanda’s to avoid any awkwardness when the act was consummated. He had expressed immense satisfaction with the experience, telling her, once Milton had removed the ball gag, that it had been a mind blowing, transcendent experience and she was the greatest dominatrix he had known, and he had met many.

Wanda had accepted the compliment with customary grace and self-deprecation. She had stuck to the bullet pointed notes he had emailed her beforehand scrupulously, with only a few minor deviations, necessary to instil genuine fear and gratitude for mercy, the main one dunking his nuts and balls in a cup of char. Wanda stretched on the bed. The Client was tucked up snugly in one of the guest bedrooms. She knew nothing about him, aside from he was high up in the oil industry and he was loaded. They had to be, you needed serious coin to secure Wanda’s bespoke services. Wanda needed them to be as anonymous as possible so she could treat them in the abstract, like the corporeal commodities they were. Milton had patched the Client’s wounds up, run him a hot bath, got him settled. The Client had declined the offer of beer and sandwiches, instead necking a large brandy and quickly drifting into a deep sleep.

In the morning Wanda would breakfast with the Client, no doubt he would be urbane and charming, they usually always were, and after he had finished his buttered kippers and grapefruit Milton would drive the client to the train station in the silver Rolls Royce Phantom VI her father bequeathed to her. All part of the bullshit experience. Wanda yawned and turned off the bedside lamp, forsaking her usual nightcap of large gin and tonic and a cigarette through sheer tiredness and lay staring into the darkness, trying not to think about how genuine fear in the eyes of her Captives really made her wet, how one day she might just…Wanda pushed the thoughts away, selecting something lighter to ruminate on till the blackness swallowed her. One thing that had sincerely perplexed and amused her earlier was the first words the Client had uttered when Milton removed his ball gag. After gulping air, the Captive had asked, ‘Who is Marge?”

“Marge,” Wanda had replied, torching a cigarette, “Is a very dirty girl.”

Smiling to oneself, Wanda allowed the night to soak her up, and she enjoyed the sweetest of dreams, her heels clicking in phantom recesses.

submitted by /u/Amazing-Evening [link] [comments] from Sex Stories https://ift.tt/pZzrDuaB5

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The Land Rover Defender X delivers rugged refinement

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/the-land-rover-defender-x-delivers-rugged-refinement/

The Land Rover Defender X delivers rugged refinement

Man, this thing is sharp.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

Sometimes, Mother Nature brings the off-road park to your doorstep. With my corner of Michigan nestled deep under a foot of snow, and with neighborhood snow-plow infrastructure so lacking it may as well not exist, venturing outside becomes a capital-A adventure. Thankfully, I have a Land Rover Defender X in my driveway, which through a combination of luxury appointments and outright off-road capability turns this stark-white hellscape back into a winter wonderland.

Like

Looks badass.

Can drive through nearly anything.

Mild-hybrid I6 can push.

Don’t Like

Touchy brakes

Big boy, big thirst

Infotainment better, still not great

Whether out of general newness or the fact that a Defender has not graced our amber waves of grain in two decades, this SUV really turns heads. Part of that comes from its surprising dimensions. It looks a lot smaller in pictures, but get right up on this thing and it feels like you’re staring down a building. Its 119-inch wheelbase dwarfs both a Range Rover and a Mercedes-Benz G550. The body is shorter overall than either, but this is no compact utility vehicle.

Being large and in charge reflects on the Defender’s styling, too. It’s both faithful to Defenders of old and still future-forward, borrowing elements like round headlights and diamond plating on the hood and adapting them to a sleeker, more modern design. It lacks the aggressive militaristic rigidity of the Mercedes G-Class, but it’s not far off. My range-topping X tester zhushes things up with a black contrast roof and hood, satin chrome trim and beefy 255/60R20 Goodyear Wrangler all-terrain tires ($350). Throw in the rear-mounted spare and you’ve got A Whole Look.

