#both have done full frontal nudity how cute

[harmslength]

(S)CREAMING

[myaekingheart]

108. Starstruck

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               Konoha was abuzz with excitement as genin teams hung banners and balloons throughout the village. Truthfully, Rei found it rather ironic that they were assigned such a task. After all, the celebrity they were welcoming was not exactly child-friendly.

               Apparently Konoha’s financial situation had dipped during this time of routine and calm. As such, Lady Tsunade had invented the wonderful idea that perhaps the village should pour more of their efforts into promoting tourism. Rei was not brave enough to note how dangerous this might be with the Akatsuki a quietly approaching threat. Before she could say anything, Shizune cringed and swiped her finger across her neck, a warning. Tsunade had clearly been stressed. Protesting her plans would likely only anger the beast.

               The best way to attract visitors to Konoha, it seemed, was to piggyback on the village’s merit of being the birthplace of the great sannin, Jiraiya. There was nothing noble or respectable about this idea, however. He was not to be revered by tourists for his innate abilities but rather for his dirty books. Icha Icha was a hit the world over and so there was truly no better way to sell Konoha than to bring that fact to the fore.

               Clearly, they could not use Jiraiya himself as the poster boy. Tsunade had written him a letter mapping out her idea, to which he replied emphatically but apologized for not being able to partake himself. He mentioned that Naruto was progressing wonderfully with his training and they could not afford to stop for anything, but that they hoped Konoha would welcome them both back in a year with open arms. Regarding the tourism plan, however, Jiraiya instead suggested one of the actors from the film adaptation. After all, they were on the cusp of shooting Icha Icha Violence so a press tour was only natural. Promote the film while also promoting the village. There was no way Tsunade could say no.

               The first person she contacted, of course, was Koyuki Kazahana. Known by her stage name Yukie Fujikaze, she was the stunning lead actress and therefore was certain to garner lots of positive attention. However, Koyuki was not just an actress but also the princess of the Land of Snow. When she wasn’t acting, she was pouring her heart into her country. Her assistant, Sandayu, returned their correspondence with an “I regret to inform you…” and that was the end of that.  

               The only other option, and the one that eventually stuck, was the leading man. Keihaku Goman was charming and appealing with a lithe figure and a sparkling smile. Young adult magazines paid special attention to “eyes like pools of water” and “hair like sunshine.” He was, for all intents and purposes, a heartthrob. When it was announced that he was visiting Konoha, all the women went insane. Hair salons saw a significant increase in appointments and cute dresses flew off the racks of fashionable clothing stores. Anything to capture the attention of a sexy movie star.

               “I can’t believe how everyone is freaking out” Kakashi mentioned as he and Rei weaved through the mess. “I never expected everyone in the village to be so head over heels for some actor.”

               “Well, for what it’s worth” Rei replied, “he’s technically not just some actor. He’s an actor who just so happens to have a full-frontal nudity scene in a racy blockbuster. You’d be surprised what desperate women would do for dick.”

               Kakashi chuckled and shook his head. As big a fan as he was of the Icha Icha series, he just couldn’t wrap his brain around the absolute chaos erupting from this man’s visit. “At least you have a level head” he replied, wrapping an arm around his fiancée. Rei gave a definitive nod, rubbing the back of her neck and looking the other way. Her silence was enough to warrant suspicion. “You do have a level head, right…?” he asked slowly.

               “Hmm? Oh, yeah! Yeah! Of course!” Rei replied. She pasted a huge grin on her face and swatted at the air dismissively. Kakashi was not convinced. He stared her down for a long, silent moment before finally breaking.

               “Rei, please don’t tell me you’re googly-eyed for him, too” Kakashi complained.

               “I’m not!” Rei exclaimed. She rubbed her forearms and muttered, “I only like him a normal amount.”

               “God dammit, Rei” Kakashi whined, tossing his head back and groaning. And here he thought she wasn’t like other girls.

