#been a teenager fuckin sucked and i dont want to go back but also i miss the closeness and the friends and the

[h03-ington]

caught in the act - sam winchester x gender neutral reader

A/N: MY FIRST SMUT OMG when i was almost finished with this fic i had doubts about my writing style and how i made it too boring with the dots so please if u have any criticism im open to it ! also i dont really write for supernatural much since i barely watched it (but im planning to) but ive been reading a lot of sam and dean fics on here so im kinda obsessed BUT OTHER THAN THAT ENJOY BESTIES!!!

warning: smut

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time was 5pm, on a sunday.

you, sam and dean all settled in a motel to rest for the upcoming long week of monster hunting.

dean was out getting some supplies for you and you decided to take a walk around the motel area, just for the sake of it.

perfect timing, sam thought.

he was worse than a teenage boy, hornier than ever.

all week long, there just had to be someone around him. sam never had some alone time, for himself. but somehow, things worked out in his favour

eager and excited, sam took his shirt off, unbuckled his belt, threw it all on the floor, and laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling

he started touching his upper body, rubbing his nipples, softly moaning, his body feeling relieved

he then started pulling his pants down to his ankles, leaving him in his black boxer briefs

he then, gently, started palming himself through his boxers, sensitive as ever, eyes closed shut

"fuck." sam spoke quietly

he slowly started to pull his boxers down, to meet his jeans, revealing his member, fully erect, red, and ready to be pleasured

sam spit in his hand and then moved his hand to his member, stroking it up and down slowly

sam knew he was in a rush, but he was never quick with sex or masturbation. he loved taking his time and making the most of it.

"ah..." he moaned softly

he then quickened his pace, stroking his cock at a decent pace, while also rubbing his nipple, eyes still closed shut

"AH!" sam moaned, a little louder this time

it just so happened that you decided to end your walk early, since all you saw throughout your walk were trees, some small boring shops and more trees

perfect timing, once again

you were leaning against the railing outside your motel, observing, bored as ever, when you heard sam's moan

you immediately knew what sam was doing, and, just out of curiosity, decided to look through the small peephole on the door

and there you saw him

innocent little sammy, jeans and undies pulled down to his ankles, jerking his, suprisingly, big 9-inch cock with his eyes closed

you had an idea

you slowly opened the door and as soon as you got in, you closed it quickly

turning around, you saw sam frozen, looking at you with wide eyes. you put your small bag on the floor, then walked towards sam, not breaking eye contact

you then sat on the bed where sam was laying, and leaned into his ear

"don't tell anyone about this." you whispered

"o-kay" sam responded

you then connected your lips with sam's, and after kissing him slowly for a bit, you started kissing his neck, then his chest, slowly going down his body

sam was enjoying every bit. he put his arms on the back of his head, letting you do all the work, watching you closely

as soon as you reached his cock, you looked up at him

"damn, i thought you were tiny." you smirked

sam chuckled "shut up and suck it"

you started licking the tip of his huge member, taking your time

after a bit of licking, you inserted his cock into your eager mouth, and started sucking, bobbing your head up and down

"fuck Y/N. since when do you suck dick so well, huh?"

you laughed, making his cock vibrate in your mouth, making sam moan

you sped up your pace and took even more of his cock while he started stroking your hair, pushing your head down slightly

you went on, and as time passed sam's moans became more intense. you knew he was nearing his climax

sam growled

"shit i'm bout to..FUCK!"

you quickly pulled your head away and kneeled on the floor on the side of the bed, while sam stood in front of you, and immediately started jerking his cock quickly, your mouth wide open and tongue out

"you're a fuckin' slut Y/N" sam laughed

"cum in my mouth sammy" you smirked

sam growled

"SHIT!"

thick ropes of cum burst out of his huge cock, some went in your mouth, some on your face. you loved the look on sam's face

sam then forced his cock into your mouth, thrusting it slowly while you licked the excess cum off his cock, swallowing it all. he was taking quick breaths, coming down his high

he scooped the excess cum on your face with his finger and licked it.

"hm. i taste pretty good"

"don't flatter yourself" you scoffed

then.. you both had to deal with something else

you and sam looked at each other, frozen, not knowing how you were going to explain yourselves

"WHO WANTS PIZZA?" dean shouted excitedly outside your room, ready to barge in

sam, with his cock out and limp, you, on your knees and some cum still on your face..

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to be continued...(?)

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LET ME KNOW if you guys want a part 2 with some dean smut bc im very much eager to write it😭

[pinktatertots99]

🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

[midasgutz]

elfen lied manga was such a fuckin trip. did i dream that shit up ? who allowed the dude who made that to just write all that shit??

i need to talk about elfen lied because this shit has been living rent free in my head for over an actual decade. significantly longer than a decade.

im glad that i can now accept that media i consume doesnt necessarily say anything about me, because. jesus, every inch of elfen lied is a war crime. every panel.

the coolest character who was generic tough military dude, who right when you meet him makes a point of punching a secretary just for standing behind him. and then goes out to find and kill a 17 year old with abandonment issues. and gets his shit kicked in and his arm ripped off and his eyes plucked out. and so, naturally, he trades his testicles for some dope robot eyes. for the sake of all humanity. oh and a really mediocre robot arm that he can actually break if he puts too much force into like anything. and so naturally he then finds a 14 year old homeless girl, who helped him while he was bleeding out on the beach. and of course he beats her up and, possibly kicks her dog. and then he gives her his number. uh, so he can come help her if anyone tries to... beat her up? because he cant owe her anything. and then she says something he doesnt like so he beats her up again and she shows him the paper he wrote his number on and says "someone scary is screwing with me". he storms off after that but doesnt take the paper, he still owes her. he makes good on it too, she gets in some bad trouble with a bad bad dude later. a bad bad dude with a trenchcoat whos basically just a vampire hunter, crossbow included but actually he's here to hunt teenage girls with horns, not fangs. the crossbow shoots hard metal balls with velcro spikes that have a toxin on them that causes excrutiating pain. this guys a bad bad dude, and he miiiiiight be suggesting he's gonna rape this 14 year old girl but it could be the unfairthful translation causing confusion. probably not tho the author of this series is majorly fucked in the head. anyway robocop shows up and he puts his boot right down this dudes throat so thats like whatever. that panel was my desktop wallpaper for like 6 years. we find out that 17 year old girl is evil because some kids killed her dog with a vase. so she blew them up, and after that she goes around blowing people up just to eat the food in their fridge and hang around the crib for a minute. so shes framed as the good guy and robocop is evil this time and they fight again and she does kill robocop this time which sucks because theres a good portion of manga left and no one else is as interesting as he is. he dies on the beach where he lost his eyes and his arm and lets be honest he basically lost his balls at the same time.

oh. and theres a girl who does peepee in her diaper a lot. and she can sing. i dont know why she was there but i mean every other fetish the author had already made a fucking appearance so why not lmao

theres also like. some main characters. theyre complete shit. these include a normal boy. his cousin who is the most annoying character in the fucking world. she is literally just "im only here to pad the amount of love interests our generic main character can have all at once" the character. yeah man, his cousin? cause shit why not. why not, its japan, do as the romans do. also theres the alternate personality of the 17 year old. shes only here so that evil 17 year old girl can be a love interest not once but twice, and i mean, conveniently shes often naked. makes sense, when the only word you can say is "milk".

and then there's Nana. Nana is a quad amputee after evil 17 year old girl ripped all her limbs off and almost finished her off. but dont worry! her dad, whos not her dad at all, finds her and he gives her some prosthetics that she can control with her super powers. what do you mean you werent aware of the super powers? of course they have super powers. its manga. after he does this he just lets her loose with a bunch of money and his tie because she asked very politely for the dangly thing he wears on his neck. she wears it like a headband, even though she established she knew it went around his neck. so yeah he gave her money but she was raised in a lab like a rat so she has no clue what its for. she meets the 14 year old homeless girl and they have a fun time being homeless together. Nana burns the money in a fire to keep warm but only some of it because the 14 year old girl tells her that you can trade money for food, which makes nana very happy because boy did she want some of the 99 cent street vendor food earlier. no one acknowledges that nana has enough money to buy her own house and be well off for easily 5 years. 14 year old girl takes her to the main character house that shes been staying at for a while and they have a bath. nana hated this idea until she realized that bath doesnt mean bucket of cold water at her new sort of house. but uh oh, nana senses evil 17 year old and shes kinda pissed about her arms and legs. they almost do a fight but wait whats this? 17 year old isnt fighting back, she just keeps saying "milk" and smiling. nana takes some issue with this and promptly leaves after pushing her through a rice paper door. shortly after everyone goes looking for nana.

um some stuff happens and then whaaaattt??? nanas not dads real daughter is introduced. shes locked in a circular room lined with lead and chloride of lime. with a diameter of 15 meters, the length of her invisible hands. shes only ever had the voice of a single woman to comfort her, shes permanently lockdd in bondage gear unable to move. she has to use a wheelchair to move because her legs have completely atrophied. she moves it with her invisible hands, her real ones are useless. she calls the only voice she knows her mother. her mothers job has been to talk to and comfort this dangerous girl for years. said mother mentions her excitement to finally see the girl in person, and also casually drops how theyve sewn bombs into several parts of her body. conveniently, if shes in intense pain her powers dont work. so she meets her mom, takes one look at her and says "youre not my mom >:(" and sends her entire upper torso flying. conveniently said torso lands near the bomb controls. she slams that shit like shes a rat with an orgasm button and babygirls arm go bye bye. they inform her while she writhes in pain that she has to comply with their demands or they can blow her whole deal up next time. shes pretty ok with being blown up, but then they tell her they want her to kill something so her ears perk up like a cat hearing a can opener. yep shes going to go kill evil 17 year old. nanas not dad is not taking any of this well but he essentially gets mindbroken after he has to blow up his daughter later after shit flies off the handle. he spends his time as a homeless man, denoted by the sudden appeaeance of a large beard, living in a shack on the beach where robocop died. he does note the beach is incredibly clean and that is because robocop picked up allllllll the trash so that evil 17 year old couldnt throw it at him. he did totally eat shit anyway though no worries. im not bitter about it why should you be? im not.

anyway shit happens and 17 year old melts into a really graphic puddle of fleshy goo, and in doing so totally does the jesus thing. because at some point she realized she really just wanted to be with main character, but all of the things shes done makes that impossible.

i was like maybe 12 when i read this shit. i didnt reread it for this. im pretty sure most of this is accurate but i CAN and WILL promise you one thing. diaper girl is real, and he REALLY really really really 100% did trade his balls for robot eyes, and a playdough robot arm.

