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biggerbetterbat · 4 months

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WITH YOU| HIS REDEMPTION

Dary Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

A/N: Hey! It’s a fast “special” chapter. With this occasion I would like to thank you so much for reading, liking, commenting, and reposting my work! <3

After Daryl saved Beth when the prison got overrun, their dynamic shifted from survival partners to a somewhat strained coexistence. Daryl, accustomed to solitude and self-reliance, found it challenging to adjust to Beth's presence. He was annoyed by her optimism and innocence, which seemed out of place in the harsh post-apocalyptic world. Beth's desire to maintain hope and find meaning grated against Daryl's more cynical outlook on life. Their differences often led to clashes and tension, as Daryl struggled to reconcile his rough exterior with Beth's more tender-hearted nature. Despite his annoyance, Daryl also found himself protective of Beth, recognizing her vulnerability in their dangerous surroundings. This internal conflict added another layer to their relationship as they navigated the complexities of survival together.

He wished he was in that situation with Charlie as it would make it all easier. She was already skilled with a bow, knew something about hunting, and was really good at killing Walkers. He wouldn't have to worry so much for two persons just like he had to do it right now.

Nights were the worst. Just like right now...

As Daryl huddled in the car with Beth, seeking shelter from the storm and the relentless threat of walkers being lurked by the noise, his thoughts drifted to Charlie. The memory of her lingered in his mind, a bittersweet reminder of the bond they had shared before the chaos of the world tore them apart. He tried to distract himself from the situation with remembering her bright smile and sense of humor.

Despite the danger surrounding them, Daryl couldn't shake the worry that gnawed at his heart, wondering if Charlie was out there somewhere, fighting to survive like they were. His feelings for her, once kept hidden beneath layers of gruff exterior, now surfaced with a painful intensity as he grappled with the uncertainty of her fate. As much as he wanted to see her one more time, he wished she was dead already instead of walking this Earth struggling.

As the storm raged on outside, Daryl found solace in Beth's presence, her quiet strength a source of comfort in the midst of chaos. But even as they sought refuge together, his thoughts kept drifting back to Charlie, his heart heavy with the ache of longing for her companionship once more. In the darkness of the car, surrounded by the howling wind and the distant moans of the walkers, Daryl silently prayed for Charlie's safety, hoping against hope that they would find each other again in this cruel and unforgiving world.

Life with Beth wasn't easy. She was a good girl and he started to like her; however, she still was Beth. Here he was, relying on a young girl like Beth for safety and support, a stark contrast to the image of strength and self-reliance he prided himself on. As they faced the dangers of the world together, Daryl couldn't help but feel a twinge of self-doubt, questioning his ability to protect them both. Beth's unwavering optimism and resilience only served to highlight his own insecurities, leaving him feeling out of place and, at times, downright pathetic.

For example now, they were searching for a drink. As in alcohol. Because Miss Goodie Two Shoes had never been drunk. They were risking their lives to find an alcohol...Merle was probably laughing at him from wherever he was.

"Found this place with Charlie during winter," he said stopping in front of the place. His heart swallowed once again in his chest.

Daryl and Charlie stumbled upon an old, weather-beaten shed nestled deep in the woods. Its wooden panels, once vibrant with paint, were now faded and worn, hinting at years of neglect. Vines crept up the sides, weaving through cracks and crevices, adding to its air of abandonment.

"I was expecting a liquor store."

"No, this is better."

The walls inside had patches of peeling paint revealing the raw wood beneath. Light filters through the cracks between the planks, casting uneven patterns on the dirt floor below. It was a mess inside. The only furniture that was somewhat usable was a big armchair and a table with only one chair.

After searching the place, Daryl poured some moonshine to the jar and placed in front of Beth. "That's a real first drink right there," he said, but saw the hesitation in her eyes. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she said. "It's just...my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind."

"Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway," he mumbled.

Beth took a deep breath and drank from a glass and grimaced her face. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted," then she reached over a jar with liquor. "Second round's better."

"Slow down," Daryl warned her.

"That's one for you."

"No, I'm good."

"Why?" Beth asked surprised.

"Someone's got to keep watch."

"So, what, you're like my chaperone now?"

"Just drink lots of water," he said and started working on covering the windows and locking the doors.

The life of many was strange after the turn as everything had changed. However, Daryl for the second time found himself in a room with a drunk girl that insist on playing some stupid drinking game. Did women couldn't just sit and drink?

"So first, I say something I've never done, and if you have done it, you drink," she said. "And if you haven't I drink. Then we switch."

"How do you know this game?"

"My friends played," Beth shrugged. "Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink."

"Ain't much of a game."

"That was a warm up," she whined. "Your turn."

He started biting his thumb nervously, feeling the pressure of her blue piercing eyes. "I've never been out of Georgia."

"Good one," she nodded her head. "I've never been drunk and done something I regreted."

"I've done a lot of things," he snorted humorlessly and drank from his cup. "I've never been on vacation."

"What about camping?"

"No, that was just something I had to learn...to hunt." he answered and the question threw him into a nostalgic mood.

"I've never been in jail," Beth happily chirped. "I mean, as a prisoner."

Daryl's face contorted with frustration as Beth's question pierced the air. He shot her a steely glare, his jaw clenching. "Is that what you think of me?" he growled, his tone laced with hurt and anger. Daryl felt his anger grew. Charlie would never ask him a question like that.

Beth recoiled, realizing her mistake too late. "I didn't mean anything serious. A drunk tank. Even mu dad got locked up for that back in the day."

"Mmm."

"Wait...prison guard. Were you a prison guard before?"

"No."

"It's your turn again," Beth said quietly, feeling that something was off.

"I'm gonna take a piss," he said and got up from the dirty floor.

"Don't be so loud," Beth said as she flinched from the man's actions. He was kicking whatever was lying on the ground, making hell of a noise.

"What, are you my chaperone now?!" he yelled as he turned, zipping the pants. "Oh, wait. It's my turn now!" he said ironically. "I've never, uh...never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony! Never got nothing from Santa Claus! Never relied on anyone for protection before! Hell, I don't think I've relied on anyone for anything!"

"Daryl..."

"Never sung out in front of a big group! Like everything was fun! Like everything was a big game! I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention!"

Snarling.

"Oh, sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies!"

"Daryl, shut up!"

"You've never shot a crossbow before? I'm going to teach you right now!" he said and took Beth harshly by her arm, leading her out of the shed.

He walked out and started shooting at the walker, but not in his head. Daryl made out of the corpses breathing throwing dartboard. "Stop it!" Beth yelled and approached the dead and killed it with a swift movement of the knife.

"What the hell you do that for? I was having fun!" Daryl screamed in annoyance.

"No, you were being a jackass!" Beth started screaming, too. "If anyone found my dad..."

"Don't! That ain't remotely the same!"

"What would Charlie say if she was here?!" she asked, but her question was like a red cloth for a bull. It only made Dixon even angrier.

"But she's not! Cause she's dead!"

"Killing them is not supposed to be fun!"

"What do you want from me girl, huh?" Daryl asked.

"I want you to stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything! Like nothing we went through matters! Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you!"

"Because they didn't!" he pointed at her.

"It's bullshit!"

"Is that what you think?"

"That's what I know," she said. "I know that you love Charlie and you're being hurt right now."

"You know nothing!"

"I know you look at me and you see her," Beth almost whispered, knowing that she would once again tickle the nerve. "So stop treating me differently because I'm not like Michonne, or Maggie, or Carol. Because I survived! So don't treat me like crap because you're afraid!"

"I'm afraid of nothing..." he said. And it was the truth now as he lost every person he cared for.

I remember," she said. "On the highway. After the farm? When you thought Charlie was left there? You were like me. And now God forbid you ever let anybody get too close."

"Too close, huh?" he gasped, feeling the anger racing one more time. "You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends, you can't even shed a tear."

"But at least, I had someone!" she attacked him. "You were too scared to confess!"

"Maybe I would have!" he yelled. "But the Governor rolled right up to our gates! Maybe if I had followed her then...Maybe cause I let her go. That's on me. She died because of me! They all could have lived if I did something..."

Daryl and Beth sat in front of each other on utside the shed, the dim light casting shadows on their faces. The silence between them spoke volumes as they both wrestled with their demons, the weight of their experiences heavy in the air. Despite the darkness surrounding them, there was a glimmer of hope as they supported each other on the difficult journey toward sobriety.

"I'm a dick when I'm drunk," he said and smiled lightly, feeling guilty of his outburst before. "Why did you even wanted a drink so bad?"

"I know I shouldn't have ask you to risk your life for something so stupid. But I wanted to drink it. I wanted to know what it felt like. And..."

"Mmm?"

"I wanted this first drink because..." Beth said quietly. "Because back on the farm...Charlie said to me then..."

"What did she say?" Daryl asked curiously.

"She told me that I should do it before... before death," she said. "That I should experience everything I can while I still can."

"That's something she would definitely say," he nodded with a small smile, imagining how Charlie says it.

"Yeah," Beth smiled. "I've done everything but this. Just like she said. I wanted to drink, and I just felt like I needed to."

Daryl's expression softens, his eyes betraying a mixture of sorrow and longing. He misses Charlie deeply and struggles to contain his emotions, his throat tightening with unspoken grief. In that moment, Beth's revelation serves as a painful reminder of the people they've lost along the way, and Daryl's silent tears speak volumes about the weight of their shared losses.

"How did you guys find this place?" Beth asked.

"I was teaching her how to use a bow. How to hunt and...all," he shrugged.

"You miss her, don't you," Beth said rather asked. He said nothing. "I miss her too."

"Mm."

"Could you teach me? Just like you did to Charlie?" Beth asked.

"We will see," he answered, but something told Beth that he already made up his mind. So she smiled as bright as she could.

That night they burned the shed....

