eisdendrobium

[eisdendrobium]

Ultraviolent Heart

╰┈➤You know how it ends. From the very beginning, you carried that knowledge like an inescapable burden, a quiet ache that shaped your every choice. Yet you stayed—for him. Jin Woo—your confidant, your light in a world of darkness—could never walk with you to the very end. But you couldn't take it anymore. It was too much to bear. So, you leave - knowing your place by his side was never meant to last.

Left behind is Jin Woo, with questions no one will answer and a gaping void where your presence once was. You are gone, and yet the emptiness you leave lingers longer than any memory. ༊*·˚

Implied Jin Woo x Isekai'd!Player2!Fem!Reader | Songfic | Heartbreak | Goodbye | Angst | Jealousy | crying

Crywolf - ULTRAVIOLENT [adrenochrome] ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚--~

Your heart is torturing me.

Knock.

The dull sound of his fist striking hard stone echoed through the air.

Once—not too hard.

Twice—with more force.

Three times—before the rigid concrete wall could no longer withstand the immense power of the Shadow Monarch. Cracks spread across the structure, and where solid stone once stood, now a large, gaping hole remained, with Jin Woo’s hand at its center—much like the gaping hole in his heart.

The overwhelming anger he felt threatened to consume him entirely. Beru flinched violently, fear creeping up his limbs as his master’s eyes glowed dangerously. He had brought bad news—perhaps the worst Jin Woo had received in a long time.

"Search more thoroughly."

The black-haired man’s voice cut through the silence like his blades through flesh. Yet, despite his usual composed demeanor, his voice quivered with rage.

Beru wanted to point out that it was a pointless endeavor. If you were still there, he would have already found you. But his master would not accept that answer.

"Yes, my king," Beru replied reverently before retreating into the shadows, leaving Jin Woo alone in his fury.

This couldn’t be true. No one could simply vanish without a trace. And yet, it seemed that was exactly what had happened.

A thousand miles an hour again.

It had been a week, and none of his shadows could locate you. Even the Hunter’s Association had been unable to find any information about your current whereabouts. There wasn’t even a hint that you had left the country.

But giving up the search would mean it was over. It would mean that a part of him was gone forever and that the memories you shared were nothing more than illusions.

He clung to the last shred of hope he had because, no matter how furious he was with you, he desperately wanted answers.

And all that stays with me

How could you do this to him? He had trusted you so much, and you had abandoned him in the most cowardly way possible—without a word. No goodbye, no note, no message—as if you had never existed. And with that, you had torn a massive hole in his heart.

The anger began to ebb, only to be replaced with a suffocating fear—a fear that had gripped him time and time again in recent days.

Is the fear inside my gut.

It felt as though he was bleeding out, choking, drowning in place. As though his heart was overflowing with pain, longing for your warmth and softness, and all the things he had never been able to say—the things you had denied him. The fear that he would soon no longer remember you gnawed at his soul.

Memories were all he had left of you, yet even they were beginning to fade. What did your voice sound like again? Your beautiful face, once so vivid in his mind, was now blurring. Were you only a beautiful dream from which he had now awakened?

You're the fear inside my gut -‘๑’-

Two years had passed since you had been pulled into this world—the world you knew so well, almost like the back of your hand. The world that had accompanied you through so many sleepless nights as you eagerly read each chapter on your smartphone.

But just as you were about to finish the story, with the last chapter ahead of you, the universe intervened. You were pulled into the story yourself, long before Jin Woo set foot in the double dungeon.

You became Player 2. The system welcomed you like an old friend, and you quickly adapted. At first, you wanted to return home, but the system refused your departure with a single window:

[You can only leave the game when you truly want to.]

And, evidently, you didn’t truly want to leave. You wanted to stay, to experience firsthand the world you had come to know so well. And so, you stayed—with the goal of making life a little easier for Jin Woo, as though that was your purpose.

Starting as a C-rank mage with a few healing spells, you participated in every raid Jin Woo was involved in, which quickly made you friends. He had admired your strength from the beginning, just as you had admired his courage and determination.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t always lend him a helping hand. Every time something story-relevant occurred, no matter how you tried to intervene, it would inevitably happen anyway—only the timing or the path there would show minor deviations.

Whenever this happened, the system would display a message:

[The story will not change.]

The system made it painfully clear that you had no influence over key story elements. And though you had never had issues with the system before, these moments felt like mockery—a cruel reminder of your limitations.

No matter how heavy your heart felt or how deeply you wished you could change things, events unfolded as they were meant to. Ultimately, all you could do was make Jin Woo’s journey a little lighter, which he accepted with gratitude. The two of you were like light and shadow—one could not exist without the other.

You’ve been my reason to breathe

Not only were you an incredible team in battle, your abilities complementing one another seamlessly, but everyone who knew you—or even those who didn’t—could see that you belonged together. He trusted you; you were the light in his life. The lifeline that kept him from drowning in a sea of darkness. The one who reminded him he was still human whenever he no longer felt like one. The one who had held his trembling hands whenever he needed it—even after those hands had taken lives.

You were the one who stayed with him through so many nights, just to keep him from being alone with himself. The one his shadows respected and whom Beru grandly referred to as "his queen."

His shadows had known from the start how Jin Woo felt about you. But he feared telling you, terrified that it might drive you away. No heartbreak in the world could compare to the thought of you no longer by his side.

Of course, you had noticed, probably much sooner than anyone else. How his behavior changed—how his cheeks would flush whenever you complimented him. How he sought your company more often, how his voice would falter when you came close. Things that had always been intimate but normal between you suddenly left him flustered.

How deeply you wished you could give in to it, but you knew better. There was no happy ending for the two of you. You knew it, and the system knew it—perhaps that’s why it had never responded to his advances. Only Jin Woo remained blissfully unaware, while you locked your feelings away and buried them deep.

The gravity that pulls me in

Despite your efforts to keep him at arm’s length—to keep yourself at arm’s length—those moments grew more frequent. Moments when your gazes lingered a second too long or his hugs lasted just a little longer than necessary. Moments when his hand found yours, and your fingers intertwined. Moments when the two of you lay side by side, silently watching the stars, just to have an excuse to share the night.

It was almost impossible to push him away when he looked at you with such tenderness, smiling at you as though you were all he needed. The thought that the two of you didn’t have a chance began to fade into the background, and as long as the system didn’t intervene, everything felt fine.

I can't escape the weight of your ultraviolent heart

Until that day.

-‘๑’-

The Jeju Island raid had been about two weeks ago, and life had returned to normal. People mourned the fallen S-Rank hunters but celebrated the victory of reclaiming the island. You hadn’t participated in the raid yourself, only watched from a distance—at least until the moment when Hunter Cha was injured and Jin-Woo rushed to her aid.

The thought sent a pang straight to your gut.

What disgusting and pathetic thoughts to have. After all, Cha had nearly died—you knew that all too well. And yet, you struggled to ignore the stabbing pain in your chest, which worsened when she showed up at the guild's office building.

As usual, when there was nothing to do, you lay sprawled on the couch, your head resting lazily on Jin-Woo's lap while he scrolled through his phone.

At first, Jinho had been a little taken aback by the closeness between you two. But he’d quickly adjusted to the fact that his two best friends behaved like a couple—despite not being one.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door, and Jinho looked up from his computer.

You were momentarily confused before realization struck. You’d spent so many days here that you’d completely forgotten about when Hae-In was supposed to arrive. If it were up to you, you would’ve bolted; the less interaction with her, the better. But that would’ve raised too many questions.

You felt Jin-Woo shift, and you immediately sat up, unwilling to give the wrong impression. The black-haired man gave you a confused look as your warmth left his lap—though he made no move to get up himself.

“Who could that be?” Jinho asked, heading toward the door. You could already hear her soft voice as he opened it.

“Is this Mr. Sung’s office?” she asked quietly. When the door opened fully, all eyes fell on the blonde beauty in the doorway.

