#billy bibbit fanfiction

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

warnings: MacMurphy, swearing, “break out”, boats, some jealousy

AN: I added macMurphy and then decided against it but now I’m a little stuck with him so we’re just going to skip around with him. We’re also going to rewrite what happens a little bit.

chapter 10

Billy and I sat on the bus, curled up together against the cold. Taber was behind us, trying to come up with an idea about where we were actually going.

“Wherever it is I just hope it’s inside.” I grumbled as I laid my head on Billy’s shoulder. A commotion at the front of the bus made us all snap to attention.

“Hello boys and germs. Today we’re going on a field trip of my choosing.” MacMurphy had clambered into the drivers seat and was smiling back at all of us. He closed the doors and took off. We took off out of the parking lot and billy turned so his back hit the window and I hit him.

“Wh-what the hell?” Billy muttered. I looked at him and shrugged.

“We just better not get into any trouble over this.” I muttered back. Taber nodded and we all braced ourselves for what happened. We pulled up in front of a trailer park and MacMurphy climbed out. “What’s he doing now? This can’t be our destination.”

“Everyone this is candy. Candy, this is everyone.” I raised an eyebrow at the lady that had been brought on.

“Hi.” Taber called out. Billy took one look at her and turned back to me, his nose scrunched up. Candy kept shooting glances at him but he wasn’t looking. Instead he kissed my head and pulled me tighter against him.

“Th-This is g-g-going to be hell.” I nodded against him. “D-do we c-call R-r-ratched?” I shrugged and watched the two would be captors.

“I have no idea. But wherever we’re going, I don’t think I’m going to participate.” I looked back at Taber and he shrugged. It wasn’t long before we pulled up at a dock. “Oh hell no.” I muttered as Mac started to rush us off the bus. I got off and leaned against the bus. Billy stood off to the side and taber trailed after Candy.

“Are y-you g-g-going?” I shook my head and watched the small expedition head towards a boat. “Wh-what are we g-g-going to do?”

“What do you want to do?” I cocked my head at him, finally looking over at him. He shrugged and smiled at me.

“I’m n-not sure.” Walking over he hugged me. We stayed like that for a bit as we watched the boat head out.

“Didn’t you want to get on the boat with candy?” I asked. Billy laughed and kissed my temple.

“N-no. Sh-sh-she’s not my t-type.” He assured me. “You have n-no reason to be jealous.” I closed my eyes as I leaned against him.

“Sorry. It’s just…” I sighed and pulled back to look up at him. “The way everyone was looking at her.” Billy chuckled and kissed me.

“I wasn’t l-looking at h-her.” He admitted. I tilted my head at him. “Why w-would I when I have y-you?” I blushed as he kissed me again.

“Stop it you.” I chuckled. Before long, we saw a car pull up with Nurse Ratched and some of the other members of the day staff. “Nurse Ratched?” She turned to look at me and billy when she got out of the car.

“Where did MacMurphy and the others go?” She walked over.

“On a b-b-boat.” Billy pointed out to the dock where we could see the boat returning.

“MacMurphy also has a girl with him ma’am.” I said as she started walking away. “I hate to tattle but…” she nodded and cut me off.

“Thank you mx. (Y/L/N).” She started walking away from the bus and billy started after her. I followed one of the day staff back to the car and got in. Billy joined me a few minutes after.

“N-nurse R-Ratched is riding back on th-the bus.” He said. We waited until the bus was loaded and off before following. Hell was going to break loose on the ward.

[ladyfiresfanfiction]

Flying the Nest - One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest Fic - Chapter One

I’ve had this fic percolating in my brain for about four months and I am now just letting it flow. I hope you guys will like it! Please let me know what you all think. I’m a bit rusty haha, so I hope I don’t suck! Chapter One under the cut. Chapter two will be posted tomorrow!

I am standing shakily in the hallway of a whitewashed building. Ahead is rows and rows of rooms, art and photography and pamphlets adorn the walls. But I am staring with utmost fascination at the black and white and brownish designs of the tiled floor. Snapped back to the unpleasant present by a nurse not much older than I, I'm guided through heavy white double doors into what I would usually call the Room of Hell; a peer counseling room or area in multiple buildings I have become well acquainted with in the last eighteen months.

To my surprise, I am met with familiar blue-green eyes and a face turning ashen with shock upon seeing me. My older brother, Mac.

"Baby Jane? What the hell are you doing here?" Mac asks in his gruff yet gravelly voice. I shrug, forcing a slight smile as he walks toward me, against the wishes of the bitchy looking blonde nurse seated less than one hundred yards ahead of me and envelopes me in his infamous bear hugs I had missed greatly. I found myself holding tightly to my brother's arms, afraid that if I were to let go, I would break into pieces in the middle of the room that would soon become my greatest fear and biggest location of loathing.

"Alright, Mister McMurphy, let your sister go now, thank you. And Miss McMurphy, please take the empty seat right here, between your brother and Mister Bibbit. Thank you. My name is Nurse Ratchet, welcome to our home of healing." The nurse said as I took my seat. As I sat down, my eyes locked onto the bluest eyes I have ever seen, so much so that my heart skipped a beat.

"Ah, yes," Mac laughed as my cheeks turned a light pink. "This is the man of the hour, Janie. His name is-" "M-m-m-my name is-i-is b-bi-b-Billy." The beautiful boy with gorgeous blue eyes stammered. "I-it-its nice to m-m-meet you, Miss." He finished with a shy smile.

Before I could utter a reply to Billy, I was interrupted.

"Miss Jane McMurphy? Come with me, please." The resident doctor, named Doctor Spivey. My heart started hammering in my chest as I reflexively grabbed Mac's hand. Doctor Spivey was a reserved yet kind-looking man as he waited patiently in the doorway, noticing the apprehension on my face. Mac patted my shoulder with encouragement as he nodded towards Spivey.

"I'm just a couple of rooms away, Janie. He's a nice doc. Go on, now, and I'll give ya a tour when you're back." Mac said in a low voice, nodding toward the waiting doctor. I let go of his hand as I stood up and slowly walked towards Spivey. He waved his hand toward the left corridor and said the admissions room was on the left. I whispered something I couldn't even hear and walked slowly as if the path I was taking was going straight to the gates of the Underworld. Doctor Spivey walked a couple of paces behind me, guiding me to the right room, or possibly making sure I didn't try to bolt to the entrance door about fifty steps from his office.

As we made it into the office, he waved his hand toward a comfortable-looking brown leather chair behind a large mahogany desk. It had a manilla envelope with what could be mistaken as someone's novel manuscript but was actually my medical history and doctor's notes from past mental hospital and emergency room stays since July of '61, nearly two years ago.

"Make yourself at home, Miss McMurphy," Doctor Spivey began as he took his seat in a large-looking leather desk chair that matched his massive desk. He peered over my notes, tsking at some parts while his sparse salt-and-pepper-colored eyebrows shot up at other areas of my history. When he finally looked at me, I felt my stomach lurch and the room became unbearably hot. I knew I was in the middle of a raging panic attack, but I tried to keep on my Pokerface in fear of what might happen if I started to become undone.

"Well now, Miss McMurphy. Says here you are about to turn twenty-two years of age and were a junior in college. What uh, brings you here?" He asked, softly. "My... ex-fiance, he killed himself almost two years ago. I had also been dealing with physical health setbacks and was falling behind in classes on top of his untimely death. I just... Couldn't handle it anymore." I replied while my voice was barely above a whisper. "I see. It also says here you've overdosed on opium and cocaine, as well as gotten alcohol poisoning a few times. Is that right?" He asked, his eyes boring into me over thick black spectacles. "Well, like I said, I wasn't handling Charles's death... well... And I have been in and out of the hospital since my freshman year of high school. I just wanted everything to stop." I replied in a flat tone. "Your brother wasn't around much, I see. He had no idea you were in this much emotional distress? And what of your parents?" The doctor asked, watching me closely.

I could feel my forehead begin to prickle with droplets of sweat and my knuckles turned white as I gripped the wood arms of the chair. I tried to gather my thoughts so I could talk in a more rational way, but my throat kept closing and opening, and my eyes began to fill with white-hot tears anytime I opened my mouth, which caused me to shut it and open it a number of times.

"We're more than happy to keep you on as a patient in our ward. I feel you could benefit from our help and could leave quite possibly around the time your brother does We offer services to get you back on your feet once you feel comfortable and safe enough on your own. There is a ladies ward a floor right above the men. You are welcome to visit your brother in the daytime, but we do have strict rules about nightly visits and no, um, congregating with the male patients here.  We have activities as well as counseling to help when things are rough. I need to finish looking over your medical history and we will see what we can give you to help with these night terrors and panic attacks. I'll take you back to Nurse Ratched now, she or Mac can take you to the second floor or give you a tour of our ward. If you have any questions please let me know. You can always let Nurse Ratched or the other nurses know when you need to speak with me. I usually meet with my patients once a week in the morning.

It was a lot to take in, but I nodded, only half-listening. So far this was still a voluntary thing and I could leave whenever I wished. However, now that I knew Mac was here, I was thinking of waiting until he left with me. I didn't trust myself alone anymore. And I couldn't get that beautiful blue-eyed boy out of my head. Charles always said he would send me people when I needed them most and he couldn't be there for me. I was beginning to wonder if he sent me to Oregon State Hospital, and brought me back to my long-lost brother. As I walked back into the Room of Hell, facing who I was sure was Satan's wife, I smiled half-condescendingly to her and made my way to Mac, ready to see where I would be staying for at least the next month, or longer.

"Ready to tell me what the hell is going on and why you haven't called me, Janie?" Mac asked, looking concerned. "Yeah, let's talk while we explore this house full of nuts," I smirked, making Mac laugh. "Okay then. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?" He asked, extending his arm to me. "It's not pretty, but I'm sure this place isn't so pretty either," I replied, placing my hand on his arm as we began to walk towards the front of the building. "Something tells me your story isn't that pretty either, sister. Now start talking."

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

AN: this is the last in the series for @lilyevans1 I hope you liked them! Sorry its so short but i think its short and sweet.

Warnings: stress, Billy having scars from cutting

Billy walked into the room, clearly nervous about something. I could tell by the way he was rubbing the scars on his wrist. Sitting up further on the couch, I reached my hand out towards him, forearm laying across the back of the couch.