               “I’m sorry!” Rei replied. “It’s not like I’m going to lose my shit over this guy, I just think he’s kind of, I don’t know, aesthetically pleasing. You know, in that glittery film actor sort of way. That’s all it is! Come on, Kakashi. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

               Pouting, Kakashi muttered a halfhearted, “Alright” but it was clear he was bothered by this. And if he was bothered, then Rei was bothered. She stopped him dead in the middle of the street, taking his forearm to pull him closer to her. He watched as she cupped his face in her hands, stared him in the eyes.

               “Kakashi, believe me when I say this is not a big deal” she said. “I love you more than words can ever describe. There is no one else I would rather spend my future with.” She held up her left hand, her engagement ring glittering in the sunlight. “This should be proof enough of that.”

               Kakashi stared at her for a moment, searching her gaze for any hint of dishonesty. When he found none, his expression quickly shifted from anxiety to amusement. A satisfied smile spread across his masked face as he lyrically teased, “You have a crush on Keihaku.”

               Rei’s face immediately turned bright red. She removed her hands from his face and slapped him on the arm, turning away from him to hide her embarrassment. “Shut up! I already told you I do not!” she insisted.

               “Okay…” Kakashi chuckled, delightfully unconvinced. He plunged his hands into his pockets and began strolling back toward their apartment, humming to himself.

               “Kakashi, get back here!” Rei shouted, chasing after him. “I told you, it’s not like that! I don’t have a crush on this guy! Kakashi!”

               Keihaku Goman arrived in the Hidden Leaf a few days after, welcomed by a large crowd and sweeping processional. Women screamed and fainted at the sight of him—to think, a movie star here, in Konoha, in the flesh. They would give anything to earn so much as a glance or a wink from him. A team of ANBU escorted him to the hokage’s office where he was to meet with Tsunade about his itinerary. Among his bodyguards was Rei.

               In true movie star fashion, Keihaku hammed it up for the crowd as he ventured down the street, winking and waving at swooning women. Rei watched as she followed close behind and wondered how a human being could possibly be so charismatic. Every move seemed carefully choreographed and yet totally effortless. Was he playing a part, or was he truly this princely? She couldn’t tell. The longer she pondered it, however, the redder her face grew and she forced herself to remain focused. She could not let herself get distracted. She had a duty to fulfill.

               Once they had reached the hokage’s office, Tsunade welcomed him warmly. At least she seemed completely unaffected by his charm. Rather, she remained polite and diplomatic just as the hokage should be. Shizune, on the other hand, was forced to muster all of her strength in order to remain standing. From the other side of the room, a group of jonin—Kakashi included—tuned in for the briefing.

               Rei and Kakashi locked eyes with one another as Tsunade explained Keihaku’s tasks. He had a busy schedule ahead of him including photoshoots and even a commercial. Anything to amp up Konoha’s tourism. Meanwhile, Kakashi made discrete hand gestures to his fiancée—an overflow from his ANBU days—to communicate to her what he was thinking. And what he was thinking was that he was going to milk every ounce of her embarrassment. Her face turned bright red and she swatted at the air in a silent attempt to shut him up. Kakashi quickly dropped his eyes and stifled his laughter as Tsunade paused mid-sentence.

               “Is something the matter?” she asked harshly, glaring at Rei.

               Clearing her throat, Rei steadied herself and croaked, “N-no, Lady Tsunade. Just, uh…just a fly.”

               Tsunade narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, completely unconvinced. She slowly turned her attention back to Keihaku’s itinerary but Rei could feel a scolding waiting for her after Tsunade was done. Once her and Keihaku were yet again occupied with his obligations, Rei shot Kakashi a sharp warning glare. Even with her mask on, he could tell her expression was something fierce.

               Kakashi thumbed through Makeout Paradise as he waited outside the ANBU headquarters. It was that strange liminal period of dusk when the sky was growing too dark to read under and yet not dark enough to turn the streetlights on. And then there was a heavy shove of the door and Rei trudged out into the night air, fraught and fatigued. Kakashi tucked his book into his back pouch and waved with a grin, striding toward her. Rei knew just by the look on his face that she was in for a ration of shit. He was far too perky to not be suspicious. “So, how did your first day as Keihaku’s bodyguard go?” he asked, lacing his fingers with hers as they walked home.