After days of wandering around, teaching Beth and just surviving, they found a place. During one of their teaching lessons , she got hurt by the hunter trap. That's why Daryl decided it was a right moment to find a quiet and safe place.

It was a house near the cemetery. It was an almost picturesque appearance despite the world's chaos around them. The front porch boasted a swing, weathered but sturdy, inviting weary travelers to take a moment's respite. The windows, though slightly dusty, hinted at the warmth and comfort within. Inside, the house was a time capsule of a bygone era, with vintage furniture and décor that seemed frozen in time. It was untouched.

Down in the basement was a mortgage and in one of the rooms stood a tomb with a body - the body was disposing; however, nothing suspicious was happening to it, so the man must have died before this madness began.

"I'm gonna leave a thank-you note," Beth said.

"Why?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows, turning his attention from the jar.

"For when they come back," she answered as it was the most obvious thing. "If they come back. Oh, whatever."

"Maybe you don't need to leave that," he said. "Maybe we stick around here for a while. They come back, we'll just make it work."

"So you do think there are still good people around. What changed your mind?"

"You know," he shrugged.

As Daryl and Beth heard the dog whining, Daryl's instincts kicked in, and he cautiously approached the source of the sound. With a heavy heart, he realized that the walkers had attacked and devoured the poor animal. Before he could react, the hungry undead turned their attention towards him, their rotten faces contorted into grotesque grimaces.

Thinking quickly, Daryl instructed Beth to run for safety as he drew his crossbow and engaged the approaching walkers. With precision honed from years of survival, he dispatched them one by one, the sound of the bowstring cutting through the air echoing in the eerie silence.

Despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins, Daryl couldn't shake the sense of loss for the innocent creature and the grim reminder of the dangers lurking in their world. As he fought off the walkers, his determination to protect Beth and himself burned ever stronger, fueling his resolve to survive another day in this unforgiving landscape.

As Daryl frantically ran from the approaching walkers, his heart pounding in his chest, his only purpose was to find Beth and leave the place behind. Panic ser in as he saw her belongings scattered on the ground, a chilling indication of her sudden disappearance.

With adrenaline coursing through his veins, Daryl's instinct was to find Beth at all costs. Hearing the distant rumble of an engine, he raced towards the sound, shouting her name into the emptiness of the desolate landscape. His cries were drowned out by the roar of the car as it sped away, leaving him behind in a cloud of dust and uncertainty.

Alone and desperate again. Daryl was consumed by a sense of helplessness and fear as he once more lost someone who became close to him. He obviously couldn't safe his family, his brother, Charlie, so Beth was supposed to be his redemption. With every fiber of his being, he vowed to track her down and bring her back, no matter the obstacles that lie ahead in his path.

But he didn't know where he should start. He was exhausted from the night, so with a grunt he dropped his crossbow and sat down. He started crying out of desperation and all emotions that accumulated in his body.

As Daryl's mind raced with thoughts of Beth's disappearance and the sense of helplessness that grope him, he found himself haunted by memories of Charlie, the loyal dog (I hate this line…) he once had by his side. In the midst of the chaos and uncertainty, the absence of his faithful companion weighted heavily on him, adding to his feelings of loneliness and vulnerability.

With a heavy heart, Daryl longed for the simple companionship and unwavering loyalty that Charlie provided, a reminder of the bond they shared in a world filled with turmoil. As he navigated the harsh realities of survival, the memory of Charlie served as a bittersweet reminder of the connections that sustain him in the darkest of times. Despite the pain of her absence, Daryl found solace in the memories of their time together, drawing strength from the enduring bond they forged amidst the chaos of their world.

Daryl Dixon was giving up.

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#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon series #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl the walking dead #daryl twd #daryl x reader

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twdmusicboxmystery · 8 months

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Mork and Mindy in DD Ep 2

So, this isn't truly going to say anything much different than I already said in my analysis (that the episode was about romance and it was placed purposely to hint at Daryl's coming relationship, and that he had to be thinking about Beth) but now we actually have confirmation of it.

First off, everyone should go read this article:

Done? Good. Guys, they're drawing the parallels FOR us. This is one of those sites that would have posted this not only with Gimple's permission but at his direction. They want us to know what this was for and that it was oh-so-appropriate for Daryl's upcoming story.

Inside this article, there is also the Youtube video of the entire episode if you want to watch it. I'll repost it here as well:

youtube

The thing is, when you watch it, you see that the entire thing isn't just about romance. It's about MARRIAGE. What it takes to make a marriage work, and such.

So, I think it's safe to say that all our claims about the marriage symbolism that happened around Beth and Daryl in S4 was real.

I would recommend everyone read the article and watch the Mork and Mindy episode. I'll put our discussion about it below.

But I just love that they put this in the episode. I love where it's obviously going, and that it's so on-the-nose. Love everything about it!

Our Discussion:

@wdway:

You have got to read this Comicbook article about the Mork and Mindy episode. It makes my speculation about the reason they actually used Mork & Mindy (and Who's The Boss) very possible. They even bring up the the scene in Still where Daryl talks about Merle to Beth. They don't mention Beth but it's definitely a call back to Still.

I am so excited about this article. Can't wait to read your reactions.

@galadrieljones

Omg I read it so fast at first, I missed the part where he references the story with Merle and the cartoon with the talking dog. This is so interesting. Why did they feel the need to include that? They could have said literally anything else, like actual stuff that we saw Merle do, not a story we heard secondhand through Daryl in Still. Also, the four tenets of a successful marriage? Why include that as well?

@twdmusicboxmystery

Love it! I love that they’re making these connections for us. Gimple and Kang probably told the site exactly what to write. They’re calling back to Still and also telling us that this all about marriage. You know, in case anyone hadn’t figured that out on their own.

@wdway

I can't help but think that when Daryl goes all sad while he's watching the episode that that's when Mork was making his report and that when Mork starts talking about what makes a good marriage Daryl reminded of, if only.... with Beth. I may cry.

@galadrieljones

Seeing as Alone has the makings of a total wedding/marriage allegory I think she would be the only person he could possibly be thinking of

@wdway

I've been meaning to talk to you guys about this for a while. And I was actually purposely waiting to read some of the reviews of this second episode by Comicbook. I haven't checked it completely out, although in checking information out that is such a @galadrieljones skill. Have I mentioned you look really lovely this evening Galadriel, haha.

I believe Comicbook and Kirkman has some kind of connection. It seems like years ago I heard about some type of connection with them. Which means they probably have inside information from Gimple. They are fed certain things that other articles do not seem to have. In reading the review that they did before the show started remember it was Comicbook that mentioned Beth in the first paragraph.

They also refer to Carol as Dary's best friend. They've done that numerous times in different articles. My theory in waiting to mention this was to see if there was some kind of mention of Beth or to one of their episodes and sure enough it's right in this article. The mention of Merle and the story about the dog cartoon confirmed my suspicions.

I will never be able to see that scene and Daryl going so sad suddenly without believing in my heart he's listening to Mork talking about marriage.

@galadrieljones

Thank you. I appreciate the compliment as I am feeling quite grungy tonight so this is the confidence boost I crave. I will try to see if I can find anything!

I tried to do some reading on comicbook. There's no like, immediate link between them that I can find, other than that there are a TON of stories about him on that site. The one kind of interesting thing about comicbook that I found though is that it is owned by Paramount Global, which is obviously a huge media conglomerate. Like it owns a LOT of everything. I scanned its assets and it has several formal partnerships with AMC. In their "about" section, they state overtly that they have direct contact with "tainers and creators of the industry" and their executive editor worked in PR for Marvel for 7 years before taking over comicbook.

The president and founder of comicbook, Joe Blackmon, is a director for Paramount and also serves as the executive editor for popculture.com, another Paramount venture. Kirkman has worked with Marvel several times and is generally one of the most well-known comic book writers and creators in the entire industry. Walking Dead is his most famous work, but he's had a bunch of other important comics and also has his own comic book imprint, Skybound.

Idk I think it's safe to say that comicbook.com is a fairly reputable publication, and just based on how often you guys have cited it as a reliable source of information for TWD, it seems particularly noteworthy. Also, the guy who wrote the article about Mork and Mindy, Cameron Bonomolo, is the same guy who wrote the review for Daryl Dixon that you're citing. He's been on TWDU beat for comicbook since 2017, so it's fair to say he'd be a trusted ally by tptb at this point. Anyway, sorry I can't verify any direct involvement by Kirkman lol. But I will say I'm honestly pleased that this is a Paramount Global brand because it just means they have a legit footprint in the industry, and their information can most likely be trusted above other sources.

@wdway

Thanks so much for doing that research. When I was reading all of your information skybound stood out to me. For some reason I think that might be the connection, but I don't know for sure. Surely it would have showed up when you were going through.

And yes, the writer Cameron Bonomolo is always the one I make sure had written the articles. I always find most of his writing to align with our view of the show.

I went back to reread the article again because I wanted to really look at the four things to have for a successful marriage. You guys might have already discovered it, but I didn't realize that the episode actually can be accessed through the article. So, I watch the whole thing and it's worth at least skipping to the end of it, the last few minutes where Mork gives his final report.

You'll have to go and watch because the last part is the knife to the heart with a twist. In hearing Mork explain the four elements, it so screams what Daryl probably felt with Beth. I wish I had written it down and probably will go back to rewatch the end to get that last couple of minutes. It was about making someone feel they are of value. I just know it must be the feeling that Beth gave Daryl about himself. Then I also noticed when I went back that this is from Mork & Mindy season 4. I just thought because of it being from s4 that makes another suspicious eye roll. Now it would have been fantastic if it was s4 e13 like Alone, it was not, it was e22. I mean seriously, what is it about the number 22.