She wasn’t just pretty; she was immensely strong. Not stronger than you, but far more graceful in everything she did. She was perfect in every way, much to your dismay.

Her eyes widened briefly when she saw you, but she quickly masked her surprise with a polite cough.

Jin-Woo had now risen as well, his gaze cool and appraising as he looked at the young Hunter whose life he’d saved.

“What brings you here, Miss Cha?” he asked, his tone cold—devoid of the softness he reserved for you.

The blonde hesitated for a moment before stating that she wanted to join the guild.

Jin-Woo’s expression didn’t change, though Jinho looked like he’d just been hit with a bombshell.

This wasn’t a surprise to you, of course, but the words still felt like a blow to the stomach.

Less than five minutes later, you found yourself sitting across from Hae-In on the sofa. Jin-Woo sat beside you, once again asking why she was there. The blonde reiterated her desire to join the guild, causing Jin-Woo to frown in confusion as she sipped nervously on a cola. She dismissed his speculations, her cheeks growing redder with every passing moment as she avoided eye contact.

It was almost ironic how Jin-Woo, despite his overwhelming senses, had no clue that Hae-In was flustered. Of course, you knew better. She wanted to be near him because, unlike others, he smelled good and intrigued her. And you had to accept that.

When her face turned beet red and she began fanning herself nervously, Jin-Woo paused and asked again why she was going to such lengths to join the guild.

“I want to live a comfortable life. Is that so wrong?” she replied softly.

Jinho popped up behind you, whispering, “The Hunters Guild must’ve overworked her.”

Jin-Woo’s eyes darted to you, silently asking a question: What do you think?

Of course, you hated the idea. You didn’t want to lose him to her—but what could you do?

Your contemplative expression and brief hesitation were all Jin-Woo needed. He turned back to Hae-In and rejected her request.

Your eyes widened, staring in disbelief at the black-haired man. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go—the conversation wasn’t over yet.

Hae-In lowered her head, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

“I understand,” she murmured, looking utterly dejected.

Panic surged through you. What was happening? A deviation?

“W-wait!” you blurted out, drawing everyone’s attention. Hae-In’s gaze flickered with hope, while Jin-Woo raised an inquisitive brow.

“P-please give us five minutes, Miss Cha,” you said, quickly standing and grabbing Jin-Woo’s hand to drag him into the adjacent room.

Almost disappointed when you released his hand, Jin-Woo looked at you as the door closed behind you.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked, hands on your hips.

He seemed genuinely confused by your question.

“What?”

“Why are you rejecting her?!” you demanded.

Jin-Woo shrugged, his expression indifferent.

“I don’t want her in the guild,” he said flatly, his gray eyes avoiding yours.

He wanted to tell you that you were more than enough for him—that she was unnecessary. But saying so might’ve been too much in this situation.

“This is a one-time opportunity!” you argued, hoping he’d use his brain for once.

“I have you. We don’t need anyone else,” he countered, his cheeks tinged pink.

What the hell was he saying?

No, things couldn’t go this way—it would disrupt the entire timeline. Your thoughts spiraled.

“Then… have her fight Beru!” you blurted out. Jin-Woo stared at you, dumbfounded.

“And why would I do that? She’ll lose,” he said, still not understanding why this mattered so much to you.

“Then it’s a win-win. She doesn’t feel rejected, and you… get rid of her.”

He seemed to consider your words for a moment. From his shadow, the winged ant manifested.

“What do you think?” Jin-Woo asked.

The insect clicked its mandibles excitedly.

“Kekeke, that’s a wonderful idea, my queen,” it replied, clearly far too enthusiastic.

Why could you understand it? No clue. It was probably because you were also a Player, and Jin-Woo had drilled it into Beru from the start that he should listen to you as well. Besides, you liked him—and he liked you.

You looked expectantly at the Shadow Monarch, whose lips curved into a smile as he turned back to you.

“If it makes you happy,” he said, placing a hand on your head. A soft blush spread across your cheeks.

-‘๑’-

"Why the hell?!" you asked the moment your feet touched solid ground again.

You, Jin-Woo, and Hae-In now stood in the middle of the training arena. You hadn’t wanted to be part of this situation in the first place, and when the black-haired man had pulled the blonde closer, it had sent a sharp pain through your chest. You wanted to leave. But Jin-Woo had grabbed you by the wrist and brought you here, knowing that words alone wouldn’t convince you to stay. For once, he had chosen to be selfish.

Clearly irritated, you pulled yourself free from his grip and moved away from the two of them, seeking refuge at the edge of the arena. You trusted Beru to avoid accidentally hurting you, but the ant could be reckless in battle.

Jin-Woo watched you walk away, his mouth opening as if to stop you, but you were already storming off. This would have consequences later...

While Jin-Woo and Cha retreated to the armory, you were finally alone with your thoughts for the first time that day. Worry gnawed at you. Everything was unfolding differently than the story you remembered. Was it your fault? Had you interfered too much? If so, why hadn’t the system reacted? And if not... then what was the reason? Something was terribly wrong... but what?

Your mind drifted back to the manhwa, trying to recall the exact details of the events. Yet they eluded you. Meanwhile, the two hunters returned. Cha was now equipped with a weapon, and Jin-Woo stood several meters away. It wasn’t until Beru’s overwhelming aura enveloped your senses that realization struck.

This wasn’t right... She was supposed to face Igris first.

Before you could voice your concerns, the battle had already begun.

The fight went horribly wrong. Beru had lost control, and if Jin-Woo hadn’t stopped him, he would have torn Hae-In apart. The arena lay in ruins, and the black-haired man stood protectively in front of the blonde, while Beru fell to his knees, apologizing profusely.

Slowly, the conversation from the manhwa came back to you. She would tell him that she was interested in him.

I’ve been splintering apart

Badump.

Your heartbeat grew louder in your ears as the other sounds faded into the background.

Badump.

Your heart clenched as your eyes remained fixed on the two of them. They looked good together... too good.

Badump.

Panic slowly but surely crept up your limbs. You didn’t want to be here when she said it. You didn’t want to see it. You didn’t want to face the truth. You had known it all along, but you had willingly ignored it. They were meant to be together.

Badump.

Breaking open from the start

Your breaths became shallow, and your pounding heart grew louder as you watched Hae-In’s cheeks flush pink. Soon, you would see his eyes light up as he realized why Hae-In had taken on all these burdens. The pain in your chest made it hard to breathe, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes.

Badump.

You couldn’t take it anymore.

You didn’t even hear the black-haired man call your name as you bolted out of the arena. The cold air outside whipped against your face.

But you didn’t get far. A warm hand gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you back, forcing you to stop.

“Hey!” His voice was both frustrated and worried—clearly not understanding why you had left without a word.

“Let me go, please,” you said softly, tugging lightly to reinforce your words. But Jin-Woo didn’t loosen his grip. If anything, he held on tighter to keep you from walking away.

You bit your lower lip, holding back tears. You avoided looking at him, unable to face the concern in his eyes.

“Hey... it’s not your fault this happened. I shouldn’t have let her fight him in the first place,” he said, his voice quieter now. Was that it? Did he think you felt guilty?

The evening continued its quiet work, slowly but surely extinguishing all the colors. Deep blue blended with pale orange where the last warriors of the sun made their final stand.

Gates of heaven are closing

Much like your emotions, fighting against the encroaching darkness—the images of the two of them vivid in your mind.

“That’s not it,” you replied, your voice strained.

Jin-Woo’s concerned expression hardened further. Was it... because he had dragged you here against your will?

But that wasn’t it.

Your throat felt tight, and you swallowed hard.

“That wasn’t fair of me... I’m sorry, I—” Jin-Woo began, but when he saw your face, the words caught in his throat.

Your expression was equal parts hurt and angry. Your [E/C] eyes, usually so bright with joy, were brimming with tears.

Why was this idiot here and not with Hae-In? Had he left her standing there? Why was he making it so hard for you to do the right thing?

His eyes widened, and his heart sank into his stomach as he took in your pained expression. What was wrong? What had he done?

