#bfast bc i didnt eat dinner last night...........

[freesomebodybyluna]

...

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[shytiff]

Mar 2022

1 -  woke up late. seared chicken breasts that i bought from hypermart. ate chicken tauge and rice for lunch and chicken cheese sandwich and banana for dinner.

2 - morning shift at the triage. muesli for breakfast. a patient’s family got mad at me for not examining the patient lol. worked on Prof’s PPT and finally sent it at like 1-.30-ish pm

3 - picked up blanket laundry using nessa’s bike. ate two banana chocolate sandwich and felt sooo full. a safe afternoon shift, themed neurology lmao. got to eat my packed food of chicken, tauge and rice. got to pray isya too so all there’s left to do is shower. except i have to do some revision for Prof’s PPT.

4 - woke up at 5 am due to some weird dreams. prayed subuh. read eruri fic and tried to sleep again at 6.30- ish. woke up at 11. rheza fkui 2016 interviewed me for some start up competition. washed tri’s scrub. ate some muesli. sent the revision of Prof’s PPT. lazed and then slept again. its evening. ate 1 egg and cheese sandwich and 1 ceres sandwich. talked a bit with renata about resistance workout. purchased gift for fianti. night shift with the best team ever lol

5 - i find it difficult to nap in a short time limit huft so i didnt get to sleep. immediately packed my stuff, changed my clothes, packed muesli in my mcd tumblr and i arrived at the usual bus place at 07.05. surprisingly it only took ~2 ish hours to reach rest area. napped a bit at home. woke up hungry and ate mom’s tuna and egg sandwich. off to puri to meet up with friends (nila amel ratna maul) at seirockya. turns out maul picked up the bill for us ehehe yayy free ramen. at that point i felt suuuper full at the end of the meal. prayed, and we went to masterpiece karaoke 6 mins away (315k for 2 hrs). we alternated between dance-y songs and soft ballad-y songs lol. goyang dombret made me feel tired. sholat maghrib and waited for emir at nila’s place. felt sleeepy at bed. its the first time in a long time i feel sleepy immediately after entering bed

6 - woke up 11-ish. put myself together and ate. slept. played my phone. suddenly its evening. its difficult to sleep at night bcs of that evening and morning nap. finished reading The Companion. wept at the 2nd to last ch lmao. basically what i did today was just sleeping ahaha ;_; didnt even do borang

7 - left the house 5.10. talked lots with mom abs business etc etc and suddenly we arrived. thankfully there was no traffic along the highway. mom made sausage spaghetti for bfast yay. ate that and went to MCU. my vocal cord felt tired lol. went back to mess at 12, cooked sausage, egg and kangkung for lunch. back at the mcu at 14.30 and explained some mcu results. shopped online a bit today. listened to liqo while laying down and i end up fallng asleep and waking up close to 20.00 pm lolll. ate egg and cheese sandwich and its probably the best tasting sandwich ive ever made lol. drank protein and tried to sleep again but end up sleeping at 12 ish again, always, hufttt

8 - woke up at 8. i remember waking up when my alarm woke and i was not too sleepy but i end up sleeping again. i need to pull myself together. ate the last portion of muesli and granola. watched rob and zoe press junket on youtube lol, today’s shift theme is surgery lol. got 2 appendicitis patient, one was for OK cito that day at 22. met dr Enny and dr Gin Gin. 

9 - woke up at 9-10ish. mustered the courage to go out and buy egg and some other stuff. fried chicken and rice for lunch. im not motivated to do anything. arirang for dinner. binged some jerome-hitomi youtube vids. night shift at the triage with detri. quite safe

10 - got to lay down a bit at 5 am. kak yustin told the morning shift peeps about an accident that turned out to be a murder case. i walked a bit to palm hills, ate nasi uduk (and saw kak labib lol) and chatted with ibu nya, walked back, bought veggies. showered. sleep and woke up 13.30. ate 2 piece of oatchoco accompanied by chocolate milk. rly rly shouldve did laundry and ran at the evening but i ended up closing my eyes again. suddenly its close to maghrib. boiled carrots and green beans and fried fish nugget. felt full. and i ate some black thunder after. read some eruri fics and dj lol.still cant bring myself to do anything. typing this at 22.45 and i havent washed my hair and did the TWO things on my to do list today: hair wash and laundry. huftttt

11 - woke up late. finally managed to do some laundry. went to hypermart and bought some snacks. i somehow felt rly refreshed after going out, so much that i tidied up my table and opened up my laptop. also set up with snacks and matcha latte. did borang while watching belle. its a meh movie, with a rly nice animation and songs. tried to sleep early but always end up sleeping late