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 4 Part 1

And here we go !

This is the last chapter of Liam’s 1st year at the university. It’s a long one, so be ready ;)

A new pov will replace Barbara starting now, I hope you’ll like it.

Damian-Nicholas Smith Carrey Friday March 8, in France

When people said him that he could write a book about his life, he never imagined what kind of book it would be. But now, he had quite an accurate idea. He would call it : 'How to change from the most famous hunter to a stupid and naive man in love'. He had gone through step one for a long time now : have a fucking ridiculous teenage crush. And now, he started step two : be in a relationship with your so-called crush. Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey wasn't someone easily flustered. At least on paper. But when it come to the baboon, it was a true disaster. He must have left his pride back in the US.

"What do you think ? Isn't this one better ?" asked Liam.

The junior looked at him, his brows furrowed. They were doing shopping for souvenir. Well, the baboon searched little things for his siblings and Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey tagged along.

"I dunno. There are the same to me."

One was a key chain with the eiffel tower, the other with the Arc de Triomphe. Both were low quality products anyway. But the baboon finally picked one, and they went out of the store.

"Where are we going next ?" asked the blond lad. "There is plenty of time before our departure..."

"I bought everything I wanted." replied his boyfriend. "So I thought we could hum... take some time for us ?"

He blushed when he said the last word, which made Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey blush too, and then they both blushed even more. This is an endless circle of  pathetic shyness. I mean, I eat ass every other day, so why am I so prude right now ?

"Fine." he agreed anyway. "Lead the way."

They honestly had a good time. It was fucking weird to enjoy this at much as sex. Maybe even more. They went for walk the length of the Seine. Liam ate a box of pastries along the way and they talked about this and that. This is the end of my damned life. I'm having a silly conversation with someone. It must be the first time since... I don't even fucking remember. They were on their way back when Liam sighed.

"I'm happy to have you Dami." he whispered.

All this romantic bullshit was so embarrassing. Do I like it or not ? Just get a grip dude ! Not only he was having a damn date with his boyfriend, but he also looked like the flustered one here ! No one must ever know it happened. The baboon took his hand.

"I'm serious you know ?" he continued. "I mean, I'm still very worried about a lot of stuff... Nate is my main concern, but I'm also still preoccupied by my father. And I can't deny my story with Kilian is giving me an headache. But I'm really happy to know you're here."

"First of all baboon, it doesn't suit you to be so serious." replied Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey while trying to regain composure. "Secondly, there is nothing in what you said that can't wait tomorrow. You've the right to enjoy a little time for yourself with someone you love."

Liam blushed. He kissed his boyfriend to thank him. Holy crap. I'm getting good at the cheesy stuff too. Well, it wasn't surprising : Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was good at everything.

This evening on the plane, the junior felt a weird dread through his whole body. Suddenly, he stressed about his relationship. But there is nothing new... I mean, we already were a couple before. So what is different ? He quickly put his finger on it. I said to the baboon I loved him. I confessed my weakness. The hunters shall never know. Nobody in the university, for that matter. There are already too many fucking people aware of our relationship. I don't trust anyone about this.

"Hey dude."

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey glared at the sophomore who hailed him. It was the dipshit called Matthew, Theo's heir.

"What the hell are you doing here ?" he asked. "Want to suck my prick ?"

The cocky lad (it was obvious this guy was an arrogant bastard) smiled.

"Maybe another time. I just wanted to say D.R sent me the contract regarding Barbara. She has to stay away from Colton and all his friends starting now. So you won't see her again much."

"Don't give me that crap, idiot. I don't care about the roach. You can fuck her, so go on. Isn't it what you wanted since the beginning ?"

Matthew's smile grew larger. I can definitely see the ressemblance with this shitty Theophile now.

"Just go away, moron." he concluded.

Liam Sunday March 10 back in the US

"This trip has done some damage..."

The young lad bite his lips. I knew I had indulged a lot but that's quite a change...

"Do you dislike it ?" asked Nate, while slumping on his bed.

"Not really..."

He had been ages since the last time Liam had looked properly at his reflection. He was pleased with his general body shape. His face was finely chiseled. He had strong biceps and triceps. His legs were robust but thick just like his chest. His pecs were nicely standing out. Even his back was kind of burly. But where three month ago he had a blossoming six pack, he had now a modest amount of squishy flab. His bulging waistline was easily noticeable since he was only in briefs. But he wasn't dissatisfied.

"I think I like myself." Liam whispered.

"And that's a good thing." mumbled his bestfriend, his eyes closed. "You have nothing to be ashamed about, trust me."

The chesnut lad outlined a smile. I'm glad to see Nate is talking more and more. He was also pretty sure Dami won't judge him for a little bulk.

"I mean..." resumed the other lad. "You're even well-endowed."

It made Liam blush like hell. (Not that he didn't take the compliment.) (Who could blame him ?).

The freshman expected things to improve since they came back from France. After all, Nate was getting better, Nick was actually making some progress at swimming and Dami literally confessed his feelings. It looked like the unicorns were finally powerful enough to repel the forces of evil. (After all, he had been feeding them with his dreams for months now !). So when a girl went to talk to him during his training this afternoon, he completely ignored her. (Not on purpose of course !). He was just so happy that he couldn't focus on anything. He went throught weight lifting and then legs exercises without noticing the many people who accosted him. He left campus without taking note of the lustful looks around him. I think I'm happy. The talk with Kilian had freed him. He was so glad to know the force of evils failed to take his ex-boyfriend. Anyhow, he finally went to work. As soon as he arrived, Judy came to him.

"Oh god Liam here you are ! I was so worried !" she shouted.

He blinked, not sure to have heard right. (Not that he often didn't heard people or anything...). What was she worried about ? Did he forget something important ? Something life-saving ? Maybe the aliens were gonna attack soon ?

"Liam focus ! I'm trying to have a conversation here !"

Judy clicked her fingers right under his eyes, breaking his thoughts.

"Are you alright ? Did someone do something to you ?"

"What ? No." he replied, surprised. "Why ?"

She frowned.

"Are you and Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey still a couple ?" she eventually asked.

Liam blushed. I think I'm supposed to keep it a secret but... He could trust Judy, right ?

"We are." he replied. "But what is your point ?"

"Be prudent when you're not with him okay ? I never thought I would say that one day, but I think you're safer with him around. Even if I still bet he'll hurt you in the end, like he did with everyone else."

Liam nodded. Their boss was calling them. I'm not sure I understand what she meant... However, he was certain Dami wouldn't said "I love you" so lightly. I'm special to him, I'm at least sure of that.

When he arrived at their flat tonight, Nick announced Nate wasn't there. Apparently, he had left for a talk with Archibald. It reminded Liam there were still things he wanted to improve in his life. My bestfriend and my poor family situation should be my priorities. He had no doubt the unicorns would agree on this. Besides, everything was linked to the forces of evil anyway. He grabbed a slice of pie in the fridge and joined his roommate. (Of course a pie made by Dami. Now that he had tasted his boyfriend's pastries, it was very hard to eat anything else to be honest.). (Once you visited heaven, you wouldn't come back, right ?).

"I can tell he's doing better." said Nick while staring at the screen of his console. "But I also can tell he went through something very disturbing. What do you think they're talking about so often ?"

"I don't know." admitted Liam. "But Dami assured me Archibald was a good guy so I trust him."

Of course, the chestnut lad wanted to help. And yes, I want to know what happened. (Curiosity is not a sin). (Glutonny is, but Liam didn't think much about it).

"Yeah well, until now we can say whatever he's doing is working." agreed Nick. "You should go to sleep... Wait, are you snacking ?"

Liam took a mouthful of his pie and chewed happily.

"This is just too good." he explained.

"You were sooooo against food at the beginning of the year." laughed his roommate. "I never imagined you were such a foodie."

Well... Seems like I changed my mind.

Nicolas Monday March 11 – Tuesday March 12

< Imagenius : yo what's up ? >

< TheSavior : long story short it sucked. I m better looking at my screen and playin'. Wht abut you pal ? >

< Imagenius : long story short my roommate is fuckin' loud while talkin' with her new friends. I hate people with actual life you know ? They remind me I'm a loser >

< TheSavior : won't say I know the feeling cuz I dont. >

< Imagenius : lol becuz right youre so popular >

< TheSavior : at least i hav friends outside a lame chat bruh >

< Imagenius : bruh >

< Abeautifulwomen : guys I do to. >

< Imagenius : as if a man who claims to be a girl could. Anyway Sav can you send us another pic of  this cute roommate of yours ? Pretty please ? >

< Abeautifulwomen : Same. But hey Ima are ya gay ? >

< Imagenius : Joker ? >

< TheSavior : need 2g. I'll turn the chat off. I don't hav any another pic >

* Abeautifulwoman is offline *

* Imagenius is offline *

* TheSavior is offline *

Nick sighed and looked at the clock. Almost midnight. Nice. I can still play. He slowly stood up and headed to the kitchen. First of all, he needed supplies. The raven-haired boy opened the fridge and grabbed a slice of pie and a beer. Two beers. He knew Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey had cooked it for Liam but whatever. His friend wouldn't mind. Nick came back to his room and turned his console on. A sligh whine came from his roommate's bedroom. Nate was having a nightmare again, he guessed. It was happening every other day. Not like if I could just ask what's wrong. If he doesn't talk to Liam, he won't talk to me. The lad drank his beer and started to play. He was good at it at least. He finished the level rather quickly, only to notice he had already ate the pie and emptied the beers. Again, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. Not that he was hungry, but he liked to play while chewing something. This time, he opted for ice cream. And beer of course. Then, he took his playing up again. One hour later, he was done with two more level. And he had devoured the ice cream. So once more, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. No wonder I'm fat. He put his snacks on the counter and patted his belly. When he had entered college he had been a twig. But the sudden freedom allowed him to indulge without his parents constant nagging. Maybe he had enjoyed it a bit too much. When he had come back at home for the christmas holidays they weren't very happy about his changes. Himself had been surprised to discover he had already hit the freshman 15. Now this limit was beyond him. I checked when we came back from France. I weight 89 kg (196 pounds) now. Almost 200. Nick shrugged. He didn't really care. He took his snack and continued to play.

The next morning, he got ready quickly. Unlike Liam, he wasn't dozy on the morning. Well, Liam was dozy all the time so bad comparison. They left together for the first lecture. When they arrived, the first thing Nick noticed was Barbara. The girl hated him for some absurd reason. She was so obnoxious. Then, he glimpsed Rebecca. Another one he couldn't understand at all.

"And to think I've been interested in her..." he mumbled.