@galadrieljones

Omg I love that. I will have to watch it tomorrow! I did love that show as a child, so I’m sure it will be a neat little bit of nostalgia. Also something else that stuck out to me in the article is the fact that they worked really hard to get the rights to the episode. They must have really really wanted this one specific thing.

@wdway

I went back and watched the last of the Mork & Mindy episode where Mork is giving his report to his supervisor, who ask Mork why bother with marriage, this is Mork's reply. The work is hard and the hours are long. When I look at Mindy I see warmth, I see love, I see someone who makes me feel that I matter in this vast lonely world. It's so simple but at the same time so very moving. You will never be able to convince me that this is not what Daryl is hearing when suddenly he looks so sad. I feel that he personalized it thinking of his time with Beth. When I look at Beth I see warmth, I see love, I see someone who makes me feel that I matter in this vast lonely universe. Daryl wants to matter to someone in this vast and lonely universe.

@twdmusicboxmystery

So beautiful!

@galadrieljones

Of course that is what he felt. It draws attention to the idea that no matter how much love and support he has from the ppl around him, to Daryl, it doesn’t feel specialized or “just for him.” I think this is not important to all ppl or characters but to Daryl who has been basically starving for love his whole life, the idea of having one person who loves him more than they love anybody else and who understands him through and despite his faults while making him want to be better so that he can better care for that person in return is perhaps the ultimate dream

I agree it’s so beautiful and thanks Ann for watching and reporting back!

@wdway

I wish we would have heard it in the episode. Of course it would have been in French but I would have taken subtitles. The article seems very purposeful though and to include the episode very important.

It was very enjoyable to see Robin Williams so young and lively. This is what helped really launch his career and made him such a beloved comedian. You may not be as familiar with the comedian Jonathan Winters who plays Mork and Mindy son. He is like a Benjamin Button character on Mork's planet they start out old and grow young. When their son was delivered in an egg he was an old man. If you thinking while watching but Jonathan is trying to act like Robin Williams that is a wrong impression because Jonathan Winters was Robin Williams comedic idol and a lot of how Robin used comedy was taken from Jonathan. In this episode you'll see two other characters, one is an older man which is Mindy's father and the woman is if I'm not mistaken her grandmother I think it might have been her mother's mother.

@galadrieljones

I am watching the episode! It's so wholesome. I also looked up some information on this episode and I was interested to learn that it's the last episode of the entire series. The show was unexpectedly cancelled, or not renewed, and even though this episode was filmed prior to the original final three episodes of the season, they moved this one to the end because it felt like an appropriate way to close the series, which is ultimately about their true love and relationship.

A happy ending to foreshadow a happy ending, perhaps?

@twdmusicboxmystery

I watched the Mork and Mindy episode. I don’t have anything to add that you both haven’t already said. I just couldn’t help but he struck by the fact that the entire episode is about marriage. No way that’s not purposeful. Which means Daryl is headed for a happy marriage, one way or the other. All those who think it’s with Carol stand on your head.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #team delusional #team defiance #td theories #td theory #beth is almost here #bethyl #daryl dixon spinoff #dd spinoff #mork and mindy #daryl is getting married #Youtube

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asrisgratitudejournal · 1 year

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Orangdalam

Helo again all,

Tentu saja kalau aku muncul di sini berarti ku sedang procrastinating aka sebetulnya ya harusnya kembali ke response to reviewers-ku tapi ya karena denial jadi tidak mengerjakan. At least ku mendapat pencerahan terkait jarvie equation tho.

Pagi ini tadi kelas DD tapi karena harus di dept dari jam 10 akhirnya kelas DD-nya ku majuin jadi jam 7-9am. Berujung baru mulai 7.20an sih dan selesai 9.10 karena Kalina masih di kamar mandi juga anyway. Kalina semalam ngechat di messenger to say bye karena dia bakal pulkam ke SA sampai 10 Juni (yang berarti rumah kosong sampai tanggal 10 Juni!) ku bisa aja bikin movie night sambil hotpot (sebetulnya pas Kalina di rumah pun ya bisa-bisa aja sih ngundang orang), tapi kalau sendirian kan lebih leluasa ya. Btw berujung masih sempet ketemu langsung sama Kalina sebelum ku berangkat ke office. Dia pesawat jam 14.15pm jadi baru akan otw Heathrow jam 10.30-an.

Terus kemarin Belinda juga ngechat bakal ada teknisi ngecek gas ke rumah, gatau dah jadi apa nggak tadi. Tapi kalau mereka dating jam 10 sih harusnya masih papasan sama Kalina ye.

Sampe dept langsung nyari Erdem tapi ternyata doi lagi sibuk nguji viva 4th year student sepertinya. Yang lucu tadi yang ku-twit itu: yang ku dibilang sama Laurence kalau ku Chinese -__- padahal si Laurence ini ngerjain granitic ore di Southeast Asia salah satunya di Malay Peninsula lho di profilnya dia nulis, masa iya nda tahu ras Malay… anyway iya tapi gamau judging deh, ku juga pasti gaakan bisa bedain black African atau Caribbean jadi yasudah kumaafkan.. Erdem juga bilang “harap maklum ye doi orang SA jadi ya gitu deh rada bingung bedain Chinese vs Malay”.

Ku btw juga di twt kemarin habis curhat panjang lebar kalau hari Minggu ku CAPEK bgt ternyata ku punya teman di Oxford ini banyak banget ye. Nggak ku ceritain ulang lagi, karena nginget-ngingetnya lagi aja painful banget, tapi at the same time super bersukur dan capek juga aja. Hari ini pun sebetulnya pas dipikir-pikir, ku dari pagi deal sama Manda, Kalina, terus Tharina tiba-tiba ngechat, Erdem, Bram, terus untung bisa lunch sendirian di Linacre, jalan-jalan di Uni Park sendirian sambil berjemur main duolingo. Ku pengen dating ada exhibition di Pavillionnya tapi takut-takut gitu gatau pintu masuknya di mana. Terus pas lagi jalan mau ke Robert Hooke solat Zuhur tiba-tiba diteriakin di seberang jalan Keble ada Iris sama mak bapaknya, rupanya mau wisuda dia besok.

Habis solat ini langsung ke VHL buat nulis ini. Terus tadi pagi juga udah dibalas email sama Alex terkait kalau ku numpang ngetorch ke Royal Holloway aja gimana, dia bilang OK tapi dia harus cocokin sama schedule dia dan lab dulu. Si Beth lagi off email sampai mingdep. Kemarin juga udh ketemu Steve bahas logistik gimana kalau masukin silica wool ke tube buat mencegah si sedimennya masuk ke vacuum line. Tadi bahas sama Erdem gapapa banget sih pake silica wool juga sebetulnya untuk result eksperimennya. Tapi Alex bilang dia pernah nyoba dan berujung si silica woolnya ke-isep dan malah ngestuck di vacuum line. LAH jadi bahas teknis eksperimen di sini saya. Naon Non. Sori pembaca.

Hm apa lagi ya yang menarik di hidupku belakangan ini. Kemarin pas lagi duduk-duduk di depan office kepikiran buat moto papan thin section Krakatau terus tertarik banget sama captionnya! Ditulis si thin sectionnya digambar pake tangan di tahun 1883… Pas baca itu rada janggal, kayak… hah… emangnya bisa ya mereka ngambil sampelnya langsung dulu habis erupsi? Berujung semalam jadi baca reportnya Symons 1888 di mana si thin section ini berasal, dan ternyata ya emang beneran digambar tahun 1883. Waow. Menarik banget lho btw si buku ini gratis bisa dibaca FULL BOOK di googlebook: https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Eruption_of_Krakatoa/Vk8PAAAAYAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover Bagian peta-peta lampirannya juga ikut di-scan tapi ya ga dibukain satu-satu gitu tapi menarik banget!!!

Terus tadi pagi juga ngecek ke library dept dan beneran ada buku fisiknya, sepertinya beneran first edition yang published 1888 HUHU sangat mindblowing. Kupinjem kubawa ke ofis terus si Bram terheran-heran. Ku senang banget bisa lihat asli si gambar-gambar sketsa letusan dan crayon-colored red-orangey sky yang diamati dari UK waktu dulu. Sama tentu saja print-print-an asli si thin section yang di poster depan ofis itu.

Di Indo siapa sih geologis yang paling ngerti atau “juru kunci”nya Krakatau, apakah ada…? Not me asking the public karena ku sendiri sebagai geologis nda tahu… Yang keluar pas di-googling langsung Mas Mirzam. Plus, NOT ME langsung masukin “Bapak” +” Geolog” sebagai kata kunci pencarian!!!! Sangat penuh dengan misogini dan dari diri sendiri yang adalah juga perempuan!!! Tapi maksudnya lebih karena ya sudah tertanam saja di otak diriku sendiri bahwa “ahli” suatu per-ilmu-an di Indonesia di 2023 ini ya memang masih didominasi oleh laki-laki, kecuali mungkin di bidang kesehatan kali ya (tapi siapa juga emangnya di dunia kesehatan ahli yang ibu-ibu..., ga muncul satu namapun).

Oh iya, terus masukin judul pos ini “Orang dalam” karena awalnya mau bahas tadi pagi pas nunggu bis scrolling twitter nemu tweet menarik banget yang bahas gimana orang kaya vs miskin vs menengah mensupport anak-anak mereka. Awal mulanya dari twitnya ainun najib terus berujung ada meme distribusi normal gimana orang-orang mensupport anak mereka (DUH twitnya ga ketemu wkwkw cari sendiri ye). Anyway, tapi ku relate banget dan itu ku-observe banget di sini, di Oxford. Mostly anak-anak self-funding ini ya disupport abis-abisan sama orangtuanya buat ga pusing mikirin biaya sekolah: “pokoknya fokus aja belajar, berorganisasi, have fun”. Jadinya anak-anaknya gimana? Ya OK banget. Sangat cerdas mostly yang kutemuin, hidupnya aman, bisa mikirin banyak hal karena gausah pusing ngirit hidupnya. Mereka juga akan nyambung aja gitu naturally dengan sesamanya karena bisa relate banget dan akhirnya terbentuklah relationship yang organic di mana dari situ nanti mereka akan join bikin bisnis bareng saling bantu, muncul ide-ide startup ok dsb. Yang nantinya membuat mereka makin kaya lagi.

