#better shiz coming soon lads

[cherryrogers]

Cleaning.

Loki x Fem!Reader

Contains: Fluff

Synopsis: After moving in with Loki, you soon learn that the man is in desperate need of learning how to be... domestic.

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“Oh my lord. You’re literally so frustrating.” You whined, removing the washing up gloves from your hands and slapping them down on the counter. “There are at least ten other cups in the cupboard, why do you always use the ones that I’ve just washed?”

Loki looked quite offended, pouring the freshly brewed coffee into the freshly cleaned cup that he’d just picked up from beside the sink. “The reason you washed the cup is for it to be used again, is it not?”

With a roll of your eyes, you grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and allowed Loki to pour you some coffee. Recently, you and him had made the decision to move in together. He ended up moving into your home, because you just couldn’t bare to leave the place. The majority of the time, it was a rather pleasant experience. Waking up next to his beautiful face every morning, coming home from work and seeing him curled up on the sofa reading, and generally being able to spend so much time together.

However, it was like Loki had zero regard for the messes he made, and who was left to clean them up. The man didn’t seem to give a second thought to the cups he left randomly in different rooms, or the underwear he so annoyingly just left lying on the bedroom floor. You understood that he wasn’t from a typical family, and back in Asgard, he had servants and maids doing everything for him. On the other hand, you thought he’d be able to at least put some effort into understanding how the washing machine worked. Spoiler alert - he never did.

At first, you thought you could handle it. It was just some housework, right? Wrong. It got to the point where your first thought in the morning was about all the chores you’d have to do before and after work, and you began to realise that that wasnt something one should stress about on a daily basis.

While you sipped the hot drink in your hands, a gasp escaped your lips as you watched Loki almost fall over a pair of his shoes laying messily on the kitchen floor. He didn’t fall, however he now had an empty cup of coffee...

He smirked, and you could tell he was stifling a chuckle. Was he serious?

“I... am leaving this to you, love.” He gestured to the puddle of coffee on the grey floor tiles.

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “What are you, five? I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of grabbing some kitchen roll and wiping that up yourself.”

Loki furrowed his brows. “But-”

“But? But what? You know, Loki, I feel like all I do is clean up after you. I know you don’t do it on purpose, but come on.”

“Back in Asgard-”

“I know. I know you never learned to do that sort of stuff, I understand that. But you’re not in Asgard anymore, babe. We’re on Earth, in our own house, where you should learn how to do basic housework to help me out.” You glanced at the clock behind Loki, and sighed at the realisation you were going to be late to work. “And I’m late for work. See you later.”

You heard Loki saying your name as you grabbed your bag and left the house, but there was nothing he could say in that moment that would fix anything. Some might’ve said you were being dramatic, but it just hurt you a little that he knew how busy you were and still didn’t make an effort. He couldn’t help you with work, but the least he could do was not leave you to do every single bit of cleaning.

Loki admittedly felt bad the moment you left the house. He didn’t even realise how much it bothered you that he never did any housework. While he knew you were stressed, it didn’t even occur to him that cause of your stress could be him.

So while you were out, Loki took it upon himself to earn some redemption. With his hands on his hips, he eyed the whole living room for starters, making a mental list of every job that could be done in the room. The coffee table needed decluttered, the carpet needed vacuumed, and so on. Any reluctance he had over doing the chores was replaced by the satisfaction of knowing you wouldn’t be spending the night cleaning. He still couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed how much it bothered you, and his guilt only grew heavier.

After completing your long hours at work and barely being able to keep your eyes open as you drove home, you finally made it back. Images of the dirty plates next to the sink and the unloaded washing machine immediately made you huff sadly. One night - even just one night off would make you the happiest human alive.

And as you stepped through the front door, you soon realised that this was the evening you’d been dreaming of. Everything was... spotless. There was nothing you could pick out that needed dusting slightly or random pieces of clothing laying around. The house was clean. And you weren’t the one that made it that way.

Loki emerged from the bedroom, smirking as he saw your shocked expression. “Welcome home, darling.”

Your gaze finally landed on him and you raised your eyebrows questionly. “Okay, what do you want?”

“What do I want?” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Loki, you’ve cleaned the entire house! It looks better than when I clean, and that’s definitely saying something. Are you saying you did all of this... willingly?” Your heart swelled as his cheeks flushed red and he nodded shyly. “Oh my... is this because of everything I said this morning? I’m sorry, Loki. I know I was harsh-”

He shook his head and approached you. “No, you were right. I am on Midgard now, and I am very happy here. I should learn how to live like you, because after all that you have done for me, the least I can do is... wash the dishes every once in a while.”