Liam didn't hear him. That was the good thing with this dude. I could've been screaming, he wouldn't notice. They joined Colton who greeted them warmly. Nick turned on his gameboy but he wasn't paying attention to the screen. He knew the game by heart since middleschool anyway. Instead, he looked at his friends. He often did that without them noticing. Everyone assumed he was just another nerd but he was an observant nerd. Their trip in France had took a toll on Liam waistline aswell. If I'm looking closely enough, I'm sure even Colton's ever slim frame must've softened a bit. Nick was pretty sure this one would lost it in one day or two. As for his dreamy roommate... I think he will keep it on purpose. He seems to like it. Well, both of them were handsome anyway. The raven-haired boy didn't have this luck. He heard someone laugh behind him. The person whispered something about pokemon being a lame game. Another talked about his little bathing in the Seine. Not a day I want to remember. Seriously, classes were so boring...

Noon eventually came. Nick hit the buffet of the cafeteria like a ravenous beast. He needed his daily amount of junkfood to functiun properly.

"What do you think about the math assignment ?" asked Colton. "Shall we work on it tonight ?"

"I finished it already." he revealed. "But I'm sure Liam would be glad to do it with you."

Of course, his roommate wasn't listening. He was looking away while munching on home-made cookies. And new thing, he was crooning. I know some very weird people but they can't hold a candle to him. Nick discreetly kicked him under the table.

"Uh... What ?"

"Welcome back to earth." he said. "Colton wanted to ask you something."

Nick didn't listen to their conservation. He had glimpsed Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey in the crowd. Another strange dude. Since I came here, I met too many real character. He looks pissed. I mean, more than usual. He was talking to a girl. Well, probably insulting the girl to be fair.

"... Swimming tonight ?"

The raven-haired lad turned his attention towards Colton.

"No thanks." he replied when he had guessed the question. "I'm not very... at ease when there are so many people watching me."

His friend smiled.

"Of course."

* TheSavior is online *

* Abeautifulwomen is online *

* Imagenius is online *

< Imagenius : yo ! Day was booooring. How was yours ? >

< TheSavior : Same as usual. Couldn't wait to be back in my flat >

< Abeautifulwomen : Mine was fine. I don't actually leav my flat. Lucky me ! >

< Imagenius : Btw guys there is something up in my college. I heard ppl sayin a big hunt started. Don't know what that meant but they were very excited. Apparently, the prey is one of a kind ! >

< Abeautifulwomen : Funny. Do you think they hunt human ? >

< TheSavior : I'm sure they're talkin abut a treasure hunt or smthg. We shuld play. >

< Imagenius : Nah Sav it was about a real person. They want him but idk why. Maybe he did something wrong. Beauty yu didnt hear anythg from your boss friend ? >

< Abeautifulwomen : He doesnt control every college in the country duh. Last time he called he was very very very very very angry :3 I got a dick pick thanks to that ! >

< Imagenius : You really are gay. >

< Abeautifulwomen : I told yu im a girl >

< TheSavior : Come play and stop the chichat. Wdc abut a fke hunt nor ur fke dick pick >

< Imagenius : Aye sir >

< Abeautifulwomen : Aye sir >

To be continued

Tadaa. Something is going on in the community, but what could it be ?! I can only tell you Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey will have a lot of work to do. Liam is in a happy bubble, but you know me, it won’t last long.

And welcome Nick. He has been a steady presence in the background since the beginning, so he earned his own pov. He’s on a group chat with two other people... Maybe you’ll be able to guess who they are ;) 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[notwxrriors]

You wanna break down “let me down easy” verse by verse like you talked about? Cause I wanna read it

yeAH i do actually, thank u !!!! im pumped!!!!

this song is a bit over 5 minutes long and it is SO GOOD, holy FUCK, here’s the link to it if u wanna listen to it bc i meAN IT

i really love this song for awtto. i think it captures a lot of their relationship, the feelings of being young and a little outcasted but finding someone who understands you, even if things are a bit strange. anyway. let’s get into it

the way i’m analysing this song is Not what the song is written about, obviously, but music is meant to have many meanings and i love the meanings this song can have.

“You want someone to want you for who you are I want someone to try, then let me down easy, easy tonight Easy, easy tonight“

the first line is so otto @ awsten,,, it feels really tongue-in-cheek, about how aws always wants to be Different. i sorta feel like the song goes through the years that they know each other, so it’d start at the very beginning, with scene aws and them starting to get to become familiar with one another, start having deeper conversations, esp about romantic stuff. to “want someone to try, then let me down easy” is kinda like...otto just accepting that this isn’t going to last. it’s a one night thing, and that’s okay.

“Honey, it’s no secret that with matters of the heart I’m reserved, I’m irrational and rarely ever start But since the world’s dark and often inhumane Relish our condition, come drinking in the rain”

THOSE FIRST TWO LINES...SO otto. the awkwardness he has, especially with awsten, he just...doesn’t try. but the next two are a bit more optimistic, maybe a bit of aws rubbing off on him

“‘Cause you remember when, after Paris We all decided the best way to fight it was Drink wine, dance here and pray And make love that lasts with a vengeance”

i don’t think paris is a particular thing here, it’s sorta more the concept of traveling together, getting into messes, falling in love and trying to not fall in love. also they fuck, so,

“So you can join the cowards all aboard the outrage train You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave And scratch the little itch 'til you’re moving like a motherfucker Up in this bitch”

i love this verse. the subtle aggression in it, the being done with being closeted/secret in this situation. otto trying to get awsten out of whatever shell he’s put himself in, telling him he can stay scared or get over it

“You wanted to fight for a cause Then go out and fall in love Don’t stop, don’t stop believing In truth and grace in the grievance”

another sorta jab at awsten tbh, wanting to fight for a cause and all that. teenage rebellion. but isn’t the biggest rebellion, in conservative ass texas, loving another man openly? freely? truth and grace in the grievance is a lil self-explanatory in this context, just keep believing in whatever cause you’re fighting for even if it’s hard

“So look at me and tell me what I already know That I trialled and I failed and it’s good to let it go Sometimes life sucks, everything is lame Not everything’s as easy as making lemonade”

i loVE these first two lines. it’s like “yeah, you screwed up, but that’s okay. just keep moving on”, that’s a very awsten headspace and he’d love to remind otto that he’s not just his mistakes. the next two lines are jus cute

“And so dismembering our state of balance With lust requited, a gaze undivided With a cool mind and warmth in your face A good heart, a grace under pressure”

this is. so gorgeous. just commentary on awsten, really. “warmth in your face” is so Cute considering how rosy aws always is, and a good heart and grace under pressure (see: chorus)

“You give me a good reason to be heartsick again To be here, to be strong, to be oddly and boldly estranged From the loss and bitter years I found myself descending into tedium and fear”

maybe my favorite verse in this whole fuckin song?? in this context, awsten giving him a reason to be strong and bold, to be heartsick again. to love him. from the “loss and bitter years” of being younger, of guilt and shame around sexuality, and awsten just...helps him come to terms to it, even if it hurts sometimes, even if they dont ever actually date

“If it’s late, you’re drunk and wanting A reason, some reason to live I always, I always say Just put on some Whitesnake”

aws and otto both don’t drink, so the alcohol refs in this song are sorta moot, but i think by here we’ve moved into more recent times with them (and honestly this falls in well w the c**r* thing, like this verse takes place right after theyve broken up). awsten’s...worse, honestly, mental-health wise, but otto’s always his comfort person. he calls otto when they’re not together, and they stay on the phone long into the night, sometimes without even talking, just soft music playing from one of their ends

“Honey, it’s no secret that I’ve been losing my way In the weirdest of moments and the stupidest of ways But hey, I’m still young and it’s gonna be okay I got solipsism, baby, and I brought lemonade”

and hell, maybe otto isn’t doing too well, either. it comes in different ways than awsten’s. and the third line is so sweet, that optimism that wasn’t there at the beginning is now present and he’s using it to help aws this time instead of vise versa.

“I’ll surrender then, all my balance And be excited and drink to tonight It’s not a, a bad time, time spent with you There’s cool lights and songs with good lyrics”

seeing each other again in a romantic context, after a few years of awsten’s ex. awsten’s in houston, otto’s with him, and they’re alone. it’s like being barely-adults again, and otto lets down those walls he’s been building the past few years, and things settle right back into place

“We never have to talk again, whatever, up to you But since you’re putting up with me Here’s another toast just to you Let’s dance, off the beat Then mosey out together and say goodbye on the street”

the thought of awsten “putting up with” otto is sorta laughable, considering their respective personalities, but sometimes otto really does feel like that. also, them dancing together is a VERY sweet thought, and seperating at the end of the night like they’ve done many times before, feeling okay about it

“Don’t stop, don’t stop believing In truth and personal freedom I want someone to want me for who I am I want someone to try, or let me down easy, easy tonight”

the last chorus is a bit different. instead of “grace and the grievance”, we’ve developed into “personal freedom”, and thats. fuckin beautiful, honestly, with aws getting out of his last relationship and he and otto rekindling things again. and for otto, “i want someone to want me for who i am”, is a bit of a realization that maybe awsten is the only one who does. i think it’s kinda on brand though, to still feel like someone has to try with him, and that he’s going to be let down, even all these years later.

[gotatext]

yo, im not gonna lie guys, im super drunk, so this bio is like.... completely ocpy and pasted but;.... pls plot with me..... im so excited to bring this baby here.... i feel it is the perfect place to write her and i hven’t had the chance to in so long ..... love me..... and greta........ please im so excited this is back, last time i played jack..... n willow??? i think....... maybe archie too...... dont even remember...... who i fuckin played..... but i was here...... and queer..... loud..... and proud..... god this dumb bitch needs to sleep.....

GRETA O'DRISCOLL

20. born in marfa, texas. luvs wearing gingham print dresses and cowboy boots. vert into art and pornography, and particularly the combination of the two. wants to do a PHD on gender studies and female autonomy in porn.