12 - morning shift. hurriedly cooked sausage for bento. its a nice vibe at the beginning of the shift until patients gradually come in. jajan cakwe. drank leftover matcha latte after shift. was in a nice mindset that dat, after shift. but im sleepy. wanted to run but ended up doing a bike ride for a bit. its fucking tiring lmaoo. cooked chicken (wrong chicken lol) for evening food. i basically tidied up nicely after isya and was settled in bed at 8 pm, but i read eruri fic, went pass my sleepy phase, and ended up not being able to sleep, eating 3 pieces of bread and sleeping at 1 astagaaaaa

13 - woke up at 9-ish. ‘prepare’ webinar (acls by dr radit) by iluni.  bought ayam geprek master and yall it tasted nice but its been a while since i had that much oil in one time lol. will have it for lunch and dinner lol. started reading Monster by Naoki Urasawa and it boggles my mind. went in it blind and im surprised to find the MC was a neurosurgeon lol. afternoon shift. 2 code blues back to back on the beds that was across of each other. 1 code blue followed by the other within minutes. well, talk about applying the webinar knowledge.. slept at like 1 bcs of manga lol

14 - somehow i could wake up for subuh prayer. tried to sleep again but cant, so i read manga again. nap again. cooked chicken fillet and sauteed veggies. ate it with leftover ayam geprek sambal yay some actual taste lol. its not that my food taste bad x))) its just softly tinted with flavor. triage for the night shift with kak jess kak rezha. 

15 - first time actually napping during shift. thankfully, i woke up when pak satpam said “dok ada pasien”. but surprisingly naps make you feel sleepy after shift, compared with no sleep at all. slept and woke up at 12. originally planned to go to cafe but i feel like i cant go to cafe when i just woke (i have to leave at 1ish to maximize hangout time lol) so maybe 2mrw. ate some bread to fill my belly a bit. heated up fillet and veggies for meal about 3 hrs later. binge read Monster again and i finally finished it. its amazing and mind boggling and the ending is ughhhhh. opened my laptop a bit and filled some borang. cant bring myself to think and work on ppt

16 - Went to Jannor and got my usual order. Unfortunately it was a bit rowdy that day, the patrons, lol. Some progress but less than usual if im on a cafe. Went to hypermart to buy kimchi but turns out online was cheaper so online it is. Had dinner at the nasgor place near indomaret. Bought kwetiaw special. Declined the drink lol so much that the seller insist i had a drink and said it was free lmaooo

17 - MCU today. muesli and some mini danish for breakfast. ate somay for the afternoon, with some more danish lol. bought sate padang for dinner. ordered a hotel lolll first time booking a hotel for my own self

18 - Afternoon shift. A bit more chaos than usual in the second quarter lol. did some more ppt work at night. called with ara and ical. tri joined and we end up talking about that murder case found in IGD. Talked and did PPT until my head hurts. its probably masuk angin.

  19 - woke up. did laundry. showered. end up doing ppt work at jannor anyway after zuhur lol. redeemed my 30 points for 7500 and tried vol. II kopi susu. as i thought, the original one is more delicious lol. vol II is more bitter. i think i dont rly like vanilla flavored coffee bcs i dont really taste the vanilla. did some more ppt in mess and sent the first draft to Prof. tried to nap before night shift but couldnt. busiest triage this month huffff. never rly had relaxed downtime until like 3.30 am. theres some moment to breathe here and there.

  20 - ate mie rebus, showered, got some cash at the atm, off to jakarta. soo sleepy that i keep on entering and exiting consciousness lol. woke up at serang (panickedly asked the bapak beside me where we were), woke up at the highway, and then suddenly its kb. jeruk. the kind bapak reminded my that kb jeruk is near. thankyou kind bapak :D took gojek to N hotel to leave my tote bag. walked to KFC. ordered super besar 4 and cream soup. cant manage to finish the fries. already fulllll. the cream soup is the nice liquid i need to stomach the burger and wings. hung out there to wait for the check in time. opened my laptop until the point when i cant handle the sleepiness anymore. checked in (apparently you dont need to literally wait for 14 sharp to checkin). short nap. a bit of ppt work. Prof requested a bit of change to the topic’s focus. oh welp. off to claypot. ate claypot ayam telur mentah and its rly nice for my wacked gums and growing molars. arrived at GI, prayed maghrib and waited for the movie. there was a BTS x Coway gallery and lounge! its a shame there’s no standee of jjk characters lol. its my first time trying out 4dx and its FUCCKIN AWESOME especially on the last fight of yuuta vs geto. arrived and done showering at the hotel at like 10. i shouldve just slept immediately but i play with my phone..... ;_; and suddenly its 11/12 pm. had difficulty sleeping bcs there were A LOT of mosquitoes, so much that my face was bitten in multiple spots and i got awoken like twice or thrice. 

