#being a lesbian rocks congrats to fellow lesbians

[positive-lesbian-vibes]

I recently found out that I'm a lesbian (I realized I don't like men at ALL) and I'm femme, but sometimes it bothers me that people might not know I'm a lesbian. Is there any way I can still be femme but dress in a way that Fellow Gays would be able to recognize me? (I realize that stereotypes don't matter- I'm just asking in case there's any advice you can give. If there's anything ignorant I said, please let me know, because I'm still pretty fresh to this. :) )

this is a thing! it’s called flagging, its dressing in a particular way in an attempt to signal to other wlw that you like women!

i can super relate, people never even entertain the idea that i might not be straight, and it can be hard to meet other women when you dont even come up on their radar

before i get any further, i should give a quick disclaimer: there is no one way to “look gay,” and you dont have to conform to any sort of fashion standard to be a part of the lesbian community. if you’re a lesbian, then congrats! you look like a lesbian! but sometimes other people don’t say it that way, which can be disappointing. so i get it. i’ve been there.

there is a lot of stuff online for flagging, but some basic things that a lot of women do to signal that they are into other women are very femme-friendly, although there are certainly ways to “look gayer” that might not suit your style

I have a “how to look gay” tag but knowing tumblr, i cant imagine any of my posts on it would come up with a search, so here are my hot tips!

some common (but sometimes used by straight girls) things would be:

 a flannel, i prefer mens because they are softer and warmer, but tying it around your waist can be a nice femme touch, although i will layer with flannels too.

you can double-denim/canadian suit it up. one way i like to do this is with like a black denim pant and a loose denim shirt or jacket over the top of a t-shirt. if double denim is too tacky for you, splitting it up into two separate-looking denims can help. but theres nothing wrong with a tacky denim get up!

things like undercuts or sidecuts, with one section of your hair buzzed short. may not be your style, but definitely gets the message across if youre into it

asymmetrical piercings. i have a double cartilage in my left ear but nothing special on my right. i hear industrial bars are a big thing, too. nose rings can be pretty hit or miss, i tend to believe they are gayer than other people do imo. but i have a nose stud so... i guess i cant really talk

in the same vein, tattoos. this one is also pretty hit or miss, because there are PLENTY of straight people who like tattoos (tats are cool, who can blame them) but i always think twice when i see a girl with a sleeve or a shoulder tat.

less conventional makeup. it doesnt even have to be too out there, but maybe like, you just dont wear foundation, or only do lipstick, or go really bold with your brows. my first term at college i saw a girl with really bold brows, a couple face piercings, and a flannel, and i just. Knew she was into women

boots. they dont have to be combat boots. but combat boots are pretty gay. people usually say wlw dont wear heels, but i know some who do.

accessories. this is a big one. i know a lot of lgbt people who are big on the rainbows, like rainbow bracelets, earrings, headbands, belts, pins, buttons, etc. generally i feel a little too loud with big rainbows all over my body, but there are other options! i like the interlocking venus symbols as a lesbian symbol, as its a bit more subtle but also relatively recognizable. i have two interlocking venus symbol necklaces, and a hat with a little rainbow on it. some lesbians like the labrys from the labrys flag, but it doesnt really seem as recognizably gay to me 

theres definitely a quirky kooky femme fashion niche that i (sadly) cant say im a part of, but a bunch of femmes like to dress kind of tacky. there’s a big joke about “tacky lesbian fashion” because lesbians can be known to wear some interesting combos, like crocs with a skirt, etc, but this can be dressed up, too. louder prints that might not be too appealing to the average straight man OR woman can be a subtle way to give off vibes

hats. the classic beanie. even in the year of our lord 2019, i know nary a straight girl who would dare don a beanie. its just so classically lesbian. but you can opt for a baseball cap or bandana, too. backwards hats? very gay. my belief is that this stems from the classic lesbian pastime, softball.

dyed hair. usually unconventional colors. this one can go both ways, too. pastels tend to be “less gay” but that doesnt mean there arent lesbians out there rocking some pastel pink hair. streaks or an ombre of a bright or non-natural hair color give off vibes. the ends of my hair have been purple on an off since i was a freshman in high school.

the way you carry yourself. this one isnt a way of dressing, yeah, but it can be just as effective. my gaydar tends to go more off behavior/body language than appearance. it obviously isnt 100% (none of flagging ever is) and takes some practice, but I’ve generally been pretty good at figuring out if someone is gay from interacting with them. it isnt instant, takes practice, and can easily be wrong, but its usually my method of choice. unfortunately, this method almost NEVER gets the point across the straight people, who tend to think if you have long hair then there’s no WAY you could be a lesbian. body language to look out for: not sitting in chairs properly (a meme that reflects reality) like “manspreading” but as a woman, generally more confidence/self-assuredness, focusing more on women, being less “meek” and more “aggressive” with taking up space, accommodating for women’s comfort but not for mens, disregard of the male gaze, that sort of thing.

lastly, all of these things are just suggestions of how to “look gayer” based off stereotypes, some of which were played up by the lesbian community in an attempt to find each other. you dont have to change how you dress, act, look, or anything else to be a real lesbian or to “look” like a lesbian, because there is no one “thing” that lesbians look like. some of us dress to stereotypes, and some of us dont, but we are all lesbians at the end of the day, dressing and looking the way you feel most comfortable should be the goal. if that includes some things on this list, great! if not, thats fine too! you don’t have to do everything. just the stuff you feel good about