( kristine froseth | she / her | cisfemale ) hey, you hear ( young lady, you’re scaring me by ron gallo ) playing over on the ( rv lot ) ? that’s where ( greta o'driscoll ) lives! i heard they moved in from ( marfa, texas ) exactly ( four months ) ago. they’re very ( zealous ) but also pretty ( erratic ). maybe that’s why davie keeps calling them the ( libertine ). starlit is full of people, but this ( 20 ) year old is really going to liven things up around here! ( nora | 23 | she / her | gmt )

personality: easy-going, deceptive, manipulative, self-reliant, profound, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent unmotivated, self-corrupting, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring.

likes: art, music, philosophy, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, fish and chips on the beach, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, DJ sets, magnolias.

dislikes: bananas, coffee, mental mathematics, children, misogyny, the imaginary future, literature, Wes Anderson films

muse tag

pinterest

aesthetics: a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

cliffsnotes on biography

 - she’s called greta (under witness protection), and she’s a serial dater. she’s incredibly restless and doesn’t settle. before she came to seattle, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years. born into a single-parent house with two older sisters so always surrounded by women and as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention  -   every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result everyone from her past views her as a completely different person depending on when she met them.   -   she’s been involved in a series of destructive relationships because when people discover she’s not who she pretends to be she often gets explosive and defensive.  -   (tw gun) she’s now under witness protection and moved to connecticut because she shot a previous boyfriend in self-defence and his family are trying to have her done for murder, but she got tired of being moitored so is now even on the run from the police / her faked identity.  - easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be entralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her   -  big into sports. big into gender politics. big into art. does a lot of art installation pieces to do with female and queer bodies. massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune. big fan of the honey bee.

full biography

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your bosom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out. 

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and daredevils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six-pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three-hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty-five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wildfire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you make your name as a downtown singer while he foots the bill with pills. they have a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you live like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self-defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to vegas where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[soledadcatalina]

all of em

well fuck me okay

1. What is your sexuality? What is your romantic orientation?

Lesbian Dykely

2. What is your gender identity?

vague

3. Are you out? If you’re out, who did you come out to first? What’s your favorite coming out story? If you’re not, what is keeping you from coming out?

i mean i remember coming out as pan when i first was really looking into myself, and im not sure who i rlly came out to first? probably my online friends, but then guidance counsellor, middle school friends, then my mom followed by most of my family

at the same time tho u never stop coming out, and i dont really have any favourite coming out stories bc every time i doi do it with nerverwracking attention no matter how casually i try to pass it off

4. When did you realize that you are LGBTQ? What made you realize that you are LGBTQ?

in retrospect, real fuckin obvious how much i fixated on girls and the fact i was considered a “tomboy” helped cement it. but i guess when i was abt 12 or so when i started fuckin falling hard and fast into crushes on girls

5. Who was the first LGBTQ person that you met?

to my memory: my auntie steph and auntie dom who are wives and are currently rasing two lovely girls!!! i guess to tie in with that last question, seeing their relationship really helped me feel saer within my family

6. Have you ever been to Pride? What was your favorite part of that experience, if you have? What was your least favorite? If you have not, do you want to go to Pride?

pride is pretty fun, what fucking sucks is that whenever toronto pride rolls around, either me or my gf are working and cant go together and all the gay friends i know irl are all homebodies and dont fuckin post shit abt going to pride as a group. so im literally always like “hm i think i should get a haircut lemme get off here and - fuck its pride again”

7. Do you have any tips for coming out?

the concept of coming out of the closet is bullshit in the ways its engrained in popular narratives to try and placate the straight and cis people in your life to make them feel comfortable. you shouldnt have to beg anyone to accept you, to apologise for your existence. 

however, the best and comforting way to come out is to another person from the community, because that is a comfort in solidarity, and let’s both of you know that neither of you are truly ever alone. its bonding over pain ans hardships, but also through the wonderful experiences of loving and who it is you are. 

8. What would you tell your younger self if you had the chance?

it all gets gayer from here.

9. Describe your ideal partner.

a good & loving goofus whomst i can settle into a comfortable domestic future with and know that i can trust and rely on but also a verse top 

10. Describe your ideal date.

im such a homebody dyke efgrfeergtedwergeehgr well thats why i cant get fuckin invites to pride, but nonetheless, i just love that comfy shit? i just like to be in close proximity and touch and sleep beside each other

11. Who is your favorite LGBTQ idol of all time?

god i dont rlly stan idols or celebrities so idrk???

12. Who is your favorite LGBTQ book character?

both eva and grace from “how to make a wish” tbh, ill continue to say it but i love this book and it fuckin now is the bar of how teenage lesbians and bi girls are written and the complexity and emotion these two are given??

13. Who is your favorite LGBTQ+ movie character?

i feel like ill be coming back to add onto these but can i say utena and anthy who are the lesbian power couple  

14. Who is your favorite LGBTQ+ musician?

god my mind keeps blanking when it comes to real ppl but syd tha kid has such a smooth fuckin voice and almost all the songs she sings are abt women

15. Who is your favorite LGBTQ+ actor?

again im blanking but man, samira wiley, laverne cox, keiynan lonsdale all come to mind

16. What advice do you have for those who are not be in a safe place to come out?

your safety is first and foremost the important thing for you to consider, i know it’s hard to stay in the closet, especially around bigotry and ppl who continue to be on their bullshit. try to build connections online if you can but be mindful of deleting your browser history if necessary. you are definitely not alone, it’s hard to say earnestly that it gets better but there are people out there fighting to make it better as rough as it is right now 

17. Who has helped you the most in realising/accepting your identity?

i meaning realising that ive fallen in love with a girl who made my heart ache was a pretty good indicator lol. but i mean the internet is good for some things and being able to be gay freely online really shaped me bc i sure the fuck was too anxious to mention it. 

18. Do you have any tips on how cisgender and/or heterosexual people can be better allies to LGBTQ+ people?

buy me my butch shit and soft flannels. 

also for once dont be a bitch and take what ur friends say seriously when they talk abt their experiences with homophobia and transphobia. 

19. Describe your first crush.

we were in middle school and despite all the shit ppl tried to talk her with, i knew her, my best friend, and she was wonderful and it hurt me every time i realised that we would never work out until at some point we simply stopped talking, and that romantic love turned into platonic love. i dont really think about her often anymore. 

20. Are you proud of your identity?

i love being a lesbian, i love women, i love my girlfriend, and i never ever ever want to ever even consider the notion of being straight ever again

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 8]

And here we are at the end. I hope you’ve all been enjoying the ride, because it’s about to get a whole lot weirder in this, the final chapter.

Warnings this time around: a whole lot of drug use, some underage drinking, DUI but it’s okay because Tiaa is a vampire, bestiality, and an attempted sexual assault. Also did I mention drug use? There’s a lot of drug use.

Recap: Tiaa met a panda bear named Snoofles on her way to school (please don’t think too hard about this) and learned that she can now talk to animals, among other abilities. Thanks to a vague new ability of hers, she accidentally made her mean classmate Lauren get struck by lightning while they were in a verbal spat. Edward finally decided to leave Bella for Tiaa and the two celebrated by having sex in the middle of the school. Bella walked in on them and got upset.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley. sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me byut she is on vacaton this wk and next so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!

Did she refuse to beta your fic after you stole her poster of Gerard Way?

Chapter 8 - the Kidnap

I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it but I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more. 

Tiaa doesn’t care how beautiful she is, but she had to start the sentence off by reminding us all how beautiful she is. And that she looks awesome. And her hair is exotic.

Whatever that means.

Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad. 

Wait, are you mad Edward is attempting to prevent Bella from committing suicide?

how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more? 

That doesn’t mean he’s fine with letting her make attempts on her own life, Tiaa.

I was pissed! and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe. 

I love this goddamn sentence.

So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties and i smoked some drugs and started to weep. 

To be fair, this is a really solid stoner-goth aesthetic she has going.

…wait, hold up, leather panties? 

Leather panties?

dave came in and made a big smiley face.

He’s in a really good mood for someone whose brother was murdered hours ago.

"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)

Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll buy that Dave visually mistook a spliff for chapstick… but can he not smell that she’s smoking weed?

"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.

Love how Tiaa is suicidal but still needs to make sure we know how pretty she is at all times. Reminds me of the bit in “My Immortal” where Enoby was flirting while sobbing.

"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot, and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff. 

Well, replace “homework” with “getting raped by the relative of a caregiver, turning into a vampire, and accidentally seriously injuring a classmate” and Dave’s on the money.

he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.

Do I really need to tell this girl to stop humanizing her rapist? She killed him in self-defense! It was one hundred percent justified! C’mon, Tiaa, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Also, nobody cares about Lauren.

"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)

Well, yeah, that is weird, but I don’t get the woe-is-me attitude about it. Telekinesis is a really cool ability. Also, turns out Dave is literally so dumb that you can be an obvious nonhuman smoking weed in bed while screaming about wanting to die and he’ll take you for an ordinary teenage girl holding a tube of chapstick.

"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin) 

…so did the ashtray miss?

"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before! 

I can’t help but feel that the amount Dave and Marie compliment Tiaa on her looks borders on inappropriate, considering she is sixteen and they are her foster parents. 

and i think your boobs hav grown!" 

Case in point.

"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.

I guess it’s a good thing she’s a vampire, then, since I’m pretty sure vampires can’t get back problems.

Wait. Can vampires get high? Does being high feel different if you’re a vampire?

Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.

That Dave!

I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs) and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks. 

Listen, I don’t know Washington State, but in my neck of the woods small towns don’t have goth nightclubs. 

I love that she specified the pills were drugs, in case we thought they were sugar pills or something. 

bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL! 

If there is a goth nightclub in your small town, I guarantee you everyone has heard of it.

i met snoofles on the way and he came with me. 

You’re taking the panda out clubbing?

we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music. 

…I’m starting to get very confused about Snoofles. My initial impression was that he’s a regular panda bear, but Tiaa is able to communicate with him because she’s a vampire and can talk to all animals now. But I don’t think ordinary pandas go to clubs, get drinks, and dance to heavy metal music.

Although I’ve never met one, so I could be wrong.

ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda, but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.

I adore the similes in this fic. No idea what Tiaa is on but I definitely know what the author means by feeling like there’s snow everywhere in your head.

"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry. 

So… not like straw, then.

he was tall. 

Yeah, you mentioned.

he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)

No, it’s good, I dig it. Simple goth on top, bling on the bottom, may or may not be wearing pants? It’s a look.

"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?

"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.

"what is wrong Jasper?" i said

"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!" 

Of course he’s gay. Look at his outfit! Look at those shoes! I can’t even see him for real and my gaydar is going wild.

"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said. 

"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.

Good on Tiaa for being an ally. I love how Jasper reacts as though he’s never considered the possibility that his gayness might be alright. He’s a vampire too and has been alive for well over a century, so that’s a lot of internalized homophobia… but he’s also been around to witness the entire modern LGBT rights movement, so you’d think he might have gotten the “it’s okay to be gay” message before.

"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back. 

If you just got a bad feeling about what might happen next, trust your fucking instincts.

he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.