“Why aren’t you with her?” you managed to ask, your voice trembling. Jin-Woo reflexively released your wrist in shock. What? Who?

You seized the opportunity and ran, leaving Jin-Woo momentarily speechless as his mind raced.

Did you mean Hae-In? Why should he be with her? That made no sense to him at all.

Until suddenly, realization struck. Could it be that...? No. That couldn’t be it.

He quickly caught up to you, your gaze fixed stubbornly ahead.

“Stop,” his voice was calm, and his tone commanding, but you had no intention of listening.

When you ignored his second plea, he firmly grabbed your wrist once more.

The protest died in your throat as he pulled you into his chest, trapping you in a warm embrace.

What did you do in my head?

His scent filled your nose, and the warmth of his body spread through your limbs as hot tears streamed down your cheeks.

Why?

Jin-Woo held you tightly against him, one hand on your waist—the other buried in your hair.

“Wha—” you began, your voice trembling, but he silenced you with a soft sound.

“Because I want to be with you,” the black-haired man murmured into your hair, before gently pulling you away to look into your eyes.

The cool gray of his eyes softened, as it always did when he spoke to you, catching your [E/C]. But this time, there was nothing playful in his gaze. He was serious.

Jin-Woo noticed the confusion written on your face.

One of his hands found its way to your cheek, a warm tingling spreading across your skin as he cupped your face.

What are you doing?

“You asked me why I’m not with her,” he explained, gently wiping away a tear that had escaped from the corner of your eye. He had never seen you cry before, and he didn’t like the sight. Especially not if he was the reason.

Weren’t you laying in my bed

He had never intended to tell you, but he couldn’t keep it inside any longer. It had to come out. You needed to know how much you meant to him—that she didn’t matter and that you were everything he had ever wanted.

“I just want to be with you,” he repeated, his voice trembling ever so slightly. He leaned down slightly, as if even this close wasn’t close enough. His breathing quickened as the sun’s rays fought valiantly against the darkness creeping over the sky.

Your heart pounded wildly, and your thoughts raced. Your palms grew sweaty, and you felt as though you might faint at any moment. The tension between you was palpable, begging for resolution.

You wanted to bridge the remaining inches, to tell him how you felt—to throw all your plans out the window.

Jin-Woo took a deep breath.

“[Y/N], I lo—”

[The course of the story remains unchanged.]

The window that flickered behind the black-haired man for a fraction of a second was a knife in your heart, now riddled with cracks, as you reflexively pressed a finger to his lips, stopping his sentence.

He fell silent immediately, looking at you in confusion, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. Had he misread the signs after all?

Telling me I was chosen

“Don’t,” you whispered softly—your voice barely audible, but he heard it clearly.

If he said those three words, it would be over—there would be no turning back. If he said those words, you would break. If not now, then eventually—when fate ran its course. Because if you had learned one thing, it was that the system would find a way.

His throat tightened, and his chest constricted.

"I can’t—" you began haltingly, stumbling over your words. You couldn’t think of a single sentence that would make this situation any less painful for him.

You lowered your gaze, feeling Jin-Woo give up. His embrace loosened, and his arms fell limply to his sides.

You didn’t want to do this, but you had no choice. There simply wasn’t a happy ending for the two of you. Happiness together wasn’t meant to be.

Jin-Woo was hurt—he couldn’t believe how wrong he had been.

"I’m so sorry," you whispered before daring to look into his eyes one last time—eyes filled with anguish—before you turned and walked away.

-‘๑’-

The following weeks were quiet. Too quiet.

Jin-Woo and you hadn’t spoken since. Both of you were waiting for the other to take the first step, but neither of you dared to break the uncomfortable silence.

For Jin-Woo, the situation was clear: you didn’t return his feelings and wanted distance, just as much as he did. Yet it still felt wrong.

Your presence had taken over his life; he saw your shadow everywhere. Your absence had left a gaping hole, and the simplest things no longer brought him joy. Even Jinho was dejected. His shadows, too, felt the emptiness your absence had created in his heart—his inner turmoil and recklessness as he threw himself into battles reflected it.

Beru, in particular, wasn’t happy about your absence and kept asking after you until Jin-Woo firmly explained that you wouldn’t be coming back. The insect accepted it, albeit with a heavy heart.

Now I don’t even know you, and that’s the best part of it

Weeks turned into months, and Jin-Woo had regained much of his strength. He had grown more ruthless, focused solely on his goals. He had achieved so much, but none of it mattered if you weren’t there to cheer him on.

Neither the recognition from the Hunter’s Association nor the countless media articles praising him to the skies brought him any satisfaction. It wasn’t your recognition, so he didn’t need it.

He buried his heavy heart behind a wall of indifference, but he realized he was drifting further and further from any semblance of a normal life. He was rarely home, found himself in increasingly precarious situations during battles, and noticed how little he cared.

No matter what he did, nothing could fill the void.

It simply couldn’t go on like this, so he decided to do something he usually resisted.

He resolved to ask Hae-In on a date.

All I know, you’re the only thing that I see in color

While Jin-Woo threw himself into leveling up, you had shut yourself away at home for some time. Jin-Woo’s wounded face was burned into your mind; after all, it was the last thing you had seen of him.

Guilt gnawed at you, sapping your strength and will to move forward.

You had lost weight, only left your home for absolute necessities, and spent most of your time sleeping. You cried so much that you began to believe you had no tears left.

Every fiber of your being missed him.

His voice.

His scent.

His laughter.

Even his reprimanding tone when you and Beru got into trouble.

Everything about him. Your heart cried out for him, whether you were awake or asleep.

This heart is torturing me

A sigh escaped your lips as you stared at your phone screen—the numerous missed calls from Jinho had gradually become fewer, but he never gave up.

More guilt.

But what could you do to fix this? Calling Jin-Woo? Just tell him the truth? Maybe that would be the fairest way…

Countless times, you had typed his number into your phone, only to stop yourself at the last second. The fear that he wouldn’t believe you was too great. Or was it the fear that he would believe you?

You shook your head and stood up. This couldn’t go on. You had to talk to him, at least one last time—to come clean before you returned home.

You couldn’t bear the silence between you anymore.

The only pain I understand

Your eyes widened as you stared at the TV screen. A photo had just appeared on the display—your hands instantly dropped the paper cup you’d been holding, spilling the hot coffee it contained onto the ground.

With your mouth slightly open, you stared at the screen, which was displayed in the shop window of a store you had just been walking past.

You had stopped in your tracks as the image suddenly changed, revealing a paparazzi photo.

It showed Jin-Woo and Hae-In, with his arm around her shoulders.

Maybe it didn’t mean anything—maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding—but in your current state, you didn’t want to hear any of it.

Your heart had already cracked when you had to reject his feelings, but this time it felt as though it had shattered into a thousand pieces.

Your mouth went dry, and you couldn’t form a single coherent thought.

You stared at the picture as if hypnotized.

You half-expected a spiteful inner voice to appear, taunting you and telling you it had been right all along—but it stayed silent.

I can't escape the weight of your ultraviolent heart

You tore your gaze away from the screen, and your legs started moving on their own.

Faster.

Much faster.

As if you could somehow run away from it, as if these images wouldn’t follow you for the rest of your life.

Your body instinctively reacted to the pain in your soul, numbing it.

The pain ebbed away, leaving behind an emptiness that took over, shielding you from breaking down—at least for the moment.

When the door to your apartment finally closed behind you, shutting you away from the public’s eyes, every bullet hit you at once.

Your stomach churned, forcing you to vomit into the sink.

Your body doubled over, and you clung to the edge of the counter until the shaking subsided, until you rinsed your mouth and collapsed to your knees, clutching at your chest in anguish.

Your body trembled uncontrollably as you screamed out the pain you had been holding back for so long. You screamed until your voice grew hoarse, until no words could escape your throat anymore.

How had it come to this? Why had he entered your life if he was never meant to stay? Why was the universe so cruel? What had you done to deserve this?