               “It was fine” Rei replied bluntly. “Nothing to write home about.”  

               Kakashi was silent for a moment before teasing, “He tried to touch your butt, didn’t he?”

               “Kakashi! No! What the fuck?!” Rei exclaimed, swatting him on the arm. “Stop that! I already told you, it’s not like that!”

               “I’ll believe it when I see it” Kakashi sighed sleepily. He was so nonchalant, so unaffected, it made Rei’s blood boil. Grumbling, she quickened her pace with arms folded across her chest to further enforce her displeasure. They walked along in silence for a few moments more before Kakashi went in for the kill again. “So are you going to ask him on a date?”

               “What the fuck? No! Of course not!” Rei shouted. She shoved her left hand in his face. “Does this mean nothing to you, Kakashi?”

               “I don’t know” Kakashi joked. “Keihaku does have a lot more money than I do. Are you sure he wouldn’t be able to buy you something nicer?”

               Rei rolled her eyes and huffed her bangs out of her face. “Even if he did, I wouldn’t want it” she insisted. “It wouldn’t mean as much.”  

               He had to admit, hearing her get so heated about this was kind of affirming for him. He loved knowing that she was so defensively in love with him, that the thought of even considering another man made her furious. But at the same time, watching her get flustered about finding someone else attractive was far too fun. Besides, it was clear to him that he had nothing to worry about in terms of her faithfulness. He could tease her to his heart’s content and it wouldn’t mean a single thing.

               “So you’re saying that if Keihaku burst out of that window right there, with confetti and trumpets blaring, and got down on one knee and asked you to go on a date with him, that you would say no?” he asked, suppressing laughter. She glared up at him, tiny but lethal. Poking her puffed out cheek, he added, “Because that is a very tempting offer!”

               Rei swatted his hand away and shouted, “Maybe you should go on a date with him then, Kakashi!”

               Kakashi couldn’t help but laugh. “You know, if he ever did somehow ask you on a date, I think you should go for it.” It was that statement that firmly stopped Rei in her tracks. What was he insinuating here? First of all: if he somehow asked her on a date? Was he trying to say she would be undesirable to someone like Keihaku? Not that it mattered. She didn’t care either way. But was he trying to say she wasn’t fit to be seen with a celebrity? And more importantly, I think you should go for it?! Was her fiancé really suggesting she cheat on him? Her disgust and confusion were almost palpable. Kakashi, however, was completely unphased. Of all the women in Konoha, he doubted Keihaku would ever ask Rei out. It wasn’t that he considered her undesirable in the least sense—she was the most intelligent, beautiful, and talented woman he knew. And that was exactly the problem. Men like Keihaku had no interest in women of substance. All they cared about were breast implants and sex appeal. Women with lips soaked in gloss and hair permed to perfection and fake tans to rival the gods. Keihaku would never go for someone like Rei. Truthfully, Kakashi took comfort in that. If, for whatever reason, he did ask for a date with his fiancée, however, Kakashi was not going to protest. He wasn’t giving her up in the slightest. He knew even one dinner would never lead to anything serious. Celebrities were far too shallow for that sort of thing—Keihaku could never dream of having a relationship with as much depth and integrity as that of Kakashi and Rei. Rather, Kakashi’s reasoning was much more darkly funny: he would’ve killed to see Rei make a fool of herself in front of a famous movie star. He loved her more than life itself but he knew she was far too crass and clumsy for the likes of Keihaku. The two of them in a room together, candlelight and smooth jazz, was a recipe for disaster and Kakashi was far too curious for his own good. He only regretted not having popcorn.

               Rei’s glare hardened as she considered the situation. Finally, she blurted, “Then fine. Maybe I will go on a date with him then!”

               “Okay” Kakashi chuckled. He patted her head as they walked along, flattening the fluff of her ponytail in the process. Rei slapped his hand away and grumbled, pouting the entire way home.