I really wanna know what they’ve been taking, because even though Tiaa isn’t human I feel like anyone who can get high should have to worry about drug interactions. Weed and alcohol is fine, but aside from that I have no idea what the hell Tiaa is on except that she described it as “pills” and a lot of drugs that come in pill form do not play nice with alcohol. She probably isn’t going to fry her liver or anything like that given that she’s essentially undead, but I doubt she’s immune to having a bad trip.

we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car. 

A note: At this point in the story I quite literally had to stop the MST for a bit so I could pour myself a very stiff drink. 

The panda has a car. The panda is having a threesome with a vampire and a human in the back of his car while another vampire drives it. This is treated as normal because the panda and his two human(oid) sexual partners happen to all be gay.

Like, I’d normally feel pretty weird about the “promiscuous gay” stereotype being invoked, but I’m way too busy feeling weird that the author thinks it’s normal for gay guys to want to screw a panda because the panda happens to be gay too. Also, keep in mind Snoofles can only talk to Tiaa — the dudes he’s having sex with can’t understand him. I’m gonna say a panda who behaves like a human and owns a car is probably capable of consenting, but I still feel mighty weird about the idea that two dudes who perceive Snoofles as an ordinary, non-talking panda would want to have a threesome with him.

I guess the promiscuity aspect isn’t even bad considering how Tiaa and Edward have been acting with each other throughout the fic. The bestiality, though, I have trouble overlooking.

(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)

Sure, but do you even know how to drive? In most states, it’s not legal to get a learner’s permit until you’re Tiaa’s age, so we’re not talking “experienced driver with superhuman reflexes,” we’re talking “superhuman reflexes, but on somebody who quite possibly has never sat in the driver’s seat of a car before.”

but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out. there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness. 

But was his black hair like the black feathers of a black raven in the black darkness? I just want to be clear on the color.

he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!) but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up! 

Oh, of course, her samurai sword. Yep. Been with her the whole time.

Jasper Snoofles and Vince were too busy doing gay sex on each other to notice, i cud hear them grunting and humping and having orgasms on each other - it was so cute but now was SO not the time! 

She’s being attacked by a group of ten or more people, who have overpowered her, restrained her, and blindfolded her, in the middle of the road. Three people (well, a person, a vampire, and a panda) are present and they don’t notice this happening at all.

Like… I know they’re all intoxicated and, uh, otherwise occupied at the moment, but did they not at least pause to notice Tiaa slamming on the brakes to avoid colliding with a stranger in the road?

The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.

when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me. i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.

Tiaa has superhuman strength and reflexes. She has telekinetic abilities. She can affect objects and people by touching them. 

Yet she can’t get out of being chained to a chair?

I call BS.

"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.

She sounds like Wheatley from “ITS MY LIFE!” now.

"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!

Jacob’s a big dude who can turn into a wolf, but he’s also about fifteen and just learning about the whole werewolf thing, so I doubt he’d be “king” of anything. Also Tiaa could take him easy.

"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.

I don’t know why she reacted so negatively to Jacob’s response. There is a longstanding vampire/werewolf feud in the Twilight universe, but Tiaa is very newly turned and shouldn’t know about any of that yet. Learning your kidnapper is a werewolf sucks, but if you’re already a vampire you’ve got an edge too.

"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.

"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!" he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like. 

So… not like rain, then.

"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD! 

I’ve got to change this blog’s name right away. I don’t know what I was thinking naming it “The Half-World” when I could have named it “The Half-Bread.”

Also, hold up — what did Tiaa do to Bella? Is this just about “stealing” Edward? Jacob and Edward aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, and if Bella’s single Jacob has a chance with her, so if anything I think he owes Tiaa a thank-you.

YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!" 

Well, this really does speak for itself.

This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down. 

Sounds like my second-grade teacher. She was the daughter of a well-known Republican senator and she had to resign after she tied a kid to a chair with a jump rope. True story.

But something he said had caugt my attention .

Good job on the punctuation.

"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.

What do you think he meant, genius?

"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER! SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!" 

I guess this does explain Tiaa’s extra powers, but, I have to say, I don’t think Jacob gets to criticize anyone else for being freaky when he can turn into a wolf.

Of corse! It all made sense now! 

It didn’t all make sense. There’s still an interspecies gay threesome that needs explaining.

I was so shocked I fainted,

and also got my periods and commas mixed up,

When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED! He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.

Honest to god I love these similes. 

he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me! 

I think I have an idea, actually.

but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!

IT WAS EWDARD!

Here to save the day! And to end the fic, because this is it for “Forbiden Fruit”: BeckyMac666 left us all on a cliffhanger, so we’ll never know what happens.

I do genuinely love this fanfic. I love how it’s written, I love the similes, I love the purple prose and the melodramatic tone, and I love my girl Tiaa. It’s a truly fantastic badfic, and I’m happy I got to introduce others to it, too.

[violasmirabiles]

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you. (Unless you are a rule breaker, breaking that rule.) (i’m a massive rule breaker but we all knew that already)

I was tagged by the ever lovely @blackboard-monitor thank u darling xxxx

1) If it were possible for you to sign up on a mission to go to one of the new habitable planets NASA just discovered, would you? Why/why not? > i mean probably not because im scared of everything and that includes travelling to space 

2) Do you keep a diary or a journal, or have you kept one in the past? > I mean sorta? im trying to get back into writing poetry and its not been the easiest journey and my writing is pretty personal anyway and sometimes it definitely turns into a diary entry or a few. my last year’s writing was pretty much just straight up diary entries all the way through and it kinda pissed me off bc aaaaaaaaaaa i did come up w ok stuff in ‘15. also also i kept a pretty consistent diary almost every day in middle school (lmao yläaste) but somehow just....kinda stopped when high school started. ive thrown the diaries away since and now im pissed off at myself cos of that. i do remember i was rather pretentious n angsty teenager n definitely was depressed although not as badly as ive been later. i also remember writing about the Realization of reading the brief description of depression and anxiety in the health ed textbook n the anxiety description being pretty much 100% me. the depression one was like 70% me.

3) Do you have a favourite visual artist? Who?  > me lately ive been in love w egon schiele’s style but my all-time favorite is gallen-kallela. also tove jansson man i wanna live in her art

4) What kind of YouTube videos do you like to watch? What channels are you subscribed to?  > dont rly know tbh. like funny ones, weird ones, the cute animal videos, n of course when im drunk as hell at 2 a.m. youll find me laughing my ass off at some stupid fuckin sinätuubapaska. also im not subscribed to any channels 

5) What’s your favourite thing about your appearance?  > my lips! i absolutely love my lips

6) What’s your favourite thing about your personality?  > i’d like to think of myself as a caring n kind person but i suck at replying to messages n thinking of stuff to say when ppl r distressed. but man do i care. i care so much. ive so much love to give n i love it 

7) Have you ever been in an ambulance? If you have, why?  > nope

8) Outside of your nuclear family, who’s your favourite relative? We all have one, don’t pretend you don’t :D  > it’s no secret whatsoever that my maternal grandma - the only grandparent i have left, in fact - is my absolute favorite relative. she has such a wonderful sense of humor n we get along so well n shes always so wonderfully supportive, like when i first came out as bi n now that im in DepressionHell(tm). i love her so so much. also her bro who’s ten years younger than her is a v cool dude i think he’s like my second favorite relative outside of my nuclear family

9) What’s your favourite place to swim? (ocean, lake, river, pool, hate swimming etc)  > pool but lbr a summer isnt a summer if u dont swim in a lake at least once

10) Name three favourite flowers.  >  wood violet (i think thats what it’s called in english? anyway metsäorvokki), tiger lily, common hepatica (sinivuokko????? im like eternally confused abt plant names in english what the fuk)

11) Pretend you believe in reincarnation. What would you most like to come back as?  > ev’rybody wants to be a cat / because a cat’s the only cat who knows where it’s at

[prettyflyforacyguy]

all

rlord christ uh okay

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

kitchen Table. ;3

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

good!!!!! it was early morning and aiden was off work so we decided to mess around and it was just v low stress and nice

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

hm uh. who;s that one tiger from zootopia? shit dice drew a commission of him a while back. the sexy one. he’d treat me right.

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

there are like a million dumb fucking things aiden does that makes me lose my gdamn mind!!!!!! like, when he loosens his tie and gives me The Sex Look or kisses my neck in a certain spot... luv that husband

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

somewhere kids could see :/

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________

one time admittedly when i was new to anal i had the inevitable ShitDick scenario bc i didn’t know how to prep myself properly........im so fucking sorry, trey, im so sorry

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

this petsmart flyer came in the mail once. that was a weird jerkoff. made me realize im deep in petplay pff

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

aiden;s been practicing shibari and it’s pretty fun! i’d say its my fav way to be restrained rn 

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

it aint hard idk

10: Top or bottom?

this bitch be bottomin, my ass is Ready

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

it depends on how much stamina u have or if you’re in the mood for more? that time waiting for the refractory period tho suuuuuuuucks, im so jealous of dfab ppl that can come multiple times :/

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

a valentine’s present for aiden, shhh

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

sometimes aiden fuckign. does French Shit and i dont know what he’s saying until after but it’s kind of become a joke because we’ll be having a really nice moment and he’ll lean in and like, whisper some bullshit like “my little lima bean” or “my sweet polished fork” and i fuckignt rftg,,, IT STILL SOUNDS HOT, WHY IS HE LIKE THIS 

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

that “pop” noise when ur mouth comes off the dick. also, when he like, holds your head with his fingers tangled in your hair and bobs your head down on his cock g gg go gogfdoood thats so hot i love it when he does that to me its nice

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

welcome 2 Trauma Land next question

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

yeah. it’s a pretty slutty thing to do, it’s not great tasting if u don’t like, pineapple and shit but it’s a pretty good way to get your partner turned on more

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

if u and ur partner get tested together and r clean and not seeing anyone else

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

my sophomore year humanities teacher in my study abroad program....holy Fuck. hooooly fuck. mr. nakamura still gets me going to this day. he has a wife tho :(

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

whipped creaaaam!

21: How big is too big:

some bad dragons are really intimidating. christ.

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

let ppl use me as an object again :/

23: Biggest turn on:

humiliation is pretty good

24: Three spots that drive you insane:

my neck

my back

my pussy, and my crack.

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

driving is pretty rough.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

ch r is  t  y es

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

define “worst,” anon.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping:

who fucking calls it “fapping” still

29: Best sexual complement you ever got:

Yikes^TM

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

is this like, a lesbian thing? i dont get it

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

YA GATTA NUT!

32: Fill in the blank: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"

IF THEY TRUCKIN WE ARE FUCKIN!