Sesungguhnya bukan mereka ini eksklusif maunya main sama mereka-mereka aja, tapi ya karena mereka ga ambil pusing ajasih hidupnya. Udah dilatih dari kecil kaya gitu. Mereka mikirnya kalo gagal ya masih ada safety net, mama papa di rumah pasti akan backup, jadinya keberanian buat taking risknya jauh lebih gede.

Meanwhile, yang ngepas-ngepas dari keluarga menengah modelan aku ini gimana....? Wah effort hidupnya mah sudah tidak perlu ditanya betapa luar biasa. Kita sampai di sini nda kaleng-kaleng usahanya. Ngos-ngosan kalau dibilang. Lari soalnya. Belajar mati-matian buat IELTS. Nabung dulu ngumpulin duit buat ikut IELTSnya. Ini yang bikin orang-orang modelan saya ini jadi TAKUT banget buat taking risk. Karena kalau udah failed ya beneran failed. Terus kami jadi individualis banget. Kompetitif. Super suuzon sama orang di sekitar. Kenapa? Karena bisa sampai di sininya pun ya hasil di-adu, baik via LPDP, Jardine, apapun lah bentuk beasiswanya. Ujungnya apa? Jadi susah buat kerja sama, susah buat percaya orang untuk bangun usaha bareng. Masih tertanam banget di otak kalo nda ada yang namanya win-win solution, yang ada win-lose aja situasinya.

Oh, sama yang terjadi di diriku sendiri bahkan, orang-orang di kelas tengah ini SUSAH BANGET MINTA TOLONG. Mikirnya semua ngapa-ngapain tu harus sendirian. “Lha wong dulu sampe sininya juga usaha sendiri kok”, ngga ada support systemnya, nggak ada yang bisa diminta-tolong. Beda banget sama si anak-anak orang kaya, mereka selalu tahu bahwa orangtuanya akan selalu siap sedia kalau diminta support apapun, jadi mereka juga lebih open to help dan akan ask for help when they need it, which makes everything easier dan tidak perlu struggle sendiri (kalau emang support systemnya ada).

Ku sekarang sudah berusaha untuk shift mindset pelan-pelan. Mulai minta tolong. Mulai mikir kalau pake jalan normal kagak akan sampai-sampai. Bakal sampe tujuan sih, tapi bakal butuh waktu 10x lebih lama. Kayanya dimulai pas stres dulu nyari kerja 2017 ga keterima di mana-mana. Ku ngemail alumni GEA angkatan 80-an kayanya, ngemail minta kerjaan. Yes. Aku cerita aku lulusan ITB 2015 etc terus tanya kira-kira di Pertamina ada posisi yang ku bisa isi nggak ya. Bapaknya orang Pertamina kalau gasalah. Dibalas akan dikabari. Di saat yang bersamaan Alhamdulillah dapat ajakan Octri untuk bantu-bantu dia di UI.

Habis itu kayanya yang real banget ya Jardine sih. Nanya Wian Hanifi, latihan interview sama Wian. Ku mulai sadar bahwa ya sepinter apapun diri ini, tetep perlu bantuan orang yang pernah ngalamin. Ya bisa-bisa aja sih mungkin ku dapet Jardine kalau usaha sendiri... Nggak deng... Kayanya susah wkwwk. Iya pokoknya dari situ belajar kalau “oh, nanya orang tu ternyata sangat membantu ya”.

Terakhir pas cari rumah kemarin. Ku usaha sendiri. Viewing sendiri. Ujung-ujungnya ngepos di grup gede juga, kali aja ada yang kondisinya sama, atau ada info. Berujung dibantuin mikir banget sama Dwi dan akhirnya bisa dapet akses Castle Mill dari current tenant yaitu Listi.

Intinya, untuk teman-temanku, terutama yang sudah sangat mandiri hidupnya (I’m looking at you first daughter), minta tolong-lah. Pake networknya. Itu temen ada banyak dimanfaatkan sebaik-baiknya. Kalopun ga temenan, bisa make friend. Dan kalau kita nanti sudah mampu, jangan pelit-pelit sama anak, kalau emang mampu bayarin sampe lulus master InsyaAllah anak kita bakal jadi jauh lebih ok lagi dari kita.

Btw istilah “orang dalam” yang ku maksud di sini adalah “orang dalam” yang bersih ya. Yang buat kita dapetin posisinya tetap pake usaha kita, tapi nanya-nanya dikit aja ke orang yang tahu. Nggak nyogok, nggak nyuap. InsyaAllah kalau dimanfaatkan, si orang dalam ini akan mempercepat proses kita 10x lebih cepat... (angkanya turun dari langit dan eksagerasi, tapi dapet gist-nya lah ya).

Dah gitu dulu aja. Habis ini mau balik ofis. Berusaha do what I can do terus pulang jam 18 mungkin. Mau beli krispy kreme ah pas pulang, tiba-tiba craving sugar gara-gara Iqbal barusan ngirim dm twitter strap applewatch lgbtq+ yang baru yang kaya meses ceres.

Byea.

VHL, 24/05/2023

16:35pm

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peterdrakeartist · 2 months

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AMONG FRIENDS is back for #4. Organized by Alexandra Rutsch Brock, Beth Dary & Patricia Fabricant. Inspired by the Robert Rauschenberg artwork “Hiccups,” AMONG FRIENDS reflects and responds to the strength and illumination we find through art, friendship and community. Over 200 pieces of 9 x 7” paper, each worked on by a different artist, zipped together into one continuous, exuberant piece.

Metaphor Projects 382 Atlantic Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11217

April 5 through 14, 2024 Gallery hours: April 5-7 (12-6pm) & April 10-14 (12-6pm)

All pieces priced at $300 apiece, with 10% going to Planned Parenthood.

Image: Peter Drake, Boviness, 2024, acrylic on paper, 9 x 7 inches

#toys #painting #amongfriends #smallartworks #peterdrake

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kerangmerang · 3 months

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Tulisanmu memang biasa saja, jadi tulis saja!

Tulisan ini murni sifatnya opini.

Saya berasal dari kota kecil di ujung Jawa Timur, sangat dekat dengan pesisir. Pindah ke Surabaya dan menetap hampir selama 10 tahun lalu pindah lagi pada tahun 2023 untuk merantau ke Jakarta.

Selama di Surabaya, saya memang memiliki ketertarikan dengan dunia hiburan dan kreatif yang akhirnya membuat saya mau tidak mau mengenal beberapa penggiat dan teman teman akrab. Memang dasarnya saya aja yang ceplas ceplos jadi teman saya tidak terlalu banyak. Tapi semua itu nggak masalah, semua ada harganya masing masing. Karena trauma yang saya miliki, saya membatasi sendiri lingkup pertemanan dan siapa saja yang saya kenal. Salah satunya adalah band - band Surabaya, yang awalnya saya pikir susah sekali disentuh karena lingkup pertemanannya cukup jauh. Kalau bukan teman sekampus atau satu tempat nongkrong, mustahil untuk sekedar tegur sapa. Entah nasib saya yang beruntung banget atau gimana, lewat pacar saya, saya akhirnya berteman dengan mereka - mereka itu, jadi saya cukup senang. Masio kaget, tapi tetap senang karena bisa seru-seruan bersama.