It’s a poison in my gut

It took an eternity for your body to stop trembling and the sobs to subside. Your tears dried up, your body too exhausted to produce any more.

You sat on the floor, your back against the wall, drained of all strength. Your head throbbed, and every trace of willpower had left your body.

Weakly, you lifted your hand and swiped downward in the air.

[Do you really wish to leave the game?] [Yes] / [No] [Yes]

Jin-Woo woke with a silent scream from his nightmare, his hand outstretched, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. His breath came in ragged gasps as he sat bolt upright in bed, his eyes darting frantically around the room.

A few seconds passed before he realized he was in his bedroom. The full moon shone through his window, bathing everything in silver light.

It was just a dream…a damn nightmare. But it had felt so incredibly real.

His hand clutched at his chest, which ached under the crushing weight of emotion. He had seen your tear-streaked face as you looked at him, whispering a faint, “Goodbye.” Relief washed over him as he realized it had only been a dream. He rubbed his eyes, only to notice the glimmer of tears on his hand under the moonlight.

But it still felt so real - he felt so hollow, as though a giant hole had opened in his chest. As if something was terribly wrong. His mind wandered to you once again, missing the warmth of your Presence once more. He was sure you had seen the News, the speculations and rumors about his relationship with the blonde S-Rank - but they were all false. He only wanted to shield her from the Spotlights, since it was him who dragged her along in the first place. The Date with Hae-In was a welcoming distraction from fighting in a Dungeon, but it felt all wrong. It just made him realize once more, that it was you he wanted by his side - as lovers or friends, he couldn't care less. He just wanted you.

His resolve hardened: tomorrow, he would visit you and ask for your forgiveness, hoping you would be willing to forgive him. Hoping the empty feeling would finally disappear, that he would be whole again.

With that thought in mind, he drifted back to sleep. But the emptiness remained.

You’re the only thing that I see in color.

[part 2]

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! ꨄ︎ ︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦��� Wow, this story just came to me while I was on the bus, listening to music…what can I say—I had to write it down before it was too late!

English isn’t my first language! I hope everything was understandable and legible.

since y'all are just suckers for drama, there will be a part two~ But first, feel free to read my series! A Jin Woo x Shadow! Reader story. [Shadowborn] Thank you for all your support! likes, reblogs & comments or just reading <3 .'*•.¸♡ I really appreciate it <3 ♡¸.•*'

♡¸.•*' ˋ°•*⁀✎ 𝑢𝑡𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑎

[eisdendrobium]

so uh i stoped playing genshin due to my Iphone’s lack of storage (and i can’t control anything on my laptop)…. it’s been a while and i rlly don’t know what’s happening in genshin and all the new characters and stuff.. but i do watch anime in my free time

i’m currently liking jjk but i watch other anime as well so would you guys like if i write about jjk characters? (i’m personally a geto gall)

[eisdendrobium]

thinking about how gojo would overstimulate you til the point you’re in tears and him bending over until he’s face to face with you with a smug grin on his face letting out a “you cryin’?” as he himself is out of breath

[eisdendrobium]

1 month break tbh

[eisdendrobium]

[eisdendrobium]

SINGER SCARA HAS ME GONNA SOB AND I WANNA KISS HIM

Can I request a part two where he talks to you wether it’s closure or u still loving him <3

mind over matter pt.2

pairings : singer!scaramouche x reader summary : seeing you at his concert after years apart made him regret his actions more, wishing that you'd give him a second chance. read pt.1 here !

the concert has ended, scaramouche wave his hands and smiles at his fans, bidding them his goodbye as he exits the stage and the crowd gradually leaving.

right after he enters the backstage scaramouche grab the first guard he sees and ask him to get a certain person from the crowd to meet him which the guard comply without asking.

scaramouche sat down on his chair, grabbing a water bottle and shakily chugging it empty.

his stomach churns at the thought of seeing you again. beads of sweats dripping down his forehead.

a few moments later the guard came to the backstage with you who looks rather anxious as well.

"the person you asked sir" the guard says as he gesture you to enter the backstage.

scaramouche lifts his head to look at you, surprise that he's still alive with how rapid his heart his beating.

you standing there awkwardly, not knowing what to do and just wait for him to start talking was making the atmosphere more suffocating for scaramouche.

he stands up immediately after the guard left and the name that he longed for finally escape his mouth "[name]..."

"scara" you respond as well "you wanted to see me?"

he tenses and coughs "y-yeah.. i uh.. didn't expect you'd attend my concert" he says awkwardly, looking back at you.

you smile awkwardly "well here i am"

"...." there was an awkward silence before scaramouche finally ask the question that has been bothering him.

"...why did you came?"

you chuckle lightly and shrugs "i'm a fan"

a shocked expression make its way to scaramouche's face "really?"

"yeah, always have been from the beginning, since.." "..since we dated" scaramouche continue your sentence that you're unable to finish.

"yeah.." the situation is very awkward now, it was making the both of you uncomfortable.

"is there any reason you wanted to see me again scara?"

mustering up the courage scaramouche ask the one question that he had waited so long to ask "i just thought... maybe we could try again?" "what?" "i know! i know i said i wanted to focus on my dream and you're just a distraction but i regret it, i regret every single part of my decision to leave you [name]" he explain desperately.

"i know i don't deserve a second chance after how awful i treated you, but please, if you could... give me another chance, i promise i'll be better.. i can't live without you [name]"

you open your mouth to say something but nothing came out for his explanation had made you speechless.

noticing your lack of respond scaramouche decides to continue "do you still love me [name]..? be honest with me" he begs, as if he's standing on thin line.

"...honestly, i never stopped loving you scara" i breathe out which made scaramouche felt like a heavy weight has been lifted from his chest.

"really?"

"yeah.. why'd you think i'm still supporting you if i don't love you anymore scara? even when your decision hurt me greatly i understand that your dream is more important to you, and honestly watching you thrive and grow made me love you more"

you could visibly sees the way scaramouche face turns beet red at your confession.

"then.. will you be an angel you are and give us a second chance to be better?" he ask hopefully.

"are you seriously still gonna ask that after all that i said?" i raise my eyebrows at him disappointedly.

he grins and let out a sigh of relieve before rushing towards you and embracing you into a big warm hug. a few tears even fell from his eyes as he felt your figure close to him again.

you laugh lightly at his action "stop it scara, you're making me cry too" you into his glassy eyes, making him cry more.

"i'm sorry, i just missed you so much" he bawl his eyes out, hiding his face on the crook of your neck, wetting your clothes.

you gently rub circles on his back, eyes turning slightly glassy as well "missed you too you big baby.. don't leave me again okay?"

he nods his head "promise.." he answer, his voice slightly cracking which made you giggle.

finally, after years apart, after all that misery, you're finally his again and he's finally yours again.

a/n : reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated! also feel free to give feedbacks about my work ^^

[eisdendrobium]

I couldn't save you tonight

pairings : geto suguru x reader summary : how can something so beautiful turns into a nightmare?

"suguruu!!" you run towards him with your arms outstretched, ready to give him a big hug after he came back from his mission.

suguru's tired eyes gleam at the sight of you and open his arms as well, gracefully embracing you. feeling like his fatigue instantly disappear when he wraps his arms around your waist.

he buries his face at the crock of your neck, sniffing in your scent that he misses so much. your hands went up to his hair and brushes your fingers through his locks.

"come, you must be tired" you gently took his hand and tug him towards his dorm so he could rest.

suguru comply and walks behind you with a small smile plastered on his tired face.

stopping in front of your dorm you stop and looked at him, "do you want to eat something?"

suguru just shakes his head "no, i'm fine, i've already eaten on the way here" in which you just nods and gives him a quick "okay!" before walking to his dorm again.

opening the door, suguru went to the closet and took his clean clothes and change in the bathroom while you wait, sitting on his bed.

after a few moments suguru walks out of the bathroom fresh and clean. he approaches you and sit down beside you, laying his head on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around your waist.

watching him being clingy is not a rare sight when it's just the two of you in the room, so you just giggle at his action and ruffles his hair.