33: What your favorite part of your body:

my belly........? idk i used to Hate My Mcfuckin Self but aiden blows raspberries on me and its fkin cute holy hell

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

if i suck on aiden’s fingers he basically fucking Dies on the spot, so that’s fun to use. for myself, uhh. thigh kisses are hot. so hot.

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]

there was a a time when i wouldve said sex is bnetter but no, it’s Lov....i Love Husband

36: What do you wear to bed?

boxers, and my husband

37: When was the first time you masturbated:

probably when i was like nine or ten? in the “i dont know this is masturbating but it kinda feels nice” way

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

there’s a lot floating around there but most of it is during The Bad Time

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

uhhh shit its been a while i can’t really remember?

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

mhm. it’s not my fav tho

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

i;ve had more than a threesome, buddy

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

when i was young and desperate and trying anal for the first time i used a vibrating toothbrush but no one told me you’re supposed to not use the brush end. the bristles were rough. 

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes to both?? im a tiny troglodyte man what do u expect

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

maybe? this is a very specific situation, i know aiden would rather die than do anything on a plane tho

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

i feel it coming - daft punk

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

literally like anything can make me hard im fucking easy

47: Most attractive celebrity?

my husband....he’s a star, to Me...

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

yes. source: am gay

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

Unborn.

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

yes. i dont particularly like to think abt it but there’s a. big fan community wanting me to “come back” and it makes me super uncomfortable.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

girls :/

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

i have a couple on my thighs and my belly from some healthy weight gain, but aiden doesn’t mind. he likes em

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

dick....me Sucky Cock...nya

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i dont rlly care

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

i was a few people’s first lay and it was uh. difficult. they think they can just pound a man’s ass like their fleshlight and it’s rough when you’re like, laying there and your ass is on fire while you remind them to use more lube and also fucking go slower to start

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

sticky rice. good fucking lord, do not use sticky rice.

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

not really? we don’t hide things from each other

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

we own a Shit ton. i’ve had some since i was like, a teenager but i’ve been collectin some over the years

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

oh god no. aiden barely knows what memes are

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

no, me and aiden have already discussed like, scar reduction shit. i have a few nasty keloids :/

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

neither?? i mean, i was both for a while but *SLAMS TRAUMA BUTTON*

62: Do you watch porn?

duh

63: How small is too small?

all dick is good dick!!!!

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

continues to Slam the Trauma Button

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

probably not because aiden’s in a group chat with his work buddies and they’re all middle aged or young mom nurses. im a fish out of water.

67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?

sure, as long as its not like skinny jeans or something

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?

not rlly. good dick is good dick

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

im p sure everyone tries but usually i get my husband to B)

70: Booty or Boobs?

ass. please god, i’m all about ass

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

Ass Blaster 69

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes? like a movie and restraunt thing?

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

not that i know of, but there was a point when i was pretty low in life that i hopped around w/ partners and one night stands.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

the Pole Faller. i have no body strength and im named that bc i’d fall off the pole

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

no??????????? nO??

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

what...what kind of question even is this

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

“god i wanna put my mouth all over that”

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

DOUBLE PENETRATION!!!!!! DOUBLE PENETRATION!!!!!

[emmaleahjane]

I was with someone who acted like they absolutely adored me. They loved the way i sang, my music, my humor, my ideas about life, and he would always tell me how good i smelled and looked. He said he wanted to marry me and have babies together. A life. We were friends for many years. He proposed the second week we got together.

Then the control started. He told me he couldn't deal with a long distance relationship because my dad was retiring and moving to Michigan and he told me to just move in with him. He saw the extent of my items (a roomfull) and said there was no problem at all. My best friend helped me move in and suddenly he started asking where all this crap was gonna go. I was thrown off but brushed it away and made everything look more clean and organized then before i got there.

Our romantic relationship had already started rocky. We were buddies who smoked a lot of pot together. He would hit on me even though he had a gf and before that i would always laugh at the thought of us together. He was about 5 years younger than me. I remember us having a shot on his 21st at the local watering hole. He didnt drunk much. His girlfriend also had a few years to go to be at the bar.

I was with my boyfriend for about 2 years. Hes cheated, lied, talked to girls behind my back, my friends, made out with a girl in front of me once. I had to be held back to not beat the fuck out of both of them. But we made it through. He was an alcoholic and a coke head. But he works hard on the boat for months at a time so hes always forgiven. He says he was fat and bullied as a child, but his teenage and young adult life made him seem like the real bully. The way he treated me was always like a bully felt.

Leave for the boat and i would always wait patiently. Comes home and acts like a complete buffoon with no ambition. Just to party and go to the bar while i drove. So most nights i spent alone confused and depressed.

I would find a temporary escape with my sweet marijuana who i got a killer deal from the boy i began the story with. One day my boyfriend and i ended up there together one night and i was really tired. Im pretty sure it was Halloween and i was dressed like a schoolgirl. I napped while they did dmt together with a few other ppl.

Forward a bit i find out my bf had gone behind my back and was getting fucked and sucked while i was at work by some red headed nasty old tramp i used to work with. Shattered i tried making it work but i couldnt anymore.

There was my buddy. Now working at the same dispensary as me. Flirting. Making me feel good about myself. As i was shattered. He said him and his girl werent doing well. I tried staying away. He wanted to be in my life. I couldnt resist.

I broke it off with my bf, he was still with his gf. I went to drop my key off and tried staying away from my ex and he lured me with words i wanted to hear into our bed. I rolled over to a text that said. " i broke up with her"

I was fucked. I didnt even want to be with my ex. But i didnt want to lie. I picked him up after and told him the truth. He said i was disgusting and all this other nasty shit. I almost drove us off the road i was in complete hysteria.

We cooled off. Ended up together. Moved in. Engaged.

I wasnt really allowed to talk to any boys. Barely any girls. I told him i was bisexual and he said not when im with him im not.

He was always going through my phone. Questioning. Pressing. Digging. Blocking. Deleting. I didnt care. I felt like i deserved it.

I went to Michigan to visit my family. He had my other phone that mirrored my current phone. Always checking in on me. The time in Michigan i should have had, the last month i had with my aunt unknowingly, was wasted arguing almost 24/7 about my past present and future. When i had no way of knowing what he was doing when i was gone. Which i found out after we broke up that he was fucking around on me driving around my fucking car. Also he said if i didnt wuit smoking cigarettes we would not be together. So i quit. It was hard as fuck. When i landed back in oregon i had one cigarette left. He crushed it in his hand. We fought the whole way home. He was also driving without knowing where he was going.

We went to Hawaii. He was a nightmare. My friend died when we were there. He said dont let it ruin my time. He constantly had me in tears. When it was ending he was nagging in my ear saying he was going to fuck my best friends so i socked him in the head 5 times. Before that i tried to leave after he told me to gtfo and then pushed me hard back on the bed. One morning we woke up and he shattered my bong. Never got me a new one. Was always and is still sitting on money that he got from selling pot.

Anyways. My ex and i ended up back together because he said all the right things again. Now im stuck with an alcoholic cokehead bf who has done me so wrong and tried to say he would make it all better. When all he does is stay up late drinkin and doing shitty coke shitting his brains out buying guns and other shit for himself constantly leaving a mess never cleaning it up but always saying hes bored. Sita on the fucking couch all day playing games on his phone and whatever the fuck else he does. He tells me to run for the hills and i fucking will. But then says he knows i will be the mother of his children. Doesnt even have a shred of me on his social media. Doesnt follow me on instagram because i called a stripper put he was friends with and lied about and got all fuckin butthurt about it. Too much sketchy shit. I get nothing but pain from this. He doesnt care about what kind of big dreams i have or what i like all he fucking cares about is himself and his dog, who i feed and give medicine to and take potty while he sleeps in all day and is lazy on the couch. Must be nice. He also tells me to just relax when this house used to be infested with rats then we killed them and i hsd to clean up the poop. To this day he says its not a big deal.

.

Also. His "best friend" is a girl he lost his virginity to and shes been huh is bartender for years always overserving him. They are besties and have so much in common and have constantly belitted me for being younger then them. They are in their early 30s and im 27... but i have to be comfortable with them talking all the time and she fucking hates me AND my mom. Shes a petty little bitch that needs her ass wooped.

Tbc..

Either way imma be ok and imma figure it out. Im just so twisted. I even told him im fucking done with this shit and i think he thinks im not serious when im not fucking around anymore

[dogjaws2]