“Everything alright Billy?” His eyes met mine and he dropped his hand. He nodded before moving to sit down next to me.

“All g-g-good.” he responded, slouching down and gently putting his head on my shoulder. I hummed as I ran my fingers through his hair. ”Just w-worried about this this weekend.”

“What about it?” I curled my fingers so my nails scratched his scalp. Billy relaxed under my touch.

“I’m not used to to working.” He whispered. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. We sat in silence for a little while. ”What if I m-m-mess up?” I shook my head quickly.

“You won’t. They’ll love you and you will be the best worker there.” He looked up at me with bright blue eyes. “If you mess up, its alright Bill. Everyone messes up. Even if they don’t want to admit it.” I pressed another kiss to his forehead.

“Th-Thank you.” he murmured as he closed his eyes. I smiled against him and wrapped my arms around him.

[myveryownfanfiction]

AN: I already know this is gonna be long. But I just finished reading the book and Billy Bibbit deserves so much better so here. It is unapologetically long and fluffy. Warnings: mentions of past suicide attempts, mentions of forced medical operation (lobotomy of another character), mentions of attempted murder (what else do you think McMurphy would do to defend Billy?) mentions of abuse from authority figure, mentions of scaring

I stood outside the hospital leaning against my car. I was waiting for my boyfriend to come out anxiously. I had met Billy bibbit when McMurphy threw together a spur of the moment fishing trip and candy had dragged me along. I sat next to candy on the bus and nervously had waved at the young man who had blushed hard as soon as he saw us. Turned out he was very sweet and kind despite all that had happened to him. Once the trip was over I had given him a kiss on the cheek and slipped him a piece of paper with my address on it. We had been writing back and forth for a while before he had asked me out. I started to come for visits and I would pass his mother every time I went. She unnerved me, not a good quality to have in a receptionist. And not how you want to meet your boyfriends mother for the first time.

she reminded me of Norman bates’ mother: overprotective and overbearing. Probably too involved in her grown sons life and most likely hiding some dark secret that lurked right below the surface. I mean why else would she ensure her son ended up at the same hospital she worked at on her beat friends ward? It wasn’t right. And it had terrified her to see me walk in that first time asking to see her son. From what I heard, Mrs. Bibbit had the head nurse talk to Billy about it during group therapy. the way I understood it, every patient up there had smiled, patted him on the back, and congratulated him. And he continued to see me.

a week ago McMurphy had snuck Candy and I onto the ward. There was a party, Billy and I spent the night together and in the morning, the head nurse had tried to embarrass him. But when he responded, there wasn’t a stutter to be heard and Billy held his head high while he requested an AMA in full view of everyone on the ward. When the head nurse had denied it and asked what his poor mother would think, Billy squeezed my hand before letting me go with Candy. I never found out what he had said but he got his AMA and he had pissed everyone off by putting my name down as the person he Would be released to. His mother practically disowned him and had a fit when She found out. his last letter before today had mentioned that there had been another denial at that and it had kicked up such a fuss with the head nurse that McMurphy had attacked her on Billy’s behalf. But there was no mention of what had happened to him.

The gates opening knocked me out of my memories and I bounced on the balls of my feet in excitement. Billy smiled when he saw me before turning to watch the gate close behind him. I saw him looking at one of the windows before he threw up both hands, flipping off whoever he had seen standing there. Laughing, Billy rushed over to me. I hugged him with all my might before kissing his cheek. Billy just stood there holding me tightly to him and occasionally pressing kisses to my temple. Billy broke away first and kissed me full on The lips.

“Hey.” He whispered. I smiled back at him and smoothed my hands over the jacket he wore. It was the same one he had worn on the fishing trip.

“Hey yourself.“ I whispered back. “Ready to go? I hope my place is alright. I didn’t know where to Take you so I went out and got an apartment.” I opened the passenger door. “Candy wasnt happy I moved out of the trailer though. I think she was just upset that you got out and Mack is still there. Can’t blame her but I mean come on.” Billy squeezed my hand to stop my rambling.

“A-Anywhere is f-fine. As long as I’m with you.“ billy blushed at the cheesiness of what he had said but I only smiled and nodded. “I sh-should p-p-probably tell you about Muh-muh-Mack though.” My eyes met Billy’s and I bit my lip to fight the tears. Without him even saying I knew what happened to him.

“in the car. Away from here.“ my eyes glanced up to the window billy had flipped off. “She’s watching.” Billy smirked and glanced over his shoulder.

“Sh-she is?” I nodded and was about to walk around to the drivers side and let billy work himself out with the passenger seat when he pulled me flush against him and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him in surprise and let him back me up until we were pressed against the car. He pulled away, pupils blown wide and panting. “T-tell me when sh-she’s gone.“ I nodded weakly and slumped when billy Lowered his head to start going to work on my neck. I quietly moaned in his ear before tightening my grip around him. The head nurse hadn’t moved from the window. It would have made me laugh if what billy was doing didn’t feel so good. “Sh-she still w-watching?” I nodded against his neck as Billy pulled back and smirked down at my slumped form. Billy dipped me and kissed me again. His hand moved just past my belt where it stayed. My eyes widened momentarily before they closed. I moaned against his lips as billy straightened back up. “If sh-she’s still watching after th-that,” he looked over his shoulder and shook his head. “Screw her.“ I laughed and gently pushed him into the passenger seat.

“Come on lover boy. Let’s get going.“ I settled in to the drivers seat and interlocked our fingers over the gear shift. “I can’t wait to show you our new home.” The grin on his face made my heart melt a little so I leaned over to steal a kiss. The drive back was full of stolen kisses and laughter. And a few tears as I found out that the head nurse had given McMurphy a lobotomy. Billy lightened the mood again as he recounted some of Mack’s adventure on the ward before the nurse finally got the better of him. As we pulled up to the apartment building I got a little nervous. “So here we are.“ I reached into the backseat to get billys bag.

“it l-looks nice.“ he nodded at the building as we walked up to the front. “I’m s-sure th-that the apartment is j-just as n-nice.” his hand squeezed mine before I buzzed us in. It was a little awkward as we took the elevator up to the floor our apartment was on. We kept stealing glances at each other but looking away when we caught the other. It felt like a new beginning and neither of us knew what we were doing. There was an added fear of what would happen if this didn’t work out. If we didn’t work out. The fear kept growing as we started to settle into our life together. It wasn’t as if we were fighting all the time or as if we didn’t know how to act, the air was tense no matter what we did. Until one night.

“L-let’s go outside.” I tore my eyes away from the television. “It’s a n-nice night a-and I w-w-want to spend it w-w-with you.” I could tell he was nervous. His stutter always got worse when he was nervous. I anxiously slipped my hand into his as we stood up. I followed billy out of our fire escape and down to the small field below. Being in the city didnt give us that much greenery but I had been lucky enough to find just the right about for him. He waited for me as I finished climbing down and led me over to the small community porch that everyone in the building shared.

a few families had had the same idea as us and greeted the two of us as we wandered over. Billy sat down in one of the lawn chairs and quickly pulled me into his lap. I tried to surprise my grin but it was hard as he held onto me tightly and pressed kisses to my head and neck for a while. We watched the sunset and the building children run around for a while before I laid down on him.

“this was a good idea.” I whispered as billy shifted so we’d be more comfortable on the small chair. I could feel him nod before pressing yet another kiss to my temple. ‘almost like how it was when we would have our visits.’ I thought. I could tell billy was thinking it too but neither one of us wanted to break the tranquility.

“W-what are th-they doing?” Billy asked, his attention drawn to the kids running around with mason jars. I lifted my head to look at him curiously.

“you can’t tell me you have never been catching fireflies.“ I shook my head at him. “Come on billy. It’s something everyone has done at one point in their lives.” billy frowned at me before looking away.

“my m-m-m-mother…” He forced out and I nodded.

”she wouldn’t let you.” He nodded and looked at me with sad eyes. “And then she put you in there with that nurse and you were there forever.“ billy smirked.

“not f-forever.“ he teased. “I’m only th-thirty one.” I smiled at him, glad to see his sense of humor was shining through again.

“come on mr. Thirty one. You are going to catch fireflies with me.” I tugged on his hand and borrowed a mason jar from our next door neighbor. She smiled at the two of us and told me not to worry about returning. It. I smiled as I looked back at billy asking one of the kids what he was supposed to do.

“he spent far too long locked away from the world.“ she said. “use that jar and show him.” Nodding and promising I would, I jogged over to join the small group that had surrounded billy.

“know what to do?” I asked. Billy nodded and smiled at me. Together we took the top off and followed the kids. Some of the kids caught fireflies in their hands and brought them over to put in our jar while others continued to show billy what to do. I turned my attention to one that had just landed on my arm, carefully scooping it up in the jar before putting the lid back on when billy came running over. He was red in the face and out of breath but still smiling the biggest smile I had ever seen him have.

“I c-caught one!” I smiled as he carefully added his catch to our jar before closing the lid for good. we went back to our lawn chair to sit and watch the fireflies for a little while. “Th-that was fun. W-we need to do th-that again sometime.“ I nodded before pressing a kiss to his lips.

“we can do this every week before it gets too cold.” I promised. Billy watched the kids start to release their catches and looked back at me.

“why are th-they letting them go?” I watched as the sky illuminated with the released fireflies. I took Billy’s hand and our jar to join them.

“because they would die otherwise. And they aren’t meant to be kept as pets. You let them go and they Light up the sky as a thank you.” I turned away from billy as I opened our jar. “It’s kind of like you and that hospital. You take them on for a little while, watch them and see what they do but in the end they leave and become sometime extraordinary.” Blushing as I turned back to him, I almost didn’t have time to register how close he was before his lips were on mine. Almost like when he had tried to gross out the head nurse but more tame. More calculated. More passionate.

“I love you.” Billy whispered when he broke away. my eyes met his glassy ones and he sniffled before continuing. “Can I keep you? I don’t want you to g-go away.“ I nodded quickly and drew him into a hug.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I promised. “I’m going to show you the world.“

[myveryownfanfiction]

Requested by @salemwitch96

request: Billy Bibbit: from the dialogue. Combination of "do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different" and "Oh, I should just face it-we'll never be anything but friends"

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

Laying against Billy was probably the best feeling in the world. The rise and fall of his chest, his heart beating in my ear, his arm wrapped around me. Billy was focused on something on tv, something he didn't quite understand that he didn't need to earn anymore. Life in the institution did more damage than good to him and it was disappointing to see. Billy shifted and brought me out of my thoughts. Maybe it was time to show him some good.