               That night, she tossed and turned, restless. Thoughts of Keihaku swirled relentlessly through her head—a subject she did not want to think about. She was not interested in him. He was not going to ask her out. She was not imagining him asking her out. She was definitely not envisioning them sitting across a fancy table looking into each other’s eyes and having an incredibly in-depth and profound conversation with one another. No, Keihaku was useless. He was as profound as a cardboard cutout. She refused.

               The following day, Kakashi was lounging on the couch with a book when Rei returned home. Something was off about her, however. Somehow, her bangs seemed to hide more of her face than usual. What he could see of it was beet red. Sitting up abruptly, Kakashi asked, “How was work?”

               “It was…fine” Rei replied, voice restrained and cracking. Toshio picked his head up, ears perking at the squeak in her voice. Her tone was far too high-pitched to be normal. Something was wrong, Kakashi was sure of it.

               “Did anything happen today…?” he asked slowly. Rei kicked her shoes off at the front door, skirted around the kitchen table. She dropped to her knees on the living room floor so as to snuggle Toshio. Anything to keep herself preoccupied.

               “Um, well, I mean…” she stammered. “Kind of?”

               “Kind of?” Kakashi repeated. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Like what?”

               Rei wiped her nose with the back of her hand, covered her mouth so that her voice was muffled. “You’re never going to believe this, but…” she started. The suspense was killing him. Kakashi didn’t think he could handle it. What the hell was she hiding? And then, unable to restrain laughter any longer, she said it. “Keihaku literally asked me the fuck out.”

               By the time the words spilled from her lips, she had fallen back onto the floor covering her face and laughing hysterically. Kakashi couldn’t tell if she was delighted with the prospect or merely thought it was so ridiculously stupid, she was reduced to deliria. All he knew for certain was that it very quickly felt as if someone had ripped his spine right out of his body and now here he was, hollow and unstructured. Suddenly the whole idea wasn’t so funny anymore.

               “He…he asked you out?” Kakashi repeated slowly, voice quiet and numb. Then, voice rising slightly in horror, he asked, “W-Well what did you say?! You didn’t agree, did you?!”

               Rei rolled her eyes and repositioned herself on the floor, fixing a wedgie and smoothing her dress down over her stomach. “What do you take me for, Kakashi? A whore?” she asked. Folding her arms back behind her head then, she added, “Of course I said yes.”

               The entire room was spinning. Kakashi couldn’t take this. He felt like he was going to be sick. He never should’ve teased her about this. He never should’ve encouraged her. Now he just felt like an idiot. The sickening realization made him uneasy and shaky: oh god, he was going to lose her. “I-is he blind?” Kakashi erupted. “Did he not see the ring on your finger? Does commitment mean nothing to him? To you?”

               Finally understanding the gravity of his response, Rei sat up and frowned. “Calm down, Kakashi, fuck” she groaned. “Were you not the one who told me to go for it if he ever asked?”

               “Yes, but I never thought he’d actually do it!” Kakashi exclaimed. “I don’t want anyone else to think you’re available, or that you don’t respect our commitment to each other. We made a promise, Rei. Does it mean nothing to you?”

               Rei narrowed her eyes, brows knitting in offense. “Of course, Kakashi” she said, her voice stone cold. “More than you even know.” She pressed her hand to her stomach, filing through all the thoughts she had been having the past few weeks. Of taking his last name, of becoming his wife, of wanting to conceive a child with him. He had no idea the things she had been considering, of how deeply and passionately she had been imagining their future together. Rising to her feet, she approached Kakashi and situated herself between his legs, holding his face firm in her hands. “Nothing is going to happen, I promise” she insisted. “The only reason I agreed to this is because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I have terrible ideas. Is that clear?”

               Kakashi frowned, trying to make himself believe in her words. Then, looking up at her with eyes soft and pleading, he asked quietly, “What kinds of ideas?”

               A sinister grin touched Rei’s lips as she straddled his lap, running her fingers through his hair. “Oh, nothing too serious. I’m just going to milk this for all it’s worth and at the end of the night, probably pull his pants down in front of everyone in the middle of the restaurant.”