the older i get: the more i find myself writing things about how i am getting older.. And The more I find myself saying things like, "the older I get, _____" like I've won my right to wax poetic about growing. Growth. The transition from one dimension of suffering, to another. Only in the beginning, it doesn't seem like suffering. I don't know. The older I get, the more I suffer. I just accept it now. And Parts of me still fight, but my brain is just like, "yo man that's just how it is going to be. Ok?. Ok." Accepting a reality that you don't agree with is hard. Its like your constantly hating the world and yet still choosing to live in it. The older I get, the more I realize I am just going to have to live through the shitty parts. there is a certain versatility to getting older though. where in, you stop caring so much about fitting into whatever fucking thing you were trying to fit into when you were young. Cool shit isn't really a priority anymore. Cool things become kind of like this bonus part of your life. Like oh hey wow that's really cool. Or at least that's how I feel. I feel like I used to be cool. Maybe that was an illusion. I feel like a loser now. And when I stumble into some cool shit I'm like oh dope I'm hip. What up. I don't know. I guess you become familiar with losing. Unless you're like a fucking jock or something. But You realize that the world can really fuck your shit up. It can take things from you, without asking. So you learn the hard way, that you gotta hold on to the good stuff.. even though sometimes the good stuff is slippery. Sometimes the good stuff doesn't want you to hold on to it. Where am I going with this. Fitting in. You don't put the effort into it like you used to. You're to busy to worry about fitting into some mould. Fuck the moulds man, the moulds are the devil. You want to be the cool guy with the leather jacket and cigarette, nah man that's a hollow fucking identity. With any luck, you start to develop a sort of moral integrity that acts as a compass in social situations. Should I stay and do cocaine all night with these 3 sketchy people? Or should I go home and sleep. Well lets do the math. What do I want out of life. What do I need to do tmrw. Who do I want to be? Morally speaking, is this a good idea? I don't know. The older I get, the more I realize that I have all these great ideas about how to help myself, but I never actually follow through on any of them. You know? Like I end up staying and doing the Cocaine with the 3 sketchy people. Because I cling to the fun side of things still and that's not always practical but its hard to have fun now in days and so when I have the option I'm like fuck ya. I don't know. The older I get the more I realize I don't follow through on things. Getting older has this versatility though, that's where I think I was beginning with this whole thing. Like listening to music for instance. I just have this crazy ability to listen to whatever the fuck I want, and not worry about what anybody else will think. its the effort that starts to slip, i think. i used to be stuck listening to certain genres like a sucker because i thought it had some affect on how others might view me. Seriously. Like I wanted to be perceived a certain way so I had to edit my life accordingly. I couldn't listen to country music because it would mean I'm not cool. Not that I want to listen to country music now but you know what I mean. I'll listen to anything now, because I don't feel like the music I listen to, reflects that much information about me. The only people that would judge me on my music tastes are assholes, and see then fuck those people anyways, right? And yet people are still sooo particular about their music. Like is tied into their ego. Like if you put on the wrong song, you're a loser. sometimes its like its tied into their ego. and i get that, you wanna be about your interests. You wanna seem metal or punk or- eventually you realize that there are things you need to hate, and things you dont. feelings are involuntary most of the time, but experience allows you to develop some sort of clarity in regards to when and where you want to feel stuff. at least thats what i pretend. And so I have stopped hating genres of music, because I feel like that's a waste of time. I know this guy who acts like he knows the best music. Only him. Like if you put on a song and he doesn't like it, he's like all snobby about it and its like. Fuck off. You're being an asshole. I used to be like that but man I have since then learned to appreciate a wide variety of music. I feel like the older I get, the more accepting I am of lots of things. And maybe that is because most of the things I didn't accept when I was young, I was taught not to accept. So somebody else was forming my opinion. I saw somebody else do something and I thought ok ya me too. But when you get older you start really taking stock in your individual tastes in things. You start investing in your own preferences, and its fine and fun to go your own way. When you are young, and you try to stray from the pack, people criticize you for it. I remember people saying to me, "oh you're just trying to be different" "oh Greg always has to be different" and its like, fuckin eh. I was trying to follow my own nose. I was trying to listen to myself instead of just doing what everyone else was doing but it's lonely sometimes. And that's why people always come back to their egos because they feel like it protects them from loneliness. They feel like it insulates them from being looked at as a weirdo. I invested so much time into my ego when I was a kid. Because that's what you think will help you get laid. But Its so liberating to just let go of all those expectations. I can put on spice girls in my truck and fucking blast it with the windows down and roll down the street and not even give a care. When did that happen and like how did that happen? Why was I so afraid when I was a kid. Is that just like part of it? Like you follow the group for survival, and then you realize you can survive on your own so you start celebrating that fact? anyways, i feel like i can listen to anything, freely now. and in part, that is also due to the fact that music is literally accessible from my pocket. it takes me about 34 seconds to find the song i want to listen to. and if i feel like looking for new music, there are limitless opportunities for me to discover new bands. But to be honest, half the time im just trying to remember all the songs that have slipped away from me. all the music i used to listen to, before mp3's were the norm. or at least, all the music that was on my computer, 6 computers ago. and if im not trying to trace those songs down, im looking up new songs, by those old bands. i feel like music should just stop for awhile so i can catch up on all the old stuff. it shouldnt even be an option that you can listen to a single song by itself. it should be the entire album or nothing.like a record. I should buy records. i have heard one song, by 3 million different bands. And I feel badly about that. Maybe the rest of their music is fantastic? But I'm so busy listening to 6 thousand other bands that I only have time for this one song. No that's not true actually I have tried to listen to some albums in full, and in realizing there is only one song i like, i develop a sort of hatred for the band. like, uh ok so i spent 30 mins on this shit and there's nothing catchy. This band sucks. Although I would never say that. okay so then i take back what i said about how you should have to listen to the full album. the fact that you can look up a single song and download it and sing along to it and show your friends and maybe even put it on in the car or at a party and dance to it, thats so cool. and so ya anything goes now. i was looking through the archives of old music blogs i used to visit, and found some 2006 shit and it brought me back man. 10 years ago. i found all these songs and bands that i listened to back then, but never really understood the lyrics to. But now when I listen to that music, with a better understanding of the world, it all sounds a little different. The same. But different, like I can extract more meaning from it or I can see the desperate parts more clearly. also, there was obviously this big high of nostalgia. because it reminded me of myself, back then. in 2006. i graduated in 2006 and life was so fucking different. and its fun to have an excuse to launch yourself back into those memories. some of those memories i never would have remembered had it not been for some of that music. the songs had latched onto the moments better than i had, you know? all of a sudden its like your watching this movie of yourself at 17 or 18, except its not a movie its just music but with that same amount of colour and motion. i can see my friends back then and my old house and i can feel the energy almost. i can feel where my head was at. like my brain is being put into an old shell of itself, but it expands and fits into it like a glove. like ice cubes freezing into a tray. and im there. i think everyone in the world has a love affair for the music from their youth. its got this really sad poetic glow to it, that you can only see when your looking at it from where you are now. there is a song somewhere that has lyrics about something like that "how you can only see the magic password when your looking at it backwards, or through a rear view mirror" or something like that i dont know. and i like that idea in itself, too. i like that idea of reflection. mainly because im at an age where it still feels fun, and not forced. im 28 so its kind of a stretch for me to sit there in a rocking chair and recall my teenage years. i see older people talk about when they where young and its depressing because they are so fucking far away from those days. its literally been a lifetime since they've done some of the shit they talk about. my youngness doesn't feel out of reach. and maybe im delusional because you obviously cant travel back in time, but it still kinda feels like i can talk about it without people rolling their eyes at me. for the record, i do like hearing older people talk about their youth, i know i will get old too. and i dont mean to sound like a hypocrite but. now that i am older. ish. 28. i can listen to anything i want. and that same sort of freedom can be translated to other parts of my life as well. i can eat what i want. i can say what i want. both obviously have repercussions, but nobody will stop me. anything goes for me right now. i do have some financial limitations, and presently, some legal limitations, but nobody is telling me not to have chocolate cake for breakfast. nobody is telling me i can't talk about how trippy the human eye ball is. in fact, i've made it so that the people i spend most of my time with, accept most of the things i do and say. i've surrounded myself with friends that even encourage me. they support my ramblings. they think its cool that i eat chocolate cake. if they didnt think it was cool. i wouldnt hang out with them. Instead of vice versa. one thing i do care about still, is how i dress. it gives me great anxiety to get on the bus in a dirty shirt. i still have trouble finding pants that fit. i am self conscious about how i walk. i can't seem to stop worrying about my physical appearance. high school was way worse, but i just can't shake the feeling that people are paying attention to my outfits or my facial hair or my skinny elbows or my really skinny legs god do i hate my skinny fucking legs. And this is just me being honest. I fucking wish I didn't feel this way oh my god I wish I could just put on pants and a t shirt but nothing fucking fits properly. I see these people who walk into a store and grab the first shirt they see and it fits. I'm like woah how did you do that. Being tall and lanky is a fucking curse when it comes to clothing. maybe this is reflective of my own interest in others physicality. maybe it shows that i am still interested in what other people wear. if i can change my outward perspective, maybe i can change my inward perspective. im gonna work on that. it takes time to learn things about yourself. so much of your young life is spent just doing things because you want to. when you start to figure out why you want to do something. thats when things become complicated. then you develop this ability to feel guilty about your decisions. when you are young, you can avoid all that sort of emotional, moral, responsibility. but when you are older,ish, 28. you don't just see your face or your body in the mirror you see this whole entire life. you see everything its connected to, you see last night and you see the meeting you have tmrw morning and you see this fucking bill you really have to pay but you just cant afford it because you spent all your money on alcohol. again. I guess sometimes you can get away with a good hair day. sometimes you can be on some fucking weird trip that allows you to look in the mirror with confidence. and in those moments, its just a mirror. its just some shiny thing that lets you see how you look. maybe for that moment, you look how you want. sometimes you look in the mirror and you are content. but most of the time, you want something from yourself. when i think about the freedom i have now, vs the freedom i had when i was a kid, i stand on a fence. nobody tells me what to do anymore, but that is also kind of the scary part. i think that freedom to make your own decisions is much more important though, because that's where the individual begins. I miss having my dinner made for me and my food paid for but like i have way more options now. being young, i tried so hard to be this cool guy, that i wasn't even really myself. it was like i was creating a video game character. i was so into myself, that i could barely understand things that didn't somehow have to do with me. like a sunset. i saw it, but i wanted it to be about me somehow. i wanted someone to know i was seeing it or i had to be with someone to prove it was there, maybe? now i have found that i can experience moments in life, by myself and i can let them change me on their own. and that can be my interaction. that is enough on its own. But im not on some conquest to be lonely here either, thats not what im saying. even in moments with people, like the man at the store who i talk to for five minutes. i know ill never see him again and i know he cant do anything for me or my image or whatever, but i actually enjoy talking to him and learning about whatever the fuck it is hes saying. does that make sense? i dont need anything from it. i just enjoy the experience itself. there is that versatility again, like the music. i can listen to anything i want to right now and if someone was to look at me and say, "greg are you fucking listening to dmx," i would say fuck you man this music is what i want to listen to. and i would have conviction saying that. because i believe it. on that front, i have complete freedom. i feel like i can listen to anything. but my favourite thing to listen to, still seems to be, the music that i grew up with. Weird.

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK U GUYS SHOULD I BUY ALL THE KINDGOM HEARTS IN A ONCENESS???

Holy jesus i knew they did hd ps4 ports of the playstation games but they ALSO added all the final mix content that engkishspeaking fans never got during my childhood? And they ALSO remade chain of memories entireky in 3d with Very Animated Ice Dad?? And they ALSO remade BBS despite it not needing it nearly as much as the old games and thet ALSO remade friggin dream drop distance which came out on a goddamn current gen console?? Like they seriously just made a non portable version?? Now all the spinoffs are on the same console at last?? Why did you not just do this in the first place?? I mean the psp and 3ds games were basically ps2 equivelant graphics and disc space anyway...

Oh and fuckin ALLLLSOOOOO

Also the final mixes of all of those! Also a movie version of the plot of khux! And also Coded and Days, which is a really big shame cos Coded is indeed sparse enough on content to deserve it but Days was my FAVOURITE GAME and it sucks its the only one that didnt get remade! I mean its in the same spinoff category as bbs and com, its not a cheapo mess like coded. Nothing else in the series deserves to be shoved in the Coded bin, even khux at least has better plot even if the backtracking and lootbox shit makes it harder to get to it...