"you should rest now suguru, you've had a tough day" you said soothingly which only make suguru tighten his grip around you and buries his head into the crook of your neck.

"don't want to, just want to be with you" he muffled, sending vibration to your neck which made you shiver.

"you're just extra clingy today aren't you?" you laugh at his action and push him away gently, looking into his eyes.

"but seriously though, you need to take a rest" seeing your serious expression make suguru pout like a child.

"only if you accompany me" he said.

how could you possibly say no when he's looking at you with that adorable face?

you sigh and push his shoulder so he'd lay on the bed "okay, i will. but you have to rest, okay?" i raise an eyebrow at him, and he nods at your order "yes ma'am" he said before pulling you to lay next to him on the bed.

"you're not going anywhere pookie" he spoons you, locking you in his arms so you couldn't get out.

"who taught you that word suguru?!" you exclaim after processing his words.

"no one" he nuzzle his head on your shoulder, dozing off into his slumber.

if only things always went that way. if only things stays the way it should be. he'd still be here for you, he'd still smile and be his clingy self with you.

but he wont.

gone without any trace.

you curse yourself every day when you think about him.

that night, the last night you spent together like any other night, though he was acting a lot more clingy and romantic towards you. yet you thought nothing of it.

those days where he starts being distant and quiet. when he force a smile whenever you come and talk to him, when he always looked so drained.

why didn't you notice? why didn't you pressed more so he'd open up? why weren't you good enough?

those thoughts keep haunting you everyday since the news that geto suguru had murdered his entire family and other non-sorcerer was presented to you.

they must be joking, they must have the wrong geto suguru. because the geto suguru you know will never do that kind of thing, your geto suguru will never do it.

from that moment on, you felt like all the colours in your life was drained.

everything is only black and white, everything hurts.

suguru's absence really made a huge impact on your life and everyone keeps on telling you to move on, forget about him and continued living your life.

but how could you?

geto suguru was the first person that taught you what love is, geto suguru was the only person you love, the only one you're accustomed to love,

geto suguru was your everything, and you were his everything too, or so you thought.

a/n : i may make another part but idk, also as always reblogs and likes are very much appreciated!

[eisdendrobium]

eisdendrobium's masterlist

ayato : glimpse of us memories (pt.2) fly high, my little bird unpreferred sexual orientation

childe/ajax : where's my happily ever after? my first and last letter for you (pt.2)

diluc : the letter

kaveh : somewhere above the rainbow

kazuha : do you love me?

scaramouche/wanderer : mind over matter mind over matter pt.2

geto suguru (JJK) : i couldn't save you tonight

[eisdendrobium]

mind over matter.

pairings : singer!scaramouche x reader summary : in which scaramouche had to choose his career over you. part 2 here!

the lights dimmed as the bass and drums starts playing, scaramouche stands in the center while holding his mic, eyes casting downwards as he prepare himself to sing the lyrics.

Mind over matter Does it matter to any of us?

scaramouche could feel all eyes on him as he sang the first part, his hand shakes a little from stage fright that suddenly surface.

Don't change the subject I'm heavy on your love I missed that train New York City, it rains

he remember how hard it was to leave, how hard it was for him to choose his career over you. Fly to East L.A. in big jet planes You know you're on my mind?

he wonders, what do you think of him after he left you?

And if the world don't break I'll be shaking it

he wonders, do you know that you're not the only one suffering from this outcome? 'Cause I'm a young man after all And when the seasons change Will you stand by me? 'Cause I'm a young man built to fall

the audience lifts their phone, lighting their flash as they sing along with him. looking up to see his fans he holds the urge to tear up as the memory of you clouds his mind.

Mind over matter I'm in tatters thinking 'bout her

will you take him back after he left you that day? Taste my disaster It's heavy on my tongue

will you believe him if he told you that he still love you after all these years apart? All the lights aglow Tokyo snows

will you believe him if he told you that you're constantly occupying his mind till this day? Go to watch the show Curtain's closed I'm watching you this time

well believe it or not, he still follow your socials because it's the only way he's able to have a connection with you, in a way.

And if the world don't break I'll be shaking it

his eyes scans the crowd and he notice a familiar face. 'Cause I'm a young man after all

he feels his breathing stop as he locked eyes with you. And when the seasons change Will you stand by me? 'Cause I'm a young man built to fall

truth is, you've always supported him anonymously. Always adoring the way he thrive for that dream of his.

New York City, it rains Fly to East L.A. In big jet planes You know you're on my mind?

scaramouche really want to alter his gaze elsewhere but he finds himself unable to do so. As it felt like the missing part in his heart is filled when he sees you -- among the huge crowd, raising your flash at him. All the lights aglow Tokyo snows

he feels warm, he felt peace, the stage fright disappear as he tighten his grip on the mic.

Go to watch the show Curtain's closed I'm watching you this time

he could see your eyes widened when he notices you and that made his anxiety rise.

are you going to leave the concert, just like how he left you that night?

And if the world don't break I'll be shaking it 'Cause I'm a young man after all

he raise his arm towards you as he sang the lyrics. He could see the uncertainty on your face and that made him wonder why you came here in the first place.

And when the seasons change Will you stand by me (Fly to East L.A.)

he knew he have to let you go, and so do you. yet can you really? when your bond with him is that strong, can he really? when most of the song he wrote was about you.

And when the seasons change Will you stand by me? 'Cause I'm a young man built to fall

scaramouche lower his head as the band did an outro. and he could hear the crowd clapping and cheering for his amazing performance.

scaramouche finally understand that you were never meant to be his, he's not the right man for you.

he understood how you must felt during your relationship with him, all the effort he didn't bat an eye to because he was too busy chasing his dream.

you gave him all your love yet all he gave you was his goodbye.

scaramouche wished he realizes what he had when you were still his. yet he have made his decision and he's successful now,

no regrets right?

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

[eisdendrobium]

unpreferred sexual orientation

pairings : ayato x reader summary : you find out the yashiro commissioner you have a crush on may like guys.. notes : rushed, not proofread, fluff to angst, just a tiny bit of angst :D

"happy birthday!" you hand out your present to him and you could see his face turns bright red and slightly shocked.

"reallyy? ehh... no i can't accept this" he wave his hands in front of him like a little child which made you chuckle.

"c'mon take it ayato, you've worked hard these past months, look at it as an appreciation gift" you offer him the gift again.

he grumbles "uhmm.... fine then" he snatch the gift from your hand and opens it excitedly - though he tries to hide it but the sparkles and little smile plastered on his face totally gave it away.

inside is a small drawing of him holding his sword, smiling widely, along with a small teddy bear. ayato picks up the drawing of him and you could see the entire milky way inside his eyes.

"did you draw this?" he turns the drawing towards me and smiles brightly.

you smile sheepishly and rubs the back of your neck "yeah.. hehe, it's not the best drawing though.. you look better in person" you wink and see his face turns the same shade of his di heart. "joking!" you add and laughs which made him chuckle along, he place the drawing back inside and picks up the stuffed bear and jokingly deadpan you.

"really [name]? do you think i'm a girl?" he folds his hand in front of his chest "i mean....." he just rolls his eyes and chuckle "whatever"

he tidies the present before look back at you with a soft smile, a slight shade of pink could still be seen on his cheeks. "thanks [name], i love it, really." he thanked softly, looking into your eyes.

those eyes that took away your breath each time you stare into them "no problem, ... and stop looking at me with those eyes" you point at his eyes

"what eyes?" he looks at you and bash his eyelash more which caused him to get hit on the chest by you.

----

"you know [name], ayato here have a little crush on his lovely assistant thoma" paimon joked as she looms over ayato, trying to tackle him side which he shrugs off with an annoyed look on his face.

"what?" you chuckled looking at them.

both of them stood up straight again and you couldn't fail but notice the slight red tint that dusted on ayato's face.

paaimon chuckle "yeah, he accidentally told us when we were on mission" ayato glared at the floating thing "quiet paimon"

you let out a small chuckle as you look at ayato "is it true ayato? are you... gay?" you joked and you could see ayato's face turns a deeper shade of red.

