sentinelprimeofficial

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Sunday 06/16/2024

Today is Father's day and im with Ehleen, Joseph's kid. Anyways, it became a whole ass issue. Either way, he's a weirdo and I just realized that. He cant even be with his kid properly. I dont want to give a fuck about him and I dont. He is a sad ass person, that is all that I can say. I dont want to deal with him anymore. Im sleeping next to her tonight but i did drink a bit so i can only say so much tomorrow.

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Sunday 05/26/2024 3:51 PM

I am at home , today was supposed to be an online class day for Maternal 2 enhancement but the speakers wifi gave out. Anyways, I've just been chillin and crocheting and now I'm watching Sex and The City and the episode is about Carrie not having any money. I have about $1,000 saved up but I'm not sure what to do with it. I don't necessarily want anything apart from clothes which i'll be using 20 (1k pesos) of that to buy some clothes at the ukay shop hehe. Anyways, I just got into crocheting! Right now, im trying to make a crop top but I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to make it into a "circle" , but im not really particularly looking into videos as well to fix it hehe.

Aya still hasn't sent me MY $360.00 but she's gonna send it over when she gets her next paycheck, I KNOW IT. It's shameful that she's used another persons money much less her sister. She's gonna be sending it over out of shame and just to get it out her mind that she used up MY money. Shame will do things to ya. I'm glad i'll be getting it soon :)

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Thursday 05/16/2024 1:30 AM

This is me now! A quick little update about me, I am now currently single after a long battle of toxicity and abuse (on both ends) from my last relationship with Joseph.

Anyways, I've been on this journey of 'self-healing' and basically trying to regulate my nervous system and trying my best to handle my emotions better.

I no longer smoke a pack (or two) a day which was normal for me last year. Actually, my last bout of smoking was this past January but quit due to the fact that it's really hard to smoke during duty hours of clinicals.

Im about to pass my 2nd year of nursing school and moving forward with 3rd year, how exciting! i will only have one more year to go after that and then its working, im excited to make my own money again and to get away from the hells and holds of my mother who has decided to only give me and Desiree 6k pesos a month (which is absolutely atrocious). Anywho, she will not actually go through with it because she is aware of the surging prices here in the Philippines and its at a small cost to her.

I know i've been real scared about hooking up here in the PH , especially since ive only had one partner but I did hook up with this one guy who is apparently a micro-celebrity or more so an influencer here in the PH and yes, we did have protected sex, and yes, his dick was big. Another experience was this foreigner named Hass (or Huss) and honestly? Did not wanna go through that shit because i only really went for free drinks and he ate me out for like 5 seconds and after that I came to my senses, washed up, and left. Honestly, what is up with foreigners going to a lesser developed country to get some pussy anyways? It never made sense to me and its reeking desperation, its also creepy.

Anywho, right now I'm just in bed and unable to sleep. I think ill be getting my period in the next following days because my cravings are so intense that I had a THIRD supper which consisted of hot milk, loaf bread dunked in, bits and bites of my nephew's spaghetti , and a mug full of Laing and rice.

I just know that when i get back to America, life will flourish for me significantly. I will be able to breathe again and be away from the stressors that I'm not bringing upon myself.

I survived a month of mama and Aya being here last month. Aya was an absolute fucking bitch and a nightmare and she still has to give me my $360.00 . Like. It's my fucking money, yknow? ugly.

I can't think of much else to type.

In my future, I just KNOW im going to be wealthy. Like, private yacht , beach front house that is tall over looking the ocean (wont be my only home), expensive skin care, makeup, purses, and shoes type of wealthy. With the 500+ count egyptian cotton threading that is super soft to the touch and with a tall gorgeous husband who only loves me and has eyes for me. That's going to be my future. Sipping wine by the outside of the restaurant and absolutely just loving the peace, quiet, and love that is pouring in. Of course, with my 2 kids that I love dearly and will have after I've accomplished my career goals and money that I was able to accumulate. Whatever it will be, however it happens, I will get there and I am 100% sure of it.

I think that's all I wanted to share for now :)

I'm happy of the person I am at the moment. Just absolute peace and quiet. I don't have any friends for that matter, but I am okay with it unless I actually want to go out and party.

Thanks for reading this, if you've come across it.

Thank you future Becky for everything you're doing for US and for me right now. I thank you for that. Don't be too hard on yourself because everything will fall into place regardless.

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i just remembered i never updated my face on this website for like 3 yrs now lol

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Actually nah, cheating is fucking terrible and yknow what imma just leave cause fuck u and i hate u and i hope you overdose on your stupid fucking spice i hate you

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we’re just not going to work out, i dont know why i keep trying way to hard for us to work. 

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the weekends arent fair to me, i miss you so much :(

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my anxiety is coming back

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my boyfriend sneaked in at the middle of the night crying , afraid of me leaving and he hugged me for the longest time... man, i dont deserve someone as good as him 😓

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my emotions overwhelm me

and i just thank God that i have you to balance me out.

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im feelin this bathroom's aesthetic 🎀

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I've already pretty much gave up on this family thing, I hope you realize how much of a shit mother you are and that no matter what, you'll never get us to love you.

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becky, your the most wonderful girlfriend I’ve ever had and you’ll always be. seems like forever with you since the first day we kissed, we connected. you are my soulmate, yeah my love for you will only expand as the days go by. god, you are so beautiful, i can look into your precious eyes forever and kiss your soft lips and your smile has me speechless, it makes me feel that everything is okay. your home to me because your all i need. i will never let go of you, your so wonderful i swear. i am so deeply inlove with you and you always ask why and what made me be so inlove with you and well the answer is simple, your you. and i accepted you, because you are truly yourself. i love you becky, forever and always. i can never stop thinking about you and i think i can never stop loving you. just like my music im so passionate with, well im so passionate with you, with the kisses i give you and those hugs that make everything better. just like my music when the build up is going the song starts getting better well with you, my life with you is a build up all the great things with you are starting to gather and all my love aswell. you know ive always thought that music was the only way for me to express myself but you prove me wrong,because being connected with you lets me express myself but with love and happiness. its so amazing being with you because everyday is a different day. i love to admire you, the way you are, your beauty. i look up to you, your so strong and your always right about things, you know it feels like your my first love because for the first time ever i connected with someone so i consider you as my first love. feels like an adventure with you because we learn more about ourselves but our connection says everything but its too strong to know everything at once.

-paulo

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i want to regenerate i want to be a whole new different person, with this whole new kick ass attitude and maybe some friends who's down to do things with me once in a while. i want to energize my sexuality, i want to be fearless, i want to be headstrong and loving. i want to feel something and be able to give back that feeling without holding myself, scared of what their reaction may be. i want to free myself from these chains ive placed on myself but its so hard.

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we argue everyday and it's always something different. im slowly giving up on us , it just sucks how attached i am to you.

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i think everyone is cute in their own lil way like you might not have the best lookin face but you got the cutest hands or maybe ur hair looks bomb, but ye i mean u dont always got to have the best looking features but u still cute