Namanya juga anggota band, pasti lebih banyak laki - laki daripada perempuannya. Wajar, skena musik Surabaya masih banyak diisi oieh para lelaki - lelaki maskulin yang doyan berkeringat, bikin lagu - lagu punk, dan sangar - sangar. Yang terakhir ini katanya, padahal menurut saya menjadi vulnerable dan menunjukkan sisi melankolis pun tak masalah. Oh, ini mah bahasan lain ya, haha. Saya juga punya concern kenapa sangat jarang perempuan ikut masuk ke skena. Saya kemudian juga belajar ternyata terbatasnya ruang aman bagi setiap orang untuk menikmati gigs/festival/konser masih menjadi PR bagi sekian - sekian promotor. Hal itu harus diaplikasikan dengan berbagai aturan dan output yang sifatnya koersif juga, yakni diselesaikan lewat kepolisian, dikeluarkan dari band, dan lain lain. Ketika hal substansial tersebut mulai keangkat di media, kolektif dan ranah umum seperti sekarang, saya masih menemui beberapa hal yang membuat nggak nyaman. Ketidaksukaan saya adalah menonjolkan sebuah band memiliki anggota perempuan, tidak dibahasnya lebih lanjut tentang skill dan performa mereka, kurangnya menerima counter-kritik dari orang terdekat, bahkan teman sendiri. Dalam benak saya, ketika seseorang itu memang keren, mau dia perempuan atau laki laki, masalah representasi gender itu tidak lagi jadi penting. Penting untuk dilihat berikutnya adalah bagaimana mereka melakukan branding & marketing atas bandnya. Ketika melihat Beth Gibbons (Portishead) atau Hisako Tabuchi (Number Girls) tak pernah sekalipun saya berpikir bahwa karena mereka perempuan, saya merasa terepresentasikan. Saya merasa mereka keren karena mereka skillfull, memiliki value, dan bermusik karena mereka memilih bermusik bukan semata memperoleh validasi dari orang lain (maksudnya narsis, saya benci orang narsis). Tulisan mengenai musisi musisi perempuan juga menurut saya sudah banyak. Banyak juga tone of voice tulisannya sangat seksis dan misoginis, menganggap perempuan ikut skena adalah sesuatu yang wow. Padahal ya biasa saja, mau laki laki atau perempuan, mereka sama sama main alat musik. Mereka akan dilihat skillnya sebagai anggota band atau vokalis. Tidak penting bagaimana foto wajahnya, darimana dia berasal, dan genre apa yang dibawakan. If theyre good enough, thats enough. Justru karena tulisan yang mengelompokkan musisi perempuan itu berbeda dari yang lain, malah menciptakan jurang persepsi yang makin lebar. Anggapan bahwa para perempuan ini akhirnya spesial, harus diistimewakan, harus mendapat perlakuan khusus. Memang tepat, perempuan adalah kelompok rentan. Kritik tentang hal itu memang valid. Namun akan jadi aneh kalau hanya itu saja yang jadi highlight. Seolah olah sebuah band tanpa anggota perempuan adalah sesuatu yang salah diantara banyaknya gempuran agenda representasi. Kalau dari kacamata saya, mau perempuan atau lelaki, dalam bermusik, kalian itu sama. Pada akhirnya kalian akan dilihat ketika membuat materi musik, di judge lewat performance, dan bagaimana membranding & marketing band kalian sendiri. Nggak penting kalau laki laki atau perempuan, sudah seharusnya itu bukan jadi keistimewaan. Karena dalam musik yang paling banyak dilihat adalah seberapa lama kamu ngulik, bukan secantik apa dan seterkenal apa kamu. Memang terkesan jahat, tapi saya sendiri bukanlah orang yang udah ngeluarin materi musik. Saya cuma penikmat. Concern saya kurang lebih pada ketidaksukaan saya melihat persepsi media bahwa anggota perempuan dalam sebuah band itu menjual dan eksotis. Padahal semua itu sama saja. Musik itu hanya medium, yang membuatnya terkotak-kotakkan adalah kerjaan media. Jadi ada baiknya nggak perlu dilanggengkan lagi tulisan tulisan seperti itu. Surabaya sendiri juga nggak ramai - ramai amat. Para penggiatnya juga masing - masing tidak punya pemikiran yang jauh ke depan. Nggak banyak juga yang bisa tur nasional, nggak banyak juga band yang pada akhirnya well-known secara nasional. Ya karena tabiat orang Surabaya yang antikritik dan sangat gerombolan. Saya sih cinta - cinta aja sama Surabaya dan makanannya, tapi untuk hal hal beginian, saya mundur ajalah.

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bestgamestrick · 3 months

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Mantap, Aldila Melaju ke Babak Kedua WTA 1000 Dubai

Malang Posco Media - Petenis putri andalan Indonesia Aldila Sutjiadi bersama pasangannya, Miyu Kato dari Jepang, berhasil melaju ke babak kedua turnamen WTA 1000 Dubai Tennis Championships 2024. Aldila/Kato memastikan satu tempat di babak 16 besar setelah menang atas pasangan wildcard asal Inggris Sarah Beth Grey/Eden Silva dengan skor 6-4, 6-2 di babak pertama yang berlangsung pada Senin WIB. “Saya sangat senang dengan kemenangan ini,” kata Aldila, dikutip dari keterangan resmi yang diterima di Jakarta.Adapun pertandingan berlangsung sengit di awal set pertama. amun Aldila/Kato mampu menunjukkan ketangguhan dan performa yang solid. Kegigihan mereka berbuah manis, dengan Aldila/Kato berhasil merebut set pertama dengan skor 6-4. Pada set kedua, Aldila/Kato semakin mendominasi permainan. Permainan yang rapi dan kompak, ditambah dengan kerja sama apik mereka membuat ganda putri Inggris kesulitan untuk mengembangkan permainannya. Aldila/Kato pun berhasil menutup set kedua dengan skor 6-2. “Pertandingan hari ini cukup menegangkan, terutama di set pertama. Tapi kami berhasil menjaga fokus dan bermain dengan baik. Kami bersyukur atas dukungan dari para fans Indonesia. Dukungan mereka memberikan semangat bagi kami untuk terus berjuang di turnamen ini,” ujarnya menambahkan. Kemenangan ini mengantarkan Aldila/Kato untuk berhadapan dengan unggulan keempat, Katerina Siniakova/Storm Hunter yang mendapat bye di babak pertama.“Kami akan berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk memberikan yang terbaik di pertandingan selanjutnya. Mohon doa dan dukungannya dari seluruh rakyat Indonesia,” kaya Aldila. Sebelumnya, Aldila dan Miyu menjadi juara nomor ganda putri di ajang Thailand Open 2024 atau yang juga dikenal dengan Hua Hin Championships 2024. (ntr/nug) Read the full article

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ultimatebethylficlist · 5 months

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#BHF2023: New Year's Eve: More To Love

We have two more Bethyl NYE fics to welcome us into the new year!

Silent Night on New Year's Eve by Olpie09

After their Christmas Eve kiss, Daryl would love nothing more than to kiss Beth again. He just don't know how to go about it. Inspired by the Bethyl Holidays Fest 2023 prompt of Do Over.

I Want Your Midnights by @mistressheroine

Beth Greene and Dary Dixon have danced around their feelings for each other for years. Now it's New Year's Eve and the Grimes' are having a party? Could this be the momentnt they've both been waiting for? Written as part of UBFL Bethyl Holidays Fest 2023 for the NYE prompt 'Glitter'.

#bethyl holidays fest 2023 #bhf23 #bhf2023 #bethyl fanfiction #new year's eve prompts #holiday fics

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beracun · 5 months

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6 Album yang Nyangkut di Telinga di 6 Bulan Pertama 2023

Ternyata pernah nulis album yang berkesan di pertengahan tahun 2023 kemarin, wkwk. Post ajalah sekalian.

Lokal

Rimpang - Efek Rumah Kaca

Album yang penuh kesyahduan, dengan lirik-lirik yang sebenarnya penuh kritik tapi tidak terasa “menantang” malahan kontemplatif, paling tidak sependengaran saya. Ada satu momen menarik ketika mendengarkan album ini di mobil pada sebuah perjalanan ke Depok untuk urusan pekerjaan, saya melewati perumahan militer di daerah Cijantung. Berjalan menyusuri gapura dan monumen-monumen yang mencoba menunjukkan keperkasaan, ada rasa ironis selama mendengarkan album ini.

Aksioma - Kelompok Penerbang Roket

Eka Annash seperti bertemu dengan teman bermain baru yang menyenangkan, begitu pula dengan KPR. Groove ugal-ugalan yang ada di album ini mengingatkan saya akan Rock n Roll lokal 90an ala Flowers, dengan lirik motivasional yang mengingatkan saya akan tema-tema yang biasa diusung Rhoma Irama, bukan berarti buruk atau picisan. Diksi-diksi yang digunakan Eka Annash membuat departemen lirik lebih artikulatif dari lagu-lagu KPR biasanya. Dengarkan album ini dalam perjalanan berangkat menuju tempat kerja, maka kamu akan merasa bisa menguasai dunia.

Similar - Eleventwelfth

Adem adalah suasana yang langsung terasa begitu mendengarkan track pertama album ini, dan 40 menit sisanya membuai saya dalam permainan penuh skill tapi tidak bikin pusing dan sesuai dengan takarannya, mungkin tidak ada lagu dengan chorus se-catchy single My favourite bookstore, tapi mendengarkan album ini secara keseluruhan semakin meyakinkan saya kalau Eleventwelfth adalah band Indonesia yang berada di garda terdepan yang mengusung musik seperti ini (Math rock, midwest emo, dan segala spektrumnya).

Luar

Fantasy - M83

Sebagai penyuka bebunyian yang berbau 80an, saya langsung terpikat dengan album ini, artwork-nya sendiri sudah menyiratkan nuansa albumnya, gelap dengan sedikit cahaya remang. Cocok untuk didengarkan menyusuri jalan Jakarta yang bermandikan lampu di malam hari.

This Stupid World - Yo La Tengo

Jika tahun lalu kerinduan saya akan indie rock yang simple tanpa tedeng aling-aling terbayarkan akan hadirnya album The Beths, tahun ini Yo La Tengo yang jadi jagoannya. Bersama dengan Slowdive, Blonde Redhead, dan Godflesh mereka jadi sesepuh turun gunung yang albumnya masih layak diperhitungkan di tahun 2023.

Devil Music - Portrayal of Guilt

Entah kenapa musik yang intens dengan nada-nada ‘devilish’ di album ini tidak terasa satanis, malah terasa bahwa band ini sedang bereksplorasi lebih dengan estetika kengerian, karena ada crossover grindcore, metal (metalcore, deathmetal) dan sensibilitas screamo di album ini. Bayangkan sebuah film hitam putih bercerita tentang Lucifer yang penuh dendam berkonspirasi melawan kerajaan Tuhan. Nah, album ini cocok jadi soundtracknya.

*Honorable mention di akhir tahun

Krowbar - Galaksi Rima Sakti

Jika di tahun 2018 lalu Grimloc memberi kejutan dengan album ‘Demi Masa’ yang membuat para penyusun tulisan album terbaik harus melakukan revisi, kali ini Grimloc memberi kejutan dengan merilis ‘Galaksi Rima Sakti’. Jujur, di beberapa aspek album ini terlalu ‘macho’ buat saya, namun sangat terasa album ini dibuat dengan nuansa bersenang-senang dan itu yang bisa saya sangat apresiasi. Krowbar berhasil bermain-main dengan mencampuradukkan beberapa unsur, mulai dari fast core (kangen Anjing Tanah, kah?), reggae, hingga hip-hop old skool bernuansa Farid Hardja. Dari sisi lirik, Krowbar juga berhasil membuat beberapa rima yang witty dengan diksi yang familiar di telinga sehari-hari.