"n-no! i'm not gay, i'm still deciding" ayato looked away when he said that, breaking his composure as he feelsa bit uncomfortable and embarrassed by the topic.

"really now??" paimon wiggle her eyebrows "because you have this little hearts in your eyes whenever you talk to thoma" he points at ayato's eyes with a sly smile

----

that afternoon ayato accompanies you home, "...soo, about thoma"

you look up to see ayato tense a bit along with a slight blush covering his face "what about him?" he answered curtly

you ignore his tone and continues what you were about to say "do you really like him ayato?" you ask softly, trying not to push on his buttons.

silent covers the atmosphere as ayato thought for a while "...yeah." he answered quietly.

a small smile makes it way to your face as you stare into his downcast eyes, you could tell that he's slightly embarrassed about the topic "it's quite alright you know? thoma is a great guy, and i sure see the chemistry between you two, i think he likes you too if i say so myself" you giggle, trying to lighten the atmosphere

ayato's eye lit up as he shift his gaze towards you "you think so?" he asked.

"yeah! i could totally see the sparks in his eyes whenever he talks to you" you smiled

"well it's nice to know that you don't judge me [name]" he said softly, stopping in front of your house "take care alright? i'm heading back now" you nod and bid him goodbye before entering the house.

as soon as the door of your room closes a heavy sigh left your mouth, soft tears you were holding back starts to run down your face, your attempts to wipe them away fails as they kept on pouring down.

he likes another guy, there's no way he'll like you back.

you don't even know which would hurt more, him liking another-prettier girl or him liking another guy.

you didn't want to make him feel worse about himself if you cried your feelings to him today, so you tried to be supportive about it, and you did. But why does that aching feeling inside wont go away? why does that little heart of yours wouldn't accept the fact that you're not his preferred sexual orientation?

what is there for us after this? is this the end? should i move on?

you know you should, but he's so nice, so caring, there's just so much about him.. there's no way you could just forget about all of them and move on.. right?

"ayato just confessed to thoma! they're dating now!" paimon's loud pitched voice squealed down the street along with a shocked yet confused "huhhh?" from itto.

so it is the end then.

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

[eisdendrobium]

Hewowo

hewooo [heart eyes]

[eisdendrobium]

pocky game

how i feel like the genshin characters would react if you ask them to do the pock game with you:

very bold at first but then the pocky breaks right before they reaches your lips, tries to bite it back again but is now too embarrassed to continue. sits there and smiles awkwardly at you. you’re the one that ends up taking the last bite and pressing your lips onto them. “sorry…” they says embarrassedly after you pull away

bennet, gorou, ITTO, kaveh, razor, thoma, venti, hutao, keqing, yoimiya

glares at you for forcing them into doing it, bites it fast to get it over it but when they looks into your eyes their face becomes flustered and they shies away, breaking the pocky and leaving you blushing and giggling at them as they leave the room “this is stupid. we’re never doing this ever again.”

albedo, XIAOO, diluc, xingqiu, kuki, shenhe

does it calmly, literally does it without changing their expression, kissing you so confidently, holding the back of your neck to deepen the kiss. pulls back and looks at you with the same expression, only this time they has a little smirk on their face “done, happy?”

Al Haitham, dainsleif, KAEYA, pantalone, BEIDOU, ei, yelan

took a bite out of the pocky and breaks it. shooting daggers at you for forcing them into doing it “i said im not doing it. it’s cheesy” while crossing their arm.

SCARAMOUCHE, cyno, pierro, capitano, signora

does it so smoothly you began to think that they had already practice for this. took a bite out of the last pocky and presses their lips against yours and pulling away a few moments later "is that what you wanted darling?"

AYATO, childe, kazuha, heizou, zhongli, tighnari, aether(?), lisa, MIKO

[eisdendrobium]

my first and last letter for you.

pairings : childe x reader summary : after getting your heart broken by childe you decides to move away so you wouldn't see him again, and so you wrote him your first and last letter. note : there'll be a bit of childe and reader's past relationship written so i highly recommend you to read/re-read the first part! ^v^ also this hasn't been proofread!

read part 1 here! : where’s my happily ever after?

ajax, how're you doing these past week? finally getting that girlfriend you've been searching for? lumine right? yeah i met her earlier today, and i could say that she's not what i thought she is you know?

i tried to hate her, and i did, i hated her for taking you away from me. you, someone who i found comfort in and you, who i foolishly fell in love with.

i hated every moment i spent seeing you with her, i hate how pathetic i feel watching you with her.

"why would you like her? someone who just entered your live, someone who you barely know?" that was what i thought back then

but i met her today, i saw how beautiful she is inside, and i hate it. how come she's so nice? how come she's so perfect? she's such an angel compared to me.

i understand why you love her ajax, i would too if i were you. i mean how could you not? i've treated her like a disease yet she's still so friendly, so nice, so caring towards me...

a part of me still hates her, a part of me still can't seem to let you go. you were my everything ajax.. you saved me that day when i was in the brink of death, you taught me what love is - what love could be.

and i thought we had something you know? the way you act, the way you talk, and the way you treat me as if i'll break if you did something wrong. You were my savior, you whom i fell in love with.

but i guess you need someone who could comfort you in your dark times too right? i suppose i was never the person to express my feelings.. never was the person who could comfort people..

but what i didn't expect is the fact that you turn cold so fast. how could you ajax? how could you leave me like that? maybe you finally had enough of my antiques? haha..

since you've already know about my feelings towards you before i had the courage to tell you myself i suppose i'll confess everything in this letter hehe :

ajax, the guy who saved my life when i was in the brink of freezing, the guy who warmed my cold heart and showed me what love is, everything we did i store inside of me dearly.

i still remember that day you knelt down and gave me those qixing flowers, that night you saved me- you bought me warm soup and clothes to warm me up, so many things..

perhaps i didn't thanked you enough.. thank you for everything ajax, thank you for saving my life, thank you for helping me survive, for teaching me how to love, for letting me love you.

yet i'm afraid i couldn't stand seeing you with lumine again, i'm afraid if i stayed here longer the ice you melt will freeze again, freezing me from the inside.

you're happy with her, she's perfect for you, and i've come to realize that i'll have to let you go... i can't share ajax, you know that right?

it's either you for me or not at all, and you love her so i wouldn't force you to love me

goodbye childe, may we meet again in brighter future.. please take care of yourself and her for me yeah?

i love you.

signed, your companion [name].

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

[eisdendrobium]

𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

pairings : ayato x reader summary : you're in a loveless marriage with ayato, you thought you could make it work at first but it seems impossible, so you left.

note : heavy angst, not proofread, sad ending (sorry y'all), nothing else - enjoy ^^

this is a part 2 of "glimpse of us"

yeah he's gorgeous but that's all he is. all you've ever liked in him. never once did he ever bring you joy

"let's get a divorce ayato." ayato snaps out of his trace and looks up at your eyes. taken aback.

"what makes you get to this point, [name]?" he place his tea cup down and asked you calmly.

you let out a sigh and straighten your posture, "i know you still love her ayato. I know the 'secret' letters you sent her and the letters you received from her. and i know, i know that i came and ruined your relationship with her. So, why stay in this loveless marriage right? torturing ourselves every single day"

a small smile forms on ayato's lips, yet his expression is unreadable.

"... yeah, i'm sorry [name], but,, i'm afraid we can't. what will our family thinks? what will the people say when they see us divorced?"

a hand went up to ruffle your hair. frustrated.

"i know. i know it's for our family, but i'm not going to waste my life just for politics ayato, and so should you.."

"i..."

"i'm tired of this, please understand me. i've tried to make this whole thing works alright? i've tried to make us work so many time yet you never seemed to put any effort in this"

———

finally back to his beloved, ayato felt like he's the happiest man alive. All the catching up, the i love you's, the casual and fancy date ayato does with her to fill up his one year yearning.