               Kakashi let out an airy chuckle, shaking his head. “Are you sure that’s not just because you want his dick, too?” he asked.

               Rei couldn’t restrain her incredulous laughter. “Absolutely not!” she exclaimed. “No, it’s because I think the whole world deserves to know the truth: that he actually has, and I quote, an ‘immaculately tiny penis’.”

               Kakashi’s face burned at the prospect and he struggled to suppress the laughter rising in his throat. “Immaculately tiny?” he repeated. “Where did you hear that?”

               Shrugging, Rei replied, “I found it in a pamphlet about the movie’s production.” Leaping to her feet, she then rushed into the kitchen and began rummaging around the junk drawer. “They said it was so unexpected and wrong for the role, that they had to hire a dick double just for the full-frontal nudity” she continued. She exclaimed with pride then as she found the very pamphlet in question crumpled up in the back of the drawer, presenting it to her fiancé with a dramatic flourish. She climbed onto the couch beside him, drawing her legs up to sit cross-legged, as she watched him flip through it, equal parts fascinated and frightened. “You know, for a movie based on a bestselling book, you’d think all of these psychotic women would do a little more reading.”

               “I guess this explains his confidence” Kakashi replied. “He must be compensating.”

               “I’ll say” Rei agreed.

               Kakashi had to admit, Rei’s tone and her casual attitude were reassuring but there was still something nagging in the back of his mind. Something that still bothered him about all of this. He folded the pamphlet back up and placed it on the coffee table, then thought for a moment before turning to her and asking, “Is that a dealbreaker?”

               Dumbfounded, Rei blinked despondently. Did Kakashi really think Keihaku’s charisma and wealth alone was enough to make her leave him? A sly smile touched her lips as she reached out and abruptly took hold of Kakashi’s crotch. His entire face turned bright red as he looked back at her, studying the determination and certainty of her gaze. “Nothing can compare to you, Kakashi” she insisted. “As far as dicks go, I’ve won the jackpot. There’s no way in hell I would ever give that up, or more importantly the amazing man it’s attached to.” She could feel him begin to harden from her touch and that gave her all the confidence to know that he understood her perfectly.

               Kakashi watched with focused intent as she gathered her hair into the signature ponytail, an elastic around her wrist and a bobby pin cinched between her lips. He only took slight comfort in her rather business-professional outfit: a simple button down, a knee-length skirt. But the way the buttons strained at her breasts, the tight-fitting nature of the skirt…he couldn’t help but shudder. Friday evening had come way too quickly for his taste.

               All week, he had debated being upfront and honest, telling her that this was a bad idea and refusing to let her go through with it. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Despite everything, he did not own her. If she wanted to do this, then that was her choice and no one else’s. Rei shoved a few bobby pins into the underside of her ponytail, ensuring that the shorter strands would stay put throughout the night, then flipped her head down and and misted the underside with hairspray. Kakashi coughed into the crook of his neck, the cloud of noxious fumes only further enforcing his nausea. Rei turned toward him once she was finished, studying the discomfort on his face. “Are you going to sit around sulking like this all night, Kakashi?” she asked. Kakashi pouted and dropped his gaze. Rei set the bottle of hairspray on the bathroom counter and approached him, tilting his chin up to look her in the eyes. “If you really didn’t want me to do this, all you had to do was speak up, Kakashi.”

               “I’m not going to tell you what to do” Kakashi replied, but Rei could tell there was more that he intended to say. After a beat of silence, he cupped her cheek in his hand and firmly added, “I don’t want you to do this.”

               Quite frankly, Rei was starting to grow frustrated with his conflicted attitude. Sometimes, he would seem fine. Completely unaffected. As if he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this would amount to nothing, that her faithfulness could not be wavered. Other times, however, he was fussy and distant. Time and time again, Rei had told him that if he was truly against her doing this, then to let her know. And time and time again, he said the same thing: I’m not going to tell you what to do. She understood that this was a sign that he wanted her to drop out without him having to ask, but the truth of the matter was that she could not bring herself to pass up an opportunity like this. She wanted to enjoy the finer things for one night and make a famous man look like an idiot in the process. To absolutely disparage a wealthy heartthrob while sipping fine champagne that tasted like power. If Kakashi didn’t want her to go through with this, she needed to hear it straightforward. And now here he was, fifteen minutes from her restaurant reservation, telling her what he had held back all week.