Anyway ALSO a random new sidestory with Aqua going thru like one dungeon or somethin?? I dunno?? Its like a glorified tech demo for kh3, its just 'hey fuckin look what we can do visually on a proper ps4 game' and wow how have i never fuckin heard of this it looks so pretty!! I mean i dont know if its even more than 5 hours or somethin but.. Pretty!! And apparantly you get unlockable costumes for her or somethin? I hope they keep that feature in kh3! Itd rock if it wasnt just the main character too, and we could dress up riku and kairi and goofy and donald and roxas and axel and every the friends :3 new secret to how they defeat xehanort: slap a bow on his damn head

ALSO ALSO

All of this is available in one big bundle pack for £90 which ALSO contains literally kh3. THIS IS HOW THEYRE HANDLING PREORDERS?? THATS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO HANDLE PREORDERS!! Get a discounted price on this new game but while youre waiting for it you get to enjoy an (also discounted) giant fuckin 300 hours memory lane compilation of every damn thing from the last 15 years in one beautiful updated package. Holy fuck its like they made this for ME SPECIFICALLY!this is the perfect way to get people back into the franchise who dropped off in The Great KH3 Wait cos they couldnt afford all the damn million portables needed to gather that Dank Lore. God fuckin hell it cost more than the price of this bundle just to play any one of those games individually on some stupid retro machine i bought exclusively for that one damn game. THAT PSP STILL ROTS IN MY KITCHEN CUPBOARD YO

So

So so so so so

Guys

Please give me permission to buy this

Or like please convince me not to waste my money if you think i'd waste my money??

I really just DONT KNOW! ive been out of the fandom for so long and my last experience was really hatting BBS and feeling horribly out of place as everyone else raved about it being the best thing ever. And i know NOTHING about what kh3 is gonna be or whether its even possible for me to get back into the fandom and like.. Care about it at all again. I just got fuckin fatigued with it and my teenage years were like me clinging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails begging everyone to believe me that Its Still Good, Honestly, Its Worth It while square enix is up there all LONG LIVE THE KING and they push me off. Into a stampede of PSPs. Somehow.

And then aaargh i know i literally only came back to the fandom because organization xiii fuckin eternally holds my heart in their lil grabby hands. It was indeed a good nostalgic moment remembering how i loved them! And getting a new appreciation for Vexen and being blown away by how much he should have been my favourite but i just never got to play COM as a kid and then when i played it as an adult all the way after bbs i ended up quitting before even getting to meet half the org cos this one stupid 'defeat 99 shadows jn 99 seconds' mission kicked my ass. I'M JUST NOT GOOD AT ACTION RPGS OKAY!

Aaaagh thats another Big Worry, yknow? Like asa kid i was Bad, as an adult i'm Barely Better , and as a both i never enjoyed beat em up thingies of any kind at all. And on top of that i was never big into disney, i never saw them as any sort of 'childhood magic' but just some naff cliche shit retelling public domain fairy tales in the safest way possible with a bunch of obnoxious celebrity cameos. Also lion king and snow white terrified me as a kid. Also i associated robin hood with my dead grandma. Also as a kid i couldnt appreciate good artistic ability or voiceacting, i was all about the story, yknow? And most of kh's adaptations are really rushed and barebones versions of an already shoddy story, without any of the visual splendor. ALSO i never saw any of the darker or more emotionally focused stuff like Hunchback and Beauty and the Beast until way after i quit playing kingdom hearts, oddly enough. Wtf beauty and thebeast is actually real good and looks so far beyond its time!! Wtf hunchback has my goddamn evil dad in it!! Why did i miss the only good didneys!! Why did snow white traumatize me and those didnt!!

ANYWAY the point im getting at is that im not inherantly predisposed to like.. Any of kingdom hearts's appeal at all. I didnt know half the disneys and i didnt have any hype for the others. None of my fave final fantasy games made it into it until the sequel and then never again after that. CMON I CANT JUST DEAL WITH ONE VIVI CAMEO Y'ALL! And i haaaate the genre and its an uphill struggle to play a game like that with my stupid inelegant sausage hands. So i just came for the story and then everything after the first game has been conspiring to ruin it for me, sheesh! I felt so much for that short concise self contained first episode and then i fall more and more out of love as they establish this status quo of everything being retconnable so dont bother get attatched to it. Blablabla the entire worldbuilding is different now and everyone was secretly someone else and please memorize a bunch of shit from fifty fuckin spinoffs and also time travel and cloning suddenly exist and ALSO Grandpa Onlyblackmanintheworld is generic motiveless evil and everything was him even of it looked like it was actually a sympathetic villain. *insert dio meme face*

So yeah now im just.. In it for the characters?? And the cute art style and monsters and lovely animations and big fanfic oc potentials stuff. But man even tho i had Big Feel for those things i was able to completely drop it all and forget about the series for years, that was just HOW BAD the kh3 drought was. Steven universe hiatus eat your heart out...

So ffff i dont even KNOW if i'll be able to get feels'd for these characters again or if they actually hold up to modern bunni standards of huggable. And i know all the ones i want to hug the most got like zero sympathy and all died horribly and were also retroactively revealed to be clone oldmanvirus somethingy and aaaaaagh. But also something something people say they all came back and got cured?? And this is why?? I am here?? Again?? And buying?? The thing??

Like man fuck i am already building it up so much in my head aaaa what if i dont actually love axel as much as i used to love axel and i dont love Grumply Science as much as i always love That Character Archetype seriously MAN how was he like THE ONLY ONE I DIDNT GET TO SEE AS A KID

Aaauuuuaggh gahhh like maybe this will reignite my passion for the series or maybe i'll just be all critical and dumb and waste all my moneys

Guys... What do??

[limbsbo]

Tag meme thingy

I was tagged by @gay-cacti lets gooo

-most recent-

• Drink: water • Phone call: my dad • Text: dad, again • Song listened to: Partition by Beyoncé • Time you cried: if we’re being completely honest, today

-have you ever-

• Dated someone twice: nope • Been cheated on: nuh uh • Kissed someone and regretted it: no sir • Lost someone special: yep • Been depressed: yeah • Been drunk and thrown up: ive been sober my whole life

-in the last year, have you-

• Made a new friend: i made a fuck-ton of new friends this past year • Fallen out of love: ive never been in love romantically, but platonically yes • Laughed until you cried: omg yeaah • Met someone who changed you: probably • Found out who your true friends are: @gay-cacti, my friend michael, a few others • Found out someone was talking about you: these two girls were talkin shit abt me wearing a green robe instead of a white one at a promotion ceremony and basically just being transphobic assholes. I dont give a shit tho lmaooo they can be ignorant all they fuckin want i have enough problems as is Kissed anyone on your FB list: nope

-extras-

• How many ppl on your FB list do you know irl?: all of em • Do you have any pets?: i used to have two cats but they both had to be put down, Indigo was super sick when i was like 3, dont remember her much, and Tigger was super old & was in a lot of pain so we put him down when i was 8. I had two beta fish named Beauty and Beast (lived up to their names lmao) and they live to be about 6 months old, which sucked bc i remember taking rlly good care of them??? Mayb my lil bros did smthn i have no clue • Do you want to change your name?: nah jamie suits me • What did you do for your birthday?: i dont remember holy fuck! Wowie you woulda thought id remember the big one-five but [insert that shrug emoji here] i think i hung out with @gay-cacti????? Julia help me out here • What time did you wake up today?: i got out of bed at 6:40am i hate highschool scheduling • What were you doing last midnight?: catchin some killer zzz’s • Name something you cant wait for: getting my grubby mitts on a copy of the walking dead season 3 for xbox one im a SLUT for this series please put me out of my misery • Last time you saw you mom: a lil over an hr ago while i was doing laundry • What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: i wish i was happier • Have you ever spoken to a person named Tom: nah but the name tom is weird and i associate that name with voldemort so. No Thnks • Whats getting on your nerves right now?: my parents • Bloodtype: O neg if youre fatally wounded hmu • Nicknames: my fam calls me JJ, J, sibling, sweetheart/honey/etc., my friends call me jamjam, my name in spanish (pronounced hai-me), and one of my friends calls me jim on occasion, that was mostly in middle school tho (also in middle school i was called pajamas bc i always wore/wear sweatpants) • Relationship status: solo sniper • Pronouns: they/them. If you refer to me with she/her i will find you and i will cover your living room with dildos. Every surface of every object in your living room will be smothered with silicone rods of phallic resemblance. Also a 55gal drum of lube will be used to coat them • Long or short hair: short, used to be long af • Height: tall enough to knock your teeth out, short enough to duck and run sucessfully • Do you have a crush?: nah • What do you like abt yourself?: im very funny and pretty • Rigt handed or left handed?: right • First surgery: never had surgery for anythin • First best friend: this girl named Abby in kindergarten, she moved away in second grade. We got along very well, her mom helped us make broomsticks from branches and hay, they were rad as shit • First sport you joined: technically ballet, but if we’re talkin olympics then tennis. I took lessons for about 3 years but then stopped for some reason • First vacation: the first one i can remember is disney world in florida back in kindergarten, that was p lit

-right now-

• Eating: burger, brat, tater tots • Drinking: nothing, last thing i drank was oj i think • Im about to: do my hw • Listening to: nothing really, just the sounds of the dryer and my fam talking downstairs • Kids: Maybe ill adopt a teenager when ive got my life sorted out (30s maybe??? Only future me knows) • Get married: if i dont get married id at least like to live with someone i trust and care about, be our relationship romantic or platonic • Career: im hoping to get into a good art school but i doubt ill be able to afford what i want, i want to be an animator or a character designer. Voice acting sounds cool too

-which is better-

• Lips or eyes: eyes. • Hugs or kisses: why not both • Taller or shorter: i wanna be taller, i like being taller than my friends • Older or younger: there are pros and cons to both, but im gonna have to go with younger. Everything is new and exciting and games are everywhere when youre young, as you get older theres still some of that but its discouraged and that sucks ass • Romantic or spontanious: Why Not Both • Sensitive or loud: i, myself, am a confusing mix of the two, so i must direct you to my previous statement; WHY NOT BOTH • Hookup or relationship: relationship • Troublemaker or hesitant: B O T H calculated troublemakers are always so much fun to hang around and they dont go too far most of the time

-have you ever-

• Kissed a stranger: no • Needed glasses/contacts: bitch im blind without my glasses. No joke. I Will run into a wall. Im basically velma • Broke someones heart: i hope not • Turned someone down: yeah • Cried when someone died: Yes • Fallen for a friend: no

-do you believe in-

• Yourself: yeah for the most part • Miracles: eh • Love at first sight: noope its cute but impractical • Heaven: i dont believe in god but i like to think that theres a place after we die that allows us to be whomever we want. You want a dick? Done. Vagina? Here you go pal. Wanna be a teen again? BAM youre 16. A place where you can be yourself and pursue you passion without fear of consequense • Kissing on the first date: it depends on your history with that person

Im not gonna tag anyone to do this but if you wanna do it then be my guest homie