Sangat menunggu aksi panggung Krowbar dengan materi lagu ini dan berteriak “Ngent**t” bersama penonton lainnya di lagu ‘Astronaut Orbit Luar Nalar’.

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eventide-haze · 7 months

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sincerely, beth.

Halo! Selamat datang di laman milik Kang Seorin. Saya harap dapat berhubungan baik dan berinteraksi dengan semua yang ada di sini. Jangan ragu untuk mengetuk kotak pesan apabila memerlukan sesuatu, dan saya akan dengan senang hati membantu bila mampu. Saya juga menerima masukan yang membangun terkait karakter Seorin maupun hal lainnya. Sebelum melangkah lebih jauh, mohon perhatikan poin-poin di bawah ini. Terima kasih atas waktunya!

Laman ini semata-mata digunakan untuk keperluan menulis dan kegiatan bermain peran sehingga tidak berkaitan dengan aespa KARINA maupun SM Entertainment.

Tidak diperkenankan metagaming.

Tidak diperkenankan godmod tanpa izin.

Tidak diperkenankan menyalin-tempel informasi apapun yang berkaitan dengan karakter.

Selalu terbuka untuk membangun relasi dan/atau menulis kisah bersama. Silakan menghubungi melalui pesan langsung.

Karakter dan jalan cerita Seorin terinspirasi dari beberapa karya dan program serial, antara lain Celebrity (2023), Serena (Ina), dan Where the Wild Ladies Are (Matsuda Aoko).

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biggerbetterbat · 2 months

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WITH YOU II | [3] A TRAP

Daryl Dixon x oc!Charlie Reed

Summary: When Rick, Daryl, and Noah leave to Atlanta, the rest of the group is left with Gabriel - who is still treated with distance. Charlie’s wounds are torn again. There’s accident in the church.

Warnings: language, walkers, killing walkers

Song: idk yet

Words: 2,818

A/N: I think I’m doing daily for Easter! I have chapters and it’s a bit boring season, so let’s speed up a little bit.

As Rick and Daryl prepare to leave Judith, Carl, Michonne, and Charlie at the church to keep them safe while they venture out to find Beth, the group springs into action. With makeshift barricades, they fortified every entrance to the church, stacking pews, furniture, and any heavy objects they could find. Each member worked in tandem, fueled by a collective determination to safeguard their haven from external threats. Michonne grabbed some heavy furniture while Carl and Charlie help moved it into place.

Rick and Daryl, tasked with a crucial mission, left behind explicit instructions for the remaining members: Judith, Carl, Michonne, and Charlie.

Charlie felt cautious or uncertain about Noah, as he was a newcomer to the group and trust was hard to come by in the post-apocalyptic world. However, as Noah proved himself invaluable in securing the church and aiding their cause, Charlie's heart warmed to the boy who was looking like a beaten dog. He was a lanky, hurt, and scared. She even felt a little sorry for him.

"Before I go," Daryl approached her. "I believe this is yours."

She furrowed her brows as she looked at the bag that looked awfully familiar. Charlie took it not looking what was inside.

"And this," he said, searching for something in his pocket. "I thought you would like to have it."

Daryl signed for her to show him her hand and she did that without a doubt. Then she felt something cold. She was looking at the silver chain and subtle charm that was connected to it. It was her necklace. He was in her apartment.

Realization hit her and she looked up, but once she did Daryl was already walking away. With shaky hands she looked in the bag and gasped.

Charlie's hands trembled with anticipation as she gingerly reached into the bag Dary had given her. Carefully, she withdrew a handful of memories, each one a significant piece of her past. Photographs, captured moments of laughter and joy with loved ones long gone. Among them, she found souvenirs: a keychain from a road trip, a ticket stub from a concert, a worn-out baseball cap that belonged to her brother. With each item she unearthed, Charlie's heart swelled with bittersweet nostalgia, transporting her back to a time when the world was still whole and her family was by her side.

A single tear was quickly wiped away.

In the dimly lit interior of the church, Charlie sat in a pew, meticulously cleaning their weapons. Her fingers moved with practiced precision, ensuring each firearm was primed and ready for whatever lay ahead. Near her, Michonne was sitting with Judith, her arms wrapped tightly around the young girl. In the warmth of their embrace, the worries of the world seemed to fade away, replaced by the simple joy of being together. Michonne pressed a tender kiss to Judith's forehead, silently vowing to shield her from the horrors of the outside world for as long as she could.

Across the aisle, Carl stood alone, his focus entirely on the empty space before him. With each fluid movement, he practiced his fighting techniques, the sound of his fists meeting the air echoing softly in the sacred space. Michonne was carefully observing Carl, the rhythmic sound of his movements filled the air, a testament to his dedication and determination. Michonne's gaze lingered on the boy, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips as pride swelled within her.

"He's getting better every day," Michonne remarked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Charlie looked up and nodded in agreement, her gaze never leaving Carl's form. "He's got a natural talent for it. He's becoming a man."

A soft smile played across Michonne's lips as she watched Carl deliver a series of powerful strikes. "He has came a long way."

"He's going to be just fine," Charlie said, her voice tinged with pride. Charlie placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You're looking out for him. He'll be more than alright."

Michonne's expression whenever her gaze wandered to Gabriel. He moved frantically on his knees, a cloth in hand as he scrubbed dry blood stains from the wooden floor. With each swipe, he muttered a quiet prayer, seeking solace.

"Seems like he's trying to scrub away more than just dirt," Michonne whispered.

Charlie got up from her place and approached the priest, dropping cleaned machetes in front of him. "Pick one," Charlie said, looking at him. "If you want to stay with us, you need to learn how to defend yourself."

"We can teach you," Carl said as he materialized next to her out of nowhere.

"Defend myself?" Gabriel looked up. "They said they'd go."

"They were liars and murderers."

"Just like us," the priest said.

Charlie's annoyance simmered beneath the surface as Gabriel continued to label them murderers. Gabriel's accusations cut deep, especially since they came from someone who killed many more people. Rick's decision to eliminate the threat had been a calculated one, made to protect their group.

"We protected ourselves," the boy tried to convince the man. "They wanted us dead."

"Rick did what he had to do to keep us safe. We're survivors, not murderers."

Gabriel's gaze hardened, his conviction unwavering. "There's always a choice, Charlie. Taking a life is never the answer."

Charlie clenched her fists, her patience wearing thin. "Maybe in your ideal world, but out here, in this reality, it's kill or be killed. You of all people should understand that by now."

The tension in the room thickened as their conflicting ideologies clashed.

"You're lucky your church has lasted this long," Carl said in a calm voice. "You can't stay in one place anymore. Not for too long. And once you're out there...You're gonna find trouble you can't hide from. You need to know how to fight."

Charlie couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration whenever Carl spoke. Despite his young age, his words were filled with wisdom beyond his years, earned through the harsh lessons of survival in their post-apocalyptic world. He was truly becoming a man.

"I need to lay down," Gabe said and stood up from his knees. But before walking away, he grabbed a machete and smiled slightly at the boy.

Charlie couldn't contain the surge of emotion that washed over her as she watched Carl. She enveloped Carl in a tight hug. For Charlie, the embrace was more than just a gesture of affection; it was a silent acknowledgment of their unspoken connection, bound, and admiration. As she held onto Carl, she felt a sense of nostalgia as he wasn't a little boy anymore, his experiences were slowly shaping him into a man.

"I tried," he said.

"I know."

The day was dragging mercifully, while they were being locked in the church. The air was heavy with the scent of dust and decay, a stark contrast to the tension that filled the room. Gabe was still gone and quiet behind the doors to his room. "You don't trust him."

"I don't."

"Do you think he is hiding something more?"

"I think that he doesn't trust us either," Charlie said.

"But what if we're wrong? What if Gabriel's just going through something, and we're misjudging him?" Michonne asked.

"Trust is earned, and we can't afford to gamble with it," she answered. "Just because he's a priest."

As Michonne's attention was engaged in her doubts, Charlie's attention was momentarily drawn away by a soft sound from the corner of the room. She turned to see Judith, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Come on, baby," Charlie stood up and took a little girl in her arms, and cooed in her best baby voice. "It's a time for a nappie."

Charlie gently tucked the blanket around Judith, ensuring she was comfortable before quietly slipping away from her side. As she made her way back, she noticed Carl sitting alone, his gaze fixed on the floor, lost in thought. She sat down next to him and smiled as he looked at her."You're good at this," Carl snorted and got a hard smack on the back of his head.

"It's been a long day," Charlie sighed, leaning her head on the wooden bench.

"It seems like it," he nodded. "He is strange."

She followed his gaze, as it was resting on the closed doors. "Yeah."

"I think we should be careful today," he said. "Especially, if dad won't be back till night."

Charlie looked at him and nodded. "If you feel like it...we can't ignore our instincts. We'll figure it out together, like we always do."

With a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder, Carl nodded and it seemed he wanted to say something, but a loud scream cut through the air. "Help! Please don't leave me out there! Please!"

The dull thud of Michonne's boots echoed through the deserted corridor, her katana swaying gently at her side as she made her way toward the abandoned building's entrance. The air was thick with tension. "It's Gabriel."

"What is he doing out there?" Charlie furrowed her brows.

"I know now! Let me live with it!" Gabe screamed and soon enough they all heard familiar growling and snarling.

Charlie clenched her hands into fists, her frustration mounting with each passing moment. She didn't trust him, but she deeply believed that he could value the safety they had in the church. As the minutes stretched into hours, Charlie couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that gnawed at her insides. Gabriel's decision to leave had put them all at risk, and she couldn't understand how he could be so reckless, so selfish.

Carl and Michonne started to break wooden barricades so Gabe could enter the danger that was coming closer.