"look ayato! i've bought you dango!" she smiles while showing a pack of tricoloured dango

ayato couldn't help but smile, taking the dango and eating one of it.

"ayato? i've made you dango! thought you could use a break,, there's also milk tea! i know how much you like dango milk"

"are you alright love? is it bad?" ayato didn't even realize his smile falter as he looks to the ground. why would he think about you? maybe it was a memory to appreciate you. that's what he say to himself.

but somehow it keeps on happening.

"how's the food love?" "what do you think, ayato?"

"oh how fun! let's go make a sand castle love!" she laughed while dragging ayato by the hand. "woah... the view is breathtaking during sunset, thank you for bringing me here, ayato" you thanked, eyes focused on the orange ball of fire.

"oh love... this is the third milk tea you've had this week, you know it's not good to consume too much.." she said, gently taking the bottle from his grasp "are you drinking milk tea again? you know it's not good to consume too much of it.." you said, concerned.

too much. it's too much for him to handle.

why are you there? why are you haunting him? the thought of you is eating him alive. what is it he asked, guilt? regret? you're happy now. probably with someone new, someone who actually loves you. So should he. right? so why is it so hard to let you go?

his night were constantly filled by your smile, your laugh, you.

"My Lord, there's a package for you" thoma enters the estate one day, carrying a rather small box.

taking it from thoma and giving him a thanks, ayato opens the box and sees the small gifts he once gave you in act of formality towards you and your family.

slowly picking one of them up, he spot a letter under it, opening it he reads what was written:

to Lord Kamisato,

hey... i was sorting things out and find these gifts you gave me, thought i should return it to you.

signed, [name]

closing the letter he scavenge into the box as he recalled the day he gave you each of those trinkets.

"ooh who gave you those gift love?" she asked, entering the room

"uhm.. i'm not sure darling" standing up from the chair he excuse himself out.

ayato needed space, he needs to think - i don't even know what is there to think really, there's only one obvious answer.

he crimple the letter and rush towards your house.

halfway there rain started pouring and thunder starts dancing around the sky, seems like the universe is not letting him meets you yet he push through. he have had enough of this whole thing.

\

a knock was heard through your door, 'who could it be?' you thought. standing up from the sofa you make your way towards the door and opens it only to find someone you've least expected.

ayato, drench in rain, breathing heavily - looking at you intently, his violet eyes dancing with yours.

"ayato? what are you doing here?" and without warning he hugs you.

he hugs you? this is the first.

neither of you break away from the hug for a while, you're too shocked to push him away, and him getting too comfortable embracing you.

"i'm sorry [name], i'm sorry.." he mumbles as he pulls you closer.

finally regaining your composure you pull away from him,

"why don't you come in and change first hm? then we could talk" you move and gesture him to come which he gladly did.

after changing he joins you in the tatami room. it was quiet, yet ayato finds it comforting. the only sound that could be heard was the rain outside and the fireplace, the perfect ambience to live in for ayato.

"...so....wanna explain why you came?" you starts, eyes never leaving the fire.

"yeah, uhm.. [name], you've been on my mind lately.. and i couldn't help but feel these negative emotion around me,,, i just- .. i thought maybe talking about it with you would help" he explains

"was it because of the package i sent you?"

"no- well.. that package was what pushed me to came here... [name] i know i wasn't the husband material then and i know you're happy now, but i can't.. stop thinking about you, about us. and i know it's wrong, i know it's cruel but i just can't help it" he turns his whole body towards you. totally breaking his character.

finally turning your head to look at him you answer, "yeah, it is cruel ayato. i've tried everything to make us work but you threw all of it away without even glancing at it, and now you're asking me to what? take you back? what about your lover? you loves her and so does she"

"i know! i know i messed up badly and truth is i'm still a mess right now [name]" he cover his face with desperation and ruffle his hair.

silent took over the atmosphere as you think about it.

you gave him your everything, your love, time, effort, everything. yet he gave you nothing in return. what's in it for you if you gave him another chance?

"..i'm sorry ayato." ayato looks up towards you and sees that you've already averts your gaze towards the fireplace.

quickly standing up ayato make his way towards you, kneeling in front of you, taking your hands in his "no.. please [name]" he whispers

"i loved you ayato, but now,, i just wish you'd stay in my memories. you're happy with her and that's it. don't make this any harder for me.." you look down towards your interwind hand and slowly pulling them away from his grasp.

"please.." he whispers once more.

shaking your head and raising your head to look at him with a sad smile "i can't" you whispered in return.

ayato let his head fall along with the tears, staining your clothes.

closing your front door you finally cut the relationship between the two of you. slowly you feel your eyes stinging as the tears finally starts flowing.

why did he came? why did he have to ruin all of your effort to move on and let him go?

you're supposed to put him in the past, and you did. So why are you crying now?

"i'm sorry ayato.. but i have to do it for me.." you say quietly towards ayato's retreating figure from the window.

\

a few months after you finally found someone, a person you loved and who loves you just as much.

ayato finds that fact lovely yet crushing at the same time. he said that he’s happy for you yet he knows that he’s lying to himself, missions after missions he did just to forget you. busying himself so he wouldn’t drown over the fact that he’d been replaced.

he saw you once in one of the stores buying sweets with a guy, you looked happy— in love, maybe that’s more accurate. ayato felt like the world stop spinning for a moment as he spied over you and your beloved.

that moment was his before, yet he didn’t cherished it like he should.

you were his but now anymore. that’s the fact that he’s trying to accept.

he’ll be marrying his beloved next month, the kamisato family finally agreed to do it and he’s happy about it. it’s everything he had dreamt of!

so why is there a longing for you? a desire to just leave everything behind and take you with him, away from everybody else?

oh how history is repeating itself. what a cruel thing.

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

taglist : @ayatoslovelywife @kawaiiskeletoneggsnerd @alexiris @yummyberry @starlightaura @tiredasiandaughter @almond-t0fu @clevercatprotector14 @ilovemilfs1111 @rose-ly @genshinloversposts

[eisdendrobium]

Waiting for a glimpse of us part 2. Is there any hope for us readers of getting a part 2? 😭

HASHDAHS i am planning on writing a pt2 of glimpse of us but my writing has been whack these days, i'll try my best to finish it asap tho!

[eisdendrobium]

fly high, my little dove

pairings : ayato x reader summary : you've loved ayato for so long yet never once had he return the feeling, so with a heavy heart you decides to let go.

"i like you, Lord Kamisato."

you could see his eyes widened and a surprised chuckle left his mouth. "what is it that you like in me?" strong yet curious eyes stare at you, waiting for your answer

"well.. you're kind and.. charming, i mean you could protect inazuma and fight,, it's really cool you know..?" you answered with such uncertainty in you.

i mean, it's not that you're making up excuses for liking the Yashiro Commissioner, it's just the way his eyes stare at you so intently with an expression you couldn't read.

he opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out for a second-probably thinking what he's going to say.

"what makes you suddenly say all of this to me?"

"i- well.. i made a bet with Miko, she said that if i got accepted at a company in sumeru i should confess to you, and... i got accepted"

he nods his head, and stays silent for a moment before speaking again. "but you're just confessing right? not..." your eyes widen and you shake your head "no! of course not! ...i'm just confessing"

suddenly an unexpected adrenaline runs in you and you muster up your courage to ask him your last question,

"well... how about you?"

"well i don't really have any plans on leaving inazuma right now.." a way to make the situation more awkward ayato.

"no- i mean.. do you see yourself dating..." you mutter, eyes casting downwards, suddenly losing your braveness

"pardon? could you please repeat that? i didn't quite catch it"

"do you see yourself dating, Lord Kamisato?" "i'm sorry?" if it weren't for the suffocating atmosphere you were sure you'd strangle this man to death for making you repeat that three time. but you repeat your question anyway, making sure it's louder this time.

and how you could see the way his face fell into hesitation, he turns his head to the side and let out a breath "uhm.. i'm sorry, but.. i don't see myself dating anyone right now"

ouch.

you inhale a deep breath and plaster a big smile on your face "oh, yeah! it's fine, i totally understand!"