"Billy?" I asked softly. He hummed, never taking his eyes off the screen. "Bill." Blue eyes met mine as he raised an eyebrow in concern.

"Wh-what's up?" I swallowed thickly as I sat up. Despite being my best friend in the whole world, Billy sure made it hard to talk to him at times.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different?" He shrugged.

"Y-you mean like I d-d-didn't stutter? Or g-go to the institution?" I shook my head. "Then wh-what do you m-mean?"

"I mean if things were different with us. Do you ever wonder about that?"

"S-sometimes." Hope grew in my chest. Even though we put off this air of being a couple, it always broke my heart to know that I would always have to answer negatively when someone asked. Maybe now that could change. "I sometimes w-wonder wh-what it would be like w-without you." I could feel my face heating up as Billy played with his necklace. "I th-think sometimes about wh-what might h-happen to me if you g-g-get fed up and l-l-leave."

"It's ok Billy." I quickly intervened, knowing he was getting anxious based off his stutter alone. "I ain't going anywhere." He smiled at me before continuing.

"I also th-think about wh-what would have happened if I had..." My eyes went wide and I threw myself at Billy, pulling him into a hug he probably did not want right now but so desperately needed.

"No. Just no. Do not even think of finishing that sentence." I buried my head in his chest and just held him. Billy hugged me back eventually.

"Th-that's not what you w-were looking for was it?" He asked. I shook my head, not letting go of him.

"Oh, I should just face it-we'll never be anything but friends." I muttered into his chest. Billy's face fell even though I couldn't see it. "It's ok. I've accepted that. At least I still have you." My eyes snapped open and I slowly pulled back from Billy. "I still have you right? This hasn't changed anything?" He shook his head slowly then thought better of his and nodded.

"You s-still have me." He reached out and touched my hand. "B-but it might have changed something." I held my breath as Billy leaned in. Not knowing what he was doing, I stayed still and let him take the lead. Kissing Billy was a whole new experience, one I hoped I would get to continue experiencing as time went on. I slowly and gently reached up to cup his cheeks as he deepened the kiss. Breaking away, Billy gave me a smile. "Is th-that ok?" I let out a laugh and kissed him gently.

"Yeah. That's ok." I pulled him back for many more kisses before we settled back down in the position we were in before. "It's perfect."

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND REPORTED

chapter 9

Warnings: the appearance of MacMurphy

An: sorry it’s short. But I wanted to add MacMurphy before I lost the idea.

It was a couple of weeks after the carnival trip. Some of the ward seemed to catch onto the fact that Billy and I were together while everyone else remained clueless. We were playing cards like every other day when there was a new addition to our little gang.

“He-he-he can’t hear you. He’s d-deaf and d-d-dumb.” Billy called over his shoulder at the man trying to talk to Chief. Billy shared a look with me, knowing Chief’s secret but not wanting to give it away.

“Is he now?” The man asked as he made his way over to us. Billy put his arm over my shoulder and squeezed. “R.P. MacMurphy.” He held his hand out for billy. Putting his cards down, billy shook his hand.

“Billy B-b-bibbit.” MacMurphy’s eyes flashed over to me. It was clear from the one look that he was just here to get off the work farm. The only thing that was wrong with him was an ego trip.

“I’ve seen you before.” He held his hand out to me. “You’re the cousin of the senator. The one who…” he cut himself off before he finished his sentence. I nodded and shook his hand anyway. “Well I’ll be. Funny running into you here.”

“Imagine that.” I gave him a small smile. To most it wasn’t that big a deal that he cut himself off but to me it meant that he at least had the balls to feel a little sorry about it. Everyone else made fun of me for it and it was a long time gone since I’d had to deal with it. “Want a hand MacMurphy?” I cocked my head towards the card game, watching as MacMurphy tilted Billy’s cards away from Martini.

“Sure. Deal me in.” He sat down next to me and Taber dealt him in. “And call me Mac.”

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS DNI

HAVE YOUR AGE IN BIO

OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

Requested by: @salemwitch96

request:Hey, I have a request for the holiday prompt. Could you do #1 (decorating the tree ) and #3 (movie marathon) with Billy Bibbit. Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

warnings: pure tooth rotting fluff with some swearing

An: thx for sending this in! It just screams billy and I’m glad u asked me to write it. Without further ado!

Billy was humming along to whatever Christmas song was playing on the radio as we slowly swayed. I could feel his smile on my neck as we completed another circle. I ran my fingers through the short curls at the back of his head. It was billys first Christmas since Getting out and I was determined to make it his best.

“billy?” I whispered, not wanting to break the beauty of the moment. He hummed against my neck, breaking off from the song. “Want to put on some Christmas movies and decorate the tree?”

“S-sure.“ he broke away and smiled at me. “S-sounds like f-fun.” I went to grab the stack of VHS tapes from the bedroom while Billy pulled out the artificial tree along with the boxes of lights, tinsel, and ornaments. As I fiddled with the VHS player trying to get “White Christmas” to start, billy untangled lights.

“how’s it going?” I asked as I grabbed the branches for the tree.

“s-slow going. These are really t-tangled.“ I smiled before climbing the ladder to reach the top of the tree. I started attaching the branches. It didn’t take long so all I had to do was watch the movie and wait for billy to get a good portion done. “W-w-what did you do to them last year? Throw them in a b-box And forget them?” I shrugged before climbing down to help.

“probably if I’m being honest.” I managed to get a massive knot out and climbed back up to start putting them on the tree top. “If I’m being completely honest I didn’t expect you to get out this year. If I had known, id have tossed these and gotten brand new ones. This way we wouldn’t have to check each bulb. Which means…” I trailed off before hanging my head. Billy looked up at me with a smile that quickly fell. I had done a quarter of the tree which now had to be undone. “Shit.” Billy started to laugh as I started to take the lights off.

“it’s a-alright (Y/N). W-we can check each light once it’s on the tree.” I shook my head as I continued to take them off.

“no we can’t. Not when I weave them all the way through the branch.“ once I got them off and we had checked every light, billy watched me carefully as I put them back on. Finally plugging them into the wall, I took a step back and smiled at billy. “There. All done. Now we put on the tinsel.” As I started to put the silvery strings around the tree, billy rewound the tale and put on “holiday inn”.

“why do you p-put this stuff on?” I smiled as he started to copy what I was doing.

“to make the tree sparkle!” I threw some tinsel at the tree and billy laughed. “Other than that I have no idea.” At some point there was a tinsel fight that we spent half the movie cleaning up. By the time we got to the ornaments we had moved on to another movie that billy picked. Anytime that he spaced out and just stared at the screen or got really into decorating the tree made me smile uncontrollably and want to take a million and one pictures of his smile.

It was slow going putting the ornaments on the tree. Billy wanted to know the significance of each one before trying to find the perfect place for it. I slipped away when billy started the fourth movie. Reaching up to the shelf in my closet, I pulled down a red box. I carefully opened it and ran my fingers over the beautiful dress and careful paint job on the angels face.

“(Y/N)?” Billy called. I popped my head out of the bedroom door.

“in here!” I called back. I sat on the bed and carefully took the angel out of the box. Billy came in and sat next to me.

“w-whats that?” I smiled as I carefully put it in his hands.

“my moms angel.“ I brushed the hair out of the face. “I put it on the top of the tree every year.“ billy looked back at me. “would you put her there this year billy?” He nodded and carefully stood up. I followed him back to the tree and watched as he cradled the angel to his chest while climbing to the top. Once he had fixed her at the top and was sure she wouldn’t fall, he climbed back down and put his arm around me.

“it l-looks good.” He kissed my temple and I nodded. “th-thank you for this.” I smiled at him.

“youre welcome billy.” We cleaned up and settled in to watch the rest of the movies I owned. “Oh billy?“ he hummed before looking down at me on his chest. “Merry Christmas.”

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

Chapter 8

Warnings: none

AN: I'm sorry I forgot about Billy for a bit. Sometimes I just leave him because I feel like the story needs to be perfect because he deserves it and then I just can't get the right story idea. Anyhoo he's back. This might be a two part section. It just sounds so cute.

The next couple of weeks were uneventful. It was about time for another day trip and somehow we had all convinced Nurse Ratched to let us go to a carnival that was in town.

"How did you all hear about this?" she asked one day during our group session. All eyes snapped over to Harding. He grew visibly nervous as we all waited for him to answer her.

"My wife mentioned it in a letter." He mumbled out.

"I see." There was a tense pause as we waited with baited breath for her answer. "I don't suppose it would do any harm. We can arrange it." I locked eyes with Billy before giving him a grin. He looked as excited as I felt. Later, as we were standing by the window he pulled me back against his chest.

"When was the last time you were at a carnival?" I shrugged as I leaned back against him.

"Probably when I was a teen." I tilted my head back to look at him. "What about you?"

"Maybe when I was a little kid. B-b-but I don't remember it much." He rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "It sh-should be exciting." Nodding, I relaxed into his hold, knowing we would be counting the days until the trip.

It came fairly quickly, for once making me glad Nurse Ratched was so efficient. Pulling Billy's sweater over my head, I didn't miss the small smile that he sent my way. We were both too excited to do much talking on the bus ride over and once we arrived everyone took off in different directions before the chaperons could finish their little speech. Taber hung back awkwardly as Billy and I finished listening. We didn't want to cause a scene when it came time to go back to the ward.

"Did you two want to be alone on this trip?" Taber asked quietly. Billy looked at me before turning slightly red. "I know it's your first trip as a couple and it is hard to have any dates at the ward." Taking a breath Taber relaxed a little. "What I'm trying to say is I get it if you tell me to scram." I noticed him looking over at the row of games that lined the midway. Trying not to laugh I nodded up at Billy.

"It's fine Tabs. Go. Have fun." I waved him off. Flashing us a bright smile, Taber ran off to spend what little pocket money he had. "So it's just us." Realization set in. Taber was right. It was very hard to have dates on the ward. Someone was always butting in or trying to join. This would officially count as our first date. Billy had seemed to realize the same thing because next thing I knew, he was gripping my hand and leading me off towards the games as well.