               “Kakashi…” Rei sighed. She pressed her forehead to his chest in defeat and a surge of relief washed over the copy ninja. She was finally giving in. She was going to back out at the last minute and save him from certain destruction. She rested a hand upon his chest, caressed him comfortingly. “You had all week to tell me this. Don’t you think it’s a little late to turn back now?”

               Kakashi froze, his heart leaping into his chest. “S-so are you still going to go?” he asked.

               Pulling back, Rei looked him in the eyes and sighed, “Yes. Yes, I am still going to go.”

               “B-but—” Kakashi stammered. Before he could say anything more, though, Rei had slipped past him to retrieve her purse from the kitchen table. She slipped her shoes on at the door—the strappy sandals she always wore for more formal occasions—before turning to leave. Kakashi could feel his insides twisting and decaying at the sight, panic surging through his veins. He never should’ve egged her on. He never should’ve teased her and encouraged her. Oh god, he was going to lose her. He had felt so secure about their relationship and now he was going to lose her. All he could manage to say to her was a croaked, “When will you be back?”

               Rei paused in the doorway, looking up at him, and fed him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be back before nine. Promise” she said. Then, her sympathy slowly morphed into slyness as she added, “Don’t worry, I have something extra special planned for when I get back.” Her gaze was sultry and tempting as she closed the door behind her and disappeared. Kakashi should’ve felt relieved—after all, she was promising him something supreme upon her return—but if anything, he felt even more defeated. Not only was she off to mingle with a millionaire, but now she was sexually riled up on top of it. Digging the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, Kakashi groaned and fell back onto the couch. It was going to be a long three hours.

               He needed to do something, to preoccupy himself. Toshio picked his ears up as he stared back at Kakashi staring into the kitchen. He knew he should eat dinner, but his mood had swiped any hope of hunger from him. Instead, he swung open the refrigerator door and began cleaning out the spoiled food inside. He tossed the stinking plastic containers into the sink, tied up the trash bag and walked it down to the dumpster. Toshio followed, as if in hopes of finding scraps. Upon their return, Kakashi washed out the containers as well as any remaining dirty dishes. He took his time with each, paying no mind to the scalding water on his hands. He dried each one thoroughly and individually and put them away in their respective cabinets. The sun had nearly disappeared, the room growing dark. Kakashi flicked on a light and checked the clock. 6:45pm. This was pointless. Kakashi dropped his head back and sighed.

               “Toshio, if we’re lucky” he started, “Maybe she’ll come home early.” Toshio huffed and rested his head on the floor in retaliation. Kakashi nodded, kneeling down to scratch behind the dog’s ear. “Yeah. You and me both.”

               By 7 o’clock, it was clear to Kakashi that the only thing he could stand to do was read. If he could get himself right in the proper mood, nestled into the sweet spot of his literary allure, he could lose himself in the words and time would race by. He reached for Makeout Paradise, almost disgustingly satisfied with how clever this plan was meant to be, but quickly found the situation had left him changed. The book no longer brought him the same pleasure as it always had. He focused hard on the sentences in front of him, tried to envision himself and Rei in the title roles, but as luck would have it he landed on a chapter in which the third corner of the love triangle enters the plot. And in that role, all he could see was Keihaku Goman. The dashing Keihaku bursting into the room and professing his love for the heroine, Keihaku kissing her hand and begging her to choose him instead, Keihaku wrapping an arm around her waist as he whisked her into the bedroom and—

               Kakashi heard the key turn in the lock and he immediately sat bolt upright. His eyes glanced to the clock. It was 8:30pm. She was home early. A hint of delight hitched in his throat. The date must have gone terribly. Perhaps it was so terrible, in fact, that Rei will never want to look at another man ever again. He hoped that that wouldn’t backfire on him, that she would not denounce all men, himself included. But now he was overthinking things. All he knew was that he needed to see her. One look and he would know exactly how things had gone. One look and it would all be over, for better or for worse.