2020 Land Rover Defender X has a good time no matter what’s under the tires

See all photos

The interior further exemplifies the whole safari-chic theme. Cover the badge on the Defender X’s steering wheel and you’d be hard pressed to say this isn’t a Range Rover. Then again, with a starting price of $82,250 including destination, it’d better be close. Leather abounds, with rough-cut walnut trim splashed across the center console and door panels to great effect. The plastics have a rougher finish to them that speak more to durability than flimsiness. Considering the exterior dimensions, it’s no surprise that there’s oodles of headroom and legroom for all passengers, and the seats themselves are mighty comfortable. Visibility is top-notch, too, although the rear-mounted spare tire can eat into rearward views; thankfully, my tester sports a rearview mirror that displays a feed from the backup camera mounted above the spare.

Function walks hand-in-hand with form inside the Defender X. Nearly the entire middle of the dashboard serves as a tray for stashing maps, masks, phones, you name it — heck, there’s even a pass-through behind the infotainment screen. The center console offers two levels of storage, in addition to a small cubby under the armrest. Swing open the tailgate (be careful if you park too close to a wall or other cars) and there’s 38 cubic feet of cargo space, half a cube more than the Mercedes G550 and nearly 150% of what you get in a Range Rover.

While there isn’t a V8 under the hood (yet), it almost feels like there is. Instead, the Defender X utilizes a 3.0-liter straight-6 gas engine combined with a 48-volt mild-hybrid system. This powertrain delivers a sufficient 395 horsepower and 406 pound-feet of torque. Given its 5,200-plus-pound curb weight, Land Rover’s Ingenium engine can shove the Defender about with an impressive amount of haste, its eight-speed automatic rattling off smooth shifts in the background whether I’m gaining or shedding speed. It sounds pretty good in the process, too. The mild-hybrid is more efficient than the 2.0-liter gas engine available on lower trims, offering an EPA-estimated 17 miles per gallon city and 22 mpg highway — not great numbers by any stretch, but 3 mpg ahead of the V8-powered G550 on the freeway. Those figures are relatively easy to meet, but far trickier to beat. It’s thirsty.

That focus on smoothness extends to the rest of the Defender X’s ride. Equipped with those thicc off-road tires and a standard air suspension, this unibody SUV’s soft ride feels a little more composed than a Mercedes G550, but there are some truck-ish vibes still lingering about, with sharp highway expansion joints translating some shudders to the cabin and a bit of wallowing over undulating pavement. Throw in steering that’s a little on the light side, and there’s no forgetting the thing’s mass in daily operation. The brakes, which on my tester feature red calipers for some reason, are more than capable of stopping in a hurry, although the pedal is touchier than I’d like, requiring a little more finesse for smooth stops. If you need some extra ground clearance, the air suspension can raise the body to offer 11.5 inches of space between Defender and dirt.

The Defender’s interior isn’t just attractive, it’s also plenty versatile.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

Speaking of dirt, Roadshow’s social media editor, Daniel Golson, had a different Land Rover Defender that he took through some serious paces at a local off-road park, and he referred to it as an “absolute beast over even the rockiest and most treacherous terrain, with the Terrain Response driving modes making it quick and easy to set up the car.” He didn’t even need to reach into the nethermost regions of the Defender’s many off-road options to have a great time, either, but with locking differentials, 360-degree cameras and hill-descent control, the Defender is able to tackle some serious stuff.

My time in shin-deep snow couldn’t have been easier. I didn’t even have to make use of the Defender’s many modes; letting the standard four-wheel-drive do its thing made for slip-free starts and stops every time. Sure, it might be like bringing a tactical nuclear device to a knife fight, but it’s nice to be overprepared for once.

The Defender’s new infotainment system is good, but Jaguar Land Rover’s latest still suffers from some of the same issues that have plagued its iterations for years.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

All Land Rover Defenders come standard with the automaker’s new Pivi Pro infotainment system, which lives on a 10-inch touchscreen nestled into the dashboard. It’s home to just about everything you need here, whether it’s off-road settings, navigation, Apple CarPlay or Android Auto, and what isn’t shown there is displayed clearly on either the configurable gauge display or the head-up display that’s part of the X trim. Pivi Pro is a little underwhelming, though; while I do appreciate the new skin and its improved responsiveness, it’s still sluggish to boot up when cold and overall response can still be laggy. It also takes some getting used to how the menus and options are arranged.