Charlie's heart pounded in her chest as she watched Gabriel stumble through the church doors, his face pale and drawn, her fingers clenched on Judith's clothing. Worst fears were realized as she saw them – a horde of walkers, their rotting flesh illuminated by the pale moonlight, their empty eyes fixed hungrily on their prey.

Michonne drew her katana, her grip steady as she prepared to face the onslaught head-on. As the first of the walkers reached the entrance of the church, Michonne sprang into action, her blade slicing through the air with deadly precision. Carl and Charlie fought at her side.

But for every walker they felled, two more seemed to take its place, their numbers swelling with each passing moment. With a grunt of frustration, Michonne redoubled her efforts, her muscles burning with exertion as she fought to keep the creatures at bay.

"The rectory! Come on!"

Gabriel held the heavy wooden doors shut with all his might, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he strained against the weight of the undead horde pressing against them. Outside, the relentless moans of the walkers echoed through the night, a constant reminder of the danger that lurked just beyond their fragile sanctuary.

Inside the dimly lit room, Charlie's heart pounded in her chest as she watched Gabriel struggle to keep the doors closed. Fear gnawed at her insides, threatening to consume her with every passing moment. She had faced death before, but never like this, never with the knowledge that it was waiting just outside, ready to devour them all. Charlie realized that their time was running out, that soon the creatures would break through and all hope would be lost.

"That's how I got out," Gabriel said, gesturing towards the floor. "Crawl under to the back. Take the little one and go."

Charlie gave the baby to Carl, pushing him towards the opening in the floor. She was watching the boy disappearing under the building, praying that there's no danger waiting for them there.

Shortly after, Charlie was pushed by Michonne into the opening and without question she obediently rushed to join Carl. As Charlie crawled under the church, the darkness enveloped her, broken only by dim shafts of light filtering through the dusty air. The scent of damp earth mingled with the musty odor of old wood, and the echoes of her hurried breaths echoing against the ancient walls. With each cautious movement, she could feel the weight of the world pressing down upon her, as if the very earth itself were closing in, threatening to swallow her whole. Charlie wanted to cry from fear, imagining that something was right behind her, ready to kill her. Yet, driven by desperation and the primal instinct to survive, she pressed on, her heart pounding in her chest like a drumbeat.

As Charlie embraced Judith, a sense of relief washed over her, finding solace in the warmth of her embrace amidst the chaos. Meanwhile, Carl's swift movements dispatched the remaining walkers outside, his steady hand and determined gaze a testament to his resolve. With Gabe and Michonne at the helm, the heavy church door groaned shut, sealing off the horde of walkers inside their sanctuary.

She placed the baby in Carl's safe hands and rushed towards Gabriel. "What the hell was that?! You wanted to kill us?!" she yelled and pushed him. "What were you thinking?! Were you thinking at all?!"

"Woah, Charlie."

"Calm down!" Michonne yelled at her, gripping her arm tightly. Charlie was boiling with fury, she was ready to just push the priest into arms of death as she was sick and tired of him. She pushed Michonne lightly and turned to walk away, back to Carl and Judith. The woman with katana looked at Gabe. "Where did you go?"

"The school," he admitted. "I had to see. I had to know."

Charlie furrowed her eyebrows. Gabriel went to school to check if they were saying the truth. He wanted to check if those guys they killed were bad. "See what? Bob's leg for God's sake?"

"Charlie, shut up," Michonne barked as the Walkers in the church were trying to get out as the doors were too damaged.

"Where do we go?" Carl asked in fear, seeing the doors almost breaking from the strength of the walkers.

The distant rumble of an approaching vehicle sliced through the air in a mix of relieve and fear of new danger approaching. Soon, the unmistakable silhouette of a fire truck emerged from the swirling mists outside, its red paint gleaming dimly in the fading light of dusk. With a shudder and a hiss, the fire truck came to a halt in front of the church doors, its engine growling like a caged beast eager to break free. As the dust settled and the engine fell silent, the heavy doors creaked open, revealing the familiar faces of Abraham, Glenn, Rosita, Maggie, and Tara stepping out.

Charlie's breath caught in her throat as she laid eyes upon them, a flood of emotions washing over her like a wave crashing against the shores. Relief surged through his veins like a wildfire, igniting a spark of hope in the depths of her weary soul. Charlie stepped forward to greet her friends, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Without a word, she threw herself into Glenn's arms, her embrace tight and desperate, as if clinging to him for dear life. In that moment, amidst the chaos and uncertainty, the weight of their shared struggles melted away, replaced by a sense of comfort and security found in the familiarity of Glenn's embrace.

"Eugene lied," he said to her, but everyone heard.

"What?" Charlie furrowed her brows, pushing away slightly.

"He can't stop it," Glenn explained. "Washington isn't the end."

Charlie's heart sank like a stone into the depths of despair. The weight of disappointment bore down upon him, crushing his hopes and dreams. With a heavy heart hidden beneath a facade of composure, Charlie forced a small smile as she greeted Tara, Maggie, and Rosita. Though she knew that Eugene's theory was too perfect to be true, she decided not to show it.

"Glad to see you all safe," she said, approaching three girls, expressing her relief.

As Charlie made her way towards Abraham, a knot formed in her stomach, a tangible reminder of the unresolved tension that lingered between. They had parted ways in anger, their words sharp and cutting, leaving wounds that had yet to heal.

Abraham's gaze met hers, a flicker of uncertainty dancing in his eyes as he struggled to find the right words to say. "Say it," he said. "Say that you were right."

Charlie looked at the ginger man. "I'm glad you're back."

Her words hung in the air between them. For a moment, the silence stretched on, the weight of their unspoken emotions hanging heavy in the air.

Finally, Abraham's features softened, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, me too," he replied, his voice gruff yet tinged with a hint of warmth. And then he turned to Maggie. "Let's blow this joint, go save your sister."

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon series #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl the walking dead #daryl twd #daryl x reader

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twdmusicboxmystery · 2 years

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TWD 11x19: Variant - Time and Clocks

@wdway:

The big WOW for me was that time was moving backwards. I’ll show you below.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Totally didn’t notice the time moving backward. Awesome! Already giving me some direction for my rewatch.

@wdway:

The most obvious one is with the 12:01, 12:00 clock.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Yeah for sure. And that clock already felt very Grady-like.

@wdway:

I thought I would give you the thoughts I was going to give the other night and got sidetracked with the walker images from the opening credits. This is me revisiting the clocks with a few changes in my initial reaction now that I've watched the episode a few times.

This scene is the first that we see a 10 something clock. I believe it reads 10:12 but I think the most important thing is that it's a 10ish something clock. I was mistaken when I first watched the episode that the time on this particular clock changed during the scene. I think it was just the angle that I was looking at.

During the scene, Princess does make a comment that she had been at the station for 3 hours being questioned. I say that because there's also going to be a question about 10 am or pm. I assumed it was a.m. because we see that it is daytime when Rosita is brought in, and it seems they gathered a lot of people at the same time. Which would mean that they brought everyone into the station at around 7am.

This is the first shot of the clock in the room with Mercer and Max. The window in this shot makes it look like it's flooded with light. It is light from both windows; it just isn't as strong as it is seen here. Notice the clock not only the time of 10:09 but where the clock is placed on the wall.

Within the same scene but slightly later, a minute or so the time on the clock is 10:04. We have moved forward in the story but backwards according to the clock. The other question is is this a.m. because of the light or p.m., roughly 12 hours after he spoke with Princess in his office?

We did see Max being taken in at night. I'm just pointing out inconsistency of the clocks/times and the light in the windows. Tptb is screwing with the time and leaving questions about the order of what we see and what that might affect the story. I will say that the clock itself and the time jumping backwards is related solely to this scene and these people because the clock doesn't appear in this room with Mercer and Rosita.

Rosita was the first person to be interviewed. We saw this scene before Princess’s or Max's. Are we seeing them in order in the episode? I don't know, I'm just saying that they've left us enough strange little hints to question the order of things.

I want to point out the empty chair across from Max. Mercer does eventually sit in it, but for most of the scene, it is empty.

It made me think of the empty chair on the train platform near Dary in New Deal. The empty chair in both scenes made me think of Beth being present but not physically. Max has been a major Beth proxy since she was introduced and the combination of her and Eugene is probably the strongest parallel to how we will see Daryl and Beth as a couple.

I also feel strongly that maybe we are seeing the foreshadowing of Beth not willing to leave the situation she is in because she wants to do the right thing by the people she's been working and living with.

Later in the episode Max speaks of her and Mercer's father, who was a moral and honorable person. It sounded so much like the way Beth would speak of her father, Herschel. These similarities, along with so many others, just seem too much to be a coincidence.

@galadrieljones:

Love this, @wdway. I definitely didn't realize time was moving out of order. I haven't been able to rewatch, so I'm thankful for your keen observational skill!! That is so fitting with everything we've seen happening so far this season.

A little while back I know I talked about Warlords, and how I think that episode is there to teach us about non-linear narratives and how tptb are willing to tell stories out of order, and how this is also informed by Eugene's novel, which contains many scenes that seem to "lack context"; however, said contextual information will be revealed in chapters that haven't been written yet.

Tales episodes like Blaire/Gina and Davon are also asking us to grapple with time "travel" and non-linear narratives, when until "Find Me," we haven't gotten a ton of non-linear storytelling at all in TWD, unless you count 4b, but 4b isn't really non-linear. It's simply not on the timeline at all. Time feels "stopped." So I absolutely agree that tptb are trying to get us to question the order of events.

The whole timeline of TWDU is non-linear. The three shows we have, they're all in different slots on the same timeline. TWD is taking place about 12-13 years "after the fall." WB is happening two years ago, while Fear is operating like 6+ years ago.

It's crazy to think that while all this has happened, a bunch of nuclear weapons have detonated in Texas. Everything happening with Morgan and Madison and the kidnappings is happening way long ago, and who knows what it's now become.