               She stepped inside and his heart surged. There she was. Deep down, a part of him was overjoyed that she had even returned at all. She locked the door behind her silently, kicked her shoes off. “Well?” Kakashi asked. She met his gaze blankly. “How was it?”

               “It was fine” she replied, unbuttoning her shirt plainly as she stepped over Toshio and skirted into the living room. “Things went smoothly.”

               She was far too calm. This was a bad sign. Either things went too smoothly or not smoothly at all. Kakashi wasn’t sure which he would have preferred. He watched her with laser focus as she knelt down on the floor by Toshio, slipping out of her blouse to reveal the simple white camisole underneath. He wanted to kiss the freckles on her shoulders and the scars on her forearms. The delicate lace trim was so enticing, perfectly accentuating her breasts. Kakashi frowned and wondered if Keihaku had the same thoughts. It was then that he knew there was no way things couldn’t have gone well. Dejected, Kakashi turned away to look out the window. He attempted to sound as nonchalant as possible when he asked, “So are you going to run off with Mr. Billionaire and move into his mansion with his fancy gold couch and tiny penis?” The depression in his voice, however, was far too obvious.

               Knitting her brows together, Rei stared at him sharply. “You know I only have eyes for you” she insisted. “I wouldn’t want to spend my future with anyone else.” She finished unfastening the last button on her shirt and slithered out of it then, tossing it toward Kakashi from across the room. “Besides” she sighed rather dramatically, “Keihaku Goman is a total asshole, anyway.”

               In retrospect, this was not the least bit surprising but the way she said it, the look on her face as she pouted and tilted her head toward the window, struck something within Kakashi. Something anxious but protective. “Why?” he asked, leaning forward. “What happened? What did he say to you?”

               “It’s really nothing” Rei swatted at the air. “He just threw out some pretty petty and underhanded lines about he’s always liked ‘homegrown girls’ and shit.”

               “Homegrown girls?” Kakashi repeated. He wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

               Rei nodded, drawing her knees up to her chest like a small child. As cavalier as she appeared on the outside, he could tell in her eyes that something had cracked. “Yeah, you know, like local rough-and-tumble girls who live in the middle of nowhere and wrestle alligators and bake pies and shit. Anne and Scout and Jane, all that crap.” Kakashi blinked, trying to remember who, exactly, Anne and Scout and Jane were. Rei continued to speak before he could make the final connection. “Apparently Keihaku thinks that the ugly features like my scar and my crooked teeth and messy hair were ‘alluring’ in, and I quote, ‘a gross, kinky sort of way’.” Here, Rei made a face bordering both disgust and confusion. A casual acceptance of a harsh insult that deep down, she was clearly hurt by. And deep in the pit of Kakashi’s stomach grew a sharp, burning anger.

               How could anyone ever say anything so cruel? And to his fiancée of all people? Kakashi sucked in a deep breath and clenched his fists at his sides. Nothing about the date itself or his prior uncertainty mattered anymore. All that was important now was that Keihaku Goman had hurt the love of his life and Kakashi could hardly contain himself. “The audacity…” he muttered through clenched teeth. “I can’t believe he would say something like that.” Rei turned to him and saw the darkness in his eyes, the absolute fury. Her gaze softened, sympathetic and sad. She hated seeing him get so pent up like this. And then Kakashi stood, reaching for his shoes by the front door.

               “W-wait, where are you going?” Rei asked, scrambling to her feet.

               Kakashi sighed and shook his head. “Someone ought to teach that asshole a lesson.”

               Rei rested a gentle hand on his forearm, shook her head. Anyone else likely would’ve been far too intimidated to approach the infamous Copy Ninja in this way, but not Rei. She didn’t care. She knew better than to believe he would ever hurt her. “It’s not worth it” Rei softly insisted. “We’re never going to see him again. It’s fine.”

