#before anyone asks yes usagi is really dead no she is not coming back magically

[awashsquid]

Next in The Death of the Moon, all of which is here. This chapter is around 2000 words and it’s overall a long saga, but I’d say we’re about 1-2 chapters from the close. Like what I did here? Leave a nice comment and make me smile! If you really like it, I have a Ko-Fi here as well.

“How’s she holding up?” Makoto stirred the dip mixture in her bowl absently, more focused on Minako’s facial expression than evenly distributing the ingredients.  The movie nights at her apartment had become almost a weekly tradition now, a means to keep all of them together even without meeting over Senshi duties.

“Good as can be expected,” Minako replied flatly, reaching for a cookie even though she knew Makoto would swat her hand away.  She did so, and the blonde responded by sticking her tongue out playfully.  “I mean, she’s honestly doing great with the leg thing, she’s too distracted by her soul having been ripped from her body,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes at the conclusion of the sentence.

Makoto silently wondered if she should feel guilty that Haruka wasn’t angsting over her leg any more given the circumstances as Minako prattled on.  “I mean, Miss Succubus isn’t doing super well, according to Rei. Guess it’s good to know there’s a heart in there somewhere.”  She rolled her eyes as her hand dipped into her pocket, pulling out her vibrating cellphone.  “Rei says she’ll be here in five.  Ami’s just got a nasty car accident in the ER, so they need all the interns on deck and she’s gonna be late.”

The dip was spooned into its serving tray, already crowded with various vegetables and crackers. “Cool.  Take this into the living room, will you?”  She thrust the tray into Minako’s hands, causing her to fumble putting away her phone before accepting the offering.  “And don’t eat it all!” Makoto called after her, turning around to take the cheesecake bites out of the fridge.

“Holy SHIT, Mako, where did you get this TV?  It’s massive!” Minako cried, ogling the new television that easily took up half of Makoto’s wall space.

Makoto crossed her small apartment quickly and set the food on her coffee table, already crowded with other treats.  “That would be a gift from the Succubus, as you called her.”  She shrugged at Minako’s stunned expression.  “It came this morning with a little card.  She said she felt bad she never comes so she wanted to send a ‘small token of appreciation,’” she added with air quotes. Michiru’s idea of “small” was obviously much different than their own.

The Outers had been invited to the movie nights, but none had ever showed up.  Haruka had been too busy drowning in her own self-loathing, Setsuna just sent polite refusals, and Michiru had never even replied.  Minako had spitefully commented that she must have felt herself too good to even lower herself to an RSVP, but Michiru’s rather lavish gift told a different story to Makoto.  She was still debating what she was going to make and send as a thank-you of her own—she had decided on a few Petit Fours but was still tossing up different flavor combinations in her mind.

“Well.  That was nice of her.”  Minako spat out the words with difficulty, sounding about as convincing as a child who had received socks instead of games for their birthday. “She’s still a soulless squid monster though,” she muttered petulantly, crossing her arms as she flopped down on the couch.

Makoto was spared from responding when the door opened, Rei marching in and slamming it behind her. “Sorry, the line at the video store was insane,” she huffed, tossing a bag with several rented DVDs onto the floor.

Minako rolled her eyes and popped a pretzel into her mouth.  “Rei, I told you, we should just get Netflix.”

“I don’t watch TV at home, Mina, and using the service once a week, its cheaper to rent a movie overnight.”

Makoto chimed in, “Actually, Rei, my new TV came with a year free of Netflix and Hulu, so…”  She trailed off and looked at the sad plastic bag wilted on her floor, a cracked corner of a case poking out.  “I didn’t set it up yet though, so this is fine for tonight!” she finished, cracking a smile to try and diffuse the tension.

Thankfully, Rei was too distracted by the mention of a new TV to go on a diatribe about corporate greed and small businesses as she spun around to look at the appliance.  “Damn, I didn’t think she was going to do this,” she said quietly, eyes roving over the huge curved screen, currently displaying the options menu.

“Wait, you knew she was going to send me this?” Makoto asked.  “Why didn’t you warn me?  The guys showed up when I was covered in flour, I felt so bad I wasn’t prepared—”

Rei shook her head as she sat next to her on the couch.  “Michiru told me she wanted to send you some kind of thank-you gift, and she told me she wasn’t sure what, so I said maybe some DVDs or a little sound bar but this…” she trailed off, hand gesturing outward lazily. “This is just Michiru not knowing what a ‘small’ present is, I guess.”

“She didn’t have to give me anything.”  She plopped onto her ottoman and nibbled the corner off of one of her cheesecake bites. She had really just invited Michiru on principle, knowing that she would never come, but it didn’t seem right to just invite Haruka and not her too.

“Of course she did,” Mina snorted.  “Her Highness is too good to slum with us peasants, so she sends us cake from the palace instead.”  She bitterly snapped a cracker in two before popping half of it into her mouth.