Baby Morgan would be like 7 years old now, or more. She'd be as old as RJ. Sherry will have already had her baby, and her baby would be like 5 years old. Who knows where Alicia is by now, or Al and Isabel, or the Bennetts. Hope stayed in the northeast while Iris went to Portland. Did she make it?

There are so many questions and open lines of storytelling that could reveal themselves at any moment and in any way, and maybe they already have. We just don't know what we're looking for, yet. It's very exciting. And most importantly, I think, is the Grady storyline. According to Greg Nicotero, everybody at Grady has died. Why would he say that? Why would there be ANY information about what happened to the Grady faction if it weren't somehow still in play? The Grady storyline left off like 10 years ago, right around the onset of Project V.

So, yeah. This stuff with time going all wonky is, I feel, definitely important!!

I also like your comparison between Max and her dad to Beth and Hershel. I did not think of that. I first thought of Tyreese and Sasha, whose dad also factored into their characterizations. And now I'm thinking about siblings, and their complex relationships to their fathers, and how there are a lot of examples like that: Daryl and Merle, Beth and Maggie, Tyreese and Sasha, Mercer and Max.

So, @twdmusicboxmystery, I saw that ask about black/white and Snow White imagery on insta today and it reminded me of another element of Snow White that I was recently reminded of, in terms of Beth’s story.

In Snow White, the original Grimm’s fairy tale and to some extent the Disney movie, when the magic mirror tells the Queen that Snow White is the fairest of them all, the Queen sends a huntsman into the woods to kill Snow White. In the fairy tale, she asks the huntsman specifically to bring her Snow White’s heart so that she can eat it and achieve immortality.

Daryl is ofc a huntsman, but the heart thing is also really interesting to me. Beth as a character wears a lot of hearts, and she’s the only character who does. She has hearts on her necklace, her cowboy boots. There’s evidence that the answer to fixing the walker problem lies in the circulatory system, aka the heart. There was also the heartless walker in Joe/Evie while they’re camping near Toledo. I feel Beth’s hearts are important connective tissue here, linking her to CRM research and to the Snow White fairy tale.

But maybe Daryl as the huntsman is a red herring. In Coda, Beth is shot so high up on the forehead, I know it’s been discussed as to whether or not this was purposeful. What if whoever shot her did it on purpose, like if they were ordered to kill her so the CRM could harvest her heart for research, but whoever it was, the agent, couldn’t bring themselves to do it, so they shot her high enough on the forehead that she’d have a chance to survive.

If that’s the case, the huntsman could be someone we know, or someone who met Beth off-screen, who we have yet to meet. Or maybe a CRM researcher who was there at the onset of Project V and who grew to like Beth. Pure head canon, but could be Lt. Colonel Kublek who would have seen in Beth some aspect of her daughter, with whom she shares a very fraught relationship. Anyway. Just something that crossed my mind.

Because I know we all agree that it’s hard to tell how much Beth knows in the end. During her final conversation with Dawn, Beth seems considerably jaded. Also why did that conversation take place in Carol’s room? And with Carol beginning to wake up in the end? To give opportunity in the future to fill in missing context maybe?

Maybe Carol heard something that didn’t make sense at the time but will at some point soon. I think it’s possible Beth was onto the situation. She was so pissed off when Dawn took Noah back. It couldn’t just be about Noah and them being friends. Noah is even very cool about it. He doesn’t fight. But Beth is so angry. Maybe she knew something Noah didn’t.

Because clearly Noah knows nothing.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

That’s about all I have for ep 11x19. I’ll post some outside-the-show stuff over the next couple of days. Then, we’ll have episode 20 on Sunday. How is everyone liking 11c so far?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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asrisgratitudejournal · 2 years

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Minta tolong

Kemarin malam ditelpon sama Judith (Meteorologi 12, KPA 12), dia mau submission final master project tapi karena researchnya geologi banget (nggak geologi-geologi banget sih tapi mostly ke hydrogeology, underground water pollution sepertinya) dan dia background S1nya bukan itu, jadi dia kesulitan dan minta tolong dibantuin proofread/nulis discussion section ke aku. Jujur pas ditelpon, aku sama sekali tidak keberatan dan sangat senang(?) karena IT HAS BEEN A long time for me to feel useful. Terutama belakangan ini, when shit happened a lot dan ku gabisa ngapa-ngapain. Beres call ku langsung super-duper salut sama Judith. I think “being able to ask for help, knowing that you can’t do it yourself therefore you have to ask people who is capable of things you aren’t” is such a skill.

W gatau apa yang terjadi secara psikologis dalam diri w sampe bisa-bisanya I felt really sorry and bad to ask for help. Tapi I do. I realized this when I was in a psychology workshop-kinda-thingy when we do a simulation (lupa simulasinya ngapain) tapi intinya resultnya adalah “I can’t hear/notice help from other people around me”. I tried so hard to focus on my own effort but failed to care that I do have people around me that could help. Probably the main root cause of this adalah I was raised (again) too hard. Dari kecil sama Mama ya dibiasain apa-apa dikerjain sendiri. Jangan dikit-dikit minta dianter. Kalau bisa sendiri, kerjain sendiri. Mama sendiri pun juga kaya gitu, jadi ku sangat mencontoh apa yang mama lakukan. My mom, walaupun ada Papa dan ada motor nganggur di rumah, kalau pergi kemana-mana yang bisa dilakukan naik angkot sendiri/jalan, she will just do that instead of asking my dad to drop her off. Segitu mandirinya.

Sama mungkin ada part of kultur “ga enakan”-nya orang Jawa(?) atau gap umur sama orang tua yang harus dihormati??? We Javanese are very not-straightforward people sampai kalau mau ngomong sama orang yang lebih tua (or just anyone umur berapapun) aja tuh sungkan gitu loh. Aku gatau sih ini Jawanya Mama Papa-ku aja atau di Jawa bagian lain berbeda. I noticed di Indo, it is very hard to talk to older people: paling keliatan pas jaman SMP/SMA mau ngomong sama guru aja masuk ruang guru tuh yang sebagai murid “lo aja, lo aja deh” saling menghindar, padahal APA SUSAHNYA ngomong sama Bapak-Ibu Guru??? They are human?! What’s the worst that could happen?

Yaudah intinya gitu sih. I felt really glad dan relieved makin ke sini, siswa di kelas nggak merasa malu-malu lagi dan they realized that they are in a position where they have the right to ask in class if they don’t understand. I really do wish students makin ke sini makin bisa ngomong di kelas. Nggak takut salah. Nggak takut dimarahin.

Sampe sekarang tuh pun gitu. W mau email spv nanya hal yang emang harus ditanyain aja masih yang… duh gpp gak ya nanya ini. Ntar dikira bego banget. BUSET detrimental banget ya culture belajar di Indo tuh. Betulan kebawa sampe sekarang. Dan dulu di Indo ya apparently w bisa survive2 aja ngerjain semuanya sendiri tanpa minta bantuan orang lain. Tapi di sini, dengan posisi w sebagai student, nggak punya power apa-apa, ya pasti emang harus minta tolong???!

Pernah w break-down abis-abisan (inget banget waktu itu hari Jumat – mungkin beberapa bulan yang lalu) gara-gara dikasih pep talk oleh Joost terkait w yang menghilang dan kabur saat stuck, bukannya minta tolong. Dia bilang: kabarin kalau ngestuck tuh, jangan pusing sendiri, di sini u are working with people with 10 years of experience, tens (or even hundreds) of papers, yang u butuh waktu sebulan ngerjainnya, mereka bisa kerjain cuma in a day, so use them, ask for their help. We are here to help you. Beneran langsung nangis bombay habis dikasitau itu.

Joost, Tamsin, Erdem, Hugh, Stuart, Darren, Beth, Steve, Alex, semua baik-baik banget w sampe pusing mikir wah do I deserve this….? Beneran w ngerasanya ngerepotin banyak banget orang, tapi mereka bilang ya emang udah part of their jobs?... Anyway, iya. Balik lagi ke judul post dan topik awal: gapapa guys minta tolong tuh. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you don’t know and you cannot do it therefore you need to be helped.

I think ini mostly tar hubungannya ke savior complex w juga sih. Berkali-kali ngasitau Prama (karena kita lagi nyiapin acara 17-an): Let me know if you need any help! While I also can’t help myself here. Betulan kaya nawarin bantuin orang buat masak-masak padahal lagi drowning di kolam.

Selain Judith, orang yang w perlu appreciate lagi karena udah berani ask for help ke w di antaranya adalah: Andina (kami belum pernah ketemu kenal apa-apa terus ujug-ujug tapi jadi deket banget karena bahas seleksi Jardine), Puspa (harusnya sih soon ketemu karena she will come to Oxford this year), Mas Felix, Ishaidir, Tharina, Muthi, dan orang-orang random yang ku gainget siapa aja tapi minta dibacain/proofread-in statement of purpose/motivation letternya. I should also appreciate myself tho, karena udah berani minta tolong Wian dulu back in 2019 buat rehearse prep interview sama Jardine (gatau sekarang lagi ngapain di mana pusingin apa kalo dulu ga minta tolong Wian).

Yaudah intinya mau ngomong itu ajasih. Minta tolong itu penting guys! Tapi bukan dalam artian ngerepotin ya. Ini dalam artian tau sampe mana kemampuan kita ngerjain sendiri terus sadar kalau ternyata gabisa ya dikerjain sendiri, ternyata kita ga sehebat dan sekeren itu, jadi haruslah tanya/minta bantuan orang lain.

Dah gitu dulu aja. Safety glasses aku sudah sampai btw. Sangat senang! Semoga lancar-lancar semuaa Aamiin.

30.18 12:08 11/08/2022

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