               “But Rei—” Kakashi protested, but she simply shook her head and guided him back to the couch. She sat beside him and rested a hand on his knee. They remained silent for a long while until Kakashi calmed down. When he had, he turned to her and asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

               Nodding, Rei replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.” There was a sense of restraint in her voice, however, as if she was holding back tears. Kakashi tried to keep his cool. Forcing a laugh, Rei then added, "Honestly, I’ve heard worse from Sekkachi. Keihaku’s words mean nothing to me. He doesn’t know anything about me, so who is he to judge?”

               “Rei…” Kakashi murmured. His pain in seeing her not just upset but faking a smile was immeasurable. He reached out to caress her cheek, press his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and inhaled, drinking in every ounce of her presence. “He doesn’t know a damn thing” he whispered. “Rei, you’re the strongest and most amazing and intelligent and beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I just...I can’t fathom how anyone can be so…just…” He groaned in frustration, struggling to find the proper words.

               “It’s okay” Rei assured him, studying his face and running her fingers through his hair. “I know.”

               Kakashi grazed the scar across the bridge of her nose with his thumb, combed her hair back and chuckled lightly when his fingers got caught in the tangles. “I just can’t stand anyone hurting you” he finally whispered.

               “I know” Rei whispered back, dripping with sympathy. “It’s fine, though. Really” she insisted. Kakashi opened his eyes and leaned back so as to better view her face. He searched her expression for the sadness he was sure he would find, but instead she now seemed at peace. She laughed softly as she added, “I think really, he’s just bitter because they recast his character in the next Makeout film.”

               Kakashi blinked in disbelief, trying to digest this new information. “They did…?”

               “Mmhmm” Rei replied, and now she was fighting a smile. Kakashi’s heart sang. She toyed with the hem of his shirt as she explained, “Apparently he was a total diva on set and was just an absolute nightmare to work with. I heard Yukie nearly quit on five separate occasions and insisted even she wasn’t this bad when she was a full-time actress. You can use that information however you will—I’m sure you’d know better than I would. But his attitude on top of the dick double debacle basically made for an absolute mess and they fired him two weeks ago right before filming began. I take it he’s milking whatever claim to fame he has left before the news breaks and everyone shifts their adoration to the new guy.”

               Kakashi scoffed and nodded. “Good riddance” he sighed. This new information brought with it a welcome sense of relief, something Kakashi had been desperate for all week. “Did you at least humiliate him?” he then asked.

               A sly, sickening smile then spread across Rei’s lips. “Maybe…” she said in sing-song. “Let’s just say that if all the swooning women didn’t know about his assets before, they do now.”

               “You’re terrible” Kakashi shook his head. He only regretted not being there to see it himself.

               “I bet that’s the last time he’ll ever try to mess with a ‘homegrown girl’” Rei replied. It was refreshing to see her use what was once an insult as a term of power and pride now. Keihaku Goman may not have seen the merit in a homegrown girl, but Kakashi certainly did. He wouldn’t have wanted her any other way.

               Sighing, Kakashi leaned back against the couch, taking delight in Rei automatically snuggling up against his chest. When she laid beside him like this, everything just felt right. Her head nestled into the dip where his collar met his shoulder, her hand firmly monitoring his heartbeat. Toshio followed suit, leaping onto the open cushion to snuggle up beside them. “So you really wouldn’t leave me for some fancy film actor?” Kakashi asked, toying with Rei’s hair as he held her close.

               Rei laughed and shook her head, looking up at him with a glimmer of ingenuity in her eyes. His heart swelled, he loved her so much. “And give up becoming Mrs. Hatake? Wife of the infamous Copy Ninja? I could never.” Toshio barked in stark agreement and Kakashi couldn’t contain himself any longer. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her neck so as to plant tiny little kisses all along her shoulder and collarbone. She squirmed with uproarious laughter, Toshio barking in amused spectatorship. It was moments like these, snapshots of the little life they had created together, that were all that truly mattered. The simple things. The things that money couldn’t buy. And that was enough. It was more than enough.