In terms of safety equipment, all Defenders include automatic emergency braking, blind-spot monitoring, a surround-view camera system, lane-keeping assist and parking sensors. The Defender X also rocks a standard Driver Assist Pack, which is optional on lower trims, consisting of adaptive cruise control, active blind-spot assist and rear cross-traffic alert.

You’ll be happy that a rearview camera-mirror is available, because that badass mounted spare eats into rearward visibility.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

The Land Rover Defender is not a cheap proposition, but it’s thankfully nowhere near the MSRP excesses of the Mercedes G550, which won’t leave a dealer’s lot for anything less than $125,000 or so. Four-door Defender 110 models start at $51,250 including destination, while my Defender X exists at the upper bound of $85,750, as it includes just about everything the automaker can include. It’s a downright steal compared to its competitor, though, even if you don’t get the badge cachet or a V8 under the hood. The G550 may be more luxurious, but I’m not sure it’s worth that many tens of thousands of dollars more, given how similar the two are in terms of off-road capability.

Regardless of outside factors, though, the Land Rover Defender rocks. It brings luxury-level trimmings to a vehicle that can practically drive through an apocalypse unscathed. It’s more than comfortable enough in daily use and will serve as a potent family hauler even if it never sees so much as an inch of mud, and for far less than its primary competitor. The 20-year wait was worth it.

Climb in the driver’s seat for the latest car news and reviews, delivered to your inbox twice weekly.

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PROJECT 86: THE Definitive Album Ranking

Project 86 is an experimental post-hardcore band out of Orange County, California. With roots in the early hardcore scene of the 90’s into the emerging rap-rock and nü metal scene of the late 90’s. Project 86 have progressed in their 20+ year career beyond era-based style, much like the way Glassjaw and Deftones have. With their evolution, they’ve touched on multiple genres, including Post-Hardcore, Post-Punk, Heavy Metal, Gothic New Wave, Sludge Metal and more. They’ve released 11 studio albums, along with EP’s and a collection of Covers. I have here, a definitive ranking of their LP discography.. this is the way.

11. Sheep Among Wolves (2017) - This is a pseudo-metal disappointment.. I’ve tried multiple times to get into it, but it’s too generic. Schwab favors what I call “bro metal” over the odd experimentation that makes them unique (bro metal = radio rock dripping in affliction tee’s and energy drinks). Also, I say Schwab specifically because at this point in the bands career, P86 is essentially an Andrew Schwab solo project. Original members Alex Albert, Steven Dail, and Randy Torres have all parted by now. It’s too bad for SAW, as this album is a major disappointment for me as a long time fan.

10. Knives To The Future (2014) - Everything I said about “Sheep Among Wolves” can be said for “Knives To The Future”.. I think I remember liking a couple songs well enough, but I admittedly haven’t listened to this record enough to really know.. But the few times I’ve listened, I’ve come away underwhelmed.

9. Project 86 (1998) - released in 1998, the debut album feels like a fairly generic rap/rock record of the era. Complete with guest vocals from Sonny Sandoval of P.O.D... a couple loud, sludgy tracks still hold up though. Plus, this is the record that started it all, and for those reasons, it’s worth a spin!

8. Wait For The Siren (2012) - This album brought a drop tunage from the guitars and some low bellows that we hadn’t heard up to this point from lead vocalist Andrew Schwab. Some heavier sounds mixed with Celtic wind instruments (!?) make Wait For The Siren a solid and interesting spin, with only one or two weaker tracks. However, this is another album made under the direction of Andrew Schwab and session musicians. That alone always weighs on my mind while listening, and I think dampens some things for me.