Cupping his face with your hands, you smiled warmly at him. “Well, I really appreciate that. Thank you.” You kissed him quickly. “And I’ll appreciate the next time you clean the whole house, and the next, and the next-”

“Alright, I get it.” Loki rolled his eyes, but squeezed you tighter against him. “And I’ll be more than happy to, if it makes you happy.”

After kissing him again, you sigh in content. “Honestly, I really don’t want to get the plates you’ve cleaned so amazingly dirty again just yet. Wanna order pizza?”

“It’s lovely to know you appreciate my hard work, darling.”

“Oh, shut up. God, you wash the dishes one time...”

Once you’d took way too long to pick out a movie and the pizza had arrived, you and Loki sat on the couch and remained in each other’s company for the rest of the night, you comfortably pressed against his chest with a slice of pizza in hand. Occasionally you’d look up at him from your position, analysing the way his dimples would form when he laughed and how his eyebrows furrows during the dramatic scenes. Sure, he wasn’t perfect. But he was yours. Loki was yours, and nobody else’s. He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but he was perfect for you. Despite any unfinished housework or stupid arguments, moving in with Loki was the best decision you ever made, because you loved him.

[specsndcity]

Instahoe (n)- A person for whom Instagram is more like a way of life rather than a mind-numbing social media platform.

This is a PSA for all you young impressionable brains out there, there is a new culture in town it is legit the new shiz beetch! You all must know Instagram, the humble photo-sharing app which has some relations with Facebook (now honey I really would have researched and everything but then why bother) Well it is not just an app anymore hon, it is the way of life. It is a breed of people I fondly call as Instahoes. Before the manicured pitchforks come out, Ladies! This is a gender-neutral-non derogatory term. Insta hoes are a wild species which are naturally found on their phones *filtering through their day to day activities.

Careful, not to confuse this addiction, as there are a lot of people who are addicted to any form of social media, even Instagram but only the ones chosen by the holy almighty are blessed to be an Instahoe. Instahoe culture is characterised and influenced by food, pets, white girls, homies from the hood, social butterflies, trollers and English language (or the lack of it). How to know you are an Instahoe? Here are a few symptoms that might get you.

When you appreciate literature on only one parameter, that is how good it will make a caption. Honestly, the amount of work some people put in those captions, had I put in studying in previous 5 semesters, man I would be killing it here.

How hunting for perfect caption feels like.

#hashtags- ‘OMG this is so #savage.’ Find yourself talking like this (where you actually say hashtag savage!) congratulations! You are already down the rabbit hole.

When you can relate a real-life situation to a meme and not the other way round. This grew due to the Tumblr immigration on the website because let’s face it, the best memes are born out of Tumblr. 

When you know more about Kardashians than your own family, trust me the force is upon you and it is better you surrender to it.

When your regular grace before a meal also includes clicking the same damn dish from a gazillion angles and post it with a mandatory ‘#foodie’ self- validation despite the fact you are in sheets with anorexia. Did I mention the repulsive #foodgasm and #foodporn

When you are not just going on a holiday. You are on a Vacay or you are wanderlust or the mountains are frikking calling you and you will absolutely die if you see a series of light in line and you did not post it with the extremely corny “lights will guide you home”

The only inner beauty you believe in is sexy photographs in your hot hot Calvins. I mean hotness is a public blessing but they take it way too seriously. One can get more ‘packaged’ berries and eggplants on their feed than in local supermarkets.

When you can identify humans just by their ass, or abs or jawlines! I hate to admit some of those lads and lass are a fine snack but then you can always eat the junk food!                                                                                         

The mirror is only meant for selfies which you never fail to post and add them ‘hit me up’ stickers, and my oh my! when someone actually replies, then your shoulder becomes colder than 0k. I mean pick a side.

When words like doggo, hooman, yaas, legit, af, fleek and mood come so natural to you that you seem to forget that they are grossly wrong. Not to mention the lack of potassium (letter k honey!) some words are facing like thicc atacc snacc. Sigh! I hope the newer generations will soon borrow some of those k’s from okkkkkkkk and let them humble words be themselves again

When your seemingly aimless life full of, #harigoals, #squadgoals, #relationshipgoals, #nailgoals and what not.

So are you it? Are you a revered instahoe? Let me know! And spread awareness about it!

Hey ho, walk slow, look high, look low and most importantly look at 11 signs that you are an Insta-hoe. Instahoe (n)- A person for whom Instagram is more like a way of life rather than a mind-numbing social media platform.