"D-do you th-think Nurse Ratched w-would let you k-keep s-something from here?" I shrugged as Billy wandered up and down the midway, tugging me along gently. He had to be nervous. His stutter was getting worse. "I'm s-s-sure sh-she would. If not, my m-m-mother could p-probably p-persuade her." He seemed to be muttering to himself now. Finally something caught his eye. Pointing up, he smiled at me. It was shy smile. Just like the ones he gave me not long after we had met. "Th-that one." I followed his finger and couldn't help but smile at the abnormally large teddy bear. "I'm g-going to w-win you th-that one." I laughed as I nodded. Billy pulled out the money he had from his wallet and let go of my hand. I didn't even know what game he was playing but he did look good doing it. It took him two tries to win the bear but when he did, I had never seen him so happy. He handed the bear over to me and took my hand again.

"Maybe we should have waited until after we had gone on the rides." I laughed, adjusting my hold on the bear.

"Maybe w-we sh-should have asked T-taber to stick around." Billy joked. "Th-think he'd hold it for us?" We spotted Taber two games down.

"Worth a shot." I shrugged. "Hey Taber!" He turned at the sound of my voice and raised an eyebrow.

"You two following me or something?" A cocky grin spread over his face. "Can't stay away or something?" Shaking my head, I adjusted the bear again.

"We were wondering if you could hold onto this for us as we go on the rides. We didn't exactly think this one through." He nodded and held out a hand for the bear. I passed it over and Billy led me back to where the rides were. He stood in shock for a second before taking off for the tilt-a-whirl. I followed along, having no choice as our hands were still clasped together. Once we were seating and waiting for the ride to start Billy leaned over to give me a kiss.

"You know th-that if w-we had w-waited, the bear w-would have been gone." He whispered, eyes shining brightly. I nodded.

"I know." He gave me another kiss before the ride started. It was already the perfect start to the day.

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS DNI

plz have your age in bio before following

Chapter 6

Warnings: abusive relationships, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mentions of suicide, swearing

AN: and we have the meeting of the families. Who’s goes better? Read to find out. This is going to be long.

“(Y/N), your cousin is here.” I looked up from the card game to see nurse ratched standing next to the table. I nodded and put my cards down. “I’ll send billy down in ten minutes.” I nodded again before heading down to the visiting center.

“Mx. (Y/L/N).” The guard acknowledged. I nodded as he opened the door. I saw my cousin sitting at the table in his suit. There were two of his own guards behind him and two more guards from the ward behind them. I paused to take a breath before finally walking into the room.

“(Y/N)! How are you?” My cousin made to hug me and the ward guards stepped in to stop him. “Wow. Tight security.” He tried to joke but I ignored it and sat down across from him.

“Yeah. But that’s ok. Not much trouble here.“ I started to gently scratch at the skin between my first finger and my thumb. My cousin nodded and I glanced over my shoulder, hoping that billy would show up soon. “How’s the campaign going?”

“campaigns over. Don’t you get news in this place?” My cousin looked around before giving me a dirty look. “I’m a senator again.“ I gave him a fake smile.

“Congratulations. I’m sure that’s kept you busy.” He nodded as he picked lint off his tie.

“Yeah no thanks to you.” I bit my lip to keep my mouth shut. I looked down at the table, scratching my hand harder. “That little stunt you pulled at that rally came close to ending this whole thing. because of that it wasn’t the landslide that we had hoped it would be.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“you should be.” He looked over at the guards that were with him. “Doesn’t matter now. But next time I expect you to be on your best behavior.” My head shot up.

“Next time? You expect me out of here by next year?” I jumped up as the gate behind me started to open and I felt more anxious than I ever had before. “What if I’m not ready? I can’t be expected to have a better handle on all of this by next year!” My hands started shaking and I actually managed to scratch myself.

“of course I do. I wouldn’t be paying for this otherwise.” I starred at my cousin in shock. A hand on my back made me jump.

“Billy!” I turned and instantly grabbed his hand. He looked at me with a worried expression.

“Who the hell is this?” My cousin looked between the two of us and billy held out his hand.

“I’m billy b-b-bibbit.” I squeezed his hand tighter as his free hand was ignored.

“and what the fuck are you doing with my cousin?” I swallowed and took a step closer to him while keeping the table between us.

“He’s with me.“ billy wrapped his arm around me and held me closer. “We’re together.“ my cousin stood there with his mouth open.

“we h-have been since h-Halloween. N-nurse ratched is f-f-fine with it.” My cousin ran a hand through his perfect hair.

“and are you okay with it?” Billy glanced at me Before he nodded. “You sure kid? This one here will ruin you before kicking you to the curb.“ I clenched my fists and shrugged away from billys arm. I walked over to a corner and wrapped my arms around myself. “They are a complete nutso. Their whole life everyone has passed them over time and time again. I’m just the latest in a long line of family members who couldn’t deal with them. If you stick around them long enough, the same will happen to you. Either you’re gonna be stuck with them kid or you’re gonna be so fucking done you’ll leave them on the side of the road somewhere.“ tears started to roll down my cheeks. I shuddered as I held in a sob. I could hear billy trying to argue back but his stutter was so bad that he couldn’t get anything out.

“b-b-but I l-l-l-l….” My cousin cut him off and I heard the smack of his hand on Billy’s shoulder.

“love them? That’s rich. So has everyone that’s had to take care of them. At the beginning.“ the gate opened again and the guard brought someone else in.

“your time is up Mr. (Y/L/N). Right this way.” as soon as my cousin was out of the room I heard billy talking to whoever had entered. Not long after he came by me. His arm gently wrapped around me, almost as if he was scared I was going to shove him away again. When I didn’t move he deepened the hug until he was able to turn me into his chest.

“it’s ok.” He whispered. “I’m not l-leaving. I love you. I’m not g-going anywhere.“ he rubbed my back as I slowly wrapped my arms around him and clutched his shirt. “I won’t let him do anything t-to you again. I p-p-promise.” I clutched him tighter As I nodded into his chest.

“I l-love you t-too.” I hiccuped into his chest. Billy heard me stutter and pulled me closer. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Billy kissed the top of my head. We stayed like that for a little while before he gently pried my hands off his shirt.

“Want to m-meet my mom?” He asked gently. I nodded and wiped away the snot that had driped out my nose.

“sorry.” I giggled as I noticed his shirt. Billy looked down and laughed before gently wiping away the tears still on my cheek.

“it’s ok.” Billy kissed my cheek. He took my hand and gently led me over to his mom. “m-mom this is (Y/N).“ his mom smiled as she shook my hand.

“how do you do?” i asked. “Sorry about all that. My cousins…”

”the senator. I know. His face was all over the television the last couple of months.“ she gave me a small smile. “Makes me glad I didn’t vote for him. And it’s incredibly unlikely I will ever vote for him after that Little show.” I gave her a smile back.

“m-mom?” Billy tightened his grip on my hand as his mom turned her attention to him. ”(Y/N) is m-m-m-my m-m-my….” As his nerves picked up, so did his stutter.

“we’re together.” I placed a hand on Billy’s arm. He nodded as his mom took the two of us in. “Nurse retched is ok with it. She wanted us to go through with telling our families. We’ve been together since Halloween. And I love him.” The silence had gotten to me and I had started to ramble. Billy’s mom started to smile before interrupting me.

“(Y/N). (Y/N). It’s alright.“ his mom touched our arms. “You two make a cute couple and if Mildred is fine with it then it is more than alright with me.“ I grinned like a mad person and turned to billy, tears streaming down my face again. He leaned down to kiss me. “And after that show I’d say you got someone who isn’t going to leave you dear.“ billy hugged me and his mom put her hand on my back. I looked over my shoulder at her. I broke away from billy and turned to his mother.

“thank you.” She pulled me in for a hug. “thank you.”

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS DNI

HAVE UR AGE IN BIO IF U INTERACT

OTHERWISE U WILL BE BLOCKED

Chapter 7

Warnings: talk of abusive relationship, talk of verbal abuse, talk of emotional abuse

AN: a short chapter today. I’ve been going through the likes and reblogs and wow the people who don’t listen. There was a lot of blocking today. I said it before and I’ll say it again I don’t care if i lose followers. I am an 18+ blog and anyone who is under 18 or does not acknowledge otherwise will be blocked. If this persists I will start reporting as well

we spent ten more minutes with his mom before the guards came to send us back to the ward. Standing in front of nurse ratched with red eyes and hands shaking felt different now.

“How did it go?” She asked. I shared a look with billy who shook his head. “Oh.” I rubbed at my eye to try and stop anymore tears from falling. Nurse ratched nodded and turned to go into her office. “I’ll make a note in your file (Y/N).” My hands started to shake.

“Nurse ratched you don’t have to. It’s fine. Nothing too bad happened.” I stepped forward and was met by her stare when she turned around.

“by nothing do you mean the things he said about you? Or do you mean the fact that he basically said he would force you out of here by next year if you didn’t leave on your own?” Billy put a hand on my back before she continued. “Because if that’s nothing then I’m sure there’s another reason for your anxiety here. If it’s nothing I’m sure there is no reason for you to be here any longer and I will put in a request for you to leave.“ I shook my head and sighed. “Or do you want me to protect my patient from someone who could potentially do more damage to their mental state?”

“oh.” I muttered before running a hand through my hair. “I didn’t realize…..I didn’t know.” Billy rubbed my back and gently pulled me back by my shirt.

“it’s alright (Y/N).” there was a noticeable pause. “And what about your mother billy?” billy smiled.

“it w-went well. She’s very accepting of this. Even understands w-why (Y/N) was upset.“ I nodded as nurse ratched smiled. “sh-she even asked what you thought about us. W-we told her you were okay with it.”

“good. At least someone is supportive of this then.” Nurse ratched made her note in our files and turned back to us. “You two go ahead back to the day room. And stay out of trouble!” Billy kissed my cheek as we sat down at the card table.

“I t-told you everything would be okay.” I smiled as I kissed billy.

“yeah you did.”

[myveryownfanfiction]

chapter 5

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as Nurse Ratched motioned for the two of us to follow her. Billy slowly reached out and took my hand. I squeezed it as tightly as I could. If it hurt him, he didn’t say anything about it. We went into the back of the nurse’s station and Nurse Ratched closed the door behind us. Billy and I stood there, holding hands and trying not to lose our minds.

“Billy, does your mother know about this?” she asked finally. I watched Billy swallow hard. He shook his head slowly.

“P-p-p-please, d-d-don’t t-tell my m-mother.” He quickly said. Nurse Ratched gave him a tight lipped smile. “Sh-she d-d-doesn’t n-need to to k-know.”

“And what about you? Does your cousin know about this?” She turned to me. I shook my head.

“No. And I don’t see how this would hurt any of his campaigns. If I’m being honest, me being in here does more damage than this would.” I shrugged. Nurse Ratched looked between Billy and me. She sighed and shook her head. It was a long while before she spoke again. With each passing second, Billy’s grip tightened on my hand and my anxiety grew worse. When she sighed again, I saw the look on Billy’s face shift to one of pure terror at losing me.

“Alright, fine. No one needs to know about this outside of here.” She looked at Billy and it seemed like her forever hard gaze softened. “You will eventually need to tell your mother about this. I won’t be the one to tell her but if she finds out some other way then it is on both our heads.” Billy nodded at once and smiled over at me, relief taking over his face. She turned towards me. “And you will need to tell your cousin.” I nodded and returned Billy’s grin.

“C-can we go b-back to the p-party n-now?” He asked and Nurse Ratched nodded before running a hand down her face. Billy gently tugged me back into the day room where Taber was waiting for us.

“So?” He asked. From the look on his face you could clearly tell that he knew something was up.

“Everything is fine.” I said, gently tugging Billy closer. “We’re not in trouble. But we will eventually need to tell our relatives about this.” Taber nodded and we closed our little circle as we watched the rest of the patients in the ward.

“I know how she found out.” Taber eventually whispered. Billy and I looked over at him confused.

“I thought it w-was b-because of our d-d-dancing.” Billy said. He looked at me and I nodded in confirmation.

“I mean it would make sense since that’s when she came after us.” I agreed. Taber shook his head with a small smile. It was one that suggested mischief and mayhem, something I was always game for at Halloween.

“It was Harding.” Taber whispered while jerking his thumb over his shoulder. We could see Harding looking at us smuggly. “He told her while the two of you were outside putting up decorations.” I bit my lip and gave Harding a little wave. He jumped and turned away quickly at being caught.

“So what do you propose we do about that?” I asked, mirth shining in my eyes.

“S-something that equals w-what he d-did to us.” The look on Billy’s face told me all I needed to know. “B-but not n-now.” My face fell and Taber nodded in agreement.

“If we do it tonight, we could get in a lot more trouble.” Taber tapped his chin in thought. “We can start at the next outing. It will be easier to do something away from her prying eyes.” Billy nodded.

“P-plus it won’t be as easy h-here with l-limited resources.” I begrudgingly agreed as Billy tugged me back to the dancefloor. “N-now let’s f-f-forget him and enjoy ourselves.” I sighed as I settled into Billy as we gently swayed on the dancefloor. Billy pressed a soft kiss to my temple before spinning me around.

“Promise me we won’t let him get away with this?” I whispered when Billy pulled me back. He shook his head.

“We won’t.” He promised sincerely. “We won’t.” We danced the night away and when Nurse Ratched left, she gave the two of us a rare smile.

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 3

Word spread fast in the institution after my fight with Harding. The few friendships I had grew stronger while I made a few more enemies. It appeared that two factions had been created: those who stood by Harding and those who stood by me. Billy and Taber had stood by me when people started to pick sides. Unless you were looking, the factions weren’t necessarily clear. But when we went into therapy sessions or the few of us went on a day trip, it was very clear. It was my first day trip since arriving at the institution and I kept close to Billy. Taber had taken on the role of my bodyguard. He would let us know if there was going to be any trouble from Harding or his group. This particular trip, we were at the zoo. We were allowed to walk around in pairs of two or three and Billy had paired with me right away. Taber tagged along to keep an eye out for us. Billy had dragged me to the polar bear enclosure. 

“Of all things, why polar bears?” I laughed as Billy watched them in awe.

“Th-they’re p-p-pretty.” Billy said, a blush spreading on his cheeks. I gently nudged him and pulled on his sleeve. 

“Come on.” I said, knowing exactly how to show him it shouldn’t be embarrassing about what animal he liked. “Let’s go see my favorite animal.” I took the lead as we entered the aquarium. 

“W-w-what a-are w-we d-doing h-here?” Billy asked. I smiled as I led him past the fish, seals, sea lions, and whales. (Y-Y/N)?” he asked we entered the penguin enclosure.

“This is why we’re here.” I pointed at the group of penguins in front of a group of schoolkids. 

“P-p-penguins?” Billy asked with a smile. I looked over my shoulder at Taber who was smiling at me as well. “Y-you l-like p-p-penguins?” I nodded, bringing my attention back to Billy. 

“Yep.” I smiled. “Always have. They’re just too cute.” The kids moved away from the glass and i stepped up to take their place. I sat down as the penguins turned their attention to me. Looking up at Billy, I motioned for him to take a seat next to me. “I mean come on. Just look at how they walk!” Billy laughed as he sat down. 

“Th-they l-look like like th-they a-are w-wearing t-t-tuxedos.” I laughed and nodded. 

“Yeah they do.” I agreed. 

“While this is fun, Harding’s coming.” Taber interrupted. Billy and I stood up before turning towards the exit. “When are we ever going to be rid of this guy?” Even though it was under his breath, I caught it.

“How about when the three of us get out of the institution?” I laughed, putting an arm around each boy’s neck.

“Y-you k-know th-tha isn’t isn’t g-going to h-happen a-anytime s-soon.” Billy shook his head as his arm went around my waist. Taber nodded in agreement as he put his arm around my shoulders. 

“Guys,” I pulled them closer. “You forget who you are talking to.” I joked. Both of them broke out into massive grins. We left the aquarium and headed towards the food court. “Anyone got money for food?” Taber nodded and handed it to me. “What do you guys want?” 

“Anything is fine by me.” Taber said. I nodded and looked at Billy expectantly. 

“I’ll g-g-go w-with y-you.” I nodded as Taber went off to find us a table. “D-do y-you th-think H-h-harding is l-l-looking f-for us?” I watched as Billy pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit up. 

“I don’t think so.” I shrugged. “I have a feeling he’s getting tired of this just as much as we are.” We got in line and I looked up at the menu.

“B-but d-don’t y-you th-think he’s he’s g-going t-to g-get N-nurse R-ratched on y-you?” I shook my head and shot Billy a small smile for his concern. 

“Not really.” I looked back at the menu. “He can play all the games he wants but he knows in the end she won’t touch me and anyone who does will be in big trouble.” I turned back to Billy, having made my decision. “Especially if it gets out and it always gets out.” 

“W-when y-you p-put it th-that w-way.” Billy chuckled and looked up at the menu. “C-could y-you o-order for for m-me?” 

“Of course.” I nodded. “What you want?” 

“H-hot d-dog.” Billy smiled as I nodded and stepped up to the window. While I placed my order, Billy looked over his shoulder at Taber. I smiled at the person behind the counter and took my change. 

“Come on.” I tugged Billy’s sleeve to get his attention and moved over to the pick up window. I leaned against the counter as I watched Billy smoke. It was a quiet wait for our food before we took it back to where Taber was sitting. “So what now?” I asked as we sat eating. Taber and Billy exchanged looks. “We have an hour left guys. Where are we gonna go?” 

“How about the lions?” Taber suggested. I looked over at Billy who nodded. 

“Sounds good.” We finished up our food before heading over to the lions. Taber walked up to the glass and busied himself with watching them. Billy and I hung back, nervous that Harding might show up and start something. “Everything ok Billy?” He looked up at me from staring at his shoes. 

“O-of c-course.” He said, eyes wide and slightly nervous. 

“Well you were taking a mighty big interest in your shoes there.” I shrugged as I pointed at his shoes. “Figured there might be something on your mind.” Billy nodded as he ducked his head again. “You know you can tell me anything Billy. Any secret is safe with me.” 

“I-i l-l-like y-you.” Billy mumbled out. “I l-l-l-like y-y-you a l-l-lot.” He kept looking at his shoes while I stared at him in shock. The weight of what he had just said hit me like a truck and I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my face or keep the joy out of my voice. 

“That’s great.” I finally responded. Billy’s head shot up and his eyes widened. “I like you too.” Billy looked at me like I was going to pull the rug out from under him any minute. 

“Y-you’re j-j-just s-saying th-that.” His stutter was getting worse and I quickly reached out and grabbed his hands. Neither of us noticed that Taber was watching our interaction with a smile on his face. “J-just f-f-forget I s-s-said a-any-anything.” 

“Billy, I’m being dead serious.” I pulled him close. “I like you too.” Billy looked at me, relief washing over his face as he locked eyes with me. “This is for real Billy. I like you. You like me. And we’re confessing in front of the lions at a zoo.” A fit of laughter came over me as I hugged Billy as tightly as I could. 

“I-it’s b-b-better th-than in f-front of N-n-nurse R-ratched.” Billy said as he put his chin on the top of my head. “I w-would n-never m-make it it o-out of th-that.” He hugged me tighter. “I sh-sh-shudder to th-think w-what sh-she w-would tell tell my m-m-mother.” I looked up at Billy and shook my head. 

“Don’t worry about them Billy.” I assured him. “I’ll protect you.” Billy nodded as he looked down at me and finally allowed a real smile to appear on his face. “I promise.” 

“S-sounds g-good.” Taber clapping brought us out of our little world. 

“Finally.” He said as he hugged the two of us. “There were bets on when the two of you would finally admit there was something more there than just friendship.” The three of us started the trek back to the front of the zoo where the bus was waiting to take us back to the institution. “Looks like I just won.” Billy and I laughed at Taber as we reached the gates.

“G-glad w-we c-could h-help.” Billy said as he followed Taber onto the bus. I laughed as I took my seat next to Billy. As we settled in for the long ride back, I leaned against Billy and closed my eyes. With Billy’s arm around me and his chin on top of my head, I drifted off to sleep. 

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 2

AN: Talk of scarring from previous self-harm. I personally have never done it but I know many people who did and understand how hard it is to stop. If you need help, please reach out. 

Later that night, I was standing in the washroom with everyone else while the nightly game of cards went on. For some reason Billy wasn’t allowed to play and by extension I wasn’t either. We stood watching the game. Billy was leaning against the wall, half hidden, and I stood next to him, watching the floor. Harding, Chadwick, Martini, and Taber were playing. Taber kept looking over at me, checking on me. 

“So is what Ratched said true (Y/N)?” Harding spoke. I slowly looked up at him. “About the depression. Is it true?” I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt Billy take my hand. Everyone was looking at me now. I slowly nodded. 

“Yeah. What’s it to you Hardon?” I shot back, using the nickname that the others had bestowed on him. A chuckle rose up in the room. Harding shot me a dirty look from the card table. “Not like it actually matters to you. No more than you not being able to pleasure your wife actually matters to me.” Harding stood up from the table, hitting the edge and sending it into Taber’s stomach. He stood up as well. 

“Watch it Harding.” Taber threatened. Harding sent a glare at Taber before focusing on me again. 

“Why didn’t you disclose it?” Harding pushed. I squeezed Billy’s hand, my temper flaring more than my anxiety. “What made you honestly think they wouldn’t find out?” I took a step towards Harding. 

“You better watch it Hardon.” I ground out. “If I take this far enough, I can turn your voluntary stay into a permanent one.” Harding recoiled. Whether it was in fear of my threat or the wild look in my eyes, I’ll never know. “You have no clue who you are messing with Harding. I’d watch your step around me.” Billy tugged on my hand to pull me back. I used it to ground me. 

“And who exactly am I messing with?” Harding seemed amused by Billy’s actions and my easy submission to them. 

“Your worst nightmare.” I barked. Harding took a step back before taking his winnings from the table and exiting the room. “Anyone else?” The room went back to what they were doing before Harding decided to pick a fight with me. Taber came over and patted my back. 

“Never knew you had it in ya (Y/N).” He laughed before going back and taking up the dealer’s position in the card game. Billy came out from his spot behind the wall. 

“That that w-w-was p-p-pretty b-brave of y-you.” He said. I shrugged as the wild look left my eyes and my temper cooled off. 

“I was tired of him thinking that he ran the place.” I turned to look at him. In the distance, I could hear Harding complaining to someone. I made my way to the door with Billy right behind me. 

“(Y/N) is related to who?!” I heard Harding exclaim. I chuckled as I leaned against the door. “How the hell did a senator’s cousin get put in this place?!” I waved as he turned around. 

“I told you. You have no clue who you are messing with, Harding.” I called out. “I’d watch my step around me if I were you.” Harding shot a glare at me before running off into the living quarters. I laughed as I turned around and nearly ran into Billy. “Sorry.” Billy smiled at me but cocked his head. 

“Y-you’re the the s-s-senator’s c-c-cousin?” He asked. I nodded. “Th-the one who who n-nearly b-b-broke d-d-down at h-his c-c-campaign r-rally?” I nodded again and rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. 

“Yeah. That was me.” I chuckled. “To be completely honest, the news ran with that story far too much. And it was actually a whole lot worse than they made it out to be.” I walked back into the day room. 

“H-how m-much w-w-worse?” Billy asked. I turned back towards him and played with the sleeves of my shirt. Finally I decided that if I didn’t trust Billy now after all he had done for me, I never would. 

“This much worse.” I pulled up my sleeves to my elbows and held down my arms. “It wasn’t wanting to die per say.” I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat. “It was more wanting to stop the anxiety and feel something else.” Billy grabbed my hands and turned my arms to see the scars better. I chewed my lip as Billy inspected the scars. 

“B-But…” Billy was at a total loss for words. He looked up at me, shock and worry evident on his face. I caught a little bit of sadness and anger there too. “(Y-Y/N).” He whispered out. I gripped his arms as he stared at me. 

“I’ve stopped.” I informed him. “But the anxiety got worse. So I checked in here.” Billy looked back at my arms and traced one of the scars by my elbow. 

“I n-n-never th-th-thought…” Billy trailed off. He let go of my arms and pulled down my sleeves. “D-do y-you k-know know w-why I p-play w-with th-th-this n-neckl-lace all the t-t-time?” Billy pulled the pendant out from under his shirt. I shook my head. “Be-be-because it dis-distracts p-p-people f-from the s-s-scar on m-m-my n-n-neck.” He tilted his head to the side and traced the  underside of his jaw with the tip of his finger. I stepped closer to look. 

“Billy.” I said once I saw it clearly. “You didn’t.” I shook my head as Billy looked behind him to make sure that no one had entered the room. 

“I d-d-did.” Billy nodded as he turned back to me. “I t-t-took a kn-knife to m-m-my jug-jugular. M-m-my m-m-m-mother f-f-freaked.” He chuckled as he shook his head. “Once once I w-w-was h-healed en-enough sh-she p-put me in h-here. H-hasn’t v-v-visted me once.” I shook my head as I pulled him in for a hug. 

“That’s a shitty mom right there Billy.” I whispered as I buried my head in Billy’s neck. I could clearly see his scar now and bit a whimper at how white and jagged it was against the rest of his skin. “I’m so sorry Billy.” 

“W-wasn’t y-your f-fault.” He said right away. “Th-there’s a r-r-reason I’m in th-this p-place and n-not an-another.” Billy said as he tightened his grip on me. 

“What is it?” I asked. 

“N-n-nurse R-r-ratched.” Billy chuckled. “She’s f-f-friends w-with my m-m-mom.” I shook my head as much as I could. 

“That’s just cruel.” I said. “It’s so she can keep an eye on you isn’t it?” Billy nodded. 

“Yeah. B-but I k-k-keep out of t-t-trouble so it’s f-f-fine.” He said. I shook my head again and leaned up. I gently kissed Billy’s scar before pulling away, a blush spreading across my cheeks. 

“It still isn’t right.” I said, keeping my face down out of embarrassment. Billy touched the scar before taking my hands again. When I wouldn’t look up, he crouched down a little so he could look me in the eye. 

“It’s f-f-fine.” He repeated. “Y-y-you k-know w-why?” I shook my head as I met his eye. “B-because if sh-she hadn’t hadn’t I w-w-would n-never h-have m-m-met you.” Billy smiled at me as I finally raised my head. 

“Yeah?” I asked, a smile making its way onto my face.

“S-s-scout’s h-honor.” Billy laughed as he pulled me close again and kissed my forehead. “And th-that’s the b-b-best th-thing th-that c-c-could h-have h-happened to me.” 

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 4

It had been a couple of weeks since Billy and I had confessed our feelings for each other. Being one of the few patients who was able to help out, Nurse Ratched had enlisted me along with Billy, Taber, Cheswick, and Harding to decorate the day room for Halloween. Billy and I were currently hanging paper bats from the ceiling around the nurse’s station. I laughed as Billy gently rocked the chair I was standing on. 

“Billy Bibbit!” I laughed as the chair rocked a little harder and I started to lose my balance. I reached out and gripped Billy’s shoulders to keep me upright. “Quit it Billy!” He smiled up at me as he wrapped an arm around my legs and harshly rocked the chair again. My eyes widened as I lost my balance completely. I closed my eyes before realizing Billy was keeping me upright. 

“I g-g-got y-you.” Billy smiled as he helped me down gently. I shook my head at him as I turned towards the nurse’s station door. Knocking on it, I handed the remaining bats and tape to Nurse Ratched. 

“All done with those.” I smiled at her, having finally got in her good graces. “Anything else for us to do?” Billy joined me and looked at Nurse Ratched expectantly. Using our closeness, he discreetly put his hand on my back. I leaned into it and smiled at Billy when Nurse Ratched turned around to pick something up. 

“The two of you could go outside and put these cobwebs on the bushes.” She said, giving Billy and I a look before handing us the fake cobwebs. Billy gathered them into his arms as I got the keys from Nurse Ratched. “Come right back in once you finish. No funny business.” Nurse Ratched gave Billy a look. He nodded before leading me out the door separating the dayroom from the rest of the institution. 

“What was that look for?” I asked as I bumped shoulders with Billy. He looked at me with a small smile. 

“I t-turned to to r-run aw-away once.” He admitted. “I d-didn’t g-get f-far.” I nodded and looked around before unlocking the door to the outside. I smiled as the breeze hit my face and blew through my hair. 

“That’s ok.” I turned towards Billy, allowing my smile to grow. “At least tried.” He laughed as he handed me a few of the cobwebs. We joked and laughed as we made the front bushes look like they had been covered. It didn’t take as long as we had hoped and we had to go back in. “So Halloween is coming up,” I trailed off. Billy nodded as he locked up the outside door. 

“Y-yeah. S-so wh-what?” He asked. I blinked at him. 

“Are you really not a Halloween person?” I asked in shock. Billy shook his head. 

“N-not r-really.” He shrugged and put his arm over my shoulder as we walked down the hall back to the dayroom.

“Billy, I’m sorry but that’s a little bit of a deal breaker for me then.” I deadpanned before taking the keys back from him. I slipped out from under his arm and started further down the hall. Once I had gotten halfway down the hall, I turned to look at Billy. I started to laugh at the look on his face. 

“Are are y-you s-s-s-s-serious?” Billy had trouble getting the sentence out. My laugh stopped and I raced back to him. I took his face in my hands and gently rubbed circles into his cheeks. 

“No.” I shook my head as I made sure to make eye contact with him. “No. Never.” I pulled him in for a hug. “I was joking. It was a bad joke.” Billy nodded against my shoulder. “I’m sorry Billy.” I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair. I pulled back and cupped his cheek before wiping a stray tear away. “I really am.”

“I b-b-believe y-you.” He nodded. I shook my head and made up my mind. 

“I’m gonna make it up to you.” I slid my arms around Billy’s neck. His hands automatically went to my waist. I smiled at him while he cocked his head to his side. He looked so cute when he did that. I gently tugged him closer until I could feel his breath on my lips.

“(Y-Y/N)?” Billy whispered. I looked in his eyes and saw he knew what was going on. I nodded and Billy closed the gap, pressing his lips against mine for the first time. I smiled nervously at him as we pulled away. Billy smiled before leaning in and kissing me again. “I l-like th-that.” I giggled as I pulled him into another hug. 

“Come on.” I gently tugged him back towards the dayroom. “Before Ratched has a cow.” Billy laughed and followed me. We went back into the room and I stopped at the nurse’s station to give Nurse Ratched her keys back. “Anything else you need Nurse Ratched?” She shook her head and I smiled at her before joining Billy at the card table. Taber dealt me in and we played until Nurse Ratched called us to the daily meeting. Billy and I took our seats before Nurse Ratched called us to attention. 

“Today we are going to be talking about Halloween.” I smiled at Billy and he rolled his eyes. “(Y/N), looks like you have something to say about it.” I shrugged. 

“I mean Halloween’s my favorite holiday so I guess.” I smirked over at Harding, who was sitting there with his mouth open like he had been about to say something. Nurse Ratched smiled to herself at my childish antics. 

“Why is that?” She asked me. I was practically bouncing in my seat. 

“I mean for one the obvious candy.” I ticked off my fingers. “Then there’s the fact that it is the one day in the whole year that you can dress up and pretend to be someone else. There’s the parties and the traditions like carving pumpkins and hanging decorations.” Billy smiled at my enthusiasm. “Oh!” I exclaimed as I looked  over at Billy. “I nearly forgot the horror movies! You get to sit around all day and watch horror movies before going out with everyone one else either to trick or treat or go to a party!” Nurse Ratched nodded her head as she made some notes. I was fully aware that she was marking down my over enthusiasm for horror movies but I could care less. Everyone had their vices. Horror movies were mine. 

“And what about all that violence and gore?” Harding cut in. I turned towards him and cocked my head. 

“Scared of a little blood and guts Harding?” I asked in a baby tone. “Afraid the boogeyman is gonna get you?” Some of the circle laughed as Harding’s face turned red. “All it is is basic corn syrup dyed red and plastic guts. Nothing scary at all about it.” I shrugged. “Besides if you honestly think any of that is real, well maybe you do belong in here.” Nurse Ratched cocked her head at me. 

“You don’t believe any of it is real?” She asked me. I shrugged again. 

“I mean sure while you are watching it and your adrenaline is going and its pitch black out and there’s no one in the house but you. But once it is over and the lights go on and you surround yourself with people, it was just an experience you had. No different than say,” I paused and tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Having sex with your wife.” I looked over at Harding with a smirk. He was fully red in the face and glaring at me. Billy was hiding behind his hand as he laughed and Taber was openly amused at my dig at Harding. 

“Anyone else have an opinion on the topic?” Nurse Ratched moved the conversation along while the three of us struggled to get ourselves under control. I zoned out for the rest of the meeting, relishing in the fact that I was able to get Harding so worked up. “Alright. That’s the end of the meeting today. Remember we have a small Halloween party before the end of the day and I would like to see everyone there.” We all got up and put our chairs back where we had gotten them. 

“You guys ever have a Halloween party here before?” I asked as Billy and Taber sat down at the card table again. 

“Once.” Taber said. Billy shook his head. 

“M-must h-have b-b-been b-b-b-before I g-got h-here.” Billy shrugged. Taber nodded in agreement. 

“Almost destroyed the day room.” Taber chuckled. “I think someone got out. And I think someone tried to kill the Chief.” I looked at Taber in shock. 

“Seriously?” I asked. He nodded. “Sounds like some party.” I rubbed my hands together. “I can’t wait until our party starts.” Billy rolled his eyes as I gave them my best evil smile. We played cards until the party started. Nurse Ratched had music playing for us and one of the other nurses brought cookies. One of the orderlies had brought punch for us as well. The three of us hovered around the nurse’s station for most of the party. Taber had said something in reference to the last horror movie that he had seen in theaters and it made me laugh so I tried to cover it with my drink. Billy laughed and shook his head. 

“What about you (Y/N)? What was the last movie you saw?” Taber asked. I shrugged. 

“Probably Psycho.” I took another drink. “It wasn’t that scary but it did mess with my head a little. Couldn’t look at a shower without throwing back the curtain for weeks.” Billy laughed and I gently hit his arm. “It’s not funny! You guys haven’t seen it! It’s pretty creepy!” Taber started laughing at my reaction. 

“(Y/N)’s right.” Nurse Ratched joined our conversation. I waved my hand at her. 

“See?” I laughed. “Thanks Nurse Ratched.” She nodded and went over to the TV to turn it off. The song changed and Billy looked at the small group that had taken up dancing in the middle of the day room. 

“C-c-care t-to d-d-dance?” He asked me, holding his hand out. I smiled and put my hand in his. Taber took our drinks as we made our way to the dance floor. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him pull me close by his arms around my waist. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and I felt Billy’s smile as we started to slowly dance. The song came to a close and Billy kissed my cheek before pulling away. We turned to walk back to Taber when we saw the look on Nurse Ratched’s face. I swallowed the lump in my throat while Billy squeezed my hand.

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 1

The next morning, I pulled a chair into the circle next to Billy. He moved his chair closer to mine to make room for Martini and smiled over at me. 

“I-i-its g-g-going to b-be al-al-alright.” He reassured me as everyone else took their places. I nodded and looked down as I wrung my hands. I was tapping my foot as well and I could feel Chadwick’s eyes on me as well. I looked over at him and gave him a nervous smile. Chadwick looked over at Harding and then at Taber, who looked over at me. Taber smiled and gave me a thumbs up while Harding just watched me. I focused on my hands again as everyone finished putting their chairs into place. Nurse Ratched came out a second later and took her seat at the head of the circle. I felt Billy’s foot slide next to mine and gently tap it to get me to stop tapping. The tapping slowed down but didn’t stop. I made eye contact with him and shook my head.

“It’s not going to stop Billy.” I whispered. He nodded and put his foot on top of mine, pining it down so the tapping would stop. I let out a breathy laugh as Billy smiled at me. 

“Th-th-there.” He whispered back. “I-it st-st-stopped.” I shook my head and continued wringing my hands. “Y-y-you’ll b-be f-f-fine.” 

“Last session we ended with Mr. Harding talking about his wife.” Nurse Ratched started the meeting, commanding the attention of the circle. “Today we are going to start with (Y/N) and their anxiety.” My head snapped up and my wide eyes scanned the circle before landing on Nurse Ratched. Knowing that she was going to call me out first didn’t help the feeling of panic that fell on me in waves. “(Y/N), why don’t you start by telling us what causes your anxiety.” The foot that Billy wasn’t holding down started tapping and I started to play with the hem of my shirt. 

“Uh. Hi. I’m (Y/N). I have anxiety.” I tried to joke. Billy and Taber laughed while everyone else looked on. I got a dirty look from Nurse Ratched. “Look. I don’t know exactly what causes it. All I know is that once it starts, it is hard to stop.” I watched her eyes travel down to my hands and then further to my tapping foot. “I know that when I have to be put on the spot, like this, it gets worse. And if it gets any worse, I have a panic attack which drains me for the rest of the day.” 

“And does this make your depression worse?” My eyes went wide and all my anxious tics stopped in shock. Billy looked between me and Nurse Ratched in shock. My hands started to shake and I squeezed them into fists to stop them. I could feel my arms starting to shake, knowing that it wasn’t working. 

“How do you know about that?” I whispered. “I didn’t disclose that.” I started to shake my head as I felt my chest tighten. “That’s under control. It’s not why I’m here. I can handle that.” I could feel the panic filling my body as it felt like my whole body started to shake. 

“You didn’t think they would find out?” Harding laughed. I sat frozen staring at Nurse Ratched, not even acknowledging Harding. Billy leaned in front of me and glared at Harding. 

“Can it Harding.” Taber growled out. 

“Well (Y/N). Does it make your depression worse?” Nurse Ratched reiterated. I could feel my breath coming in short bursts and my chest tighten even more than it already was. 

“I don’t have to tell you anything about that.” I rasped. “That is not the reason I am here. That has nothing to do with this.” I felt Billy’s foot move off of mine and my eyes shifted over to see him looking down at his feet, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I refuse to talk about that Nurse Ratched.” 

“In therapy we talk about everything that could be affecting us. So this is a topic for discussion. Now answer the question.” She answered in that annoyingly calm and cold voice. My eyes snapped back to her. It felt like my whole body was vibrating and I could feel the tears that had been welling up in my eyes finally fall down my cheeks. I tried to take deep breaths to calm my racing heart but it was hard when it felt like my chest had shrunken at least two sizes. 

“P-p-please d-d-drop i-it Nurse Ratched.” My eyes shifted back to Billy at the sound of his voice. “Th-th-they o-o-obviously d-d-don’t wa-wa-want to t-ta-talk ab-b-bout it. P-p-please m-move on.” 

“Please listen to Billy Nurse Ratched.” Chadwick spoke up. “You’re making it worse. We can talk about something else.” I had closed my eyes at this point to try and shut everything out. 

“I don’t see what the problem is. They can answer the question. It’s a simple question.” Harding butt in. 

“And you have a simple mind Harding.” Taber jumped in. I jumped as I felt Billy’s hand on my arm. 

“(Y/N). I want you to answer the question.” Nurse Ratched pushed. I gripped Billy’s hand, holding it on my arm and opened my eyes. 

“No. It doesn’t.” I forced out. Nurse Ratched smiled in triumph at finally getting an answer. “Excuse me.” I stood up, feeling Billy’s hand fall off my arm. “I’m done here.” 

“Sit down (Y/N).” Nurse Ratched ordered. I stood there, fighting the panic attack that was still happening and trying to decide what to do. “Mr. Washington.” Billy stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. 

“(Y-Y/N). P-p-please s-sit d-d-down.” His pleading voice broke through the haze I felt in my mind. I nodded and sat back down. “G-g-give th-them a ch-ch-ch-chance t-to c-c-calm d-d-down N-n-nurse R-ratched.” Focusing on Billy, I didn’t see the nod that she gave Billy. 

“We will take a short break. When we get back we’ll continue with (Y/N).” She stood up and went into the nurse’s station, letting the remaining members of the circle walk around the day room for a few minutes. As soon as Nurse Ratched was out of the room, Taber and Chadwick were kneeling by my side. Billy pulled me into a hug and held onto me tightly. 