“Actually,” Rei snapped back, “she doesn’t come because she knows you hate her, and she thinks everyone else doesn’t like her and we just put up with her because of Haruka, and she doesn’t want to spoil our fun. But you wouldn’t know that, because you’re too intent on looking at her as some kind of monster.”  Rei’s face was flushed, and she knew immediately that she had just betrayed Michiru’s confidence, but she was too mad to care. “You know, she’s my friend, and you bitch about her all the time, and I want you to know that she never talks about you, she actually never talks about any of you, in a bad way.  I’m sick of you bashing her.  Michiru’s not perfect, but she’s a person, and though it may shock you, she does have feelings, Mina.”

Minako had slowly been grinding what remained of her cracker to dust in her fist as Rei spoke. “Haruka has feelings too, Rei. You know, Haruka?  My best friend?  That woman who Michiru fucking cheated on?  Sorry that I care a little bit more about her because she’s not some manipulative, back-stabbing —”

“That’s enough!” Makoto roared, standing up to tower over the sitting women, the veins in her neck beginning to throb.  “Minako, Michiru just did something really nice that she didn’t have to do for me, so stop badmouthing her for a few fucking hours while you’re here.  Rei, just…calm down,” she finished lamely.  The other two shut their mouths and slunk back into their seats looking thoroughly chastised, although Rei was a little smug under her abashed expression.

“God, all you two do is fight,” Makoto muttered, flopping back down and putting her head in her hands. “Usagi would be so upset if she saw us like this.”  She had meant for it to stay in her head, but she had whispered the thought aloud accidentally.

The silence lingered heavy in the air, their shared grief thickening the room with its cloying heaviness. “I miss her,” Rei whispered, and they looked up to see her crying, mascara tears falling steadily down her face. It was the first time they had seen her really cry since the funeral, and Makoto gently put her hand on Rei’s lap.

“Me too,” she added, allowing her own tears to fall, adding unneeded salt to the half-finished dessert on her lap.

Minako stared stubbornly at the television, her eyesight going blurry from the tears she was trying to not let fall.  Rei saw this and shifted towards her, trying to be tender, thinking of what Usagi would do. “Mina, it’s okay.  It’s okay if you want to cry.  We can blackmail each other into keeping it a secret that we feel things,” she joked badly, touching her hand gently to Minako’s shoulder.  Minako jerked out of the touch, and Rei, always so resistant to fire, felt for the first time what it was like to be burned.

“You guys cry.  I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Minako.  Fuck, none of us are fine,” Makoto added derisively.  “But we’re trying. Maybe it would be easier if we tried together instead of apart.  It’s what she would have wanted.”

“We don’t get to know what she would have wanted because she’s dead, Mako, she’s dead and she’s never coming back, and it’s —” her sentence ended with a shuddering intake of breath as her head dropped down to her chest, blonde hair falling in a thick curtain to hide her face.

“It’s not your fault.” All three whipped their heads to see Ami, who none had even noticed enter, standing with tears in her eyes.  “She’s gone, but it’s not your fault, Minako.”

Minako let out a barking laugh, and the attention turned back to her, tears now streaming freely down her face, lines of black marring her perfect complexion.  “That’s funny.  Maybe you should have gone into stand-up instead of medicine.”  No one responded.  “I told her to do whatever was necessary.  I gave her a command because that’s what General Venus was always meant for, wasn’t it?”  She glared at the ceiling, howling, “I did what you wanted, Serenity, you bitch!  I hope you’re fucking happy!  Maybe next time you should pick a better leader, or maybe wait until we’re not literally children to fucking decide that we get to give up our lives to be your- your puppets!”

Ami approached her and knelt.  “Minako, I ran the numbers, you know that.  If she hadn’t done what she did, the world would have ended.  She would have never been able to live with herself.” She sighed as her eyes looked away, seeing a battle that wasn’t there.  “She was going to do it whether you told her to or not.”

Minako slumped down, the tears falling fast and thick, dotting her leggings with dark spots.  “I know.  It doesn’t change that I was the one that gave her the order, though.”  She looked at her friends uneasily.  “If- if you don’t want me around for a while —” There was an uncharacteristic smallness, a touch of vulnerability in her voice, her self-sure veneer slipping for just a moment, the visor lowered.

Makoto said nothing, but instead crossed and enveloped Minako in a tight hug, which caused her to start sobbing in earnest again.  “You- are- the worst hugger, Mako,” she hiccupped, burying her face into the warm shoulder in front of her.  “Your hugs- make- me- cry.”

“I know, I know,” she replied soothingly, stroking Minako’s hair gently, holding her the way she remembered being held by her mother as a child, trying to convey love through just her embrace as her mother had done.  She felt Ami scoot closer and envelop Minako on the left, and after a moment of hesitation, Rei rounded out the embrace on the right, her still slightly warmer than average body temperature adding extra warmth.  They allowed themselves to cry and to mourn separately, each thinking of what they missed about Usagi the most, each thinking of what they wish they had said to her, and they held each other tighter for all of it, the silent acknowledgement that they would never have to deal with it alone.

Outside the full moon rose, its light shining gently through the window and touching the four women with its shine.