21 - morning finally arrived. arrived at harmoni at about 6.45 and arrived in kalideres in a quick and breezy 25-30 mins. went to pkm kalideres for my teeth complaints. the dr gave rujukan and some meds. picked up by mom. ate nasi tim. finished the ppt (its so hard to find the will to) and sent it. 1 hr nap and its evening. went to hangout with clara at her house. we ate pecel lele and had quarter life crisis. picked up by emir at 7 pm. slept at 11-12ish.

22 - woke up a bit late to go to hermina. got number 70 in queue. ate my Subway sandwich while waiting. huh, it makes you feel full. but turns out even with bpjs i still have to book the doctor first so i cant go that day. so i went back and slept again lol. and then i had to go back to cilegon. dad and mom drove me. ate spaghetti along the way. the afternoon shift was a bit chaotic during maghrib times huft. ate mom’s muffin. and then its finally over. had some thooots about life priorities during the staring-at-the-ceiling time before sleeping

23 - woke up. ate oven-baked chicken katsu (fried ones taste so much more better lol), kimchi and rice. ate muesli just before shift. today’s afternoon shift is much more bearable than the previous day. ate mom’s muffin again for dinner. drank protein and talked with renata about our future after iship huuhu. crisis is basically everywhere.

24 - prayed subuh and slept again. ate muesli. went to BNI with mendel for rekening insentif. tried soto damkar (28 + 6K rice). it tasted nice and fulfilling and my stomach just loves soupy warm meal. evening nap. ate katsu + rice + kimchi and katsu + fries + kewpie for dinner lmao. kewpie just taste superior and so fucking good i dont know why. sent email to request for efin. filled this tumblr. BORANG HEYYY

25 - i think i basically did nothing today. night shift today at the triage.

26 - slept at like 1 am. woke up at 5.30 for morning shift. felt sooo sleepy. renata cooked seaweed soup and fried noodlezzz so i get to eat them after shift. tri renata and i went to maurice. tried salted caramel and tiramisu ice cream, and cadbury cheese cake. the texture of the cheese is a bit weird but it improved when put to the freezer.

27 - morning shift again with the same team of nurses (the kind ones uyey). the flow of patient was not a lot (thankfully!!) that i even get to listen to songs with pak jul lol and got like 2 hrs of absolutely nothing to do. nessa is already back and she bought bakmi acang!! yay. its deliciouss. didnt go to the cafe eventually lol

28 - cooked the last 2 katsu in the oven. ate them with kewpie (kewpie is so fucking delicious) and packed one of them for later on the shift. did laundry after stalling for like 1 or 2 days lol. evening shift with kak rezha and kak andri. there was quite a lot of patients, that eventually eased out at the last 2 hrs. i rly need to sleep immediatelyy but i ended up reading more fanfic LOLLL

29 - woke up at 4.30-ish. ate indomie and tidied my stuff. off to damkar at 6.30 by gojek (since maxims were all far away). arrived at rest area at 8 am. turns out mom already registered me so all i had to do is come and register at the policlinic. got called at 930 ish. the doctor noticed that i went to hermina when it was newly opened lol (mom said when i was about 3). he said i got impacted molars on the left bottom. so i had to get x-rayed first. did the panoramic xray and mom picked me up. ate nasgor. did some borang. relaxing at my room is always the besttt.

30 - woke up at 7 ish. ate mom’s nasgor. originally planned to take my radiography first but i guess it would have to wait since im already running late. took TJ to galnas and met up with fianti. saw 2 exhibitions. took TJ to sarinah from gambir 2. saw the rooftop and the mall. took gocar to kokas. ate fishnco (platter and caesar salad). felt so fulllll. played at amazing town. we finished at about 15.30. fi went home and i figured my way to ashta. took TJ (turns out there’s a small bus so there’s TJ even though there’s no obvious stop). but i took the wrong way (left from kokas). i should’ve went right. eventually got to patra jasa halte and then took the blok M one to bundaran senayan. walked ~12 mins to ashta. met up with regen. saw an exhibition and turns out the artist was there lol. regen said “when they said ‘culture’ it was our cue to leave”. sat at ashta marketplace. regen irun gave me a nanami cake omgggggg. talked a bit. and we moved to bakerman. bought some to bring home and tried nutella croffle with ice cream there. talked a bit, others did some borang. and then it was time to go home bcs mom picked me up

31 - woke up. prayed. slept again. woke up at 11-ish. lazed and played with my phone 2-3 hrs. there was a looming thought in me to, like, open your laptopp. but i didnt. ate at like 3-ish pm. ate some of the bakerman croissant. opened the package clara sent me, its a cute laptop sleeve. relaxed again. a bit of nap again loll. and then suddenly its 6 pm. prayed maghrib and then i would have to go back to CLG (the car is used 2mrw since dad’s going to the office). 

[shytiff]

June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins. 

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients. 

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo  

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning. 

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and  summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers. 

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward