#bitching abt work

[madamzelds]

a lil end of the week treat 💕

[beachf4gz]

decided to finish the old draft i found

alt colours i couldnt rlly pick

[connabeth]

i know the pjo tv show is beyond help aside from the lovely main cast but it irritates me to no end when they add in useless side characters while deeply struggling to properly characterize their most important ones. alison my ass, chris rodriguez is RIGHT THERE. solely focus on that, if at all. given how short these episodes are and the resulting shallowness of some of most pivotal scenes, dishing out screen time like oprah to a bunch of nobody characters is not going to elevate the show in any way, shape, or form. deviating from the text-established percy-centric narrative and introducing additional plot points to some behind-the-scenes luke narrative when they miss the mark on the main storyline is just yet another distraction and waste of energy on everyone’s part

[wynandcore]

A rescue dog and his caretaker

[sergle]

When I talk about something bad I've experienced, Baked In to my experience as A Woman, I am not "making my little cousins feel like shit for being women", because I am talking in a space with, allegedly, adults. I am not bringing my problems to children in the first place. That said, I don't HAVE to make my baby cousin feel bad, because she's already experienced sexual harassment in her life, and she's only 8, and doesn't even understand what any of it means yet. And everyone in her family can try to instill confidence in her, and never talk about our bodies in a negative way. But she can still feel like she's too chubby, because she still goes to school, and talks to other kids and their parents, and still sees ads, and still watches tv. We can be positive, but we can't fix the root of the problem. And I don't HAVE to tell trans women that "pain is a rite of passage", because that's not a Rule being enforced (by me), because I've already sat and listened to my friend complain about constantly shaving as a Baseline necessity and how it hurts her skin and she has to put makeup onto fresh cuts on her face because going out without a full face of properly feminine makeup would make her life worse, and being anything less than thin and lithe makes her "less feminine", and ALL the things that can make her "more feminine" are behind a paywall. And I can try to make her feel better, and I can hear her experiencing the tenfold version of problems I relate to, but I can't fix the root cause of her problems by just telling her not to complain. Forcing happiness as a core personality trait for women is not the Girlboss Feminist move that you think it is, and no amount of gender euphoria in the world will make you immune to systemic oppression.

[lautakwah]

Ask, and ye shall receive. Posting the Nie Huaisang Essay for his birthday, I hope the three Nie Huaisang Enjoyers will like this♡

Nie Huaisang, GNC Icon?

An analysis of the construction of Chinese masculinity and manhood as it relates to perceived gender-nonconformity in Chinese male characters in period dramas by western fans.

「你小心点！这个呢可是我最喜欢的一副扇子。你看 画工精巧构图別致。怎么样 是不是当世极品哪？」

“Be careful! This is my favorite folding fan. Look, it’s exquisitely painted and uniquely constructed. How is it? It’s of the highest grade, isn’t it?”

― Nie Huaisang, episode 35 of 陈情令 The Untamed (2020)

It was late 2019 when I first heard about Chen Qing Ling, in countries outside of China and other majority-Chinese speaking areas better known as The Untamed.[1] I had, at the time, not watched a proper C-drama in years. Intrigued by CQL’s sudden popularity, however, I decided to check it out; after all, it was not every day that a C-drama gains popularity in the west. Even with the recent uptick in East-Asian media gaining traction[2], it was still a surprise to see a xianxia series getting the same level of adoration in online circles I had previously only seen dedicated to Disney intellectual property.

Based on the web-novel Mo Dao Zu Shi (Founder of Demonic Cultivation) by MXTX, CQL tells the story of Wei Ying, courtesy name Wuxian, and details the events in the cultivation world surrounding his teenage years until his untimely death several years later, and the mystery surrounding his resurrection yet 13 years afterwards. A series spanning roughly 20 years in 50 episodes, CQL is an epic that at the same time leaves out a lot of the original novel. After all, it is an adaptation of a danmei-genre novel: focusing on male-male romance generally created by and for women and sexual minorities (Lavin et al 2017). Considering the strict media regulations in China, most of the homoeroticism either had to be censored or subtextual (Xu 2014; Shaw and Zhang 2018).

With this popularity, however, also came the very western-centric, colonialist, and orientalist interpretations of the text. Focusing in particular on the way that Asian men have been and are seen as more feminine (Han 2016; Han 2006; Song 2004) and how western fans continue to perpetuate this rhetoric when consuming C-dramas, I will take as a case study the way that Nie Huaisang, one of the main supporting characters in CQL, has been hailed as a gender-nonconforming, nonbinary, and/or trans icon by western fans. Starting with expounding on the danmei genre as a whole, and what that means for Nie Huaisang as a character, I shall then discuss the ways that Chinese masculinities are constructed and how Nie Huaisang exemplifies the wen ideal of masculinity, being a scholar and an artist. Finally, I will talk about western fans’ attitudes being culturally insensitive on top of reiterating and reinforcing western-centric, colonialist, and orientalist tropes and ideals surrounding masculinity and manhood.

Danmei, derived from the Japanese term tanbi and the Chinese equivalent to BL (Boys’ Love), although by now it has transformed into its own subculture instead of wholly resembling its Japanese counterpart, literally means “addicted to beauty” (Feng 2009; Lavin et al 2017; Kam 2012). It depicts an idealized love between (young) male characters, who also embody ideal, generally androgynous, beauty standards, and whose beauty is at the forefront of the text. These beauty standards extend even to the side characters, and in drama adaptations the casts tend to boast idols and young, conventionally attractive actors in all roles ― as is the case with CQL.

What this means for Nie Huaisang, who is neither a love interest nor a main character, is that he would still have to fall into the trope of being a beautiful man, and have it be natural within the narrative. Chinese beauty standards here differ from the eurocentric and oftentimes colonialist norm that western fans are used to. Furthermore, culturally and historically the androgynous looks that are romanticized and exalted are constructed within the framework of masculinity; in other words, while for westerners androgyny might mean gender-nonconformity, nothing could be farther from the truth when looking at how Chinese masculinity and manhood are constructed (Kam 2012).

Beyond aestheticism, however, which is more of a danmei staple (Feng 2009), there are many other ways in which masculinity and manhood were conceptualized in ancient China. Nie Huaisang, being a scholar, embodies a very distinct masculine ideal (Kam 2002; Kam 2015; Song 2004). The scholar class was a male-only, and, indeed, one of the most venerated of professions held in ancient China. Nie Huaisang, being a sect heir and later sect leader, furthermore was well-off, meaning that he couldn’t be in a “feminine” scholarly position either ― marginalized/poor scholars were emasculated by being in the service of higher-ranking men, think of pinshi (poor scholars), muyou (secretary scholars), or hanshi (obscure scholars), which could never be the case for Nie Huaisang (Kam 2016). Within the framework of Chinese masculinity, and specifically the wen-wu (literary-martial) understanding and conceptualization of it, scholars were further preferred over their martial counterparts; Nie Huaisang, by virtue of being a scholar and a beauty, even lives up to the romanticized masculine ideal of the caizi jiaren[3] (“scholar-beauty”) hero (Song 2004). While being a well-rounded individual was of course appreciated more[4], as a poet, artist, and shrewd intellectual Nie Huaisang more than conforms to male gender roles as they exist within the cultural and historical context (Kam 2002; Kam 2015).

「大哥这人你也了解 一向鲁莽 又容易冲动。可你不像他。你自小理性内敛、又习得奇门道用。」

“You know eldest brother[5] well. He’s always been reckless and impulsive. But you are not like him. You have been rational and restrained since you were young, and you are good at Daoist magic.”

― Jin Guangyao to Nie Huaisang, 乱魄 Fatal Journey (2020)

In Fatal Journey, which is a spin-off movie of CQL focusing solely on the Nie sect, Jin Guangyao tells Nie Huaisang the above. Nie Mingjue is in the series and movie both depicted as a strong fighter; juxtaposing both brothers, one who is good at martial pursuits and one who follows intellectual pursuits, it becomes clear that here, too, “rationality” and therefore being an intellectual is preferred over the brute strength in cishetero-patriarchal hypermasculinity that the west favors, while simultaneously marking both brothers as still conforming to masculine standards.

The fact that western fans interpret Nie Huaisang to be “GNC-coded”, then, has to do with their own preconceptions surrounding how western (white, eurocentric) masculinity and manhood are constructed, and taken as the norm for these concepts. Because of orientalism, East Asian men as a whole are feminized, emasculated, and infantilized (Han 2016; Han 2006; Kam 2012; Kapac 1998). Western fans consuming and interacting with East Asian media will be done through such a lens, and when uncontested, only perpetuate this rhetoric. In period dramas such as CQL, where everyone wears flowing robes and has long hair[6] ― historically and culturally accurate ― western audiences will instead interpret this to mean their conceptions of Chinese people to be more feminine aren’t unfounded. While the construction of Chinese masculinities have changed since ancient times (Kam 2015; Song 2010), and the representations of Chinese masculinities in TV have become more globalized (Song 2010), it nevertheless does not mean that male characters in period dramas are ever seen as feminine or deliberately emasculated through being a scholar as opposed to a warrior ― that is a purely western interpretation.

Nie Huaisang’s mannerisms, while seemingly “feminine” by western standards ― his love for fans, his artistry, his intellect, his aversion to violence ― all have cultural, contextual, historical, and in-universe explanations that have nothing to do with his manhood nor his masculinity[7]; he was written as a frivolous “second young master” with no ambition to take on the role as sect leader[8], and his sect’s cultivation style actively poisoned the mind and body. Is it any wonder, then, that he did not take up the dao? While he doesn’t conform to the cultivation world’s standards of a cultivator and later as sect leader, a role he was forced into after his brother’s death, this does not make him gender-nonconforming. Western audiences’ preoccupation with his antipathy towards using his dao and not fighting furthermore points to their subscription to western-centric, colonialist ideals of hypermasculinity (Han 2016; Song 2004), which they assume are universal, and therefore ascribing Nie Huaisang traits that simply aren’t there. In the end, his wielding of a fan and brush instead of a dao is then interpreted as him being effeminate and not conforming to gender roles, instead of understanding that as a scholar and artist, he conforms to gender roles just fine, but does not conform to traditional cultivator roles.

In a rapidly globalizing world where it is increasingly easy to gain access to media made elsewhere, western audiences’ inability to understand that their worldview is limited actively perpetuates orientalist tropes and racist misconceptions. The way that Nie Huaisang is seen as gender-nonconforming by fans points to the racialization of gender and its construction. A scholar and an intellectual, wielding a fan and being an expert strategist, Nie Huaisang is at times reminiscent of Zhuge Liang, a legendary historical scholar. Yet, while he conforms to male gender roles within his own cultural context, being emblematic of the wen ideal of masculinity, western audiences cannot conceive of him as a man because he deviates from white cisheteronormative patriarchy.

This is not to say that interpreting any character as a minority should not be done. Representation is important ― we all know this. Personally, I would even welcome it as a gender-nonconforming nonbinary person myself. The way western fans go about it, however, only shows they do so through a western-centric, colonialist, and orientalist lens. The point, then, is not that he cannot be gender-nonconforming ― it is to change how western audiences interact with and interpret non-western media.

FOOTNOTES

I will henceforth refer to the series as CQL.

Think for example of how K-pop is becoming more and more mainstream by the day, and how anime and manga are as much part of pop culture as comics and cartoons.

A type of novel depicting the story of a young, rich, beautiful scholar and his female love interest.

Take, for example, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhuge Liang from Romance of the Three Kingdoms; while all three are undoubtedly held up as paragons of masculinity and male role models even now, Guan Yu, being a martial god (thus epitomizing wu), and Zhuge Liang, being an unparalleled intellectual (thus epitomizing wen), both defer to Liu Bei, who embodies both parts of the wen-wu dichotomy equally, being an adept swordsman and an able strategizer.

This refers to Nie Mingjue, Nie Huaisang’s eldest brother and also Jin Guangyao’s eldest sworn brother. He was at the time the sect leader of Qinghe (where the Nie clan was based).

Long hair has long been a confucian ideal, and not gendered because of it. As one’s body is granted to them by their parents, and one has to pay respect to their elders, cutting hair is akin to desecrating the body and disrespecting one’s elders.

Beyond being explicitly stated in the text multiple times, the official artbook of the drama also reinforces this, as does Nie Huaisang’s propensity to quote poetry or waxing lyrical. One memorable line at the end of the series especially brings this home: 「这山川风物四时美景 真是无论看多久 都不会 觉得厌。我呢 是一个识趣的人 该我做的我不会假手他人 如果不该我做的 我也做不来。」(“These mountains and rivers, the scenery of all seasons – I really do feel that no matter how long I look , I won’t become bored of them. As for me, I’m a sensible man. For the things I should do, I won’t shirk. But for things that aren’t my business, I won’t meddle in.”)

After all, we have already established he conforms to Chinese standards of masculinity, and as a Chinese male character from a mainland Chinese production that was made primarily for Chinese-speaking audiences, that is honestly all the context needed to understand him as a character.

Wei Wuxian asks Nie Huaisang if he would ever have the intention to become head cultivator (i.e. leader of all the sects), and by answering thus, invoking scenic imagery and speaking in a higher register, which, yes, is in-character for him, also has an added layer. Reminiscent of Chinese dynastic succession struggles, unambitious siblings tended to throw themselves into the arts, poetry, and music, while eschewing politics and power plays in the hopes that their siblings who had ambitions for the throne would not kill them. Nie Huaisang, here, is conjuring up these same sentiments, hinting to Wei Wuxian that he is not scheming to be head cultivator by talking poetically, and further implicitly pleading with his old friend not to suspect his motives and not to kill him because of them.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Feng, Jin. 2009. ““Addicted to Beauty”: Consuming and Producing Web-based Chinese “Danmei” Fiction at Jinjiang.” Modern Chinese Literature and Culture 21, no. 2 (fall): 1-41. https://www.jstor.org/stable/41491008.

Han, C. Winter. 2016. “From “Little Brown Brothers” to “Queer Asian Wives”: Constructing the Asian Male Body.” In Body Aesthetics, edited by Sherri Irvin, 60-80. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Han, Chong-suk. 2006. “Being an Oriental, I could Never Be Completely a Man: Gay Asian Men and the Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Class.” Race, Gender & Class 13, no. 3/4 (2006): 82-97. http://www.jstor.org/stable/41675174.

Kam, Louie. 2016. Changing Chinese Masculinities: From Imperial Pillars of State to Global Real Men. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press.

Kam, Louie. 2015. Chinese Masculinities in a Globalizing World. New York: Routledge.

Kam, Louie. 2012. “Popular Culture and Masculinity Ideals in East Asia, with Special Reference to China.” The Journal of Asia Studies 71, no. 4 (November): 929-943. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0021911812001234.

Kam, Louie. 2002. Theorising Chinese Masculinity: Society and Gender in China. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Kapac, Jack. 1998. “Culture/Community/Race: Chinese Gay Men and the Politics of Identity.” Anthropologica 40, no. 2 (1998): 169-81. https://www.jstor.org/stable/25605895.

Lavin, Maud, Ling Yang, and Jing Jamie Zhao. 2017. Boys’ Love, Cosplay, and Androgynous Idols: Queer Fan Cultures in Mainland China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press.

Shaw, Garreth, and Xiaoling Zhang. 2018. “Cyberspace and gay rights in a digital China: Queer documentary filmmaking under state censorship.” China Information 32 (2), 270-92. https://doi.org/10.1177/0920203X17734134.

Song, Geng. 2010. “Chinese Masculinities Revisited: Male Images in Contemporary Television Drama Serials.” Modern China 36, no. 4 (2010): 404-34. https://doi.org/10.1177/0097700410368221.

Song, Geng. 2004. The Fragile Scholar: Power and Masculinity in Chinese Culture. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press.

Xu, Beina. 2014. “Media Censorship in China.” Council on Foreign Relations, September 25, 2014. https://www.files.ethz.ch/isn/177388/media%20censorship%20in%20china.pdf

[ulteri0rm0tives]

Do I think Johnny can cook anything beyond basic pre made meals like spaghetti from a jar? Nah. But I do think he could make a mean full American breakfast, talking eggs bacon hashbrowns fuck maybe even french toast, and WHATEVER maybe this is self indulgent because I want to imagine him making breakfast for V and him while passing it off like that was not at all his intention, just whoops, seemed to have made extra, guess u could have some but yr making yr own plate, already gonna have to deal with all the fucking clean up, and V is just smiling at him, rolling his eyes, like 'okay dude im sure thats what happened'. Because let's be honest, if Johnny was just making himself breakfast, at best it's a pre-packaged scop burrito nuked in the microwave, at worst it's a cigarette and a coffee from the vending machine.

[wilting-fl0wer]

The only correct form of caltam, as far as i am concerned

[skitskatdacat63]

How did I never hear this radio until the brawn doc hahahaha

[jaggybot3000]

mind cries guys trust, his ego is so big he will cry whenever its even slightly bruised but his ego also hates when other people see him cry, he gets super embarrassed so he does all he can to avoid crying in front of others, such as fleeing to the nearest corner of privacy to shed tears all alone lest anyone see him as weak or feeble like his pathetic heart, saying shit like fuck my stupid baka chungus life the entire time

[firstworldbank]

fuck you. think about your favorite payday character as a fashion doll. think about all the dinky little plastic accessories.

[mrmeepsmadmind]

they are ignoring my big beautiful pathetic himbo wife and his cute little platypus tail that he has for some tank part reason im too dumb to understand why

[3416]

i saw your quote tweet about the leafs not even making the playoffs with that mitch-less lineup and i’ve been thinking that nonstop since everyone started really pushing the “he’s not signing in toronto” stuff the past two weeks and i’m glad you agree 💀 like none of these “fans” have the braincells to realize just how much he does for that team and how quickly it’ll fall apart without him

honestly, it's not even that i think every leafs lineup without mitch wouldn't make the playoffs, but it's mostly people's penchant for underrating what mitch specifically brings in multiple areas of the game and acting like cap space is a good enough replacement for it, lol. there's a reason other teams go out of their way so that doesn't happen... no matter how much you think the 'dna' needs to change, you're fucking yourself over, and frankly brad treliving isn't going to be some crafty expert at assembling a team under such tight constraints. he has a very mid record of this, lol.

it also kills me that people whine and bitch about auston and mitch being put on the same line from the ~spread the offense out and drive your own line~ angle and then flat out put willy there in their mock lineups and give the lineup an unplayable bottom 6. you can't count on big free agents coming here and if they do, toronto's going to have to overpay them. which is what you're hand wringing about doing with mitch marner. anyway, that specific lineup was so atrocious and it would be COMEDY to watch domi-matthews-nylander go against top competition in the playoffs. they'd be destroyed.

[sunsetsandsunshine]

Hey!! For your next fic could you do Leo and Mikey angst

It came be 2012, MM or rise

~ 𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ~

💙🐢🧡 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @tmntalways 💙🐢🧡

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙷𝚒, 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍!!! 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚋𝚛𝚘 ☹️💔…𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚛𝚎��𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚃𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 💖💕💘💞🩷!!! 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚍𝚖𝚒𝚝 𝙸’𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 😅👍🏾! 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍— 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 🫠…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟹,𝟸𝟾𝟾

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 🐢🧡

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢💙

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢’𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐…𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍…𝚞𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍, 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 '𝚞𝚗'. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕? 𝙷𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚐𝚘 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢…

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @shut-up-jo @someone1348 @saturnzskyzz

@savemeafruitjuice @rice-cake-teen10 @mistyandsnow

@skyloladoodles @itzsana-kiddingmenow @titters-and-tingles

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚖𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜��𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝…𝚋𝚞𝚝 *𝙰𝙷𝙴𝙼* 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔!!!

𝚁𝙴𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁: 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙰𝙳𝙷𝙳 𝚊𝚗𝚍/𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌!!! 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 ☺️💞💗💓💕

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 🕺🏾✨💞🎶˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

Mikey couldn’t do anything right now. Like…anything.

Well…perhaps he was being a bit too dramatic. He was breathing. And he was fidgeting with his squishy cube. So saying he wasn’t doing 'anything' wasn’t entirely true.

Right now he just…couldn’t do anything…productive. 

For example, the box turtle tried making his favorite dishes and deserts! But that endeavor just ended up being a huge mess in the kitchen…and leaving the youngest turtle with a bunch of unappetizing food. 

Which he fed all to Raph by the way. 

Some would call that choice of action cruel but Mikey would just call it 'using his resources'. 

Besides, it’s not like the eldest minded at all. He said, and I quote: 'It has a nice…crunchy feeling to it. Did you put some of Don’s inventions in this?'

Which honestly got a couple of chuckles out of the smallest turtle teen of the bunch.

Then, Mikey tried skateboarding! But for once in all his 14 years of living…it was just utterly boring. 

And after all of that nonsense, Mikey then finally tried reading a comic…but he was too unfocused to even get to the second page…

But what was really new? Mikey could never focus on jackshit even if said jackshit hit him right in the shell. 

His brothers and sister would always have to remind him to stay focused or 'not do this' or 'not do that'.

For example, a couple days ago Donnie had to kindly remind the box turtle (well…as kindly as Donnie could be anyway…) to brush his teeth.

To. Brush. His. Fucking. Teeth. 

And honestly? Having to be reminded to do that was really embarrassing. And the orange banded teen knew his brother didn’t mean to humiliate him internally…but…yeah.

And it’s not like the softshell was wrong either! The youngest turtle just couldn’t freaking accept that he himself couldn’t do such a simple task in the morning. 

But literally every task he completely fails to do is just utterly simple ones!

Like cleaning his room or not forgetting things or even keeping track of time! 

…And the sad part about all of it was Mikey just honestly could not understand how his family haven’t gotten sick of his annoying tendencies…

And let’s be for real here…that was basically all of his tendencies. 

The box turtle groaned loudly in his room, slamming his whole body on his bed as he screamed into his pillow. 

There had to be something he could do instead of just wallowing in his own self pity…

And one of those options could not consist of bothering his family with his random bad mood. They had to put up with him 24/7…the least he could do was give them some space.

The youngest then glanced at his drawing notebook hopefully…

…One little sketch of something random wouldn’t hurt, right?

The amber eyed teen reached for his notebook, grabbing a pen from his drawer as he started to sketch his desk because why the absolute fuck not? Based on the objects he’s drawn in the past…sketching a simple desk should and will be easy, right? Right. 

That was until the orange banded teen’s pencil tip broke. But it was fine! He could just re-sharpen it, right? Right.

That was until the youngest realized he had absolutely no clue where his sharpener was due to the fact his room looked like a pig stie. And there was no way he was looking for it in…that whole situation. 

…The situation he created in the first place. 

Michelangelo layed on his bed with his face staring at the ceiling in frustration, he ran his fingernails along his arms, not making really deep cuts with them but going deep enough for it to hurt a bit.

Like a reasonable turtle would, Mikey should probably get one of his stress toys…or better yet, another pencil!

But let’s be for real here…he’d most likely find a way to fuck that up too.

Suddenly, there was a small, quiet knock on Mikey’s door but…in all honesty? He just wanted to crawl into his shell and sob for the next hour and a half. Letting out a niiiiice and quick 'come in' would take way too much energy. 

The box turtle let out a soft grunt, letting whoever was on the other side know it was a-okay to come in.

Abruptly, Leo peeked in the room, a wide smile plastered on his face as he closed the door, “Damn, Mikester…it looks like every single natural disaster went through your room…”

“I’m cleaning it.” The youngest grumbled to his brother.

“Really? You sure about that, little bro? Because if my memory serves me correct (which it in-fact does), you said that last week. And the week before that…and the week before—“

“I SAID I’M FUCKING CLEANING IT!!!” The orange banded turtle snapped, sitting up on the bed to glare at his immediate older brother before slowly realizing what he just did. 

The youngest’s heart dropped as he looked away from his brother. The orange banded mutant’s eyed widened as silent and small tears ran down his face. He covered his mouth as his other hand turned to a fist, his nails unforgivingly digging into his palm.

“I-I’m sorry…I’m s-sorry…I-I’m so s-sorry…!” He started, rocking himself back and forth before stopping as he was met with a warm embrace. Leonardo hugged him gently but firmly, rubbing the other’s shell in a comforting hold. “Woah woah…! Bud, you have nothing to apologize for…” The slightly older teen said as he rested his chin on the top of his baby brother’s head.

“L-Like h-hell I don’t. I-I just screamed a-at y-you for no reason…” Michelangelo wobbly said. “You were just trying to lighten the mood but I just had to make everything harder like I-I always do…!” 

“Mikey—”

“I-I always do this. I-I’m so f-fucking s-sorry Leo…”

“Mikester…I-I appreciate the apology but it seriously isn’t necessary—”

“You’re probably so sick of me and so angry at me. I-I’m sorry I just—”

“Mikey!” Leo gently yelled to get the other’s attention, squeezing the smaller turtle’s hands as he stared straight at him with pleading eyes. “Do I look mad?”

“…N-No.”

“Do I sound mad?”

“…No.” 

The second youngest sadly smiled, “So what are you apologizing for, hm?”

“…I-I…dunno…I-I just…I just felt I needed to apologize…” The box turtle mumbled as he looked at his hands. The blue banded turtle sighed, slowly getting out of the hug so him and his little brother faced each other. The slider rubbed the other turtle’s palm with his thumb comfortingly, “…Do you wanna talk about it, baby bro?”

The leader in blue was just met with silence…which he could honestly work with.

“Angelo…you know you can tell me…anything, right? Like…anything. Although, it doesn’t have to be me you talk to about it. It could be Raph or Don or April or even Dad or Draxum! I just…don’t want you sitting here and bottling up the way you feel…” 

Silence. Leo continued.

“You’re always there when we need you, Angel. Whether it’s to vent or to just ramble about shit, you’re just…always there. We don’t tell you this enough but we appreciate you always being someone we can lean on…”

Silence. Leo continued.

“But…you do know you can lean on us too, right? Comfort goes both ways and I can see you’re hurting, buddy. So please…if you need to talk to me…I’m right here.”

Mikey sniffled, squeezing Leo’s hand, “I-I d-dunno. Today is just…weird. This whole week has just been…weird.” Leo nodded, giving his brother his full undivided attention, “How so?”

“I just…haven’t been able to do anything…” The smaller teen admitted.

“What do you mean?” The taller teen inquired. 

“I haven’t been able to do…anything. Like, I can’t draw, cook or even skateboard! Me!!! Not being able to skateboard— isn’t that crazy?!” The amber eyed turtle laughed bitterly.

“And it’s not like I can’t do it. I’m perfectly freaking capable of doing it in the right amount of time I want but my brain just. won’t. let. me!” 

“I keep procrastinating and not doing the stuff I want to do and I have no idea why! I’m tired of just putting things off and being this way! I want to do things without having to ask you guys for help or to remind me or to relate it with a hyperfixation that I have!” Mikey hiccuped, a new wave of tears rolling down his face as his hands shook. 

The amber eyed teen sniffled, refusing to look at his immediate older brother at all right now because…holy shit he just overshared a whole lot…

Like…a whoooooooooole freaking lot.

“…That sounds like you.” Leonardo shrugged. 

In a state of just shock and confusion, the box turtle pulled his hands away from his brother, looking up at him as lime green eyes met amber ones. “I…what…?” Michelangelo murmured.

“I said that sounds like you.” Leo said again casually as Mikey glared at him, “Yeah. I heard what you said but that isn’t helpful.”

“I’m just being honest with you, Mikester.” Leo said, “Just…let me explain, okay?”

“…You have five minutes before I kick you out of my room.” 

“Deal.” The lime green eyed mutant commented, “You can’t draw, cook or skateboard right now. You’re procrastinating and not doing the stuff you want to do in the time you planned…is that correct?” 

Michelangelo sent deathly daggers to his brother— which the other wasn’t phased by at all. This time was probably the best time to crawl in his own shell and just sob his eyes out because what kind of dumbass question was his dumbass brother asking him?!

“…Yes.” The orange banded teen mumbled. 

“And…why are those bad things?” 

“WHY?!” The box turtle huffed out a laugh of annoyance, “Pfft— you’re asking me why. Maybe it’s because it’s annoying?! Maybe because it’s frustrating to deal with and I don’t want to burden you guys with my problems?! Maybe because I don’t want to fucking feel or be this way?!” The youngest shouted, breathing heavily as he finished his rant. 

The box turtle looked away again, silently cursing at himself for getting annoyed so easily. “Mikey.” Leo started again, “Your being too hard on yourself, okay? No one is expecting you to be at your 100% all the time.” 

“What you just described to me; you being able to not focus or you getting bored easily or procrastinating with stuff is…literally you. You’re just being you.” The slider explained as he held his baby brother’s hand in his. “And I get it. It’s hard to deal with it sometimes and it’s going to be hella frustrating. Like…super borderline frustrating. But you can’t shun them away and just…try to ignore them, bubs…”

“Let’s take moi for example. I’m impulsive, I talk loud and lose things daily. Those three things don’t make up my whole personality but it would be super weird and off-putting if I just…didn’t do or have those three things, right?” 

The youngest giggled wetly, “Yeah…it would. A-And by the way, I’m still waiting for you to find that glittery pen kit I gave you…”

Leonardo groaned loudly and dramatically, causing the other teen to giggle louder, “I’m looking for it, okay?! It’s in my room…somewhere.” The taller mutant mused, “But anyways…back to you. You procrastinate, you relate things to your hyperfixations and you can’t do some of your favorite tasks from time to time…those are some traits that make up you, is it not?” 

Mikey sniffled, rolling his eyes playfully due to the fact he knew damn well where this was going, “Yeah…” 

Leo smiled softly, seeing his younger brother was starting to get his point, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, okay? I know sometimes it’s hard to deal with the things you described but you have us for that.” He said as his smile turned to a grin. 

“You can come to me— to us— anytime. We love you for who you are…your flaws and all and we just…I-I need you to know that we love you so so much—!” The slider was cut off by a sudden abrupt embrace from the box turtle. The orange banded teen sobbed into the other’s shoulder, clutching the taller turtle like a lifeline. 

“T-Thank you…” The box turtle wobbly said through tears.  

“Of course, Angel.” Leo said as he hugged his baby brother back, “I love you.” He said as he kissed the other teen on the head.

“I-I l-love you too…”

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Tell your thoughts to shut up.” Leo said as he lightly poked Mikey in the forehead numerous times. The two were sitting on the box turtle’s bed just simply…relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. Michelangelo was sitting in between his older brother’s legs as he had his shell to his brother’s plastron.

Leonardo hugged his brother protectively, resting his chin on the top of the box turtle’s head. “What do you mean?” The youngest giggled out. “I can hear your thoughts, man. You’re not bothering me or disturbing me in any way, shape or form, alright…?” 

The amber eyed turtle nodded, squeezing Leo’s hand, “Y-Yeah…I know...” 

“I’m choosing to be here because I love you. I don’t feel obligated to be here, okay? You’re not annoying and you, neither your problems are a burden…okay?” The slider said reassuringly, “It’s okay to ask us for help…and we don’t mind reminding you to do things…okay?” 

“You’ve said ‘okay’ like, fifty times…”

“Mikey.” 

“Mhm…yeah yeah…I gotcha…”

The elder looked at his brother skeptically, resting his chin on his little brother’s shoulder so they made solid eye contact, “I want you to say it.” 

“…Say what exactly?”

“I want you to say that you are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.” 

“You are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.” Michelangelo grinned smugly. Leonardo glared at the youngest’s interpretation to his statement, “Mikey, you know exactly what I meant.” 

“I said what you wanted me to say…so…” The amber eyed teen trailed off.

“Michelangelo.” The slider said in a warning tone as he poked the other’s side. The box turtle squeaked at the unexpected touch, trying to stop his immediate older brother from doing it again but his brother had a strong but gentle grip on him…

Then the smallest turtle came to recognition that he was stuck in a potential tickle hug with no way out…

…How wonderful. 

“L-Leeheeo…doohoo nahat.” The orange banded mutant warned through his giggles, said warning not seeming too threatening due to the fact he was already laughing up a storm. The leader in blue raised a brow, poking the other’s side repeatedly, “I just want you to repeat what I said…in the first person.” The taller teen specified.

The smaller turtle squirmed in the hug, small frantic giggles pouring out of his mouth. This…really wasn’t how he was expecting his day to go. Just about an hour ago, he was wallowing in sadness about the stuff he hated about himself, to talking about it with his brother, to now getting tickled by his brother.

…So could he really complain about how things turned out?

…Yes. Yes, he absolutely could.  

“Leeheeon! Plehease dohon’t!” The youngest squealed as one of his brother’s hands hovered over his stomach. Mikey held onto the other’s wrists, trying to stop his elder brother from tickling him but his small attempts ending up to be all for nothing as Leo effortlessly tickled his stomach with one hand.

“LEEHEEHAHAHA!!” Michelangelo laughed wholeheartedly, swatting at his brother’s arms. The lime green eyed turtle cooed at the gesture, now using both of his hands to attack the youngest’s plastron, “D'aww…look at you giggling your head off~! You’re my adorable little bundle of amazingness, aren’t you~?”

The smaller teen shook his head, a faint blush appearing on his face, “STAHA— squeal N-NAHAHA!”

“What~? What was that?” The blue banded mutant asked as he kneaded the box turtle’s hips. “GYAHAH— squeal SHIHIHIT! COHOME OHAHAN!!!” The amber eyed turtle cried frantically as he kicked his legs on the mattress slightly. 

The youngest squealed with laughter, curling in on himself as he slumped in his big brother’s hold. Leonardo just sighed fondly at the action, wrapping the other in another hug as he raspberried his neck. “LEEHEEHEE!! PLAHAH— squeak NAHAHAT THEHERE squeak PLEHEASE PLEHEASE— squeak!!!”

“Not there~?” The elder lightly mocked, “What about…here~?” He mused as he used his hands to scribble all over the younger turtle’s ribs. Mikey cackled, shaking his head to try and at least subside the tickly feelings.

“NAHAHA— squeal AHAHAHA!! NAHAHAT THEHEHERE EHE— squeal EHEHEITHER!!! LEEHEEO!!” The orange banded turtle squeaked as Leo stopped for a second, “I’ve tried sooooo many spots, buddy! How many times are you gonna say not there, hm?”

Mikey genuinely squawked louder than a firefighter siren, squirming so much it looked like he was actually being electrocuted. “PLEHEHAHA LEEHEEO NAHAHAT THEHEHE RIHIHIBS!!!” He cackled. 

“Not the riiiibs~? Why~? Is it because it’s your tickle spot~? Your tickletickletickle spot~? Because you’re ticklish~?” Leonardo asked as he lightly nibbled the crook of Mikey’s neck. 

Michelangelo screamed in laughter, scrunching up his shoulders as he dug his heels on the bed, a couple of his plushies sadly falling on the floor (R.I.P. man…) “EEEHEEHEEP!!! S-STAHAP BEEHEEING MEEHEAN!” Mikey said as he thrashed on the bed. 

The slider said nothing, his hands sneaking up to the box turtle’s underarms. “AAAAHAHAHA! OHO NOHOHO— squeak SHIT! SHIHIHAHAT!”

Happy tears slowly begin to appear in the smallest teen’s eyes, he weakly hit Leo’s arms as a last attempt to be set free, “LEHEHEMME squeal GOHOHOHO!” 

“Ohonly if you sahay it, bubs.” 

“IHIHI— SQUEAK!! LEEHEEHEEON!!!” 

“Yeeeees, baby brother~?” The elder dragged out as he kneaded the other’s hips.

“IHI’LL SAHAY IHIHAT I-IHIHI’LL SAHAHAY IHIT!!” The amber eyed teen squealed. 

“And you promise not to be a sassy little shit about it~?” The older teen asked.

“SQUEAK YEHAHAHA— SQUEAK YEHES YEHES I-I PROHOHOMISE!” 

Leo stopped tickling his little brother, hugging him protectively as the youngest caught his breath slowly but surely. “W-Wahait…whahat squeak wahas ihihat yohou eeheeven wahanted me squeak to sahay again?” 

The taller turtle pondered for a bit, thinking to himself before loudly groaning, “That’s…a good damn question. I don’t really remember exactly what I wanted you to say in the first place…” The lime green eyed turtle sighed, “Forgetfulness at its finest...” 

The red eared slider adjusted himself, making sure the other was comfortable before starting to speak again, “Well…based on what we talked about…could you maybe just…y'know…” Leo gestured with his hands before groaning, “Do you get what I’m trying to say, man?” 

“…I thihink I have ahan idea…” Mikey giggled as he fiddled with his hands, “I shouldn’t beat myself up so much because of some of my traits or quirks. And I’m allowed to feel frustrated and/or upset because things don’t go my way because of them. But…I shouldn’t allow those things to put me down...”

Michelangelo smiled softly, rubbing his palm with his thumb, “They don’t define me as a person but they make me a person. I don’t need to be at my best 100% and I’m allowed to have bad days. And if things get too overwhelming or difficult I can just go to you guys.” 

Mikey hugged himself, letting out a small laugh as his happy tears welled up in his eyes, “I’m just…being me. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Leonardo teared up at his brother’s words, hugging him tighter than he ever had before and burying his face at the back of the youngest’s head.

“Never forget that, Miguelito…never forget that.” 

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ 

(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)

[sluckythewizard]

I LOVE QUEEN SOO MUCH I THINK THEYRE JUST SO SO NEAT AND SILLY... the best thing about a cute character is that u get to draw them all scared and bloody and crying and shaking and upset and you can also put a spider on them

[lotus-pear]

Idk if I already sent this in or if it glitches out and didn’t send but I found this on pinterest:

OH MY FUCKING GOD STORYTIME REAL QUICK EVERYONE SIT DOWN. OKAY SO I SAW THIS ALREADY LIKE A WEEK AGO SO I WENT INTO THIS PERSONS DMS TO ASK THEM TO TAKE IT DOWN BC I LITERALLY DONT ALLOW REPOSTS AT ALL. AND THEN THEY ACCEPTED THE REQUEST. SO I WAS LIKE OK GOOD THEYRE CIVILIZED. WE'RE GONNA SORT THIS OUT. BUT THEN THEY LEFT ME ON READ. AND THEN THEY FUCKING BLOCKED ME??????????????????????? LIKE?????????????????????? THE FUCKING AUDACITY????????????????????????