Ayato gave you a small sympathetic smile "sorry" and proceed to leave the scene.

Miko, who's waiting not far from the scene went out of her hiding spot after Ayato walks away. You could see the sad smile on her face as she embraces you.

tears starts pouring out of your eyes while you try so desperately wipe them off but it never seem to stop flowing anyway.

you tell yourself that it was better to tell him now and move on later than never telling him how you feel, over and over again yet somehow, it hurts. so damn much.

Miko tries to comfort you yet it just made you feel worse "shh... it's okay.. let it all out.. it's his loss rejecting an angel like you.."

his words of rejection keeps playing inside your head, and oh how your heart broke even more every time you remember. You feel like a fool. Loving a Yashiro Commissioner and thinking he would feel the same way as you.

---

ever since that day, you starts to avoid ayato at all cost, i mean how could you not? every time you look at him you feel the urge to break. So, you disappear, always leaving the scene whenever he enters or hiding amongst the crowd whenever he's around.

the only time you see each other is when it was work. even at work you tried your best to avoid looking at his figure. and so did he.

---

sometimes you overthink, about him, about you. What is it that you really love about him? years you've spent loving him yet never once did he gave you the same loving feeling. Small, fragile, awkward, and disappointment. that was all he ever gave you - all that he made you feel.

loving Kamisato Ayato is torture, a torture so addictive you couldn't escape it. Falling harder every day even when all he gives you is his cold gaze and fake smile.

you could see how he laugh and smile around thoma and the traveler. You also heard one of his speech a few weeks after that day.

"if an opportunity comes to you, treat it like you would treat something dear"

it felt like a void was sucking you in and you couldn't help but chuckle. Of course, if you were an opportunity he wouldn't treat you like how he did all these time. If you were an opportunity he would smile and laugh with you like he did with Thoma and the traveler.

---

finally. it's the day of your departure, three months after that day. You could finally be free. Bidding your last goodbye to everyone, you stops when you were in front of him. "i guess this is it, thank you for everything Ayato" you look up at him, seeing how his violet orbs are dancing around, reflecting the sun.

this was the very first time you've ever called him by his actual name, not the usual 'Lord Kamisato'.

"yeah, thank you for everything too" he replied, eyes darting away from you to the ship you're boarding.

and right after that, you left.

---

a year had passed since you left inazuma. happy to say you've moved on from Ayato, your life is amazing, you love your job, you've met loads of friends, and.. you may have met a new person to put your interest on.

but you missed your homeland, so you decides to take a visit there.

arriving at inazuma you were greeted by Miko and Thoma. greeting them and everyone else you knew along the way before finally meeting him again.

Thoma gesture him to come when he sees you. Walking towards each other you finally lock eyes with Ayato. after many years not being able too.

Thoma and Miko seemed to understand something and stops their track to give you and Ayato some time alone.

"Ayato." his name came out so smoothly out of your mouth, yet you keep your tone firm.

"[name]" he spoke softly in return, violet eyes never leaving yours

you give him a small nod

"...you finally say my name" you said breathlessly.

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

[eisdendrobium]

do you love me?

pairings : kazuha x f!reader summary : you couldn't show your feelings towards kazuha and kazuha is starting to doubt your feelings towards him

warning : ooc kazuha

"the moon is beautiful isn't it?" kazuha said as he gaze towards the night sky, hands traveling towards your waist, pulling you closer towards his embrace.

"...yeah"

silence follows after as the two of you just stares at the sky. "it's getting late don't you think? i think we should head back, we have commissions to do tomorrow, remember?" you move away from his embrace yet you didn't remove your gaze from the sky.

kazuha lets out a small cough as he stood up "yeah, you're right, let's head back" he enters his room through the window and helped you in right after "come, i'll take you home, it's dangerous to go out by yourself in the middle of the night" kazuha gives you a small smile and reach out his hand.

"um.. no need, i could go by myself, you should probably sleep now, thank you kazu" you say, looking at his eyes once in a while before settling your gaze at his bed again.

his smile drops slightly as he straighten his posture "oh, alright. um.. take care" he tries to give you a smile again.

you gave him an awkward smile in exchange and a small "thanks" before heading out of his home.

the next day when you went to the guild you could see kazuha talking to beidou about something serious -measuring by the look beidou gives towards the shorter male- seeing you walking towards them beidou immediately signs kazuha that a new presence is here. kazuha stops talking and turns around to look at you, surpirsed "oh hey! didn't see you coming" he said, doe eyes looking at yours with the sun rays reflecting in his eyes- making him looks ethereal.

you gave him an awkward smile with a small "yeah" and took your daily commission from katherine.

without you realizing, beidou was already gone. with curiosity rising inside you, you decides ask kazuha about what they were talking about but kazuha just brush it off, saying it was beidou asking his advice on their ship. you just nod at his statement, not believing a single thing he just say.

after receiving the commission rewards from katherine you immediately see beidou rushing towards you and kazuha "let's go" kazuha looks at you for a while "i'm going to have lunch with beidou today, if you don't mind,," you nod at him "sure, i'll eat with yoimiya" you smile and went towards the tavern where yoimiya was seated, laughing at something the bartender said.

"hey" you greet her as you arrive, she looks at you "whoa! what happen to you? you look like your soul had been sucked out by a ghost." yoimiya comment

"i- today's commission are challenging okay? i didn't get enough sleep yesterday"

when you were almost finish with your lunch kazuha went to your table and said that he wanted to talk to you tonight, which you agree on. he didn't looked that happy then. when he left you see that yoimiya seems like she knows something "what do you think he wanted to talk about?" you asked, "..no idea, maybe he wants to give you a present?" she answered with her cheery voice

----

night time came and you went to your and kazuha's usual spot. "so.. what did you want to talk about?" you asked. kazuha let out a deep breath as he prepares himself.

"[name], we've been dating for 3 months, and the whole time we're dating i just- i don't feel like you love me the way i love you. at first i thought you were still shy but it has been 3 months and i still don't feel your love towards me. i mean i don't mean to doubt your feelings but i can't help it. and i've tried, i've tried so hard to show you my feelings but you just never show it back, and it made me question things you know? so i thought, before things gets worse i should talk to you about it. like do you actually love me [name]? or did you just agree to be my girlfriend out of pity? please. .. i need explanation." kazuha plead with desperation in his eyes.

you let out a small chuckle as you look at him with a look he can't describe "i knew this day would come, and you're right. i rarely show my affection towards you. but let me make one thing clear first kazu, truly i love you from the deepest part of my heart." you stop for a while, not used to the feeling and not comfortable with the topic

"i know i'm not the girlfriend material you've hoped for, but i just can't.. . . show my affection towards someone i love, like ever. my parents often says that i was heartless, that i could never have the ability to love someone, but that's not true. i am capable of loving, and i love you. so damn much. but- i just can't show it. no matter how hard i wanted to sweet talk you, say i love you, express what i'm feeling, i just can't. the words wont come out, so i just stay silent all those time. i'm sorry, i should've told you when you first asked me, but i didn't. so, if you want us to end.. i totally understand." you just stare at his shoes the whole time you were talking.

there was silence after that, seems like kazuha is processing what you just say.

"thank you for explaining y/n, but i think i need some time by myself to think about this- about us. i- when i'm ready i promise i will talk to you" kazuha had that apological tone when he spoke

you took a sharp breath as you smile and look at him "yeah! it's totally fine, i understand." he nods and says thank you. you look at the ground before looking up at him again "take as many time as you need kazu, but please remember that i do love you. and if you want to sort things out with me, i'm totally fine with it" your face was flushed with embarrassment as you say those words, but things have to be said for the better, for you really do love him.

"yeah, i will. promise" kazuha smiled and he guided the both of you back to the dorm.

reblogs are greatly appreciated! and feel free to comment what you think ^^