7. OMNI: Part I (2023) - Project 86’s most recent release is once again very different from what they’ve done before. This album focuses almost all of its attention on a sludgy, doomy, metalcore sound. Slow and beefy with virtually no melody, only growls and screams. This is once again a Schwab solo effort. It was, however, co-written and produced by the dudes from Norma Jean, who also serve as the session musicians. I really, really like this album. But at this point in Project 86’s career, I’m not sure why Schwab hasn’t just made this a new band. Wait For The Siren through OMNI (4 albums) have been Schwab solo albums, with different musicians on each one.. I just have a hard time separating the two eras while I listen.. but maybe that’s just me.

6. Rival Factions (2007) - Ah, here we go, Project’s most experimental record to date! Rival Factions is weird! Arguably the least “heavy” record in the collection, Project leaned more into a Goth Rock/New Wave/Post-Punk direction. Project 86 stays true to what they’ve developed as their sound, with sprinkles of influence from Sisters Of Mercy, Danzig, and even The Cure. Rival Factions presents a lighter side in sound and lyrical themes (see Caveman Jam) - while not every track is a banger, I appreciate Rival Factions for what it is, and what they were trying to do - which is something different.

5. ...And The Rest Will Follow (2005) - On this one, Project is allowing some of their more Hardcore and Post-Hardcore influences to come out. With way more yells than screams, ...And The Rest Will Follow makes for a great listening experience. Classic P86 sounds, with an added element of experimentation that, at the time, they hadn’t completely toyed with yet. One knock I have on this one, is Schwab’s vocals start to sound a bit repetitive without the range that we hear on other releases. But it also has some of my favorite vocals from Guitarist/Vocalist Randy Torres (spin Cavity King).

4. Picket Fence Cartel (2009) - This is a great record! And it’s a P86 record that touches on almost everything they’ve come to encompass: hard rock, experimentation, goth, metal, new wave, post-hardcore, standard hardcore, post-punk, a standard punk, and more. This one is almost a Swan Song for the classic lineup (although missing original drummer Alex Albert who left earlier). Start to finish, it slaps!

3. Truthless Heroes (2002) - The follow up to Drawing Black Lines, Truthless Heroes unrelentlessly BANGS from start to finish. Truthless Heroes is a concept album that explores the end results of self-gratification and selfish life pursuits. With heavy themes like that, the music matches. Worlds different, musically, from Drawing Black Lines, and only 2 years removed from it, Project 86 solidified themselves as one of the most unique heavy rock bands I had heard at that point in time. This was their first (and only) effort made through a major label (Atlantic Records). It was, from what the band has said, an effort to be a bit more commercial. It worked for some, and not for others within the fanbase. And although some, and even the band seem to regard this album with disdain, it remains one of their top albums for me.

2. Songs To Burn Your Bridges By (2004) - Listen to episode 22 of The Heroball Podcast. We talk about Legacy Albums, which are our favorite albums of all time, or ones that hold significant meaning to us. STBYBB is one of them for me. Laced with experimentation, this is a pretty straight forward post-hardcore record. Much like Picket Fence Cartel, you get a little bit of everything on this album - great lyrics, heaviness, weirdness, catchy melodies, spookiness, lightness, darkness - but most of all the single most Project 86 trait: uniqueness..

1. Drawing Black Lines (2000) - Was there ever any doubt? The sophomore release is still a stone cold classic! This is one of the records that introduced me to truly heavy music. If you took mid 90’s hardcore greats Earth Crisis and early era Rage Against The Machine, then added Quicksand and elements of Botch.. You get an idea of the sound of Drawing Black Lines.. Yet it still spins out to be its own thing. Drawing Black Lines doesn’t feel like a relic. Instead, its a classic hardcore album that stands the test of time (I could do a whole Ted Talk on this). A great album through and through either way you slice it, one of Project 86’s best, and one of my top Legacy Albums.

In conclusion: I do consider albums 1 through 7 to be their defining sound, and quintessential era. In a lot of ways, Project 86 ends at Picket Fence Cartel. Although there is some decent music put out after that record, it’s just not quite Project 86. That said, putting aside my own feelings and considering the whole catalogue, what you have read is the ranking I’ve come to. There really isn’t another band that I’ve heard that sounds like Project 86.. at their core, an experimental post-hardcore band that has never put limits or rules on what they do. Very dope!