“It’s o-okay. J-just t-take a d-deep breath.” Billy soothed. He gently ran a hand up and down my back while Taber put a hand on my knee. 

“You’re going to be okay (Y/N).” Taber reassured. Chadwick nodded and put a hand on my shoulder. Billy shook his head at Taber and Chadwick. 

“(Y-y/n) I n-need you to f-follow my b-breath.” Billy said as he moved one of my hands to his chest. “J-just c-copy it.” I nodded against his neck as I tried to match his breathing. 

“Please keep talking.” I whispered. Billy nodded and started to whisper random things to me. Not long after, my breathing finally evened out and I slumped against him. Billy’s arms tightened around me to keep me in my chair. 

“A-are you o-okay?” He asked, concern lacing his voice. I nodded weakly against him. 

“Just drained.” I said, pulling back and looking at him. “Thank you.” He smiled at me. 

“N-no p-problem.” A blush was making its way onto his face. 

“Thank all of you.” I turned towards Taber and Chadwick, taking their hands in mine and squeezing. “None of you had to do any of that. But you did anyway. That means a lot to me.” Taber smiled at me and patted my knee before standing up and going back to his chair. Chadwick nodded and headed back to his. I stayed slumped against Billy for the time being. “You know when you are under pressure, your stutter lessens.” Billy chuckled as he looked at me. 

“N-no it d-doesn’t.” He defended. I nodded. 

“Yes it does. When your confidence grows and you have to jump into action, it’s not as bad.” We shared a smile before breaking apart and watching Nurse Ratched walk back into the room. 

“Are you ready to resume (Y/N)?” she asked as she took her seat again. I opened my mouth to respond. Billy beat me to it. 

“L-let’s m-move o-on N-n-nurse R-ratched.” He defended. “Y-y-you al-already g-g-gave th-th-them a p-p-panic at-t-tack.” The veins in Billy’s neck stood out as he struggled to get some of the words out. My eyes widened as I watched him force himself to keep talking, even though he knew his stutter was getting worse. “Th-th-there are p-p-p-plenty of o-oth-thers here t-t-t-to t-t-talk ab-b-bout. I’m s-s-sure H-h-harding h-h-has m-m-m-more he c-c-c-could t-t-talk about.” Nurse Ratched stared him down and I put my hand on his arm for reassurance. 

“What would your mother say about this sudden bravado?” Nurse Ratched asked him. I watched as Billy’s chin tilted up and he set his jaw. 

“Sh-she w-w-would b-be g-g-glad I’m s-s-standing up f-f-for m-m-my f-f-friends.” Billy responded. Nurse Ratched sat in shock before standing up and calling an end to the meeting. Everyone came by and patted Billy on the back before going back about their business. Once all the chairs were put away and everyone had left the two of us alone, I took Billy’s hand and led him to a slightly more secluded area of the day room. 

“Thank you again Billy. That really meant a lot to me. I don’t know many people who would do that for me.” I gave him another hug. “I owe you one.” Billy hugged me tightly. 

“Th-th-thank you (Y/N).” He whispered into my neck. “Y-y-you’re a-amazing. B-besides I t-t-told you I w-w-would p-p-protect you.” I nodded as I pulled away. 

“You did just that today Billy.” I smiled at him before hearing Taber calling for me. I turned towards him to see what was going on and saw that they were getting ready to head outside. “Thanks again Billy. I seriously do owe you.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek, running off before I could see his reaction, my own cheeks burning red. I caught up to Taber and noticed him looking between Billy and I before smiling and shaking his head. A quick look over my shoulder explained why Taber had that reaction. Billy was standing there staring after me with a blush on his cheeks and his eyes holding an emotion I was too far away to recognize. I didn’t dwell on it as we headed out.

[myveryownfanfiction]

AN: I’m drawing on my own experiences of anxiety here. It’s the most revealing I’ve been writing fanfic and it’s taken a while to get to this point. I am comfortable talking about it and now writing about it. I’m not doing this for attention. I’m doing it because it works with the story and I don’t plan on focusing on it. Billy Bibbet has always been my favorite character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest since I first saw it years ago. He is my focus. I also want to point out I haven’t been in a facility like this so I’m basing it all on what happens in the movie. So without further ado, here’s the story.  

ANN: I’m thinking of maybe turning this into a chapter thing. I’m probably turning this into a chapter thing. I burnt out with the FP Jones one. I’m going to turn this into a chapter thing. 

The door chlanged shut behind me, making me look back. The bars were a little menacing and my hands shook slightly as it started to dawn on me what I had just done. Voluntary sign up. In a mental institution. Everyone had always told me I could handle my anxiety and that I would be fine but things just got too much for me. I had to do it. So I checked myself in and planned on staying until I felt I was better. As I turned back to the open room, I saw some of the other patients looking at me. One of them caught my eye. He was young, well young looking and sitting at a table with three other guys playing cards. His blue eyes were piercing and I raised my hand in a way of greeting while the guards stopped me in front of the nurse’s station. The one holding my belongings went in. 

“Nurse Ratched, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) is here.” he said before leaving. My eyes left the boy playing cards and turned to the woman behind the glass. My lips twitched and I bit my lip to keep from giving her a friendly smile that most likely would not have been well received. 

“Thank you Mr. Washington.” the nurse said before looking at me. She turned back to the other nurse and I was ushered into the room. I could feel the anxiety start to spike as the guards left me standing in the middle of the room. I swallowed and looked around. I put my hands in front of me and interlaced my fingers to try to stop my shaking as well as hide it from anyone that was looking. As I turned around I met those blue eyes again. Taking a deep breath I made my way over to the table he was sitting at and stood next to him. 

“Hello.” I said quietly. The other men at the table either didn’t notice me or didn’t want to acknowledge me. I bit my lip and made to move away from the table.

“H-hi.” I froze at the timid voice that answered me. “I-I’m B-b-billy Bibbet.” He extended his hand to me and I slowly reached out and shook it. 

“I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” I answered. Billy smiled at me and looked to the right of me. He pointed at the chair behind me.

“W-w-would y-you l-like t-t-to sit d-d-down?” I grabbed the chair and pulled it over as he moved his chair over. We settled into quiet again as the card game continued. I watched eagerly at what was going on, happy to even be slightly included and not left standing in the middle of the room all by myself. I could feel Billy looking over at me from time to time but it didn’t bother me. As the game progressed and I started to relax, Billy tried to include me by showing me his cards and letting me help him play his hand. The other guys at the table still didn’t really acknowledge me but it didn’t matter much. Billy did and that just meant I wasn’t alone. 

I settled into the schedule of the ward fairly quickly with Billy’s help. Our beds weren’t too far from each other so there were some late night conversations, the early ones preparing me for what I could expect the next day. I sat next to him on the days he played cards and learned the names of the other players. Charlie Cheswick, who was the next player to acknowledge me and attempt to get the others to let me join in, Dale Harding, who was the apparent leader of this little card ring and refused to deal me in, Martini, who kept trying to steal looks at Billy’s cards which led to me sitting in between them, and Max Taber, who was more content to watch and poke fun at Harding. I got along well with Taber but not as well as I did with Billy. The card games helped clear my head most days. The quiet was disconcerting but it always seemed like Billy knew exactly when to pull me from my thoughts and pull me back into the game. 

The first “therapy” session I was included in felt like a circus. I had always overheard the sessions before and I always rolled my eyes at how Harding controlled the time. No one else seemed to mind or if it did no one said anything about it. I think they were just glad they didn’t have to share anything. Nurse Ratched had come right over to our little card table to tell me I would be included in the next session. 

“(Y/N)?” she had said. I had nodded in response. “I just wanted to let you know you are free to join in our sessions now.”

“Thank you Nurse Ratched.” I said quietly. I had learned fairly quickly that you did as she said and did not mess around with her. It was easier to survive here if you flew under her radar. 

“And you will be starting the session.” She said before walking away. My eyes went wide and before I had even noticed my hands starting to shake, Billy had placed his cards in them. 

“P-p-play th-this hand f-for m-m-me?” He asked, carefully catching my eyes. I nodded, feeling like I was in a trance. Billy squeezed my wrist before giving me a gentle smile. “H-Harding y-y-you b-b-better l-let (Y/N) p-p-play or I-I’ll d-d-deal n-next t-t-time.” With a hard look at the men at the table, Billy ran off after Nurse Ratched. I moved into Billy’s chair to have a better reach at the table and Taber moved into my seat to keep Martini from looking at my cards. I was pretty shaky at first but Taber helped me out. I soon got the hang of playing by myself. By the time Billy returned, I had won a couple of hands. “H-how’s it g-g-going?” Billy took the chair Taber had vacated and looked at the cards in my hand. 

“Pretty good.” I said, sending him a small smile. “I didn’t do too well to start but Taber helped and now I’m actually winning a little.” Billy smiled at me before looking at Harding to get dealt in. To my surprise, Harding dealt him in and let me continue to play. We sat in silence for a while before I leaned over to Billy. “What did you go after Nurse Ratched for?” Billy bit his bottom lip and tore his eyes away from his cards. 

“I d-didn’t g-g-go a-af-after h-her.” he shrugged. I narrowed my eyes at him before playing my hand. 

“Yes you did. Right after she said I would start the session.” I shot back. Billy’s eyes moved back to the cards in his hand and shrugged before placing them down. He smiled at the other guys at the table, collected his winnings and got up. I quickly did the same, following him to the other side of the day room. “Billy. Hold up.” He sighed as he turned to me and started to play with the necklace he wore. 

“W-when sh-sh-she s-s-said y-you w-w-would start th-the s-session, I s-saw y-y-your h-hands sh-sh-shaking. I c-c-couldn’t ju-just let her g-g-go withou-out t-t-telling her it wa-was a b-b-bad id-d-dea.” He responded. “B-b-but sh-she s-still w-wants y-y-you to g-go f-f-first.” I bit my lip before pulling him into a hug. 

“Thank you.” I whispered as he hesitantly hugged me back. His arms tightened around me as he heard the sniffles start. I bit my lip harder to try to stop them from happening but it didn’t work. “At least you tried.” I felt Billy’s face being pressed into my shoulder as I pressed mine into his. 

“Sh-sh-she w-won’t h-hurt y-you.” His whisper barely reached my ears. “I w-won’t l-let h-her.” I nodded against his shoulder.